Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sinner. Sodomite. Disappointment.
Henry was different. He had already known that from an early age, even if it took him a long time to figure out the root of that gnawing feeling. A little shyer than other boys, more timid, less interested in the same things as them. As he grew up, that feeling of difference never left him, instead bringing with it a silent fear, fear of not showing his real self to anyone, fear of being shunned, abandoned.
“Maybe I’ll get out of Skalitz one day,” he thought, “become an adventurer, and freely be myself.”
It was a hopeful thought that seemed ever so out of reach, feeling more like a dream that would never come true.
So, Henry drifted through life, a little lost with no aspirations that didn’t seem like an unattainable future. His life wasn't exactly bad, son of a renowned blacksmith, who taught him all there was to blacksmithing, with a loving mother who taught him about herbs and potions, flowers and stitching, despite it being considered a woman's job. Even with such blessings, the feeling of hiding his true nature weighed on Henry's soul. His sleep started becoming less and less comfortable, Never getting a full night's rest. A few months after becoming nineteen, a random mercenary who went by Vanyek came by Skalitz, offering to teach Henry the way of the sword.
Henry's heart raced-maybe this way his dream wouldn't be so absurd, maybe one day...

After a few days of training, he felt like he was beginning to understand it, and he felt truly happy while swinging a sword,-an emotion he had rarely experienced.

...

It was a slow day like any other, Henry had overslept and got woken up by his ma. She noticed a scratch on Henry's hand, lecturing him about staying away from that suspicious sword master. Henry brushed her off, she wouldn’t understand why he was so insistent on learning the sword. Martin seemed a little angry about him getting up late, but he didn’t show it much. After a bit of lecturing, he tasked Henry with a couple of errands so they could finish making Sir Radzig’s sword. It should’ve been simple, but Kunesh refused to pay and Henry got angry, feeling cocky from his training, he threw the first punch, barely winning the fight, having the bruises to tell the tale of his stupidity. After Kunesh finally handed him the money, he went on with his errands.
…
Henry felt bad for refusing his friends’ offer to throw dung at the house of an outsider that supported Sigismund, but he didn’t want to upset his father that day. Before purchasing the charcoal, he went by the tavern to check in on his friend and get some schnapp’s for Martin. Bianca greeted him with a smile while serving a customer, quickly leaving their side and running up to Henry, her face instantly scrunching up from annoyance when she saw Henry’s bruises.
“Jesus, Hal, what did you get yourself into this time”
“I might have overestimated myself after the training, but you should see the other guy”
“I’d rather not.” - she smacked the back Henry’s head gently, as if to bring him to his senses -”you and your “training”, don’t let it go to your head Hal”
“Well, what else can I do, my father won’t even hear me out about leaving this village on my own”
“You know I get it, I do… Just be careful with that mercenary, he could be dangerous”
Henry followed her into the storage room of the tavern, away from prying eyes.
“I know, I know. How did you do with Theresa? Did you ask her?”
“I… I couldn’t… you know how it is”
Henry couldn’t bring himself to say anything. Of course, he knew, the only one who knew her, and she was the only one who knew him. He silently hugged her, offering comfort in their lonesome despair.
“I’m gonna need some Schnapps”
“Of course you will”

...

After quite a lot of work, the sword was finally done and it was beautiful. Henry felt quite proud of the work he had done with his father. He may have had difficulty connecting with him at times, but the quiet and long work at the forge always felt comforting for Henry, even though he embarrassed himself just a moment later in front of sir Radzig and his guest.

...

The raid on Skalitz was fast, merciless, a blur in Henry's mind, as he tried to catch his breath while Divish and his men surrounded him in the courtyard. He ran. Like a coward. He watched his father fight off multiple men, watched his mother be mercilessly cut down by those monsters.
He ran. Past the bodies, past the flames, past his home falling apart all around him
He saw Theresa being surrounded by the Cumans as he ran towards the horses. Without thinking, he threw a rock at one of them and sprinted to the horses, noticing that Theresa had run to safety, for now.
He ran. He should've helped her more.
Chased by the Cumans, barely dodging their arrows as his mind slowly started processing what was happening. The venom in his heart that he wasn't aware of was already piling up.

...

He was injured, but restless. He was given a small room to stay in for the moment by Lord Divish. Lady Stephanie honored Henry by coming to his room and giving him a chance to talk about what he just went through. But like always, he buried it, avoiding her gaze like it was the sun itself. After she left, he still couldn't sleep. He felt sad, angry, guilty, empty. So empty.
"I have to bury them." -He thought to himself, desperate to cling to a purpose after everything that’s happened.
He didn't ask for permission. He knew they wouldn't understand. They never did. He got up, his mind still reeling as his body walked on its own. He snuck into the yard, onto the drawbridge, taking a stupid risk by jumping off. It hurt like hell, but he didn't even acknowledge it. He walked towards Skalitz with nothing on him but his father’s sword.
….

He didn’t know how long he had walked, or where he even was. The world around him was nothing but charred remains—buildings blackened to the bone, corpses strewn like discarded thoughts. He would throw up if he had anything left in him. Walking through the hills of corpses, he heard something, movement, too loud for an animal. He silently walked towards the sound and saw a man he had never seen before, going through the pockets of a dead woman. Henry couldn't even feel his body as he silently moved towards him. The vision of his parents' last moments flashed before his eyes as he swung. He actually swung at a human.
“What... am I doing?”
His voice cracked, barely more than a whisper.
Before he could think properly the man shouted, snapping him out of the chaos inside his head. Henry looked down at him, the rage guiding his arms as he sliced the man's throat before he could even say a word. The blood rushed from his throat and mouth, painting the bandit’s ragged clothes. Henry watched as the life in his eyes drained, gone in just a moment. Dropping his sword, he fell backwards. A million voices screaming in his head.
"WHAT AM I DOING!"
"HENRY! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"
"IS THIS HOW I RAISED YOU, KILLING LIKE IT'S BREATHING!"
"Oh my poor, sweet boy."
He laid down for a moment, suffering in silence, like he had always done. Catching his breath in only a moment and rising to his feet.
"I have to bury them"
"After that, i..."
He didn't know. What did the world have to offer him. What did he have to offer to the world. Walking into Skalitz was a nightmare come to life. Bodies in every direction, buildings burnt to ashes and the smell overwhelming every cell in his body. Eyes wide, he walked past the burnt pile of wood he had once called home. The bodies of his entire world discarded like scraps. Bianca, outside of the tavern. Henry froze at the sight of her, falling to his knees, yet he couldn’t shed a tear for her anymore, which made him feel all the more horrible. He saw it, a ring in her palm, a ring she wanted to give to someone the day before, but that fear of being exposed held her back, like it always had, like it always would. She laid there, a story of a sinner, never to be told. Henry slowly picked up the ring, trying to scramble something, anything to remember her by.
Before he could keep moving, he heard a dog's bark, instantly recognizing it as Mutt, the butcher's dog. He ran towards the sound and saw Zbyshek, trying to get around the dog and loot the butcher's body. Henry felt the anger inside him rise again as he slowly stepped towards the boy, his sword ready. Zbyshek looked at him once and ran, perhaps because he saw the weapon. Henry didn't dwell on it, just grabbed the shovel leaning against the wall. Finally, he went up to his parent's. He fell to his knees, all the emotions he'd repressed coming out of him like a waterfall. He leaned over their lifeless bodies, giving them the closest thing to a hug that he could manage.
"Forgive me, for everything"
"Next time, I won't run."
"I'll never run away again"
“I'll find the one who did this to you... I remember his face... I’ll find him!"
This time, it wasn’t a wish. It was a promise.
His spirit was breaking and mending at once, his vision going hazy. He felt it, multiple men approaching him, he stood up, sword ready, not sure what he was defending, but he couldn't run from things anymore. The conversation was a hazy mess in Henry's mind. He was swiftly overwhelmed by the giant they called Runt, all his training proving fruitless, falling head first onto the ground, yet Henry felt satisfied, he hadn’t run this time, even if he would join his parents sooner than God intended
“HEY GOATFUCKERS!”
Henry heard Theresa’s voice. He looked over to see her standing confidently in the rain. The men laughed at first — but Henry felt the ground trembling beneath him. Help was coming. And then, at last, his consciousness slipped away.

…

Henry’s vision was darkened with bloody red. The world was on fire. He could barely see anything as he was running. Cumans ran past him, Henry’s gaze following them to see his Pa fighting them off while protecting Ma, but life wasn’t as fair as to let the protector of his loved ones have an honorable duel.
“I HAVE TO HELP THEM”-henry’s mind was roaring, but his legs were frozen, the hand holding his father’s sword was shaking with fear and rage.
He managed to finally step forward, blindly slashing at one of the Cuman’s, but what met his blade wasn’t a demon from Hell like he’d envisioned them, but a fragile body that was so easily robbed of life. As he drained of blood, more cumans rushed at Henry, and his body moved on its own, brutally chopping them piece by piece. But no matter how much his mind wanted him to, no matter how strong he felt in that moment, he still couldn’t save his parents. He watched it happen-his father falling, his mother getting slashed by multiple men, over and over and over again. Every time it felt like this nightmare would end, it would go back to that moment, and every time, Henry was powerless to do anything.

“Wake up, Henry! It’s past sunrise.”

“Henry, can you hear me?”

He slowly opened his eyes and immediately felt it all, the agonizing pain, the crushing weight of all that’s happened in the last 2 days, the torture from his nightmare clear as day in his eyes. He would scream if he wasn’t extremely thirsty. He looked upwards, barely making out Theresa in his blurred vision.

“Hallelujah! I thought you’d never wake. Were you having a nightmare?”
“Aye, I'm sorry for making you worry Tess, where am I, in skalitz?”
“We’re at my uncle’s mill in Rattay, I didn’t know where else to go”-she spoke calmly, kindly, but Henry could feel the weight and sadness in her voice. She had gone through a lot as well, But as much as Henry wanted to, he couldn’t bring himself to ask, not yet.
“I barely remember anything except for that bandit’s leader knocking me down.”-He tried to sit upright, to properly look Theresa in the eyes, but the immense pain in his back prevented him from doing anything. He felt so worthless and ashamed at his state, Tess had saved him, and he couldn’t even thank or repay her properly.
“It’s not surprising you don’t remember. I found you in Skalitz after those bandits attacked you. I thought they’d done you in, but thankfully you were still breathing”- She paused for a second, turning her head in silence before continuing - “Why, in Heaven’s name did you go back there? It was madness, They slaughtered everyone who didn’t run.”
Henry couldn’t look her in the eyes, the guilt of his selfishness finally hitting him, with shaky voice, he tried to explain, hoping at least she would understand
“My parents... I wanted to bury them. I had to. I didn’t know how else to live with myself after all that’s happened”
Theresa sat down on the edge of his bed, gently holding his hand, slightly squeezing it, not out of anger, but out of understanding. - “Don’t worry, I took care of them”
“Thank you, Tess”
“Sleep Hal, you need your strength back”
Henry closed his eyes, despite everything, that nickname still brought him unexplained joy, finally calming the storm inside his mind enough to go back to rest.
....
The next 2 weeks went by in a blur, the pain and grief were constant but slowly became more manageable. In his rare moments of consciousness, Henry was thinking, or at least trying to, what was he going to do after this. He knew he wanted to get his father’s sword back, but had no clue on where to even start. Finally, after he could start walking and moving properly, he decided to ask Sir Radzig for advice, help, anything.

“Never knew what I wanted to do, did I? Maybe I can change that from now on”-He tried to keep a positive outlook, for his sake, or else he would crumble to a million pieces.

Leaving the mill, He wanted to have a brief chat with Theresa and her Uncle, who was demanding to be paid back for taking care of him for a fortnight. Henry awkwardly promised he’d be given a day to find a job to scramble the payment, it took a bit of convincing but He finally agreed. Finally, he turned to Theresa.

“Can we have a talk outside, Tess?”
“Sure, I’ll bring something for you to eat as well.”
They sat down under a tree, enjoying the comfortable silence and bread with a slice of cheese.
“I wanted to thank you again, Theresa, you really saved my arse back there. What were you even doing in Skalitz?”
Theresa looked down, the silent grief in her eyes becoming clear as day to Henry.
‘I was... Waiting to die.”
“What?”
“They killed my brothers, my family, my friends, everyone I ever loved... I couldn’t even save one of my injured brothers in the mines. After that, what did I have to live for?”
“Don’t... Don’t say that, there is always hope, there has to be”
“No there isn’t, not always. But it doesn’t matter Hal, both you and me, we are different people now and we can never go back to how we were, but I promise to keep moving forward, to keep holding my family in my heart, and I hope you do the same”
“I... I promise.” - he muttered, quietly. Henry knew she was right, things would never go back to how they were, but maybe that wasn’t so bad, maybe now he could try to live more like himself than he ever could before. Maybe he deserved to try and find happiness, whatever form it took for a sinner like him.
“Do you know where Radzig is?”
“He’s staying in the lower castle of Pirkstein, as an esteemed guest of Sir Hanush of Leipa, but you can’t just walk in you know”
“I know, but I need to talk to him... Keep moving forward, right? It’s a promise!”
He slowly went out into the dirty road, stretching his arms and legs. He started running to the castle, feeling the fresh air fill his lungs, his blood start flowing inside his body, he felt alive for the first time in 2 weeks, like life had found a bit of its color again. Suddenly he noticed a dog catching up to him and when it got close, Henry recognized it and yelled out its name.
“MUTT!”
The dog swiftly approached him, whining and wagging its tail. Henry remembered the dog protecting Kunesh’s body while Zbyshek was trying to rob him; the dog had disappeared along with the bandit. Henry gave him a pat on the head, rub on the belly, overjoyed that Mutt was one of the few things that stuck around from Skalitz and he seemed to have chosen Henry and Theresa. Slowly, they made their way up to Pirkstein, unsure of what the future held for Henry.

Chapter Text

Henry ran up the stairs of lower Pirkstein, hurrying to the room where he heard Radzig’s voice coming from, he quickly opened the door and started walking inside before being grabbed on the shoulder by a guard.
“What are you doing?! You have no business here, CLEAR OFF!”
Henry tried to speak but he got interrupted by Radzig. - “Wait, it’s Henry...” - Henry would have felt glad by Radzig’s recognition if it wasn’t immediately followed up with a stricter tone- “Henry Who disappeared after i clearly ordered him to stay at Talmberg.
“I... I’m sorry, sir, but... I had to bury my parents...”
Before he could finish talking, he was immediately interrupted with more angry remarks by Radzig and the captain, but he got distracted by a silent boy sitting at the edge of the table.
Hair golden like the sunlight. Well defined and taken care of face, piercing blue eyes, hair brushed back with a stray lock falling on his face. Henry was unable to tell if that was on purpose or by accident, but it added a weird charm to his otherwise perfect noble composure. Henry met his gaze, shooting daggers into each other, they were measuring, judging, admiring?!... At least Henry was. Despite the boy’s relaxed expression, it was hard to tell what he was thinking. A couple of seconds later he rolled his eyes and smiled, breaking Henry out of his trance as Radzig asked him - “did you at least give them a decent burial?”
”I was unable to, Sir. I got ambushed by the bandit’s that also stole your sword, which is why I came here”
“My sword? My sword hangs right here at my side.”
“I meant the sword my father had made for you... Sir. I still had it on me when I went to Skalitz, but one of those bandits stole it from me. They would’ve killed me before Robard got there if the Miller’s daughter hadn’t saved me. She also gave my parents a burial before bringing me here...”
Out of nowhere the priest sitting on the left side of the table interrupted him again - “It’s a shame they were buried in unconsecrated ground, that means purgatory for them”
Henry’s blood rushed to his head. What does he know, what does he care. His dislike for priests had started from an early age, after all they promised him nothing but hell and eternal fire. He instinctively rolled his eyes, hoping no one would have seen it and taken offense. Radzig and Hanush immediately bit back at the priest for his hypocrisy, but Henry’s gaze met the young lord’s again and realized. “Shit, he saw it” He nervously swallowed and tried to catch his breath and calm down, but the boy was still shooting daggers into his soul, as if trying to dissect him and see what ugliness lay inside. It made Henry uncomfortable, being perceived like that. While lost in his thoughts and the Noble’s gaze, Radzig turned back to him.
“Henry, I've lost a lot in the last 2 weeks, why would I miss a sword?”
“I... Because it’s the last thing my father had made... For you”
Radzig looked into his eyes, trying to read him maybe, or get Henry’s full attention
“I understand, I'd feel the same way, but prudence is the better part of valour and a dead man keeps no promises”
Before Henry could fully comprehend those words, Hanush spoke out loud in a demeaning tone
“AYE! A woman had to save his fat from the fire and now he wants revenge. What kind of a fool are you, boy?”
“He’s no fool, but Henry you need training, arms, a horse... or do you mean to beat this thief at dice?”
“No sir, please, take me into your service and give me the chance to learn these things”
It slipped before he could think, a selfish request that he didn’t fully think through. Surely by now Radzig would have had enough of him, but the young noble beat him to talking first, he rose to his feet to make his points clearer, raising his voice.
“The gall of him! Fled from the enemy, disobeyed your orders, duped Sir Divish, lost your sword, put sir Robard in danger with his actions and now he wants a promotion?!”
Henry opened his mouth, to argue back, to prove him wrong, but deep down he knew the noble was correct, a tear welled in his eye, but he refused to let it fall, to show his weakness to everyone in that room. Whatever charm the young man had on him had snapped, replaced by misplaced anger towards him.
Radzig looked at henry, then back at the noble, his voice dropping to a serious tone
“What you say may be true, Sir Hans, except for fleeing the enemy, you would have run as well, believe me. Henry’s earned some punishment, but how do you punish someone who’s already lost everything, hm? Besides, that was a damned good sword his father made. If he thinks he can get it back, I won't stop him.”
“But my lord, he’s a peasant, you can’t make a squire of a peasant!”
Henry rolled his eyes again while everyone was looking at the priest, then he looked back at the young noble, “Sir Hans huh, handsome bastard”. He may have earned some anger from Henry, but when he quietly laughed at Hanush’s response to the priest’s stupidity yet again, he was beautiful, shining like a beam of light, charming Henry like no one had ever before. He turned his gaze back to Radzig before he got caught staring at his lordship.
“So, you’d like to enter my service?”
“Sir... i... yes, i would! you won’t regret it.”
“Oh ho, I'm sure i will, but i’m doing this for your father, so don’t disappoint me lad”
....
Henry’s training with captain Bernard was quite effective, in just a couple of days he had gained a lot of experience with the sword. The basics, combos, parries, masterstroke. He may have been a beginner, but he was picking up the techniques in a flash, using them in actual combat, however, was still quite difficult. Henry wasn’t used to the heat of battle, that split second which can decide your fate. He knew it would take a long time to become an expert, to be a commendable swordsman that Radzig would be proud of, but he was still getting frustrated at his inexperience.
After more than an hour of dueling Bernard with a practice sword, he spotted from the corner of his visor, a brightly dressed gentleman with a contrasting red scarf, walking up to the arena, full of confidence, already eyeing him up from afar. Bernard noticed Henry get distracted, knocked the sword out of his hands and dropped him to the ground in a smooth combo, making Henry gasp for air. Hans finally came up next to the fence, chuckling at the embarrassing display of (or lack thereof) skill,
“Greetings, Sir Hans. What brings you here?”
“I was on my way when i noticed that you’re entertaining Sir Radzig’s “esteemed” guest”
He turned his mocking gaze down at Henry, who was still laying on the floor
“Not the same as holding a hammer, is it, Blacksmith?”
Henry slowly got up, avoiding Hans’s gaze, out of shame? Or was it something else, he couldn’t quite tell, it felt like he lost his composure every time it was about this cocky handsome noble, and he didn’t like that feeling. Over the last few days in the city, he would overhear someone talking about the young noble and couldn’t help himself but listen in. Before, he could avert his gaze from someone he fancied, dispel the clouds they formed in his brain at a command, but Hans just disabled that function in Henry without even realising.
After a moment of silence, Hans chuckled at Henry’s awkwardness and slightly tilted his head, making it feel like he was staring into Henry’s soul again.
“I’m actually here to train at the archery range, my hand’s grown heavy lately. Hope you won’t mind, Sir Bernard?”
“Not at all, my lord”
Hans looked over at Henry again, who was clearly lost in his own thoughts.
“Good day to you, Blacksmith’s boy, try not to hurt yourself”
Henry finally snapped out of it, staring back at him before silently nodding. “Fuck, what am i doing, i need to get it together”.
...
Another hour of sword practice went by. Bernard finally called for a break. Henry fell onto his back again, this time of his own volition. The gentle evening breeze was soozing on his sweaty face. Maybe it wasn’t so bad, learning to fight like this. His mind started growing chaotic again, as it did every time he stopped to rest recently. When he allowed himself to think, to remember, it would swiftly overwhelm him, but when he was practicing his swordsmanship, he felt at peace. Bernard was already looking tired, but Henry didn’t want to stop and surrender to the chaos quite yet.
“Sir, if I may ask, would it be alright to start practicing archery today?” he blurted out the request before thinking it through. “Fuck, that guy’s probably still there” he thought to himself, but it was too late to take it back.
“aren’t you enthusiastic, very well, we have to get to it sooner or later right”
Henry couldn’t protest it anymore, just sheepishly following Bernard with his head down. Crossing the footbridge he looked down into the range, hoping to see it empty, but he wasn’t so lucky that day. That confident posture, the bright yellow pourpoint with the flashy red scarf immediately caught Henry’s eye and gave him no choice but to sigh in acceptance.
Han’s didn’t acknowledge them, keeping his eyes focused and his aim straight, drawing the arrow and letting it loose within the same second, watching it miss the bullseye by 2 lines, he cussed quietly. He may have missed, but Henry was still at awe, his form was fascinating, full of confidence in his ability and easy-going charm, but beneath all that was skill, honed over many years of constant practice and dedication. Henry observed his technique, while Bernard was grabbing the arrows, maybe a little too much. Hans looked over at him, first with an annoyed frown that swiftly went up into a controlled and charming smile.
“Are you planning on staring all day, blacksmith’s boy? Do you wish to recount every detail of my missed shots to the town gossipers!?”-he exaggerated his voice, enjoying watching Henry get flustered at his annoyed tone.
“No, I... uh, sorry” - Henry blurted out before he remembered - “Sir.”
Hans slightly tilted his head, staring at Henry with an unreadable gaze before wordlessly turning back to his target, drawing his bow and setting it loose. Bullseye. He didn’t show it, but he was extremely overjoyed that the peasant witnessed it.
“Let’s get started Henry”- Bernard's voice was sudden and loud, snapping Henry out of his trance.

...
Henry tried his best to listen to Bernard’s instructions, but he kept looking over to Hans from the corner of his eyes. Still, he took to archery quite well, managing a bullseye only on his 5th shot.
“That’s it then, I don’t like to say it often, but not bad Henry!”
Hans looked over at them, his frustration still rising, but then he saw something amusing: Henry’s pointy ear twitching when he received the compliment and him slightly rising on his toes as he thanked Bernard. His mouth turned sour when he realized that this peasant was grabbing too much of his attention and he spoke out loud before thinking.
“I don’t know why you’re wasting your time, Sir Bernard. Nothing will come of him anyway and at the first sign of trouble he’ll run away like any other cowardly peasant. After all, he’s done it before”
“WHAT DID YOU SAY?!”-Henry instantly lost control at the provocation before fully understanding it
“calm down boy, don’t forget who you’re speaking to”
“A braggart who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.” - He muttered under his breath
“Now you’ve done it, you’ll go to the stocks for that”
Hans seemed amused by Henry’s heat- “Calm yourself, Sir Bernard, if the blacksmith’s boy feels he can prove himself then let him try. Do you think you can beat me? Well?”
“ANY TIME”-Henry barely held his tongue from saying any more.
“Very well, if you defeat me in archery, you can have my bow, if you lose then you pay, do you even have the coin, peasant?”
“I have enough”
“Good, then let’s get to it.”
They both stood in their positions, drawing their bows. Henry’s mind was racing a million miles an hour. Why did he get so easily stirred up by Hans, what was that arsehole’s problem, did he get a kick out of getting him pissed, it felt like Hans was maneuvering around the defenses he had put up around him his whole life. Henry was never one to get so easily angered.
They both shot the first arrows, Henry’s hit the outer circle-1 point, while Hans’s landed just outside of the bullseye,-3 points.
“Kurva”
Something felt off since he got back on his legs at the mill, his mind, his mood, his inspiration, his motivations, they all changed faster than lightning at random moments, and he no longer felt in control of himself.
He shot the second arrow, landing on a 3-score circle, while Hans missed the target completely.
He smirked, looking sideways without turning his head, enjoying the noble getting more and more flushed with every miss. But there was something beneath that anger, that annoyance that he took out on Henry just a moment before. Sadness, melancholy, not unrelated to Henry, but not exactly about him as well.
They shot the third arrow, bullseye from both. A smile ran over his lips, not one of competition, but of happiness. Maybe there was more to this seemingly shallow noble than what could be seen on the surface, but Henry was too angry at him right now to care.
Fourth arrow almost hit the bullseye, missing just by a centimeter, while Hans hit another perfect shot, sinking the arrow next to his previous one. No, Henry was fooling himself, he cared, even though he didn’t know why. He knew that pain, the pain of hiding parts of yourself from others, the constant sadness that settles inside you with the secrets.
“Kurva” - He mumbled as he let the last arrow loose. Bullseye. Looking at Capon's side, the arrow had landed just outside the middle.
Bernard spoke up - “17-16 in Henry’s favor, the competition’s over. I guess it wasn’t your day, sir Hans”
Capon swore under his breath, looking at Henry with an annoyed look, expecting him to gloat, rub the victory in, shame him for losing to a complete beginner. Instead, he found something in the blacksmith’s look that pissed him off even more. Compassion. Silent understanding. Like he was seeing more and more through his facade the longer he got stared at. All of it angered him even more, but he breathed in slowly.
“Well done, blacksmith’s boy, here is your reward” - he handed Henry his prized hunting bow, no matter how shitty his mood got, Hans was a man of honor. Henry silently took it, trying to think of what to say.
“Sir, I apol...” - he got cut off before he could finish his sentence
“Don’t, just don’t” - Hans slowly breathed out - “How about another challenge, no wager this time. Just for fun.” - He turned to Bernard -” you may leave for today, Sir Bernard, we’ll just have a friendly spar and be on our way as well”
“But sire, you know how Hanush gets when he hears about you fighting your subjects”
“It’s sparring, not fighting, I’ll explain myself sufficiently if I need to, now leave us!”
Bernard took a careful look at Hans, who was seemingly composed from the outside but there was still an unexplained storm raging inside him. He exhaled, reminiscing about his youthful days and left them.
Henry silently followed Hans up to the arena, head down like a kicked puppy. He was confused, what did his Lordship want from him now. Stepping inside the arena, he went to put his helmet on, but Hans commanded him not to.
“We’ll simply avoid each other’s heads this time, i want to have a talk while we duel”
“But sir, the safety of your.... Noble face is of utmost importance, no?”
“Is that sarcasm I detect in your tone, Blacksmith?”
“No, not quite”-Henry blurted out - “WHAT THE FUCK AM I SAYING” -he spoke so leisurely to his lord, and it even came out a bit flirtatious, surely, he wouldn’t take it like that right, oh god he was going to be hanged. - “I need to get myself under control.”
Hans’s eyebrows raised slightly before chuckling, his head tilting slightly to the right while readying his sword
“So casual with your lordship, did Sir Radzig not teach you how to behave towards nobles?”
Henry prepared his sword as well
“Well... Sir. He rarely seemed to mind a more casual approach with his subjects, but he also kept his distance, I suppose I’m not used to royalty such as yourse...”
Hans swiftly stepped forward into Henry’s space while he was still talking, blocking the surprised swing with ease, turning it around and hitting Henry's chestplate with as much force as a wooden sword allowed.
“Don’t get distracted now, keep talking!” - He parried Henry’s swing from below, guiding it to the far right, making Henry lose his balance. - “you say you don’t have much experience interacting with Radzig, you speak like an unraised brat to nobility, yet you’ve gotten such a big favor from him, he even placed his hopes in you.”
Henry dodged the last part of Hans’s knee strike combo, which he recognized from his earlier training with Bernard, then he stepped backwards, regaining some distance between them.
“I... I’m not quite sure why he stood up for me either sir, my father often worked for him, but he hasn’t given me a reason either. I suppose he felt sorry for me.”
Hans’s eyebrow twitched. Annoyance.
“That’s not what I'm looking for, Sakra” - He swiftly stepped forward, closing the distance with Henry in less than a second, and before he could react, Hans had already tripped him up and had him on the ground, wooden sword bared against his throat, emphasizing the difference between their skill.
“Here I am, with a glorified guardian that’s never satisfied, and you strut in like you own the place and get a promotion out of pity. I should’ve known better than to consult a peasant about this” - He threw away the sword, looking upwards.
Henry was looking up at him, with an unreadable expression that kept pouring oil on Hans’s temper. Hans knew he went too far out of frustration, but he didn’t wish to deal with it any longer.
‘You’re improving well, Blacksmith’s boy. Keep at it and you might even satisfy the bailiff” - His compliment was dry, lacking actual positivity, but Henry didn't question it. Hans was right, he hadn’t earned this promotion, this chance. He deserved to remain in mediocrity, leaving a part of himself locked up and die a justiceless death, befitting a sinner.
Hans walked off and Henry watched, emptiest he’d felt in weeks.
...

Henry’s vision was darkened with bloody red.
The same nightmare, unrelenting, refusing to let him forget, to let him forgive, to let him live. No matter how many Cumans Henry slaughtered, he would never be able to save his parents, Bianca, his home.

...
Sun had yet to smile at the world when Henry went out into the Mill’s front yard, shaky breath as he sat down on the wooden bench. Mutt walked to him, tail wagging, resting Its head on Henry’s lap. Henry barely saw it through his tear-stained vision, wiping them away with his hand and petting the dog, slowly, gently, afraid to hurt one of the last things that felt like a true friend. Tess was kind to him, but she had enough on her plate, trying her best to help out her uncle at the mill and looking for their friends from Skalitz, discarded all over the region. Henry felt guilty for not aiding her in that search, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as much for the people he never managed to get truly close to, despite growing up together. He scratched under Mutt’s ear, watching his tongue loll out happily. It was the only thing that managed to calm Henry’s mind. Finally, he was starting work with the bailiff today, the tiredness weighing on his shoulder the more time passed, but he was unable to shake it with his restless sleep.

...

The work with the bailiff went by surprisingly peacefully, only trouble during the day being a Skalitz refugee, but Henry managed to resolve it peacefully. He had become surprisingly good at talking his way out of trouble.

…

At the end of the day, there was one last task left for Henry: to close all the shops and reinforce the curfew. It was going smoothly until he heard, from a distance, the unmistakable laugh of a young noble who didn’t care about the rules. Henry slowly approached, dragging his feet, already rolling his eyes at the work cut out for him.

Standing next to the door to the tavern, it already smelled of booze. Henry could hear Hans telling a stupid joke and at least let him finish before going up to him.
“Forgive my intrusion, Sir Hans, but I need to...”
Hans looked over at him with a squinted face, his lips curling into a mocking smile and tilted his head slightly to the left.
“But what? You want to join us? Want to buy us a round? I'm afraid we don’t drink with peasants. You're not in your village anymore, Blacksmith’s boy! Remember that.”
“No, Sir! The curfew has been rung, the alehouse is closing!”
Capon’s two attendees started laughing at him, making Henry’s blood run cold. It was like being a kid again, being laughed at for picking flowers.
“Nothing closes while I sit here, understood? You're dismissed”
The tavern owner tried to interrupt Henry, but he raised his tone higher, firmer, steeling himself.
“The Bailiff instructed me to close the alehouse at the proper hour. He doesn’t want anyone to disturb...”
“THE BAILIFF?! That bailiff can kiss my arse! I trust you haven’t forgotten who’s the rightful lord of Rattay!”
“No... it’s Sir Hanush”
Henry bit the inside of his cheek when saw Capon’s face instantly shrivel up in anger
“Oh really, and is he here, hiding under this very table? I don’t see him so no one gives a rat’s ass what he thinks! Besides, he’s only in charge until i grow up... “
“Which clearly won’t happen anytime soon...”
“ENOUGH!” - Hans slammed his palm against the creaking table, spilling a bit of ale over it. - “I am a noble” -” He walked towards Henry, clenching his fists - “AND I WON’T HAVE YOU TALK TO ME THAT WAY”
Hans threw the first punch aimed right at Henry’s jaw, which he barely dodged. One of the grunts pushed Henry back towards Hans and he barely kept his footing.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Radzig’s going to be pissed” - was his only thought as he threw a punch himself, aimed at Hans’s pretty perfect face. They tussled for a bit, a kick to the knee, a punch at the ribs, their yellow, red and green clothes tangling with each other’s. Fuck, Henry felt so alive in that moment, all his fatigue gone in an instant.
…
“KRUCIFIX! What in the name of Christ is happening here?!”-Hanush’s voice roared through their heads like thunder, instantly making them untangle and face him, huffing and panting, both quite bruised and flushed.
“Well?! Answer me damn you!”
“This PEASANT insulted me! I had to teach him a lesson!”
Hans stood in front of Henry, puffing out his chest like he was trying to seem bigger than he was. Henry shily stood behind him with his head down, as if trying to blink out of existence.
“By rolling around in the mud like a hog?! That’s a fine example of Noble conduct!
“Sir Hanush, The bailiff ordered me to close the tavern and...” - Once again, Henry was interrupted before he could finish.
“SILENCE! YOU shut your mouth and count your lucky stars that you are Radzig’s ward! Have you lost your mind?! Raising your hand to a nobleman!” - Hanush turned his head towards the other scolded child, pouting like a miserable hamster - “AND you Hans, how many times have I told you that drinking with your subjects might be good for their morale, but It’s bad for your honor?!”
Hans tried to interject, but his voice couldn’t leave him, he knew he was in the wrong as well, even if he was too proud to admit it. Hanush didn’t let up.
“You spend all your days drinking and chasing wenches, which wouldn’t matter, if you paid any attention at all to your duties! And now we see what that leads to.”
Henry still had his head down, but he could see from the corner of his eyes, Hans’s frustration visible in his body language, lowering his head, breathing hard, clenching his fists. He thought he would be amused by Hans’s suffering, but he just felt... pity? That didn’t sound right.
“Tomorrow you will go with me to a hearing. Some landowners have asked me to settle a dispute, it will be an excellent lesson for you!”
“I had planned to go hunting, but if you think listening to the pointless gripes of a bunch of old fools will benefit me, so be it.”
“Oh hunting? Well then, your grace, I'll tell you what. You can go hunting.”
“Really?”- Hans lit up nearly as brightly as his pourpoint.
“Oh, naturally who am I to deprive the young Lord Capon of his sport? And... you can take Henry here as your page!”
Henry lifted his head in confusion as Hans snapped his head towards him.
“Him!? Absolutely not!”
“You'll do as I commanded. It's time you learned to lead people, and not just in drinking and brawling. Now get out of my sight!”
Hans quietly sighed, too drunk and tired to fight back against Hanush, overall, this outcome wasn’t the worst. He and his lackeys wordlessly walked out of the tavern’s yard
Henry turned to Hanush, confused and trying to make sense of things.
“Sir, I have responsibilities to the bailiff.”
“Not anymore! Your responsibilities now are to Lord Capon. It's time you learned how to behave in the presence of nobility”
Henry silently bowed, unable to come up with an argument and not wanting to provoke Hanush anymore.
Hanush turned to his servant “Let's go, tell the kitchen I'm hungry – it's been a long journey”
...
Henry walked back to the Rattay mill, it was already past midnight, but Theresa was still sitting at the bench outside, looking tired and zoned out, looking up at the night sky. Mutt lay at her feet, wagging his tail when he saw Henry, but not leaving her side still. Henry approached her with silence, taking the spot next to her on the bench.
“Are you alright, Theresa?”
“Aye, I just couldn’t sleep.”
“I understand” - Henry said quietly, looking up at the night sky - “The stars are beautiful tonight.”
“Do you think they’re up there, Watching over us? Guarding us, judging us, condemning us... for surviving”
“I think so... no, I want to believe so... Because it’s more convenient to think that death doesn’t mean an eternal farewell, right?”

“It’s eating me alive, Hal. The guilt, the pain, I'm trying so hard to move on, but every night that day haunts me. Despite doing everything i could, i couldn’t save anyone”
“I... I understand Tess, probably better than anyone could. I don’t know either, how to live with this guilt. I... I just ran, like a coward, to save my skin”
“You saved me Hal, and I saved you. Maybe we should give ourselves a break”
Henry chuckled “Maybe... if only it was that easy right.”
“If only”
They looked up at the clear night sky, captivated by its beauty.
“I've found out about some of the others. Fritz and Matthew are in Sasau, doing odd jobs to survive. Pickman and Johanka are in the monastery near them, tending to the injured from Skalitz.”
“How did you find them?”
“A miller has their connections, I've been studying some of my Uncle’s special trades.” - She winked at Henry, making him chuckle.
“I’ll do my best to check up on them and help them out when i can, we can’t take care of the dead anymore, but the survivors are a different question”
“Just don’t take it all on yourself, Hal, there are people who care about you, maybe more than you realize”
“Thank you, Tess…”
They enjoyed their comfortable silence for a moment before Henry remembered
“you know, i punched the lord of Pirkstein today” - he flashed a sheepish grin at her - “and all i got as punishment is accompanying him for his hunting trip”
Theresa couldn’t hold back a heartfelt laughter. - “Oh Henry, our parents would turn in their graves if they knew how naughty we’ve become.” - She placed a hand on his shoulder, calm, caring. - “Thank you, Hal, I'll sleep in a good mood tonight. Tell me the details another time alright?”
“I promise. Have a good night, Theresa.”
…
Henry stared at the ceiling above his bed, his mind a little quieter after his talk with Theresa. So much training, so much trouble, so much Hans. From the first moment Henry saw him, something about him completely took over his mind. His perfect face, his mostly taken care of hair, except for that one stray lock that added to his charm, his ridiculous outfit that shone bright, making him stand out during any part of the day. His skill and melancholy that was hidden beneath the facade of a shallow noble. Henry could see through it, unsure of why, but he could. Did he like Hans? Maybe. Did Hans piss him off at all of their meetings so far? Absolutely. But something about observing him, competing with him or arguing with him gave Henry relief. Hans didn’t pity him like others did and that gave Henry back the fire, the joy of life that almost died out in Skalitz.
He would never tell Hans how he felt, because it would never be reciprocated, but maybe he could get to spend some more time with him, maybe he could be more than a page. Wishful thinking never hurt anyone… right?
For the first time in 3 weeks, Henry rested without nightmares.

