Archive of Our Own ^beta

Illario Dellamorte certainly wasn’t the best stealth assassin in Antiva. Such a title was reserved for someone like Lucanis. Or perhaps even the man he was currently shadowing from afar. But he still considered himself talented enough where he wasn’t terribly afraid that his target would notice him. At least not on his current mission. Which had to be an important mission for the way his brow furrowed in concentration in such an endearing way that Illario’s heart fluttered like he was nothing more than a love-struck teenager. It was simply unfair.

Perhaps he was asking for trouble, tailing Nyx like this without a proper explanation. But when he saw the elf appear in the Diamond, teasing his mentor and having none of his usual companions with him, Illario grew… curious. It wasn’t often that Nyx came to Antiva without Lucanis glued to his hip like a well-trained puppy. It was a ridiculous sight, the Demon of Vyrantium chasing after an elf that Caterina would certainly never approve of. No one was good enough for her boys, and for some reason that even extended to him. Nyx wasn’t good enough for him either, by Caterina’s standards.

Against his better judgement, Illario found himself trailing after Nyx, keeping a decent distance and putting his stealth training to good use. He didn’t use it for anything else after all, he hadn’t gone out on a contract in years. Too occupied with Zara, too much of a weak link for his grandmother. He had long accepted his fate, too tired to fight against Caterina about it anymore. She should’ve died by Zara’s hands.

Even with the ghostly grip Zara had on his mind, poisoning his thoughts and turning his dark, inner machinations against himself, the one thing that never seemed to leave him was Nyx. It was almost as if he were an oasis in the desert that was Illario’s mind; the one person who could possibly pull him out of the fire he’d landed himself in. Still Illario scorned him, heart, body, and soul. Sometimes, when he slept those few precious hours during the milky hours of dawn, he dreamt of Nyx. He was vividly haunted by the elf’s broken, wretched face that he pinned Illario with after he lied and told him that his feelings had never been real. He wanted Nyx to be upset with him that night, yet as he left Nyx’s room through the window, he had to viciously wipe his eyes to keep any tears from escaping.

As long as Nyx remained furious at him, hated him with every fiber of his being, Illario could keep himself from crawling back to him on his hands and knees and begging for forgiveness for every sin he’d committed like he was talking to the Maker himself. Saying Nyx deserved better was an insulting understatement.

He was, of course, fooling himself, but it was an act he intended to keep until his dying breath.

He had no idea where Nyx was headed, only that it seemed rather casual for the look on his face. Such concentration made the elf more than cute. Illario had climbed his way up to the roofs of Treviso, keeping a safe distance between them while Nyx traversed the streets with purpose, footsteps sure. Rather humorous, considering Nyx still carried a hand-drawn map of Treviso from a few of his siblings.

From above, Illario couldn’t make out the elf’s face, couldn’t decipher what he was thinking about. A bout of disappointment bled through his usual contained emotions and he was swift to quash it. He was following Nyx to make sure he didn’t get into any trouble, that’s what he told himself. Not because he wanted to see those bright eyes and the way the corners of his mouth crinkled when he smiled.

Still, Illario soon found himself lowering himself from one of the roofs to get a closer look at Nyx as he stopped and glanced around. He crouched down into a squat on the edge of a lower building, eyes studying the elf with intensity. He’d seen him recently, given they shared a rather tender moment that Illario once more ruined by running away and refusing to explain himself. The expression on his face when Illario had left was vastly different from the one he wore now. He was calm, eyes searching the surrounding area as if expecting someone to drop down and attack him at any moment. Yet his body was the epitome of ease, relaxed with not a care in the world. A ruse if Illario had ever seen one, and a damn good one at that. At least Nyx was practicing at keeping his body language in check. Illario was more than impressed; he was in awe.

“Illario,” Nyx’s voice startled him out of his reverie and he tensed up, “how long are we going to keep this game going?”

“Tesoro mio,” he purred from where he crouched, wincing as he realized how condescending that probably sounded. At least Nyx couldn’t see it. “You wound me,” he paused, fingertips digging into the fabric of his pants, “how long have you known?”

“Since I left the Diamond.”

Ouch.

“A killing blow to my ego, gattino. I have no excuse for my actions besides my longing to see you again.” The mask slipped easily into place, a wall between them that not even the strongest force could destroy. Without it, Illario was sure he would cease to be, and he was not ready to have everything come crumbling down just yet. In the back of his mind, past the murmurings of Zara’s magic, a ghost of a whisper caressed his mind. Selfish. Coward.

