Chapter Text
Seongje feels like a fucking zombie, as he's sitting on his couch holding onto his coffee like it's his lifeline, staring blankly at his TV. He just took a shower after hours of tossing and turning on his bed, all his thoughts jumbled and loopy, but inevitably ending at the constant -Juntae. So, he gave up on having any sleep for the day. Heh, he's gone worse, he'll survive. He just put on a random show, for the sake of having some background noise to fight his sleep deprived mess of thoughts, the low voices of the actors droning through his left ear and flying out his right.
It was nearly dawn when Seongje came back home. He dropped by the workshop on his way to pick up his things. Since, he has decided to cut Baekjin off his life, he thought might as well make it clean. Besides, he had left an important thing back there -his supposed gift for his little lamb. There wasn't much things to pick up from there anyways, a few jackets and worn shirts, spare set of his uniform. Anything else, Seongje did not have the energy lugging back to his home.
Seongje lifts the cup and chugs the freshly made coffee -too dark to have this early, but Seongje never really cared about having a long life anyways. Shit, he would be surprised if his lungs aren't just two big clumps of ash and cocaine at this point, with the chain-smoking habit of his. He giggles at the mental image conjured by his brain. He should be dead already if that's the case.
Will his little lamb be sad if Seongje is to die someday, he muses. Would he cry at his funeral, those large innocent eyes glistening with tears, making them infinitely prettier.. He imagines Juntae all sad and gloomy about not being able to see Seongje again.. then promptly dissolves into another fit of giggles. Who is he kidding, with the nature of Seongje's lifestyle, Juntae might not even bat an eye at the news of his death.
"I don't want to have anything to do with you, and nothing will change that. Now, or in the future"
Juntae's voice filters through, on its own volition and Seongje's laughter turns dry before dying out completely. His head thumps back against the couch, drops of water from his hair making it damp. His glasses go askew at the action, his vision going funny but it's not really registering to his mind. Seongje doesn't know how long he is staring at his living room ceiling, with Juntae's voice echoing around his head like some broken record, before his eyes close and he falls into a restless sleep.
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Seongje comes to slowly, feeling like he just got beaten within an inch of his life. He groans and tries to lift his head back up, and immediately feels pain flare up his neck at the motion. He curses under his breath, just his luck, sleep fucking finds him when he's in the most uncomfortable position ever and not sprawled out nicely on his bed. He straightens his glasses and sets the, thankfully emtpy, coffee mug still in his grip on the table.
Seongje gets up -his body is sore all over but he walks out the door, putting on his shoes and throwing on his windbreaker. The sun is still up and if there is even the slightest chance that Seongje could catch Juntae at this hour, god fucking dammit he is not missing it.
Seongje strolls around the Eunjang neighbourhood trying to track down his little lamb, looking around for all possible places he can find the boy -the underpass first, then the internet cafe, the convenience store, the restaurant he caught them in the other day. He even loiters around the school premises, the area almost empty as it's well past the school time. Still, he sticks around for a bit until he beckons a passing student over. The loser does a double take at him, fear creeping on his face once he recognises him, but Seongje just asks about the Eunjang gang. They had left long ago. Tch.
Seongje finds it funny he even bothered to come all the way to the other's school, when he hadn't bothered showing his face to his own for more than a week. Should he visit tomorrow? Hm.
Seongje has been roaming around chasing after even a silver of his little lamb for a good hour, but no luck. Fucking hell.
Seongje gives up, now walking around aimlessly, smoking his 11th? 12th? He doesn't remember, but he's sure he left enough cigarette butts on his way for it to look like a fucking treasure hunt clue. Going back home without even the tiniest glimpse at Juntae, back with the same memory of the same shitty conversation he had yesterday makes him want to strangle himself.
Seongje is letting out an impressive plethora of curses and just then winds back his leg ready to kick a crushed out soda can he just spotted, to the next dimension to let out his frustration, when his eyes catch on a familiar silhouette around the corner. Jackpot. He quickly drops his leg, what if he spooks his little lamb? Nah, after all that effort, if Juntae books before Seongje could catch him, fucking soda cans won't be the only thing he would be kicking today.
Juntae is standing before an ancient looking vending machine. He is in his uniform, the too large fluffy beige sweater swallowing his small frame. He has his back to Seongje and he bends down to fish out whatever snack he just bought. Seongje is honestly surprised the oldass machine's still working.
