Chapter Text
In a couple more days, they'd be leaving. And she wasn't ready for that at all.
But she noticed Maya and Conrad sort of drifting off. Once, they'd even fought a day earlier. Nonetheless, it wasn't her business. no drama for her. Beck however, seemed to enjoy being around Conrad more and more. He quickly concluded that he was his father, and never wanted to leave his side.
Isabel found it adorable.
She laid by the pool, Taylor was at her honeymoon and therefore they’ve been FaceTiming. She too was by a pool, sunglasses on.
"Relationship problems," Taylor sighed."Typical, am I right?" "I know what you're thinking," Isabel groaned, when Maya wasn't outside by the pool."And don't be ridiculous. We're over. It's been over for five whole years. Longer than that, actually, since I was with Jeremiah. I've accepted that."
Had she?
yes. she had.
She could say that wholeheartedly, that she'd moved on. No underlining feelings for Conrad. At the moment, she didn't really want to date anyone. No one would want to, as a single mom dating had been a little more difficult, especially a young mother.
"You can be honest, Belly," Taylor laughed."You still love Conrad." "No," Isabel said."I mean, there will always be fondness for our first love. But that's a very small amount. Now, I've moved on." "Have you?" Taylor asked."I remember when Steven and I were broken up for a while, I never got over him." "Well, it'd been only for what? a few months, it'd be weird if I never moved on in five years," Isabel said.
"Well, Conrad's different, Belly."
Isabel laughed at what Taylor said. How was Conrad different? But deep down, she knew Taylor was right. Conrad was different. He'd always been different from the others she's been with, which wasn't many. It was better to be single than be with someone when your heart isn't fully in it. Taylor, however, never really did that, even though Isabel always said that she should. It was why she and Steven got back together, through cheating.
And no offense to them, she didn't want that for her.
"It doesn't matter," Isabel said."Both of us have moved on." Taylor moved down her sunglasses."Have you? I like Maya, don't get me wrong. She just deserves better, he's still very clearly not into it completely. To love someone, you need to do it completely."
"Finally, some good advice for once," Isabel joked."Anyway, I'm not discussing this anymore. I'd like to enjoy the last few days up here, thank you very much." "Do you really want to go back to London?" She asked."Clearly, Beck's enjoying it here. I think he'd like it better here."
"I don't know, Taylor," Isabel said.”It’s not just up to me as well, you know that.” Taylor sighed.”You truly have given up. That surprises me.”
”Everyone changes.”
"Yeah, but you've been persistent for god knows how long," Taylor laughed."But we can move on from this conversation." Isabel nodded, and she stopped correcting Taylor. She always mostly knew her as Belly, that would never change. "Anyway, I think there's trouble in paradise for Jeremiah and the new Mrs. Fisher," Taylor chuckled."I saw them arguing earlier. Lacie's definitely not marriage material, and neither is Jeremiah. I mean, he clearly doesn't see marriage as a serious thing."
"Who's shocked?" Isabel asked."No one. I knew that they wouldn't work out. Lacie's just a shiny toy for him." Taylor nodded as an agreement.
Isabel had no idea what was about to happen that night.
- -
Later in the day, Maya left early and was already on a flight back home. This was of course very confusing for everyone. And it didn't make sense. It seemed like Maya enjoyed her time, and the wedding. She claimed she had to get back for an exam, but she knew it was just an excuse. Why did she leave early? Isabel didn't know, and by all means, wasn't her business. After Maya left, Taylor originally thought Maya had a grudge against Taylor, or maybe Isabel. But it wasn't that at all.
At night, Isabel went over to the beach. She did this a couple of times. It was habit she had as a teenager, other than night swimming, when she couldn't sleep. She sat on the sandy beach, which she'll have to clean later, probably a shower, but in the moment, Isabel didn't care. Not at all.
She stared out by the water.
Susannah and her mother, Laurel, spent some of the last few moments of Susannah's life on the beach, on beach chairs with margaritas, Isabel imagined. That was a good last moment to have. But she doesn't want to die young like her. Cancer's a bitch.
"Came to think?"
She noticed that Conrad had walked over on the beach, barefoot like her. "Yeah, kind of," Isabel admitted. She made sure that Beck was asleep, he was a deep sleeper, and she didn't plan to stay too long, enough that when she came back, everyone would be asleep.
"Are you okay?" Isabel asked, noticing that Conrad looked down, he sat down beside her."Maya and I are done. I broke things off." "What? How come?" She asked, surprised. They fit each other. "I realized we were drifting apart, my feelings too," Conrad admitted."I'm not going to continue hurting her. She doesn't deserve that. I never cheated, fuck, I'd never forgive myself if I did. But, I figured that it'd be better to just break up."
