Chapter Text
Chapter 4
“Sweetheart?” came Logan’s voice through the fog of your slumber as he gently shook you awake.
“Hmm?” was your reply and you slowly opened your eyes. Upon seeing his face as he still held you, you smiled up at him.
“There’s my rosy girl. Not a speck of gray in sight.” He kissed the tip of your nose, “We fell asleep, darlin’. The sun’s going down. We should head back.”
You looked at your skin in the fading light and he was right. You were all pinks and peaches. “I’m happy. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy,” you whispered, touching your hand to his cheek. He covered your hand with his and kissed your palm.
“Now, as much as love these glorious tits of yours, unless you want to spend the night in the forest…”
“Maybe we should?”
Logan audibly groaned, “Baby, I want nothing more, but it gets cold at night still, and you’ll appreciate your own bed. Besides, I’m trying to romance you, and if we stay the night…”
“Logan, when we came here today, I didn’t think I’d have the courage to be this vulnerable with you. Yesterday was my first kiss, and today… I feel like I’m alive for the first time.”
“Well, a few good orgasms’ll do that.”
You smacked his chest with the back of your hand and he chuckled warmly. “It’s not about that. It’s about the trust. The trust to let you touch me, knowing you wouldn’t hurt me or force me to do anything I didn’t want to. I’ve never trusted anyone. Be patient with me, and one day I’ll be able to let you…”
Logan kissed you softly, “I’m in no rush, doll. Today was more than enough. Thank you for trusting me. It’s been so long since…” You pulled him down and kiss him, giving him all your heart in one kiss. You wanted to tell Logan you loved him, but it had to be too soon. You were still keeping a secret from him. You wanted to tell him, but you were still so scared he wouldn’t want you if he knew. You pulled back and smiled at him.
He then sighed dramatically and pulled the loose fabric of your dress over your bare breasts, but not without his thumb flicking over one of your nipples. You giggled at his pout and began fastening the laces again. “Logan, where is my underwear?” you asked, looking around.
“Yeah, you ain’t getting those back just yet, doll. Besides I made a mess of ‘em,” Logan said with mirth. “I think you’re going to find, darlin’, that I might have a few, uh, things I like.”
“You can like whatever you like, Logan. I’m looking forward to finding what I like too.”
“You liked everything we did today?”
“Yes, very much. I’m sort of getting the idea of why people are so keen on sex. But I don’t understand why they’d do it with someone they don’t know.”
“I have. I was usually pretty lonely and just wanted someone, anyone to give me some time.”
“That I understand.”
“We’ve led very different lives Y/N. I’ve lived enough for three or four. You go through a lot when you’re alone. I’ve been alone most of my life. I’ve gone years without seeing or speaking to another person.” You sat up and did what came to you naturally, you hugged him. “Thanks, darlin’. I’ll take this over a roll in the hay any old day.”
It was dark by the time you made it out of the forest. Logan had kept his arm around your waist the whole time so you wouldn’t trip in the dark. He reminded you that with his enhanced senses he could see in the dark. When the mansion came into view your heart sunk a little, knowing that you and Logan would separate at some point and go to sleep in your separate rooms. First things first, you wanted a shower, though you were half tempted to invite Logan to join you. Now that you knew what the man’s touch was like intimately, you found yourself craving more. After having gone so long without true affection and attention, you felt yourself teetering on being addicted to it. You couldn’t do that to Logan. You needed to be fair to him. It was not his responsibility to fix you. But, he had said he’d help you heal. You just had to figure out how you wanted to go about doing that.
The birdsong you’d enjoyed all afternoon faded away and the sun dipped to the horizon as the gloam of the evening blanketed the landscape. You shivered, Logan was right about the nights still being cold. You’d missed dinner yet again, which was becoming a habit between the two of you. You were hungry, but you had a stash of power bars in your room. What you really wanted was to cuddle up with Logan and watch a movie and just be with him.
“You cold?” he asked, pulling you as close as he could while shouldering everything you’d brought with you on your picnic.
“I’m ok. We’re almost home. I’m going to jump into the shower to warm up,” you replied.
“Now there’s an image…”
“Stop.”
“What? I can’t flirt with my girl?”
“Am I?”
“Only if that’s something you want?”
“It’s the only thing I want.” You hug your arms around his waist and you felt him kiss the top of your head. Logan dropped the picnic basket on a counter in the kitchen, muttering something about coming back later to take care of it. You heard the others in the dinning room and the kids in the dining hall. Logan raised his eyebrow to question if you wanted to join them. You shook your head. For one, you were sure you looked completely indecent and debauched. Your underwear is still missing after all. Not than anyone could really sneak around the X-Mansion, but you and Logan circumvented everyone and headed upstairs. Upon reaching your door, you were reluctant to be parted from him. You hesitated as Logan stood there waiting for you to go inside.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, stroking your arm.
