Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Eddie, Eddie!” The eight-year-old girl calls out to him as he helps one of her classmates put on his backpack.

“¿Sí, Emma?” Eddie smiles, and it's not forced, but it's tired. It's been a long day.

“Are you taking the bus today again?” The girl asks.

“Sí, clar—” And Eddie doesn't finish the sentence as the very eager girl asks him.

“You do that because you don't have a car or because you are poor?”

At this point of the day, Eddie can just laugh. Really. Bless the kids with zero filter.

But also, what the fuck.

If you asked Eddie a few years ago, he would have told you he didn't see himself being a teacher. And yet, there he fucking is. Teaching Spanish to kids in the afternoons while having another job as a ballroom dance instructor in the mornings. So, really, teaching is all he does.

Oh, how the tables have turned for the not-so-young anymore Edmundo Diaz.

“Hmm, well, a war veteran is kind of an unusual teacher…” His boss had said before at the end of his job interview. “Are you sure this job is what you are looking for?”

“Of course.”

It wasn't. But Eddie would make it work.

“You would be teaching toddlers and kids. Kids,” she repeated. “Not even teens.”

“Sounds okay to me,” he really was desperate for a job. Wrong side of his twenties, no experience outside the military, and a kid under his care in a new city. Sure, he woukd teach babies if it came to it.

“And you are forbidden from speaking English to them. They can be a handful to manage if they don't understand you.”

“I've had it worse.”

And yes, he's had it worse. Eddie wasn't lying there. At least the gym manager that hired him for the ballroom classes wasn't as skeptical of what he wanted to do with his life.

“It's mostly older couples,” he said. “They aren't very dramatic… most of the time.”

That works for Eddie, because as it turns out, the kids in the afternoons are very dramatic.

“¿Por qué llora?” Eddie asks one day as he's handed a five-year-old with a bloated face and tears in his eyes.

“Le han despertado de la siesta para venir a clase,” his boss explains with an apologetic smile.

So Eddie teaches that class with a crying boy tucked under his arm for an entire hour. He cheers up and goes back to cry with five-minute intervals.

The thing is that his boss wasn't really far off: Eddie doesn't particularly enjoy kids. He loves —has always loved— Christopher, but you can stop the count there. Still, he's always tried to treat the kids like the small people they are, and it seems to work well enough. Both for him and for the children. 

It's a job, he can do it.

All in all, it is not that bad. Neither of the jobs. When he came to Los Angeles with Chris seven years ago he didn't know what he was looking for, exactly, and those were the only jobs he could find in which the work-life balance to be able to take care of his son was acceptable. And, well, again, with no experience the only jobs where he was actually considered. At least his parents taught him Spanish, and he ended up quitting ballroom when he was a teen, but he still knows how to dance. Eddie can't allow himself to be picky.

He used to leave Chris early at school, then picked him up after dancing for hours with mostly octogenarians, they had lunch together and then back to school. A couple of hours later Eddie picked his son up again and then went to the language school where Eddie taught —and still teaches—, as Chris attended his own Spanish classes or spent time with Eddie's boss while doing his homework, waiting for Eddie to finish his classes. Sometimes abuela and tía Pepa helped, but Eddie was proud to be able to take care of his son mostly on his own.

It was good enough, and Eddie didn't have to pay for Chris to be at the language school. He made enough money to rent a decent place with the combined salary, and Chris was happy. Seemed happy. Eddie has been happy enough, given his circumstances.

He’s always felt he has to be the best father he can be.

And yes, he uses public transport to commute. Sue him, little Emma, but he's not —that— poor, and he has a car, it's just that finding a spot in the nearest parking lot to his workplace can be a time-consuming task.

“Oh, Eddie!” His boss stops him before leaving that day. He's already seeing Chris hanging out by the front door, waiting for him.

He's honestly old enough now to just come and go as he wishes, hang out with friends and not depend on Eddie for transportation, but Christopher has assured Eddie more than once that, for now, he's comfortable with their seven-year-long routine. Sometimes even his friends come to hang out with him. Here. In front of the school. They go to the ice cream parlor down the street, or to the park that's two streets away. But he always comes back before Eddie finishes his classes.

“Yes, Sarah?” Eddie asks. His boss is balancing a stack of uncorrected exams from the older kids between her arms.

“One family is asking for a meeting with you,” she says, and Eddie just lets out a tiny sigh. “It's Jee-yun Buckley Han.”

Ah, Jee-yun. Adorable, tiny Jee-yun. She really is a sweetheart, though has a very small attention span unless someone is talking about Frozen, which obviously is not something that comes up often in their lessons.

Well, it does, but only because she brings up the movie at every chance she gets.

“Something wrong with her?”

“I didn't get the impression, no,” Sarah shakes her head. “Probably they are just curious about how she is doing in class. It's only her first year, after all.”

“Got it,” Eddie shrugs. Not the first time some parents are just curious. That must be it. No anxiety about it, Eddie, please. “You already know my schedule, either two hours before the class starts or—”

“Or immediately after your classes end, yes,” Sarah nods, and she lets out a resigned sigh. “This is going to be difficult.”

“Why?”

“The father is a firefighter and the mother works at a 9-1-1 dispatch center. Their schedules are hellish, or so they say.”

“Then why—”

“Don't ask me. They make a petition, I let you know. I guess they'll manage, if they really are interested in how little Jee is doing.”

Some days later, Sarah lets Eddie know the meeting has been set for next Wednesday after his classes. Right after the Jee-yun’s class, in fact.

Eddie writes it on his calendar and doesn't think about it during the following week.

On Fridays Eddie actually teaches ballroom to a promising couple who are also, in fact, interested in competing professionally. They have wonky schedules, however, and thus it is not unusual for Eddie to change their lessons to the weekends, if needed. At the beginning he had to bring Chris with him to those classes —and the couple absolutely fawned around the child—, but now Chris prefers to stay alone at home or hang out with friends.

Eddie gets it. It's the weekend. No reasonable teen wants to spend half the morning watching a couple dance tango.

In any case, at least Athena and Bobby’s interest in ballroom is genuine. They never complain, and competitions are always announced with enough time in advance for them to ask for a free day at their respective jobs.

“You are doing great and are more than ready,” Eddie assures them. Athena shoots him a look that could kill, and at this point he knows not to take it personally. Athena looks at everyone like that, except if you are Bobby.

“You better not be lying to us,” Athena says.

“I would never,” Eddie says, confidently, as he pulls out his phone. Has Chris sent him any messages? “You have real chances of winning next month.”

“Oh, we need to tell Buck,” Bobby says. Eddie doesn’t ask because he really isn’t paying attention, more focused on his phone. Bobby continues talking anyway. “That’s… Evan. He’s one of my coworkers. He came to watch us at our last competition, and told me to give him a heads-up for the next one.”

“Sure,” Eddie says, picking up his bag and towel. Chris hasn’t said anything. Whatever, ballroom competitions in their category are not that crowded, usually, so one more person? Why the fuck not. Tell whoever you want. “See you next Friday?”

“You know it,” Athena smiles, and okay , in those moments Eddie gets a bit more relaxed around her. 

She’s never been bad, she’s just scary. Bobby and Athena are great dancers, but he has a suspicion the judges give them even more points because they feel intimidated just by Athena’s presence. She doesn’t do anything special to make them feel like that. It just happens .

“She's aura-farming,” Chris said when Eddie explained his theory to him not long ago.

Eddie doesn't ask what ‘aura-farming’ is, but it sounds ominous.

“Christopher?” Eddie is getting out of the changing room when he sees his son sitting on one of the benches, scrolling down on his phone.

“Hey, dad!” Chris grins at him, carefully putting away the device. He uses his crutch to stand up and receive Eddie with a hug.

“What are you doing here?” Eddie brought him to the area because he was going to hang out with a friend who lives close by, but he certainly wasn’t expecting to see Chris at the gym.

“My friend had to cancel, so I thought I would just wait for you here.”

“So you wanted a free ride home?” Eddie teases, letting out a small smile. 

“Always.”

See? On the weekends Eddie can actually use his car. No rush hour, many people leave the city, and he can actually find a parking spot in five minutes or less. Also, people in LA drive so badly that honestly he can only put up with driving when the traffic is bad (but not that bad ).

That makes sense in his head, and Chris agrees. He needs no one else’s opinion. Little Emma can keep her opinions. Yes.

“What’s up with your friend? Charlie, was it? Why did he cancel?” Eddie asks as he drives.

“Yeah, Charlie. Something about his mom taking him on a surprise trip,” and Eddie immediately can feel his own fingers tense against the wheel.

It’s not even… he shouldn’t… Chris is nonchalant about it, he isn’t trying to say anything with that. No hidden references to Shannon, and definitely no hidden references to Eddie being unable to spend money on impromptu holidays for them both (or any kind of whim, as a matter of fact). Chris has had to assure him time and time again that he is completely fine with their life.

That doesn’t mean Eddie wishes he could give him more. Two jobs and they are making it alright enough, but not good enough to be able to enjoy life like that.

Maybe if Shannon was still alive… Maybe they could have been a family again. Maybe she would have been there, and it really isn’t about money, or whims. It’s about making Chris as happy as he deserves to be.

Eddie knows that’s just wishful thinking. Shannon was pretty clear during their last conversation.

“Oh, that’s cool,” Eddie finally says.

“Yeah. Just wished he could have told me sooner,” Chris lets out a snort, but there’s no harshness in his voice. He’s just… genuine. The most genuine person Eddie has ever met.

“At least we are getting home together,” Eddie sighs, and Chris makes an affirmative noise.

They sit in silence as Eddie drives, only the hum of the radio and the occasional noise of vehicles breaking it. Eddie is paying attention to the road, and Chris seems to be texting on his phone. It’s a relaxed time, despite whatever is going on outside the vehicle. Eddie kind of cherishes those drives.

About ten minutes of silence, however, Eddie has no option but to stop the car. There are a lot of vehicles beeping their horns in front of them, and a quick check of his surroundings makes him realize there’s probably been an accident a bit farther ahead. Some officers are reorienting traffic.

Okay. Eddie can work with that, something that clearly makes him different from the other hundred drivers that seem to be making a competition out of who is angrier.

It’s slow, but they make it through. Patience. Patience. As they pass close to where the accident has happened, Chris exclaims, “oh, that’s Buck!”

Which confuses Eddie. “Who’s Buck?”

“A firefighter.”

“Do you know a firefighter, Chris? Since when?” Eddie asks, amused.

“Ah, it’s the uncle of one of the kids at the school,” he says, which okay , Eddie gets it. Chris has been coming to the language school for as long as Eddie has been working there. Most of the parents and students have ended up meeting him at some point while waiting for the classes to start or finish. Eddie can admit that the chances of his son meeting a firefighter in this manner are not that unlikely.

“Oh, cool. What are the chances,” Eddie humms. “I also know a firefighter, you know?”

“Oh, do you?”

“Yes, the man I normally teach ballroom on Fridays.”

“Oh, Bobby? Didn't remember that.”

“Yes. Bobby. It's— it's normal you don't remember, it's been a while since you last hung out with us in a class. He's cool,” Eddie adds, and there's no recrimination in any of his words.

“Buck is also super cool,” Chris states. “Do you think your firefighter knows my firefighter?”

“Probably. All the firefighters must work together quite often,” Eddie can just imagine, really. He regularly worked with other squadrons back in Afghanistan, he thinks it might be something similar with firefighters when there are big disasters. Like that earthquake they suffered just after Eddie and Chris first got to LA, or the tsunami from the following year. Hell, they must have collaborated even for that freaky recent bee-nado.

“Ask Bobby next time, ask him if he knows a Buck,” Chris requests.

“Buck? That’s just his name?”

“I guess. He’s never told me any other,” he sees Chris shrug through the rearview mirror.

“Okay, I’ll ask Bobby about a Buck,” Eddie accepts just before finally making it back to a street without heavy traffic.

There’s something bugging him in the back of his mind, however. Buck. He must have heard that before, somewhere.

“Where are you going, Eddie?” His boss asks him. “You have the meeting.”

“The meeting— oh, right,” Eddie was already packing his stuff. The kids have been quite annoying today, and he has had to stop a four-year-old girl from sucking her own dirty leggings at least twenty times in one hour.

So, yes, maybe he had momentarily forgotten about the meeting with Jee-yun’s parents.

At least the girl trying to lick her dirty leggings hadn't been Jee-yun. Imagine if he had to tell her parents just that, now.

“Sorry, it’s been—”

“One of those days, I get it,” Sarah smiles as she stands up and picks up her laptop. “Use my office, would you? I’ll go work in one of the classes.”

Eddie nods, unsurprised. Their school is not that big and it really only has one office. Sarah always offers it when there’s a parent-teacher meeting because the chairs in the classes are too small for any adult, anyway. Eddie knows, he has to sit on them regularly.

“Message me if you need anything!” Sarah reminds him as she takes her leave. 

Eddie sits on Sarah’s chair and waits while completing the daily evaluations of the kids on his phone. 

It's been about five minutes when the doorbell rings and Eddie pushes the button to open the front glass door…

…Only to see a massive young man entering through the door.

“Hi. Uhm— I have a meeting with teacher Eddie?” He says, and his voice is so sweet, so gentle, a bit out of place coming from all that muscle. He closes the door, and for a moment Eddie can see Chris out, playing with a group of kids, the view is quickly blocked by the guy.

“That… that would be me,” Eddie doesn't let himself get distracted. Not a chance. Nope. “Can I help you?”

“I'm here for Jee-yun Buckey Han. I believe her mom set a parent-teacher meeting for today?”

“Yes, she did. You must be Mister…” Eddie doesn't finish the sentence, because he seriously doesn't know who is the Buckley and who is the Han in Jee-yun’s parents, and he doesn't want to presume.

“Mister Buckley, I guess? I'm the uncle.”

Ah. Hellish schedules. Right. An uncle. 

“I'm her mother's brother and I work with her dad,” he's quick to explain. More info than what Eddie usually gets, honestly. “And I'm normally in charge of bringing her here on Wednesdays. And, uh— pick her up, too. Some moms are watching her right now for me.”

So, the uncle. Okay. Not what Eddie had originally been expecting, but if he's the one who normally brings Jee-yun to her Spanish classes, he'll probably be more aware of her learning progress than her parents.

“Not a problem. Please, take a seat,” Eddie smiles, and Buckley finally enters the glass-walled office and sits in front of Eddie, the other chair empty.

Now that he's closer, Eddie can admit this Buckley uncle is… kind of pretty, and the voice suits him better than he had originally thought. He's very muscular, sure, but he has sort of a soft vibe to him, with curly blond hair, cropped on the sides, and big blue eyes that look at him kindly. There's a birthmark on top of his right eye, around the eyebrow, and he smiles warmly, if nervously.

“Jee speaks a lot about you, Mr. Diaz,” he says as he gets the chair closer to the table.

“I'm hoping she says good things?”

“She does, she does. She was charmed the moment she discovered you know the lyrics to all her favorite Frozen songs.”

“I had the feeling she wasn't exactly pleased because I can only sing them in Spanish, but…” He leaves the sentence midway because Buckley is shaking his head.

“Oh, no, that's more than enough for her. She's at that age. Anything works for her if Elsa is involved.”

‘That age’ meaning she's four. Eddie has taught too many four-year-old kids to know what Buckley is referring to.

“Well, what can I do for you and Jee-yun?” Let Eddie re-focus the topic of the meeting. The earlier they all go home, the best.

“Oh, we are a little worried about how she's doing in class since she refuses to speak a word of Spanish at home,” Buckley explains. “Jee really likes to show off often, so we found it a bit strange. Is she doing okay in class?”

“She's actually quite participative,” Eddie says, more relaxed. He hadn't even known he was tense until then, but oh, the meeting is just about that. They normally are just along the lines of that. ‘How is my kid doing?’ could be the summary of almost ninety percent of the sporadic parent-teacher meetings. “I can see that facet you talk about quite often, Mister Buckley. She really likes to demonstrate what she knows.”

Out loud. Very prominently. Which is very normal for a kid, Eddie has no complaints.

“Please, call me Buck, Mister Buckley is just… weird.”

Buck.

Eddie must have pulled a face, because Buck tilts his head to the side, showing a bit of confusion. “Anything wrong with that? If it's really a bother, you can keep the ‘mister ’ part. Though ‘Mister Buck’ would be a new one for me.”

Damn his expressiveness.

“No, no, absolutely no problem, Buck,” Eddie isn't about to introduce himself as Chris’ father. He doesn't think it would be proper in the context, and it might not even be the same Buck Chris was talking about.

It was then when some pieces in Eddie's mind connected.

Chris said the Buck he knows is a firefighter. Jee-yun's dad works as a firefighter, as Sarah had said when she mentioned their hellish schedules. And, finally, Buck had just mentioned that he works with Jee-yun's dad.

Okay, yes. He really must be the same Buck. He really is built like a firefighter, or like the concept of a firefighter Eddie has in his mind.

“Anyway,” Eddie clears his throat. “As I was saying, her behavior is completely normal in class. She has a lot of fun while learning, and as her parents must have been able to see, she achieved good marks on her oral tests, so I can assure you Jee-yun speaks Spanish in class.”

“That's… that's great to know,” and Buck smiles, and it's… oh, his smile is cute, all sweet, his eyes crinkling. Eddie hadn't first noticed when—

Eddie, focus. Focus. You are at a parent-teacher meeting, you can't focus on the joyous expression of the not-parent.

“Is there anything else I can do for you?” Eddie asks, wanting desperately to fill the silence.

“Uhm… any advice on how to make Jee speak Spanish at home? It's not like… I mean— I know a bit of Spanish. For some months I worked as a bartender in Peru. When I was younger, before my current job,” Eddie nods as Buck goes on. “Her parents don't know Spanish, but I think I could help her practice a bit.”

“And vice versa?” Eddie adventures to say.

Buck laughs, and that's also a beautiful laugh. Eddie wouldn’t mind listening to it a few more times. Is there anything in this dude that is not beautiful?

Eddie, focus.

“And vice versa, yeah. I remember quite a bit, though!” Buck assures, leaning forward on the chair. “So? Any advice?”

“We play some songs in Spanish in class,” Eddie says. “You can start by playing them and see if Jee-yun sings. You should have links to them on our website. If that doesn't work… I guess you can watch Frozen in Spanish? Or at least the songs, since that’s a good motivator for her.”

“Gotcha. I really hope that works,” he keeps smiling and it's distracting . Distracting Eddie, specifically. Who doesn’t know why he’s getting distracted, in the first place.

“I guess she's just shy at home because she might deeply think she's not good enough at the language. That’s quite common,” Eddie continues, trying to focus on anything else that is not the man in front of him. Maybe Sarah’s stapler. It's right next to Buck. Perfect. “She's perfectly good for her age, though.”

“What has she learned this year, for example?” Buck asks.

“Uhm… Simple yes and no questions, farm animals, some food items, she can express what she likes when she’s talking about simple food…?” It comes slightly as a question, but Eddie is having a bit of trouble remembering. He's had many groups from many different ages. Everyone is learning something different. “Some of the rooms in a house, too. You know, some things she can actually find useful.”

“I get it. Maybe I could do something with that…” Buck muses as he leans back on the chair. “Yeah, I think you gave me a couple of ideas. Thank you, Mr. Diaz.”

“Eddie is…” He's blurting out before he can think better. “Eddie is fine.”

“Eddie, then. Thanks, Eddie,” and Eddie expects Buck to stand up and leave with his sweet smile and his beautiful eyes, but instead he stays seated in front of him.

“Do you—”

“I'm sorry, can— can I ask you a question?” Buck interrupts. “Not about Jee, just I— I think I recognize you from somewhere?”

Eddie takes a deep breath through his nose. Okay. Okay, his eyes are pinned on him. Eddie, you can answer this, it's not that difficult.

Big blue eyes, looking at him while he says ‘I recognize you’ . That’s… Eddie is feeling some new things today, alright?

“You probably met my son, Christopher. Many parents have met him at some point, he's—”

“Oh, Chris!” And Buck is suddenly beaming, like he’s the sun. “That's your son! He's so nice.”

“He is,” and Eddie feels himself swell with pride, because Chris really is —and has always been— amazing.

“You and your wife have done a wonderful job.”

That breaks it. It’s not intentional. He doesn’t even have on his finger, he carries it in a silver chain around his neck, under the clothes. Not visible. Close to his heart. Eddie doesn’t blame anyone for assuming, not at all. It’s normal to assume, even if you don’t see a ring. 

He still doesn’t explain, normally. He just nods, smiles pleasently, and says ‘oh, yes, we are very proud of Chris’. Not bothering.

“I… his mother passed away almost seven years ago. It’s been just the two of us since then,” that’s what he lets out instead. 

Why is Eddie telling this to a stranger? He should be thankful at himself because at least he's not digging deep, he's not talking about Shannon’s accident nor their bumpy relationship, nor him running away by enlisting twice. But still, why would you want to burden someone you’ve just met with that information?

Is Eddie stupid? Is his filter working today? Is he too distracted by some nonsense reason?

“Oh, I'm so sorry, I— I didn't know,” there's pure panic in his eyes, and Eddie has the impression even his birthmark gets somehow redder.

“No, no, don't. Don't apologize. It's— it's fine, Chris and I have been doing well these years. I-it’s fine, really,” he adds as he sees Buck about to speak again. “Sorry, I don't think I should've said… Don’t know what came over me—”

“No, no, I'm glad you told me, Mr. Diaz. I mean, I'm— Chris and I have been talking for a while and— You know what?” He lifts his hands, showing his palms. “Sorry, I made it awkward by assuming.”

Now he's standing up, and he's leaving, and Eddie knows it's his fault, and Buck seems nice, and he doesn't want to see him go like that.

He's only met Buck for less than five minutes, what the hell is he doing? What kind of impression is he giving to the uncle of one of his students?

“It’s fine,” he's already standing up after Buck. He wants to reach out to him, but he stops himself just in time, knowing that would be just weird. “Really.”

Still, his arm is extended, hand reaching out towards Buck, who turns towards him. He’s looking at Eddie with an intensity he has not felt in years , if ever. It’s not… it’s not bad, he doesn’t seem bad, it’s just…

Damn.

“Can I help you with something else? A-about Jee-yun?” Eddie blurts out.

Back to basics. Yeah. That's the best option. They are both standing and Buck has a foot in the hallway already, but Eddie can still save this.

“My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago.”

…What?

“I'm… I'm sorry?”

“Equal footing now,” Buck continues, to Eddie's probably confused expression. “Now we both know something about each other we would normally not know by having a… a parent-teacher meeting.”

Eddie is astonished. He's pretty sure that someone breaking up with you can't be comparable to your wife dying, but he somehow appreciates where Buck is coming from. Now the situation is somehow awkward on both sides.

“That's… you didn't need to do that, Mister Buckley— Buck,” Eddie corrects himself.

Eddie has the imperious need of hitting his head against something. Anything. Any surface would work.

“I think I did. Anyway,” he shrugs, visibly more relaxed while Eddie is even more tense, where did this guy come from? “I didn't make the connection between you and Chris, if I'm being honest.”

…Okay. Okay, he can talk about Chris.

“He looks more like his mother,” Eddie concedes.

