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Chapter Text

The only thing scarier than wanting something impossible, is actually getting it.

Sonya dug at the thick green substance stuck to the purple seat cushion. Nail polish! Of course it was. She took a moment to admire whichever brave passenger managed to paint their nails on a flight from Singapore to Bangkok. Less than three hours, and it couldn’t have waited until they got home.

The things we do for beauty. Sonya smiled, looking at her own nails, chipped from her long first week as an air hostess. It was such hard work, grueling hours, so many passengers, and oh god how she missed her mom.

But it was her dream. Hers. And she made it happen.

She stood up, bending to avoid banging her head on the compartment above her – again.

A quick scan of the plane told her she was alone, assigned the last round of cleaning before the end of her shift. The last round, the last hour, the last shift.

She sighed, shoulders drooping, and grinned at the floor like an idiot.

“It was so cool!” she announced to the empty plane. She’d done 4 duty days this week. Eight whole flights, even though they’d told her no one counted flights. Singapore, Macau, Shanghai, even a long haul to Mumbai. She just couldn’t help it. She had to tell her mom.

Stepping carefully out of row 14, Sonya made her way up the central aisle.

Her new crewmate Sam rolled her eyes as Sonya reached the front cabin. “So happy,” Sam said. “First week honeymoon phase. It’ll pass.” Sam smiled though, so Sonya knew she was joking.

Sonya put a hand to her chest. “You mean it won’t be this wonderful every week?” She frowned in horror.

Sam laughed, and slapped Sonya on the back.

“I like you Nong. You’re fun.” she said.

“I like you too,” Sonya said lightly, and meant it. Everyone on her new crew was so friendly and tried to make her feel welcome. Even the pilots, though they were older and more formal about it. “I was worried…” she trailed off. “I wasn’t sure how it would be on my first week. There are so many stories on IG about first days at work. But it’s been really nice. Thank you Phi. Really.” Sonya put her hands together and bowed.

“You’re welcome,” Sam said warmly. She reached out to grip Sonya’s shoulder briefly. “It won’t always be this easy though. You had a light first week, but sometimes it’s a tough job. Don’t expect everything to go like you expected.” Sam looked stern for the first time that week, so Sonya nodded fast.

“Yes ma’am,” she said seriously. “This was my dream, but I know it’s a real job. I’m ready, I promise.”

“Good!” Sam dropped her hand, clearly fighting another smile. “Go call your mom. I know you want to.”

She really did want to. Sonya left the airport, walked to her car in the overnight parking lot, and drove straight home.

An hour later, she sprawled across her narrow bed in the small Bangkok apartment the airline paid for and waited for her mom to answer the phone.

“Sonya! I haven’t talked to you in days.”

“Sorry,” Sonya said immediately. “I had an overnight last night and the night before.”

“It’s okay.” She could hear her mom smiling through the phone.

Sonya told her every detail about the excitement of the first week, even the green nail polish. “It’s a good color for summer,” her mom said, and Sonya laughed. “You never change,” Sonya said.

“You have,” her mother said. “You sound happy. I know how much you wanted this job, and how hard you’ve been working.”

“Yeah,” Sonya said absently.

“What’s wrong?” Her mother asked right away.

“Oh nothing!” Sonya tried to be cheerful, to hide the ache in the back of her throat.

But her mother always knew. “You’re lonely aren’t you?”

Sonya laughed sadly. “A little. I love this job, I really do. I just go home to my apartment, or my hotel room and I’m alone, you know?”

“I’ll visit you soon honey, as soon as I can.” Her mom sounded guilty.

“No!” Sonya said. “You have to work. It’s okay. I’ll be fine.”

And she would. She just needed some sleep.

When Sonya finally went to bed a few hours later, she let herself imagine the door of her bedroom cracking open, and someone kind and warm and careful pulling back the covers and getting into bed with her. She thought about warm, strong arms circling her chest, and a light kiss landing on her forehead. She could almost imagine a face, a glimpse of long, dark hair and a beautiful smile.

She’d always wanted the life she had, always wanted to travel and see the world. But though she would never admit it out loud, more than anything, she wanted someone to travel with.

Half awake, half asleep, her drowsy mind conjured a voice.

Sonya.

She mumbled to herself, “I wish…” Sleep took the unfinished thought.

The following Tuesday, Sonya got to work early for a 9:00 flight to Phuket.

So far, the second week was just as exciting, no matter what Sam said. Sonya was getting better at putting on her fancy blue uniform and shiny white scarf. Making sure her stockings were clean, her shoes polished, her makeup perfectly applied. She’d been practicing her polite smile so long she could barely remember her life before she knew how to say, “Sir, can you please fasten your safety belt?”

Even her crewmates were impressed by how smoothly she recited warnings and how warmly she greeted the passengers. It all felt so right.

At least, until that Tuesday morning.

Sonya was part of the greeting crew and welcomed their Phuket-bound passengers aboard with as much enthusiasm as she could. She smiled at a little boy with a toy dog, and his exhausted parents. She held an older woman’s cane as she stepped across the gap. She directed the rest of the early-boarding passengers to their seats, switching to English and back as quickly as two cups of coffee allowed.

By the time the last group of passengers boarded, Sonya was already thinking about her third cup of coffee. She greeted an older man in a military uniform – she didn’t recognize the colors – and then she stopped, her smile frozen in place.

A young woman about her age stepped onto the plane. She was tall, like Sonya, with long, dark hair. She wore a fitted, sleeveless top, simple jeans, and a pair of red running shoes. A yellow backpack dangled from one of her hands, and she pushed a small black suitcase. Totally ordinary.

Except she was gorgeous. Beyond gorgeous. Sonya couldn’t look away.

Nearly stumbling, she handed the girl a warm towel. “Sawadee ka!” Sonya managed. “Welcome aboard flight…”

But the girl walked right past her, giving Sonya nothing but a casual nod.

Sonya had a moment of panic, wondering if she’d said something weird. She stepped over to the front-cabin where Sam was preparing breakfast. “Sam! Do I have something on my face?” she hissed.

Sam peeked out and looked Sonya up and down. “Nope. Why?”

“Nevermind,” Sonya said, annoyed at herself for caring.

She tried to summon her earlier mood, resurrecting her smile and greeting the rest of the oncoming passengers. But she couldn’t quite forget that girl, her beautiful, unsmiling face, those long lashes, perfect, red lips, the smooth skin of her arms.

Get it together! Sonya told herself. This is work.

An hour later, she’d already walked past the girl’s seat three times, trying to see her better. It was crazy behavior, and Sam kept giving Sonya weird looks from the other side of the drink cart. They were moving down the aisle together, handing out food, coffee, and soda. The smell of shrimp porridge was making Sonya’s mouth water.

As luck would have it, Sonya was the one to lean down to the unfriendly girl and place the container of porridge on her tray.

“Would you like anything to drink?” Sonya asked, glad her voice sounded normal. She tried not to look at the girl too closely, worried about how her heart sped up at the sight of those bare, defined shoulders.

Of course, Sonya couldn’t get through two weeks without a new crush. It was very like her to want what she couldn’t have.

“No,” the much-too-beautiful girl said. She tilted her head to look at Sonya more carefully.

Sonya held her breath, lost in those intense, dark eyes. They were big and deep and mysterious. And strangely, her high, round cheekbones and full mouth radiated strength. She was beautiful, but fierce too.

Sonya was struck by the sense that this girl was entirely herself, and wouldn’t be changing for anyone.

“Why are you staring at me?” the girl said suddenly.

Oh god, I am. “I’m not!” Sonya said – her voice pitched too high, not at all convincing. “I just…”

Everyone, including Sam, was watching her now. Even the passengers across the aisle turned to look.

Sonya shook her head politely. “Sorry. I thought maybe I knew you from somewhere.” The excuse came out of nowhere, but it seemed to work.

“I’m Lookmhee,” the girl said. “I don’t think we’ve met before.”

“No,” Sonya agreed, “We definitely haven’t.”

She would remember.

“Coffee,” the girl – Lookmhee said. “Black.”

“What?”

“Coffee,” Lookmhee repeated flatly.

“Oh!” Sonya reached for a canned coffee and handed it, and a cup, to Lookmhee.

“Thank you,” Lookmhee said, somewhat grudgingly. “You must be new,” she said, waving a hand. “Don’t worry. You’ll get better.”

Sonya blinked, actually shocked.

Sam leaned in. “She is new,” Sam said, “but she’s got a lot of potential. One of our best hires.”

“Oh really,” the girl said, grimacing. “Well good luck then.” Lookmhee turned away, and Sonya couldn’t believe she actually felt a pang of disappointment at the loss of those eyes.

She bit her lip, desire warring against outrage.

“Don’t worry about it,” Sam whispered. She shrugged as if to say, I told you. It happens.

All the rest of the short flight, Sonya seethed. You must be new. What did she know? She was just a random passenger!

Over and over, she thought about marching down the aisle and asking that ridiculous girl what gave her the right to insult a total stranger. And worse, a total stranger who was very good at her job. Even though she hadn’t been doing it long, she was learning. She was trying!

Only the thought of calling her mom to tell her she’d already lost her brand-new job kept Sonya sulking in the back of the plane while they closed the distance to Phuket and prepared for landing.

The plane touched down, and Sonya reluctantly went to the front to wave goodbye to everyone. She smiled as warmly as she could, though all she could focus on was Lookmhee’s grumpy, beautiful face moving toward her down the aisle. She tried not to look. She really did.

It was Lookmhee who stopped in front of Sonya. Lookmhee who reached out and touched Sonya’s arm. Lookmhee whose eyes demanded her attention. Lookmhee who said, haltingly, “I’m sorry for what I said before. You’re doing a really good job. Please forgive me.”

And Lookmhee who reached out to Sonya’s nametag, drew a long, slender finger across the printed letters of her name, and said, “Sonya.” Her beautiful lips curled into a smile, and it was like sunrise.

Then Lookmhee shouldered her backpack, stepped off the plane and was gone.

Sonya stood there for a long time.

Alone in her hotel room that night, Sonya replayed that moment over and over. What an annoying girl, she thought.

But it wasn’t annoyance that blossomed at the center of her chest – and began to grow. It was something else.

Chapter Text

It hadn’t even been a week since Sonya’s confusing flight to Phuket. But she couldn’t – really couldn’t! – stop thinking about that girl. She’d tried talking to her mom about her second week as an air hostess. Tried video calling her cousin. Tried reading, watching dramas, taking a bath, followed by a cold shower. It was embarrassing really. I mean, Lookmhee hadn’t even been nice to her. But something in those eyes had Sonya typing “Lookmhee, beautiful, Bangkok” into every social media app she had.

She finally got a hit on IG. Lookmhee was just as gorgeous in two dimensions as she’d been in real life. More so, maybe. But the person Sonya found seemed entirely different from the grumpy passenger she’d met that day.

This Lookmhee was deep and insightful, posting about growth, learning, and becoming a better version of herself. But she was also fun and silly, posting pictures of food and art and sports. In one of the pictures, Lookmhee wore a striped chef’s hat upside down, leaving Sonya with so many questions. It was the smile though, that bright, carefree smile, that left Sonya scrolling for longer than she’d ever admit.

IG Lookmhee, she was forced to conclude, was entirely, incredibly cool.

It didn’t mean anything, her growing interest in this beautiful, mysterious stranger. Sonya was tired from the new job, and bored sitting alone at home. That was all this was.

There’s no way I’m telling my mom about it, she decided. Sonya’s mom was her best friend, but she would only tease her if she knew how much time she’d already spent searching for someone she didn’t even know.

Even if that someone was really, really fascinating.

Back at work the following Saturday, Sonya forced herself not to scan the new list of passengers on their return flight from Phuket. She passed the time with Sam, snacking on cashews and almost, almost forgetting about Lookmhee entirely. Their third crewman Top was scheduled to greet passengers this time, so Sonya went down the aisles checking emergency equipment while Sam prepared the meals.

Sonya had, in fact, spent a good portion of the night fighting the urge to check Lookmhee’s IG again, so she yawned more than once while she lifted up the seats to inspect the flotation cushions. She frowned when she noticed a small hole in one of them. The work of a restless kid, probably.

After pulling out the damaged cushion, she made her way to the back of the plane to grab a replacement. She drew back the rear curtain, and gasped, dropping the cushion to the floor with an audible slap.

Leaning against the wall, dressed in a form-fitting air hostess uniform, was Lookmhee.

“What are you doing here?” Sonya said. “You’re not supposed to wear that,” she added, before her mind caught up with her mouth.

Lookmhee smiled lazily. “I’m not?”

Sonya shook her head emphatically.

Lookmhee stepped forward to pick up the forgotten cushion, spotting the hole right away. She turned and reached into the metal compartments, locating a new one and placing it in Sonya’s hands. “Here,” she said.

Sonya looked down at it, then back at Lookmhee. “What are you doing here?” she repeated.

Lookmhee laughed. “I didn’t mean to scare you,” she said. “I just got here. Came through the rear doors.”

“But why are you dressed like a crewmember?”

“Because I am one,” Lookmhee said smugly. “I’m the substitute for your return flight. Didn’t you get the announcement?”

“I did,” Sonya said, thinking back. She’d gotten a message about a transfer from another crew, but she hadn’t thought much about it. Too many other things to learn.

“Don’t worry about it,” Lookmhee said. “I’m only staying for the week. Then I’ll go back to my own crew.”

“Oh,” Sonya said, taking all of this in. She knew she was still staring but couldn’t seem to stop. It was just so weird, seeing the girl whose pictures she’d been scrolling through for days. She realized all at once that she hadn’t really thought she’d see Lookmhee again.

The odds were so small, weren’t they? But if she was an air hostess…

“You don’t look very happy to see me,” Lookmhee said, and Sonya thought she detected a tiny bit of disappointment in the curve of her smile. “I understand. I wasn’t very nice to you. I’m sorry again. I wasn’t having a good day. I just started a few weeks ago, and it’s been hard to adjust.”

There was a pause, and it occurred to Sonya that she should say something.

“You weren’t very nice,” Sonya said, and Lookmhee winced. “But you seem okay,” she said, trying to pretend she didn’t know more than she should about Lookmhee. “We can start over.” She reached out a tentative hand. “I’m Sonya.”

Lookmhee let out a breath she’d clearly been holding and took Sonya’s hand. She glanced down at Sonya’s nametag and back up to her face. Sonya felt herself blush, remembering the last time they’d met.

The sight of the printed letters on Lookmhee’s nametag felt somehow surreal.

“I’m Lookmhee, obviously.”

Sonya grinned, the tightness in her chest loosening at the sight of that beautiful smile. “You have a nice smile.”

Lookmhee’s eyes sparkled devilishly.

“Don’t fall for me now Sonya,” she said, something challenging in her expression.

Sonya’s heart pounded, but she kept her face neutral. “Nope,” she said. “Not gonna happen.”

Hours later, Sonya, Lookmhee, Sam, and Top stood in the airport parking lot in Bangkok, yawning and trying to readjust to being on the ground.

“Hey!” Sam said, grabbing Top’s arm. “Do you guys want to go for Karaoke?” She eyed Lookmhee eagerly.

“I’m only joining your crew for a week,” Lookmhee said, but Sam just shook her head.

“Listen to your seniors!” she declared. “You too Sonya. Let’s go!”

The Karaoke lounge Sam drove them to was small and cozy. By their second round of drinks, even Lookmhee began to relax into the shiny purple couches in their private room. Sam and Top were singing a Soul After Six duet - off in their own world. Apparently, they’d known each other for years, and came to this bar often enough to have memorized the menu.

“They can sing,” Lookmhee said, the faint hint of a smile on her face.

Sonya stopped devouring her papaya salad long enough to laugh.

She was only sitting a foot or so away from Lookmhee, close enough to reach out and touch her bare knee, if she wanted to. They’d taken off their uniforms, so both of them wore t-shirts and the extra pair of shorts they each carried.

It was peaceful, sitting there together. The music was soothing, romantic even. But after a minute or two, sadness washed over Sonya anyway.

Look at the moon when it drowns out the starlight…

“You okay?” Lookmhee asked.

Sonya looked up. “Fine.” She summoned a weak smile. It hit her like that sometimes, the loneliness. Even with friends, even on a night like this.

Sam was singing by herself now, while Top rocked back and forth and hummed along.

I’m afraid the stars won’t shine…

Lookmhee scooted closer. “Hey, don’t worry. Whatever it is you’re upset about. It’ll pass.”

Sonya was startled into a real laugh. “How do you know? It could be anything. What if it’s really, really bad?”

Lookmhee’s smile was teasing, open. “It’s not. I can tell.”

“Oh can you?”

“Yes!” Lookmhee announced, so sure of herself. “It’s my gift.”

“You’re too much,” Sonya said, rolling her eyes. But the heaviness in her chest was lighter, somehow.

“What about you?” Sonya asked. “You said you had a bad day last time. What happened?”

Lookmhee’s smile faded. “You wouldn’t get it.”

“Tell me,” Sonya said seriously. “Maybe I can help.”

“We just met.”

“So what?” Sonya shrugged. “Let me try.”

A minute passed, while Lookmhee studied her, eyes dark and shining from the alcohol.

“I’m scared of heights,” she said eventually.

Sonya’s mouth fell open. That was the absolute last thing she’d expected.

“It’s stupid, isn’t it?” Lookmhee said bitterly. She ran a hand through her long hair. “An air hostess afraid of heights. But it’s true. I don’t know what I was thinking except I wanted to travel and see the world and…” Her voice melted into a whisper. “I didn’t know it would be this bad. I tripped on my first day, carrying drinks, and fell into the doors. I made a huge mess, and when I looked through the window… It was so far down. My crew won’t stop making fun of me.”

“Oh,” Sonya said. “That’s…”

“Embarrassing?” Lookmhee offered, waving her hands around. “Horrible?”

“So brave,” Sonya said. She reached out a hand to squeeze Lookmhee’s shoulder. “It must be terrifying, but I would never have noticed. You were great today!”

Lookmhee eyes narrowed. “Are you making fun of me too?”

Sonya blinked. “No. I’m really not.”

Lookmhee’s gaze fell to Sonya’s hand on her shoulder then, so Sonya snatched it back. “I just think it’s cool you did something you were scared to do. I’m scared of everything,” she said, shaking her head and smiling.

“I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it,” Lookmhee said. “It’s a little easier now, but my crew already decided I’m no good at the job. It was nice to hang out with you guys for a while.”

Sonya sat forward. “I’ll tell Sam. Maybe she can request a transfer.”

“I don’t think that’s possible.”

“Why not?” Sonya said stubbornly. “I’ll explain everything. I’m sure she’ll understand. That is, if it’s okay with you.”

“Um…”

“Here,” Sonya said, holding out her phone. “Take my Line ID. Just tell me if you want to try it, okay? Think about it.”

Lookmhee nodded reluctantly. “That’s really nice of you,” she said, looking closely at Sonya again. “You’re not what I expected. You seemed so intimidating, at first. But you’re kind.”

Sonya’s face was warm. Must have been the drinks.

“Well, I like you,” Sonya said honestly. “But I’m not that nice. I played a Krasue in my high school play.”

Lookmhee laughed so hard she knocked over her empty glass.

Sonya glared. “What’s funny? I was really good!” It was true. Her mom said so, and all her friends. Her face had a fierce look, and everyone knew it.

“I’m sorry,” Lookmhee said, though she didn’t look sorry. “Your face is a little scary. But you’re so beautiful and way too sweet to be a monster.”

Sonya turned away to hide the blush that crept across her face, and the warmth that pooled in her stomach.

“Sorry,” Lookmhee said again. “I’m tired. And maybe drunk.”

“Definitely drunk.”

Sam and Top finally sat down. “Your turn!” Sam called, handing her microphone to Sonya.

Top handed his to Lookmhee. “Last one, I’m sleepy!”

Lookmhee took the mic and gestured for Sonya to go first.

They stepped up to the screen and scrolled through the song list.

“How about a new one?” Lookmhee said. “Ooh!” she squeaked, startling Sonya. “I love this song!” She pointed to the first song on the list.

“Moonlit floor?” Sonya asked.

“Yes!”

“Romantic,” Sonya pointed out. “You don’t seem like the romance type.”

A shadow fell across Lookmhee’s face, but in a moment it was gone. “I’m full of surprises.” Lookmhee winked, and it was so charming Sonya gave in. “Okay, let’s do it.”

The first verse went fine, but went they got to the second verse, Sonya felt it.

The music, the warmth that hadn’t stopped spreading through her chest. The curious look in Lookmhee’s eyes, and the way she kept glancing at Sonya’s exposed stomach when she thought she wasn’t looking. And all that talk about kisses and tongues and caresses. It was a little too much.

Sonya was suddenly very aware of Lookmhee, standing beside her, singing with her - to her almost. Lookmhee’s full lips formed a perfect M - a cupid’s bow with two little peaks. Sonya’s heart pounded in her ears.

In the middle of the song, she stumbled back to the couch. No more drinks.

“Bathroom!” she called and ran. She caught a final glimpse of Lookmhee’s puzzled face as she flew through the door.

The bathroom turned out to be pink and sparkly – two things Sonya would usually appreciate, but now she gripped the sink with both hands. She’d had too much to drink. They both had. In the morning, they’d go back to being crewmates. God she needed sleep.

She stepped sheepishly back into their karaoke room, holding up both hands. “Sorry,” she lied, “thought I might be sick.”

