Archive of Our Own ^beta

The trap had failed. Grian was dead. Everyone was dead. There was phantom giggling in the back of his mind, mildly ringing in his ear as the ghosts of his fallen friends laughing at another failed trap.

Everyone was dead and Joel was alone. The ghosts are laughing. They’re laughing at him. At this failed trap. Joel was alone. His head hurt.

“Shut up!” Joel shouts into the sky. He rummages through his bundle and grabs an enderpearl. It’s smooth and cold in his sweaty hand. He throws it as far as he can, its purple sparkles hovering over his now empty hand.

He thinks about Lizzie. She was so nice. He loved her but she died. Did he ever get the chance to tell her how much he loved her?

A flash appears through his mind. He sees Lizzie. She’s younger. Her hair is a bit more red.

His stomach jumps but suddenly he finds himself sore and standing somewhere a couple few yards away from where he was prior. Oh right, he threw an ender pearl.

Pearl. He knew Pearl… she died and wasn’t too important to him here but… Pearl was a friend. He had friends. He remembers his friends.

He…he remembers.

“Oh god!” He cries out as a sharp pang splinters his mind. “Fuck!” He doesn’t normally curse but he can’t help it. The ghosts hovering above the mortal plain giggle at him.

His mind continues to spin. This isn’t his first time in these games and he doubts it’s the last time.

Third life was difficult and chaotic.

He was alone in last life even if he didn't want to be.

Etho and him were soulbonded once, maybe it’s why he still seems to care so much about him.

In limited life, Jimmy and Grian were his rocks, his brothers.

Secret life was its own beat but his fellow mounders were ride or die and he missed them.

Now he was family with Gem.

Everyone was dead. Joel was alone. Joel remembers.

To hell with it. He grabs more enderpearls. He aims them wherever, it doesn’t matter. He won but he won’t feel like a winner until he’s out of here. He’s trapped and the only way he knows how to escape this death game is through death.

He’s going to see his friends again.

He throws a pearl. It lands. It hurts. He bites the inside of his cheek. He throws another pearl. It lands. It hurts again but the pain of the landing is nothing in comparison to the pain in his head as lifetimes are flooding his memories.

Mezalea.

Stratos.

His homes from lives before the one he was in now.

His marriage. His pets. His friends. His family. The people he had helped and saved. The person he killed.

His stomach turned. He’s never been opposed to killing but now the images of his friends’ dead bodies haunt his vision.

He throws a pearl. It lands. It HURTS!

His body is tired. His mind is exhausted. He throws another pearl. It lands–

Joel opens his eyes and he finds himself back home on hermitcraft. He exhales, raising his hand to rub at his tired eyes. For a moment, he thinks that everything was just a dream.

He knows it’s not. He misses his car.

Leaning over from his bed, he grabs his communicator. He lets out a sigh of relief, the tight bubble in his chest releasing near instantly. He sees Gem’s name on the tab list. Gem is safe. He sees Grian’s name too.

A pit forms in his stomach. He pushed Grian off a tree to his death. He killed Grian. Grian had almost killed him too though, that’s the nature of the game. Yeah… it was all just a death game.

He won though. Joel finally won after being forced to play 5 times previously before finally winning the 6th.

He didn’t even remember any of the games until now. He won. He remembers.

Does Gem?

Before he even realizes what he’s doing, he throws on his elytra and stumbles to the window with some random rockets he had lying around. He leaps and lets a rocket explode.

He flies all the way around the mountain, their magical cherry blossom mountain, and to the middle of Gem’s borderline haunted fishing village.

“Gem!” He cries out for his pseudo sister. “Gem, are you here?!”

There’s silence.

“Gem?!” his voice cracks. She died. The tab list said she was back but he remembers that Gem died out there. He saw her dead body there and he’s horrified to imagine her dead body here too.

“Where are you?!” As he readies another rocket, he’s greeted by an annoyed face coming out of one of the many nearby huts.

“Stop yelling!” She shouts, not really angry, just mildly annoyed with the sudden ruckus. “Why are you shouting so early in the morning?”

“You’re ok!” He runs forwards and picks her up in a bear hug. Gem’s safe. She’s here. He’s hugging his friend, his sister. “Oh, you’re alright.” He sighs.

