Chapter Text
"Contrary to popular belief, I know exactly what I'm doing." Tony said, barely sparing Rhodey a glance after taking a swig of some dark liquid that didn't look like scotch or soda. Rhodey knew that was his cue to leave, Tony's version of a polite dismissal, but his feet were rooted to the floor. He couldn't take his eyes off the dark lines climbing up Tony's neck, lines they both knew weren't road rash. Road rash didn't look like it was trying to poison the brain. It didn't create the paleness of his skin, the sweat from his brow, and the tiredness of his eyes. It didn't cause him to collapse, too weak to hold himself up.
(How would Tony have gotten to his desk without Rhodey?)
Beyond that, there was no ignoring that image of the corroded, smoking palladium piece that Tony removed from the very thing keeping him alive. He was itching to ask questions, to press, but his best friend looked utterly exhausted and annoyed at everything. There was no way it was healthy to have something like that anywhere in the body, much less so close to his battered heart.
He was supposed to leave. The military was chomping at the bit to know what Tony said. Rhodey was the only reason they weren't breaking down the door, and it would be best if he got back as soon as possible to placate the hungry, agitated lions of the top brass. He was supposed to handle them for Tony.
"I don't think you do." He said quietly. He craned his head, studying the side of Tony's face. His hair hadn't started greying, yet he looked a decade older without his exaggerated hand movements, with his sagged shoulders, and visible exhaustion. When Tony didn't face him, Rhodey turned the chair, crouching in front of his oldest friend.
When Tony didn't fight back, didn't move beyond a tremble in his hands, the worry increased tenfold.
"Tony, please," he begged, "tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing is wrong, Rhodey." He went to turn himself, hands gripping the armrests of his chair and feet pushing at the floor. Rhodey stopped him by grabbing his shoulders.
"I know there's something. You want to play solo, do it all on your own, but I'm right here."
"You or the military?"
He suppressed a flinch. "Me, Tony. I'm still your friend, no matter what-"
"Whatever, I'm fine. Go tell the military they're not taking my suits. End of story.'" He pushed off Rhodey's hands and spun his chair back around to face the work table. Rhodey stayed, halfway crouched, watching Tony close himself off. He hadn't been around in recent months, dealing on the military side with the Stark Industries shift and trying to calm fears about the Ironman suit. Heck, before the senate hearing, he hadn't seen Tony in a month despite them being in the same building a few times. Normally, Tony would seek him out if they were in the same vicinity. He hadn't.
A loud crash had his head snapping left. Dum-E rolled back and forth beside an overturned rack of tools, beeping quietly with his claw hanging down like a dog who knew they did something they weren't supposed to. Tony sighed. "I swear, I'm donating you to a city college." He said it without any bite, a familiar threat that carried no weight. Tony had been staying that ever since he built Dum-E at seventeen, and it never failed to make Rhodey smile. Except for now.
Tony pushed himself up to stand and Rhodey's inner alarm went off. He rose himself to his full height, arms halfway out, but not moving from where he stood. Tony managed three steps, an unsteady fourth, and then his legs gave out. Rhodey launched himself forward, catching Tony around the stomach and sliding in front of him to keep his head from hitting the floor. Tony struggled, trying to push away, half formed insults falling from his lips. Rhodey held him tighter, pulling him into his chest where his head could rest on Rhodey's shoulder when he finally gave in. After a few seconds, he did. His chest heaved, as if he were unable to draw in a full breath, and Rhodey shifted him to be more on his side to take the pressure off of the arc reactor. Tony's forehead fell against his neck, and Rhodey was shocked to find him cold.
He let the silence fall, listening to Tony's ragged breathing as he tried to get his lungs under control. Rhodey rested his chin on Tony's head so not to look at him - that would make Tony feel vulnerable, more of a need to be defensive - and carded a hand through unkempt curls to calm him. He kept his other arm loosely braced around his stomach to keep him from trying to run. Tony's arms hesitantly came to wrap around him, holding on tight but ready to let go at a moment's notice. It broke Rhodey's heart. Since when did Tony feel he couldn't hug him freely? When was the last time they hugged?
