Archive of Our Own ^beta

Buck moves around the house like a ghost. Buck has never been quiet in his entire life. 

It’s driving Eddie insane. After their fight, Buck had hidden himself in the bedroom, having only just come out to grab a water bottle from the kitchen.

Every footfall coming from Buck is as light as humanly possible, and he walks past the living room hunched over just slightly as if he could make himself smaller despite being over six feet tall and built like a linebacker. Eddie can hear how Buck closes the refrigerator slowly and softly. 

Buck never closes the door that softly. 

Every movement, as silent as they are, grinds at Eddie’s nerves.

Buck always fills a room with his presence, intentional or not.

It’s why Eddie can never not pay attention to him, but it is clear that in the wreckage of their fight, Buck thinks he’s not allowed to fill any space with his existence. That just because Eddie said Buck makes everything about himself, that this was what Eddie wanted after all of that—that it was safer to lock himself away to keep the attention off of him.

Eddie knows Buck, and he knows that this is exactly what he’s thinking. Eddie’s teeth clench and his jaw tightens at the thought of Buck trying to hide himself further. Of course nothing he said earlier actually got through to Buck. He’s too far into his own head to actually understand what Eddie wanted from Buck. 

As Buck walks back out of the kitchen, he keeps his head turned away from Eddie and both hands hold the bottle of water gingerly before disappearing down the hall and back into the bedroom. 

He closes that door gently, too.

Flames blaze in Eddie’s stomach. 

If Buck isn’t going to let himself exist—if he’s going to act like a phantom of a man—he’ll remind Buck he isn’t nothing. 

He stands up, marching down the hallway loudly before roughly twisting the handle of the bedroom door and pushing it open, watching as Buck, who is sitting on the bed with his back against the headboard, jumps at the sudden entry before curling up again. He doesn’t open his mouth to ask why Eddie is even in the room, though. 

Eddie can feel the anger pumping in his veins, making him feel flushed and like he’s about to combust. He asks from the entryway of the room, “Are you going to get out of your head anytime soon?”

Buck looks away and stays quiet. 

Right. He’ll have to push more. 

Eddie steps into the room and sits down on the bed, brown eyes trained on Buck’s face, watching as the man’s jaw muscles shift and his Adam’s apple juts in and out out as Buck swallows. Eddie reaches out and grabs Buck’s chin, turning his head roughly and forcing Buck to look into his eyes. “You still don’t get it, do you?”

“What do you want from me, Eddie?” Buck whispers. It’s too damn soft, too weak. 

“Did nothing I say earlier even matter?” Eddie’s grip tightens. “Do you think I want you to stay quiet? That I want you to avoid me?”

Silence again. 

Buck’s eyes drift off to the side of the room, distant and avoidant, like he’s leaving the room without ever physically exiting. He’s slipping through Eddie’s fingers even though they are so close to each other. 

Eddie pushes air from out of his nose as the fury reaches a new peak. Without thinking, he leans forward and slams his lips against Buck’s. It’s painful, inelegant, but it gets Buck’s dull blue eyes to widen and look at him. 

Hands push at Eddie’s chest, breaking the kiss between them. Confusion fills Buck’s eyes but he doesn’t open his mouth at all to give words to his question. Eddie isn’t sure he would be able to answer him if he did, though. 

He’s just so fucking pissed. 

Eddie tries to bridge the gap any way he can, yet Buck just seems to keep pulling away from him. He keeps trying to create distance in some attempt to shelter the world—shelter Eddie—from how he’s falling apart.

A frown comes to Eddie’s face before he pulls himself up onto the bed fully, swinging a leg over Buck’s, trapping the man between his thighs. Buck doesn’t move, but he does stiffen up, frozen as though he never considered Eddie would ever get this close to him. 

Eddie doesn’t bother examining the thought—ignoring how it crawls under his skin and pokes at the thing between them that he’s tried to ignore every single day—because he leans in and kisses Buck again, and Buck tries pushing him off again by shoving at his chest, but Eddie gets one hand on Buck’s chin again, and the other hand on Buck’s right shoulder—wrong, wrong, wrong—before he bites down hard on Buck’s bottom lip.

Buck’s hands drop and his mouth opens in a pained gasp involuntarily, and Eddie deepens the kiss, pushing his tongue into Buck’s mouth. Buck tries pulling his head away, but the hand that was holding his shoulder shifts and moves to the back of Buck’s head to hold him in place. 

Eddie breaks the kiss and stares down at Buck’s reddened lips, then up at Buck’s blown out eyes, the disbelieving look on Buck’s face. 

“Eddie, s-stop.” Buck begs, voice quieter than even before, and that just pisses Eddie off even more. “Please.”

Eddie pulls at Buck’s hair roughly to tilt his head so he can bite down hard on the junction between his right shoulder and neck. Buck lets out a hiss, but it is still too silent—too much like Buck is trying to cover up the pain and hide it away; as if it isn’t something he is allowed to show. 

If he would get out of his head, he would know he can. He doesn’t have to hide from Eddie. 

Hiding just makes Eddie want to carve into Buck’s body and rip the emotions from out of his chest, or shove at every corner of Buck’s existence until the emotions run out from every orifice of Buck’s body.

