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Chapter Text

The calendar hung over Ed like a noose. The marked day, just under a month away, was the inauguration of the new Fuhrer. Roy will have completed both of his terms and would no longer require the “family man” persona that led him to be married to Ed in the first place. The persona was designed to make him more appealing to the voters. It worked, and Roy was finishing his Second term as Fuhrer of Amestris. Anyone else who had married for this reason would be longing for the day that freedom would be awarded to them again, counting down the days. But Ed wasn't anyone else, was he? The day marked on the calendar wasn't freedom; it was incarceration. Surely. Roy would want a divorce now that Ed wasn't necessary. 

To be so incredibly crystal clear, Ed didn't want to divorce Roy. Even as much space as there was between them, for all the forced smiles and chaste public kisses that were not replicated in any fashion at home, for the separate bedrooms- hell, separate lives outside of the public view, Ed wanted anything and everything the man would give him. Ed knew it was selfish to volunteer for the mission of being married to Roy. He knew that one day it would all end, and he would be alone again. He knew that the sham of a marriage would end, and Roy would go off on his own, and Ed would be left with just his feelings again. His feelings that would never be reciprocated. I mean, come on, how could Roy ever fall for the boy who had made his life hell for a solid 5 years and cost him his vision? No, the notion was laughable. Ed would just be content with the little time he had and accept the end with grace.

At the very least, he needed to know what was coming. He couldn't just sit around in limbo waiting for Roy to finally drop him. No, Ed would get ahead of it. Get out in front of the issue and brace himself for the incoming heartache. God, knowing Roy, he probably had the divorce papers drafted already, all that remained to be rid of Ed was his signature; he was probably just waiting for the right moment- just chomping at the bit to be free again. Roy would rip his heart out and have Ed sign the papers with his blood. And Ed would sign. Just because there was no one else for him didn't mean he would condemn Roy to a life tethered to a nuisance. Roy's happiness was more important than that. Ed was familiar with giving things up for the ones he loved. If you love them, let them go, you know? 

When Roy was free, he would find a nice woman and start a real romantic life, without Ed. And Ed would do his best to fall back into the shadows and be forgotten. But he would never forget. He would treasure the memories of having been married to the man he loved. He would replay the swift warmth of Roy's kiss and of Roy's hand on his shoulder or waist, and forcefully ignore the speed with which Roy stepped away from him as soon as they were no longer in the public eye. He would hold the memory of watching Roy sleep so peacefully on their honeymoon and intently try not to remember the way that he’d had to fight him to get the old bastard to sleep on the bed instead of the en-suite sofa. It wasn't bad; the fight was because Roy didn't want to make Ed uncomfortable, and due to gnarly weather, he thought Ed should have the bed. But the bed was huge. And how could Ed ever be uncomfortable with Roy within arm's reach? Oh, what would Ed have done just to hold Roy while he slept - to be held while they slept. 

Ed thought back to the worry etched on Roy’s face after the assassination attempt in his first term. An attack on the Fuhrer's quarters, where only Ed was home. It was in response to a focus piece in the papers that referred to Ed as the new Fuhrer’s “everything.” What Ed would give for that to have been true. And when the apartment was cleared and Roy was allowed to enter well- if Ed wanted to, he could make believe that the worry in Roy's face read as more than just worry for a friend. Ed didn't have to pretend very hard for that one. It read as fear. Ed knew better than to think Roy was never scared. But Roy was brave, and he didn't let his fear stop him. Something Ed admired in him so much. It was startling to see an expression on Roy's face that was so brazenly depicting the fear of losing a loved one.  Which was frankly hilarious because the circumstances made Ed ‘the loved one’ in question, and that was just impossible. It didn't mean anything. It couldn't mean anything. Roy was a good actor, that was all. It wouldn’t be that hard to amp up the emotions enough to make them be believable about a spouse. 

Ed thought about the night after, in the safe house. He woke up in the middle of the night to find Roy asleep, leaning against the foot of his bed. Despite his sleep-born peacefulness, he looked so world-weary, and despite his pajamas, his gloves were still on. Ed carefully pulled the extra blanket from his bed and wrapped it gingerly around Roy's shoulders. The worry lines of his face were deeper, and Ed thought the day might have made the smattering of grey in his hair more significant. His heart went out to him. Ed craved the freedom to rouse him just enough to pull him into the bed, to put him back to sleep, and smooth the worst lines with a far too loving caress, to kiss them away. But it wasn't his place, was it? No, it wasn't and probably never would be. 

