Chapter Text
Tam
"God, I missed you so much. I was worried sick about you, Tam." Linh says as she hugs me. I hug her back, having missed her just as much as she did me.
"Sorry, Linh. I'm glad to be back. I love you."
"Love you too, Tammy," she says, pulling back. Then her face goes utterly serious, which is scary, because Linh is never serious.
"And don't you ever disappear on me again! If you die, I swear to God I will hunt you down and kill you!" she yells.
"Shit. Uh, yeah, okay. Never disappearing again."
She smiles sweetly. "Good."
She hugs me one more time, and then goes to set up her sleeping bag in Sophie's room. A few minutes later, Fitz comes upstairs and into the room, looking as good as he always does, except for a slight scowl on his face. I take it back, actually, the scowl is annoyingly cute.
He walks straight past me as he walks in and goes up to Keefe. Ouch. He opens his mouth and pauses for a second, probably unsure if he should hug Keefe or yell at him first. He opts for the latter.
"What the hell, Keefe?" he says. I raise my eyebrows, since there's a chance Edaline could hear him from downstairs. "Where did you go? How fucking dare you just leave like that without saying goodbye, with no plans of coming back? How could you-"
"Holy shit, Fitz, if I'd known all I would get for coming back was you yelling at me, I would've stayed," Keefe deadpans.
"Maybe you should have. Or maybe you should have just not left! Do you have any idea how you being gone has affected me? Affected her?" Fits yells, motioning at Sophie.
"Oh my god, it always comes back to her with you, doesn't it?" Keefe's voice is rising now too.
"Of course it does!"
There is a tense silence in the room as they stare each other down.
"Look, I really fucking missed you!" Fitz says, quieter, but still yelling.
"Yeah? Well I missed you too!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
The two continue to glare at each other, their gazes both angry and happy. Damn, they have a weird relationship.
After a solid five seconds, Biana breaks the silence by going, "Geez, you guys. Just make out already," to which everyone laughs but me, because it isn't funny. In fact, it sounds like my worst nightmare.
Fitz and Keefe give each other begrudging smiles, as if they hadn't just had a screaming match, and things return to how they were. My sister and Sophie help each other lay out blankets on the floor, Biana and Dex whisper to each other in the corner, and I watch Fitz and Keefe catch up like old buddies. Jealousy strikes again, because of course I don't like seeing Fitz talk to a guy who I know used to like him.
After everything is set up, there are sleeping bags facing each other, with blankets and pillows forming a circle between them. The seven of us get ready for bed quickly and sit together in the circle at Biana's request. Once we've all sat down, she tells Dex to go close the door, which he does, and an uncertain feeling settles in my stomach. What the fuck is she planning?
"Alright guys, what do you want to do? Your options are makeovers or Truth or Dare," she says cheerily.
"Absolutely not makeovers," Fitz says immediately. "The last time you got your hands on my hair it turned green. Green! While it did bring out my eyes, it didn't go with my Foxfire uniform at all."
"I don't know," Keefe says. "Truth or Dare... I don't think it's such a great idea. After last time..." He looks pointedly at Biana, and then to Sophie, who I assume understands what he's referring to, since she blushes.
"Ugh. Fine," she grumbles. Then she perks up like she's just thought of something. "Actually, you know what we could play? Spin the Bottle."
Judging from everyone's blank expressions, except for Sophie's horrified face, it was a human thing. Before Sophie can explain, Keefe cuts in.
"Oh, we are so doing this bottle thing. Anything that can get Foster to turn that many shades of green has to be great."
"Great!" Biana says, without letting anyone else speak. Then she whips out a bottle from behind her back, making me wonder if she knew Fitz and Keefe would veto the other two games. She has a gleam in her eye like a criminal mastermind as she puts the bottle on its side in the center of the circle.
"Okay! So the rules of the game are simple: one of us will - wait for it - spin the bottle, and the person it lands on, they have to kiss! It can be on the cheek, I guess, if you want to be boring. If they don't like who it lands on, they can spin it one more time, but the person it chooses that time, they cannot refuse. Pretty easy, huh?"
The rest of us just stare at Biana to see if she's joking. She's not. "Who wants to go first?"
Nobody volunteers, but we're all still too much in shock to stop her from nominating herself. She crawls to the center of the circle and spins the bottle.
It glints in the light, spinning, spinning, until, at last, it stops on Fitz. She got lucky, I think, but then she wrinkles her nose and says, "Nah. Boring," and spins it again.
The bottle spins fast, then slow, then so slowly it seems to be teasing me. Finally, it comes to a stop, pointing at me. Oh shit, I barely have time to think before she comes over to me and gives my lips a quick peck. I'm stunned, but all I can think is that it was kind of gross. Not because of Biana, but because... she's a girl. My first kiss was a fucking girl.
