Chapter 1: Gone Fishing
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Master Link paid us another visit yesterday. I overheard him telling Grandmother that he has successfully freed all the Divine Beasts, and that he is now making final preparations for his battle with Calamity Ganon. I am overjoyed to know that he has so effortlessly undertaken this enormous responsibility, not that I had any doubt he would. He is the hero, after all. So valiant… So brave…
I saw another side of him last night which… perplexed me.
I heard a noise coming from just outside my bedroom walls late in the evening so naturally, out of curiosity, I peeked out a window to see what was happening. I watched as Link gracefully swan-dived into the pond surrounding Grandmother’s home (wearing little more than his undergarments, but that is beside the point!) and caught one of our Sanke carp in his bare hands. That was impressive enough as it was, but then… He ate the carp? He did not even remove himself from the water first; he just bit into the live fish like an animal! Scales and all! And all with a big grin on his face! It was disgusting!
And yet… watching him made me feel… odd… as though my insides were on fire and my head was spinning… Even now as I recall the incident I feel… disoriented…
Perhaps I should ask Grandmother for some medicine...
Chapter 2: Ya-Ha-Ha!
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Mr. Hero found me today!
I’ve been hiding under my rock in the Faron Woods for 1,204 days! I kept track of the days very well!
This morning I woke up to Mr. Hero lifting the rock off the ground! I revealed myself to say hi! And I gave him a seed! I was so excited to meet him!
Mr. Hero dropped the rock on my head! I don’t know why!
It hurt!
Chapter 3: Bombs Away!
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Travel Log - Day 2
I am only two days into my journey from Hateno Village to visit my family on the coast. Lurelin is about another day’s journey away. I am writing from camp, as my old horse Mako has grown weary from the travel thus far. This journey has been standard so far - not much different from last year’s visit. However, I noticed something peculiar earlier today. I had just passed through Dueling Peaks when a fellow traveler sped past me on a deer, of all things. He rode up to a rock face where there were a few ore deposits, pulled a strange looking tablet off his belt, and somehow used it to create a bright blue box out of thin air! Then, he threw the box at the ore deposits, and it exploded! Disappeared as though it had never been there in the first place! I just watched on in shock as this guy picked up the minerals, used the tablet thing again to make them disappear, and then sprinted off into the woods.
Needless to say, I decided at that moment that it was as good a time as any to take a little break. I do wonder who that maniac was, though… What else is he capable of? Hylia may only know…
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I was only a child then, but I do remember seeing Link around the Domain prior to the Calamity. I'd heard he was more lively in his younger years, though those happened before I had the capacity to remember them. I remember him more from his time as Zelda's knight, when he was the epitome of stoicism. Princess Mipha was still rather fond of him, regardless of his shift in demeanor. My mother, gossiper that she was, supposed that the two of them would wed once the Calamity had been defeated, but she was sadly mistaken. I, for one, was too young at the time to even understand what marriage meant.
I saw him today, visiting the Domain again some time after having quelled the Divine Beast's rage. He spoke to me, and I asked him to aid us in clearing Ralis Pond of its Hinox. He agreed. He seems different now than he was before — more open, more expressive, more willing to speak aloud and often. I heard rumors that he lost most, if not all, of his memories in his century-long slumber. I wonder if his amnesia has opened him up to become a different person than he was in the past. And yet, a few moments after he left my side, I glanced over and spotted him standing before Princess Mipha's statue. There was a complex expression on his face as he stared up at her radiance. The vacant stare suggested he did not remember her at all, but behind his eyes was a flicker of deep sadness. It is as though his body understands what it has lost, but his mind cannot begin to remember.
I pity him.
Notes:
I had originally intended this chapter to be comedic as well, but that idea got scrapped pretty quick. I am nothing if not a sucker for sentimentality.
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Kilton's Log, New Age Year 101, Spring 29.
I have incredible news! I have made a new discovery in the effort to better understand and appreciate monsters! I have known for some time about their advancements in communication — the various grunts and snarls they use to speak with one another — but a few months ago I came across an enormous discovery: The Bokoblins have advanced to written language! I found a spiked Bokoblin shield laying in an abandoned encampment, the back of which was scrawled with a series of unusual symbols. I have spent night and day attempting to translate that which I have found, and I believe I have finally cracked it (with some room for error):
I was gone for only a few ******* moments, and this little **** ****** killed all my comrades and stole all our weapons, food, and treasure. ******* Calamity ****** forbid anyone go take a leak around here. This **** is ridiculous! I QUIT! ****** ***********!!!
*Note to self: Bokoblins are fond of colorful language. Fascinating!