Some days, Ed liked to pretend that the marriage meant something . When they both sat in the living room, minding their own business and listening to the radio. Sometimes Roy would read potential legislation aloud and gawk at the absurdity of what different officers would try to pull over his head. Ed loved to hear him laugh. The sound made his ribcage swell and his insides melt, and Ed wished there was a God worth praying to. If there was, Ed would pray every day for the guts to pull Roy's laughing face in and drink the sound straight from his lungs. Ed could so easily be drunk on it. But it wasn't his cup to drink. And the marriage was a facade?. Legally sound though it may have been, it wasn't going to last. Roy would want his freedom back, and he would laugh for someone else, and Ed would wish there was a God worth praying to, so he would pay for the gate to swallow him whole. 

Roy made it so hard to believe it was all a ruse. One time when a piece of legislature that he had had a particularly hard time getting through finally made it it was finally solidified into Amestrian law Roy, In a moment of what Ed can only assume was an adulterated joy so far that he forgot himself, picked Ed up in a crushing embrace and spun him around laughing all the while. The shaky nervousness when Roy quickly set him down, cleared his throat, and stepped away. The hushed sorry he quickly breathed out felt like being slashed in the ribs. Ed wanted so desperately to pull him back in by his lapel and congratulate him the way a husband should, but Roy wouldn't even look at him. 

Ed tried not to think about how deeply he craved the warmth of Roy's hands on his waist or how much he ached for the performative kisses to linger. But Ed was just a man, that's all he'd ever been. Just a human being who always wanted far more than he could have. 

The lock in the front door clicked and scraped as it turned in its cradle, and Ed knew the jig was up. Ed just needed to jump out in front of it so he didn't end up the butt of the joke. Maybe if Ed ripped his own heart out, Roy wouldn't get the chance. The whole ordeal would hurt like a motherfucker regardless but, maybe, Ed could control the rate at which he would crash and burn. No, Ed didn't want to think about burning; it only served as a reminder of who he was losing. Maybe one day, many, many years from now, Ed would be able to see fire like anyone else again, and not as a symbol of his loss. Maybe the flames would be warm again one day. 

Roy deposited his overcoat on the stand by the door and wandered further into the room. His formal military coat looked so good on him, regal was the word Ed would like to use. Ed knew that not having Roy coming home to him- or, well, Roy was never coming home to him , was he? Just home to the spaces they were having to share- Nevertheless, losing Roy coming home every day to their space was opening a new wound. To not share the space with him anymore would leave a bottomless pit in his gut. And an unfillable hole welling in his chest.

Ed laughed to himself, very slightly wet with the emotions of the whole thing. Their wedding vows were almost traditionally edited very slightly at the end. There was no “till death do us part” because they both knew. Ed knew the marriage was a contract. The moment that it broke- that the finalized divorce would dissolve it- Ed would too. Break, dissolve, fall all to pieces. It felt like being stabbed- impaled-  ran straight through. Ed knew exactly what that felt like. He has the scar to show it.   

“You good?” Roy asked, not looking up from. Toeing off his boots. 

No, no, no, Ed was very much not good. He was so, so far away from good.  But no one needed to know that. He quite literally did this to himself when he volunteered for the mission of marrying Roy. He just wanted it so badly but his self control had never been very good.

“Yeah, I just have a question,” Ed said. His voice came out dry and flat. It sounded like it was being spoken by a different person. It didn't sound like him at all. Perhaps it wasn't him speaking. He said he had a question, but what was he going to ask? Whoever was wishing his body to speak had a question for Roy. But Ed wasn’t even sure what the question was. 

When is the ruse up? The real ruse, the pretending that he wasn't so far gone for Roy's smile that it was hard to focus sometimes. The insistence that his breathlessness was just good acting. The lying about why he was tired, swearing that it had nothing to do with Roy's nightmares and certainly not mentioning his longing to hold Roy through said nightmares. Being married for the public eye was easy, lying about his feelings for his husband was harder and harder by the day. 

At what point do I lose everything? Ed really tried to play the whole thing like it was so nonchalant. Volunteering with a snide, You know so Hawkeye doesn't have to. And responding to Roy's startled expression with a jokey i'm less likely to shoot you . Elroy was so hesitant about the whole thing at the beginning He asked Ed if he was sure, probably five times. It started to annoy Ed. That was something bastard, he's always been really good at. And yet somehow it, annoyingly, added to his charm. 

