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Wade Wilson didn’t trust dolphins. Nobody should. They were wet, slippery bastards with an alarming amount of teeth and an ego problem. He once saw a documentary about a dolphin who learned how to manipulate humans into giving it snacks. That was not cute. That was a con artist, and he didn’t trust them.
That was precisely what he told Vanessa when she thrust two tickets in his face like she was handing him the cure to cancer and not a watery death sentence.
“But they’re smart,” she argued.
“So are serial killers.”
“They smile.”
“So do serial killers.”
“They chirp when they’re happy!”
“I chirp when I’m happy. You don’t see people rushing to buy a $45 ticket to see me splash around.”
But here he was. At a goddamn water show. Wearing a bright pink poncho Vanessa insisted he needed because, “You’ll whine if you get wet, Wade.” Sitting in the second row while soggy children screamed around him, reeking of overpriced popcorn and startling blue foam fingers. He had no idea why there were blue foam fingers since it wasn’t a sport, and he doubted dolphins appreciated people’s efforts.
He was ready to suffer through it, mentally planning out jokes about aquatic hell spawns until the announcer’s voice echoed through the stadium.
“And now, here they are! Put your hands together for Logan and Laura Howlett, and their talented pod of dolphins!”
Out stepped a man and a young woman.
Tall. Rugged. Dark hair slicked back from being wet. A yellow wetsuit with blue accents clung to him in ways that made Wade’s brain short-circuit for a moment. There were muscles. And a beard. And an expression like he hadn’t smiled in a decade. The woman looked like a smaller, meaner version of him, except she was smiling and wearing a black wetsuit. They both waved to the crowd.
“Holy daddy issues,” Wade breathed, gripping the edge of his seat. Beside him, Vanessa leaned in with a smug grin.
“Still hate dolphins?” she asked. “I’d marry a dolphin if it got me closer to that man,” Wade muttered, not blinking.
Logan barely even acknowledged the crowd. He stood off to the side while Laura handled most of the audience work, telling jokes and explaining the dolphin's names. Logan was more focused on the dolphins.
Wade watched the show, technically. Mostly, he watched Logan in the show. The way he moved, the way he threw fish with a casual precision that somehow made Wade feel things, the way his forearms flexed when he clapped or held out a hand to one of the dolphins.
The crowd erupted in applause when a dolphin did a backflip. Wade barely noticed. When the show ended, Wade clapped exactly once before elbowing Vanessa sharply. “They do those backstage meet-the-dolphin things here, right?”
She looked at him. “You hated dolphins five minutes ago.”
“I’ve had a change of heart. Or possibly a stroke. Either way, I need to meet that man. I need to hear his voice. I need to—”
“Please don’t finish that sentence in public.”
“—Marry him and raise dolphin children on the coast of somewhere warm so he doesn’t have to wear a shirt.”
Vanessa just laughed and handed him the pamphlet. “Go fall in love with your fish man. Just don’t blame me when a dolphin steals your wallet.”
~~
A few days later, Wade was filling out a waiver with all the enthusiasm of a man signing up to bungee jump into love—or possibly into a dolphin tank. Either way, he was ready to risk it all.
Name: Wade W.
Emergency Contact: Vanessa C. (If I die, tell her I died doing what I loved, staring at a hot dude in neoprene.)
Allergies: Commitment, but I’m working on it.
He slapped the clipboard back onto the counter and gave the teenage attendant a thumbs-up. “You, uh, might want to take that seriously,” she said, eyeing the dolphin icon circled in glitter pen.
“I am serious. Deadly. Look into these eyes and tell me I’m not ready to commune with nature and possibly propose to a stranger in front of aquatic mammals.”
She blinked, handed him a plastic bracelet, and waved him through.
~~
The backstage area smelled like saltwater and fish guts. And all of Wade’s hopes and dreams if he played his cards right. Wade tugged on the provided wetsuit, red with black accents and way too tight in all the wrong places, and was led to the pool’s edge, where Laura was crouched beside a dolphin named “Murderbean”. He thought it was a joke when the attendant told him but he saw a sign with all the dolphin’s names backstage and Murderbean really was on there.
Laura looked up and grinned. “You Mr Wilson?”
“That’s me. Wade Wilson. Local menace. Recent dolphin convert.” He extended a hand. “You must be Laura.”
She smiled and shook his hand. “You’ve got strong main character energy. I like that. Are you excited?” she asked.
