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Darbus Ironcrest was a dwarf from the Iron Hills. He was here as part of Lord Dain’s guards but had been released for duty at the moment as Lord Dain was sequestered in his cousin, King Thorin Oakenshield II’s private chambers, not just with royal guards on all entrances and exits, but also with the head of the royal guard and Erebor’s security detail, Lord Dwalin Fundinson, in the room with them too. Whilst Darbus knew it was more a family gathering than anything less, his Lord was safe and as protected as anyone could get, with the Heroes of Erebor popping in and out, all dwarves of good renown and who were brave, strong and true enough to overcome all the obstacles that the reclamation of Erebor threw their way.
So Darbus hadn’t been worried, not a worry in the world, as he allowed his feet to take him around the majesty that was Erebor returned to glory. He knew he shouldn’t be; he was a dwarf, after all, but he couldn’t help but be impressed by the work and skill that had restored Erebor in a scant 5 years since the Battle of the Five Armies as it had become known. The battle where their King succeeded against the scourge of Durin and managed to make peace in this side of Arda.
Of course, Darbus, like everyone else, had heard about the strange mystical creature that the King had married. A hobbit. Not that Darbus knew what a hobbit was or what one looked like, but to be such a being that the King of the Durins would marry, well, they had to be similar enough to a dwarf, as well as strong enough, to have helped in the reclamation. It was one of the many reasons Darbus had volunteered for this guard duty to a distant kingdom. To see his own cousins who had settled here, no longer destitute in the Blue Hills, to see the land of their forefathers reclaimed and to catch a peek at the illustrious hobbit that every dwarf wanted to meet. That every dwarf with a drop of Durin blood in them wanted to thank.
Alas, Darbus had wandered all around this mountain in his hours off and hadn’t seen hide nor hair of anyone who may be the mysterious hobbit. Instead, he found his feet taking him from the forges to the kitchens, amazed at the work and majesty that filled this entire mountain.
He was currently grabbing a snack from Lord Bombur, who had graciously allowed him to eat in the corner of the kitchen when he saw them.
A small, odd-looking creature who had dashed in, grabbed some food and ran out again without stopping, without thanking anyone, and most importantly, without being a dwarf.
Darbus didn’t want to draw attention to the creature, the thief. He should have, but all he could think of was the glory he would receive when he presented this being to the King and explained he was a thief and a stowaway in the mountain.
With that thought, he quickly finished his meal and thanked Lord Bombur before scurrying away himself. It had barely been 5 minutes since he had seen the small, fat creature scurry away, but when he looked around the area, they were gone. Somehow swallowed up in a sea of dwarves, regardless of the fact he was so different, so peculiar. Darbus looked around once more before giving up, but he promised himself he would keep his eyes out for the thief. It was the least he could do in his Lord and his King’s defence.
Darbus had been considering telling someone of the errant thief when he suddenly spotted them again, dashing out of the throne room with a bundle of pages in his hands. Now Darbus knew the being wasn’t just a thief but also a saboteur. They must have been to have such official-looking documents in his hands. Darbus had only had a quick glance at them from afar, but he had seen the King’s seal stamped on the top of one such document, and he knew this time he couldn’t allow them to escape.
This time, he didn’t opt for stealth. Instead, he ran after them quickly, ignoring all those he knocked out of the way.
He followed in astonishment at how brash this being was. He was heading right for the royal chambers, and Darbus wasn’t sure if they were using some kind of magic that only he could see through, but nobody else seemed to want to stop the being as they dashed through the corridors of Erebor.
Darbus felt triumphant when he noticed they were in a darker, more secluded corridor and before the being could slither away from him once more, Darbus put on a burst of stead and tackled the being, taking him flying to the ground and quickly straddling them to grasp their hands and place them behind the beings hands.
“I say, unhand me,” the being, clearly a male, said as Darbus grabbed for some rope he carried to tie the other hands together.
“I don’t think so, thief in the shadows. You will be going to the King,” Darbus growled as he shook the being before him and tried to lift and twist his body to buck Darbus off him.