 Of course, Ed wouldn’t really be losing everything. He would still have Alphonse. Beautiful, wonderful, perfect Alphonse, who wouldn't shame Ed for coming apart in his arms the first night of Ed's new forever hell. Al, who would let him rot in his bed for a little while before coaching him to put his life back together. Al, who would buy a radiator for their flat just so that Ed wouldn’t have to face the heartbreak of having the fireplace lit. 

Could we work it out? They had scripted so many artificially romantic moments for the cameras and the galas. Ed couldn't count the number of times they danced at the galas pressed chest to chest, spinning on the glossy floor. Ed dreaded the day that he failed to summon the memory of Roy's gloved hands against his back. He wanted to beg and scream for Roy to let him keep it. But even if Roy were to be so kind to him and allow it, would it be real? All of this wasn't real. It was a fairytale of his own concoction, and the magic was running out. 

Please let me stay?

“So, when are we getting the divorce?”

Chapter Text

The walk from Roy's office back to Fuhrer’s quarters was not long, and there were several ways to make the trip. They would use the basement offices in the winter to keep warm and traverse the parade ground underground. They could stay on the ground level but keep to the covered hallways to avoid the sun in the summer. But with only a handful of commutes left in his career as Fuhrer and with the day as nice as it was, they decided to cross the parade ground. The pair of personal guards that followed Roy around like a set of extra shadows were dismissed in favor of walking home with Hawkeye and Havoc. 

“Hey, chief, only a few weeks left. Excited to be free again?” Havoc winked at Roy to convey that the freedom he spoke of had little to do with the Fuhrership. He was referring to Roy’s performative marriage to Ed. Was it really freedom? Free to do what ? Free to lose Ed? It would be freedom for Ed, though, wouldn't it? Freedom to have his life back, Ed was so young when they married,  only 24 years old, which let Roy waste nearly a decade of his youth. True that Ed volunteered for the role, but he had always been always the self-sacrificial type and claimed to take the role just so that Hawkeye wouldn't have to. Roy had been initially excited to be so close to Ed, but he would never make a move on the young man without some kind of confirmation of reciprocation first. And for a moment, Roy thought maybe, maybe, maybe … but no. It was all sham and performance. At home, it was separate bedrooms, separate schedules, separate lives. And Roy didn't know what he expected. 

In the short moments when Roy got to be Ed's husband with his hand on Ed's waist for portraits or with the fleeting kisses for the audience, time stopped. Sparks would run up his spine, and elation made him feel like he could fly. In those moments, he forgot everything except Ed. He wasn't the Fuhrer anymore, he was no alchemist, he had no power, he was at Ed’s mercy. He was simply Ed's husband. And that made him feel like he had everything, like he was the richest man in the world. And, soon, he was going to lose everything. He was awarded a taste of what his life could be, just for it to be stripped away. Where his heart was concerned, fate had never been on his side. 

Roy could not say that his accomplishments were nothing. He had achieved his goals, seemingly unattainable goals at that. He has become Fuhrer, and he has assisted in tiring their country back toward the light. Never again would the militaristic troubles of his youth plague the younger generations. So, what was left? He would leave a legacy to be proud of and…that was it. He would be left. Alone. Now that democracy had been established, Roy would be the second Fuhrer in Amestris’ history to actually leave office without a special segment in the paper explaining how he was survived by his spouse. Instead of his spouse getting left behind, this time Roy would be the one who was alone.. Everything in his life that mattered would be coming to a close all at the same time.

Roy knew that there had been numerous times when that special section in the paper could have been written. But the one assassination attempt that stuck out in his mind was that one time when they went after Ed. Roy would have survived, but his husband wouldn't have been here to see his mourning being as real as it comes. He would never have had the opportunity to tell Ed how real his feelings were. Hell, he wouldn't have the opportunity now. 

Well, maybe. He just had to buy time to work up the guts to potentially ruin everything. 

Roy could be cruel. He could refuse the divorce, not sign, and force Ed to be stuck with him. But Roy knew he couldn't do that. If Ed did ask for the divorce, Roy would cave. He would collapse in on himself like a shoddily built shelter. And on the off chance the universe showed him mercy and he didn't collapse, it was only a matter of time before even the smallest gust of wind would do him in. 

