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Chapter Text

It was a quiet afternoon turned evening. Akira laid stomach down on his bed, propped up by his arms and reading text from his psychology book. Near him, his peer, Goro, was sitting at his desk with a philosophy text. Akira had invited him over for a study session, and that's all it was― a study session.

Still, Akira had a tendency to bother Goro, too bored by the text on the page and too excited by the handsome man in his room. He wasn't sure if they were considered friends mutually, but he liked to believe they were something. They sometimes went out to eat together and, more incriminatingly, tended to swap spit and grope each other after a few drinks shared in the dorms. Akira was never sure if the warmth he felt in those moments was the alcohol or if it was Goro. He just knew Goro stopped spewing cheap insults at him when they were like that, softened up but that which makes them men hardened and buzzing with renewed need.

Akira was quiet tonight. At times, Goro stole quick-long glances his way. Akira's cheek was squished cutely against the pressure of the hand propping him up. His delicately thin brows furrowed beneath his chunky black glasses as he grappled with the text in front of him, lest he was deep in thought about something else. At times, Akira seemed to lack thought completely, contrasting the times where it looked like thought consumed him.

Akira's eyes snapped up to meet his observer's and so did Goro's shoulders, though almost imperceptively. Akira had to have noticed. He always had this sixth sense about him. Goro returned to his text and attempted reading from where he left off. He read the paragraph and the one after that, only to fail to retain a single word. He read it again, and again, and again, and still― nothing.

His mind was filled with Akira. That's all there was to it. He glanced back and Akira looked much the same as he left him, but now he was idly twirling his hair and kicking his feet as he read. Goro stared, and when Akira looked up, Goro did not shrink. He merely held his gaze.

"What is it?" Akira asked softly.

"Nothing," Goro responded.

"You're staring."

"So?"

Akira gnawed at his lip. It was cute when he did it. "So, you're distracting me."

"Sorry." Goro turned back and pretended to read the text again. He lodged his ballpoint pen between his teeth, and played with the trigger point. It wasn't long until he was speaking again. "Consider it payback for all the times you've distracted me."

Akira rolled on his side and he stretched himself out like a cat, belly to the world and a bare belly at that, as his shirt rode up. With it, came the stretching groan of old, tight muscles loosening and the popping of joints. Akira melted into his bedding and cast his textbook aside in favor of a better, more interesting subject.

"I distract you?" His undivided attention felt piercing this time.

"Don't give me that." Goro clicked his pen a few times and kept to the empty words on the page. "Of course you do."

"Is it wrong of me to want your attention, Akechi-san?"

Wrong of you? No. Right of you? Also no.

When Goro failed to respond, Akira threw a neon pink highlighter Goro's way and it landed, clacking, on the desk's surface. Goro flung it back. By the sound of it, he hit Akira in the face with it.

"Youch!"

"Stop being dramatic," Goro deadpanned. He didn't need to look over to feel the absolute frown on Akira's face.

"Meanie."

"Hardly. What happened to studying, anyway?" Goro asked.

"Hey, you were the one who distracted me-"

Akira's voice faded away as something, in the corner of Goro's eye, caught his attention as it sparkled under the desk light. Lined in the corner of Akira's desk was a silver rod. Goro couldn't be sure what it was, and he wasn't sure how he didn't notice it before. He conjured up the image of a conductor's baton, but it lacked the typical bulbous grip, and it was much too thick. The diameter was the size of his pinky at least and its length triple that.

Goro held the rod straight up in the air like some strange specimen, and cocked a brow. "And, what's this?"

Goro knew it was something he wasn't supposed to see when Akira floundered.

"Oh! O-oh-" Akira clumsily reached for it but clawed at air as Goro pulled it out of reach.

"Ah ah ah," he tutted, swinging the mystery wand back and forth with each tut and Akira's eyes grew wider yet, accompanied by gritted teeth. Goro ran his fingers against the cold stainless steel and then he manipulated it at different ankles for better examination. Akira reached again for the rod and almost swiped it, but Goro caught his wrist instead, snapped it forward, and Akira came tumbling down. In his fall, he took Goro with him and his seating place went from desk chair to hard tiles with a thump.

"Ow!" Goro shouted. Akira was too busy trying to wrestle the rod out of Goro's hand to care about anything else. Goro stuffed his arm behind his back so that he was laying on it. Akira was straddling him and caging him in, heavy breathing, as he struggled to figure out what to do next.

"You're being horrible," Akira said.

"How do you mean?" Goro hissed out sweetly and his smile was mocking.

Akira rested an elbow to the side of Goro's neck and leaned down until their faces were mere inches from each other. "You're provoking me," Akira answered.

"Am not."

Akira tangled his fingers into Goro's hair and massaged at the roots. Goro's eyes rolled back.

"Are too..." Akira said. Goro shut his eyes and gave in to the sensation. No one ever touched him like this. Only Akira. If not for the rod cemented under his own body weight, he'd have lost this battle completely.

"Give it back," Akira's demand was equally soft and terse.

"No," Goro replied with a crooked smile.

Akira's hand closed in on a handful of hair and tugged Goro's head to the side. Mouth lowered to ear, he whispered, "Why must you resist me?"

Goro shuddered at that. "Can't let you have all the fun now," he replied weakly.

"You gain nothing by knowing."

"I somehow doubt it," Goro replied. What do they say now? Knowledge is power?

Akira frowned. "I cease to understand how my sexual habits affect you."

Sexual habits? "So it's... sexual?" Goro rubbed his thumb against the warming material trapped beneath him, trying to work out what that meant. It was too slim to function as a dildo, and dangerous too without a flared base, so how-?

Akira blushed hard and looked away. "Yeah. So what?" Directing his attention down, Goro could see now how hard Akira was. Did it really have to do with the mystery rod?

Goro's mouth acted before he could stop it. "Show me, then. I want to see."

Akira sputtered. "Y-you want to- what?"

Goro sighed. "Could it possibly be that bad? Don't leave me hanging. I'm too curious now."

"You're saying you don't..."

Goro reached out with his free hand and cupped Akira's bulge. "It can be our little secret. I've come over for a study session, right?"

Akira sat there for a moment as he evaluated his options. The pause was long, and Goro was patient. He just waited as he idly stroked Akira through his shorts.

"Fine," Akira murmured. "Give it to me and I'll show you."

"Who's to say you'll stick to your word?"

Akira held out his hand. His voice was strained. "You know I will."

Slowly, Goro pulled out the rod from behind his back and handed it to Akira. Akira let out a relieved sigh and stood up from the man. Moving to his dresser drawer, he pulled out a bottle of lube, and then unceremoniously dropped his shorts with his boxers. Goro could only lie there on the floor gawking.

"You asked for this, didn't you? Get up off the floor already," Akira said.

Akira laid down on his bed, propped up by a pillow behind him and Goro followed suit, content to lay beside him. Akira shot Goro a weary, testing look, and Goro only stared back openly, almost innocently. He didn't know what to expect.

"I don't know why you want to see this," the cap of the lube opened with a pop, and he applied a smooth line to the rod, "but, I guess," he sighed, "here goes."

Akira pressed the tip of the rod to a wide-slotted hole― his urethra― which was wider than typical; it was not un-beautiful. It was just different. But Goro hadn't noticed. With little resistance, Akira slipped the tip of the rod inside of his cock and thrusted it around shallowly as he teased himself. He made little noises as he did, cute little "ah's" and "oh's."

"Oh-" Goro blurted out.

"You really didn't know what it was?" Akira murmured as he continued his shallow thrusts. Goro declined to answer. "You were begging to know," Akira went on. The rod ventured deeper and deeper, so thick Goro could see the foreign object sliding up and down inside of Akira. It was like he was fucking his own hole― a new hole Goro didn't know was possible to penetrate― and he wondered what it felt like.

"How does it feel?" Goro asked timidly, before he could stop himself.

"Great," Akira breathed out through a delirious smile. God, he looked amazing blissed out like this. It was so extreme. Surely, a hole wasn't meant to be stretched like this. Akira defied the nature of the gods, defiling himself like this.

Goro wondered then what it must feel like for Akira to stroke his cock around the intrusion. He reached out his hand. Akira took it in stride, personally guiding Goro's hand to his flesh. Goro took it as permission to stroke it and Akira let out a strained and whiny moan.

"Oh my god," Akira uttered. He'd momentarily let go of the rod and his cock begun to eject it as it floated upwards.

"Oh my god," Goro replied to the sight. Akira used his index finger to push it back inside and just held it there. He let Goro do the rest of the work by stroking him.

"Akechi, do you want to-"

"Huh?" Goro replied, dazed.

"I mean. Would you like to..."

Clumsy men stared at each other for a quiet moment. A blushing Akira couldn't get the words out. He resigned to taking Goro's spare hand and leading it to the rod itself. Goro timidly took hold of it. He assumed he was to hold it there.

"Fuck me with it," Akira whispered.

Holy shit. He didn't know a request like that could be so hot. His hand didn't move at first. He only stared at Akira with apprehension.

Akira nodded. "Go ahead."

With shaky hands, normally still, Goro thrusted the rod inside of Akira shallowly. He had no experience with this type of thing. What if he hurt him?

"Go deeper, Akechi."

"A-are you sure?"

"Yes. I can handle it." The last word was strained, "Please."

Goro nodded and plunged the rod deeper, until it was barely visible. He watched the rod's movement from the outer walls as he got a feel for things. His thrusts drew more confident, relaxed, and regular. He figured he was doing a good job from the looks of Akira's furrowed brow and the sounds of his soft whimpers.

"Akechi. Go faster."

Faster? "Oh, o-okay." Not one to ignore directions, he did as he was told, moving faster than even Akira was previously. It earned a few rounded moans out of the other man, and it brought Goro great satisfaction.

Just leave your sex toys out all the time, won't you? This hardly felt real, anyway.

"F-faster, Akechi, faster."

Faster still? Akechi increased his speed and out came concerted groans and moans. Akira's back lifted from the mattress and he tried thrusting against the rod feverishly. It was the most wild, ravishing thing Goro had ever seen and, still, he felt robbed of giving this to Akira. He anchored a hand to Akira's abdomen to force-cease the movement.

"Be still," Goro commanded, and Akira whimpered.

In and out and in and out, Goro pumped the rod, sometimes plunging it deep and other times tormenting just the tip. He was starting to get a hang of it, like he was born to do just that.

"Hng, Akechi. I-I'm gonna-!"

Akira's muscles tensed and he grunted as he came, not immediately evident by the rod plugging his hole. Goro pulled the rod out slowly, the end of it coated in milky cum. The rest didn't spray out as it normally did. It just pooled inside the gaping hole. Goro gave Akira's cock a few more strokes and drops of cum oozed out. As Akira grew limp, Goro let go and Akira's cock flopped down, the remainder of his seed pooling out onto his sheets.

"So, um," Akira swallowed, "that's it. That's-"

Goro ran his thumb against his lip in an attempt to obscure his expression. Fascinating, he wanted to say.

"Fascinating," he ended up saying, when he failed to think of a better response.

Goro looked up at Akira. He was slumped and his eyes were downturned, clearly sobering up from the experience.

He finally looked away and let out a dry scoff. "I'm not even sure why I showed you that."

"Well, I asked," Goro replied back with his own dry chuckle, but they could both hear the smile in his voice. This was him being nice.

Akira's eyes drew back to Goro's, this time, panicked. "Don't tell anyone? Please?"

Goro scoffed again. "Now, why would I?" He leaned back on his hands and peered out the window, the warm orange setting sun filtering in past the horizontal panels of the blinds. "I'd rather forget it anyway, you freakish thing."

Goro could see, from the corner of his eye, Akira slump further, if it was even possible. It was a lie, anyway, to cover up the blushing arousal he felt watching Akira do something so extreme yet so sensual... Surely, it'd be seared into his memory, conjuring up Akira's image where the dark of eyelids normally obscured, to play it back over and over. He'd watch him do it again.

"I could... understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore," Akira continued, "I don't know why I-"

"Nonsense." Akira was his only real friend anyway. Even if it did disgust Goro, which it didn't, he'd be back again. Anything to see him in this light. The golden sunset only made Akira look more beautiful. Ethereal, even. "I want to see you again," he finally said, "tomorrow."

Judging by the wide eyes and open mouth, Akira seemed surprised. "O-oh! Uh, tomorrow? Really?"

He was still so exposed, his bottom half bare and his flaccid cock hanging down. The sheets beneath him were still damp, but soaking in his sin.

Goro leaned forward and stroked the limp thing with his fingertips. Like a man possessed, he dipped them onto the sheets, hungrily coating his fingers with what was left of the cum, and then licking them. Akira shuttered once from the touch, and a second time from the unexpected display. "You think you can show me all that and then just get rid of me so easily?" Goro said lowly. He wasn't the one talking; his cock was. He'd regret it later, but not now.

"Oh, um..." Akira let out a whimper, and he was breathing deeper and quicker. "I didn't know-"

"I'm sure you didn't." Goro stood himself up and looked down on the pathetic, beautiful man. "So, tomorrow then?"

Akira nodded swiftly. "T-tomorrow."

"Good, then." He waved from behind, already headed towards the door with a heart pounding. He seemed nothing more than cool and collected, but his cock was aching and his head was cotton candy-clouded.

Goro turned back one last time, with his hand rooted on the doorknob. "Don't go leaving stuff out for others to see. It's unwise." Only for me.

Akira swallowed. "Y-yes, okay."

"Until then." The door slammed shut.

"Until then..." Akira murmured back to nothing and nobody.

Chapter Text

So, tomorrow didn't happen. After the resounding and enlightening events that transpired earlier that evening, Goro Akechi rushed back to his dorm and immediately jerked off. No physical porn was summoned, only the image of Akira Kurusu fucking his own peehole with a rod fatter than Goro's pinky finger.

God, it was so hot. It was so hot! It was so hot.

The thick, horny fog lifted after Goro came. He felt the shame soak him as he cleaned up his mess. After that, he spent the night tossing and turning, restless and regretful. What was he thinking inviting himself over like that? What was he expecting, anyway? A round two?

As he stared at the bright white of the analogue clock reading a relentless 2:00AM, Goro resolved to give Akira an excuse in the morning as to why he couldn't come over later that day.

Goro woke up later that morning with a weight hanging over him. Once he shook away the remnants of sleep, the memory of last night came back to him. He groaned loudly into his pillow before palming at his phone on the night stand. He navigated to Akira's contact, thumb hovering over it for a terrifying 30 seconds, and then courageously tapped it. The conversation from yesterday morning caught his eye and he found himself rereading it.

Akira: hey wanna come over to study?

Goro: Are we actually going to study or are you just going to bother me again?

Akira: i pwomise we'll study, pweasee come over uwu

Ew. Only Akira could remotely get away with that.