Darbus didn’t think much of the small and fat being before him, even if he was a good thief, spy and possible assassin. He was nothing compared to a dwarf of Darbus’ calibre and skill, and so Darbus was completely taken aback when the being latched his teeth into Darbus’ arms as it got too close to his mouth. When Darbus relented his grip, the being reared backwards and smashed his head into Darbus’ face, causing Darbus to completely let go of them and stagger to his feet and off their back.
“Yes, take me to the King and see how he reacts. You have no idea what you are doing, and you will suffer for it,” the small, rounded featured male said as he wiggled until he was able to flip on his back, his hands now bound, and Bilbo glared at Darbus in retaliation.
“Shut it, or I will make you,” Darbus growled as he looked at the bleeding marks on his arm. The pebble-faced creature had bitten hard enough to pierce Darbus’ skin, and he had a moment of worry, wondering if the thing's mouth caused wounds to fester as a warg’s did. “Whatever you are, you will face retribution for sneaking around the mountain and stealing from the King of Erebor,” Darbus proclaimed pompously.
“Whatever I am? I am a … wait, you don’t know who I am? How long have you been here now?” Bilbo asked the large dwarf who had apprehended him in both confusion and annoyance.
“It is none of your business. I will not tell you a thing,” Darbus growled out as he leaned down and roughly pulled Bilbo to his feet.
“I think it’s business when you apprehended me for no reason,” Bilbo snapped back, glaring at the dwarf who was rough-handling him.
Thieves don’t get a say in their own apprehension. We are going to the King, and that is that no be quiet!” was snapped back at Bilbo as he continued to squirm and try and break himself free. This was why Nori was always telling him to keep at least one dagger on him if he wasn’t willing to walk around with Sting on his belt as the dwarves did their weapons.
Bilbo was amazed, however. In complete disbelief. He had lived in this mountain for 5 years, he had been married to Thorin for almost three of those years, and he hadn’t left Erebor for more than diplomatic trips to either the Green Wood or Dale in all of that time, and this fool of a dwarf was apprehending him like he had no business here? Him? Bilbo Baggins, Husband of Thorin Oakenshiled and the hobbit who all but ran this mountain form behind his husband’s throne. Not like a dunderheaded dwarf like this one would understand that, Bilbo supposed with a sigh. A sigh that didn’t stop his irritation from shining through as the dwarf gave him a sharp shake as Bilbo growled out.
“I said knock it off,” the dwarf said once again, shaking Bilbo even harder.
Bilbo thought he could feel his brain rattling around in his skull, the dwarf having shaken him that hard. “Or what?” Bilbo snarked as he tried his best to ignore the headache he now had, as well as all the aches from having an almost full-grown and armoured dwarf both apprehended and then sit on him as he struggled to get free.
“Or this,” The dwarf said as he let go of Bilbo before thrusting a piece of fabric in his mouth, all but gagging Bilbo.
Bilbo was marched through Erebor like that. Dishevelled, bound and gagged, he felt mortification rising through him.
He didn’t blame the other dwarves for standing there in shock as he was hobbit marched past. After all, he was as confused as they, and he was the one bound.
It was with great relief that Bilbo saw the door to the throne room approach, Bilbo knowing who was in there and how they would react.
Darbus marched the thief through the large doors and approached the throne. No one was paying him any attention as the King was looking rather unkindly, running his hands through his now dishevelled hair as he turned and snarled at Lord Dain, raising Darbus’ hackles at the bile being snarled at his Lord.
“If this has anything to do with you or your people, Dain …” Thorin trailed off, growling at his cousin, ready to gut him at a moment's notice. Thorin didn’t actually believe that Dain had anything to do with Bilbo’s disappearance. Dain adored Bilbo (as did everyone else), but the only difference between now and before was Dain and his people’s presence in Thorin’s mountain.
“As if I’d harm the lad. I love the wee thing. But I will help you look for him; I will get every one of my people to look if need be,” Dain said as he tried to calm his irate cousin down, gently squeezing Thorin’s shoulder in comfort.
“Where was he seen last?” Balin asked now that Thorin was done ranting and raving and was ready to listen for a while.
“Here. He came to grab those papers you said you needed. He said it was time for elevenses anyway, and so he would drop them off on his way to have tea with Bombur. Only Bombur came up not even a quarter hour later and asked if Bilbo wasn’t having a morning brew with him and that their tea was getting cold,” Thorin said as he looked over to Bombur, who eagerly nodded his head as if to prove that what Thorin said was the truth.