“Spare me the theatrics,” Nyx snapped, his voice laced with venom. Good, Illario thought as he silently jumped down in front of Nyx with a smirk. Keep hating me, despise me. “Tell me why you’re following me.”

“Or what, Nyx?” He challenged, unable to stop himself from antagonizing the elf. The tick in Nyx’s jaw was almost endearing in a way. “You’ll take out your dagger? The one my cousin gave you? Plunge it through my heart?”

Nyx’s nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed as he searched Illario’s face. Whatever he intended to find was most likely not there, and an almost smug feeling overtook Illario. For someone who boasted how well he knew Illario, he still couldn’t get past his defenses.

“I should be asking you where you’re going all alone, piccolo gattino. I’m surprised you can survive more than five minutes without your favorite assassin at your side,” Illario ribbed, his voice sounding a bit more jealous than he intended. Nyx always seemed to bring out the worst in him. Even worse, he seemed to bring out the best in him as well.

There was a moment where Nyx stared up at him defiantly and Illario used his height to his advantage to tower over the small elf. From where he stood, he could see the faded scar from Nyx’s lip all the way up to his ear. A painful reminder of what they had. He could still remember the taste of Nyx’s mouth when they kissed for the first time all those years ago, the memory etched into his very soul. The slight tang of iron, sweet on his tongue, and mint from his favorite type of tea. An intoxicating combination that he yearned to taste over and over again until his lips were bruised and swollen.

Illario couldn’t help but smirk down at Nyx, hoping, if nothing more, than to ruffle his feathers. They both knew who would break first, who would always bend to the other. After a beat of electrifying silence, Nyx’s shoulders loosened and he practically curled in on himself.

“I was coming to find you, if you really must know. I knew I would run into you eventually, I just didn’t expect you to try and tail me,” Nyx told him with a sniff.

The shock-wave that reverberated through Illario felt like it would stop his heart. The fog over his brain cleared slightly, just enough for him to grasp that Nyx wasn’t lying. That he was indeed searching for him. His eyes widened unconsciously and his heart felt like it was about to break his ribs with how hard it pounded. Nyx was the only person who could make his heart thunder like that.

Fuck.

When he realized he’d been standing there with his lips parted for a good minute, Illario hastily tried to pull himself back together. Now was not the time to let Nyx get to him. He couldn’t afford it, not now. Not after everything. He needed to head this off before they ended up like last time. Illario wasn’t so sure he could stomach having to see Nyx’s heartbroken look once more.

“Funny,” he finally forced out, and he cursed at himself for the waver in his voice. Why would you seek me out after everything I’ve done to you? You deserve so much more than this. He wanted to scream it at Nyx, shake him and ask why. But he was a coward. “And here I was thinking you were out on a contract with how deadly serious you looked,” his laugh rang hollow and he swallowed thickly before carrying on, “well, I’m here. What is so urgent you had to come and fetch me?”

The incredulous look that Nyx gave him was enough for Illario to grimace, and he didn’t even try to cover it up. Why must Nyx make everything so incredibly difficult? Without even registering it, Nyx had Illario wrapped around his little finger. It was rather ridiculous, almost embarrassing in a way; how far Illario would bend over backwards for this man.

“And they say the Dellamortes are second to none,” Nyx snorted out, earning a chuckle from Illario, “you know why I’m here. And this time there’s no running away from me. Not anymore.” With that, Nyx lunged forward, catching Illario off-guard. The elf grabbed two fistfuls of his shirt before he pushed. Illario stumbled over his feet momentarily before he quickly put up his hands in mock defeat, smirking down at Nyx as he physically pressed Illario against a nearby wall. Nyx moved to stand on his tiptoes and Illario found it beyond charming to watch. It took all Illario had to not surge down and take his lips greedily. To somehow remind Nyx who he belonged to. Even if it was no longer true.

“Consider me captured, tesoro mio,” Illario replied in an amused voice even though it felt like he was about to sweat through his shirt.

“You’re going to explain everything to me. No more secrets. You’re going to tell me why…” his voice caught and for a moment, Illario’s facade nearly cracked in concern, “why you... why you lied to me and left. The real reason.”

It was moments like these where Illario firmly believed that Nyx was nothing more than a cat. Because all he could think about as he looked down at the elf sporting quite the convincing poker face, was how much he looked like a sad, wet cat. The kind you wanted to pick up off the streets and take home so it could live in luxury for the rest of its little life. The one that had seen the horrors of the world yet still came bounding up to you when you called and rubbed against your leg.

