Chapter Text
The next time Kaidan woke up, the migraine had subsided a little, and perhaps his body was settling down, having been through so much trauma in such a short period. Preparing himself for glaring overheard lights, he noticed that they were now at a far lower level, and he groaned as he tried to sit up.
Yes, the restraints were still in place, but he had nowhere to go. He shifted his hips, and his back ached from being in the same position for so long.
“You're awake…”
Kaidan recognised Chloe's voice and turned his head to face her. She had been sitting at her desk and walked over with a prepared glass of water and a straw.
“You must be thirsty.”
His eyes narrowed in suspicion as he looked at the offered drink. She sighed and shook her head.
“You are strapped to a table, literally at my mercy,” she reminded him. “Do you honestly think I would do something to this water?”
Despite her reassurance, Kaidan looked at the glass with a scrutinising expression. Chloe couldn't blame him for being so cautious and raised the straw to her own lips, sucking up the liquid as if to show him that ingesting it would cause him no harm.
“Happy?” she asked, her tone now holding just a little bit of sass that was only emphasised by her French accent. “Now drink…”
As she spoke, she held the straw with one hand out to his dry, cracked lips and the glass in the other as she leaned in. Kaidan kept his eyes on hers as the straw touched his lips. He sucked in a tiny amount and tested it on his tongue. There was no metallic taste or anything to indicate it had been tampered with. Kaidan sucked harder, the cold water sliding down his throat, and he closed his eyes as he was grateful for some relief.
Soon, he hit the bottom of the glass, and all he was sucking was air. He released the straw, and Chloe took a step back, gazing down at him. She set it aside and then raised his omni-tool. “Better?” she asked, her voice softer than it had been previously.
Kaidan went to nod, but it was frustratingly difficult to do. He grimaced and sighed deeply. “I'd feel better not strapped to this damned table,” he finally stated.
A flash of sympathy registered in her dark eyes. “Unfortunately, I am not permitted to release you without the Mistresses' express permission.”
Mistress ? Kaidan thought as he saw genuine regret flit across her delicate features, he turned his head to look back at the darkened ceiling.
“You mean Shepard,” he uttered, not even bothering to turn it into a question.
“I do,” she murmured. Kaidan saw her looking out at the medbay window, and the transparency had been set so that only she could see out; no one else could look in. Shepard only wanted those who needed to know about their visitor to know he was here. “You've caused quite the commotion by being here.”
Kaidan had gathered that, but he wasn't the only one who had changed. Seeing his wife so indifferent, her manner so cruel, was disturbing, and he wondered what the Hell had happened to her.
“I promise you I'm not a clone,” he finally stated.
Chloe was studying her omni-tool. She glanced at him, then back to the small orange screen “Oh, I fully believe you are who you claim to be, Mr. Alenko.”
Her compliance confused him, and his brow furrowed.
“My scans indicate you have an L2 implant,” she explained. “And a severely damaged one at that.”
It had been a very long time since Mars crossed his mind; he had honestly thought he was dead when the Android hoisted him into the air and relentlessly slammed him into the side of the downed shuttle. The impact had been so hard it made his teeth rattle, stars erupted behind his eyes, but the worst thing hadn't been the pain or the fear of his helmet cracking completely; it had been Shepard's voice.
As she cried out his name, he could hear that she was terrified, and the last thing he thought about before blacking out was how he would die, leaving bad blood between them. Kaidan hated that he would go to his death with the women he loved thinking he despised her when it was quite the opposite.
Kaidan stared up at his former doctor in silence, his thoughts shifted back to the day the Reapers hit Vancouver.
****
Although he wasn't hungry, Kaidan knew it would be a big day going into the committee and doing everything he could to help out David Anderson. He had contacted him a few weeks ago, and he had hoped that he had been given a green light to see Shepard, as he had been desperate to see her despite her house arrest.
He had no idea that the brunette had broken down and confessed to Anderson that she had been pregnant when she died, that she couldn't bear the thought of seeing Kaidan after everything she had done and begged the request to be denied. That, despite wanting to see him, she tried to keep him as far away from her shit as possible to protect him as she didn’t need his reputation marred by her actions.
