Archive of Our Own ^beta

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   Mr. Puzzles gained his lovestruck expression - the one with the heart eyes, the woozy smile, and the heart-monitor-like red line across his face that appeared in place of blush. On top of all that were the kisses you’d placed across his screen.

   “Hmm…” you giggled. “Let me see if there’s any other places I haven’t kissed yet~”

   You pecked across his screen, but then your lips moved downwards to the sensitive wires that made up his neck.

   He squealed.

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   He couldn’t get you out of his head, literally and metaphorically. Ever since you’d kissed him in Once Upon an SMG4 , he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He thought as time went on and PuzzleVision rose and fell in rankings, it’d slip his mind, surely.

   Then came Mr. Puzzles' Incredible Game Show Spectacular!

   He should have seen it coming. He’d pitted you against Mario in Family Feud. While the Italian was spouting off an answer Puzzles didn’t have on the board, you had your own plans with the limited consciousness you possessed at the time.

   Mr. Puzzles turned to you. “Well, Reader? Do you have a real answer to ‘At a singles bar, a good pickup line would be...?’”

   You smirked and leaned in, as close as you could get to him without stepping away from the podium.

   “Do you want to go to the planetarium? Because you should be among the stars~”

   A star-themed pickup line… Given your previous interaction with Mr. Puzzles, he realized you were flirting with him. He tried to settle back into his game show host persona. “Er, is that on the board?”

❌

   You tried again. “Are you an artist? You're really good at drawing me in~”

❌

   You took a breath. “I may not win any prizes this round, but I hope at least I can win you~”

❌

   He facepalmed. “Okay, I think it’s time for the NEXT game…”

   Mr. Puzzles switched to Wheel of Fortune.

   At least the ratings hadn’t dropped during your turn.

   After the chaos at the end of the episode, Puzzles realized he needed to unwind. A smoke break and reading ratings wouldn’t cut it. He wanted time with you. He needed to know how you really felt.

   He brought you, still very brainwashed and unable to fight back, into a small interrogation room. He put you in a seat, and he sat across from you in his own seat. A table laid between you.

   Then Mr. Puzzles snapped his fingers. In your static-filled eyes, unlocked padlocks appeared. You shook your head as you realized where you were… and who was in front of you.

   “YOU!”

   You were ready to slug him in his screen until you found something holding you back. Not only were your hands cuffed together, but your legs were tied to the legs of the chair. You growled as you tried to free yourself.

   Unfortunately, you weren’t like most of the SMG4 Crew - special in some way. You were completely human. All you could do was sit up and look at your captor.

   “What do you want?”

   “I want to know why you did this…” On his head, Puzzles played clips of Once Upon an SMG4 and Mr. Puzzles' Incredible Game Show Spectacular! Specifically, he played the scenes of you kissing him and flirting with him.

   Your face went red and you remembered those moments. Those actually happened. That was actually you!

   “I wasn’t fully myself and you know it.” You glare at him. “Were you taking advantage of me?”

   Puzzles scoffed. “No more than I’m taking advantage of any of the other SMG4 Crew. Just admit it: you kissed me, flirted with me, because you wanted to.”

   “Because I couldn’t remember who you were!”

   The room went silent. You stared at each other, neither of you willing to yield. You wondered if he was going to brainwash you again when he stood up and came over to you.

   With a breath, Mr. Puzzles demanded, “Kiss me.”

   “If I kiss you… you’ll let me go?”

   “Yes.”

   “Fine.”

   You kissed him, but he immediately noticed how different it was. No passion, no desire, no love at all. Maybe there was a small part of you that still felt that way, but that part of you wasn’t in control.

   You now saw Mr. Puzzles for what he was: a control freak, a kidnapper, a torturer.

   A monster.

   The bad news was that you happened to be interested in monsters. The technical term was “teratophile,” but the Internet had put it into cruder terms you wouldn’t use to describe yourself here. The good news was that you knew you couldn’t have a healthy relationship with Puzzles (at least not right now.)

   You just had two questions for him. Hopefully he’d let you say them both.

   “Are you going to put me under again?”

   “Give me a minute.”

   “You know, you could just make me kiss you over and over again until you’re sick of it. Why don’t you do that?”

   “Well, I’m not sure what it’d be like.” He took out a cigarette and lit it up, not caring if you protest. “With control over your feelings, things could get… messy. And you know I don’t like it when things get messy.” He took a drag. “There’s also the possibility that even under my brainwashing, you’ll be just as unpassionate.”