Goro: Don't do that.
Goro: I'm on my way.

Akira: yay!!!

That's where they left off. Little did they know how little studying would get done. Goro sighed and rubbed his face roughly. He started typing out.

Goro: Hey, good morning. I can't actually hang out today. I woke up feeling sick. Sorry about that.

He didn't like the wording. It felt too familiar and friendly. He backspaced and tried again.

Goro: Hey, feeling sick so can't make it tonight. Sorry.

No, still not right. He felt like such a jerk. 'Just send the message already,' he thought to himself.

Goro: Feeling sick, won't make it tonight. Sorry.

Send.

Akira was already typing, and it made Goro tense up.

Akira: oh no!!! feel better soon :(( want me 2 bring u some soup or anything?

Goro: No.
Goro: Thanks, though.

Damn Akira and his stupid kind heart. Only he could act so nice after Goro so easily blew him off. He wasn't even sick. He was just a liar and a jerk.

Goro threw his phone aside and ripped himself out of bed. Class was in an hour and he needed to get ready. Today was Friday so his first class was... what was it? Oh. Gen Psych. Damn him. Goro had a cursory interest in psychology and an even more robust interest in a certain Psych major. He couldn't go to class now that he told Akira he was sick. It'd be obvious he was lying.

Goro sighed. He'd have to do fuck all today. After a change of clothes and some brooding thought, he decided upon a trip to the coffeeshop. At least he could try to catch up on his philosophy readings. He slung his bookbag over his shoulder and made his way out and towards his destination.

Goro holed himself up in his room that night, when he was supposed to be with Akira, still thinking about Akira. He could still see Akira's hands so clearly, one steadying his cock and the other manning the unrelenting metal rod. In and out, and in and out it went, fucking his urethra relentlessly.

Was he really into this? It seemed so. One of his first thoughts when he witnessed it was, "I want to do that too." Unconsciously, Goro typed into the search bar, "urethral insertion", which led him to a more accurate term― sounding. Leave it to Akira to show him a new, beautiful, depraved world such as this. He followed the rabbit hole down in the name of research. He wanted to understand the ins and outs of this new, unknown kink.

He was quickly dismayed to find that what Akira was doing was not easily replicatable.

"Years?!" he shouted at his laptop screen. In a perfect world, he wanted to match what Akira was doing, move for move, but to take an object that big, realistically, took years of training. During his "research" session, Goro had stumbled across a video of two men fucking either sides of the same rod, and he imagined doing that with Akira. Newfound dreams were squashed three search results in.

Fuck that. He wanted to be able to do it now. But the more he read online, the more he had some sense knocked into that horny brain of his. He couldn't use any every day item to fuck himself either. It needed to be a sterile sound used with sterile lube in order to avoid infection. That's what the internet said, at least. Was Akira really this thorough? It seemed so if he'd gotten this far. Goro supposed he could just ask Akira, but he was too proud. He figured he should work this one out on his own.

Despite what he read, he still searched his room anything remotely rod-shaped in a horny fervor. He just wanted to try it out. A pencil? No. Too sharp and too wide. The short, securing prong on a belt? No. Though, he considered it. He'd just have to wait. Just, order the items online and wait.

And so, that's what he did. Most sounds were sold in sets, so he settled for that. It was expensive, but he was in it for the long haul. He felt reassured that he would have the needed materials to size up when it was time, anyway. He placed a pack of sterile, water-based lube packets in his cart and as he was checking out, he heard a noise-

A knock on the door.

"Ugh, what do you want?" Goro muttered. What did anybody want to do with him ever? And at this hour? He didn't bother getting up from his seat. Another, softer, knock followed.

"Go away already..."

He continued on with his purchase, entering the fields for shipping address and payment. A giddy, fluttering sensation followed in his stomach as the screen read, "Successfully Ordered!"

"Yes!" he whispered to the screen. He just stared at the electronic receipt for a few seconds. It didn't feel real. Did he really just-?

Something buzzed in his pocket, and it interrupted his horny spell. It was a text from Akira.

Akira: hey i tried to stop by i left soup

Huh? Oh, that? Akira was the one who knocked? Goro got up and opened the door slowly. There it was, at his feet, a container of soup. It was still warm in his hands, as he picked it up, and his heart sunk. He let the door slam shut behind him.

"You dope," he muttered. "Why'd you do such a thing? I told you not to."

Wholly undeserving and just as selfish, Goro popped the lid open. A delicious aroma wafted up and it smelled amazing. Goro fished out a utensil and ate a spoonful of the soup. It was good, really good. Knowing Akira, he probably made it himself, only to waste his efforts on trash like Goro? What a shame.

Akira: missed u in class today. i've got notes 4 u, just come by sometime

Oh shit, he should text Akira back. Goro shoveled another guilty spoonful into his mouth and begun typing.

Goro: Sorry I couldn't make it tonight

Akira: its okay!! youre sick. just rest up

I'm not sick, though.

Goro: I will, don't worry.

By the time Monday rolled around, Goro was feeling "better" and ready to show up to Psych class again. His body was buzzing with excitement, walking into the classroom with his phone in his hand and checking his shipping status. Miraculously, the items were set to arrive that day. As he looked up at his typical seat, his smile sunk into a familiar frown as somebody was already sitting there. Akira.

Akira looked up and shot a beaming smile. "Akechi san! It's good to see you back! Feeling better?"

Goro kicked Akira's foot lamely, and Akira yelped. "You're in my seat."

"Oh, I am, aren't I? Sorry." He had this dopey look on his face, as if he was actually stupid enough to sit in the wrong seat. Akira stood up and moved over one desk right― his normal seat― but left a packet of hand-written notes on Goro's desk.

"Hey, you forgot your-"

Akira held up his palm and shook it back and forth. "No, they're for you."

"Oh." He stared at the notes. "Thanks, I guess."

A squinting smile confronted him. "No problem. If you have any questions, let me know. Or if you want to come over-"

"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," Goro responded curtly.

"Alright, class let's get started," the professor began. "Last week, we left off on-"

Goro glanced over at Akira. He had a pencil, eraser end up, between his teeth, just fiddling with it. Even in his most candid moments, Akira was beautiful.

He must've felt Goro staring. His eyes snapped over in his direction and, without missing a beat, winked at him.

Goro ignored the fluttering of his heart and turned back to the presentation. It felt like one of the longest classes of his life. With fifteen minutes left, his phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket and sneaked a look. His package! It'd been delivered. He'd just have to stop by the post office after-

"Akechi san? Can you answer this question on the board?"

Drat. Caught. He took a moment to read the slide he wasn't paying any attention to and he didn't immediately have the answer.

"Um." He flipped through his notes, the ones penned by Akira, hoping to find the answer. Flipping to the last page, he found the start of the topic, but then it cut off, leading to nothing... That damn idiotic man gave him incomplete notes. He'd have to give him trouble about it later.

"Eh, I don't know. It's not in my notes."

"Alright, then. Akira san. How about you? Do you know the answer?"

Akira leaned back in his chair and smiled his effortless smile. "That would be the Skinner box."

"And that would be correct. Good job." The teacher turned his back to the slides again. "Let's try to pay closer attention to lecture, alright?"

Class finally concluded a short time later and Goro was already half way out the door when Akira called for him.

"Hey, Akechi?"

He turned and tried to mask his annoyance. He had somewhere to be. "Hm?"

"I'm happy you're feeling better. I'm headed for an early lunch. Want to come with?"

"No." He turned away and kept walking. Naturally, Akira followed. "I have somewhere to be."

"Oh, really? I thought your next class wasn't for another 2 hours?"

"Correct. I have to go to the post office."

"Oh! What're you picking up?" Akira's kind, innocent tone was grating on Goro's nerves.

'Don't pretend like we're close,' Goro thought to himself.

"Nothing that concerns you."

 Akira pouted. "Fine, then. Be difficult. I'm going to get breakfast."

"Good riddance." Goro waved lazily.

"Rude ass," Akira replied lightly, "bye~"

At last, Goro had the package in his hands. He rushed back to his room to get everything prepped. He wanted his first time to be perfect.

First, he showered. What followed was a boiling of the smallest sound in the kit by way of sterilizing it. He donned a pair of gloves and ripped open an alcohol swab and swiped his opening clean. Next, he opened a packet of sterile lube and dispensed some onto the thin rod, and then some on his tip. It had to be perfect. Things were going well so far.

It was time to ruin this virgin hole. With shaky hands, he brought the tip of the instrument to his hole and pressed inside. It was a tight fit, nothing like how it was for Akira, where it just slid in. He pushed a little harder and felt the rod ram inside the head.

"O-oh!" It hurt! He drew in a shaky breath and pulled the sound back up. A few uncomfortable thrusts later, and he had to take another break. He just needed to warm up, right? It was bound to feel good eventually. Maybe it'd feel better if he went deeper too.

Goro pushed down past the head until it caught on something. He groaned in frustration and tried to push past it. Pop this cherry already. He wanted it to feel good, but it didn't feel right at all.

"Listen to your body," the online guides would say. "Stop if it hurts." It did hurt and he still didn't stop, but before now, it was a manageable discomfort. When the rod refused to enter further, he brought it up and just pumped the head a little more. He was starting to feel something a little more pleasurable. The lube must've already dried some, because he could feel the friction more than before. He could just apply more.

As he pulled the rod out, a drop of watery red came out of his head and he tensed.

"Oh, that's not great..." He mumbled. He glanced at the clock and it was later than he thought it'd be. This would have to wait until later. He gave the sound a cursory swipe with a fresh alcohol pad, took off his gloves, and headed for the restroom. He read that it was best to urinate afterwards to flush everything out.

He stood there at the toilet, shaking his hard cock and trying to force pee through it. It was exceptionally difficult, but he knew he could. After a few pushes, some piss squirted out and, oh god, it hurt! It burned! Goro drew in a quick breath through his gritted teeth. Urine, normally smooth, felt instead like a bunch of tiny crystals ripping through his poor urethra. How did Akira find this pleasurable and what was Goro doing wrong?

He wished he could ask him, but he found this ordeal all too embarrassing. Why'd he even think to try this anyway? Because it was hot? Did he want to impress Akira or something?

He'd have to worry about it later. For now, it was nearly time for afternoon class.

The next time Goro saw Akira was on Wednesday. They had Psych class together again. Goro got there first in order to secure his seat. He looked through his notes again and recalled, at the end, how they were mistakenly incomplete. He had half a mind to chew Akira out for it.

"Hey, Akechi."

Goro didn't look up. "Hey."

"You getting ready for Friday's exam?"

"What exam?" Goro asked.

Akira let out a scoffing laugh. "Our Psych exam?"

"Since when did we have an exam?"

"He announced it on Monday," Akira replied. "Were you not paying attention?"

Goro flipped through his notes idly. "Guess not."

"That's unlike you."

Goro finally looked up. "Is it?"

"Yeah, you're never unprepared like this."

Goro shrugged and shook his head, still refusing to glance Akira's way. "Guess I've been out of it."

"Do you need help studying?"

"No." Yes. "These notes are incomplete, though, dipshit."

"Oh, really?" Goro could never tell when Akira was feigning innocence. It wasn't unlike Akira to do these things on purpose.

"Yeah." Goro held them up and pointed to the sentence that ended abruptly.

"Oh, sorry. My bad," Akira didn't miss a beat, "If you stop by my place tonight, I could get you all sorted out."

Goro's lips drew into a tight purse. He hadn't been over since they-

"Alright, class. Settle down. Let's get started," spoke the professor.

Akira leaned over and whispered to Goro, "Come by tonight, alright? Any time this evening. Just shoot me a text beforehand."

"Boys. Enough talking."

"Sorry," Goro deadpanned.

"Sorry, prof," Akira replied.

Goro sighed. An exam on Friday? He had no choice but to come over to Akira's later.

And there they were again. It wasn't a simple handing off of notes and fucking off, but rather a soft coercion by Akira into another study session. Goro felt like he was experiencing deja vu the way they were situated. Akira was belly-down on his bed, rewriting notes, and Goro was sitting at his desk again. Except, this time, there were no items carelessly left out and certainly no sterling sounds in sight.

He wished he had some opening to talk about it. About what happened between them, and what happened in the privacy of Goro's own bedroom. It finally stopped feeling like his dick was being shredded by little needles when he peed, and he still couldn't believe he'd even tried it in the first place. Only a crazy person would do such a thing, and Akira? He was just the right amount of crazy to get away with it.

The room was uncomfortably quiet. He wished Akira would bother him already. Anything to start a conversation.

Goro needed an excuse to talk to him. He didn't have a plan, though. He pulled out the copy of his notes Akira wrote for him the day he was gone. He started to read them over and search for some concept he didn't understand. He couldn't find anything sufficient. He figured maybe he could pretend to struggle to read Akira's handwriting. It wasn't immaculate, but it wasn't chicken scratch, either.

Goro's voice broke through the still air. "Hey."

Akira looked up absently. "Hey."

"I can't read your chicken scratch."

"Okay?"

Goro let out an exasperated sigh. "Care to help me?"

"Yeah," Akira outstretched his arm. "Bring it here. Lemme see."

Goro willfully ignored the gesture and moved closer to Akira. He knelt beside his bed and started reading the notes.

"Positive reinforcement is... is...," Goro pointed to the notes, "What does this say?"

"Here, bring it closer."

Goro brought the notes closer to Akira, but he was still squinting. "The introduction... of a stimulus..." He pulled the notes closer, "in response to a behavior."

"Oh, okay." Goro skimmed for a new sentence to read. "And how about this one? When a behavior is conditioned out of an animal, it is called..."

Akira frowned. "I can't read it from here. Bring it closer."

Goro sighed and pushed Akira's body lightly. "Move over then."

"Huh? No. I'm comfy here. Find your own spot."

"Fine." Goro climbed over Akira onto the bed and situated himself between the man and the wall. He laid on his side to mirror Akira's stance, and put the packet of notes between them. "There. No more complaining."

Akira bit his lip, much to Goro's confusion. "Alright, then. What else do you need help with?" Akira asked.

"Oh, hmm," Goro flipped through the notes. He was getting sick of this game. The words were almost perfectly legible. Goro pointed to a doodle of a small-bodied, large-eared animal. "And, what's this?" he said with a pathetic little laugh.

Akira smiled. "That's a rat. We were talking about an experiment they did on rats."

"Well, it's good to finally know there's something your bad at," Goro responded with a cheeky smile.

"Hey!" Akira shouted, and swatted Goro in the head with his notes. They both laughed at that. When the commotion died down, they were all but stripped bare and left staring at each other. Akira was the first to speak, and he sounded so sweet.

"Did you like the soup I left you?"

"Huh?" Goro's eyes blew wide as the question caught him off guard. "The soup?" he squeaked.

"Yeah, when you were sick. I left it at your door. Did you see it?"