“So, where did he go between here and my office?” Balin asked bemuse.d Bilbo no longer got lost in Erebor’s many corridors. Bilbo knew the way between the throne room and Balin’s office like the back of his hand, and it wasn’t like their hobbit to just disappear. The few times he had stolen himself away from the hustle and bustle of too many dwarves for his immediate liking, he had ALWAYS told somewhere where he was going, and when to expect him back so they wouldn’t worry and would know it was just his less sociable nature shining through when he would go and recharge himself in the gardens that were for him and him alone, even barred from the rest of The Company, including Thorin, unless Bilbo specifically invited them along with him, That had not happened today and Balin knew Bilbo had a lot he had wanted to get done so this was very out of character and unlike him.
Thorin’s worry was entirely reasonable, and Balin was about to demand a mountain-wide search for their hobbit when he turned, and his jaw dropped at the sight before him.
“Thorin,” Balin barked, not taking his eyes off the figures in front of him, even as he caught everyone’s attention with his call.
All eyes turned to Thorin and then Darbus and where he was holding tightly to Bilbo’s upper arm.
Thorin felt his entire face twitch at the thought of the bruises a dwarven hand could cause on hobbit skin, bruises the King himself still had nightmares of inflicting upon his One.
“What is the meaning of this?” Thorin asked, taking deep breaths so as not to cause the dwarf who had bound and gagged his hobbit to make any rash moves. As soon as Thorin had Bilbo away from the car, he was going to gut them, painfully and publicly, and all would see why no one laid their hands on the Consort of Erebor.
“My king?” Darbus asked, surprised at the King’s reaction to the apprehended criminal in his arms.
Dain felt an unintentional groan leave him. The Ironcrests were a good lot, but well, as young Darbus was showing, they weren’t exactly the sharpest pickaxes in the mine. “Thorin …” he trailed off, thinking of how to explain that, yes, technically, his cousin had been right; it was one of his people, but Dain knew Darbus. He was a good lad, loyal to his core, just, well, stupid.
Thorin had quickly caught up on Dain’s hesitation and whirled around with his sword out and now pointing at the other dwarf. “He is one of yours? You just lied to my face?” He shouted at his cousin as he advanced forward, ready to cut Dain down there and then.
“Chill out, you overgrown fool!” Dain shouted back as he whipped his axe off his back and hefted it threateningly back at Thorin. “I didn’t lie to you on purpose, idiot. Now, if you would stop threatening me, we have a hobbit to help?” he asked with a raised eyebrow, unimpressed by Thorin’s behaviour, though he understood it.
Once, when the two of them had been deep in their cups, Thorin still pale and shaky, not fully recovered but needing to do something outside of the rooms he had been hidden away in to recover, Thorin had admitted how all of his nightmares centred around losing his hobbit. Bilbo is taken from Thorin by all sorts of things, one of them being his own people being unable to face a hobbit as a Consort. Dain had called him daft. It was obvious how much everyone who spoke to Bilbo adored him, but Dain supposed that this sort of proved Thorin’s fears, considering Darbus hadn’t given Bilbo a chance to explain who he was. “The boy is young and has never seen a hobbit. He has no
idea, and Bilbo can be quick and a bit … slinky,” Dain added for lack of a better word.
“So this is Bilbo’s fault?” Thoin asked between gritted teeth.
Bilbo, for his part, was fed up with Dain and Thorin arguing when they could be helping him. He waited until the dwarf holding him loosened his grip and pulled his foot forward to smash it into their leg. The sound of a hobbit's foot cracking into Darbus’ leg could be heard throughout the throne room, and the dwarf let go of Bilbo, having no way to anticipate that a hobbit's foot hit harder than an iron-tipped boot.
Darbus immediately let go of Bilbo, to his surprise and stumbled backwards, glaring at the hobbit.
“Don’t glare at him!” Thorin roared as he moved away from Dain towards the unfortunate dwarf who had only been trying to save his King.
Bilbo rolled his eyes in an over-exaggerated way so they all could see him do so before casting his own glare upon the four dwarves before him. He would have insulted them quite viciously if he wasn’t still standing bound and gagged before them. “Mpphh,” he let out, emphasising that they were taking too long.
