Chapter Text
Chapter 3
Then
Time passed and the work continued. The bubble of enjoying each other's company and their passion project was life-giving in many ways. Cynthia had never felt so happy and secure in an environment. Jon was an excellent leader and now she knew he would be a lifelong friend. He understood the story and the characters so well. Michelle and Jeff were a constant support falling into the roles of uncle and aunty on the set.
Nothing really changed between Ariana and Cynthia. They still hung out at each other's homes, had sleepovers and facetimed constantly. Cynthia brought her to moms house often, introducing her to sister Stephanie eventually and Ariana included her on all her face times with her mother Joan and Nonna when they called. They spent off days talking walks about the city and evening cuddled up together reading, drawing, and watching tv. Cynthia had never felt so at ease.
It was almost as if the kiss never occurred.
Almost.
During those quiet moments Cynthia would be drawn to Ari. Her gaze is penetrating and constant. And the younger woman seemed to know right when she would be watching her, her cheeks dusted pink, a dimpled smile slowly appearing before she would close her eyes and ask “what?” very quietly.
And it was always the same lame reply because what she could really say. I can’t take my eyes off you and you’re truly beautiful inside and out? So she went the tried and true. “Nothing love, just making sure you’re ok”.
“I’m ok, Cynthie” the blond smiled, reaching over to give her hand a squeeze.
And that brought a full on smile Cynthia loved. God how she wanted to kiss that dimple. The reverse happened often also. Cynthia felt Ari watching her when she thought she wasn’t paying attention. But silly girl. When was she ever not paying attention?
It drove her mad a little, the soft gaze of wanting and desire that would be present in those brown eyes. And as quick as it was there, Ariana’s wall would drop back into place. She’d smile and make a joke and flitter away into some other nonsense. But it didn’t matter because Cynthia had seen it. She had felt it.
It was between them. Whether they spoke it out loud or not. A live wire just under the surface.
Around this time Ari started hanging out with Ethan. And Cynthia hated it.
She didn’t have anything against him but a lingering distaste whenever he was around. He hung near like a puppy dog hanging on the younger woman. It grated at her nerves.
Ariana indulged him. And Cynthia oftentimes had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes.
Things with Lena were what they were. She called and apologized properly and even sent flowers. Cynthia could hardly stay mad at her partner who simply missed her presence. Especially since she was fighting for her life over here with everything she was feeling for another woman.
It wasn't just Ari. Things with Lena were not good. The more time she spent with Ari the more she realized she was and had been settling for whatever Lena would give her in the relationship. She had been for a very long time.
Cynthia sat down and pulled out her notebook. The words were coming together more and more each day. She was feeling like she could try again maybe.
The black woman sat back with a sigh and began to hum, the pencil tapping on the pages. Lena always wanted her to be the one to make a move. She always folded for the sake of peace. For the sake of not being left behind.
Sometime later the diminutive woman sat her pencil down and gathered her things to go. She still wasn't sure if she wanted to try and make her own music again. But the words were definitely there.
Today was a good day. They had finished early and had the day off tomorrow. Ari had booked some studio time to do a little work on her album. She was thinking of maybe making it a deluxe. Cynthia soon found that the blond was a perfectionist when it came to her music. The talent she possessed and her ear for really hearing the notes was prodigy level. The older woman trusted her explicitly when it came to music and picking out what went well and didn’t.
Jonathan and Bowen would join to hang out a little later. And the girls found themselves already an hour into the session. Ari sat at the controller board mixing sounds and singing in her pink microphone.
Cynthia couldn’t keep the smile off her face if she tried. She was so talented. So smart. People really didn’t give this woman enough credit.
“Earth to Cynthia” Aria sang, a smile on her face. “Where did you go?” she laughed as she made her way over to sit next to her friend.
“I’m sorry babe, I love watching you work” she smiled that beautiful toothy grin. “You’re too cute,” she added with a wink.