Seongje takes one last puff from his cigarette, eyes raking over Juntae's form, before spitting it out to the side. He quietly makes his way over to him, grinning like a cat who got the cream.
"Peekaboo"
Juntae jumps at Seongje whispering right in his ear, letting out a startled ah! accompanied by the sound of something dropping to the ground, but Seongje's brain crashes a bit at the cute exclaim and he blinks a couple of times to snap himself back.
They both look down collectively and Seongje cringes inwardly. The carton is damaged, the strawberry milk oozing out and running in a thin line on the concrete. Seongje raises his head back to meet Juntae's vacant stare.
"Oops?"
Juntae just looks up like he's praying to the heavens and heaves out a deep sigh, like he can't believe this is life now. Wordlessly, he picks up the carton, throws it in the nearby trash and starts speeding down the road. Seongje calls after him, quickly catching up with his longer legs. "Wait, little lamb, I will buy you another"
Juntae just ignores him and continues at a rapid pace, like that would somehow make him escape Seongje, he's literally a head shorter than him. And Juntae comes to the same conclusion, as he slows down himself with his jaw set. Ah, his little lamb is so fucking cute.
"Don't ignore me, little lamb" which once again goes ignored. It does nothing to deter Seongje though, he is one relentless motherfucker and an absolute pain in the ass when he sets his mind on something.
"Little lamb" Ignored.
"Juntae" No response.
"Juntae-yah" Same blank look.
"Puppy" A twitch in the eyes.
"Baby" ooh, a little red on the ears. Now, we are getting somewhere.
"Jagiya." Hah. The tips of his ears are now burning bright.
"Oi, princess!"
Juntae stops and shoots a flustered glare at Seongje, a high blush on his cheeks which is rapidly spreading down his neck and disappearing into his collar. Seongje opens his mouth, yet another ridiculous nickname on his tongue, when Juntae slaps him right on his mouth. It's not a harsh one, just a quick, sharp contact but the gesture has both of them stunned. Juntae looks like he just saw a ghost, face paling, gawking at Seongje looking a little scared and a lot embarrassed.
Seongje bursts out laughing at his expression, a real one, spilling out of him unbirdled in genuine mirth, the sound that is so rarely drawn out of him.
Juntae clicks his tongue, then grumbles out in an irritated tone, "You're not leaving no matter what I tell you, are you?" He seems to have calmed down, the blush on his face now just a faint pink glow.
Seongje smiles at him, eyes alight with amusement, "You already know me so well, little lamb"
"Atleast call me by my name" Juntae sighs, but he's already turning away from him like he's accepted his fate. Honestly, Seongje expected Juntae to be ruthless with him, like yesterday, but he seems more resigned than anything. He's curious on the why and Juntae's right there, so he asks him just that.
Juntae gives him a sidelong glance, then after some contemplation, answers him shrugging, "It's nothing unexpected. I knew you were never going to listen to my words. You're not exactly.." he pauses, "obedient?" He says it unsure, then continues on, "I mean, you are called the Ganghak mad dog for a reason. Besides, it's written all over your face"
Huh?
Seongje shoots him a questioning look, eyebrows raised to which Juntae waves his hand around, his index finger pointing to his own eyes. "Your eyes. They go a bit crazy, you know. And your brows crease tiny bit, like you're consciously trying to control yourself, then your jaw clenches hard, I can actually see the tick of it and then there's also -why are you looking at me like that?"
They have both met only a handful of times, but how the fuck Juntae managed to catch and analyze all these nuances, Seongje couldn't fathom. Fuck, all this time Seongje thought he was the only one to psychoanalyze all of Juntae's microexpressions, but apparently his little lamb has also been observing his every move. Seongje can't stop the giddy smile creeping up his face even if he wanted to.
"Little lamb, you got all these from, what, the three times we met?"
Seongje's tone is teasing and Juntae sucks in a sharp breath, stiffening on the spot, the blush forcing it's way back on fully and blessing him with a gorgeous sight. Seongje's fingers are itching to reach out, to feel the heat under his fingertips. The phantom feeling of Juntae's skin under them from the last time, rushes back to him. Fuck. However badly Seongje is dying to chase it, he can't risk it now that Juntae's being significantly more receptive. Doesn't mean he's a saint though.