Roy had hope that things could work out, and maybe they could become real over time. Roy had tried to make sure that Ed was as comfortable as possible. And his hope that things would take the turn he desired was almost encouraged by Ed's insistence that they share the bed on their honeymoon. ‘If I wasn't ok with it, I wouldn't have taken the mission,’ Ed resonated, but when they were back from the vacation, they maintained separate bedrooms. Maybe sharing on the honeymoon changed Ed’s mind. Perhaps Roy did something to make Ed uncomfortable? Something that made Ed feel that he had to keep the distance for his sanity. He didn’t want to press the issue. It was only a matter of time before Ed decided even that little proximity was still too much. 

Even the one time that Roy had lost himself to the joy of finally, finally passing a difficult legislature, when he picked Ed up and spun him around. The shock on Ed’s face was telling Roy had crossed the line. Ed's expression had cut him like knives, and it had killed his joy altogether. It was all Roy could do but apologize for his misstep and leave. Leave, so he didn't have to see Ed look at him with that look . The one that kept Roy up at night. The sadness, the pity. That's what it was. Ed pitied him. 

Roy couldn't bear that look. It was always in passing glances whenever Roy did something too “husbandly”. Roy lay awake at night in his separate bedroom, knowing that just on the other side of the relatively small living quarters was a beautiful man that Roy would love to his dying day, and who pitied him. Surely Ed knew about his feelings. What other reason would he have to look at him with such intense pity? What other reason was there? Roy couldn't think of one. And trust, he tried. He tried so hard to find any other logical reasons as he lay awake far too late,  simultaneously too close and too far from the man he loved. 

Roy sighed deeply. So, was Roy excited to be free again? No, not in the slightest. Could he tell Havoc that? Also, no. But, he wasn't going to lie to his friends either. 

“Not the words I would use,” Roy responded. 

“Think you lost your touch?” Havoc joked. And Hawkeye dealt him a death glare. Roy was not concerned with anything pertaining to any kind of dating life. When Ed stepped away, Roy would not look to replace him. He wouldn't even try. He didn't even want to entertain the concept long enough to rebuff Havoc. 

“What?” Havoc insisted in response to the glare that would have crippled near anyone else. “A decade out of the game is a long time.” 

It's true that Roy had been “out of the game” for the duration of his marriage . The whole point of the marriage was appearances. So, for Roy to be stepping out on his husband was out of the question. But if Roy was honest, he didn't want to look for anything else. Even if the fake relationship was far from physical, Roy was happy to have what little he was awarded. 

Hearing Ed padding around the apartment. Watching him make fun of the speculative science found in some of the popular journals as someone who actually knew. All the way to the much less pleasurable wincing, and Ed's pained grimace when the weather toyed with his automail ports. Ed hid that one well, but Roy knew. He'd debated about reaching out to offer assistance, but he didn't even know where to begin. 

Of course, Roy would love for Ed to show him physical attention, but Ed was so much more than that. He was smart as a whip and radiant as the sun. He lit up every room he entered and he stole Roy's breath away at every turn. Ed was God's apology to mankind for all of the shit they had to endure. If Roy were a bolder man, he would attempt to claim that Ed was a gift directly to him, Roy's shot at redemption. But Roy knew better. Edward was so much like the sun, bright and fierce, and for everyone, to try to claim it as one’s own would be naive at best. He was uncontainable, and far be it from Roy to try to contain him longer than Ed cared to be contained. 

“I don't feel like answering that,” Roy said gruffly. He could hear the kerfuffle of Riza and Jean arguing nonverbally behind him. Riza won, as was evident by Jean huffing and falling silent. 

“One big life change at a time will be enough,” Riza said to add closure to the argument. She was always able to see right through him. Losing Ed would be a bigger life change than stepping down as a Fuhrer. Roy would have to live the rest of his life knowing that the last thing he wanted was right there, in front of him, and he couldn't truly have it. After everything Roy had lived through, all the good and bad, there was little to nothing Roy wanted to remember; yes , Roy had so much he wanted to forget, but Ed was something he wanted to always remember and dwell on. 

The three stopped at the door to the Führer's apartment. Havoc relieved the guard there as Roy fished the key out of his pocket. Roy shoved the key into the lock. Riza laid a gentle hand on his bicep. 

“Be honest with yourself and him,” she nodded. Roy started for a moment and nodded back. “Have a good night, sir,” she said, saluted and stalked back up the hallway. Roy turned the key and pushed the door open. The second the flat was open to him he surveyed the room, his eyes coming to rest on the most brilliantly shining thing in the room. Roy's husband, who was sitting at the table. 

Roy shucked off his coat and hung it on the stand by the door. As drawn to the golden man at the table as he was, Roy was scared to look at him for too long. The superstitious worry that he might manifest Ed asking the jarring question that Roy had decided to avoid. 