Kaidan had been both disappointed and relieved, as he wasn't sure how he would cope with seeing her again after his reprehensible actions on Horizon. It was even worse, as he had sent her a letter trying to explain where his head was at, telling her about the handsome doctor his friends had set him up with, and trying to be as honest and open as possible.
For his efforts, she had left him on read, hadn't even granted him the decency of a response.
At times, he wondered whether he had made the right call refusing to go with her, but he had stuck by his principles and being with Shepard on Normandy was a distraction neither of them could afford.
By either dumb luck or determination, she had made it back through the Omega Relay but had been cast in irons as soon as she returned to the Citadel. Kaidan had watched the video footage of her emerging from the battered ship, dressed and polished in full uniform, and she had presented herself with her hands raised in the air so she could be arrested.
While he wasn’t privy to all of the details of her arrest, the Normandy had been whisked away to Alliance shipyards to undergo a complete refurbishment, and Anderson said he would give him a tour once the hearing was done. It was going to be his new mobile command centre, and it was only fitting that the seasoned officer got his ship back if her commanding officer couldn’t be there.
“Kaidan.”
His mom's voice broke him free of his reverie, and he looked up to find Margaret Alenko watching him from across the small breakfast bar.
When he had informed his parents he would be in Vancouver, they'd travelled from the orchard together to give him moral support. They kept the apartment so they had a place to stay when they were in the city, and he knew sometimes they liked to have a break from his brother and his family.
“Huh?” he murmured.
“Your breakfast is getting cold,” Maggie said, gesturing to his plate of sausage and eggs.
As if remembering he had food, Kaidan stabbed his fork into the sausage and cut off a large piece. He popped it into his mouth, but his appetite, usually ravenous thanks to his biotic metabolism, had waned considerably.
His father, Adam Alenko, was sitting at the opposite side of the small table, eyes fixated on the datapad in his hand. He was reading the newspaper, and being old school, he refused to get an omni-tool, claiming that it wasn’t healthy to be so reliant on technology, so connected to all the bad things happening in the world.
Ironically, the previous evening, they’d had a conversation about what people would do if the world suddenly went dark and how they would cope. Both had summised that people wouldn’t cope, not at all.
“What’s wrong?” Adam asked, not even bothering to tear his dark gaze away from the paragraph he was reading.
Kaidan glanced over at his father and set the fork down once more, reaching for the glass of orange juice. His mother tried to prepare fresh juice every day, and there was nothing quite like it in the universe. He drained the glass, wishing he could tell them the entire truth about why he was anxious, but his father would kick his ass all over the apartment if he found out he’d fraternised with his commanding officer at one point.
From the corner of his eye, he saw his mother lifting her mug of tea to her lips, also curious as to the answer.
Gently placing the glass down, Kaidan suddenly felt like a teenager being interrogated by the two of them. He knew if he didn’t say something, they would only worry about him, and he didn’t want that.
“Just got a lot on my mind,” he finally answered, offering the briefest of smiles, but his brow furrowed.
“You were on call with Admiral Anderson for hours last night, “Adam pointed out, and Kaidan couldn’t help but mentally curse his father for being so damned perceptive. Then again, it’s what made him such a good officer when he was part of the Alliance. “Sounded serious.”
“Dad, you know I can’t discuss it,” Kaidan retorted, eyes going back down to his plate.
“We know,” Maggie offered. “But there’s more to this than just the meeting.” Slowly, he looked up at her, frowning once more. “Everyone knows Commander Shepard is being held in Vancouver.”
The way his mother said that seemed to indicate that she was being incarcerated for committing a crime, when in reality, according to what Anderson had told him, she had prevented the Reapers from carrying out a full-on invasion. Kaidan hadn’t known what to believe, his mind still reeling from his brief encounter with her, but he wanted to think that, despite allying herself with Cerberus, in her heart, she was still good. That the woman he loved was still in there somewhere.