Biana doesn't miss a beat before going back to her spot and saying, "And that's how you play the game!"
Woah. Way too much happened in way too little time. I look around at the circle. Fitz is staring at his sister and not me. Sophie looks guilty, so she's probably the one who told Biana about this game in the first place. Linh meets my gaze, her eyes communicating, damn. Dex looks at Biana funny, like he knew this was going to happen, but is jealous nonetheless.
And Keefe? I look at him last, expecting him to be smirking and laughing internally because he knows I'm gay, but instead he looks at me... emotionlessly? No, that's not right. He looks like there are so many emotions dancing behind his eyes and he can't decide which one he really feels.
I tear my eyes away from Keefe just as Biana goes, "Who wants to go next?"
Nobody responds immediately, but then Dex makes his way to the bottle. "I'll go."
He spins the bottle, and it lands on Biana. Of course it does. He grins, goes to Biana, and says, "I'd love it if you didn't kiss too many other guys tonight, Biana," and then leans into her. Everyone in the circle watches as they literally make out in front of us. They're going at it for almost ten seconds when Fitz says, "Ew, guys, get a room, will you?"
Dex pulls away, looking like he actually does want to get a room, but Biana shakes her head and Dex sits back down next to her.
"Since I guess we're going clockwise, Sophie, you're next," Biana says, all too happy from the drama she's created. Sophie still looks mortified, but she only grumbles as she spins the bottle.
It lands on Linh. My sister looks at the bottle, looks at me, and then Sophie, and shrugs, like she doesn't care if she gets kissed or not.
"Linh. I'm, uh, just gonna spin this again," Sophie stutters out, reaching to spin the bottle again. "It's not personal, I'm just, not, uh..." She trails off and spins the bottle again.
I look at my sister, who would seem aloof if I didn't know her so well, but I can tell she's disappointed Sophie didn't kiss her. Or maybe that Sophie isn't lesbian.
The bottle lands on Fitz, who is sitting right next to her. She looks at him warily, and it is obvious that there is some kind of awkwardness between them. Maybe their relationship isn't doing so well? I should feel bad for them, but I only feel happy that Fitz isn't happy with Sophie. Maybe he'll be available soon.
My spirits only elevate as Fitz looks down at Sophie's lips, but she only gives him a minimalist peck on the cheek. I have to bite my lip so I don't suck in air through my teeth judgmentally, because ouch. Savage, Sophie.
She gives him a small smile that he doesn't return before saying, "Alright, it's your turn now, Fitz."
He glares at her a little more before wordlessly spinning the bottle. I hold my breath, desperately wanting for it to not land on me, even though I really do want it to.
But then the stupid bottle does something worse. It lands on Keefe. I know Keefe's heart must be jumping to get to kiss his former crush, but he shakes his head at his best friend.
"I dunno, Fitzy. This is gonna make things weird," he says.
"I agree," Fitz says, and then he's spinning the bottle again. I hold my breath one more time, my fingers crossed behind my back.
It's no use. The dumbass bottle lands on me.
Fitz makes eye contact with me, looks at the bottle, and looks back to me. His mouth opens to say something, but no sound comes out.
For a second, I actually think he's going to kiss me, but then he says, "You know what? This is a stupid game. I don't even want to play anyways."
My heart drops. No, it breaks. Well, that might be a bit dramatic, but there's nothing like your crush making a whole scene just to avoid kissing you to make you feel worthless.
"Come on, Fitz!" Biana whines. "It's just a game."
"Maybe it is, but I'm not going to-" he pauses and makes a disgusted face. "Kiss a boy." He says it like a sin, which makes me feel ashamed all over again. "I'm going to bed."
I look down at my hands, embarrassed and enraged. How could I ever think Fitz would want me? I expect Biana to grumble some more, but it's Sophie who speaks up next.
"No. No, you are not going to sleep. You are going to kiss Tam, on the lips, on the cheek, wherever, right now. And then you are going to haul your homophobic ass out of my room, sleep in Jolie's room, and not come back until you apologize to everybody in this room," she says. Shit. Angry Sophie is scary as hell. She looks so furious that I think she might be gay. Or maybe just protective?
"You can't be-" Fitz starts.
"Oh, I am so fucking serious right now, Fitz."
"But-"
"Fitz!" Sophie yells, fixing him with an angry stare that would have me shitting my pants.
Fitz, knowing he lost the argument, comes over to me, scowling. He sits down in front of me and leans in, like I always wished he would, except that this time I can't even bear to make eye contact with him. To my surprise, his lips touch mine, long and hard. The kiss is every bit as good as I imagined it, but it is soured with disappointment when he pulls away, glowering at me.