"Oh..." He never acknowledged it, did he? "It was... alright."

"Just alright?" Akira's expression was so soft and kind. But, if Goro wasn't mistaken, Akira seemed a little sad with his lip jutted out like that.

"Maybe some more spice next time," Goro responded. He fully made that up. It was perfectly delicious.

Akira nodded with such resolution. "For you, I will." He hated that Akira was taking this as genuine criticism.

Goro looked down at Akira's chest, no longer able to meet his eyes. He pressed a hand to his chest. "Stop being so nice to me."

Akira's hand rested over Goro's, and his tone was ever gentler, "Why?"

Goro balled his hand into a fist, creasing the material of Akira's shirt. "I don't deserve any of it."

"I don't understand," Akira replied.

"Of course you don't. You're blind to it." Blind to how trash he really was. Goro tried to pull his hand away, but Akira's hand cemented it there.

"Blind to what?" Akira murmured. "Show me. Show me what I'm missing."

Goro drew closer, until the tips of their noses brushed each others'. It took everything within him not to kiss Akira. It felt like resisting the pull of magnets. "You just shouldn't waste your time on people like me."

Akira cupped Goro's cheek. "Why?"

"Because..." Goro watched Akira's lips move as he spoke.

"Why, Akechi? Why?"

"I already told you-" Goro was silenced by a wall of lips as soft as they looked. It wasn't just one kiss, either. It was many, and Akira didn't seem intent on stopping. Limbs belonging to either man twisted around each other and they pulled themselves ever closer. The body heat of one man melted into the other and, god, they were kissing.

They finally pulled away to catch their breaths. Goro was breathing hard, high on the drug of arousal and, as such, everything was hazy. It was Goro's turn to ask. "W-why?"

And it was Akira's turn to respond, "Because."

Goro closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. He needed to get himself under control before he did or said anything stupid.

"What'd you think of the other day? Did you like that?" Akira asked.

Was Akira really asking what he thought he was?

"What do you mean?" Goro croaked back.

Akira traced Goro's arm with his index and middle finger as he spoke. "Y'know, what I showed you." The sound and the insertion. How could he possibly forget?

It was just forward enough to freak Goro out. There was no pretending Akira was talking about anything else.

"What? The part where you inserted a foreign object into your cock like some freak?" His voice came out more cutting than he thought it would.

Akira frowned. "Is that really how you feel?" Akira looked genuinely hurt. His hopeful, vulnerable smile was replaced with a downturned one, and he cast his gaze aside.

No. Goro didn't know why he said it like that. He hadn't meant it, truly. He just didn't have the right words.

He doubled down anyway. "I'm just saying it's not normal."

Not normal? He was one to talk, like he hadn't immediately went to try it himself, and like he hadn't replayed the events of that night every time he touched himself?

Akira's expression had long hardened, and he pulled away. "Maybe you should go."

"What? No, I-"

Akira sat himself up on the edge of the bed and reached for his shoes. "Actually, I have to head out. See yourself out, okay?" What a cold voice it was then, and well deserved.

"Wait, do you really have to-?" Goro grabbed the back of Akira's shirt, but it slipped away as Akira stood up. Akira said nothing more. He simply grabbed his bag and left, leaving Goro alone.

Goro slowly stood up and started packing his things. Before he left, he peered at the dresser situated against one of the walls. That's where Akira kept his lube. He quietly padded over. His hands hovered the top drawer as he debated whether is was truly worth opening.

Slowly, he pulled the drawer open and there it was. Sounding rods much like the one from the other day were lined up inside, progressing from the smallest to largest in diameter. Goro ran his fingers along each of them. He wished he'd responded differently to Akira's question.

"What'd you think of the other day? Did you like that?"

"Yes," is what he should've said.

"Want me to show you the ropes?"

"Please."

Just then, the doorknob turned and a voice called out. "Akechi? You still in here? I forgot to grab-"

Goro turned around and it was too late to cover his tracks. Akira was staring at Goro with his hand in his opened drawer.

"What are the hell are you doing?"

Caught red-handed.

Chapter Text

Goro raised his hands in the air as if he was being apprehended by the police. It was the, "I'm innocent, I swear," pose. Though, he was very much not innocent.

"Oh, heh," nervous laughter peppered his speech, "I was just- It's not, uh, It's not what you think." He pushed the drawer closed with his hip, as if that would help.

Akira marched over and confronted him with the most searing gaze. "First you insult me, and then, when I ask you to leave, you ignore me and I come back to find you snooping through my stuff?!"

Akira gripped Goro by his shirt and pulled him closer with squinted his eyes. "What's your problem, anyway?"

"S-sorry, I was just..." He had no excuses.

"You were just what?!" Akira shouted back.

"Curious," Goro admitted quietly.

Akira's expression twisted into confusion. "Curious? Since when-?" Akira paused. "But you said..."

"I lied," he finally admitted. "I've just never seen anything like it."

"You... lied?" Akira asked.

Goro swallowed and nodded. Akira was still gripping onto his shirt, but he'd loosened his grip slightly. "I'd truly never heard of it until you showed me."

"Okay?" Akira replied, annoyance still evident in his tone. Goro was losing him. He bucked up and asked his question.

"How do you get it to- to- like, not burn?"

"Huh?"

"I mean." Cat's out of the bag. No turning back now. "It's uncomfortable and when I peed after, it stung like hell."

"You mean you-?"

"Tried it? Yes," Goro admitted.

Akira stared back with the most incredulous expression. "You're joking. You're joking. You're trying to prank me, right?"

"I'm not."

"Ah. Ah ha. Ahahahaha!" Akira gripped his stomach as he let out this loud, sharp laugh. "You think you're so funny?"

Goro shook his head. "I'm not-"

"You're right. You're not funny." He pointed towards the door. "Please, just get out already."

Goro, panicked and grabbed Akira's wrist. "No, seriously. I'm not joking. If you just came over and saw-" Shit, what was he saying? Was he really admitting to all this?

Akira waited for Goro to continue, and Goro froze in place. "I, uh."

"..." Akira was painfully silent.

"I want you to come over." Goro blurted out, before he lost his nerve. "Tonight. No, right now. Come over and I'll show you I'm not lying."

"What's in it for me?" Akira asked. "Playing along with another one of your stupid games?" God, Goro missed the sweet, understanding Akira. He supposed Akira could only handle so much of his bullshit.

Goro lowered his gaze to the floor. "You'd be surprised. Just, please. Come?"

Akira ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Fine, then."

Goro lit up a little with a renewed hope. "Really? Okay, I, um..." He grabbed his bag and slipped on his shoes. "Let's go, then."

Akira followed silently.

It was eerie when he was like this. Goro knew Akira was holding back choice words. Hell, Akira could punch him in the face and it'd be well-deserved. Pummel him into the ground, even, and he wouldn't fight back.

The walk to his room was a mere five minutes, but it felt like thirty. Finally, they reached his room and Goro went to unlock it. Into the dark room, entered two tense men. Goro turned on a nearby lamp and made his way to his own dresser.

Akira sighed and sat down at Goro's desk chair. "Seriously, why am I here?"

Goro turned around and leaned against the dresser. "You'll see." He felt the need to stall, shy as he was to bear the same vulnerability Akira did when he exposed his own taboo kink.

"Close your eyes," Goro commanded softly.

"Huh?"

"Just- close them." Goro turned toward the dresser and cracked the top drawer open. He turned around to make sure Akira's eyes were shut, and they were. He pulled out the thinnest sound and slowly made his way to Akira. "Now, hold out your hand."

Akira didn't question it. He just slowly held out his hand, palm up. A cold, steel something landed in his hands. His fingers curled around it and felt its shape. Akira's eyes snapped open and found Goro's immediately.

"This is-"

"Yes." Finally, Goro's grim confession, with proof.

"So, you weren't lying after all?"

Goro shook his head.

"But you said you didn't know what it was before-" Akira looked at the sound again. "I was... enough to make you try it?"

Goro supplied a tense nod.

Akira covered his mouth in shock. "Holy shit, Akechi! There's no way." A laughter erupted from his chest. "There's seriously no way!"

Goro reached out to take it back, but Akira drew his hand out of reach. "Oh, how the tables have turned."

"Akira," Goro started, whining, "don't mock me."

Akira drew closer. "And why not?"

"I don't-"

"Why'd you show me this, anyway?" He was smiling now but, given the circumstances, it didn't ease Goro one bit.

Goro paused. Why did he show him that anyway? Oh, it's because he wanted Akira's help, right. But he chickened out. "I don't know..." he lied.

"You said it hurt to pee?" Akira asked.

"Oh?" Goro fidgeted with his hands. So, Akira was listening. "Yes."

"And you've only done it... once?"

Reluctant answering, "Yes."

Akira chewed his lip in thought. "That's not necessarily abnormal for the first time. You have to get used to it."

Finally, Goro felt a little more hopeful. "Yeah?"

"If it kept happening the next few times, I'd be more worried."

"I'm scared to again," Goro admitted.

"But you want to?" 

He nodded.

Akira ran his fingers along the delicate rod as he thought. "Want my help?"

Goro couldn't even pretend to be scandalized.

His answer was immediate. "Yes."

"Alright," Akira stood from his seat. "On the bed then."

Such nerve he had bossing Goro around in his own room... but he obeyed him. He sat himself up in bed and waited for Akira to join him.

"You have lube?" Akira asked.

"Yes."

"Where?"

All shame was gone now. This was happening. "Top drawer."

Akira reached in and pulled out a lube packet before coming over. He sat down beside Goro and reached for his shorts. "The pants are coming off, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah." Goro waved his hand as permission, and Akira tugged them off.

"Underwear too, okay?"

"K." Goro looked away. "Just do it already."

Akira nodded and removed the last of the material hiding away Goro's cock. Next, he took the sound and coated the first two inches in lube.

"Aren't you supposed to sterilize it first?"

Akira looked up. "Huh?" He thought about it for a moment. "Damn, you really did do your research didn't you?" He cradled Goro's soft cock with his free hand. "It should be fine, honestly." He pressed the rod to his opening and stopped.

Akira met Goro's eyes. "Ready?"

"But I'm not hard yet?"

"Mm," Akira started, "it tends to go in easier if you're not hard."

"Oh..." He hadn't read that anywhere. "Okay, yeah. I'm ready."

"Take a deep breath and..." mid-inhale, Akira inserted the rod and it forced a shaky breath out of Goro.

"O-oh..." Goro didn't mean to say out loud. It was knee-jerk, like a doctor hitting a reflex-point. Akira's ensuing thrusts were gentle and shallow, much like how Goro attempted himself, but it paled in comparison to Akira's experienced hand.

"And, mm," Goro moaned out, "how do I go deeper?"

"You don't. Just stick to this for now."

'Just the head?' Goro couldn't hide the disappointment in his expression.

"Don't worry. You'll get there." Akira kept feeling around the head with the rod, pumping it up and down. Sometimes, he'd remove the rod and reinsert it, and Goro's vision would go blurry. Then, Akira just held it in there, and stopped to ask his question.

"Can I kiss you?"

That was the last question Goro expected, but he wasn't against it.

"Yes," he finally whispered.

Akira leaned in and kissed Goro with his typical softness. Goro kissed back, naturally. Akira was the one to break away, and before Goro could whine, he watched as Akira mounted him and held out the sound to him.

"Here. I want you to try it yourself. Don't go past the head, alright? Be gentle and go slow."

Goro nodded and took the instrument in his hand. When he inserted it himself, it didn't feel as good as when Akira did it. What was he doing wrong? After a few slides up and down, he felt that familiar friction and winced.

"What's wrong?" Akira asked as his expression grew serious.

Through a winking wince, Goro said, "Need more lube."

"Ah, okay." In a surprising act of collaboration, Goro held out the rod and Akira dispensed the lube. He took a drop of it on his index finger, too, reached back and pressed it against Goro's head, earning a whimper.

"K, try again," Akira directed. Goro nodded and pressed the rod inside. That, was better. His body visibly relaxed, head tipped back and mouth cracked open as he fucked himself. This was it. This was how it was supposed to feel.

Akira leaned in again and kissed him. "Keep going," he said between kisses. Goro complied, and it was bliss. The idea of violating his hole like this while a man― no, Akira― mounted him and kissed the devil out of him? It didn't get any better than this.

"Mm, feels so good," Goro murmured.

"Doesn't it?" Akira said through a smile, and kissed him again.

"Didn't know, mm, something like this was possible, and could, ah, feel so good."

"Yeah. It's really special, isn't it?"

Goro's thrusting continued, and he felt the pressure build within him. It was an uncomfortably comfortable pressure, like he was about to pee, but no matter how much and how quickly he thrusted against his head, he couldn't come. He wanted to push it deeper. Finally, he removed the rod and set it aside, instead gripping his cock and pumping it quickly.

Akira caught a look behind his shoulder. "Sick of it already?"

"No, I just- can't. Just, need to come."

"Mm." Akira leaned in and pressed kisses to Goro's neck. What was he doing? A surge of arousal pierced through Goro as Akira ran his hands up Goro's bare back, beneath his shirt. The kissing turned into sucking. Goro didn't realize then it'd leave a mark. He was just obsessed with how good it felt.

Like this, it didn't take long. No, it didn't take long at all before he came― a well earned orgasm― and as Akira dismounted him, Goro caught a glance of the cum coating his fingers. It looked wrong. Instead of a clear white, it was strawberry red. His disappointment was clearly displayed on his face.

"It's alright," Akira reassured. "Nothing to worry about if it's a little red at first. Alright? It'll only get easier from here."

Goro nodded slowly, and he felt that quick-switch moment occur where he suddenly felt so filthy for what he did. He slowly sat up, scooped up his shorts and slipped them on.

"I should... go clean up. I'll be back." Goro padded to the bathroom and washed his hands first. He thought it best to pee if he could, and then he thought about the last time this happened. Unsheathing his cock, he winced and waited.

"Oh?" It didn't hurt this time, at least, not like before. In its place was a dull sting, but he was just relieved it wasn't shredding crystals like before.

When he returned back to the sink, he noticed two red marks on his neck and recalled the biting kisses. Had that really just happened?

He wasn't sure what to expect when he came back. Had Akira left? When he entered the room, he found Akira laying in his bed, face illuminated by the blue-light of his phone. Goro flopped down next to him.

"How can you act so normal after all that?"

"Hm?" Akira looked up. "What do you mean?"

"You just helped your... friend... fuck himself with a rod, is what I mean. That's so fucked."

"Is it really?" he asked, nonchalant.

Goro pursed his lips. "You're so strange."

Akira set his phone face down and met Goro's eyes. "What really made you try it anyway?"

"You," he answered, lacking pretense, "You did. I want to..." Should he say it? "Stretch my cock like you did. It was so... it was so big... so extreme."