"JARVIS," Rhodey muttered. The room hummed, the AI waiting readily for his request without speaking, "turn up the heat, please." JARVIS didn't respond, but the hum picked up with the heaters going on full blast.
"I'm not cold, Rhodey."
"You feel cold." He raised the hand from his stomach to touch his forehead and temple, then returned it to the original spot before Tony could get any ideas of escaping. He'd stopped sweating. His skin was clammy, the barest traces of heat meeting his fingers.
"Don't you have to get back to the military? They'll send the dogs after you, y'know."
"They can wait." They knew where he was, knew meetings with Tony could take hours, and while impatient, if they thought Rhodey was getting something done, they would let him stay. "Making sure you're okay is my priority."
"Define okay." The smirk was audible. Rhodey didn't laugh.
"You can tell me what's wrong, or you don't have to. Either way, I'm staying right here. It's us against the world, remember? That hasn't changed, even with your suit of armor. I'm not going to push you anymore. It's your choice what to say here, Tones, but I would really like to help."
"You can't help." Tony replied automatically, sounding more weary than Rhodey had ever heard. "You can't help this."
"Try me. You're not the only one who went to MIT."
Tony held on tighter. "I didn't... I didn't want to tell you. You were angry, Pepper is angry, Happy probably isn't that happy, and I figured that's better than-" He cut himself off, leaving Rhodey confused. Worry was swirling in the pit of his stomach, clawing at his insides as his brain made connections it didn't want to.
"Why would angry be better?" He asked quietly, moving his head to finally look down at his friend. Tony didn't look at him, eyes far away. His jaw was clenched, brow drawn as he fought with himself. Rhodey kept his mouth shut, not pressuring, not forcing him to answer outside of his own pace. He would be there as long as Tony needed him to be.
"I'm dying, Rhodey."
The world stopped. He couldn't breathe. "What?" He uttered, unable to believe it, unable to coincide the word 'dying' with 'Tony Stark.' He was larger than life itself, the star of every room, not even forty yet. Rhodey was supposed to go first, not Tony.
"The arc reactor."
"But- it's what-"
"Keeps me alive? Yeah. It's also killing me." He moved one arm from around Rhodey, touching the black veins on his neck. "The palladium... it's going into my bloodstream, poisoning me. All I can do is replace the cores. There is no other element that can handle the reactor without killing me instantly. There's nothing I can do about it. Nothing a doctor can do about it. Nothing you can do about it."
"Removal-"
"I've already thought about it. Science isn't advanced enough and won't be for years. Not an option." He chuckled humorlessly, dropping his hand into his lap. "I'm out of ideas."
"You're Tony Stark. You're never out of ideas." Rhodey shook his head. He couldn't accept it. Couldn't live with it. "There must be something else-"
"There isn't anything else! I've tried!" He yelled, eyes lighting up with angry fire. It dissipated as fast as it came and he slumped against Rhodey, weakened from the outburst. He whispered, "I've tried everything."
Rhodey held him tighter, speaking even as fear crawled up his throat, trying to suffocate him. "Okay," he answered, voice somehow coming out steady. Everything in him was arguing for hope, but he couldn't put that kind of pressure on Tony, not right now. "How long?"
"Be more specific. There's two questions that could be."
"Give me both answers."
Tony fiddled with the hem of his shirt. "I've known for three months. It's why I organized the Expo. Go out with a bang and all. How long I have depends on my usage of the suit."
Monaco popped into his mind, as well as all the other times Tony used the suit in that time frame. He was almost afraid to ask. "Without the suit, how long do you have?"
"Chlorophyll - the stuff I was drinking on my desk - is helping slow it down and control the severity of the symptoms. It's supposed to give me two to three months extra. I have, uh...JARVIS?"