But then, what exactly—?

“I think I know you from somewhere else, Mister Diaz. Eddie. But,” he makes a weird pause there, “maybe… maybe I'll wait until I see you again.”

Eddie is confused as hell, but what's new. 

Still, there's a promise in there. ‘Until I see you again’. Eddie isn't sure about when that will happen, and it's honestly more in Buck's hands —or maybe in the hands of Jee-yun’s parents— than his own.

But he likes how it sounds. Weirdly . Who would look forward to the possibility to embarrass himself like this again ?

“Alright,” Eddie just accepts it, because a voice in his head tells him it can somehow get worse. He can make it worse. “Next time, then.”

“Cool,” Buck's grin returns to his face and with it something warm blooms in Eddie's chest. “See you around, then.”

He finally turns and takes the couple of steps that separate him from the front door. As it closes, Eddie can still hear his voice saying, ‘Hey, Chris! Just met your dad!’

And Eddie is just… standing there, looking through the glass as Chris stops on his crouches and says something to Buck. Eddie doesn't get to hear. His son is smiling widely, though, eyes fixated on Buck, who approaches and gives him a couple of gentle pats on the shoulder, voice muffled but still recognizable.

“What a nice guy,” Sarah’s voice gives Eddie a scare and he, honest to God, jumps . “Oh, sorry. Thought you heard me coming. Didn't know it was going to be him coming to the meeting.”

“Who?”

“Buck? Jee-yun's uncle?” Sarah looks at him pointedly. “Did you even know who you were talking to?”

“Of course I knew. Sorry, I just… Do you know him?” He asks before he can stop himself.

“Sure, he’s the one who usually drops and picks Jee-yun up. He's approved,” Sarah shrugs. “Anyway, I really thought it would be one of the parents. I've only seen Maddie a couple of times, and I've never met her husband. She was the one who asked for the meeting, after all. Anyway, Buck's nice and he adores Jee-yun, so…” She lets out a sigh, not finishing the sentence. “What did he want? Something wrong with the kid?”

“Not really, they are just worried because she refuses to speak in Spanish at home, so they were wondering if she participates in class,” Eddie explains almost mechanically. “I gave the uncle a few tips on how to make her more confident, just in case. But I don't think it's worrying.”

“Ah, one of those cases,” Sarah nods. “And what do you think of him?”

“Of him?”

“Buck. Jee’s uncle. Are you okay, Eddie?” She’s leaning against the wall, looking at him with a confused expression.

“I'm fine, just… whatever,” he sighs. Sarah arches an eyebrow. “He seems like a good guy.”

“And?”

“And what.”

“Did you get his number?”

“Why would I get his number? It was barely a five-minute parent-teacher meeting,” Eddie is thoroughly confused, as he has been a couple of times very recently.

“Do I need to spell it out for you?” Sarah groans.

Eddie keeps quiet for a few seconds. Thinking. “Do you… want his number? Doesn't seem professional.”

“It's not professional, and I'm a lesbian, Eddie,” to that, Eddie is completely shocked. It probably shows, because Sarah is suddenly giving him a weird look. “Didn't you know? Is your gaydar broken?”

“Why did you want me to get his number?” Eddie asks instead. Sarah looks straight into his eyes. Then turns around with a groan and walks towards the classes. “Sarah?”

“Valeria! You won't believe this!” Eddie hears her calling to one of their coworkers. “Eddie didn't know I'm a lesbian!”

“¿Eddie? ¿Debajo de qué roca vives?” He hears Valeria's response from one of the classrooms.

Eddie just stands there as his other coworkers —Carolina, Linda, Taylor, Tomás and Charlie, all way younger than him— chip in various degrees of mockery or incredulity.

Eddie still isn't sure about what the hell is a gaydar and why should he have one, or why his is broken.

Without more words, Eddie picks up his things and gets out of the place to the little square in which his workplace is located. Most of the parents and kids are already gone, Buck and Jee-yun included, and Chris waits for him sitting on the steps by the front door.

“Hey, dad.”

“Hey, Chris,” it's only by hearing his voice that Eddie feels his shoulders start to relax little by little. Was he that tense?

“So you met Buck?”

“Briefly,” he just says as Chris stands up.

“What do you think?”

“Of what?”

“Of Buck,” Chris starts walking towards their bus stop, and Eddie follows soon. 

Why is everyone so interested in Buck? He’s not that interested in Buck. They met for the strangest five minutes of Eddie’s life. He's still weirded out by how much is still thinking about his eyes and his beautiful smile.

Wait—

“He's okay,” Eddie says, because he really doesn't want to talk about it. Nope. No talking about it. No thinking about it.

“He's super cool. I think you could be good friends,” Chris says as Eddie short-circuits.

“You think so?” It's just inertia what pushes him to ask that.

“Yeah. He's quite funny and interesting. All the kids love him.”

Eddie hums in response as they reach their usual spot next to the bus stop.

That’s when he lets his mouth ruin his life for the second time that afternoon.

“Chris, what is a gaydar?”

There's a silence. A car races past them. Chris is looking at him, and Eddie is looking back, all serious.

“Dad, you need to be more online.”

“No, I don't,” he doesn’t, his life is just fine having just a social media profile he barely uses.

“Well,” Chris starts, and Eddie knows he's repressing a laugh. Eddie is a bit thankful for that, yes, “a gaydar is something you don't have.”

“Sarah says mine is broken.”

“Same thing in internet terms. I think.”

“You think?” Eddie echoes.

“It just means you don't know how to identify LGBT+ people. If you had one, or if it wasn’t broken, you would be able to identify them more easily. You know, lesbians, gays, bisex—”

“I know the acronym, thank you,” Eddie cuts him, because this is humiliating enough in ways Eddie cannot exactly pinpoint. “Shouldn't it be called an ‘LGBT+dar’?”

And yet, his mouth.

“Dad, don't think too hard about it,” but then, the little shit Eddie has for a son, asks. “Did you think Sarah was straight?”

One of these days Eddie will just jump out of a window and no one should be surprised.

Weeks go by, and Eddie does his best to not think about Buck’s eyes. Or Buck’s smile. Or Buck in general. It's ridiculous how he still feels his look directed at him after so many days. A guy he met for not even five minutes, mind you. Eddie is pretty sure he’s just getting stuck on the experience and not really on Buck, since it was a weird conversation anyway.

Eddie made it weird, in fact.

Still, Buck said he knew him from somewhere else, and that is still nagging in the back of Eddie’s brain. Eddie really doesn’t remind him from anywhere else, and that straight up confuses him. Is Buck confused? He must be. There’s no way Eddie doesn’t remember him from before, given the effect a few minutes in his presence are having on him.

Which is still weird. That effect. Eddie doesn’t know what to make of it.

But life goes on, and so does work. He keeps teaching Spanish, and classes are as chill as kids can get. There are no weird questions, no crying, and only mild arguments and disagreements here and there, all of them typical of their age range. 

Eddie, however, experiences mild annoyance from what he guesses is the meme of the month, because he absolutely doesn’t know what the hell the ten-year-olds are talking about and echoing like parrots. He wants to ask Chris, but he’s had enough mocking for the foreseeable future thanks to the ‘gaydar’ incident.

He keeps teaching ballroom in the mornings and there are a couple of sprained ankles, nothing out of the usual, while Athena and Bobby keep improving for their approaching tournament.

And, soon enough, Eddie is talking to both of them in the backstage after their performance.

“...But if the judges take that into account, then they are just shitty,” Eddie concludes. “It was a great performance, truly. You should be proud. Better than any of your rehearsals, I assure you.”

“Well, how can we not be proud of ourselves when the best dancer we know speaks like that?” Athena smirks, confident, as she laughs while leaning against Bobby. They are both sitting on a couch, and Bobby has an almost empty bottle of water in his hand, a satisfied expression on his face.

As it should be, because as Eddie is pointing out, they’ve done great. They have actual chances of winning.

It would be their first victory, though not their first time on the podium. If you ask Eddie, it's been a long time coming.

“Bobby! ‘Thena!” A cold sensation courses through Eddie's body because he immediately recognizes that voice.

Which has its merit, because they didn't talk for that long.

“Hey, Buck!” Bobby smiles looking at some point behind Eddie. “How did you make it here?”

No crowd should be allowed backstage unless they are family. 

Eddie's mind is going at a frenetic pace, but that thought makes itself more prevalent than anything else.

“Well, I might have sprinkled the truth…” He's getting closer.

“Buck, the day they catch you—”

“—Sergeant Grant will make sure you don't get arrested for trespassing,” Athena completes, and the look Bobby gives her is one of complete adoration.

Eddie is already too shocked to really pay attention to them talking about breaking the— well, not something as big as the law, he guesses, but he thinks it would still be trespassing?

Finally, Eddie turns around. And there he is. Mister Buckley in the flesh, all radiant in a pink polo that hugs his muscles just perfectly, ear-to-ear grin and shiny eyes, looking straight at Eddie.

“Told you I knew you from somewhere else.”

It comes back to Eddie, then. Bobby mentioning he was planning to invite some coworker that had already been to one of the competitions. Eddie hadn't been paying enough attention at that time. He also left Bobby and Athena alone soon after the last competition since he had to go pick Chris up, but he could swear they said something about waiting for a friend.

Chris' voice comes back to his mind.

“Ask Bobby next time, ask him if he knows a Buck.”

Well. How many other Bucks can there be out there, now that Eddie thinks about it?

“Buck, do you know Eddie?” Bobby asks a few seconds later, taking advantage of Eddie's inability to utter a single word.

“Yeah, we met briefly a few weeks ago. He teaches Jee-yun Spanish.”

“Oh, right! You mentioned you were a Spanish teacher in the afternoons,” Athena says. “Didn't know you were teaching kids.”

Eddie could combust, and he doesn’t know the reason why. He just knows he’s absolutely capable.

“I try to not mix my jobs,” Eddie finally says. He clears his throat, and he really needs to learn how to act normal because apparently he has forgotten everything about it in the last minute. “Nice to see you again, Buck.”

“Likewise. Now, not only you are an amazing Spanish teacher, but also an amazing ballroom dancer if I'm to believe Bobby.”

“And you should, kid,” the man says, and Buck laughs.

“I do better at teaching ballroom than at dancing myself,” Eddie says, and he knows it still sounds a bit forced. Definitely not normal.

Nothing to do with how good the man in front of him looks. It's criminal. No one should look that good in pink. So criminal Buck should completely remove that pink polo from his person, that would probably help Eddie sleep better at night.

Then Eddie thinks about Buck without the polo on, and realizes he would be wearing nothing . Which is worse. He should be wearing some clothes. What is he thinking?

…Not his best train of thought. He’s stopping that before it crashes.

“I'm sure that's a lie,” Buck is saying. “Hey, in fact— maybe I could join a couple of your classes?”

No, Eddie wants to say without a clear reason why. Okay, sure , whenever you want, he thinks it's logical to say, because the more students in his morning job, the more money he earns.

“I wouldn’t mind,” he says instead, and Eddie is aware it sucks as a response.

“Maybe you can come with us on one Friday,” Bobby suggests. “See how you like it.”

“Oh, uhm, I’ll check my schedule.”

“We have practically the same schedule, Buck,” Bobby says. So maybe they are very coworkers, after all. The most coworker you could be with someone.

“But I have some other stuff going on,” Buck shrugs. He looks back at Eddie. “Do I have to confirm in advance if I’m coming to a class?”

“You have one trial class, and for that one people don’t really have to say anything,” Eddie explains, more out of habit than anything. “But a heads-up is appreciated.”

‘If it’s you,’ he doesn’t say. To steel himself mentally, at least. Seems like he needs that before seeing Buck.

“Cool. And what do I do, should I call the gym, should I call you directly…?”

“The gym is fine,” Eddie says, because the last thing he wants right now is this man having his phone number and vice versa. 

Well. He would really love to have Buck’s number. Which is a red flag in his mind, why would he want it? So he doesn’t want it. Can’t want it. No.

“Cool, you’ll hear from me one of these days, then,” Buck’s face lightens up, and if Eddie had thought he would get that smile out of his head anytime soon, he was very wrong.

“Hey, what if you two come to our home once the competition is over?” Bobby suggests. “I’ll cook something. To celebrate our success.”

“We haven’t won yet, Bobby,” Athena huffs.

“Whatever the judges say, I’d still consider this a success,” Bobby says. “So, what do you say? Eddie, Buck?”

Ah, he’s really inviting Eddie. He’s directly saying his name. In Eddie’s mind Bobby could have been referring to someone else, despite the fact that clearly there isn’t anyone else around them.

“Ah… I don’t know, I have to check with Chris,” he says. He actually knows he’s getting lunch with some friends today, but the others don’t know that. “I don’t know if he has any plans or if he’s waiting for me to come back home.”

“Oh, tell him to come!” Buck automatically says, and Bobby and Athena seem unfazed and unopposed at the invitation. “Bobby is the best cook I’ve ever met, Chris deserves to enjoy his food too.”

“Oh, I don't… That—”

“I don't mind hosting your son, too, Eddie,” Bobby interrupts. “It’s been a while since we last saw him, anyway. And I’m sure he’s still as nice as when he was a kid.”

“He's great. Caring, thoughtful, and very funny! All the parents love him,” Buck says, and Eddie is feeling his pride swell up again, when Buck adds, “I'm sure it's because he has such an amazing father.”

And Eddie knows he's blushing. Hard. Unprompted, Buck? Of course Eddie is aware the guy has known Chris for a while, but not Eddie , and yet he's talking with such confidence about his supposed parenting skills.

Eddie would be more chill if he still believed he didn't actually blush. No one had pointed out how red he can get in a few seconds until one day he told Chris, very confidently, he doesn't blush. Chris had mocked him for days because, as it turns out, he does. He very much does. There are pictures that prove it.

“Well, I just… I will call him,” and okay, yes, he can call Chris. It's a perfect excuse to extract himself from the situation, at least temporarily.

No one has a problem with Eddie going to the bathroom to call his son, and he leaves Buck chatting animatedly with Athena and Bobby, because they are friends, they seem to be very good friends, apart from coworkers, and what are the chances?

“Dad?” Chris' voice comes from the other end of the line, surprised. “Something wrong?”

“Everything is fine, it's fine, hi, this is just—” Eddie knows he doesn't sound fine. “How's the day going?”

“Couldn't you text me like a normal person?”

“No,” Eddie says, and he realizes it's true. The phone call was an excuse, but he finds his son's voice grounding. It helps. “So?”

“Uuuh, it's going great? Playing video games with Alex and Charlie, you know, the usual. We were planning to order pizza.”

“That's— That's great, that sounds great.”

“Dad? Are you sure you are okay? Do you need me to pick you up?” And he's teasing him, Eddie knows, but honestly it would be so great to have Chris with him. “Are you at the competition?”

“Yes, I am, and I don't— I don't need you to come, don't worry, it's just—” He takes a deep breath through his nose. He needs it. “So Bobby and Athena know Buck?”

“Oh. Oh! That's cool!”

“And Buck showed up backstage.”

“Oh, that's even cooler.”

Is it? Is it, Chris?

“Yeah, well, Bobby and Athena did very good and— we don't know if they won, but they were talking about celebrating later, at their house, and they invited Buck, and they invited me.”

“Sounds fun.” 

It isn't fun in Eddie's mind, for some godforsaken reason he's not ready to address.

“They asked me to call you in case you wanted to join, Buck's suggestion, so…”

“Oh, I get it. Not this time, but if you ever hang out again I would like to join, yes.”

Damn, this teen. He's seriously considering spending time with a group of adults, completely willing to do so. 

Chris must really like Buck.

“Yeah, I guessed, but I had to ask,” Eddie laughs. “Well, have fun with your friends!”

“Likewise, dad.”

Eddie hangs up, and quickly realizes he's not relaxing even a little bit. He was somewhat hopeful one of two things happened: either Chris wanting to be picked up to go back home, or Chris joining their impromptu lunch so Eddie won’t be having such a hard time.

A hard time for no reason, is he stupid? He feels stupid. There's something wrong with Buck that makes Eddie be wrong with himself.

He takes a minute to breathe, to try to calm down, to wash his face, and then he's out again. Bobby, Athena and Buck look at him as he gets closer to their group, and then he has no choice but to speak.

“It's only us four, it seems.”

Bobby and Athena end up winning, and congratulations are truly in order. Buck insists on getting a cake on their way to their house and as soon as they get there Bobby starts cooking. Athena insists on helping, and Buck wants to do the same but Bobby quite literally kicks him out of the half-reformed kitchen.

They had told Eddie on their way there, actually, though they had mentioned something during their classes. Their previous house had been destroyed by a fire, and they are currently building a new one from the ground. Eddie didn’t know what he was going to find when they opened the door, but it seems the place is mostly functional already.

“I’m not falling for you baking another cake while I’m distracted, we already bought one because you asked,” Eddie hears Bobby say.

So it's Eddie and Buck. Alone. Well, as alone as they can be in an open-concept room, still with the kitchen right there. Eddie still feels like they are alone. Good for Eddie's nerves. Yes.

“So, Mister Diaz—” Eddie must have visibly cringed, because Buck stops himself. “Sorry. You wanted me to call you…?”

“Eddie is fine,” he says. Repeats. He asked Buck before, right? To not call him Mister Diaz. Anyway.

“Eddie,” Buck gives him another big smile as he comfortably sits on the enormous couch, like he’s used to the space. Which says a lot, because the place is still under construction and the couch looks new.

Eddie is trying too hard not to think on how his name sounds in Buck’s voice. It’s good, okay? He has a nice voice.

“Eddie, it comes from…?”

“Edmundo,” he clarifies almost automatically. It’s a common question. He sits on the other end of the couch, and doesn’t make himself nearly as comfortable as Buck is.

“Not what I expected. I thought it would be—”

“Eduardo,” Eddie completes. Also a common mistake.

“Yeah. Not the first person who asks you?”

“You won't be the last,” Eddie says, but there's no sourness in his response. Eddie doesn't want the conversation to keep going on about him, look at how well that went last time. He keeps talking before the other man can do it. “Since when do you know Bobby and Athena?”

“Oh, uhm. It must have been like… eight or nine years. Since I first became a firefighter,” Buck explains, “I mean, Bobby has been my captain since day one, and we usually work with Athena's precinct, so we also started to coincide with her pretty soon, and quite often.”

Eddie just nods. Makes sense. Probably. He doesn’t know that much about firefighters.

“And you?”

“Me?”

“For how long have you known Bobby and Athena?”

Damn. Eddie should have been paying more attention to keep Buck from asking questions. Eddie doesn't want to be the party pooper once again.

“I think it's been about five years,” he still answers, though. “They started coming with another group, but I saw they had potential, so I proposed private classes in case they wanted to compete professionally. They accepted.”

“And you weren't wrong, they are amazing!” Buck interjects. “I don't know shit about ballroom, but what they did today and in the last competition looked amazing. I don't think I could move like that.”

“It's a matter of practice,” Eddie says. “You would be surprised at how well an eighty-year-old man can move with enough time.”

“Are those your students? Eighty-year-olds?” Buck is repressing a laugh, Eddie knows it.

“Some of them. Athena and Bobby are definitely of my youngest students, I think.”

“So you are either teaching four-year-olds, or…” 

“Or mostly old people, yes,” Eddie admits.

“That’s fun.”

“It can be fun,” Eddie confirms, and Buck doesn’t seem to be joking, which he appreciates. 

“So you like kids?”

Ah. Difficult question with a weird answer.

“Not that much. I’m not… I’ve never been exactly good with kids, to be honest, so I think that's played a part,” Eddie feels himself deflate a little. Maybe he’s saying too much already, but there’s something in Buck that just makes him talk. “It’s not like I don’t like them, it’s always been mostly indifference?”

“Except for Chris,” Buck says, confident.

“Except for Chris,” Eddie echoes, because it’s true. It’s always been true. “I’ve ended up liking my students too. Really. It’s just… as a basis? Nope, not fond of kids.”

“Well, for what’s worth, Jee is absolutely enamored by you,” Buck says. “Like, after each class she'll keep talking for the entire trip back home about what you all did in there.”

“Oh,” that's a compliment, and he doesn't really know how to respond to it. So he doesn’t. “Is she speaking in Spanish at home, by the way?”

“She is!” And Buck's excitement almost makes Eddie jump out of his seat. “She sometimes calls the food by their names in Spanish, it's driving Maddie —my sister—, absolutely crazy. But really, Eddie— if anyone has ever told you that you are not good with kids? They lied.”

His mom. It had been Eddie's mom, after an early tiny mishap with Chris Eddie doesn't even remember. He remembers her words, though. How they stung. They still sting.

“I don't know about that,” he tries to laugh. It's a bit uncomfortable. “But thank you.”

“Oh, but the other moms also say it,” Buck continues, oblivious. Or choosing to ignore Eddie’s awkwardness. “Like, after our meeting I asked the moms of Jee's classmates what their kids say about you, and all of them seem to love you.”

Oh, if Eddie wasn't blushing before, he's certainly blushing now.

“Well, apparently one of the kids say you are ‘a bum that eats poo’ , but the mom is pretty sure he still likes you.”

“That's… that's probably Kevin,” Eddie manages to say. “He comes up with creative insults all the time.”

“Insulting you?”

“He's four and doesn't understand enough Spanish, what can I say. The rest of the time he's nice enough.”

Buck doesn't say anything for a few seconds, looking straight at Eddie, eyes half-closed, as if thinking very hard.

“Does— Does Kevin know bums normally don't eat poo? That it's mostly the other way around?”

“Evan Buckley, no talking about poo when we are about to eat.”

It seems that it is at this precise time when Athena has decided to come check on them.

“No, no, ‘Thena, you don't get it,” Buck doesn't miss a beat, he's already turning towards her on the couch. “Eddie's kids—”

“Would help him set the table,” Athena cuts him. Eddie is quite sure that wouldn’t happen. Kids like to be babied too often, even the older ones. “And you? Are you going to help me? Or are you going to continue ’yapping’ about poo?”

“Yapping? Athena, where did you hear that word?” Buck asks, and he sounds slightly confused.

Well, not as confused as Eddie, who definitely doesn't know what the fuck is ‘yapping’. Sounds dangerous, whatever it is. 

“Harry uses it all the time. Don't you use that now, you young people? ” she just says to an open-mouthed Buck.

Eddie is trying to at least not look confused.

“Please don't say that word ever again.”

“Buck.”

“Okay, fine, fine, I'm going.”

Buck shoots an apologetic glance at Eddie and mouthes a ‘talk later?’ with a little smile just before turning around and following Athena.

“Hey, why aren't you asking Eddie for help?” Eddie hears Buck say a few seconds later, from the kitchen.

“Because he's still my teacher. Grab those glasses.”

Okay, fine. Maybe Eddie is smiling now. And he doesn’t want to stop doing it any time soon.

“Chris, what's yapping?”

He knows he's going to regret asking even before the words come out of his mouth. Chris has the spoonful of soup halfway through his mouth when he stops and drops it.

“Dad. What.”

“Just… just tell me.”

“Am I going to have to talk to you like I talk to my friends?” He asks in a groan.

“Don’t you talk to me like you talk to your friends?” That's Eddie's question in turn.