Lookmhee was sitting upright on the couch, watching Sonya carefully. Obviously worried.

Guilt washed through Sonya.

Sam and Top were watching her too, although Top looked as if he might not be awake much longer.

“Let’s call it,” Sam said cheerfully. “It’s been a long day.”

Lookmhee nodded and went to pull Top to his feet.

In the end, the four of them decided to split two taxis. Sam abandoned her car in the parking lot. “I’ll get it later,” she said, as if it weren’t the first time she’d done this.

Sonya was careful to ride home with Top and not Lookmhee, which worked since apparently Lookmhee’s apartment was on the other side of town from hers.

In the taxi, Top fell asleep, his head propped up on one fist.

Sonya stared out into the dark streets of the city. It was still bustling at nearly 2 in the morning.

She couldn’t stop hearing Lookmhee’s low, airy voice.

Sonya leaned against the window.

…you’re so beautiful…

She closed her eyes.

Oh, oh no.

Chapter Text

It wasn’t even a full day before Lookmhee messaged her about transferring crews. Sonya was happy to help - or happy to ask Sam for help anyway.

Sam nodded when Sonya told her Lookmhee’s story.

“She’s really trying and I’m sorry to ask for a favor when I’m still new and…” Sonya couldn’t stop herself from rambling.

Sam held up a hand.

“It’s okay,” Sam said. “I’ll talk to HR. They’re worried about morale right now, so I think we can swing something.”

That’s all it took.

Sonya came to work a week later, and there was Lookmhee, standing in the front compartment, taking over Sam’s meal shift.

“Oh!” Sonya shouted, catching the irritated glare of a first-class passenger.

“You’re here,” she said quietly. “Are you really here? Like you got the transfer?”

“I’m really here.” Lookmhee put down the meal she was holding. Then she stepped forward and grabbed both of Sonya’s hands. “Thank you so much.” She looked so happy, Sonya felt a nervous giggle bubbling up from somewhere.

Lookmhee’s smile was so bright it lit up her whole face.

Before Sonya could say anything, Lookmhee leaned in and hugged her. And not just a casual hug either. The kind of strong, full-body hug that took your breath away.

It was a few seconds before Sonya pulled back, remembering where they were.

“I’m happy for you,” she said more formally.

Lookmhee was still grinning, looking at her with that warm, open expression Sonya would probably be seeing a lot more of.

And actually, that was the first time it happened. The strange, peaceful feeling.

The next three weeks went by so fast she barely realized time was passing.

Up early, drive to work (she was getting tired of driving already) flight shifts, or paperwork, or training – and then back home. They went out for karaoke a few more times, but she didn’t drink and neither did Lookmhee.

They messaged each other almost every day. Not about anything important, just to check in about work or share a new song they’d heard or a new pair of shoes they found. And when Lookmhee was running late, which apparently happened often.

The second time she felt that feeling, they were 9,000 meters in the air, cruising over the Gulf.

Sonya was holding a pot of coffee when she lurched forward, nearly spilling the burning liquid all over the passengers in the third to last row. Lookmhee stood on the other side of the cart, eyes already widening in alarm.

The sudden, jerky rocking didn’t bode well at all. Sonya tried to plant her feet like Sam taught her – imagine you’re wearing boots made of lead.

“What’s going on?” one of the passengers asked.

“Just some turbulence,” Lookmhee answered quickly.

The captain’s voice echoed through the cabin shortly thereafter. “Kindly take your seats,” he said. “We’re flying around a storm and there may be some rough air before we clear it. Our hostesses will need to pause food service.”

Sonya leaned around the food cart and reached for Lookmhee’s hand. “Don’t worry,” she whispered.

“I’m not,” Lookmhee said, so calm, at least on the outside. You’d never know she was afraid, but Sonya could see the thin lines around her nose, and the subtle definition in her jaw that indicated otherwise.

They returned the cart to the back and strapped into temporary seats. Alone behind the curtain, Sonya studied Lookmhee. She had that faraway look in her eyes now, and a death grip on the belt across her chest.

“Hey!” Sonya said. “Stay with me.”

Lookmhee gave Sonya a tight smile. “I’m okay.”

But even Sonya was starting to worry about the way the plane jerked, throwing them around like toys. More than a few times they dropped so suddenly, she heard cries of dismay from the cabin.

“Ugh,” Sonya managed, holding down a wave of nausea.

Lookmhee had gone pale, and her eyes were closed.

So Sonya took her hand, rubbing a thumb over her index finger as gently as possible. She hummed softly, hoping no one else would hear. Just a little bit of Lookmhee’s favorite song, Moonlit floor.

Lookmhee sat very, very still.

Sonya stopped after a while, worried. “Are you okay?”

“Keep going,” Lookmhee said immediately.

Surprised, Sonya kept humming, trying to keep up rhythm of the song with all the jostling. Her voice sounded small in her own ears, but Lookmhee’s grip on her belt loosened, just a little.

Sonya tried to relax in her seat, ready for a long afternoon. A few minutes later though, the turbulence eased. She breathed a long sigh of relief.

But it wasn’t over.

Sam threw open the curtain, startling Lookmhee.

“Come up front!” Sam ordered. “Now.” She disappeared without another word.

Sonya unbuckled herself with shaking hands. She’d never seen Sam look like that before.

Lookmhee stood up too. “I’ll come with you.”

They followed Sam up to the front of the plane, where they found a middle-aged man lying face-up on the floor.

Sonya gasped, putting a hand to her throat. Icy cold crept down her back.

Lookmhee stepped closer, wrapping a steadying arm around her waist. Sonya absent-mindedly reached for Lookmhee’s hand and held it.

“He’s conscious,” Sam said. “But barely.”

Sonya took another look at the man, whose watery eyes tried and failed to focus on anything.

“What happened?” Sonya asked, glancing around. Everyone in earshot was staring at them and several people were whispering.

“He fell over,” a teenager from the nearest row supplied.

One of the seats in that row was empty, presumably belonging to the man on the ground. Thankfully, there was just enough space in the aisle for him.

“We don’t know anything else,” Sam said. “He doesn’t have any medical tags.” She pointed to the man’s bare neck and wrists. “And he’s traveling alone.”

Top was sitting beside the man, holding a hand to his forehead. “He’s cold,” Top said. “No fever.”

Sonya didn’t know what to do, her thorough familiarity with the air hostess manual deserting her as she gazed down at the supine passenger. They were stranded over the Gulf, at least 20 minutes from land.

In the end, it was Lookmhee who took charge. She walked to the middle of the plane, reaching for the cabin interphone. “Excuse me,” she said into the receiver, so steady even Sonya felt calmer. “Is anyone here a medical doctor?”

Silence stretched out uncomfortably, until an older woman sitting on the other side of the plane raised her hand. She climbed out of her window seat and came over, addressing Lookmhee. “I’m retired,” she said, but Lookmhee only nodded.

“Thank you for volunteering, ma’am. Can you take a look at him?”

The retired doctor knelt to check the man’s vitals. She held a hand to his neck, felt his head, placed a hand over his chest, checked his breathing.

“Nothing obviously wrong,” she said, leaning closer. “Sir,” she said. “Can you tell me your name?”

They all crowded around, trying to hear.

Lookmhee reached out and squeezed Sonya’s arm. Sonya realized she’d been clenching her fists and relaxed them.

The doctor was still waiting for a response.

“Fainted?” the man said eventually.

“Yes,” the doctor said. “But you’re safe now. Has this happened before?”

The man shook his head weakly, but the question seemed to steady him. “No.”

“Okay,” said the doctor. “Are you feeling sick?”

“No.”

The doctor frowned as the man lifted a hand and pointed toward his seat. “Took…,” he said, and swallowed. “Took…” he trailed off.

“Oh!” Sonya exclaimed, drawing a worried glance from Lookmhee.

Sonya knelt down and spoke to the passenger. “Did you take something?” she asked. “Do you mind if I check your pockets?”

The man nodded quickly.

“Can I?” Sonya asked the doctor, and when she waved a hand, Sonya checked both of the passenger’s pockets.

Nothing, other than a few baht. Sonya frowned.

But Lookmhee was already reaching under the man’s seat for his backpack. “Can I look in here?” she asked him.

He nodded again.

“Be careful,” Sonya said. “There might be something sharp.”

Lookmhee unzipped the front pocket of the bag and reached inside. She pulled out a small, plastic bottle and shook it. “Sleeping pills.”

The doctor reached for the bottle. She read the label and held it up so the man could see. “How many did you take? Do you remember?”

He shook his head. “Three?” This earned a frown from the doctor.

“It’s the altitude,” she said. “Medication doesn’t affect you the same way.”

“What do we do?” Sam asked. “Do we need to make an emergency stop?”

Sonya held her breath.

The doctor looked down at the man. “Your name,” she tried again. “Do you remember your name?”

Hazy, bloodshot eyes looked up at the doctor. They wandered to Lookmhee. He shook his head.

“Emergency stop,” the doctor said, and no one argued.

“He’s fine,” another doctor informed them three hours later. They all stood in the emergency waiting room at the coastal hospital in Macao, exhausted from an endless night. “Probably had a strange reaction to the sleeping pills, and the air pressure changes from the storm – it can happen.”

Well that was news to Sonya.

She was practically falling asleep in her chair. The clock on the wall read 1:42, and only she, Lookmhee, Sam, and the pilots were left in the waiting room. Top and the rest of the crew had already left to check in to their rooms at the small hotel next door. Sonya was starting to think she should have gone with them, but as the newest crew members, they wanted to make a good impression.

Lookmhee glanced at her, raising an eyebrow. Sonya nodded.

That was when she noticed it, even in the midst of total exhaustion. That feeling again.

It was happening more and more. A smile, a touch, sometimes just a look, and she would get that feeling. She and Lookmhee were so in sync, it was almost eerie. Their wordless symbiosis made it so much easier to work together, almost effortless. Even tonight.

It was getting harder to deny, that feeling. She wondered if Lookmhee felt it too.

Lookmhee stood up. “I’m glad he’s okay,” she told the doctor. “Can we head to the hotel?”

“Go,” the captain said. “We all need sleep. Rescheduled flight to Guangzhou leaves at 7:10.”

They all agreed to meet the next morning and rushed to get as much sleep as they could.

In the hotel lobby, Sam handed Sonya two room keys. Sonya looked down at the plastic sleeve wrapped around the keys. Room 418.

Sam’s seniority earned her a single room, since they had an odd number of staff members on the team. The pilots roomed together. Which left…

She took the keys from Sam, who headed off to the elevator without a word.

“Just us,” Lookmhee said, slipping one of the keys into her pocket. They both stood there for a minute, awkward for the first time since they’d met.

“Are you okay with sharing a room?” Lookmhee asked finally.

“Don’t think we have a choice,” Sonya said.

“I can get my own if you’d be more comfortable.”

“No,” Sonya said. “That’s ridiculous. It’s totally fine. We’ll barely get any sleep anyway.”

Lookmhee’s mouth snapped closed. Her cheeks were red.

“Oh no…no!” Sonya swallowed. “I didn’t mean that. We have to get up early.”

Lookmhee bent over, and for a second, Sonya thought she was angry.

“You’re laughing at me!” Sonya realized. She slapped Lookmhee’s arm, a bit harder than she meant to.

“Oww!” Lookmhee complained, grinning like an idiot.

“You’re impossible,” Sonya said, but she was laughing too. It was nice to laugh after such a crazy day.

“Come on,” Lookmhee said, grabbing Sonya’s hand. “You need sleep.”

They found room 418, a neat one-bedroom suite with two twin beds. They didn’t even bother to shower, just brushed their teeth, washed their faces, changed, and climbed in bed.

Sonya waited while Lookmhee used the bathroom first. The sounds of splashing water she could hear through the door were…embarrassing somehow. Intimate, like something she shouldn’t be overhearing.

Lookmhee came out quickly, wearing a loose t-shirt and a pair of boxers just fitted enough to make Sonya look away.

Lookmhee cleared her throat. “I didn’t know I’d be sharing a room with anyone tonight.”

“Right,” Sonya said reasonably. “Me either.”

She took her turn in the bathroom, grateful for the full-length black silk pajamas she’d thought to bring. She always liked nice clothes for longer flights.

When she came out to the bedroom without her makeup on, she froze for a minute, wondering what Lookmhee would think.

But Lookmhee looked up and gave her that smile again, the one that made her arms tingle. “You’re hideous,” Lookmhee said playfully, reading her thoughts again.

“Shut up,” Sonya growled, but she couldn’t quite hide her own smile. It must have been the late hour, because she added, “I thought you said I was beautiful.”

Her tone was teasing, but Lookmhee answered seriously. “You are.”

Something in her eyes made Sonya shiver.

Okay, well that was a bad idea.

She had no idea what to say, so she climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. She really didn’t like the feelings starting in her stomach, the longing she felt there.

She hadn’t felt anything like this in a long time. Years. Since her forever-ago ex-boyfriend, the one she didn’t like to think about.

Lookmhee wasn’t anything like him, not really. Plus they were coworkers, and they were supposed to be sleeping, not…doing whatever they were doing.

“Sonya?” Lookmhee said her name softly.

“Hmm?”

“Can I turn off the light?”

Sonya sat up. “Oh I forgot!”

Lookmhee went to turn off the light. Within seconds, they lay in their own beds, darkness pressing in around them.

It was strange to know she was right there, so close. Sonya tried to imagine Lookmhee’s face in the dark. What was she thinking?

“Sonya?” Lookmhee’s voice was softer this time. It sent a thrill of excitement through Sonya.

“Yes?”

Lookmhee hesitated, long enough for Sonya to wonder what was coming. When she spoke, her voice was gentle, “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Sonya said. Her voice came out a little squeaky.

“Unconvincing,” Lookmhee shot back. Even in the dark, Sonya could feel her smiling.

“It was a weird day. Scary, you know?” She paused, then confessed, “I thought he was dead, for a second. Is that bad?”

Lookmhee shifted in her bed “No. I wasn’t sure either, at first. I’m really glad he wasn’t.”

“Me too,” Sonya whispered. They spent a moment in silence. “Lookmhee?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you were there. I’m glad you’re here now.” Sonya wanted to reach out, to remind herself that Lookmhee was actually there, and real, and solid. “I…um…” She stopped, not sure if she should say more. She wrapped her arms around herself, chilly in the air conditioning.

Sonya sniffed, and it was only then she realized she was crying. She tried to cover her mouth, so Lookmhee didn’t hear. But it was too late.

Lookmhee’s blankets rustled, and Sonya heard the slap of slippers on the wood floor. Then silence.

Sonya could barely see in the dark, but she sensed Lookmhee standing close by.

“Are you crying?” Lookmhee asked, surprise coloring the question.

Sonya sniffed again.

“Can I sit with you?” Lookmhee whispered. “I can’t see you but, can I?”

Sonya was afraid to speak. Her stomach churned dangerously.

Lookmhee took a slow step forward. She sat on Sonya’s bed, only the thin blanket separating them.

“Don’t cry,” Lookmhee said, sounding unsure. She rested her hand lightly on Sonya’s head. “I’m here, okay? That guy’s going to be fine.” She stroked Sonya’s hair.

But it wasn’t just that guy. It was the fear, and the warm weight of Lookmhee’s hand. Her ex didn’t stroke her hair, or read her mind, or make her feel safe.

Sonya couldn’t help herself, she scooted closer, resting her forehead against Lookmhee’s knee.

She wasn’t sure how long she stayed like that, crying. Eventually she pulled away, taking a big gulp of air.

“Are you wearing perfume?” Sonya asked.                                                          

“Yeah,” Lookmhee said. “Do you like it?”

“Mmm,” Sonya said. “It’s really nice.”

“Jo Malone,” Lookmhee said. “It’s pear or something.”

“English pear,” Sonya corrected.

“You’re feeling better,” Lookmhee said drily.

“I am,” Sonya said. “Thank you.” She really meant it.

“Should I go?”

This time, Sonya was sure of her answer. “No.”

“Do you want me to sleep over here?” Lookmhee asked. “The bed’s pretty big. I can stay on my side.”

Sonya knew Lookmhee was trying to read her face in the dark. “Yes please,” Sonya whispered.

She wiggled backwards so Lookmhee could climb in. They lay next to each other for a while, Sonya inhaling the scent of Lookmhee’s perfume, and Lookmhee thinking of what, Sonya didn’t know.

Pretty soon she fell asleep.

The next morning, they woke up before dawn, took turns showering, and got dressed. They didn’t talk about the previous night, but there was something softer in Lookmhee’s expression, more tentative.

Something had changed between them, but Sonya didn’t know exactly what. Not yet.

It wasn’t until they returned to Bangkok late the next day, until she was lying in her own bed, that her phone lit up with a message.

22:58

Lookmhee

Do you want to go out for lunch this weekend? Just the two of us?

Chapter Text

Sonya smiled at the reflection in her bathroom mirror.

Hair! Washed and pulled back into an over-the-shoulder braid, a few curls on either side of her face.

Makeup! On but natural, not overdone. Eyebrows dark and shaped. Light mascara, touch of eye liner. Rose lipstick, pretty but subtle. Little bit of foundation and blush. Delicate, chill.

Outfit! Light blue crop top, jean skirt and sunglasses. Simple silver necklace, nails done. White running shoes and matching bag waiting by the door.

The whole look said: I’m easygoing. I’m fun!

And she was fun. And easygoing.

Well, fun at least…

Sonya didn’t dwell on how long she’d been planning this look. Instead, she nodded at herself, left the bathroom and checked her phone.

Lookmhee

there in 5!

She frowned at the casual message, even as a nervous flutter hit her stomach. Lookmhee was always so brief. She never wrote in full sentences or anything, like messaging Sonya wasn’t that important.

She shook the thought away, though, pulling on her shoes.

It was fine, totally fine. She was probably busy driving anyway.

Five minutes later Lookmhee’s car pulled up outside her apartment. Sonya swallowed her nerves and got in before she could overthink anything else.

“Hi!” she said brightly.

Lookmhee gave her outfit an appreciative scan, taking in the top and skirt. “Nice shirt,” she complimented. “I like your shoes too.”

She lingered for the briefest moment on Sonya’s legs. When Mhee looked back up at Sonya, her eyes were searching, almost shy.

“Where are we going?” Sonya asked, thrown off by that look.

Lookmhee sat back, hands on the wheel. “I was thinking Soi 1000.”

“Isn’t that hard to get into? On a Saturday?”

Lookmhee shrugged. “Won’t hurt to try.”

It only took them forty minutes to get there, but Sonya had enough time to enjoy her time in the passenger’s seat. It was nice to have Lookmhee driving, and she looked kind of cool! Mhee’s jeans perfectly fit her body, and her fitted tank top was casual but neat at the same time. Blue, just like Sonya’s. Their shoes even looked alike, even though Mhee’s were orange. Her sunglasses were nice too, and with her arms casually draped across the wheel, her eyes taking in the streets - she looked every bit the perfect date. Sonya’s cheeks warmed again. She didn’t have a lot of chances to study Lookmhee like this, so close up and in street clothes. The curve of Lookmhee’s waist was so pronounced, and her hips were so…

Lookmhee turned and caught her staring. Her lips curved into a sideways smirk.

Sonya dropped her gaze to her lap. She was so shy! Why was she so shy?

You know why, a voice told her, but she ignored it.

As Sonya predicted, Soi 1000 was packed with people. Lookmhee asked for a table, but the host’s smile was apologetic.

Sonya could already see the tension in Lookmhee’s jaw, and in the way she was leaning forward, just a bit, trying to hear above the noise, but also, Sonya suspected, to get a look at the long waiting list the host was holding.

Sonya stepped forward, reaching for Lookmhee’s hand and holding it tightly. “Please,” she said, “It’s our first date. We’ll sit anywhere.”

The host looked her up and down and took in their clasped hands.“We can add a table in the corner, but it’ll be tight.”

“Perfect!” Sonya said, giving the host her best smile. “Thank you so much.”

The table, it turned out, was really tight. She and Lookmhee squeezed onto a single bench, so close their thighs were touching. Sonya felt the warmth in her entire body. She could smell that perfume Lookmhee always wore and figured Lookmhee could smell hers too.

“Sorry about the first date thing,” Sonya said. “I figured it might help.” She eyed Lookmhee. “Is this a date? I wasn’t sure.”

“Um,” Mhee said, looking down at the table. “Sure.”

Awkward silence stretched out between them.

Sure, like if you say so. Or sure like yes, absolutely!

Sonya bit her lip, trying to settle on an answer. But Lookmhee wasn’t giving anything away.

They traded nervous glances while they read the menus, and when the food came, Sonya was ravenous, as much from the tension as she was from actual hunger.

“Okay!” Lookmhee announced, once they’d eaten massive portions of shrimp, fermented fish, papaya salad, and Khao Soi. “I feel better.”

“Me too!” Sonya finally smiled, cheered significantly by the excellent food. “I like this place!”

Mhee beamed, looking genuinely happy. “I thought you would. They have good Khao Soi and a bunch of other stuff you like.”

“How do you know what I like?” she asked playfully. “We haven’t gone out together much.”

“I listen,” Lookmhee said shyly. “Plus, I know a lot about food and restaurants. It’s my thing.”

“You have a lot of things!” Sonya said, laughing.

