Lady_Mustard77



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    It’s such a small thing, and yet Buck feels almost like he’s intruding by catching the moment, seeing it in its quiet intimacy.

    He glances away, down at his own hands, and thinks rather wistfully, heart clenching something fierce in his chest: I’m never going to get that.

    And it’s not the first time Buck’s had that thought; probably not even the tenth, or the hundredth. His brain tends to work a mile a minute, which means he’s used to things flitting through, sometimes with impact, sometimes without.

    Now, though, it catches.

    Sticks sharp and tacky in his mind.

    I’m never going to get that, I’m never going to get that, I’m never going to get that.

    Or: Buck thinks he’s unlovable. (Or or: Buck goes through it.)

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    28 Sep 2025

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    Buck cautiously peers into the small opening, catching a glimpse of Eddie staring at himself in the mirror, fingers gripping the edge of the porcelain sink as he shakes his head and says, “I can’t believe I’m in love with a Buckley.”

    It's a miracle Buck doesn’t pass out on the spot.

    He takes a stumbling step back into Eddie’s room, somehow managing to close the door quietly in his haze. Although it’s entirely possible that he just slammed it because he can’t hear anything over the whooshing in his ears.

    He doesn’t know how he didn’t see it before.

    Eddie is in love with Maddie.

    -:-:-:-:-:-

    Or, 5 times Buck thinks Eddie is in love with Maddie, +1 time he's sure he's not.

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    15 Sep 2025

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    Buck doesn’t believe he was ever meant to hear the words. He did though, and he wishes that he could change that fact. Because when he was hearing them, he felt like his chest was caving in, as if Eddie had physically hit him in the chest instead of feeding the potential renter what they wanted to hear.

    “No ties here, everything that matters is in Texas.”

    It rings in his ears over and over again. His mind is taunting him, not allowing him to just let it go. Buck feels childish, he feels exhausting. It’s ridiculous and he’s even aware of it, and he thinks that being aware of it makes it so much worse.

    But then Chris calls Buck and says he wants to come stay with Buck. So those words get put on the back burner.

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    13 Sep 2025

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    "We were also concerned about possible organ damage, particularly since you only have one kidney, but your ribs took the brunt of the impact," the doctor tells him. "We'll know more when the swelling from the penetrating wound goes down."

    Ha, Buck thinks. Penetrating.

    "Wait," Eddie says. "That's not right. Buck has both his kidneys."

    The doctor consults the chart again, her eyebrows drawing together. “I’m sorry, Mr Buckley, is there an error in your medical history? I have it right here that you only have your right kidney, is that correct?"

    "Ye-es," Buck says. He can feel Eddie’s gaze on the side of his face and studiously avoids it.

    "What?" Eddie says. "How did I not know this? When did you lose a kidney, was this when you were a kid?"

    "Uh..." Buck says. "Aha. Last year."

    Eddie's face shifts from perplexed to horrified to thunderous all within about two seconds. It would be funny to see his stoicism so rattled under different circumstances. "When I was in Texas?"
    .
    Buck is determined not to fall back on old coping mechanisms after Eddie leaves for Texas. So he invents a new one: organ donation.

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    14 Aug 2025

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    Before the LAFD, Evan Buckley worked as a spy, taking on all of the missions assigned to him even as it slowly grated against his soul. After one final assassination mission, he retired and signed up for the Fire Academy.

    Five years later, just weeks after Eddie's departure from the 118, Buck's past comes back to haunt him. As Buck fights from the shadows to protect everyone he loves and keep his past in the past once and for all, Eddie and the rest of his family struggle through the grief of Buck's untimely "death," and Eddie mourns the loss of the chance to tell his best friend how he really feels about him.


    Buddie Big Bang 2022

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    11 Aug 2025