Ed sniffled, it was almost a laugh, but it was wet like wedding tears. Had he been crying? What could he cry over? Without thinking much over it, Roy extended the simple question; You good? not even looking up.

“Yeah, I just have a question,” Ed responded dryly, as if something was caught in his throat. Roy looked up at him but Ed wasn’t looking his direction. He was gazing at the calendar, having opened with Inauguration Day marked in red ink. Roy braised and arm against the wall and toes of his boots.  

Please don't ask the question. I'm not ready. Not yet.  

Maybe if Roy didn't bring up the end, if he ignored it, would Ed follow his lead? Would he also pretend it was alright? That was going out on a limb, and Ed did not follow. And Ed certainly never followed him. Ed’s voice rang out clearly, dealing the feared blow.

“So, when are we getting the divorce?”

Chapter Text

“So, when are we getting the divorce?” It came out all in one breath and It felt like all of the air was sucked out of the room with it. Ed swallowed and braced for the answer. His eyes shone hard like steel, and he had his walls up ready for anything that might be thrown his way. 

Roy sagged against the arm braced on the wall. Not even five minutes. It was the first thing out of Ed’s mouth. He didn't want to have this conversation. Not now, not on Inauguration Day, not ever. His brows tensed, and he sighed. How was he supposed to respond to that? Roy knew how he wanted to answer. 

What if we didn't?

Never. 

Please, don't leave me.

But he also knew how he needed to answer. 

Whenever will make you happy.

Roy knew what he had to say. He’d give Ed exactly what he wanted. He would rather live knowing Ed was happy without him than forced to stay by his side and be miserable. He also knew that it was going to hurt. He didn't need to pass that off onto Ed. It wasn’t his fault that Roy had formed attachments. So, he guarded himself and tried to make his voice nonchalant and even. 

“Whenever you want, I suppose. We have to sign the papers and make an appointment at the Court for that.”

“You suppose?” Ed asked; his voice was unreadable, but when he glanced up, Ed's eyebrows were pinched, and the hard look in his eyes was hard to miss. Roy did not respond, and he did not hold eye contact. He couldn't look the man he loved in the eye while agreeing to let him go, not while he looked back at Roy with the same detachedness that had plagued Roy’s nights through the whole marriage. 

“Ok,“ Ed followed up. “Do you want me to do that?” No, no I do not.  

Roy’s stomach dropped out and his limbs became very cold as he responded: “If that's what you want,” he let out an exasperated sigh. This was not going to be a quick conversation, then. 

“The fuck kind of answer is that?” Ed asked indignantly. The pain of asking was compounded by having Roy respond so flippantly. Ed knew that he should not take the pain out on Roy. It wasn’t his fault that he developed feelings for someone who would never reciprocate. 

“Please don't-,” Roy’s voice betrayed him. It was quiet and low. Emotions clawed their way up his throat and silenced him. He wanted to beg.  Please, don't make this any harder than it has to be. Please, don't make me do this. Please, don't leave me.

“What?” Ed snipped. He had heard it. Despite the stretch of the room between them, despite Roy looking down, Ed heard him. And wasn't sure what to make of it. Why on earth would Roy beg like that, and what was he begging for? For Ed not to talk ? To not try to organize the sordid business of letting him go free? 

“ If that is what you want, then I can have an appointment made at the courthouse.” Roy felt like he was outside of his body, watching his pilotless self go on without him. 

“Again, the fuck? What do you mean if I want? What do you want? I thought you'd be chomping at the bit to get rid of me,” Ed laughed sourly.  

Be honest with yourself and him.

“Why would I want to get rid of you?” 

Be honest with yourself and him.

Roy took a deep breath. He straightened up. It was now or... or never, really. He would take the opportunity that was handed to him. 

“Edward, I- “ his voice caught on his emotion, and he cleared his throat. You give speeches to thousands of people, but can’t profess to love a singular, beautiful blonde man? -To your husband? Get it together, Roy. Roy thought back to all the times he daydreamed about confessing to Ed and what he would say. “Edward, you are the sun. You are bright, and fierce, and so necessary for life. I revolve around you. You are the pinnacle of beauty and intelligence. I've never met someone as breathtaking as you or as whip-smart. You are strong and resilient, and you hold to your morals with a steadfastness worth envying.”Roy's heart hammered painfully in his chest. This was it, this was everything. The fate of the rest of his life hung in these words. He took a deep, steadying breath. “Ed, I admire you, and I am so very in love with you. I don't think I can live without you.”