Ari leaned into her, knocking her shoulder against her. “Is that so”
“Mmm hmm ” Cynthia murmured, her voice laced with amusement.
They stared into each other's eyes for a long moment. Everything unsaid just under the surface.
“You should be in there, Cyn. This should be you.” Ari said leaning back on the sofa watching her carefully. “The world needs to hear that voice”.
“Ari please. We’ve talked about this. I’ve tried and it just didn’t take” she exhaled a tight breath. Labels wanted an image she could never quite fit. She wasn’t a pop star or a Rb crooner. The music she wanted to make was deeper than all that.
“No just..Let me prove it to you” Ari hopped off the couch excitedly. “Come on” she groaned, reaching for her friend's hand pulling her up with a grunt. “Get in the booth” she ordered with a lifted eyebrow. “I’m not playing, let's go!” she giggled pushing Cynthia towards the door and having the audacity to give her backside a heavy swat!”
“Hey!” Cynthia gasped. Ok that left her more than a little bothered. Definitely aroused.
Ari simply bit her bottom lip playfully. “In. The. Booth. Please.” she winked.
“Are you ready” Ari sang as she sat behind the controller board.
“For what, Silly girl. What am I supposed to be singing?”
Ariana pressed her finger against her bottom lip deep in thought. “Ummm” she paused, her eyes lighting up suddenly. “Sing that Spanish lullaby you did.”
“What. You saw that” Cynthia laughed, her heart full wih affection.
“Duh, I told you I looked up everything that beautiful voice was ever in” Ari grinned. “ I never lie when comes to you darling” she said in a spot on of impersonation of Cynthia
“Cheeky.”
“You love it…now sing.” Ari said settling down into her producer role very seriously.
Cynthia tried to relax her body seeing as the blond was not letting this go. She centered herself and did a few breathing exercises. Ari gave her the all clear once she found the right music to accompany and the older woman put the headphones on.
“ S i puiera leer tus suenos” she sang closing her eyes let the music fill her up . “Y sonar a en papel. Hoja a hoja tu cuaderno una vez y otra vez” her voice rang out softly".
Ari watched in amazement, the object of her affection. She couldn’t have loved the woman more if she tried. Her voice wafted through the booth hitting the highs and lows with perfect cadence.
“Ari”
“Huh?” she blinked a wistful smile on her face. The blond blushed a deep red on her cheeks.
Cynthia’s laughter filled the booth.
So fucking adorable.
“Wow. Cyn that was…” Ari gave a wistful sigh. “Ok listen. I want you to sing that again but this time on a different pitch. Ok. We’re gonna layer the chorus in nothing but you babe.” Ari winked. “Trust me. It's gonna be like angels in heaven.”
Something about watching Ari so diligently work to mix and layer a simple children's song just to prove a point moved something in her. The blonde brow crinkled as she searched for every correct sound. She chewed her bottom lip, her fingers moving in succession over the board.
Yeah. Cynthia was definitely bothered.. A determined and focused Ari was wildly sexy.
“GOT IT!” Ari sang out Galindified, making a fist in the air. “Listen to this babe” she pushed the button.
Cynthia’s layered voice filled the room and it was…wow.
Ari grinned like she had a winning lottery ticket. “What do you think?” she was suddenly bashful.
Cynthia sat down hard on the sofa staring at this slip of woman in utter disbelief. The level of faith and belief she showered on her was overwhelming. She sighed, her voice thick with emotion her. “How..did you..Its… Its me” she whispered a tear falling and Ari was by her side immediately an arm thrown over her shoulder.
“Hey. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry.” She said, voice trembling. And God she sounded so young at that moment. Looking at her with big worried brown eyes.
“You think too much of me love” A sadness lingered in the black woman’s eyes. “I don’t think I can live up to the hype.”
“ Baby… you don’t think enough of yourself.” Ariana said fiercely. She leaned forward so that they were sitting with no space between each other. “Don’t you realize how wonderful you are?” she said, astonished.