“Uh…yeah?” Gem squirms, “Let me down.”

“Yeah!, oh uh, yeah. Right.” He carefully puts Gem back onto the ground, careful to not drop her nor let her hit the ground too hard. “I’m so glad you’re safe.”

Gem gives a tight smile, “Why wouldn’t I be fine?”

“You got killed by that vex during one of the wild cards! I know a vex isn’t exactly the most traumatizing monster out there but in the middle of the rest of the chaos, I just wanted to check in on you.”

She nods slowly.

“But it’s ok! We won! Or–er, I won! For us. The family wins, Gem! I did it! Finally!”

Gem awkwardly steps closer before reaching up to press the back of her hand on Joel’s forehead. “Are you feeling ok? I haven’t seen a vex in ages, let alone let myself be killed by one.”

“We were just in the middle of the wild cards when–”

“Is this a new game Tango made? I thought he was doing the hungry hermits thing? I have no idea what you’re talking about but it seems crazy. Was this a dream? I have crazy dreams sometimes.”

“What? No!” Joel exclaimed, “It’s real! I swear! You were there and you were also there in Secret Life but we both died. This time I won and now I remember–”

“Joel, maybe you need to go back to sleep? You’re acting weird. Maybe talk to Xisuma or something?’

Gem doesn’t remember, but Joel does. He didn’t before though–he won. He won and he remembers. Gem lost so she doesn’t remember.

Who else won? Marytn won and so did Scott but they’re not here. Who else–oh! Scar and Pearl. Would they be helpful though?

Grian won. He won the first time this happened. He’s also a Watcher so he must know something. If all else fails, Grian was a fellow bad boy so Joel knew that no matter what, he would be able to trust the avian.

Luckily, Grian’s base was across the river from Gem, they even had an underwater tunnel to connect the two bases.

“You’re right. I’m just gonna go.”

“Wait, Joel–”

“Bye Gem. Glad to see you doing ok.”

He turned and made his way over to Grian’s place to talk. He really needed to talk about this to someone who would not only understand but also possibly give him answers.

The walk was quick, barely five minutes. He finds the avian sitting at the edge of his dock with a fishing pole in hand. He’s casually fishing, not the same intense vigor from earlier in the season when he was trying to get a mending book. Casually letting the line go as he sat in the warm sun and felt the cool breeze.

“Grian!”

Grian doesn’t even turn around. “This is very similar to when Scar did this last time.”

“You need to explain everything!”

Grian groans, he reels in an empty line and places it next to him, “Scar was a lot more nice about this than you are.”

“Grian!”

“You won. You remember. Only the winners can remember the games. Congrats, you’re now part of a small group of us who remember the traumas of brutally killing each other." He reaches into a barrel and grabs a cod, “Fish?”

Joel slaps the fish out of Grian’s hand, “I don’t want fish. I want answers. What is this? Why do only the winners remember?” His voice gets quieter, “How’s Jim?”

Grian’s face turns into a small smile, “Tim is fine. I was messaging him earlier, he wants to hang out sometime soon.”

“To talk about the games?”

He shakes his head, “He doesn’t remember Joel. He doesn’t remember any of them.”

“What about the bad boys? Does he remember the bad boys?”

“Did you remember the bad boys, Joel?”

“I do now!”

“Because you won. Before that, you didn’t remember the bad boys.Timmy doesn’t remember the bad boys and he won’t until he wins.”

“Which he won’t because of that blooming canary curse or whatever it’s called!” Joel exclaims, “So he just won’t remember?”

“When I look into the coding from the games, it’s locked. The only thing that breaks it is–”

“Wait a second. You can look into the coding? Is that a winner thing?”

Grian freezes.

“Is. It. A winner. Thing? Yes or no?”

He closes his eyes. “No.”

“So how do you have access to that coding? Grian? Answer me!”

“It’s a Watcher thing.”

“A Watcher thing?”

Watchers made the games. Grian was a Watcher. Grian was born an avian and forced into being a Watcher and while it was against his will, Grian was still a Watcher nonetheless.

“Grian…did you make these games? Did you do this?”