Chapter Text

“Wake up Henry, It’s past Sunrise, you’ll be late for your grand hunt with your new lord”
Henry fluttered his eyes - “Wh… what? I overslept?” - It felt strange, he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks. - “Thanks for waking me up Tess, that prickly noble wouldn’t let me hear the end of it if I was late.” - He swiftly put on his clean brais, plain green tunic since no armor was needed for a hunt. He hung his old sword by his hip, picked up the hunting bow he had won just a few days ago and sprinted up the road to Rattay, Mutt following in his footsteps.
Henry was excited, somehow.
…

Han’s jaw was sore, his ribs aching with mute pain. Damn that peasant, giving him a proper kicking and then daring to be late to their hunt, yet somehow Hans is the spoiled brat.
Finally, the blacksmith graced his presence.
“Here i am”
“I’m overjoyed. Have you got a horse?”
“No sir, where would someone like me get a horse”
“Good point, well I guess you’ll be trotting behind me like a good dog you are”
“I… alright then, Sir.”
…

The hunting spot wasn’t very far, yet it felt like the walk there stretched for eternity. The silence was awkward between the Noble and his new page. Henry kept a couple steps back from Hans, mutt chasing right behind him.
“Look here, Blacksmith, about our business at the alehouse…”
“Yes?“Henry would blush from awkwardness if he wasn’t already red from all the walking.
“Hanush was right. I should’ve behaved differently. More… Well, gentlemanly. BUT, that doesn’t mean you were right, you can’t throw a lord out of the tavern in his own town! Understand?
“Yes, I was just…”
“WHAT? Speak up. Don’t worry, I won’t bite your head off.”
“It’s just that when you said those things in the arena, Sir, I was… a little upset.”
“Ah,I just like to tease greenhorns a little, and you vexed me too! You were insolent to Captain Bernard and they awarded you with service!” - he tried to laugh it off, but Henry could feel the bitterness in his voice -”Whenever I do anything reckless, even if it’s for my honour, Hanush is on my back about it and I get punished… Like now”
“I didn’t mean to threaten anyone…”
“Well it’s all water under the bridge. Let’s not spoil our hunt.”
The mood finally lightened, tension lessening between the two youngins, it was an unexpected comfort for Henry to follow Hans, finally having proper instructions on what needed doing.
…
“Is this your first time hunting, blacksmith?”
“This kind… yes, it never caught my interest before.”
“I’ve been hunting since i could walk, follow my orders and maybe you’ll learn something useful aand if you don’t cock it up entirely today, maybe i’ll take you again. It’s always helpful to have a minion at hand.”
A minion, that’s all Henry would be, all he could be, but it still left a sour taste in his mouth
“I’ll do the best I can… Sir”

…

They finally approached an old hunting camp in the woods, only a little more than a mile from Rattay, yet the air felt different, more relaxed, freeing. Henry didn’t even realise until he stood in that camp that it had been weeks since he last left Rattay, the big town felt new and suffocating compared to Skalitz.
“I can see why you would want to come out here, the wind is quite relaxing, Sir Hans.”
“I’m glad someone gets it. My last page did nothing but complain for 3 whole days about every little detail, as if he had been raised like a fragile worm under constant protection”
“Sounds like delightful company”
“Careful blacksmith, i might miss your sarcasm one of these times and send him to trail you next”
They settled Capon’s horse under one of the sheds and hung up their bags. Henry barely had anything in his but Hans’s was quite heavy. While Henry cleaned off the leaves from a makeshift log acting as a table, Hans stretched his body and started taking off his fancy pourpoint. Henry couldn’t help but sneak a glance when the wind blew and swept dust right into his eyes, earning a chuckle from hans.
“You can relax for today, Blacksmith. This whole outing’s more of an excuse to get away from Hanush for a bit”- Hans bit the inside of his lip, there was another reason he was delaying the hunt until tomorrow, but he couldn’t admit that - “Grab the wine and bacon from my satchel and sit down”
Henry quietly complied, setting down the wineskins and the food on the log, settling on the opposite side of Hans. Under the pourpoint he only had a thin white tunic on, with short sleeves that showed off his well practiced arms and chest. You could tell that he treated his body like a temple, constantly well groomed, kept clean and exercised.
Hans suddenly leaned forward while the page was failing to hide his gaze -“Tell me… Henry, what really happened in Skalitz?”
“The cumans attacked Skalitz… and anyone who couldn’t flee” - a simple answer, enough to satisfy and scare off most people from prying further, but Hans just rolled his eyes.
“That’s what they all say, I want details”
“Is it really necessary, Sir?”
“Arguing with the nobility again, you’re quite the rebel aren’t you, Blacksmith” - hans leaned backwards and fixed his posture, looking at Henry like he was trying to see into his heart, not for compassion, but for a need of something.
“I’m sorry… I, it’s not an easy topic to talk about”
“I see, I suppose I’ll have to get you a little drunk first”- Hans handed him the wineskin and Henry wordlessly took it, gulping it down without saying a toast or waiting for his lordship. Any form of relaxation he had built up was gone, already replaced by chaos at the mere mention of Skalitz. Maybe, it would be better to talk about it with someone who didn’t pity him, but still seemed to care.
“How about this, Blacksmith, I’m sure you’re curious to find out more about me. You’ve probably heard every kind of rumor floating around Rattay about me and i’d love to clear them up for you”
Henry looked at him with a flushed look, wine already reaching his face, causing him to redden like a tomato, matching his scarf.
“Alright then, but I don’t know what else new to tell you about Skalitz”
“Step by step, my dear page. Tell me, I heard Sigismund had about a hundred banners there, is it true”
“I didn’t have time to count them, they arrived out of thin air and overtook us in just a moment, but it was indeed a large army, too big for just a small village like Skalitz.”
He paused for a second, breathing in deep to steel his nerves. It wasn’t easy, but he managed to get through it, for now.
“I see, well it is your turn now, what do you wish to uncover about me”
“Why is Hanush the one looking after you? What happened to your parents?”
“First of all, Hanush isn’t “loOkInG aFteR mE” blacksmith’s boy, he’s overseeing my property until i’m a proper adult”
“and when will that happen?”
Hans raised his eyebrows in an exaggerated offense - “what does that mean”
“I didn’t mean it as an insult, I uhh… I meant when is it decided that you’re an adult? You look plenty grown to me.”
“Normally it would be the king, except he’s locked up, so it’s up to the council of nobles my father appointed before his passing, but they can't be bothered to traverse half the country for such a “menial” task”
“And Hanush, doesn’t seem like he has any plans of handing over your heritage yet, does he.”
“Nope, but that’s my problem, nothing for a peasant like you to worry your head about”- He exhaled in frustration, calming himself before asking his question “I heard about the cumans…”
Mention of a cuman immediately lit Henry’s mind aflame, once again causing his mood to instantly change, but he tried to get a hold of himself.
“I’m sorry, Sir hans but I changed my mind. I'd rather not talk about them…”
“I understand Blacksmith, but I heard that…”
“What, that they flew down on a dragon, that they’d all grown horns? They were ruthless murderers” - Henry looked down at his palms, remembering the nameless bandit he found on his way to Skalitz, his hands never felt truly clean since that day - “I’m sorry, ha… Sir Hans, but Skalitz isn’t a fairytale for me. I, I watched my parents get cut down and barely made it out alive, because I RAN, like a coward” - tears welled up in his eyes, but he struck his forehead with his open palm, regaining composure - “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry for pushing too much, it’s just… something doesn't add up. I've been to Skalitz, years ago, it was walled off and well defended, even if the enemy showed up out of nowhere, it makes no sense why it was at your most vulnerable moment.” - Henry listened carefully to Hans’s reasoning. He was right, was there a traitor in Skalitz? The world was never rid of cowards like Zbyshek after all, but who could it have been… it was all their fault, his parents, Bianka, his home…
“How did you realize things didn’t add up, sir. What do you nobles even do all day.”
“I’m glad at least you appreciate my suspicions, blacksmith. I used to spend most of my days trying to learn from Hanush, but i’ve started studying on my own, preparing in my own way for the inevitable that he tries to hide from and keep me uneducated on.” - he turned his head up to the sky -”The game of nobles, young blacksmith is different from a regular peasant’s life, and if i did what Hanush said was best, i’d be more unprepared for life than i am now, even if he disapproves of everything i try and do”
“You want control of your life, huh” - Henry blurted out quietly, looking at Hans with eyes of compassion - “I understand” - Simple words, seemingly worthless, but it struck Hans’s heart with it’s sincerity. The unspoken pain, the knowledge that both were tormented by melancholy, hiding away a part of themselves.
“And then Hanush tells me it’s bad to drink with my subjects… You’re not a coward, Henry, I can tell”
“Thank you… Hans.”
“SIR Hans!”
“Sorry.”

…

The afternoon sun came up, light seeping through the quiet forest, Henry was playing fetch with mutt while Hans was flipping through a book. The afternoon breeze was calming for their minds, enjoying the simple silence, broken by an occasional dog’s bark. Henry threw a stick and shily approached Hans.
“What are you reading there?”
“The report’s on the skalitz raid, look at this Blacksmith” - He held up a paper up to Henry’s face. Henry just looked at it with a confused expression -”I can’t read, sir”
“Christ almighty, what kind of a page are you!?”
“The kind that punches his lordship and then goes with him on a hunt?”
“So not the brightest, got it. The gate was opened for a few minutes right as the enemy “appeared out of thin air” as you said. Supposedly to let out an esteemed guest. It could’ve been an unlucky coincidence, but there might be more to it. Thing is none of these reports actually state who this guest is”
“Where did you even get those?”
“I nicked them from Hanush’s study before leaving this morning, not like he can read them.”
“I remember, Sir Radzig had someone accompanying him that I had never seen before, on the morning of the raid, and I haven’t heard anything about him since. I don’t know who he was either though.”
Hans sighed in defeat, - “I suppose I’ll have to ask Radzig himself, thanks for your help, Blacksmith”
Henry nodded his head and turned to walk back to Mutt when Hans spoke up again -”Tell me, Henry, would you like to learn how to write and read?”
“I’ve never had the chance to before, why are you asking sir? Is there someone in Rattay that can teach me?
“Aye, yours truly!”- Hans proudly pointed at himself with his thumb, chuckling at his own display.
“You’re not too bad for a page, if i trained you up like a good little pup, you could be worth keeping around, what do you say, Blacksmith?”
Henry's throat closed from the unexpectedness of it all, The heir of Rattay, The beautiful noble wanted to take him in as his apprentice? It was something he couldn’t even imagine just a month ago, oh how fragile that naivety was.
“I’d be honored by your graciousness, Sir.”
“Hey your speech is also improving fast, soon we can woo noble ladies together, eh?” - A chill ran down Henry’s spine, “Right, of course” . … “I won’t let you down sir”.
There it was, that wall that guarded him his whole life, that wall that Hans had crumbled without Henry even noticing it. That wall that hid him under many layers, “of course he wouldn’t see it that way, what am I thinking”. He cleared his throat and approached Hans near the makeshift table, all his beaming positivity seemingly gone in just a second.

…
Hans awoke to a strange rustling in the bushes. Too loud for a careful animal, He immediately rose to his feet, grabbing his new bow and drawing it while approaching the source of the sound. He crouched and peeked past the weathered stable and saw it, Henry, staring at a tree, eyes open, but it was like no light reflected in it. Hans put away his bow and arrow, approaching the boy
“Are you mad?! It’s still dark”- Hans put on his angriest tone, but immediately realised what was happening to Henry.
“Incredible!” - He had read about sleepwalking in a book before, but to see it in real life was not what he expected out of this hunting trip. He remembered the instructions in the book, don’t wake them, gently lead them back to their bed and make sure they’re settled. He stepped towards the blacksmith, grabbing his hand without thinking until he felt it, how coarse Henry’s hands were, bruised and scratched at nearly every visible point, testimony of his hard work. Hans looked down at his hand, holding the other man’s. Delicate, clean, spotless. That’s what kept him from the others that he wanted to hold close. The difference between their status, their lifestyle, their struggles too different to collide without ulterior motives, yet Henry burst into his life just a few days ago. He looked at him with fascination and admiration, not for his status, but for his honed skills. He disobeyed his lordship, and somehow got himself promoted. He punched Hans in his jaw just a day before, yet there Hans was, deciding to train him up to be a good page, maybe more.
“What a man of contradiction you are, Henry of Skalitz, I Want to know what else you’re hiding.’’
He put Henry down as gently as he could. Sleepwalking didn’t come out of nowhere, guilt, stress, trauma, restlessness. It all clearly plagued him, but he kept going, he kept training. How? for what? Why did Hans care?
“Asshole”

…

Hans opened his eyes, only to be met with Henry staring down at him, keeping the sun from flashing Hans right in the eyes.
“You said to wake you at first light, sir” - he moved his head a bit to the left while grinning, letting the sun blind Hans for a second before positioning himself between the two again.
“Agh, you arsehole, I’ve got it, you don’t have to permanently blind me.”- Hans grumbled while rising to his feet - “When did you even wake up?”
“I…I’ve been awake before the sun came up…”
“And you don’t remember anything from last night?”
“No? Did anything happen, my lord.”
“Aye, I had to fight off five Cumans while guarding your sleeping body” - Hans said in such an exaggerated voice that even the ever so gullible Henry wasn’t fooled.
“Then i suppose i’ll fight off the 5 coming to our camp tonight”
Hans put on his pourpoint and equipped his new bow on his back.
“How about a wager, henry? Hundred groschen for whoever brings back the most game before noon.” - He waited for the peasant to bite back with a remark, but his eyes looked even more tired than he was used to. Henry nodded in a silent agreement and quietly reached into his bag to take out a small vial, unlabeled. Hans raised his eyebrows at the sight of the bottle
“What even is that, are you sure it’s safe?”
“Aye, it just helps me get back energy after restless nights. Let’s get to our wager, right Sir Hans?”
He was trying to brush hans off the topic, brewing potions was always called a woman’s job in Skalitz, and he often got teased by boys his age for caring about the flowers and potions, learning about them from his ma. He never thought he’d be using it to keep himself functioning and from crumbling though. Thankfully, Hans didn’t pry into it.

…

“Kurva”
Hans missed another shot aimed for the hare.
“Fuck i miss my old bow”
But what could he do, he lost it fair and square, even if it was his off day, Hans kept his word.
“That damned blacksmith better make good use of it.
Hans enjoyed the forest, the tall trees casting long shadows over the ground,the breeze comfortable between his hair, the world was quiet here, no one bothered him about menial tasks and pointless arguments. It was freedom that he couldn’t experience anywhere else.
For once, his company wasn’t so bad either…
…

The morning in the forest was unbelievably satisfying. Henry had forgotten this feeling, the thin layer of water on the grass, the gentle breeze carrying mist with it, relaxing his often overheated body. The animals weren’t very scarce and Mutt was an excellent partner, just him himself getting 2 Hares, Henry got 3. He hung them all up on the right side of his belt, opposite to where his sword was hanging. Then he saw a flash of light brown, a deer. He followed it’s movement, quietly approaching and commanding mutt to hold, he aimed for its neck, a little to the right and below, have his pointing finger brush against the target in his vision and loose, into the neck, but he missed the vitals by a little, causing the deer to stumble and slowly fall, slowly bleeding out to its death, suddenly Henry saw the nearest bush shake and a baby deer ran out of it, up to its mother. Henry froze mid step, looking down at what he had just committed, taking a mother too early from its child. Like him, like skalitz, Ma, Pa, everyone…
His breathing became shorter and shorter, stabbing him in his chest like a sharp dagger. He fell to his knees, gaze frozen at the dead deer as its carcass split open, horrible red slowly enveloping everything around him and there he stood, man, a nameless bandit, the same one that was looting the dead woman’s corpse, the one that Henry drained of life, without a word, without a question of why. What had happened to lead up to that moment, what had he done to earn Henry’s misplaced thirst for justice. The man approached, bright red blood endlessly gushing from his throat, with each step, painting the grass, the flowers, the world. He slowly reached one of his hands towards his draining throat, as if trying to hold on to the last few seconds of his precious life. His other hand slid towards Henry’s old blade, hanging on his side. unsheathing it slowly, wordlessly, his darkened eyes gazing into Henry’s rotting soul, holding him in place, he was about to pierce him when suddenly a loud bark snapped Henry out of it.
Mutt was brushing It’s entire body against Henry’s, trying it’s best to get Henry’s mind to regain control. Henry finally opened his eyes and saw his own arm holding the same sword that the ghost had taken out, just millimeters away from piercing himself in the guts. He threw it to the ground and fell backwards, breathing still ragged, but coming under control.
“What is happening to me?”
He looked up at the sky, the sun hanging nearly at its peak.
“I should head back or capon will get worried”
He avoided his gaze from the mother deer, leaving its child to grieve for the rest of its life, just like Henry did. He stumbled towards the camp, Mutt not leaving his side.
…
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost” - Hans said in an amused tone, but immediately regretted it when he took a closer look at henry.
“Where’s your sword?”
“Huh? Oh, uh… I guess I lost it, but I wanted to buy a new one anyway. It's fine.
“Right… and I assume it wasn’t one of those bunnies that made you toss it, but I won't pry, if you need some more gear like arrows and a dagger at least, they’re in my horse’s saddlebag.”
Henry suddenly smacked his face with both of his palms to regain composure, causing a small echo in the thick forest and making Hans snap his neck towards him in a worried gaze - “How did your hunt go sir, I’ve got 5 hares myself”
“Not bad for a common blacksmith, you’ve even beaten my score, I really am unlucky when shooting in your vicinity.”

“Just beginner’s luck, sir, I’m not so sure I'll beat you the next time” - He grinned at Hans before scratching his head, as if he forgot something -”Ahem, shouldn’t there be some reward for the winner?”
“Jesus! The insolence, a serf asking his master for coin! But never let it be said that I'm a pinch-purse, here you go.”
“Your serf humbly thanks you” - Henry slightly bowed his head before looking into hans’s deep blue eyes again - “Don’t worry sir, i’d never add oil to the great Rattay gossiper’s fire at your expense”
“I’m overjoyed, but let’s go hunt real game, together this time, and don’t forget to restock
Henry approached the saddlebag with conscious wariness. He didn’t know what happened to him earlier, but he didn’t want this dagger to try and stab itself into him with illusions as well.
Still, he took it, better safe than sorry right, or vice versa would probably be more accurate for him now.
…
Capon was already on his horse, waiting for Henry, they walked in silence, Hans observing the tracks left behind by a boar.
Henry however was observing Hans. The way he moved his eyes, scanning the forest. The way he always had his bow in his hand, ready for a split second opportunity. His smile, head tilted a bit to the left as he approached another clue!
“See here? A wallow and it’s been freshly grounded. A boar is somewhere nearby” - he looked back at Henry, who was just nodding along to him - “Slow and quiet, understand?! We’ll watch out for it on that mound up there”.
Henry only nodded in response, trailing behind Hans, still a bit distracted when the noble came to a stop, raising his hand to signal Henry. They both waited for a few seconds as a boar came into sight from behind a tree, leisurely chomping on grass as Hans drew an arrow, but Henry interrupted him.
“You want to take him down with an arrow??” - He looked up at Hans with a face that ticked the noble off a little.
“Certainly… why wouldn’t I?”
“I heard boar is hunted with spears…”
“Is that so? Now you’re suddenly the master Huntsman, are you? Watch and learn!”
He stood up before Henry could interrupt him again, letting his arrow loose, sinking it deep into the Boar’s flesh, making it fall over
“YEAHA! Did you see that? Damn, I’m good”
Mutt barked from somewhere behind them, Henry turned his head, finding it strange that the dog was standing so far away from them, but before he could investigate Hans hit his shoulder in friendly gesture - “So, next time you try to tell me I can’t kill a boar with an arrow, you can…”

Before he finished his sentence, the boar suddenly rose to its feet and sprinted away, a little slower than usual this time. Henry didn’t even notice that Hans was already on his horse, running after it -”CATCH UP HENRY, WE’re gonna chase down that swine” - his voice faded in the forest. Henry chuckled to himself and started sprinting, but a gut feeling told him something was wrong.
Five, ten, fifteen minutes passed and he still couldn’t see any sign of Hans. The forest was quieter than usual as well, no birds chirping, nor running hares or deer, as if scared off by something. Could have been a boar being chased by a mounted horse, or could have been something else. Suddenly he remembered, calling out to Mutt. The dog was smart, even decently trained by Theresa during his illness, Henry decided to have a little hope, holding out his prized bow, the one he won from Hans, for mutt to sniff.
“Track!”
The dog only barked once and started running up the hill, over to a ledge that overlooked a small camp. Henry only needed one look to spot his Lordship. inhis ridiculously bright outfit, tied to a pole and getting hit in the gut by someone while another man sat and watched.
“Fuck what do i do” - Henry was being overswept by emotions, fear, worry, panic, worthlessness. He should run back, get some help from the captain, but it was at least a mile’s run and there was no telling what they’d do to Capon in that time.
“Next time, I won't run.”
This time, it wasn’t a wish. It was a promise!

…

“Now i’ve gone and done it, can’t believe a boar led me to fucking Cumans of all people” - Hans was talking loudly to himself, trying to make the bandit’s time as miserable as he possibly could by talking their head off, even if he knew they wouldn’t understand his language. He steadied his breathing, trying to get a head around his situation, but a way out was nowhere to be seen. He left Henry behind, was tied firmly to a pole, robbed of all his weapons. No matter how prepared he pretended to be for troubles of the real world, the first one had already left him feeling helpless. The two bandit’s talked among themselves for a few minutes, probably to decide what to do with Hans. Fuck. Ransom? Torture for information? Something worse? Wish he knew what was being planned for him at least.
“You cunts, of course filth like you would turn to banditry, what kind of a person would take you in, huh”
He didn’t even know what point he was trying to make or why, just wanted to agitate them at least, find some sort of a weakness. One of the Cumans walked up to him, “Kurva” being the only thing Hans understood as his jaw got punched, in the same spot his unruly page had done him in just a few days ago.
“Fuck Henry, where are you, you better get some reinforcements, and fast”
The bandit grabbed Hans’s face with one of his hands, pressing a dagger to his throat, not letting it sink in, but hovering it there as a threat, a promise…

…
A dozen more minute’s passed and one of the bandit’s got up, walking away into the forest to take a leak. Now was Hans's chance.
“Your mother is a whoooore” -He yelled out at the remaining Cuman, provoking him to get closer, but he moved faster than Hans expected, punching him in the rib’s twice, grabbing Hans’s hair and holding his head up. That’s when Hans saw it, from the corner of his vision, Henry sneaking up on the other Bandit, covered the man’s mouth with one hand and sank a dagger into his neck with the other. The shocking display of stealth stunned Hans for a second, but he quickly snapped out of it.
It all happened within a few seconds: Hans spat in the Bandit’s face and kicked one of his knees with his leg. In that same moment, Mutt flew out of the bushes and bit into the Cuman’s other leg, causing him to let go of Hans and turn his attention to the dog, only to be met with an arrow straight into his eye.

Hans couldn’t even say a word for a few seconds as Henry ran towards him, taking out the dagger Hans gave him earlier to release his binds. Hans rubbed his wrists, with the adrenaline finally gone, the pain was settling into his ribs, but he still kept his composure.
“I’ll have a bronze bust made of you my friend! But where have you been until now!?”
“Oh you know, picking berries, had a drink of wine, took a little nap…”
“Oh you little lunatic! They almost had me roasting on a spit.”
“I’d say it looked more like they were about to take your maidenhood…”
WHAT DID HE/I SAY??
Both looked stunned at the joke for a second before Hans came to his senses.
“Now look here, DungGrubber! Is that anyway to speak to a Nobleman?!”
Henry looked like a kicked puppy, knowing that it had made a mistake it couldn’t fix
“I… I apologise, Sir Hans, I'm just glad you’re alright…”
“Oh I’m yanking your pizzle Henry!... Thank you, for rescuing me. That was an impressive shot earlier and your stealth was quite admirable too. I’m glad to see my bow is serving you well.”
Henry looked him in the eyes before chuckling, turning his head a bit to avert eye contact before looking Hans over.
“That wound doesn’t look good my lord.
“Please Henry, drop the lord, Hans will be fine when it’s just us from now on… and you’re right, those damned Cuman’s roughed me up quite a bit, and my horse ran at the first sight of trouble, throwing me off it’s back for them to catch me”
“We can’t walk you home in this state, but I have a few things back at camp that could help, I'll help you there.”

…

They walked in silence, but it wasn’t one of discomfort. Hans had his arm wrapped around Henry’s neck, leaning his weight on him to alleviate the pain on his ribcage.
Henry gently sat him down on his own sleeping bag, the same one Hans had led him to last night without Henry even finding out.
As Hans was trying to find a comfortable position, Henry picked up his bag, looking inside for a few seconds before taking out a few unlabeled phials again. Hans looked at them once before the want to ask henry a million questions rose up inside him.
“Do you even know what those are?”
“Aye”
“And you’re sure you can tell them apart and that they can help me”
“Aye.”
“ Did you… Did you make them yourself?”
Henry looked down at him like a saddened dog, instantly softening Hans’s judgemental heart - “What’s so wrong with that? My ma taught me a lot about different flowers and potions”
“Even though it’s usually a woman's job?”
“Aye, even though…”
Henry couldn’t finish the sentence, he never would be able to.
“Do you want to feel better or not Hans, you can trust me on this”
“Alright fine, but i demand to know what i’m drinking”
“Some painkiller brew and Marigold decoction, It’ll help with your injuries and pain, but it might make you tired so we should wait at camp for its effect to take place, if you’re fine after a bit, I’ll give you the same thing i took this morning, Cockerel, It’ll give you enough energy to walk back to Rattay with relative ease at least.”
“Wow , you do really know your stuff, don’t you… I’m impressed Henry, it’s an useful knowledge.”
Henry didn’t show it, but Hans appreciating the same thing he was often criticized for made him extremely happy. He took another look at Hans and realised there was blood dripping from his hair.
“Shit, Sir Hans, Your head is bleeding, we’ve got to bandage it”
“I told you to drop the sir, and I don’t suppose you’ve got bandages at hand, do you”
“Shit, I usually hid them in my armor sockets, but I didn't bring them for the hunt.” -Henry’s head ran in circles while watching Hans slowly mellow out from blood loss. Finally, Henry took off his red scarf, gifted to him by his ma on his 19th birthday, and started gently wrapping it around Hans’s head , stopping the bleeding from worsening.
“It smells like you”
“Huh?”
“Nothing” - Hans grinned to himself, on the inside, he didn’t hate the smell.

…
Henry’s potions worked like a charm, getting Hans steady and back on his feet in just a couple of hours, but he still leant onto Henry during their walk back to Rattay. Henry was even quieter than normal, but his eyebrow kept twitching, tears occasionally welling up in his eyes before he blinked them away.
“Henry… What’s wrong, were you injured somewhere?”
“No, that’s not it, don’t worry about it hans, my exhaustion must be catching up to me”
Hans looked down at the boy who was barely holding himself together, who was folding in on himself with his pain, but Hans didn’t have the energy in that moment to help his savior.
“Have you got some meat left over from your caught game earlier? You should reward your dog, He saved my noble arse there for a second.”
“And what about my reward?”
“Is my well being not to your satisfaction?”
“Of course it is… Hans”

…
After about an hour of walking, they approached the north gate to Rattay, being intercepted by the guards who instantly took Hans away from Henry without giving them a proper chance to say goodbye, Henry just stood there, looking like an abandoned dog and Hans found the image amusing, making sure to savour it in his mind for a long time to come.

Chapter Text

The effects of Henry’s painkiller brew took hold of Hans as he was split from him by the guards at Rattay’s gates, his eyes already slurring as he looked back at Henry, finding his resemblance to a miserable dog amusing.
It was late into the evening and curfew had already rung, sparing Hans the unwanted attention and judgemental looks of the peasants, he let the guard carry most of his weight as they approached lower Pirkstein. A priest, dressed in all black ominously awaited him in his room with medicine and tub of water, looking at Hans with an irritated expression. Lucky for him, the young noble's mind was already numbed out from the after effects of the energy potion and painkiller, or Hans wouldn’t have run out of insults for him until morning.
He disliked priests and the church from an early age, never really questioning why. He took his pourpoint and tunic off, letting the priest do his job as he sat on a chair, relaxing into the minimal comfort. The priest carefully observed him and occasionally grumbled under his breath, but Hans paid him no mind, his thoughts getting lost at the moment of his rescue. How Henry, who he thought timid and inexperienced, flawlessly took out a cuman from stealth and landed an arrow straight into a moving target’s eye. It was mesmerizing. As Henry quietly cut his arms open, Hans could feel Henry’s hands shaking, from fear? Exhaustion? Guilt? It was like he switched back to that timid image Hans held for him in a second.
“A man of contradictions.” - He mumbled quietly, the priest quietly raised his eyebrows at him, but kept quiet and continued coating Hans’s torso with medicine and bandages. Then he raised to his legs and took off Henry's scarf from Hans’s head, snarling at it with irritation -Such debauched methods, what was that peasant thinking.”
Hans immediately broke out of his haze, anger instantly building inside him at the pompous bastard - “I’d like to see you do any better after killing multiple men in the middle of a forest, oh dear messenger of god. Henry’s treatment was the only reason I even made it here!”
The priest stood aback, surprised by his lord’s sudden anger. He quietly bowed his head and apologised, quickly applying clean bandages to Hans’s head and going to the door to step out, but Hans stopped him.
“Leave the scarf”
“But my lord, it’s a peasant’s and it’s bloody”
He got cut off by Hans again -”I said leave it, and get out of here.”
Why did he care about the dirty scarf, even Hans didn’t know, but he did and that was enough.
As the priest finally left, he fell down onto his bed, the sudden rush of anger disorienting him again. What was this feeling he felt, he didn’t know. Henry, the guy he met just a few days ago, who got rewarded for his insolence, pissing Hans off… Henry, who beat him at archery and grinned at him in a compassionate way, instead of degrading laughter… Henry, who didn’t hesitate to embarrass him at the tavern and punch him in the jaw… Henry, who slowly opened up to him, and opened him right up as well... Henry who fearlessly slayed bandits to save him… Henry, who kept staring at him in various ways that Hans still hadn’t fully deciphered… HENRY HENRY HENRY!!!
“FUCK!”
Must be all of that peasant’s alchemy that was driving him insane, right?… A good sleep will fix him!… Right?

…

If his injuries didn’t take Hans’s life, the boredom would. It had been a week since the hunting trip and Hanush forbade him from leaving the castle until his injuries healed. It took him a full day of talking a guard's ear off to even be let out onto the balcony next to the stairs and be allowed some fresh air, even if he could barely stand for more than a few minutes. The boredom was overwhelming, stretching the day into endless seconds, he felt as if the walls of his room were constantly closing in on him and the priest's grimy expressions, as if Hans was destined for death, didn’t help.
A week of recovery went by and he already felt like he was losing his mind, missing something, everything… Henry…
As if!
…
Multiple opened books were scattered around Hans’s room as he tried to stabilize his breaths. The walls once again started to feel like they would fall on and crush him any second. This uncontrolled, unexplainable fear got more and more frequent as time went on… Even if it felt ridiculous, he couldn’t control himself in such times. He tried to get up from his bed, but the sharp pain instantly stopped him from raising more than a few centimeters off his bed, causing him to fall back onto it again.
A knock, brief, timid, only one.
Hanush wouldn’t even bother to knock, and servants would knock louder and announce themselves.
If it was an assassin, he wouldn’t mind his suffering finally being over.
“Come in!”
The door slowly opened and finally, there stood Henry, his page, his saviour, his “friend”
Hans tried to raise again, but was met with the same result, scrunching his face in pain before catching his breath - “Henry, you sod, what took you so long to check up on your lordship” - he tried to keep a strict tone, but couldn’t keep up the farce for long, immediately falling into his golden smile, slightly tilting his head while maintaining eye contact with Henry, who chuckled and shook his head to avoid his lord’s gaze.
“I’m sorry for making you wait, fair sir” - that sheepish grin escaping his face as well - “Your uncle and people had a lot of things to say to me.
“Oh? And what’s that, let me guess… you got a treasure chest saving me and the people sing songs of your legend at the tavern!”
“Well, I did get gifted an old horse, Pebbles, she’s a beaut and I won’t lose sight of you on the next hunt”
“I’m glad to hear it, sorry I couldn’t deliver the bronze bust I promised you”
“I’ll get over it… Hans… after that, I was told to wait for your recovery before continuing my duties, the bailiff doesn’t want me in his service any more and Sir Radzig had set out in the morning before we came back from our misadventure.”
“I noticed, I couldn’t ask him about his mysterious visitor.”
Henry looked up at him, a sign of relief in his eyes, glad that his lord still remembered their promise to investigate Skalitz together.
Hans looked back at him, offering him a smile that would calm a normal peasant’s mind, but Henry was far different from normal… Hans finally observed him, despite his smile, the relaxed posture, Henry couldn’t hide his exhaustion, his eye bags were the darkest that Hans had ever seen on anyone…
“You… What’s wrong, Henry…”
“How do you mean, Sir?”
“I told you to drop the sir, and you know what i mean… your eyes, you look like you haven’t slept in days.”
“You.. I couldn't sleep after that day, I don’t know why…”
“Don’t you. Don’t lie to me Henry, we haven’t known each other long, but you saved me. I’d like to do the same”
“I don’t need saving Hans! I don’t need or deserve it.”
“Your body seems to disagree!” - Hans passed him something small and shiny.
“What’s that?”
“It’s a mirror, look into it and you’ll see for yourself…”
Henry looked into it with a curious expression, he had never seen a mirror before, from what he had heard it was too expensive for peasants, but the curiosity on his face was swiftly replaced with a grimace.
“Eyes don’t lie huh.”
“And neither should you, FOOL!”
Henry quietly exhaled, rubbing his eyes to try and give himself enough energy for this, instead he was met with a wet sensation on his fingers.
“Shit.”- He quickly turned his head, avoiding Hans’s gaze.
Henry waited for it, the degradation, the belittlement, the same belief that haunted him his whole life, but Hans simply placed his hand on Henry’s shoulder, he didn’t squeeze it, he didn’t push it, it just rested it on him. WHY, Why didn’t Hans hate him, condemn him, shame him like everyone else would have…
“I won’t force you to talk, Hal…” - the name struck Henry like a mace to the chest, -”But you can be honest with me, I owe you that much.”
“But… But you’re a noble, what business would you have bothering with my sob stories…”
“Because I’m your friend!... or I thought I was.”
“Thank you, Hans…” - Henry quietly rubbed his eyes, wiping the tears before smiling at Hans, it wasn’t his sheepish little grin, it was one of something broken, starting to heal - “Those band… People, it wasn't the first time I had murdered someone, but it somehow felt… worse.”
“Because you pitied them?”
“Because I didn’t care.”
Hans was stunned at the admission, the pain in Henry’s voice was something raw, unfiltered, scared.
“After I ran from Talmberg, on the way to Skalitz, I found another settlement, burnt to the ashes by the Cumans, and I found one, a man, going through a dead woman’s pockets… I killed him without mercy, not even letting him get a word out…” - Henry felt like he would fall apart right there on the chair, but Hans clutched his hand still resting on Henry’s shoulder, as if to remind him he was there.
“I didn’t know his name. I didn’t know his story, what led him to robbing dead people, and I didn't stop to ask, Hans… I convinced myself in the moment that it was for justice, to avenge my parents, but it wasn’t. Yet I felt so at peace in the second that I killed him… It scares me, Hans.”
Hans couldn’t find words that could bring comfort for Henry, so instead he nudged him to keep going - “and that time, when you saved me?”
“I didn’t have to kill them”
“No… you had to save me”
“I should’ve done better, thinking back now it’s so easy to find a million different ways I could’ve approached it, but my first response was murder. When I stabbed the first one, I could feel it, his life drain away from his body as I covered his mouth. The first time I immediately fell apart, but that time… I didn’t even hesitate to go for the next one.”
“You didn’t hesitate to save me, Hal.” -There it was again, that name, coming from Hans, reached the depth in Henry’s stomach that he didn’t even realise existed. - “I’m sorry for putting you in such a position, but I am grateful that you saved me…”
“Thank you, Hans…”
“Where did you even learn to move like that, I barely spotted you while looking directly in your direction”
“Wellll, I live with a miller right now, he has a strange set of skills, you know.”
“So I shouldn’t let the next buffoon that knocks on my door inside, just in case!”
“Well, if I wanted to sneak in you wouldn’t have heard me” - Henry flashed his sheepish grin at Hans again, making him roll his eyes in not quite annoyance, some warmth still being felt in such a gesture.
ah right, i almost forgot” - Henry reached into his bag hanging on his side, pulling out meat wrapped in cloth and a few unnamed phials - “I had them smoke the game we managed to bring back, and I made you some more painkiller brews, extra strong to help with your pain.” - He tried to hide his shy smile, unsuccessfully, nervously waiting for Hans’s reaction.

“Well aren’t you my guardian angel! I’ll gladly accept, haven’t had anything but bread and pain for the past few days”
“I’m sorry for not coming sooner, Since I didn’t have anything to do, I’ve been running around town to help with errands and tasks, especially related to the refugees that weren’t as lucky as me…”
“And brewing me potions.”
“And brewing you potions…”
“Yet you haven’t slept since that day, have you…”
“Not much, sir’’
“I’ve told you to drop the sir you buffoon… Stay here tonight, I’m bored out of my mind and I have a second bed in here, usually reserved for fair maidens so you should be honored.”
Henry chuckled nervously, his thoughts running as fast as a horse, - “How could i deny you anything at this point”.
Hans laughed it off as he picked up one of the phials made by Henry, it tasted different than last time, but it was definitely stronger, his pain instantly disappearing -”You’re a witch Henry. You’ve got to teach me more about alchemy when you can, in exchange for me teaching you writing”
Henry rolled his eyes, as if annoyed, but in reality trying to hide his happiness - “and here I thought my dear lord was being generous to a poor peasant.”
“Is my bed not enough for his highness, grab some wine in the top drawer of my closet and sit over here.”
Henry obeyed, opening up the closet and getting hit with the smell of soap, perfumes, wine, nobility… He was forgetting who he was talking to, who he liked…
…
The two drank in comfortable companionship, relaxing and enjoying each other's company. It was the first, for both of them, a true friendship, one that didn’t judge the other harshly, one that had each other's back. Hans shared a few stories of his childhood, how his father called him “Birdie”, how he once got cursed by a demon, how he used to sneak outside of the town constantly, only to be found laying in the grass and staring at the sky…
Henry shared too, about his mother teaching him about flowers and potions, about his father training him in the life of the forge, about Bianca, who was Henry’s closest friend… but he didn’t say everything, and Hans could tell he was holding something back,a pain, a secret, not yet ready to be shared, and he was alright with it…
…
A few drinks in, Hans swiftly walked to his desk, picking up an empty paper and a pen, gently placing them in front of Henry, who already looked half dead from exhaustion.
“Since you claim to not be able to sleep, maybe learning will tire out your messy brain, what do you say Henry?”
“What, now? I thought it’d be more, I don’t know, demanding.”
“If you keep delaying it, my dear page, you’ll never be in a perfect state to start learning how to read!” - Hans was not willing to back down from this, he was already getting drunk and he wanted to prolong this moment with Henry - “on top of that, writing will surely help you to keep up with your peasantry errands, write them down and you’ll never forget the details!”
Henry looked up at him with pleading eyes, only to be met with a firm gaze from Hans that he couldn’t deny. He sighed and picked up the pen before realising he had no clue how to start. Hans looked a bit startled as well before he remembered he didn’t have much of a plan for teaching Henry either…
“Let’s just start with the vowels… and more will come the more we drink”
“You’re not much of a teacher huh.”
“Shut it! Peasant! These injuries didn’t give me much time to come up with a plan.”
“Uh-huh, your servant humbly thanks you, your lordship”
“Gods, you really know how to piss me off!”

Hans started writing down a few letters on the paper, putting in extra effort to make it easily rememberable. Henry got lost in thought , placed his elbows on the table and leaned his head on his palms, trying to fight off his exhaustion that he refused to give in to. His face was warm from all the wine, the heat providing some degree of comfort to his tired body. He looked sideways without turning his head, at Hans. Hans who was taking his time to teach Henry, Hans who cared for him, Hans who has been so nice since their fight at the tavern, Hans who hasn't judged Henry for his quirks that always made him feel like an outsider. It would have made Henry extremely happy, but there was a gnawing fear inside his gut. What if he's just being nice because he doesn't have anyone else for entertainment, what if he just feels guilty for making me save him, what if he's gonna forget about me after he got better, what if... The fear was consuming Henry from the inside while he still stared at Hans. The young noble looked up from the paper, looking into his eyes before smiling... It wasn't his trained smile, one befit of a noble who kept up his image in front of everyone, no, It was genuine, warm and it shone on Henry's darkening soul as brightly as his pourpoint.
"You should stare at this paper, not me Henry, I've written out the alphabet that you're going to memorize and everything else will be easy!"

They kept going for a couple of hours, drinking, learning, laughing, enjoying this peaceful and comfortable moment that felt rare for both of them. Henry was a quick learner, despite being tired he had already memorized every letter until exhaustion finally took over him, making him doze off on the table, but Hans did his best to nudge the half-asleep man towards his bed.

…

Hans woke up to the feeling of his head being split open for a few seconds before calming down. He sat up on the bed, looking at the other one in front of him to see Henry laying on his side, mumbling in a panicked tone, slowly losing the rhythm of his breathing. Hans could sense it, the distress, the guilt, the terror that was haunting Henry, he felt like he was closer to truly understanding his new friend, why he relied on potions to keep him up, why he avoided sleep like the plague, drowning himself in work and errand, why he sleepwalked that night…
Hans put his feet down on the floor, trying his best to stand up straight without pain, which was still possible thanks to Henry's potions, even if a few hours had passed. He grabbed some water to quench his thirst and walked back to his bed, but, he stopped. Looking at Henry, pitiful Henry. Hans felt that strange feeling again, one he never felt before, one he thought of as friendship, one he couldn’t allow to be anything else…
Without a word, without a sound, he sat on the edge of Henry’s bed, gently grabbing the distressed man’s hand, still rough, still coarse, still beautiful. Slowly, Henry’s breathing steadied, he stopped mumbling, his brows relaxed and, for once,he looked at peace.

…

The morning came quickly, the sun shining right into the eyes of Hans, who was still sitting on Henry’s bed, holding his hand and laying on his chest. He quickly realized what was happening as he hurriedly let go of Henry’s hand and swiftly rose to his feet in panic, much to the dismay of his body. He instantly folded onto the floor from pain, barely gasping for air.
Henry woke at the sound, looking disoriented and sleepy before he made out Hans’s figure on the floor, spazzing in pain. He immediately jumped out of the bed, kneeling before Hans, looking around at lightning speed for something to help him with. He quickly grabbed one of his painkillers, gently put his hand under Hans’s head, letting it rest on Henry, and slowly poured the potion into his mouth, praying that it’d take effect quickly.
“Please Hans, please…”
After one of the most dreadful minutes of his life, Hans finally steadied his breathing, coughing up the air that felt stuck in his lungs and slowly raising his back to lean against the edge of his bed frame.
Henry didn’t say anything, looking him up and down for more signs of pain or distress until he caught Hans’s gaze, looking into it with emotions he always buried before. Hans looked back at Henry like he was worried about his page. Henry felt a little blush creep up on him as he shook his head to avoid Hans’s gaze, one of his defensive habits that he wasn’t fully aware of still.