"Juntae-yah, don't tell me, you are interested in me?" Seongje is in Juntae's space abruptly, making the boy crane his neck up and lean back. Seongje believes he's having some sort of an out of body experience, to be able to gaze down at Juntae and have him looking up to him with those doe eyes and red cheeks, lips parted and wet from Juntae licking them nervously. Juntae doesn't step back though, like he is trying to tell Seongje, he's not afraid of him.
A sharp pain on his forehead pulls him back to reality. And Seongje closes his eyes and rubs at his forehead, stepping back wincing slightly. Ow, what the fuck.
Seongje opens his eyes with a displeased frown. "Why are you so cruel to me?" Seongje is dead serious, that shit hurt like a bitch. His little lamb is so brave, attacking a wolf like that.
Juntae's eyes show disbelief and he opens his mouth, probably some snarky retort on the tip of his tongue, but shakes his head instead and continues walking. Seongje follows him, whining Juntae's ear off, wallowing how painful it really was.
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They come to a stop before Juntae's apartment, the sun now nowhere in sight. It's only then Seongje picks back up their earlier conversation. They are both facing each other now, Juntae fiddling with his backpack straps, eyes somewhere behind Seongje.
"What made you find me yesterday?" Even if you knew, I wouldn't listen anway, is left out, though it's obvious in the question.
Juntae hesitates, understandably, then reluctantly admits, "I had to do something." He gathers his thoughts his eyes still not quite meeting Seongje's, "My friends.. they go above and beyond to protect me. And I hate that sometimes they get hurt while protecting me. I have to start learning to handle my own issues.. if I make them solve all my problems without even trying, then I am not being a friend, but simply exploiting their kindness"
The words are spoken in a low voice, making it clear they have been weighing on Juntae for a while. And Seongje doesn't understand why it would be such a bad thing for Juntae to use those Eunjang losers for his problems, in fact, they should be breaking their backs to have someone like Juntae by their side. Doesn't matter, Juntae now has Seongje to take care of even the slightest inconvenience he might face. Yeah, fuck them Eunjang pricks.
Juntae's voice turns sombre as he looks straight into Seongje's eyes. "So, you can bother me all you want. But leave my friends out of it"
There it is. This is exactly why Juntae got Seongje obsessed with him in the first place. The fire in his eyes, the devotion, the unbreakable will to throw himself into danger for the sake of the loyalty he holds to his friends. In the face of his little lamb's unshakable righteousness and defiance, Seongje is but a helpless wolf. He has no choice but to be sucked in by the enigma that is Seo Juntae.
Seongje laughs lightly, his entire body electrified and nerves thrumming in anticipation. "Seo Juntae, trust me, your little Eunjang gang cannot, for the life of them, hold a candle to your light if they tried to"
Seongje says it like it's a fact, like its the absolute truth, his eyes firm and not leaving Juntae's once. He cannot recall when he actively started seeking Juntae's eyes, and why he went from bashing anyone who dared to do so, to absolutely not standing those eyes straying away from his.
"So, you don't have to worry about them. I have zero interest in them."
Juntae's eyes are wide, pupils blown slightly and his throat bobs as he gulps down looking affected. The air around them feels charged and they stand there rooted, eyes locked onto each other. After a moment, Juntae blinks rapidly then looks away muttering, "What are you even talking about.."
"I'm serious, little lamb" Juntae glances back at his earnest tone, searching his eyes. Seongje doesn't know what he's looking for, but he hopes Juntae realizes he's being truthful.
"Alright" Juntae replies quietly.
"Okay" Seongje smiles widely then, "Look at us, just yesterday you were ordering me to stay away, and now you want me by your side. Isn't that romantic, little lamb?"
Juntae squints at him, "Now, just where did you get that from? When did I ever say anything that implied I want you by my side? At best, I agreed to tolerate your bothersome a-"
Seongje cuts him off quickly with a scream, "Ahhh" He shoves his hands into his windbreaker pockets suppressing a smile at Juntae's incredulous look, "Its late, you should go in" then turns right back the way they came sauntering off.
"You're insane!" Seongje hears Juntae's indignant voice, chuckles to himself, lifts a hand in farewell to Juntae.
"See you tomorrow, little lamb"
Seongje pulls out his cigarette, lighting it up and slowly exhales. The sun has set long ago, the moon glowing in the quiet night. Seongje makes his way back home with light, unrushed steps, a smile never quite leaving his face.