“No,” Chris confirms without thinking. Maybe Eddie is pouting a little. “I don't think you would understand half of the words we say.”

“Then why would you speak like that?”

“You don't get it, dad,” Chris snorts, and Eddie knows it's still in good fun. “Anyway, if you are going to pick up more vocabulary from Buck I might have to start slipping in more words once in a while.”

“I didn't… It wasn't exactly from Buck,” Eddie grumbles.

“Still, he uses some of the same expressions as me and my friends,” his son comments casually.

“How do you know that?”

“I talk to him? We send each other memes?”

Pause. What?

“You have his phone number?”

“You don't? ” Chris just one-ups his incredulity.

“Chris, it's—” Eddie stops, thinking for a moment about what's the best way to say what he wants to say. “It's not a good idea to just give out your phone number to strangers.”

“But Buck's not a stranger, and he's a firefighter. It's always good to have a firefighter in your contacts.”

“Says who?” Eddie blurts out.

“Anyone who knows how messed up the police is.”

Okay. Fair. And yes, Eddie likes Athena, but Athena seems to be a good exception to the rule about all cops being terrible.

She’s still scary.

“In any case, we exchanged numbers like, last week,” Chris says. “And I suggested it. Buck's chill, he's in a group chat with half the moms and all of them love him. He brings home-made cookies every Wednesday, and they are so good.”

“What does that have to do with him being chill?” Eddie cannot see the connection for dear life.

“Oh, you haven't met most of the moms. They really need someone to keep them in check, sometimes,” is all that Chris says. “Buck does that. Mostly. They are too distracted by the cookies to fight amongst themselves, I think.”

“Are you in that group chat?”

“I don't need to, they were all telling me different sides of the drama until they got Buck in the group. Suddenly the gossip stopped,” he gives out a small shrug.

Eddie… Eddie needs to talk boundaries with the mothers of his students. Soon. What's that about going to a teenager to spread gossip? He knows Chris is a darling, but that gives them no right to—

“Anyway, yapping, right?” Chris asks. “Means talking, basically. But like, too much or non-stop, I guess. It's already a bit outdated.”

Outdated ? And this is the first time Eddie hears it? 

“Don't worry, dad, you can ask me about all the words you don't know,” Chris finally takes a spoonful to his mouth. After gulping it down, he adds, “you'll probably have more doubts if you start hanging out with Buck.”

“Who says I'm going to start to hang out with Buck?” Eddie is truly confused.

“Me. I say it,” and Eddie is about to protest, but Chris keeps talking. “Dad. You need friends.”

“I have friends—”

“The other teachers don't count. You are like ten years older than all of them.”

“Sarah is my age—”

“And your boss. Dad.”

Okay, well. Fuck.

“Well—” Eddie is scrambling under Chris’ pointed look. “There's also—”

“Tía Pepa tampoco cuenta,” Chris says in perfect Spanish. “She’s family,” there’s a pause, and Eddie doesn’t even make an effort to fill it. “Buck is more or less your age.”

“Okay, but—”

“He's also very active. He likes sports, and he bakes, and he says he’s good at video games. Kids love him, I really like him,” Chris continues talking. “You are going to like him.”

“I don’t bake.”

He had to focus on something from that whole sentence.

“Dad. That was just because I wanted to say his crumpets are amazing.”

Crumpets now? Wasn’t it cookies? Or he brings other things for the moms to eat?

“All of that— it doesn’t mean I have to be friends with him,” Eddie points out, not acknowledging the crumpets comment. “I’m fine as I am.”

Though, yes, he’s curious now.

“You say that. You already know Buck, and he's nice,” Chris counters. “It's been years since I last saw you hanging out with someone, dad. Just… having a social life. If I’ve ever seen you having one.”

“Maybe I…” he's about to say that maybe he doesn't need to hang out with anyone, but that's the worst lie that could come out of his mouth. Instead, he finds himself saying, “maybe I’m a bit scared.”

The other option might have been his worst lie. But this? This is painfully true.

“Of what? Of Buck? Buck's not scary.”

“No, not of Buck,” he snorts. “It’s just… you said it, Christopher, it’s been a while since I last hung out with people. So the idea of doing it again it’s a bit… difficult. To me.”

Chris stays silent for a few seconds, unmoving, thinking. Eddie cannot move, either, he doesn’t blame his son.

“I know, dad. I’m sorry. Take all the time you need,” he sighs. Then, he adds, “I’m just saying… you already know Buck. It might be a good place to start.”

“I know. Thank you, Christopher.”

He knows Chris has good intentions.

They don’t bring up the topic again that night, but that doesn’t mean Eddie stops thinking about it. About their conversation, sure, but also about what he's not telling Chris.

He hasn't spent that much time with Buck. Four hours in total, at most, and most of that time was in Bobby and Athena’s company. But, yes, Buck seems a nice enough guy. Eddie is still unsettled by some of the weird thoughts he has had when looking at Buck, at times, but he feels he can breathe a little easier since today’s lunch.

It was just the nervousness of their first meeting, and the surprise from not expecting to find Buck at the tournament. Sure, the guy looks good, but many guys look good. He’s super nice, and many people are nice. Eddie was just a bit anxious. That's normal. He's been there before, even more so before parent-teacher meetings, because normally the parents don't tell you beforehand what they want to talk about. Maybe they want to tell you to your face that they think you are a horrible teacher!

That's never happened to Eddie. But still, the anxiety never truly goes away. There's been some tense moments while talking to parents, of course, but Eddie has become better and better at avoiding stepping on eggshells.

Back to the topic, Chris is not asking him for anything unreasonable. He's understanding, and he definitely is suggesting something that he thinks will be good for his father. Eddie can see that, and he can't deny it. He needs friends. He longs for friends, a need painfully suppressed for years.

Maybe that's also part of the reason why he had those thoughts about Buck. Longing. Loneliness. Meet one good person and immediately rush towards them. That must be it.

Well, in any case, there's not much Eddie can do right now but to keep going. Maybe he can work on steeling himself for a near future friendship connection. 

Weeks go by and life goes on. Eddie doesn’t see Buck again, which is both a relief and a nightmare because, to his surprise, he can’t stop thinking stuff along the lines of ‘when I’ll see him again?’

It’s madness. He doesn’t even feel ready to have a friendship, and yet has the constant expectation that life will throw him into one without waiting nor asking. It’s something that the universe has done more often than not to him. Throwing him into situations he wasn’t ready for. Coincidence. Luck, good or bad. So it really is a surprise when he doesn’t meet Buck face to face while he is, for example, shopping for groceries.

He doesn’t even have a chance to see him after letting Jee-yun out of her class, as he never accompanies the kids to the front door. He has to stay in the classroom as Sarah calls for them, and they run with their short legs —sometimes wobbling a little— towards the exit, toward their parents. 

Or uncle, or any other type of caretaker, sure. 

“Jee-yun!” Sarah cries from the exit, and the little girl almost stumbles in her rush to get to his uncle who is surely waiting for her.

Eddie can feel a squeeze in his stomach, because he knows Buck is there. So close, and so far. 

And so, this happens week after week.

Eddie eventually convinces himself to relax a bit. He even tries to make a routine of going to the gym before his classes so he can exercise a little on his own. He used to do it, more often than not after his classes, but now he tries to be there every day, as early as he can. Exercising helps him erase anxious thoughts out of his head, after all, and right now (even if he wouldn’t qualify thinking about Buck as ‘anxious thoughts’ ) that is getting him to focus better during the rest of the day.

He still makes breakfast for Chris before going, wakes him up and even leaves some lunch cooked and ready if he’s not in a rush. He accompanies Chris to school, and then he bolts towards the gym. Eddie used to go back home, before.

But if he’s alone at home he might think too much. Gym it is.

“So you train before your classes?” 

On his fifth day in a row managing to go to the gym Eddie almost drops a weight on his left foot.

“Sorry! Sorry, didn't want to startle you,” Buck immediately walks forward and reaches out to grab the weight from where it has fallen next to Eddie's foot. “Fuck, I'm so sorry, Eddie—”

“It's… it's okay,” he says, because no harm done. No harm done. Eddie feels the accident is more his fault than Buck’s, as he was distracted, which is never a good thing to be while you are exercising.

“I'm still sorry. Thought you would see me,” Buck says. And yes, he's big. Eddie had noted that down the first time he saw Buck. He really noted that. Eddie should have definitely seen Buck.

And Eddie is big himself, but Buck's just on another level. You could climb him like a tree.

Wait, what's that thought—?

“I, uh… I was hoping to catch you, actually. Didn't know when you would come, so I just decided to come in early?” Buck is talking, okay, Buck is talking. Eddie, fucking focus. “I also thought about asking for another parent-teacher meeting to talk to you, but it seemed a bit too much. And it would be unprofessional since it's not about Jee-yun? Maddie said that.”

“What—” Eddie starts, but Buck keeps talking.

“I wanted to come to one of your classes, remember?” Eddie had buried that fact, actually, since that would have contributed to drive him crazy these past couple of weeks. “You told me to let you know in advance, but whenever I called the gym didn’t pick up the phone, and I didn’t want to ask Chris or Bobby or ‘Thena for your number, or tell them to tell you— I’m not, like, going to ask—” Eddie is a bit lost, he doesn’t know where Buck is going with that line. “Anyway. So I thought, ‘hey, I could go myself and tell the gym so they can tell Eddie’, but I saw you here through the crystal and—”

“Buck, it’s—” Eddie takes a deep breath. Okay. Okay . “It’s fine. Do you want to stay for today's class?”

The question falls out of his lips without thinking. But it's… it's logical, Buck is already there, and Eddie starts his class in half an hour.

“Oh, can— can I? I can just come back another day if it's too sudden.”

“No, no, it's fine,” Eddie tells himself the faster he gets done with it the better. He’s been getting ready for this. Sort of. “As long as you feel ready?”

“Oh, I'm very ready. I've asked Bobby for tips and everything.”

“Bobby and not Athena?” Eddie asks.

“Well… Athena…” Buck's smile goes down a little. “Can be a little bit scary sometimes.”

Eddie would laugh, but he's not going to. Nope. At least he's not the only one who is slightly scared of her.

“Should I start warming up?” Buck asks next, taking advantage of Eddie's silence.

“You can, if you want. We can go to the classroom, in fact,” Eddie says. It comes up easily, despite the…  conflict? That his own words seem to awaken deep down inside of him.

Conflict about what, that’s the question. It’s been weeks of him mentally rotating the single concept of spending time with Buck. Well! Now he has to spend time with Buck, and he wants to learn how to dance, or at least try to learn how to dance. He can do this. He absolutely can do this.

Even if Buck here is not paying him. Because it’s his first class. Eddie has free time, and friends are supposed to spend their free time together, right? This has to be a good start.

He had somehow expected Buck to appear on a Friday with Bobby and Athena. It’s Tuesday. 

“Oh, I wouldn't want to tire you out before the class begins.”

“If the kids don't tire me out, I'm pretty sure I'll be fine with you,” Eddie says. And okay, sometimes the kids tire him, but Buck really doesn't have to know that. And, oh, there, he thinks of another excuse. “Plus, when my dance students come I won't be able to pay that much attention to you. I'd like to make sure you get the basics correctly.”

Sometimes a group of old people can be more demanding than a group of kids, alright?

“Oh, that's… thanks,” Buck lets out a new half-smile, and a single thought persists on Eddie's mind. 

It's a beautiful smile. He can allow himself to think that.

Fifteen minutes later or so, Buck has stretched and Eddie has given him advice to prepare specifically for dancing.

Yes, Eddie has had to stare. He's very normal about it, he's done it thousands of times with other people. Help them prepare. In order to dance. So it's not weird he's been looking at Buck's muscles. It's not weird he's thought about just how strong this dude must be. Or about how his hugs must feel.

That's… that's normal.

“You need to imitate what I'm doing. Follow my movements,” Eddie says nonchalantly, and Buck just nods and claps his hands once. As if indicating he's ready, Eddie can guess. “Where do you want to start? The group from today is keen on waltz, but I try my best to mix it up.”

“What had you planned for today?” Buck asks.

“I was thinking of going for something more Latin,” Eddie admits. “At least for a bit, because my students today are…”

“Old.”

“A bit old, yes. I understand why they prefer smooth dances, but they have to move around a little, too. They admit it themselves.”

“What exactly do you actually know how to dance?” Buck asks. “I mean, it sounds like there are many different types of ballroom dances…”

“When I was young I competed mostly in pasodoble and tango. But I studied waltz too. I know the basics of some others dances, just enough,” Eddie explains. “It’s— you need to know these classes are nothing serious, alright? I’m not truly coaching anyone except Bobby and Athena.”

“Got it, got it, no worries. Anyway, tango?” Buck echoes. “I can see that.”

“You do?” Eddie asks. Tango, precisely?

“Well, I can see you dancing— almost anything from… whatever you said,” his mouth hangs open for a couple of seconds. Is he thinking? “Sorry, I don't know the differences very well,” he pulls a face.

“That's fine, people normally don't.”

“Is there… anything that is a bit easier?” Buck asks.

“All of them have their complexity,” Eddie stops for a second. “But I guess smooth dances might be easier to follow.”

Buck seems to think for a few seconds before saying, laugh in his voice, “Let’s waltz with eighty-year-old women, then”.

Eddie has no problem in teaching Buck the very basics before the students start to arrive. They barely dance at all, really, as it’s mostly Eddie explaining to him where he should put his hands, how to move his feet, how to make sure you stay close to your partner, no, Buck, you cannot step away. It’s fun, Eddie can’t help but laugh a little at Buck’s attempts, and Buck laughs too. No one is getting frustrated, something Eddie knows is quite common at first, and Buck is actually taking it seriously.

It’s good, truly. 

Then the grandmas come in and star fawning over Buck, because of course . Who wouldn’t do just that? Apart from Eddie. Eddie is not…

“Oh, such muscles,” Mrs. Fletcher says, not touching but admiring . “Do you exercise a lot, young man?”

“I do! But, uh— it comes with the job,” Buck answers as two other women come closer to him.

“How do you earn your bread?” Mrs. Fletcher continues asking.

“Oh, uhm— I’m a firefighter, miss.”

“A firefighter!” Mrs. Moore coos. “Well, we know we are safe here if something happens to us!”

“Hey—” Eddie is about to protest because, hello ? He’s here? He’s never let anyone have a serious accident in his class? And he’s been doing this for seven years?

But no one is really listening to him.

“Oh, I’m sure Eddie here takes good care of you,” Buck says. Eddie should thank him.

“Eddie? ” Mrs. Edwards repeats, as Eddie quickly realizes the mistake. “Are you familiar with Mister Diaz?”

“Well— yes, I mean—”

“Oh, young friendships!” Mrs. Fletcher claps her hands once in delight.

“It’s—” Buck throws a quick glance at Eddie. “Yes, of course. We are friends.”

Friends. Buck said it, not Eddie. It sounds great in Buck’s voice, coming out from Buck’s lips. 

Lots of things sound great in Buck’s voice. Eddie has to start assuming that. Stop being surprised by it. It’s just… his voice has something, doesn’t it? That must be it. Some people just have a nice voice, and Buck is one of them. He could say a lot of stuff, and Eddie could hear him all day. Not like he’s going to do it.

“For how long have you known each other?” Mrs. Edwards asks, and okay , yes, Eddie might have to stop it right there.

“Ladies, ladies,” he clears his throat, and finally he gets their attention. “I understand you all like the gossip —you know I do, too—,” the three of them laugh, Mrs. Moore even lets out a cackle. She’s never been the most subtle. “But I’m afraid we should start with the class.”

“Indeed, Mister Diaz,” Mrs. Fletcher agrees automatically. Fine, great, that’s… that’s good. “We’ll find out if this kid here can put his muscles to good use.”

“I don’t think he’ll be able to keep up with us!” Mrs. Moore says, and the three of them, as well as other students in the area, laugh.

Buck shoots a panicked glance at Eddie. Eddie just shrugs.

To his credit, Buck keeps up pretty well, even if he doesn’t have any partners that would be actually that suitable for him.

Bobby and Athena make it work, but the height difference between Buck and the older women that insist on dancing with him is laughable. In fact, the only person in the room that comes close to Buck’s height is Eddie, and he’s busy supervising the class.

So Buck does his best, the women are graceful enough when he steps on their feet (probably because he’s young and handsome, Eddie has seen terrifying responses from them at being stepped on by literally any other men, including their husbands), and he seems to be having a decent enough time.

Well, you can say the women are graceful enough, or you can say they are absolutely charmed by Buck and very glad to be able to hold onto his muscles.

Eddie hasn't stepped onto any feet in more than twenty years, but not so long ago the women were wishing he would pick them to demonstrate a new dance move. He's been where Buck is. 

“Are they always…?” Buck asks after the end of the class. The men and women are chatting animatedly as they pick up their things, but Buck has approached Eddie. He only brought a backpack to the gym, and hasn’t even opened it.

“Yeah,” and Buck really doesn't need to finish the question because Eddie gets it . Buck knows he gets it. “Anyway, how was it? Be honest.”

“I had fun,” Buck says. “Don't really think this is my thing.”

“Not a dancer, you think?”

“Definitely not. I have the stamina but not the moves,” Buck scratches his arm, is he being sheepish?

“Hey, I told you. It's a matter of practice,” Eddie says. “But if you really think it's not your thing, that's fair.”

“It's mostly… I—I mean, it's fun and I don't mind being not great at it, but…” Buck lets out a sigh. “Bobby and Athena make it work with their schedules, but I don't know if I could.”

“The busy life of a firefighter?” Eddie asks. What he wants to ask is, ‘aren’t you usually free on Fridays?’ , as Bobby is, but he doesn’t. He might have some other things going on.

“And an uncle, and a brother, and… and yeah,” he seems to deflate a little. “My schedule is all over the place, and except for a couple of things —Wednesdays, mostly— it varies every week. It's not like I can join one class at a fixed time.”

Does he…? Does he really want to learn ballroom dances? That's a new one for a guy in his thirties, if you ask Eddie.

Then again, didn't Buck suggest being…? Gay? Bisexual? Eddie doesn't know and hasn't asked, but he still feels the awkwardness of their first conversation deep in his bones. Maybe…? Maybe it's different for a guy who is into guys?

Eddie doesn't know. Is this a homophobic thought? Is he presuming stupid shit due to stereotypes? Would Christopher be disappointed in him?

“Hey, uhm—” Eddie's mind is running before he can think about it. “If you want to learn, you can come any day before my classes. Like today, or maybe earlier. No charge.”

What is he doing?

Buck looks at him, mouth half-open, for a few seconds. “Uh, I don't— I don't think I can accept that?”

“I'm offering,” Eddie, for some reason —don’t ask him why— , doubles down. “Aren't we friends?”

He kind of intends it to come out half-jokingly but Eddie has the feeling after the words are spoken that they are genuine .

“Well, yeah, but not paying you feels bad,” Buck says.

Oh , so he really thinks they are friends. He didn’t say that only for the older ladies. Eddie feels warm, and it has nothing to do with the recent dancing.

“I'm gonna be here anyway, I mean. I always come early, and recently I’m coming in even earlier . I have to warm up before class,” he adds.

“Well, in that case I might have to get a gym membership,” Buck says.

Oh. Right. That's a thing.

“Wait, how did you get in today?” Eddie asks.

“I, uhm,” Buck scratches the back of his neck. “Told the receptionist I'm a firefighter and that a friend had a small emergency. In the gym.”

“You told George—” Eddie takes a deep breath. Okay. Okay. Not his problem, actually. They can't fire him for Buck's impulsive decisions, right? Eddie didn't even know he was coming today. “I'll… I'll talk to him later.”

“Hey, for what's worth, tell him I'm getting a membership. If— if it helps,” Buck adds.

“Let's just… let's go talk to him,” Eddie says.

The sooner the better, given the circumstances.

As it happens, George doesn't mind at all. Eddie should have known, the dude is laid back as fuck. And, on top of that, he gives Buck a discount on his membership.

“It's for, like… family of staff or some shit, but if Eddie says nothing I say even less,” he shrugs as he punches the code into the computer.

So it goes great. Buck is very thankful, big grin lighting up the entire gym, and Eddie still feels warm inside. He's not fumbling this recent —potential— friendship, and that's all he has been psyching himself up for weeks now, so it feels good .

And, yes, Eddie exchanges numbers with Buck. It feels okay to do that. This way Buck can tell him in advance when he's going to show up. No need to call the gym if he can get straight to Eddie.

“So I don't almost kill you by surprise,” Buck says.

“You didn't almost kill me,” Eddie huffs. “Plus, I would have killed you in revenge by making you dance something other than waltz.”

Buck laughs. It's perfect.

Not even Kevin calling Eddie a bum that eats poo (yes, again) that afternoon can dampen his humor. Kevin is running out of creativity lately, it seems, if he’s used the same made-up insult twice.

“So, this is a mummy,” Jake says drawing a barely recognizable body in a piece of gridded paper. 

“A-ha,” Eddie nods, “una momia.”

“Yes,” Jake nods enthusiastically. Eddie doesn't think he'll remember the piece of vocabulary, he's still a toddler. “A-and it's covered in bandages, and when we die we transform into— into mummies.”

“¿En serio? No lo sabía,” Eddie feigns surprise. He's quite proficient at it after all these years. The kid keeps drawing, deep in concentration.

Honestly, it's a good day. A Monday. Second class of the day. A class of four kids, and only one showed up. Of course they finished the lesson early, so Eddie has let the kid talk about his current interest, which is… mummies. And everything surrounding mummies.

He's three, and they only have five minutes left. Eddie is a bit worried the kid thinks that by dying you transform into a mummy, but even if he tried to correct Jake he'd have to do it in Spanish.

Not really his problem. And again, he's three. Jake is absolutely endearing, all big eyes and puffed cheeks and small sounds that demonstrate just how hard he’s focusing on drawing the best mummy he can. He’s doing quite a decent job, in fact.

Jake keeps prattling with fervor about everything regarding mummies, and Eddie makes the pertinent acknowledging and surprised sounds when he feels like it. Drops some vocabulary, mostly about insects? The kid has gone on a tangent talking about insects, which are obviously in the tomb of a mummy, so spiders (“arañas”), beetles (“escarabajos”) and for some reason Eddie can't explain, wasps (“avispas”) get mentioned.

The kid still erupts into cheers when Eddie tells him it's time to go home. He even gifts his mummy drawing to Eddie. He accepts it, visibly showing how thankful he is, and makes a mental note so he remembers to put it in the folder where he keeps all the other drawings the kids have gifted him in the past seven years. He’ll have to get another folder soon.

Still, as soon as Jake is out of the door Eddie pulls out his phone. He's sensed it vibrating some minutes ago, and he feels somehow giddy when he sees Buck's name flashing on the notifications.

Buck

hey

will drop by the gym tomorrow at like 9am

does that sound good?

Me

👍

Eddie is really trying to not sound that eager. An emoji it is. Emojis are okay, right? Though he feels eager, which is shocking. He's only seen Buck three times, he can't be feeling like this.

Maybe he does really need friends. He's not going to tell Chris he's right. His son will be too smug about it. Of course, they both already knew Christopher was right but, you know. Eddie can salvage some of his pride, or at least think he’s doing it.

