Chapter Text
👁️ The Tragic Edge Chronicles
1. “Why is Sasuke always angry?”
Because his entire family was murdered, his older brother gaslit him into a lifelong revenge arc, and his chakra alignment is 'brood'. What do you want from him?
2. “Is Sasuke blind or just edgy?”
Why not both? Canonically half-blind. Emotionally? Completely.
3. “Why did Sasuke leave the village again?”
Because therapy was not invented in the Hidden Leaf and apparently writing a strongly worded letter to the Hokage was too much work.
4. “Does Sasuke shower?”
We’re unsure. He was on the road for years in the same outfit. Naruto hugged him anyway, so let’s just... not dig too deep.
5. “Is Sasuke still a villain?”
He’s what you get when a villain gets tired halfway through and just wants to go home and raise a kid with one arm. So: semi-retired antihero with angst benefits.
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🗡️ The Sword Daddy Section
6. “Why does Sasuke only have one arm?”
Because Naruto said “no thanks” to prosthetics and Sasuke was like, “yeah okay same.” They took matching trauma over functional limbs. Bros.
7. “What is Sasuke’s sword’s name?”
It doesn’t have one, because Sasuke doesn’t talk to his friends, much less his sword.
8. “Can Sasuke defeat everyone if he opens both eyes?”
Probably. But his biggest weakness is feelings, not optics.
9. “Does Sasuke know how to cook?”
Only when left unsupervised with Sarada and a lot of canned food. It’s giving ‘burnt rice but with love.’
10. “Sasuke vs Itachi who wins now?”
Emotionally? Still Itachi. He’s been dead for years and is still living rent-free in Sasuke’s psyche.
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💔 The Uchiha Relationship Quagmire
11. “Does Sasuke love Sakura or is he confused?”
Yes.
12. “Why did Sasuke poke Sakura’s forehead?”
It’s a family thing. It's either the Uchiha way of saying ‘I love you’ or ‘I’m leaving you to suffer for another five years.’ Could be either.
13. “Who is Sasuke’s real soulmate?”
Depends. If you ask fanfiction? Naruto. If you ask canon? Sakura. If you ask Sasuke? Vengeance.
14. “Is Sasuke Sarada’s real dad?”
Yes. But the internet invented a whole Maury Povich arc over this one, so thanks for that.
15. “Sasuke x Karin x Sakura love triangle fanfiction recs?”
You didn’t need to Google this. You just wanted to be chaotic.
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🌒 The Shady & Spiritual Section
16. “Is Sasuke technically a terrorist?”
Yes. And yet—somehow—still not the worst thing to happen to Konoha.
17. “Can Sasuke beat Gojo?”
Sasuke: 7 types of eyes, trained by gods. Gojo: the entire concept of infinity. It would end in a staring contest that destroys space-time.
18. “Does Sasuke believe in god?”
He believed in Itachi, then Madara, then himself. That’s basically religion.
19. “Is Sasuke a Capricorn?”
No, he’s a Leo. Which makes complete sense if you understand that Leos either crave attention or aggressively reject it while still wanting you to look at them. Classic Uchiha.
20. “Sasuke Uchiha feet wiki”
OH MY GOD IT’S YOU AGAIN. STOP IT. LOG OFF. GET A HOBBY.