"According to your last blood toxicity check, Sir, you have two more months, though you will continue to get progressively weaker and-"
"Mute." He rubbed his face. "Dang it, J." When Rhodey didn't say anything, Tony started rambling. "It was slower, in the beginning. I guess my body was managing to filter most of it, but with the suit and replacing the cores, it got overwhelmed." He sighed. "I'm sorry, Rhodey. I didn't want you to know."
"Why?"
"Hm?"
"Why didn't you want me to know?"
Tony shrugged. "It would be easier, I figured. You could go on like normal, and if I made you angry, you wouldn't be sad when I kicked the bucket. The military will get off your back, because I'm planning to give you a suit anyway, and everyone would move on."
"You're an idiot." Rhodey cuffed him on the back of the head. His friend yelped, rubbing the spot, before Rhodey grabbed him in a hug. "Seriously, an idiot." That fear had turned into a lump in his throat. His eyes began to burn, but he forced the tears back. "Tony, no matter what's happening between us, I would want to know that you're... sick." He couldn't say 'dying.' He hadn't accepted it. "Say it had been me. How do you think you would feel if your last words to me had been angry ones? How do you think you would feel if you didn't spend every possible second with me? You're my brother. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you were gone and I..." He couldn't stop the tears that fell into Tony's hair. Rhodey wiped the tracks away before speaking again. "I would have wanted to know. Heck, I'm mad at myself right now for not figuring it out earlier. You're an idiot, Tony Stark."
"So I've been told." He said into Rhodey's chest. "I really was planning to give you a suit."
"I'll take a suit when you can fly with me."
"Rhodey-"
"We'll talk more later." He hushed. "For now, you need to rest."
Tony bristled, leaning back to look at him. "I do not need to rest, for goodness sake. It's just because of switching the reactors. I'll be fine in an hour."
Rhodey raised a brow, not breaking eye contact. "JARVIS?" He prompted, quickly covering Tony's mouth when he went to stop his AI.
"Sir has not had a full night's sleep in a week, Colonel. It is affecting his ability to think, his emotional state, and futher weakening him. I would also recommend sustenance that isn't chlorophyll or coffee."
He took his hand away. Tony scowled at him, mumbling about traitorous AIs and mean friends.
"Sleep or food?"
"What's behind door number three?"
"There is no door number three."
"Fine, I guess I could eat." Tony sighed. "JARVIS, please ask Happy to pick up some Chinese food for all of us."
"That's not exactly healthy-"
"I'm dying, let me have Chinese food."
He sighed through his nose, ignoring how his heart twisted painfully. "JARVIS, make sure he orders a few helpings of steamed veggies with whatever Tony's usual is."
"Would you like your usual, Colonel?"
"Yes, JARVIS. Thank you. ETA?"
"Mr. Hogan is currently one hour away. Judging by the busy hours of the restaurant, he will take two hours to get here. I have taken the liberty of placing the orders, including Miss Pott's and Mr. Hogan's usuals."
"Alright, you're going to nap until he gets here."
"Hey, you made me pick-"
"It doesn't matter what you picked, you're getting both. JARVIS, please ask Pepper to-"
"No!" Tony intervened, putting a hand over Rhodey's mouth this time. "She's busy enough with cleaning up my messes and, y'know, being a better CEO."
He grabbed Tony's wrist gently, removing the hand from over his mouth. "You haven't told her, have you?" He asked, already knowing the answer. He'd wanted Pepper angry when he died, too. Tony nodded, not meeting his eyes. "Tony, you have to tell her, and Happy."
"It'll crush her, Rhodey. I can't."
"Tony, look at me." He waited until the genius raised his head. "It'll crush her if you tell her. It'll kill her if you don't. Do you understand me?"
He sighed, sagging onto Rhodey again. "Okay, but not right now, and I don't want Rushman around."