“Nyx…” Illario’s voice dipped an octave until he was almost whispering, and it seemed like his body was about to explode with how wound up his muscles had grown. He could’ve lied, made up some ridiculous story about why he really left and then left it at that. Nyx wouldn’t believe him, he never did, but letting go would be easier then. And he would basically promise Nyx over to Lucanis. The man he loved could be happy, and not entrenched in Illario’s many issues. But he found his mouth couldn’t form those words, or perhaps he himself refused to form them. “You know I can’t tell you. I don’t want you to get involved in my problems.”

“I want to help,” Nyx whispered back and his violet eyes were incredibly genuine and honest. Illario was certain that Nyx’s affection and openness was unmerited; he didn’t deserve him, nor his understanding. He knew for a fact that if he spilled his guts to the elf right now, Nyx wouldn’t judge him, and wouldn't turn away. And that terrified him the most. The thought of tainting Nyx. His Nyx.

So he steeled himself, or at least he did his damnedest to do so. The softness reserved for Nyx melted away, replaced by hardened features. It had to be this way. He had no other choice. The most important thing to him was that Nyx was safe.

Illario sucked in a small, silent breath before he spoke, “I don’t want your help, Nyx.”

As much as he tried to smooth out his face and hide his emotions, Illario could never miss the crushed expression that crossed his face. It was one he was familiar with, like an old friend who only showed up when they needed something. His lips would downturn just slightly, and his eyes would dart away from Illario’s momentarily as though he could somehow hide from him. He was never delighted to see such a look on Nyx’s face, far from it. If anything, it chipped away at his heart, breaking him piece by piece until eventually there would be nothing left.

Nyx was beautiful, even like this.

For once, Illario was painfully aware of the harsh wind rushing over the bridge ahead of them and it sent goosebumps up his arms. Nights in Treviso could grow rather chilly, and tonight was no different. Nyx was wearing nothing but a loose tunic that clung to his lithe frame and offered no protection from the elements. Illario would take off his own shirt and offer it to the man in front of him just to keep him warm. Especially after he studied him and realized with a start that the small elf was shivering minutely.

His response was automatic and he despised himself for it. Illario slipped forward slightly, body nearly pressing against Nyx’s as he shed his jacket effortlessly. He held Nyx’s stare as he draped his coat around his shoulders and then proceeded to lean back against the wall. War waged in his mind ceaselessly from this simple act alone, Zara’s whispering plus his own thoughts fiercely battling for the forefront.

He was in too deep.

Illario’s breath caught deep in his throat as he watched Nyx huddle into his coat like second-nature, even going as far as to close his eyes and press his nose to the collar. Illario’s hands clenched at his sides, nails digging hard into his skin and gritting his teeth so hard his jaw ached. The voices in his head were rising in volume, claws threatening to drag him under. Zara’s grip was growing tighter, she knew something. Perhaps his racing heart, or maybe even having someone tail him without his knowledge. To think she had someone following him didn’t settle well, but it also gave way to disgust and shame. To think a simple Venatori could follow him without him noticing, it was mortifying. He was a Dellamorte, heir to Caterina Dellamorte. He would be beaten senseless by his grandmother if she knew.

The last of his restraint snapped like a taut rubber band when he watched Nyx inhale whatever scent clung to his coat as if it were the last thing he would ever smell in his life. Hands snapped out lightning fast to grab a hold of Nyx’s waist and promptly flip them. He barely registered Nyx’s grunt as his back hit the wall. He dipped down and captured his lips with a yearning that could rival the most love-struck protagonist in a romance novel. Illario expected Nyx to shove at him, perhaps even deck him. They should’ve moved past this point already, but the desperation between them was like a live-wire, sparking a burning passion that they both barely understood much less could contain.

Illario was beyond weak; he was downright pathetic. To allow someone to worm their way into his heart so easily that he was willing to abandon all his plans, throw caution to the wind, just to get a taste of them. He was a parched man in a desolate desert, and Nyx was the oasis he so desperately craved.

He took his time, savoring the way Nyx’s mouth felt against his and the familiar taste of peppermint tea on his tongue. Nyx responded in kind, his hand reaching up to nimbly untie the ribbon holding his hair up. As soon as his locks cascaded down around his face, the elf’s fingers dived into his hair, grip almost painfully tight; a testament to how frantic he was to just have Illario near him once more. It wasn’t as if Illario wasn’t in the same state, his hands groping Nyx’s slender waist before they roamed underneath his loose tunic with reckless abandon. To say he wanted to undress Nyx right now and have his way with him was a gross understatement.