Eddie spends the next fourteen hours reminding himself he has to be normal around Buck. What’s happening is not anything out of the ordinary. People start being friends with other people all the time, even after turning thirty. That he hasn't had this for so long is not Buck's fault. This is normal. People do it all the time. It happens! It really does!

Eddie still feels like one of his five-year-old students when they come to class and talk super excitedly about how today is their aunt's birthday, and that tomorrow they are going to the dentist. Like, they shouldn't be that excited about it, and yet.

And yet.

The next morning comes and Buck is already there when Eddie arrives at the gym. He starts to grin as soon as he sees Eddie coming towards him.

He's… Eddie has the fleeting thought that Buck looks a lot like a very big (and trusting) dog.

Eddie, just— Let yourself be normal. Let yourself have a normal friendship. You probably deserve that. You can have that.

He keeps reminding that to himself as the minutes with Buck go by. And maybe that's why they end up talking more than dancing.

“Yeah, no, I don't get that either,” Buck says after drinking from his water bottle. “But as long as Jee likes it, I'll watch Frozen until my eyes fall off.”

How have they ended up talking about movies for children? That's a good question, but Eddie can't really be that surprised given that half of his own working hours involve working with kids.

Also, apparently Buck is a first-time uncle. He's told Eddie, he only has one sister, Maddie. She's older than him and only married recently, after having Jee-yun. Eddie actually knew that, Jee-yun came into class one day dressed like a fairy and she was extra ecstatic because her mom had just gotten married to her dad.

All the school had ended up knowing about the wedding before the day was over. The little girl had made sure of it.

“Daddy is very sick, though,” she had said. “He's in the hospital!”

Okay, so something had happened at the wedding—

“Nooo, they got married at the hospital!” Jee-yun had corrected Kevin.

Eddie had been very confused at this fact.

Now, in hindsight, Eddie could put two and two together and guess that, if the dad was a firefighter, something had happened to him before the wedding. And they hadn't wanted to postpone it by a lot.

The thing is, of course they are talking about Jee-yun. Of course they've ended up talking about what she likes to do. Eddie is an expert in indulging parents talking about their kids, Buck is not far from that. And Eddie has been that parent. He still is, sometimes.

Additionally, Buck's adoration when talking about his niece is contagious. Eddie is genuinelly enjoying the conversation.

“So no Frozen,” Eddie sums up. “Not even in Spanish?”

“Actually, watching it in Spanish has been a nice change. Before I could close my eyes and just watch the movie— like my eyelids were a cinema screen, but now? Now I know peace when I close my eyes at night.”

“That bad, huh?” Eddie snickers slightly.

“Eddie. I could just replay the entire thing. Sentence per sentence. Frame after frame after frame of fucking Olaf,” Buck deadpans.

“I don't doubt it. I ended up memorizing way too many Phineas and Ferb episodes thanks to Christopher,” Eddie shrugs. Sometimes he still finds himself humming some of the songs when he's distracted.

Well. At least it wasn't a bad show. Not that Frozen is bad, but it's just one movie, while the series has way more episodes than summer days. Eddie at least had some variety back in the day.

“Doesn't she want to watch another movie once in a while?” Eddie asks before Buck can make any Phineas and Ferb comment. They are not going down that slope. ‘I don't know, maybe Tangled?”

‘I wish she liked Tangled more,” Buck grumbles. 

“Oh, you prefer Tangled?”

“Well, yeah? Have you seen Flynn Ryder?”

Oh, right. Buck likes men. That's a fact. Apart from that, Eddie knows nothing about Buck's preferences. Maybe if his supposed gaydar wasn't broken he would know? Is that how it works?

“What? Is he your type?” He jokes. It's born out of panic.

“I don't, like, ‘have a type’,” Buck makes the quotes with his fingers. “Don't think so, honestly. But, have you seen him? ”

Okay. Yeah. Eddie has seen Flynn Ryder. He knows the character looks good. It was a huge deal when Tangled first came out. That much Eddie remembers. But… but like… He has never stopped to think…

They really should be dancing, but instead they are sitting on the floor in the middle of the classroom talking about how hot a fictional man is. He’s even stopped eating the crumpets Buck has brought.

Christopher was right. These are amazing. Probably the best crumpets Eddie has ever tasted. He’s secretly thankful because he’s only had a cup of coffee this morning, but Buck doesn’t need to know that.

“Ehm. I'm straight, so I haven't really been… Not that I have thought about it?” He thinks it has come out weird. Probably he's right.

“Oh, come on, Eddie,” Buck punches him lightly on the shoulder. “You don't need to be attracted to men to admit when a bro is fine.”

“A bro?” he echoes. “Did you just call a cartoon character a bro?”

“Yes, and my point still stands,” Buck doesn't miss a beat. “Plus, I have some things in common with him, in my mind he is a bro. He has to be.”

“What do you have in common with Flynn Ryder ? They never get your nose right, or what?”

“I mean, that too,” Buck rolls his eyes. That was a joke? Maybe? “But, like, for example. We don't use our actual name on a regular basis.”

‘Why is that? ’ Eddie asks himself before realizing he's actually asked it out loud.

“Oh, uhm…” Buck stops for a moment. “Back when I was a trainee in the firefighter class? There were three other Evans in there. So I was called Buckley a lot. It eventually morphed to Buck, and I found out I liked it better.”

“Oh, that's good,” Eddie says. “We once had another teacher called Eddie at the school, but I was there first, so…”

“So you claimed the name,” Buck completes.

“Of course I did,” Eddie stifles a laugh. “Anyway, what else?”

“Huh?”

“What else do you have in common with this bro of yours?” Eddie asks.

They really should be dancing. But if he's Buck's friend, he should get to know him a little bit better, right?

“Oh, uhm,” Buck stops for a moment. “Lots of stuff. Yeah. Oh!” He claps his hands as a realization seems to hit him. “Like dying!”

Like what now?

“Dying ?” Eddie echoes.

“Oh, I died. Briefly. About two years ago,” Buck shrugs. Eddie knows his mouth is open. “Don't give me that face, I'm fine.”

“How…” Eddie starts, but no. What the fuck? What the fuck? “What do you mean fine?”

“Fine as in… like, I got no long term damages? I was good at math for, like, a month. Then went back to normal. I'm still very much alive, don't you see?” And he's telling it with such an ease that completely blows Eddie's mind.

What the fuck does it mean he was good at math? What the hell? That has to do with dying in which way, again?

“No, no, I see you are alive, that's what confuses me. How can you die and—”

“I was struck by lightning,” Buck shrugs, interrupting. “My heart stopped for some minutes—”

“Minutes,” Eddie echoes, but Buck keeps talking.

“But they managed to bring me back. It wasn't even for that long, I've seen longer cardiac arrests,” Eddie at this point is just looking at him, mouth hanging open, no shame. “Then I was in a coma for a while and I had the weirdest fucking dream, man… But, hey. The only thing I got out of that was the math thing. I was reeeeal good at math for a while. Truly. Genius level.”

“But you died.”

“And I’m fine! So all’s well that ends well.”

That… you know what? Eddie still thinks that’s certainly not well, but he’s not going to keep asking.

“Nothing as classical as being stabbed, but,” Buck shrugs once again, small smile on his lips. “It’s just another thing I share with my bro Flynn Ryder.”

This is the most surrealistic conversation Eddie has ever had. And his youngest students put the bar high on a daily basis.

Eddie just hopes this guy that is grinning in front of him has an amazingly good therapist.

“I…” he starts, but he leaves the sentence hanging in the air.

“Don't worry, you don't have to say anything about it,” Buck says. “It's a thing of the past.”

“Doesn't sound like a very far past if it was only two years ago,” Eddie says. 

“But it is the past. I went back to work, life went on. Some more crazy shit happened to me, honestly, but nothing to do with Flynn Ryder,” Buck stops there, and Eddie needs to ask himself why are they still talking about Flynn Ryder.

“Are you at least going to therapy? It… sorry, it kinda sounds like you need it after something like that,” Eddie asks.

It takes Buck a couple of beats to respond. He’s still smiling, but it has fallen a bit. “Yeah. Yeah, I've— I've been going. For years, really. In my line of work it ends up being kinda necessary, I guess.”

Eddie couldn't agree more. He needed therapy after Afghanistan, and after Shannon, and he probably still needs therapy, not that he has money to pay for it. 

“But, you know?” Buck continues. “I've learned that at the end of the day it is equally important to have friends. Who are there for you. A, uh— a good support system.”

Yeah, Eddie hasn't really had a full-fledged support system for a long while, if ever. Tía Pepa and abuela do their best, and Eddie tries to be in contact with his sisters, but they are far away and busy more often than not. He is busy himself.

He, of course, has Christopher. And he’s… he gives the best support Eddie could have ever asked for. But he’s not… Eddie is not about to tell all his problems to his fourteen-year-old son. They share a lot, but still. And he’s only turned fourteen now , he was so little when… when Shannon’s accident happened, and even more when Eddie first came back from Afghanistan, or when Shannon left them.

Chris has always been an amazing support, but he’s not the kind of support you can tell everything to. Which is reasonable, and Eddie wouldn’t ask for anything else from him.

“Well, now you also have me,” Eddie says. That’s… maybe he’s being too forward? Maybe it’s too soon to put himself in that position in Buck’s life? But Eddie feels… he actually feels he wants to be there for Buck.

He’s never been like this with anyone this soon. Whatever this is, or means, or…

Look, don’t ask too much of Eddie. He still finds himself getting distracted by Buck’s eyes. Eyes that right now are directed towards him. Buck’s hand is on his shoulder, since when is it there? Eddie hasn’t even registered it, but it feels nice. Warm. Almost as warm as the expression on his face. Is this normal? This really has to be normal.

“I can say the same about you,” is all Buck responds, and then there’s a silence. A silence in which Eddie’s eyes and Buck’s eyes meet, and Eddie wants to pull away, he feels he should, but he doesn’t want to. This is comfortable, Buck said they are friends, this is normal for friends. 

Buck opens his mouth. He’s saying something.

“Hey, maybe… maybe I—”

And cuts himself as the door to the class opens, a group of sixty-year-old women chatting animatedly as they make their way inside.

“Did you tell Buck I used to like Phineas and Ferb?” Chris asks out of the blue.

Eddie is cooking. Chris is sitting on the couch, in the living room, so Eddie isn’t even looking at him right now.

The question catches him by surprise.

“You still like Phineas and Ferb,” it’s his response.

“Well, yeah, like everyone with an ounce of taste,” Eddie can almost hear him roll his eyes. “Did you tell him?”

“I might have mentioned it in passing,” Eddie admits. He’s focusing on the cutting board in front of him, still paying attention to the pan on the stove. He’s never been a great cook. Is he decent? Absolutely. But distractions don’t mix well with fire and knives. “Why do you ask?”

“He sent me a meme,” Chris says, and that honestly gives Eddie zero information.

So he does what any person would do. He leaves the knife on the counter, lowers the heat on the pan, and goes to the living room to check what the hell is Chris talking about.

His son is already waiting with his phone extended towards his dad, so quite soon Eddie is able to see the two images with a text in bold white impact font.

The first is just a mirror picture of Buck in normal clothes— no, wait, that must be his firefighter uniform, dark blue and with the flag on one sleeve and all, badge in the front. He doesn’t get to see the coat of arms of the LAFD in the other sleeve due to the angle, but Eddie guesses it must be there.

Is it… is it the right size? The uniform? Eddie asks himself at seeing how the sleeves hug Buck’s muscles, how it seems the buttons of his shirt seem to be fighting for their life, how—

Okay, no, no more distractions. Focus. It’s a photo of Buck. He’s seen the real guy. This photo is good, but the real one looks better.

Wait, no—

“Dad?” Eddie gets pulled out by Chris’ voice.

“Shit, yeah, sorry,” he leans forward towards Buck’s photos.

The left one, the one he’s been admiring, says ‘OH, IT’S JUST EVAN BUCKLEY’.

The right one is practically the same photo, but Buck’s wearing his firefighter helmet. It says ‘BUCK THE FIREFIGHTER?!?!?!?!’

“It’s a Perry the Platypus reference, right?” Eddie asks, grin already spreading wide on his face.

“Yes, dad, yes it is,” Chris deadpans.

“You don’t think it’s funny?”

“Oh, it’s very funny,” Chris says. “I find it very funny.”

And, okay, yes, there’s a hint of laugh in his voice. But Eddie has the feeling he’s missing something.

Eddie goes back to the kitchen and, before continuing with his cooking, sees fit to get his phone and shoot a quick text to Buck.

Me

That was a fun meme 

Buck responds almost immediately.

Buck

chris showed you?

Me

Yes he did

It was really good

:) 

Buck

hahahah

glad you appreciated it

i can send you memes too

if you want 

(tho chim says i send too many)

Me

Sure, I wouldn’t mind 👍

Buck

gotcha

don’t say i didn’t warn you

Being fair, Buck wasn’t lying. He sends a lot of memes. He spends the weekend sending so many memes, and fine, Eddie finds (most of) them funny. Very funny.

At least he seems to be trying to compensate for it by actually talking to Eddie.

On Sunday there’s a small earthquake, and between memes Buck lets Eddie know nothing too dangerous happened. On Monday he sends more memes before referencing a woman they —Buck and his coworkers— had attended at a dentist office.

Buck

it was so weird man

her whole mouth was burned

the dentist was actually doing worse you know but. her mooouthhhh

but it was nice to see her again i guess?? not so good for her tho

Me

Did you know her?

Buck

oh yeah

some years ago she called 911 because she had turned blue

Me

SHE WHAT?

Sorry, accidentally locked caps

Buck

yeah

from toothpaste

she overdosed

we called her blue lady

Me

I guess she didn’t like it much?

Not the toothpaste, the name.

Buck

oh no she didn’t

but as soon as i recognized her and said it

everyone went OOOOH

Then it’s smurf and Avatar memes for the rest of the day. Eddie guesses Buck is in the mood.

Buck’s next message is to tell Eddie to not drink nor use water from the faucet.

Around thirty minutes later, the news jump to the internet, and then to the news broadcast. It’s good Eddie has gone to buy water before the news spreads, because as he’s paying for it the supermarket goes absolutely nuts.

He doesn’t hear from Buck for almost thirty more hours. Eddie even shoots a message to Bobby to check if all’s good, but he doesn’t respond either. Damn, he’s worried.

Then he sees the collapsed building on the news and immediately gets even more worried.

Buck

shit sorry it was a hell of a shift and i just got home and slept for sixteen hours straight

we were about to go home when the building thing happened (i guess you saw on the news???)

then i got trapped in there with ravi and bobby had to get us out

but everyone’s fine

Eddie reads Buck’s texts when he gets out of his morning class. He can finally breathe a little bit easier. 

Thankfully, he can get through the rest of the day without a problem. Jee-yun shows up to class as happy as always, and this confirms once again that both Buck and the girl’s parents must be doing okay. 

So, alright. Eddie can go home. Have a glass of water from one of the bottles he bought the other day —though on the news they’ve said they could be using the faucet again soon—. Relax a bit while watching TV, even. They’ve been advertising a new show he’s been interested in watching, maybe Christopher wants to join.

Then he gets out of the school and finds Buck carrying Jee-yun as he talks to Chris. Just standing there, in front of him. Buck looks fine. Same as always, not a single scratch that Eddie can see, at least from his perspective. Wearing a simple short-sleeved white t-shirt and long black jeans that Eddie thinks must be a bit too warm for the current weather. It’s getting a tad too hot lately.

Eddie is feeling a tad too hot right now. Probably due to the change in ambience temperature, the AC inside the language school was so cold today. That must be it.

“Dad!” Christopher is the first one to see him as Eddie keeps walking toward them.

“Christopher, Buck, Jee-yun,” Eddie smiles, though he can’t avoid to direct nervous looks towards Jee-yun.

They are not supposed to speak English in front of the kids. Part of the immersive experience and all that. They pay Eddie to not speak English to the kids even out of class, in case he meets one of them by chance.

This… this is chance, alright.

“Hi, Eddie,” Buck smiles. “Don’t worry, Jee here knows you can speak English. And she swears on Elsa to not tell her classmates.”

“I promise! On Elsa!” Jee-yun agrees, nodding with her little head, very serious. Swearing on Elsa has to be a very big deal for her, Eddie knows.

…Doesn’t seem he has a lot of options here.

“Well, then,” it takes Eddie a couple of seconds more, but he finally speaks. Jee-yun’s eyes open big, as if she really didn’t believe Eddie could speak in English. “I, uh… What’s going on in here? What’s this little meeting about?”

“Buck wants to invite us to dinner,” Chris says.

“And ice cream!” Jee-yun adds.

“Hey, nobody said anything about ice cream…” Buck starts, but Jee-yun puts on her incredibly rehearsed pout that Eddie knows too well. By Buck’s expression, he does too. “...Not that I’m against it. Amazing idea, Jee.”

“Us, as in…” Eddie says, because he truly doesn’t know if that includes him.

“Us as in us four,” Buck says. “Uncle Buck, little Jee, cool Christopher and teacher Eddie.”

“Teacher Eddie!” Jee echoes. “I can understand teacher Eddie!”

She’s really surprised about that, huh?

“Oh, we have… we have leftovers at home,” Eddie says, because he honestly doesn’t know how to react to an invitation. He has only been invited to drinks by his coworkers, and after the second time Eddie realized he really had not much in common with a bunch of twenty-somethings. So he started saying no.

Plus, he had to decline, he had to take care of Christopher. Those two times only happened because Tía Pepa was taking care of him.

“Those leftovers got bad two days ago, dad, you just keep forgetting to throw them away,” Chris snorts.

“Hey, they are fine.”

“I’m pretty sure they are not.”

“Whether there are leftovers or not,” Buck interrupts, “hey, it’s my treat. I’m paying for everything. Promise. Since you don’t let me pay for the dance classes,” he continues. Eddie is about to protest he’s only been in one dance class, really, because the second time he came to the gym they spent all the time talking , but Buck keeps going. “Plus, are you really going to say no to Jee?”

And then Buck mumbles something that sounds like ‘do your thing’ in the kid’s ear, only for Jee-yun to turn towards Eddie and throw at him the most heartbreaking pout he’s ever seen.

Damn, the kid is good. It’s even more heart-wrenching than the ones she normally pulls out, like the one from barely a minute ago. And that definitely makes her better at begging than all the kids Eddie’s taught in the last seven years of his life.

“Fine. Fine,” Eddie lets out a resigned sigh. “Dinner it is.”

Buck and Jee-yun cheer at the same time, and Buck even jumps a little in the spot, making the kid jump with him between his arms. It’s joyous, really. It’s beautiful. Jee-yun laughs, and Buck laughs, and they are… precious, in a way Eddie hasn’t seen in a long time, if ever.

Christopher is looking at his dad, a knowing smile on his face, and again, Eddie feels he’s missing something there.

Two times in less than a week. Weird. Under normal circumstances he immediately knows how to read his son, or it doesn’t take him long to make the connection.

“Isn't it a bit early for dinner, though?” Eddie asks a few seconds later while Buck and Jee-yun are still celebrating.

“And too late for anything else,” Chris adds.

“Oh, uhm,” Buck stops for a second and thinks. “You know, I had thought, between the time we take to decide where to dine, then pick the food, then… I don't know, man, I wasn't thinking that far ahead.”

He was inviting them to dine out but he wasn't thinking as far ahead as the dinner itself? Eddie just… this guy . Evan Buckley, man.

“Why don't we order delivery?” Christopher asks.

“I'm sorry, are you inviting yourselves to my apartment?” Buck asks.

“He was inviting himself, don't bring me into this,” Eddie says almost immediately, though— ah. Buck is smiling. Maybe he's not against the idea.

“Actually, I was inviting you to our house,” Chris corrects him, and that—

“Oh,” Buck opens his mouth, and he leaves it open. “Well, if your dad here agrees… I wouldn't be against it?”

And then he's looking at Eddie. Chris is looking at Eddie. Jee-yun is looking at Eddie with a half-pout that Eddie knows it'll get worse if he says no, or if he takes too long to answer.

Okay. Fine, fine.

It's not like he doesn't like the idea.

“I actually should be working right now,” Buck explains as he gulps down more food.

They ended up settling for a recently-opened restaurant in the area that Chris and Eddie have been wanting to try for a while. But, like many things, they've kept putting it off to save some money.

So this ‘recently-opened’ restaurant has actually been open for three years. Yes.

Chris has taken Jee-yun to his room to show her his old toys, and they can hear his voice mixed with her laugh. Eddie and Buck are sitting on the floor around the coffee table, as that's where they are dining. Not the most comfortable place, but Eddie doesn't own a high chair for Jee-yun, so this seemed the most practical option.

“You should?” Eddie echoes.

“Yeah, like,” Bucks takes a couple of seconds. “We had this nasty captain for a while —not Bobby, of course, stuff happened— and he completely scrambled our shifts just as Jee had started learning Spanish with you. So even though I normally had the same shift as Chim —you know, Jee's dad— then I… didn't. I could pick her up and take her to her Spanish classes on Wednesdays, and no one else could.”

“Huh,” Eddie lets out. “You could have asked her to be moved to another group.”

“But she was so excited with her new teacher,” Buck smiles, and Eddie feels he's blushing a little. Just a little. “Maddie and Chim didn’t want to break her heart. I could make it work. And that's what I did.”

“But Bobby is your captain again, isn't he?” Eddie asks, wanting to leave the comments about himself behind.

“Yeah, and that's why I work with Jee’s dad again. But we ended up realizing that the most compatible schedule for all of us and our… our partners, or wives, or lives, or whatever, involved Chim and Maddie still working the same hours on Wednesdays,” he eats more before continuing. “So, I asked Bobby to enter my shift late on Wednesdays, so Maddie gets home before I go to work. I end up making it up, anyway. The hours, I mean.”

“I thought firefighter shifts would be more like… rotations?” Eddie says.

“I mean, yeah, they are. But we come with the Wednesday problem pretty often anyway. There’s also this guy from another shift that has, like, unavoidable shit he has to do on Wednesdays. That, plus Chim’s situation… having a free Wednesday is just weird for my shift.”

“And your situation isn't unavoidable?” Eddie asks.

“I mean. Maddie and Chim could hire a babysitter,” Buck explains. “They in fact have one, she's nice. But I want to keep doing this. It's my choice.”

“You like to spend time with Jee-yun, don’t you?” 

“Yeah. It’s our little time together,” he says, smile soft. 

That seems to be the end of the conversation, but Buck mentioned something… it’s bothering Eddie a bit.

“So, uh… you mentioned wives? Partners?”

He feels a bit nosy. But, hey, it seems like a good thread of conversation to follow, isn’t it?

“Oh, uhm— I was talking in general,” Buck shrugs. “Didn’t I tell you, like, five minutes after meeting you? I broke up with my boyfriend. Still single, I’m afraid.”

“Sorry about that,” Eddie says, because the suddenness of it makes him think he didn’t say anything of the sort back in the day.

“Nah, don’t worry. He was an asshole,” Buck shrugs it off. “One of my worst relationships to date, I’d say. Not the weirdest, that one was the doula.”