Hans looked up at Henry, still unable to speak after all the coughing, but he wanted to thank him.Finally he regained his composure, lost in thoughts about what had just happened when he woke up, his gaze locking onto Henry’s worried, but rested, face. Henry looked back at Hans, and did his stupid laugh while shaking his head, avoiding Hans’s eye contact. Hans hated and loved when Henry did that, because even though it was Henry’s attempt to hide his heart, he still wore it on his sleeve in the eyes of Hans.
“I’m sorry for waking you and making you save me again…”
“Had me scared there for a second Hans, what happened.”
“I… I just got up, hm, to get some water, and the pain must’ve hit me late.” - he pointed at the empty cup at his table, the one he drank in the middle of the night, not moments before -”see.”
Hans lied through his teeth, unable to admit anything that had happened during Henry’s sleep.
“Oh, alright then, you could’ve asked me, you know.”
“You were finally sleeping peacefully, I couldn’t bring myself to disturb my favorite peasant!”
Henry laughed again, quiet, somber, but filled with joy and energy he hadn’t shown to Hans before.
“If you’re alright for now, sir, I’ll get going,” - he suddenly stood up, turning his blushing face and bothered body before Hans could spot it -”I’m already late for 3 of my peasantry errands…”
“Such a dedicated peasant, good luck out there… Hal… Don’t forget to check up on me every once in a while, and bring me some more of those painkillers, they worked wonders last night…”
As Henry stepped through the door and turned to close it, he heard call out one last time
“AND I TOLD YOU TO DROP THE SIR, ARSEHOLE!”

The door closed with a chuckle, leaving Hans in uncomfortable silence, alone with his thoughts again. He already felt lonely and bored again, even if Henry’s visit had relieved him of some stress. He walked back to his bed, laying down before reaching under his pillow, pulling out a bloody red scarf…

Henry was nothing but trouble for Hans.

Chapter Text

Henry was losing his mind.
It’s only been a week since he visited Hans, but the time in between was nothing but a hazy blur. The Neuhof massacre was a brutal scene, taking Henry right back to Skalitz that he had tried so hard to repress, his mind blanked, lost control of itself, like he was watching someone else as he interviewed the victims, followed their tracks, found 2 bandits to the north, one of them noticed him…
…
Henry’s new sword slid out of the bandit’s gut, leaving behind a clean slice and a sharp opening in the bandit’s gut. He wouldn’t live for much longer…
Henry grabbed his hair, dragging the poor man’s face up
“TELL ME WHERE YOUR PEOPLE ARE HIDING YOU BASTARDS!”
The man didn’t respond, didn’t look at him, desperately trying to hold onto his guts, slowly falling out of his wound.
He finally looked up at Henry, with eyes that spoke not of hate, of denial, of pride or desperation… It was fear, fear of Henry.
Henry came to his senses, letting his hair go, the man falling to the ground with a heavy thud that would haunt Henry forever, if he had heard it. Blood rushed to Henry’s head, his breathing grew faster and heavier, making him unable to contain whatever remained in his stomach.
…
Henry walked absentmindedly along a stream, waiting for the charcoal burners to come into sight, pebbles and mutt followed him a few steps behind, as if distraught by the boy’s blank expression. He did his best not to think, not to worry, not to care, and he hated that it worked, that he didn’t even remember the entire fight, only the brutal end. He looked around confused, then looked down at his map.
“Fuck i went the wrong way.”
He wasn’t experienced in reading the map, navigating directions or figuring out where he was, but he couldn’t bring himself to worry about it anymore, to worry about anything anymore. He turned to his right up to another body of water, but then he spotted something, something beautiful, something that reminded him of his mother…
…
It was already late evening when he found the charcoal burners, but before he could speak to them, he realized someone else had already beaten him to them, 2 men had cornered a timid boy near the fire, clearly threatening him. Henry had to find out what they were doing here, who they were, what they were after, but before he realized, he was already drawing his bow. Just one shot was enough to make the bandit without a helmet go down…

…
Once again, he went too far…
He dropped the bandit’s lifeless body onto the other’s, observing it with confused eyes, as if he wasn’t the one that gave him the bruises, the broken bones, the bloody nose, the gouged out eye…
Henry couldn’t possibly get any more out of his stomach, instead he turned towards the terrified charcoal burner, still laying on the ground from the shock of such brutal violence. He looked up at Henry with eyes that directly pierced his soul. Henry looked down at his bloodied hands, his deformed cheap armor, his, wait the scarf wasn’t there anymore, least of his worries now, but he couldn’t recognize himself anymore, it’s been a day, a fucking day and he’s taken 4 lives, for what? Justice? Vengeance? To be a hero?
“Next time, I won’t run… I’ll never run away again”
It was no longer a promise, It was his curse…

…

Henry was woken by the sound of footsteps outside his tent, he swiftly got up, still dressed, and stepped outside to see Radzig about to enter his tent.
“There you are boy, I was about to call you for a mission.”
“What do you need of me, sir?”
“You did well, finding out the location of their camp, but it’s not enough, we need to know their numbers, their positioning, their weaknesses we can exploit.”
“And how else can I help with that”
“I need you to sneak into their ranks, find out the information about them, maybe sabotage them if you can and come back to us, alive preferably.”
Henry couldn’t hold back a sigh - “And why does it have to be me… Sir? Surely one of your soldiers is more experienced with such tasks…”
“In just a week you’ve done more than any of them could, I can’t trust anyone else with this, Henry. It’s an order, you’re in my service, remember?”
“Or I’m expendable... It's not that they couldn't do what he did, but they never bothered...” - Henry thought to himself, the venom in his heart rose, even if he knew it was misplaced, or was it? It didn’t matter, Henry would do anything to keep his thoughts at bay, his memories of the past week and all the violence he’d afflicted, all the times he’d lost control buried deep inside him, never to see sunlight again.
...

Pebbles slowly carried him up the hill, but Henry sent mutt home to the mill, tying a little letter to his leg, hoping Theresa would see it. The dog whined once before Henry gave him his last piece of smoked rabbit, back from his hunt with capon, and then it left while wagging its tail.

He missed Hans, that sense of comfort he brought to Henry’s soul, his bright smile, even brighter outfit, his kindness… Henry started thinking back at the night he spent in Hans’s room, seeking for comfort for the overwhelming chaos inside his head. Hans, joking with him. Hans comforting him. Hans not judging him, teaching him, treating him, looking back at Henry…
Henry wasn’t a fool, he always knew his feelings would never get reciprocated, that if he kept quiet about his true nature, the people he liked wouldn’t leave him, but something about the way Hans looked at him, into his soul, made him feel like he didn’t have to say anything, like it all had already been read by Hans, and that was terrifying, it almost made Henry lose his breath just imagining what would happen if Hans found out his true nature, but suddenly, a memory, lost before in exhaustion, popped up in his mind… A memory he thought of as nothing more than a dream…

Henry slightly opened his eyes, it was still dark, but something else was getting in the way of his vision. He slightly pulled his head back to see golden hair, darkened by the night, nested against his chest. He tried to reach for it, to feel it, to find out if it was real, but his hand stopped immediately, feeling something holding onto it. Something smooth, clean and seemingly fragile… Sleep took over Henry before he could fully take everything in, his mind forgetting it, discarding it as a dream, but in this moment of reminiscence, Henry wasn’t so sure anymore.
“I’m losing my mind.”

…

Henry ran as fast he could down the hill, looking back at the smoke coming from the bandit’s camp. He had to keep running and make sure no one was chasing after him, though they’d probably be too busy trying to put out the fire.
The forest was strangely quiet, contrasting to Henry’s mind. Runt was there, the same fucker that stole Henry’s sword just strutted around like a king in the dirty camp. Henry almost lost control of himself again before coming to his senses, realizing that his rage alone couldn’t get him out of such a difference in numbers. With trained stealth, he stole discarded Cuman armor, snuck into the base without anyone noticing, poisoned their foods, ;et their horses loose and lastly set fire to their arrows, running away before they could notice the smoke. He had chances, many chances, to take out a few of the bastards, but he held on tight to the control he held over himself for the first time in a week, doing his best to be strategic.
After a few minutes of running, it seemed like no one gave chase and Henry could finally stop.
“Fuck, I’m lost again”
He left pebbles by the main road, so she would be safe while he snuck around at the camp, but he didn’t expect to run so suddenly. He tried to listen to the forest, for a sign, anything, birds chirping, hares running, a wolf’s howl in a far distance, water running downstream…
That was what he needed, he ran down to the spring, knowing that if he followed it upstream, he would find the main road with pebbles.
The walk was soothing for Henry’s spirit, as if it washed away a bit of the rot growing on it. He slowly took off his Cuman disguise while walking, trying not to think about how horribly gross it made his entire body feel. The water never seemed to stop, dampening Henry’s dirty shoes, yet he didn’t mind, his eyes focused on a spot he spotted a few days earlier, filled with beautiful flowers, small, blue with yellow center and white lines, a forget-me-not.
Henry’s eyes filled up with tears at the sight, at the memories it brought out within him: A young Henry, asking his mother about them… Him weaving them into a crown, alone in a forest, as a gift for someone…
He never gave it to him, did he. That fear, that gnawing feeling inside his gut stopped him before he could show it to him.
If I never tell them about my true feelings, they won’t leave me… right?
“Next time, I won’t run” - his wish, his promise, his curse…
Why couldn’t he use it for himself for once.

…

The world was blurred again.
The army was ready, Divish and Radzig stood in front of Henry, questioning him about the positioning of the camp, the entry ways, the weak points, yet Henry didn’t seem to be in control of himself, his answers monotonous, spoken with no emotion. Radzig didn’t have time to question him as they pushed forward into the camp. Henry’s body moved, flawlessly deflecting the Bandits attacks, performing perfect combos and masterstrokes, all the fighting in the last week had made him grow, yet from the inside he watched again, as if it was someone else controlling his exhausted body.
Henry’s neck nearly snapped when he heard Runts' voice - “STAND YOUR GROUND, YOU DOGS! DRIVE THEM BACK!” - the giant man was easy to see amongst the rabble. Henry immediately gave chase, avoiding every attack swung at him, leaving his comrades behind. He shot an arrow up at the man climbing up the stairs, but it deflected off his armor. Henry immediately jumped at the ladder, running up it in just a second, cornering Runt…
‘I will cleave you in TWO! You bastard!”
“The blood ran from Henry’s head down to his body, preparing him for the battle, finally letting him feel like he was in control of himself again… He would normally be scared, of the fight, of the potential of taking someone's life, yet the rage, the seething, uncontrollable rage inside him let him keep full control this time.
“You tried before… YET here I am.”
The 2 warriors circled each other, swords in hand, yet holding themselves back from striking first
“Wha… Who the hell are you!?”
“You don’t remember me? I remember you though!”
“Where’s my fucking sword!?”
“What the fuck are you on about? What swo…” -The man tilted his head, staring at Henry, which pissed him off more than he expected, tainting the feeling that he got from someone else doing the same motion -”hang on… You’re the!... Fuck me! I thought we left you for the crows! Tough little fucker, eh?”
“What did you do, with my sword!?” - Every second that passed made Henry lose more and more control of himself… no that wasn’t right, he was in full control, this rage… It was all him
“Judging by our last encounter, you’ve made a big mistake coming here.”
“WHERE’S MY FUCKING SWORD!!!”
“But then again, maybe you’ve had some practice since last time. I hope so, ‘cause last time it was too FUCKING EAS…”
Before he could finish his sentence henry was already in his face, a strike from the left, then a strike from the right, Runt had no time to defend as Henry followed up another slash with a kick into his knee, making him buckle, but he didn’t stop either, throwing a weak slash at Henry’s leg, which got parried. The giant swiftly rose to his feet again, trying to go on the offensive, but all of his attacks got blocked at the last second, yet not retaliated, Henry wasn’t struggling, he had Runt dancing in his palm the entire fight. As the man threw one last desperate slash at Henry from the right, he parried it and struck his pommel straight into Runt’s temple, making him daze, Henry threw another punch straight into the giant’s gut, then another, and another, knocking him to the ground, wheezing for air. For good measure, he sliced the man’s shoulder’s making him unable to hold a weapon anymore.
“Not bad… for a peasant brat…”
He tried to reach for his dagger, one last desperate move, but Henry stepped on his Hand, breaking his fingers before kneeling down and picking up the dagger runt tried to reach for with one hand, grabbing his neck with the other and placing the knife on his throat, already making it slightly bleed.
“It’s not over yet, YOU SCUM! Where’s my fucking sword!”
Silence…
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH IT!!!”
“HAHAHAHA”
Henry couldn’t believe it, after everything he’s done, after everything he’s gone through, this scum, was mocking him… in the face of death, he still laughed at Henry.
Henry laughed as well, for just a second, as he slammed the man’s face into the floor with full force.
“TALK, YOU BASTARD”
“I’ll see you… In… HELL.”
Runt’s last words as Henry’s rage boiled over the limit, and despite that, he knew that he didn’t lose control, that what was happening was all his doing.
The giant’s face slammed into the floor, over and over and over and over… Henry felt it, his nose get squishier, his teeth falling out, his skull crumble under the constant force until what Henry was grabbing was nothing more than a meatbag… It was gratifying and he hated himself for it.
“TELL ME DO YOU HEAR ME!!! TELL ME WHAT YOU’VE DONE WITH IT!!!”
“Ahem…”
Henry looked back with eyes full of rage until the sight of Radzig and Robard snapped him out of it, he slowly looked back at Runt’s lifeless body before letting go of his neck and the dagger, watching it drop to the ground with less resistance than a normal head would have.
“I’d say.. You’re flogging a dead horse there…”
Henry’s breathing quickened, unable to comprehend what he had done, Radzig slowly approached him and Henry flinched, expecting a shout, scream, disgust, anger, anything, instead Radzig simply looked down at the corpse with disgust on his face
“You took him down, on your own?”
“Well done… Nice work!”
Well done? How could he say to Henry after seeing what he just did, after everything he had done, what was wrong with everyone.
“He was a mountain of a man, you surprised me.”
That’s all?
Henry caught his breath, standing up and avoiding his gaze from the squashed body, - “He was the one who attacked Neuhof… And stole your sword, Sir.”
“The thought did cross my mind… What did he tell you?”
Henry couldn’t answer, he had nothing to answer with, all he managed was to close his eyes and shake his head.
“If we had taken him alive, the executioner might have gotten more out of him! Oh well, things happen in the heat of battle.”
Henry’s mind was blurring again, Radzig switched the subject , talking about something to do with coins, but Henry couldn’t take his eyes off of Robard, who poked the giants head with his mace, only to find no resistance and look up at the boy in shock. Henry averted his gaze in shame, but before he completely blurred his mind he heard something from Radzig.
“This… louse was just a pawn”
Henry couldn’t hold it anymore, all this time, all this effort, all this killing, yet he was still a pawn in a game he never wanted to play. The rage, the sadness, the guilt rushed up again from his body, He leaned over the window before throwing up. Robard place his hand on his back
“That’s the fear leaving you lad, let it go”
“No”
That wasn’t right, it wasn’t fear.
It was disgust, of himself.
And it would never leave Henry.

Chapter Text

“Who does that damned peasant think he is, abandoning his lordship like this!”
Hans was pacing around his room, going crazy from being forcefully locked up by the guards, not allowed to leave his room after Hanush found out he snuck someone in at night, even though it was just Henry. That’s right, It’s just Henry, so why was his absence taking such a toll on Hans. It’s not like he didn’t have enough on his plate, like recovering, for example. Yet no matter what he did, his thoughts would always lead to him…
“Damn you and your big sad eyes Henry Of SKalitz!!!”

There was a sudden knock on his door, making Hans stop right in his tracks. The knock wasn’t just one and quiet, so it wasn’t Henry’s, they didn’t announce themselves so it wasn’t a servant, still curiosity got the better of him and said aloud that they could come in.

A fair maiden slowly opened his door and stepped in, at first striking Hans’s eye with her beauty, but only for a second, because under the external beauty Hans instantly spotted something familiar… A look of grief, guilt, exhaustion that he had observed on Henry before.
“You must be Theresa?” - He politely bowed his head, unable to fully follow up his body with the proper motion, the pain in his ribs immediately stiffening his entire body.
“I’m surprised you know my name… Sir. I don’t think we’ve met before.” - She politely bowed back and walked over to the desk in his room, putting down a small satchel.
“Henry mentioned his friend that he was living with at the mill, and you two have a certain look about you, I don’t see it often on anyone else”
Theresa slightly raised her brows, faking the face and tone of someone being insulted - “I’ll take that as a compliment, my grace” -but she couldn’t hold the offended tone for long, flashing Hans with a sheepish grin that was ever too familiar.
Hans chuckled to himself - “My apologies, but it seems you two really are alike… Would you happen to know where he is… He didn’t tell me before disappearing, and my uncle’s been avoiding the topic like the plague.”
“I’m actually here because he asked me to, Sir Hans.” - Theresa pointed at the satchel she had placed down, -”Our dog came back to the mill this morning, even though it went with Henry on his mission, and it had a little paper note wrapped around its leg. It just said to bring you some phial’s from his chest, nothing more or less.”
“I’m sorry, a mission!?” - Hans huffed out in surprise -”That fool couldn’t keep up with me in a duel for more than 4 swings and they sent him out on a mission?”
“I heard he got you good in the jaw though” - The girl’s voice was slightly quiet, poking fun at Hans but not in a way that wounded his ego.
“Oh yeah? And which gossiper told you that?”
“Henry did, the same night, before your grand hunt, he seemed pretty pleased with himself too”
“AHA, I’ll be sure to punish that fool when he dares show his face around me again” - Hans couldn’t even mask the trace of a laugh in his tone. He felt so natural, so relaxed, talking about Henry with his friend.
“So you’re telling me that fool is running around, drowning in menial errands and still had time to send a dog, of all things, with a message to take care of me?” - The thought itself felt strange to Hans. It was… comforting. Noone else cared for him that much, worried about him despite their problems like that, looked after him outside of duty, especially a peasant who had recently lost everything.
‘’Aye, that’s Hal for ya, caring about everyone and everything, even if he’s going through hell himself…” - Theresa bit her tongue before she said too much, but Hans caught on quickly.
“How do you mean that, Miss theresa… And you can relax a bit around me, I promise I won’t pounce or do whatever you’ve heard about me in the city.”
“I know Hans, that you’re a good person, Hal hasn’t forgotten to mention that, It’s just that I don’t want to talk about his problems behind his back, y’know?”
“By that do you mean him barely sleeping or him walking around when he finally does?”
“How did you… Right, I suppose you’ve already spent a few nights together, eh?”
“What’s that supposed to mean exactly!”
“The fact that you haven’t gotten rid of him yet despite his… issues shows that you’ve got a good heart… Sir.”
“Yeah right, he saved my life, the least I owe him is a shoulder to lean on…”
“You’re a noble, sir. At most you owe him some groschen as a reward, nothing more.”
“And the least that bastard owes me is a warning before he fucks off for a week, but here we are… Sorry, I didn’t mean to swear in front of you”
“Oh please, you’ve already dropped your mask, no need to keep it up much, my lord” - there it was, that similar sheepish grin, that tone that was mocking and comforting at the same time.
“You two are just taking turns wounding me, huh” - Hans chuckled and walked over to Theresa’s satchel, taking out a phial and staring at it. It was marked this time, a small paper stuck to it with a scribble that Hans could barely make out… Henry’s handwriting, no doubt. He smiled to himself, happy that his friend was making use of their lesson. He quickly gulped it down, realizing that Henry had added something to make it taste less bitter, and the pain in his ribs disappeared almost immediately.
“That Hal of yours… He is some chemist, I’ve never had a potion that worked so well before…”
Theresa scrunched her face for a bit, thinking back to past memories - “Aye, his mother… She was a kind woman, and very smart as well. She started teaching Henry all about it from an early age, even though he got picked on for it more than once… He never stopped.”
“Who was he picked on by? I doubt there were many children your age in Skalitz, considering Its size.”
“There were… enough. I never was much close to Henry, but I knew a friend… Bianka. Those two were practically joint at the hip, with how much time they spent together.”
“Oh… Is she… Was she his…”
“No one knew, they always denied it, but no one believed it, after all It’s unheard of for a boy and a girl to spend so much time together without something happening, right?”
“Aye, but so far that blacksmith has been nothing but contradictions in my experience…”
“That he can be, sir.” - Theresa spoke plainly, but the hidden intent behind her words made Hans curious, curious enough to dive in just a little deeper. Theresa got up to leave, quietly approaching the door, as she opened it, Hans made up his mind and asked.
“He’s… Henry’s hiding something, isn’t he… about himself.”
Theresa didn’t look back, freezing in the doorway for a split second before speaking up - “Isn’t everyone?” - A simple question, that left Hans spiraling as she closed the door behind her.

…

Hans had to get away for a bit.
He was sick of his noble duties after hours of listening to peasants and their most uninteresting problems all day.
“Master, my neighbor keeps emptying his pisspot in my yard…”
“Master the butcher is fucking my wife!”
“Master… Master … Sir… My lord…”
Sick of it, ALL of it, yet he kept up his appearance the whole day, of an interested noble, an interested disciple of Hanush, pretending to study his every move and decision, all of which he already knew, not like Hanush would notice or acknowledge that…
Hans walked into his room, making sure no guards were standing outside. He put on a simple dark tunic, a dark hood over his head, regular garter hose and unremarkable shoes, turning him practically invisible in a crowd where his usual yellow pourpoint and red scarf made him stand out. He wordlessly snuck past the Rattay gates, walking down the road, past the farms, past even the bathhouse, into the nearby forest. Just past a few trees, was a small field, uninhabited, nothing but flowers he didn’t know the names of on the ground. The colors were calming for him, surrounded by trees, safe from an outsiders' gaze. The breeze gently brushed across the grass that he laid on, enjoying the peace, the quiet…
The freedom.
Not for long though.
After a few minutes of aimlessly looking up at the sky, he heard a noise coming from the bushes, then a swear of a man, annoyed at the world. Hans felt a little panicked, he hadn’t brought much with him to not attract attention, other than a dagger… He slid into a nearby bush, waiting in silence as an armored man, not wearing any lord’s colors, stumbled out of the trees, stopping at the beautiful site, looking dazed for a second. He had his visor down, alongside with full armor, this wasn’t a fight Hans could easily win, but something in his gut pushed him forward, lunging at the man from behind, wrapping his arm around his neck and tripping him up with his foot in one motion, his body was fully recovered and capable now. Hans dropped to the ground while still holding his arm around the man, placing his dagger on his neck before the man could fight back.
“Ah, fucking hell, where the fuck did you come from!” - The voice was muffled from inside the visor, but it made Hans hesitate before stabbing him, instead asking a question.
“Who do you work for, bandit! You’re not wearing anyone’s colors!”
“For Sir Radzig Kobyla, and technically Heir of Rattay, Hans Capon, now let me go won’t you, asshole!?”
“Wait, HENRY!?” - Hans couldn’t believe his ears, recognising his page’s way of talking, even if muffled by a helmet.
“What the… Hans? What the fuck are you doing? And here?”
“Well last time I was in a forest, the Cumans got me, so I hope you’ll forgive my wariness Henry.” - The sarcasm in his voice was laced with something… New. Not quite jealousy, not quite anger, more of an annoyance than anything.
“I… Right, sorry.” -Henry apologized. Of course he did, even when things weren’t his fault.
“Jesus Christ be praised Henry, where the fuck have you been, what happened, why are you dressed like a bandit…” - The questions didn’t stop there, but Henry’s comprehension did,
“I was just on a mission, alright? Nothing much happened. Radzig will have returned by now, i suppose you’ll need to be there to listen in on their grand noble debates…” - something about Henry’s voice, anger, exhaustion… Spite. It surprised Hans, after all Henry and Radzig seemed to hold each other in high regard, yet the young page spoke about his lord in a cold demeanor.
“Did something happen out there? You’re acting strange Henry.”
“Please Capon, like you know how I act normally!” - Henry couldn’t hold back his tone, but immediately regretted it, his voice dropping - “Shit… I’m sorry Hans, I didn’t mean …”- before he could keep fumbling with his words, Hans went close to him. Henry expected a punch, a slap, a push, spit, everything worse that he deserved, instead… Hans placed his hand on his shoulder, in a calming manner that instantly influenced Henry.
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that, okay Hal? You clearly need rest aaaand… How about this, I’ll be going down to the bathhouse after the meeting with Radzig finishes, and I’d like you to join me, a good soak will do a tired man like you wonders.
Henry still looked baffled, surprised. Anyone else would have thrown him away by now, discarded him without a second thought, gotten angrier at him, yet Hans simply understood him, gave him space, helping him through his toughest time that seemingly demanded nothing in return.
It was new, unknown, scary for Henry, yet he couldnt put a name to his feelings.

…
Hans opened the door into a room stuffed with noble air. Radzig, Hanush and Divish sat at the high seats of a long table, all three’s personal bodyguards standing close behind them.
“Finally, my wart graces us with his presence.” - A biting remark that would have worked on Hans any other day, but meeting Henry again had given him too much joy to let Hanush soil it.
“Apologies, Uncle, I wasn’t warned about this meeting by anyone until I ran into Henry.”
“How is he lad?” - Radzig asked suddenly, stunning Hans for a split second, confused on why Radzig would care or ask now of all times.
“He seemed… Tired, so I sent him to his home rather than making him accompany me here.”
“Why would he…” - Hanush tried to speak, but Hans interrupted him.
“He’s my page isn’t he, that’s your words uncle, not mine… And I’ve wanted to take him in as my squire since the hunting trip.” - He turned to Radzig, who seemed surprised at Hans’s kindness - “If that’s alright with you, my lord. Of course he will be in your service when needed as well.”
“I’m just surprised by your kindness lad, I’d be glad if Henry was a squire to a man like you.” - The compliment was simple, without hidden meaning, a hidden bite being hidden in it, which surprised Hans’s expectations, developed under Hanush’s constant venom.
Hans sat down at the table, two seats away from Hanush, not too close, but close enough to make it clear Hanush couldn’t easily get rid of Hans easily.
“You came at a good time, sir Hans. We were just about to start discussing our raid on the bandit’s that have been plaguing our region since the raid on Skalitz…”
…
Hans couldn’t believe his ears as Radzig recounted everything that had gone down. He was kept in the dark from it, ALL OF IT. Then Radzig got near the end, speaking about how Henry scouted out ahead, found excellent strategic points and sabotaged the army. Then it came to the final battle. How the enemy archers were lacking because of the broken arrows, how the small army was easily defeated due to the effects of Henry’s poison. How they couldn’t run because Henry let their horses loose…
That guy, he was a hero in this fight, yet when Hans saw him, he looked anything but… He was dressed in armor he had clearly taken from a bandit, not high quality, or markings of something made in Rattay. He kept his visor down even in the heat of the afternoon, he was easily overtaken by Hans, who had just recovered from injuries. Something was wrong with him, and Hans, he wasn’t there… He should have been there, investigating with Henry, fighting alongside Henry, yet he was at home, being angry at the man who was going through hell, yet still spent precious time worrying about Hans.
“Henry cornered the giant of a leader alone in the abandoned church. By the time we got to them… There wasn’t much of the bastard left…”
Robard grimaced at the mere mention of that moment, he had seen a lot in his days, but no one quite had turned a man’s skull into bone soup in front of him.
Hans raised his eyebrows, wanting to ask more, but Hanush stopped him, clearly interested in something else.
“AND??? What about the gold they were operating with, they had to have had some kind of a funding right!?”
Of course.
“It was… fake. All of it. A convincing fake, but lacking the seal of the real Italian court.”
Hanush started spitting while cursing loudly, earning a frown from everyone in the room. - “Then what was the fucking point of all this Radzig!?”
Divish, who had been quiet until now, ran out of patience - “The point, Hanush, is that Bandit’s won’t be bothering us at least for a couple of months and our people will be safe!”
Hanush leaned back into his chair, like a pouting child, much to Hans’s amusement. He still had a million questions for Radzig, but deemed them inappropriate for the moment, most of them were about Henry after all. So he perked his ears up, listening to everything else Radzig said, writing them down.
“That giant, he was just a lackey, wasn’t he.”
Radzig’s eyebrows furrowed, he grabbed his nose bridge, trying to massage away a headache that had been nested in him for a few days now.
“Aye, we still don’t know who was behind it all, behind them.”
“Henry and I had a question about that, Sir Radzig.”
“Henry? And what can I help you two with?”
“I saw in the reports that the gate was opened right before the enemy appeared, leaving Skalitz vulnerable. But we couldn’t find any reports on why it was opened. Supposedly a guest was leaving at the time, but there was no names on the reports.”
Radzig’s expression changed, a hidden feeling rising to the top, but before Hans could observe or pry further, Hanush interrupted the two.
“And what would you know Hans, you haven’t even read the reports in my office or shown any interest in the raid before, stop spouting nonsense just to impress Radzig, it won’t get you far! You’re dismissed”
“But uncle…”
“DISMISSED I said, get out of here!”
None of the other lord’s spoke back to Hanush this time, no one came to Hans’s defence, and he lost his tongue, now of all times, just like every other time Hanush seemingly got mad out of nowhere for no reason.
Hans didn’t wait long, just put on his charming noble smile, bowing to the lords before leaving the room, but he took one last look at Radzig, seeing that his question brought up something in his mind, wishing he could pry further.

…

“I need some relief for fuck’s sake, they’re all driving me to insanity.”
He stomped down the street’s of Rattay, approaching the gate when he spotted Henry walking out of an armour shop. Holding a bag of new armor. Henry grimaced as he threw the bag over his shoulder, hoping to make it more bearable but instead making the weight lean on his shoulder wound. Hans approached him without second thought, startling Henry into almost dropping the bag.
“Shopping are we? Where did you even get enough groschen for this stuff, that’s at least a couple thousand, isn’t it.”
“Hans, what the hell…” - Henry straightened himself up, fixing his posture and hiding the pain from his face -”I got rewarded by Sir Radzig quite well, and I’ve… taken some stuff from bandit’s who can no longer use them. Trading is important for us peasants, you know, I can’t just demand new armor at whim like your noble arse.”
Hans raised his eyebrows at the remark, but didn’t get mad, surprisingly. Instead he unknowingly tilted his head to look into Henry’s eyes…
A sudden noise made him jump on the spot a little as Henry fell back, dropping his new set of armor on the ground. Hans was startled by it for a second before leaning down to help the blacksmith up, instead in his eyes Hans saw… Something raw, a mix of rage, guilt and fear. He couldn’t figure out why, or what had caused that. Henry’s breath was running short and he was failing to get up, attracting attention from nearby citizens.
“Henry, what’s wrong? Are you alright?” - Hans placed his hand on the man’s shoulder, hoping to calm him down but to no avail. The man looked up at him with disoriented eyes, a single tear welling up in his left eye.
Hans, confused on what to do, cupped Henry’s chin with his other hand, leaning in closer before stopping himself…
“What the fuck am i doing” - He thought to himself before coming back to his senses. He spoke, aloud but not enough for others to hear - “It’s alright Henry, you’re safe… safe with me, alright? Come to your senses already!”
Henry’s eyes finally focused.
He looked around, looking a little confused at first, as if he didn’t even remember getting here. Hans held out his hand and Henry took it, slowly rising to his feet.
“Hans… What the fuck happened.”
“You tell me, I look at you once and you’re on the ground having a panic attack in the middle of the town!”
“I… I’m sorry, I…”
“It’s alright, you’ve calmed down at least. Listen, I’ll help you carry your armor to your home and after that, don’t forget to come to the bathhouse in the evening, alright?”
“R-Right… Thanks, Hans.”
They walked in awkward silence, Hans expected he would have to carry some of the armor all the way down to the mill, but Henry pointed at a small room right outside of lower Pirkstein castle.
“Radzig gave it to me, for good service he said… “
Hans couldn’t believe it at first, how fast his friend was progressing, without him...
He dropped the bag at the entryway, looking back at Henry again to make sure he was alright, sensing that what his page needed was a bit of alone time for now.
“Just don’t come too early to the bathhouse, come at sundown. I’ll be having some company until then…”
“Right...”

…

Henry watched Hans leisurely walk out of the town gates, down to the bathhouse. Sun still stood high, giving him ample time before he had to go to the bathhouse himself, to prepare… for what? It wasn’t like he and Hans were going to bathe together, at most Hans would try sending a wench to cheer Henry up and he’d have to masterfully deny them one way or another. Yet he was still excited, finally able to take his thoughts away from the past week that were eating him alive. His new room was small, a bit stuffy, but it was Henry’s, something he earned on his own. There was a simple wardrobe, 2 chests and a straw bed. In the corner was a small table and 2 old stools. It wasn’t much, but the sight of it all made Henry’s heart flutter. He wouldn’t have to bother Theresa anymore, he could start somewhere, enjoy some alone time…
After placing his armor in a chest, Henry went outside to the stables, to empty Pebbles' saddlebags from random loot he had gathered on his mission. Swords, helmet, a broken cuirass, dirty gambersons, a lot of dice which he put in his satchel, flowers…
After sorting his stuff in the chests, he looked over at his groschen count, enough to leisurely live for a couple of months, maybe even get something new for himself.
He walked back out into the street, refusing to stay in the loneliness of his room…
Henry walked up to the tailor’s shop, the shopkeeper warily looking at him, expecting trouble when spotting his dirty and tattered clothes. The green shirt and dark-green hose that had been his only set of clothes for a month now, already fading in color and quality.
Henry showed the man a small bag of groschen before asking to look around, finally getting the wary eyes taken off him.
It was fascinating, having so many options in front of him. Before, Martin would occasionally bring him new clothes in Skalitz and that was it, he never had to make a choice or worry about fashion, but this was different, so many styles, options, quality, and it was his choice to make, not someone else’s. One of the few things Henry had gained control on after Skalitz…
Looking through the options, he picked out 3 simple tunics, green, blue and black and 3 hoses that matched those tunics, then he got to the hoods, thinking back to his scarf that he had lost, a gift from his mother. He couldn’t quite remember when he lost it, but it stung all the same. The tailor offered different options, not just scarves, but hoods that weren’t all that common in Skalitz, yet seemed to be in fashion in Rattay, Hans included…
In the end he just got a blue hood, unable to replace the significance of his Ma’s gift with another scarf.
After exiting the tailor, he went to a bakery that smelled heavenly, the smell of baked bread, honey cakes and different sweets filled the air nearby, driving back the dirty street’s smell.
The simple things were enjoyable again for Henry, surprising even him with how much his mood lightened when biting into the sweetened bread. He picked up a few more before walking out into the street. His spare groschen was already running low.
Henry went back to his new room, placing his new outfits in the small closet, except for the green tunic and hose. After getting dressed in the fresh clothes, he took the rest of the baked goods and went down to the mill, hoping to meet Theresa.

Henry walked leisurely down the dusty road, passing some familiar and many unfamiliar faces. The sun hung warm and golden over him, still quite a bit away from going down, casting long shadows of trees gently swaying in the summer breeze.
The birds chirped in the branches, flowers rested at the roots, painting a beautiful, peaceful picture in Henry’s mind, taking it off of his woes, even if only for a brief moment.
…
“Look at you Hal, I see you’ve finally found some decent clothes”
“I’m glad to see you Theresa, how have you been?”
“So, so. How about you? You didn’t tell us much about your big mission before disappearing. How did it go?”
“Us?”
“Me and your dear Capon. He was very pissed that you disappeared without letting him know in advance.”
“And how did you find that out…”
“I brought him the phials, like you asked, remember? Although it was strange to see Mutt run in with something attached to his leg, gave me a fright for a second you know!”
“Right, sorry Tess, I was going to come and do it myself, but I got stuck on the other side of the region, near Talmberg.” - He shifted a bit uncomfortably, as if wanting to ask a thousand questions he wasn’t supposed to, but Theresa could read through his anxiety well enough. She rolled her eyes at his squirming, flicking him on the forehead.
“Nothing happened Hal, you can quit worrying, we had a little talk and he lost his anger in a second. He seems like a decent person, when he drops his noble mask.”
“I… How’d y’know I was thinking abou…”
“Oh please Hal, It’s written all over your face. You used to hide your feelings better before.” - She smiled at him, a genuine, warm smile that didn’t judge, that didn’t hate, yet it scared Henry to his core, stiffening his legs, making him freeze on the spot for a few seconds.
“She knows! Does she know? How could she know!? I’m fucked, I’m so fucked” - Finally, he looked up, staring into Theresa’s warm smile, her knowing eyes, but the fear, that overwhelming dread that plagued him with melancholy his whole life wouldn’t let go of him, not even now, not even when he felt the safest he had felt in a month. Instead, he took a step back towards the door, trying to mask his voice, filled with fear - “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Theresa. It’s not like that!”
“Isn’t it?”
“NO!” - His voice came out louder than he meant to, hitting his own eardrums like a mace to the head - “Just leave it Theresa! You’re suggesting something horrible and you know that, I…” - He hated it, hated those words coming out of him, hated the tone he had taken towards one of his only remaining friends, but the idea of someone knowing about his… curse, brought with it a crippling fear, of everyone knowing, of everyone condemning him, of everything changing. Bianca was different, because she was like him, but Theresa…
Henry stepped outside and slammed the door behind him, trying to catch his breath before running off.

The bathhouse was right there, promising Henry a safe spot for a minute to gather himself, but he forgot the warning from hans. He went up to the door that he had only opened once before, a few weeks prior on a visit to the bathhouse, and pushed it open, much to his mistake.
“Who the fuck!? HENRY!? I told you to come in the evening!”
Henry’s reaction was delayed as he looked up, focusing his eyes on the sight of Hans, whose naked body was pressed against another woman. A wench was… to Hans…
He immediately stumbled backwards and slammed the door in front of him.
“What the fuck is happening today” - He blurted outloud before turning back and aimlessly running off again, his mind darkening with each passing second. He ended up at the entrance to an empty field, the same one where Hans had ambushed him earlier.
He stepped into the clearing without thinking, brushing past the last of the trees, then stopped. The forest gave way to a small, open field, no more than a few dozen paces across. It was empty, save for the flowers. They grew wild and free, untouched by plow or foot, swaying gently in the breeze. Poppies, cornflowers, and wild daisies painted the grass in soft reds, blues, and whites.
He stood there for a while, silent. Something about the place felt different… peaceful, untouched. The flowers weren’t just beautiful, they felt free, growing wherever they pleased, unbound by rule or hand. And in that moment, so far from the noise and burden of the world, he realized he hadn’t seen anything so simple… or so free… in a long time. He couldn’t take this in earlier, but this time it all hit him at once, overwhelming the chaos inside Henry’s mind.
He fell on his back, sinking into the colourful field, looking up at the sky. He understood why Hans would run to this place. It calmed his mind, gave his thoughts a linear path, a chance to think without pain. The breeze was cooling, but the sun was warming, both coexisting within Henry’s senses instead of fighting, making him relax into the earth.

Why? Why did I care about what Hans did? I Always knew it would never come back, didn’t I? I say I don’t care, but I just care too much. I miss the person I was before Skalitz, yet I hated myself back there. I crave attention, love, touch, yet I reject him at every turn, then get mad at him. I want to avenge my parents, but I'm breaking along the way. Runt… That bastard, When Hans looked at me that way, the same way he did, it made me lose myself again, like I've done so many times in the past few weeks… Theresa, I need to apologize, I was afraid everything would have changed, but she didn’t look at me with hate and if i don’t get over this fear, It’ll never be the same either way…
Capon, he’s like a light in darkness for me, but I don’t know why. I've liked men before, I’ve never liked girls like that before, but he’s different… something special I can’t explain. Or can’t I?
“I.”

“I love him.”

“Even if I don’t know what that means.”

The sun was going down.
…

Hans couldn’t keep going.

He had come here early to blow off some steam in the first place, to stop worrying about the stress that Hanush had caused him, but when he saw Henry’s face, standing in the doorway, looking dumbfounded for a second, with pain in his eyes, something about it made Hans’s blood rush to his head, a mix of embarrassment, worry and guilt. As Henry slammed the door behind him,He pushed himself off the wench, immediately fumbling to get dressed.