“I was going to be a chef,” Lookmhee said, so softly Sonya wouldn’t have heard if they hadn’t been sitting so close.

“Oh the hat!”

“Huh?”

Sonya’s stomach flipped, remembering where she’d seen Lookmhee in a chef’s hat. IG. Weeks ago. They followed each other on IG now, but she’d seen the picture before they officially met. Lookmhee really didn’t need to know that.

“I saw a picture,” she admitted. “On your IG,” she added lightly, looking away.

“Oh, that.” Lookmhee didn’t seem suspicious, so Sonya relaxed. “I studied cooking in school,” Lookmhee said.

“You’ve never told me that,” Sonya observed. “But you’re always talking about food so it makes sense.”

“I just think nutrition is super important for health. We should all be eating more protein and staying active and not eating too much sugar and…”

Sonya giggled, prompting Lookmhee to stop her speech mid-sentence. “What?”

“You’re cute. So passionate.”

Lookmhee’s face colored, and the effect was so endearing, so charming.

She’s really amazing.

And that was when she noticed the rapid tick of Lookmhee’s pulse at the base of her neck. She watched, transfixed by the motion. Beat, beat, beat, right above the curve of her collar bone.

The sight was somehow familiar and new and exciting all at the same time. Her neck was so close.

Sonya dragged her gaze back up, ready for Lookmhee to tease her for staring.

But Lookmhee’s attention was elsewhere. She was staring at Sonya’s right ear.

Suddenly, Mhee reached out and tucked a strand of Sonya’s hair back, smoothing it carefully. Then she trailed a finger down the side of Sonya’s face and along her jaw.

“Thank you,” Sonya said, her voice embarrassingly faint.

“You want to do something else?” Lookmhee asked. “I’ve got the whole day.”

Sonya nodded quickly. “Shopping. Let’s go shopping.”

“You’ve got it!”

Lookmhee paid the bill, ignoring Sonya’s offer to split the check in half. “It was my idea,” Lookmhee said stubbornly.

Sonya gave up eventually. “Such a gentleman.”

Lookmhee gave her that devastating smile, and she didn’t look away this time.

Sonya wasn’t sure where the whole shopping thing came from, except that she loved clothes. She loved styles, and colors, and putting outfits together, and every single bit of it. They found a mall nearby, and before she knew it, the two of them were wandering around P Market, eagerly pulling shirts and pants off the racks and holding them up to each other.

Lookmhee, it turned out, loved clothes too. Her style was a big edgier, but Sonya quickly found herself excited about the idea of picking out clothes for Lookmhee.

“Beautiful! Beautiful! So beautiful!” she found herself saying over and over. Every shirt she found looked great on Lookmhee. It was kind of ridiculous, and so so fun. She could get addicted to this.

Lookmhee picked out a few things for Sonya, with a lot less drama. She seemed to like the frilly tops and lighter colors on her. Sonya filed that information away for later.

They found a dressing room in the back and carried armfuls of clothes into their respective stalls. Bizarrely, the dressing room was empty. It was just the two of them.

“Come out and show me everything!” Sonya ordered. “Pants first!”

Lookmhee rolled her eyes, but Sonya could tell she was excited too.

Sonya pulled on a pair of loose cream-colored trousers and waited on a chair outside her stall for Lookmhee. The stall door opened, and Lookmhee was already pouting when she emerged.

Sonya laughed so hard she nearly fell of the chair. Lookmhee actually looked great, but the pink leather pants Sonya chose for her didn’t match at all with the blue tank top she was already wearing.

“So cute!” Sonya exclaimed anyway, clapping her hands together.

“Itchy,” Lookmhee argued, still frowning.

Sonya stood up and came closer, fixing the waist of the pants and kneeling down to check the length. Not bad, but definitely weird.

“You don’t have to get those,” Sonya said.

Lookmhee sagged in relief. “Thank god.”

They tried on a few more pants, not finding anything they loved yet. Then they went through the shirts. Lookmhee gave a few appreciative comments on her choices for Sonya, even whistling at the sight of the black, lacey off-the-shoulder top Sonya happened to like too.

“Sexy,” Lookmhee offered, grinning somewhat wolfishly.

Heat went straight to Sonya’s cheeks. “You like this kind of thing?” She pulled at the laced-up sleeves. It was interesting, mature but refined too. Not exactly her usual style, but if Sonya was honest, she looked…good. Alluring almost. Though if she wore it, she knew she’d be shy in a crowd. Not that she wasn’t now.

“Stop looking at me like that,” she told Lookmhee.

Mhee turned sheepish in an instant. “Sorry it’s just, wow.”

“Okay, okay,” Sonya said. “I think we’re done.” She looked at the pile of clothes in both of their stalls. “Guess we should go.”

“Wait!” Lookmhee said. “I have an idea.”

She narrowed her eyes at Sonya. Then she ran off.

Standing alone in the dressing room, Sonya took a deep breath. It was like coming down off of three cups of coffee - the constant buzz she felt around Lookmhee. Now that she’d left, the room felt colder, emptier somehow. She wrapped her arms around herself, chilly in the thin fabric.

Eventually, Lookmhee bounded back into the dressing room, carrying something new. She held up a sleeveless, rose and white jumpsuit, with wide-leg pants and a cinched waist. It was covered in an elaborate geometric pattern.

“I saw this earlier,” Lookmhee said. “I think it’s you.”

Sonya studied the jumpsuit. “I don’t have one, but yeah, let’s try it. I love the pattern.” She really loved the pattern. It was a work of art all on its own.

She went back into her dressing room, and after several minutes of trying to climb into the thing, she stepped back from the mirror.

Lookmhee was soooo right. Something about it was just…her. The deep, rose color was so vibrant, it matched her lipstick perfectly.

She stepped out of the dressing room, eager to hear what Lookmhee thought.

Mhee’s eyebrows rose nearly to her hairline and she stared, unsmiling. Sonya braced herself for whatever was coming. But then she pointed to a three-way, full-length mirror at the end of the dressing room. “Look.”

Sonya went to the mirror, positioning herself so she could see from each angle. She turned around twice.

She could see Lookmhee through the mirror too, standing right behind her, face unreadable.

“What’s wrong?” Sonya asked. “You don’t like it,” she couldn’t quite keep the disappointment out of her voice.

Lookmhee shook her head and stepped forward, stopping just behind Sonya, visible over her right shoulder. Her eyes met Sonya’s through the mirror, and there was something deliberate and uncertain in them.

Sonya didn’t move, or speak, or turn to face her. Some riotous mix of anticipation and who knew what other emotions bubbled inside her, but she couldn’t begin to sort it all out. She could only watch Mhee as she wordlessly brought her face down to the curve between Sonya’s neck and shoulder.

Mhee closed her eyes and inhaled. Then she sighed, groaning softly, almost painfully. Her nose brushed lightly over Sonya’s skin, while the warmth of her breath fell on Sonya’s shoulder.

Sonya could feel her own eyes drifting closed. Her heart raced, a rush of adrenaline lighting up every part of her body.

Lookmhee’s lips landed softly on her shoulder.

She couldn’t help herself, she moaned, not caring how it sounded.

Her hands itched to reach for Lookmhee, but she held them still, just taking in the sensations moving through her neck, her chest, her stomach, and further down.

That thought, the thought of where this was heading, sobered Sonya enough for her to turn around and step back.

“Mhee,” she said, breathless. “What was…”

But Mhee’s expression stopped her: open and intent and utterly, devastatingly vulnerable.

Sonya swallowed.

“You looked happy,” Lookmhee said. Her cheeks were still flushed. “Your whole face lit up. In that,” she added, indicating the jumpsuit.

Sonya blinked at the truth of it. For the first time in a while, she was really, really happy.

Lookmhee took a slow step closer, instantly reigniting the heat between them. It was so strong, the need to reach out to her, to get closer. But Sonya didn’t move, afraid to break whatever spell they were under.

Lookmhee was centimeters away now, close enough for Sonya to see the texture in her dark brown eyes.

“You have a mole on your cheek,” Lookmhee said, leaning even closer. Her gaze fell from Sonya’s cheek to her lips and stayed there.

“Yeah I do,” Sonya said absently.

She reached up, buried both hands in Lookmhee’s hair and kissed her.

Chapter Text

It took a moment for Lookmhee to process what was happening.

Her body was on fire, her nerves alight with sensation, heat racing up and down her limbs like a living thing. She opened her mouth, surprised, only to feel the sharp thrill of Sonya’s teeth on her lower lip.

Her hands moved on their own, reaching up to Sonya’s face, confirming that they were, in fact, engaged in what could only be described as a kiss. A very, very intense kiss.

Her mind was already letting go, dissolving into the urgent pressure of Sonya’s lips and the raw, physical need to touch her, to get closer.

Her fingers traced a line down the back of Sonya’s neck. Sonya shivered, tightening her grip on Lookmhee’s hair, only stoking the fiery heat between them. Encouraged and barely aware of what she was doing, Lookmhee’s fingers swept down Sonya’s spine, under her arms and around to her stomach. They stopped at her waist, digging in gently, reminding them both of the sheer power of what they were feeling.

It went on forever, the kissing yes, but also the breathless wonder of being so close to someone she—she—

Her mouth moved. “Sonya,” she said against Sonya’s lips. Sonya pulled back immediately, face red, breathing hard.

They looked at each other, slowly remembering where they were. The silence was getting awkward, not helped by the ache Lookmhee felt in the aftermath of what had possibly been the best kiss she’d ever had in her life.

Sonya had a strange expression on her face, like she was feeling something too. Lookmhee wasn’t sure how to make sense of it, so she coughed, dropped her eyes to the jumpsuit and said, “You should really get that.”

Sonya blinked. And then – as Lookmhee had hoped - she laughed. The tightness in Lookmhee’s chest eased a little bit. Sonya was smiling again. “Yeah, I think I should.”

They left the dressing room together, and Lookmhee bought the jumpsuit for Sonya, waving away her protests.

“You’re going to have to let me pay for something,” Sonya complained.

“Maybe.”

When they finally stepped out of the store, it was late afternoon. The monsoon was already underway, so Lookmhee shielded Sonya with her jacket as they ran to the car.

Lookmhee drove through the rain and traffic back to Sonya’s apartment. The air in the car felt charged. Sonya turned to look at her every few minutes, but Lookmhee kept her attention on the road. She was trying to resist the urge to say something, anything to interrupt the relentless quiet. She’d never liked silence, not really. It made her nervous.

“Lookmhee,” Sonya said eventually.

“Mmm.” Lookmhee tried her best not to fidget, but her finger tapped restlessly against the wheel.

“We’re okay right?” Sonya asked. “I don’t know what exactly happened back there, but I don’t want it to get in the way—or make things weird.”

“No,” Lookmhee said too quickly. She was making it weird already. “No,” she repeated. “We’re okay, of course we are.”

“Good,” Sonya said, though she didn’t seem very sure.

They parted ways and Mhee told herself nothing would change. They were just starting to build a friendship, and they worked together – two facts she clung to. She wouldn’t be the one to ruin things.

But alone at home that evening, she couldn’t sit still. Her two dramatic cats picked up on her restlessness and spent a tense hour curled up on her stomach and legs, respectively. To give them a break, Lookmhee decided to walk down her block to the market. She’d make dinner, because that was a normal thing to do on a Saturday night. Dinner. Normal.

The market was crowded, which ordinarily wouldn’t bother her. But today, she stood at the fish counter – staring at tilapia, mackerel, crab, and shrimp – with no clue what to choose.

Eventually, an auntie touched her arm. “Are you okay?”

Lookmhee was caught entirely off guard by the question, yet another sign that she wasn’t herself. Frustration seeped in around her embarrassment. “I’m fine,” she said.

“Get the shrimp,” the auntie advised, smiling at her.

Sonya likes shrimp.

“I will, thank you,” Lookmhee said.

She reached for a packet of shrimp, the entire situation striking her as dream-like. The noisy market, the auntie’s knowing smile, the heavy packet of shrimp.

What is happening to me?

She carried the shrimp home, along with pork stock, coriander (she was out), garlic, cilantro, and sliced ginger.

An hour later, she lifted her best knife, eyeing the shrimp critically. Shrimp. Shrimp was good. Shrimp was a safe choice. Shrimp was delicious.

For a wild moment, she pulled out her phone and actually started typing a message to Sonya.

I ’m making your favorite. Do you want to-

She stopped. She’d never invited Sonya over before, and never this late at night. She didn’t want her to think… But what would she think? They were just friends, no matter what happened earlier.

The very thought of that dressing room brought a smile to her lips. The shy look in Sonya’s eyes was burned into her memory, and that kiss. Lookmhee had only kissed a few people in her life, and it hadn’t been anything like that. She’d had nice kisses and a few kisses that made her heart pound. But with Sonya, she felt something else. Nice, heart pounding, yes. But kissing Sonya hurt, like she felt it in her whole body. Especially in her chest.

But it hurt in a good way. And a bad way?

She shook her head, still staring at her phone. She erased the message.

Mhee never lost her cool, not really. She was someone people looked up to. At least before she shared a hotel room with Sonya, and Sonya started crying, and the only thing Lookmhee wanted was to make her feel better, and happy and safe.

Hearing her cry almost killed me.

Lookmhee wasn’t the sentimental type, or the friend you wanted around when you were crying. That wasn’t her, was it?

This is exactly why I hate feelings. They’re so confusing!

“I’ll see her tomorrow,” she told herself, putting her phone away. They had a couple short flights planned for their Sunday shifts. It wouldn’t be weird.

She went back to her shrimp. She’d bring some to work tomorrow, for lunch. And a little extra for Sonya.

Work went fine.

She met Sonya as usual, first thing in the morning near the rear doors, reassured by how normal Sonya looked in her neatly pressed uniform and everyday makeup. “I brought shrimp porridge for lunch,” Lookmhee said immediately. “No big deal,” she added.

She kicked herself for that, since Sonya gave her a strange look.

A rocky start, but she did her best to focus on work, ignoring the way Sonya kept looking at her. Like she was trying to figure Lookmhee out. The scrutiny made her nervous, but she also wanted to reassure Sonya that they were totally fine.

So she tried to act exactly as she had before. She tried not to overthink the casual touches between them, or the way her hands wanted to linger on Sonya’s waist now, or her shoulder, or her back.

It seemed to work more or less. She was doing it, she was cool. They were cool.

Until they left work at 19:30 and stood waiting on the corner together. “You can go home,” Lookmhee told Sonya. “I promised I’d go out with my friend Earth tonight. He’s coming to pick me up.”

Sonya was undeterred. “I can wait,” she said simply.

Lookmhee knew she was tapping her foot, eager to get away from the confusing thoughts cycling through her head. Hurry up Earth.

Sonya smelled good today, and she was standing close enough to make Lookmhee nervous. She hadn’t wanted to dwell on it, but the truth was hard to ignore. After that kiss, it was as if the air between them sparkled with the possibility of more. What might happen hung over them, stronger even than what had happened already.

“You’re acting weird,” Sonya said, so suddenly and so directly that Lookmhee actually felt like she might cry.

She was trying so hard, but she was obviously failing. “I’m not.”

“You are,” Sonya insisted gently. “Look at me.”

Lookmhee forced herself to turn, momentarily stunned by the sincerity in Sonya’s eyes. She was so gorgeous, even now, even in the half-dark with her lower lip curled into a pout. This was hopeless.

Terrified that she really would cry, Lookmhee coughed instead. “I’m just tired,” she tried, looking around the corner again. Where was Earth? She was getting desperate.

Blessedly, the maniac came careening around the corner a moment later. “Hey!” he called to Lookmhee, and she would be eternally grateful for his cheerful good humor.

“Hey Earth!” she waved more enthusiastically than the situation warranted.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” she asked Sonya, actually wanting some reassurance herself.

But before Sonya could answer, Earth called out. “Is she coming too? Please tell me she’s coming.”

Sonya grinned. “He’s fun,” she said, pointing at Earth, who was practically hanging out of the car window.

“Something like that,” Lookmhee said, rolling her eyes. “No Earth! She’s just waiting with me.”

“You want to come?” Earth shouted at Sonya.

“Sure!” Sonya called back and WHAT.

“What?” Lookmhee yelped.

“Don’t worry! She can pay!” Earth waved for Sonya to get in the car.

Sonya gave Lookmhee a quick look, presumably for permission since Earth was her friend after all.

Lookmhee made a strangled sound, but Sonya looked so hopeful and Earth was still waving, the buffoon.

“Come,” Lookmhee said, giving in.

The three of them sped off. Six insane turns and two near bike collisions later, they found themselves at Golden, a crowded but relatively intimate dance club.

Earth led the way, paying the cover charge for all of them. Lookmhee knew he could afford it. She also knew how much he loved to blow off steam from his banking job at bars and clubs, and to flirt with the bartenders. Fortunately, he’d given up on flirting with her a few years back, after she made it very clear she wasn’t interested. Most of her friends were guys, so she was used to having the “yes I’m a girl and no I don’t secretly want to go out with you” talk. It was a small price to pay, she supposed, for the cheerful, uncomplicated company of her guy friends.

Earth in particular loved a chill night out, no drama.

Lookmhee wanted a chill night too. That’s why she’d finally caved and let Earth drag her out tonight. Yet, with Sonya standing there taking in the bright purple lights of the club, bouncing on her heels like she already wanted to dance. Well, it might not be as chill as she’d hoped.

“Drinks!” Earth yelled above the pulsing music. He made a beeline for the bar.

“Shall we?” Sonya asked, grabbing Lookmhee’s arm and leading her to the dance floor.

In spite of herself, and the warm pressure of Sonya’s fingers on her upper-arm, Lookmhee began to feel a hint of excitement. She liked this club. The DJ usually played older songs, remixed into dance-friendly anthems. Her favorite kind of vibe.

They went to the edge of the floor and wound their way through a few groups of people, carving out a spot. Sonya was already dancing, and Lookmhee couldn’t help herself, she laughed.

She’d expected some kind of torturous, sexy dancing, the polar opposite of the friendly levity she was going for, but instead, Sonya started dancing like a nine-year old at a birthday party, swinging around and making the most ridiculous faces.

Sonya caught her laughing and pretended to be offended. Lookmhee could tell she’d done it on purpose though, to lighten the mood.

Even with the fresh stab of guilt that Sonya needed to lighten anything, Lookmhee was grateful. Sonya knew, of course she knew, how hard this was. But maybe it didn’t need to be.

“Come on!” Sonya said, leaning closer to whisper in Lookmhee’s ear. “Dance!”

Lookmhee shook off her nerves and danced. Not as crazily as Sonya, but she forgot about the drama and tension and just let herself move. She wasn’t the kind of person who overthought things. She didn’t care what people thought. She needed a reminder.

Earth arrived with three mini bottles of liquor, handing one to each of them.

Lookmhee drank half of hers and put the cap back on when Sonya and Earth weren’t looking. She didn’t want to go too far. Plus, she knew someone had to drive them home and by the looks of it, Earth wouldn’t be up for the task. He was already wobbling, and if she knew him, he’d had a drink or two at the bar already. He may or may not have struck up a conversation with whomever he’d found there. Earth wasn’t picky. He saw the beauty in everyone, something Lookmhee admired in part because she herself rarely felt like approaching strangers.

They danced for hours, and Lookmhee had to admit it was fun. The floor was crowded enough that it wasn’t awkward, but not so crowded that they had to constantly rearrange themselves to let people through or make space. Sonya took a few selfies, gesturing for Lookmhee to lean in closer. Lookmhee was very glad she’d only had half of her drink.

Sonya’s face in the bright lights was radiant, her eyes narrowed with pleasure. Her dancing gradually smoothed out until Lookmhee realized she was actually a great dancer, her earlier efforts merely for Lookmhee’s benefit.

Sonya had stripped down to a tank top and jeans, her button-up shirt forgotten on the floor. The magnetic pull of her increasingly messy hair and flushed cheeks was difficult to resist. Lookmhee’s drink must have left her system by now, but her sobriety did nothing to diminish the strength of the need to reach out, to pull Sonya against her and bury her face in Sonya’s neck.

Earth was watching Sonya too, apparently no less immune to the effect she was having. Lookmhee tried to catch his eye. He was losing it, she could tell.

“Hey!” he said to Sonya, smiling widely.

Lookmhee knew what he was thinking. “Let’s go sit down,” she told Earth, taking hold of his shoulder.

He frowned. “Why?”

“You need some water, maybe some food.” She tried to pull him away from Sonya, who was watching them both carefully.

“I’m fine,” Earth mumbled. “Actually,” he began, returning his attention to Sonya. “Do you want to dance? No pressure.”

Lookmhee stepped between them. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” It came out harsh, and she winced at the wounded look on Earth’s face.

“Mhee,” Sonya said, reaching for her hand. “It’s okay.”

“Why’snit a good idea?” Earth tried. “What’s going on?” He looked a little sharper now.

“Nothing,” Lookmhee said.

Earth brightened suddenly. “Oh!” he said, clapping his hands together. “I get it.”

Lookmhee had a moment of premonition, like a single dark cloud on a clear day. Something bad was coming, but it was too late to stop it now.

“You’re that girl,” Earth said, pointing at Sonya. “That girl she’s always talking about.” He turned back to Lookmhee. “The one you’ve been seeing for a long time right?”

Lookmhee’s stomach plummeted at exactly the same moment Sonya let go of her hand.

“No, she’s not,” Lookmhee heard herself say.