Notes:
Aaaaand sentimental time is over; we are back to the dumb shit.
Chapter 6: The Woman of My Dreams
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Dear Diary,
I have fallen in love with the most dainty, lovely, adorable young woman. I do not even know her name, and yet I find her traipsing through my dreams day in and day out like the goddess she is. Her long, flowing blonde hair, her sparkling blue eyes, her delicate, calloused hands, her surprisingly chiseled abdomen and arms… She is perfect. She is everything I could have ever asked for in a partner.
She's got quite the personality too! My darling is a sassy one with an eye for fashion, hungry for me to hand over both my sand boots and snow boots. I, being ever the coy bachelor, promised I'd hand them over once she located both the Eighth Heroine and her sword. I had assumed that both statues were myths and that she would give up and come crawling back into my arms within no time, but she amazed me by locating both of them! What a woman! I am immune to her charms, and I must assume she is likewise charmed by me, since she keeps coming back for more.
Though, since I gave her my last pair of boots, I haven't seen her again... I'm sure it's only a coincidence! My love will return to me any day now!
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Sometimes I grow weary of my job guarding the city gates. It is not due to the heat, nor the sand in my eyes, nor the long hours spent standing in one place with few breaks. No, it's the damned voes that frustrate me the most. Most of them at least have the decency to look and act the part when they try entering our town, dressing in our traditional clothing, hiding their facial hair. This level of effort I can permit, so long as they are respectful to our people and our culture once inside. And for the most part, they are.
And then, there is the Hylian Champion, as Chief Riju calls him.
How do I know the Champion is a man, you may ask? It's simple: The moron changes into his Gerudo attire directly in front of my face before walking right past me, into town. At least have the decency to pretend you're a woman by getting changed before you are in my line of sight! It infuriates me to no end!
And yes, I suppose I could go ahead and kick him out for trespassing, but by this point he has done so much good for Gerudo Town that my doing so would cause an uproar from the people, and possibly from Chief Riju herself. There is no point in stopping him now. Plus, the way he keeps toying with the creep that camps outside the city walls has been deliciously entertaining to watch. I just wish I didn't have to see him strip down to nothing and don a veil every time he pays us a visit. He could at least do it behind the shrine…
Notes:
The Gerudo HAVE to know about the men sneaking in to their town, right?
(And I cannot be the only one who waits to change into the Gerudo Vai outfit until I am standing right outside the town gate lol)
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Minutes from the monthly convening of Yiga Clansmen, Year of our Calamity 100, Day 127, Meeting 4.
- After enjoying light refreshments of mighty bananas, members were called to order and joined voices to recite the Yiga Creed: "See Evil, Hear Evil, Do Evil. Glory to Master Kohga. Glory to the Calamity."
- Minutes from the prior meeting were read and voted upon by Clansmen.
- Master Kohga (glory to him) delivered another awe-inspiring, rousing speech, reminding Clasnmen of their ultimate mission. Elapsed time: 47 minutes. Down 2 minutes from the prior meeting. Master Kohga (glory to him) is working on his skills in brevity.
- Commanding Blademasters from each region of Hyrule reported on sightings of the enemy Link, citing 2 victories and 76 failures total. The 2 "victories" were only successful in driving Link away from the area, not in murdering him as was planned. It was unclear from reports whether Link left these two battles out of fear or out of annoyance.
- In total this month, four Clansmen were killed at the hands of the enemy Link. Master Kohga (glory to him) held a brief memoriam service to commemorate the memory of those lost, documented as follows: Footsoldier Kye, 22 years old, stabbed in the stomach by the Master Sword during combat. Blademaster Ruella, 40 years old, electrocuted by a shock arrow while standing shin-deep in the Menoat River. Commanding Blademaster Edo, 37 years old, blown to pieces by a Sheikah bomb while distracted by a bunch of mighty bananas. Foostoldier Daphne, 24 years old, pancaked by a steel crate.
- Chief Blademaster Sooga privately reminded Master Kohga (glory to him) that In Memoriam services do not usually include the ways in which people died. The message was ill recieved.
- The meeting was adjourned early due to a spat between Chief Blademaster Sooga and Master Kohga (glory to him).
These minutes were recorded to the utmost accuracy and shall be reviewed at the next meeting. — Chief Blademaster and Recording Secretary Sooga.
Notes:
(Real ones will catch the "I Think You Should Leave" reference in this final entry. And if you haven't watched ITYSL, please do yourself a favor and watch it.)
That's all for this one, folks. Let me know what other journal entries you think Link might find around Hyrule. Thanks for reading. :)
CorryJamieson on Chapter 1 Sun 15 Jun 2025 02:08AM UTC
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