His skin was just as soft as he remembered, pliant under his touch when he pressed his fingers into the indents of his ribs. Nyx gasped against his mouth at his wandering hands and Illario took his chance to shove his tongue into his mouth, greedily devouring the elf as their tongues melded together.

Sharp talons dug into his mind, the whispers of Zara’s magic growing in volume until they were almost yelling. Blood magic. She was close by. He could feel it in the back of his eyeballs. Her hold had slipped while he was with Nyx, and she was searching for him to reclaim what was hers. He couldn’t help but wince against Nyx, breaking off the kiss and burying his face into the man’s neck. The lingering scent of honeysuckle from Nyx’s skin was overshadowed by his own aftershave that clung to his jacket that Nyx currently wore. Yet still, he pressed his nose and lips to Nyx’s neck, inhaling whatever scent he could find with a shudder. This might be the last time he ever got to do it. Each kiss he pressed to his neck a painful reminder that this moment was fleeting, and he had little time remaining.

When he finally, finally pulled away from Nyx’s throat, the expression on the elf’s face stole all the breath from his lungs. It was the same look that haunted his dreams almost every time he slept. Illario hadn’t spoken a word to Nyx, yet he seemed on the verge of crying, kiss-swollen lips trembling and his dark eyebrows pinched together to form those little wrinkles between them. He knew Illario’s motivations before he could even make them known himself. Whether he intended it or not, the kiss was merely a distraction, a way to avoid the burning questions Nyx posed.

“Ti odio, ti odio,” Nyx croaked out, his voice breaking on the words. Illario instinctively reached out and cupped both of Nyx’s cheeks, thumbs wiping away any stray tears that dared to spill from his beautiful eyes. The elf shook his head, trying to rid himself of Illario’s hands on his face, but Illario refused to let go, not when the man he loved more than anything was crumbling in front of him. He knew Zara was rapidly approaching, the buzz behind his eyes was growing more insistent, seeping up into his forehead and causing it to throb uncontrollably.

“I know, tesoro mio, I know,” he whispered in response, voice soft. He tilted Nyx’s face upwards so they were looking at one another. He adored this man so reverently, everything about him was perfect. He despised himself for making Nyx cry once more, but they both knew what came next. Illario didn’t want this to end, he didn’t want to let go of Nyx and go back to Zara with his tail between his legs. He was so tired of being obedient. As his thumb stroked idly over Nyx’s cheek, he wondered if things could be different. If he told Nyx everything he’d done, to his cousin, to his grandmother… would he still look at him with those doe eyes with warmth only reserved for him? Would he still allow Illario to touch him with his bloodied hands, knowing all he’d done?

There were eyes on them. Illario didn’t move from where he was anchored to the spot, eyes only flicking up momentarily to catch sight of glinting metal on the rooftop above them. Nyx could feel it too, his jaw clenching under Illario’s hands minutely, eyes following his. Illario knew who, or what it was. Nyx didn’t. He probably assumed it was another Crow, spying on them to get dirt. The truth was much more disappointing.

“I need to go,” Illario murmured, finally breaking away from Nyx. He took a step back, swiftly wiping his hands on his pants and giving Nyx a lopsided smile. Rein in it, Dellamorte. You're already in enough trouble with this entire interaction. He needed to put his walls back up, shield himself once more lest he fall apart right here, right now. “I won’t follow you anymore. If that’s your wish.”

Nyx sniffled miserably, loud enough to send a pang through Illario’s heart. The elf’s ears drooped low and his expression was like that of a kicked puppy, exposing just how much this had affected him. Illario clenched his fists at his side, willing his emotions back down, and took another step back.

“Illario,” Nyx called his name, voice the very definition of exhausted, “we can't keep doing this. If you walk away now, it's over. So please, please, don't leave.” Nyx took a step towards him, to which Illario took another step back like the elf was about to burn him. The familiar look of hurt was no comfort, even if his brain wanted him to believe it was. Nyx reached behind him and pulled out a weapon and Illario tensed up in preparation. He eyed the mage knife and realized with a start that it was the one he bought Nyx all those years ago. His blue eyes flicked up to meet Nyx's for confirmation. 

"You still have it," he said simply, blinking slowly, afraid to make the wrong move. Though he knew, he knew what this meant. Knew what came next and he was powerless to stop it.