The bathmaiden looked at hims with confused eyes.
“Did I do something wrong, good sir?”
“No, no, I just realised I need to do something else, just wait here and… Fill up the tub with hot water.”
“As you comma…”
She hadn’t even finished her sentence when Hans had already run outside.
What am I doing, chasing after him?
As if! Who does he think he is, I clearly told him to wait before evening, the sun is still high for fucks sake.
As soon as he left the bathhouse yard, a dog tackled him.
Mutt was excitedly wagging his tail, running in circles around Capon. He only had to look once at the dog before realizing they both wanted the same thing, to find Henry. The dog ran a bit ahead, going down the road past the bathhouse, near the place where Hans had ambushed Henry earlier.
The dog ran in ahead, but Hans hesitated.
He was… nervous.
“FUCK.”
Had he been inconsiderate towards Henry?
Had he been too considerate?
He’s never had someone be so… nice to him. Not because it was duty, or because they were sucking up to him, but because he liked him.
“You better not fuck this up, Capon.”
He slowly walked past the trees, looking up at the sky, the sun was going down…
He heard talking of Henry before he could see him, unable to make out the words. In the colorful field, there was a boy dressed in green, blending into the grass, patting the dog with a big smile and tired eyes.
Hans approached silently, saying not a word, standing just a meter behind his friend.
“I sure hope a noble doesn’t ambush me twice in the same day, in the same spot”
Henry moved his head and leaned his body backwards, looking up at Hans with his sheepish grin, fluttering his eyes from the sunlight.
“If the peasant wasn’t so damn quiet and suspicious, I wouldn’t have to.” - Hans looked down at him, unable to hold back a smile of relief, relieved that Henry was alright.
“Are you done with your “pRioR buSineSs?”
“Are you done with your sulking?”
“I wasn’t sulking! I was… brooding. I heard it’s in fashion nowadays.”
“It doesn’t suit you, my dear page.” - Hans held out his arm for Henry, helping him get up.-”Come, a hot tub awaits us, we don’t want it to get cold!”
“Us?”
“Of course, why else would I have invited you to go together, just to sit in separate rooms? Or were you expecting me to pay for a wench to service you and send you off?’’ - He grinned at Henry and punched him in the gut with his elbow without any force, in friendly gesture.
“No, definitely not that, actually I had zero idea what you wanted.”
“My, my so clueless, my dear page. It’s okay, you’ll learn! I swear on my capon name!”
“Aye, if you say so.”
They walked in silence again, but this time, it wasn’t awkward, filled with tension, instead, it was comforting…

…

“Do I really have to do this Hans. I want to get in already!”
‘’Consider it an order or a personal favour, whichever you prefer!”
“Ugh fiiine!” - Henry rolled his special dice, weighted for misfortune on purpose. He had decided to hold himself back when it came to Hans, but he wouldn’t get a wench out of her clothes for him either. 6 dice and none of them added up to any points, what a tragedy!
“Lady Luck’s not on your side today, Is it Henry! You better roll better next time.”
“Yea, yea, shut up capon, you already got your ass handed to you by Zdena, so your honors in the dirt right now.”
“Watch your tone, peasant!” - Hans gulped down another cup of the bathhouse wine and broke out in laughter as Zdena rolled 3 threes and 3 twos.
Henry faked a grimace as Zdena rolled a new set, scoring another 500 points, only a little bit from victory, but she withheld her die for the next round.
“Come on Henry, DO ME PROUD!”
The sudden change of tone in Hans’s voice caused Henry to turn his head as his dice rolled, but when he looked down, the grimace on his face became real.
“6 ones, are you kidding me” - He whispered to himself as Zdena looked down at it in shock.
“My, my, laddie, I’ve never seen such luck before, are you sure you’re not cheating!” - her tone was accusing, but she didn’t follow through.
“That’s right Henry! You show her!”
“Looks like i’m the one who will be doing the showing” -Zdena quietly walked out of the room to get changed, Hans followed her with his eyes, already a little slurred from alcohol. Henry stood behind him, right at the edge of the tub, blocking off his view.
“Like you requested, you’re no longer the only one with his arse on show.”
“And I’ll forever be thankful for that, my dear Henry. Now strip off and get in here!”
“What, seriously, with you? Isn’t that a bit much for me to get in a tub with you… Sir?”
“Oh drop it and get in already, I’m not interested in your hairy arse.’’
Henry had a look of disappointment in his eyes for a split second before pulling off his hose and shoes, but when he reached for his tunic, he hesitated, remembering the cuts and ugly bruises he had accumulated over the week. Without taking it off he stepped into the tub
‘’Shift over, I don’t wanna step on anything viTaL.” - Henry stepped one foot into the tub, measuring his balance before raising his other one, ignoring the mute pain in his bones and slowly sitting down in the water, doing his best to avoid any skin contact between him and Hans.
“Alright, give me a moment and I’ll ROLL IT UP AGAIN” - Hans finally took an eye away from the door to where Zdena had disappeared and looked back at Henry, rolling his eyes. - “why have you still got your tunic, It’s not a laundry basket you know, or are you a blushing maiden underneath your shirt!?” - his tone was accusatory but with a heavy hint of just poking fun.
“I just, got a nasty injury, I’d rather not get it wet right now” - Henry relaxed his body a bit more, putting his arms over the edges to hold himself up while slumping the rest of his body, the warm water tightly hugged his exhausted and dirty skin, sinking into every scratch and injured part of his body, providing a soothing comfort.
“Is there medicine in this water? All my injuries are feeling a lot better all of the sudden.”
“You talk as if you’ve never been to a bathhouse!”
“I have… just once though, and it was to just wash my clothes…”
“Oh my dear page, that explains so much” - Henry raised his eyebrows as Hans waves a hand in front of his noses, signaling the smell that Henry’s overworked body was exuding - “And yes, Henry, I had them put in extra medicine into the water for you, don’t think I didn’t notice your wincing when we saw each other earlier.”
“I’m… Thank you, Hans.”
He watched nervously as Zdena walked back out with another bathmaid, named Klara. They both approached the tub from different directions, Klara moving in closer to Henry, placing her gentle hands on the boys shoulders to massage them. At the same time Zdena threw in more herbs, poured in some hot water and left the room again. Henry took his attention from them back to Hans, hoping he wouldn’t get seen.
The view was… a lot for Henry. Hans’s eyes were half lidded from alcohol, his face brightening red from the hot water, he was staring at Klara at first, but then turned to face Henry as well, his lips curled upwards into a genuine smile, one unbefitting for a noble. His hair was damp and flat against his skull, messily sprawled around his head instead of slicked back like. It was an endearing sight, watching Hans drop his noble mask and relax. They hadn’t gotten to spend much time together yet, so everytime Henry saw a new sight, a new version of his friend, it made his heart flutter.
“You certainly know how to have a good time, Hans”
Hans handed him a cup filled with cheap smelling wine -” Here drink, It’s not terribly high quality, but it should do the job.”
‘’Don’t mind if I do, give me that”
Hans watched Henry gulp down the wine, extra intently observing his throat as the drink disappeared into it.
“That’s the spirit!”
Henry looked up at him, a tear staining his eye from the sour after taste of wine, making Hans’s heart skip a bit. He licked his lips before speaking up again.
“So this is how you recuperate from your injuries? Booze and wenches?”
“Of course! Is there any other way? Not to say that your potions didn’t help, they certainly spared me a lot of healing pains, but nothing beats this!”
Henry’s lips curved into a half smile, but he turned his head down instead, washing off the dirt and grimace from the parts of his body that he let expose.
“So you have fully recovered from our hunting adventure?”
“I’m well enough Henry, these bath’s are just the thing, and Zdena is very… heeaalingg.”
Henry didn’t like it, the way Hans stretched out the word, putting emphasis on it, but he refused to let it show on his face, instead opting to change the topic.
“How did the meeting go with Sir Radzig and Hanush?’’
“OH, don’t remind me Henry, I’m still royally pissed off about it!”
Out of nowhere, Hans dove his entire head into the water, trying to gather his thoughts before continuing - “I tried to ask Radzig about our findings, and before he could answer Hanush just kicked me out…”
“Oh… I’m sorry to hear that sir. Did you at least get an answer from Radzig?”
“Nope, Hanush immediately bit back at me after I asked the question, even I wasn’t prepared for such… BULLSHIT!” - Hans raised his arm in the air in anger, splashing a bit of water onto Henry’s shoulder’s and hair by accident- “oh fuck sorry… Anyway, at least Radzig heard my question, so if our hunches are true, I’m sure he’ll do something about it…”
“I hope so…”
They sat in silence again, Henry’s mind growing chaotic, between thinking about Skalitz again and trying his best to ignore his and Hans’s knees brushing against each other, his head was about to explode. Klara brought them more wine, but when Hans took it, he frowned and put the cup away…
“We really can’t drink this local piss…” -He looked over at Henry with a mischievous grin. - ”Henry! My dearest page! You should go and get something better, though where?”
“Just what is so wrong with the wine here sir?”
“I’d rather drink the bathwater! You should go under the Rathaus, there’s some excellent wine there that Hanush recently bought for us.”
“And you want me to go over there and get it now?”
“Well… I’d be indebted to you! And a grateful nobleman is the best ally you can have!”
“Can’t you just make do with this wine? I really don’t feel like going up there.”
“Absolutely not! I will have my Sylvaner red from that cellar, even if it takes you a week to get it!” - He looked around, at Klara… -”We’ll find some way of entertaining each other in the meantime… aaand if you get this done, I actually have a surprise for you!”
“So I can just go in and get the wine?”
“No… Not exactly. It would be best if no one saw you.”
“I see…”
Hans looked at him with a mischievous grin, raising suspicions in Henry’s mind.
“And this wine wouldn’t be kept under lock and key by any chance?”
“Maybe?”
“Haaaaansss…”
“Don’t look at me like that Henry and get to it, come on”
Henry sighed in exaggeration as he got out of the tub, slipping on his hose and shoes, but shivering from his wet tunic.
“Uhhh, Hans… Could I… Borrow your pourpoint?”
“If only someone had foreseen this and told you to take everything off! But alright, just the pourpoint, okay?”
Henry put on the fancy outerwear, doing his best not to tear the expensive looking cloth. He stuffed his body into a pourpoint rather long for him, but narrower in the shoulders and chest area. His training had been paying off, granting him muscles that just blacksmithing never had before.
Hans eyed him up while Henry fumbled with his pourpoint, taking note of the muscles, the scars, the bruises, the muscles…
“You look like a wet puppy when your hair’s wet” - He couldn’t hold back a chuckle, enjoying Henry’s offended look at him before he walked out the door.

Henry slowly walked up the street to rattay, or he thought he did, but without realising it, he had gone down instead, maybe by instinct, muscle memory, to the mill. In the yard, Theresa was sitting on a bench by a campfire, poking it with a stick and looking lost in her thoughts.
Henry didn’t hold himself back this time, going to a conversation that was inevitable.
“Hi, Theresa”
The girl jumped in her seat from surprise, pointing the heated up stick at Henry before making out his face.
“Jesus Hal! You scared me…”
Awkward silence fell between the two, neither having forgotten how their last conversation had ended.
“I’m sorry / I wanted to apologize”
Both looked up at each other before finally laughing from the heart, breaking the awkward tension between the two.
“You go first Hal…”
“Right… I’m sorry for getting angry… You didn’t deserve it…”
“But I was right, wasn’t I?”
“Aye…”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really… Not yet, at least.”
“I see. I’m sorry for approaching it so suddenly before as well, I should’ve realized it’d be a sensitive topic.”
“Ah, forget it, no point in dwelling on past mistakes, keep moving forward, right?”
Theresa looked up at him with rounded eyes, showing a complicated feeling that would have been hard to read for anyone but Henry, eyes of compassion, guilt, exhaustion, and love, a familial feeling of love they had both come to miss.
Henry stayed silent for a moment more before flashing a sheepish grin at Theresa - “I see you can’t sleep yet.. How’s for a fun little distraction, we run a little errand?”
“Oh? And what would a capable boy like yourself need a millers help for?”
“Well, right now I’m supposed to be robbing the Rathaus of their precious red wine for Sir Hans, but it’s under lock and key, which your uncle hasn’t trained me on much yet…”
Theresa’s eyes widened before chuckling to herself - “Oh you naughty bastard, I’ll say it again, if our parents are looking down at us, they’re probably rolling in their grave now.”
“I mean, if they’re watching we may as well entertain them right?”
“Alright, I’m in, but you’re gonna have to wear one of my uncle’s tunics, or that ridiculously fancy pourpoints going to get us caught, where did you even get that?”
“Hans lent it to me, mine was wet from the baths”
“The baths?? And he lent it to you? Henry you do realize that’s not normal right…”
“I don’t want to think too hopefully Tess… So you in?”
“I’m no coward!”

…

They were almost home free, but a guard was standing still right outside of the back entrance to the Rathaus. Henry looked over at him from a corner, Theresa peeked from over his head. They looked at each other in panic when, suddenly, a dog’s panting could be heard from behind them. Both of them turned in shock to see mutt, trying to match their silence stood behind them in the dark alleyway. Theresa lit up at the sight of the dog, turning to Henry with a proud face, whispering.
“Look what I taught him just today.” - She tapped the dog’s nose once, then pointed at an empty area near the guard in their way - “Bark there!” - Her whisper was barely audible, but the dog immediately followed, running past them, past the guard, gaining some distance from him before sitting down and barking continuously, enough to wake up the neighbors and cause complaints if he kept it up, forcing the guard to turn his attention at him, away from the 2 phantom thieves of Skalitz.

They ran down to the Rattay gate while barely holding their laughter. As they approached the gate, Henry pointed towards the inner yard of lower pirkstein castle, specifically at a shed standing outside.
“I just got rewarded with a room there you know, so you’re free to come over anytime, stay if you want to, even if I’m not here…”
“Oh? And how did you earn such a precious gift?”
“Remember that giant bastard that you saved me from… Back in Skalitz. I tracked him and his bandit’s down, sabotaged them and killed the bastard all alone…” - His tone indicated pride in the fact, but below it was hidden a somber feeling, unidentifiable for Theresa, but just knowing it was there was enough for her.
She placed a hand on Henry’s back, helping him steady his breath. - “Do you regret it?”
“Should I? I regret that I don’t…”
“He had it coming.’
“But I enjoyed it…”
“He had that coming too.”
Henry looked back at her and looked, truly looked at her, beneath her happy and somber exterior, was a woman who was just as, if not more filled with vengeance and rage than he was.
“Zbyshek wasn’t there…”
“That’s good… I wanted to get him myself.”
“I’ll help where I can.”
“Thank you, Hal…”

…
Henry said goodbye to Theresa at the bathhouse, watching as mutt followed behind her footsteps. He let her take a few liters of the red wine back home, in exchange for her help, feeling quite happy that he had found such a great partner in crime.

As he walked back into the bathhouse, a whole casket of wine under his arm, Hans looked at him in shock, like he didn’t expect Henry to actually pull through with his task, especially after more than an hour had passed. Klara was brushing his golden hair, looking up at Henry like she didn’t expect him to return either.
“Well, have you got it?”
“Of course!”- Henry declared with a strange sense of pride in his voice.
“You really broke into the cellar at the rathaus?”
“I certainly did, I hope that wine’s worth the trouble we had!”
“We?”
“Aye, my friend Theresa helped me, she’s a better lockpick than I can ever dream to be.”
“You’re INSANE, HAHA, I never expected you to actually break into the Rathaus and declare it so proudly too, lucky for you, Klara here is tight lipped.”
“WHAT? That was a trick? For fucks sake, if they’d caught me, I’d have ended up in the stocks -IF I WAS LUCKY!”
“NONSENSE! I wouldn’t have let them!”
“Yeah right, tHanK yOu foR yoUr coNceRn” - he rolled his eyes before handing the casket over to Klara -”Well let’s see if this wine was worth risking mine and Theresa’s necks for.”
He stripped back down, hanging up Capon’s pourpoint back in it’s owner’s clothes pile. He got back into the tub, where the warm water hit his chest, reminding him that he was trying to hide his chest from Capon. The mistake didn’t escape Hans’s eyes either, but seeing the small distress in Henry’s eyes, he decided against commenting on it. Klara finally brought out the wine and cups, allowing their fun to truly begin.
The wine took to Henry fast, blurring his mind with a positive buzz, letting him fully relax.
…
Hans splashed him with the bathwater, and he splashed back, accidentally getting some on Klara who, in turn, slammed her palms on the water, blinding both of them with water to the eyes. Seizing the moment, she jokingly pulled Capon’s head forward, pretending to drown him.

…

Hans was out of the tub, stationed behind Klara as she held his sword forward. He held her arm up, easing the weight on her fragile arm as she swung the sword. Henry stared at them with awe and drunk confusion, as they swung the sword together, nearly taking his eye out.

…

It had started raining outside, Hans was back in the tub with Henry and Klara stood a bit further away, spinning in a beautiful maneuver, putting on a show for the two boys. They both clapped their hands, for a brief moment, looking into each other’s eyes with a mix of strange feelings for one another.

…

Henry couldn’t see anything as he raised his arms up, struggling to balance himself with a giant basket over his head. Klara was observing him at first, laughing at the silly display of, or lack thereof, balance. But then she looked down at Her lord, and saw something unseen before.
His longing gaze stuck on Henry’s shirtless body, with eyes and smile that were filled with nothing but love, pure, unfiltered, clearly not understood by either of the men so far.
Then Henry finally tripped, stumbling right into Hans and falling into the water, both men laughing hysterically as Hans pulled the basket off of Henry’s head, holding him up with his other arm. It took a moment for them to realize how close their faces were, but that moment, just inches apart, holding each other, gazing into each other’s eyes… It was a heavenly second between the two boys.

…

Klara was adding more hot water to the tub as Hans reached out to her, grabbing lightly at her forearm, but she pushed him away in a gentle manner.
“Leave off, Sir Hans, I’m not like the other girls!”
“I know, Klara… you… You are different… You deserve more!”
Henry was slouching, barely keeping himself awake, trying not to drown in the shallow bathtub, enjoying the sensation of his and Hans’s legs being tangled up with each other’s, both too drunk to be bothered about it, even if it caused another bother for Henry…
“HA, Henry! Did you hear that?”
His name being called slightly brought Henry back to the side of the living.
“Wh… What!?”
“The lady requests da-dandelions…ah, sage?... Cabbages!... Haha, no that’s not right!”
“No no! Knotweed and Poppies!”
“Whaaat? You want me to go flower picking, now?”
“I know, I know… I’m putting you to work again. BUT! If you do it… I’ll give you… Squiventy Flozen Groschen!”
“Whoaa, that much? Allright, I’ll go…”
He slowly got out of the tub, barely keeping himself stable as he stepped out into the rain, without even getting dressed, not that any of the drunk three noticed.
As Henry reached a small garden behind upper pirkstein castle, where he knew beautiful flowers grew, he finally sobered up a bit, realising just how fucked up he had gotten, standing in the rain, without a torch or clothes, picking flowers.
“Fuck you Haaans, for wrapping me around your finger so easily!”
He cursed the world, or just a man who was on a track to becoming his whole world, but even in seething rage he automatically made the bouquet beautiful, driven by instinct. Even though Hans was just going to give it to another woman…”
There was a surprising lack of guards in Rattay, due to the storm. Thankfully for Henry, noone saw him strutting around naked with a flower bouquet in his hands.
As he approached the bathhouse, a sneeze escaped his lips while pushing the door open, covering the noise of commotion inside.
“Arse’n’balls!” - That was all Henry heard as the sound of a drowning man filled his head, he looked at the tub where he expected to see Hans’s golden head, instead seeing a random man pushing someone into the water.
“For the love of god, STOP IT, BOTH OF YOU!!!” - Klara yelled out, watching in fear at the 2 men and their silly conflict.
“Fucking hell, what the fuck do you think you’re doing, drowning a nobl,,,”- Henry walked up to the man and pushed him back, but before he could finish his sentence, a fist came straight at his jaw, knocking him back a step and making him drop his bouquet. Henry rubbed his jaw as he saw it, the man stepping on the flowers to approach him, something in his mind, something that had relaxed for a few hours now, woke up, and it was hungry. The man tried to throw another punch at him, but Henry dodged it perfectly, bringing his fist from the underside, uppercutting the man, slightly lifting him into the air and knocking him down.
“Drowning a nobleman! Are you out of your fucking mind?”
The man looked up, staring dazed at Hans before slamming his head onto the ground -”Oh shit.. Oh fuck… Sir, I, I didn’t know…” -he started crawling backwards, fumbling to find some footing.
“Get out of here, GO! Before I remember I could have you hung!”
The man kept apologising as he ran out, Klara running after him, but Henry was captivated by Hans, who, despite all this and being piss drunk, kept his composure. Only for a second though, as he looked up at Henry, a smile running from ear to ear -”I nearly got drowned by Arse’n’balls!”
Neither of them could hold back a laughter straight from the soul, looking at each other, just to keep laughing even longer. Henry leaned onto the bathtub, rubbing his jaw in a slow motion, checking if everything was in place.
“Doesn’t feel nice, does it!” - Henry looked down at his friend, who was pointing at a small scar on his perfect jawline, still smiling like the sun.
“That’s the least relaxing bath I’ve ever had!”
“Fuck, I feel like I swallowed the baltic!” - Hans stuck his tongue out, rubbing it down with his fingers. Henry didn’t mind the view.
‘’Drinking will be the death of you!”
“DAMN RIGHT! Is there any wine left?”
“Are you out of your fucking mind?”- Henry looked at his friend with a face of pure disbelief - “You want to carry on?”
“OF course, don’t tell me you don’t fancy a drink after all that?” - Hans did the same thing that had made Henry panic just a few hours earlier, but this time all Henry felt was…
He chuckled and shook his head, avoiding eye contact with his sun…
“All right you ass, let’s get out of here at least, I’ll grab the rest of the wine and we can keep drinking in my new room.”
“At least buy me dinner first, Henry!”
“Is the wine stealing and flower picking not enough for his lordship?”- Henry looked down with saddened eyes - “the bastard trampled all over them too.”
“I’ll hang that Archibald…” - The statement, so casual, made Henry look over at him with shocked eyes, breaking Hans’s anger -”Nah, I’ll show him that I'm a gracefull leader… That’s the better move, right Henry?”
“Sure, if you say so.”
Hans stepped out of the bathtub, stumbling towards his pile of clothes, staring at it for a few seconds before turning around with a genuine sadness in his eyes, like the world was ending from a simple obstacle.
Henry didn’t need words, didn’t need instructions, he wordlessly went over to Hans, picking up the clothes one by one and helping the drunk noble put them on. As glad as Henry was for the opportunity to be so close to Hans’s half naked body, his morality wouldn’t allow him to enjoy it, closing his eyes as he wrapped the pourpoint over the noble’s arms, buttoning them up. The hose though, tucking the braies into it, kneeled down in front of Hans as the noble stumbled back and forth on his feet. It gave Henry a strange feeling that frightened him a little, barely getting himself under control, knowing he had to be the responsible one here.
…
The noble and his page stumbled across Rattay, a storm pouring down hard over their heads, yet their moods couldn’t be any better at that moment. They went through the empty gate without issue, but when approaching lower Pirkstein castle, Janek, Radzig’s guard from Skalitz, was standing in front of Henry’s new room, looking at the drunk fools with a mix of amusement and annoyance.
“I heard there was some trouble between a noble and one of the guards who work here, you two wouldn’t happen to know anything!?”
Henry looked at him with widened eyes of a puppy in trouble, hoping that the man would take pity on him. Hans however, stopped leaning on Henry for balance and puffed out his chest, like a magnificent peacock trying to seem grand.
“Arse’n’Balls tried to drown a nobleman! He should be thankful he’s not swinging from the gallows already!’’ - Henry nudged him from behind, shaking his head when Hans looked back at him -”Or so we heard, we wouldn’t know!...”
“If you say so your lordship… and that wine your page is holding, it wouldn’t happen to be from the Rathaus? The one under lock and key?” - The man raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms, frightening poor Henry who’d already had a long day. Janek couldn’t hold back a chuckle at the sight of a puffed up noble and his miserable puppy - “Don’t look at me like that Henry! I won’t talk about that suspicious red wine in your hands, but I wanted to warn you two that everyone already knows about your bathhouse fiasco, so be prepared for a Noble lecture tomorrow.”
The man walked off before any of the boys could respond, watching as he disappeared into the castle, they looked into each other's eyes and burst out in laughter again.
“Oh Hanush is going to give us hell tomorrow morning, but I’m sick of this rain Henry, are you going to invite me into your room or not.”
“I didn’t think nobles needed permission to burst into their page’s rooms.”
“They don't… but friends do!” - Hans raised his hands, flicking Henry’s forehead and pushing the door open.
They both stumbled in, realising just how much they were soaking, dripping onto the wooden floor. Henry went to start the fireplace, throwing in firewood and sparking flames with the flint and steel left on the table by someone, probably Janek, he often did look out for Henry, even back in Skalitz. When the fire started going he turned around and saw Hans shivering in the same spot where he left him, gaze frozen on Henry.
“What’s wrong Hans? Are you alright?” - Henry rushed to his side, holding the Noble’s arms with his hands, trying to get a hold of him.
“Sorry, I… I just sobered up, I think… I feel dizzy Henry, could you help me… Please…”
Henry didn’t need any more convincing, leading Hans to a chair and helping him strip down to his braies. This time, worry overtook any other feeling he could’ve gotten, like earlier… He handed his only blanket to Hans, letting him wrap himself and warm up while Henry hung up the fancy clothes to let them dry. Hans still looked dizzy, a little scared of something even…
Henry stripped himself, hanging his clothes beside Hans’s. He went over to his closet, bringing out the new sets he had bought Just earlier that morning.
He helped Hans get dressed first, slipping the blue tunic over the noble’s head, watching him try and put his arms through the sleeves, still looking unfocused, like he was barely holding himself together.
Henry turned to put on his dark tunic when Hans finally spoke up - “Thank you… Henry… and I’m sorry, small spaces like this, especially while there’s a storm outside tend to freak me out, I guess I forgot about it because of the alcohol…”
Henry knelt down in front of him, grabbing Hans’s hands with his own, hoping, praying to ground his friend to the earth, to shield him from the fear like Hans had down for him before. Hans steadied his breathing, looking down at Henry with focused eyes and, finally, smiled. A warm smile that came from the core of his being, grateful for having such a great friend.
“Can I stay here for the night, I’d rather not get wet again.”
“Sure if you don’t mind the straw bed, it won’t be nearly as comfortable as your glorious mattress!”
“Oh my noble arse will get over it, I’ve probably slept in a forest more than you have, peasant!”
Henry set down 2 cups on the table, pouring some of the remaining wine in it. Hans wordlessly gulped it down before holding out his cup for more, and Henry wasn’t going to deny him anything that night…
After downing a few drinks, Hans’s shoulders finally relaxed, easing his fear. He looked up at Henry, who was sitting opposite of him, shuffling awkwardly in his seat, unsure of what to do now.
“Henry… Do you want to be my squire?”
“Huh? Where did that come from?”
“I’ve already decided on it since you saved me from those Cuman’s, and I got permission from Radzig this morning at the meeting…”
“Was that the surprise you forgot about earlier after I brought the wine?”
“Mayyybeee… Hanush pissed me off in that meeting so bad I kept forgetting everything else today, then I couldn’t even relie… Never mind that, I’m telling you now aren’t I?”
Henry was stunned, he didn’t expect this, not just from Hans, but from anyone. Did he even deserve it, after what happened with Runt… Just keep moving forward, right?
“I’d be honored Sir Hans!”
Hans looked at him with satisfied eyes before gulping down another cup of wine.
“Our first order of business, my dear squire, will be to get scolded by Hanush together tomorrow!”
“Ah, right. Well, it could be worse… Thank you by the way, for sparing Archibald…”
“Arse’n’Balls!” - He declared loudly before bursting out in laughter again, looking at Henry while tilting his head again, which made Henry’s face furrow for a second before he spoke up.
“Hans… please, stop looking at me like that… It reminds me of that bastard of a bandit leader…”
“Oh? How so?”
“He looked at me the same way you keep doing, like you’re looking into my soul, slipping past all my defenses.”
“Is that why you panicked in the middle of the street earlier today?”
“Aye.”
“And that bastard’s already ruined a lot for you, hasn’t he.”
“Aye…”
“Then don’t let him ruin you even more Henry!” - He reached forward, placing a hand on Henry’s shoulder before bringing it up, gently holding the boy’s chin, his stubble poking at Hans’s hand. The gesture made Henry surprisingly calm, instead of nervous like it would’ve otherwise.

The fire crackled softly as rain lashed against the windows, the storm outside forgotten in the warmth of the room. Hans leaned back in his chair, a crooked grin on his face, swirling the last of his wine. Henry chuckled at something neither of them would remember tomorrow, his shoulders relaxed for once. They didn’t need words, just the comfort of each other's presence, the quiet laughter, and the shared stillness that made the world, for a little while, feel far away.

On the table, sat a vase filled with small flowers, blue with golden center and white streaks, forget-me-not. Henry couldn’t give it to Hans, not yet. But there they were, between the two of them, nestled in silence. A quiet symbol of all that remained unspoken—a promise not voiced, a love that couldn’t be returned, couldn’t be shared, yet existed all the same.
Real.
Undeniable.

Chapter Text

Sun rose too soon over the damp earth, grass still wet from a storm recently passed, reflecting the light.. A beam of light shone through the window, illuminating 2 young fools, laid entangled with each other on a straw bed, getting the best rest they have had in weeks.
Henry was the first to flutter his long eyelashes at the smell of morning, slowly waking up his body to a foreign feeling of warmth all around him. His right arm was numb, stuck under the weight of something, golden hair was strewn around on his throat, slow breathing warming his chest…
He had to focus his entire being to not jump from the shock of realization. Hans was snuggled tight against his chest, using his arm as a pillow and sleeping peacefully.Henry did his best to think back, to remember how they ended up here, the last thing he recalled was the way Hans touched his chin…
Henry’s blood rushed to his head in panic, turning his cheeks and pointy ears bright red. Thankfully he was on the side that faced the room, not the wall, so all he had to do was sneak away from Hans without waking him up… Simple enough, he just had to be careful, observant, no matter how much he wanted to stay in the comfort of the moment. He went to move his body, but felt another crucial fact he missed. Hans had his right arm wrapped around Henry’s waist, grounding the poor squire with its weight.
It was all too much for Henry, the closeness, the contact, skin to skin, bare to the world, not even covered by a blanket…
He looked around, grasping at straws for help before finally giving up, instead relaxing into the embrace of his friend, what else could he do after all. He pulled his head away just enough to bring Hans’s resting face into view. Even in sleep he was handsome, beautiful, noble…
Luckily for them, there was no movement outside, the world still asleep, no risk of anyone peeking through the windows and spotting the two fools, stuck together.
Henry was busy coming up with how to avoid an awkward situation with Hans, hoping to maintain any semblance of friendship after such a seemingly debauched night, even if nothing had happened… Or had it? He couldn’t be sure, after all he didn’t even remember how their conversation ended, just the touch, the crooked smile, the flowers…
A loud sneeze escaped his throat, startling even him, making his body jump in spot.
“Shit…”
Hans slowly opened his eyes and sat up on the bed, finally removing his restraint over Henry’s body, a slow yawn escaping his lips before looking down at Henry, who was red as a tomato…
“What’s happened to you, you don’t have a fever do you?”
Henry kept looking at him with widened eyes, shocked at Hans’s casual approach at their closeness.
“I, uh, I’m not sure I feel too well, but I’ll… I’ll be fine…” - He took an awkward pause before pulling his legs over the edge of the bed, facing away from Hans to avoid the noble’s curious gaze. - “I was just surprised to wake up in… Y’know…”
“Oh! you don’t remember do you?” - Henry turned his reddened head at lightning speed, only to be met by a mischievous grin - “You got proper shitfaced real fast last night, I could barely move you to bed. Left me no energy to do anything so i just fell right beside you…”
“That’s all?”
“That's all.”
Henry finally exhaled the troubles from his mind, calming down a little, just a tinge disappointed.
“I thought that… Never mind that, we should probably prepare for the scolding that awaits us from Hanush…”
“Oh don’t remind me, I can’t wait to hear what wisdom he’ll impart on us this time.”
Just as he said that, a knock could be heard on the door, Janek's voice slipping through the cracks of the door - “Henry, wake up and find your Capon, Hanush calls for you two!”
Both stayed quiet for a moment, listening to Janek’s footsteps fade out into the world before chuckling.
Hans took a quick look at Henry, still dressed in his new outfit, damp with sweat and yesterday’s rain. As enjoyable as the sight was, his squire would require proper clothing to present before Hanush. Henry was shorter than Hans, but not by much, their sizes only really differentiating in their shoulders.
“We’ll go to my room first, I have some older clothes I can lend you to make yourself presentable for Hanush.”
Henry looked at him in confusion, looking over his clothes, fine enough for his tastes - “Won’t this be good enough?”
“Oh my dear Henry, you’re my squire now, I can’t have you in such a miserable state while presenting to nobles!”
Hans slowly rose to his feet, flicking Henry who still stood at the edge of the bed with a confused expression. He took down his pourpoint and hose from the hanger in the room, just for the short trip to his room.
“Why do you nobles even care so much about how you look?”
“Don’t you? Think about it in a different way… Nobles’ job, nobles’ duties are to present their people with hope, peace of mind, that the best of them are doing, well, their best. That means we must always be presentable, even if just for a minute’s walk.”
“It must be exhausting…” -Hans barely caught Henry’s mumbling, his mind darkening for a second in agreement, but he shook them off.
“It is.”- His statement was plain, but the weight behind it was invisible to most people…
Henry wasn’t most people, he grasped Capon’s gentle hand with his own, covered in bruises, raising them to the height of their chests.
“You… You don’t have to pretend… at least not for me, I hope you know that…”
“I… I do, Hal, thank you.”
Neither of them minded this moment, their true feelings slipping into reality for a second before slipping back into the corners of their mind again, never to be mentioned. Just two lost souls, plagued by melancholy, whose hands touched in darkness, and in light, pretend it never happened…

…

Henry looked great in Hans’s old clothes. The folds fit his frame quite well, showing off his lean build, even though they were a bit long for the blacksmith. Hans was shocked by the transformation, even if simple, still quite effective, with just a bit of care for his stubble, growing into a messy beard and unruly hair, Henry could look like a real noble.
“I’m glad you got dressed up properly, Henry. Clothes make the man! And in your case it’s quite the transformation!”
Hans opened his closet, taking out a red cloth that was all too familiar for Henry.
“My scarf? I thought I’d lost it!” - His voice was happy, with a hint of relief, making Hans’s heart smile.
“You wrapped my head with it to stop the bleeding, remember?… I had the servants wash it immediately before giving it back to you…” - a small lie, mixed in with the truth -”But after everything that happened, I forgot to give it back, so my apologies.”
Henry didn’t pick up on Hans’s shallow half-truths, grinning at the scarf, one of the last reminders of his Ma before turning to Capon -”I’m just glad it's alright… Thank you, Hans...”
He slowly wrapped it around his neck, even though it was a heated morning, even though it ruined his noble look, it still felt like his parents watched over him, their presence close, enabling Henry to fight through any inconveniences of it.
…
The noble and his squire walked up the streets of Rattay, to the upper castle, dragging their feet. Henry stayed just a step behind Hans at all times, considering protecting his lord as part of his duties as a squire. Hans chuckled at the concept, but still allowed it, enjoying the constant attention from his friend. The town had just started to wake up, the shop doors getting unlocked, the signs getting flipped, a criminal crouching over in a pillory and a sleepy guard watching over him… A smell of freshly baked bread and cooked meat hit their noses, making Henry’s stomach grumble.
“I feel quite hungry… Sir Hans, could we stop at the tavern and have a bite to eat? It’s still early and I doubt Hanush will want to see us quite this soon…”
“Now I’m “Sir Hans” when you want food, eh?” - the young lord smirked at his squire, who looked at him with saddened eyes, as if trying to gain pity from his lord, and it was working -”Fiine, I wouldn’t say no to a bit of beer as well, this hangover is going to kill me if Hanush starts yelling.”