Dwalin immediately rushed forward, his dagger drawn as he sliced through the ropes around Bilbo’s wrists before helping the hobbit remove the gag.
“Took you idiots long enough,” Bilbo spat out after flexing his jaw a few times.
“Bilbo …” Thorin said as he moved closer and pulled the other male into his arm, his other still holding his sword now pointed at a trembling Darbus. Not only was this an angry dwarf ready to cut him down, but it was their King, and
it wasn’t like Darbus could defend himself against his liege.
“I don’t …” Darbus said as he looked between the way the King was holding the thief tightly and the expression on Lord Dain and Sir Balin and Sir Dwalin’s faces.
“How old is he, Dain?” Bilbo asked as he gently patted Thorin’s arm, slightly irritated he had to soothe his dwarf when Bilbo had been the one dwarf handled, and roughly at that.
“Younger than Fili and Kili when they set off with you all from Ered Luin,” Dain admitted.
“Ahh, that explains that and why wasn’t he in here when I was introduced to your entourage?” Bilbo asked, sending Dain a disbelieving look.
“I …”
“I … I was on wagon duty when we arrived, my Lord,” Darbus said in a small voice, having realised how badly he had screwed up when all he had wanted to do was protect.
“Maybe we shouldn’t allow that to happen again, hmm?2 Bilbo asked Dain and Thorin pointedly.
Thorin didn’t say anything, fighting to keep the redness creeping up his face under control.
“What was that?" Bilbo asked him, a snap in his tone as Thorin squeezed his hobbit’s ample waist to redirect Bilbo’s ire.
“I said, why did he take you prisoner?”
“I don’t know. Ask him. But ask him nicely. He’s only young,” Bilbo said pointedly towards Thorin and Dwalin, who looked ready to rip the young dwarf apart with their bare hands.
“Thorin sighed in exasperation. Only Bilbo would forgive someone who captured them because they were young.
“Well? You heard my Consort. Why?” Thorin demanded form where he was towering over the now quaking Darbus.
“My King … I … Consort?” he asked in disbelief. “He is Bilbo Baggins? Dragon riddler, Hero of Erebor?” This small, round, soft-looking male was the reason that the Line of Durin was restored and the catalyst for the dwarven race becoming prosperous once more. That couldn’t be right, could it?
“Yes!” was all Thorin answered, his chest puffing up with pride on Bilbo’s behalf.
“Dwarves, honestly,” Bilbo muttered before softly slapping Thorin’s chest in irritation at his dwarf. It had been a long day before all this madness, and Bilbo just wanted to go back to his chambers and have a lovely cup of tea, but he knew he couldn’t leave the young dwarf to face Thorin’s wrath.
“So, what's your name?” Bilbo asked, turning a sweet smile towards Darbus. Darbus heard the growl that the King let out as he went to answer the Consor and felt his feet involuntarily moving him backwards and out of sword swipe range.
“Thorin!” Bilbo snapped, turning his smile into a frown that had the KING taking an involuntary step back, but his was away from the soft-looking hobit.
It took a while, but at that moment, Darbus realised how massively he had screwed up, and he had a wild thought that the only reason the Consort allowed him to capture him was for … well, Darbus didn’t know, but it must have been a good one.
“.. Darbus … Darbus Ironcrest, my Lord,” Darbus answered the Consort quietly.
“Darbus? That’s a lovely name,” Bilbo smiled as he gently put the young dwarf at ease, Darbus not even realising. “Now, Darbus, please tell me why you decided to capture me?” Bilbo asked as he raised his hand to those behind him, all but daring the four adult male dwarves to say something to the young one who was looking at them all terrified.
“Well … you see ..” Darbus trialled off as he wet his lips, not sure where to look as even his brain cells had fired up and let him know he was in DANGER, though much slower than they should have.
“Take your time, Darbus. No one will harm you, no matter your reason. You have my word,” Bilbo said, continuing to smile at the petrified lad.
“Bilbo …” Thorin went to interrupt, stopping immediately when Bilbo squeezed Thorin’s arm in warning. Thorin wanted nothing less than to end up not sleeping in his and Bilbo’s bed on this night, and so he snapped his mouth closed, glaring at Dwalin’s sniggers.