Ed stared at him, wearing an expression that no man would ever hope to see on the face of anybody he just confessed love to. Disgust. Ed stared, gagged, frozen in place. After a moment, a disbelieving laugh bubbled from his chest and it was the most damning sound Roy had ever heard. 

Had Ed been too obvious? He knew he wore his heart on his sleeve, but he was sure he'd hidden it well enough. Well enough that this was the first time Roy brought it up. Surely Roy wasn't so cruel as to have seen through Ed and make fun of him for it. That had to be it. The over-the-top metaphor? Comparing Ed to the sun? And how exactly was Ed like the sun? Bright and fierce and overbearings and fucking miserable to be stuck under. Roy wouldn't look him in the eye. And Ed guessed that was the kicker, you didn't look at the sun because it would hurt you. It would burn you. It was a ball of fire in the sky that gave light at the cost of heat and misery. The one fire Roy couldn't even begin to control. Roy liked to be in control. Was that how he saw Ed? As a malevolent burden beating down on the back of his neck? No one admired the summer sun at high noon. They hid from it. 

And, furthermore, why would Fuhrer Roy Mustang, the first voted leader of Amestris, who completed the establishment of democracy and would go down in history, admire the former state alchemist, who couldn't even do alchemy anymore and had had no accomplishments to speak of in sixteen years? The mere concept was ridiculous. 

“It's always a performance with you.” Ed scoffed and looked at the ceiling, shaking his head lightly. He sighed. “Still, I didn't expect you to stoop this low. Being able to see through me that easily and making fun of me is a new low, especially for you. ” Ed sounded hopeless and weary. He rolled his eyes in absolute disbelief. He stood from the table. And stepped toward his bedroom. The one that he alone had occupied for his entire marriage. 

New low.  

Did Ed think he was making fun of him? Oh no, Ed thought Roy was making fun of him. Of Ed. Of Roy's perfect husband. From whom Roy was still too far removed for him to even believe that Roy loved him. But that wasn't all. Ed thought Roy could see through him. And further, even though Roy was using what he saw against him. Ed thought Roy could see something that he definitely had not, so what was he missing? Ed had rejected him. That's all there was to it. Roy's knees felt weak under the crushing weight of his new reality. 

Ed turned his back on his husband to return to his room. There was no reason to entertain his shit show anymore. He heard something fall to the ground with a thunk. Ed's curiosity got the better of him, and he glanced back at where Roy used to be, but was no longer. Now, Roy was on the ground. Kneeling with the heel of his hands pressed so harshly to his eyes. Digging in so that he saw colored spots blooming. 

“What are you doing?” Ed asked, near exasperated. He didn’t want to continue this torture. He couldn’t continue to watch the man he loved throw that very love in his face. It was too much. 

“What else am I supposed to say?” Roy looked up, his eyes wet from the abuse he had inflicted on them the moment before. Ed turned his palms up, and he grimaced as if to ask ‘what the actual fuck.’ The moisture gathering in the corners of his eyes stung, but it didn't compare to the sting of Roy's mockery. 

“God, Roy, I don't know. I don't believe you, this scripted, anecdotal-” he waved his hand generically looking for the word. He settled for the only one that felt right. “Shit,” he scoffed and pinched his nose. “After eight years of being literally married, it’s- it’s laughable,” he looked troubled. He wanted something real, and Roy sagged and bowed his head. 

Ed could handle a lot, he had handled a lot, even excluding the events of his childhood and teen years. He handled the touches, the kisses, the posing, and pretending. He could handle that- he had literally signed up for that. 

But the broken voice Roy responded with was not something Ed had ever thought he would hear. He didn't think Roy was capable of it. It gave him pause. 

“I've been terrified to bring it up,” Roy's voice sounded broken. He refused to look at Ed, “not while you would be stuck with me. But you won't have to worry about it anymore. I'll make the court appointment. I won't fight you on it.”  

“You would rather divorce me than own up to lying to my face?” Ed asked incredulously. “You wanna throw my feelings in my face and then leave? Is this a joke to you? You lie and then- ”

“I’m no-” Roy was cut off, his eyes widened as he understood what Ed said. Throw my feelings in my face. Ed had feelings? Of course, he had feelings, but he had feelings for Roy . Oh, no. Ed's behavior suddenly made sense. No, no, no. That was what Roy had missed.  Ed was never one for grand gestures or poetic words, he'd always leaned closer to the beat-it-into-my-skull-or-I’ll-miss-it kind. 