“She’s the one on trial, Mom,” he whispered, still refusing to meet her gaze. “Not me.”
Maggie exchanged a look with her husband. He offered her a shrug and motioned with his head for her to speak, as she was far better with this crap than he was. “Then why are they asking you to speak?” she asked, her tone soft and unprobing.
Kaidan had been one of the last people to see her alive on the Normandy SR-1; she had ordered him to ensure everyone got out safely while she grabbed Joker. He had also seen her back on Horizon, hellbent on her mission to stop the Collectors, and they would want his professional opinion on whether the threat she neutralised was real; that the only way to prevent an invasion was to take drastic action.
“I served under Shepard,” Kaidan finally answered, wincing a little at his choice of words. He had just served under her; he had been on top of her, behind her, and they had discovered a lot of positions in their short time together during shore leave. The woman was open-minded when it came to sex, and she was sweet-natured when they lay together afterwards, holding hands and acting like a pair of love-struck teenagers.
It was a memory that stayed with him, and it was a side of her he hoped still existed. Kaidan had seen a flash of it behind her beautiful blue eyes on Horizon, even as he verbally laid into her; she had looked at him the same way she had when they made love. Her eyes were wide and full of wonder, full of disbelief that he could see who she was beneath her armour and title and still care.
Then he’d seen the light die from her eyes when he told her he wasn’t going with her, that he wouldn’t betray the Alliance in the same way she had.
A part of him had died when he turned his back on her, and he had heard Garrus murmur something to her, possibly asking if she was all right. She had snapped at him and then informed him that she was sick of this place and needed to leave. Kaidan had turned back to see the trio retreating, and her steps were a lot slower; his own heart was heavy with sorrow.
“They still have questions about the destruction of the Batarian’s relay.”
Everyone in the galaxy was aware of the hundreds of thousands of deaths that occurred when the relay was destroyed, but not everyone knew the circumstances; not even Adam and Maggie knew, as Kaidan had kept a tight lip about it.
“Tell me this, Kaidan,” Adam said, and his son raised his head to open his mouth, to protest. “And I know you can’t give me the ins and outs and the whys, but answer me this simple question. Was what happened necessary? Unavoidable even?”
Kaidan had asked himself the same question in the aftermath, and having been briefed by Anderson and Hackett, although he didn’t know the whole story, no one knew the full story, he knew it had been necessary.
“Shepard had no choice,” he finally answered, his voice full of conviction. “Let’s just say, things could have been so much worse.”
“What could be worse than three hundred thousand deaths?” Maggie asked, her voice unusually quiet as his mother was typically very loud and abrupt.
Kaidan swallowed hard as he looked over at her and shook his head. “I…” he began, just as his omni-tool flashed, an alarm he had set. He knew he didn’t have much longer before he had to get in a sky car and travel the short distance to Alliance Headquarters.
Adam could see how difficult the conversation was for his son, and he suspected that it wasn’t just out of concern for his former commanding officer. When you worked alongside someone in close quarters, you got a feel for the person they were, and feelings, whether romantic or platonic, formed. He and Maggie had discussed Kaidan’s withdrawal from everyone when the Normandy went down, and he had hauled himself up on the Citadel, where none of them could contact him. His reaction had been intense, and they had surmised that it wasn’t just losing his crewmates that had sent the younger man spiralling; he had lost friends that day.
“If you believe Shepard made the right call, then you tell them that,” Adam said, his voice firm, tone laden with years of experience that Kaidan was able to draw immense strength from. “You stand tall, straighten your uniform and say it like the officer, like the man we raised you to be.”
Maggie smiled softly at her husband when he said that, and then reached across the table to take Kaidan’s hand in her own. “You always make the right call, Kaidan, even when you doubt yourself. Trust your instincts, sweetheart.”
When families were handed out, Kaidan knew he was fortunate when it came to his parents. Even at his worst, when he had been sent home having killed a man, they were nothing but understanding, even if they didn’t fully understand what had happened on Jump Zero. All records about his time there had been destroyed, and as far as everyone else was concerned, BIotic Acclimation and Temperance Training had never existed.