Sonya didn’t speak, but Lookmhee could feel her shock. Lookmhee didn’t want to turn around, nearly couldn’t turn around, but she owed Sonya that at least.

When she finally turned, the expression on Sonya’s face left her absolutely speechless.

“No, Sonya,” she tried. “That’s not…”

Sonya cut her off. “I’m sorry, I need to go. I’ll get a taxi. Thank you for inviting me Earth.” She left so abruptly, all Lookmhee could do was watch her go.

After that, she didn’t hear Earth’s questions or register his confusion. She just stared numbly after Sonya.

She didn’t feel cool, not at all.

Chapter Text

Sonya held Sam’s gaze, pleading. “Switch with me.”

Sam wasn’t unsympathetic, but Sonya knew she wasn’t going to agree to this without more information. “First you want her to join our team and now you want ‘space’? What exactly happened between you two?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Sonya said, though the tight squeeze in her chest suggested otherwise. “I just need to figure out how to work with her.” She knew that didn’t explain anything, so she wasn’t surprised when Sam said:

“You were working together perfectly fine before. What changed?”

Sonya felt cornered, but she couldn’t tell Sam the whole truth, and she didn’t want to lie.

Sam squinted at Sonya in the dim light of the front cabin. They still had over an hour before their first flight, but Sonya came in early just for this. Come to think of it, that was probably enough by itself to make Sam suspicious.

“Okay,” Sonya said, dropping her arms to her sides. She paused, listening for noise on the other side of the curtain.

“It’s just us,” Sam said. “Stop stalling and tell me, what’s going on? Did she do something?” Sam’s gaze sharpened. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Sonya said. “Well, sort of fine. I mean she didn’t do anything.” Sonya sighed, feeling tears gathering but willing them away. She wasn’t going to fall apart just because of this. “The truth is we were hanging out more, outside of work.”

Sam waved for her to continue.

“I like her. She’s fun and smart and interesting and gorgeous,” Sonya laughed at herself, a little bitter. “She made me feel—Well I liked spending time with her, that’s all.”

“So what’s wrong with that?” Sam asked. “I mean you work together, but stranger things have happened,” Sam said, with a small smile. Sonya caught the faraway look in her eye and made a mental note to ask about whatever that was later.

“We went out together,” Sonya said, dreading this part of the story already. “We were dancing and, well you don’t need to know all the details I guess.” Sam looked as if she were debating whether or not that was true. “But then her friend mistook me for...”

Sonya couldn’t say it, had barely let herself think it. This was so stupid. She knew better than to start to like someone she hardly knew. To start to hope for something.

“Her mother?” Sam guessed, wrinkling her nose. “Her sister? Her cat?!”

“Sam!” Sonya whipped her head around. If they weren’t alone, someone definitely would have heard that.

“Sorry,” Sam said, grinning apologetically. “You’re just so intense about this.”

“Her girlfriend,” Sonya said, hating the words. “I think she has a girlfriend.”

“No!” Sam said, actually looking shocked. She leaned forward, whispering now. “Lookmhee? She seems like more of the independent type, except when she’s around you. And she never mentioned a girlfriend.”

“I know!” Sonya said. “And we’ve…well we…oh god I can’t say it.”

“You what?” Sam demanded.

Sonya was lightheaded, but it felt good to tell someone. Even if it was technically her boss. “Should I be telling you all this?” she asked suddenly.

“No,” Sam said, shaking her head. “But it’s too late now, I’m invested. What did you do?”

“I kissed her.” It was so pathetic it made her stomach churn.

“What??” Sam yelled.

“Shhhh!” Sonya said, putting a hand over Sam’s mouth.

“Sorry,” Sam said. At least Sonya thought that’s what she said. She withdrew her hand.

“So look. You can’t tell anyone because I guess Lookmhee doesn’t want anyone to know.”

“But what’re you going to do?” Sam asked. “Are you going to ask her about it?”

Sonya groaned. “It’s too embarrassing. It’s all my fault for thinking she liked me.”

Sam shrugged. “She does seem like she likes you.”

Sonya felt a flurry of hope. “Really?”

“Well yes,” Sam said, but she held up a warning hand. “I don’t really know the situation though. Maybe she and her girlfriend aren’t exclusive.”

Sonya’s mouth twisted. “That’s true.”

“Would that change anything?” Sam asked gently.

The tears were starting again. Sonya looked down, defeat making her vision swim. “I don’t know.”

“Talk to her Sonya,” Sam insisted. “At least so you can work together. Do it for me?”

Sonya looked away.

“I’ll take your shift this week okay? Give you time to think about it.”

Sonya turned back. “You will? Oh thank you!”

“You’re welcome,” Sam said. “It’s not easy, liking someone at work.”

“You sound like you’ve done it before,” Sonya said pointedly.

“I’ll tell you the story, someday.”

Sonya nodded.

She turned to go, but Sam said, “Wait, Son.”

“Mmm?”

“How was it, the kiss?” Sam asked, looking sheepish for asking about it.

Sonya’s throat was dry. “Amazing.”

Sam shook her head.

“She messaged me,” Sonya confessed. Three messages, just this morning.

Lookmhee:

Can we talk?

Sonya?

I really need to tell you something.

Sonya couldn’t bring herself to respond. It was just too weird between them now.

And she really, really didn’t want to hear the truth, that Lookmhee liked her but not that way. Or that she’d been trying to tell her about the other girl, but hadn’t had a good opportunity. Or worse, the obvious explanation: that this was why her messages were so short, and why she’d been ambiguous about what Sonya really had hoped was a date. The tension, the evasiveness, this explained it all.

“I can’t bring myself to answer her,” Sonya told Sam.

Sam winced. “Sonya I’m sorry.”

Lookmhee arrived 10 minutes late, and Sonya managed to stall for a full hour of the flight before running into her. She spent more time than she needed to restocking supplies and prepping the food cart, even though Sam would be taking her shift.

Sonya could feel Lookmhee watching her, any time they found themselves in the aisles. But without any duties in common, they didn’t actually need to engage with each other.

In between flights, Sam found Sonya outside their gate in Singapore.

“Lookmhee’s worried about you,” Sam said. “She keeps asking me if you’re okay.”

Guilt gnawed at Sonya, but so did shame. “Pity, great,” she said.

Sam frowned. “I don’t know. I think she feels bad about everything.”

“Not as bad as I feel,” Sonya grumbled.

“Sonya!” Sam said sharply. “Stop that. Be an adult and talk to her please. I can’t run interference for you forever.”

“Ugh,” Sonya said.

Sam tapped her foot impatiently. “Well?”

“Fine. I’ll talk to her.”

“Good.” Sam visibly relaxed. “Things are getting so weird and I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I’ll go get her.”

“Now?!” Sonya spluttered. “But—”

“Yes, now,” Sam cut her off. “Stay here. That’s an official order as your supervisor.”

In less than five minutes, Lookmhee poked her head out of the boarding tunnel.

Sonya’s heart sped up. She wanted to run away, but Lookmhee had dark circles under her eyes and she was making that face that meant she wasn’t sure what exactly was going on, but assumed it was bad.

Seeing that, how tentative and nervous Lookmhee was, Sonya made a decision.

She raised a hand, waving Lookmhee over. “Sit,” Sonya said, sounding surprisingly steady.

Lookmhee started to say something, but Sonya spoke first. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you without asking if you were involved with someone, or what the situation was. It’s my fault, and I made things really weird for you and I’m sorry.”

She couldn’t believe she just said that out loud. Sonya folded her hands neatly in her lap. They were only shaking a little bit.

There. That was done. It actually did help, getting everything out. Her heart was slowing down, re-establishing a normal rhythm. She was already feeling more composed, more in control. She sat up straighter. This was good.

It was only the tiny stabbing pain in the pit of her stomach that reminded her of what she’d lost, the hope that was rapidly fading.

She forced herself to meet Lookmhee’s eyes, preparing for the explanation she knew was coming.

“I made it up,” Lookmhee said, her dark brown eyes steady and deep and absolutely wretched. She reached for Sonya’s hand.

“Made what up?” Sonya was really, really confused.

She searched Lookmhee’s face, distracted somewhat by the tight grip of her hands. “Oww,” Sonya said.

Lookmhee loosened her hold immediately. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

They sat there for a minute, studying each other.

“What do you mean?” Sonya asked, feeling a little desperate.

Lookmhee rubbed her eyes. “I don’t even know how to explain. I’ll try though,” she added, at the look on Sonya’s face. “My friends, well they’re idiots. I love them, but they’re always trying to set me up, or find me a girlfriend or just a casual fling or whatever they think I need. But I’m not into casual dating, and I didn’t want a relationship with just anyone. So I told them I was seeing someone, just so they’d…you know?”

Sonya couldn’t actually believe what she was hearing. She blinked. And blinked again.

Ten seconds went by, then twenty, then thirty.

“Son!” Lookmhee said, a hint of anger seeping through her steady tone. “Say something.”

“Um,” Sonya said. “Wow.”

Lookmhee’s expression was pained. “Wow?”

Sonya’s reeling mind seized on a single detail. “You don’t want a relationship? You don’t have one, and you don’t want one.”

“I…” Lookmhee said, looking lost. “I don’t know.” She bit her lip. “I guess I didn’t really see them working out. Like maybe they’d be fun for a while but wouldn’t last. I mean what are the odds you find someone you want to be with forever, you know?”

Sonya nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“I’m so sorry,” Lookmhee said. “I can only imagine how confusing that was, what Earth said. And you just met him, and things were already—what they were.”

“What are they?” Sonya asked faintly. Something delicate and precious was trying to unfold somewhere inside her, but she was cautious.

Lookmhee was still holding her hand. “I don’t know exactly what’s going on,” she admitted, “but maybe we can just go back to where we were before. Try again?”

“Try what again?” Sonya asked.

Lookmhee pointed to the two of them. “Try this?” Her voice was very, very small. “Forgive me, please?”

Sonya exhaled in a whoosh, ruffling Lookmhee’s hair. It was cute, and she laughed. “You’re gonna kill me Lookmhee.”

Some of the tension left Lookmhee’s face. “You’ll outlive me.”

“What are you going to tell them, your friends?”

Lookmhee grimaced. “Who knows.”

Sonya nodded. That would work, for now. She was tired of thinking about all this.

“Our next flight is Tokyo isn’t it?” Lookmhee asked all of a sudden. They both knew it was. “Have you been?”

“No,” Sonya said.

“Me neither. Maybe we can spend the layover together? Get back to normal?” Her beautiful face was open, hopeful. It made Sonya’s chest ache.

She nodded, finally smiling. “If you insist.”

The flight from Singapore to Tokyo took seven hours.

Neither of them had ever been, and they snuck glimpses of the city through the rear windows as they landed. Even after a long flight, Sonya couldn’t deny her rising excitement. She’d chosen this career in order to travel after all, and to meet interesting people.

She watched Lookmhee, who reluctantly unfolded her jump seat in the rear cabin. Sonya reached for her arm. “I think the last row is empty,” she pointed out.

Lookmhee caught on right away, and they ducked through the curtain and shuffled into the empty row. Sonya let Lookmhee have the window, grinning at the way she pressed her whole forehead against it, a look of total wonder on her face.

The city lights were beautiful, iridescent and gleaming like gemstones. Neither of them spoke, but Lookmhee reached for Sonya’s hand again and held it. The warmth was grounding. Just like that, they were friends again, and it was such a relief to sit here, without the tension of the last few days.

Sonya leaned in and laid her cheek against Lookmhee’s back, allowing herself at least that much closeness. While half of her worried about where the bond between them would lead, the other half was content for now to be here like this – together in the dark.

“Sonya?”

“Mmm?”

“I missed you,” Lookmhee said softly. It wasn’t a question, but Sonya heard the plaintive lift in her voice.

“Me too.” Sonya squeezed Lookmhee’s hand.

The landing gear deployed, and the heavy rumbling soothed her. She was already used to this, spending most of her life in the air.

“What are we doing?” Lookmhee whispered then.

Around them, some of the passengers were whispering, others slowly waking up. The lights in the cabin hadn’t come on yet, but they would.

Sonya closed her eyes. “I don’t know.”

Lookmhee spoke again, as if talking to the window was easier. “I’ve never felt this before,” she confessed. “Have you?”

Sonya almost didn’t answer, just to avoid the truth. But she didn’t want any more secrets between them.

“No,” she said, not even sure if Lookmhee could hear her over the roar of the wind outside.

“We’ll stay together, right?” Lookmhee asked, a single heartbeat before the plane touched down. The lights were on now, and a chorus of beeps signaled dozens of phones coming back online. The hush in the cabin was fading, replaced by laughing and miscellaneous chatter.

For Sonya, none of that mattered. Her world had narrowed to the person beside her, someone she’d only known for a few months, but felt like she’d known forever. She smiled into Lookmhee’s back. “Of course we will.”

After they disembarked, Lookmhee, Sonya, Sam, and Top all met up outside the gate.

“I see you two are friends again,” Sam said, eyeing their clasped hands. Sonya’s face heated immediately. Lookmhee just smiled.

“Told you,” Top said, turning to Sam.

Sonya glared at Sam, who held up her hands. “I didn’t tell him. You weren’t exactly subtle. He knew something was up.”

“So are you two like, a thing?” Top asked.

Sonya fidgeted, looking away. Lookmhee just said, “None of your business.”

“Okay, geez.” Top surrendered. “So what’re you going to do in Tokyo? We’ve got a whole day.”

Lookmhee perked up. “I have a plan,” she declared.

This was news to Sonya. “What kind of plan?”

“Top secret.” Lookmhee looked insufferably smug.

“Loser,” Top said cheerfully.

Lookmhee slapped his shoulder.

Sam rolled her eyes. “Violence.”

Sonya smiled, happier than she’d been in a long time. Tokyo was going to be fun.

Chapter Text

The hotel Kaoru Ame sat right in the heart of downtown Tokyo, wedged among a million carts, stores, restaurants, and cafes. Sonya took one look at the lit-up glass façade and felt her jaw literally drop.

“So beautiful!” she shouted, way more dramatically than intended.

Lookmhee covered her mouth, barely containing a laugh that was definitely at Sonya’s expense. Sam was rolling her eyes and Top was smiling.

“First-timers,” he said knowingly.

“We’re staying here for two whole nights?” Sonya breathed out.

Sam nodded. “The airline has a partnership with them. It’s my favorite place for layovers.”

“I get it,” Lookmhee said appreciatively.

It was already after midnight, so they went straight to check-in. Top took care of the arrangements. By the time he finally came to give them their room keys, Sonya had already melted into one of the soft chairs in the lobby.

“Here,” Top said, smirking and handing them two keys.

“What’s so funny?” Lookmhee asked, suspicious. She seemed to always think Top was making fun of them. Which, to be fair, he often was.

Top gave Sam a wicked look, but all he said was “Nothing.”

“Whatever,” Lookmhee said, grabbing Sonya’s hand and yanking her up from the chair. “Let’s go I’m so exhausted.”

Sonya picked up her overnight bag. “Night!” she told the others, giving Sam a quick hug. “Thanks for everything today,” she whispered in her ear. Sam winked.

Their room was on the 8^th floor. The hallways were dimly lit, but luxurious. The floor was some kind of beautiful black stone cut through with white streaks.

“Is that marble?” Sonya asked, pointing to the beautiful material running along each side of the carpet.

“Probably?” Lookmhee was distracted, busy searching for the right room. “I think it’s all the way down.”

“Perfect,” Sonya said sarcastically. Her feet hurt from standing all day, and she was afraid the walk alone might kill her. She looked down the long, dizzying hallway. “Are we asleep now?”

That got a dry laugh from Lookmhee. “Nothing would make me happier.”

After what felt like a million years, they found the room. The door opened, and Sonya gasped, dropping her bag at the threshold.

Lookmhee swore. “I’m going to kill him.”

Sonya bent over, laughing so hard Lookmhee put a hand on her back to steady her.

“It’s so pink!”

And it was. Rose petals covered the large single bed, arranged in the shape of a giant heart. More petals decorated the floor and the chair in the corner. A single lamp was lit, and a bottle of champagne and two glasses sat on the table next to the bed.

Sonya kicked off her shoes, crossed the river of petals to the bed, and reached for the white card perched at the center of the heart. Congratulations! it said, in large black letters.

She held it up, giggling. “What is this?”

Lookmhee’s cheeks were red. “It must have been Top.”

Sonya launched herself onto the bed, knocking rose petals everywhere. She put her arms behind her back and looked up at the ceiling. “Nice bed,” she said, getting drowsy again.

Lookmhee sighed. She took her shoes off, closed the door, and threw her bag into the chair in the corner. Within seconds, she was lying on her side next to Sonya. “Blackout curtains,” she said, pointing at the windows. “Guess it’s not all bad. Free champagne too.”

Lookmhee reached out and absently pulled at the fabric of Sonya’s t-shirt. “Is this okay? We can change rooms.”

Sonya thought about it. “Honestly,” she said, “I’m too tired to care. I don’t even think I can shower.”

Lookmhee groaned, collapsing onto her back. “No way.”

They lay there for a moment, and then Mhee clapped her hands. “Okay, I got it.” She reached down and pulled off both of her socks. Then she reached for Sonya’s feet and took hers off too.

“What’re you doing?” Sonya squeaked, curling into a ball.

Lookmhee paused. “Getting ready for bed?”

“We have to at least brush our teeth Lookmhee!” Sonya was scandalized.

“You’re not going to die if you go one night without taking a shower and brushing your teeth.”

“Who are you?” Sonya demanded, but she knew her frown wasn’t convincing. She was quickly warming up to the idea.

“Demon,” Lookmhee said, unbuttoning her pants. “Don’t worry, I have shorts on.”

“Oh,” Sonya said, staring as Lookmhee revealed a pair of thin boxer shorts. Little left to Sonya’s imagination. A second later, Lookmhee was pulling off her shirt.

“Mhee!” Sonya covered her eyes.

“Again,” Lookmhee said, amused, “wearing an undershirt.”

Sonya risked a quick look. Lookmhee had somehow managed to take her bra off too. “Oh god,” Sonya mumbled.

Lookmhee ducked quickly under the covers. “Are you uncomfortable?”

Sonya’s stomach was doing this dancing, flipping thing. “I’m not,” she said, though she obviously was. Just not in a bad way.

“Are you going to get in?” Lookmhee asked.

Sonya sat up and turned to the window. She awkwardly worked off her bra with her shirt on. Then she climbed under the covers and pulled them over her head.

“Uh Sonya?”

“Hang on.” Sonya unbuttoned her jeans and pulled them off too.

She reemerged, infinitely more comfortable. She tossed her jeans across the room, missing the chair entirely. “I’m not wearing shorts,” she explained.

“No problem,” Lookmhee said, a few octaves higher than usual. She visibly swallowed.

Which was a problem, because now Sonya was staring at her long, slender neck. Her best feature? Hard to say because, well, look at her.

“Is this a bad idea?” Sonya said, needing to voice the thought.

“No,” Lookmhee said stubbornly. “It’s only two nights. We can do this. We did it before.”

Sonya laughed. “I killed the mood last time.”

“You did,” Lookmhee said, breaking out in that smile that made Sonya’s breath hitch. She looked away.

“But then,” Lookmhee added deliberately, “you kissed me.”

Sonya inhaled sharply.

Lookmhee was watching her in the lamplight, a serious look on her face. Her lips were slightly parted, just as they were that day in the dressing room.

And just as she had that day, Sonya felt the pull, an insistent tugging at the center of her chest. The need to lean forward, to explore, to chase all the feelings she couldn’t name yet – wouldn’t name yet. She shivered, remembering.

Sonya knew this moment for what it was. But she knew Lookmhee better now too.

“I made the first move last time,” Sonya said, shrugging. She rolled over and turned off the lamp beside her bed, plunging them both into darkness.

Lookmhee didn’t move for a while. Sonya smiled to herself, pleased to have surprised her, finally.

Eventually, Lookmhee lay back down, though she kept rustling around.

With any luck, she was thinking about what she wanted. At the moment, Sonya was too sleepy to worry any more about it. She was happy to be in a beautiful room, in a beautiful hotel, with Mhee.

Sonya woke up later than she expected. She hadn’t had a proper day off in a while, so she rolled over slowly, groggily processing the fact that she wasn’t alone in the bed.

Lookmhee was definitely still asleep, curled onto her side with her face stuffed into a pile of pillows. Sonya laughed before she caught herself, and snapped her mouth closed so she wouldn’t make too much noise.

She took the opportunity to study the sleeping Lookmhee, who looked so much less mischievous up close and peaceful like that. Her hair was tousled and her smooth features were so perfect. She even had a little divot in one cheek, barely visible from a normal distance. In a fit of daring, Sonya reached out and touched it lightly with one finger, smiling to herself.

Lookmhee’s nose scrunched, three delicate lines forming on either side. It was so adorable Sonya groaned, desperately fighting the urge to reach out and squeeze Lookmhee as hard as she possibly could.

She was losing it. This sleeping together thing might be a problem.

Sonya’s heart thudded, wrenching her suddenly and fully awake.

Lookmhee’s eyes were open.

But didn’t say anything, just lay there quietly.

Sonya cleared her throat and tried to casually move back toward her side of the bed. Then she yawned, feeling ridiculous as she did it.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” she announced, and slid out of bed.