“The doula?” Eddie echoes.

“Death doula, actually,” Buck grimaces. “I usually leave out the first part because it makes it seem less weird, but to hell with it.”

“That’s… that’s a profession that exists?” Eddie asks. It really doesn’t sound like something that should exist.

“It also caught me off guard,” Buck says. “I met her after I died, and she was… nice. I met her on a call, and that should be a red flag.”

So, at least one woman. Bisexual? Buck’s bisexual? Yeah. Eddie doesn’t think he knows that many bisexual people, but it really fits with the image he’s constructing of Buck in his mind.

Is this how you start having a functioning gaydar?

“Have you dated many people you’ve met like that? On a call?” Eddie keeps asking.

“Yeah… a couple,” Buck lets out a nervous laugh, which makes Eddie think it’s definitely been more than a couple . “Never ends well, not really. Anyway, Natalia got interested in me because of my death, and she only wanted to talk about that, so… yeah. Not great.”

“Really doesn’t sound great,” Eddie says. “Was it the same with your… with your ex-boyfriend?”

“Tommy? Oh, no. No, it was… different,” Buck says. “He was a, uh… is, he is a helicopter pilot for the LAFD. He worked at my station before I joined, actually, as a firefighter. So we had some friends in common.”

“A pilot, huh?” Eddie feels the sudden need to drink something. The beer, he has a beer opened. He takes a long sip of that.

“Uh-huh,” Buck nods. “I should have known it wasn’t a good relationship from the start. Or at least since he told me he dated another one of my girlfriends. He also was… like a huge asshole to her,” he adds, rolling his eyes. “But when he accepted to move in with me, I just… I really thought it was going to be good,” Buck scratches his head. “Not a great first dating experience with a man.”

Something churns deep in Eddie’s guts. What’s wrong? What is he…?

“It… sometimes happens,” Eddie says, and he hopes he’s not sounding unsure as hell, because he hasn’t had any dating experience apart from Shannon. 

“Sometimes happens? Thought you had said you were straight, do you like men?” Buck asks. 

Which is a very normal question and sure enough doesn't raise Eddie's panic level through the roof.

“I'm straight,” he confirms, and it honestly comes out too fast, too cutting, and he doesn't mean it to come out like that. So then he adds, “I mean… I don't think I've ever, uh— liked a man? And it's not— actually I've only been with one person. Ever.”

“Chris' mom, I guess?” Buck asks, seemingly unfazed by the panic Eddie is very much feeling.

Eddie nods under Buck's fixed glance.

Has he… has he made it awkward, again?

“How was she? Chris' mom? If— if you want to talk about her,” Buck says, instead. 

He's… okay. Yeah. Eddie can talk about Shannon.

“She was my best friend,” there's something caught in Eddie's throat, but he does his best to push past it. “She talked. A lot. I loved to listen to her. She made me laugh so much, I—” He takes a deep breath. “I miss her so much, sometimes.”

“I am really sorry,” Buck says, voice grave. 

“It's… it's fine,” Eddie doesn't think he'll be able to stop thinking about her, though. Not tonight. “We were just beginning to reconnect when… when it happened. We'd been separated for a long time, and then we met by chance one day, and— I don't know, I wanted to believe we could be a family again.”

Eddie had been thinking about asking formally. For her to move in with them. For them all to be together again. And then Shannon had asked for a divorce, and the following day she was dead.

He's not going to tell that to Buck. Eddie can take the pain all by himself, he's been doing it for years.

“Hey, thank you for… thank you for telling me about your wife, Eddie,” is what Buck says, to his surprise. “It sounds like… like she was a great person.”

He's… Buck is being too kind, isn't he. He's… Eddie made it awkward. He's certain. Buck is just being nice, he's—

“Hey,” Buck interrupts his thoughts. He reaches out to his hand, and Eddie immediately grabs it. Not even thinking, just reaching out back. “I… I asked. You know I asked, right? So— sorry if I brought back sad memories.”

…Or maybe he's being genuine, and the awkwardness is only in Eddie's head. Buck squeezes his hand, and he finds himself giving a short squeeze back.

“Thanks. For asking,” Eddie says, and the words are sincere.

“Anytime,” Buck drinks from his own beer. “If you want someone to be nosy, you just need to call me. Well—” He stops. “Both Hen and Chim are nosier than me, actually. Bobby isn’t, and Ravi wants no trouble. Though I think that’s only because he’s still a bit new to the 118. He looks like an expert gossiper. We put him through so much, man…”

“I’m guessing you are talking about the other firefighters?”

“Yeah. Sorry, I just… I’ve honestly had no friends outside my job in years , so I talk about them without thinking. Like, of course you know Bobby, and you should know Chim is Jee’s dad, right?” Eddie nods, though he only knows it because Buck has mentioned it in this same conversation. “You should meet him, and Hen and Ravi. I think you would like them.”

“Maybe someday,” Eddie lets out a small laugh, finally taking the last of his food to his mouth. It’s almost cold at this point, they’ve been talking a lot. They seem to do just that every time they get together. “You know, Chris says that my coworkers don’t count as friends.”

“Well, my coworkers were all the friends I had until I met you,” Buck says. “And I don’t know enough about your coworkers to have an opinion, but—”

“They are all like ten years younger than us.”

“Oh, yeah. Not your friends then,” Buck grimaces and drinks from his beer. “And I say that as a guy who is at least ten years younger than more than half of my coworkers— I don’t actually know how old is Hen, now that I think about it,” Buck shakes his head. “Anyway, Maddie says it’s something about… being at the same stage in life, which I guess it makes sense.”

“And she and Chris are right,” Eddie accepts. “I don’t have that much in common with college students. I never went to college, for starters.”

“Hey, me neither!” Buck grins wide. “I was too busy trying… too many jobs, honestly. And traveling around.”

“Bartender in Peru, was it?”

“Hey, you remembered!” Buck only removes his hand from where they are still touching —they have been holding each other for a while and Eddie hadn’t even thought about pulling away, oh— to friendly bump his shoulder.

He lets the small punch make contact. Eddie finds out he likes it. That… casual physical contact. He hasn’t had that with anyone in… he doesn’t know. Truly.

It really feels nice. A punch like that feels nice.

“I tend to not forget things easily,” Eddie huffs.

“Oh, I’ll have that in mind when you get mad at me,” Buck rolls his eyes, but the smile doesn’t abandon his lips. “That wiiiill happen. I’m sure of it.”

“Such confidence.”

“Hey, I’m talking from experience.”

“We all screw it up from time to time, I’m pretty sure.”

“I know. I’m aware,” Buck huffs, and he’s still laughing a bit. There seems to be a lot underlying there, but Eddie is not about to push it. 

For now, he’s enjoying himself a bit too much. He’s comfortable, despite his previous feelings of awkwardness, and the still lingering thoughts about Shannon. Buck is smiling on the floor of his living room, remains of sauce still on his lips, big blue crinkled eyes pinned on Eddie.

This… Eddie could get used to this. He wants to get used to this.

Wednesday dinner with Buck and Jee-yun starts to happen every week. They try a new place every time, but they always have dinner at Eddie and Christopher’s house. Buck keeps insisting on inviting, although he sure as hell can’t make it to his very free and very short classes with Eddie every week.

He tries, though. And between memes, he lets Eddie know when their next class is going to happen. Between even more memes, he talks to Eddie about his day, and asks about Eddie’s day in return.

Eddie has troubles initiating conversations himself. He doesn’t send memes, his presence on social media is minimal and knows shit about creating them himself, but that, as Buck says, ‘is good because I just know for a fact you haven’t seen what I’m about to send you’.

Eddie laughs at every single one. How has Buck pinned his sense of humor so well?

“I think you are just easy to vibe check, dad,” Chris says when Eddie points it out.

Yes, he asks what the hell does he mean exactly by ‘vibe check’, because he feels he might be missing some of the nuances. Chris groans in response, but he ends up explaining it. Yes, Eddie would have gotten it mostly right if he hadn’t asked.

He still tries to start some conversations with Buck once in a while. When he feels confident enough, or when he feels he has something to share. Like this week, because Chris has gotten an amazing mark in a history exam, and Eddie is a proud dad.

Alternatively, talking about whatever happens at his jobs also works.

Eddie

There was a fly in class today…

So you can guess how much attention the 9-year-olds have paid me

Buck

that easily distracted huh

Eddie

Hey, they have an exam next week and they know it…

It's on them

Buck

honestly i currently only know one 9 year old

hen’s daughter

(you know. hen. my coworker)

sometimes i wish she got distracted that easily

she’s gotten better at relaxing since hen and karen adopted her tho! just still not easily distracted

Eddie just hopes Buck doesn’t mind these little comments throughout the day. Buck certainly doesn’t react badly. He sometimes takes a bit to answer, but then he comes back with a crazy emergency story to tell to Eddie.

To be fair to Jee-yun, she says nothing to her classmates about Eddie being able to speak English. Still she shows a little knowing smile every time Eddie feigns not understanding the language.

“He plays dumb!” She tells to Buck after class, all excited, and of course Eddie is barely a meter away from where Buck is picking her up. “He’s a master liar!”

“Hey, now, it’s not…” Eddie is about to say he’s not lying, but he is. “You can lie for good causes. Like you learning Spanish.”

“Exactly!” Buck chips in. “Like when we tell your mom you haven’t had ice cream just so she gives you more.”

Jee-yun stays immobile for a few seconds, eyes wide, and she nods. Understanding. Kind of gravely, too, what a look for a four-year-old.

Whatever it takes as long as she gets more sweets, huh?

Eddie is very unsure about the example they are setting for the kid. Christopher snickers at the scene. Another one who is definitely not getting a good example out of this, but at least he’s old enough to just find it funny.

Eddie secretly fears all of this will be taken from him at some point. He chooses to treasure every second.

When Buck manages to make it to the gym in the morning, Eddie makes sure to actually teach him some dancing moves. Now they have each other’s numbers and they see each other at least one time per week when they have dinner all together, there’s no excuse to just spend time talking to each other about everything and nothing. It still takes a couple of tries for them to focus on dancing instead of talking, but they get there.

Not that Eddie would say no to spending more time talking to Buck.

Maybe someone up there hears him, because one day after Eddie finishes a particularly tiring class he finds Buck standing against a wall outside the gym.

“Buck?” Incredulity seeps into the name.

“Eddie!” He immediately exclaims, grin spreading big on his face. Is he that happy to see Eddie? Eddie is happy to see Buck. Is he himself smiling? Is he? 

Oh, yes. He is. He sees his reflection in the windows of a car.

Eddie looks… unequivocally happy.

He feels Buck’s arms hugging him before actually seeing him, too distracted, too surprised by… everything . It takes Eddie a few seconds, but he lifts his arms and envelopes Buck back with them.

Eddie can feel Buck’s heartbeat, he can smell his cologne, he can hear his breathing. The heat of Buck’s body wasn’t something Eddie thought he was missing, and yet… This is… this is…

As soon as it happened, it’s over. Buck puts some distance between them, still standing close, and Eddie lets go as this happens.

The thought remains, however. Eddie was right. Buck’s hugs feel amazing.

“Hi!” Buck says, and this jumpstarts Eddie to actually speak.

“Buck, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, I had some free time and I thought you’d like to have a coffee with me,” he says, and he makes it sound so simple.

“Why?” The question escapes Eddie’s lips, unfiltered.

“I thought maybe you had some free time, too?” Buck shrugs, smile turning a little bit sheepish. “I know more or less when Chris gets out of class because of when he starts answering my memes, and Bobby mentioned when your classes usually end, so… Sorry.”

“No. Sorry?” Sorry? Eddie feels so happy because Buck is there. Can’t Buck see it?

“I should’ve asked,” Buck says. “Or, uh… sent a message, at least. Sorry, probably you had plans or wanted some time for yourself,” he scratches the back of his head and averts Eddie’s eyes. 

Jesus fucking —

“Buck, it’s fine, I have no plans,” Eddie never has plans outside of his routine. Because it’s a routine. It’s on his fridge. If it’s on the fridge, it’s sacred. He follows it as much as he can, nothing really disturbing his carefully planned schedule. 

Well, nothing until he met Buck, apparently.

“We can… we can hang out,” he continues, and he lets an exaggerated amount of air out of his lungs. “I like spending time with you. Really.”

He… he finds out he doesn’t mind it. Changing his plans of having no plans to fit Buck in there. He’s been doing it for weeks. This is just a little bit more sudden, but this is what friends do. What he’s doing, what Buck’s doing. 

No, it’s not that he doesn’t mind it. It’s that he actively likes it. He’s… strangely comfortable with it.

If it’s Buck, then— then it’s not wrong, it’s—

“Oh. Oh, cool, alright, uhm— ” Buck lets out a nervous laugh. “Sorry, blanked there for a moment. That’s great! I, uhm— also like to spend time with you, Eddie. So…” he drags the vocal, clapping his hands and slowly rubbing one against the other. Nervous? “I know one café that’s like, five minutes from here. It’s great, I promise. Would you…?”

“Yeah. Why not?” Eddie doesn’t let him finish. Buck is talking a bit slowly, and he wants to demonstrate that he really does want to spend time with him. Reassurance. He knows reassurance is important.

“Cool! Yeah, cool, this is great. Shall we go?” Buck adds. He makes a weird movement, and— oh, okay, he's gesturing to Eddie to start walking next to him down the street. Okay. Yeah. That's good.

This is good.

“I had coffee with Buck today.”

Chris is munching on his last bite of vegetables when Eddie says that. He suddenly stops for a couple of seconds, and then resumes.

He doesn't say anything until he's gulped down his food. “Oh. When?”

“After today’s dance class. He was just— waiting for me, I guess. Outside the gym. It took me by surprise.”

“He didn't tell you in advance?”

“Apparently he was so excited by the idea he forgot,” Eddie shrugs. That's what Buck had ended up saying while they were drinking coffee.

“He really wanted to spend time with you,” Chris says.

“And have coffee,” Eddie finds himself adding in a rush. “Buck. Buck likes coffee.”

“You also like coffee,” Chris points out softly.

“Well— yes. Many people do,” Eddie is realizing that this is a stupid tangent. A very stupid one. Why did he say that? ‘Buck likes coffee’, yeah, duh, he does. And of course Buck likes to spend time with him and vice versa, Eddie has already gone down that thought process and is very much assimilating it as a fact.

An amazing, great, unbelievable fact. True, nonetheless. 

“So you had coffee with Buck,” Chris says, and this conversation is very stupid, but the teen is looking straight at him, unwavering.

“Because we are friends. And… and friends drink coffee together?” It comes out as a question because he's kind of getting some doubts now.

He's missing something. Something wrong? Something bad? Or something good? Eddie isn’t sure, but he's missing something, isn't he? He must be, if Chris is looking at him like that. Right?

“Yes, dad. I heard they do,” Chris returns his gaze to his plate, getting some more food on his fork. “I'm glad you are so comfortable around Buck.”

“I'm… I'm glad too,” he admits, a couple of seconds later.

Eddie has already settled as a fact that Christopher had been right. Eddie needed friends. And Buck is all Eddie had ever needed —but didn't know he even wanted— in a friend.

“Maybe we'll do it again. Going for coffee together,” Eddie says, distractedly. Chris hums in acknowledgement. “I honestly don't know, being a firefighter is a busy job.”

“It sounds like it,” Chris concedes.

“And Buck has other friends, it's not like… it's not like he can hang out with me that much,” Eddie is mostly talking to himself right now, but he's still saying the words out loud. “We haven't even known each other for that long, anyway.”

Buck mentioned his only friends are his co-workers, right? Well, Eddie is sure he still hangs out with them outside of work. It sounded like that, definitely. If he had real friends at his job he would also love to see them outside of their shared workspace. It really sounds like firefighters spend a lot of time and do many things together while on shift.

Wait, he's thinking way too much about this. Buck is an adult and he loves his friends.  And, yes, that included Eddie. He'll distribute his time between his friends accordingly, and he'll also probably want to have some time for himself. For example, Buck likes baking! A lot. He needs time to do just that. And then he brings the cookies and pastries he makes to some of their dinners at Eddie's house, or to their dance classes —and he's damn good, Eddie has no problems admitting it. 

“By the way, have you talked about what will happen with the dinners?” Chris asks as his father has been silent for a minute or so.

“The dinners? What's wrong with them?” Eddie asks, confused.

Chris is, once again, looking straight at him. “Classes end next week, we won't be able to just meet after class if there’s no class.”

“Of course we can still hang out at teacher Eddie's house,” Buck blurts out without consulting anyone, and Eddie cannot blame him because Jee-yun's pout is powerful.

It's been her last class of Spanish, at least for the current school year. There'll be more after summer, and Eddie isn't sure he'll still be Jee-yun's teacher, and when the kid heard this she became… not happy at all, in fact.

Buck had confirmed the kids loved Eddie, but Eddie has always had trouble fully believing it. Or, well, believing it was that much.

So, as for Jee-yun not to be that upset, Buck had just said that. No prior talk to Eddie.

And he is aware he hasn't consulted Eddie, because he is now searching his eyes, half a nervous smile on his face, as if asking for permission or just to straight-up apologize.

“Yeah, you can come to my house,” it's what Eddie says. “Whenever you want, Jee-yun.”

“See? Su casa es mi casa,” Buck is smiling big to the kid whose pout is relaxing, little by little.

“Nuestra,” Eddie corrects. He sees Chris out of the corner of his eye, and he looks a little confused. Oh. “You wanted to say ‘su casa es nuestra casa’, I think. Like, yours. Yours and Jee-yun's.”

Chris is definitely making a funny face, but Eddie can't stop to dwell on that.

“Nuestra!” Buck echoes happily, and Jee-yun gasps.

“Nostra!” Jee-yun repeats, definitely contracting some vowels. But it's fine, she's a kid.

“Well, what should we have for dinner tonight?” Buck asks, and he's looking at Eddie.

Oh, uhm. Talking to him? “Oh, I don't know. Today was Jee-yun's last day, so I think she should pick,” he says, not even thinking about it.

“Oooh, you don't know what power you've just given her,” Buck says, snickering, as Jee-yun's smile gets bigger and bigger.

They are going to have way too many sweets, aren't they?

Eddie has just finished playing an improvised Jeopardy-like game with his oldest group of kids, who happen to be just ten years old. They only have five more minutes until the class finishes, and they are precariously discussing in Spanish whether to play a quick round of hangman (‘Ahorcado’, Eddie reminds them) or Simón dice (‘Simon says’, at least they don't forget that one in Spanish).

Eddie is not paying too much attention. Maybe he should, but it's their last class, it's too hot because the AC is not working properly, and it's still seven kids (who want to be teens so badly) in a small class.

That's why the question takes him by surprise.

“Teacher Eddie, ¿tienes novio?”

That jolts Eddie back to the reality of the class. Seven pairs of eyes are pinning him to the whiteboard, mischievous smiles all around.

Did Louis just ask Eddie if he has a boyfriend?

It's in no way the first time a kid gets interested in Eddie's private life. Normally it's the younger kids the ones who ask about a wife or a girlfriend, the older ones know Chris or at least have heard of him so they just assume that Eddie has a wife. No one corrects them.

Eddie still corrected Buck, yes.

He's very much in shock at this specific moment, that too.

“¿Disculpa?” Eddie asks, because he still doesn't want to believe he heard what he just heard. No. Absolutely not. Surely he must have misheard. There's no way he's heard correctly. It’s his ears. Eddie is getting old, after all.

Why is he panicking? Is he panicking?

“I asked if tienes novio, teacher Eddie,” Louis repeats, snickering. 

Okay. Eddie. Try to think clearly, because clearly you aren't. You know these kids, they are not malicious or bad in any way. Nosy? Very much. So at least he knows they aren't asking out of homophobia.

But Eddie is not gay. Is he giving out some sort of gay signal? Do these kids have a gaydar? At least a better one than Eddie's? It doesn't seem to be that difficult. But no, what is he thinking? Eddie is not gay. If anything, the gaydar of these kids must be absolutely trashed, or still in early development because, again, they are only ten years old.

Why is he even entertaining the possibility of these kids having a gaydar? Isn't it easier to just say no, I don't have a boyfriend?

“I think he's about to combust,” Elizabeth says in a low voice, probably trying to not be heard by Eddie. At this point they should all know it’s pointless, the class is so small Eddie can hear everything.

“No tengo novio,” Eddie says, half choking on the words. 

What the fuck is wrong with him? It’s been weird for him, these last few months. This is just something else to add to the pile of things that might be not okay with Eddie. And he still doesn’t fucking know why—

“Ah, Louis, I think…” Paul starts. “You should have said novia and not novio. Novio es un chico, novia es una chica.”

“Ah,” Louis open his eyes wide, and a couple more snickers happen, this time directed at the kid. “¡Lo que sea! ¿Tienes novia, profesor?”

…Okay. Okay, that’s a more normal question. 

…And Eddie didn’t just think ‘normal’ . Is he homophobic? But he can’t be homophobic, he likes Buck, and Buck likes boys and girls, so that can’t make Eddie homophobic, right? Oh, wait, he should say biphobic , right? Or is he annoyed specifically by the fact that Buck likes guys? Then he should be homophobic.

This is confusing. Eddie, breathe. Please. This is unhealthy.

Okay. Okay.

Talking about the kids. They are surely not homophobic. And Eddie isn’t homophobic either! These kids are just confusing him. That’s just what happens when they mix the gendered forms of nouns in Spanish. It happens all the time. With nouns and adjectives. It’s a daily problem, truly. They are still learning, they’ll get there. Not every single stupid mistake from his students has to send Eddie into a weird-ass spiral.

“No, no tengo novia. No tengo pareja,” Eddie responds as calmly as he is able to, and the kids just give him disappointed groans in turn. 

“Eres muy guapo, deberías tener pareja,” Elizabeth points out, and the other girls nod in agreement. They have been studying the verb ‘deber’ recently in its ‘should’ meaning, and the kids have been trying to include it in every sentence they can.

Honestly, an accurate use. Not the best situation for Eddie.

“¡Eres también muy bueno!” Charlotte adds.

“Estoy bien sin tener pareja,” Eddie lets out a small uncomfortable laugh, and the kids protest a bit more before Eddie proceeds to announce the class is close to finishing, and thus they should all pick up their things and put them in the backpack, because if they forget something today they won’t recover it until the next year.

That cuts the conversation for good, to Eddie’s blessing.

It certainly doesn’t mean it leaves the back of his brain.

“You don’t have to come all the way here every week, you know?” Eddie says, softly. “Chris and I could go to your place instead.”

Buck makes a shocked noise before saying, “Are you inviting yourself to my house?”. And Eddie feels like a deer in headlights for the two seconds it takes Buck to snicker and add, “I’m joking, Eddie. I wouldn’t mind you being there, actually, but Jee asks me every week when are we going to teacher Eddie’s house. I think she’s warming up to this place and I don’t wanna break her heart.”

“Warming up?” Eddie echoes with a huff. That’s certainly a way to put it. There are drawings hanging on his fridge and Chris has permanently pulled a chair next to his computer so Jee-yun can sit down and watch as he shows her —very mild, not violent at all— video games. He’s even bought a high chair for her to sit at the table, but somehow they all end up eating on the floor anyway, surrounding the coffee table.

