Chapter Text
Chairemi: Do you, Washford, take the human to be your lawfully wedded-
Laundry Room Dorian: I OBJECT!
Gasps are heard all over the room as the audience registers the person who enters with a loud voice and an accent to be everyone’s friendly and neighborhood bouncer. Dorian realizes his outbursts as he turns red on the spot and freezes in his frame, yet still maintains his scowl.
Chairemi stumbles on the spot, trying to think of how to continue this scene while Drysdale whispers from behind the backstage.
Drysdale: Uh, Dorian? That was supposed to be my line?
The doorman groans internally as he stays silent and keeps up the act, but in his heart, he would object to any marriage that wasn’t his and yours.
How did he get into this scenario?
It was laundry day in the house as you took up most of your dirty clothes and brought them to your washing machine and dryer. You made sure not to wear your dateviators on your eyes around this time, and wear them on your head instead, as you knew what would happen if you took your dirty clothes from the hamper.
Harper: FINE! LEAVE ME AGAIN AND GO FUCK WITH YOUR STUPID BAT-MAN PILLOW!
Dirk: AT LEAST HE KNOWS HOW TO FUCKING PLEASE ME UNLIKE SOMEBODY!
Even though you couldn’t see them, you can tell the fight has already started from the many times you have encountered it. It’s like their voices haunt you even now, when you can’t acknowledge them. With a quick motion, you placed your used laundry in the washer and turned it on.
While waiting for the machine to finish, you decided to lean your back against your laundry room door and ponder for a bit. What was it about? You didn’t know truly, you just wanted to. You leaned your head backwards, yet it led you to getting hurt as you did it at a fast pace. The dateviators landed on the bridge of your nose and suddenly, your sight turned rosy.
You let out a little sound of pain as you tried to reach the back of your head until it was already occupied by someone’s hand. You started to realize that you were wearing your glasses now. And the surface that you were leaning your back on was warm. And oh, so strong.
Laundry Room Dorian: You alright there, love? You hit your head hard.
“Oh! My bad. I was just zoning out. Sorry for leaning on you.”
Laundry Room Dorian: Darling, you can lean on me anytime. I mean it.
The doorman then pulled you back to lean onto him again as you felt that familiar warmth and smelled his pleasant scent radiating from him. He caressed your slightly aching bump on your head as it started to heal while you sighed in relief. You two blushed at the intimate moment as you tried to remember he was just being friendly.
Drysdale: Aww, look at them being all cute and joyful! Maybe I should lean on you as well, dear Washy!
Washford: Dear, you are always on top of me, but of course, my love. But maybe not now, I’m still washing our dear human’s clothes.
The stackables appeared in front of your eyes as Drysdale smiled at the two of you while Washford was juggling – or let’s just say washing – your dirty laundry. The surprise from the old couple led you and Dorian to give each other some space as you both felt embarrassed being seen like that.
Before you could try to explain what happened and convince them that Dorian was just being friendly, you saw out of the corner of your eye Harper and a naked Dirk… really getting it on. You guess that’s what happens whenever you wash the dirty laundry. You tried to sound out their moans and groans as you asked them.
“Does this happen-”
Laundry Room Dorian: Every time.
The bouncer groaned while the dryer laughed, to which he was silenced by the washer’s glare. Washford was a jealous type and was still hurt by the pale betrayal about Drysdale and Dirk. Thankfully, the dryer always made sure to reassure the washer that they were the only two for each other.
Drysdale: Oh, that reminds me! Human, you should join us for today’s event! Chairemi is hosting an improvisation play and needs more members. Washy and I joined, but we still need two more.
“Oh uh… I mean, sure. Sounds fun! It’s been a while since Chairemi and I did a play together. But what is it about?”
With the clothes finally washed, it was Drysdale’s turn to juggle – or, in real life, dry the clothes – while the washer took a rest and continued the conversation for his beloved.
Washford: From what I have remembered, it was something romantic. I was cast as the main character, while Drysdale was cast as the main character’s first love. What she needs left is the main character’s current lover and the first love’s best friend.
Drysdale: Wait, Washy! My brain just gave me an idea! The human can be the current lover, while our lovely door here can be the best friend!
The dryer, while doing his thing with your clothes, popped in his amazing thought as they all stared at Dorian, who glared back at them with a surprised look.
Laundry Room Dorian: Why am I getting dragged into this?
Drysdale: Well, you are here now and available. And no, you are not busy. There’s not much happening today anyway, and this is a peaceful neighborhood. And you don’t have many scenes in the play! You can just stand on the stage and look pretty!
Weirdly, that irked Dorian, yet he still declined with a huff, to which Drysdale groaned in annoyance. Washford calmed him down as he sighed in disappointment.