Only to remember that she wasn’t wearing any pants.

“Ahh!” she yelled, ducking to shield herself beneath the edge of the bed.

“I’m not looking,” Lookmhee called sweetly, somehow making it worse.

Sonya reached under the covers for her jeans and pulled them on quicker than she’d ever done anything. Her best bet at this point was to run for the bathroom, so she did, without bothering to try to salvage the situation. Once she grabbed her overnight bag and slammed the door, she leaned back against it, catching her breath. She actually did smile, imagining what Sam and Top would make of all this. She hadn’t forgotten it was all Top’s fault anyway.

Once she’d showered, taken off her makeup, changed her clothes, and brushed her teeth, she started to feel functional again. More or less.

She took a deep breath, and opened the bathroom door to—

Well, a sight she hadn’t expected.

A beautiful wooden tray sat on the bed, with three roses in a vase and an entire traditional breakfast. Sitting next to it, red-faced and dressed in a grey hoodie, was Lookmhee.

“I was actually going to try to find us breakfast,” she said, “but they delivered this so.”

“Wow,” was all Sonya could think of to say.

Coffee, green tea, Tamagoyaki, grilled fish, rice, pickles, even custard bread and what looked like cheese and jam.

She stepped up to the bed and lifted one of the pink roses from the vase, sniffing it. She sighed with pleasure, closing her eyes. Incredible.

“Who’s paying for all this?” Sonya wondered aloud.

“Top?”

“Maybe don’t kill him just yet.”

Lookmhee chuckled. “Okay, for you.” She stood up. “Start eating. I’ll take a quick shower.” Mhee grabbed her bag and ducked into the bathroom, leaving Sonya alone with the food. But somehow it didn’t seem right to eat such a nice breakfast by herself, so she decided to wait.

Lookmhee was back out and dressed in less than 15 minutes.

“That was so fast,” Sonya said, stunned. She’d never taken a shower that fast in her life.

“I’m hungry!” Lookmhee sat back down on the bed, looking at the food. “You waited for me?”

“It’s no big deal.”

“Thank you,” Lookmhee said, looking genuinely touched.

Sonya shook her head. “Mai bpen rai ka.” She reached for the tea and poured it into two cups. Even the cups were beautiful. She could get used to layovers in Tokyo.

They ate nearly everything on the tray, even the jam and cheese.

“Right,” Lookmhee said, when they were done. She hopped to her feet. “We’ve gotta see Tokyo!”

Sonya stood up a lot more carefully, putting a hand to her stomach. “Where do you want to go?”

“I told you, I have a plan.” Lookmhee smiled proudly. She grabbed her backpack and reached inside, digging around for something.

“Here!” Lookmhee held up a piece of paper. “I planned a whole day for us, see?” She handed the paper to Sonya.

It was a list, with several scribbled names and addresses on it. At the top, in big letters, it said DAY OF FUN: YOU CHOOSE. The list included the Meiji Shrine, the Imperial Palace, Ginza market, the Shinjuku National Garden, and Tokyo Tower. Each place had a little checkbox next to it.

Lookmhee was watching her face closely. She kept dancing back and forth, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “Do you like it?” she asked, when Sonya didn’t say anything.

Less than a second passed before Mhee cut in: “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I just thought—”

Sonya put a hand to Lookmhee’s lips, ignoring the rush of pleasure that gave her. Lookmhee blinked, finally still and quiet.

“I love it.” Sonya said, feeling her eyes water. She wiped at them. “I want to go.”

“Good?” Lookmhee said, obviously thrown off by the combination of smile and tears.

“I’m just surprised,” Sonya said. “This is really sweet, Mhee.”

Lookmhee grinned. “I wanted to surprise you.”

Sonya couldn’t take it anymore. She pulled Lookmhee into a hug before she could overthink it, burying her nose in Lookmhee’s neck. Lookmhee tensed for a split second, before relaxing. She brough her arms up slowly, one winding around Sonya’s back and the other resting on her head.

A moan built somewhere in Sonya’s throat as Mhee’s fingers scratched lightly across her scalp.

“Lookmhee,” Sonya complained into her shoulder.

“You know,” Lookmhee said mildly. “It’s a well-known fact that cuddling before a day out in Tokyo can really improve your mood.”

“Lookmhee!” Sonya pulled back to look at her face.

Mhee was staring off toward the wall, eyebrows raised, the picture of innocence.

Sonya slapped her arm, giggling. “Why are you like this?”

Lookmhee shrugged.

Sonya sighed, aware of a warm tingling sensation in her chest at the thought of Lookmhee’s arms around her. Cuddling. On the bed. In the honeymoon suite. She did not, could not, look at the bed, since she knew Lookmhee was watching her.

“Later,” Sonya said playfully. “We’ll see.”

“Really?” Lookmhee swallowed. And wasn’t it just like Lookmhee to bring something up without thinking it through first. Sonya resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

She held out her arm. “Take me to the gardens,” she said imperiously, tossing her hair.

Lookmhee’s smile was warm and open, her favorite kind. “Yes ma’am.”

The gardens were enormous.

It was late summer now, and a few of the maple trees were already melting into brilliant shades of red and yellow and orange. The peaceful hush of the traditional Japanese garden soothed Sonya’s nerves immediately. Bright red pagodas soared overhead, breaking up the perfect, cloudless sky.

“This is so cool!” she heard herself say at least three times.

Lookmhee didn’t seem to mind. She took pictures of everything, every flower, every tree. At one point, she stopped one of the gardeners to ask if they would take a picture of the two of them. Sonya was thrilled, since they’d never taken a proper picture together.

They posed in front of a temple, Lookmhee putting an arm around her shoulder and Sonya leaning in as casually as possible. When the gardener handed Lookmhee her phone, Sonya grabbed it out of her hands. “Lemme see!”

“Geez,” Lookmhee said, leaning over to try to see the picture on her own phone.

Sonya handed it back without a word. The picture, of course, was perfect. You would never know this was their first picture together, just the two of them. Sonya’s bright white shirt and pants contrasted beautifully with the dark shape of the shrine behind them. You could even see a bit of Lookmhee’s blue oversized button up reflected in the lazy stream she stood beside.

The sight of them together made Sonya’s heart ache for something she didn’t even know how to define.

Lookmhee put her phone away. “Let’s keep going,” she said, taking Sonya’s hand.

They walked around for hours, and even though there were a million different types of plants and parks and trees, neither of them stopped to read the signs or take advantage of everything they could obviously learn for the 1000 yen they’d already paid. Instead, Lookmhee held on to Sonya’s hand and they just…walked.

It was so peaceful, breathing in fresh air and letting the sounds of the crowd fade into the background. They took their time, winding into the French garden and the English. And then, when they came to the end, Sonya felt a pang of disappointment.

“You want to go again?” Lookmhee asked. Sonya nodded eagerly.

They traced their steps all the way back to the first shrine, savoring the journey this time. Sonya’s feet were beginning to hurt in the sandals she’d worn, but she didn’t care. She wrapped an arm around Lookmhee’s waist. “This is really nice.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

They rounded a corner, coming to an old wooden sign. “The tea house!” Sonya said. “Matcha sounds great, doesn’t it?”

“It really does,” Lookmhee agreed.

It was the best idea Sonya had all day.

They stepped into the tea house just as a light drizzle started outside. After they got their drink tickets, the hostess mumbled something about monsoon season and led them to a table on the second-floor veranda. The spot was dry but situated outside, nestled among the glistening trees. Sonya almost couldn’t believe how beautiful it was.

They started with a red bean cake, followed by two fresh cups of matcha in handmade ceramic mugs. Each one had a delicate collection of leaves painted on the outside.

“Is this the best day of my life?” Sonya said, after they’d eaten the red bean cake and started on their second cup of matcha.

Lookmhee didn’t answer, just watched her through dark lashes. There was something intense and unspoken in her eyes.

Sonya was about to ask about, but a shriek broke the peaceful silence.

The rapid slap of sandals echoed through the balcony. A little boy appeared, running full speed around the corner, and crashed into Lookmhee’s back.

“Ugh!” Lookmhee screamed, as her second cup of Matcha, still hot, soaked through her light blue shirt.

Sonya jumped up to help, gently steering the little boy away.

“Are you okay?” she asked Lookmhee. The tea probably wasn’t hot enough to burn her, but it might.

Lookmhee sighed, patting at her shirt with a napkin. “I’m fine.”

“What about you?” Sonya asked, addressing the little boy, who she held by one arm.

“Sorry,” he said, looking more upset than Lookmhee.

Sonya let go of his arm. “It’s okay, no one was hurt.”

The boy couldn’t have been more than four. His lip wobbled dangerously, and Lookmhee’s expression wasn’t helping.

“It was an accident,” Sonya reminded her. “You’d never know you had a little brother.”

“Him I like,” Lookmhee said, but she stopped glaring.

The boy’s father showed up a minute or two later, towing the little guy off after another anxious apology.

“Kids,” Lookmhee said, looking down at her shirt. In fact, it was just possible to see the curves of her waist through the thin fabric. Sonya really liked those curves, especially the way Lookmhee’s narrow waist broadened into her perfectly defined hips.

Sonya stood up, nearly knocking over her own half-finished cup. “Come on,” she said suddenly, reaching for Lookmhee’s hands and pulling her up and away from the table. “It’s going to stain.”

“Son—” was all Lookmhee managed to say before being towed to the bathroom.

There was no one inside, so as soon as they reached the sink, Lookmhee started to pull off her shirt.

“No!” Sonya said frantically. “You don’t need to take it off.”

Lookmhee blinked, her mouth curving into a slow smile. “You’re shy.”

Sonya froze. “I’m not,” she said, annoyed. “Come here.” She pulled Lookmhee closer, reaching for a towel and holding it under the running water.

She dabbed at the largest green stain, refusing to look at Mhee.

“You’re shy,” Lookmhee repeated, amusement and disbelief practically radiating off of her.

Sonya pretended not to notice, focusing intently on each stain.

When she was done, she nodded to herself, pleased. Much better. The thin blue fabric was soaking wet now, but at least it wasn’t green.

She stilled when she felt fingers wrap around her chin, tipping her face up.

She met Lookmhee’s eyes. They were warmer than she’d ever seen them.

“Sonya.” Lookmhee said her name gently, affection plainly visible on her face. It was impossible for Sonya to ignore the surge of pleasure she felt at the sound of her name.

She had absolutely no idea how she looked right now, but she couldn’t seem to find the energy to think or speak or move away. Her heart felt like it was going to explode.

“I hope you know…” Lookmhee began deliberately. Sonya held her breath, oblivious to anything other than the motion of those soft, crimson lips. “…this is a date. I want to make that clear.”

“Uh huh,” Sonya managed. She’d started this after all, with all that stuff about making the first move.

“Should we go back to the hotel? I think I should change.”

Sonya nodded.

“I might need some help.” Lookmhee’s expression was playful, and undeniably seductive.

Sonya literally shivered as a thousand tiny pinpricks of anticipation raced down her neck and across her shoulders. Lookmhee still hadn’t let go of her chin. Her grip was gentle, but firm.

Sonya bit her lip. She knew exactly where this was heading, where they were heading. She had a million questions, and they hadn’t figured anything out, not really. They’d never even talked about the past, or the future. But she couldn’t resist this thing between them, not anymore.

“Let’s go.”

Chapter Text

As it turned out, the honeymoon suite came with a daily cleaning service - and more. The rose petals were back, and this time, the entire room was decked out with electric candles and tiny heart-shaped chocolates.

“I know he did this,” Lookmhee grumbled.

They stood just inside the door. Sonya turned to Lookmhee, trying to determine how serious she’d been about wanting “help” changing her clothes. They’d come back right away, and Lookmhee’s shirt was still damp, if no longer clinging to her body.

Despite the almost painfully romantic ambience, Sonya wondered if Top had inadvertently ruined the mood.

“At least it’s pretty,” Sonya said, sounding disappointed even to herself.

She really was disappointed. The warm anticipation she’d felt in the teahouse was giving way to the cool reality of who they were to each other – and who they weren’t.

Suddenly, Lookmhee gripped both of Sonya’s shoulders and turned her so they could look each other directly in the eye. “Do you still want to do this?” she asked fiercely.

The tight hold she had on Sonya’s shoulders, and the determined glint in her eyes was…new. Sonya looked down at Lookmhee’s hands and swallowed.

Mhee misunderstood the look and loosened her grip.

Then, Sonya surprised herself. She stepped forward, wrapping both arms around Lookmhee’s waist.

“I do,” she said, sounding steadier than she felt.

“You do?” Lookmhee squinted at her in the flickering light.

Sonya held her gaze, unflinching. She wasn’t sure about what would come next, but she was sure about this.

“Can you be more specific?” Lookmhee said.

Could she?

Sonya shook her head, making a decision. She slipped her hands under the hem of Lookmhee’s shirt, then ran them across the smooth skin of her back. When she felt the soft fabric of Lookmhee’s bra, she stopped, closing her eyes against a jolt of electricity. Their hips were pressed together now. Sonya leaned back just enough to make sure she had Lookmhee’s full attention.

“I want this, Lookmhee. I want to find out what we are. Right now.” She looked down at Lookmhee’s body and back up, just so there could be no confusion. “If you do.”

Then she held her breath, ignoring her racing heart and the surge of self-consciousness that made her want to look away. She didn’t though.

Candlelit shadows played across Lookmhee’s face, revealing a series of emotions that came and went so fast, Sonya wasn’t entirely sure what they were. But the smile Mhee landed on was dazzling. It literally took her breath away.

Lookmhee leaned down, rubbing her nose against Sonya’s and pressing their foreheads together. The contact was pleasantly slow, and Lookmhee’s hands came up to grasp Sonya’s face.

“I want you,” Lookmhee said, her voice low and a little bit rough. They stayed that way for a moment, foreheads touching, breathing heavily. Sonya savored the feel of Lookmhee’s long fingers lightly scratching the back of her neck. She really liked it.

“No one’s ever done that,” Sonya whispered.

Lookmhee pulled back, giving her a playful smile. “Done what?” she asked, still scratching.

Sonya made a face. “You know what I mean.”

“I can tell you like it,” Lookmhee said, something different about her tone now. Her eyes had changed, and there was something in them that looked…hungry.

Sonya involuntarily tightened her grip on Lookmhee’s back, digging in with her nails.

Lookmhee groaned, and Sonya wasn’t sure if it was pain, or pleasure, or both. Before she could ask, Lookmhee’s lips found her ear. At the same time, Lookmhee’s hands pressed against her shoulders, directing her back towards the bed.

Sonya inhaled, dizzy with the warmth and scent of Lookmhee, so close, but somehow not close enough.

When they reached the bed, Sonya braced herself with both arms and crawled backward, unwilling to break eye contact. Lookmhee crawled after her, the naked desire on her face unmistakable. Sonya stopped in the middle of the bed, her body alight with expectation. It had been a long time since she’d felt this way. Maybe she never had. And after all these weeks of thinking about Lookmhee, watching Lookmhee, and – she had to admit – wanting Lookmhee, she wasn’t sure she was ready for it to actually happen.

Lookmhee paused, likely sensing her hesitation.

“I don’t know if we—” Sonya began.

“We can stop,” Lookmhee interrupted, though she didn’t look at all like she wanted to stop.

“—locked the door,” Sonya finished, grinning and breathless.

Lookmhee turned and launched herself off the bed in one fluid motion. She reached the door, turned the lock, and was back in seconds. Sonya felt a fresh wave of desire at the athleticism of it, and then Lookmhee was on top of her, one knee in between Sonya’s legs, brushing the hair out of her face and breathing hard.

Still Lookmhee hesitated. Sonya knew she was holding back, afraid to cross the line and start something that might change everything between them.

Sonya edged forward, lifting her leg up and pressing it against Lookmhee, thrilling in the way Lookmhee’s eyes fluttered closed. “Don’t hold back,” Sonya said. “I won’t.”

And apparently that was all the encouragement Lookmhee needed.

She pulled Sonya in for a kiss, and it was both like and unlike the last one they had. If their kiss in the dressing room had been a spark, this was an inferno. Pent up longing, anticipation, nerves, and the desperate desire to let go all propelled them forward.

Lookmhee’s grip on her neck was strong. Sonya whimpered, arching her back and pressing her chest into Lookmhee’s. In turn, Lookmhee lowered herself, forcing Sonya down against the bed. All the while, their kiss intensified.

Sonya’s hands were in Lookmhee’s hair. Lookmhee’s teeth grazed her lips. Lookmhee moaned, her fingers searching, sliding under Sonya’s shirt and moving higher.

Sonya’s thoughts finally melted away, replaced by instinct and craving. Lookmhee moved against her, and Sonya gasped. She pressed in closer, holding on even more tightly to Lookmhee’s hair.

They rocked against each other, their moans and gasps coming faster and faster. Their mouths separated and came back together, allowing them to breathe in short bursts.

At one point, Lookmhee stopped and stared down at her, eyes dark and unfocused. Sonya felt a rush of tenderness. She leaned up and kissed Lookmhee’s cheek.

“Let me take over,” Sonya said. She slipped out from under Lookmhee, turning and pressing her down against the bed. Lookmhee was looking up at her now, her beautiful lips drawn down at the edges, sullen.

Sonya laughed, but only for a moment. Straddling Lookmhee, she straightened up long enough to pull off her own shirt and toss it aside.

Lookmhee didn’t look sullen anymore. The hunger was back, just as clear and strong as before.

Sonya smiled. “Take yours off,” she said, and Lookmhee did as she was told. It wasn’t long before their shirts lay forgotten on the floor.

Sonya explored Lookmhee’s body, gazing in wonder at the broad lines of her shoulders, the gentle slope of her chest, the firm planes of her stomach. She especially loved the delicate flush in Lookmhee’s cheeks as she let Sonya do what she wanted.

When Sonya was satisfied, she unbuttoned Lookmhee’s pants and launched into a new adventure. At first, she touched Lookmhee gently, tentatively. It wasn’t her first time, but she’d never felt quite like this. It was different, watching Lookmhee move and gasp, her eyes closed, her body tensing.

Sonya felt something she couldn’t quite put a name to yet, but it made her lean in and whisper “It’s okay. Let go.” She found herself pressing kisses to Lookmhee’s temple, completely attuned to every shift in her breathing and her body.

It wasn’t long before Lookmhee tensed against her, gasping and eventually shaking as she collapsed against the bed.

Sonya lay back, smiling at the ceiling, feeling incredibly smug.

But Lookmhee was only getting started. As soon as she caught her breath, she flipped over and straddled Sonya, pinning her arms above her head. This gave her access to Sonya's neck, which she took full advantage of. She kissed her way up from Sonya's collarbone to her ear, until Sonya felt the sharp touch of Lookmhee's teeth. She arched immediately, straining against Lookmhee's hold on her wrists. The feeling was so intoxicating she cried out, earning a triumphant growl from Lookmhee. She held on as long as she could, but in a few short minutes, Sonya surrendered to her own rush of pleasure. When it was over, she buried her face in Lookmhee’s chest.

She wasn’t sure how much time passed, but eventually she found herself lying against Lookmhee, totally exhausted. Lookmhee’s stomach rose and fell under Sonya’s hand.

The dark room was comfortable, cozy even. Eventually Lookmhee said, “That was crazy.”

“Good crazy?”

Lookmhee didn’t answer right away, so Sonya sat up. “Lookmhee!”

“Great crazy,” Lookmhee said, defensively holding up her hands. “Incredible crazy.”

Sonya slapped her leg and laid back down. “You scared me.”

“Mmm. Did you think it was---you know?” she waved a hand, roughly indicating the bed. The pattern of rose petals was significantly more haphazard than it had been.

“Incredible crazy,” Sonya agreed.

There was a pause.

“Ramen,” Lookmhee said, out of nowhere.

“What?”

Lookmhee looked at the dark windows. “Ramen!” She looked at Sonya. “Ramen?” She looked at the door. “Ramen!”

Sonya giggled, amused and mildly annoyed.

“Ramen,” Lookmhee concluded. She sat up, sweeping petals out of the way.

“Now?” Sonya asked, but Lookmhee was already up and searching for her clothes.

“You’re so random,” Sonya said. She was hungry though, and slightly lightheaded from the last several hours.

Why not? They still had this last night in Tokyo, so they might as well enjoy it. Tomorrow they would figure out what happened next.

The front desk attendant recommended a small ramen place that stayed open late, just around the corner.

Lookmhee bounced her way all the way to a table in the back and ordered two bowls of ramen and katsu curry just in case that wasn’t enough. Sonya’s mouth fell open when their server brought the food to the table.

The surface of the ramen glistened in the muted glow of the overhead lamp. The curry had chunks of carrots, potatoes, and onions, and a generous piece of tonkatsu. Steam rose from the bowls.

“We might have to come back here,” Lookmhee said.

Sonya was beginning to realize just how much Lookmhee loved food. “Please don’t cry,” Sonya teased, laughing at the way her eyes lit up.

Lookmhee scoffed, starting on the ramen.

Sonya watched her, feeling strangely giddy. It was so surreal to be in Tokyo, with Lookmhee, after midnight, in a nearly empty restaurant, when less than an hour ago they’d been in bed together.

Sonya stirred her curry and rice together and took a bite.

Were things different between them now? Should they be?

“Lookmhee um…”

With obvious effort, Lookmhee stopped eating. “What’s wrong?”