Akira smiled softly, maybe even proudly. "Yeah. It is so big, isn't it? It took me a long time before I could take something that big."

"I want that too," Goro admitted.

'Imagine us, fucking the same rod... How sensual,' he didn't say out loud, but he thought it.

"I'm very flattered." Akira moved a piece of hair out of Goro's face. "Thank you for trusting me."

"Only somebody as insane as you would do such a thing."

Akira smiled. "Maybe. And what am I looking at now? A mirror?"

There he went with his abnormally deep thoughts. He never ceased to catch Goro off guard. And so did he catch him off guard when Akira pressed two fingers to the tender red spot on his neck.

"Sorry for this. It'll surely bruise." His smile made his nose scrunch. "Got any turtlenecks, by chance?"

Goro scrunched his nose, too. "No."

"Oh well. Happens to the best of us."

Goro stared at Akira, and he was at a loss for words. "What now?"

Akira shrugged. "I forgot the rest of your notes at my place, so you'll have to come back."

Goro scoffed. "Of course I will."

Akira played with Goro's hair as he spoke. "But you'll come?"

Goro softened. "Of course I'll come."

"Promise me," Akira murmured.

"I promise," Goro murmured back.

After a long, quiet, contemplative moment, Akira spoke once more with his nose wrinkled, "I can't believe you really-"

Goro shut him up with a palm to his face. "Shut up."

Akira merely giggled and wrapped his arms around Goro. "Don't push me away."

"Fine."

Several quiet moments proceeded them.

"Akira?"

Silence answered him. The angel of a man was asleep. All Goro could do now was appreciate this moment. He reached to turn off the lamp and snuggled closer to the insane man whose best and worst crime was shoving a fat rod up his cock.

Chapter Text

About an hour later, a loud, obnoxious ringtone woke them both up. Akira groaned and fumbled in the dark for the offender, at one point, grabbing Goro instead of his phone.

“H-hey!” Goro croaked out with his sleep-crackled voice.

“Sorry,” Akira murmured. After some more fumbling in the dark, he paused to listen closely to the sound of the ringtone and realized it was in his bookbag resting at the base of the bed.

Akira climbed over Goro and, following the sounds of a few zippers, finally fished out his phone.

He was still practically on top of Goro as he answered.

“Hello?” Goro tried to shove him off but Akira shooed him away. "Stop it," he whispered.

“Oh, yeah?" Akira said into the phone. Hints of a woman's voice came through on the other line. "Okay. No, yeah. That's fine. I’ll be right over. Yeah. It’s no problem. Promise.”

Akira pocketed his phone and looked at the approximation of Goro’s face, only barely illuminated by the blue moonlight creeping into the room.

“I have to go," Akira said.

“Okay?” Goro replied, not yet fully awake.

“Sorry, Futaba needs my help with something.”

“Can it not wait?”

“Afraid not.” Akira sat himself up, stretched, and yawned. “Okay, then.” He cupped Goro’s cheek. It was warm. “I’m sorry to go.”

“Whatever. Just go already.”

“Akechi?” Akira sounded unsure.

“Kurusu?” Naked voices in the dark calling out timidly, and they were rendered awkward men again.

“Can I-?” He stopped himself. Something told him not to; it didn’t feel right. Somehow, it felt too intimate. “No, never mind.”

“No, what is it?” Goro reached for him blindly and missed his target as Akira was already getting up.

“Nothing,” Akira infused his reply with a soft chuckle. “It was stupid.”

“Mm,” Goro rolled over and gripped his pillow tighter, trying his best to track the moving silhouette in his room. He was too tired to fight him on it.

Goro heard the swooshing sound of soles slipping into shoes and those shoes hitting the ground.

“Be safe,” Goro called out into the dark.

“I will.” The familiar apparition lingered for a moment. The doorknob turned, but the door remained shut. Akira's contemplation was loud, and nothing followed it but, “Goodnight, Akechi.”

“Night, Kurusu.”

With the click of a door, Goro was alone again and the room suddenly felt cold. He devoted no further thought to it as he slipped back to sleep.

It turned out Futaba was busy that night and her roommate, who agreed to look after her emotional support dog, decided to go out drinking instead. Poor Toto was left in his room alone and, understandably, Futaba was horrified. Akira agreed to take him out for a much needed potty break and a brisk walk. The dog was old, so he couldn't travel far, rendering the walk itself brief.

It was nice, though, the walk. The cool, night air hit his skin and he felt refreshed. Maybe it was the air or maybe it was the prospect of having been in Goro's arms not 30 minutes prior.

Finally, with emotional support dogs let out and returned, Akira could turn in for the night. He laid on his back, eyes directed to the ceiling as he thought back on the events of the day. In the quiet and stillness of night, he could feel his body literally buzzing.

He thought about Goro, and the two nights they shared together doing less than virtuous things...

'Finally,' Akira thought. 'Finally, we've breached the wall of friendship into something new... Something new.'

Akira ghosted his hand over his clothed cock. 

'Something new. He really- We really-'

Sounding was his secret practice, done entirely for himself, but a part of him always wished he could show off his achievement― a wide-slotted hole fit for even a finger― and to simply share the joy of the process. And it happened! He couldn't believe it actually happened. Not only that, his secret practice was shared with the man that, ostensibly, mattered most to him and how did he respond? He tried it himself. He tried it himself!

'This has to be the start of something new,' Akira thought to himself. 'We have another thing in common now. He let me touch him, and kiss him, and fuck him!' Akira had even marked his neck with proof of what they've done, albeit fleeting. It brought Akira satisfaction thinking it probably served as a reminder to Goro too.

'What if we did it again? What if we did it in front of each other?' He was sure he'd come instantly watching Goro handle a sound again.

Akira fell asleep soundly that night, his lullaby of hope rendering tomorrow a more exciting day. Tomorrow was the start of his new life.

Akira should've known better. Life was seldom so easy or predictable. It started with a 'good morning' text gone unanswered.

Akira: good morning ❤😁 have a good dayyy

He stared at that pathetic, naive text for a long time. At first, he extended the benefit of doubt, thinking Goro must've just been asleep. But by the time 11:00 am rolled around, he was positive the other man was awake.

In vain, he scanned the campus wherever he went, constantly tuned to look for Goro's face. He couldn't find it.

He decided to send another text, lest he come off obsessive, but the excuse was believable enough. They had a Psych exam tomorrow, and Akira still had the completed notes.

Akira: hey ive still got your psych notes. wanna stop by?
Akira: or i can drop them off, just lemme know

Still, no response. Even well into the night, Akira was glued to his phone, checking and checking for a response. Nothing. Did he do something wrong? Not knowing was torture.

Come next morning, Akira was the first of the two to arrive to class. It was exam day, after all. He expected Goro's prudent attendance, and hoped he could get in a few words too before it started. He sat there, bouncing his foot and spinning his pencil as his eyes shuttled between the board and the empty desk next to him.

It wasn't until the teacher was literally handing out the paper exams that Goro came waltzing in. Well, waltzing was the wrong word; that would imply a lithe gracefulness, which he did not possess. Not today. He was stiff, and he looked different. He was dressed more conservatively than usual. His medium chestnut hair, normally free-falling, was tied tight into a low pony. As for his attire, he wore black slacks to match a stuffy black turtleneck on top, tight against his body and he looked great― of course he did― but it was wrong. It was all wrong.

Goro silently took his seat as the test packet hit his desk. Akira leaned over and whispered, "Hey." It garnered no response as Goro's eyes remained locked to the sheet.

'Wow, I feel like utter shit,' Akira thought.

"Alright, no more talking," called out the professor. "Let's begin." Maybe Akira could catch Goro afterwards.

Throughout the test, Akira stole glances Goro's way. His expression was unreadable, but it felt serious. Was the slight downturn at the corners of his lips just him focusing on the test or something more?

Akira's eyes then traveled down to the column of his neck, covered by dark fabric. He wanted proof, reassurance, the other night was real, but it was erased― no, worse, purposefully hidden― and it made Akira feel small. What was the meaning of all this? How could he possibly act like it never happened? Akira almost felt used.

He tried to focus on his test, but the multiple choice answers blurred together and he was still thinking about Goro. He read the first question and crossed out option A: that wasn't correct.

As he read question B, he recoiled, blinked, and then rubbed his eyes hard.

What the? That couldn't be... Under option B, it read:

B. he doesn't care about you

Akira physically shook his head, and he probably looked crazy, but he needed to shake him off. Goro didn't care about him? He refused to believe that.

When he looked again, the option looked different. This time, it read:

B. Negative reinforcement

Akira sighed in relief, dragging a hand down his face before sobering up just slightly.

'Okay, okay. You're just seeing things, Akira. Calm down.'

He continued on with the multiple choice questions and, just as he was calming down did a black mass move in the corner of his eye. It was Goro. With thirty minutes left, he was already turning in his test and swiftly exiting the classroom.

'Damn it! No!' Akira thought to himself. That was likely his only chance to talk to him... Akira hung his head for a good thirty seconds before he could return to the exam.

After that, Akira didn't feel good about texting Goro. He already had three of his texts go unanswered, and a fourth would likely achieve nothing.

'What changed?' he thought to himself. Things were so good. Goro was so open in the moment. His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing.

"Hello?" Akira answered.

"Hey, man. What'chu up to?" It was Ryuji, and he sounded chipper as ever.

"Nothing... just got out of an exam."

"Oh, cool. How'd you do?"

"Fine," Akira whined out, and he sounded dejected.

"You sound upset. What’s going on?"

"It's nothing. Something stupid."

"Oh, okay." Ryuji paused. "I was calling to ask if you wanted to grab lunch."

"Oh, um..." He really wasn't feeling up to it, but before he could decline, his stomach grumbled. Maybe food would be nice. "Yeah, sure. Where at?"

"Wanna do ramen?"

"Yeah. Ramen sounds fine."

"See you in fifteen?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah, so Yusuke and I were at this thing and there was this huge crowd!" Ryuji said with a mouthful of food. "And I thought I'd lost him until I felt somebody grab my hand and pull me along and-" Ryuji stopped himself. Before him, was Akira, slumping and shoveling ramen into his mouth like there was no tomorrow. He hardly seemed to be listening anyway.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Ryuji asked with genuine candor.

"Hm?" Akira's eyebrows pitched upwards as he looked up. "Nrmthing," he answered.

"Dude, you're, like, stuffing your face like you got broken up with or something."

Akira stared back with wide, puppy dog eyes and whimpered.

"Huh?" Ryuji replied.

Akira frowned and his chewing slowed. He had no words.

Ryuji flashed a sympathetic frown. "Some guy get you down again?"

Akira nodded. To which, Ryuji sighed. "What happened?"

"He doesn't care about me," he croaked out.

"Who?"

"I thought he did but he's ignoring me..." Akira buried his head face-down into the table, like a melodramatic queen.

"Akira, who?"

Akira groaned, his answer muffled when spoken into his arms, "Akechi."

"Ohhh." Ryuji's reply was long drawn out, until it flattened again. He leaned back in the booth and crossed his arms. "What happened this time?" It wasn't the first time they'd had this conversation. It was typically drunk nights led to drunk kissing led to sober crying when the alcohol was no longer there to soften them up. Well, soften Akechi up, mainly.

Akira's eye peeked through his arms. "Nothing."

"C'mon, man. Fess up. I can't help you if you don't tell me."

Akira buried himself again. "We kinda sl... gether."

"Huh? Speak up. I can't hear you!"

Akira's head snapped up and he blurted it out again, clearer, "We kinda slept together!"

Ryuji's mouth dropped open. "You guys, what?"

"Well-!" Akira stopped himself, and then took a stressed bite. "We kinda- I dunno. It was more than kissing, and it happened twice."

"Twice?! Dude, why didn't you tell me?"

Akira's shoulders dropped. "It, like, just happened, okay? And I didn't expect him to start ignoring me like this!"

Ryuji's lips were drawn into a thin line, and he looked so done with Akira. "Are we talking about the same guy here? Dude, he ices you out every time you guys do anything remotely intimate."

Akira frowned and shoveled another bite into his mouth. "That's not true." It was true. And Akira was always the one to beg for Akechi to reengage.

"When are you gonna get it through your thick skull that he's no good for you, Akira?" Ryuji asked.

"But-!"

"No but's!"

"But-! He's different," Akira cast his longing gaze out the restaurant window. "He's special and what we did together was special."

When Akira looked back, Ryuji was still stone-faced and unconvinced.

"Don't look at me like that!" Akira whined.

Ryuji sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He knew he wouldn't be the one to change Akira's mind. "So... What're you gonna do now?"

Akira shrugged and spoke through a mouthful of food. "I drnno."

"Maybe if you give him space, then he'll come back 'round. He usually does."

Akira's shoulders dropped even further. That sounded like torture.

"Got any better ideas?"

Akira shook his head.

"Guess you only got one choice, then."

"Yeah..."

Akira did wait. He waited all, tortuous weekend, and he heard nothing. His friends never heard the end of it either, Akechi this and Akechi that; he was fixated. The only hope he held onto was seeing him in class Monday.

'Just hold on until Monday...'

'Stupid awful Monday. I hate everything and everyone and life is a cruel, unyielding thing.'

During Monday’s lecture, a sulking Akira stared at the empty seat next to him. He hadn't even bothered taking notes. He only thought about Goro. Goro. What could he be possibly doing right now?

As he walked through campus, head hung low, he found himself ramming into an immovable force taking the form of somebody's chest.

"I'm so sor-" Akira looked up and the rest of the words fell out of his mouth. The chest he'd accidentally slammed into was none other than Goro's. This time, he was wearing an olive green turtleneck. Another turtleneck? He had to have explicitly gone out and bought them just to cover up. Akira's sense of rejection stung deep.

"Akechi," he croaked out.

"Kurusu," Goro responded with measured tone. He didn't smile, but he didn't frown. He was just, closed off.

"You weren't in class today," Akira resumed breathlessly.

"I wasn't."

"I missed you," he admitted, and he immediately regretted it.

Goro looked away and Akira could feel his heart being ripped from his chest. No reply back.

"Where have you been?"

"Sick."

"Again?" Akira doubted him this time.

Goro cemented his gaze elsewhere. "What does it matter to you?"

Akira's own composure was cracking, his pain seeping into his voice. "You're being cold." At the same time, he reached up to Goro's neck where one of the marks must've been hiding under the fabric, fading.

Goro seized him by the wrist. "Don't."

Akira blinked swiftly and turned away, and Goro's hand was still wrapped around his wrist longer than was normal. "Why haven't you let go?"

That's all it took for the pressure around his wrist to ease off. They merely stared at each other, standing off, until one broke first. Goro looked almost angry, auburn eyes appearing red, and Akira wasn't sure what he looked like. He felt helpless and pathetic. It'd never been this tense before, nothing they couldn't come back from.