Washford: Oh well… I guess we’ll have to find someone else willing to play the part. I think I remember there’s a part in the play that has a kissing scene between the current lover and the best friend. I’m sure one of your many lovers would be more than willing to play the part for you, dear human-
Laundry Room Dorian: I’ll do it.
The three quickly looked at Dorian, who glanced away with a red face and strutted towards Chairemi and left the scene. You turned red at the spot as well, while the old couple smirked at each other and continued to do what they were meant to do for you.
After a few minutes of doing the laundry, the four of you, Washford, Drysdale, Dorian, and you, were huddled up together with Chairemi, who was more than excited for this play that she thought of. With an hour of rehearsals and practice, it was finally time to hit the main stage and start the show.
The place was crowded as they were excitedly waiting for the play to start. Chairemi walked in on the main stage as she cleared her throat, which quieted the audience.
Chairemi: Pleasant day, everyone! I have prepared an improvised play about a lover, who’s currently engaged with someone, meets again their first love and his best friend. It’s a romantic play, so be ready to feel the love! And we start now!
The lights dim as they now focus on the stage. The room was silent as they focused their attention on the stage before them. The current play couple walked in with smiles on their faces. It was you and your washing machine holding hands like the world was perfect.
Washford: My love, you make me the happiest man in the whole world. My being calls to you, and I would love nothing more than to be a part of your life.
“I love you so much, too, Washford. You don’t know how much it means to me to hear that from you, my dear. Forever and always.”
The crowd awed in delight as they saw the scene before their very eyes. From the backstage, Drysdale only rolled his eyes with a smirk. He wasn’t much of a jealous type, as he was confident of Washford’s undying love for him alone, and he loved you as well.
Dorian, on the other hand, was seething internally. Even though he knew this was all nothing but an act, his heart still ached seeing you be this affectionate with someone else. Yes, he’s willing to share, but he prefers monogamy with you and just being friends with the rest. Call him selfish, but a door can dream.
Washford then leaned down on one knee and presented a fake shiny ring for you and the others to see. Everyone gasped in surprise while Drysdale just chuckled silently, and Dorian was clenching his fists more tightly.
Washford: Will you marry me, my world?
“Yes! Yes, I will!”
With some fake tears, you and Washford cried in joy as you hugged together, with the audience cheering. This was Drysdale’s cue to step in and introduce himself as the main character’s first love, to which the crowd gasped.
Drysdale: Washy… You’re getting married?
Washford: D-Drydee! It’s been so long since we last saw each other… How have you been? And yes. I am getting married to my one and only.
“Washy? Do you guys know each other?”
Drysdale: More than you have ever known. We should catch up. I don’t mind if you bring your fiancé. I’ll bring someone else too. You remember Dorian?
Washford: Your best friend, how could I forget? And yes, we should. You uh… remember my number? It’s the same. Just send me a text.
You stared at them both with curious yet worried eyes, which were all scripted and improvised for the play. The scene gave tension as the main character’s first love came back into his life with the intention of getting back together.
Scenes pass by, and now it was time for the part where the main character and first love meet each other secretly in a pretend restaurant while the current lover and best friend stalk them from a table away from the other pair’s sight. The two pairs were provided with one plate of spaghetti in the middle of each small table.
While Drysdale and Washford were in the spotlight as it was their scene, you and Dorian were in the background, eating the plate of spaghetti with your forks at a snail’s pace. You two were staring at the main couple as you both kept the act of stalking them while pretending to be out of sight and listening in.
You then decided to look back at Dorian to check in on him. The door noticed as he glanced back with a raised brow. You both whispered at each other, making sure your voices were not heard by the audience.
“How are you? Just checking in. I didn’t know you were such a dashing actor.”
Laundry Room Dorian: Are you trying to flatter me, darling? Or trying to tease me? Still, I’ll take that as a compliment. I am rather dashing. And to be honest, I could say the same thing to you.
“Why, thank you. I guess all that improv plays with Chairemi did pay off. Let’s have another bite of our spaghetti and keep doing what we’re doing, shall we?”
The doorman only grunted in agreement as you both took a forkful and gestured to eat a string of spaghetti while looking at the old couple. While doing so, a few people from the audience started to take notice of you and Dorian’s actions and stared with anticipation. You noticed them and questioned the weird looks internally while still eating your string of spaghetti.
Before you could react, you and Dorian accidentally touched lips from eating that one noodle, and paused in shock. The audience whistled in teasing delight as they watched the scene unfold. The main couple looked back with smirks on their faces while Chairemi just raised a brow with a curious yet teasing look on her face.
You and the door leaned back away from each other with red cheeks as you both hid your faces from the audience. Dorian silently muttered a small apology to you while you reassured him that it wasn’t anyone’s fault. Still, Dorian did not regret a single thing.