“Does it feel weird to you? That we – you know – did that. And now we’re eating?”

“Kind of,” Lookmhee admitted, looking down at the food. “Like things are normal, but also…not normal.”

“Yeah” Sonya said, relieved they both felt it.

But now they were looking at each other awkwardly across the table.

Sonya could still feel the ghost of Lookmhee’s fingertips in her hair. She wondered what Lookmhee was thinking about. It was hard to tell for sure, but her cheeks looked flushed.

Lookmhee opened her mouth to say something, but Sonya never found out what it was.

“Look at you two!” Sam and Top appeared, carrying takeout boxes.

“It’s pretty late,” Top said, pinning Lookmhee with an accusatory stare.

Lookmhee clenched her jaw. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Top actually backed up a step. “Hey I’m sorry! It was just a joke. I just wanted you to have a good time.”

Sonya thought she’d better intervene. “It was sweet Top, thank you,” she said, ignoring Lookmhee’s glare. “Eat your ramen,” Sonya told her. Lookmhee took a mutinous bite.

“So how was it?” Sam asked. “Did you two decide what you’re doing yet?”

Lookmhee’s mouth was full, and she smiled as if to say, you can answer that.

Sonya took a sip of water. “We’re working on it.”

Lookmhee raised a questioning eyebrow.

Sonya shook her head ever so slightly. She didn’t want to tell them, not yet.

Lookmhee swallowed her mouthful of ramen. “What are you two doing here?” she asked, smoothly changing the subject.

“Just hanging out,” Sam said.

Sonya narrowed her eyes. She was really starting to wonder if Sam and Top were just friends, or something else.

“We’ve got to leave early tomorrow,” Top interjected. “We better all get some sleep. See you two later!”

They left, a little too abruptly.

“So we don’t tell anyone?” Lookmhee asked her, when they were alone. She was fiddling with her chopsticks, tapping them together.

Sonya bit her lip. “I want us to work out what we’re doing first, you know?”

Lookmhee nodded slowly. “Mmm.” Her expression was hopeful, but Sonya could see the uncertainty there too. Click, went the chopsticks. Click. Click.

Sonya reached for her hands, taking the chopsticks and laying them on the table. “It’s you and me, okay?” Sonya said, willing Lookmhee to understand. “We’ll figure it out together.”

Lookmhee looked down at the chopsticks, then up at Sonya.

After a long moment, she leaned across the table and planted a single kiss on Sonya’s shoulder. “You and me.”

Chapter Text

When Lookmhee was 7 years old, she tasted coconut ice cream for the first time. Her parents took her to Hua Hin, and the memory of ice cream and sticky rice in a rough coconut shell never really left her. The vivid duality of cold and warm, hard and soft, light and dark, left her captivated. Most of all, she marveled at the thrill of something so magical inside something so ordinary. Coconuts were everywhere, weren’t they?

Weeks after the trip, she found herself craving the simple dessert. Her sisters tasted it too, but they didn’t feel quite the same way after. They didn’t wander to the kitchen and chop up jagged blocks of ice with a spoon or stare out the window of the car, looking for coconut trees.

It was one of the reasons Lookmhee decided to study cooking in school, after she left fine arts. The way she loved food – preparing a meal, even washing the dishes – was uniquely hers, something that had always been with her.

In the days following their layover in Tokyo, Lookmhee couldn’t shake the feeling that Sonya – the sight of her, the smell of her, the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled – was a little like coconut ice cream.

After they got back to Bangkok, everything was pretty much normal. They went about their duties as usual. They joked around with Sam and Top, they worked the food cart together. It wasn’t awkward or weird or tense.

They didn’t act like nothing happened. There was something tangibly different in the way they looked at each other. Sonya’s frequent, shy smiles attested to the fact that they’d crossed a line together, and they couldn’t go back.

And actually, it was kind of exciting.

A week after Tokyo, Lookmhee caught Sonya staring at her across the crew room during their pre-flight briefing. She ordinarily wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but there was a noticeable glint in Sonya’s eye. She wasn’t listening to the briefing at all – Dao, their lead host, might as well have been talking to themselves.

Lookmhee stared right back at Sonya, matching the suggestive twist of her lips. Crazy, to be doing this right in front of Top, right in front of Sam, when they were supposed to be keeping what happened between them a secret.

She had mixed feelings about that.

On the one hand, Tokyo had been amazing. It wasn’t just that they’d slept together. The fiery heat between them was intoxicating, if a little intense. But just as much, Lookmhee found herself craving the quiet moments in the park, or the late-night dinner together.

The feeling of wanting more – of craving – settled in and wouldn’t let her go. She wanted to be with Sonya again, but this time, she wanted to do it slowly. She wanted to take more of it in, take more of Sonya in.

Part of Lookmhee wanted to tell her all this, but as beautiful as the connection between them was, it was still uncertain. Sonya had said it herself – they needed to figure out what they were to each other. But Lookmhee wasn’t in a hurry to launch themselves into the future. Not yet anyway. She just wanted to savor whatever this was right now.

Craving, secrecy, uncertainty, a heady mix to bring to work every day.

Sonya seemed content enough with their arrangement, and miraculously, Top hadn’t pressured Lookmhee to say anything since they’d come back. She wondered how long that would last.

After Dao finished their briefing, Lookmhee stayed behind in the crew room. Top gave her a look as he left but didn’t turn around. As she’d expected, Sonya drifted toward the back of the group, stopping just short of actually leaving.

“We should go,” Lookmhee said, after the door closed.

Sonya gave her a teasing smile. “You’re the one who stayed behind.”

It was true. Even though she loved the secret game playing out between them, she really did miss their alone time. A week was already too long to play normal at work, even if she wasn’t quite ready to define anything yet.

“You’re the one staring,” Lookmhee countered. She closed the distance between them, casting a paranoid glance at the door. “Why do I feel like Top is going to come running back in any second?”

Sonya’s laughter rang out, amplified in the empty space. Oh how she loved Sonya’s laugh. It was bright and musical and carefree and—

“Stop looking at me like that,” Sonya said, lips twisting in that way Lookmhee found irresistible.

Yeah, she definitely missed this.

Lookmhee leaned in and smelled Sonya’s hair. Why did her hair always smell so good - why? She was obsessed. It was getting harder and harder to worry about Top.

“Okay, that’s enough of that,” Sonya said, pulling back.

Lookmhee didn’t even open her eyes. “Mmm,” she said instead.

“Lookmhee,” Sonya said, exasperated.

“I can’t,” Lookmhee complained. “I just can’t.”

Sonya grabbed her by the arm and towed her out of the crew room.

The bright lights of the terminal sobered her somewhat, enough for them to board the plane and finish pre-flight checks. Once they took off though, Lookmhee felt a subtle shift in the atmosphere.

It wasn’t anything major, just the sense that something strange was going on. They only had five attendants today, plus the pilots. But Dao seemed to be avoiding Lookmhee, and there’d been something undefinably odd about the way the pilots said hello.

An hour into the flight, Lookmhee was walking down the aisle when she felt a pair of hands close around her arm. She squeaked as she was pulled unceremoniously into the lavatory. She spun to address her attacker, mouth open and --- two wide, beautiful brown eyes peered at her.

Sonya. Wedged against the sink in the cramped space, hand in the air, poised to cover Lookmhee’s mouth.

Lookmhee’s shock quickly gave way to fear. “What is it?” she whispered. The depth of the line between Sonya’s eyebrows meant she was worried about something.

Sonya pitched her voice very low. “Lookmhee, I think they know.”

Lookmhee tried to keep up. “Know what?” she asked in a similarly conspiratorial whisper. “And who’s they?”

“Everyone,” Sonya said, eyes squeezed shut in distress. The corners of her mouth folded down into a comical upside-down U.

Lookmhee giggled.

“Stop that!” Sonya hissed, startling Lookmhee enough to snap her mouth closed.

“They know about us,” Sonya whispered. “Dao, Top, Sam, even the pilots. They all know.” She pronounced each word deliberately, so there could be no mistake.

“Sonya,” Lookmhee said, putting both hands on her thin shoulders. “They might know. Word spreads fast on a small crew like this.”

“It’s so embarrassing.” Sonya hung her head and groaned.

Lookmhee tried to ignore the way her pulse quickened at the sound. She had to stay focused.

“Darling,” she tried again, reaching to lift Sonya’s chin. Her pouty lips were adorable, and all she wanted to do was kiss them.

Sonya’s frown softened at bit at darling, so Lookmhee actually did lean forward and plant a single kiss on her nose, afraid a kiss on the lips might turn into something more.

“Besides,” Lookmhee went on, “even if they didn’t know before, they probably do now since we’ve spent the last several minutes together in the bathroom.”

She didn’t laugh this time, but she couldn’t quite hide her smile either. In spite of what was obviously a very awkward situation, Lookmhee had to admit this was the tiniest bit fun.

“Get out, quick,” Sonya said, pushing Lookmhee away.

“Okay!” Lookmhee unlatched the lavatory door and was practically jettisoned back into the aisle. Sonya jumped out after her, and it took all of 3 seconds to spot Top. He stood at the back of the plane, leaning against the cabin partition, watching them with undisguised curiosity.

“No,” Sonya whined. “Oh he’s never going to let this go.”

He really wasn’t.

Four hours later, Top found Lookmhee in the Phuket airport. Sonya had gone to get lunch, but Lookmhee wasn’t hungry yet. She’d staked out a quiet corner in a 7-eleven and was trying to read a book called The Path of Happiness. She’d picked it up at the bookstore earlier and even though she liked self-help, she was having trouble concentrating. Top didn’t even hesitate to drop into the seat next to hear, staring until she looked up from her book.

“Please don’t start,” Lookmhee told him. In spite of her excitement earlier, she was starting to get tired off all the weird attention she was getting. No one had actually said anything, but they made it painfully obvious this wasn’t a normal day.

“Look,” Top said, sitting back in his chair. “I just wanted to say that relationships between crewmates are no big deal.”

Lookmhee narrowed her eyes. “Really.”

“Yes! We’ve all been there right? We get bored on layovers and want to connect. I get it, as long as you’re not hurting anyone and both of you agree to it.”

Lookmhee frowned. “I’m not sure that’s what’s going on.”

Top raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

With a sigh, Lookmhee put her book down. “I mean, okay yes we did…connect.”

“I knew it!” Top shouted, sitting forward. He actually pumped his arm in the air, like he’d won a football game.

And now Lookmhee was wondering if he really hadn’t known anything, and she’d just been dumb enough to confirm it. Sonya was going to be so mad.

“Shhh!” Lookmhee grabbed the front of Top’s shirt. “Don’t tell anyone.”

Top blinked at her. She let his shirt go and folded her arms. “All that stuff about getting bored and no big deal. That’s not it. Technically, we haven’t really talked about what we’re doing, but I don’t do casual relationships. At least not anymore. And I like Sonya, like, a lot.”

“You like her?”

“Yes,” Lookmhee said, sounding defensive.

“Does she like you?” Top asked.

Lookmhee shrugged. “I think so. I mean we both want to explore this thing. We just don’t know exactly what it is.”

Top watched her for a moment. “Lookmhee,” he said finally. “I’m going to tell you this because I care about you. I’ve done the whole exploring thing, and in the end I wish I’d just kept things casual. Don’t get your hopes up too much. Crewmate hook ups are fun, but they’re usually just that – fun. Okay? If you try to make it something more, you can get hurt.”

Lookmhee felt something inside her squeezing tighter and tighter the more he spoke. It was like a vice, closing around her chest, forcing out the air.

Still, she kept her face neutral. “I think this is different.”

Top looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn’t. There was pity in his eyes, and she hated it.

“This is different,” she repeated.

But could she really be sure?

18:00 couldn’t come fast enough, the end of what was beginning to feel like the longest day in the history of work.

She changed and walked out to the parking lot with Sonya, trying to decide if she should confess what she’d told Top earlier. It didn’t seem urgent, since everyone was already acting bizarre.

They came to Sonya’s car first, and before they could say goodbye, Lookmhee wrapped her in a tight hug.

“I really love whatever we’re doing,” she said. Her voice wobbled just a bit, but it wasn’t super noticeable.

Sonya wound her arms around Lookmhee’s waist. “Me too. Actually, I was hoping you might want to get a drink with me tonight?”

Lookmhee swallowed in surprise. “Tonight?” She looked at her watch. It was almost 18:15, her feet hurt, and she felt like she might collapse at the slightest provocation. But it was Sonya.

They’d never gotten a drink together, just the two of them. It seemed like a good sign.

“Sure,” Lookmhee said. “Where do you want to go?”

Sonya pulled out her phone, looking at the maps app. “How about here?” She pointed to a bar, not too far away.

Lookmhee nodded.

Half an hour later, they stood outside the aforementioned bar. Lookmhee eyed it critically. There was barely anyone around, and this didn’t seem like the kind of place Sonya would like. It looked old-fashioned, somewhere you might go with your grandparents. The entrance was plain and the name of the place was printed in dim neon lights, Old House.

Well that made sense.

“How’d you pick this place?” Lookmhee asked, but Sonya was already walking inside.

Lookmhee ran after her. “Hey wait!”

It took her eyes a moment to adjust after she opened the door, but only a moment.

A sudden flash of light made her wince. She threw up an arm to shield her face.

“Sonya?” she called out, instantly frantic with worry.

She forced her eyes open, grimacing at the sting of bright lights.

Then she gasped.

Their entire crew – Top, Sam, Dao, the pilots, and Sonya – were standing there smiling at her. Well actually Top was laughing, the bastard.

She went for him first, wrapping her arm around his neck. It was quickly becoming her favorite thing to do. “What is going on?!” she demanded, applying pressure.

“Your first season party!” Sam announced. She took a polite step toward Lookmhee and uncoiled the arm that held Top. “No fighting!” she added in a much-too-cheerful voice.

Dao was nodding in their usual humorless way. Not much fun, but they were a damn good crew leader. Sam was the one who brought the warmth to their team.

Sonya was beaming at Lookmhee, her excitement lighting up her whole face. “You’ve been flying for a whole season. Congratulations!”

Sam handed her a tiny pin that read “First Season.” Cute.

“I didn’t know there was a first season party,” Lookmhee said, stating the obvious.

“Me neither,” Sonya said. “Sorry for tricking you.” The guilty look in her eyes made Lookmhee feel even worse about telling Top about them. She made a mental note to talk to Sonya about it later.

“Don’t apologize.” Lookmhee reached for Sonya and pulled her closer. Sonya stiffened for a split second. They’d done that kind of thing all the time before, but now Lookmhee noticed the curious eyes all around them.

If we’re not weird, they won’t be weird. Right?

“I’m hungry,” Lookmhee said, louder than she needed to. Everyone’s attention shifted to the snacks laid out on the bar. They practically had the whole place to themselves.

After that, things settled down and she started to really enjoy herself. It turned out that Dao was more fun after a drink or two, and even the pilots relaxed. It was weird seeing them in regular clothes, but they weren’t bad looking actually.

And then, about 35 minutes into the party, Earth and their friend Lee walked in.

It took her a moment to realize it was really them. Earth was wearing his favorite shirt, with the blue collar and the green and white stripes. She hadn’t seen Lee in a few weeks. She’d been too busy to hang out with him. And she may or not have been avoiding Earth, after their last disastrous night at the club.

She raised a hand in greeting, trying to work out how they’d happened to show up to this particular bar.

“I invited them,” Sonya said softly, standing at her elbow. “I hope that’s okay. I know the last time we hung out was weird but Sam said it’s tradition to invite friends and Earth gave me his number so---”

Lookmhee couldn’t respond, since Earth and Lee were already there and Earth was raising his arms for a hug.

She hugged them both, looking for any signs of anger about her disappearing act. She didn’t find any, except for the tiniest quirk in Earth lips when he saw the first season pin on her shirt. She knew him well enough to recognize that look. Lee was just as sweet as ever though, and she introduced them to her crewmates as calmly as possible.

It was already confusing keeping track of who knew what about her and Sonya and now they’d added her two crazy friends to the mix. She was getting a headache.

And to make things worse, Earth was still casting sidelong glances at Sonya.

Against her better judgment, Lookmhee went and found herself a drink.

It wouldn’t be her last in what proved to be a very, very long night.

Chapter Text

Sonya

For the thousandth time that night, Sonya wondered if inviting Earth was a good idea. He’d brought another one of Lookmhee’s friends – were any of her friends girls? Lee seemed to be a nice guy – quiet and serious, observant.

The problem was, she didn’t know if Lookmhee’s friends still thought she had a girlfriend, or if they thought Sonya was that girlfriend, or if Lookmhee had already told them the truth.

Sonya wasn’t Lookmhee’s girlfriend, not really, and it wasn’t her place to handle Lookmhee’s friends.

By the looks of it though, Earth and Lee were handling themselves. They seemed to be mixing well enough with the crew. Dao and Lee were over by the food, talking about something serious – that would be just like Dao, even though a drink seemed to have loosened them up a bit. Earth appeared to be charming the pilots, gesturing wildly with his free hand – the other one holding a beer.

Sam assured her they were allowed to drink at the party, within reason, but Sonya thought she’d better not this time. She wasn’t exactly sure why, but the long day had left her on edge.

First there was that whole lavatory situation, and then this surprise party that Sam hadn’t bothered to tell her about until two hours ago.

Sonya massaged her temples. This was all so confusing.

She searched for Lookmhee and spotted her sitting alone at the bar.

Sonya felt the sudden, nearly overwhelming urge to go to her, seeking comfort, or reassurance, or maybe just a smile, she wasn’t sure. Lookmhee was the guest of honor, so it wouldn’t be suspicious to spend time with her at her own party.

Sonya only made it halfway across the room before Sam intercepted her.

“Where are you going?” Sam asked brightly.

Sonya tried to dance her way around Sam. “I just want to get a drink,” she lied.

Sam didn’t look convinced, and she wasn’t moving a centimeter. “You want to talk to Lookmhee,” she countered. “Why don’t you give her some space?”

Sonya pouted. “I don’t see why I have to—”

“Sonya,” Sam said, her tone very like Sonya’s mother. “I spent a long time planning this party, and I would prefer it go smoothly. Besides,” Sam lowered her voice, “I heard about your little rendezvous in the lavatory.”

Sonya slumped. “Who told you?”

“Who do you think?”

Top of course.

“It wasn’t what it looked like,” Sonya tried.

“I don’t need the details.” Sam shook her head. “But if the two of you are getting involved, you need to be more discrete about it. The last thing we need is drama on a small crew.”

Sonya’s cheeks warmed, and she looked away.

“I know how you feel about her,” Sam said, her tone softening. “And it won’t be long before people catch on if they haven’t already. I really hate to bring this up, but if things don’t work out between you, it’ll affect everyone.”

Dread gathered in Sonya’s chest. The words, if things don’t work out stirring something painful and raw. She was momentarily speechless.

Sam wasn’t unsympathetic. She took Sonya’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly. “Just go slow okay? You worked hard to be a hostess, and you’re good at it.” She paused, her smile self-deprecating. “Maybe the two of you are different. Maybe you can have it all.”

Lookmhee

“Wine please,” Lookmhee told the bartender, an older woman who reminded her vaguely of Ann Thongprasom, the lakorn star.

She handed Lookmhee a glass of something dark and red, and Lookmhee took a long sip.

“Isn’t this your party?” the bartender asked her.

Lookmhee smiled weakly. “I guess it is.”

She turned around, immediately noticing Sonya talking to Dao, Earth, and Lee. That was fine, she supposed. What harm could Dao do, unless they suspected something. Seemed unlikely though. Dao was a “just business” kind of person, which Lookmhee appreciated.

What worried her was Top and Sam, standing by the bathroom, leaning in to whisper to each other.

If Sam found out about what happened in Tokyo, she would go straight to Sonya. Sonya would know Lookmhee broke their promise, and she wouldn’t have a chance to explain herself. But if Lookmhee went storming over there now, it would be obvious something was going on. And it’d be hard to get Sonya away from Dao without making things awkward.

She took another sip of wine and grimaced. It was too dry, almost sour.

I’m an asshole, she thought. Her friends planned this whole party for her, and here she was alone at the bar.

“You don’t look happy,” the bartender observed helpfully.

Lookmhee drank more wine, pausing to let the alcohol go down before she said, “Has anyone ever told you you look like Ann Thongprasom?”

The bartender smiled, and the resemblance was even stronger. “A few people. But I’m not much of romantic hero.”

Lookmhee eyed her critically. “Why not?”

“Oh,” the woman said, apparently surprised Lookmhee was interested. “Well I’ve never really stuck around for relationships, you know. I’m not the one-woman type.”

“Is that right?” Something about her childish grin made Lookmhee think she was exaggerating. “How many women are we talking?”

The bartender laughed and didn’t answer. Lookmhee wasn’t sure why she was asking. It really wasn’t any of her business. But she was in a contrary mood, and besides, she’d already finished her glass of wine.

“Here,” the bartender said, pouring another glass and handing it to her. “My treat.” Lookmhee eyed it and drank, deciding to order something sweeter after this.

To her surprise, the bartender leaned forward, tilted her head, and gave Lookmhee a wide smile.

“Hey there,” she said smoothly, reaching out to lightly touch the back of Lookmhee hand with two deliberate fingers. Her nails were immaculately groomed, she noticed. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve seen in a long time. I’d like to get to know you.” She winked.