“As soon as I say goodnight, the best day of my whole life will end,” you said as a matter of fact.
Logan smiled, obviously touched by your confession. He crowded you against your door, taking you by the hips by with his large hands. “What if tomorrow’s your best day? What if it’s ten years from now? The sooner you go to bed the sooner it can start.” You couldn’t argue with that logic, however you knew this day would always stand out in your memory for as long as you lived. Logan pressed you against your door with his body as he leaned down to kiss you with an urgency that was a little too passionate for the hallway. You were interrupted not by someone else but by your stomach rumbling. You cringed as Logan pulled away from you.
“Here’s what we’re going to do. We’ll have our showers and meet back right here in thirty minutes, then we’ll go down to the kitchen and find something for dinner. We’ll find somewhere quiet to eat together and then our perfect day won’t have to end for a little while yet. Agreed?”
You nodded your head and stole another quick kiss. He opened your door and kissed you again before nudging you inside and giving your bottom a sharp little smack. When you spun around in shock he merely winked at you and closed your door. You looked around your room and suddenly felt so painfully alone. You’d had more love and affection in one afternoon with Logan than you’d had for your whole life. You’d been so lonely for so long and now you were terrified of losing it somehow. You felt a sudden ache come into your joints and you tried to temper it down. You forced yourself to think of the time you’d spent with Logan, how his hands and mouth felt on your body. It took every bit of willpower you had not to run across the hall to him, throw off your dress and climb him like a tree. With a frustrated growl you stripped and tossed Marie’s dress in the hamper and climbed into the shower. The heat of the water suffused you and warmed you trough. You washed from head to toe, lamenting that you were washing off his scent but thrilled at the prospect of his skin against yours again.
After your shower, you blow dried your hair and pulled it up in a loose pony tail then dressed in your one set of cozy flannel pajamas. The dove grey of the fabric was in contrast to the rosy glow of your skin. Your pain faded with every thought of Logan. You slipped your feet into your slippers and opened the door to your room. You blushed when you saw Logan there waiting for you, fresh from his own shower and dressed in a low slung pair of grey jogging pants and a white t-shirt. His hair was still wet and already you could see the swoop of his hair curling upwards into his patented style. He was still damp all over and the jogging pants left nothing to your imagination. You tried not to whimper and failed. Logan arched his eyebrow at you and you blushed. You kept staring at him and felt a renewed dampness between your thighs. You knew his sense of smell was enhanced and he smirked at you knowingly. You blushed and he crossed the hall, wrapping his arms around you, picking you up and spinning you around as you hugged his shoulders. Your laughter in his ear made him smile and he hugged you a little bit tighter.
You walked hand in hand down the back staircase and into the kitchen, not exactly sneaking around, but certainly hoping to avoid everyone. You were sure Marie would corner you come morning and demand the details of your date. The house generally went quiet around 8pm. Most of the kids were in their rooms, on their computers, or watching TV. The staff retired for the night and the faculty did too. The kitchen was void of anyone to interfere and Logan raided the main fridge for left overs. They never usually lasted long as someone was always in need of a midnight snack.
You ate tortellini in some sort of cheese sauce along with Greek Salad. Logan sat next to you at the kitchen island. You didn’t speak much but you leaned against him as you ate with his arm around you. After dinner was done it was after 9pm and Logan suggested you both get up early and go out for a drive into town on his motorcycle. You could tell it was something he’d be excited for so you agreed but you were petrified at the very notion of it. Still, another date with Logan was not something you were going to say no to and you knew he wouldn’t let anything happen to you. After another kiss at your door, you got ready for bed, scrolled on for phone for a little while and then lay there, wide awake.
You asked yourself if you could knock on his door, go inside his room, shut out the world and crawl into his bed. You were certain he wouldn’t turn you away. If you asked him, he’d take your virginity this same night, and you knew he’d make it so good for you. That being said, there was no denying the fact that he was rather… large. Even while clothed he couldn’t hide or diminish that plain fact. You wanted it, but as soon as you pictured actually doing it, fear rose up in you. You simply weren’t ready and you knew that, but the desires were so strong you felt yourself getting wet for him. One day you knew your yearning would over power any fears you had and Logan would do everything in his power to make sure you were comfortable. Sighing wearily, you tossed and turned. Maybe if you touched yourself you could take the edge off? It was something you did on occasion, but rarely. Your sexual desires were always a secondary thought. You were always too stressed to let them in. Usually, your climaxes were weak and brief, if you could get yourself there at all. Logan had given you two today so far and they’d all but shattered your mind.