They stepped into the tavern’s yard, the owner looking up in surprise that there were clients so early and scrunching his face in annoyance when he saw the two troublemakers that started a fight there not too long ago. Hans raised his eyebrows at the owner before falling into his easy, charming smile, ordering a pitcher of beer and simple soup, but Henry ordered a lot more: meat, bread, cheese, salad, beer…
“What’s got you so hungry in the morning?”
“I’m not sure, my appetite had died down a lot after, you know… But I always was a heavy eater before. I guess it’s come back after finally relaxing last night…”
“I see, well you’re going to have to be quick with it, I don’t want to make Hanush wait too long, I’m sure he’s already counting all the excuses to yell at me with excitement…”
The dread in his voice was clear, making Henry think back on Hans’s behaviour, back in the same spot where they now sat, getting scolded by Hanush. Hans looked like he wanted to speak up, fight back, shaking in anger, yet still stayed quiet as a mouse, lowered his head, silenced by a gripping fear that didn’t come out of nowhere, nested deep inside Han’s heart.
Henry hated that sight, watching Hans lose his voice in the presence of unfair judgement, declaring quietly to himself that he would stand up for his… friend.
Henry swiftly inhaled his food, nearly choking until he followed it up with the beer. Finally, his mind seemed calm, happy, a rare occasion lately but his body felt tired, not in the way he had gotten used to in the last month. it was deeper, down to his bones, slumping his posture, weakening his muscles. They walked the rest of the way to the upper castle in silence, dreadfully going up the stair’s to Hanush’s office. Hans went in before Henry, standing in front of a table Hanush sat at, straightening his posture and putting on a charming smile, Henry followed him, standing just a step behind Hans, lowering his head in hopes of softening Hanush’s judgement.
“Well… My ward and his, what shall we say… Chaperone?”
“My squire, Uncle.”
“My lord…” - Henry bowed his head, avoiding his eyes from the rather displeasing man.
“I hope I haven’t dragged you away from anything too important?” - Hanush rose to his feet and started walking slowly, heavily towards the troublemakers.
“Not at all, uncle, we were just…” - He was cut off before he could finish his sentence, unsurprisingly.
“Like BOOZING and WHORING, for instance?”
“Uncle, I can expl…”
Hanush put both of his arms around Hans and Henry, pulling their ears closer to his ears before speaking loudly - “Perhaps you were busy causing mayhem in the middle of the night and beating up my subjects?”
“No, we weren’t, Henry and I were just…”
“Henry’s as big of a fool as you are! But he’s not my ward, thank christ!” - he slurred his words, spit flying out of his mouth and landing on Henry, making him shiver in his spot for a split second -”What the hell do the pair of you think you’re doing? There are people in this fiefdom who work from dawn to dusk to put food on their tables, and yours, may I remind you?!” - He pointed his finger at Hans, just an inch away from the young noble’s nose - “and then they look at you, Hans, their lord and master, and see a drunken layabout!”
Henry was about to speak up, to argue for their innocence, that it wasn’t their fault, but Hans slapped his arm a split second before the words left his throat. Hans didn’t turn around, he didn’t have to, he knew Henry would try to stand up for him, that it would be pointless to argue against someone like Hanush. He shook his head very slightly, only enough for Henry’s observant gaze to see it while Hanush kept going on and on and on…
Henry zoned out, avoiding the unpleasant noble’s venomous stares and remarks, steadying his eyes on Capon’s back, golden like the sun that felt like everything would be fine as long as he followed it.
“A lord remains a lord only as long as he commands the loyalty of his subjects, and im sure I don’t have to tell you the folk here are not exactly enchanted at the prospect of having you in charge!”
Capon’s eyes were darkened, the light seemingly gone from his vision, he wanted to say so many things, how it was hanush’s fault for treating him like a kid, for supporting the rumours of Hans’s abd behaviour and burying any achievement under more insults, how he never actually taught Hans anything, how…
The list was endless, but his tongue was tied, as much as arse’n’balls had pissed him off, Hans wasn’t exactly a beacon of good behaviour in that moment of drunkenness… and yearning…
“I have a mission for you two. Maybe THAT will keep you out of trouble.”
Henry’s ears perked up, duty taking priority over his inner turmoils.
“Sir Milota of Oleshna has turned up around here. Do you know him?”
“Isn’t he Sir Bernard’s cousin?”
“He is. He came here with the remnants of his retinue to seek refuge. He’s seriously wounded.”
“What happened to him?”
“His fortress, Oleshna, was attacked by one Wolflin of Kamberg. Milota pursued him almost as far as Neuhoff, and engaged him, but unfortunately for him though, the skirmish didn’t end in his favour.”
“Wolflin of Kamberg? I know that name…”
“He’s kin to the Oleshna lord, a cousin of Bernard and Milota. Their family business is quite complicated and not my problem, of course… I just wish they’d found somewhere else to thrash out their differences.”
“What do you want us to do, sir?”
“Go and see Bernard, he’s putting together a squad to ride against them. They just scavenged some other small farms around the region, after all, not that you’d know, Hans… Mind your step though, It’s a family affair, there might be more to it than meets the eye. The important thing is to get that damned scavenger out of my domain, I don’t want to lose any men over this conflict. Have I made myself clear?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Very well uncle.”
They stepped out of the meeting room with heavy hearts, caused by different circumstances. Walking down the stairs, Henry followed a step behind Hans, feeling the tension exuding from the young noble's body. They walked out into the still empty yard before Henry spoke up.
“How do you feel Hans, I could see Hanush got to you in there…”
“I’m fine Henry, and you don’t need to try and stand up for me you know, I’d rather be the one in trouble then watch you get lectured for talking back to a noble.”
“Right, I just thought…”
“No, you did not. Don’t forget, Henry, dealing with nobles is a game that you don’t want to play, you’d be better off just nodding along and exiting silently…”
“That doesn’t seem to work for you.”
“Excuse me?”
“It’s like you lose all your confidence and charm when that man starts raising his voice at you. You’re a great man Hans, so what if he doesn’t see it?”
“So what? He holds my entire reason for existence in his palms, if he decides to, he can just cast dirt onto my name and leave me with nothing…”
“You’re more than just your inheritance though.”
“Am I?”
The tension could be cut with a knife between the two friends. Neither of them were in the wrong and they knew it, which made it hurt all the more. Hans placed his hand on Henry’s shoulder, easing the tension with something… more.
“It’ll be simple, we’ll ride there, hack those bastards to pieces and Hanush will leave me alone for a bit at least.”
Henry’s mouth dried at the mention of blood, the strange exhaustion had crept its way into his mind, hazing his mind a bit.
“But Hanush… Can’t we do it without bloodshed? I don't wa…”
“It will be fine, Henry, we can try negotiating, but those people, the things I’ve read about them, the things I’ve heard about them. If we don’t strike first, they’ll be a formidable opponent.”
Henry nodded, trying his best to trust his friend, his teacher, but the rotten feeling in his soul lashing inside him, demanding blood.… It had been tame for a day because of Hans’s help, but it was awake again, terrifying Henry of himself…
…
Bernard and Capon rode ahead of the rest of the company, discussing politics that Henry couldn’t keep up with, not that he cared much. His headache had gotten worse, feeling like his brain was being shaken in his skull with every step of the horse. His usual potions stashed away in Pebbles’ saddlebag didn’t help, making the aching inside his skull even worse.
They made camp in the middle of the woods, near the 2 farms that reportedly got razed by their target. After Henry got down from the saddle, his body slumped for a second, nearly falling over, but Hans had caught him, staring into his squire’s blue eyes that were a little clouded, his cheeks still looked flushed, the tips of his ears, hidden by the helmet, burnt red
Before Hans could point any of them out, Henry broke away from the noble’s hold, running over to Bernard and offering to ask around the raided farms about the location of the bandits. Hans stared daggers into his back, trying to read what Henry was hiding, a few ideas already plaguing his mind.
He watched Henry run off before he could say anything. Hans wanted to chase after him, to look after his squire, but Bernard held him back, wanting to have a word about Henry.
“That lad, what do you think about him, Sir Hans?
“What Henry? He’s a nice guy, but he’s quite the downer at moments isn’t he.”
“Not like that, Sir, I meant in terms of fighting. You’ve traded blows with him before, right?”
“Only during that day when he learnt to wield the bow, and then later at the tavern… Why do you ask?”
“He’s a strange boy, seemingly so timid of violence, yet he took down that giant bandit leader on his own, without as much as a scratch on him… And what he did after, Robard said he hadn’t seen anything quite so… violent.”
“Who, Henry? The guy who I just saved from falling over just randomly? The peasant that couldn’t even hold against me for more than 4 swings?”
“He learns fast, you know that as well, after all that day at the archery range…
“I told you my arm had grown heavy that day! Just get to your point, Sir Bernard.”
“Just watch your back around him Sir, he’s not quite as harmless as he looks.”
Hans didn’t answer, still mulling over the mysterious incident with Henry and that giant, everyone avoided the details, just reacting like it was the worst thing they had heard of… When he ambushed Henry in that field, he seemed strange, like he wasn’t himself, almost like sleepwalking, but not quite. Like the world moved him, and his body simply followed, unreactive to his surroundings until it was too late.
“That bastard’s hiding something from me.”
He mumbled to himself before sitting down in an empty corner of camp. Henry was already long gone and there was no point in chasing him down now, he would come back to tell them about the camp’s location anyway.
Or would he?
Henry was a little too eager, despite his weakened state. A little too fast at leaving for such a menial task. A thought popped into Hans’s mind, making him sigh in annoyance before getting up.
He’s going to try and talk to them.
That FOOL!
Hans knew where the two farms that needed questioning were, he always reads the reports and objectives after all. He saw Henry leave for the closest farm first, so Hans just had to wait at the next one. He wanted to be wrong, for his doubts to be fruitless, that Henry wouldn’t act foolishly, selfishly, selflessly, but he had to make sure before things escalated.
His hunch was correct, he only had to blend into the bushes near the second farm for a few minutes before Henry showed up, nearly falling off his horse before rushing inside. Hans got in close, hiding in the shadows of a wall facing the forest, listening in on the conversation between Henry and a peasant through the window.
He heard it all.
Henry was threatening them, not just with weapons, but with words. The peasants begged to be spared as they uttered the locations where the bandit’s were holed up. Hans didn’t move, couldn’t move, watching closely as Henry stepped out of the house, going up to pebbles, wiping something: blood? Sweat? Tears? from his face, Hans couldn’t tell from the distance… and slapping his cheeks with his open palms, as if trying to regain control.
…
Hans warned Bernard of the target location, but he needed a few minutes to get the men ready, minutes Hans couldn’t wait out if he wanted to look after Henry. He got on his Horse, going as fast as he could through the jagged forest, blind to the beauty of nature, with his squire being the only thing on his mind.
“If that fool dies there I’ll kill him!”
He approached a steep hillside, granting him a perfect view of an abandoned camp, recently reinhabited. He got off his horse and approached the edge while grabbing his weapon. Looking over, everything was clear… About 15 men total, three standing at the entrance to the camp, two walking outside towards Henry. The blacksmith held his hands up, speaking in a loud voice, but Hans still couldn’t make out the words.
…
Henry wanted to go in without violence, willing even to surrender and talk things through with their target, anything to avoid bloodshed. As two men approached him to take him, something felt wrong, the way their leader stared at him from the gate, not a hint of mercy, hardened by hardship, dead inside. One of the men sent to retrieve Henry grabbed his shoulder, squeezing it tightly, making Henry’s blood run cold.
An arrow sunk into the man’s temple.
Swift, quiet, sudden.
The grip on Henry’s shoulder loosened as the other man looked at him in confusion for a second, reacting too slowly as Henry drew his longsword, slicing his target’s throat within the same motion.
An arrow grazed past Henry’s visor, another one hit his breastplate, reflecting off the armor and sinking into the ground.
Another arrow flew down from the Heavens, bright with fire, setting one of the tents inside the encampment aflame.
“HENRY! RUN!”
Capon’s voice echoed in Henry’s shaking mind as he turned on his heels, sprinting into the jagged forest, ignoring all the scratches on his body, all the branches caught on his armor or smacking his helmet. He could hear from behind that at least two men followed close behind, close to catching up. Henry had no other choice but to stand and fight, turning around to see not two, but four bandits on his tail. Half of them were a little further behind the first two. Henry stood his ground, refusing to run away again.
One of the two bandit’s close behind him ran in a half circle around him, trying to position out of Henry’s sight. The blacksmith struggled to follow the bandit’s movements as the second one rushed in close. An overhead swing, heavy with anger, but also experience. He was no ordinary bandit, with a clear history of violence behind him. Henry dodged to the right, bringing his sword up from below to parry and counter the man in the same motion, only slicing at his chainmail instead. Henry wanted to look backwards, to find the second bandit that was getting advantage on him, but before he could locate him, he heard a loud thud from behind, making the enemy in front of him freeze for no more than a second.
A second was all Henry needed as he drove his sword into the man’s throat, staring in his fading eyes before dragging his blade out. He looked behind him for a second before the other two had caught up to him, seeing Hans standing over a body with an arrow sunk in his back.
Henry smiled.
Hans didn’t smile back.
He drew his bow, flying an arrow past Henry’s tired body, hitting one of the bandits in the shoulder. He took out his sword, discarding his bow to the ground and rushed towards Henry, where the battlefield was about to merge.
“GET YOURSELF TOGETHER HENRY!” - He yelled out before blocking a mace from the uninjured bandit. Henry looked in awe for a second, at his saviour, his friend, his knight…
His body moved without thinking, taking over all of Henry’s senses, once again making him feel like he was watching himself fight from another perspective.
Henry drew his secondary weapon, an axe, short, sharp, agile. Just a swing was all he needed to take down the injured enemy, leaving the axe in his opened skull and drawing his sword again. It was two on one now, finally in their favor, or so he hoped. The ground was shaking again, reminding Henry of Skalitz, of that fateful day where his life ended…
Hans was pushed by the bandit.
Hans failed to block the combo.
Hans was dropped to the ground.
Hans was about to die.
Henry could feel the control come back to his body, a moment of shock, dropping his sword. A guttural scream escaped his throat as he tackled the bandit standing over Hans’s fallen body, about to sink a blade into the noble. Henry got on top of the bandit, holding the man’s hands pinned down with his arms. The man fought, struggled, spat against Henry before getting hit in the face, by Henry’s face.
Henry slammed his helmet into the man.
Then he slammed it again.
He felt the arms under his restraint lose strength.
He clasped his arms together, raising them to the highest he could before he brought them down.
Over.
And over.
And over.
A voice escaped his lips, something between a laugh and a scream, like he couldn’t believe what he was doing.
Like he knew exactly what he was doing.
The resistance against his hand’s grew closer to nonexistent with each swing, yet he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop, until he was sure the enemy was dead.
A gentle hand touched his shoulder, breaking Henry out of his trance, finally letting him stop. Hans was safe, for now… He could feel the ground shake, enemies and allies approached from both sides, but he didn’t care anymore, as long as Hans was alive, next to him. His head pulsed heavily, his brain felt like it was trying to slam itself outside of his skull. A heat he wasn’t aware of took over his body, dulling his senses, forcing his eyes to close. A chill ran down his spine as he lost his balance while still seated on his victim, falling forward, his eyes freezing on the broken corpse.
“HENRY! WHAT’S WRONG, WAKE UP!”
The entire face was bloodied, nose pushed inside the face, eye fallen out of its socket. Entirety of the debauchery was covered in bloody red, the last color Henry saw as he lost consciousness.

…

Henry’s vision was darkened with bloody red.
The same nightmare played out again. He slayed the same cumans, failed to save the same people. He dropped his sword, but when he tried reaching for it, his hand just went through the weapon. He tried his best, squeezed and squeezed the air, the illusion, unable to discern between the two.
Something clutched back at his hand as a warm light of golden yellow poured into his vision. The colours spilled onto the world, painting it back to life. It did not restore the ruined vision of Skalitz, instead painting over it, over the ruined memories, the bloody past. A yellow bird flew past Henry’s head, bringing a soft breeze with it, carrying the leaves of a linden tree. Henry clutched back at the warm feeling in his arm, unspoken, unseen, but still there, still real.
He walked up the small hilltop, to the shade provided by the grand tree.
Henry sunk into the grass, taking in the smell of fresh flowers, the smell of home…
“You know the trouble of adventurer’s life son? It’s that it could end so quickly. I could teach you how to use a sword, but you can get shot by a crossbow the moment you step a foot out of your house.”
Henry sighed, leaning onto the ground before raising his body.
“An arrow did sink into me when I was running from Skalitz… Didn’t seem to end me.”
“How is it? That adventurous life you’ve always dreamed of.”
“I don’t know. Not what I expected, not what I hoped.”
“I told you.”
“Like you would understand!”
“I do, maybe not quite the same reason as you, but that feeling of wanting to leave your home, you’re not the only one cursed with such a thing.”
“You… You’re not even real…”
“Maybe. Maybe you should take it at face value instead of overthinking it.”
“I miss you, I miss ma. But I don’t miss who I was before.”
“And what about now?”
“I don’t know what I am now.”
“How about what you will be?”
Henry finally looked at his father’s eyes, cold, lifeless, but still there, a figment of his nightmares and dreams perhaps, or something more.
“I want to avenge you guys, I have to!”
“You don’t HAVE to do anything. The choice is yours son, It’s up to you what you dedicate yourself to and I’m sure you’ll work it out.”
“Why? If you’re not just a part of my hallucinations, why don’t you condemn me! You know what I am, what I want to become.”
“You’re our son.”
Words that Henry always dreamed of hearing.
Words that Henry never received.
He wanted to talk again, to scream, to cry, to beg, to ask, but his dreams weren’t quite so gracious.
He opened his eyes to darkness, barely anything visible at first, but his hand felt it. A gentle touch, a firm hold. His eyes finally got used to the darkness, making out a frame of a slim noble, sitting on a chair next to Henry’s bed, head lolled to the side with his eyes closed.
Henry wanted to touch his golden hair, as if to feel the realness of the moment, but he didn’t need to. Long fingers grasped his rough Hands, keeping them in place, steadying Henry, grounding him to reality, to comfort, to safety.
Exhaustion took Henry soon after, but this time, he didn’t need nightmares to torment him, dreams to comfort him, because Hans was there, with him, and he didn’t plan on letting go.

Chapter Text

“Wake up Hal, it’s past sunrise!”
Henry felt thin cloth, drenched in water wrap around his forehead. He slowly opened his eyes, adjusting them to the light before looking sideways at the familiar room. He was back home, in his new room, to safety.
“Finally you’re awake, you fool!”
Hans’s voice echoed through the room, startling Henry with the hint of anger in his tone. He finally focused his eyes to make out Theresa standing over him, pouring water into a cup and passing it to Henry. Behind her, Hans sat on a stool, arms crossed, puffed up in exhaustion and built up anger, seemingly towards Henry.
“Wha-what happened?”
“You are asking me? I’ll tell you what happened! You disobeyed my orders, went behind our backs, threatened my subjects, almost got yourself captured for nothing and to top it all off, you hid your illness from me during the entire mission!”
“Illness?”
“YES, illness, I wish I had a mirror with me to show you how fucked up you look right now. What if I wasn’t there to save you, huh? You passed out after kil… after defeating that bandit!”
The mere mention of the moment made the last moments of his consciousness flash before Henry’s eyes: His panic, his anger, his screams as he beat the bandit to death barehanded… Luckily Theresa had a bucket ready for him as he emptied his stomach, Hans winced at the sight and turned his gaze while Theresa held Henry’s head up.
“I’ve got to report to Hanush, I could hear him yelling outside earlier while looking for us, but I ignored him for the moment…” - he looked up at Henry, not mentioning the night, not with words, but their exchanged glance spoke of it all, silently, hidden from the world.
“Wait, Hans please, I’m sor…”
“Save it for later, get your strength back and head clear first, I’ll be back soon alright?”
He closed the door behind him without looking back at Henry, maybe in anger, maybe to hide his face, Henry could only dream of knowing after all. Theresa put the filthy bucket away before sitting down next to Henry.
“That lord of yours sure is something.”
“He’s mad that I fucked up…”
“He’s mad that you acted stupidly and risked your neck, also something about lying, I didn’t pay much attention to his rambling.”
“I see…”
“Do you? I somehow doubt it.” - She looked at Henry with the eerily familiar grin, a knowing smile - “He was here all night you know… I had decided to visit you this morning when I found him…”
“I know…”
“And?”
“I don’t know.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Forget about that, I have to…”
“You have to stay in bed and rest for the day Hal, you're still burning up!”
Henry finally calmed down and paid attention to his body’s protests, feeling the blood running hot in his body, his head still aching in excruciating pain, replacing all the worry and surprise with a feeling of nausea.
“I’ve got a fever?”
“You just figured that out? My god Hal that lord really is making you lose your mind!”
“Well this explains a lot… How did I not even realize, it was the most common thing me and ma treated in the village.”
Theresa didn’t respond, humming to herself as she drenched another piece of cloth in water, rubbing down Henry’s sweaty body to cool it down.
“You’re surprisingly uninjured for someone who fought while ill.”
“I don’t remember much of it, just the end…”
“You saved Capon.”
“That’s not what he thinks.”
“Isn’t it? Do you think he’s this mad because you risked the mission? “
“He should be.”
“NO! By god you’re a fool sometimes, he’s mad that you put yourself in danger.”
“Why would he care…”
“Just ask him!”
As she said that, she pointed towards the view through the window, the sight of a confident man dressed in bright colours slipping through the space. Henry couldn’t help but smile, even though he was nervous. Theresa got up before he could register her intentions, heading towards the door.
“I’ll buy you some medicine, I don't think there's anything useful left in your big chest of medicine back at the mill. You’re going to have to spend a day brewing again.”
Theresa pushed the door open, maybe by accident, right as Hans approached it, nearly bumping into him. She gave him a reassuring smile - “I’ve brought him to his senses a bit, you can go all out on him.”
“Oh trust me, miss Theresa, I fully plan to.” - He shut the door with more force than necessary, flipping the lock before turning to Henry.
“I managed to escape an earful from Hanush since none of our men were lost during that God's damned mission, but that’s bad news for you because you’ve made me angrier than he has for once!”
“Hans I…” - Henry tried to speak up, but Hans pressed his finger against his lips, shutting him up on the spot.
“I’m going to ask you, and you’re going to answer, truthfully, got it?”
“I… Aye.”
“What happened with that Runt?”
“Nothing…”
“Don’t bullshit me Henry, I’m not in the mood!”
“And what do you want me to say Hans? That I caught him alone? That I didn’t even struggle against him!? That I… That I smashed his head to the ground, until… until…”
“Why hide it from me?”
“It’s not a thing I want to remember… I’m not proud of myself for what I did there.”
“Because you lost control?”
“Because I didn’t.”
Hans’ eyes widened at the statement, not expecting a confession to such violence so easily out of Henry, but he appreciated the honesty, softening his expression.
“Did you know you were sick?”
“Not really.”
“Why did you threaten those peasants at the farm?”
“How did you… I don’t know, they kept lying to me, I got mad… I keep losing myself when I get angry, like I’m watching someone else commit the horrible things I’ve done, but I know it’s me, a part of me that’s as real as anything else.”
“Even in combat?”
“Most of the time, aye.”
“When you saved me back there…”
“It was me.”
“I see…”
Hans sighed, rubbing his face with his hand, as if trying to wake himself up before looking back at his miserable squire.
“You bastard, can’t even stay mad at you!”
“What happened after, you know…”
“Luckily for you, I told Bernard the location of their camp before rushing to you. When you passed out, the bandits were close, but so were our men. You and I took out a third of their forces, so Bernard and his men easily handled the rest.”
“Are you alright?”
“What do you mean?”
“You, you almost, you know?”
“Died? But I’m still here, so I’m not going to worry my head about it more than I need to, after all, I had a bigger problem at the time!”
“Right… Sorry.”
Both of them ran out of words, despite having so much to say to each other. The silence stretched, but the tension, the worry, the relief hung heavy in the air. Hans stared at Henry with a tilted head, like he so often did, quietly observing Henry, who smiled at him with delirium in his eyes, redness all over his face making him blend perfectly with his precious scarf.

A cough escaped Henry’s throat, rough, scratching his throat on the way out. Hans didn’t need a request, immediately handing Henry a warm cup of water, watching his squire gulp it down in an instant. He went back to his brooding, watching Henry slide further down into the bed, covering his cold yet hot body with a blanket. Henry closed his eyes, letting his body rest in the comfort of companionship that he never quite got to experience before meeting Hans.

…
Theresa gently opened the door, seeing a familiar scene she wasn’t supposed to see for the second time that morning. Henry sleeping peacefully, sweating into his blanket and Hans holding his hand, barely keeping himself awake. He flinched at the sound of her footsteps, swiftly letting go of Henry’s hand and turning on the chair to face Theresa, acting like nothing was happening.
“I see he’s fallen asleep again, you didn’t scold him too hard did you?”
“How could I when he looks at me with those wet puppy eyes of his… I can’t bring myself to stay mad at him.”
Theresa sat down two satchels on the desk, walking over to the bed and standing next to Hans.
“He always worries for everyone, I’m glad he has you to worry over him.”
“Someone has to, god knows he isn’t.”
“Can you be truthful with me Sir Hans?”
“Sir? What brought this on… Sure, I’ll try.”
“What do you think of him?”
“Did he put you up to this? Is he secretly awake waiting for my praises?” - He jokingly pressed a finger into Henry’s burning hot cheek, pulling it back with regret, hoping he hadn’t woken the poor squire.
“It’s just… I don’t often see noble’s care this much for us peasants. I’ve got enough troubles myself, so I can’t properly worry over Henry like I want to…”
“I see, you want to know if I’m good enough?”
“You could say that.”
“Well, this damned peasant burst into a meeting of nobles after embarrassing himself, yet somehow got promoted. He beat me, a noble who has been training archery since I could hold a bow, in a shooting contest five minutes after learning how to fire an arrow, yet he didn’t gloat. He punched me real good, but then talked to me like a regular person… Not just a noble, not someone to suck up to, but to whoever I’ve become beneath it all. I don’t even know what I am sometimes outside of the noble facade… But, it feels like he knows it, yet doesn’t hate it… So I want to return the favor. I know he’s hiding things from me, from everyone… and that hurts. Maybe he’ll tell me about his woes eventually, but I just want to help him.”
“So you like him.”
Hans’ eyes widened at the words, looking up at theresa who didn’t look at him, didn’t cast judgement, didn’t accuse, just stated.
“You make it sound like something sinful when it’s not like that!”
“Would it make a difference if it was?”
“You speak blasphemy.”
“And you speak half-truths.”
“I… It’s not like that, because it can never be like that. He’s become a dear friend, that will have to do.”
“Always so worried about what you can and can’t be, you’ll regret it sooner or later.”
A somber tone of understanding could be heard in Theresa’s voice, one that Hans couldn’t decipher. She got up and opened the door, speaking without turning back and facing the noble.
“Give him the medicine after dinner, he should be fine in a day.”
Hans nodded in acknowledgment, watching the young maiden walk out into the streets, observing her way of existence. She walked confidently, braving the world, trying to leave the past behind, something only someone with true strength could manage.
He looked back down at Henry, then himself, two fools who were too scared to go against the world…

…
The day went by peacefully. Henry’s consciousness came and went, his illness taking a heavy toll on his body, yet he didn’t mind it since he wasn’t alone. Hans gave him food when he asked, even though he barely had an appetite, gave him medicine brought by Theresa, helped Henry change his sweaty tunic and even recounted stories he had read for entertainment.
“I had no idea France was so different from us, despite being not that far off from here.”
“Cultures take different shapes under different people after all. Bohemia was a peaceful country until King Charles passed and Wenceslas became lazy, in the meantime Sigismund became restless and dramatic, you know the rest…”
“Not really, us peasants don’t really get to know much about the world… I always wanted to leave home, become an adventurer, see what’s out there even if I didn’t know what awaited me. But this wasn’t how I wanted my adventuring life to begin.”
“Even though I’m somewhat aware of what’s out there, I still wish to see it as well…”
“Why can’t you? You’re a noble-surely you have enough coin to travel?”
“Being a nobleman is complicated, Hal… Yes it gives me luxuries that peasants don’t get to afford, or even dream of sometimes, but it comes with its own set of responsibilities and restrictions…”
“What’s the point then?”
“Sorry?”
“All you nobles are treated like gods by the common folk, like you can do anything, give us anything, but you’re more like a bird they keep in a cage.”
“You’re… right…”
Hans’ eyes unfocused, his hands started to shake as he sank into the ocean of thoughts inside his mind. Ripple after ripple, wave after wave of dread, worthlessness, fear and anger that never stopped slamming into the cliff of his self-worth. A million words unspoken, even more woes untold to anyone… Maybe it doesn’t have to be that way.
“I’m not sure about anything Henry, but I’d like your help when I figure it out.”
His squire’s eyes widened at the proposition, a call for help that wasn’t a regular command given to a peasant by his noble.
“I promise to stand by you through thick and thin!”
“Thank you...-” - Hans stood up, patting Henry’s hair on Henry’s head, ruffling the squire’s overgrown hair - “But first I need you alive, so you better get well soon!”
“I’ll do my best sir!” - Henry’s eyes were already half closed from another wave of exhaustion, but his smile was genuine, or so Hans hoped.

…

“I’m not so sure this is a great idea sir, the baths were the reason I got sick in the first place.”
“YOU got sick because you went out into the rain in your braies, like a drunken fool.”
“And you let me! So we’re both at fault.”
“That’s why I’m yet again paying for you so shut up and strip off!”
Henry didn’t bother fighting back any more, swiftly taking off his tunic and hose before lowering into the hot bath, watching Hans do the same. There were no bathmaids this time, Hans had asked for privacy after all. Henry was a bit nervous at the idea, thinking back, he only made it through last time without losing his mind thanks to wine and Klara’s easy company, but the hot tub relaxed his recently ill body, sticky with sweat and built up grime from the battle before… Hans handed him a soap, observing Henry with focus in his eyes while his squire was busy washing himself. Henry met his eyes, pausing for a second before flashing his sheepish grinn at Hans and looking away. Hans finally focused on what he came here to do, washing himself down into the water, though he was much cleaner than his squire.
Wet hair kept sticking to Henry’s face, making him groan in annoyance while pushing them back. Hans looked back up at the frustrated sounds before realizing just how much Henry had grown his hair and beard out. He looked like a caveman, unfit for Hans’s service… or likeness.
“After we’re done washing up here, how about I give you a haircut?”
“You?”
“Why not, I’ll have you know yours truly cuts his own hair!”
“That explains a lot.”
“Excuse me!?”
“I’m just kidding… I’d be delighted to let you mess up my hair.”
“Joke too much and it may come true.”
“You wouldn’t do me like that.”
“Don’t test your superiors, HAL!”
Hans swung his hand into the water, lightly splashing Henry, who was already having trouble seeing through his hair. He splashed back at Hans, then got water to his face in return again. A laugh escaped them both as they played in water like children, neither stopping until a cough came out of Henry, making them both pause for a second before looking at each other and continuing to laugh.
Henry did his best to wash every part of his body, but he could still feel some dirt on his back that he couldn’t reach. Hans, who had already finished washing himself, noticed Henry’s distress before the squire spoke about it, deciding to take initiative.
“Need some help? For those… hard to reach spaces…”
He slowed his tone into a quiet suggestion, enjoying Henry’s ears brightening as their owner averted his eyes in shame. Henry wordlessly turned around, leaning his elbows and forearms onto the edge of the tub, letting his chest rest against the walls that held the water enclosed. Hans was a little surprised at his obedience, but he didn’t hesitate, picking up the soap with his right hand while gently grasping Henry's shoulder with his left, steadying their connection before slowly, carefully rubbing the soap along his squire’s back while observing.
Observing Henry’s muscles, not abundant thanks to his lost appetite, but still speaking of the vigorous training he had maintained. There was a slash along his lower back, shallow and already healing, but when Hans brought the soap down to it, Henry flinched forward, barely noticeable to anyone that wasn’t observing him like Hans was in that tender moment.
Neither of them hurried the other, enjoying this moment of… friendship? Or something more even they didn’t know, nor were they brave enough to ask.
“All clean… Now it’s time to make you look respectable, go sit on that chair while I ask the maids for some tools.”
Henry lost his tongue, unable to come up with a response that wouldn’t break this fragile moment. He slowly rose out of the water, feeling Hans’s gaze on his dripping body as he walked over to the stool at the side of the room.
He perked up his ears at the sound of Hans’s footsteps approaching the door and fading, leaving the young squire with a storm raging in his head.
Water slowly dripped onto the floor, stabbing into Henry’s thoughts with each drop. What was Capon doing? why was he acting like this. Henry couldn’t understand everything that Hans made him feel with all the niceties, the glances, the slow touches.
A noble torturing his squire with love.
Love Henry could never act upon.
LoveHenry wasn’t adjusted to, despite how much he craved it.
Was it all a game for Hans, enjoying Henry’s reactions to his teasing, or something more…
Hans walked back in with a small knife and scissors in his hand. He closed the door behind him and flipped the lock, much to the dismay of many curious bathmaids who weren’t far off behind him.
“So Henny! What kind of a haircut would you like?”
“I, I don’t know, similar to yours I guess? Something that would be pleasant to look at for others.”
“What about yourself, you have to enjoy your look first before looking for other’s approval!”
“I… I like the way your hair looks, so it’s fine…”
“Daring aren’t we. I’m glad my role as a noble example is well kept between the peasantry!”
Henry shifted uncomfortably at the joke, but relaxed when he heard Hans’s small chuckle, realising that his friend was happy that Henry wanted something similar to his own style.
Hans grabbed the small knife, holding Henry’s chin with his left hand while bringing the blade close to his jaw. The sight was terrifying and thrilling for Henry.
“Don’t move your head, I don’t wanna cut your face!”
“Alright.”
Hans carefully sliced the knife through Henry’s messy and unruly beard, swiftly shortening it with his experienced hands, leaving nothing but a short stubble on the squire’s face. Henry finally relaxed as Hans distanced the knife from his face, breathing out before cracking a small smile at his friend.
“You weren’t lying about cutting your own hair huh, your confidence is astounding.”
“But of course, no peasant barber around here can do my hair the justice it deserves!” - He raised the scissors up in a grand gesture, like a knight showing off his weapon - “now keep your head still, scissors can be a dangerous tool!”
“If you say so. I thought my lordship was confident?”
“You keep talking like that and my confidence will drop below the level needed to keep your empty head safe!”
“My apologies Sir Hans, I didn’t expect your ego, I mean confidence to drop so easily.”
A sound of scissors closing played too close to Henry’s ears for comfort, followed up by a noble chuckle, full of fakeness and money.
Hans gently grasped Henry’s curled hair, enjoying the sensation that felt so… right. He divided the hair into sections, lifting them piece by piece before carving them at measured lengths. Henry held his head down and eyes half closed as he observed the strands falling to the floor, a sensation he hadn’t felt since his Pa cut his hair, too carelessly for comfort, too short for Henry’s satisfaction.
A real man shouldn’t worry about his hair after all, just keep it short and normal…
Henry hated it everytime, not getting the choice, constantly forced to shape himself into something he wasn’t. Yet being here, with Hans who gently grasped his hair, who treated the process with the same importance that Henry always yearned for, who cared as much as his friend, overwhelmed Henry. A warm feeling took place in his guts, but it wasn’t painful. It made its way up to his heart, making the world slow down, the second stretch forever, hoping that it would never end.
Hans felt Henry relax more and more into his grasp as he kept going with great care, cutting the strands with calculated confidence, shaving the sides with care. As he finished, he ran his hand through his squire’s hand for the last time, enjoying the sensation of the soft and thick brown hair before letting go.
He brought a small mirror to Henry’s face, observing his friend’s reaction to his freshly trimmed sides and top part of his hair still kept quite lengthy, flowing freely around his head, similar to Hans, but not quite the same, a bit messier and freer than Hans’s slicked back hair. Hans was delighted to see that he liked it.
“This is incredible, Hans… Thank you.” - a shaky voice that Hans didn’t expect, filled not with regret, but with relief… with fondness and thankfulness.
“Of course Hal, anytime… Don’t go around bragging about me giving you a haircut though! Other peasants might feel a bit jealous.”
“As you command my lord.”
The two friends left the bathhouse without any incident this time, much to the bathmaids’ disappointment, yet more had happened between the two than they could put into words.

…

Hanush was away on noble business for a few days in Talmberg, giving Hans a day of freedom without a worry of a nagging from his guardian. He usually spent such days running out into a nearby forest and staring at the sky, but this time it was different, following his squire around on menial tasks and errands.
“Is this seriously what you do all day?”
“I’ve got to make coin somehow. Plus I need to brew a new stock of potions for myself and the ingredients don’t come cheap.”
“Oh, are you still having trouble sleeping?”
“It’s been… better. But a few potions for energy wouldn’t hurt. Other than that, I need some healing potions too. I’ve even learned new recipes since you taught me how to read.”
“I’m glad our lesson came in handy.”
“Aye, I’ll be forever grateful for that, I had no idea how much I didn’t know before…”
They walked down to the apothecary. Hans waited outside while Henry went in, bartering and laughing with the owner for a couple of minutes to come out with a bag full of ingredients.
“The owner here is so nice, he lets me use his alchemy station as long as I pay for the ingredients.”
“That’s not unexpected, I can’t escape your name everywhere I go nowadays. It feels like you’ve helped everyone one way or another, they seem to like you.”
Henry looked at Hans with surprise written all over his face - “Oh, I didn’t realize…” - they walked into the backroom where the alchemy bench was located - “Back in Skalitz… I always felt like they disliked me…”
“Why would you think that?”
“It’s just… I don’t know, I was always the odd kid, I know rumours and judgement went on behind my back. It’s strange, I don’t feel like that here…”
“You’ve changed a lot since you came here… I can already barely remember the arrogant peasant that burst into a noble’s meeting and demanded to be enlisted for service!” - Hans placed a hand on Henry’s shoulder before slowly sliding it downwards, feeling Henry’s growing muscles under his blue tunic… - “Hell we brought down 4 men alone while you were sick, that’s no small feat you know.”
“Ugh don’t remind me, that day still haunts me.”
“Right, sorry.”
Henry turned away from his friend, his mind becoming a bit muddied from the memory, the rage he felt in that moment as he beat the bandit to death… Fortunately, he was ready for alchemy, providing him with an escape from the thoughts. He didn’t get to brew many potions since Skalitz, but when he did it calmed his soul, reminding him of the simpler days, brewing potions with his Ma.
They walked into the small room where an alchemy bench stood, a familiar feeling taking place in Henry’s body, pushing back the storm of emotions. He sat down a book, flipping through the pages with one hand while putting down his bag of ingredients onto the shelf with the other. Hans stood in the doorway, not fully going into the small space without reason, but his curiosity beat his irrational fear, carefully stepping to his friend.
“So you just follow the instructions in that book and it’ll work?”
“Aye, it's not too complicated, once you get a bit of practice in you can easily master it.”
“Can I try?”
Henry seemed a bit surprised by the request, but he immediately nodded, excited at the idea of teaching his friend. He waved at Hans to get closer, pouring the wine into the cauldron. Hans observed carefully as Henry set up the ingredients, grinded the flowers, poured, stirred, distilled. He had never attempted alchemy, a noble had no need for it after all, but it was an interesting process for him. If something seemingly so simple could aid him so much, like after he was saved by Henry and miraculously made able to walk with these potions, why wouldn’t he learn more about it.
He looked up at Henry, who seemed in his element, there was no timidness or rage inside him like in a sword practice or a real fight. He was filled with confidence in his skills, experience that never failed him before. A state of being that Hans so often lacked, even in archery, which was his specialty.
“How… How did you know you liked alchemy when you were younger?”
“Huh?… I don’t know, I always liked flowers, Pa always told me off for gathering too many of them and attracting insects in the house. Then one day Ma offered to teach me about alchemy and watching her work, so confident and graceful in her craft…“- a tear ran down his face without realizing, brought out by the memories of a past taken too soon - “Shit, sorry…”
“No need, Hal.” - Hans held Henry’s hand for a second, pulling his friend out of his internal distress before taking it back, not lingering for longer than he should have…

Henry quietly brewed the Cockerel potions that helped him stay awake when he needed to. His mind was quiet, too quiet, even forgetting that his friend was observing the process with confused eyes.
“Shit, sorry Hans, I zoned out.”
“It’s alright, I think I understood all of it. Can I try now?”
“Hmm, sure why not, but something simpler at first alright?”
“Sure, as you say, oh great knowledgeable sage!”
“Shut up… Just a marigold decoction should be good, It’s quite simple.”
Henry stepped away from the table, letting Hans close into the brewer’s position. He flipped the pages to the correct recipe.
“First step is to always prepare your ingredients beforehand. You don’t want to be fumbling through your bag in the middle of precious time after all.”
“I see, so I need two marigolds and one nettle… Which one’s the nettle again?”
“The green leaf that kind of looks like a pine tree. Careful when picking it up, it gives you a strange pain, not strong but bothersome. Here, use my gloves.”
Henry handed his thin leather gloves to Hans, who was a bit taken aback at how patient Henry was when teaching him. He didn’t rush, didn’t judge, didn’t scold. Just told him what he needed to know without too much worry over the smallest details like Hans was used to studying under.
He quietly put on the gloves, a bit short for his longer fingers, and grabbed the nettle leaf, observing it carefully to remember its shape in the future, before placing it on the side shelf. He then grabbed two marigolds, placing them next to the nettle before turning to the book for the next steps. He could feel Henry’s gaze observing him, not to look for mistakes and condemn him for them, but simply to make sure Hans was doing it safely, to be there when needed.
Hans poured water from a pot into the cauldron, looking at Henry for a hint of when to stop.
“Almost to the brim Hans, but not too much so it doesn’t overflow when boiling.”
“How the fuck am I supposed to know how much that means, just tell me when to stop!”
“Have some confidence in yourself. Don’t overcomplicate it. Brewing is a straightforward process that doesn’t need overthinking.”
“If it overflows it’s all your fault!” - Hans took a sarcastic tone, preparing himself for failure, but surprisingly, for him at least, the water was just the right amount. Henry smiled at him with a soft expression, enjoying the sight of his friend enjoying something that he’d loved since he was young…
“Boil for one turn… What does that mean?”
“Oh, uh, you wait until it starts boiling when you put the cauldron down onto the flames, then turn that hourglass next to you. When it drains, you either raise the cauldron to take it off the flames or leave it there to add the next ingredient, depending on what the recipe says.”
“You’re really good at explaining, for once I don’t find listening to instructions boring.” - Hans smiled at Henry before turning back to his work.
The water boiled and he threw the nettle in, swiftly turning the hourglass. He observed each speck of dust flow with precision, ready to raise the cauldron at the precise second. Henry chuckled at his friend's focus, waiting for Hans to throw in the marigolds and raise the cauldron up to let it cool before commenting, not wanting to disrupt his focus and the process.
“You know it’s fine if you’re a couple of seconds late, usually at least. It’s not like you threw in the nettle and turned it at the same exact moment.”
“But I thought alchemy was all about precision and instructions!?”
“Just trust me, simple recipes like this won’t matter for a couple of seconds.”
“What about the harder ones?”
“It depends, we’ll get there when we get there.”
Henry slowly approached Hans, handing him a phial. Hans took it, carefully pouring the result into it before handing it back to Henry. His friend raised the phial to his nose, smelling it first, then tasting one sip.
“It’s perfect Hans, well done!”
Hans exhaled, finally the unneeded tension left his shoulders.
Henry was happy to teach him.
Happy that his friend cared and listened.
Hans was happy that Henry was happy.
They spent another hour in the alchemy room, taking turns at brewing, Hans handling the simple potions, slowly gaining more and more confidence while Henry handled the more complicated ones. Hans wouldn’t be a master at it from the start, and for once, it was alright…
The sun had finally gone past its peak while the two friends practiced their alchemy. As they stepped outside, carrying bags full of potions, Hans got the idea of training Henry on shooting better and the squire didn’t protest, taking the opportunity to spend more time with his friend.
…

An arrow flew by the circular target, leaving not a scratch behind on the weathered board.
“Sakra!”
“Come now Henry, you’re embarrassing yourself!”
“I don’t get it, sometimes I don’t miss a single shot, other times I can’t seem to hit the target at all.”
“Call it luck if you want to, or talent. So far you’ve been shooting by following your instincts, hoping it’ll work out right?”
“Aye, like that time with the Cumans. I could’ve hit you there, y’know… I don’t want that fear to come to life.”
“That’s why you’re going to train your technique, understood!? So you won’t have to rely on luck the next time, talent is nothing without practice, no matter how great.”
“You haven’t missed once today, how come I beat you that day on our first competition?”
“I told you, my hand had grown heavy!”
“What does that even mean?”
“Uhhh, I was feeling like shit and shooting like one? It’s a saying, Hal.”
Hans stepped closer to Henry, standing behind him. He wrapped his left arm around Henry, helping him steady the bow. He brought his right hand to Henry’s, guiding him into pulling the string with correct force.
“Get a rhythm for it, from your view it will go to the left and a bit up, down if the target is further.”- Henry shifted in Hans’s embrace, trying to hide his comfortable discomfort… - “Inhale on the draw, hold it for a second, let the swaying of your hands adjust to your aim before setting it loose.”
An arrow crossed the air at top speed, landing right into the center of the target.
“YES, excellent work Hal!” - He let go of Henry’s arms, making the squire shift again, this time in the lack of the comforting embrace.
“That was… surprisingly simple.”
“It’ll feel different in the heat of the battle, but keep practicing at different distances and you’ll catch up to me in no time, I’m sure.”
Henry smiled to himself, finding it hard to believe how much fun he had at archery. The noble and his squire turned at the sound of soft clapping, seeing Theresa walking down the training grounds.
“I see you two are keeping busy, that was a nice shot Henry.”
“Thank you tess… Would you like to give it a try?”
“Hmm, I’m not so sure a woman would be allowed.” - She looked sideways at Hans, who kept observing the two friends with unexplained conflict on his face before snapping out of it.
“Not at all, it’s actually in fashion these days… or so I’ve heard. For example, the young lady of house Ruthard in Kuttenberg is rumored to be an excellent shot.”
Theresa was surprised at the open mindedness from the young noble. Women were not treated fairly or equally, that was no secret in bohemia, yet Hans didn’t stop her from trying, neither did Henry… Why should she stop herself?
“I’ve got a bit of experience… I only survived Skalitz because I had a bow at hand, after all.”
“Oh… You didn’t tell me that.”
“You’re not the only one who would like to forget that day, Hal.”
“Not to get in the way of your sentimental flashbacks, but I’ve got to attend to some… Noble duties, I hope you two won’t mind.”
Hans stepped away from the range before the two friends could say anything, even a goodbye. He hated this, his day, his mind being sullied… By HENRY, of all people! That conflicted feeling he got when Henry talked with Theresa, that twisting pain in his gut, mute burning of his heart…
“No way… Am I… Jealous???”
“As if.”
…
Theresa took to archery surprisingly well, surprising even herself. It calmed her raging mind, reminded of the moment she struck an arrow into the Cuman during that cursed night…
“Nicely done Tess! You’re already way better than I am.”
“Yeah right… You’ve survived more battles already than I’ll ever have…”
“That's… It’s not fair, I know.”
“Do you? I don’t get the chance to avenge my parents like you did, or to help my friends the same way you can.”
“I know…”
“That’s why you mustn’t waste it, alright Hal? Not just for yourself, but for us, for our parents, our friends.”
Henry avoided her gaze, weight of the memories weighing on his mind before one of his fingers caught his eye.
“There’s… something I want to give you.”
Theresa looked at Henry in confusion as he took off a ring from his finger, looking at it one last time with sadness in his eyes before handing it to Theresa.
“What is this, why are you giving it to…”
“It’s Bianca’s… She wanted to give it to you, that day, before the dance…”
“Why would she… Why to me… Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Is that why you two…”
“Aye.”
“Why are you giving this to me now…”
“Because… You grieve for them, as much as I…”
“That’s not fair, to tell me now… What I should’ve known before it happened.”
“I know.”
Tears burst out of Theresa before she could hold them back, a thousand words unsaid, a tale untold, a possibility unmade before its time.
Henry stayed at her side, granting her the comfort of understanding only he could offer for sinners like them…

