Chapter Text
The last few weeks had been very exhausting for New Moon.
He hovered between anguish, guilt, and, deep down, a bit of resentment. He'd seen Sun's mental health progressively worsen over the past few months, and at this point, he didn't know what else he could do. Every time he tried to talk to him, they ended up fighting; every time they tried to do something together, an awkward silence formed between them; and every time he tried to help him, everything went wrong.
He felt incompetent and also angry; ever since he'd been dating Eclipse and Solar, he felt his relationship with Sun had become increasingly strained. Eclipse had told him his brother was just trying to get attention, and honestly, he was starting to agree with him. Part of him felt Sun simply wasn't capable of appreciating all he did for him, and part of him was ashamed of thinking that. Maybe he was just jealous and self-conscious... because he knew he'd never be enough for Sun.
He was never going to be that Old Moon he'd lost.
New Moon hated it when Sun drank. At first, he thought it didn't matter; Sun is an adult and can drink if he wants... but it was already obvious to everyone that drinking had become a bad habit that his brother didn't seem to have any intention of stopping. He was sure that if it weren't for his disappointed look, he'd just keep going. When he drank, Sun wasn't physically abusive or anything like that, but New Moon had the impression he was saying things he really felt. It was as if the filter he used to talk to them fell away, revealing his true feelings, the ones he tried so hard to hide from him.
That particular night, New Moon sighed when he saw Sun lying in bed, staring at the empty wine bottle on the floor. He grimaced uncomfortably before gently moving him to settle him in the bed; he was about to put his brother to charge his battery, when suddenly, he moved.
Sun looked at him for only a few seconds before closing his eyes.
"I'm sorry..." Sun apologized embarrassedly, covering his face with his hand as he surreptitiously moved away from his brother's touch. Sun never enjoyed being touched.
"It doesn't matter anymore." But of course it did; New Moon simply didn't feel like arguing anymore.
He was planning to let Sun rest, until a pang of curiosity arose in his chest. A question he'd asked before, but he still didn't feel like his brother had answered him completely honestly; so seeing him awake and... well, drunk, he felt this might be his chance to get a real answer.
"Hey, Sun..."
"Hmm?"
"You really don't hate me for replacing Old Moon?"
There was a silence. One that left New Moon cold with anxiety. And one that caught Sun off guard.
"Sorry, forget what I said." New Moon sighed uncomfortably and anxiously, but before he could cross the door, his brother's voice stopped him.
"No... I don't hate you..." Sun whispered, covering his face with one of his hands. "Regardless of how things turned out... you're my little brother. And you're so easy to love, Moon..." Sometimes, Sun felt envious of that. Not in the most malicious sense, but rather, he wished he were easy for other people to like and not be seen as the nuisance he is. "You're not him, but you're very special. You're so charming, so fun... I'm sure Old Moon would like you too if he met you..."
Sun was silent before turning slightly in bed so that his back was to him.
"You know, it wasn't all bad with Old Moon..." He paused. "I mean, horrible things happened, and a lot of it was his fault, but... he wasn't all that." Sun's voice sounded muffled as he closed his eyes and let the darkness of the room comfort him in his silent mourning.
New Moon looked at him for a few long seconds. Until that moment, all he'd heard about Old Moon were horrible things; an aggressive, cold, and calculating animatronic who hadn't had the heart to cut Eclipse's code from his mind, forgetting about him like garbage to be discarded. He knew Eclipse wasn't a saint in the past, but Old Moon was definitely worse. Eclipse had abused Sun countless times, hitting him, yelling at him, humiliating him; he couldn't even hug Sun because Old Moon had instilled fear in him.
Old Moon threw his existence away and left him to take care of his garbage. In the end, everything had turned out all right, but it didn't take away the fact that he'd placed a heavy burden on Sun's shoulders that wasn't his. He'd barely opened his eyes to the world and already there were problems to solve. And even now that it was all over, when they could finally live in peace, he was still living under Sun's shadow...
How could Sun possibly say that everything hadn't always been bad for him?
That night, New Moon went to sleep with more questions than answers. Maybe it didn't really matter if he was better than that silly Old Moon; Sun would never love him the same. And that made his chest clench with jealousy and insecurity.
New Moon sighed, settling between his two boyfriends as he tried to sleep. The situation with Sun and his breakdowns had him too stressed to sleep properly. Solar had told him he couldn't allow his relationship with his brother to become toxic, that he should set boundaries so it wouldn't affect him so much... but he wasn't sure how to do that. Or if it was the right path. Perhaps doing so would only create more distance between them, and now he would truly lose Sun forever.
He closed his eyes, trying to rest.
[...]
And suddenly, he heard it.
"Let me out."
A growl deep in his psyche made him snap open his eyes. And suddenly, a stab of pain made him realize it hadn't been his imagination. At first, it was an annoying sensation, but then it hurt so much it made him sit up in bed while clutching his faceplate.
He was scared; it was just like in his nightmares. But this felt terrifyingly real.
Solar woke up immediately, taking a few seconds to process the scene before approaching New Moon. He placed his hand on his back, leaning over him. "Moon? What's wrong?"
But Moon didn't respond. He closed his eyes; he felt as if he were being pushed, as if... as if someone wanted to take control away from him!
"Sun needs me," the voice begged.
"He needs me now," he insisted.
"I don't want to hurt you!" He tried to bargain.
"But I need to find him now!" And finally, he broke down.
"You know, it wasn't all bad with Old Moon..."
New Moon wasn't quite sure if it was the pain, the memory of his brother's voice, or the realization that this old moon was begging him to let him help Sun, that finally made him give in. He stopped fighting for control, relaxed his body, and simply... let himself go.
Everything went black for New Moon.
But the world gained color for Old Moon.
Solar watched the scene in anguish before cautiously approaching Moon. "Are you okay...?" But before he could touch him, Moon looked at him. And it took a simple glance to know that this wasn't his moon.
New Moon's gaze was relaxed, gentle, and even amused, but this one... was intense, deep, and dangerous. It stared at him, narrowing its eyes, as if trying to process who he was... or if he represented a danger. That moon held its head, getting used to the sensation, processing the surroundings, processing... existing.
"Who are you?" Solar asked tensely.
"Old Moon..." The reply came from Eclipse, who had also woken up and slid in front of Solar as a protective gesture.
Moon glared at Eclipse resentfully, but his attention was drawn to the real reason he’s left. He tried to focus, tried to think of Sun... it had been a long time since he’d tried something like that, but he tried to see through Sun's eyes to see where he was.
The nursery.
In the blink of an eye, Solar and Eclipse saw Moon open a portal. They could see the nursery embraced by the night, while the lunar animatronic watched the scene with an indecipherable expression.
"I'm on my way, Sunny... don't be afraid..."
And he jumped into the portal.
‘I'll be braver,
I'll look for you sooner,
I swear I won't be late.’
-Call me when you're not there.