Kaidan felt his appetite returning once more, no longer afraid to stand before the committee and tell them, to some degree, what was in his heart when it came to Faith Shepard. He may not have been entirely sure she was the same woman he had fallen in love with, but some of her actions aligned with her principles, and that had to account for something. He took another bite out of the sausage, chewing thoughtfully as he looked between the two people who had raised him.
“I love you, guys,” he murmured.
Both smiled at one another before looking back at him, full of love and pride for their youngest son.
It would be several months before he saw them again, as only three hours later, the Reapers invaded Earth.
****
Kaidan had no idea why that memory had surfaced; perhaps it was because he was now a parent himself and knew the importance of leaving things unsaid. He and Shepard had left Aurora on Normandy in the care of James Vega, and he had promised her that nothing bad would happen, but he was a liar. Blinking rapidly, he tried not to picture how upset she would be thinking her father was gone again, and he didn’t even know where he was. It made him want to die inside when he pictured his wife’s distraught features, especially after Aurora confided in him how sad she could be when he was deployed.
“Took one too many beatings, Doc,” Kaidan finally answered, trying to sound as upbeat as a guy could considering he was still strapped to a fucking table. “But I’m still here.”
“I must confess, I’ve never met an L2.”
“You mean someone still alive,” Kaidan retorted, his tone full of understanding as he knew he was a rare exception.
Chloe offered a subtle shrug and a soft smile, then wiped it off her face as soon as the door opened once more. Kaidan watched as she tensed up, and he knew that meant that Shepard had returned, and this time she wasn’t alone.
“Here he is,” Shepard said, gesturing vaguely over at him. “Go nuts.”
Kaidan craned his neck to see who she was addressing and found Liara T’Soni staring down at him in surprise. “Remarkable,” she whispered, as if she were talking about one of the many discoveries she had made back when she had a vast interest in archaeology. After the death of her mother, Kaidan had sat with her in the mess hall of Normandy, and she had told him stories not only about Benezia but about various planets she had visited.
“Yeah, they went to a lot of effort with this one,” the brunette quipped. “Just run your tests and do it as quickly as possible.” She then looked over at Chloe, down at the glass next to Kaidan’s bedside and back again.
No stranger to his wife’s moods, Kaidan recognised when she was going to lash out. So did Chloe as she flinched and took an involuntary step backwards.
“What did I tell you about treating IT like a fucking person?!” she said, her teeth clenched as she snatched up the glass and held it up for her.
“If you wish for Mr. Alenko to cooperate, there has to be some leniency.”
“Leniency?” Shepard repeated, barking back a laugh, and it wasn’t friendly. Her good eye went back to the glass, the left eye reflecting off of it, and she shook her head as she lowered it. “Being merciful gets people killed, Chloe. Good people.”
Chloe opened her mouth to protest, to say anything as Shepard thrust the glass at her. “But Shepard…”
“I catch you being kind to that cunt again, and we are going to fall out,” Shepard growled, shot one last look at Kaidan, then up to the Asari. “Liara.”
Liara looked up from the scans she had already been conducting; obviously, whatever ones Chloe had carried out hadn’t been enough to alleviate Shepard’s fears. She needed a second opinion, and it was from someone she trusted. “Yes, Shepard?” she asked, her tone a little harsher than the Liara he was used to.
“Don’t take all day about it, this isn’t one of your Prothean dig sites.”
“I will be thorough,” she reassured her.
Usually, thorough meant that it would take a while, but Shepard wasn’t going to piss off the Shadow Broker, as she was a formidable ally. “We’ll be at Omega within the hour,” she informed her. “I want a report as soon as I get back.”
Both she and Chloe knew what awaited Shepard on Omega, and it was the only time the woman returned to the ship in what could be the closest thing to a good mood she would ever achieve.