“As ready as I’ll ever be to meet criminals,” he grinned. Laura seemed confused but smiled at him anyway. “Okay, well my dad is at the tanks right now so we’ll grab him first.” Wade nodded and let her lead the way.
When they arrived, Logan was squatting to check something in the water, his forearms doing that vein-and-muscle thing that melted Wade’s brain.
“Dad,” Laura said, nudging him. “This is Wade. He’s joining us today.”
Logan turned. Gave Wade one look and grumbled a hello.
Wade cleared his throat. “Hi. I’m here to swim with dolphins, touch greatness, and maybe ascend to King of the ocean.”
Laura chuckled.
Logan blinked slowly, like he was considering walking into the sea and never returning.
“Rules,” he said flatly, standing up. “Don’t touch the dolphins without permission. Don’t get in the tank until I say. And don’t mess about.”
“I would never!” Wade gasped, placing a hand on his chest. “Messing about would imply motivation to do so. I simply goof.” Laura was still grinning.
Logan just grunted and turned away. Wade leaned over to Laura and whispered, “How mad would he be if I tried a mating call?”
“He’d drown you,” she said cheerfully. “But I’d film it.”
Wade grinned. “I like you.”
~~
As the dolphin experience began, Wade mostly followed instructions. If you counted “accidentally” brushing against Logan’s arm a few times, complimenting his dolphin-whispering skills, and completely unabashedly flirting with him as “following instructions”. Laura did not attempt to intervene. If anything, she egged him on with every sly wink and “Oh, Wade, why don’t you help my dad with that?”
And whenever Wade cracked a joke or offered Logan a lingering smile, Logan responded the same way. A sigh. A grunt. A muttered, “Jesus Christ.” But he didn’t tell Wade to stop.
When Wade slipped getting out of the pool, Logan’s hand shot out to steady him before he could fall.
“Careful,” Logan muttered, voice rough. “Deck’s slippery.” Wade’s heart did a backflip worthy of Murderbean herself.
“Oh,” he said, blinking. “My saviour. You must really like me if you don’t want my brain matter all over the floor.”
“No, I don’t,” Logan snapped. “Too much clean up and the paperwork would be a nightmare.”
But he didn’t let go of Wade’s arm right away.
~~
It was an hour later, and Wade had been having a nice time. Nice enough to maybe change his stance on dolphins. “Okay, Murderbean,” Wade whispered, crouching near the pool’s edge. “It’s just you and me now. Blink twice if you’re the one in charge here.”
The dolphin gave him a long, blank stare. Casually rinsing out a bucket nearby, Laura called over, “She likes you. That’s her plotting face.”
“I knew it,” Wade said triumphantly. “She sees the chaos in me. We’re bonded now. You and your father should start planning the wedding.” Logan shot him a look from the other end of the pool, arms crossed, completely unimpressed.
Wade noticed.
So, of course, he leaned into it.
“Logan, quick question,” Wade said. “If I swim with the dolphins, do I become one of them? Is there a magical moment where I gain their trust, and they accept me as their slippery equal?”
“You’re not getting adopted by the pod,” Logan muttered.
“Okay, but what if I already feel an emotional connection to Murderbean? Like she’s my scaly soulmate.”
“They’re mammals,” Logan said, voice tight. “They’re not scaly. And they’re not here to be part of some comedy act.” Wade blinked, unsure if Logan was serious or playing along.
“Wait,” Wade said, holding up a finger. “Was that a… science burn? Are you roasting me with facts? God, I think I just fell a little harder.”
That did it.
Logan’s posture stiffened. He turned, sharp-eyed and stern, and his voice dropped low and flat.
“Enough. This isn’t a joke.”
Wade froze.
Logan kept going. “You don’t come in here, run your mouth, and treat it like a game. These animals are intelligent, social creatures. They’ve been trained with care, trust, and respect. And this is their space. You don’t get to mess with that because you want to act like a clown.”
Wade swallowed. His grin faltered just for a second.
“I—I wasn’t trying to mess anything up,” he said quietly, stepping back from the edge. “I was just… trying to lighten the mood.” Logan didn’t respond. Laura’s smile was gone now, her brows knitting together as the tension thickened.
“We’ll break for lunch,” Logan said stiffly. “Wade, you can use the visitors’ lounge. Laura, grab the buckets.”
He didn’t wait for a reply. He turned and walked toward the back hallway.
Wade stood there, suddenly aware of how wet and awkward he felt in his wetsuit. His jokes curled up and died somewhere behind his ribs.