A few scenes pass by, and now was the time for the part where the best friend talks with the first love. Before this was a scene where the main character and his current lover fought. You found out about the small affair of Washford and Drysdale while the washer reassured you that you were his only choice. Despite all of that, the two of you decided to continue the planned marriage, to Dorian’s disappointment.
Like, come on, have some self-respect! Some dignity! Self-love!
Back to the matter at hand, Dorian and Drysdale were sitting at a pretend park at night. The dryer was playing pretend drunk and fake crying while the door only sat beside him, trying to be there for him silently. To explain, Drysdale was still rejected by Washford as his true love feared getting hurt again. The dryer started the conversation with slurred speech.
Drysdale: I really do love him and miss him, you know… I didn’t mean to hurt him. It was a stupid mistake I made, and I was drunk. Washy will always be my one and only. My whole being. My reason for living.
Laundry Room Dorian: Weren't you glad you guys ended up as friends? And why hesitate? You know what you want and what you need. So why?
This whole conversation started to feel familiar to Dorian. His thoughts led to you and your current relationship with him. He does love you and misses you. He really does.
Drysdale: Oh, I don’t fucking know, I love him more than a friend should!? I’m too late! He’s in love with someone new and he’s happy now… Even if we did get back together, what if I hurt him again? I don’t want to do that!
Laundry Room Dorian: Are you sure? I saw how he looked at you at the restaurant. He is still smitten and in love with you. And yes, Washford’s scared to get hurt again, but you can change that and be a better man for him!
A pregnant pause. You overcame his thoughts again as he remembered how you got hurt, and he didn’t do anything to help you. The doorman laughed internally at his lines and improvisation, thinking he should take notes from it. Drysdale stared at Dorian with furrowed brows, looking for an answer.
Drysdale: Should… Should I stay friends with him?
No. Dorian doesn’t want to stay friends with you.
Laundry Room Dorian: …You know the answer to that.
The scene ended with Drysdale standing up to bolt out of the stage with Dorian following suit. The next scene was the anticipated wedding scene on the same night, with Washford already at the altar. He was wearing a proper suit tailored to fit him. Chairemi was there as well, playing as the priest.
The wedding march started as the sound of the church doors opened to reveal you wearing a beautiful and handsome wedding outfit. Everyone in the room was speechless at your radiant form as they took in the sight. You started to slowly walk down the aisle in a simple yet dramatic fashion.
The bouncer could not take his eyes off you from backstage. You were one of a kind, and anyone would be lucky to be married to you. He ignored the fact that you were getting pretend married to someone else and focused on the sight of you in a wedding outfit. He wished to see you walking down that aisle from Washford’s perspective. He would do anything for it.
You finally situated yourself in front of Washford as you smiled at him, to which he reciprocated the gesture. Chairemi then starts with the quick ceremony between two lovers who were about to become married. Dorian stared at the scene from backstage with a nervous stance. This was starting to feel weird to him.
While Drysdale was just patiently waiting for his cue to come in and steal the show, Dorian’s thoughts weirdly spiraled into thinking this was all real. It all felt real that you were getting married to no Washford. It ached his heart. Yes, he would always want you to be happy, but he wanted – no, needed to be a part of your life. Not just your friend, but as your lover too.
Chairemi: Do you, Washford, take the human to be your lawfully wedded-
No. No! He needed to stop this! He needed to stop the wedding! He needs to tell you how he feels about you! It’s now or never!
Laundry Room Dorian: I OBJECT!
The bouncer bursts through the doors, which makes everyone in the room gasp in surprise. He stares at you with intent to pull you away from the wedding while you look back with a raised brow, whispering a question of what he is doing. Dorian realizes the sudden improv he did and blushes and freezes on the spot, trying to think of something to save the scene.
Fuck it. He continues to rush into the scene and grabs your arm gently, while in the eyes of others, it looks like a hard tug. You sound out a noise of shock and look at him with curious eyes. The door starts to improvise.
Laundry Room Dorian: I can’t let you marry him, human. I can’t forget the short time we spent together. I cherished every precious time and moment we had, and I am not wasting this opportunity, love. Please, leave this cheating bastard and run away with me.
Without a second to waste, Dorian pulls a red-faced you away from the scene as you two run off into the backstage. Drysdale comes onto the scene and continues, improvising and ends it with a kiss on Washford’s lips.
Dysdale: I have always loved you and only you, Washy. I promise with my life to never hurt you again.
Washford: Oh, Drydee. I love you too with my hole being - I mean my whole being!
Telly: OH MY! WHAT A PLOT TWIST!
Miranda: This is starting to feel like one of those telenovelas. The plot twists keep getting crazier by the minute!
The audience cheers and applauds at the surprising ending while Chairemi is stunned the whole time the scene unfolds. Well, at least everyone enjoyed it.
Chairemi: Uh… The End?