Goro was the first to break, ending their standoff with a scoff. He finally turned and walked away, leaving Akira there alone again.

The ensuing feeling of loneliness felt unbearable, almost as if the world was ending and Akira was actively drowning. He didn't know what to do to quell this feeling. All he wanted was Goro. He needed to do something. A drink or a smoke or an emotional support slice of cake was in order. He just needed to feel better. He just needed to feel better-!

"Hey, Ryuji?"

The voice on the other line was warm yet casual. "Sup?"

"Can I come over?" Akira tried to sound normal.

"Yeah, is something going on?"

"I'm just not feeling the best."

"Yeah, dude. Feel free."

Akira's mind wasn't moving him, but his legs were. Not long after his unprompted call was he knocking on Ryuji's door. At least, when Ryuji greeted him, he seemed to actually care.

"Hey, Akira," Ryuji greeted softly.

"Hey." Akira invited himself in and slipped off his shoes. As Ryuji turned towards him, Akira had already lunged forward to kiss him, a kiss that wasn't yet returned.

Ryuji pulled away abruptly. "Dude, what the hell?"

Akira already had his arms wrapped around Ryuji and regarding him with hooded eyes. "Help a friend out, won't you? I need you."

Ryuji sighed and drank in Akira's pathetic state; he was a sad, horny animal licking his wounds one moment and trying to screw the nearest willing person the next, and for what reason?

Ryuji placed steadying hands against Akira's sides. "You know I'm starting to get involved with Yusuke, right?"

Akira leaned in closer, eyes ever dimmer. "But you guys aren't exclusive, are you?"

Ryuji lowered his eyes. "No, not yet."

Akira grazed Ryuji's cheek with his hand. "C'mon, it'll be like old times." Old times. Right. It wasn't the first time they'd done this.

Ryuji finally sighed and nodded. "Alright."

And familiar it was. It was almost like their encounters were scripted. Akira would unbuckle Ryuji's pants and take him in his mouth. He'd suck earnestly, staring up at Ryuji and waiting to hear what he wanted to hear. He wanted to hear how much he pleased Ryuji. If he was quiet, Akira would suck harder, or change his strategy. Anything to feel wanted for a night.

But Ryuji wasn't very vocal today. Getting him off took longer, but it finally happened. Salty seed flooded Akira's mouth and he swallowed it, like he knew Ryuji liked, and that was it.

"Want me to suck you off?" Ryuji asked casually.

Akira wiped the corner of his mouth and shook his head. "No, I'm good."

"Got it all out of your system, huh?"

"Got what out?"

Ryuji pointed a finger at Akira and moved it in circles. "All that sexual frustration? Y'know, the Akechi thing?"

"This isn't about him."

"Is it not? You came here all dejected, asking me to help you out. Come on, now."

"It's not like that..." Akira replied lamely.

Ryuji scoffed. "Of course it is." Ryuji leaned back against the wall. "I seriously don’t know what you see in this guy. And besides," his eyes flashed down to his crotch, "do you really think he’d stay after he saw that? A deformed cock?" 'At least I’ll still fuck you,' he didn’t say, but meant, in between the lines.

Deformed cock!? It took everything within Akira not to immediately scream at Ryuji.

"Or, oh," Ryuji's lips blossomed into a wide-mouthed smile, "is that why he's avoiding you?"

Akira looked away. "Tch. You're always shitting on me for that." Ryuji never got the sounding thing. It was just too out there for him. "That's why we never worked out..."

"I can't watch you do that to yourself," Ryuji replied lamely.

"And you don't have to!" Akira shouted back, throwing his arms into the air. "God..." A terse raking of hands through his hair punctuated his sentence. "Do we really have to rehash this every time?"

Ryuji shoved a finger in Akira’s face. "You're the one who keeps coming crawling back here, Akira. You don't think I see how you're just using me?"

Akira's expression contorted into a scowl. Ryuji was never one to mince words, and he supposed he'd gotten used to Goro's avoidance.

"It's not like that..." Akira responded.

"Don't delude yourself."

"I-" Akira's nostrils flared as he stopped himself from continuing. He stood abruptly from the bed and immediately launched his search for his stuff. "-don't need to take this from you right now. I'm leaving."

"Fine, then. Run away. Maybe you and Akechi really are more perfect for each other than I thought. Cowards."

A coppery taste filled Akira's mouth as he bit down on his tongue. He was angry, but Ryuji was still his best friend. He knew better than to set bridges aflame. He was doing Ryuji a favor by retreating. Ryuji just didn't realize it.

As Akira reached for the doorknob, Ryuji said, "No matter how much you treat me like crap, I'll always be around. Akechi won't be. Just- think about that before you do anything crazy."

To Akira, Ryuji was speaking nonsense. He was the one treating Ryuji like crap? Bullshit.

"Goodnight, Ryuji," is all he said back.

"Goodnight, Aki-" the slamming of the door cut him off.

Ryuji was out of hand.

Chapter Text

Akira wasn’t sure what to expect when he arrived to class Wednesday morning but, overwhelmingly, he felt dread.

When he walked into the classroom, it felt… more or less normal. Goro was already there sitting at his desk. He had a small notebook open and he was taking notes of some sort.

As Akira walked past his desk, he attempted a sly spying on the contents of the notebook. Before he could read any of it, the book slapped closed.

Akira didn’t sit so much as he fell into his chair. He still felt heavy after everything. First, Goro was ignoring him, and then a fight with Ryuji? Life felt never-ending.

“Hey.”

Akira’s eyes snapped up in the sound of the voice. It belonged to Goro.

'Oh, are we on speaking terms now?'

“Hm?”

“You got notes from Monday?”

Akira shook his head. “No. I wasn’t paying attention.”

Goro cocked a brow. ‘Really?’ it asked. Next, he sighed. “Alright, then. I’ll just refer to the textbook.”

His muscle memory cropped up and he wanted to say, ‘Do you want to come over and study?’ but he wasn’t in the mood for any further humiliation.

Before he could even think to change his mind, the professor called out to the class. "Alright, class. Let's get started. Today, we'll be moving on to the memory unit-"

The professor's voice faded away into nothing as Akira brought his attention to Goro. Like a stage, a spotlight shone on him and he was the only person to ever exist. Raised up on a pedestal and most beautiful, most untouchable. Except he did— he touched him. Akira did. He was a part of this play until he suddenly wasn't.

But,

When Akira looked closer, when he looked at that column of neck no longer obscured by fabric, he found the softest green-yellow marks. Goro's skin was healing from his teeth, but it was still there as proof. Proof Akira mattered.

Goro's head slowly turned and located his audience member. His judging eyes scanned Akira's body, up and down, and found its destination at Akira's desk. Resting on Akira's desk were his hands. His hands?

Goro's gaze did not break from his hands. Akira wondered then what his star actor was thinking. There was some internal monologue in there, he knew it, but he wasn't privy to it.

Finally, Goro's head turned toward the board and he was back to taking notes. The show was over, for now. Lecture would stretch on until finally, the professor reached the last slide of the lesson.

"Alright, then. Looks like we have about ten minutes left. Before I let everybody go, I'm introducing a short group project for this chapter. So, I need you all to get into groups of two."

Students turned to each other, most already knowing who their partner of choice was going to be, and Goro was turned away from Akira. He'd tried smoothly requesting a partnership with a girl to his left, but she frowned and shook her head. Goro turned around and asked the boy behind him next, to which he also said no. A third time, he turned towards the boy sitting behind Akira.

"Akechi-san," Akira finally said, and Goro met his gaze. His voice was level, but it took all the courage within him to say the words. "Would you... like to be partners?"

Goro sighed as he leaned back in his chair. "Fine. I suppose that'll do."

Akira couldn't stop the smile from creeping up on his face. He had his in.

The teacher issued further background and instructions on the project. He said it was just a short thing, but if the students could have it finished by Friday, then that would be ideal. That meant meeting outside of class.

"Want to come over tonight?" Akira asked too eagerly, and then caught himself. "I mean, to work on the project."

"Might as well get it over it," Goro replied. Akira took that as a yes.

"Okay, then. I'll... text you later about it, alright?"

"Got it."

Praise the gods he was here. He was here, in the flesh, in Akira's room, sitting on the opposite side of his bed holding a sheet full of words. He was likely keeping his distance but, nonetheless, he was here.

"Okay, I'll start the timer," Akira begun, "and when I say go, you read off the words."

"Alright, then."

At the same time he tapped a button on his phone screen, Akira said, "Go!"

"Hm, star, monster, planet, green, shirt, pants, piano, meteor..." The list went on for another minute, until the timer stopped them.

"Okay, now tell me which words you remember."

"Err, star, monster, green, blue, red... pants, shirt, socks, green-"

"You already said green."

"Um, earth, grass... piano, flute, trombone." Akira looked up towards the right, as if it would jog his memory any further, and at the same time, Goro checked words off the list. "That's all I can think of."

"Okay. Onto the question. Did you notice anything about the words? Anything that made it easier or harder to remember them?"

Akira nodded. "Mm. Chunking. I tried to chunk together similar words, like the colors and the instruments." They learned that in class today. It was likely, in part, supposed to be used in the exercise.

"Good answer." Goro scrawled down a sentence or two. "Anything else?"

Akira puckered his lips and shook his head. "No. Don't think so."

"That should be fine enough. Now, read your list. I'll start the timer."

They performed the same procedure with a different set of words, and Goro recited back the ones he remembered. It was more than Akira could remember, an impressive amount more, and his answer as to why was better too. It was to be expected for the star of the show.

"Alright. That's it for the project." Goro tucked away his sheet in a purple folder labeled "Psychology." "Well, that was pretty stupid."

Akira shrugged. "I dunno, though. I thought it was kinda fun."

Goro shrugged back and looked at his open bookbag. "I still haven't written my notes for Monday's lesson."

Akira scrunched his nose. "Me neither."

"I'm not sure it's worth it," Goro admitted.

"Yeah..."

It was quiet after that. Both men stared at the design of the comforter neatly laid on the bed, and Akira even began tracing it.

'I'm sorry,' Akira hoped he'd hear, but it didn't come. 'I'm sorry for ignoring you. You didn't deserve it.'

"So... turtlenecks, huh?" Akira commented lousily.

"Huh?"

"You said you didn't own any," Careful, Akira. You're getting too close. "You went out and bought some?"

"Oh." Goro cast his gaze out the window. Outside, the sky was a streaky soup of bright yellow, orange, and pink. "Yeah."

What even was this conversation?

"You've been ignoring me," Akira finally said. He expected Goro to flinch, but he didn't.

"Have I?" His voice lacked any degree of feeling, positive or negative, and that's what insulted Akira the most.

"Akechi," Akira admonished.

"What?" innocent-faking tone, that was.

"Don't do this." Akira crawled over nearer Goro, until he was practically hovering over him, a knee cemented between his legs. "Don't act like I'm nothing to you."

Goro stared up at Akira and said nothing more, and Akira tried not to let it crush him. He cupped Goro by both cheeks. "Is what we have not special? And what we did together? Was it really not special?"

Special. That word specifically rung out in the air, spun and bounced off the walls.

Akira spoke again when Goro did not. "How can you act like I mean nothing to you? Do you even feel anything at all?"

Still, no words spoken. Goro merely took Akira's right hand and moved it down to his breast. Beneath it was a pounding heart, faster than the thoughts now streaming through Akira's head. That surprised him. It meant something to him, too, but it wasn't enough.

"I don't like it when you ignore me," Akira murmured through a frown.

"Who says I'm ignoring you-?"

"Stop it," Akira clipped. He pounded on Goro's chest with each sentence after. "Stop it, stop it, stop it! What do you take me for, anyway?"

Goro reached up and ran a thumb against Akira's bottom lip. "You're Akira," is all he said. He's Akira? But what did that mean? Who was Akira to Goro Akechi? That answered nothing.

"Stop being so vague," Akira pouted back.

"That's all there is to it. You're... Akira." Goro was running his hands through Akira's soft locks now, fingers brushing against scalp and lulling him into submission.

"Mm, you're trying to distract me..." Akira pulled Goro's hands down, "and you're making no sense." Again, Akira pressed his fingers to the fading green-yellow on Goro's neck. "Are you... ashamed of me?"

Goro scoffed. It was the most emotive he'd been all night, and it was a scoff! "Ashamed? No. No, I'm not ashamed. Not of you."

Akira covered the mark with his palm. Hide it away. "I'm not sure I believe you."

"Hm, and how's that my problem?"

Akira cast his eyes downwards. "You act like you don't care." His eyes snapped back up. "Tell me I matter to you."

Goro shook his head and let out a baffled scoff. "What has gotten into you?"

"Please, Akechi," Akira pleaded, "I feel like I'm going crazy here. Just tell me I matter to you."

Goro merely stared up at Akira, and each new, silent second could Akira feel a new crack form in his heart. Finally, cold fingers gripped at his chin and pulled him forward into a kiss. It was long. Each silent second counted as repentance, for each day Goro ignored him.

The long reunion kiss kicked off into a series of all-consuming ones. Akira wanted this all to mean that he mattered, because, who would kiss someone like this if they didn't matter?

Wedged between two kisses was Akira catching his breath, but instead of drawing one in, a lone wail escaped his body and startled them both. Goro made no comment, but Akira could feel the tensing of his body.

Akira pulled away after that and found that his whole body was shaking. Shaking, why? He found himself shaking, filled to the brim with relief and arousal and confusion. Was he shaking all this time? He brought his forehead forward to rest against Goro's shoulder and gripped his upper arms tight for support. He wanted to say more, but no words came out.

"God, you're a mess tonight," Goro said, and Akira didn't know what to make of it. He didn't know what to make of anything anymore.

"Here," Goro hushed, and begun pulling up Akira's t-shirt, to which Akira complied. He didn't know where this was going— he was never given the script— but he trusted this actor just enough to lead him.

Once the shirt was off, Goro leaned forward and pressed a kiss squarely to his sternum, and Akira's body twitched. Still frigid hands ran up his back and came down scraping lightly, not enough to mar, but Akira wished it. That is, to sport a mark of his own.

Goro laid Akira down gently against the bed and kissed his sternum again. He placed another an inch down, and then another, equidistant, until he reached his belly button. Akira felt a wetness plunge his hole, and when he looked up, he found Goro's tongue there, swirling around. Even more strange, is that it felt good.

"What are you doing...?" Akira asked.

"Like it?"

Akira's head fell back against the mattress, but his gaze remained locked to Goro. He felt shy today. "Mm."

"Good."

"I'm taking your pants off," Goro announced.

"Okay," Akira murmured back.

Pants discarded gave way to a pair of navy-colored underwear gave way to a hard cock beneath it. Goro grazed it with his fingertips just once before reaching for the elastic.

"What're you gonna do to me?" Akira asked gently.