“Ari”
“Cyn you’re magic” her fingers brushed her friends striking cheekbone in a feather like touch. “I wish you could see what I see,” she said in a gentle voice. “You’re perfect.”
It was too much. Really. She closed her eyes against all that love being sent her way and allowed Ari to lean into her, her head resting against her neck.
They sat that way for a long moment.
“Ari, look at me” Cynthia asked, now that she had regained a bit of composure. Her voice was low and husky.
The blond sat up, reluctantly moving from her favorite spot against the older woman. “Yeah” she asked, eyes still full of concern.
“I want to say thank you”
“I didn’t do anything, babe. That was all you. You just needed to see it for yourself” Ari bowed her head a bit overwhelmed by everything.
Cynthing reached out with a slender finger, her long nail pressing gently against Ari’s chin, turning her face to look into her eyes. “Ariana” It was said with a hint of dominance but still gentle.
The blond eyes snapped up at attention, her breath catching just like the day they kissed in the trailer.
“Breathe baby” a whisper.
Another quick intake of breath that seemed stuck in Ari’s chest because the way she said that baby was definitely not as friends. She was suddenly nervous and there was a deer in headlights look in her eyes.
Just the slightest movement, and the older woman’s lips were just breath away from own. “Breathe Ari” she whispered, puffs of warm hair hitting her lips.
“We shouldn't" whispered back.
“Probably. But you deserve a kiss. Just a kiss” Whispered so lowly Ari was throbbing and honestly didn’t realize she was nodding yes before she was pressed into the world's gentlest kiss.
God her mouth.
Her lips, full and soft and Ari full on moaned.
And again.
Another coil snapped in Cynthia.
Her hand reached and squeezed the tiny waist before her. Ari’s hands went to Cynthia’s shoulders to steady herself and quite suddenly she was lifted. LIFTED and settled on the older woman's lap.
“Fuck” she broke away from Cynthia’s lips gasping for air.
“Open your mouth baby, I wanna taste you.” Cynthia groaned, pulling her back.
And this time, Ari gave as good as she was getting. She sucked on those full lips biting down gently. She was greedy for Cynthia’s moans who apparently returned the sentiments.
Their tongues clashed again and in open mouth kisses, moving against each other like a wave. They were in perfect sync.
Cynthia caught Ari’s tongue and sucked hard on it. Her hand tangled into blondes hair and pulled her head back, breaking the kiss. She attacked Ariana’s throat, licking a hot trail down to her neck. She murmured against the soft flesh. “Breathe baby” and then she sucked the flesh, hard.
“Jesus fuck!” Ari gasped her nails biting into Cynthia’s shoulders.
“That’s a wonderful idea.” Cynthia groaned, her hands reaching down to Ari’s jean clad ass squeezing possessively.
Two things happened very quickly and simultaneously.
The door opened. Jonathan walked in.
“Ok!! Dinner breakkkk OH SHITT THE FUCK..”He yelped jumping back inadvertently shuting the door. Thankfully.
“Fuck!” Ari yelped and hit the floor unceremoniously.
“For Fucksake “Cynthia nearly shouted her hand on her heart. She looked apologetically at the blond on the floor. “Shit. sorry” she said, reaching her hand out.
And then came the unadulterated laughter. Jonathon literally threw his head back and cackled. “About fucking time!” he bellowed holding on to the door. “Though fucking in the studio is somewhat cliche’d wouldn’t you agree.”
They stared at him in disbelief for a moment.
“You better hurry up, Bowen is on his way. Jon too” He laughed at them.
“Well, go on. I’ve caught you, don’t just sit there. Or would like everyone to see you my sweet, flushed red as beat and you.” he motioned to Cynthia “looking like the cat that got the cream” He snickered eyes twinkling. “Though a few minutes more and you very may well have.” he guffawed.