Isabel nodded."That's the mature thing to do. The right thing to do." Jeremiah should've done that, instead of trying to get her to marry him. But both of the brothers were very different people. She had no room to compare.
"Yeah, but she's devastated anyway. I think she didn't see it coming. And neither did i."
Isabel wondered if he had, she can see the look in Conrad's eyes. He's always ended things respectfully with his past girlfriends. She was the one to end it with him, and she hated herself for how it ended.
"I understand," She spoke."I mean, especially with the experience that I've gotten." Conrad laughed."Yeah, you've got the best experience to say that, Belly Conklin." She jokingly huffed. It's funny, and the way he calls her Belly, somewhere in her heart, it melts.
She didn't like the name Belly anymore, but for Conrad, it felt right. That's how he knew her, really, for the majority of her life. She'd been named Isabel Susannah Conklin, but from the time she was born, it'd been Belly. It felt wrong that she held the honor of having Susannah as a middle name. But she knew, if she ever had a daughter, she'd give her the same middle name, like a tradition to honor Susannah.
She hoped she'd have a daughter someday or soon. the less of an age gap, the better, but for now, she was content with just one. "I remember coming here often, you caught me once, smoking here," Conrad remembered.
"And by the pool, I wonder if your parents knew," She chuckled.
"No, I've always made sure to not get caught," Conrad laughed."jere knew, though, I think, he just never said it out loud. Knowing him, I'm surprised he didn't." Isabel laughed. For once in a while, she felt like Belly, not just Isabel. But she still wanted to leave that behind. She wanted it badly.
"How are you feeling?"
She turned."What do you mean?" "I can see it, in your eyes," Conrad said."I'm not the only one. I've shared that look before." During that time of his life, she knew it exactly, she knew what he meant. "Life's been stressful," She said."I don't regret coming back to Cousins. But a lot of the painful memories came back." The memories she liked to well, forget them. She didn't run from her problems, most of the time, but when she found out she was pregnant in Spain, it gave her an excuse.
No, she couldn't run from this one thing.
She couldn't.
"I want to run," She admitted."It sounds stupid, but it's been comforting, I mean, I wasn't intending to when I went to study abroad, but it helped. I've gotten used to that pattern. Now I just want to leave with Beck already."
"I get that," Conrad said."But you can't, Belly. Not now. Not in this point of your life, you can learn from those mistakes." Dammit, he's right. She can learn, she's a grown woman. It'd be immature to run from the problem she's facing now. Laurel, her mother, knew damn well she was a runner. She was like her, in a way.
And now that she had a child, it'd be incredibly selfish to do that with beck. he'd never want to run.
A five-year old needed stability, and while Beck had it, but it was different now. She had to make the right decisions for him, and her. Mentally, she had to fix that habit and let it die out. But sometimes, she wondered what it would be like to just go to somewhere new. Cousins had been a comfort for her, but now, the place was haunted.
"I'm not going to run again," Isabel said."But I don't know if I want to come back just yet. Maybe in a year or so. I realized healing was getting away, when I first went to Spain. And it helped, a lot." "I understand that completely," Conrad laughed."I also left Cousins for school." She wanted to let him badly, but that also would mean her feelings for him would come rushing back, and it wasn't a good time. He had just broken up with his girlfriend. A girl he might've been with for a while.
She got up, and smiled at Conrad, before going back to her room in Cousins.
She couldn't be in love with him again.
Maybe that would be painful, but she could live with the pain, at least he could be happy without her, and move on. Stepping back into bed, she stared up at the ceiling. Beck wanted to sleep with his Father one night. Although there was plenty of room for him to have his own room in this place, he didn't want that. And this time, she allowed it.
As a child she did the same, mostly with her mother but when her father was around at the house, she’d sometimes sleep with him too. A young girl, little then.
She wished she had more of those moments that she could remember.
And then she fell asleep.
In the morning, Isabel had gone downstairs for breakfast. She could smell something delicious. Conrad had made breakfast for everyone. "Oh wow," Anika said, surprised. "Conrad, this is lovely," Laurel said.
"It's a good day for pancakes, don't you think?"
Isabel laughed, then nodded.
Beck was pretty excited and she loved seeing the look of excitement. A child always liked pancakes most of the time. She liked cooking for him. At breakfast, it felt like a family thing again. Like how it’d been before. This time Steven and Taylor weren’t there and were enjoying their beautiful honeymoon somewhere else.
After breakfast, Isabel took Beck on a walk on the beach.
The beach was always soothing, and calming.
She took Beck's hand in hers. It brought back her own memories of when Laurel brought her and Steven to the beach.
As a child she didn’t always like going to the beach. Sometimes she just wanted to go explore the town. She wanted to fit in with everyone else. Just being Steven’s sister had been annoying. at the time, anyway, she wanted more than anything to fit in with all of them. Now, it never mattered as much. She wanted to just be her own person.