   You coughed as some of the cigarette smoke hit your face. “Hey, can you not–”

   And that was when he took control of you again.

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   Mr. Puzzles had found it - a way to become completely human again, just for tonight. Maybe it was because of Three and Four’s meme guardian magic. Maybe it was a scarily realistic hologram. The means weren’t as important as what you were doing right now.

   You and Mr. Puzzles were making out. It started as simply sticking tongues and twisting them around in each other’s mouths. Then you decided to touch each other’s teeth with your tongues.

   He felt yours first, since he’d never been able to feel them before. He let out a small moan as he did so, but you two had been moaning throughout the makeout session. Then you realized what exactly he was doing.

   In turn, you traced Puzzles’s teeth with your tongue. They weren’t “perfect” - it appeared he’d never had braces in his time as a human - but they were his. You’d remember every detail, especially how he seemed to have prominent (but dull) canines.

   You only stopped to breathe every minute. Neither of you wanted to forget this moment.

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   When you finally decided upon pursuing a relationship with Mr. Puzzles (after he spent some much-needed time in therapy), you set up at least one rule to start: No kissing unless we ask the other if it's okay first. Mostly it was whenever Puzzles kissed you, though you made sure to ask too, just so you didn’t set up a double standard. For the most part, you both followed the rule.

   Then came one Monday. You were late for work and Mr. Puzzles was helping you to get everything you needed before you left. Then you said “goodbye” to him.

   Kissed his screen on the way out.

   He quickly returned the kiss with one of his own.

   You left without even asking for permission. Neither of you realized it until much later. All you were thinking about was how the shock Puzzles gave you gave you enough energy to get through the Monday.

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   You distracted Mr. Puzzles. It was way too easy. You simply held the kiss for a long time, which neither of you minded.

   You started with his bowtie, which slipped out of its knot with just a tug. Then you unbuttoned his vest. Finally, you unbuttoned his shirt.

   You put your hand to Mr. Puzzles’s chest. At first you just wanted to feel it, but then you heard his heart. You weren’t even sure he had one until now. It was beating at a normal rate, but it picked up when it realized you were touching him.

   “St-Star, what…?” He looked somewhere between embarrassed and impressed that you managed to even undress him just a little. “What were you doing?”

   You recovered quickly. “I just wanted to see if you had a heart!”

   “Well, I…” Puzzles glanced away. “I did like how warm your hand felt…”

   You put both hands on his chest as you kissed him again. His face turned bright red with blush. Again, way too easy.

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   When you finally decided upon pursuing a relationship with Mr. Puzzles (after he spent some much-needed time in therapy), you set up at least one rule to start: No kissing unless we ask the other if it's okay first. Mostly it was whenever Puzzles kissed you, though you made sure to ask back, just so you didn’t set up a double standard. For the most part, you both followed the rule.

   It was the first kiss - the first sane, consensual kiss - that was still the most nerve-wracking. It was your first date. By now, you noticed Mr. Puzzles’s change in behavior. Back when he was a villain, he’d do anything to get an opportunity to kiss you. Now that he was reformed, he was scared to make any move that seemed against your wishes.

   So when it came time to end the first date, he pulled you close, ready to kiss. Then he pulled away, pouting. He asked, “Do you want to do this, Reader?”

   “Yes, Mr. Puzzles, I want to do this,” you answered.

   He initiated what you’d later call your “first kiss.” It was a small electric shock, right to your mouth. It made you feel tingly, even more than a regular kiss, and as you’d later find out, sometimes you’d even feel a boost of energy afterwards.

   As soon as he completed the first kiss, as awkward as it was, you pulled him down by his suspenders for more.

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   You weren’t expecting the rain, and Mr. Puzzles could only last so long in it. If the rain was even more than a light sprinkling, the systems that kept his TV head running would fry. You tugged him along while he used his free hand to protect his head a little more than his bowler hat provided.

   Eventually, you made it to the bus stop, a sanctuary for both of you from the rain. Mr. Puzzles said, “Thank you, Star~” and gave you a kiss.

   The “kiss” - the little shock Puzzles sent you - was like drinking something with a ton of sugar in it. You felt a small bit of energy come to you, but it was wet, not dry static like all of his other kisses. You were dazed for a moment.

   Then you frowned. “I-I barely did anything!”