Eddie hasn’t even thought about returning the chair. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Buck’s shoulder bumps against Eddie’s, as they are sitting close on the couch, the TV playing softly in the background. “She likes it here, what can I say? You got a good house.”

“It’s a good home,” Eddie accepts, softly. It certainly has been better since Buck and Jee-yun started coming regularly, but Eddie thinks it would be weird to say that.

Eddie has known Buck for about four months, and he can't wrap his head about how life would be like without him there.

“It really is, dude, you got no idea— ” Buck snorts, shaking his head. “I've actually, uhm— I've been thinking about moving out of my loft.”

“You have?”

“Yeah, I…” Buck falters slightly, and Eddie has the sudden impulse to get closer to him. He doesn't do it. “I don't know. I've been living there for, what? Seven years? It's never really felt like me . It's weird to explain if you haven't seen it, I guess. And after living there for a while with my ex…” Again he shakes his head. “I don't know, it brings back the bad times with him, and it sucks. There's been so many good moments there, too, don’t get me wrong, but he came in and… Fucked everything, I guess.”

“I'm sorry,” it spills out of Eddie's lips.

“Don't be,” and Buck's hand is on his own now, and Eddie has no problem interlocking their fingers and lightly squeezing. That can give him some comfort, right? “Thank you,” he adds. “I'm… I'm honestly glad I met you when I did.”

Eddie wants to ask why. He's just… himself. Eddie Diaz. But he doesn't want to push it. Buck will talk about it, if he wants. If he feels he needs to.

“I’m also glad I met you,” he can’t keep himself from adding, however.

That… that works. Buck’s smile spreads, and something inside Eddie melts. It feels great, knowing he can help someone else feel a bit better by just being there. By being himself. By being a friend.

Buck opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something. His eyes are fixated on Eddie, and Eddie himself feels unable to look away. He’s not… he knows it takes a lot of him to just look at people in the eyes, he’s always found it somehow uncomfortable, but with Buck? It’s different.

No more than three seconds go by, and then Buck finally speaks. “H-hey, uhm— anything funny from the kids lately?”

The kids. Yes. The language school. Where Buck and Eddie met. Where Jee-yun studies Spanish. With Eddie as her teacher.

Right.

“Oh, actually,” Eddie starts, immediately pulling back a little, leaning back on the couch. Right. Yes. He’s fine, he’s feeling very normal. “One of the kids asked me if I have a boyfriend.”

“A boyfriend?” Buck repeats, sounding slightly amused.

“Yeah. He’s ten, he still gets confused with the gender in Spanish,” Eddie explains. “You know, novio, novia,” he tries to highlight the last vowel of each word. “One of his classmates corrected him, and then he asked again. Correctly.”

“And what did they say after you answered?” Buck continues asking.

“They were… disappointed I was single?” Eddie lets out a snort, he still finds it unbelievable. “The girls specially, they told me I was nice and handsome and that I should be dating someone,” he rolls his eyes at Buck, remembering the conversation from less than a week ago.

“Well, maybe these ten-year-olds are right,” Buck says. “Maybe you should date. Uh— someone. Date someone.”

“Maybe,” Eddie accepts, and it's surprising how easily it comes to his lips. ‘Maybe’? Really? Not maybe. “It's… I don't know, I feel it's difficult for me. After… everything. It's not just about Shannon, it's… it's been a long time.”

“Well, you have to start somewhere. At some point,” Buck adds. “Hey, maybe— maybe I should start dating again too. Try to meet new people. I'm bi, it can't be that difficult to find someone I like, right?” He smiles, half-laughing. “Preferably someone that likes me back. Maybe we— we could do that. Date. Mutual support and all.”

And then something strange happens.

There's… something deep inside Eddie that recoils at the thought of Buck dating. A snake, twisting and writhing, occupying a place somewhere close to his stomach.

What… what is wrong with him? Seriously, Eddie has been suspecting there was something plainly wrong there, and this just confirms it even more.

Is he…? Is he really bothered by Buck dating guys? He's had similar thoughts since he knows Buck, about the possibility of him being homophobic. It can't be a coincidence. Maybe that's what's wrong with Eddie. Maybe he's homophobic and is trying very hard to not be, but there's some residual in there from his catholic upbringing.

Well, at least he's fighting very hard against it! So shut up, stupid homophobia. Eddie wants to be a very good ally. If they handed out good grades for being a good ally, Eddie wants to get an A+.

But, wait. Eddie tries to think for a second about what he would feel if he heard Buck was dating a woman.

The snake hisses.

Oh, that’s not—

“Maybe! Mutual support sounds good. You date someone, I date someone,” he agrees with Buck. The words filter through his teeth, and it takes him a lot to actually get them out. But he does it! That must be what people call ‘progress’. Yes, Eddie is doing an amazing job at fighting this apparent biphobia.

“Great! You just let me know when—” But Buck's sentence is cut short by his phone blasting out ringing. “Shit,” he says before even picking it up.

He must see Eddie's confused look, because he then adds, “I— that's the ringtone for when they call from the firehouse.”

So Buck picks the call as he stands up and leaves for the kitchen. Privacy. Eddie feels very cold all of a sudden, no warm body next to him.

Time seems to freeze completely while Buck is talking in the kitchen. Eddie isn’t sure how long it takes him to come back, but Buck is speaking to him as soon as he’s back in the living room.

“Hi, hi. Uhm. Emergency. Big one. I— I’m sorry, it’s a lot to ask, can you take care of Jee? I’ll— I’ll call Maddie, see if she’s available to pick her up. Sorry.”

“Breathe, please,” it’s the first thing Eddie says, and Buck stops for a second. “It’s okay. I’ll take care of her. You can give my number to her mom so you don’t have to pay attention to us, on top of everything.”

“Okay. Okay,” Buck repeats. There’s relief on his face, though he is still tense. “Thank you, Eddie. I could kiss you right now. You are the best.”

“No problem,” Eddie responds automatically as Buck goes straight to where he knows Chris’ room is, probably to give Jee-yun a quick explanation and— ah, there he is, he’s telling her about a sleepover, and the little girl sounds stoked.

It is a whirlwind, Buck, as he says bye to Eddie and leaves through the front door. He can hear him starting his car and driving away.

‘I could kiss you right now,’ the words come back to Eddie’s mind with the force of a bat being swung by a professional, leaving him momentarily breathless.

He had gone past those words too fast for his brain, it seems.

But like… why. Why is his brain getting fixated on that? It’s an expression. Buck is thankful. Many people say that. That’s it. Is he overthinking it? Yes, he is. Why is he overthinking it? It’s stupid. It’s stupid. It’s stupid.

“Dad?” Thank whoever is up in heaven because Chris cuts through those confusing thoughts. “Do we have something Jee can put on to sleep?”

Eddie is about to say that Jee-yun’s probably not sleeping there, that her mom is picking her up, but then the little kid enters the living room jumping in her still ongoing sugar high. “Sleepover! Sleepover! Sleepover!” She chants happily.

Okay. Well. Eddie is surely not the one who is going to break little Jee-yun’s hopes and dreams. She can complain about uncle Buck being a liar to her mom later.

“Let me see if we have saved one of your old t-shirts from the donation boxes,” Eddie stands up and goes to Chris’ room, Jee-yun starting to hug his leg at some point before getting there. She’s still chanting happily, ‘Sleepover! Sleepover! Sleepover!’.

Around eleven o'clock in the night, Maddie Buckley-Han is on Eddie’s doorstep.

“Hi,” she smiles, and Eddie can immediately tell who her brother is. Even if they hadn't been messaging each other for the past hour or so, even if Eddie didn't know she was going to come, Eddie would have known. That’s his smile, too. “You must be Eddie Diaz.”

“That's me,” he nods and just lets her in. She walks slowly, and Buck had mentioned at some point she was pregnant, but Eddie hadn't imagined she was that pregnant. He closes the door. “Jee-yun fell asleep around half an hour ago. She went into full sleepover mood, so we had to bring out an old sleeping bag and— she's camping on my room’s floor?”

Okay, maybe Eddie should have practiced how to explain that to Maddie, because it still sounds quite crazy.

“Definitely sounds like Jee,” she laughs and it comes out a little raspy. That's when Eddie's eyes travel to her neck and, under the lightbulbs of the living room that definitely he needs to change soon, Eddie sees a red scar that slashes her neck horizontally.

Damn.

“Oh, that's…” Maddie says, touching the scar. Eddie has been staring at it, hasn't he? “I got into an… altercation, some time ago.”

She can say altercation all she wants, that looks like someone tried and succeeded at slashing her neck.

“That's why I couldn't assist to the parent-teacher meeting, in fact,” Maddie says, and that's—

“I had been told you had a busy schedule.”

“That too, but I was on medical leave at the time,” she explains. “In the hospital still, in fact.”

By Buck's stories and Jee-yun's confusing tale about her parents’ wedding, Eddie is starting to think these people spend too much time at the hospital. Not by choice, obviously.

“You could have canceled or rescheduled,” Eddie says. He doesn't know what to say. They should certainly be speaking about literally anything else. Who cares about the parent-teacher meeting?

“But Buck really wanted to go,” she shrugs. “Anyway, ehm… wow, quite a somber way to start a conversation, isn't it?” She lets out another small laugh. “It's really nice to meet you, Eddie Diaz. I've heard wonderful things about you.”

Right. Jee-yun has talked a lot about him. Buck has said it many times. “I've also heard very good things about you, Mrs. Buckley. From both Jee-yun and Buck,” he adds.

“Good to know my brother and my kid don't conspire against me behind my back,” she snorts, and lets out a small yawn. “Anyway, it's getting late. Thank you for taking care of Jee. I'll just take her and get back home.”

Eddie is about to nod when it really strikes him how tired she looks. He thinks for a second, and realizes what Buck would want him to do at that exact moment.

“You can stay here. For the night,” he blurts out. “It's late, and you are— you're obviously tired. I'll change my bedsheets and you can stay there with Jee-yun, I'll take the couch.”

It takes him a surprisingly short amount of time to say all that. Maddie just seems stunned by the suddenness of the proposition.

“Oh, I wouldn't want to…” She starts, but Eddie gently interrupts her.

“It's fine. Really. Buck wouldn't forgive me if I let you drive back home half asleep and alone.”

And that absolutely makes the trick. Maddie accepts, thankful, and Eddie is careful to not wake up Jee-yun as he changes the bedsheets. While he does this, he tells Maddie to please help herself to the kitchen, grab whatever she wants, in case she's hungry. And someone would say Eddie is doing a lot for her, but Eddie thinks this is just the bare minimum.

When he's done, he finds Maddie in the kitchen eating some pizza leftovers and talking to Chris in a low voice. Chris laughs just before they both notice Eddie.

“Hey, buddy. Shouldn't you be sleeping?” Eddie gets close to his son and hugs him from the side.

“It's not that late,” he groans. “And I'm on holiday.”

“It's still good to keep up a good sleeping schedule. Trust me, been there,” and Chris laughs a little before containing what seems to be a big yawn.

“Your dad is right,” Maddie corroborates. A mom would obviously have Eddie’s back.

“Okay, okay… I'll go,” he still rolls his eyes. “Good night dad, good night Maddie.”

“‘Night, Chris,” Maddie smiles back, and it isn't long before they hear Chris' door closing.

Maddie finishes the portion of pizza before speaking again.

“I have to ask you for the address of this pizzeria.”

Not the conversation opener Eddie was expecting.

“It's the first time we order there,” Eddie says, leaning against the counter. “We always order from someplace—”

“—Different,” Maddie completes. “Right, Buck has told me. I need to know what Jee’s eating, you understand it, right?”

“Makes sense,” Eddie says. “I'll send the contact information, don't worry.”

“Thank you,” Maddie pauses for a couple of seconds. “Hey… Christopher seems like such a good kid.”

“He is,” Eddie immediately agrees.

“Buck has told me about… you two,” Eddie doesn't know if there's something implicit in there. Maybe Maddie knows something. About Shannon, or about… anything, really. Buck's in his right to talk about his friends, right? “But I think my brain didn't fully understand how good Chris is until now. I hope Jee turns out as well as he did.”

“I'm sure she will. She's an amazing kid,” there's no lie in Eddie's words.

“You've been a very good teacher, or so I've heard,” Maddie says, and before Eddie can answer she adds. “You've also been very good to my brother.”

“I'm just his friend,” Eddie says. What else? What else?

“Well, a very good friend, then,” Maddie says, and Eddie thinks he might be blushing. “Anyway, I have an early shift tomorrow, so I really should go to sleep.”

“Sure. Sure, absolutely, the bed is ready, so—” Eddie clears his throat.

“Really, thank you for that. And for the food. I was dreading having to go back home at this hour.”

“No problem, really. Just—” Eddie doesn't know what he's going to say, really. “Have a good night?”

“You too, Eddie.”

It's not long after Maddie has closed the door to Eddie's room when he regrets not having picked up his pajamas. But okay. It's summer. He has a thin bed sheet and he can sleep with his t-shirt and boxers on. He hopes to wake up before Maddie to get some breakfast ready and dress up. He can set an alarm, and this way he can—

Eddie stops in his tracks, standing before the couch. Between the cushions, exactly in the spot where Buck had been sitting, there are some unfamiliar house keys.

“You should bring those to the station, dad.”

Eddie has asked Maddie first thing. As soon as he saw her. Maddie informed Eddie she needed to take Jee-yun home, wait for the nanny, and then rush to her shift at the dispatch center. There she would spend her day, and make it home way after Buck finished his own shift, so she had no chance to give Buck his keys before he went home.

Eddie then proceeded to send a text message to Buck, telling him he had his keys. There had been no response. Maddie, just before getting out the door with a still sleepy (but happy) Jee-yun, told him it wouldn't be strange from Buck to be completely asleep at the firehouse after a rough night.

So now it is 8am and Chris has woken up, and Eddie has explained the situation. And that was Chris’ very logical, very simple solution.

Take the keys to him. Right.

“But I start my class at 10am,” Eddie says.

“And? His firehouse is not that far, I think. And you just have to leave them there, and then you can go to work, right?”

He has a point. It can’t be so hard.

Eddie still dreads the rush hour traffic. But still, he can make it. Hell, he (to some degree) wants to do it, if only to help Buck. How is he supposed to go home if he doesn't have his keys? Arriving at your doorstep and finding out your keys are gone after a hellish shift would send Eddie into a full-on breakdown.

Probably that was just Eddie. Still, it would be shitty as fuck.

So Eddie quickly does some research. He's pretty sure Buck has mentioned the number of his station at some point during their chats, so— ah, there it is. Station 118. The place isn't difficult to find on a map, and it turns out Chris is right, and it really isn't that far away. It's certainly farther away from the gym than from Eddie's house. But he can make it work. 

No more questioning, then. Eddie tucks the keys, gets in the car and drives.

Eddie has never seen an LAFD station before today, and it's somehow bigger than he imagined. Well, he's never seen any firefighter station out of TV shows —he’s caught some episodes of Hotshots—, as a matter of fact. In any case he should have guessed the size only because they have to fit several fire trucks in there.

Engines. Sorry. Eddie knew. The correct word was engines, fire engines. Buck told him. Right.

“Hi— uhm,” Eddie approaches the first person he sees, a young firefighter with darker skin —probably Indian?— and a small frown. The frown seems to be because he's really bent on cleaning a spot on one of the engines that doesn't seem to come off. “I'm looking for Evan Buckley.”

He's been rehearsing his sentence in the car. Mostly because at this point calling Buck by his full name doesn't seem natural. But Eddie wanted to sound— he doesn't know, serious? Formal? It's the teacher in him, he feels.

“Ah, Buck?” The guy immediately asks, turning to look at him. “Who's asking?”

Okay, well, fuck formality it seems.

“Eddie,” he blurts out.

The reaction is something Eddie isn't expecting.

The firefighter’s eyes widen. His mouth opens without saying anything for a single second. “Oh! Right! You are Eddie!” He exclaims. “Sorry, I've only seen you in photos.”

‘In photos’ , the words echo in Eddie's mind. Which photos, exactly? He's taken photos with Buck before, and he knows Buck has snapped some candid shots of him before, not that he minds, but—

“Should have recognized you, dude!” His smile is big, if a bit sheepish. “Oh, I'm Ravi, by the way.”

Ravi . Right, Buck has mentioned Ravi on several occasions. Eddie can slightly remember him from the group picture Buck had shown him once.

“Hey, is Buck awake?” Ravi asks far too loudly to not potentially wake up anyone.

“He is now,” another unknown masculine voice answers some seconds later. It comes from upstairs, where there seems to be, uh… a kitchen? And some sort of living room. And people, apparently.

It makes sense. Buck told him, too. They spend a lot of time there. In the firehourse in general. That also explains the gym on the floor level. It makes you think, Buck doesn’t really need a gym membership, doesn’t he?

“Why?” Another voice asks. This one is a woman.

“Eddie is here!”

Five seconds later there are three pairs of eyes looking at him from the first floor, plus Ravi next to him.

Bobby is one of them. Eddie knows Bobby. Bobby is smiling. That's fine. Then there's a black woman with cropped hair and big glasses, and now in context Eddie guesses that must be Hen. Finally, there’s an Asian man who can only be Chim (Chimney? Eddie hasn't been told what's his actual name), Jee-yun’s dad.

This… this level of attention is something Eddie isn’t used to. Like, sure, he’s a teacher. Not like the kids are paying attention to him all the time. Nor they are just looking at him, not saying anything, for five seconds straight. That doesn’t happen. Same with the adults.

“Hello, E—” Bobby starts, but another voice interrupts.

“Eddie!”

Buck comes into view between Bobby and Hen, sporting the goofiest grin Eddie has ever seen on his face.

Eddie doesn't know what the members of the 118 were doing before he appeared —except for Buck, who was sleeping, and Ravi, who was cleaning— but they have certainly dropped everything. To pay attention to Eddie. 

This wasn’t part of the plan. He was just coming to give Buck his keys, something he hasn’t even had the opportunity to do since he arrived because everyone is trying to get acquainted with Eddie, and they are all so kind, and they’ve given him freshly made coffee and toast, and these people are so nice .

No wonder they are Buck’s friends. Eddie wishes they were his friends, too.

“You were right, Buck,” Hen says within Eddie's earshot while Bobby talks about their dancing classes. Ravi and Chim are listening to him attentively, apparently Bobby and Athena don’t talk that much about them. Buck, however, is talking to Hen. “He has a firefighter’s physicality.”

“Right?” Buck sounds convinced, and the exchange is baffling enough for Eddie to register it but not make any mention. “I’m not crazy, he could be an amazing firefighter. He has the attitude, too, and, like, he got a silver star in the army—”

“I know, Buck, you've said that before.”

Eddie had tried to mention it in passing. The silver star thing. He really doesn’t like to brag. But Buck had registered it, it seems.

You know what? Okay. He’ll bite.

“I'm sorry,” Eddie interrupts because if Buck keeps talking (and he does seem to want to keep going) he'll seriously blush. Maybe he's blushing already. He hopes Buck doesn’t tell Chris. Now, the question. “How much exactly does Buck talk about me?”

“Oh, he won't shut up about you,” Chim says, all smiles, and Buck's face starts to reflect the utter betrayal he’s probably feeling right now. “‘Eddie this! Eddie that! Eddie is amazing! He has a silver star!’. He talks more about you than Jee. I’m starting to think he spends more time with you than with us.”

“Hey, Chim, you can't just say…” Buck seems to want to keep going but he doesn't, mouthing words that don't come out. Hen and Chim just laugh.

“He does talk a lot about you,” Bobby says. “All good, I promise.”

Okay, maybe this wasn't Eddie's most brilliant idea if he was hoping not to blush. He feels the heat on his face, and he’s seriously hoping it’s not that noticeable. At least for today. Or perhaps if he gets red enough someone will mistake him with one of the fire engines.

Right, right. Unlikely. He has to joke or he’ll seriously start wishing for death.

“I—” Eddie’s speechless. He’s trying his best here. “I'll… I'll make sure to thank him later, I guess? Maybe I’ll invite him to some coffee.”

“I’m here, you know? You can just invite me. I’ll accept,” Buck says, but someone else is already talking.

“Is this a spoiler of what Buck will tell us the next time he mentions you?” Ravi says, and it takes Eddie a second to realize he's joking. He laughs. A bit. It helps.

God , he’s tense. Not the bad kind of tense, just fucking nervous. This is being quite a lot for him.

“Maybe. I should get going, in any case,” Eddie isn't even looking at the clock, but he didn't have a lot of time to hang around in the first place.

Before that, though, Eddie pulls out Buck's keys from his trousers’ front right pocket. Eddie clears his throat, and he's about to try to call for Buck's attention, but his friend sees him first.

“Shit,” Buck closes the distance between them in a heartbeat and grabs his keys. Not forcefully, but still it’s quite a sudden movement. Their fingers touch briefly, as Eddie immediately lets the keys go. His heart makes a somersault, but he manages to keep his composure intact, or so Eddie believes. “ Fuck , I hadn't even noticed… where?”

“My couch,” Eddie says. “I noticed last night. You should have a couple texts from me, but you were… asleep, I assume?”

“Yeah. Yeah,” Buck is tucking the keys in his pocket, and Eddie feels he's going to keep talking, but instead the firefighter just goes ahead and hugs him. “Thank you, dude.”

This is… Buck has hugged him before, right? Not the first time. Has it felt like this before? Warm? Overwhelming in such a sweet way? Like Eddie could explode any second now? Because he could. He surely feels he could. Maybe he should. Everyone is looking at them. Eddie knows it. What are they thinking? Does it matter? They know they are friends. Friends hug each other all the time. They know—

Ah, he should return the hug. Again, he’s forgetting himself. Like that day in front of the gym, before the first time they went out to get coffee. Eddie embraces Buck back, and it feels even better.

A sudden thought. He could spend hours in there.

That afternoon Eddie receives a video from Buck. He sees a door, and then a slightly familiar set of keys appear as a right hand —Buck’s right hand, Eddie has seen it many times, he can recognize it not just from the fact that the video is Buck's— uses them to open the doorway.

The interior is clean, a simple space. Small. Just enough for one person. A loft, Buck said it. That’s what it is. There's not a lot of decoration. He can see the kitchen, and then some stairs that go up on the left.

Eddie knows he's seeing Buck's house. The one he wants to move out from.

Eddie wants to get back at Buck for all those dinners which he still insists on paying so, for once, he takes the initiative. Plus, he needs to thank him for the compliments —compliments?— behind his back. Or, like, the praising, or whatever the hell he says that Eddie is pretty sure would make him blush, if he just knew what is it, exactly.

He calls Buck. Eddie doesn’t need to ask when he’s free, because he already knows Buck’s schedule like it was his own, even if it varies every week. Buck talks so much he just knows . They settle on a cafeteria close to Eddie’s house. They’ve done this before, but it was Buck’s idea. It doesn’t matter, Buck sounds stoked anyway, and Eddie feels equally excited. Eddie tells him he wants to invite him, Buck groans a little but accepts it. Saturday morning, just after Eddie drops Chris at one of his friend’s houses for a video games day. Eddie doesn’t have classes, Buck doesn’t work. It’s perfect.