What was so wrong with that?
She was her own person.
When they got back from the beach, Beck was worn out and wanted a nap. At five, he got worn out easily. Once she got him upstairs to take a nap in one of the other bedrooms, she came back downstairs, wanting some time for herself.
She didn’t speak to Jeremiah much. She had nothing to say to him really. And anyway, it was tempting to punch Lacie right in the face. And she could argue multiple times that Lacie didn’t belong. But by that logic, she didn’t either. She wasn’t a Fisher. She shouldn’t be there either or Laurel. Or Steven. So she had a right to be there.
Yet the past was what made her angry and the fact that Lacie shouldn't be there. Jeremiah was just like Adam, and she wondered if he knew that. She made herself a drink. But she didn't intend to get drunk today. No, she just wanted one drink for the sake of some peace and for herself.
Conrad had gone into town, probably for groceries or what not. Isabel didn't really pay too much attention to it.
Lacie loved giving her looks.
At 2:00, they got a surprise guest. "Denise, Hi," Isabel said."I didn't think you were coming." "Well, I missed Steven's wedding, so I wanted stop by," She said."I've got wedding gifts for both of them anyway, so, I wanted to drop them off. And I see former roomie's here."
"Hey Denise," Jeremiah said.
He moved in with Denise for some time. In her opinion, she suspected they might've even hooked up. But he somehow found his way back to Lacie. Intoxicating, apparently. She thought Denise might've been a better match for him than Lacie, at least.
“You can hang out with us,” Isabel said.”I mean you came all this way anyway. California’s cool, isn’t it?” She’d been there a couple of times. Steven and Taylor actually lived there alongside Denise, for their business, which was successful. "Fine, I suppose it won't hurt with all of this free time," Denise smiled. What Isabel liked a lot about Denise was her free spirit, and just the way she didn't take a shit from anyone. She wished she'd been like that when she got to that age.
Lacie eyed Denise."I'm going to go into town, Jere. I'll be back, okay?"
He nodded."Go ahead, baby. I've got all of the time in the world." Jere had finished College, pursued his love of cooking and was a chief now, apparently. not that she liked to be updated on Jeremiah's life, or Conrad's. but she already had a guess on what he'd be doing.
Medicine. He never gave up on that dream even during his depressive episode. She hadn't been like that, but she nearly gave up on Spain at one point. She considered it, briefly, with Jere. But then she knew how stupid that was, guys were everywhere, but to travel the world, was a limited opportunity.
She took the opportunity her mother never got, and then she ended up in the same position, young and pregnant. But she continued on that dream with beck, before settling in England when he was two and a half years old.
He probably didn't even remember those moments, but she did. She took photos, she kept them in a scrapbook, and in his baby book. Maybe it was because he'd been her first baby, but she wanted to document everything.
Beck was growing up too fast, and she wanted to stay for every moment.
And she regretted it for Conrad, to miss it on everything.
When Conrad got back, while Denise was here, drinking and hanging out with them, she decided to hand them over to him. He deserved the scrapbook, with the photos, the baby book. At least all of it was on her computer, well, her old one.
“Hey.”
She said to him when he sat at the edge of the pool, feet in the water. “Hey,” Conrad said.”What are those?”
”Things I should’ve given you a long time ago,” Isabel laughed.
He took a good look at them. “Scrapbooks? A baby book,” He smiled.”Ah, you are the sentimental type.” “Okay, but I was selfish and didn’t give you a chance to see him grow up,” She said.”This is the least I could do.”
He looked through some of the photos. She could tell, he was enjoying it. The photos. Of course he did. He'd already grown to love his son. But, she would've been fine with him not being so into it, it takes time, most of the time. But he's Conrad. He's always been doing things differently.
"I don't know, it feels wrong to keep this," Conrad said. "No, I've got copies of all of the photos," She laughed."Keep them. I'm sure they'll be meaningful. Baby photos are the way to someone's heart."
Conrad laughed."Then I'll keep them. I probably will look at them every day."
She smiled, dipping her feet into the water."And I think some awkward tension is there, between Jere, Lacie, and Denise. Drama!" "Belly, you're 24 years old," Conrad burst into laughter."Drama is not something you should prioritize."
"I can still enjoy it, you know, from time to time. I think we could've invited more of his exes, though. Wouldn't that have been fun?"
Conrad snickered."you're very petty, Belly Conklin."
"And you're also petty, Conrad Fisher," She commented. Today had been better than she thought it might be.
And now that there was some drama in the mix, she thought it might be better than ever. She didn’t usually like it if she was involved, but watching from the sidelines, it definitely was fun. But what annoyed her the most was that she wanted to kiss Conrad. She wanted to confess that she still loved him.
But she wasn’t.
It was beginning to eat her from the inside out.
It might never stop.