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The next few days pass by similarly. Seongje finds Juntae exactly at the same place around same time, like an unspoken agreement. Somedays, Seongje meets Juntae there after going back to school, though it's just him lazing around on the roof the whole day before hurrying off to find his little lamb.
Seongje had never held on to any spiritual or religious beliefs in his life, but these days he almost believes, the heavens must've shone some light onto him or something.
Most of their time together, it's exactly as Juntae has said -Seongje keeps pushing his buttons, riling him up with constant teasing and flirting and Juntae just tolerating his nonsense, more than once looking close to throwing hands at him. But. But. There are moments like today, now, where Seongje manages to coax a smile, however small, from him. The curve of his lips and the dip of his dimples awakening a new type ache in his heart. The type of ache that has his heart trembling, and soul euphoric.
Seongje is still reeling from the aftereffects of the smile, completely missing Juntae's question. Seongje can see Juntae's lips moving but, the words are not making any sense to his Juntae-drunk brain.
"Huh?"
Juntae's lips twitch, so obviously trying to suppress a smile. It makes him feel so wronged, how come Juntae has endless number of smiles to offer others, like those Eunjang bastards without a fuss, but here is Seongje pouring out his everything, only to be denied of any reward. It drives him mad, but it also makes his heart race, makes him want to go beyond his everything, to reach for the stars and the end of the universe to earn that tiniest breathtaking smile. He is so fucked.
Juntae repeats himself again, "I said, what do you even do at school?" He looks pointedly at his uniform. "I never see you with a backpack."
"Little lamb, finally you have something to ask about me. Are you interested in me now?" Seongje flashes a cocky smile at Juntae, though his heart is working overdrive, thudding hard against his ribs at the display of barest spark of interest from his little lamb. He is so fucked.
Juntae quickly backtracks, "Forget it, I don't care."
Like hell, Seongje's going to forget about this. "Aw, don't be like that, jagiya" He throws his hand over Juntae's shoulder, the boy immediately stiffening under the touch. Seongje waits for the rejection, heart still pounding -a beat passes, then two, when it doesnt come and Juntae relaxes slowly, Seongje grins like a fool, smile all gummy and wide.
Then he answers, "I just don't see the whole point of school."
Juntae turns to him, then abruptly faces forward, ears blooming red steadily under their proximity. Seongje bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from stealing a bite.
Juntae clears his throat and asks, his voice a bit curious, "Uh, why not?"
Seongje thinks back to the last time he attended school with the sole purpose of learning and focusing on his academics. High school is an obvious no. Maybe middle school? Even then, he wasn't all that hyped about his classes. He is simply just not made for school. He tells Juntae that.
"Then what about college?" Juntae asks again.
"What about it? I am not suited for all these studies, assignments, tests and shit. You should actually appreciate, I am still not kicked out, ya know" Seongje replies unbothered.
Juntae's face tells him its not something to be proud about, eyes screaming judgement, but he doesn't comment on it. Then, "Are you not worried about your future?"
Future? What is there to worry about, he will get there when he gets there. Wasting away his present, while stressing over the part of his life that he is yet to reach.. it's too complicating, too boring. What if he slips on dog poop and cracks his skull open on the pavement tomorrow? What good his life would've been till then if all he did was panicking over this and that? Besides, he already has loads saved from his time with union. He can survive plenty fine for now. For the next, he will figure something out.
"Boo, why are we even talking about this?" Seongje laments complaining, then like a switch being turned on, leans down to Juntae, his lips almost touching his ears, "Don't worry, princess. I can still take care of you good, degree or no degree"
Being pressed against Juntae, Seongje feels Juntae's responding shiver and the hitch in his breathe. It's only a second though, then Seongje is doubling over in pain, being elbowed on his side, hard, by his fierce little lamb. He still laughs, running over to the speeding boy, and attempting to latch himself back to his side, when Juntae keeps shoving him off of him, face scowling. Seongje finally manages to placate the pouting boy, strings of apologies and promises to behave, despite both knowing full well it's never happening.
Seongje looks back up to the moon, for some reason finding it brighter than he had ever seen it in his entire eighteen years on earth. Fuck college. So what if he slips and dies tomorrow, he's got this to take with him, anyways.