Eddie almost feels giddy as he sits down at an empty table. But it’s just Buck. His only friend. They’ve been hanging out for months now, known each other for a little bit longer. They’ve danced together, they’ve even played video games together, and Eddie has had his ass thoroughly kicked because Buck happens to be good at the games they own, matching Chris’ level with ease. Buck, who apparently can’t stop talking about Eddie to his very good friends and coworkers. Who trusts Eddie with his niece and sends him memes at 3am even when he’s on shift.

It’s just Buck. Eddie can still be excited about seeing his friend.

So if his heart leaps out of his chest at seeing him enter the cafeteria, Eddie really thinks it’s normal.

“Buck’s taking me to the cinema later,” Chris says one day. “Is that okay?”

“What are you watching?” That’s what Eddie asks.

“Jee wants to watch this new Pixar movie… I can’t remember the name, but it sounded good. Saw a trailer a while ago and thought about watching it,” his son shrugs, and then repeats. “Is that okay?”

“Of course it is.”

“Hey, dad…” Christopher says a few seconds later. “You can join too, if you like, you know? Buck said…”

And Eddie doesn’t want to sound too eager. He really doesn’t. But he is.

“I dated that Taylor Kelly, yes,” Buck snorts. It’s the sixth time they hang out at the same cafeteria, and Eddie is proud he’s still the one paying. Buck keeps buying dinner for all of them on Wednesday, after all. As it’s more convenient, they’ve started hanging out after Eddie’s classes at the gym. Not every day, but every day Buck can make it.

“How’s she?” Eddie asks, and his stomach does something weird, but he pushes it away.

“She was… nice, I guess. Well, sometimes. She was still a reporter, and it showed ,” Buck sounds serious, though he rolls his eyes. “I dated her twice , did I say that?”

“In Spanish they usually say humans are the only animals that trip over the same stone twice,” Eddie says. He honestly doesn’t know if they say that in English. He’s only heard it from his family, and always in Spanish.

Buck laughs a little. “Are you calling Taylor Kelly a stone?” 

“Maybe? It’s figurative. I don’t really know her. It’s more about repeating the same mistakes over and over again.”

“Oh, yep. That’s me,” Buck huffs. And Eddie really doesn’t want to push, but he really doesn’t like what Buck’s truly saying there. He’s heard it before, or something similar, from him.

“Who cares if you screw up once in a while? We all do,” he says.

“Oh, you haven’t known me long enough,” Buck responds. Eddie doesn’t want to let this one go, but Buck clearly does. It’s worrying, this self-conception he has.

Not that Eddie is a stranger to feeling like a fuck-up. Maybe it’s just that Buck doesn’t know how much Eddie can relate to him in that area. For whatever reason Buck might be saying that, Eddie probably has an equal one.

“Anyway, with Taylor? I definitely wasn’t great,” he continues, and seems to hesitate before adding. “Kissed another girl while I was dating her, obviously a big mistake,” it’s rushed, but he says it. “Wouldn’t even think of doing that. Now. Or-or ever again. I’m not that kind of person anymore. And I was… a bit drunk,” he cringes. “I, uh… didn’t tell Taylor. For a while. Ended up confessing. She got mad, obviously, but we fixed it. And then…” He doesn’t finish the sentence. 

…Okay. Cheating is not something Eddie expected to hear, but it’s not the worst thing he’s ever heard either. It’s obviously bad, but Buck’s acting as if he had a second family while dating this Taylor girl. Maybe he’s biased, because he’s Buck’s friend, but he still has to hear exactly how this girlfriend was.

There has to be more than Taylor Kelly, though. Who hurt this guy?

“And then…?” Eddie asks, prompting him to continue. Buck looks shocked for a few seconds. What was he expecting? 

“She still did some things that…” Buck makes a strangled sound. “Did you heard about the firefighter who was a serial killer?”

That throws Eddie for a loop. Change of topic?

“It sounds familiar,” he admits. And it does, he vaguely remembers something about it.

“Well… That happened in the 118, and Taylor broke the story. We asked her not to,” Buck snorts.

Ah. That’s the reason of what Buck was saying before, then.

“A reporter through and through, I see.”

“She was. She still is, I think. We didn’t… end on bad terms, I don’t think,” Buck says. “But, you know, uh… It was in general quite fucked up. We weren’t good for each other.”

“You haven’t had good luck with any of your relationships, then?” Eddie asks.

Buck takes a few seconds to respond as he swirls the dark liquid in his cup, hand on the little spoon. “All of them had… something good, I guess. All my serious relationships, at least, like… Damn, Eddie, I was such a fuckboy before meeting Abby,” that’s not a new name to Eddie. Buck has talked about Abby. Not a lot, same as with the rest of his relationships. Maybe he’s talked more about Tommy, since he’s his most recent partner.

Damn, all this talk is giving Eddie a stomachache. But he’s supportive. He’s being supportive. He really likes Buck, it’s a shame all of his romantic relationships have been this terrible.

Or, well. Maybe they weren’t that bad. Objectively, Buck’s not making them sound as bad as Eddie is imagining. Eddie doesn’t care, Buck deserved —and still deserves— someone better. 

“I think I’ve been looking for… for something that doesn’t exist. All these years,” Buck shrugs before taking a sip of his coffee. “Maddie says all the people I’ve dated must have something of what I’m looking for. I’m still unsure of what it is, but hey, older sisters are rarely wrong. Talking from experience.”

“So you are still looking,” Eddie says. Not a question, an affirmation.

“I…” Buck hesitates. Pauses. Eddie doesn’t fill the silence. “I’ve had a suspicion. For a while. I think I don’t have to look for it anymore.”

“You don’t?” Eddie asks, surprised. Buck shakes his head.

“No. No, I think… I think it’s been in front of me for a while,” Buck says, a small smile appearing on his lips.

And automatically Eddie finds himself changing topics, ignoring the pain in his stomach as the snake grows and hisses. He mentions Chris. Later he doesn’t even remember what he pulled out of his ass, now. Buck doesn’t resist the new direction of the conversation, following easily.

There’s… there’s something truly wrong with Eddie. And it happens mostly when he’s around Buck.

“How's Buck?” Bobby asks one day before their dance class starts.

“Isn't he your coworker?” Eddie questions back.

“You almost see him more than me,” Bobby laughs, and Eddie doesn't think that can be true. They literally work together. But Chim had said something— “Or he talks more to you than to me, that's for sure.”

Eddie can't deny that. They spend all their waking (free) hours talking. Probably Bobby is right, which makes Eddie's head spin a little. It just seems… very much unreal.

But it's normal, isn't it? Talking that much with your friends.

“Well, he's… fine. He’s doing fine. He talks a lot about what he does at work.”

“And you?”

“I don't think I have many things to talk about?” Eddie says after a few seconds. “The kids gave more entertaining stories than the eighty-year olds.”

“No, Eddie. I'm asking how are you doing,” Bobby clarifies.

Ah. Okay. 

How is Eddie lately? Good question.

“I think I'm… great, actually,” yeah. Yeah, he is.

No, he’s not. He’s confused, he’s pretty sure there’s something wrong with him, or at least something he’s not catching. Chris looks at him weird, sometimes, and his stomach does things when he’s around Buck.

And despite everything… he’s happy. God , he’s so happy.

“You think?” Bobby repeats.

“I don't know, Bobby, but… yeah, I'm feeling great lately,” he finds relief embedded in his own voice. 

“I can tell. You look more… radiant. Cheerful,” Bobby says. “Since you started hanging out with Buck, at least.”

Before Buck? Was that when…?

But it makes sense. Buck has been an enormous change in his life. He has, just… changed not everything, but a whole lot of things. Friendship, they call it.

“You are looking better than ever, Eddie,” Bobby insists at the lack of response. “And I've known you for five years.”

Eddie can just laugh awkwardly and thank Bobby. He thinks that's what you do in those situations.

He still ponders about how Buck has changed him, and if that has somehow to do with what’s been going on with him. Maybe it’s not something wrong, as he had initially believed, but something new. And new isn’t bad, per se, just different.

“Have you started? With the trying to date thing,” Buck asks one day, in a different cafeteria he has picked this time.

Eddie is still paying. He refuses to let Buck pay.

“I— I don't really have much time for that,” he lets out a weak laugh.

It's a lie.

“But you only work in the mornings now! Five days a week, too.”

“I have stuff to do at home. And I want to be with Christopher as much as I can, and— and I also have you,” Eddie says. ‘You’ , as in ‘my friend with who I enjoy spending time’.

“Ah…” A big grin appears on Buck's face. “So you aren't dating anyone because I occupy all of your time?”

“I didn't say that,” Eddie frowns, but Buck's already laughing.

“I know. Anyway, if at any point you have to cancel on me because you've gotten a girlfriend, know that I don't mind. Jee, though…” He pulls out an exaggerated grimace, “don't cancel on Jee.”

“I would never,” Eddie fakes outrage, and Buck laughs before changing topics.

It’s true that Eddie spends a lot of time with Buck, though. Everyone’s right about it. Eddie wishes he could spend even more.

“I think she's out,” Buck whispers. Jee-yun breathes softy and regularly against his chest, eyes closed.

Dinner's over, Chris is in his room playing games with his friends online, and Jee-yun wanted to stay with Buck and Eddie in the living room. It didn't take her more than twenty minutes to cuddle herself between Buck's arm and chest, and there she is. Out like a light.

“Should we take her to a bed?” Eddie asks in the same tone.

“No, no… this is fine,” Buck says. “I'm comfortable.”

Eddie is pretty sure his arm is going to fall asleep soon enough, but doesn't point it out.

“I could fall asleep here,” Buck adds a few seconds later, exhaustion suddenly ringing in his voice.

“Don't you want to go home?” Eddie asks, suppressing a yawn himself.

“This is home enough,” Buck says in barely a mumble as he closes his eyes and leans completely against the backseat. “Your couch is so comfortable, man… I've had so many bad couches… Mine is so bad…”

“We could go buy a couch for you,” Eddie says. He feels he's not fully processing what Buck is saying. He… Eddie truly can't. He's not even sleepy. He isn’t . He's talking about couches, right? Just couches, and houses, and being comfortable in those specific places. Which is fair, it's normal.

“Once I move out,” Buck says, eyes still closed. “If I fall asleep, don't worry, I have an alarm. To go to work. I just need to rest for a minute.”

Oh, he's so falling asleep.

Eddie realizes quickly that he could also fall asleep. Instead, he quietly gets up and cleans the table. Turns on the dishwasher. Gets the leftovers in a plastic container and puts it in the fridge.

When he gets back, he stares at Buck for a couple of seconds and… yep, he's soundly asleep now. He's been working himself to the bone, hasn't he? And he looks… so comfortable, despite the position. He lets out a small snore and Eddie can't avoid thinking it's cute.

It's… it's like he belongs in there, in some strange way. Maybe Eddie has grown accustomed to seeing him around. In his house. In his life.

Eddie spends a little bit too long looking at the scene. Then he pulls out his phone and snaps a picture. He debates for a second if he should keep it for himself, but quickly decides against it.

The picture is sent to Maddie with no context. She answers soon with lots of heart emojis.

Maddie then adds a short question, “If Buck doesn't have time to bring Jee back tonight, could I pick her up in the morning?”

Eddie has no problem in replying with an absolutely truthful “Of course”.

“Are you trying to date again, then?” Eddie asks.

He's been ruminating on the question for a while. Well, since their last conversation about dating, and Taylor, and bad relationships, and Buck apparently thinking he’s found what he was looking for, and Eddie’s stomach hurting.

It’s taken long enough. Eddie has wanted to ask for a while, and he hasn’t wanted to ask. He can’t understand himself. But to hell with it. Half of the summer is already gone, and it's been too many hangouts since Buck last asked Eddie if he meant to try to date someone again. Eddie can't even remember what excuse he threw at Buck, but it’s only fair he asks back.

But, oh, if Buck hadn't mentioned anyone until then, then it was good. Good? No, that’s not the word. It just meant there were no news. At this point Eddie has heard enough about Buck's previous relationships to know and share the fact that the guy needs some rest. From relationships and in general.

Maybe it is something a bit good. For Buck, obviously.

In the meantime, he can hang out with Eddie. Eddie is completely comfortable with that.

“Uhm…” Buck lets a nervous laugh out. “I'm actually… Well, do you remember when I told you I didn’t have to look for it anymore? So,” he doesn’t let Eddie confirm or deny he remembers. “I’m kinda trying to date again, but that's because there's— I’m certain there's this one person I like. So it's not like I'm going around, meeting new people, or anything. There's this guy I like, and I don't think I can move on past him. Not easily, at least.”

There it is, that snake deep in Eddie's stomach. Seething. Seething. A guy? And Buck hasn't ever mentioned him? But Eddie is his best friend, he has to know this stuff. He has to. That's… that's the thing.

Oh, God. What if Eddie really is a bit homophobic and Buck has noticed? Maybe there’s something wrong with him, after all. What if that's why he's not telling Eddie? That feeling in his gut can't be anything else. Is Eddie not being a good friend? He's doing whatever he can, not that they regularly talk about Buck's sexuality.

But Eddie is… he’s really being supportive. He loves the fact that Buck just loves, he’s full of pure love. It’s just Eddie’s catholic upbringing, that’s it. Eddie is trying. Then, why…?

“I’m not sure he likes me, though,” Buck continues after a couple of seconds. “So I’m scared of just… going for it, you know? The last and only time I’ve been with a guy, he took the first step.”

“I say you go for it,” Eddie blurts out. Supportive. Supportive. Shut up, whatever is at the bottom of his stomach, you are not right. “Whenever you feel ready and… you know. But go for it. Who wouldn’t love you?”

The seconds pass. They stretch, as everything seems to freeze for a second, Buck’s blue eyes fixed on Eddie. The world can stop for Buck, and Eddie is not surprised at this fact.

“Oh,” Buck breathes. Time hasn’t returned to normal yet. “Thanks for the… uh, support. I’ll think about it.”

“Do it, man,” Eddie finds himself doubling down. “Life is short. You never know.”

“I guess you are right,” the flow of time goes back to normal. “I'll still need some time. I think.”

Eddie just nods, while his stomach doesn't go back to normal.

Eddie has grown up in a house in which his parents were always right, even when they weren't. 

You couldn't really contradict them. They were older, after all. Had way more experience than Eddie, Adriana and Sophia. Always knew what was best for them in any situation. Or just the best in general. The siblings had always had their own opinions, sure, but they had been promptly shut down.

They were not right. They could never be right.

Eddie has done his best since he started taking care of Chris to do just the opposite.

Sometimes he even actively asks for his fourteen-year-old son’s help if he feels he needs it. If it doesn’t involve unloading too much on him. Because this young guy is way more in touch with his emotions and some of the current events of the world than Eddie has ever been.

“So,” he starts, and Chris sighs. Eddie knows Chris knows some kind of talk is coming.

Well. He’s not stopping his dad.

“You know Buck is bisexual,” Eddie says, and Chris’ eyebrows shoot up. “You know that, right?”

“Yes, I know that, I just didn’t think that would be a conversation opener. Ever.”

Fair. That’s fair.

“It’s relevant,” Eddie says. How to approach this? It’s not an easy thing to tell to your son, after all. “I’ve realized that when Buck talks about dating, I… I don’t feel great about it? It’s like some sort of annoyance. And I think it’s because I’m still biphobic or homophobic,” Chris’ eyebrows shoot up even further. “To some degree. Because how I grew up,” he adds.

There’s a silence. A long one. Chris is just looking at him over his pasta dish, past his glasses, mouth slightly open. No words coming out of his mouth.

Eddie doesn’t move. He’s being serious. 

“Dad. Are you kidding me?”

“No, I’m not.”

He’s being deadly serious here.

“Are you— You are not homophobic,” Chris straight up says. “Nor biphobic. Whatever.”

“How are you so sure?”

“Homophobic people are not that worried about being homophobic.”

Okay. That can be true. That’s a good point. However, consider the following: Eddie worries about everything.

“I could still—” But Eddie stops himself as it’s clear to him Chris is going to keep on talking.

“I’m not saying you aren’t… you don’t have… you have some of that in there because of whatever, ” Chris says. “But I don’t think you are homophobic nor biphobic… you get it. You are not doing anything that could be considered that.”

Okay. Okay. Somehow hearing those words spoken from the mouth of his son make Eddie relax a little. He’s not homophobic. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his issues. Eddie trusts Christopher, and he seems very convinced.

Then, why his annoyance?

“So,” Chris starts, no wonder where he gets that from. “You are saying you get annoyed when Buck talks about dating someone? Or when he talks about when he dated someone?”

“Yeah,” Eddie is cautious. He isn’t sure about where this is going, but at least they are talking about it.

“Any other thing happening recently that confused or annoyed you or something?”

Eddie stays silent for a few seconds. Well. Sort of? There’s been some confusing instances recently. Not annoying, per se. Just truly confusing.

“On one of my last few days of work,” Chris perks up immediately, “I had a class with the ten-year-olds.”

“Uh-huh. Louis, Elizabeth and that bunch?”

“Yes. You know they are nosy.”

“I know.”

“They asked me if I had a boyfriend,” Eddie drops. Chris doesn’t move. “It was a mistake, you know. Novio, novia … they wanted to say novia. But I kind of… panicked? When they first asked.”

“When they asked if you have a boyfriend,” Chris is just making sure he understands.

“That’s it.”

“Okay,” Chris nods. “Anything else you want to share, dad?”

Eddie has a flash of being hugged by Buck. Of a warm voice saying ‘I could kiss you right now’. ‘This is home enough.’ How Buck talks about him when he's not around. How his blue eyes follow his every movement. How much he still likes how his name sounds in his voice. He has liked it since the first time he heard it. How Buck touches him casually, but always with purpose, always reaching out to him, always—

“Nothing,” Eddie says, and the voice comes out wobbly.

Okay, fuck him?

“Dad,” Chris says. “I have a theory.”

Something in the depths of Eddie's heart is dreading what Chris is going to say. He knows it. He just knows it.

“You are not homophobic. You are jealous.”

Something shifts in Eddie’s brain. The snake at the pit of his stomach perks up, like someone is calling it.

He feels his mouth opening.

Jealous.

But if he’s jealous, then…

“Dad, I think you are—”

“—I’m in love with Buck,” he blurts out.

The world doesn't stop for Eddie. It might stop for Buck, but not for him. A motorbike speeds down the street. Some bird is tweeting like crazy on some tree. Chris is still looking at him, sentence half-out, blinking.

It makes sense. Eddie hasn’t been jealous before. He hasn’t had the chance. It was something new, something wrong, something absolutely disgusting that made him feel all kinds of awful. And yet he was happier with Buck around. He’s been the best version of himself since he’s had him as a friend. Bobby was right, Eddie was right, he just didn’t know—

“Okay,” his son is the first one to talk. “Good for you, dad. You got there. And…?”

“...And I might like guys?” He asks. The words come out, but he doesn’t really assimilate them. It’s just logical.

“That's sort of a requirement for you to like Buck, I think. And…?” Chris insists. He's still seeing something Eddie isn't. A few seconds pass. Eddie doesn’t talk, so Christopher continues. “What are you going to do about it?”

Ah. Do something about it.

Jealous. He’s truly never been jealous. What do you do in these situations? What do you do when you are in love with someone? Marry them? Have a kid? Well, that’s his experience. But in movies, and in series, and in books, people confess, and people kiss, and people—

But, no . Remember what Buck said, Eddie. Fucking hell. What does that even mean for him? What does everything mean, with the answer that just appeared in his mind? 

The answer—

“I can't say anything,” Eddie says, softly. There's surprise in Chris' face. “Buck likes someone else.”

There’s another silence, and Eddie seriously starts considering if he should pull away from Buck. Because now that he knows this is jealousy, he doesn’t know if it’s good for him to keep being around. Can he do that? To be fair, he would need some space to sort through… all of this. His newfound attraction. Has he ever liked any other guys?

Now that he thinks about it… maybe?

“Dad, I’ve been watching you—”

“Plus, he's my best friend,” Eddie continues. It’s a good reason. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to step back from their friendship, but Eddie is sure he can't lose his best friend for a stupid confession he's not even sure about.

Does he really like Buck? Is that it? Couldn't he be just really confused? That could be happening, actually. He isn't discarding it. He can't discard it.

Eddie isn’t discarding anything. His brain is going too fast right now.

“Just think about it,” Chris sighs. Oh, he’s thinking about it alright. Eddie thinks his son is seeing how the gears in his head turn. “A little more,” he adds. “Even if Buck doesn't like you, I don't think telling him will break your friendship.”

And probably Chris is right, if —and only if— Eddie really likes him. Still, Eddie is a complete mess right now. He's in his thirties realizing he probably likes guys, and on top of that he’s in love with the only friend he's had in years.

Yeah. Life could certainly be easier.

Sirens are blaring in his mind, and it's going to take a while to shut them down.

Maybe the sirens aren't as noisy now, but that's only because they've left space for Eddie's other thoughts to surface whenever he sees Buck. Because, yes. He’s unable to pull away. Sue him. He hasn’t even tried, because he knows he can’t. 

In any case, and for starters, these thoughts won't get tired of pointing out how kissable Buck's lips are.

It's annoying at this point. Not the thoughts. His lips. Buck's. Annoying and unfair. Whenever he speaks Eddie cannot avoid thinking it's outrageous Buck isn't being kissed right now. Or, like, all the time. Eddie wouldn't mind doing that, he finds out. Why is he not doing it?

Because they are best friends, not a couple, and on top of that Buck likes another guy.

Yeah, well, fuck him, that's absolutely true, and he needs to remind that to himself constantly. Or at least every time he sees Buck, which turns out to be pretty often. Buck not only comes every Wednesday with Jee-yun, but he randomly drops by Eddie’s house on his free time to give him a wide range of baked goods he’s done himself. At least twice a week they see each other to grab some coffee, too. And more baked goods are given. He’s not even counting the occasional ballroom classes. 

Yes, there’s also cookies, and pie, and crumpets before the classes. How can he bake this much, anyway? 

At least Buck lets him know in advance when all of these are happening, and Eddie has some time to prepare himself. To retain some semblance of sanity around Buck. And also when Buck is not around, because Eddie ends up thinking about him a whole lot. They are texting all day, every day of the week.

This… this is incredibly difficult, isn’t it? But Eddie truly cannot bring himself to pull away from Buck, as this friendship is the best thing that has happened to him in years.

If it can only be a friendship, let it only be a friendship. A friendship is more than enough, in spite of Eddie’s constant daydreaming.

There are so many things wrong with Eddie Diaz, it seems, and all of them have to do with Evan Buckley. It’s a different kind of wrong than what he initially expected. It’s still kind of painful.

“How is your handsome friend doing?” Mrs. Moore asks after today’s class.

It takes Eddie a couple of seconds, but of course. Of course, she has to be talking about Buck.

“Buck? He's okay,” Eddie says. All nonchalant.

“Did he give up ballroom?”

“Not at all,” he says. There's no harm in explaining. “His schedule is not great, being a firefighter, so he just comes whenever he can make it.”