Fitz stands up and looks at Sophie. "Are you happy now?"
"I am fucking elated," she says dryly.
Fitz walks towards the door of her room, opens it, and is about to walk out when Sophie calls for him again.
"Oh, and Fitz?"
"Yeah?"
"We're done."
Keefe
Holy motherfucking shitballs. So much just happened in front of me. I should be thinking about how Fitz is turning out to be a homophobic ass, or how Sophie just broke up with him publicly, but the scene of Fitz kissing Tam keeps playing in my head.
Every time I think about them kissing, I feel like someone kicked my chest. I thought I was over Fitz, but I'm still here feeling damn jealous at him kissing someone else. Unless... no. I'm not jealous because of Tam. Am I?
But maybe I am, because when I look at Tam, who is staring at the door with empty eyes, I want nothing more than to go over to him and comfort him.
"I think we should go to bed now," he says, his voice quiet and even but broken.
Everyone but Sophie nods their agreement, who is still glaring at where Fitz had been. Even Biana says, "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."
She doesn't appear to be mad that Sophie just rejected her brother, and gets into her sleeping bag silently. Linh keeps staring at Sophie for a second before tucking herself in. I could be totally hallucinating, but it seems like there's something unsaid between Sophie and Linh, but I'm too tired and overwhelmed to do anything about it tonight.
Tam is completely silent as he sets himself up next to his sister. He's not too close to her, not as close as she is to Sophie, anyway. Then he opens his and my sleeping bag completely, laying them over each other to create a double bed and blanket, and looks at me. The gesture makes my heart warm more than anything Fitz had ever done.
"For the nightmares," his shadows whisper to me. Just the sound of his voice in my head makes me want to melt.
As I lay down next to him, I think something that shouldn't be an epiphany, but is: Shit. I have a crush on Tam.
We settle down facing each other, him curled around his arms and my body stretched out with my hand tucked under my pillow.
"Thank you," I whisper as softly as I can.
"Of course. I'm here for you. This is what friends are for."
Friends. Yesterday, I would have been happy to be friends with Tam. But today, I want more.
"I'm here for you, too," I say. "This thing with Fitz... I'm so sorry."
Tam laughs in my head, but even the shadows sound bitter. "Don't be sorry. That makes this worse."
"Hey," I say. "This was not because of you. Fitz is the problem. Not you."
"It's not that. It's that... I'm sure he would've been fine if he had to kiss you."
My eyebrows raise without my permission. "I think that if it was me he had to kiss, he would've left without Sophie yelling at him. As much as I hate to say it, Fitz and I are growing apart."
"Oh. Sorry."
"You don't be sorry. None of this is your fault."
"I know. It's just the way he rejected me. Like it didn't even matter who I was, because I was a boy, he couldn't possibly like me." He looks down and his hands, frowning.
"Tam, look at me," I say, reaching out and bringing his chin up. "Fitz is an asshole. He doesn't deserve you. It'll be hard, but you should try and move on. Find someone who does."
"Then who does, Keefe? Who deserves me?"
I do, I want to say. But I can't, because Tam is sad and vulnerable and it would be unspeakably bitchy to take advantage of him right now. "I don't know, Tam. But when you find them, you'll know."
Tam makes a face, clearly unhappy with my answer. He is silent for a few seconds, and then I hear, "Keefe? How did you get over Fitz?"
"I found Sophie."
"And when she began dating him?"
"That sucked." I don't see where he's going with this.
"How are you going to get over her?" he asks.
"I think I already have."
The words are out of my mouth before I can consider them, and I pray that Tam doesn't ask questions. The praying does nothing.
"You have? How? No, who?"
I wince. "You know what, Tammy? That's for me to know, and for you to find out."
He wrinkles his nose. "You sound like Linh."
"Thank you."
I hear him laugh in my head. "You know what the worst part was?"
"What?"
"I got kissed twice today. By two very good kissers, I might add. And they both sucked."
"They sucked?" I joke. "I didn't know you'd be French kissing-"
"God, Keefe, will you shut up. I meant that Fitz was actually a good kisser. And now whenever I think about my first kiss, it'll have been with a girl. And for my first kiss with a guy, I'll think of a good kiss with a terrible person. I'll think of a kiss that meant nothing to him. A kiss that crushed me."
"Oh, Tam. That's horrible." I reach out for his hand and give it a squeeze.
"I know," is all he says. Then he closes his eyes and begins to relax. His breathing grows slower, softer, and his face slackens. Just when I think he's gone, he whispers, "And Keefe? You're a good friend."
Then he falls asleep, still clutching my hand.