Kaidan watched as both women visibly relaxed once the door had closed. He wanted to say something, but Liara was already walking over to Chloe. He turned his head to see the Asari reach out and tenderly touch her arm. She whispered something to her, and Chloe was nodding quickly. She spared a look for Kaidan and then promptly disappeared through the same door Shepard had.
Although he had to confess he hadn’t known Chloe very well, as he had been unconscious for a good portion of his treatment, anyone who chose to be a doctor had a good heart and good intentions. Liara walked back over to him, setting down the glass that Shepard had been so angry about.
Her face was illuminated as she reactivated her omni-tool, blinking rapidly and shaking her head.
“Liara,” Kaidan whispered, attempting to strike up a conversation.
“Please refrain from talking,” she pleaded, eyes going to the window and then back to the screen.
Kaidan sighed deeply and wiggled his fingers and his toes that had become numb after being inside his boots for so long. He looked back up at the ceiling, no longer uncomfortable with the overhead lights, which meant his migraine had vanished for now. Usually, Kaidan was okay with being quiet and not forcing someone to talk, but he was desperate to know what had happened and how he had ended up here. Wherever here was.
“Liara, please.”
Shifting uncomfortably, Liara turned away from him and focused all her attention on the small orange screen, which she hoped would shed some light on the mystery of the man strapped to the bed. Shepard was very demanding, and she could unleash Hell when she didn’t get the answers she wanted.
“Liara, you know I’m not a clone,” Kaidan whispered.
A deep sigh passed through her pale lips, and Liara frowned but kept on staring at her omni-tool as if her life depended on it. “I can see you’re not a clone,” she retorted, eyes briefly flickering back to him, but she couldn’t allow her gaze to linger too long, couldn’t let herself be swept up by the man before her. “But it’s also impossible that you’re Kaidan Alenko.”
“I know,” Kaidan said, finishing the unspoken sentence. “I died on Virmire. Shepard saved Ash, and she had no choice.” He craned his neck, trying to get her to look at him. Perhaps if someone could help him figure out what was happening, it was her. “I know, Liara.”
Liara frowned a little, obviously seeing him from the corner of her eye, but refused to look directly at him.
“I don’t know how I got here,” he continued, his voice gentle as he watched her, trying desperately to ignore him. “But I think the beacon somehow…I don’t know… it transported me. It wasn’t like the one on Eden Prime.”
The mission to Eden Prime had occurred before Shepard and her crew rescued her from Therum, but she had heard all about it. Kaidan had been one of the people to welcome her with open arms to Normandy, while others remained guarded, highly suspicious of her motives. He had told her that he felt guilty that Shepard had to push him free of the beacon, and spoke of his regrets that one of his friends was shot; that Saren had shot Nihilus in cold blood.
Liara had informed him that Shepard seemed brave, and Kaidan had told her that the soldier was a legend amongst his people, that she was one of the best the Alliance had to offer, and it was clear he admired her.
Against her better judgment, she looked over at the window almost apprehensively, then walked around the bed so her back was to it, so whoever was out there monitoring her couldn’t see her conversing with the enemy.
“And this beacon you speak of?” she asked. “Where was it?”
“Intai'sei,” Kaidan offered without hesitation. “Garrus wanted Shepard to investigate it as…” His lips pursed together as he realised that he could have been giving away information that could be used against him. Kaidan had no idea what to believe anymore, and for all he knew, this could be some trick to get him to spill secrets. Why hadn’t he thought about that possibility sooner?
“There was no beacon,” Liara retorted. They were on the planet to raid supplies from the fallen colonies, as the climate there had become too unpredictable for the colonists to stay, despite the planet having been terraformed.
Kaidan frowned for a moment. “It was concealed,” he said softly. “Shepard triggered it, and she got caught in it. She was trapped, and I pushed her free.” A beat. “I just remember everything going black, then I felt like I was falling.”
Liara finally looked to him, and she could see that he was earnest about his comments. She hadn’t known the young lieutenant well, but she knew he wasn’t a liar. “That’s an unusual claim.”
“I know…” he said, then frowned a little and looked back up at her. “Liara, meld with me.”