“Whenever, aye?” Mrs. Moore laughs. “How come we haven’t seen him again, then?”

“He, uh… He comes before the classes,” Eddie says.

“Before classes?” She sounds unusually excited. Oh-oh.

Maybe it’s too late to regret saying it.

“So it’s private classes for a cute guy, Mister Diaz?” Mrs. Moore continues, and she wiggles her eyebrows, and she’s fucking seventy-three , what is this? “What’s next? You are going to tell me doesn’t pay, now!”

“He pays,” Eddie lies, lies, lies . He’s been distracted, he’s given her weapons, and now he’s lost.

“Well, you shouldn’t make your boyfriend pay, Mister Diaz!” She absolutely dares to say.

“He’s not my boyfriend, he’s a friend,” and the voice, fuck Eddie and his crush, comes out wobbly. And she’s about to speak again, the devil dressed in a pink flowery dress, but Eddie keeps talking. “Mrs. Moore, isn’t your husband waiting for you?”

“Oh, that old thing? Yes, he is,” she snorts. Eddie might threaten to tell Mister Moore later, but knowing him he would just laugh. “Now, let’s keep talking about this not boyfriend of yours…”

When he tells Christopher later about his suffering courtesy of Mrs. Moore, his son laughs his ass off.

The little shit.

“Chris, please,” he groans. “I’m suffering here.”

“It’s still funny.”

From an outside perspective? His situation must be hilarious. Eddie is not laughing at all, still.

Buck

[Picture attached]

!!!!!

healthy baby boy!!!

Me

Oh, congratulations!!!

Thanks for telling me, I’ll send a message to Maddie later 🙂

Aaaand… congratulations to the new uncle.

And to Jee-yun!!! She’s going to be a wonderful big sister.

Buck

thank youuuuuu

and yes she’s going to be ❤️

It's been months since Eddie was last in their house, but Bobby and Athena invite both Eddie and Christopher for dinner one night. Eddie knows they’ve invited other people, so he can’t be surprised when everyone he met at the 118 firehouse are there, partners, sons and daughters included.

Buck included.

They have a lot to celebrate, it seems. Bobby and Athena’s house is finished. Maddie and Chim are there, visibly tired but absolutely ecstatic, introducing their baby boy to everyone who wasn’t at the hospital —so, probably just Eddie and Christopher, but that’s fine. Buck is showing off a new tattoo, and no one is that interested, but Eddie tells him it looks good.

It does look good on him. Amazing, in fact. Eddie is being very normal about it.

Apparently it happened a while ago, but Mara got officially adopted by Hen and her wife Karen, so they are also celebrating that. She seems delightful, and being the only kid who fits the nine-year-old description, Eddie is pretty sure Mara is the one who doesn’t get easily distracted.

Her eyes really seem to be able to traverse your soul. Astonishing. Buck was completely right.

So it really is a party. It’s understandable Bobby and Athena have wanted to bring them all together, given the sheer number of good things that have recently happened to them.

Well, the tattoo thing is debatable, and definitely not on the same level as the rest of things, but Buck is excited, and honestly? It’s good and deserves to be included, at least for Eddie.

“We can celebrate you broke up with Tommy,” suggests Maddie.

“I’ll drink to that,” Hen says before Buck can respond, and her wife snorts.

“Guys, it wasn’t that bad.”

“Yes, it was, and I didn’t even know him that much,” Karen contradicts him.

“It was months ago!” Buck groans, but he’s smiling. He’s amused. That has to be a good sign.

“Then it’s on us for not having celebrated it sooner,” Chim says, and that seems to settle it.

Buck still insists on talking about the tattoo. It’s fine by Eddie. He’s happy Buck isn’t with this Tommy dude anymore, but Eddie would rather not talk about Buck’s past relationships tonight.

Nor his prospects for a future one. It hurts.

Eddie really should be thinking about how to get rid of this crush. He has no experience whatsoever in that particular area, though. First crush since your wife, who has been your only partner. No one can tell him this is not difficult.

But not tonight, not tonight! Everyone is happy, everyone is having fun. Chris has immediately clicked with the other teens, Harry and Denny, and since Harry seems to be living with his mom right now —it’s a whole thing, nobody has explained it to Eddie— he has his PS5 in his room, so they are off playing. Once in a while one of their cackles and groans filters itself to the living room where the rest of the people are.

Well, all the people but Eddie. He’s been out in the garden for the past five minutes. He felt he needed a little bit of clarity after seeing Buck’s smile for that long, after the fleeting touches on his shoulder, his knee, his hand. The way he had cleaned some sauce from Eddie’s cheek with his thumb during dinner. So casual, so caring, very much driving Eddie insane.

He’s not built for a crush. Gosh, he’s halfway through his third decade, and he’s not built for this.

“It’s a hot night, what are you doing out here?” Bobby asks Eddie. He barely heard the door opening, but he’s not exactly surprised someone ended up following him out here.

“I got a bit overwhelmed,” Eddie says. It’s true. Overwhelmed in the best sense, by Buck.

“I understand. They can all be a lot,” Bobby hums a laugh, and finally reaches Eddie’s position. “Are you doing okay, though?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, almost too quickly. He hopes Bobby doesn’t push it. “I just need a couple of minutes.”

“Good. Good,” but Bobby doesn’t leave. And that’s fine. His presence is calming, somehow. 

The moon is starting to come out, but the garden is well-illuminated nonetheless, if only from the lights that come out from the interior of the house. The grass is freshly cut, and okay, it’s hot compared to the cool temperature from the living room, but it’s not that bad. Eddie can even feel a tempered breeze tonight. Not quite warm, not quite cold. It’s still very humid, but he got used to that a long time ago.

“Could you get used to them?” Bobby asks.

“To what?”

“To the 118,” Bobby clarifies. Then, he repeats. “Could you?”

It takes Eddie a few seconds to respond. Mostly because he’s confused. “I… I could. I believe so, yeah. Why?”

“Have you ever thought of becoming a firefighter?”

The breeze picks up for a couple of seconds. Just as much time as Eddie is completely stunned.

He remembers Buck and Hen, talking back at the station. The only time he was there. Both of them, saying Eddie could be a good firefighter. An older memory, too, from years ago, when Eddie first arrived to Los Angeles, hand in hand with Christopher. One of his first thoughts had truly been to become a firefighter. He had almost buried it, that memory. He couldn’t do it, he prioritised getting a job fast. Christopher needed him, urgently. It wasn’t just about the money, it was about the schedules.

The schedules Buck and Chim have, the ones that make it difficult to take care of Jee-yun, and now of the baby.

“I have,” Eddie finally answers. “Way back. When I first got to LA.”

“It’s never too late to join, you know that, right?” Bobby says. It’s soft. He’s not pushing Eddie. Just letting him know.

“I know,” Eddie says back.

“We could use someone like you in our team, I’m not going to lie to you,” Bobby continues. “In all honestly, we would love to have you around, if you ever decide to give it a try.”

If Eddie ever decides to. If .

“I might,” Eddie says. Not thinking. It’s easy. It’s even logical. Christopher is old enough to take care of himself, and Eddie never really liked being a teacher. Just grew accustomed to it, just as he grew accustomed to dancing again after so many years, after quitting because of the pressure his parents put on him.

Maybe it’s time for a change. And that seems like a step in the correct direction. One lack of stability didn’t let him take years ago.

“I’d still like to think it through, though,” Eddie adds. “And I want to consult Christopher, too, first.”

“Of course,” Bobby smiles, warm. He pats his shoulder, squeezes it lightly. “Just let me know if you ever try to join. I’m sure I can pull some strings to make sure you end up with us.”

That… that would be nice, Eddie thinks. They seem like such a great group of people.

Almost like… like a family. An amazing support system. All there for each other, always. That’s what it feels like, just watching them.

“Anyway, I’ll leave you alone,” Bobby removes his hand and paces back to the building. “Get back whenever you are ready, okay? Buck is starting to get antsy without you around, but… eh, he can take it. No rush.”

“Thanks, Bobby,” Eddie says, and the door opens and closes again. He takes a deep breath and sits down in one of the chairs.

Maybe it’s going to take a little more time than he originally thought.

A firefighter, huh? He can see himself as one. It wouldn't be so crazy. It's a very sacrificing job, sure, but Eddie has done that before. And he could actually have some friends at his workplace.

He could be around Buck. Their schedules would align. Eddie would like that very much, though maybe, whenever Buck starts dating again, it'll hurt him. If he doesn't manage to get Buck out of his head in that specific way.

He's a friend. A good one. He can only be a friend. That's fine. That's all he needs.

“All alone by yourself still, handsome?”

Eddie can’t be surprised. He’s not, truly. Not even one minute since Bobby left, and Buck has gone outside to look for him. Eddie doesn’t even react at the ‘ handsome’, he knows Buck’s just joking.

Maybe Buck can’t take it after all, huh.

So he just snorts and turns around to see Buck standing there, the light from the interior of the house creating a sort of halo around him. Eddie can still see him. His tight dark grey t-shirt, his blonde curls illuminated, his blue eyes, a small fond smile on his face while he’s looking at him, at Eddie. He can even see the darkness of the birthmark, and the way he has his hands half-tucked into the pockets of his bermuda shorts.

Eddie is a little breathless at seeing him. Buck is perfect in every way.

“I needed some air,” Eddie finally says. It comes with a delay. He needs even more air now. Look at what you’ve done, Buck, Eddie’s lungs are not even working properly anymore.

“It happens,” Buck just says as he approaches. There are more chairs in the garden, but instead Buck sits down on the grass, not even close to where Eddie is. “Come here?”

Eddie feels the pull. He doesn’t even question the request, he stands up only to sit down next to Buck, knees touching, arms touching, touching, touching, touching.

It really is a warm August night, but Eddie doesn’t care at all.

He doesn’t say anything. Eddie assumes Buck’s out here because he wants to say something to him. He’s asked him to sit down on the grass because he wants something from Eddie. He’s quiet, though, as Eddie is. Nevertheless, his hard is beating fast and loud, and Eddie is pretty sure Buck must be hearing it.

It’s not impossible , alright? It’s not. It really is being very loud. Eddie is in his right to be a little scared.

“You know I’m… kind of a fuck-up,” Buck starts. Slowly, softly.

“You are not,” it’s Eddie’s immediate response.

“Tell that to my parents,” Buck snorts.

“You could tell the same to mine,” Eddie practically vomits, and Buck’s head immediately turns towards him.

“You are not,” Buck echoes.

Well, if Eddie’s parents don’t think he’s a fuck-up, they might start thinking it if they ever hear Eddie likes men.

“We can keep going down this path, or…” Eddie stifles a sad laugh.

“Yeah, no, I— I need to focus,” Buck takes a deep breath. “This isn’t over, though.”

“Can say the same.”

“Okay,” Buck accepts in a breath. “So. A fuck-up at least, at least,” he says quickly, because Eddie is about to interrupt again. “At least by my parents’ standards. And they are right to some degree, because even Maddie agrees I don’t hesitate to hurt myself.”

“Hurt yourself?”

“Yeah, like… like, I don’t know, my therapist is better at explaining it,” he scratches the back of his neck. “But if it’s me the only person that gets hurt, then it’s… it’s fine. I’m working on it. This is me working on it.”

Eddie is silent for a few seconds, thinking. It fits with the few droplets Buck had let fall during their conversations. It fits with what he knows about Buck. Eddie is aware he hasn’t seen nor he’s aware of the full-extent of how self-sacrificing the man next to him can be, but he can’t be surprised about it.

He isn’t that different, after all.

“How are you working on it?” Eddie asks, softly. It prompts a new silence as Buck seems deep in thought.

“I’ve been thinking about how to say this,” Buck finally starts again. It must have been hours, Eddie believes. It’s probably been one minute, tops. “I’m… not sure if this is not going to hurt me, but it’s already hurting me. Might as well say it.”

Eddie waits for Buck to continue, but he seems to struggle. He lets out a half-laugh, and Eddie knows how to recognize his nervousness at this point.

Eddie doesn't say anything. He's also not the first one to initiate contact, but he knows how good, how confident, he feels when Buck touches him. So naturally he reaches out, envelopes Buck's hand with his own.

Buck immediately turns over his hand, palms touching, fingers easily interlocking. It's nice. Eddie can stay like this forever, if Buck asks him to.

“I told you that what I was looking for was… was probably in front of me. In a person. This whole time,” Buck starts speaking. His voice wobbly. 

Eddie's heart twists. “You… did.”

“And I told you I didn't know if he liked me back,” Buck continues. “You remember that, right?”

A new twist. “I do.”

“Well…” Buck's going to say it, isn't he? He got together with the guy. It worked. Of course it did. How could it not? Who wouldn't love Evan Buckley?

No other possibility fits in Eddie's mind.

“I’m gonna tell him,” Buck says. “But he’s going to reject me. Maybe that will hurt me, but…” He starts repeating, echoing what he had just said. But he doesn’t finish the sentence. “He’s going to reject me.”

…Okay. Still not a possibility in Eddie’s mind.

“Why?” He asks, no filter.

“Oh, uhm— he’s straight,” Buck says, looking away. “It’s never going to happen. But they say you need to… express your feelings, anyway. Or you won’t be able to move on. That seems like a good step to stop hurting.”

Christopher had said something similar. Confessing his feelings wouldn’t destroy their friendship. They are stronger than that. Their bond is, at least, because Eddie is not sure if he would be able to withstand it on a personal level.

Rejection itself is one thing. Rejection from Buck, though…

“They say that,” Eddie echoes.

And despite Eddie's qualms, they are probably right. The ones who say that. Chris.

Is he going to let Buck just— tell some other guy he likes him? Not even looking twice at Eddie?

It might break Eddie, but silence it's already doing just that.

“So, Eddie, I—”

“I'm in love with you.”

And it feels incredibly good to say it, despite everything. Eddie feels like breaking the surface after almost drowning. It's there, now, in the open, for everyone to see. For Buck to see, and observe, and hopefully forgive and eventually forget.

Just as Eddie will be able to forget he ever had those feeling for Buck. Because they are meant to be only best friends, if anything.

Buck opens his mouth, still mid-sentence, but says nothing. Eddie doesn't look directly at him, can't look at him . He still knows how he's looking at him, and Eddie can't really bear it.

What a secret, to be in love with a friend and know he'll never love you like that.

“I've…” He finds himself talking again. It's an unrehearsed motion. “I think it's been going on for a while. I'm sorry. I realized only recently, and honest to god, I don't know what to do with it. I don't know what to do with myself. And I'm sorry to be saying this now, because it's not fair for you. You were just trying to be my friend, and you like someone else, and maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but—”

“You are the someone else.”

Eddie stops in his tracks and his first thought is what the fuck . He was finally managing to vomit everything, spill every word that has gone through his head in the last couple of weeks, and then Buck just— stops him.

Then Eddie stops himself. And takes Buck's words in. He finally looks at him, at those blue eyes pinned on him, serious but hopeful , full of hope and— 

Love?

“Eddie, you are in front of me, and have been for a while,” Buck says, a thread of voice. “I thought—”

Fuck everything. Eddie leans forward and Buck meets him in the middle, and their noses bump but it's okay, it's perfectly right, because they are kissing.

Oh, they are kissing, and it’s messy, and it’s perfect, and Buck’s hand goes to Eddie’s nape, and Eddie is gripping Buck’s dark grey t-shirt because he doesn’t want to risk him pulling away. Their other hands are still touching, fingers interlocked.

“Eddie… Eddie…” Buck half-moans between kisses, and if keeps doing that this is going to be a problem for the bearer of the name. “Eddie, I—I… you are straight?”

That's a question. From Buck. He sounds confused. Too confused given that the person he’s kissing has just confessed his feelings for him, and has just kissed him like he needed the air from Buck’s lungs to breathe.

And maybe it's then when everything clicks into place in Eddie's mind. It could have been before, but the kisses were too distracting. Buck mentioned he liked someone. Someone who apparently couldn't like him back, because he was straight.

Ah . That's what happens when you only get out of the closet around your son. Well, Eddie hadn't even considered saying it , because he hadn't processed there had been a closet, to begin with. But, yeah, there was, and there is, because he's still very much in it.

No wonder Buck's confused through the enthusiasm of kissing each other.

“I thought I was,” Eddie himself sounds out of breath. “Lots of… realizations since I told you. That I was supposedly straight. I’m not. I’m definitely not.”

“Could have given me an update.”

“This is the update.”

“Sure it is,” Buck gives him another long kiss, and this time Eddie feels himself actually melting on the spot. It ends too soon. “Thought you knew I had a crush on you. We had so many dates, Eddie . ”

Oh. Oh. Those were fucking dates. Eddie hasn't had a date since high school, you can't blame him for being dense. 

He can (and will) blame himself, though. And Christopher will laugh at him. 

“Well, I didn't.”

“Chris definitely knew.”

Oh. Oh , the little shit.

“Christopher knew I had a crush on you,” Eddie counters.

It takes Buck a couple of seconds, but he first snorts, then fully laughs.

“He's gonna be so smug—”

“ So smug,” Eddie says almost at the same time, which prompts his own laugh.

This is stupid. They are stupid. His hand is still resting against Buck's chest, and Buck's hand still touches the back of his neck, fingers softly caressing his short hair.

They are still laughing when they kiss again.

Everyone is strangely quiet when they finally —after talking, kissing, talking some more about nothing serious, they’ll have time for that, and then laughing— get back inside.

Eddie is aware the doors to the garden are transparent. He's still hoping they weren't seen in the darkness. At least not completely.

Then he fully sees Buck pull a double thumbs up in the reflection of a mirror that hangs from the wall.

Immediately everyone in the living room makes their best to feign they were doing various things. Primarily chatting. Maddie loudly salutes Eddie and calls for him, apparently wanting to ask something about Jee-yun’s Spanish lessons.

Ah, for fuck’s sake. Eddie doesn’t know what they saw, but they definitely saw enough.

It's been months and Eddie still feels like a teen around Buck.

He's giddy, he's happy, he's all romantic, and sickeningly sweet and all, and Eddie really didn't think he could be like that still. But he is . And you know what? He doesn't care. He's enjoying his time with his boyfriend, and Buck very much enjoys how adoring Eddie can be.

Not like Buck is behaving too differently from him.

The first thing they do is clarify where their relationship stands. Boyfriends? Boyfriends sounds good. So that is soon settled. They talk to Chris —who looks so smug, they were so right—, and he has absolutely no problem with his dad dating Buck, or Buck dating his dad.

They then try to take it slow, but about one week before the academic year starts Eddie and Chimney are helping Buck move out of his apartment, and they bring everything to Eddie's house. They haven't been dating for even a month, and they absolutely do not care. 

The classes starts again, and Eddie's last day of work (at both his jobs) ends up arriving.

Sarah is too emotional and cries at least three times before Eddie starts his classes on his last day. “It's going to be so weird not having you around, man.”

Okay, fine, Eddie gets it, it's been so many years.

“You'll still see me around, I promise,” Eddie says. For starters, Christopher still has Spanish classes in here. And he hasn't told her about Buck, but their Wednesday dinners with Jee-yun are still a thing, so he knows he'll have enough excuses to go to the language school before those.

At least whenever he's free. He still has to survive the firefighter academy, and then survive the actual schedule of a firefighter.

“You'll be fine, it's easy once you get used to it,” Buck tells him one day as they (supposedly) watch a movie. They are mostly cuddling and kissing, honestly.

And what are you going to say when a pretty boy (who is your boyfriend, Eddie still can’t believe that fact) says you'll be fine between so many kisses? That he's wrong? Of course not, he's absolutely right, no one's ever been more right than Buck.

Eddie is so whipped he can't even blame Christopher and Jee–yun for laughing at him. They are both at ages where it's acceptable to laugh at your dad / uncle / teacher for being in love, if only because of wildly different reasons.

Eddie has been receiving gifts from his adult students throughout all of his final week. Three of the grandmas have knitted him sweaters (it's still hot, but he'll end up using them), he's received a couple of bottles of wine, and has run out of vases on his house to leave all the flowers he's been given.

He has deliberately not told the kids. He has mostly new groups this year, kids he hasn't taught before, and they are only a couple of weeks into the academic year. Most of them will barely be affected by having a new teacher, they are kids who have barely gotten used to Eddie.

On his last day, he has a class with the ten-year-olds who are almost (or already) eleven now. The same ones that sent him spiraling not so many months ago because one of them asked if he had a boyfriend.

Five minutes to go. And, okay, they deserve to at least know that they aren't going to have Eddie as a teacher ever again, or at least see him any time soon.

“Well, it's almost time to go home,” Eddie says in perfect English, and seven heads immediately turn towards him.

“ ¿Inglés? ” Elizabeth asks out loud, sounding scandalized. 

“Oh, yes,” Eddie laughs a bit as the mouths of the kids open, jaws hanging. “I'm from Texas. We, the teachers, just can't speak in English to you, kids.”

No one is saying anything, they are all utterly shocked. Okay, Eddie, you broke them. This is like telling them that Santa isn’t real.

Talking about Santa, Eddie thinks at least half of this group still believes he's real. So somehow this has to be worse for them.

“But—” Charlotte starts. She doesn’t get interrupted, just doesn’t continue.

“It’s weird, go back to Spanish,” Layla says, and she’s so quiet normally that when she talks you just got to take it seriously.

“Solo quería deciros que esta ha sido mi última clase con vosotros,” Eddie says in Spanish. That… gets him more confused looks.

These kids.

“Okay, now, I understood, of course,” Louis says. “But for the sake of everyone present, could you please ignore Layla and…?”

“This was my last class with you,” Eddie repeats in English. The gasps happen almost immediately, followed by a choir of ‘nos’ and ‘whys’, some of them even coming from Louis.

“Why? Where are you going?” Elizabeth asks.

“I’m switching jobs. I am… going to be a firefighter, I think?” Eddie says, as if it wasn’t pretty much decided.

“You don’t look like a firefighter, you look like a teacher,” Charlotte insists, not missing a beat.

“I think he looks like a firefighter,” Paul says.

“Paul, not helping,” Charlotte snaps back at him.

“But can’t you be our teacher and a firefighter?” Christine pleads.

“Being a— Are you dumb?” Jill straight up calls her out.

“Hey, hey,” Eddie immediately stops it because he knows it can only go downhill if they start insulting each other. “You’ll still see me around, you know? Christopher is still coming.”

“But you won’t be our teacher,” Elizabeth gives him her best pout.

“And maybe you’ll like your new teacher better than me,” Eddie responds, trying to keep calm.

“Maybe not!” Elizabeth groans.

“But why would you want to be a firefighter?” Jill asked. “It sounds like it sucks.”

“It doesn’t, it’s so cool,” Paul intervenes.

“Well,” Eddie says. Is he going to say something? Does he owe this to these groups of ten and eleven year-olds? “I want to spend more time with my boyfriend, so… it seems like a good start.”

The gasps are so loud Eddie barely hears the bell that signals the end of the class. He stands up and opens the door, immediately telling the kids in Spanish that the class is over and that it’s time to go home.

There are protests, there are groans, and they have so many questions , and Eddie might feel a bit bad because he’s never going to answer them. Still, he hears Elizabeth’s voice above all else.

“I knew he was too handsome to be single!”