Chapter Text
2 years later
It was a Friday in the middle of May and the weather was promising as Draco looked out the window. Astoria would probably want to do something later. Their marriage wasn’t ideal, but it wasn’t a battle either. They might not be in love, but Astoria was good company and as far as arranged marriages go he supposed he could’ve done much worse. If only he didn’t keep wishing it were another pair of eyes that followed him to bed every night.
After leaving Hogwarts, Hermione and him had stuck to the plan and continued being friends. They never mentioned their night together, but try as he might he couldn’t forget the way she had moved under his weight. Her taste on his lips. The noises she had made as he finally entered her. The look on her face, overcome with pleasure as he drove her over the edge. The way she had moaned his name…
Sometimes it seemed like it had all been a dream.
Nowadays they met almost daily during the week. They were very close and would talk about anything, except for a quiet agreement where he avoided mentioning Astoria and Hermione never talked about her dates. As far as he knew she only had flings and no meaningful relationship so far, which he was secretly glad for. He knew it was bound to happen any day though, and as hard as being her friend could be sometimes, he would rather do that, than strip her from his life completely.
His thoughts were interrupted by a quiet tap on the window. He recognized Hermione’s tiny owl immediately and took the parchment with a smile.
Draco
Can you come over this afternoon after work? I need to talk to you about something.
~ H ~
What could this be about? He didn’t have a clue, so he sent the owl back with his agreement and finished getting ready for work. His day seemed brighter now that he was looking forward to meeting Hermione afterwards.
•••••
When he entered her living room through the fireplace, he found Hermione sitting on her sofa with a serious expression. His good mood changed immediately as he started to worry.
“Is everything alright?”
“Yes, yes…” she answered with a faraway look. “Would you like some tea?” She offered.
He accepted and watched her go into the kitchen, while he sat on the left edge of the sofa, not far from where she had been before. After a while she came back with their teas and sat down again.
“I need to tell you something” she started.
“Yes, you said that much in your note”
She stayed silent. A mix of seriousness and sadness on her face. What was she about to tell him? Why was it so hard? He was starting to get really worried about her.
“Hermione, you’re scaring me.”
“I’m sorry. You… It’s nothing.” She stuttered.“Ok, here’s the thing. I’m going on a date with Ron tomorrow.”
“Alright…” He wasn’t particularly happy about it, but he had no right to be upset. He tried very hard to sound calm and supportive and not let any traces of jealousy show. “Good for you, I guess, but why did you feel like you had to tell me beforehand?”.
“Draco I… I know we don’t talk about this, but… you know how I sometimes go on dates that never lead to anything more?”
“Yes?” He had no clue where this was going, but she was getting sadder with every word. He wished he could comfort her, but decided against it until she explained more.
“Well that’s because… because I’ve never felt anything special towards the wizards in those dates, so why make them lose their time and mine?” She paused to take a few sips of her tea. He stayed silent, not wanting to interrupt her, now that she had started talking.
“Anyway… I want it to be different this time. I… I think I like Ron. I want to give him a real chance.”
“Ok, that sounds like a good thing?” He finished his sentence as a question, completely lost as to why she was telling him this. No matter how jealous he could get or his personal opinion about the Weasel, he would avoid saying anything that would prevent her happiness.
“Yes, I think it is. But there is a problem… I… please don’t be mad at me.”
“I would never”, he promised a bit to soon. She sounded so sad and nervous that he was feeling anxious too. His heart was beating fast, now certain he wouldn’t like what came next.
“Ok… the problem is that I… I still have feelings for you. I’ve tried… I swear I’ve tried to move on and just enjoy our friendship, but I can’t, Draco… I can’t and I don’t know what to do. I really want to give Ron a shot. I think we could make each other happy. I think I deserve it.“
His head was spinning. She still had feelings for him. He had wondered so many times if she was as over it as she seemed and now he had his confirmation. His sudden burst of happiness didn’t last long though. She was talking about dating the Weasel and he was married to Astoria, with no caveats thanks to his mother’s Vow. How could life be so unfair?