"You'll see." Goro peered at the ground for a moment, and Akira imagined he was looking at the stage directions etched into the tiles. When Goro clicked his tongue against his mouth and turned back, Akira imagined even the sound effect was purposeful.

A cold hand, still so cold, so cold, grasped the base of his cock and just stayed there. Goro was staring down the tip of it, the loose hole staring back. Surely, there were no stage directions in there. Maybe he was lost. Lost in thought? 

It was the first time that night that Goro seemed so unsure the way he just froze and stared. Stage fright?

Finally, he took his index finger and swiped it against the opening and Akira tensed. No further action was taken.

(GORO pauses for dramatic effect) was written on the ceiling.

Akira glanced his way. Goro looked to be considering something, the way his digit hovered his hole. 

"Have you- Have you ever...?" Goro started.

"Have I what? Just say it, Akechi."

"Have you ever stuck your finger inside?" he asked, with a finger still pointed.

Akira shuddered at the implication and managed a weak smile. "Yes. Yes, I have."

"Would it be possible- I mean, can I-"

"Yes," Akira answered quickly.

Goro drew in a gasping breath as if he were surprised.

"Just- lube," Akira's brain was short-circuiting. "Lube. Need lube. In the drawer."

"Yeah, I know." Goro went straight for the dresser and fished out the familiar bottle. He faltered when he saw the just as familiar sounds there.

"Akechi, have you still been-?"

"Yes," he answered quickly.

"Really?"

GORO   (distressed) Yes.

Akira couldn't make out why Goro suddenly seemed so nervous, but he continued anyway. "Bring over one of the sounds too. I want to... please you too."

Goro hovered over one of the thin rods and picked it up. He returned back and held out the instrument like it was going to bite him, and Akira took it from him.

AKIRA   Go ahead and take off your clothes, Akechi.

Akechi nodded quietly and did as he was told, stripping until he was bare. He situated himself with feet facing Akira and head nearer his feet, and he thumbed at his hole again.

"Lube, Akechi," Akira strained.

"I know," he clipped, and reached for the bottle.

"Use a lot."

"Okay..." He proceeded to coat his finger in the thick, wet slime, and then passed the bottle off to Akira's outstretched hand.

(Akira applies lube to the rod meant for Goro.)

Akira was starting to feel a part of this play, as the actions and lines came more clearly to him now.

"Ready?" Akira asked.

Goro swallowed and nodded. He watched as cold metal slid into his own opening and bobbed no further than his head.

"You can go deeper," Goro murmured.

"Oh?" Akira's eyes flashed up curiously then back down. "Okay..." Slowly, he pressed it further down, even further yet, and Goro's breathing grew haggard.

"You've done good for yourself," Akira praised, which earned a half-hearted smile out of Goro. Goro himself pressed that wet finger to his opening.

"Go ahead," Akira said.

Goro nodded and pressed his digit inside, only to the bottom of his nail. He looked up at Akira who returned this hazy look: he had his mouth cracked open and his eyes half-lidded. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever expect this to happen.

He watched as the finger prodded shallowly, bobbing like a buoy, only for it to press deeper.

(GORO clears the first knuckle.)

Akira continued with his own task, fucking Goro's urethra with the rod. They had their eyes on each other, both having devolved into heavy, labored breathing, wildly aroused by the other's actions.

"Ah, hah," Goro panted.

"Mmph," Akira answered.

None of this seemed real. His finger was inside of him. His finger was inside of him.

"O-oh!" Akira cried out in pleasure, as the finger slid ever deeper.

(GORO clears the second knuckle.)

"You don't," Akira panted, "You don't know what you do to me..."

GORO  I do. I can see it on your face.

Akira groaned and his head flopped back onto the pillow. This couldn't be real. He lifted his head back up and focused on his own actions. If he looked at what Goro was doing, he feared he'd come much too fast.

"You're so loose for me, Kurusu," Goro murmured, and Akira only moaned back.

'I'm so loose for you...' He repeated back to himself.

"Mm, mm, oh!" Akira cried out. The pumping intrusion felt so, so good. Maybe it was the fact it belonged to somebody that made it even hotter. Akira refused to look at the act, but he could feel it, and hear it, as the squeaky, squelching sound filled the air.

Goro was more conservative with the sounds he made, but they were there. "Mm, ah, ahh." His moans grew louder as Akira wrapped his free hand around his cock and begun pumping it.

Goro took that as a cue to turn up the heat. He pushed his finger further inside until there was no more finger to push, and fucked his hole relentlessly. Like Akira, he took to stroking with his other hand. When his finger pressed downwards, his grasping hand dragged upwards.

(GORO clears the third and final knuckle.)

Akira made the mistake of looking over at what Goro was doing because what he saw nearly made him cum. Sluggishly, he turned his gaze back to Goro's cock and pumped it earnestly, but he was losing his composure.

"A-ah, f-fuck! Aah" Akira swallowed. "I'm not gonna last very long, I- hng!"

"Me neither," Goro panted out.

Akira couldn't help but steal another glance. He wanted to remember this forever, take a mental snapshot and store it for later. This was once in a lifetime.

And he thought about it. 'That's his finger in there. Goro Akechi is fucking me. Goro Akechi is fucking me.' He never wanted it to end, but he felt that familiar pressure build and build, and stopping it was like trying to stop a crashing wave.

"No, no- wait, I- A-ah!" His back arched off the bed as he came, and Goro was still pumping inside of him. Goro's cock itself was pulsing, so Akira pulled out the rod in one swift motion. Out came his own spend, onto the bedding and onto Akira's hand and so much was happening at once.

Goro finally pulled out his assaulting finger now wet with cum and immediately placed it in his own mouth for the sucking. "Mm." His finger left his mouth with a pop! and that was it. They'd done it again, and this time, it was mountains better than the rest.

There was no fanfare or applause. They just laid there, and the only sound to fill the air was them catching their breaths. Akira's vision was blurry with fatigue after perhaps the most intense moment of his life.

Their bodies were hot and sweat-slicked. They laid much too far from each other but also much too close. Akira finally drew closer, pressed his wet body to Goro's, and they held each other. Neither had yet to say anything.

It remained like that for who knew how long. It felt like hours, but it was probably mere minutes. Their bodies finally cooled and that sweaty hot turned into chilly shuddering.

"H-here," Akira murmured weakly, and directed them both under the covers. They drew close again and held each other and Akira felt, remarkably, whole. He felt like he mattered.

He was much too tired to say anything to Goro, and he assumed the same of him. He simply grasped onto the few final thoughts coursing through him as he fought sleep. He wanted to ride this high as long as he could, but his eyes were heavy, so heavy.

He closed his eyes and focused his thought. Goro was here, in his bed, and they'd just fucked, basically. It was so intimate, so extreme, and so, so beautiful. In his mind, he was convinced that there was actually no coming back from this. It had to mean something. They had to mean something, and Akira would see it through to make them happen. 

'Tomorrow will be different,' Akira thought to himself before sweet sleep swept him away.

'Tomorrow will be different.'

Chapter Text

Goro woke up that next morning face-to-face with the most peaceful, sleeping Akira. It took him a moment to orient himself. Why was he here again?

He rubbed his thumb against his index finger only to discover a foreign texture. It was crusty and white. He thought back to the events of the night. That's right. He'd fucked Akira with his finger, three knuckles deep and he loved it. It seemed so surreal, if not for the evidence left. He could feel it, too, that something had been in his own urethra, and he didn't like it. He didn't like remembering.

It's not like he didn't want this, he did, but the morning after always brought excruciating dread. He wished it last night for the next morning to be different, for him to wake up feeling at peace, but life had other plans for him.

He knew what he was meant to do next, and even if it was the right decision, it didn't feel good. In the moment, it was never "I'm about to do something that'll hurt you," but rather, "I'm scared. God, I'm scared. You terrify me."

This whole thing had been tortuous, absolutely tortuous and, even worse, he could feel Akira's desperation. He could feel Akira's desperation when he was avoiding him. The incessant texting, the nervous hand-wringing, and endless invites to come over. It disgusted him.

He didn't know why, but it did. He felt suffocated by the other man. Why must he pursue him anyway? He wasn't special. He was just Goro Akechi. 

He couldn't bare to look anymore at Akira's sleeping face. It was time to do what he was meant to do. As carefully and quietly as he could, he slipped himself out of bed. He set his mission objective:

❗❗ Escape without waking Akira Kurusu.

He imagined it then, the tasks subdivided.
❗ Locate shirt
❗ Locate underwear
❗ Locate pants
And so on, and so forth, until he only had his right shoe to put on. He was almost there. He held his breath as he picked up the shoe, glancing at the sleeping man to ensure he was still, well, sleeping. When the tip of his foot entered the shoe, he lost his balance, and started hopping, trying in vain to lodge his stupid foot into his stupid shoe. With the last hop, the careless man knocked into something leaning against the wall and the tattling object hit the floor with a large 'clack!'

The target roused. "Hmm?"

No. Ambushed.

Akira turned towards the sneaking phantom and rubbed his eyes. "Akechi?"

Goro stood up straight and steeled himself for the unplanned confrontation. He hadn't even gotten his right shoe on properly. He was left jamming his heel against the shoe, feeling the back of the material bending to fit the appendage. It'd surely damage the shoe.

"Where are you going?"

"Out," he clipped. It sounded too harsh, even for him. "I mean, I have to go."

Akira pouted his swollen pink lips and furrowed his eyebrows and it was pathetic, but he looked so beautiful while he was doing it, like a siren, and Goro almost faltered. "You were gonna leave without saying goodbye?"

'Well, when you put it like that.'

"No, I just..." Everything pointed towards his imminent escape. His eyes and feet were pivoted towards the door, and the way he looked so guilty and surprised when the tattling object gave him away had Akira likely sensing something was very wrong.

Akira parted the sheets and left the bed, still naked, and got on his knees. What took Goro ten steps Akira was traversing on his knees as he crawled towards him.

"Akechi..." Akira slurred, drawing ever closer. "Please..."

What was he-?

Akira seized Goro's legs tight, hugging them and rooting him in place. He nuzzled his cheek against a clothed thigh. "Please," Akira strained. "Don't leave me. Don't ignore me again. I don't think I can handle it."

Goro tried to hide the sneer on his face, and he was sure he failed at that too.

'Get off of me, get off of me, get off of me!'

It took everything within him not to kick Akira away, or take him by the hair and rip him off of him. Clingy was not a good look on him.

Akira buried his face in Goro's crotch and spoke into it. "Please. I can't do this again. Please. I need you. I need you to stay. I need you to-"

"Stop it," Goro demanded, placing his hand on the crown of Akira's head and pushing him backward. The thing still clung to him like a baby to a tit. It was suffocating, and Goro was struggling to be nice about it.

"How could you-" Akira started, his eyes turned glassy, "How could you- you do this to me," he gripped his own cock as demonstration, flaccid and used, "and act like this doesn't mean anything to you?! That I don't mean anything to you?"

"Kurusu, stop," Goro gritted.

"Why?! Why am I not enough for you?" Tears streaked his cheeks and Goro couldn't find it in himself to empathize. Disgusting. Goro just stared down at the pathetic sight as Akira sobbed into his legs.

"Please... please... please, please, please, please." Inconsolable pleading took the place of what was normally a confident man, and Goro could only stare in disgust. But when Akira looked up at him with those wet eyes giving way to normally beautiful eyelashes clumped together with fat, lousy tears, Goro found it hard to look back. He didn't know why he felt this way, but he just knew Akira's behavior was inappropriate and it was suffocating.

His new objective popped up, clear in his mind's eye, and it read:
❗ Remove Akira Kurusu

Akira was making it exceptionally difficult, but Goro needed this to just end already. When Akira reached up to cup Goro's cheeks, Goro broke and instinctively planted a foot against his bare chest and pushed. Akira fell back against the cold, hard tiles and the slapping sound of his body's impact made Goro cringe.

'He forced my hand. That's why. This is unacceptable behavior. It's absolutely unacceptable.'

Akira stared up at Goro with a look of absolute betrayal, and that was it.

"Get a hold of yourself!" Goro growled, to which Akira tensed.

Goro couldn't look anymore. The wailing baby laid there, shaking like a leaf, naked and wanting, and Goro was resolutely not his daddy. 

He took that as his cue to leave, rushing to the door and swinging it open before running out. He hadn't dared look behind at the damage he'd caused. He just needed the constricting feeling around his neck to dissipate, and this was the only way he knew how.

Hours later, just as Goro was beginning to calm, he received a barrage of texts. Seven, to be exact.
Akira: hey im really sorry for my outburst
Akira: please
Akira: can we talk about this?
Akira: i messed up
Akira: i can be better, i promise
Akira: please
Akira: just give me another chance

Goro knew, from those texts alone, that something had to change.

The rest of the day was hell for Akira. He felt raw. After Goro left, he did little more than curl up on that cold tile and weep. When his phone first rang, he ignored it. It rang again and it was clear to Akira the caller needed to reach him. Besides, what if it was Goro?

It was Ann's name that displayed on the call screen. Shame. Akira took a deep breath and answered it.

"Hello?" He tried his best to sound normal.

"Hey," Ann greeted.

"What's up?"

"Sorry, I just- I had this horrible feeling about you and thought to call."

Really? What were the odds?

"Are you okay?" Ann asked.

Akira shook his head and swallowed. "Honestly, no. I'm not okay."

"...Is it Akechi again?"

"How did you know?" Akira whispered, trying his best not to cry again.

"My dear, it's always about Akechi. What happened now?"

"He rejected me again."

Ann sighed. "Again?" She hardly seemed surprised. More disappointed, if Akira could guess.

"Yeah. And it makes me feel like my heart is ripping out of my chest."

Ann sighed. "I'm sorry, Akira." And then she paused for a thinking moment. "When's the last time you've gone to see Rumi?"

"Umm, a few months now. I figured I was doing better, so I didn't need her help anymore."

"Now might be a good time to start back up. I think she can help you cope with this better and get some perspective."

Akira sighed. He really thought he'd been doing better. He wouldn't admit to it, but he felt weak even considering the prospect of therapy again. "I don't think-"

"Please, Akira." Oh, Ann seemed genuinely worried. "Please, I'm asking as your friend. Just make one appointment and see what Rumi says, alright?"

Akira sighed again. "Alright. I'll make one appointment."

Ann let out a relieved sigh. "Thank you. I just think it'll help you to feel better. You've been hung up on Akechi," Akira flinched at the name, "for a long time now, and I hate to see you hurting like this."

"I guess you're right. I'll make an appointment. Promise."

"Thanks. I just, care about you. That's all."

"I care about you too," Akira replied.

"I know. Don't hesitate to reach out if you need anything, alright?"

"Alright."

"Okay. I've got to go. I've got class. Text me once you've made your appointment."

"Yeah, will do."

"Take care, Akira."

"Will do."