“Oh shut up!” she smacked him on the chest as she checked Ari over. “Are- you. Are you ok” she said lamely and clearly embarrassed at being caught.
“Yeah. I um. I’m. You..why don’t you go and um”
“Very articulate love” Jonathan chimed in, barely containing his glee.
Ari narrowed her eyes on him… “Make yourself useful and stall please”
“Fine, fine. But if you two aren’t out of this room in two minutes I’m sending in Bowen. And yeah that would look nice as the latest SNL skit Innit” He grinned.
“OUT!”
“I’m going” He said, throwing his hands up in the air good naturedly.
They stood still a few feet apart for their own sanity.
Ari chewed her lip not so subtly, putting more distance between them. “Maybe you should go get dinner without me.”
“No Ari. Don’t do that. We can't start acting differently. I -Please” Cynthia implored her. Her hands were slightly shaking.
“Cyn” the blond breathed out. “I just need a night, ok. If we go to dinner we will most definitely end up at yours or my house afterwards and you know it” she said.
Cynthia’s eyes widened under the truth of it.
“And then” Ari continued. “We will fuck” she said with certainty
The older sighed clasping her slender hands together in an effort not to reach out and touch the object she so clearly desired. Her body was a live wire.
“Please don't. I want you.” Ari admitted and she was so tired of denying it and Cynthia could see and feel that.
They both were.
“But I can’t have you” she said softly her eyes holding the older woman’s. “Its a fact Cyn. I can’t. You’re not ready.” She sighed.
“Ariana” Cynthia moved toward her and the girl literally shot her hands out stopping her.
“Please don’t. Just. Stay there Ok. I can’t.” A sigh and a hand pressed against a pale forehead. “There’s only so much control I have. I’m trying to be an adult about this. For you” She said with conviction. “You deserve that”
God.
“I’ve never not gone after what I wanted Cynthia. But for you. I’ll” she shook her head. “I’ll stand down. Ok” the words tumbled out.
It was so hard to say.
“I never want to hurt you” Ari said sadly
“Ari if you keep talking like this I’m coming over there and I will kiss you silly and fuck you until you realize how much you mean to me” Cynthia said and she was shocked at how honest she was. She hadn’t meant to say that.
Yet here they were.
The blond literally shivered under that declaration. But she held firm.
“You’re the one who taught me about wanting more and doing better for myself.” she smiled sadly. “You’re not ready. And you would regret it. Regret me”
“Ari please. Don’t say that. I could never regret you.” Cynthia moved cautiously towards the younger woman. It broke her heart to see her like this, folding into herself arms crossed over her chest. “Baby please. Just” she reached for her and pulled her into a full body hug.
They clung to each other then. Taking the comfort they both needed in that moment.
“I don’t want to be another person that’s hurt you” Cynthia breathed against Ari’s ear.
Ari nodded against her and pulled back, stepping out of the hu g.
“I need you to be certain. I can’t-” she paused looking for the right words. “It has to be..I have to be what you want” she whispered. “I’ll still be your friend, you’re not getting rid of me” she smiled weakly. “I need you too much”
Cynthia nodded. The ball was in her court. She swallowed the lump in her throat.
“I need you too much too.”
“”Go to dinner” Ari said with a half smile just barely revealing her dimple. “I’ll come see you tomorrow. We’ll go shopping. Like Friends do” she said stepping close to give a soft kiss on a brown cheek.
And then she was gone.
And Cynthia stood there feeling more alone than she had ever felt.
NOW
The hospital was cold and Cynthia was glad she had her jacket. Frankie ever the gentleman offered a blanket the nurse had left them. The waiting area was top tier. She had never been in a celebrity wing of a hospital. It held status, tucked away from the everyday people. Located on the top floor. She vaguely remembered the long elevator ride up. Frankie fidgeted in the corner not giving her any information and she was too scared to press.