She looked him up and down as if he had lost his mind. “Excuse me?” she asked, her voice quiet, lowering her wrist in surprise.
For the thousandth time since waking up, Kaidan wished he could just sit up and do something other than lie there like a plank of wood. He sighed deeply, his look serious as he stared up at her. “Meld with me, you can see my thoughts, you can tell Shepard I’m telling the truth.”
It was evident that the thought hadn’t crossed her mind, and Shepard hadn’t thought about it either. Liara deactivated her omni-tool and finally looked at him properly, wondering if this was some sort of test of her resolve or if the man on the table was being sincere. Surely if he were here at the orders of The Illusive Man, he wouldn’t be so eager to share his thoughts. Or perhaps there was some other sinister reason.
“I’m giving you permission to do it, Liara,” Kaidan added. Although he hadn’t been on the receiving end himself, he knew that Liara had helped Shepard come back to them thanks to her ability, and it was a debt he could never repay to both her and Javik.
Liara’s look hardened for the first time since entering the room. She leaned in with a sweet smile and searched his whiskey coloured eyes. Kaidan felt hope rising throughout his body, even though it was premature. “That’s not going to be happening,” she uttered, straightening up and raising her fingers to her temple. “Can you please come to the med bay?” She turned around so her back was now to him. “I need you to relocate our prisoner.”
Any hope Kaidan had left died, and he closed his eyes once more as he awaited whoever was going to get him. The door opened, and he anticipated that, in light of his being dead, it was going to be Ashley Williams. Kaidan had last seen her ten years ago when she traded places with Shepard to control the Reapers, so seeing her wasn’t going to be a surprise.
He heard the sound of a gun being unholstered as the restraints snapped open. Kaidan opened his eyes but knew better than to move right away. He frowned as he realised he wasn’t staring up at Ashley; he had locked eyes with Jacob Taylor.
“Nice and slow,” he said, motioning with the pistol for him to sit up.
Kaidan rolled onto his side first before attempting to sit up; his head was swimming from being in a horizontal position for so long. He shook his head slowly, the pressure behind his eyes threatening to make his eyes explode.
Finally, he sat up properly and went to push himself up.
“Don’t try anything,” Jacob added.
Although he didn’t know the man very well, he had no idea he was so intense or maybe that was just the way he was conditioned to be. Kaidan weakly held up his hands as if to show him he was cooperating and that he wasn’t going to do anything. Although Jacob was a biotic, he wasn’t as strong as him, and even Shepard had told him the same thing, and it hadn’t been to boost his ego; it was a straight-up acknowledgement.
Another weapon was unholstered behind him, yet Liara remained unarmed.
Kaidan turned a little more to find Zaeed Massani glaring at him. None of them had seen or heard from the retired merc for over a decade now. Shepard had invited him to their wedding, and he had declined, wishing her the best but telling her he didn’t do lovey dovey shit but that he was happy for her. He’d sent them a gift with a letter that made Shepard cry; even to this day, he had no idea what it said as she refused to tell him.
“Quit looking at me, you wanker and turn around,” the man grumbled.
“Missed you too, Massani,” Kaidan uttered.
For a brief moment, the older man faltered, a little surprised that the man knew he was. Then again, if infiltration was his aim, he probably knew all about them. Zaeed looked around him at Jacob.
“You first, sweetheart,” he uttered.
Jacob shook his head as if he were used to this man’s manner and then motioned for Kaidan to start walking. Kaidan gave one last look at Liara, who stood there with her chin tilted up, but there was some spark of regret in her eyes as the two men led him out.
Zaeed stopped just before he left, turning back to her. “You coming, Liara?” he asked.
Liara was staring down at the floor. “Give me a moment,” she stated, then, when the man continued out, she crouched down and plucked up the ring from the floor. It blazed brightly in her hands, and she had no understanding that it was reacting with her biotics; she had never seen it before and judging from the size and weight, it must have belonged to Kaidan. It only piqued her curiosity.
She gave one last look around, then placed it into the pocket of her dress before leaving.