…
“Can’t believe I forgot my bow down there. I’d better grab it before it gets stolen.”
Hans was walking back down to the archery range, hoping that Henry had already left. Instead he saw something that soured his mood even more. Henry handing a ring to Theresa.
Her crying.
Henry embracing her in ways that Hans would never get to experience…
Hans turned on his heels, disappearing into the evening shadows before he could be seen. His thoughts ran faster than a horse, coming up with every possible solution and excuse for what he saw, not that he could think of many. He speedwalked to lower Pirkstein, unintentionally slamming his door before turning the lock.
He damn near flew onto his bed, burying his face into the pillow, letting out a frustrated scream.
What was happening to him, why did he care, for Henry, about Henry… He’d never felt this way before. The warm feeling that took hold of his body and mind when he was around his… friend.
It was something he had no experience with, not with women, definitely with men, especially not with a peasant… It was like Hans lost himself around Henry, letting down all his defences, all his noble masks that he had to keep up to stay safe, to remain who he was meant to be, who he would never like being. When Henry treated him like any other person, when he was kind and patient with him, when he killed for him…
It can’t be.
It shouldn’t be.
Yet there it was, unphased, unmoving, unrelenting.
He liked Henry.
Even Theresa saw it before he admitted it.
He liked Henry in a way that wasn’t natural, that wasn’t allowed, that wasn’t meant to be.
Unnatural.
A sin.
Fuck.
He wasn’t crazy to think that Henry must have been the same, right? His squire didn’t exactly act in a typical manner. But what was Henry doing with Theresa!? It looked like he proposed to her, what was he thinking, not even telling Hans and marrying the first wench that he was left alone with!
A walking contradiction, Hans once called him, and it stood out even more now. His comfort, his openness, his gaze when Hans wasn’t looking…
Hans would lose his mind at this rate.
He tossed and turned in his bed, thinking back at every one of their interactions, every hand held in the night, every touch lingering longer than necessary, a shift not normal between friends…
He did not know when sleep took him, but he was woken up by a sudden knock.
Singular, quiet.
Hans looked around the room, seeing that sunlight had already crept its way through his windows.
“Fuck, how long did I sleep for!?”
Another knock came, still obviously from the same person.
“I’ll be right there!”
He fumbled out of the bed, throwing a simple tunic over his head before opening the door. Henry’s eyes were surrounded by darker eyebags than usual, but he still looked quite energized.
“Jesus Hal… Did you sleep at all?”
“Uhh, barely, I was up late speaking with Theresa.”
The mention of the name set Hans’s soured brain aflame, redness rushing to his cheeks, not one of comfort, but of anger that he tried to hide.
Henry held out his arm, handing Hans a familiar bow while the noble was still reeling in his mind.
“I noticed you left it behind yesterday so I grabbed it to make sure no one stole it… Are you alright Hans? You look a little red.”
“A little? You should be glad I’m not fully red right now!”
“What?”
“Doesn’t matter. I want us to have a duel! RIGHT NOW!”
“What, why, Hans are you sure you’re alright?”
“I’m fine and you’ll do it because it’s a command, understood? Go grab your damned sword and meet me in the training yard!
…
What was he doing, taking out his anger on his friend, but it was too late to back out now. Henry stood across the small arena from him, nervously holding the wooden sword. They were both dressed in simple armour, enough for a practice fight, but Hans still felt like the armour was choking him. They stood at the training grounds where both had spent hours practicing their skills. Not a soul was around to witness the venting of emotions that were about to unfold between two friends
Without a word, a warning, a countdown, He stepped forward, aggressively swinging at Henry from the right, his friend barely managing to block the powerful swing in time, straining his hand from the sheer force. Hans swung again and again, not letting up or giving Henry time to retaliate. Left, right, left, all blocked by Henry but he didn’t see the upper slash following up the third attack, getting hit in the jaw with a powerful strike. A real sword would’ve killed him, but the wooden one hurt like a bitch. Hans could see that the strike finally got his squire’s blood pumping as his eyes narrowed, almost looking clouded.
Hans stepped in close again, swinging unpredictably at Henry, executing masterful combos even in his enraged state.
A hit to Henry’s shin, then another one at the side of his chest. Hans was getting rougher and rougher as Henry’s breathing grew shorter, ragged, laced with a tone Hans only heard once before, when he snuffed out that bandit’s life barehanded…
Henry went on the offensive, trying to get in a combo of his own, but Hans got cocky from his advantage so far, parrying the sword away and suddenly dropping his own.
He tackled Henry, dropping them both to the ground. Hans got on top of the peasant, holding one of his arms down with his left and raising his right.
He dropped it onto Henry’s stomach first, making the boy gasp for air.
Hans threw another punch at his stomach before shifting his eyes up Henry’s body, staring into his eyes and raising his hand, bringing it down towards his face…
Henry barely moved his head in the last moment, avoiding the punch before a guttural scream left his throat, like of which he’d never made before.
“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” was the last thing Hans heard as Henry’s body swiftly rose, slamming his forehead straight up into Hans’s jaw, knocking him out cold.
…
Hans’s body fell onto Henry, slumping with the weight of an unconscious person. Henry hurriedly pushed it off himself, crawling backwards as he came back to his senses, his anger swiftly getting replaced with panic.
Henry’s vision was darkened with bloody red…
His body was paralysed as everything around him disappeared into the blood, leaving only Hans’s body in his vision.
Beautiful Hans.
Noble Hans.
He’d hurt him…
His head was set on fire as Hans’s head slowly started parting, ripping in half. The cracks ran down the body of his friend as a horrible laugh echoed through Henry’s head. Raspy, choking on blood as his head was banged against the floor over and over.
“I’ll see you… in … HELL!”
A hand sprouted out of the broken body, reaching towards paralyzed Henry, who watched in Horror as the Hand was followed up by a chest, a neck, a head of one of the men who still haunted his dreams.
Runt crawled towards him. Slowly. Taking his time, enjoying the sight of a Henry that couldn’t run, couldn’t fight back…
He rose up barely above the blacksmith’s body.
“I’ll see you… in … HELL!”
He wrapped his hand around Henry’s throat, grabbing his hair with the other.
A swift, powerful motion was the first thing Henry felt as his head smashed into the ground.
“In … HELL!”
Another pull at his hair, smashing his head into the ground.
Henry wanted to scream, cry, beg, call for help, but his throat didn’t work.
His head was smashed into the ground again, blood pouring down through his hair…
“HELL!!!”
Henry didn’t attempt to fight back, accepting his fate, his punishment for being a monster. He felt the wind through his hair as his head flew towards the ground again.
Something cushioned it.
Not by much, but enough, even if there was a mysterious crack.
“FUCK, MY FINGER! WAKE THE FUCK UP ALREADY HENRY!”
Golden light poured into the reddened vision, setting the darkness on fire, burning away the haunting image of Runt grabbing his face. He finally breathed out, feeling his entire strength drain away with the air.
“Are you awake? What the fuck was that!? I was only out for a second… I think.”
“Wah? What?”
“Fuck you’re bleeding.”
“So are you…”
“That’s not important! What the fuck was that Henry? I come to the sound of you just smashing your head against the ground, what is wrong with you!”
“Me? What’s wrong with you! I just bring you your bow and you challenge me to a duel? This was no duel either, you just went ham!”
“I’m sorry… I… That’s not what’s important here Hal, you almost killed yours…”
“DON’T CALL ME THAT RIGHT NOW, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT CAPON!”
Henry knocked Hans’s hand that held his head up away, dropping to the ground before slowly getting up on his own, barely keeping himself stable. Hans tried to reach for him, but he held his hand back halfway.
“I’m sorry…”
“Sorry? Sorry is what you are when you make a small mistake, not when you go overboard and make me… make me lose myself. I told you, I trusted you that you’d help me contain that part of myself… That part I hate. Not drag it out of me. I almost killed you Hans!”
“Oh don’t be so dramatic! I was out for a few seconds at most, that’s no reason to do… Whatever you were doing.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I beg to differ.”
“It’s nothing, leave it Capon.”
“You’re a bad liar.”
“And you’re a bad friend.”
“That’s the first truth you’ve told me since I just woke up.”
Henry wobbled on his legs, falling forward towards the ground, but Hans caught him. He placed his hand around Henry’s shoulder, holding him up with his other palm and steadying the boy.
“I’ll tell you if you tell me what the fuck your problem was.”
“I… It seems stupid now. I was jealous that you engaged with Theresa last night without telling me…”
“Excuse me?”
“I saw you two yesterday. You gave her a ring and hugged her, then you said you spent all night “tAlKiNg” with her…”
“Hans, you… YOU IDIOT.”
“What?”
“I didn’t… We didn’t. It’s nowhere even near like that with us. You fool, I think you’ve caught some illness from me with how stupidly you’ve acted!”
“I… I don’t understand… the ring…”
“It was our friend’s, from Skalitz. She’d wanted to give it to Tess before dying…”
“And the hugging?”
“She was crying! Like we haven’t hugged before!”
“Have we?”
“I uhh, I can’t remember. It doesn’t matter!”
“And the talking?”
“She finally opened up about what happened… That day. It was a lot… A lot worse than anything I could tell you…”
“I see… Shit Henry I’m so sorry.”
“You better be. I want your most precious scarf to wrap my head with as compensation!”
“You wouldn’t!”
“I’ll give it back… after a couple of weeks. That’s fair, right?”
Hans loosened his support on Henry’s body for a second, letting him drop a few centimeters before catching him again.
“OW, ASSHOLE! I know we’re joking but I’ve got to clean this wound before it gets worse…”
“Luckily for you, your friend is a noble.”
“Luckily? Yeah right!”
“GUARDS, THERE’S AN INJURED FOOL HERE THAT NEEDS HELP!”
“Haaaansss.”
Hans lowered Henry onto the ground, smirking at him as Janek and Jaroslav ran into the training grounds, getting taken aback from the strange sight of two beat up friends laughing hysterically.
Janek made Henry lean on his shoulder as Jaroslav approached Hans to check up on him.
“Uh… Sir, what happened?”
“Just a practice duel. treat your fool alright? I’ll be waiting for him at the tavern.”
“Oh, right. As you say my lord.”
The inexperienced peasant awkwardly bowed before walking out of the arena, sprinting to catch up with Henry and Janek. Hans followed his movements until the peasant disappeared from his sight, falling to his back onto the muddy ground.
“I’m so fucked.”

Chapter Text

…
The world was slowly waking up, yet Hans wished this bad day would just end already.
He fucked up, badly.
How could he even look Henry in the eyes after what he did. He should have been careful, thoughtful and smarter.
These unexplained emotions that shouldn’t exist, that aren’t supposed to plague men like Hans controlled him without warning, a night spent seething in the ugliest emotions Hans could’ve felt when it came to Henry.
The young noble was too scared to tell the truth.
To anyone.
To himself.
So he’d bury it deep within, letting time erode it.
The waiter sat down another mug of beer on the wooden table, turning around wordlessly, yet judging Hans with just his eyes. Hans realized just how slumped his posture was, straightening himself to renew his act for the world. He saw a boy dressed in green clothes and the red scarf that was all too familiar for Hans at this point. Henry quickly walked across the yard, silently sitting down in front of Hans, avoiding eye contact.
“Henry… Hal, I’m sorry.”
“I’ll get over it.”
The waiter came fast, setting down 2 plates filled with meat, cheese bread and vegetables in front of Henry. The squire looked up at his Noble in surprise, only to be met with a face that was so red it blended almost perfectly into the red hood surrounding it.
“I… I had them prepare some food for you, I know you’re tired… and probably haven’t eaten.”
“That’s one way to apologize… and I accept!”
Henry dug into the food, his repressed hunger quickly surfacing in a split second. Hans leaned his head on his palm, zoning out on the sight of his friend enjoying the meal. The food was a genius strategy from Hans, calming Henry’s still irritated mind enough to make him smile at Hans again.
“All is forgiven, for now! Next time you better speak up before we cave each other’s faces in.”
“I’ll try my best, it’s a noble promise!”
“Somehow I doubt it more from that.”
“How about a promise as a friend?”
“That’s better.”
Henry wiped his face with the sleeve of his tunic before adjusting the bandages around his hair. Hans winced at the sight, feeling guiltier than ever, but Henry didn’t let him fall too deep down that hole.
“Janek told me something you might want to know. Hanush and Radzig will be returning tomorrow.”
“I’d be lying if I said I was delighted to see Hanush return if I’m honest. At least having Radzig around keeps him a bit tame and manageable.”
“Supposedly they have some big plans. Something about a competition from Hanush, and Sir Radzig might have a mission for me…”
“Really, but you’ve only just recovered!”
“He’s been working hard since the raid in Pribyslavitz and according to Janek, found a connection that could lead us all the way to the actual leader of the bandits.”
“And it has to be you?”
“Aye, I’ve proven to be better at stealth than whatever remained of his garrison…”
“Do you know the specifics?”
“Not yet, he’ll tell us tomorrow.”
“I see…”
Hans felt a bit of a sting in his heart. He didn’t want to separate from Henry again so soon. The last few days he’d spent with his friend had brought him more joy and life than anything else ever could…
“Then, why don’t you help me with something…”
“What’s that?”
Hans’s tongue spoke before he could control it, betraying his real thoughts, as if trying to bury them beneath a new layer of lies he’d never needed before. He put on his noblest voice, trying to ignore the slight crack.
“Who knows what fate has in store for us? What if we should fall as heroes on the battlefield? How could I depart this world with a quiet heart, knowing I never found my true love!?”
“Huh? Did I hit you in the head too hard earlier?”
“Look. Things are stirring up in the region and I can’t just get my head chopped off somewhere without winning the heart of a girl I love. So will you help me or not?”
Hans looked up at Henry with observant eyes, trying to look for something that even he didn’t know of. Jealousy, disappointment, anger, sadness. Henry’s face only betrayed him for a second, furrowing his brows at the question before forcing himself back to a normal face, slightly leaning back into the tavern chair and crossing his arms.
How Hans wished he knew what his request made Henry feel.
“I guess I’ll help… it’ll help me take my mind off of whatever awaits me tomorrow I suppose.”
“You, Hal…” - the name stung Henry’s heart more than it should’ve in that moment - “ shall be my messenger of love. You shall bear her a letter and a gift from a secret admirer.”
“Why me? It’s not like you to be so bashful. I thought you just mentioned your status and had every wench open up for you.”
“That’s a harsh way of speaking, dear Henry!”
“Uh-huh.”
“Karolina’s an educated woman, so she needs to be romanced! She’s different from others. I must court her secretly… It’s the latest fashion in france.”
“Who?”
“The fairest maid that ever walked the earth! Kar-ol-in-aaa! The butcher’s daughter? You must have noticed the divine creature in the marketplace. Unless you’re more interested in barnyard animals.”
“I wouldn’t use fairest… Isn’t she a little below your station?”
“Love knows no station but the heart! And YOU keep your peasant eyes off her!”
“That won’t be hard…”
“Your task is simple. All you have to do is get hold of a necklace fine enough to grace her lovely neck. I did have one that I inherited from my great-grandmother. Unfortunately, not anymore…”
“Don’t tell me…”
“I lost it while playing dice at the inn in Ledetchko… But you’ll get it back for me, won’t you? You’re a smart lad! And I’ll reward you handsomely.”
Henry’s hesitation didn’t escape Hans’s attention, adding even more fuel to his curious fire, pushing Henry to see if his friend would draw a line somewhere, hinting at a feeling Hans hoped existed.
“You don’t have to pay me, that’s what friends are for, right?”
The answer took Hans by surprise, striking him from outside the range of what he expected Henry to say. He swallowed his tongue before looking in Henry’s eyes again
Come on, don’t tell me I’ve been the only crazy one this whole time!
The tired blue eyes that looked back at him spoke a thousand words.
Of something unreturned, undeserved, not allowed to exist.
Of hope lost, replaced by stillness and melancholy that wasn’t new to either of the two friends.
Then Henry rolled his eyes, snapping Hans out of his trance.
“I’ll get going then, I have a feeling that bloody necklace will cause me a headache.”
“That’s why we brewed for so long isn’t it, I’m sure one of your potions will help.”
“I hope it won’t come to that.”

…
It did indeed come to that point. Not only did the dice player not have the bloody necklace, he had lost it in a game against some bandits. Henry felt nervous going up to their camp alone, but the vagabonds had a strange sense of honour, allowing Henry to walk away with the necklace if he won the dice tournament, which was no challenge thanks to special dice provided by the bathmaid Zdena.
He quickly made his way back to Rattay, sun already past its peak. Pebbles rode as fast as she could, her old bones barely keeping up with the rushed lifestyle of Henry that never seemed to rest.
Hans was nowhere to be found, not in the castle, not in the tavern or any of the usual shops, annoying Henry before worry could set in.
“Can’t find your dear friend?”
A man, not much older than him, came up behind him.
“Do you know where he is, Janek?”
“Maybe… What’s it to you.”
“Seriously?... I “found” this sword today, you can have it if you tell me.”
“Wow, so mysterious Henry, I won’t say no to a fine blade like that. He’s at the apothecary.”
“Buying potions? That’s weird.”
“Nope. You should go there and save him, we barely broke him and the owner up earlier.”
Henry immediately turned on his heels, sprinting to the shop before Janek could get another word in. He pushed the store’s door open far quicker than necessary, earning a strict raise of the eyebrows from the owner before he spoke in an annoyed tone.
“Oh great, you’re here. Go in the back will ya, before our lord burns down my whole station.”
“I’m so sorry sir, I’ll…”
“Just go Henry!”
Henry opened the door to the alchemy station only to be met with a thick smoke that made his eyes sting. Amidst the smoke, golden hair flashed for a second before it got uncomfortably close to Henry, pushing them both outside the room, nearly knocking Henry over on the ground.
“I’ve finally got it, Henry!”
“Got what? What the fuck were you making in there!?”
“I may have failed a couple of times, but your training really came in Handy with this one.”
“Care to answer my question?”
“After losing that necklace, I came across this strange chemist in Sasau who boasted of creating a Musk of Infinite Allure potion, so naturally I haggled with him for an hour until he gave me the recipe!”
“And you decided to use this now? You think you dear Karolina won’t already like you?”
“I’m sure she will… but it never hurts to make sure right? Well? What do you think?”
Hans shoved the strange bottle into Henry’s nose, burning his nostrils from the bitter smell. Henry looked up at his friend, whose smile shone like the sun at that moment.
Maybe the potion was working…
“I think that thing will kill you an hour after you drink it.”
“Oh don’t be so dramatic. Come now, It’s time for the next step of our plan!”
“Your plan…”
…
Whatever game Hans was playing, he had Henry wrapped around his finger and it drove the squire to insanity, first he chased down a stupid necklace, then he made sure the recipe that Hans used wouldn’t be deadly, now here he was sneaking away from a house like a robber, even though he did the opposite, leaving the necklace in Karolina’s chest along with a letter. Henry swore under his breath as he barely avoided a guard, trying his best not to get in trouble from the stupid set of circumstances.
“What now Hans?”
“With this potion, every woman will faint at my mere presence, but I’m only interested in one person… Karolina. The fairest maiden on God’s gre…”
“We get it, just tell me what you need next.”
“Patience my dear squire. A rendezvous,-she and I, under the cloak of night. And you shall be my herald of exalted words!”
“Can you quit your fancy tal…”
“You’ll hide in the bushes and prompt me from a book of poetry.”
“Oh for…”
“Here’s a book of poems. I’ll need time to get ready, meanwhile you can learn some poems by heart. You’ll prompt me”
“Learn poetry? Me?.... That sounds… well not exactly like my…”
“Stop wasting time Hal and get to it! You’ll have a couple of hours while I get dressed up and the potion needs time to take effect.”
Hans handed Henry a worn-down book, smiling at his squire’s face, which was barely keeping his anger and annoyance inside. Henry wordlessly took it and left the room, closing it with more force than necessary, making Hans smirk in his small and pointless victory.
…
Henry huffed and scoffed in his room, walking in circles for twenty minutes instead of studying poetry. Hans was going to drive him insane, one day he’s fine, then he says he got jealous, now he’s keeping Henry on the edge of jealousy and insanity himself. Was this payback? For a misunderstanding that wasn’t even Henry’s fault.
Mutt scratched at the door, begging to be let outside. Henry indulged him before slamming the door shut and taking out his own journal where he kept track of his quests and adventures. Writing surprisingly helped a ton in helping him get his emotions out when no one else could know about them.

…

Hans was nervous.
Uncharacteristically nervous.
He had courted many ladies before and it wasn’t like he cared that much for Karolina, but with how much effort his squire put into making this courting happen, Hans felt obligated to go through with it.
After an hour of brooding, Hans finally downed the potion he’d made himself, trying to convince himself something was working to give himself more confidence.
Instead…
His head started to burn and itch in just a few minutes. He scratched at his face, feeling slight bumps on the surface that weren’t supposed to be there. Hans panicked, picking up a mirror and staring into it. He couldn’t see the faults, but he could feel them, deep beneath his skin, clawing their way out.
A knock interrupted his meltdown.
Quiet, singular.
“Come in Henry! HURRY!”
His squire burst in through the doorway, eyes darting for danger, ready for a life or death situation. Instead he found his friend standing half naked in the middle of the room, face red with scratch marks and eyes looking like they were barely keeping back tears.
“Something’s seriously wrong Henry! I think the potion’s given me an outbreak!”
Henry barely held back a chuckle, suppressing his tone fast and lying through his teeth, already enjoying the embarrassment he might witness later.
“You look quite irresistible Hans, don’t worry. Let's just get this over with.”
Both of them paused for a second at the comment, eyes averting from each other before continuing the already awkward conversation.
“But it feels like I just fell face first into a Nettle patch.”
“It’s just excitement, you’ll be fine.”
“If you say so… So what do you think, can we go to the rendezvous?”
“Why wait? Karolina won’t be able to resist you.”
The sun had long set over the horizon, leaving the two buffoons to walk in darkness, accompanied by a single torch because Hans forgot that it’s required by law. They walked side by side, but the silence put awkward distance between them.
“Tell me Henry. How many girls have you had in your life? If you’ve had any at all, that is.”
“I, What? Why’re you bringing this up?”
“Come on, don’t tell me no one's buckled that fine steed of yours!”
Henry lied as naturally as he breathed, just not well, not this time.
“There’s been a few, but I’m sure it can’t compare with you.”
“HA! Very true, one day plays will be written about my amorous adventures!”
“Comedies or tragedies?”
“That will depend on how tonight goes.”
Hans kept a few steps ahead of Henry, keeping his face hidden from his friend. Maybe to hide his outbreak that felt like it would burst out of Hans’s face like a volcano any second, but maybe to hide his flushed face. He had tried all day to crack Henry, to get a hint at a secret he hoped would be there, but most he got was a snazzy remark, sassy comeback and an ironic mention of Hans being irresistible.
Or was it not a joke?
Hans didn’t really believe in the magic of the potion, but he didn’t expect Henry to call him irresistible…
That’s not enough, sakra!
At least he’d get some relief.
They walked into the garden in front of Karolina’s room. Hans quickly turned around stopping Henry in his tracks and pointing to the side of the yard.
“Hide Henry, It’s time to get started!”
“How do you know it’ll be her that comes out and not someone else?”
“She got the necklace and the letter, didn’t she? She’ll know that I’m… That is, her secret admirer is coming!”
“And what am I supposed to do?”
“What do you think, dolt? Prompt me from that book of poetry!”
Henry rolled his eyes before sneaking behind the gravestone, watching Hans whistle and look up.
“Who’s there? I can’t see you.”
“Your most ardent admirer, fair maid!”
“Aha, and do you have a name?”
Henry snuck a glance from his hiding spot. The girl was a decent looking maiden with dark hair that looped around her ears. Her dress was simple, plain.
Still don’t get what he sees in her.
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would… still be a f…flower! Wouldn’t it?” - Hans swiftly turned towards Henry, waving at him - “Start, hal.”
Henry took out the book of poetry Hans lent him earlier, one that he couldn’t bring himself to memorize - “Gentle night, why linger on? I yearn thus for my love so long. Without her words to still my breast, who shall set my soul to rest!”
The beautiful words got lost along the distance, within the whispers of the night.
“Gentle night, why linger on? I earned this from my love so long! Whip out your worthy silky breasts, who shall suck my… salty bits!”
“No you idiot!”
Hans looked back at Henry with a confused look. A flush of embarrassment making its way up and past his outbroken face.
“And now my heart in sorrow dwells, from melancholy pining swells. Since I, alas, was forced to part, from my mistress of my heart.”
“I know my horses sort of well? Some alcohol from nine to twelve! Seems I always have whores apart, from the mistress of my heart!”
“Psst, what the hell are you saying!”
“What’s that hissing?”
“It’s er… a feral goose here in the bushes!”
Hans heard the sound of a palm slapping face from Henry’s direction before he heard the next lines, just not well.
“Ah lord, let me not be in vain, I long to see my love again. Oh gentle sir, be of good cheer, I shall not cling to another, dear!”
“Landlord, let me not be in vain, I long to sign and laugh again. Oh, gentle sir, get off your chair,I shall not bring you another beer!”
Hans was taken aback at the words coming out of his mouth, but before he started scolding Henry, he heard a chuckle from his friend’s direction.
“Jesus Henry! What kind of yokel nonsense are you babbling!?”
“Me? You’re the one who’s babbling!”
Before they could bicker any longer, Karolina leaned forward into the window, looking down at Hans seemingly arguing with air.
“You’re an odd one. I’ve never heard such peculiar poetry. Where on earth did you come up with it?”
Hans couldn’t find an answer, looking at Henry with his mouth gaping. His squire didn’t back down, signaling with his fingers that they should just run, but Hans wasn’t a coward.
“How did you like it, dearest?”
“Ah, how tender you are.”
A sudden loud sound snapped them out of their strange trance, Karolina looked back for a second before turning towards the two fools in her yard.
“Father’s coming, hide!”
Hans sprinted over to Henry, cramming behind the same gravestone as his friend, barely covering himself from view. Henry punched him lightly on the side.
“What the fuck was that Hans? Have you gone deaf!?”
“Me, you were the one whispering some nonsense in my ear like the DEVIL.”
“YOU… you’ve been acting like a fool the whole day, what is up with you!?”
Hans’s ears perked, not at Henry, but at the sound of Karolina’s dad yelling.
“Did you hear what he said?”
“I have a bad feeling about this Hans, I think we shou…”
“Are you still there?”
Hans jumped up on the spot, spreading his arms in a grandiose way.
“Still here my love! How could I ever part from you!”
“Father’s coming, he’ll kill you!”
“He will not, because it will never cross his mind where I’ll be!”
Hans stepped back, leaning towards Henry
“Henry, it’s time for me to claim my prize! Whatever happens, cover my back!”
“Wha… Wait Hans!”
3 men ran through the yard up to Henry, one of them pointing a butcher’s knife at Henry.
“There you are, you seducer! Now you’ll see how a butcher protects his daughter's honour!”
Hans’s voice could be heard from over the gate - “Buy me time!”
“You’ve got some explaining to do, you bastard!”
Henry’s brain was overheating. He couldn’t believe that he, of all people, was about to get butchered for trying to court a girl. How cruelly ironic fate could be. Something in his brain snapped, from exhaustion, annoyance, anger. He’d had it all up to his neck and decided to mess with everyone that caused it that day.
…
Hans stood in the doorway of Karolina’s room. She was surprised at first, but didn’t turn him away, instead inviting him in. Hans followed in, closing the door absentmindedly. There it was, that moment he and Henry worked so hard for, yet his mind was anywhere but here.
Karolina led him to her bed, sitting him down, but Hans’s ears perked at the sounds from the outside. Henry argued with the butcher, lying through his teeth like it was breathing, and it was hilarious for Hans.

“What are you after, you bastard? Sneaking around an honest citizen’s house after dark!”
“I went to mourn over the grave of my great-grandmother.”
“Oh yeah? And what are you doing right beneath my window eh?”
“Question is, why are you trampling over great-granny’s grave eh?
“Enough of your horseshit! One more word and I’ll…”
Hans turned his attention back to the reward he had reaped for the day. He had to forget Henry, fix himself, get over this weird phase.
He unbuttoned her laces, chuckles escaping both of them, she took off his tunic, throwing it back onto the bed before touching him where no other had in quite some time, after meeting Henry…
Yelling and arguments could be heard from the outside as they advanced, but before it could reach one of the final stages, a sudden loud voice, a crude attempt at singing, came through the window.
“JA SEM Z KUTNY HORY, z KUTY HORY KOUDELNIKUV SYN…”
“What the fuck are you playing at? My patience is wearing thin.”
A chuckle escaped Hans, scaring off Karolina, but he didn’t mind.
“Ja Sem Z Kutny Hory, Z Kutny Hory Koudelnikuv Syn…”
“Jesus stop your damn screeching!”
A loud laughter erupted from Hans’s chest, Karolina stood up, looking down at him with nothing but disgust left on her face, yet he couldn’t care less. Henry’s stupid singing had cleared away all his worry, anxiety, jealousy, anger that he had felt towards his dear friend.
“NA kopecku stala, Plakala, Plakala. Jezu Jezu Marja, Volala, Volala! Jezu jezu marja, Jezu Jemine, Bude li-to chlapec nebo ne. Bude li-to chlapec nobe ne!”
“Christ almighty! Let’s go fellas, this one’s not right in the head. The guards will have him for screeching after curfew. Let’s not get mixed up in it.”
Hans snuck down the stairs, his tunic half untied, his braies uncomfortable, yet he felt the best he had felt in days.
“But if I ever see you here again, I’ll beat some sense into your idiot skull!”
The men finally walked off, giving Hans a chance to finally join back Henry. He jumped up from a bush. Startling his squire who was coughing after all the singing.
“Jesus Hans, when did you sneak out?”
“Somewhere between your beautiful singing!”
“Please, let’s just get out of here. That guy wasn’t joking about butchering us.”
Hans finally took a proper look at his friend, white as paper, eyes exhausted, barely kept open. His posture was more slumped than usual, making Hans worry, sneaking his arm around his friend’s waist to help him balance and lead outside of the gate, slowly heading down to lower Pirkstein.
“Are you alright Henry, it looks like you’re about to pass out.”
“I’m fine… I forgot to bring more… Cockerel.”
“I told you! Those potions are going to do you more harm than good!”
“My sleep was fine until some asshole kicked me about and then demanded my help on his stupid quest for love. Did you even get to… Y’know.”
“That should be the least of your worries right now.”
“Yet it isn’t…”
“No, I stopped.”
“Why would you? Was she not… good enough?”
“My heart wasn’t in it. Something about it felt too unromantic for me.
“Was it the stupid lines you said or the outbreak on your face?”
Hans touched his face again, feeling the bumps on his skin that Henry convinced him were not there.
“You arrogant arsehole! You told me they weren’t there!”
“Can you blame me?”
“What do you think!?”
“No.”
For a second time that day, Hans let Henry drop a few centimeters before catching him, making the squire groan in pain.
“I suppose I’ll be looking elsewhere for the love of my life.”
“Are you serious? I thought she was “tHe fAirEsT mAiD tO wAlK goD’s gReEn eaRth!”
“Watch your tone, you yokel. It would never work out anyway, after all I’m a noble and she’s the butcher's daughter. Plus she didn’t even read my letter, just gave it back to me unopened.”
“Shame, she missed out on something very rare…”
Hans couldn’t respond any more, his tongue that already moved on its own finally ran out of energy. Instead, his head buzzed with Henry’s reactions, words, compliments and insults throughout the day. Henry didn’t say no to Hans, despite how uncomfortable he felt. He showed barely any emotions behind his calm facade, but whatever did slip through was enough to make Hans’s mind reel even more.
They stepped into the castle yard, trying to make their way to Henry’s room when a guard stepped towards them.
“Halt, why don’t you have a torch with you!”
A sudden light hit both of them, reminding them of the rule neither could have been bothered with after everything. The guard’s face froze as he made out Hans’s golden hair in the light, apologizing immediately before either of the two fools could respond and running back to his station.
“I forget the law doesn’t seem to apply to you nobles.”
“It’s not a great influence, I’ll tell you that. Where’s your keys?”
“No need, the door’s open.”
Hans pushed the door, chuckling at Henry’s recklessness.
“I thought you of all people would keep your place locked up tight.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? The guard’s constantly watch this place, no one could sneak in without them noticing.”
Hans slowly lowered Henry onto a chair, watching his friend slump into the minimal comfort.
“There’s some wine in my chest, grab it will you?”
“What a brave peasant, ordering his noble around.”
“So, was today’s adventure a comedy or a tragedy?”
“Definitely a comedy, I hope you can sing me a lullaby one day with your beautiful voice!”
Despite the sarcastic remarks Hans didn’t hesitate to grab the wine and cups, recognizing the colour and scent from the day at the bathhouse… Yet another strange day for the two friends…
Beside the wine was a small book, messy, obvious that it had been wet and dried recently.
“I’m sorry I’ve been an arse all day.”
“It’s fine… I like being around you, you know. Even if it’s to follow your stupid whims every now and then.”
“Henry, that’s…”
The candle light was dim, barely illuminating the two friends, dancing on the edge of something more, a jump neither were brave enough to take.
“I like being around you too…”
No more words could be spoken, instead retreating into the shadow of melancholy, where loneliness brought fragile safety.
Henry downed another cup before closing his eyes, leaning back into his chair with loose posture. Hans didn’t want to risk a fall during the night, carefully leading his tired friend to the bed before going back to the wine. His mind kept thinking back at the book in Henry’s chest, curiosity beating out Hans’s morale. He silently stepped towards the treasure box, making sure Henry wouldn’t wake up at the sound of the creaking wood. Hans grabbed the book but left the box open to easily put it back later.
The young noble sat down on the chair, bringing the dim candlelight closer to the small book that was filled with messy handwriting, undoubtedly Henry’s. It told of tasks that needed completing, events that had gone down in Henry’s recent life as an adventurer and Radzig’s servant. Only the first few pages were filled, yet Hans knew something was hidden here, just like something hid inside Henry. After a few minutes of reading he gave up, setting the notebook down on the tabe and massaging his temples with both of his hands.
What had he been doing the whole, no, the whole month he’d known Henry. This feeling… Whatever it was, it couldn’t come to light, it couldn’t be anything more than a delusion, a desperation caused by his loneliness to cling to someone who tolerated him.
As if a sign from god, the pages on the book slowly flipped. Perhaps it was the wind, perhaps a divine intervention. Either way, it showed Hans something he could never even dream of.
A small poem, smudged by tears, on a random page, hidden between the life of Henry.

“Perhaps this loneliness shouldn’t have left me
Meeting him was a hope I could never expect it.
When he tilts his head and looks at me
How can I admit my love that makes life worth it

At my lowest he mocked me
At my worst he didn’t pity
Desire to live that never existed in me
Revived by him, what a pity.

Of all the things to fear, they chose love
Yet god didn’t hold it back when making me
I never was a violent person before, but
What they’ll fear is not my love, it'll be me.

sinner, sodomite, disappointment.
A good friend, minion, squire.
If that’s all I’ll ever be, why do i dream
That I can become something more.

How strange it is to be anything at all.”

A tear made its way down Hans’s cheek, falling onto the page, wetting the recently dried paper. He could feel Henry’s chest rise and fall in the corner of the room, each breath reminding him of every moment between the two… cowards.
A love that shouldn’t exist.
A love that promises nothing but eternal doom.
If love was a sin, would they gladly become sinners, or hide in the shadows of melancholy until their souls rot.

Chapter Text

Henry's dreams weren't painted red that night. He dreamt of a field, an endless horizon where eyes could reach, filled with flowers that mixed beautifully in a sea of colours. A linden tree, great in its size and nature, cast a comforting shadow over the field, providing the young survivor of Skalitz with shelter from the heat of the world. The world that hated him, that reminded him where he was headed every time he felt at peace.
A golden bird with red splashes in its feathers flew close by, not quite brave enough to approach Henry, but daring to get close a bit more each time.
Henry waited with patience, observing the bird in awe. It flew with joy. Joy of freedom, of life, of the simple things in life it hadn't gotten to experience before.
After circling the tree and the boy leaned against it, the bird got close.
Too close.
Henry tried to reach out, to touch it, to feel its warmth and share his love. The bird leaned into it, but only for a second.
It flew away faster than Henry had seen anything fly before, circling the tree from further and further until gliding down onto the ground a long distance away from Henry.
There stood a golden cage, heated from the sun. Seemingly glorious, realistically torturous for the poor creature. Yet it stepped into it, slowly, painfully, looking back at the freedom it had only just tasted before the door was locked again.

...
A loud knock woke Henry from his sleep, making the young blacksmith jump out of the bed and rush to the door in just his braies. Janek's smug face greeted him, chuckling at Henry's unprepared self before reminding him of his duties.
"Lord Radzig has arrived. He's calling for you, get to his room as fast as you can Hal."
"What about Hanush?"
"What about him?"
"I thought he'd want to speak to me too..."
"Don't forget your place just because you've made a friend in the nobility Hal."
"Right... Have you seen Hans?"
"Not since yesterday morning. Hanush did call for him after arriving as well but that's none of our business."
Janek left without saying goodbye, letting Henry wake himself up and get prepared before meeting Radzig. He looked into his closet, trying to pick out one of his new outfits for the meeting, but he decided to go with Hans's old clothes in the end, after all, they still looked better than anything Henry could afford. He looked at his desk, wine and cups still sitting there after last night.
"I guess Hans forgot to clean up... And so did I."
As he went to pick up the cups, he noticed something that didn't belong there, a book he had kept hidden in his chest, a book that contained parts of him that shouldn't have been seen by anyone else.
A small panic rose inside Henry as he rushed and flipped it open. A thousand thoughts, a million possibilities ran through his mind.
Did Hans see this?
Did Hans read it?
Would he...
Henry swiftly tore out the cursed page where he let his feelings pour, shoving the paper into the trash before running out of the room.
Henry had to see Hans, he had to know if his secrets were revealed. He ran up the castle stairs, rushing to his friend's room, but he found the door open and an empty room. Before Henry could turn around and keep looking, he heard a familiar voice.
"Henry! Finally you're here lad! Come here so we can start discussing the mission."
"Sir... I..."
"No time to waste, come on."
Henry lowered his head and followed his lord silently, not wanting to risk any more trouble than he could already be in.
The meeting room was empty, silent, contrasting Henry's mind. Radzig observed him in silence for an uncomfortable time, staring into his soul before finally speaking.
"You seem worried lad, is it about the mission or someone else?"
"I'm alright sir, just lacking sleep. I heard you have a task for me."
"Indeed I do, and it's a big one. I can't trust anyone else with this."
"If I may ask Sir... Why me? I've barely done much in your service..."
"You've shown to improve at an impressive rate. On top of that I've heard rumours of your magnificent stealth from different sources since we got here."
"I… I haven't been using it for evil!"
"Aye, I wouldn't call sneaking wine evil. Still I know where your skills stand. On top of that, this mission might be lengthy, I can't spare anyone from my garrison."
“So I'm expendable... Again.”
"When do I have to go, sir?"
"You're not concerned about the details?"
"I'll do it, you have my word, I just need a few hours..."
"That'll be fine. I'll give you a rundown."
Radzig leaned forward into his chair, explaining the details of Henry's mission with a serious tone, losing his playful and friendly voice. Henry did his best to remember the details, nodding along at every small information, but his mind kept slipping.
Capon wouldn't leave his brain, even in such a serious moment. Corner of Henry's mind worried, sweated, screamed. The worry taking priority over his mission for split seconds.
Radzig finally finished his briefing.
Make contact with certain criminals.
Blend into their group, find the bandit's main camp and report it to Radzig.
Simple enough.
What could go wrong.
Henry bowed before exiting silently, slowly hurrying his steps to the outside. He had to find capon, immediately. He practically ran out of the castle gates, running up the streets of Rattay, along the usual spots where he could find Hans.
Armory, Tavern, clothes shop, bakery, even the apothecary, there were no signs of his lord in the town. He hurried up to the upper castle, getting surprised by an unusual sight. The large courtyard was being remodelled, a square being fenced off like an arena.
"Henry my boy, glad to see you, come up here!"
"Sir Hanush... Greetings my lord."
Henry hurried up the wooden stairs, nearly tripping in front of the noble that made him even more nervous than Radzig. The noble looked him up and down, as if assessing him before speaking.
"We've decided to reopen the Rattay tournament. Men from my garrison and city, along with Radzig's men and even Lord Divish's servants are allowed to participate."
"I see. Is it to help boost morale Sir?"
"Something of the sort. I assume my nephews told you of your part in this!?"
"Mine?"
"I was scolding him earlier that he had become rather lazy recently, yet he proclaimed that he was busy training his squire. So I went ahead and signed you up for the tourney to show off just what he's taught you!"
"But sir, I leave in the evening for a mission..."
Hanush roughly grabbed his shoulder, squeezing it with more force than necessary before speaking in a lower voice.
"It will begin shortly and you WILL take part. I'm sure Radzig won't mind and neither will you, lad."
A shiver ran down Henry's spine. The touch from the older man was unsettling, the tone deeply chilled his bones. He lost his voice and reason, only nodding to Hanush's command before backing off and walking downstairs, feeling Hanush's cold gaze on his back.
...
The tournament did in fact start fast. Henry waited for his turn while his mind reeled at what he was roped into. Hanush's tone, colder than needed, trying to catch Henry in a trap he didn't know was laid. The lord was after his nephew, in an emotional way, in a way that would diminish his reputation even more.
Henry wouldn't allow it.
He hated the way Hanush treated Hans, the inferiority he made Hans feel every day, the loneliness he thrust upon his nephew while acting like a generous caretaker himself.
Henry would NOT allow it.
...
It was finally his turn in a fight. A random soldier of Divish that he didn't recognise stood in front of him in the same low quality armor as Henry.
The man chose a shortsword and shield.
Henry chose a longsword, the only weapon he had practiced so far.
The first round was between short swords and shields. The protection was foreign for Henry, but he had one advantage in this fight.
The man against him looked even younger than he, and far less experienced, probably hadn't even taken a life before. Henry didn't hesitate, thinking back to his duels with Hans, how his friend would step in confidently, making Henry lose his footing and stance, leading the broken man into dancing in his palm.
Henry got up close to the young fighter, bumping his shield with his enemy's, pushing hard to knock the boy down. He tried to swing his sword, but Henry countered it with his own, pushing the knife into his shoulder right between the plates.
A loud yell rushed out of the boy's throat as he loosened his strength, giving Henry the chance to knock him down.
"and the winner is... HENRY OF SKALITZ!"
Loud clapping came from all around the arena. They were applauding, for Henry!
His smile instantly faded as he looked down at his opponent, white as a ghost as he desperately pressed his palm against his injury, hot tears of pain streaming down his face.
Henry's gut twisted at the sight. He didn't lose control this time. This was all him, going overboard against a boy younger than him, who had done him no wrong.
" Come on Svatya! Don't be such a woman!"
"It's just one injury, how're you going to survive the battlefield!"
"A real man doesn't cry!"
Each word stung Henry's heart, even if they weren't aimed at him. Was this truly the people he wanted to impress, to be liked by, to look towards for approval.
He forgot his purpose here. It was to save Hans even more unnecessary pain. Everything else didn't matter.
He reached into his pouch, wordlessly leaning down next to his fallen opponent while everyone booed the poor guy. Henry brought out a marigold decoction, carefully pouring it out onto the open wound.
"I'm sorry."
The boy's tears stopped, finally his face relaxed from the pained expression. He looked into Henry's eyes, shocked to find compassion from his opponent of all people.
"No it's fine... Thank you."
Henry helped Svatya stand up and walked him to the edge of the arena.
"Due to an injury, Svatya has forfeited, Henry of Skalitz moves on to the next round!"
There was a few applause around him, but it all fell deaf on Henry's ears. He looked up at the stairs to the castle, seeing Hanush observing him with judgmental eyes.
...
Second round came even quicker. A Rattay guard stood in front of Henry, who couldn't quite remember his name, but he didn't care about that at that moment. Henry chose the longsword, so did his opponent. A chivalrous duel awaited them.
"Start the fight!"
Henry tried to step in close like last time, but the guard didn't let him, keeping his distance while swinging from the left at Henry's side. Henry parried the left, following it up with his own slash from below. The guard blocked it, slashing at Henry again. They danced for a few minutes, slashing, blocking, parrying, dodging. Draining each other's stamina then continuing their movement.
Another one of Hans's techniques came to Henry's mind, remembering how Hans slipped past his defenses with his combos.
The guard was overwhelmed within seconds. Henry refused to break his combo's letting the guard hit him once, in exchange getting four hits in himself. Then Henry switched his stance, grabbing the sword closer to the pommel. While the guard was still dazed from the hits, Henry stepped in fast, striking his helmet with his pommel four times in three seconds before hitting the man with his shoulder, knocking him down. Henry held his sword close to the guard's throat, feeling the shaking in his hands, barely keeping a part of himself at bay.
"The victory goes to... Henry of Skalitz!"