He deserved it.

"Not anymore," Nyx shook his head with a bittersweet expression. "I'm giving it back. It's the last thing I have of yours."

Illario watched him silently, studying his features, his body language. Everything about Nyx screamed determination, down to the way he stared directly into Illario’s eyes with an unwavering expression. While he knew Nyx would say it, it still hurt so much more than it should’ve. Even after all this, Illario breaking his heart over and over again with seemingly no remorse, Nyx still had allowed him an inch, a way to come back. Illario was either the luckiest bastard alive or the most unfortunate. Destined to follow the man he loved most in his shadow, never able to reach out.

“You won’t see me again, I promise, gattino,” Illario vowed, though his trembling voice gave him away. He cursed at himself and hesitantly reached out his hand palm up to receive the mage knife. Nyx looked up at him with teary eyes, bottom lip trembling, but he firmly set the knife in his hand before he turned away. Illario watched momentarily before he backed up towards the building behind him. He needed to. If he chased after the elf now... fuck. If he went right now, he could fix this, somehow. If he could just-

He quickly scaled the side of the building behind him before he could finish that train of thought, jumping up onto the roof to meet those who had been watching. A group of five Venatori all backed away from the edge as soon as he arrived, each of them a void of red and black fabric and red lyrium weapons. Illario glanced over his shoulder, waiting until Nyx had crossed the bridge before he gave the Venatori his full attention. “I thought I told Zara I don’t need babysitters.” His laugh was airy yet tinged with disgust and malice as he lifted his head to look up at the night sky. With Nyx's mage knife in one hand and his own dagger slipping out of his sleeve, he crouched slightly into a predatory stance. Just what he needed.

The last thing he made out was one of them stuttering, as if trying to explain, or make excuses, or maybe even plead for their lives. But Illario found he didn’t give a single shit about their pathetic lives. He cut through all of them easily, blood splattering on the rooftop, on his shirt, seeping into the shingles under his feet. One tried to run, and Illario could feel himself laughing, a horrible, mangled thing that didn’t seem quite right from his full lips. He gave chase, the Venatori only making it to the edge of the roof before Illario lunged out and grabbed their hood, yanking them backwards hard enough to slam them into the ground. The familiar sound of a skull reverberating against a solid surface was like a soothing lullaby. He threw their hood off to the side before he bent down gracefully to grab a fistful of their long hair.

Their scream echoed throughout all of Treviso, but Illario made sure to cut it off. Lifting them fully by their hair, practically taking their feet off the ground, Illario pressed his dagger to their throat before making a clean slice across and through. Blood sprayed in front of him, and like a mirage, Zara appeared, her pale, pink tongue darting out of her mouth to catch the blood droplets. Illario dropped the corpse, kicking it away for good measure with a revulsed look, unsure if it was towards the body, Zara, or both.

“Having fun killing my pawns, amatus?” Zara cooed. Her voice was like a nail being hammered directly into his skull and his hand flew up to his forehead, feeling like it was the only barrier from his brain spilling out of his skull. His lips twisted unnaturally, forming a deranged smile on his face that better suited a psychopath. Maybe he was a psychopath. Zara’s blood magic dug into his mind further.

“I told you not to send them after me,” he growled out, shaking his head a few times to try and clear it, to no avail, “that next time I would turn it into a bloodbath.”

“And here I was hoping your little boy toy would keep you at bay from your vicious bloodlust. Shame, really. I do love my little pawns." With that, Zara stepped on top of one of their corpses and then off to walk towards Illario. She didn’t get a chance to move in closer though as Illario closed the distance with practically inhuman speed and grabbed her by the throat, slamming her against a chimney. The bricks groaned under the sudden strain and a choked noise flew from Zara’s mouth.

“Don’t you dare fucking talk about him,” Illario snarled out, still gripping Nyx's knife in his other hand. He could easily dispatch her right now, she wouldn’t have enough time to put up a fight, not against his speed. All he needed was a little flick of the wrist and the life would drain from her eyes. And he would enjoy it so very much.

“Still a soft spot for your Nyx?” Zara laughed cruelly and Illario’s headache grew unbearable. The excruciating pain had him staggering away from her before he fell to his knees with a groan. He dropped Nyx's mage knife and clutched at the sides of his head with both hands. His thoughts were not his own. She was inside his mind, pulling strings, cutting them loose, tightening others. He could feel her digging around and it was agony.

“I’ll make sure you never think about anyone else but me for the rest of your pathetic life. You’re mine.”