“Hermione, I’m so sorry… I’m sure you already know how I feel about you. I… I would do anything to make you happy.
“Anything?”
“Anything, just ask.”
“Then I need you to stop talking to me.” She pleaded with glassy eyes.
“What?!? No!!!” He sat up abruptly, his face flushed with anger. So much for doing anything for her…
“Please, Draco, I don’t know what else to do.” She put her face in her hands and babbled into them. “I thought we could stay friends, but it’s killing me. I need the distance to move on. I… I deserve to move on.”
“Hermione, being your friend means everything to me. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I just… I can’t.“ He couldn’t believe she was suggesting this. There had to be another way.
“Maybe this will be good for both of us. You could give Astoria a chance.” She said with a small voice.
“Don’t worry about that. We know where we stand. Ours was never a love match.”
“I know! But maybe if you both try… you deserve to be happy too.”
“Our friendship is what makes me happy!! You’re the highlight of my days.”
At that her tears began to fall. He sat back on the sofa and wrapped her in a tight embrace. He couldn’t stop himself and began tracing her back with his fingers. It didn’t seem to help though, because she started to cry louder. His heart was breaking again. He was the source of her pain and yet he couldn’t imagine a life without her. He knew he was being selfish, but how would he go on with nothing to look forward to? Hermione was wrong, there was no chance for love between Astoria and him.
“Please Draco. I need your help with this. I won’t be able to stay away if you don’t help me keep my distance. I’ve even thought about Obliviation, but I… I don’t want to forget you.”
“Obliviation?!? No way! Please… There has to be another way” he said with a broken voice.
“Well, there isn’t!“ she cried, burying her face in his chest and sobbing out loud. His shirt was getting wet with her tears. He had to do something. He couldn’t stand being the cause of so much pain. In the end he supposed he had been lucky to have her during the last years of his life. It would have to be enough. He hugged her a bit tighter.
“Ok. If that’s what you need I’ll stay away.” He said defeated.
“You will?” She raised her head and looked up at him with a trace of hope in her eyes.
“Yes, but promise you’ll reach out if you ever need me.”
“Don’t worry, I will.” She rested a hand on his arm and began tracing patterns over his shirt. It seemed like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, but he could still see silent tears falling from her eyes.
“I know you won’t believe me”, he started, “but I really hope it works. I can’t see you suffering like this, knowing that I’m the cause… You deserve to be happy, Hermione. You deserve everything.“
She gave him a sad smile.
“I’ll miss you terribly, Draco, but I really need this. You… this means a lot to me.”
“I’m sorry I reacted so poorly before. I just… I’m still getting used to the idea of losing you”
“You could never lose me. This might not be forever. Maybe with time I’ll be able to be your friend again. But I can’t do it right now.” Well, breaking all contact looked a lot like losing her if you asked him, but the prospect that it could be temporary gave him a bit of hope. He had an idea.
“Can I make a request?”
“Tell me.”
“We’ll keep our distance everyday, but we are allowed to write to each other on our birthdays.”
“Just on our birthdays?”
“Yeah, just a letter per year. To wish you a happy birthday, maybe tell you a bit about how life is going...”. And have something to look forward to he kept to himself.
“Alright. Yeah, I’m ok with that.”
“Thank you. You’re the best.”
“If you say so...” but there was no trace of sadness in her statement. In fact she had stopped crying and finally seemed a bit relaxed.
After a few minutes she started to straighten up and he panicked. Now he would have to say farewell for who knew how long. How was he supposed to do that? Instead he tightened his grip on her and whispered.
“I have one last request“
“Draco…” she sighed.
“I want to hold you for a little longer.”
She looked at him intensely, like she was searching for the correct answer in his eyes. He took advantage of the moment to memorize her beautiful face from this close. The golden specks in her chocolate eyes. The traces of freckles over her nose. The shape of her mouth, with the bottom lip plumper than the upper one…
She seemed to find what she was looking for, because she buried her head in his chest again and closed her eyes.
She seemed finally at peace.
Meanwhile he was breaking.
They stayed like that for hours.