Henry reached out his hand but the guard pushed it away, getting up on his own.
Another round was about to begin. Henry stood in his corner, narrowing his eyes at the guard who had kept up with him far longer than most opponents he's faced so far...
"START!"
The guard took initiative this time, trying to step in close first instead, but to his own demise. Henry was already used to such a fighting style, keeping his distance deceptively close, sidestepping at the last second out of an overhead slash and swinging his sword upwards, straight into his opponent's fingers. The guard yelped, loosening his hold on the weapon for a second, a second that Henry needed. He pushed his foot forward, buckling his opponent's before pulling it back, making his opponent not quite fall, but lose his stability. Henry swung hard at his opponent's weapons, knocking it out of his hands and bringing his weapon close to the guard's throat.
"And the winner is... HENRY OF SKALITZ! HE SHALL MOVE ON TO THE FINAL ROUND!"
Henry huffed out a quiet laugh, enjoying himself despite his opponent's look full of hatred. Henry won fair and square without going too far or losing himself, he wouldn't let anything sully his mood. To top off on the nice feeling, he saw Radzig come up to the arena, spot him and immediately rush to Hanush to scold him.
As Henry left the arena, he saw Radzig motion him to get close. He obeyed, keeping his head down like a puppy in trouble.
"Lad, I give you an important mission and you sign yourself up for a beating!?"
"I. I'm sorry sir, Lord Hanush told me to..."
"Are you Hanush's servant, or are you mine?"
"Technically I'm Sir Hans's..."
"What was that!?"
"Nothing, sir... I was told to protect Sir Hans's honor, I couldn't back out."
"You're going to get yourself killed in there!"
"Come now Radzig. I may have been skeptical at first, but the boy's doing quite well..."
"You stay quiet Hanush, I'll deal with you later!" - the tired lord turned his gaze back to his... Ward. His expression softened at the sight of the miserable squire, just trying his best.
"Did you win at least?"
"Sir?... I've made it to the final round..."
"I see... Well done Hal. Your parents would be proud of ya."
"I somehow doubt that, sir."
"Trust me..." - he placed his hand on Henry's shoulder, his slightly spiky ears twitching as he squeezed Henry, not roughly, like Hanush, but with compassion and... care?
"Thank you, sir. I'll make you proud."
Henry bowed before going back down the stairs, getting surprised that the other finalists round was already over.
He looked closer to see a man with a similar build, a guard from Skalitz that Henry had disliked since he was little...
...
Blood rushed to Henry's head, painting his spiky ears and tip of his nose in an angry tone of red.
The man stood in front of Henry. He had a large frame and years of experience behind him, yet all Henry could think of was his distaste for the guy. He couldn't even name a major reason for this feeling, just a blurry recollection of his childhood, biting remarks made at his queer behaviour by boys his age, some older women... This man.
Henry chose the longsword. The man chose a warhammer.
They stood across the arena from each other, yet Henry could feel himself lose focus, control. The man looked at him with the same look that always made Henry hate him.
The first round of longswords went surprisingly fast. Despite his experience, the man didn't fight back much against Henry, allowing the young squire to get a few hits in before forfeiting on his own.
"...HENRY OF SKALITZ!"
Henry's eyes narrowed at the man, his easy posture, his mocking smile, eyes that acted like he knew everything...
"This bastard’s playing with me."

…

Second round began. Henry was holding a weapon that was unfamiliar, yet felt right in his hands, reminding him of the forge. A part of his life he had yet to reclaim...
His thinking was interrupted by the frame of the huge man rushing forward, wildly swinging the hammer. It only took Henry a second to understand just how dangerous the weapon he wielded was. One good hit to the head and everything could go wrong...
He dodged a swing from above, but failed to see an immediate follow up from the right, injuring his right shoulder.
“Sakra... This bastard! Fine then, he wants to play with his food. I'll play him back!”
Henry had no experience with using or fighting against a warhammer, so he'd use this chance instead, observing the man with focused eyes. The technique, the hold, the force of the swings, screaming with experience, experience Henry could imitate.
Dodge, another dodge, a block, step back and parry. He played defensively, and when he noticed himself running out of stamina, he raised his hand, forfeiting the round.
The man stopped his swing that was about to hit Henry’s head mid air, chuckling at the display of idiocy from his opponent.
"Always a coward, weren't you, little Hal."
"I'll make you forget that name, bastard!"
"Do you even know my name, kid?"
"No."
"Well I know a lot about you, more than you think. How about you let me win the next round and I'll tell you all about it."
Henry looked into his eyes, at this miserable excuse of a man before chuckling - "I don't need anything from a whoreson like you."
"Fighters, take your corners!"
Henry stepped into his place, readying the warhammer and staring at the pitifull soldier in front of him.
"Fight!"
Both of them stepped in close, fast. They swung straight at each other's heads, the hammers meeting midair in a loud clash of iron on iron. It wasn't graceful like a longsword, it was rough, raw, drawing more and more of Henry's venom out of him. Henry loved it, loved using the hammer more than he expected.
It was like being in the forge again, hammering away at another sword, enjoying the quiet with his dad close by, understanding each other for once.
The man swung at his arm from the right, Henry withstood the pain, bringing down his own weapon from above and striking the man's shoulder with full force, making him scream out in pain and loosen his grip on the weapon.
...
Henry hammered away at the sword, watching the sparks, making sure to space out his hits before turning the weapon. His father whistled besides him while sorting the already finished product.
...
The man switched his hammer to the other Hand, not backing down. He did something Henry didn't expect, grabbing the top of the hilt with his fingers, using it to add power to his punches instead as he struck Henry's chest twice. Henry gasped out for air, his eyes blurred for a second.
...
"I don't like that you insist on leaving this place Hal..."
"Not this again, come on pa!"
"You're a great blacksmith already, you could even confidently take over the forge, have a stable life, free of danger."
"It's not what I want."
"And what is it you want? To brew potions with your Ma your whole life? That's not a life for men like you."
"That's not it! Just leave it Pa, please..."
"Why not just tell us what you want then!"
"You wouldn't understand..."
...
Henry finally lost control, watching from a different perspective as his body steadied after the attack, changing his grip on the warhammer. He pushed the opponent back with one Hand, held up his hammer and...
He threw it.
It hit the man right in the nose, knocking him back with blood gushing out of his nose and mouth.
Henry regained control, falling backwards onto the ground. Radzig rushed towards him, Hanush not far off behind.
"And the champion isss.... HENRY OF SKALITZ!"
A mix of applause and dislike went through the arena, but it all fell flat on Henry's ears. His face drained of blood, his arms and legs shook. Radzig grabbed his arm, making him stand up and helping him stabilize. Henry pointed at his opponent with shaky hands, Radzig stood in front of him to block the view.
"He'll make it Lad, don't worry... Well fought, I'm impressed..."
"Indeed boy, nicely fought! I see my nephew wasn't joking about training you well!"
Right, that was the whole point. Henry had lost himself in his unresolved anger against the man he didn't even know the name of.
Hanush complimented him more, even giving him an expensive looking pair of gauntlets before leaving. Radzig stayed with him for a minute longer, telling Henry to rest up before going on his mission, but the young squire barely comprehended anything, taking off as soon as Radzig stepped away. He ran down the streets of Rattay, through the main gate, past the bathhouse and the mill, to a small, colorful field of flowers where he and Hans once found each other in comfort.
He pushed the branches away, slowly stepping into the familiar sight of the painted valley and in the middle, was an extremely bright collection of colors.
"Hal?"
Henry dropped the gauntlets he didn't even realize were still in his grasp.
"You bastard, where have you been all day!"
"I had a lot on my mind... What happened to you? You look beaten."
"You think!?"
"Watch your tone… friend."
"I went looking for you in the upper castle to..."
"Why?"
"I, it doesn't matter now. Hanush caught me, basically threatened me to participate in a tournament and prove that you've been training me!"
"He what? That bastard... Fuck, I'm sorry Henry I had no idea he'd take it that far."

Hans stood up, walking closer to Henry, perhaps to place his hand on Henry's shoulder and calm him, ground him like he had before, but he pulled away at the last second. A movement of nervousness, hesitation...
Disgust...
Henry's heart nearly died.
His voice came out coarse, barely keeping himself from breaking -"I won."
"Henry, I could kiss you! I knew you wouldn't let me do..."
"S-stop it! Capon!"
"What?"
"I know you read it..."
"Hal I have no idea what you mean."
"Don't... DON'T LIE TO ME!"
Henry's anger, desperation, fear, dread... Love...
They all mixed into an unsatisfying combination within him. He pushed Hans back, making the noble lose his footing and fall onto the ground.
"Henry! Like I said..."
"Stop it! All these lies, this facade of yours, drop it for once Capon! Just tell me, tell me you hate me, that you judge me, that you wish things were different... Just tell me something and let me fuck off to die in a ditch somewhere!"
"You want me to stop the lies!? When did you ever stop, arsehole!? All this time, all those moments, every kindness, every tolerance you showed me..."
Hans's voice cracked, unable to speak, to talk back, to explain himself, freezing at Henry's loud tone like he would at Hanush's. The sun was hitting him from above, yet his skin was stone cold. Henry stared at him from the shadows, his darkness almost taking physical shape, or that's what it seemed like.
"And what could I tell you! That I'm damned for eternity? That I want to... Take you with me?"
"Henry..."
"You'd never understand, you, just a bird in a fancy cage, a silver spoon up your arse..."
"Henry..."
"I'm a monster, an abomination, something destined for hell! You're an angel... Why did you let me think I could share your light."
"I don't under..."
"Of course you don't. This whole time, you've been teasing me, treating me better than anyone ever has, better than anyone ever will, yet we know it won't happen, it can't. So just leave me... Stop your cruelty... Please."
"Hal!"
Henry didn't look back, disappearing into the forest and running off into the world, ready to commit more sin that would make his parents anything but proud.
"I'd never ask you to change yourself..."
A broken voice of Hans echoed through the forest, unheard by anyone, not even god.

Chapter Text

Henry finally shed the weight of his armour, yet the weight on his soul dragged him down more than any metal could.
He was about to sin, again, solidifying his seat in hell.
“Everything is prepared, it’s time for you to take your vows!”
Henry opened his eyes and stood up, the strange feeling of novice robes wrapped around him gave him an uncomfortable itch. A priest he didn’t know stood in the doorway of the small room, blocking the sun from reaching Henry’s eyes
“Do I really have to wear this?”
“You’d better get used to it. You’ll be wearing it for the rest of your life.”
The man led him outside, across the dirty road in the monastery, guiding Henry to the grand building that promised to imprison Henry for the rest of his life. As they approached the door, a voice made Henry look back.
“Henry!?”
“Johanka? Wait no… I don’t know you!”
“What do you mean, where the fuck have you been all this time!”
“I said I don’t know you ma’am, please calm down.”
The priest stared at Henry with eyes full of questions. Henry was undercover under a different name and couldn’t let his childhood friend get him exposed. Johanka gasped in shock at Henry’s feigned forgetfulness, but as she took a closer look, her eyes turned from anger to worry.
“Don’t tell me you’re becoming a monk!”
“I might be. Please tell Theresa to take care of Mutt!”
Before the girl could respond, the priest nudged Henry inside the monastery, shutting him away from the rest of the world.
The halls were so tall, yet Henry never felt so claustrophobic.
They walked in silence through the grand monastery, filled with history, sustained with pride, claiming to be the house of god.
It was eerily silent.
The priest led Henry to the sound of harmonized music, a chapel filled with people dressed in dark robes, except for four young men who stood on the side and listened with their heads down. The priest pointed next to them, nudging Henry to stand there. Henry put his head down, avoiding eye contact with anyone and started walking towards the group dressed similarly to him.
The music was beautiful, yet his mind was terrified.
Every eye in the room followed him, observed and judged him.
Henry stepped a little too far before a young novice pinched his robe, signaling to stop there. He looked at the other novices, all of them nodding in greeting, unable to communicate anything more in the moment.
“Brothers in Christ, we have gathered here today to welcome a new novice into our midst.”
Henry felt like his body would burst into flames at any moment.
“Dear brother, forget your former life and embrace your new vocation in the community of the monks of St.Benedict.”
He signed a cross across Henry’s body, making the young boy shift in discomfort. The priest coughed once in warning before continuing.
“Opus Dei, boedientia, opprobia - The service of God, obedience and endurance of all discomfort.”
“These are the cornerstones and succour of our order, which, on this day, shall become your own.”
A man next to Henry stared at him harder than necessary, looking over Henry’s physique and face with cautious eyes. Henry turned his head, staring back with a furrowed face before easing his expression into a smile.
He was going to kill one of these novices, best not to let any of them expect it.
He and the man stared into each other’s eyes, trying to read each other, slip past the defenses, discover each other’s dirty secrets…
This wasn’t normal, nor was it what Henry expected to be doing in a monastery.
“Suscipe me, domine,”- The priest started singing and Henry tried to ignore it, unwilling to break the eye contact with the novice, but the man shifted his eyes towards the priest, signing that Henry had to listen -”Secundum, eloquium tuum et vivam.”
Henry was already lost, unable to recognize or properly remember the words. He looked back at the man beside him, who only smirked in a smug manner, setting something aflame in Henry.
“Et non confundas me ab expectatione mea!”
An awkward silence befell the chapel before the novice leaned towards Henry, whispering him to sing. Henry looked at him with a confused face, then back at the priest who was impatiently signing him to repeat.
“Suscipe me, domiiine” -His tone was off-pitch, his pronunciation was insulting to the language, but he had to keep going- “Domine, secundum…”
He looked around in panic, unable to remember the next words until the novice leaned in close again - “eloquium tuum et vivam.”
Henry continued his singing, the words mostly coming back to him - “Eloquium tomate viiii-vam.”
Every man in the chapel kept their gaze on Henry, a mix of judgement, irony and ridicule could be felt in the silence, smothering Henry’s throat and tying his tongue.
“Et… et non confundas… Me ab expectatione mee… eee… a!”
A tear was barely held back from falling down Henry’s face.
The priest looked at him with impatient and angered eyes before calming his demeanour and slowly breathing out.
“Accept your new name, brother Gregor, and wear it with honour. Welcome, brother.”
Henry finally breathed in, relaxing his tense shoulders now that he was out of the stressful and embarrassing situation. The novices slowly approached, shaking his hand before leaving, all except the dark and thick haired novice that helped before.
“Welcome brother. I’m Antonius, a novice like you. I’ve been instructed to guide you around the monastery and tell you what you can expect and what your duties will be.
“Thanks for helping me out… I had no idea what I was supposed to do.”
“You don’t know Latin, do you? Don’t worry - work in the scriptorium will teach you fast enough. Why exactly are you here? Was it your choice or did someone force you to come here?”
“I’m being punished. If it were up to me, I’d still be getting drunk at the tavern in the evening and whoring at night.”
“I don’t envy you. Unfortunately, you're here for the rest of your life.”
“Would you tell me something about yourself?”
“Only if you tell me first, brother Gregor.”
Antonius leaned forward, keeping his face only centimeters away from Henry and staring into his eyes, smiling in a teasing manner, enjoying how Henry’s ears instantly brightened…
Henry did his best to compose himself, voice almost cracking as he made up a fake personality, loosely based on a certain someone’s. He eased his face into a charming smile of a noble, slicked back his hair and stared back at Antonius.
“There’s not much to know about me. Like I said, I came from a rich family and I’d always be caught whoring or boozing…”
Antonius raised his eyebrows with doubt written all over his face before correcting his expression, turning his back at Henry.
“Well then, brother Gregor, follow me if you want to survive this boozeless and whoreless place.”
Antonius started walking with confidence that Henry couldn’t spot in the other novices, but he couldn’t quite put a finger on the feeling it brought him either.
“I told you about me, Won’t you tell me about yourself?”
“I’m here because I’d make a poor merchant. I like books and I want to have an education. Although I must say… The monastic life has been quite unexpected.”
They walked into a decently large room, where four long tables were set up next to each other. Henry looked around, trying to remember as many details as he could for his mission.
“Where does that door lead to?”
“The kitchen as far as I know, we’re forbidden from going in there.”
“Why?”
“To avoid the Sin of Gluttony” was the reason I was told, they don’t want us stealing extra food.”
“And if the food they give us isn’t enough?”
“Tough luck, you’ll have to get used to it… I already have.”*
They walked back into the hallway, where two men with strict eyes passed them silently without taking their eyes off the novices.
“Those guys are the circators, they enforce the rules so don’t get on their bad side. If they catch you outside of where you shouldn’t be it could be a day in the dungeon or worse.”
“Why did they look at you like that?”
“I might’ve gotten myself into trouble in my first week here, which is why I’m warning you to be careful.”
“I don’t plan on doing anything.”
“Sure you don’t.”
Antonius suddenly turned around, grabbing Henry’s arm and dragging him into an empty room filled with books. He cornered Henry into a wall, not letting the new novice escape.
“I don’t think you realize, brother Gregor, how bad of a liar you are.”
Henry’s ears perked, his mouth slightly opened before closing again. His mission had only just begun, yet he was already failing. Antonius didn’t miss the clues, but instead of getting angry or threatening Henry, he just poked the man’s cheek with his finger and huffed out a quiet laugh.
“Everyone here has terrible secrets, a past they don’t want to talk about. You don’t have to tell me yours, but don’t think you’re the only one haunted by the ghosts of their acts.”
Henry slowly nodded, taking in the words. The novice was right, it was easy to forget that everyone has their own problems.
The world wasn’t just against him.
“I understand, Antonius… Now get off me.”
The novice looked at him with surprise before backing off, slowly raising his hands in a joking gesture.
“This is the scriptorium where you’ll be working after noon. You’ll easily learn latin here if you stick to it for a good amount of time.”
Antonius put his charming smile back on, moving his head to point at Henry that they were leaving the room.
He walked in front again with Henry following with his head down, like a lost little lamb.
“Does the church make you uncomfortable, brother?”
“A bit.”
“I see.”
“It’s so big, but it feels like I’m suffocating.”
“That’s how I always felt when attending mass. Some say it’s the weight of your sins weighing you down in the house of god.”
“You don’t look troubled by it.”
“You get used to the weight after some time. I’m sure you understand.”
Henry raised his head in surprise, observing Antonius with a careful gaze. He didn’t like how this novice was working around his defenses like a certain someone…
There wasn’t much left to show and they finished the tour in only a few minutes.
“If you need help with anything, or need someone to cover for you, you can ask me, I’m sure we can rely on each other.”
“Aye, thank you, brother Antonius.”
Antonius left Henry at the altar where their tour began, walking to the scriptorium to attend to his duties. Henry looked around, in awe at the impressive architecture before collecting his thoughts.
Four novices, one of them was a bandit named Pious who took part in the Neuhof massacre. Henry winced at the memory he had tried to forget, the bodies, all the blood, the two bandits he massacred not long after witnessing the tragic sight…
The sun shone through the gaps in the ceiling, illuminating the altar. As if a sign from god, a reflection hit Henry’s eyes, grabbing his attention. Henry walked to the source of it, only to find a single lockpick hidden behind the altar.
“What would a monk need a lockpick for…”
Maybe the priests here weren’t so holy.
Henry wanted to avoid any unnecessary killing, instead deciding to look around the church while he was free of duties to think of different plans. He could steal an unique item from one of the novices and show it to the bandits as proof of murder, but he would have no idea which item would be convincing enough.
He could fake a murder, helping one of the novices escape if they wanted to.
He looked up at the balcony above the altar, it was still empty, same as in the morning.
A drop from there would kill someone, or make a convincing lie of a murder.
How to find the correct target was the main mystery. He could try approaching the novices, but talking to the wrong one could prove deadly.

…
Henry crouched behind a corner, hoping to avoid the circators. It was only his third day in the monastery but he was already late for his duties. The two circators walked past his corner without turning their heads, missing the man trying to blend into the walls. Suddenly another set of footsteps approached from behind, making Henry turn around in panic before making out the silhouette.
“Gregor, what are you doing here?”
“Me? What are you doing here?”
“I got… delayed on my way to the scriptorium.”
“So did I. Come on, we’re almost there.”
Antonius and Henry walked with hurried footsteps across the long halls, keeping themselves from sprinting to avoid unnecessary attention. FInally, they reached the door to the scriptorium. Antonius poked his head in first to make sure no one was watching the door before signing Henry to go in with him. The two novices walked silently to their stations next to each other’s, picking up the books that needed to be copied and written down. A small chuckle escaped Antonius before speaking to Henry without turning his head.
“Third day and already late, you’ll get kicked out in no time at this point.”
“I was just… Looking around. Why were you late!?”
“I was trading with one of the brothers.”
“You can trade stuff with them? I thought…”
“Not so loud!” - Antonius pressed his finger against Henry’s lips before continuing to whisper - “not many things are allowed in this damn place but some priests do it anyway, you just need to know where to look.”
“And how do I do that.”
“Maybe someone will teach you, if you’re nice to them.” - Antonius ceremoniously coughed while pointing at himself before cracking his charming smile again.
“Do you know where the priests get the food from?”
“Maybe? What’s it to you?”
“I wanted to ask for something, but I couldn’t figure out how to get it in here…”
Henry looked down at his book, trying to hide his face, embarrassed for sharing what he was doing without thinking it through. The latin words on the pages were foreign to him, a bit alike to the writing Hans had taught him yet distinct enough to throw off his eyes. A priest came close to their table before Antonius could respond, observing their work.
“Hurry it up, brothers, you’re behind schedule today!”
“Of course, Sir. We apologize.”
As the priest walked away, Antonius turned back to Henry with a more serious face.
“In the room next to the dining hall, there’s a list. If you sneak in and add what you want, they’ll buy it and you can steal it the next morning without anyone knowing.” - His face fell back into his smug smile - “It wouldn’t be very holy though, brother. You’re naughtier than one would expect from your looks.”
“Yet you know exactly where I need to go, at least your real self matches your outside.”
“That’s a rude way to call someone knowledgeable.”
“It’s rude to call me of all people naughty…”
“If you say so, you can deny it all you want.”
They continued their work in silence, unable to continue the conversation with the priest hovering close above them. Henry sometimes asked Antonius for help with understanding the letters. The novice was more than happy to help, getting too close into Henry’s personal space at every chance.
Henry tried not to think about it.
Unsuccessfully, but he tried.
…
Henry stood on the edge of the empty balcony above the chapel. Moonlight poured in, lightly illuminating his slumped and exhausted body. Nightmares had become even worse than before, after his argument with Hans. It was so easy now to come up with a thousand better ways he should’ve handled it.
One thing he regretted most was not letting Hans speak. He knew his friend, knew about his insecurities, how he’d lose his tongue when someone important was angry at him, yet Henry disregarded it in his anger, hurting his closest friend…
Henry’s body was exhausted, mind felt like it would be set on fire any second now, but it still refused to let Henry sleep, to rest, to manage his energy. With no access to the potions, Henry’s body was forgetting how to function.
He heard footsteps approaching from behind, not bothering to look, recognizing the unmistakable rhythm.
“You’re always brooding, brother Gregor. Care to share?”
“I don’t sleep well…”
“Don’t or can’t?”
“Both. I used to make some potions that helped me have energy for the day, or to sleep when I wanted to, but without those, exhaustion has been taking over me faster and faster here, yet I can never seem to sleep…”
“Cockerel?”
Henry looked up at the novice standing next to him, illuminated in the moonlight, his long brown hair reflecting the light onto Henry. It was almost a heavenly sight…
Almost…
“How would you know?”
“I told you I came here to get an education. And you can rely on me here…”
Antonius sat down next to Henry, dangling his feet down the edge. He looked over at Henry, observing his posture, his tired eyes, his thinning frame.
“How did you hold yourself together, before coming here?”
“What?”
“You’re falling apart, Gregor. You know it as well… What happened to you?”
“Have you heard of Skalitz?”
“Aye… Were you there?”
“I ran that day… Like a coward.”
“That’s not…”
“You ask me how I’ve held myself together until now? It was because of my… friend. But I’ve hurt him and I can never face him properly again.”
“So you ran, again?”
“Aye.”
“I don’t see it as cowardice.”
Antonius slightly tilted his head sideways to look at Henry, making the man’s heart skip a beat. This gesture, this damn head tilt that always reminded him of his sun…
Antonius held his hand, pressed to the ground, and slowly leaned in towards Henry.
Henry backed off, running away once more, despite his promise.
A tear ran down Henry’s face and it didn’t escape Pious’s attention.
Comfort found in the wrong place, love misplaced onto the wrong face.
It didn’t feel right, but it didn’t feel wrong either.
…
Another week had passed in the monastery, yet Henry was still lost.
He attended mass in the morning, brewed potions, copied down Latin books, asked around a bit more, not enough to arouse suspicion, but enough to find out who his target was. Henry expected to hate the monastery life, but the routine was more comforting than he could have anticipated, if only half the people here didn’t make his skin crawl with their shallow masks of holiness.
…
The circators pointed him toward Lucas, a fellow novice who looked more timid than anyone else, and barely spoke to anyone. Something about him felt familiar to Henry, but he shook that feeling as he stalked behind the novice, waiting for a perfect chance to corner Lucas when suddenly a hand grabbed his shoulder.
“Gregor? Why are you following Lucas?”
“Antonius… why would you care anyway, you’ve barely spoken to me since that night.”
“Not so loud, Gregor! People might get the wrong idea.”
“Oh yeah? And what is the right idea?”
“That’s not import…”
“Then leave me alone. You want to avoid extra trouble, don’t you?”
Henry walked off in a hurry, chasing after Lucas before he lost him.
Antonius didn’t let up, keeping up his footsteps with Henry.
“That novice is corrupt, you know.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“He’s a sodomite.”
Henry froze in place from the sudden rumor. Antonius bumped into him from behind and stood back, observing Henry’s reaction to the unusual news, carefully.
“Wh-what does that matter, it’s not what I wanted to ask him!”
“Just thought I’d give you a heads up in case he tries to corrupt you…”
“Just fuck off antonius, they’d… he’d never do that and you know it.”
“Watch your tongue Gregor, you don’t want to step on the wrong foot here, you never know what the people will think.”
Antonius turned around and swiftly turned the corner, his footsteps echoing through the empty halls.
Henry remained frozen in space, unable to process the information he’d received. Until then, sodomites like him were never more than a myth, outside of him and Bianca, he’d never met anyone else…
None that he knew about at least.
Henry decided to leave Lucas alone for the day, needing more confirmation before listening to rumors. After noon, Henry and Antonius worked in the scriptorium. His understanding of Latin writing had gotten a lot better, even earning praise from his new friend, although the actual words were still nothing but holy gibberish to Henry.
Unexpectedly, the priest overlooking their progress exited the room without a word, giving Henry a rare opportunity to look into the forbidden book.
On a pedestal next to the forbidden shelf lay the abbott’s journal, where he kept the information about the entire monastery.
Henry distanced himself from his table without a word. Antonius didn’t even notice until he heard the distant sound of pages turning rapidly, turning to see Henry speedily reading through the abbott’s notes.
Antonius rushed over to Henry, swiftly closing the book in front of the boy and firmly placing his hand over it - “Have you gone insane Gregor! They’ll imprison you for days if they catch you!”
Henry looked up at Antonius, his gaze narrowed, his face tenser than normal. His eyes spoke of shock, which, Antonius could only hope, was caused by something other than the book.
“Antonius you…”
Before Henry could finish his sentence, the priest’s footsteps echoed through the hall, making the novices get back to their desks in swift speed.
Antonius and Henry kept shooting glares at each other, both hoping what they suspected about the other to not be true.
…

As they were heading to evening mass, Henry dragged his feet, purposefully falling behind to find someone. He saw it, the dirty blond hair of a fellow novice that he wanted to ask a million questions to. Henry silently went up behind the man before placing a hand on the novice’s shoulder. Lucas jumped in place and quickly turned around with tense posture. He relaxed his body as he saw Henry, towering over him, yet still somehow looking pitiful.
“W-what do you need, brother Gregor?”
“Can we talk? Please.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not a very talkative person.” - he turned to leave before things escalated, but Henry gripped his arm, reducing the chances of no conflict to near zero -”Fine, but peacefully. I don’t want trouble.”
Lucas pointed with his eyes to an empty alchemy room next to them, leading Henry in before anyone could spot them talking.
“Talking to me is risky, you know, you’ll get a reputation…“
“I see… I’ve heard that you… well, that you enjoy the company of other men. Is there any truth to it?”
“What?” - Lucas' calm voice broke in an instant - “How do you know that?”
“I read it in the Abbot's book”
“What? The abbot’s book is locked up in his chambers! Did you sneak in there just to get dirt on me?”
“No, no. I was looking for something else, but I just happened to come across your… story.”
“No matter what you were looking for, you crossed a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Don’t worry, I won’t tell on you if you don’t tell anyone else… please.”
“You misunderstand, I just…”
“Yes. You can call me a sodomite, a sinner, the spawn of satan… But tell me this, Gregor… Can I help the way I am? I tell you, It’s a test of my faith! A test so daunting you can’t even imagine it!”
Henry’s mouth gapped, but he couldn’t find the words. The pain in Lucas’s eyes, they were the same as his, plagued by the melancholy of being different, but the novice took it differently to Henry… unlike Henry, Lucas did the correct thing, rejecting the ugliness of himself and dedicating himself to god…
It would be cruel to burden him with Henry’s sins as well, even if Henry didn’t consider Lucas’s choices to be the right ones either.
A man who tried so hard to fight himself, shouldn’t be disturbed by a coward like Henry who only hid himself away in fear…
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it as judgement, I just found it interesting. You are who you are, who am I to say otherwise…”
A half truth, a minimal confession, hope that the understanding would be realized. Lucas looked at him with confusion before widening his eyes.
He understood.
He stayed silent.
“Can I ask you another question, please.”
“I… Sure.”
“Antonius, do you know anything about him?”
“I don’t speak with many people. But he’s loose with the rules, friends with the circators, quite sneaky too.”
“I see, thank yo…”
Something caught Henry’s attention, the hem of a novice’s robe disappearing around the corner. He walked past Lucas before he could finish his sentence, stepping outside to see who was listening in on them. But the hallways were already empty. Henry turned back to Lucas, who stared at him in confusion.
“Thank you, brother Lucas… for everything.”
“I didn’t do much though.”
“You did. You’re not alone, I hope you know that. God would understand…”
Henry stepped into the hallway, sneaking past the circators to avoid punishment and disappearing into this holy den of sin.

…
Lockpick, pig’s blood, extra monk’s robe.
Henry hid all his necessary item’s below a loose tile under his bed while everyone was away. He heard footsteps approaching, quickly closing the gap again before standing up.
“Brother Antonius… Do you need something?”
“Yes, they’re calling the two of us for early breakfast before we get some different duties for the day.”
“Different?”
“Just come already.”
“I’ll be right down in a minute…”
Antonius didn’t wait, walking back down the stairs. Henry took the rare chance of being alone in the dormitory to sneak around, checking the Novices’ personal chests with the help of his single lockpick.
Most of them were empty or held nothing special, except for Antonius’. Normal at first glance, Henry dragged his fingers across his friend’s robe in an unexpected fondness, but a sudden hardness beneath the robe snapped him back to reality. He quickly took out the robe to see a small dagger hidden beneath the everyday items.
There was little to doubt anymore.
Antonius had to have been Henry’s target this whole time.
A cowardly bandit who took part in the massacre and then ran.
Henry heard footsteps coming up the stairs again, quickly closing the chest and running to the entrance to avoid any suspicions cast on him.
“Antonius…”
“Gregor come on already, we’ve got to eat early today!”
“I’m coming, I’m coming!”
They walked down the stairs in tense silence, both aware and unaware at the same moment that they knew everything about the other person.
At least they thought they did.
Henry followed Antonius, warily staying a couple steps behind the novice. The dining hall was empty, except for two plates.
“Just eat up and I’ll tell you about our new task.”
“All right.”
Henry was still starving, and the meal looked more filling than the others he had received over the weeks. Antonius barely touched his food, glaring at Henry with his usual smug smirk that didn’t seem unusual anymore.
“I’ve been told you’ve been snooping around the entire monastery, just what is it you’re after.”
Henry hesitated mid bite, trying his best to control his expression before flashing a confident smile at Antonius.
“I’m here to look for a certain someone. His old mates are looking for him and the prize is too great to pass up.”
Antonius’s face dropped immediately, anger and fear dancing between the edges of his usual smile. Henry felt a strange wave of exhaustion, unlike his constant tiredness.
“Sakra” - He immediately rose to his feet, taking a fighting stance in front of Antonius who didn’t fall behind.
“Don’t swear in the house of god, brother Gregor, you’ll be talking soon enough.”
“The fuck did you feed me!”
“Just some Lullaby potion.”
“Bastard…”
Henry’s body slumped forward, unable to balance himself. Antonius caught him, smirking as he dragged Henry’s fightless body past the dormitory, above the chapel, onto the balcony where their lips nearly met the other night…

…
A harmonized choir accompanied Henry’s dreams and nightmares.
The months after the Skalitz raid…
The pain, the grief, meeting with Capon, the tender touches, the disgusted reaction of Hans…
All of it played in a cycle inside Henry’s mind.
He had messed up his one true friendship, and he’d never be able to take it back.
The harmony mixed into Henry’s dreams, accompanying the beauty and enhancing the ugliness.
Suddenly, Hans of his dreams turned around to face Henry observing his memories.
“I thought you’d never run away again.”
“I thought you’d never lie to me.”
“I hoped you’d understand.”
Henry felt a sudden force on his shoulder, shaking him awake.
Hans’s voice faltered, changed, mixed with a man’s who had been observing Henry for weeks.
“Wake up already, god damn it!”
Henry fluttered his eyes, trying to take in the sight, but his vision was still blurry. He was at the familiar empty space where he had spent many sleepless nights in the monastery, and Antonius stood in front of him. Moonlight shone down onto the space, illuminating the loneliness of the two sinners.
Henry tried to speak, but he felt a cloth stuffed into his mouth holding back his voice. He looked up in shock and panic at the man standing in front of him, a man who had lost his usual confident demeanor, staring down at Henry with an unexplained expression.
“Who are you? I can’t imagine you’d join the bandits after what they did to you. Why are you after me!”
Of course. Pious. His closest friend in the monastery was his target the whole time. Henry tried to speak, tried to sign to Pious that he was going to explain himself, but Pious leaned in front of him and placed his palm over Henry’s mouth, silencing him even more.
“I’m going to tell you a story, and you’re going to listen.”
Pious’s cold gaze stared into Henry’s slumped eyes, filled with fear and something else, to the shock of both…
“Once upon a time, there was a young boy. He was lost and miserable because he had no future. He was tempted by his friends into doing some foolish things.”
Henry tried to reach forward, to something, but he realized that his hands were tied behind his back, his arms too weakened by the potion to break free.
“But he wasn’t truly bad, because when it came down to it, he ran away rather than keep doing foolish deeds.”
Henry shifted in his predicament, trying to break free, he sturdied his legs and leant his back against the wall to slowly rise to his feet. Pious didn’t interrupt him, instead continuing his fable.
“His former friends didn’t take kindly to that though and wanted to punish him. So, they sent a hunting dog to find him and rip out his throat…”
Pious walked forward, reaching out his arms and placing them against the wall around Henry, trapping him in his grasp.
“The boy wasn’t stupid though. He knew the hound was coming and gave him poisoned food. The boy felt terrible for the beast, both were the pawns of someone else’s game… So I’m giving you one last chance, Henry of Skalitz.”
Henry’s eyes widened. He hadn’t told anyone his real name since he got to Sasau, yet Pious somehow found out. He looked up at the man, taking in his words. Henry had no choice but to believe them, not because of his predicament, but because of the look of Pious’s eyes. Of a man who has been through a lot, who was ridden with guilt and only wanted peace. Who also suffered from melancholy…
Pious removed his hand from Henry’s mouth, taking the cloth out with it. Henry coughed, saliva dripped down on his throat as he tried to catch his breath. Pious didn’t change his expression, still keeping Henry trapped between his grasp. Henry finally managed to speak out, not with thought, but emotions behind his words.
“So all the niceties, every offer of help, that night… It was all a lie. Again. God fucking damn it!”
“Henry!”
“I can’t stand it anymore.” - Henry’s knees gave out as he slid back down to his previous position, sitting on the floor with his back against the monastery’s walls.
“Everyone, all of you. All you do is lie, pretend, act.”
“It wasn’t a lie, Gre… Henry. Just another part of myself I’ve locked up to survive. You get that, don’t you?”
“I wish I didn’t. I love someone, but I’ve hurt them with my lies and cowardice.”