"We can fix that." He promised, rewrapping his arms around his brother. Distantly, he realized that the last time they sat like this, Tony was still a kid in MIT. Even after Afghanistan, Tony hadn't wanted Rhodey this close, but that was likely because of his injuries. "JARVIS, please send Miss Rushman to the grocery store with a list of things Tony is low on. Tell her that it is his request and she can have the rest of the day off after she brings them back. She'll be compensated for gas, though I'm sure she knows that."
"Put gummy worms on the list. And blueberries." Tony mumbled, his forehead returning to Rhodey's neck. "Lot of blueberries."
"Throw a lot of fruit on the list, please. And vegetables."
"Done, Colonel. Miss Rushman is leaving. Miss Potts is upset at losing her help, but is receiving another phone call."
Rhodey nodded, his eyes back on Tony. He was taking his complete weight, the inventor practically curled up in his lap. His eyes had shut, though Rhodey knew he was still awake, if only somewhat. The conversation seemed to have taken the strength he had left. "JARVIS?" He asked quietly, running his hand back through Tony's hair again. Hair that hadn't gotten the chance to turn grey. Lord, please don't let him lose his best friend.
"Yes, Colonel?" The AI replied, equally quiet.
"Please alert me when the cores need changing."
JARVIS beeped in response, an affirmation without words. Rhodey kept his hand steadily going through Tony's hair, his free arm holding him in a hug. He watched the rise and fall of Tony's chest, assuring himself that he was still alive, and waited the half hour until JARVIS gave a quiet confirmation that "Sir is asleep."
He took in a deep breath and steeled himself. There was no way he was putting Tony on the lab couch. Carefully, he maneuvered himself up, bringing Tony with him. In a move he hadn't pulled since MIT, he got Tony into a piggy back carry, with Tony's unconscious cooperation. The younger man's head came to rest securely on his right shoulder, his arms coming around to rest limply over the Colonel's chest. They'd done it a million times back in school, until life separated them too much for him to have a sleepy Tony around. He was almost always full of energy or sarcasm whenever they saw each other after MIT. No chances to do this.
'And soon,' his thoughts whispered, 'I won't be able to do it at all.'
He somehow kept the tears at bay and walked toward the glass entrance. JARVIS opened the door without request, and Rhodey made his way up the stairs. The top door opened and he could see Pepper, her back to them while furiously tapping at her phone. When he entered, she whirled around. "Tony, why did you-" She stopped, mouth open but silent when she saw them.
"He's sleeping." He whispered when he was close enough, aware he was stating the obvious. "Can you get an extra blanket from the closet, if you're not too busy? One of the soft, thick ones?"
She nodded, lost for words, and Rhodey soldiered on, making his way to Tony's room. JARVIS had already dimmed the lights and shut the blinds, the only light coming from the door and a little arc reactor night light that Tony created, supposedly for fun after Afghanistan (he had a suspicion it was more that that). After pulling back the covers and stacking the pillows, he lowered him onto the bed, releasing him to lay near the center. Rhodey removed his shoes for him, sitting them on the floor by the bed.
He then laid down himself, pulling Tony to lay curled into his chest, ear over his heart. Rhodey wrapped his arms around him securely, sighing into Tony's hair. When he woke up, Tony might be upset at him for possibly embarassing him, especially with Pepper coming in. (Not that she hadn't seen him in far worse situations.) He couldn't find it in himself to care.
"What am I going to do with you, Tones?" He whispered. In his thoughts, he echoed it differently, 'What am I going to do without you?'
There had to be a way.
There just had to.
"JARVIS, please adjust the room temperature to whatever is best for Tony with his... condition. I want the whole house that way. Does he have a thermal jacket here?"
"I will do my best." He answered. "No, he doesn't. It would be beneficial for him to wear one. Shall I order one?"
"Please do. A few of them, actually. His favorite colors and some not too flashy. Expedited shipping."
"They'll be here in the morning, Colonel."
"Thank you."