“I … I have never seen a hobbit, my Lord. I did not know who you were or what you were. I … you were fast and sneaky, and you had royal documents an outsider shouldn’t have. I feared you were a spy or an assassin, or well … I wanted to protect my Lord and my King, Lord Consort,” Darbus rushed out in one breath. There, it was known. He had accused the Consort of being underhand, and he would have to face the consequences of not finding out all the facts before acting on his suspicions. “I apologise, Lord Consort, and willing to accept the loss of my beard and braids for this transgression,” Darbus managed to get out past the lump in his throat. All he could do was pray that his family wouldn’t suffer from his shame and foolhardiness.
“Ohh, none of that, lad,” Darbus heard from before him.
He raised his head and saw the Lord Consort standing before him, holding out a hand to help him up from the knee he had taken in supplication. “My … my Lord?” Darbus choked out, even more confused than he was a moment ago.
“Thank you, Darbus,” Bilbo said sweetly as he helped the young dwarf stand up fully.
“Thank you? …”
“Yes, thank you, my boy. You saw someone you thought was a threat, and you handled the situation. Of course, you only had to speak to others to know who I was, but it does my hobbity heart good to know that there are such diligent guards protecting both Thorin and Dain, and so thank you,” Bilbo said as he gently patted Darbus’ hand before stepping away from the boy into Thorin’s arms. King Thorin, who still looked like he wished his gaze alone, could gut Darbus where he stood dumbfounded.
“Bilbo …”
“If we punish youths for the sheer folly of being young, what are we doing with Kili and Fili, or Ori? Or are we punishing you for the things I have heard you, Dwalin, Dain and Frerin got up to before you had to leave the mountain? He’s learning Thorin, and he risked himself to protect you. You are only mad because it is me he captured. If it had been any of the others of the Company, you would have been holding your sides in laughter. Let the boy go, someone get him a pint, and then someone else make sure each and every being in who steps foot in this mountain knows what a hobbit is and who I am in particular,” Bilbo ordered with more regality than even Thorin could manage before he sent Darbus a soft smile before walking out the hall his back straight, Thorin trailing right after him, too busy following Bilbo to bother young Darbus now, just as Bilbo had predicted.
Darbus stood there, his legs still shaking as the Lord Consort and the King walked away, leaving him looking even more of a fool in the middle of the throne room than before.
“Well, this is a fine mix of gemstones, isn’t it,” Lord Dain said good-naturedly. Now Thorin and his ridiculous hot head were out of the equation.
“I want to know why Bilbo let the pebble catch him,” Dwalin said as he studied Darbus before him.
“I ... I surprised him,” Darbus admitted, not expecting the three identical snorts Balin, Dwalin and Dain let out.
“Lad, if yon hobbit didn’t want you to catch him, well, you wouldn’t have even seen him,” Dain said as he placed an arm around Darbus’ shoulder and led him out of the throne room and towards a pub. The boy needed to sit down and wash the last hour away with some alcohol.
“I …”
“Try not to think on t. Yon hobbit is tricky, and you were right that if he wanted to turn spy or assassin or thief, then he would be a threat. Thankfully, we all know he’s besotted with my idiot cousin for some bonkers reason,” Dain said with a shrug before deciding he, too, needed a pint, and it wasn’t like there would be any more work done for the rest of the day. There was no way Thorin was letting his hobbit out of his quarters to return to work.
It was then Dain stopped and threw his head back and laughed uproariously. “Clever hobbit,” he said between his guffaws.
“My Lord?” Darbus asked, surprised by his Lord's uproarious laughter.
“Let's just say Bilbo has been complaining that Thorin hasn’t spent enough time with him since we arrived, and well, he won’t be complaining about it tomorrow when he can barely walk,” Dain laughed, patting Darbus on the back before pointing out the closest pub before scurrying back to where they had left Dwalin and Balin, eager to laugh about how easily Thorin had been played by a slip of a hobbit.
Darbus stood there for a moment before deciding he needed more than one pint. He was glad he was just a common dwarf; the dwarven royal family seemed to be absolutely bonkers, and he made a point to himself to stay as far away from them as possible whilst still doing his job guarding them.