Pious knelt in front of Henry, cupping the young man’s face to make him look up at him.
Henry barely held back his tears, his eyes had finally lost their light. He didn’t fight back against Pious anymore, as if accepting his end right then and there.
“Let it all out, Henry of Skalitz. We’re more alike than you’d think.”
“Cowards.”
“Both of us.”
Pious leaned closer toward Henry, and the young squire didn’t pull back. Their lips met for the first time, but it felt the heaviest it had ever felt for either of them. A connection of understanding, of lives similarly wasted, of futures snuffed out too early.
The kiss was desperate, the need to confirm it was real was higher than anything else Henry had felt. He imagined it so many times, his first kiss, his first partner, but never like this, never with someone like Pious, never in a monastery.
Pious leant back, separating the twor.
“I never wanted to kill you, Pious.”
“It’s Pavel. Pious is just a nickname from my former friends…”
“I’m sorry.”
“Just let it all go, just for tonight. We’ll have more than enough time to worry later.”
Henry wanted to grab his face, to kiss it, slap it, pull it, but he was reminded of his binds with his failed attempt. Pious smirked before slowly lifting up Henry’s robes up to his knees. He put his head under the robes and moved forward, bringing his mouth towards Henry’s braies. A soft moan escaped Henry, echoing through the grand chapel. Pious moved the rest of his upper body under Henry’s robes, tugging at the strings holding up Henry’s braies. He loosened them and bit into the string, slowly pulling it down and freeing Henry for the first time in his life.
Henry leaned his head back against the cold wall, holding in his breath and biting his lip to hold back any more sounds from echoing through the chapel.
Not very successfully.
As Pavel’s hot breath approached Henry’s cock, the shiver made a whimper escape his mouth. Pious swifty brought out one of his arms from under the robe, shoving the same cloth he had taken out earlier back into Henry’s mouth.
This time Henry didn’t mind.
Pious returned his attention to the throbbing cock in front of him, desperately begging for attention. He put a finger around its base, stroking Henry slowly before approaching with his mouth, confidently licking up from the base to the tip.
All Henry could see in the darkness was a man diving through his robe, granting him everything he had dreamed about.
Even if it was the wrong person.
Just two sinners defiling the church in every way possible.
Every time he closed his eyes, a blurry memory of Hans, splashes of gold and red flashed in his vision. The one person who made Henry feel alive after Skalitz.
The one person who didn’t pity him.
The person whose betrayal cut him deep.
Pious slowly made his way down on Henry’s length, taking more and more into his mouth without stopping his stroking. The heat enveloping Henry was unlike anything he had ever felt before. Pious periodically sucked in his cheeks, as if trying to drag every last sin out of the young squire himself.
A tear fell down Henry’s face, a mix of joy and regret, pleasure and loneliness.
Pious felt the shiver run down Henry’s body, removing himself before driving Henry to climax, leaving him on edge instead. He took his head out from under Henry’s robe, enjoying the shocked and offended face of his friend before slowly making his way up to his face, bringing his body onto Henry, straddling him. The robes added a layer of frustrating friction between them that neither disliked.
“Brave little beast, you’re doing great.”
Henry’s eyes widened, the compliment washing over him in waves of shock and unexpected joy.
Pavel took the cloth out of Henry’s mouth, bringing his face close to him as their lips touched for a second time that night.
Pavel propped his knees on the floor, around Henry’s thighs, bringing their bodies close against each other.The sudden feelings of being turned on, kept on edge, complimented and offended mixed inside Henry’s melting brain. He tried to bring his head back away from Pious, hitting the cold wall while panting for breath.
“Who could guess you’d become such a mess in the act, brother Gregor.”
“Shut up… Won’t you untie my hands already?”
“Mmhm, not yet.” Pious smirked as he brought his face forward, catching Henry with his mouth again. A salty taste hit Henry’s tongue as it wrestled against Pavel’s, but he didn’t mind it. Pious pulled his face sideways, bringing his mouth closer to Henry’s brightened ears and biting down on the earlobe. A soft groan left Henry, but instead of letting it echo, he opened his mouth, grabbing onto Pious’s shoulderblade with his teeth, not enough to draw blood, but enough to muffle his sounds.
Henry’s body jerked up in place and Pious didn’t hesitate to bring himself closer against Henry, rubbing himself against his friend. The friction of the novice robes, along with the consistent movement drove them both to the edge. Pious wrapped his arms around Henry’s neck without slowing down himself.
Henry’s body felt like it would burst into flames, but instead he sweated and rutted into Pious, stretching out every second into what felt like weeks until release found them both.
Both of them stopped moving at the same moment, shivering in place as the insides of their robes were painted white. Henry slammed his head against the stone wall to regain composure as Pious relaxed his body, leaning his weight onto still bound Henry.
Henry rested his face onto Pious’s head, nuzzling his nose into his friend’s hair, taking in the smell of regular soap, slight booze and himself.
Pavel didn’t move, enjoying the comfort of Henry’s heated body, trying to stabilize himself before asking a question that’s ruined his sleep for weeks.
“Tell me… tell me, Henry, my friends… are they?”
“Only Lubosh. Timmy and Reeky are fine.”
“How do you know?”
“I helped them…”- Henry raised his head up, looking at the moon through the altar window - “I killed the leader too, Runt…”
“You? But you’re so…”
“I was surprised too.”
“I won’t pry.”
Pious untied Henry’s arms, watching as the young squire rubbed his wrists in discomfort.
“Sorry about that…”
“I’ll live. Listen, you need to disappear.”
“You still want to kill me after I took you to heaven?”
“Sh-shut up! I mean run away from here, they know you’re a novice and won’t stop until you’re dead.”
“Obviously they know. How did you even get the task of killing me?”
“I’m on a mission to find their actual camp by getting recruited. Your bandit friends told me to kill you to prove my loyalty…”
Henry felt Pavel twitch, moving away from him with a worried look, overwhelmed at the looming danger he’d tried to avoid.
“I… I was a bandit at Neuhof. I’ve robbed and stolen, but I swear to god I’ve never in my life slain an innocent…”
“I know.”
“What I saw at Neuhof made me realize my life wasn’t worth shit, but I still had a chance to change for the better.”
“Did I fuck it all up, mister evildoer?”
“Yep. But I’m glad it was you, Henry of Skalitz.”
“How did you even know my name?”
“Your friend Johanka had quite a lot to complain about a certain new novice in the monastery.”
“Wait, you could leave the building?”
“Only when accompanying a priest on his shopping, aye.”
“Then I have a plan.”
“Already?”
“I’m just going to kill you!”
Pious jumped back in fear but was only met with Henry’s sheepish grin.
“You’re one insane bastard.”
“I don’t mean literally of course. We’ll just make it look like I’ve killed you.”
“And how do you plan to do that?”
“Just wait for me here… and tear some parts off of your robes.”
“This better not be a deliberate strategy to get me naked.”
“Don’t flatter yourself. I’ve prepared for something like this.”
Henry left in just a second, leaving Pious stunned at the competence of a man who was falling apart just minutes ago. He obeyed Henry’s command, Tearing parts of his robe off and waiting patiently. The church was asleep, they’d never get a better chance, unless Henry suddenly got caught…
More and more minutes passed in silence and Pavel got worried, moving towards the small entrance to the balcony, but he got blocked by a slick frame.
“Sorry Pavel, it was a little hard removing planks silently…”
“Unbelievable, that’s where you hid your grand treasure?”
“Nothing was stolen so it’s fine. Give me your robe tatters.”
Pious handed them over to Henry, looking with curious eyes as Henry brought a wineskin out from his robe pocket. He held the rags up to the wineskins entrance, pouring a liquid onto them, painting them red.
“Don’t tell me, that day when you asked me about ordering something from the kitchen in secret…”
“Aye.”
Henry covered the rags in pig’s blood and threw them down from the balcony onto the chapel ground.
“We’ll make it look like someone pushed you off from up here, then leave tracks to the river to make it look like I dragged your body.”
“That’s… a great plan Henry. When in the world did you come up with it?”
“I told you… I never planned to kill you...”
Pious walked towards Henry, his body moving on its own, and cupped his face with arms, leaning his forehead against Henry’s and looking deep into his light blue eyes. Pious leaned forward, bringing his lips closer to Henry’s, but the squire backed off last second, covering his reddened face with his hands.
“You don’t have to force yourself, Pious.”
“I’m not. I want to do this, I owe you that much.”
“All you owe me is something to prove I killed you…”
“And if I still want to?”
“Then you’re welcome to enjoy whatever we can until… we go our own ways.”
Pious opened up his arms, pulling Henry into a hug, gentle, grateful.
“Thank you, brother, for sparing me. God really sent me a guardian angel.”
“Or so I’ve been called. I think a spawn of satan fits me more though.”
Henry held his face in front of Pious, both of them drinking in the sight of each other. The saddened eyes, the happy smirks, the tired features, imprinting as much as they could into memory.
Maybe they weren’t the right people for each other’s lives, but at this moment, no one else would’ve felt better…
They silently made their way down the monastery, both already experienced in sneaking around without alerting the circators. Pious led Henry to a side door that he followed the priest’s to the outside from.
“Stand back, I’ve only got one lockpick on me.”
“You continue to surprise me Henry.”
The lock was a difficult one, for Henry. For Pious it brought a funny sight. Henry sticking his tongue out while focusing on the lock, his ears twitching slightly every few seconds at any important sound. His face reddened more and more from stress until…
A click. The door swung open, promising both their freedom.
They looked at each other in surprise, their faces lighting up like the sun. Pious ran out first, Henry not far behind him. Both ran at full speed, down to the river where free air awaited them.
“God’s I’m not gonna miss that place, it felt like the walls were constantly closing in on me!”
“Remember what I told you when you first got there?”
“That the weight was caused by my sins? Something along those lines.”
“Aye. I hope I made that weight easier for you to carry, Henry…”
“I… You did, I’ll always be grateful, Pavel.”
Henry looked around, taking in the beautiful night. The river calmly ran beneath the bridge they stood on, the birds chirped in the edge of the forests. Fireflies lit the paths and then the moon smiled at the two sinners who met by fate.
“Thank you for helping me out, but we must go our own ways now.”
“Wait… Won’t you come to Rattay? I’m sure my lord wouldn’t punish you if we explain…”
“No, I need to get as far away from here as possible, maybe steal a horse along the way and settle down somewhere more peaceful…”
“I understand… Can I help you out on that at least?”
“If you insist. I could use any help I can get.”
They walked up the slope to the stables where pebbles still waited for Henry after all these weeks.
“I paid the stable master to take care of her, and her bag…” - Henry reached into the saddlebag, bringing out a fresh new tunic and pants, along with a hefty bag of groschen, placing them into Pavel’s hands.”
“I-I don’t know how to thank you Henry…”
“You’ve done more than enough, I just need something to prove I killed you.”
Pious looked at him with confidence as he searched his pocket bringing out a special looking dice.
“This is my lucky dice, though it didn’t work well for me.”
“I don’t know, I think I was a pretty good luck.”
“Then may it bring you a similar level of miracle, Henry of Skalitz.”
Pavel changed into Henry’s clothes, the view of him outside of the Novice robes felt strange for Henry. Pavel put the bag of groschen into his pocket, before turning to Henry.
“I’ll try to write to you, or something if I make it. I don’t want to lose contact with my guardian angel.”
“I’ll hold you to that, brother Antonius.”
Pious sat atop a brown horse, clearly not his own and took up the reins - “It’s a promise… Good luck, Henry.”
Pavel rode out into the night, with the hurry of a man being hunted, yet massive weight off his shoulders. Henry waved at him as his friend disappeared into the darkness.
An unexpected encounter.
A love too burdened to bloom.
Yet a friendship, or more, that Henry would never forget.

Chapter Text

"Maybe stop worrying so much and hear me out!"
Hans spoke to the empty room, thinking back to that moment with Henry for the 100th time that day. He could've said so many things, reassured his friend in so many ways, but he lost his tongue at the pivotal moment, like he always did.
Hans paced around his room, punched pillows, came up with hundreds of ways he could've handled the argument.
It was all pointless.
He missed Henry.
Radzig refused to tell him the details of the mission, Hanush basically laughed Hans out of the meeting hall when he asked about the details.
He fell onto his bed, covering his eyes with his arm, trying to stabilize his thoughts.
Henry's reaction proved everything.
He liked Hans...
Hans couldn't tell what that made him feel.
Dread, happiness, anger, disgust...
All the small moments shared between them, every glance stolen, every touch lingering too long, every night spent in silent companionship…
Henry's confession made the unspeakable real. And it was terrifying.
Hans couldn't keep up with the teasing, with the acting that it was all a joke and meant nothing.
Because it meant something.
It meant everything.
Noone else would understand how he felt, and he couldn't share in his woes either.
Hans rose to his feet, looking at the door while still swaying. The castle halls were empty. The sun was already setting behind the mountains on the horizon. He walked without paying much mind to his surroundings. The guards at the Rattay gates went up to him, wanting to remind Hans to carry a torch at night, but they were met with their noble with the gloomiest face they had ever seen. They silently stepped back to their post, observing the noble stumbling out of the gate like a drunken fool, even though he was sober.
Too sober.
Hans walked through the all too familiar ground. His birthright, his inheritance, the land he was born to rule over as king… The place that felt like a constricting wall, about to topple him any second. All these people, and he was supposed to look after them? He couldn’t even look after his friend properly…
The muddy road was risky to traverse absentmindedly, but Hans didn’t remember that internalised instinct until his boot slipped sideways, falling face first into the mud. His noble clothes, ever so fancy and well-kept, were covered in dirt and grime, all too fitting for his mood.
“You look like shit, my lord.”
Theresa’s gentle face, painted with a mocking grin, looked down at him from top, holding a basket with one hand. Before Hans could respond, he felt an all too familiar feeling of Mutt’s aggressive tongue on his cheek, licking his face clean of dirt.
“Agh, ew stop it you stupid Mutt!”
“You remember his name, well done sir.”
“Oh spare me. What are you doing here, Miss Theresa?”
“Me? You’re the one laying in the mud right outside the mill.”
Hans looked around confused, finally comprehending where he had walked off to while lost in his thoughts.
“Oh.”
“Bad day?”
“A bad week.”
“Miss Henry?”
“That’s not… Where is that buffoon anyway.”
“Oh you won’t believe it Sir Hans.”
“Believe what?”
Theresa extended her hand towards the miserable boy, helping him get up and pointing to the desk in the mill’s yard.
“Come, I have much gossip to share!”
…

It was early in the morning, yet the sun pressed heavily against everyone. People slowly gathered in the yard of Sasau monastery, waiting to be let into the chapel for mass. A young lady slipped between the people, making her way across the yard to a further point inside. Behind her trailed a slim built boy, hooded despite the heat, hiding his face from the people. An older woman in the crowd spotted him, grabbing him by the shoulder.
"Lad, stop following that young lady or you'll get in trouble!"
"Who do you think..."
Before he could finish his sentence, the girl he was trailing ran back to them, cutting his sentence off.
"Thank you for your concern, miss, but he's with me."
"Ah, I see. Be careful out there laddie."
The boy finally regained his tongue - "right, sorry." - he nudged his shoulder out of the ladies grasp before walking behind the girl again, more composed this time.
They finally made it to the other end of the yard, near a door to a building that seemed to be an infirmary.
"All right, Hans. I'll go see my friend quickly and then we can go into the monastery. You wait here and try not to get in trouble!"
"Can't I come in with you Theresa? I don't feel very safe with these peasants looking like they want to start trouble with me."
"You're pretending to be one of us now, so live with it for a bit."
"Fiiine, Henry would never leave me like this, you know..."
"You're lucky I'm not Henry or he would have made you wait with harsher words."
"Can't win against you, can I?"
"Never."
Theresa flashed the familiar grin at Hans and went inside the infirmary to see her friend, Johanka. Apparently, she had gotten word to Theresa that Henry had become a monk, of all people, of all things. It was probably related to his secret mission, but Hans couldn't help but worry about his... Squire.
If everything was fine, he could at least make fun of Henry later about it, so this trip wouldn't have been a complete waste of time. Hans leaned against the infirmary's wall, trying to listen in on the conversation of Theresa and her friend. The noises were quite muffled, but the tone implied that it had gone from happy to serious. Anxiety bit at Hans's heart as he looked at all the people around, ignoring him like he held no importance. He had snuck out in disguise many times, mostly to woo a maiden and get his arse kicked by their family, but he had never left Rattay without the protection of his noble status. It was risky... And thrilling. A sample of freedom he had always craved.
A groan snapped him out of his thoughts, looking to the side at a man, clearly injured, laying on his side outside, on an uncomfortable straw bed. Hans couldn't get rid of his curiosity, approaching the man carefully and crouching down to his level.
"Why are you out here and not in the infirmary?"
"Huh? It's filled to the brim there, I'd rather rest in the open air.”
“How could it be full? Did a tragedy happen around here recently?"
"Aye... Skalitz..."
"But that was more than a month ago now, surely all the wounded have been treated!"
"They've barely been kept alive, a lot of us have already passed on in here..."
"What is the church doing! Don't they have the resources? What do they use all the donations for…”
“Quiet, boy!”
Hans looked around in worry, noticing a few people staring daggers at him in judgement for his sacrilegious words. If he got recognized here, his reputation would have taken a massive hit, so Hans just pulled the hood down and headed into the infirmary to escape the prying eyes, only to bump into Theresa a few steps in.
“I told you to not cause trouble.”
“I didn’t, these peasants just…”
The other girl behind Theresa stepped behind her friend, looking at Hans with a judgemental glare. Hans lost his tongue, staring at the girl instead. Johanka was a pretty woman, fair in every element Hans could think of, but clear exhaustion could be seen on her face. From fresh wrinkles to heavy eye bags, the worn down state of her soul was clear as day.
“Sorry.”
Unexpectedly, Theresa smiled at Hans, calming his flared nerves and placing her hand on Hans’s shoulder. She turned back towards Johanka, signaling to her friend that there was no need to be agitated. The air finally stopped weighing down on Hans.
“Anyway, we have to go to mass now, Johanka. I promise to send the money as soon as I can.”
Johanka raised her eyebrows in surprise before chuckling to herself.
“I never thought you and Henry would become so religious.”
“Oh, I’m not. We’re just here to make fun of Henry!”
Johanka chuckled, finally relaxing her posture.
“I knew it! I’m going to join you two.” - Johanka disappeared for a minute into an adjacent room, speaking to another priest that was helping with the Skalitz refugees and coming back with a freshly washed hood. Theresa brightened at the concept of going in with Johanka, walking side by side with her while Hans awkwardly followed behind. They squeezed into the monastery, trying to make their way through the crowd.
Theresa and Johanka slipped through the people with great flexibility, but Hans got bumped into multiple times, making him separate from his companions. He tried to look for them for a minute or so, but gave up in the end, moving to the right wall to get out of the tight space. Despite the large number of people, the monastery was eerily quiet.
Hans looked up at the ceiling, grand and magnificent, almost like standing under an open sky. A false sense of freedom, like this little outing in a disguise. Suddenly, an angelic melody roared through the chapel, making him jump in surprise. He rose to his tippy toes, looking for Henry amongst the monks.
“Sakra, what am I even doing? We had a fight and I’m checking up on him!?”
As much as Hans wanted to convince himself this visit to the monastery was just to make fun of Henry in a friendly manner later, he really only just wanted to make sure Henry was still alive.
The freshly risen sun illuminated through the windows, shining down onto a set of men, dressed in white robes, grabbing Hans’s attention. On the furthest side of the five men, a familiar figure stood.
Henry looked tired and starved. It had only been a week, but his frame was already quite thinned, his cheeks were a bit fallen and his eye bags stood in contrast against his pale face.
Despite it all, he didn’t look sad like Hans expected.
“Why isn’t he wallowing in his misery! After being so rude to me!”
Hans stared too hard for a normal person at the novice, hoping to grab his attention, but instead, he saw something that irritated his very soul with unreasonable anger.
A young man , standing tall next to Henry, leaned over to Henry’s side with a mischievous grin and whispered something into Henry’s ear.
“It’s nothing, definitely nothing. Probably just reminding him about some holy duties, yep.”
Henry’s ears twitched, he chuckled into his palm and shook his head, trying to distract himself from laughing in the serious situation.
Everything all too familiar for Hans, caused by another guy that looked like a common hooligan!
Henry should have stopped there. Surely he would have pulled away from the stranger, but instead, he rocked on his heels, raising to his tippy toes, another mannerism Hans recognized, before leaning towards the other novice and whispering something back.
Hans stumbled backwards, the venom in his heart rising faster than it ever should have. Suddenly the walls and the ceiling of the ever so grand monastery felt like they were tightening around Hans, promising to squash him and end his sinful misery.
He quickly stepped out of the monastery, stumbling down the steps and nearly avoiding tripping. He would have left for home already, but Theresa was still yet to be found and they came together on one cart.
Hans slumped against the infirmary wall, waiting for the mass to finish. The man that was laying outside earlier was now sitting up, looking at him with a curious expression before finally speaking up.
“Rough day lad?”
“It’s nothing, nowhere near as bad as what you’ve gone through.”
“So what? A problem is a problem, no matter how big or small.”
Hans looked at him, trying to read the man’s expression. He may have been covered in bandages all over his torso, but his face was still one of courage and love for life.
“It’s just a bad day lad, it’ll pass.”
“It’s not about me, good sir. I was selfish with my friend and I can’t seem to find a way to apologize.”
“Have you asked how he feels?”
“Didn’t have the chance.”
“Good. When you can, invite him for a drink, loosen each other up before diving into your emotions. It’s not easy for noble knights like you.”
Hans looked at him in surprise, leaning back and resting his hand on his sheathed sword’s hilt. The man swiftly raised his arms in an easy going manner.
“Calm down there, lad. I mean you no harm.”
“How did you know I was a noble?”
“You still carry that air, no matter how much you cover your head, our lord was the same.”
Hans finally relaxed, taking his hand to his forehead to rest his head. This paranoia of everyone since he was tied up by the Cumans had tormented him far longer than it should have. It felt like every suspicious commoner was out to get him, no matter how friendly they could seem. Yet this man, whose name he still didn’t know, managed to make him relax, despite the potential risks and dangers.
Before Hans could say anything else, a gentle hand touched his shoulder from behind. He turned around with a swift motion, only to be met with a flick on the forehead by Theresa.
“Where did you go, Hans. We couldn’t even go to where Henry was.”
“Ah, I don’t know. It was so crammed in there, I just walked out instead.”
Theresa was going to tease him at first, but looking at Hans’s disturbed face, she decided to turn towards Johanka instead.
“Sorry, I think we’ll head out now. My lord doesn’t seem to be doing so well.”
“Your lord!?” - Johanka sounded surprised, making Hans roll his eyes in anticipation of the usual sucking up from the peasants, but instead Johanka leaned down in front of him and chuckling -”He doesn’t seem very noble, I think you’re being fooled Tess.”
“I know right. I’ve been suspecting it for a while!”
The girls chuckled in sync and Hans finally lightened up. He rose to his feet and stretched his body for a second with a groan before correcting his posture.
“All of you from Skalitz are fucking insane.”
“You don’t seem displeased about that good sir.”
“You’re right, miss Johanka, because at least you're truthful.”
Theresa stood behind him and sneakily approached Johanka, placing something in her palm and pressing a quick kiss on her cheek. Nothing that seemed out of place for two friends, but still too close for it to mean nothing.
…
It took a bit more than an hour, but Rattay could already be seen on the horizon. The magnificent town, or the gilded cage, awaited Hans and Theresa. Hans sat at the front part of the cart, leading the horse while Theresa hummed silently behind him, looking through a few papers.
“Do you even know how to read?”
“That’s a bit blunt, Sir Hans. Yes, I do know, a miller needs to be knowledgeable after all.”
“Both you and Henry speak so vaguely about what you do, are you sure you’re not some kind of a criminal?”
“Are you? Would you arrest me and Henry if we shocked our parents in the afterlife a couple of times?”
“Yet another vague way of putting it. Tell me then, one such thing you and Henry have done…”
“Well… There was this one night a certain noble was thirsty for wine…”
“You helped him with that!? I think he acted like he did it all himself when he brought the wine, looking all proud.”
“Your memories are not that good, huh.”
“Not when I’m piss drunk… and distracted.”
Hans didn’t have to turn to feel the familiar grin on his back.
“By the wenches?”
“Something like that.”
“Suuure.”
Hans could feel his face brighten at the memories of that day. The closeness, the teasing, everything said and shared in that drunk evening… Henry’s face when he walked in on him and the wench…
“Maybe it’s my fault for everything…”
“Maybe? I’d say it’s a pretty even split.”
“How do I even apologize? I could barely see him today.”
“So you saw him?”
“Aye.”
“And that novice beside him?”
Hans turned his head at light speed, earning a chuckle from Theresa. Her gaze felt all knowing, omniscient.
“I wish I could show you in a mirror how red you are, Sir Hans.”
“Oh, shut up. And I’m sure it’s nothing between them… right?”
“We’re going to need some drinks before getting home.”
…
A mug hit the old table, spilling a bit of beer over onto the table and Hans’s dirty hood. Hans stopped resting his head on the table, frowning at the waiter before continuing to wallow in his misery. The moon could already be seen in the dimly lit evening sky, scaring away the scorching heat. The tavern of Ledetchko was mostly empty, only the sound of thrown dice disturbing Hans’s brooding.
“Kurva, you must be cheating you witch! That dice looks nothing like the common ones!”
“Get over yourself, sir. You lost, I won.”
Hans raised his head, his eyes slurred from alcohol and overthinking, trying to detect if there was any need to intervene.
His judgement was a bit off.
The man huffed out in anger, rising to his feet in a swift motion, pushing the chair backwards. He was simply going to walk away, but Hans was already standing next to him, placing his hand on the man’s shoulder and turning him around with more force than necessary.
“Is there a problem you twat!”
“Who the fuck are you!? Back off or you’ll regret it!”
“You want to attack a lady? Pick on someone your own size!”
The man looked at him confused, down at Theresa, then back up at Hans again. He leaned his body slightly back, preparing to punch someone but Theresa swiftly wrapped her arm around Hans’s, dragging the fool away before more trouble could be started.
“My apologies sir, you can keep your groschen if you let this slide.”
“Fine, whatever. You young people have no respect these days.”
Theresa bowed her head and watched as the dice player walked off, spitting in meaningless anger. Hans kept his gaze fixed on him, but he felt a sharp smack on the back of his head.
“You fool, I had it under control!”
“But he looked like he was going to do something to you!”
“No he wasn’t. Trust me when I say this, I can take care of myself. Sit back down on that table or your head won’t be the only thing I’ll hit!”
Hans opened his mouth to argue, but pouted instead. Despite being scolded, this didn’t feel horrible like the times with Hanush… or Henry. Hans plopped down onto the chair, entirely sinking himself onto it, Theresa sat down opposite of him, calling the waiter to order another beer before turning back to Hans.
“You… Look like shit. Did the sight of Henry not being miserable make you that mad?”
“Oh he looked very miserable, Theresa, but that’s not it…”
She chuckled into her mug, staring at Hans’s reddened face before taking another gulp of beer.
“You! You’re jealous!”
“What!? How dare you!”
“Of that other novice!”
“N-NO!”
“Quiet down Hans, and stop lying.”
Hans looked around, making sure no one was listening in before lowering his voice.
“I’m not admitting to anything like that…”
“But?”
“Did you see him, his ears twitching, rising on his toes, chuckling and whispering like they’re not at mass…”
“Jealousss♪.”
”Oh quiet you…”
“I’m not the one paying attention to those details.”
“There’s no winning with you.”
“That’s the one truth you’ve said today.”
…
“And then he told me I was just a bird in a fancy cage!” - a hiccup escaped his throat before continuing -”A silver spoon up my arse, whatever that means!”
Theresa laughed louder than normal before clashing her mug against Hans’s and taking another sip - “His Pa used to say that about nobles, in front of Sir Radzig even!”
“No wonder that asshole’s such a loudmouth with nobles.”
Hans sighed, his brain reeling in memories of his last argument with Henry before his squire disappeared. His smile faded again, silently reciting the words Henry had said.
“Abomination.”
“What?”
“That’s what he called himself.”
“Oh.”
“Then what am I?”
“Fools, both of you.”
“That’s a crude way of putting it.”
“Truth stings, doesn’t it. Just talk to him. If not now, then whenever you can.”
“But…”
“No buts, if you both keep hiding from each other, you’ll never make up.”
“I don’t want that…”
Suddenly, Theresa rose to her feet, putting one leg onto her chair and pointing upwards in a grand manner.
“Remember these words, Sir Hans. Bravery is not the absence of fear, it's acting in the face of it!”
“Where did you read that?”
“I don’t remember. But think it through you fool.”
She suddenly lost her balance, wobbling on the table before regaining her footing. Hans chuckled, raising a cup up at her. She took it from his hand, grabbing the mug with both hands for balance and downing it in one go.
“Carefull Theresa. I don’t want to explain to Henry why you broke your neck the minute the two of us went out alone!”
“Or you could break yours with me!”
She pushed another mug towards Hans, helping the noble fully relax.
…
It had been more than two weeks since Hans had seen Henry, but he missed him no less. His life fell back into the boring flow that he had grown up with. Eat, study, eat, listen to the peasants endless complaints, eat, read, sleep.
Sometimes he would visit Theresa and Mutt, but she wasn’t often free of work, definitely not free to entertain Hans at all times.
After another hot day, the sun finally went down, mercifully lowering the heat in the air. Hans found the perfect moment to slip out of Hanush’s grasp, making his way down the road towards the mill.
It had been three weeks without Henry, and Hans was only a few days away from losing his mind. He approached the mill when a new shadow that wasn’t usually there could be seen on the side of the house. A gray, old horse.
“Pebbles?”
Did Henry come back? Why didn’t he come to see Hans. Right, why would he… But it didn’t suck any less. Hans quickly stepped into the yard, strange noises reaching him before he could make out anything in the dark.
“Henry!?”
He heard the noises go quiet for a few seconds as he kept walking, then Theresa yelled back at him - “Henry? There’s no one here, sir Hans.”
“What?”
He finally went to the inner yard where a lantern was lit, observing carefully, looking at Theresa, who seemingly was sitting alone at the table.
“I saw his stupid horse outside, did he come by?”
“What horse? Where?”
“Right there!” - he pointed at the spot on the road a bit far away, where Pebbles had been stationed earlier, but the space was empty.
“There’s nothing there Hans.”
“Are you yanking my pizzle? “
“I’m no Henry.”
“Oh shut up. I know he was here, what, is he hiding from me now?”
“Not exactly…”
“You!”
“He already left, just dropped by to get some items.”
“I can’t believe this. You told me to talk to him, but let him get away when we could finally meet!?”
“Trust me, sir Hans, it would have been worse if you met him now.”
“How so?”
“Just trust me.”
“Fine, whatever. Tell that yokel to see me next time or I’ll hang him myself!”
“Noted…”
“... Was he alright at least?”
“Somewhat, he said he had another infiltration mission, but would be back within a week… and to stay safe, something strange is going down in the region.”
Hans turned on his heels and walked back to where he came from. Of course, while he was wasting time, Henry was risking everything to protect the people that wouldn’t even love him if they knew everything…
“Pathetic, aren’t I…”

Chapter Text

Henry’s skin burned and itched under the robes. The strange sting on his ear kept reminding him of the sin committed under his holy attire. Pebbles ran as fast as she could through the roads to Rattay, Henry begging God to not let anyone see him on the road like this. Maybe he should have thought things through before giving Pavel all his money and clothes.
Pavel… Pious… Though what they did was not very pious at all.
Henry’s ears instantly reddened at the memories of the church, his hands tied behind his back, his mouth stuffed with a cloth as he and Pavel rutted against each other in sin. Henry had always dreamed about his first time with a man, imagined many different scenarios with many different hypothetical faces, but he could never have predicted or dreamed of what transpired in a church with the scruffy novice.
“I sure got played well, damn that handsome bastard.”
As pebbles approached the road leading to Rattay, the town walls well within reach, new thoughts emerged back in Henry’s head.
Hans!...
He buried his face in his hands from shame, hoping Pebbles wouldn’t run into a dangerous field with her reins free, though he wouldn’t mind an accident either right about now. What was he going to say to Hans when they met again, or how was he going to explain the marks left on him by Pavel. That bastard had laid claim on his neck without asking and Henry wasn’t in the mind to protest at that moment, but now regret and clarity washed back over his mind in waves, unstoppable, peeling back every emotion from him.
And last time they saw each other, they argued, like children. Henry didn’t hold back that time, despite knowing how he hurt Hans with his words, and how he stopped his friend from fighting back by exploiting his insecurities he had sworn to protect Hans from…
Would Hans be angry to see him? Delighted maybe? Maybe he had forgotten all about Henry…. Or maybe he’d be jealous. What Henry wouldn’t give to make that happen. Another hundred bitemarks would have been worth the view of Hans’s jealous face.
“Hal!”
Pebbles suddenly stopped on the spot, throwing Henry forward a bit before he finally took the hands off his face to look into the distance, although not too far as Pebbles was standing right next to the mill.
“Tess! I’m so happy to see you.”
“Me too you big oaf! Come, now, you look… terrible actually. Yeesh Hal, did they starve you in that monastery?”
Henry’s throat dried at the mention of the location, he took a step back in surprise, trying to think of an excuse or a lie, but Theresa wasn’t easy to slip from. She turned back, walking up to him enough to invade his personal space, giving him a hug.
This was unexpected, and probably a bad idea since Henry had been through a lot of riding for a full day now.
“Of course you’d find out. Let me guess… Johanka?”
“I didn’t just hear about it Hal, we even checked for ourselves!”
A grin on Theresa’s face was quite the opposite of Henry’s distraught face as he took in the words, the possibility of Theresa seeing him at mass was devastating for his inner thoughts, but he didn’t expect it to get any worse.
“Aha… Of course, why am I even surprised.”
Theresa’s mischievous grin widened as she pointed at the table outside, signing for Henry to sit down. He sheepishly obeyed, keeping his head down like a kid in trouble awaiting punishment, and it was worse than he could have expected.
“You should have seen the look on Hans’s face after he saw, priceless Hal, priceless.”
“WHAT!?” - Henry nearly fell back on the backless chair, gripping the table to catch himself before realizing that his ears and nose were reddening again - “Tessss, whyyyyy.”
“Oh please, like you wouldn’t do the same.”
“Somehow I can’t see anyone else in the same situation.”
“You should have seen how miserable he looked after your dumb argument.”
She finally put down some cups and a jug of water on the table before sitting down opposite to Henry, clearly enjoying teasing her friend.
“H-he was? And here I thought I was the only one wallowing after that.”
“You two are so dramatic.”
“When did you even come anyway, how come I didn’t see you?”
“About a week after you disappeared. Do you want more details?”
Henry rested his forehead against the desk, bending in misery and exhaling before agreeing.
“So, we got separated when we went inside for mass, but I found him outside 30 minutes later, talking to one of the injured guards back from Skalitz.”
“I don’t see how that’s importan…”
“Sshhhhh, let me finish Hal! I got him a bit drunk later and then he said he saw you flirting with another novice!”
“That’s what he said!? He’s got it wrong, I have no idea who he’s talking about!”
“First off, you know you’re lying, and secondly, he said it a bit differently, but the message was clear.”
“The message?”
“Oh my god, do I have to spell it out for you two idiots!? He was jealous, literally boiling from jealousy!”
Henry’s eyes widened, staring at Theresa, down at his hands, then up at the town walls. Hans!?!?! Jealous? Sir Hans Capon of Pirkstein, heir of Rattay, was jealous of Henry?
As if, Theresa had to have been lying, she had been teasing him the whole time after all, but when he looked into her eyes, even in the mischief, there were no lies.
“I don’t know what to say Tess.”
“How about you start explaining what that mark on your throat is?”
“Oh… OH, uhh, I got into a fight with my target.”
“Are you sure it was a fight?”
Her grin kept getting wider and wider. She laughed to her heart's content and sat down next to Henry on the long bench, nudging his sides while he hid his face against the table. Henry burned from shame, wishing he could shrink up into a worm and disappear from everyone's view, but Theresa would probably keep him in a jar in that possibility.
“Fiine, it wasn’t a fight.”
“Obviously. So, who was it? Was it that handsome novice you were giggling with at mass?”
“...might have been. Although it was quite strange.”
“Oh? Dramatic, tell me.”
“Well, I was supposed to kill him, and when he found out he poisoned me.”
“WHAT? HAl! How did you let that happen?”
“I was feeling quite hungry.”
HIs grin now matched that of Theresa from a minute ago, enjoying the exaggerated reactions from his friend that made it easier to talk about his accursed first encounter of love.
“He didn’t… You know? Right? You’re okay?”
“Oh, yeah I’m fine. Despite being a bandit, he wasn’t a bad person. He said I wasn’t a bastard myself, so we gave each other a chance…”
“Don’t stop now! What was it like? Tell me the details.”
“I don’t know, at that moment my brain felt like it was melting… I don’t even know if we did it… right? I don’t know how it’s supposed to go between, y’know.”
“Aye, I get it… Well, that’s good and I’m happy for you and all, but if Hans sees that mark on you he might pass out from feeling emotions.”
“Truly a tragic end for a man of his station.”
“God, I missed you, you fool. If you’re going to disappear again, I don’t want to hear your whereabouts through our friends again!”
“Yes ma’am!”
A heartfelt chuckle echoed through the mill’s yard, filling the empty space with cozy air. After weeks of strict scheduling, putting up with religious bullshit and hunting a man, it was nice to finally relax. Henry rubbed his eyes and yawned, his body slumping a bit, but he had to stay awake. After all, his mission wasn’t over.
Henry wanted to see Hans too, but a fear gnawed at his chest, making his worn out brain dread the awkward reunion where apologies would need to be shared. He couldn’t even remember why he got so angry in the first place, only the harsh words echoing through his head for weeks.

“Tess, I need some stuff, my mission isn’t done yet. Still? Seriously Henry, I know Lord Radzig has been kind to you but this demand is too much!”
“I know, I know, but I want to do it, I want to help. Keep moving forward, remember? I’m not resting while those bastards are breathing.”
Theresa fell silent for a moment. Of course she had not forgotten their promise, of course she hadn’t stopped fighting however she could, looking for information and helping the wounded of skalitz in Sasau, but she was exhausted from this fight. She looked into Henry’s eyes, finding the familiar fatigue in her friend’s soul. She held onto his shoulder, squeezing it gently, knowingly, sharing her strength with Henry.
“We’re doing what we can, Hal. Don’t shoulder it alone.”
Henry sighed, shaking his head, but he didn’t remove Theresa’s hand, instead leaning into the grasp for comfort.
“I wanted him to stay.”
“That novice?”
“Aye. Maybe that way, I’d lose my feelings for Capon… and he’d lose his for me.”
“That’s not good Hal.”
“I know. It was selfish, but what’s so wrong with me trying to be selfish for once? One time I asked for something from the world… But he said no.”
“It wasn’t just selfish Hal, it was selfless too, for Hans.”
“I’m corrupting him.”
“No such thing.”
“Then what have I been doing this whole time? You don’t know what it was like, when he pulled away from me. In disgust. Just for a second, but it felt like a thousand swords stabbed my heart.”
“I understand, I think.”
A spiteful chuckle escaped Henry’s throat. Not directed at Theresa, but still grazing her feelings. Her brows furrowed, her hand squeezed tighter before finally making up her mind.
“Same thing happened to me too, in Sasau.”
“What do you mean?”
“After you gave me Bianca’s ring, I faced my feelings, Hal. And I knew what I had felt for a long time but denied.”
“Oh.”
“I tried to tell Johanka, but she… didn’t say anything back…”
“I’m sorry Tess. If only I hadn’t…”
“NO! It’s not your fault, you helped me face the part of me I’ve denied for my whole life for convenience, and I faced it. Even if I’m hurt, even if you’re hurt, we have to move forward somehow.”
“Or there truly is no point…”
She sighed, raising her hand from Henry’s shoulder up into his unwashed hair, scruffing the overgrown strands with a gentle pat. Henry winced at the feeling and chuckled, not pulling away.
“So. What do you need?”
“I left some spare armor and an old sword in my trunk here, just in case.”
“What happened to your new stuff?”
“I gave it away… to Pavel.”
“The novice that you-”
“Yeah.”
“Pfft, Hal! Stop being so selfless when you can’t afford it!”
“But I can afford it. After I do some more errands around town.”
“Ever the adventurer. Fine, I’ll give you some of my uncle’s old clothes too, can’t be going around in a novice’s robe you know. You’ll get caught. How did you even get out of the monastery?”
“Simple, I faked a murder and lockpicked the back entrance to escape.”
“Sacrilige. Our parents can’t keep spinning in their graves for much longer Hal, give them a break. Yeah, yeah, after this I’m asking Sir Radzig for time off.”
“Like a true lazy knight!”
Theresa proclaimed with a hearty chuckle before disappearing into the house. Henry looked around. It was dark already, moonlight blocked by the trees standing above the long chair where he sat. He looked over at the road leading up to Rattay and saw a shadowy figure stumbling down the road, slowly, like he had no, or too much, care in the world. He stood in suspicion, reaching at his sword that no longer hung on his belt.
Henry looked around worried, walking towards the house where Theresa was gathering stuff for him. As he approached her, wanting to warn her of someone suspicious approaching, a shout echoed through the yard and into the house.
“Henry!?”
Hans, of course he’d show up now. Theresa stood with a mischievous grin on her face behind the door, making a shiver run down Henry’s spine. He quickly took the stuff from Theresa’s arms and ran to the back door. Theresa followed a whispered yell behind him.
“Hal?”
“Distract him, I’m not read Tess, mission and all that, you know.”
“Coward!!!” was the last thing Henry heard as he snuck around the mill from the side, trying his best to slip past Hans stumbling through the yard. Theresa came out of the front door, feigning ignorance, giving Henry a perfect opportunity to get to Pebbles. He swiftly threw everything into the horse’s saddlebags and mounted her in just a moment, leading her down towards a steep slope with nowhere else to go.
He heard from a distance as pebbles got behind cover -”Are you yanking my pizzle?”, followed up by Theresa - “I’m no Henry.”
Henry’s face lit up at the remark as Pebbles stumbled down the slope into shallow water, making a smooth escape from Hans. God damn you Theresa and your sly tongue!
After a few minutes of riding, he finally found a path he recognized, leading towards Ledetchko. Henry sighed from relief, pulling at Pebbles’s rein to make her stop and jumped down onto the grass.
His mission was simple: light a campfire to signal the bandits, follow them to their new camp, discover their plans and report to Radzig.
After that, he would make up with Hans and life would be normal again.
What could go wrong.