But now here she was. Ariana’s mother Joan was asleep on the chaise tucked in the corner. Her father was away on business but on route apparently. No one wanted to tell their Nonna unless they had real news. The woman was over 90 after all, they were all grateful she was insulated from this. She stayed at the family compound as Ari called it, with the family.
Frankie mentioned friends had obviously reached out but there were strict guidelines about visitors.
“How’d I get in?” she asked, eyes bleary from a 6 hour flight.
“You’re family” he shrugged. And her heart ached.
“Your mom hates me Frankie. Or did you forget the Met Gala fiasco” Cyn sighed sadly.
“Ari would want you here,” he added, sitting next to her. Cynthia gave him skeptical look.
“I don't know about that Frankie. We weren’t on good terms” Cynthia pressed her fingers against her forehead. “I hurt more times that I ever wanted to.” her voice cracked. “Lena took advantage of everything and I let her. I got so busy, then the Met and GOD, NONNA” Cyntha covered her face in her hands.
“And she still love you, Cyn. She’s been holed up taking all that grief into her and I know you know that” he said tiredly. They are both elder siblings. They knew how it went. “She’s been spiraling and I should've done more to get out of it.” he sniffed.
“Frankie you were grieving also love” Cynthia rubbed his back.
“Mabye. All I know is she told me you two were talking and she felt really happy Cyn. She felt hopeful. Sure she still missed Nonna but she wanted you with her.” He said firmly.
Frankie wrapped his arm around the slender shoulders of his sister's biggest love. Cynthia melted against him and finally let her emotions free. He held her close as she cried, hot tears rolling over her face dripping down onto her hands. She could barely breathe, it was choking her.
“Breathe, come on now. Deep breaths.” she barely heard.
“That's it. In and Out. slowly. Ok. Cynthia again. Can you feel me holding your hand?”
“Yes. I feel your hand” she sniffed trying to get her breathing under control like she knew to do in a panic attack. Ari had them enough. It had been years since she had one.
“Ok what do you smell” Frankie encouraged.
Her nose flared a bit. “Sterile, alcohol. Bad cologne. You have to get better stuff” she sniffed and he laughed, it vibrated against her back.
“Noted” he said dryly. “Keep breathing. That's it.”
After some time and a few sips of water later she felt more composed. “I’m sorry. I’m not usually like this”
“ Girl please. I’m one step behind you” he said trying to lighten the mood.
Cynthia stared into his eyes. “You two look so much alike,” she sniffed.
“You’ll get the real thing soon hun. Just hang in there. We gotta stay strong for her now” he added. “We can fall apart when we know she's ok.”
“What happened Frankie? I’ve kept myself off twitter. I didn’t want to find out some misinformation.” she said, turning in her seat towards him.
Frankie chanced a glance over at the form of his sleeping mother. He held both Cynthia’s hands into his larger ones
“She was coming home from the club. She had a driver. We always do. I don’t know. I- I haven't had the time to check on him. I know he survived” Frankie said, relieved. “The police told us. It was a drunk driver I guess. He veered into the opposite lane and hit the car in front of ours. That car hit into Ari’s and” Frankie shuddered.
Cynthia’s eyes widened in horror just visualizing the whole thing. But then she need not bother too. The television in the waiting area went to the news and of course Ariana’ Grande’s possibly fatal accident flashed on the screen.
The images of a crumpled up Ranger truck nearly sent Cynthia back into a state of panic. “SHE WAS IN THAT!”
“Hey hey, sit sit. Please, I don’t want mom to wake up and see that” he said, standing quickly. “Hey you, can someone turn this shit off please” he said angrily to the orderly passing by. “Please”
Cynthia sat down hard in the seat, her slender hand shaking as she covered her face. “She’s so tiny” she shook her head, more tears spilling out.
“I know. I know. She’s hanging in there”
Just then a nurse came out with an update. Frankie made the executive decision to hear the news first before waking his mom. Just in case.
“Is it bad” he said and Cynthia was by his side, her hand in his. “Do I need to wake my mom?”
Tbc….