   “You helped me get out of the rain, didn’t you?”

   “I guess…” you muttered.

   You kissed him back. His antennae twitched as he felt your lips. They were wetter because of the rain.

   Since you stunned him, you got to stun him back. However, when you saw him freeze up, you were afraid you’d stunned him too much. “Are you alright?”

   “O-Of course! Just a little surprised, is all…” His antennae twitched again.

   You giggled in relief.

   Soon, a bus came by and you both took it back to the studio.

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   You stared longingly at the color bars Puzzles called a mouth. In turn, he gazed at your own lips. Then you felt compelled to kiss him first.

   It was so beautiful, so pure, so perfect.

   Too bad it was all under Mr. Puzzles’s control.

   He looked at you in absolute glee. Not only did he have five stars now, but he had you all to himself. And your passion didn’t go away when you were fully brainwashed!

   He could have kissed you forever, and you would have happily kissed him back forever.

   Too bad someone caused his star power to drop at the worst possible time.

   “Reader!” SMG4 exclaimed. “There you are! Uh… Mr. Puzzles, what are you doing—”

   “Hello!” a chipper, Italian voice called out from behind Four.

   Puzzles snapped to his scary realistic face as his head snapped towards Mario. “YOU!”

   Then you snapped out of the trance. The last thing you remembered was Mr. Puzzles interrogating you about your interest in him. He’d ask if you remembered anything about being backstage at some point, but you always said “no.”

   Maybe he’d tell you, someday, what really happened back there.

   Unfortunately, you could be just as scary as him when provoked.

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   It would later be recorded that it was the hottest day in the Mushroom Kingdom that year. Just your luck, you’d somehow blown up the air conditioning. Mr. Puzzles blamed you, while you blamed him and his head’s “special needs.”

   You couldn’t stand the heat or feeling sweaty, but Mr. Puzzles was actually worse in the heat than you. Yes, he had a built-in fan, but that fan only existed because his head was a television that worked better when it was cold and dry. On this hot, humid day, he looked ready to power down completely and wait for cooler weather.

   Neither of you could stay mad at each other right now. You couldn’t cuddle - too hot for cuddling - but you were happy to try kissing. Your lips pressed against one corner of his screen. He blinked.

   “Star, not now…” he groaned and turned over on the couch.

   You tried again, kissing the side of his TV head. He batted you away, hissing like the agitated cat he was. You would make a “hot” pun, and or maybe he’d make one…

   But the reality - the weak, sweaty reality - of your situation set in. You flopped into another seat, one that Puzzles wasn’t currently taking up with his lanky body. The armchair stayed cool for only a couple minutes before you started sticking to it.

   Finally, you said, “You know, I heard SMG4’s castle has air conditioning…”

   Puzzles grumbled at the thought of having to be sociable with the Crew. Really, it was a small price to pay for literal coolness. The deal sweetened when you offered to carry his TV head the whole way there.

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   This time, you were expecting the rain. You’d gone out with Mr. Puzzles and brought an umbrella with you. When you left the store together and saw it was pouring, you opened the umbrella and gestured for him to stand under it.

   However, Puzzles wasn’t taking any chances this time. He demanded you carry him around like the entitled jerk (affectionate) he is. You obliged, if only because you knew he’d have a smile on his screen the whole time.

   You carried his TV head home. It was kind of an inversion of your usual dynamic. Usually he was the tall one - picking you up like you were nothing, sometimes even carrying you. Now you were carrying him.

   Speaking of inversions of your usual dynamic, now was as good a time as any to kiss the top of his TV head. You pushed his bowler hat slightly out of the way and kissed the right side of his face.

   “Ah, Star, wh-what are you doing?”

   “I can’t kiss you on the way home?” you tease.

   He had a point, though. You almost dropped the umbrella, trying to kiss him while holding both him and the only thing ensuring his survival. Eventually you make it to the same bus stop where you hid from the rain not too long ago.

   Now that the two of you are safe, you fooled around with him a bit more. Your fingers played with his antennae and you kissed his head. You could hear him giggle and sigh, some hot breaths coming from his vent. If he was human, he’d totally be melting into your touch right now.

   You only stopped when someone else took shelter underneath the bus stop. They didn’t seem to care that you had a sentient television in your lap. Both you and Mr. Puzzles blushed as you finished up your intimacy.

   Again, a bus soon came by and you both took it back to the studio.