His hand returned to Tony's hair, carding through it. The last of tension slowly left Tony's muscles. He gave a small, tired sigh, completely leaning into him, and Rhodey couldn't stop the small, sad smile on his face even as he beat himself up with regret. Why had it taken so long for him to notice Tony's eradic behavior? He had just waved it off as Tony being Tony, just as everyone else had likely done. He knew Tony better than that. He shouldn't have been fooled by a grin and a quip. He shouldn't have allowed his anger and stress to cloud him from the real issues.
Pepper slipped into the room, interrupting his thoughts. She took only half a second to survey them, concern building in her eyes, before laying the blanket over the bed. She helped Rhodey firmly tuck Tony in, all the way to his neck. The arc reactor light shone dimly through the fabric.
"What happened?" She asked quietly, eyes on her former boss.
"He's exhausted." He half-lied. "Sick. I've got Happy coming with food."
"Do I need to make an appointment with his physician?"
"No," he shook his head. If Tony said doctors couldn't solve it, then they couldn't solve it. "I'll keep an eye on him."
Though Pepper did not look convinced, she backed off with the distant ringing of her phone, shutting the door gently behind her. Tony mumbled something unintelligible in his sleep, as if he sensed her leaving, and Rhodey bit back a chuckle. Those two, dancing around each other, it was funny.
Then realization hit and cold dread shot through him. If they didn't fix this, Tony only had two months to live, and he knew his best friend. He wouldn't confess, wouldn't put her in that position. And if Pepper confessed? Rhodey wasn't sure what he would do. Push her away, as he had tried to do with all of them? Or something else?
He sighed heavily, rubbing Tony's back to try and comfort him from the inevitable. No, not inevitable. He had to hold onto hope.
No matter how futile it may be.
Rhodey closed his eyes and allowed himself to just breathe, memorizing what it felt like to have Tony at his side. He tried to push away the thoughts of death, of the future, but the clock ticked in his mind, second after second of that poison racing through Tony's system. Had Pepper noticed the lines? Or had she been too busy? Tony most likely only saw her while in a suit, or wearing something to cover it. There was no way she would see those lines and just let them go without pushing for an answer, like Rhodey had almost done.
"JARVIS, what symptoms is he experiencing?"
"Currently, Sir is at the stage of experiencing dizziness, weakness, exhaustion, headaches, chest pain, and losing track of thoughts. Feeling cold is also a prominent side effect, though Sir continues not to aknowledge it. He runs occasional low-grade fevers that will continue to get worse."
"What else will get worse?" He asked with trepidation, afraid of the answer.
"His existing symptoms will continue and grow more severe. Other symptoms of a wide variety may manifest. It is impossible to know the exact timeline of how Sir will be effected."
"What will help? Either slowing it down or making him feel better."
"The Chlorophyll he is taking slows down the Palladium. Without it, he would have already passed on. He has to take a certain amount or more each day, with an increasing amount as the Palladium gets worse. He still has 23 ounces left for today." JARVIS replied solemnly. "Outside of that, eating regularly and getting enough sleep will help his physical and emotional wellbeing to some extent, though it will not slow the Palladium more."
"Can you send that information to my phone? When I'm not here, I want to know when, what, and how much he eats, drinks, and sleeps. I want to know about the Chlorophyll, too."
"I have taken the liberty of creating an app, Colonel, that I will download to your phone along with text notifications. You can access Sir's vitals and consumption at any time." He paused. "I would appreciate if you would try to get Sir to sleep more. He is not helping himself by driving his exhaustion further."
"I'll try, J."
"Thank you, Colonel."
"Let me know when Happy gets here, yeah?"
"Of course."
Rhodey let his eyes shut, listening to Tony's breathing and memorizing how it felt to hold on to his best friend. His brother. He couldn't even begin to imagine what the world would be like without him. He couldn't imagine seeing the name 'Stark' and there not be Tony Stark walking the Earth.
"We're going to fix this, Tony," he murmured, the tears fighting their way from behind his eyelids. They slid down the sides of his face. "I promise."