Grian opens his eyes. “I did. I did but I didn’t.”

“Either you did or you didn’t! What are you talking about?”

“I CAN’T CONTROL IT!” Grian shouts.

From across the river, he sees Gem peek her head outside of one of the huts to check up on what is happening over at her neighbor’s.

“Let’s just go somewhere more private.”

Grian shows Joel how to get to the hidden underwater temple he built when he was trying to get his mending book. Joel had never been down here before but it was definitely cool.

Still, he wouldn’t completely focus on the structure because he kept thinking about what Grian told him and what Grian is going to tell him now that they’re in a more private area.

“Grian, you need to explain. You put my wife into that game so I need to know if I need to punch you or not.”

“I didn't make the games, but the Watcher me did.”

“So it was you.” Joel narrows his eyes,”Give them their memories back.”

“I can’t do that, Joel.”

“You just said that you did it! Give them their memories!”

“I can’t! It wasn’t me! I didn’t do it. It’s the Watcher in me. I can’t always control it. Sometimes the Watcher comes out and I can’t control it, I don’t even always realize when it’s happening.”

Joel sits down, “You need to explain because I am one wrong move away from punching you.”

Grian sits down next to him, “I wasn’t always a Watcher. You know that, I told you that in Limited Life when you and Jimmy were preening my wings after that akf thing. Being a Watcher and being a player are two very different states of being, I can’t even explain it.”

“Try.”

“Being a player is easy. You live, you experience, you just be who you are. Like you can touch the cold stone ground and hear me speaking. As a Watcher, you are everything. You see everything, you hear everything, it’s like you can become part of the universe. It’s so overwhelming and that shift from player to Watcher is… it’s surreal and I hate it.”

Joel hums. He’s still not that happy. “And this like alter ego you made the game that made us all trigger happy and kill each other."

He nods, “Watcher me made the game and then puts player me into the game. I know what’s going on because even as a player I can look into the coding, but I can’t actually do anything about it. I have the screen in front of me but no mouse or keyboard. I’m sorry Joel but this is how it’s going to be.”

“So what? You haven’t told them?”

“It’s best if they don’t know.”

“Better for them or for you?”

“I DON’T KNOW!”

Grian flopped onto his back. He coughed a little at the brute force from hitting the wall but it didn’t matter. His parrot wings spread out behind him and Grian just ran his hands over his face, “I can’t control it. I don’t know if it would be better or worse if they always remembered but all I know is that we won, we remember, so we need to have a meeting with the rest of the winners to discuss.”

“And they know? The other winners, they know that you did this?”

Grian nods, “Pearl and Martyn were with me on Evo when I was taken so they understand. Scar is Scar, he’s always too kind for his own good. Scott was a little upset but he was very understanding, you know how he is.”

“So I’m the only one who got upset with you?”

“You’re the only one who cared enough to get mad so far.”

“So far? So there’s gonna be another game?”

Grian nods, “There always is.”

“And you don’t stop yourself?”

“I can’t keep repeating myself, Joel. I can’t stop it. We prepare and we talk but once the Watcher takes over, there’s not much I can do about it except play the game like we all do.”

Joel is not happy about it but at least he has some closure that he didn’t have before.

“Don’t put Lizzie in the next one.”

“I’ll try.”

Because that’s the best Grian could do. He thinks about the previous seasons he was in and groans. He lies down on his back next to his friend and stares up into the lake they are beneath. It’s a very pretty area, he won’t lie. He hates that the first time he’s seeing it is because he won a death game.

“Do you think Jimmy’s going to ever remember?”

“I don’t know. I want him to. I want him to remember the bad boys. He’s my brother, you’re my flock. It hurt that he didn’t remember but maybe it’s for the best. I know he’d understand but…”

“It’ll hurt him to remember?”

Grian nods, “Yeah. It would.”

Joel sighs. Oh well, he can’t do anything about it now. “So, when do we all meet?”

Without words, Grian grabs his communicator and presses some buttons. In seconds, Joel’s own communicator lights up. He grabs it and reads the new message on his screen.

He was added to a groupchat.

Life Series Winners

“Welcome to the club.”

Joel nods, “Thanks.”