You rolled over and hugged your pillow to your chest and let out a frustrated scream into it, trying to muffle your voice. The last thing you wanted was Logan to come busting trough the door. Though you were so tempted to call out for him. Your whole body felt like it was on fire. You’d never been this conflicted with yourself, but that was before Logan. You felt tears of frustration prickle at your eyes and your emotions overwhelmed you. The only thing that could quell the tormented state you’d worked yourself up into was him. You felt like an utter fool rising from your bed and walking towards your door, but you needed to be near him. Hot tears spilled down your cheeks as you crossed the hallway towards his room. You took a shuddering breath and raised your fist to knock at his door, but before could do so, he opened it.
He stood there shirtless and for the first time you saw his torso. You audibly gasped beholding his half naked form. Every last muscle was humongous and so hard and defined as if he’d been cut from stone, except he was very much alive. The hair on his body abundant and you imagined running your fingers through his thick chest hair. You imagined your face nuzzled against it, and the scent of him intoxicating you. You couldn’t meet his eyes and you felt so pathetic and confused, but Logan only put his arm around you and guided you into his room. He pulled you against his chest and hugged you, fully encompassing you in his arms. You were right, the hair on his chest was soft. Now that you were with him again maybe you could calm. You tried to speak more than once but not words came.
“Can you tell me what’s the matter?” Logan asked. He guided you to his bed and sat you down. “Darlin’, what’s got you so upset? What happened?”
He began to massage the back of your neck and wiped at your tears with his thumb.
“I feel like such a fool,” you whispered, looking forward at the wall rather than at him.
“Whatever it is, you’re not. I’d never think that of you.”
“I feel stupid, actually. I should go.” You went to rise, but Logan grasped your wrist to prevent you leaving.
“Talk to me.”
You take several deep breaths and try and formulate what you want to say, but instead you continued to shake. Logan took your hand between both of his and held it. You had to be honest with him. You couldn’t give him everything, but you at least owed him an explanation. “You know my story.” Logan nodded. “But, you didn’t live it. I know yours is worse…”
“We’re not gonna argue about who has the worst past. They’re both awful, ‘nuff said. Keep going.”
“I’ve never allowed myself to want. Wanting led to hope and dreams. I knew from as far back as I could remember that if I wished for something good, I would get the opposite. If I asked for a hug, I got smacked. If I asked for more food, I wouldn’t get any the next day, and so on. So, I learned to stop asking the universe for anything. I tried so damn hard to never let hope get a hold of me. For while I did pretty good. I accepted that my life was made for pain and nothing else. But then things changed. I’m still reeling from it, I think. I came here. I met you. Today happened and now I have wants again, and I am so scared to let hope back in, Logan. And, I’m confused. My body is screaming at me because it wants you now. I want you in every way possible. I want your mouth again, I want your hands on me, I want you inside me so much I ache and I feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve never felt like this and it’s terrifying to want this much after a lifetime of not be allowed to. I feel like a bird that’s never left its cage and someone’s opened the door and I can’t make myself fly out of it but I want to so much…” You leaned over and buried your face in your hands, one the verge of breaking into a sob. Logan rubbed a soothing hand up and down your back.
“I love you,” Logan finally spoke. You went deadly still, certain you’d imagined what he’d just said. He moved your hair away from you face and encouraged you to sit up and look at him. Your face must’ve been a picture of pure shock. He cupped it in his hand, and brushed his thumb over your quivering bottom lip, “Y/N, I love you.” He looked pointedly at you, he locked his gaze with yours and nodded his head, hoping his words penetrated into your jumbled mind. “And because I love you, we’re going to wait until you know you’re ready to make love. Until then, we can do whatever you want or need, you just have to ask me. When I have you for the first time, I don’t want you to have any fears or doubts about it. You’ll know when you’re ready. In the meantime, I promise that you can want, and hope, and dream everything your imagination can think up.”
You’re too shaken to do much than stare at him. This was the first time you had ever heard such words uttered towards you. You had so much more you wanted to say but your mind has gone entirely blank. You’d waited all your life for such a moment and it had taken you by so completely a surprise, you weren’t capable of reacting. Logan sensed how overwhelmed you were and leaned in to kiss your forehead before drawing you up to your feet. He pulled back the covers of his bed and encouraged you to climb in. You lay yourself in your usually position on your side as he drew your hair up above your head and watched as it spilled over his pillow. He kissed your cheek and pulled the covers up to your chin before he went to the lamp beside his reading chair and turned it out, plunging the room into darkness. You felt the bed dip behind you and the heavy noise of his breathing as he got under the covers with you. You felt the heat of his body moments later, then the contact as he laid himself behind you. His big hand splayed out over your stomach before he somewhat roughly pulled you back against him. He tucked his knees up behind yours and buried his face at your neck, kissing it once before relaxing. There was no mistaking what was pressed firmly against your behind. Encompassed fully by his protective embrace, sleep came to you quicker than expected, not before a million scattered thoughts ran through your mind. You were safe in your beloved’s embrace, but you’d never been more scared in all your life.