Chapter Text
The day Jun-ho became a dad was probably the scariest day of his life. Not even getting shot (by his own brother, may he add) comes close to the terrifying amount of responsibility thrown onto his shoulders. Responsibility to keep this poor, innocent child safe, healthy and happy.
Let's be real. Jun-ho was still suffering with constant nightmares; reminders of the island itself, the explosions, the emerging fear for everybody on that ship because he'd secretly grown to care for them all greatly within the short time that they had spent together, the grief of losing many of their men, the grief he experienced of knowing that somebody he trusted so greatly, somebody who saved his life, was working against him all along. And yet, even amongst all of that, the one thing that haunts Jun-ho the most is the lack of conversation with his brother. He had so many things he wanted to say, and yet when the moment that he had been dreaming of for years finally came, all he could muster up was "why, In-ho?".
It haunts him. It hurts. He wanted to know how it happened. How his brother, who was once caring and (occasionally annoyingly) protective and who literally gave him a kidney to save his once sorry ass, became somebody they both swore to never be. A bad person.
He wonders if it's his fault. In-ho's wife got sick and there was nothing that he or Jun-ho could do to help because, well, his wife was as stubborn as they can come, but the financial problems were overwhelming anyway. That's why In-ho became a player in the Squid Game, Jun-ho concludes. Jun-ho just wishes that he could've helped more.
But after winning the Games entirely and becoming forty-odd billion won richer, it was too late. Maybe the grief was too overwhelming. Maybe he was manipulated into joining their operation entirely. Maybe-
Jun-ho's deep mind spiral is interrupted when the innocent child coos, probably looking for attention. Brows furrowed, Jun-ho stands up from his dining chair, mere inches away from the mysterious infant, and takes the few steps over to them. He looks down, once again examining the child's attire. It's wrapped in what seems to be a player uniform. A green jacket with a red patch with a white cross on. On the opposite side, the number 222. He wonders how a tiny child manages to win the games, assuming that's what happened. Based on the credit card and business card within the small gift envelope, it's a pretty accurate guess.
Wondering once again, he thinks to Mr. Seong. He could swear that's who he saw down on the floor, limbs deformed and blood everywhere. God. And then the image of In-ho at the top of the square tower, bending down to pick up something. The baby. Of course. Because of course Gi-hun would throw himself god knows how many feet, undoubtedly ending his life, to safe a child. That's who he is. Was.
Jun-ho blinks back tears for even thinking of it. Instead, he hesitantly picks up the baby, cradling it in his arms. He knows damn well how this baby got into his apartment, and yet he still finds himself wondering how it happened. The truth only makes him angry. He can't have a conversation, but he can have a baby? Pathetic.
***
Jun-ho doesn't know when he decides that he cannot do this alone, and he certainly doesn't know what possesses him to call Kim of all people. But, his mother is getting on and even the lord knows that Woo-seok would be no help. The guy is so smart and yet so stupid also.
Kim proved himself to be a trustworthy ally basically the minute he stepped onto Captain Park's ship. Jun-ho found himself paying close attention to the man. He isn't really sure why. Kim has a shell, one too hard to crack. And yet, Jun-ho doesn't find himself at all surprised when the taller man is at his door no later than 30 minutes after the phone call, bags of seemingly important groceries in his hands.
Jun-ho steps aside to let Kim in. The man walks over to the baby who is lying in the same bassinet it came with. Jun-ho watches as he gently caresses the baby, a small smile on his face. This is not what he was expecting.
Kim eventually turns to Jun-ho, eyebrows raised. "You couldn't have at least taken the poor thing out of the bloody clothes?"
Jun-ho mentally facepalms. "Ah, didn't think of that." He awkwardly chuckles.
"No bother. Look in the bag for me?" Kim says, untying the makeshift clothing, gently placing it aside.
Jun-ho does, and what he finds makes him frown in confusion. In just one of the bags, he spots many baby items. Bottles, diapers, formula and even clothes.
"Wow. You know a lot about babies." Jun-ho states, mostly to himself.
Kim nods, "Yep. Took care of my siblings a lot. Hand me the clothes, please?"
Jun-ho does and then watches, fascinated by whatever he is seeing. Kim gently unbuttons the outfit that the baby is wearing, stating that he doesn't know how long the baby has been wearing it. It makes sense to Jun-ho, especially seeing as the baby showed up wearing their (probably) dead parent's clothes.
The baby's diaper and clothes were changed, they were fed and put to sleep. All within no more than an hour. Jun-ho definitely thinks that Kim is some kind of superhero.
"So," Kim starts casually, sitting down opposite Jun-ho who has done nothing with the baby ever since Kim arrived at his apartment. He feels bad. "How did this happen?"
"I- I don't even know. I was out, I came home and there was just this baby. In a bloody player's uniform."