Eddie shifts their bodies to the side so Buck is lying down on the bed rather than against the headboard, and he starts rutting against Buck, latching himself back onto the angry welt he’s left on Buck’s neck, already fully hard in his sweatpants. Eddie leans up and presses his lips against Buck’s ear. “You’re spiraling, Buck, but I need you here.”

Buck trembles. He’s just as hard as he is as he lays underneath Eddie. 

It isn’t enough.

Leaning back, Eddie tugs at Buck’s sleep shorts, pulling them down to expose Buck’s ass and free the man’s hardened length. He marvels at the way Buck’s dick springs out and lays against the man’s stomach, twitching and flushed red. 

Buck whines faintly at being exposed. Faintly. 

Eddie is fucking fed up.

He lifts up off of Buck slightly, pushing Buck’s good leg to the side, positioning the knee into a bent position so he can straddle Buck’s thigh that is lying on the bed. It exposes Buck more, giving Eddie a good view of Buck’s ass. Eddie turns his body slightly, positioning himself in between Buck’s. He runs a hand along Buck’s exposed inner thigh, delighting in the way Buck shivers at the motion.

“You want to act like you are a ghost,” Eddie pushes his sweatpants down just enough to free his cock. As he frees himself, Eddie lets saliva build up in his mouth before he opens it and spits it into his hand until all of his fingers are covered. Buck flushes as red as his own cock at the sight of Eddie rubbing his moistened hand over Eddie’s dick in slow, languid strokes. “You act like if you stay quiet enough I won’t notice you.” 

Eddie spits again, making sure he is fully coated, then he pushes his dick against Buck’s tight rim. “Stop closing yourself off from me,” Eddie grips at Buck’s hips hard, leaning back down to nose at the angry mark he left on Buck’s neck before biting down on it again. Buck keeps his mouth closed and muffles a soft keening sound, holding himself stiff, and Eddie feels that flare of white hot rage rush through him again. 

He says harsher—lower this time, “Let me in, Buck.”

Buck pants and squeezes his eyes closed, and Eddie grips at Buck’s hips tighter, feeling his trimmed nails dig into the soft flesh in a way that Eddie’s sure is painful to Buck by the way his body twitches underneath him. Eddie ruts against the rim again before he feels Buck’s rim loosen against the tip of his dick. Eddie takes what Buck gives him and pushes in roughly, and Buck’s eyes open wide as he gasps out. “Fuck!”

Eddie smirks against Buck’s neck, licking and nibbling as he celebrates his victory.

“Cry for me, baby.”

“E-eddie,” Buck is noisily sobbing his name out as Eddie pistons in and out, blending with the squelching sounds of Eddie fucking Buck. “Eddie.”

Eddie pauses at the rough, persistent way Buck continues to cries out his name, breathing heavy as he looks at Buck as tears roll down the sides of his eyes. Fucking finally. Buck’s finally focused, present. He looks stunning in the darkness, ruined and broken with nowhere to hide it—no way to keep it locked inside. 

This is what Eddie wanted to see. 

The sight is transfixing.

Those blue eyes look deep into Eddie’s brown ones, sorrow and sadness and despair all on display for Eddie to bear witness to. 

“Good,” Eddie slams into Buck again, raising Buck’s hip up more to keep making those delicious gasps come past Buck’s swollen lips. “I want to keep hearing you, baby. D-don’t—” Eddie gasps as he feels the muscles of Buck’s walls tighten around Eddie’s cock as Eddie angles his thrusts just right, pulling a loud moan from the crying man. “—just like that, Buck. Don’t hide from me.”

“Eddie, please,” More tears roll down Buck’s face as he begs with loud whimpers. “No, n-no more. F-fuck, no more.”

There is no way Eddie can stop now when he has Buck exactly the way he needs him, the way he knows Buck needed to be able to open up and let the grief out. Eddie only speeds up more, grunting and moaning as he feels the build up of pleasure deep in the pit of his stomach. Buck thrusts up again, and it is the exact right amount of friction to have Eddie reach his climax. He lets himself spill deep into Buck, thrusting hard through his orgasm, and Buck sobs out Eddie’s name in a mix of anguish and relief as he comes in thick ribbons on his and Eddie’s shirts.

He leans down to steal a kiss from Buck again but Buck quickly jerks his head away, refusing to look him in the eyes anymore as his face twists into something close to resentment and disdain. Buck’s eyes stay trained on the headboard, but Eddie can tell he’s more present and alert than he has been in days. The heavy, ragged breaths and constant tears coming from Buck are reward enough for Eddie. Eddie pulls his head away and sits up, loosening his hold on Buck’s hips, appreciating the way Buck twitches as Eddie rubs at the five small welts on each side of Buck’s hips left by Eddie’s dull nails before he drops his hands away.

With little preamble, Eddie unsheathes himself from Buck’s abused hole and tucks his softened dick back into his sweats before swinging himself off of Buck and the bed. He stares down at Buck one more time, watching his own cum run out of Buck and down his cleft onto the sheets, and Eddie has to swallow down the guilt that slowly starts bubbling in his gut. 

Even in spite of the regret trying to replace the anger, Eddie still revels at the loud, ragged sobbing coming from Buck as he walks back out of the bedroom, not even bothering to close the door as he makes his way to the bathroom to shower. 

It’s what Eddie wanted from Buck, after all.