Rumi, ever understanding, got Akira in next day for an appointment. Akira found it unnecessary to meet so soon, but Rumi insisted.

"How have you been, Akira?" Rumi asked with that bright smile of hers.

Akira squirmed in his seat and presented a nervous smile. "Fine, yeah. Fine."

Rumi tilted her head to the side as sign of doubt. "Oh? Just fine? Tell me more. What's going on?"

Akira shrugged. "It's nothing." He huffed a sigh. "It's really nothing."

"Nothing, huh?"

"Right. I just-" Akira caught himself, but he also desperately needed an outlet to vent. That's what Rumi was there for, after all. "It's Akechi."

"Oh?" Rumi's eyebrows pitched upwards, but she seemed hardly surprised. "What about him?"

"We, uh..." Akira flashed a tight, nervous smile. "Kind of slept together. A few times."

"Ah, okay. And how was that?"

Akira sighed and melted into the couch. "Amazing."

"And the catch?"

Akira glanced over and his smile sank. "The catch? I-" He trailed off. It was all too much, and the shame made it harder to speak.

"Take your time."

"I thought- I thought what we had was special, but he's being cold again." He found himself crying again. "I don't understand what I'm doing wrong! He keeps shutting me out! It's like, we sleep together and it's heavenly, and then suddenly, next day, he's ignoring my texts and not showing up to class! All those lengths taken just to avoid me and for what? Why?"

"Have you considered that maybe he's just scared?" Rumi pitched.

"Huh?" he looked up through tears. "What do you mean?"

"Well, sometimes you can get along just fine with somebody, but the moment you get to close to them, they sort of," she tensed her shoulders and brought her hands into fists to demonstrate, "constrict! They get scared because things got too real, or you saw a part of them they don't normally like to show. It sounds like, from what you described in the past, he's the avoidant type."

"Avoidant type?" Akira squeaked.

"You said he was ignoring your texts and even missing class because of this?"

"Yes..."

"That sounds like avoidance to me," Rumi replied.

"Hm. I... think you might be right. So, how do I fix it?"

"I'm not sure it's something you can fix."

Akira leaned forward in his seat. "Huh?! What do you mean I can't fix it? What am I even paying you for, lady!"

She let out a dry laugh. "Look. It's less about you and more about him. It sounds like he's got issues to work through. So you might as well focus on yourself."

"Nooooo," Akira whined, as he slithered onto the floor like a pathetic worm.

Rumi cocked her head to the side and raised her eyebrows again as Akira remained on the floor, sulking.

"There's really nothing I can do?" Akira murmured.

"Hm, come to think of it, there are a few small things you can do. Things that are in your control."

"And that is? Tell me already, lady!" Akira was lucky they had an established rapport. With anybody else, such casual demands would be inappropriate.

"So, you can give him space and wait until he's ready to connect again. You could also try to communicate how you feel when he acts this way. Something like, 'This behavior hurts my feelings.'"

"Grr," Akira growled, "I've already tried that."

"And what happened?"

"Um..." Akira had to think about it. What had happened? Before the fight, he was trying to tell Goro how it didn't feel good being ignored, and then another moment they were fucking each other's-

No. No, no. That was enough. No use thinking about that. Akira shook his head furiously in an attempt to eject the thought, and Rumi just watched quietly.

When Akira came to his senses, he gave a vague answer. "I don't know. We got sidetracked. And then yesterday he-" he couldn't put yesterday into words. Goro had kicked him to the ground like he was nothing. "It's just... things are not good between us. I feel kinda hopeless."

"Don't be so sure it can't turn around, Akira. I'd just recommend... giving him some space! Wait for him to come to you when he's ready. And in the meantime, just work on yourself. I know you've sometimes said you don't feel whole without him. I'd caution you to consider that maybe you already are whole, on your own."

"I don't understand."

"That's alright. Just, wait for him and focus on yourself in the meantime. That's your homework, alright? And then when you see me in about, oh," she glanced at her watch playfully, "six months, then you can tell me how things went."

"Yeah, okay..." Lame advice, but okay. "Thanks, Rumi. I'll give it my best."

"Good luck. I believe in you Akira."

"That makes one of us."

The next few days were hard. All Akira could think about was Goro. Goro this and Goro that, and to make matters even worse, he wasn't in class on Friday. It was typical Goro, but it still stung. Akira resolved to focus on himself. He went to the gym Friday night, showered, and then called Futaba for a chat. He pretended to be okay and Futaba was none the wiser as she info-dumped about the latest Featherman installation. After that, he found an interesting psychology podcast to occupy himself.

Akira tried so hard to fill every second of every day with some type of distraction, anything to push out the thought of Goro, but he couldn't stop himself from thinking about him. Goro was like a cigarette craving. Akira just wanted a piece of him— just one smoke— knowing it would soothe his anxieties to just hear his voice again or even receive a simple text back.

In vain, he sent another message. He just couldn't stop himself.
Akira: you alive?
Akira: missed u in class today

He hated himself for the way he kept checking his phone, over and over, waiting for a text that would never come. For some reason, this time felt infinitely worse than the others. At times, he remembered how he clung to Goro, naked and begging, and he cringed. He'd sunk so terribly low.

By Sunday night, Akira held hope he'd see Goro in class tomorrow. It was getting a little too old for these games again. One could only miss so many classes before it affected their grades, and Goro certainly cared about his grades.

He was dismayed to find Goro's seat empty Monday, and his worry grew. He felt marginally better when he received a text from Ryuji.
Ryuji: Hey can I call you later?

Akira: yeah of course :)

Maybe Ryuji had good news for him.

"Hey, man!"

"Hey, what's up?" Akira asked back.

"You doing okay?"

"Yeah, good enough."

"Good, well. I just thought I'd call and tell you me and Yusuke are official." Bless him, he sounded so excited.

"Oh!" Akira had to stop himself from nervous laughing.

Great. Just the news he wanted to hear. Not. His ex was happily with another man and what was Akira doing? He was withering away over some man.

"That's great, Ryuji," Akira spoke through gritted teeth.

"Thanks, man! I'm really happy about it. He had taken me out to this event and he kinda professed to me... It was pretty romantic."

Of course he did.

"Aw, cute."

"Yeah. Well, that's all I'm calling about. Let's hang out sometime, yeah? I haven't seen you in a bit."

"Yeah, yeah. Sometime soon." Akira supposed Ryuji wasn't mad anymore, but he couldn't help but feel bad anyway.

It had been a week since Goro attended class. That Friday, Akira felt his worry worsen even more. He didn't know how to appropriately reach him, and asking other students was futile, since Goro kept to himself.

Akira figured, then, he could contact the Dean of Students and they could perform some type of wellness check. It didn't feel great, but he just didn't know what else to do. He leaned back in his desk chair and read back the email he drafted.

I hope this email finds you well,

I'm inquiring about a student and a friend, Goro Akechi. He hasn't been to class in over a week, and I'm unable to contact him. I'm starting to worry about his wellness. Is there anything that can be done from your end?

Thank you in advance.

He received a reply back Monday evening. The body read:

My apologies. We don't have a Goro Akechi in our system. Weird, the closest match is somebody who withdrew sometime last week. Could that be him? As for what we can do, I'm afraid there's nothing else as it extends past our jurisdiction.

What? He dropped out? Was it because of Akira? His mind was reeling. Goro had never taken it this far before. Dropping out? And how could the university care so little?! For all they knew, he could be in a real crisis and going through it alone!

Dropping out... It made no sense. There had to be some greater reason. Except, maybe there wasn't. Maybe it really was just Akira. But, it was hard to imagine how Goro could be here one day and just gone the next. Akira worried then Goro had gotten a new phone number or something, intent on taking this cruelty as far as he could. Just then, his phone buzzed.

Goro: Don't contact me again. I'll be blocking you now.

What? Akira's fingers flew on the keys, and he typed as fast as he could

Akira: wafjit!! please!! what's going on wthi you??
Akira: i don't udnerstand why we can't talk about this!

Akira: please
⚠ Message not delivered.

That was it? That was the end? It couldn't be. It was too swift and much too unremarkable.

He was really... gone? No goodbyes besides a cold text. Typical Akechi. Akira should've known better. But Goro was his other half. They completed each other, destined by fate to be together. Akira was no longer whole.

And Akira, all at once, felt himself split open.

Chapter Text

The next two years were odd. Post-fucking and post-parting text, that was the last time Akira Kurusu saw or heard from Goro Akechi and it was, for all intents and purposes, one of the worst "breakups" Akira had ever experienced.

His friends were unshocked by Goro's actions, and little more shocked by Akira's bottomless pain. They often worked in shifts, doing what they could to be there for the broken man. It helped, it really did, but friends alone couldn't save Akira from himself as he was the person he had to live with 24/7.

Early on, Akira remembered having Ann over for a movie night. She bought them both a pint of peanut butter ice cream and Akira ate the whole pint that night as it mixed with salty-sad tears. When Ann asked what kind of movie he wanted to watch, he stubbornly said rom-com, to which Ann replied, "Uh, I think that's a bad idea." Akira insisted on it, though, and he cried a lot. He could laugh about it later, but it hurt so bad then.

Akira remembered going to the museum with Yusuke a hollow husk. They were supposed to be drowning in the "aura" of the works, but Akira was only drowning in his misery; he could hardly feel or see anything other than blue. Consequently, he remembered the slumping Old Guitarist from Picasso's Blue Period and self-proclaimed it to be himself. "But you don't play guitar," Yusuke absentmindedly replied.

Akira did appreciate Yusuke's enthusiasm and his love for art in that moment, and it reminded him that other forms of love existed. He remembered, then, the heartbreak Yusuke endured at the hands of his surrogate father, and how he came back a stronger person, and that made Akira cry, too. Everything made him cry.

Even Ryuji came to support him. It turned out he was right. His words rung out in Akira's head, "No matter how much you treat me like crap, I'll always be around. Akechi won't be. Just- think about that before you do anything crazy." And do crazy he did. He was lucky Ryuji was a forgiving man. They spent time in the batting cages and the gym together, physical exertion a temporary reprieve from the pain.

In general, Akira more consistently started going to the gym. Makoto, Ryuji, and Yusuke made great gym buddies and Akira found himself in the best shape he'd ever been in, even surpassing his Phantom Thievery days.

Just when Akira thought his life was over, he woke up the next day. The world continued to turn despite himself. He decided to stick to therapy this time and follow Rumi's advice: he'd devote himself to Akira, and seek to improve his own life. He would do his best not to chase and plead for love. Many appointments touched on topics of self-respect and how to feel whole when a piece of you was permanently lost.

From Rumi's advice, Akira also wrote many unsent letters to Goro in an attempt to process it all. What did Goro Akechi mean to Akira? He meant everything and nothing. He was an angelic and antagonistic force all the same. Or maybe he was just a man. Akira was convinced Fate had them cross paths for a reason and that Goro changed his life irreparably for the better. They had a deep, special connection even if it couldn't be forever. Some people, Akira finally realized, aren't meant to be in your life forever.

Finally, he reached a point where he could say he forgave Goro and only wished him well. The concept of Goro Akechi started to fade from relevance, thought about less and less to the point Akira almost forgot his name, but never quite.

Goro Akechi could not be fully forgotten, however. When Akira went on the odd date, he'd lament the lack of intellectual stimulation from the other person. They were no Goro Akechi. He never got serious with anybody, but he did partake in the odd hookup. Those were... enjoyable. He eventually found it was just more noise. It was typically a way to distract himself, experience pleasure with another person, to only move on again to the minutiae of mundane life.

When he was in other people's beds, he was reminded of Goro and the way he touched him. Goro was no more, Akira finally accepted that, but also nothing could compare to the mythical experiences he'd had with Goro. He had to accept that too. He'd lay in bed awake at night and replay those moments, at least the ones he remembered, though it started to fade and fragment into something smaller.

Digestible pieces. Akira was digesting. It was grief. It was all grief. It took him more than two years to get over the other man. Rumi said such a thing can't be rushed, and she was right.

Akira found himself, four years later after that text, just fine. He'd stitched himself back together. His life was largely unremarkable, but it was his. At this time, he found himself in a bartending job and regularly interacting with all kinds of people. 

This night was like any other, if not a bit slow. He serviced a few regulars and otherwise kept busy. At fifteen minutes until close, his final customer walked in.

He'd never seen this patron before but there he was. Standing in the doorway was a man in a dark peacoat to contrast his long, wild chestnut hair. Akira knew that face. It was the face of a man who haunted the oh-so-healed Akira Kurusu. He was a living spectre, in the flesh, the one and only.

The man sat down at the bar and looked Akira right in the eye. He was waiting for Akira to break that surface tension bubbling between them.

"Akechi," Akira breathed, and he hated how he sounded smitten all over again.

And he seemed much the same. It was hard to tell under the low light of the bar, but Akira was sure he could make out dark circles under his eyes. He was still beautiful, and he had this haunting calmness about him. If he'd stumbled in by accident, Goro didn't show it. And if he'd stumbled in by purpose, Goro also didn't show it.

"Akira," Goro mirrored. He sat down at the bar and took off his gloves. "I'd like a nonalcoholic drink. Dealer's choice."

"What're you doing here?" Akira asked. He donned an incredulous smile.

"I've come to see an old friend."

Akira felt his heart seize. 'Old friend? As in, me? Or-'

He reached for various ingredients and began on his drink. He tried his best to sound nonchalant. "A friend, huh?"

"Mm, yes. He's impossibly difficult and even more radiant."

Akira clenched his fist as he felt his chest flutter. His body betrayed him. He was excited. "Do you speak this highly of all your friends?"

Goro sighed, perched his chin in his hand and looked out the window. "No. They all pale in comparison to you."

There it was. You. There was no doubt he was talking about Akira. Akira cocked a brow and stifled a scoff. "Since when were you so forward?"

Goro turned back. "Am I? I hadn't noticed."

"Well, uh," Akira pushed his drink forward, "let me know if I can be of any more service to you."

The other man nodded and took a sip of his drink. "What's a person like you doing working here? Don't you have a psych degree?"

Akira nodded. "Yes, but something changed." You left me and I had to pick up the pieces. "I changed my mind. And for whatever reason, I ended up here."

"You're saying it wasn't through conscious effort? Just, whisked away by the whims of fate?"

Akira shook his head. "No. I chose this life."

"Hm," he took a sip. "Interesting."

"What's with the questions, anyway? You're acting like some detective."

"That's because I am one."

Really? He'd returned to his old career, huh? Maybe he hadn't changed all that much. "Is that how you found me?"

"On the contrary, you're not a hard man to find."

"Fair enough. What're you up to these days, anyway?" He never did stop wondering where Goro's life took him; he was always bright, after all.

Goro fanned his hand as if shooing a fly. "It hardly matters. Nothing interesting, anyway."