"Oh. I wonder if it was her mom?" Kim questions.
"Her?" Asks Jun-ho, confused on the use of pronouns. Yeah, he didn't even know that the baby's a girl.
"Yes, her. You couldn't tell?"
"No. Everything's been such a blur."
The slow but rising anger bubbles once more as Jun-ho once again contemplates what on this earth possessed his brother to leave him with a baby he knew nothing about, while having the audacity to not even stick around and have a proper conversation. His jaw subconsciously clenches, his hands balling into fists as he takes a sharp breath through his nose, easily heard in the silent room.
Kim watches with an unreadable expression. Jun-ho can be so hard to read at times, and yet in this very moment it's like Kim is hearing everything. Every unspoken thought, eery single buried trauma, every anger, every fear, and every single ounce of self doubt.
"Stop." Kim says, voice firm but eyes kind and understanding. "You're spiralling. It's very obvious."
Jun-ho scoffs. Kim continues.
"You're angry. At what?"
Jun-ho hesitates. "This- it's my brother's doing."
"The one that gave you the kidney." Kim states. They briefly had a conversation back on the ship, something about old scars. His kidney transplant came up.
Jun-ho nods. "There is so much that I haven't said. That I didn't tell anybody. I feel horrible, yet the secret is so much to handle. Especially now. After her."
"Then let me help. I can take a hard story."
Jun-ho isn't sure why, but once he starts talking about his brother, his life, his involvement in the Squid Games as their frontman, he can't seem to stop. He talks about going undercover as a guard, seeing so many people die, their higher operation, the VIP's, finding out his brother is who's behind the most recent deaths. And even being shot by him. He talks about how having to "whore himself out" (Jun-ho's words) to get information made him feel so disgusted in the months and even years to come that he wondered if he would ever keep anybody close ever again. But, he's been too busy for a relationship, anyway.
Kim listens. That's all he does. He maintains eye contact, even when Jun-ho doesn't He nods along to show his understanding of Jun-ho's feelings, to validate them, almost, and he even comfortingly places his hand on Jun-ho's shoulder when he is talking about his assault. The touch was gentle, like a ghosts, but it was there.
"When I infiltrated the island for the second time, I actually saw him. In-ho. He was- on top of a tower. I guess it was the final game? It was square shaped. Down on the floor led a body. Broken and bloody. I'm never getting it out of my mind. But at the top of the tower, there was something on the floor. In-ho picked it up and held it. Like you would a baby. I think it was her. I- I shot through the glass. He saw me. I shouted. "Why, In-ho?". That was it. All I said, was "why?". And he just- he walked away. Like I never even existed to him. And even now, when he drops a baby at my apartment, a baby I know nothing about, he doesn't even stick around to talk. I just want to talk. To understand what happened. That's all." Jun-ho sighs heavily after a short moment of silence, burying his head in his hands.
"It sounds to me like he's a coward. He can't face who he's hurt. And you? The complete opposite. What you faced on that island is what he put you through. In my eyes, your brother is the one to blame, but that is your choice. You have every right to be angry. At him, at the world, or at whatever motherfucker you would like. But you're owed more than just a conversation, Jun-ho. You're owed your life back."
Jun-ho doesn't know when exactly he started to cry. He feels embarrassed, but Kim only places a comforting hand on his back. No words are used, no mockery, no judgement. It's just two men. And a baby, of course.
***
Hours later, and Kim is still over at Jun-ho's apartment. The two eat takeout while the TV is on, creating background noise. None of them are watching.
"How am I going to raise a baby?" Jun-ho says aloud, breaking the silence between the men. "I know nothing about them!" The absurdity of the situation is extremely loud and evident to Jun-ho.
Kim quietly chuckles at the man's obvious (he's not sorry. it's very obvious) remark. Then, seriousness washes over his face, and the atmosphere entirely. Jun-ho notices.
Shifting uncomfortably, he turns his head back towards the man. "Thank you for your help today. And for listening. I don't know what I would've done. You don't have to keep staying. You've already done so much."
"I don't mind." Says Kim, shrugging. "Besides, I can help. If you'll let me."
Jun-ho raises his brows, confused. "Help?"
Kim once again shrugs. "Like I said, I know a lot about kids. I even like them, to an extent. I can help."
Dumbfounded, Jun-ho says "Help.. raise the baby?"
Kim rolls his eyes. "How much more do I have to spell it out? Yes, help to raise the baby. If you'll let me." Silence. "It's like they say, 'it takes a village', or whatever. Now, I'm certainly not a village but I could probably fight one."
This makes Jun-ho chuckle. Truth be told, he doesn't even have to think about saying yes. He just hesitates. He doesn't want to be too much trouble.
"So, what do you say?"
Jun-ho nods. "Sure."
And that is how the journey to co-parenting a mysterious child begins. And also falling in love. But, that's for later.