Lookmhee stared at her for a long moment, just enough to be sure she wasn’t serious.

Then Lookmhee bent over the glass of wine. Wild laughter nearly overtook her, but she straightened and put on a serious face. “Does that really work?”

The bartender dropped the act, running a hand through her greying hair. “It sure used to.” Her faraway smile made Lookmhee sad for some reason. She was sensitive tonight.

Lookmhee winked back at her. “You’ve still got something,” she said, raising her glass for a toast.

The woman smiled, clearly appreciating the compliment. She was an undeniably beautiful woman, and Lookmhee had to admit she was charming. But even if she could have mustered the energy to flirt, it just wasn’t in her anymore. Not since Sonya.

Lookmhee’s gaze drifted guiltily back to the party. The whole crew was clustered on the couch, and Sonya sat beside Sam, looking off into the distance. Something was wrong, Lookmhee could tell even from this far away.

“Someone you like over there?” the bartender asked, drawing her attention back.

Lookmhee groaned into her wine. “You have no idea.”

“It’s the quiet one isn’t it? Pretty hair, tall, in the corner?”

Lookmhee’s head snapped up. She grunted as the room spun sideways. “How could you possibly know that?”

The bartender shook her head. “She’s been watching you this whole time, trying not to be obvious about it.”

“Oh.”

“And she’s the only one in here as beautiful as you are.”

Lookmhee shook her head. “You’re not going to wink again, are you?”

The woman laughed, a big, open laugh.

Lookmhee smiled despite her headache. The wine was beginning to warm her up, she could feel it working on the back of her mind, coaxing the anxiety away, even as the room grew fuzzier.

She was honestly starting to wonder if the bartender was Ann Thongprasom. Didn’t they say celebrities just showed up places sometimes, relying on the ordinary surroundings to help them blend in. Like a movie star could be busking for money and you’d never know? Or was it a musician?

Was Sonya avoiding her?

“I’m not a romantic hero either,” Lookmhee said, resting her chin on one hand.

Sonya

Sam insisted she join their conversation, unwilling to let Sonya escape to the bar. Where Lookmhee was fully engaged in a conversation with the bartender. Who was gorgeous.

“Fine,” Sonya said, allowing herself to be dragged to the couch, where Top already sat with Lee, Dao, and Earth. Apparently, the pilots had gone home.

As soon as she sat down, Top patted Sonya’s shoulder. “How are you doing?”

Sonya groaned. “Is this about the lavatory thing?”

“Yes, that,” Top said quickly. “You’ve gotta be more careful.”

“What lavatory thing?” Dao asked.

Sonya’s heart nearly stopped.

“Nothing,” Sam said cheerfully. “Sonya decided to clean the lavatory earlier.” The lie was so unbelievably convincing Sonya’s eyes widened.

But Dao was frowning. “Didn’t the ground crew do it yesterday?”

Sam had an answer for that too. “It was messy,” she offered. She gave Sonya a pointed look. “Very messy.”

Sonya rolled her eyes.

“That’s our Sonya,” Top put in. “So diligent.”

Evidently, Dao missed the subtext of this ridiculous conversation. “She is,” they said seriously. “It’ll be your first season party next time.”

“Can’t wait,” Sonya said drily, stealing another glance at Lookmhee.

Sam changed the subject, and Dao launched into an explanation of crew life for Lee, who listened attentively.

Several more covert glances at the bar later, Sonya had to close her eyes and open them again to make sure she was actually seeing what she thought she was seeing.

After the bartender handed Lookmhee what Sonya guessed was her second glass of wine, she started openly flirting.

Sonya selected a pork skewer from a small collection of snacks on the table in front of the couch, just to have something to do. She pulled the pork from the skewer in one long bite, chewing slowly, trying not to be too obvious. All the while, her attention was fully focused on the bar where--

Sonya squeezed the wooden skewer.

The bartender touched Lookmhee’s hand, the implications obvious to anyone with eyes. Then she winked!

At least it looked like she did. It was hard to see from here. But she was touching Lookmhee, that part Sonya was sure of.

The skewer snapped in Sonya’s hand. She barely noticed.

She wanted to get up right then and there, storm over to the bar, and tell that woman to get her hands off her g—

The word very nearly took shape in her mind.

We’re still figuring it out, Sonya told herself. But what they had was important, wasn’t it?

Lookmhee was smiling at the woman. A real smile. She actually raised her glass.

Sonya could not believe it. Lookmhee was flirting, right there in front of everyone.

“Sonya!” Sam grabbed her, sending a sharp wave of pain up her arm. “You’re bleeding.”

Sonya looked down at her hand, where a thin strip of wood had embedded itself in her palm. A trickle of blood flowed from the wound.

Sam took the skewer away, grabbed a napkin from the table, and dabbed at Sonya’s hand.

The pain was there, but it dulled beneath the sharp ache in her chest. She refused to cry again, so she looked away, wishing the bar had a window.

She could feel Sam watching her, worry practically radiating through her tight grip and the gentle pressure of the napkin.

Sonya liked to think she was a reasonable person. Fair.

Sure, she lied sometimes to get what she wanted, and she could be competitive. But she knew herself. She knew her limits.

That night, sitting on the couch fighting tears and bleeding, Sonya wondered if she’d reached a little too high. Hoped a little too much. Flown too close to the sun, like that story, what was it? Her thoughts were slowing down, surrendering to self-pity.

She could practically hear Sam saying: What if it doesn’t work out? What will you do?

Lookmhee

The wine was going straight to her head, so Lookmhee handed the bartender 150 baht and stepped outside to get some fresh air.

Catching sight of a concrete bench a few meters away, she went and sat, sighing almost immediately. Her vision cleared a bit. The back of her head throbbed, but not terribly.

The initial buzz from her third glass of wine was morphing into something distinctly morose. Melancholy darkened the night air, dimming the city lights. The neon sign for Old House had made her smile earlier, but now the subdued, blinking letters reminded her of loss. Time went so fast. She’d been a kid, and then a teenager, and then a college student, and now—

She’d had crushes before, plenty of them, and now she couldn’t even remember their names. “I meet so many people,” she told the dark street corner.

When was the last time she had coconut ice cream? She couldn’t remember.

The door to the bar cracked open, and for a moment her heart leapt.

It was Earth though. Of course it was.

“Isn’t this supposed to be your party?” he asked drily, sitting next to her.

Lookmhee kicked at the sidewalk. “Why do people keep asking me that?” She knew she sounded like a whiny kid.

“You want to be alone?” Earth asked patiently.

She almost said yes. “No.”

Earth nodded.

“My head hurts, and I’m tired,” she said.

“Uh huh.”

She turned to him. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For telling you I was seeing someone when I wasn’t.”

Earth folded his hands in his lap. “I kind of figured you made it up. That’s why I was surprised, when I saw her, Sonya.”

Just hearing her name made Lookmhee’s throat dry. She swallowed.

“She’s all I can think about,” Lookmhee said. Earth was smiling at her, genuinely happy, the disappointment only visible at the corners of his eyes.

“You can’t mess this up,” he said.

She winced. And wasn’t that the problem?

Earth sat back, stretched. “I never thought I’d see it. Lookmhee in love.”

The casual, matter of fact way he said it totally freaked her out. “I didn’t say that.”

He laughed. “Okay.”

“I should go back inside,” Lookmhee admitted.

“Good idea.”

Sonya

Sam managed to stop the bleeding at about the same time Lookmhee and Earth appeared in the door. Top had just managed to find a band-aid, with help from the bartender, and he sat on Sonya’s other side.

The whole group had gone quiet, everyone’s attention focused on Sonya. It was more than a little bit embarrassing.

When Lookmhee came inside, she froze in the doorway, looking from Sonya to Sam, and over to Top. She swayed. Earth tried to put a steadying arm around her, but she shook him off and surged forward, catching everyone by surprise.

She knelt in front of Sonya, close enough that Sonya could see the hazy sheen in her eyes, and her flushed cheeks.

Sonya stiffened, torn between the desire to wrap her arms around the one person she’d wanted to be close to all night, and the anger still smoldering inside her. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to look away.

“You’re hurt,” Lookmhee said faintly. She reached for Sonya’s hand, holding it gently, inspecting the wound.

Top cleared his throat at the interruption, still holding the band-aid. Sonya sat still while he laid it carefully across her palm, pressing the edges.

While he worked, Sonya told Lookmhee, “I’m fine.”

Lookmhee’s hands were trembling. “I should have been here,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

Every single person was staring at them, Sonya realized.

Sam shifted beside her, probably uncomfortable with both the attention and the somber turn in the party.

“It’s not bad,” Sonya said cheerfully, mostly for Sam’s benefit. She tried to impress this fact on Dao and Lee, looking at each of them, schooling her expression to polite chagrin. “It happens.”

Sam put an arm around her, squeezing her shoulder gratefully, though she still looked worried.

Lookmhee was gazing up at her with such profound guilt, Sonya couldn’t help but sigh. “It’s alright,” she whispered, newly undone by the tears gathering at the corners of Lookmhee’s eyes. Her hands itched to reach for her, to reassure her.

This certainly wasn’t the low-key approach Sam wanted, but maybe – probably? – they had all been naïve.

Lookmhee

Even in her current state, Lookmhee knew something had gone terribly wrong. There was Sonya’s hand, which she couldn’t even look at directly without wincing herself. And the stiff set of Sonya’s shoulders, the way she kept looking away. She’d done something to upset her, Lookmhee could feel it.

Just then, she caught the look that passed between Top and Sam. It wasn’t much. A subtle shrug. A lift of the eyebrows. But her guilt-powered mind remembered the two of them standing together just an hour or so ago, whispering.

Before she’d gone outside. Before Sonya got hurt and wouldn’t meet her eyes.

Lookmhee stood up, pointing at Top. “You told her?!”

Within seconds, she found herself the focus of five stunned pairs of eyes.

A small voice – buried somewhere beneath several glasses of wine – was telling her to smile and go home before this got any worse. But, well, there were the glasses of wine.

And she really couldn’t believe Top told her!

Yes, okay, it was her fault for letting the Tokyo thing slip. But Top said it wasn’t a big deal?

Lookmhee looked at Sonya, beginning to feel hopelessly lost. Was it a big deal?

Meanwhile, Top all but shouted: “I didn’t tell anyone, I swear!”

“What?” said Sam.

“What?” said Earth.

“What?” said Dao.

Oh. Oh shit.

Lee stayed blessedly silent, looking back and forth, processing in his quiet way.

Sonya eyes were narrowed. Her “What?” came a second after the others.

Lookmhee stepped back. “I’m really, really drunk,” she said, raising both hands.

Lee finally spoke up. “Is this your girlfriend?”

Sonya

Sonya could practically feel the blood draining out of her face.

“Girlfriend?” Dao repeated.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Sam said abruptly. She stood up and left.

“Me too,” Top said, and went after her.

“No,” Lookmhee hissed at Lee. “Not her.”

Sonya’s hand throbbed. She closed her eyes.

Somewhere, Earth said: “I’m going to take Lookmhee home. It’s been a great party. Lee are you coming?”

And with that, the last of Sonya’s patience evaporated.

“I’ll take her home,” she snapped, surprising herself.

Earth was already holding Lookmhee by the arm, so Sonya stood up and stalked over to Lookmhee. “I’ll do it.”

Earth swallowed and let go. “Okay…” he said.

Lee stood up. “I’ll come with you Earth.” The two of them said goodbye to a confused Dao, and then they were gone.

Dao stood watching Lookmhee with an unreadable expression. “Get some rest,” they said eventually, “and drink some water.”

Before Sam and Top could come back from the bathroom, Sonya dragged Lookmhee outside. She spared one last pointed look for the bartender as they left, but she only waved, apparently oblivious to – or unsurprised by – the drama.

Outside the bar, Lookmhee started to speak, but Sonya stopped her. “Not here.”

Lookmhee

Lookmhee stood quietly while Sonya called a taxi.

She felt mildly encouraged by the fact that Sonya was still talking to her and seemed to have temporarily forgotten the whole you told her incident.

Lookmhee was desperate to confess what she’d done, the alcohol having eroded what little chill she’d held onto earlier that day. She owed Lee an explanation too, and she wondered for not-the-first-time if what her sisters called her “wait until it’s a problem” approach to communication was really working out for her.

And of course she was distracted by the idea that she was about to go to Sonya’s house, where she would presumably be alone at Sonya’s house, with Sonya.

“I’ve never been to your house,” Lookmhee whispered, despite the fact that Sonya had clearly told her to be quiet.

Sonya looked up from her phone. “I know.”

Which left Lookmhee with nothing to do but wait.

She was beginning to sober up – maybe – a little? The dark night felt somewhat less oppressive, and her arms were light and tingly in a way that suggested she might be coming back to herself. The pressure behind her eyes was fading. Even the urge to run around in circles – a fundamental feature of her inebriated self – had subsided.

She watched Sonya sheepishly instead, wanting to tell her every thought she’d ever had, just so they would understand each other, like truly understand each other.

Sonya was sooooo pretty, and even now Lookmhee could hardly look away from the silhouette of her face, adorably focused, illuminated by the soft neon lights. She was chewing on her bottom lip, and her eyes caught the ambient glow, like dark mirrors.

Lookmhee couldn’t see anything else.

Sonya

They got in the taxi.

Sonya gave the driver her address, settling down onto the vinyl seats. Lookmhee reclined beside her, gingerly taking her injured hand. They sat like that, and finally Sonya relaxed, watching the lights go by, aware on some level of the need to clean her apartment before Lookmhee saw it.

But for now, she leaned into Lookmhee’s shoulder. They would talk about everything later – the bartender, Lookmhee’s friends, whatever secret she and Top were keeping. Sonya just didn’t have the energy for it now.

She scooted closer to Lookmhee, so that their hips touched. She swiped at her eyes.

Lookmhee

Lookmhee breathed in the scent of Sonya’s hair, so overwhelmingly content it made her feel stronger, clearer.

When Sonya came closer, Lookmhee reached around and held her waist.

She wasn’t sure what it was, but the moment seemed to stretch out, slow and dreamlike. The hush of the taxi and the hypnotic sweep of lights, the warmth of Sonya’s skin beneath her fingers.

She bent down and kissed Sonya just behind her ear. She didn’t even care about the taxi driver, or the tiny camera trained on the back seat. None of it mattered.

Sonya

The back of her ear tingled all the way home.

Lookmhee paid for the taxi. As soon as they got out, Sonya made Lookmhee walk up to the door of her building alone to check her balance.

Inside the main door, Lookmhee spun in a circle, stood on one leg, and even did a few quick math problems.

When Sonya finally gave her a thumbs-up, Lookmhee smiled a huge smile and swept Sonya into a hug.

Lookmhee

Once Lookmhee wrapped her arms around Sonya she really, really didn’t want to let go. They hadn’t even made it up to her apartment, but even in the bright light of the entryway, she couldn’t bring herself to move.

Sonya

“Lookmhee,” Sonya said softly, deciding to voice the question she could no longer contain. “Do you want to date other people?”

Lookmhee

Lookmhee tightened her arms. “No.”

Sonya

“Me neither.”

Chapter Text

Sonya’s apartment was only on the 2^nd floor of the old, three-story building, but it took them forever to make it upstairs.

For one thing, Sonya was enjoying the feeling of Lookmhee’s arms around her so much she hardly noticed how many minutes ticked by. And for another, she knew they would eventually have to talk, like really talk. Just thinking about it made her dizzy.

“Lookmhee,” she tried, willing her own arms to let go of Lookmhee’s waist. No luck. “We should go upstairs, right?”

“Mmm,” was all Lookmhee said.

Sonya smiled, pressing her face into the crook of Lookmhee’s neck. Sonya’s chin fit neatly against the top of her collarbone and it was quickly becoming her favorite spot. “You always do this.”

But it wasn’t just Lookmhee this time. Sonya eventually managed to pull one of her hands a few inches away from Mhee’s waist, where it hesitated mid-air. “Come on.” She slapped Lookmhee’s back.

When Lookmhee actually did release her, she turned and started up the stairs. She heard rather than saw Mhee grumble, which brought another smile to her face. “It’s just one floor,” Sonya called.

She’d been planning to clean her apartment – she hadn’t ever let anyone come in without cleaning first, even her mom. But one glance at Lookmhee changed her mind. She was literally swaying at the top of the stairs, exhausted.

Sonya pulled out her keys and opened the door, beckoning for Lookmhee to follow her inside.

Lookmhee hesitated at the threshold, peeking into the dark room with an expression that said she was nervous but trying not to show it.

So Sonya reached for her hand and pulled, hitting the light switch and promising herself she wouldn’t worry too much about the mostly-decent state of her studio apartment. At least she’d made the bed that morning, and there weren’t many dishes in the sink. Her clothes were put away. It was an older place, simple but bigger than you would expect.

Lookmhee stepped inside and looked around, her expression guarded. Sonya watched her take in the small kitchen, the cream-colored couch and the orange pillows from her mother, Sonya’s unexpectedly large bed, and the colorful blanket she’d dyed herself in a class she took with her cousin. She had pictures of her friends and family everywhere, bright pastel curtains, and even a few plants – though they weren’t in the best shape since she wasn’t always home.

She held her breath, waiting for Lookmhee to say something.

But instead, Lookmhee took off her shoes and raised an eyebrow at Sonya, questioning.

Sonya nodded. “Go ahead.”

Lookmhee wandered around touching everything, which was so typical. Her hands were never still.

Sonya laughed when Lookmhee sniffed her couch and made a big show of testing the pillows to see how comfortable they were. So unserious.

Sonya went over and sat next to her, already suspecting they wouldn’t be getting up anytime soon. Mhee gave her a searching look, and then she lay down on her side on the couch, gesturing for Sonya to do the same.

It took only a moment for Sonya to position herself in front of Lookmhee – facing the door, and for Lookmhee’s arms to slip under her head and drape across her stomach. Mhee’s breath on the back of her neck brought a flush of heat to her cheeks, and she was glad her face was hidden.

Sonya placed a tentative arm over Lookmhee’s. An appreciative sound escaped her lips as she took in this new position. It was vulnerable, having Mhee stretched out behind her, but it was exciting too. She fought to keep her breathing slow and steady, knowing Mhee could feel every move she made.

“I like this,” she whispered.

“Good,” Mhee whispered back, apparently reluctant to use any more actual words.

The silence in Sonya’s apartment stretched, but not uncomfortably.

Eventually, Lookmhee tightened her hold on Sonya. “I told Top what happened in Tokyo,” she said into Sonya’s hair.

Sonya sighed, knowing Lookmhee could feel it. So much for secrets.

Mhee’s body tensed against Sonya. “I’m sorry,” she said, and she sounded sorry. She really did.

Sonya lifted herself carefully and turned in place. She didn’t want to dislodge Lookmhee’s arms.

Mhee’s expression was guilty and Sonya tried not to focus on the slight pout in her beautiful lips. She wanted to kiss them of course. She nearly always did, but it wasn’t the time.

“I forgive you,” Sonya said simply.

Mhee frowned, like she wasn’t quite sure she’d heard that right. Which made Sonya laugh and lean forward to kiss her after all.

“It’s okay,” Sonya added. “Really. Today was the weirdest day ever.”

“Yesterday,” Lookmhee corrected softly, pointing to Sonya’s wall clock by the door. Sonya twisted to look.

After midnight. A huge yawn overtook her.

“You’re tired,” Lookmhee said, stating the obvious. She leaned forward and kissed Sonya lightly on the nose.

Sonya lowered her eyes, pulling at Mhee’s shirt. “So are you.”

When she looked up, Mhee was still smiling, though the dreamy expression on her face underscored Sonya’s point.

But to Sonya’s surprise, Lookmhee shook her head.

“No we can’t sleep yet,” she said doggedly. “There’s so much we haven’t talked about, and so much I want to say. You know?”

“Okay,” Sonya said. “You want to talk right now?” Sonya let her eyes travel down to the nearly non-existent space between them on the couch, and back up.

“It’s just,” Lookmhee persisted, “I’m not always the best at talking about feelings or whatever.”

“Really?” Sonya said, unable to hide a sarcastic smile.

But Mhee wasn’t smiling. In fact, there was real pain on her face.

Sonya reached up and held Mhee’s face with both hands. “You don’t have to be the best,” she said, very deliberately. “You just have to be you.”

Mhee’s eyes watered. Her lips pressed tightly together.

“Come here,” Sonya said, pulling her closer. She reached under Lookmhee’s shirt and traced slow circles into the curve of her lower back.

They lay like that, until Mhee’s breathing steadied and Sonya’s hand slowly fell to the couch, palm open.

As Sonya fell asleep, Lookmhee pulled her closer, pressing her cheek into Sonya’s hair. Sonya tried to speak but only managed a drowsy mumble. She couldn’t even open her eyes.

Lookmhee whispered, “I won’t hurt you, I promise.”

Sonya was an early riser, so as soon as the sun broke through her two small windows, her eyes cracked open. She reached immediately for her neck, which hurt. A lot.

She was – she realized – still curled against Mhee, though Mhee’s arms were now tucked into her chest, like she was trying to protect herself.

It couldn’t have been more than six hours since they’d fallen asleep, judging by the light.

Sonya leaned back, studying Lookmhee’s face. Even asleep she was beautiful, maybe more so. It was Mhee’s smile she’d first been struck by, and then her bright, playful eyes. She couldn’t see either now, but as Sonya brushed hair back from Mhee’s face, she treasured this peaceful, sleeping Mhee just as much.