'Ever the open book, Akechi.'

"Why do I feel like there's a catch to this?"

"Hm? Can't I visit an old friend?"

"Not you, Akechi. Anyone else would make sense, but you don't."

'You left. You don't have the right to just waltz back into my life,' Akira thought to himself.

"You're right. There is a catch. I've come for something."

'Oh?'

"Oh?"

"Hold out your hand and close your eyes." This felt familiar.

And familiar it was. Just like that first time, Goro placed something cold in Akira's palm. Akira ran his thumb across the object and shuddered. It was thick, long, and cylindrical. He'd held something like this many times.

"No way..." Akira murmured, as his eyes snapped open to confirm. It was a large sound, much like the one he used. Even after all these years, Akira maintained an interest in sounding and Goro too, so it seemed.

"Yes. Interested now?"

Akira bit his lip. "In what? See, you have come here to make trouble. What, are you mocking me? Be honest."

Goro puckered his lips and shook his head. "Mm, nope. No gimmicks, no tricks."

"Alright, so what? Just fess up already."

Goro leaned in and lowered his voice. "Don't you understand? I want to spend the night with you."

'The audacity of this man-!'

"Is that it?" Akira deadpanned, forcing the turbulence back deep into his gut. A part of him wanted this and a part of him knew better.

"Yes." Goro sipped his drink. "So, what do you say?"

Akira squinted his eyes. "There has to be something more."

Goro shook his head. "I'm merely asking if you'd wish to spend the night together. Nothing more, nothing less. I'll surely make it worth your time."

Fate must've brought him back for a reason. Akira would be a fool to pass him up again, as he so willingly presented himself on a platter. Whatever happened after, Akira could figure it out. For now, he had to contend with the swelling in his pants and the man who was causing it.

"Fine. I have to close first, so keep busy."

Goro, infuriatingly calm, flashed an eyes-closed smile. "Take your time."

It was a bit humiliating, shuttling about the bar with an evident boner. He'd forgotten to put on his apron, or maybe he'd just gotten lax lately, but he'd come to regret it. He could feel Goro's eyes on him, but when he looked back, the man was looking elsewhere.

Finally, he was done closing.

"My place or yours?" Akira asked.

"Yours."

'Makes sense.'

He felt a little crazy, like he was reversing into the old, obsessive Akira. He had dragged Goro into his humble apartment and immediately launched into kissing him. Goro returned the gesture, and he was not clumsy. No, he seemed practiced, as if he was preparing for this moment specifically.

"What did you have planned?" Akira breathed.

"You think I have a plan?" Goro asked back.

"Yes, of course. You're Akechi. You just show up and act like you don't have a plan?"

"You're right." He pulled out the rod again and all the breath left Akira.

"I'm listening."

"Both of us. Fucking this same rod."

Akira physically choked on his words. He had to turn and cough into his arm. "W-what?"

"Is that agreeable to you?"

"Yes," Akira whispered.

Goro looked down at the rod. "Mm, this too small for you?"

"No," he breathed out. "It's perfectly right." He was in complete disbelief. Could Goro really take that?

"Good, good."

They just stared at each other for a moment, and it was the first time that night Goro didn't seem his calm and collected self. He seemed scared again. Even more than before, it felt like no time had passed at all between them. They were, at that time, transported right back to college and back into those awkward young boys.

"We need lube," Goro broke the silence.

"Lube! R-right! Lemme just..." Akira reached over into the nightstand drawer and fished out a bottle. With shaky hands, he uncapped it and dispensed it on the side of the rod closest to him. He then handed it to Goro, and he mirrored the action. Surprisingly, his hand was shaking too.

"Do you really want this?" Goro asked.

"Yes," he answered quickly. "Of course. This is a dream." Akira caught himself. He was getting too excited. "Do you- do you want this?"

"Yes," Goro replied solidly, and held the rod between them. "And I'll make you one promise right now." He lifted his gaze to meet Akira's. "I'm yours for the night."

Akira felt an odd sting in his eyes but did his best to ignore it.

At once, their eyes tracked either sides of the sound. "Ready?" Akechi whispered.

"Mmhm," Akira whimpered, and they both slid onto the fat rod.

Akechi whimpered hard, and it caught Akira by surprise. Akira watched it go in. Impressive.

"I can't believe you-"

"Shut up," Akechi replied.

Their opposite hands rested on each other's shoulders as to steady them and they thrusted against the rod. Akira rested his forehead against Goro's and they panted hot, heavy air into each other's faces.

"You don't know how long I've dreamt of this," Goro huffed out.

Akira's heart felt full, swelling. "Akechi, I didn't know..."

"How could you?" They sped up their pace, and it became harder to speak. Akira always thought being stuffed with Goro's finger was an unbeatable experience, but this surely surpassed it. Was this his reward for being good? When he finally let go, the man of his dreams came back to him? No, Goro wasn't perfect, but he was damn near close. At least in Akira's mind.

"Y-you're sick," Akira breathed out, attention divided between flooded thought and flooded cock. Dual flesh slid against wet, warming metal.

"Yeah," Goro admitted. "We're both sick... so sick..."

"There's no one like you, Akechi," Akira blurted out, and he meant it.

Akechi hadn't responded. Even worse, he pulled himself off the rod. Was this it? One fragile phrase to break them apart again? Akira tensed.

"This is great," Goro said between breaths, "but I can't come like this."

"Huh?"

"Let me fuck you."

"O-oh..." This was unfamiliar territory for them. Never had they actually fucked each other. "Do you- you want to-?"

"Just lay down and I'll do the rest."

Akira nodded weakly and laid against the mattress. Goro took a beat to lubricate his fingers and before Akira could even blink was a wet something circling his entrance. That wet something just teased the rim for a bit, and Akira found himself unusually tense.

"Let's open you up," Goro said simply, and pressed his middle finger inside. The muscular walls were tight, Akira knew they were, and he tried his best to relax. He wanted this. More than anything.

Goro worked at the walls with gentle care and patience. His eyes were locked to Akira's face. Akira couldn't make out that odd expression. He looked... contemplative? and almost sad? Akira took his cue and stared back, trying to memorize that long-lost face of his. He truly was gorgeous.

It was just small differences in his face. He could see, in this light, there were indeed dark circles under his eyes. Akira wished he could be the one to take those away, as he imagined Goro enduring restless nights alone. But maybe he wasn't alone? Akira tracked the subtle crow's feet blooming from the corners of Goro's eyes then. He tried not to feel jealous imagining someone else making him happy. But that was good, right? A happy Goro?

He contradicted himself. Clearly forming, in its infancy, was a vertical line between Goro's brow. Akira imagined him deep in thought or upset over some misfortune. Or, maybe even, the man he fumbled long ago. Wishful thinking.

What was Akira even doing anyway? Analyzing the face of some stranger. It was the lack of information. He'd been starved of Goro for years now. And now that he was here? He wanted to devour him again. Would Goro let him?

By the time Akira snapped out of it, he was filled with three of Goro's fingers. "There you go," Goro murmured. "I think you're ready."

Akira nodded weakly. "I'm ready."

As Goro's cock slid in, Akira gasped loud, causing the man to freeze. "Are you alright?"

"Y-yes! More than fine. Just-" It was all too perfect. "Keep going."

"Alright."

He went slow, thrusting inside of Akira like he was some delicate thing, and Akira was grateful for that. Anything to relish this moment for as long as possible.

"Akira?" Goro grunted out.

"Hm?"

"Are you happy to see me?"

"Yes." No hesitation.

Goro merely nodded, and kept pumping inside of the man. He closed the space between them, chests pressed together, and fucked deeper. His face buried itself between the junction of Akira's shoulder and his neck, muffling the sounds he made. Akira took the liberty of wrapping his legs around Goro.

"Mm, ah, ah," Akira vocalized.

"Mmmm, oh," Goro said right into Akira's ear.

And somehow, this was the most intimate act they'd partaken in. Forget sounding rods, they were laying there, embracing, skin-to-skin and fucking. Fucking like some married couple! Akira never imagined something like this to happen.

At some point, Goro had grown quiet. Finally, "Is this good? Is this good for you?"

"Yes," Akira breathed. "Yes."

"Good..."

And they fucked. Goro kept that slow pace and they relished in it, until they couldn't handle it anymore and he sped up. The sounds of his stuttering groans in Akira's ears only drew Akira closer to orgasm. His muscles tightened around Goro's cock, and it earned a whimper out of the man.

"I'm gonna-" Akira started.

"Yeah, me too," Goro replied.

And, as if they were cosmically aligned, agents brought together by Fate itself, they both came hot and fast.

Goro flopped down beside Akira, and not for long, as the other man drew him back in. He gripped him tight, like a child afraid of losing his toy.

"Will you be here tomorrow?" Akira murmured. This felt familiar.

"What do you think?" he asked-replied evenly.

Akira declined to answer. "Just..." he flashed a bittersweet smile and swallowed. "Just hold me, Goro."

"Alright, Akira."

They laid there in silence for some time, just holding each other.

"I'm surprised you haven't already left," Akira said.

"Hm. Didn't I tell you? I'm yours for the night."

Akira couldn't contain his smile. It felt so special. It was special no matter what anybody said and no matter what happened after that night. He knew, deep down, their connection was more than their actions and their designated fate.

And, Akira knew he'd feel it tomorrow. He knew a part of this night would rip at the seams of a quilt he so meticulously stitched back together after Goro left. Hopefully, it wouldn't take him as long to get over him this time but, hell, it was Goro of all people.

He knew, if Goro Akechi disappeared tomorrow morning, that it was his choice: it meant Goro did not want to be found, and Akira would not chase him this time.

Akira's voice broke the silence. "Goro, this is the only time I'll beg you of anything." He waited until those dark eyes found his. "Please, let me kiss you. One last time."

"As you wish," Goro murmured.

The kiss was impassioned, all-consuming and endless. They kissed until what felt like sunrise and Akira waited for Goro to be the one to pull away, but he never did. Only brief moments were stolen to catching their breaths, and they were back at it again. Some kisses were soft and peckish, others with tongue, and other's deep, kissing as if their souls belonged to each other.

Finally, Akira pulled away when he knew he couldn't take it any longer, having breached a point he started to convince himself they could be a possibility. He knew. He knew, but he'd try to pretend. He wished he could cry, but he'd already cried all his tears for Goro Akechi. He was no longer a naive boy. He was a man with a life and people who loved him and people who cared enough to stay. The world would continue to spin without Goro Akechi, and that would have to be alright.

"Thank you," Akira whispered into Goro's chest.

"For what?" Goro asked.

For everything. "For leaving me."

"Huh?"

No, it'd be too hard to explain. They were practically strangers now.

"I said, 'Thank you for everything.'"

"Oh... yeah..."

"I'm tired," Akira finally said, and nuzzled his head into Goro's chest.

"Me too," Goro murmured. His arms hovered around Akira for a few moments before finally deciding to embrace him. That was the last thing Akira remembered before falling asleep.

When Akira woke up, it was as he thought. Goro Akechi was gone. Like a passing spectre, he made his last haunt and left. Akira thought it'd affect him more. He thought it'd feel like it did all those years ago, as if his insides were ripping apart and he was spilling out, spilling, spilling only to feel empty. He'd already mourned. He would be okay. He was loved.

Akira took a moment to utter a solemn prayer to himself, one only he knew the contents of. After that, he sighed and physically shook his body to loosen himself up. He reached for the phone on his nightstand next and called up his best friend, Ann.

"Hey. Would you be up for a hangout? Maybe we can see if the gang can get together this afternoon."

"Oh my god, Akira! It's been so long!" Their lives often got in the way of regular contact, but they all knew nothing could sever the bonds they formed like a binding contract. "How are you?" Ann's voice grew concerned. "Are you doing okay? You sound a little off."

"I... will be okay. Don't worry."

"Alright, Akira... I believe you. Just let me know if you need anything, alright?"

"Yeah, yeah." Akira peered out the window. It was sunny outside, and likely fair weather, too. "So, can you meet today? I can call or text the others. I really want to see you guys."

"Um... yup! I should be able to. Where were you thinking? Leblanc?"

"Yes, Leblanc."

"Great! See you then."

There must've been some miracle because every single one of the original Phantom Thieves was sitting there in that booth. All but Akechi...

"Hey, dude. You alright? You seem off," Ryuji said.

Akira shook his head. "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. It could always be worse."

"Yeah," Ann chirped up. "You said that earlier, but something is clearly wrong."

"Yeah, fess up, Akira!" Futaba said.

Akira shook his head and scoffed. "Seriously. I'm fine. I just... ran into an old friend last night, and it was... bittersweet but nice." Akira took a sip of his coffee before continuing. It bid him more time to think it through. "Mm, honestly, I think it gave me a bit of needed closure. We were never meant to be in each other's lives forever."

When Akira finished his sentence, he was met with silence and wide, empathetic eyes. He didn't expect them to take it so seriously. Makoto, sitting next to him, gave him a consolatory back rub. "That sounds really rough, Akira. I'm glad you're seeing the bright side."

What? He'd tried to make it sound as positive as he could, but he supposed his friends knew better than that. A lost friend was still a lost friend, and there was no smiling that away.

"It's quite beautiful you're able to find the silver linings, Akira," Yusuke started, "but there is also no shame in being sad about it, even after all this time."

Maybe they knew what this was about, or maybe not. They were great friends regardless.

"Right," Haru agreed. "And we'll be here for you no matter what!"

"Hang in there," Morgana said.

Sojiro came forward with plates of curry and set them down in front of the group. "Wow, just like old times. All you guys are missing is Akec-"

The simultaneous glares of the group compelled Sojiro silent. He scratched his head nervous. "Oh! Heh, sorry."

"No, no." Akira drew a tense smile. "It's perfectly alright. I'm fine. I'm f-fine..." Akira sniffled and then came the tears. He thought he'd already shed all his tears... The gang tried not to stare, but most were just worried.

Makoto resolved to rub Akira's back as she shot a glare at the rest. "C'mon, guys. Eat your food already, before it gets cold."

The room devolved into silence save for the clacking of utensils against plates as Akira quietly wept. It wasn't like before, though, where the tears felt endless. Eventually, there was an end and he could find it in himself to wipe his tears away.

Akira cleared his throat. "Thanks, guys. I needed this. I'm not sure what I'd do without you."

"Anything for you, Akira," Ryuji said, and everyone agreed in tandem.

Akira thought back to something his therapist said. 

"It's alright to rely on people, Akira. There are those who want to help you, so let them. It'll lessen your burden to surround yourself with people who love you."

"Can we- can we do this again sometime soon?" Akira asked.

"Of course!" Haru answered.

"Yes," Ann joined, and so did the rest.

Akira could already feel the rift formed from last night begin to stitch shut again, though it would take time. He just knew for sure this time, he would be alright.

Akira Kurusu would be alright.