“I’ll, uh… go lounge. Like a majestic dolphin,” he muttered half-heartedly, slinking away.
~~
In the staff breakroom, Logan was nursing a black coffee, frowning at it like it had personally offended him. Laura walked in and stood across from him, arms folded, looking unimpressed.
“You were a jerk,” she said bluntly.
Logan didn’t look up. “He was being obnoxious,” he grunted.
“He was being funny,” Laura corrected. “And yeah, okay, he was definitely flirting with you like a golden retriever on espresso, but that’s not a crime.”
Logan sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “He wasn’t taking it seriously.”
“Why do you act like you’re not allowed to smile, or laugh, or, God forbid, talk to a guy who’s clearly into you?”
“That’s not the point.”
“No, the point is that you shut people out before they even get close. You’ve been doing it since Mom died, and I get it, I really do, but you can’t keep using ‘I don’t have time for this’ as a shield.” Logan’s jaw tightened.
Laura’s voice softened. “Dad, you’re allowed to have your own life. You’re allowed to like someone. Or at least not bite their head off when they like you.” He said nothing. Laura sighed and sat beside him.
“Just… maybe apologize later, okay? He looked kind of gutted when he walked off. And I think he really does respect what you do. He just doesn’t know how to turn it off.”
Logan looked down at his coffee.
“The guy’s exhausting.”
Laura smirked. “Yeah. But in a charming, chaotic way. Like a ferret in a leather jacket.”
That earned the smallest ghost of a smile from Logan.
~~
Wade sat alone in the visitors’ lounge, poking at a vending machine sandwich like it had personally insulted his lineage. His wetsuit was half-peeled off and clinging to him like a disappointed ex.
He hated feeling like this, awkward, embarrassed, wrong. It didn’t fit him. He wore confidence like armor and jokes like chainmail. But Logan had cut through it with one sharp look and a speech about respect, and now Wade couldn’t stop hearing the words this isn’t a joke on repeat in his skull.
Maybe he’d gone too far. Maybe flirting with a grumpy dolphin dad in the middle of a professional setting was a step too chaotic, even for him. The door creaked open behind him. Wade looked up, half-hoping it was Laura with sympathy for him.
It wasn’t. It was Logan.
Wade tensed up like a kid caught stealing cookies. “If you’re here to throw me into the dolphin tank, I’d just like it on the record that I float poorly and scream well.” Logan stood by the door for a second, arms crossed, brow furrowed. Then he sighed and stepped inside.
“I was outta line.”
Wade blinked. That… was not expected.
“I shouldn’t’ve snapped at you,” Logan said gruffly, voice low and a little hoarse like it scraped on its way out. “You were just...” Wade sat up a bit straighter.
“Being unbearably charming?”
“Loud, weird, and allergic to silence,” Logan said it without heat. Then, after a pause, “But not a bad guy.”
Wade squinted at him like he was trying to figure out if this was a trap. “That almost sounded like a compliment. Are you okay? Blink twice if you’re being held hostage by emotional growth.”
Logan gave the faintest snort. “Laura said I was an ass. She’s not wrong.”
Wade leaned back in his chair, visibly relaxing. “Well, I was being annoying. It’s kind of my thing. But I didn’t mean to disrespect you. Or the dolphins. Especially Murderbean. She and I are spiritually bonded now. I think we’d both take a bullet for each other.”
“You’re a strange one,” Logan muttered, but there was no bite to it this time. Just tired amusement.
Wade shrugged. “I get that a lot. Mostly from TSA and exes.”
There was a pause. Logan scratched the back of his neck, suddenly very interested in the vending machine.
“I’m sorry for ruining your time by being an asshole. Do you want to come back again for another experience? Free of charge.”
Wade’s eyes lit up like a golden retriever hearing the word “walk.”
“I do want. And not just because I’ve spent an alarming amount of time imagining you saying my name in a grumpy voice. Which you’ve now done, by the way. Bucket list item checked.”
Logan sighed. “You gonna keep talking the whole time?”
“Absolutely.”
A long pause. Then, barely audible, “Fine.”
Wade beamed.
As they walked back toward the tank together, Wade glanced sideways at Logan. “So… just curious. Is there a dolphin mating ritual I should know about? Or do I just bring you fish and vibe respectfully?”
Logan shook his head. “Don’t push it.”
Laura watched them approach from the far side of the tank, arms crossed and smirking. She leaned toward Murderbean and whispered, “Show’s getting good, huh?”
Murderbean chirped once. Loudly
.