“It's not like you to give up so easily,” Ed concluded. 

“I don't want to divorce you!” Roy raised his voice desperately, begging to be truly listened to. “I want you to stay, but I will never force you. If living without me is what it takes to make you happy, then I'll let you go, but Ed-” Roy's eyes shone with unshed tears. He bowed the rest of the way to the floor, shaking, and his forehead made a dull thud against the wood. 

What on earth? Ed peered down at his husband in confusion, the anger from earlier shocked away by the sight before him. Roy, sobbing on the floor. Had he really given up? What was this? Roy wasn't gonna be able to stand again by himself. Why would Roy humiliate himself in front of Ed in this way? He deemed so... desperate? That didn't make any sense. Why would Roy be desperate if he was just fucking with him? Ed's eyes widened. 

Oh . Roy was being completely genuine. The whole time, he had been genuine. Roy confessed to being fucking in love with him. Poured his heart out. Shit. Roy wasn't making fun of him in the slightest, and Ed let his insecurity get the better of him.  And now he was letting the man he loved, who loved him back, slip through his fingers. 

Shit shit shit. 

Ed needed to fix his fuck up before he lost Roy for good. Like a switch flipping at the realization, all of the bitterness that had been bubbling up in Ed drained away, and he felt so stupid. He knelt quickly on the floor in front of the devastated man and laid a gentle hand on Roy's quaking shoulder. 

“What are you talking about?” Ed asked softly, treading gently after his earlier lash out. “How could I ever be happy without you?”

Roy didn't answer with words, but he did lift his head enough to see Ed through swollen, red eyes. He sniffled and looked at Ed, confused by the sudden switch. Ed cupped his hands around Roy's face. 

“I’m so sorry, Roy, I do want to stay with you, I just thought-” he sighed and his hands fell to slip around Roy's neck. “I was so sure you'd be itching to be free of me again. I didn't want to be a tether to you either.” Ed watches the defeat on Roy's features morph into horror. 

“No! I- Ed- free? I want to be free with you, not from you… You were just so intent on separate rooms and-”

“I thought,” Ed lifted his hands in defense, “that you deserved to have space. You were already legally stuck with me. And I thought-”

“Stuck? Edward, you are not some kind of ball and chain, as the idiom goes. I was so excited when you volunteered,” he said, resting his forehead against Ed’s. Roy was stricken, but it wasn't lost on him that he and Ed had been in the same boat until mere moments ago. 

Both were too terrified of the potential rejection to even broach the topic. Both as content as they could be to let the other be free, knowing full well they would be miserable. As horribly as this was going, Roy owed Riza a drink. 

“I was excited to volunteer,” Ed answered, with a wet laugh and a shaky smile. He met Roy's eye. Their foreheads still pressed together. Roy pulled him in by his waist and their noses brushed against one another. Roy hovered, his lips a hair's breadth from Ed's. This was so much more than anything they had experienced together up to this point. It was raw and genuine. The warmth of one another. The love was tangible and alive between them. For the first time in Ed’s life, his want was not too much.  

“May I?” Roy asked, his eyes were deep, and Ed wanted to drown in them. The subtle movement had their lips brushing, and it sent sparks of ecstasy down Ed's spine. 

“Please.” Now Ed was the one who sounded desperate as he met Roy halfway for the first real kiss of their marriage. No performance, no audience, just two men devastatingly in love with one another. Ed could feel the once-hidden love pouring into the kiss as if from a broken dam. Roy's desperation translated into the kiss, and he pulled Ed into his lap, wrapping his arms tightly around Ed's waist. Ed was overwhelmed. The man he loved loved him back with an intensity that rivaled the fire he was so well known for. Ed couldn't tell if the moisture on his face was from Roy's tears or his own. 

Ed slipped his hands back up Roy's face to cup it in his palms and pulled him impossibly closer. Until Roy broke the kiss to speak. He didn't pull away, his lips still brushing against Ed's as he spoke. 

“I love you, Ed,” he breathed. “Please, believe me.” Ed could hear the fear and pain in his voice, the vulnerability. It broke his heart that he had inflicted that uncertainty. 

“I do, Roy, I believe you. I love you, too, I'm sorry,” Ed sighed back and kissed his husband again. 

They sat on the floor, foreheads pressed together, holding on to each other like they were making up for lost time. Well, they were, weren't they? 

“Fuck,” Roy let out a bitter laugh. “We just danced around each other and never talked, huh?”