“I love her.”

The words slipped out quickly, almost inevitably. Sonya froze, watching Mhee, hoping she was completely asleep.

After a heart-pounding thirty seconds, she breathed again. Mhee was definitely out, her breathing didn’t change and her face was totally expressionless.

She had to be more careful. They’d danced around their feelings for each other, and she knew Mhee cared for her deeply. But they’d never actually named their relationship. And judging by their conversation last night—

I’m not always the best at talking about feelings, Mhee said.

Well, Sonya had seen enough K-dramas to know how risky it was, telling someone you loved them.

But she did love Lookmhee, she could feel it so clearly it scared her a little. She remembered asking her friends, years ago, what it felt like when you were in love. How do you really know?

Sonya figured she’d only loved two people before, and now she wasn’t even sure that had been love, really. It was so mixed in with excitement, and fear, and what other people thought, and how they looked together.

This was so different. She was still excited, of course, and scared. But when she looked at Mhee, it was like—everyone else in the world disappeared. It was just the two of them.

She sat up suddenly, restless. Lookmhee didn’t stir, just kept on sleeping like she wasn’t stretched out on Sonya’s couch for the first time ever.

Sonya shook her head. What a weird morning.

She got up, trying to be as quiet as possible. Then she went to her bed and pulled off the blanket, tucking it under one arm. She carried it to the couch and laid it gently over Mhee.

Two hours, one walk around the building, two bowls of congee, and about half an hour of scrolling later, Lookmhee finally stirred.

It began with groaning, and quickly evolved into full-blown crying – dramatic, fake howls loud enough to send Sonya into a fit of laughter.

“Are you okay?” she called from the kitchen. She was sitting on one of the two stools she’d bought when she moved into this place. Not as comfortable as the couch, but since that was occupied.

“My eyes are dry,” Mhee complained.

Sonya hopped off the stood, got a glass, and filled it with water. She offered it to Mhee. “Drink this.”

Mhee made a face, but Sonya wasn’t having it. “Drink.”

Mhee sat up and glared, but she couldn’t totally hide a sheepish smile. “You’re very bossy.”

“Only with you,” Sonya countered, though if she were being honest, that wasn’t entirely true. “Especially with you,” she amended.

Lookmhee watched her through thick lashes, something teasing in her eyes. She drank a few gulps of water. “Sometimes you let me take over.”

Sonya blushed.

Lookmhee leaned forward, pinning her with a sultry stare. “I can take over now.”

“Mhee!” Sonya squeaked, giggling and flustered all at the same time. “Are you always like this in the morning?”

Lookmhee shrugged, evidently taking the question seriously. “Sometimes, yes.”

The straight-forward answer caught Sonya momentarily off guard. “Oh.”

Mhee laughed, dropping her hands to her lap. “Sorry, we don’t have to—”

But Sonya – giving in to a sudden impulse – pressed a finger to Mhee’s lips. They had only been together once, in Tokyo, and she was getting curious. She looked over at her bed. She’d never planned to bring anyone back here, to this place she’d lived in for nearly a year.

But if it had to be someone, she wanted it to be Mhee.

“Come on,” she said, taking Mhee’s hands and pulling her away from the couch.

They stood still for a moment in front of the bed, looking down at it. It wasn’t their first time, but it felt different here where everything was so real.

She waited for the rush of passion that overtook them in Tokyo, but this time she found herself looking into Mhee’s eyes and feeling – lost.

Not trusting herself to speak, Sonya wrapped her fingers around the back of Mhee’s neck.

Mhee had that look again, like she wanted to say something. Her brow was slightly furrowed, her lips parted, her eyes glittering with some indiscernible emotion.

Hoping it would soothe her, Sonya squeezed the back of her neck, lightly massaging up and down. Lookmhee’s eyes closed right away. Her hands gripped Sonya’s waist more urgently.

Not soothing, Sonya thought, aware now of a fresh wave of desire building in her stomach. She reflexively pressed her hips against Lookmhee, gasping at the sensation of pleasure.

Lookmhee’s eyes snapped open. Her hands held Sonya’s waist still.

Sonya frowned at her. But Mhee came closer, nuzzling her nose against Sonya’s cheek.

“Do you know,” Mhee said slowly, “that you’re not just a casual fling to me?”

Slightly caught off guard, Sonya pulled back. Mhee was gazing at her, shy and warm and nervous.

Mhee went on. “That’s what Top said, that people at work have casual hookups all the time, but that’s not what this is for me.”

She said it so earnestly. Sonya’s heart fluttered, and for a long moment she couldn’t say a word.

Lookmhee waited, but when it was clear no answer was coming, she cleared her throat. “If that’s all you want I understand, but I was hoping for more.”

The moment was so important, and it was so clear what answer Mhee needed, but Sonya just stood there, trying to make sense of it all. Mhee’s directness, the conversation they desperately needed to have, the fear paralyzing her whole body. If she opened her mouth, she would say it. The words looped through her head, firm and implacable. I love you.

It was too soon. If she said it, and Mhee disappeared—

Confused by her silence, Mhee tried again, “Do you want to start seeing each other, like officially?”

Sonya didn’t know what else to do, so she stepped forward and buried her face in Mhee’s neck. Mhee’s arms were up and around her in seconds. “Sonya?”

“Yes,” Sonya finally managed to breathe out.

“Yes, you want to start seeing each other?” Mhee asked, hope coloring the words.

“Yes.”

“Thank god,” Mhee said, which finally broke some of the tension.

“I want more too,” she added. That felt safe enough.

Mhee kissed her, and Sonya surrendered fully to the feeling, savoring the warmth and taste of Lookmhee’s lips, even as her heart constricted with the things she hadn’t said.

When Mhee finally pulled back, it was only to whisper, “Can we try something?”

Sonya hesitated, looking Mhee in the eye, unable to make sense of the eagerness and self-consciousness she saw there. But it was Lookmhee so Sonya nodded. “Okay.”

Mhee flashed a smile. She climbed onto the bed and beckoned for Sonya to join her. Sonya crawled across and sat, turning to stretch her legs out toward the foot of the bed.

“Lie down for me?” Lookmhee asked, narrowing her eyes at the bed. She looked a bit like she was arranging flowers.

“Um,” Sonya said, lying down and watching her with a mix of nerves and amusement. “What exactly are we doing?”

“This,” Lookmhee said, swinging a leg over Sonya’s hips and straddling her.

Sonya gasped at the sudden weight of Mhee’s thighs.

“Is this okay?” Mhee asked, looking down at her.

“Yes, definitely,” Sonya said, already warming with excitement. Her heart was racing, and there was something decidedly enjoyable about being pinned to her own bed.

But Lookmhee didn’t lean down and kiss her, like Sonya expected.

Instead, she reached down and ran her fingers across Sonya’s face, tracing her eyebrows, her cheeks, her nose. She touched Sonya’s ears, and mouth, and chin.

Then she slid her palms across Sonya’s shoulders and down her arms, turning her hands over to touch both sides. Mhee paused, eying the sleeveless top Sonya was wearing.

“What are you doing?” Sonya giggled.

“Calibrating,” Lookmhee said, reaching for Sonya’s shirt. “Can I take this off?”

Sonya nodded, curious.

Lookmhee pulled at the hem of the shirt, lifting it slowly and carefully over Sonya’s head.

Sonya summoned all her confidence, giving Mhee a playful look that said, you’re welcome. Mhee smiled, leaning down and kissing her shoulder.

Encouraged, Sonya slid her hands under the back of Mhee’s shirt, rubbing up and down. She was about to unhook Mhee’s bra when Mhee rose back up to a sitting position again.

Sonya rolled her eyes, but she was actually enjoying herself. She’d only been with a few people, but she’d never done this before, this calibrating.

Lookmhee’s eyes and hands traveled over her with blatant interest, touching lightly, studying her chest, her stomach, and eventually her hips, thighs, and legs. Fifteen minutes later, Sonya’s clothes were on the floor, and she lay her stomach, resting her head on her arms, weirdly content as Mhee explored her shoulder blades.

“Can you give me a massage while you’re at it?” she asked, mostly joking.

Within seconds, Mhee was pressing firmly into Sonya’s lower back. The massage was punctuated by a few kisses that made Sonya’s arms tingle deliciously.

A few more minutes of that, and Sonya recovered her earlier enthusiasm. She flipped herself over, relatively sure Lookmhee had already touched every inch of her body. Even though it was Mhee who started the calibrating, she realized she was more at ease now then she’d been when they started.

“Are you calibrated?” Sonya inquired politely.

Mhee did lean down and kiss her then, softly and slowly until Sonya moaned.

“Calibrated,” Mhee said into Sonya’s mouth, voice rougher than it had been before.

“Tell me you’re not going to stop there,” Sonya said, hot and breathless.

She felt Mhee smile. “Of course not.”

Chapter Text

As soon as Lookmhee nuzzled the sensitive skin behind Sonya’s ear, Sonya felt it all the way down to her toes. She arched her back, glad for the pillow under her head. Her own pillow. In her own bed.

Lookmhee’s hand slipped under the curve of her back immediately, exploiting the opportunity, and just the feel of her fingers there. Sonya actually gasped.

Lookmhee stopped instantly. “You okay?” Her face was centimeters away, flushed, but intently focused on Sonya. Worried.

Something about that, just how quickly she responded to Sonya’s every move, every breath, made Sonya swallow. “I’m fine,” she said, still out of breath.

She tried to smile. This was different from the last time, in Tokyo. That had been fun, sexy in a desperate, instinctive kind of way.

But now…She took a deep breath, caught in a mix of feelings she was having a hard time deciphering.

Within seconds, Lookmhee’s fingers were stroking her cheek, rubbing comforting circles into her scalp, whispering: “It’s okay.”

Safe.

The word popped into her mind, totally unbidden. But that was exactly the feeling. Somehow, without realizing it, she trusted Lookmhee completely.

She met Mhee’s eyes. “I trust you, you know?” She sounded desperate, even to herself.

Lookmhee paused. And then her face transformed, her bright smile warm and so so beautiful. Sonya loved that smile.

“Me too,” Lookmhee said softly, brushing her nose against Sonya’s forehead. Which made Sonya giggle, and just like that, she relaxed into Mhee’s arms.

Gazing into her deep brown eyes, Sonya almost let it slip out, what she felt that morning, what she wanted. She wasn’t really the hold in your feelings type.

She lingered on the gentle curves of Mhee’s lips instead. “What comes after calibrating?” she asked softly.

“Whatever you want,” Mhee said, completely guileless.

Sonya’s mouth quirked, and she thought for a second. Then she shook her head.

Lookmhee squinted at her. “What?”

Sonya hesitated.

“You can tell me,” Mhee said, eyes soft and inviting.

Sonya’s voice was barely a whisper. She forced herself to say it all, even as her face burned with embarrassment. “I want to be as close to you as possible. I want to feel everything. I want you to touch me everywhere.”

Now Lookmhee’s face had turned a deep red, and her lips parted in surprise. “Oh.”

Sonya bit her lip. “You don’t have to—”

But Mhee was already moving away, slipping off the bed.

“Mhee,” Sonya complained, propping herself up on her elbows.

Lookmhee held up a hand, and then she pulled off her shirt, dropping it unceremoniously onto the floor.

Sonya swallowed at the sight of Lookmhee standing there in a bra and jeans in her apartment. Her heart sped up.

Lookmhee unbuttoned her jeans, and even though she wasn’t looking at Sonya, the muscles of Sonya’s stomach tensed in anticipation. She actually had to close her eyes for a moment against the strength of the feelings racing through her own body.

The jeans were off by the time her eyes opened again. Sonya groaned, prompting Mhee to look at her with a smirk.

Sonya could only imagine what she looked like, totally naked on the bed, staring. She didn’t even have the presence of mind to be self-conscious. She only knew she wanted whatever was about to happen. Like really wanted it.

Lookmhee stopped to consider her bra and underwear but ultimately shrugged and took them both off.

Sonya dug her fingers into the blanket covering her bed, desperate to anchor herself somehow. Her breathing was erratic, with nerves or desire or some combination, she didn’t even know anymore.

Mhee climbed back onto the bed, and by the time she’d positioned herself on top of Sonya, Sonya could barely hold herself still.

Fortunately, she didn’t need to.

Lookmhee kissed her, doing exactly what Sonya asked for. Her hands moved over Sonya’s body, scratching her scalp, then gripping her shoulders, then trailing down her sides and hips, and back up to her chest.

But slowly, so much more slowly than Sonya expected. She let Lookmhee set the pace, and it was like the calibrating, but more. Lookmhee’s eyes were closed this time, and her fingers did the exploring.

So Sonya closed her eyes too. She breathed in the smell of Lookmhee’s perfume and caught her breath at the spark Lookmhee’s fingers left everywhere they touched. Their ragged gasps mingled together in Sonya’s ears.

She felt Lookmhee’s lips on her neck, and then her jaw, and then her mouth. Sonya moaned at the slide of Lookmhee’s tongue, and just how warm and enjoyable the feeling was. How it made her heart skitter and dance, how it made everything feel bigger, louder, stronger.

Lookmhee’s thigh moved between her legs. They rocked once, up toward the headboard and down, and then again. Sonya whimpered. Up and down. A slow and steady rhythm. Up and down. Up and down.

Sonya opened her eyes.

Lookmhee was watching her, expression dark and liquid. Sonya looked back, captivated. They moved together for a while, staring into each other’s eyes.

Mhee’s lips formed her name. Sonya thought her heart might explode.

They shifted, Sonya pressing her own thigh into Lookmhee. Lookmhee braced herself on both sides of Sonya’s head. Then they were rocking again. Up and down.

“Sonya,” Lookmhee whispered again. Desire and pleasure and love all mixed together, so strong that for a long time, Sonya couldn’t think anything at all.

They spent hours together, and it was late afternoon by the time they were finished. Even then, they could have kept going if hunger hadn’t slowed them down.

At some point, Sonya found herself lying against Lookmhee. They hadn’t spoken in a while and Sonya couldn’t shake the feeling of Mhee looking down at her and that dizzying flood of emotion. She kept replaying the moment in her mind, wanting to hold onto it forever, and terrified it was all a dream that would somehow vanish.

Lookmhee turned to her. “Are you hungry?” She was grinning, her smile and the color in her cheeks captivatingly beautiful.

“How are you always so cheerful?”

Lookmhee’s smile faded a little. “You don’t like it?”

Sonya shook her head. “I love it,” she said truthfully. “Where do you want to eat?”

“You choose,” Lookmhee said automatically.

Sonya said the first thing that popped into her head. “I want coffee.”

“Done!”

They fetched their clothes from the floor, and Sonya gave Mhee one more lingering appraisal as she pulled her jeans back on. “Mhee,” she said on impulse. Lookmhee paused, one leg in her jeans and the other bare. “This isn’t the last time we’re going to do this, is it?”

Lookmhee frowned immediately. “No way!” she said, sounding absolutely sure. “Unless that’s what you want of course,” she amended.

“Definitely not.”

“Okay good.” Mhee nodded to herself, pulling the rest of her clothes on.

Sonya savored the sight of Lookmhee’s body in the waning daylight. This is real. She’s real, Sonya told herself.

They went to Sonya’s favorite café on the corner, a small place that was better for takeout than eating inside. Sonya ordered a black coffee with a little bit of rose syrup and Lookmhee ordered a matcha, no sugar. They got everything to go, along with some crispy tofu and chicken skewers.

Lookmhee wanted to walk, so they took the drinks and the food with them and wandered to a park. They found a bench perched on a hill overlooking a valley and settled in next to each other.

By now, Sonya was really hungry. The coffee was delicious, and she realized they hadn’t really eaten anything all day. Lookmhee launched into the skewers, while Sonya started on the tofu, wishing the café had porridge.

The weather was warm but comfortable. Sonya took off her jacket, dropping it onto the bench.

The park was beautiful, but she found herself ruminating. She brushed a piece of tofu off her lap, watching a woman with a fluffy brown dog walking at the base of the hill.

“What’s wrong?” Lookmhee gave her a sidelong look.

“Nothing.”

“Tell me.”

Sonya sighed. “I’m just thinking. It’s not a big deal.”

“About what?” Lookmhee asked, chewing a bit of skewer.

Sonya turned to face her. “You really want to know?”

Lookmhee reached over and pulled at Sonya’s hip until she scooted closer. Their legs were touching now. Sonya looked around, wondering what people might think if they saw them. Did they look like a couple? Were they?

“Can you imagine if Top saw us here?” Lookmhee said conspiratorially.

“I would die,” Sonya choked out.

“Worse than the lavatory?”

Sonya didn’t even bother to defend herself, just laughed. “We’re going to get fired.”

“Might be worth it,” Lookmhee said, leaning over to nuzzle Sonya’s neck.

“You think so?”

Sonya said it casually, but Lookmhee must have noticed the change in her energy because she pulled back. “What are you thinking about?” Her tone was curious, a little worried even.

“You,” Sonya whispered.

Mhee raised her eyebrows, as if to say “huh?”

“Nothing bad,” Sonya said, wondering if she should change the subject. She took a breath, steadying herself. “You said you aren’t good at talking about feelings, and I thought I was but maybe I’m not either.” Sonya ran a hand through her hair. “I’ve only dated two people before. A girl - a long time ago - and a guy. That didn’t end well.”

The confession hung in the air. Sonya waited.

“I’m sorry,” Mhee said. “I hang out with a lot of guys too. They can be—” she shrugged.

“He was seeing someone else, and I didn’t know.”

Lookmhee gripped the bench. “What an asshole.” It was rare to see Lookmhee angry, but her scowl was unmistakable.

Sonya smiled weakly. “Yeah. We were together a long time, and I guess it wasn’t always great. He made me worry a lot, like I wasn’t good enough for him.”

Lookmhee grabbed her arms suddenly, turning Sonya all the way around to look her directly in the eye. “It wasn’t you,” she said seriously. “It wasn’t okay? You’re good enough.”

Sonya’s heart leapt at the words. But – as dumb as it was – she felt that heat spring up again, where Mhee held her arms. She wanted to lean in and kiss her, but they were finally having a real conversation.

She leaned in and kissed Mhee’s nose, before delicately extracting her arms.

“Thank you,” she said.

Mhee didn’t seem deterred. She frowned off into the distance. “You deserve better than that,” she said. “That guy should have married you.”

“What?” Sonya asked. “No, that would have been terrible.”

Lookmhee shook her head, mumbling to herself. “Yeah, of course. Not that guy. But you know.”

“What about you?” Sonya prompted.

“Me?” Lookmhee said. “I’ve never really dated anyone seriously. I did have a few things with friends. But I don’t think I was ever…in love with them.”

You’ve never been in love, Sonya thought but didn’t say.

Lookmhee went on. “I always thought it was better to be friends first. So it would last longer.”

Sonya nodded, lost in her own thoughts.

“What about the girl?” Lookmhee asked.

“Huh?”

“You said you dated a girl a while ago.”

“Oh,” Sonya said, letting out a small, dry laugh. “Yeah, in middle school.”

“What happened?” Lookmhee leaned closer.

Sonya wasn’t sure exactly how to explain. “She was…a girl. Pretty and smart. It was complicated.”

Lookmhee smiled sympathetically. “Makes sense.” She paused, then, “Do you think this is complicated?” Mhee gestured between them.

Sonya swallowed the confession she could feel building in her throat.

She’s never been in love.

“No, not complicated.” Sonya answered carefully. “Different maybe?”

Lookmhee nodded. “You’re very different. In a really good way. The best way.”

“I don’t want to lose you.” Sonya admitted, coming as close as she dared to the truth.

“You won’t,” Lookmhee said, wrapping both arms around her. “No matter what happens with us, I’m not going anywhere.”

Sonya breathed in Lookmhee’s scent, taking what comfort she could from that.

They stayed there talking until the sun went down.

“We have work tomorrow,” Sonya said eventually.

“I don’t want to go home,” Lookmhee whined.

Sonya didn’t either. “We still have the rest of the night.”

“Oh do you want to go eat?”

“Again?” But Sonya thought about it. “Actually yes! I’m still hungry.”

Lookmhee shot up from the bench and held out a hand to help Sonya up. “My princess,” she said, wiggling both eyebrows suggestively.

Sonya could barely see her. She took Mhee’s hand and stood up, stretching. She felt like they’d been sitting there forever, but she still didn’t want to move.

On the way back to Sonya’s apartment, they passed a brightly lit side street.

“A street fair!” Sonya squealed, ducking in. Lookmhee was right behind her.

They went to at least six stalls, trying all the food they could. Lookmhee loved meats, the more flavorful the better. Sonya was more interested in the rice and noodles. “We’re perfect for each other,” Sonya announced, back in a good mood.

Once they were full, Lookmhee pulled Sonya away from an iced tea cart and into a group of impromptu dancers. Someone had lined the block with yellow overhead lights, and pop music filled the air, mingling with the scent of grilled pork.

Lookmhee held Sonya’s hands, pulling her into a slow twirl. Sonya followed her lead, elated by the food, the music, and the company.

Happiness lit up Mhee’s face, transforming it in the soft light. People were watching them; Sonya could feel their eyes. And for once, she didn’t mind the attention. She felt young and happy and beautiful, and she would never forget that moment.