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With a whole day free – for the first time since moving in – Vanitas had more time to breathe. But for the life of him, he couldn’t bring himself to relax. Not even a little bit.
What the HELL was that?
In the past, he had questioned his sexuality every now and then. Who hasn’t? However, growing up, Vanitas didn’t have the time or energy for self-discovery or self-expression. Dismissing it every time with “you don’t have to be gay to appreciate someone’s beauty” worked for a while. But that dream was… undeniably more than appreciation. He could clearly imagine Noé’s lips on his, the mischievous smile, the thumb-biting and blushing… Yeah, that’s pretty gay.
But that wasn’t the problem. Of all the people to be his “bisexual awakening”, it just had to be the one person who could be his undoing at any time.
While Vanitas was deep in thought, Murr brushed up against him, disrupting his spiraling.
“What do you want?” Vanitas grumbled, shooing him aside.
Murr persisted, purring loudly against his hand.
“Ugh, fine. Just this once,” he said, scratching the cat’s head. “Since Noé’s not here for you to bother…”
Come to think of it, Noé said he’d be at therapy, didn’t he? I wonder what for…? Probably not about me, right? Vanitas thought of everything that could possibly go wrong with Noé. As he did, he continued to pet Murr, who happily took advantage of Vanitas’s absentmindedness, not moving a muscle for about half an hour – that was when Vanitas came to his senses and told him to go away before Noé got back.
When Noé had come home from his therapist appointment, he looked frustrated. Vanitas’s immediate thought was, naturally, anxiety about whatever Noé disclosed to the therapist. However, his concern faded into more of a curiosity as time passed without them saying a word to each other. Noé didn’t seem to be frustrated at him.
I wonder what’s got him worked up like that? He wondered how else he could get Noé “worked up” but terminated the thought immediately. What’s wrong with me!
Not wanting to overstep, Vanitas decided to stay out of it. If he was sad, it wasn’t his problem. But then, he noticed Noé glancing his way a little too frequently. He could practically taste how thick the air was between them. And the last thing he wanted was to be on bad terms with the one civilian he had to be close to. Especially Noé. He figured the best way to resolve tension was to talk it over.
“You keep looking at me.”
Instead, Noé instantly apologized, as if it was his fault. “Oh, do you not want me to?”
Vanitas sighed a heavy breath of relief in his mind. Trying to play it cool, he attempted to joke. “I don’t mind, but remember what I told you the other day? If you stare too long, I might have to start charging you~” and he winked. Noé instantly turned his head. Apparently that did not ease the tension.
“I-I’m kidding!” Hiding the panic in his voice, he deflected, “It just feels like you have something on your mind. What do you want to say?”
After a minute, Noé responded, “I was just wondering how the scratch on your leg is doing.”
If he wanted to avoid giving Noé the upper hand, he couldn’t let him find out his body was abnormal.
“It’s almost all better now,” he lied. “Nothing an extra bandaid can’t help cover. Thanks for asking.” He suddenly remembered. “By the way, I never said thank you.” Tossing the bottle of medicine Noé gave him the other day, he lied again. “I didn’t need it, but I appreciate the thought.”
The past few nights have been especially rough at the lab. After breaking Jeanne’s arm, August had been particularly heartless with Moreau’s experiments, often pushing him past his limit. Pain wasn’t new to him, but Noé’s offer was not wasted. He ended up taking one pill out of the bottle every night. At first glance, he probably wouldn’t be able to tell there were any fewer than there were when he gave them to him.
“No problem!”
Is he… smiling?
“If you ever do need anything in the future, I probably have it.”
Vanitas was usually good at reading people’s intentions behind their words. He could spot lies from a mile away. But something about Noé was… too good of a performance. It caught him off guard and, frankly, unnerved him a bit. But he thanked him anyways, his eyes following him to the medicine drawer as he walked.
There was another uncomfortable silence between the two of them. Then, out of nowhere, Noé resumed the conversation. Thankfully, it was simply small talk. Vanitas had prepared for this kind of stuff. He answered quickly, trying to stay on top of their dynamic. It was nice to have the upper hand for once. But Noé’s damn response–
“Oh yeah, I should have guessed that. Sorry.”
Come to think of it, Noé had apologized countless times. Over the most menial things, too. It must be another trick up his sleeve. Some sort of manipulation tactic to get me to think he’s cute. Fuck– Not cute! Harmless!
Whatever it was, it was effective.
Shrugging off his unease, Vanitas asked, “You say sorry a lot. Why is that?”
Noé paused. “Sorry, could you repeat the question again?”
Damn it! He’s playing into this “uwu I’m so cute and innocent and nice and helpful” character too well.
“See? There it is again.” Sticking to his script, he reiterated, “You apologize too much. Why do you do that?”
“I don’t know. Is it annoying to you?” It was said with such innocence that Vanitas nearly clutched his heart. His ears burned red – which would have been a dead giveaway if they were visible. Luckily, his hair covered them.
“Eh… I think it would get annoying if that’s all you ever said.” It took every ounce of practiced calmness in his body to come up with that response and not fold.
“Can you let me know if it gets annoying? I tend to not notice things like that.”
Fuck! He knows he’s getting under my skin! And unfortunately, it worked so well that Vanitas almost wanted to believe him. “Sure.”
“Really?”
Before he could get another word in, Noé added, “Can you also tell me if anything else I do is upsetting in any way too? Like if I get on your nerves, will you let me know what I’m doing wrong?”
Aha! I can build off of this! If I can gain his trust, maybe I can convince him to keep quiet! “I don’t think I’d be able to hold back if you got on my nerves. Of course I’d tell you.”
To Vanitas’s dismay, Noé delivered another powerful and effective line.
“Do you promise? Do you promise to tell me if I make you upset or uncomfortable or annoyed or anything?” Eyes shimmering with sincerity and hope, Noé finished Vanitas right then and there.
And damn it, he knew he lost.
He chuckled to himself, then laughed a bit louder, unable to mask fully anymore. If I’m going to lose this game of chess between us one day…
“You seem pretty excited about it! How could I refuse?”
…I’m glad my opponent is you.