“I was so sure you wouldn't want to hear it. It never occurred to me you could like me back. I’m sorry, Roy.”

“I always want to hear you, whatever you have to say, tell me everything, please. I don't care what it is, if it has to do with you, I want to know. I've got eight years to catch up on. I want to know everything- if it matters to you, it matters to me. You are my everything.” 

“Everything?” Ed’s breath caught. His memory was tossed back to the focus piece that sparked an attempt on his life. How ironic that the column was all lies, but Ed had wished it were true, all those years ago. He searched Roy's eyes for any sign that Roy is hyperbolizing, but the earnestness he found instead steals his breath away. So there, in Roy’s arms on the floor of the fuhrer's quarters, Ed was finally able to come fully clean with the man he loved. 

“For me, everything is: I love you, and I have since long before we got married,” Ed breathed, cradling Roy’s face in his hands and pressing kisses to his husband’s lips in between his confession. “Everything is: I hate sleeping just a wall away from you, especially when I hear your nightmares. Everything is: wishing that your lips would linger on mine. Everything is: what you are to me. And everything is: what I want to give you-” Roy yanked Ed into a heated kiss by the back of his neck to interrupt him. 

“My everything,” Roy whispered. Like a promise. His arm tightens around Ed's waist just as the emotion in his throat. The term of endearment knocked the air from Ed’s lungs. Ed dropped his forehead to Roy's shoulder. “You are the reason I got so far. In my career and my personal ambitions. I was very close to nixing the marriage-for-votes idea altogether, but then you volunteered. The idea of seeing you every day, of living with you, kissing you, holding you- even if it was just for the papers, how could I say no?”

“I thought you would have been cool with anyone. Just to boost your numbers and -God, I’m stupid.” Ed lifted his head to look at Roy. “You meant it when you told the papers I was your everything. When they came after me, you were actually worried?”

“Of course, I was. I would never have forgiven myself if you were killed just because of me,” Roy insisted. The new information made Ed feel hot inside as he was forced to come to terms with how much time with Roy he had missed. Ed thought back to wanting to pull Roy up into his bed when he found him sleeping, leaning against the foot of his bed post assassination attempt. He could have, and it would have been fine, better than fine. Every time Ed had wanted, Roy would have allowed it. But Ed had never asked. 

Well, he wasn't going to let anything get in his way anymore. Ed closed the distance between them again. He carded his finger through the speckling of silver in Roy's hair, and Roy kissed him as if the assassination attempt had been hours ago and not years. 

The realization was astonishing. 

And infuriating. 

Ed groaned in frustration and broke the kiss.

“You know, for people who got labeled ‘genius’, we sure are stupid. I cannot fucking believe this, we coulda had everything we wanted and we just,” he gestured wildly at the emptiness of the room. “Didn't!” He screamed. “What the fuck is wrong with us?” 

Roy laughed, not at Ed or the distress marring his features, but at the hilarity of their predicament. What was wrong with them, indeed?

“Come on!” Ed stood abruptly and pulled Roy to his feet before leading Roy to his room. After all of that, the separate rooms bullshit ended right now. Ed shoved Roy onto the bed, still fully in his day clothes, and clambered after him. If anybody could make lying down an aggressive movement, it was Ed. He rested his head on Roy's shoulder.  Roy pulled him in close. It felt wonderful to breathe his scent and feel his warmth, to bask in the presence of his husband. They lay tangled around each other, just happy to be in each other's presence and hold. After a while, the weight of the day's events settled over Ed. They did this whole thing backwards. And after a blissful quiet moment, Ed spoke: 

“Holy shit,” he began near reverently. Roy hummed questioningly, “You're my husband, and I love you.”  

Roy was mildly ashamed to admit that his exhaustion weighed against him to the degree that he was not sure why this was a new revelation. 

"Yes. That's true," he smiled at Ed, who huffed. 

"No, no." Ed corrected him, smiling brightly as the sunrise. "You are my husband, and I love you." Ed knew that just changing the inflection on his sentence was a shitty explanation. But the way that Roy's eyes lit up gave away the fact that he understood perfectly. 

"I am your husband," he responded, his smile equally bright. And gently wiped the gathering tears from Ed's eye. "And I love you, my everything ." Roy didn't even realize he was also crying again until he could feel tears pressing against his face under Ed's lips as he showered kisses upon Roy's face.  They didn't have to divorce. They didn’t need to get married. All that was left for them was to finally, finally be happy. Oh. And they were. Happily married and in love.