Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Regulus was small, he had a best friend. His only friend but the very best in every way. His best friend's name was Sirius, the brightest star in the sky. They played together, invented stories of what they would be when they were adults, and Sirius always covered Regulus’ ears when their parents' fighting got particularly loud. 

Sirius bandaged his wounds when their parents got particularly rough with them and snuck into his room to dry his tears when he cried into his pillow. Sirius was his best friend and his mother and father, his brother and guiding light. He had been the first one Regulus had told that he thought he was a boy and Sirius had grinned, dimples and all, and helped Regulus pick his name out.

But everyone grows up eventually- Sirius left for Hogwarts and there he found James. His letters from school slowed from daily, to monthly, and eventually they stopped all together. Sirius had changed and found solace in the friends he made at school, all too eager to leave Grimmauld Place behind. 

Regulus never blamed him at first, Sirius had always swallowed down the brunt of their parents beatings, both physical and magical, and Regulus had seen that mischievous glint return to his eyes when he came back from school. He had been excited to start school after hearing his brother talk about life at Hogwarts, he knew everything about his best friend (Regulus had ignored the sting of James replacing him as best as he could) and the two other boys dormed with them. Everything had crashed down around Regulus when he had been sorted into Slytherin despite his begging to the Sorting Hat to put him with his brother. 

Sirius had changed then, his hatred towards the house tinging his view of his brother from the moment the Hat had shouted it out. Too many evil wizards had come out of that house, Sirius had sneered at him in the hallway after, and that was the last time Regulus talked to his brother the rest of his first year. 

Their parents had been delighted in the sorting, praising Regulus for continuing the Black tradition. Regulus vomited three times after reading their letter. 

His seven years there continued the same way- reaching out to Sirius in the ways he could only to be rejected. Sirius running away to James had been the final nail in the coffin and Regulus knew that he had been well and truly replaced in Sirius Black’s life. 

He wondered sometimes, when he stared up at his brother's star at the top of the Astronomy tower, if Sirius would’ve talked to him if he had told him about the first boy he had fallen in love with or if that would’ve been one more rejection to add to Regulus’ ever growing list.

Regulus had thrown himself into his studies then, solidifying his friendships with his fellow Slytherins and graduated Hogwarts top of his class. His parents had been proud, his mother had given him a tight lipped smile he’d never seen before, and he had become the son she had always wanted. 

Regulus could deal with the politics, the thinly veiled blood supremacy Mother ranted about during every gala she hosted, and he could deal with avoiding the arranged marriage his mother tried to force upon him every month. 

He could not deal with his mother resorting to trying to mold him back into that perfect and prim pureblood daughter she insisted she had so Regulus could carry on the Black name with an heir. Regulus had faced down every curse she had- the Unforgiveables, the Dark curses she found within the library, the physical torture, and being chained in the basement like a neglected dog. 

He had faced everything and came out on top, breaking free of Grimmauld Place, and running as far as he could go. Well, running was a generous term, more like he crashed after the adrenaline left him and he found himself in Pandora’s hedges after a rather painful disapparation that led to him splinching his shoulder. 

Pandora had told him later on that he had danced a fine line between life and death before they had been able to heal him. 

That had been seven years ago and Regulus had become everything his parents had hated- a queer, muggle loving wizard and of his own merit, had become quite famous in the muggle world. It had started with karaoke in London with his friends, half drunk and singing some song by a muggle band. Someone had recorded it on a cellphone (he had no idea what those were at the time) and posted it on the internet and overnight, people from around the world had been asking his name. 

Thus began two years of him making music. Regulus had always been musically talented (Mother insisted they learn to play instruments and had singing lessons since they could talk, something about being better than “those filthy mudbloods”) and had convinced his friends to join his impromptu band. 

Pandora had a friend of a friend in the music industry and had gotten them signed in six months and their first album within a year. 

Regulus had finally found his happiness, had raised himself out of the hell of his childhood and made something of himself without his parents' blood money. 

He found himself now staring at the giant billboard that was across from his hotel room and he smirked at it. He was a tad smug that he was staring at himself and his friends in tight and short clothing, showing so much skin his mother would have a heart attack. 

Regulus had put himself in skin tight jeans, no shame in the way they curved around his bulge and the half shredded lace top that showed off the tattoos and surgical scars on his chest. Pandora had gone with a short frilly green dress, towering a few inches above him in the platform boots she had chosen. Barty and Evan had been downright scandalous- near matching outfits of ripped jeans and haphazardly cut band tshirts, with Evan bent in front of Barty, hands on his knees with a lit cigarette between his fingers, Barty’s hands on his hips. Dorcas had herself draped across Regulus’ shoulders, barely-there shorts with fishnets and a blood red tube top. They looked every bit the rock stars they were. 

Regulus had made it clear in every photoshoot and contract that they dressed themselves unless they explicitly asked for help which had somehow led to them being styled by none other than Narcissa Malfoy. He had been weary when she had reached out, Regulus wanted nothing to do with any Blacks, married with a new name or not, but Narcissa was as much of a black sheep as he was and after an Unbreakable Vow to not betray him to the rest of their family, they had started working together. 

She had become their manager and within months, they had topped multiple worldwide lists. 

Regulus grinned at himself on the billboard and turned away, striding towards his plush bed. They were doing interviews tomorrow to promote the new album coming out at the end of the month and he needed every moment of rest he could get. He snuggled under his blankets and scrolled mindlessly through his phone, sending the occasional meme to their group chat. 

He had almost fallen asleep when his phone buzzed. 

Unknown number: 

Hey number neighbor! 

Sorry its late, my mates dared

Me to send this, hopefully you're 

Not some creepy old man or smth 

(: 

Regulus stared at the text for a moment, blinking at the screen as he read the words over twice. 

That’s a really shitty dare.

He sent back before putting his phone on the nightstand and sighed, muggles are so bloody weird. 

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚

The interviews flew by and Narcissa said they went extraordinarily well, their streaming numbers had gone up after they had been released on all of their socials and Regulus had approved a small clip of one of the new songs on the album. 

Pandora had suggested going out that night, some new club had opened up near their hotel and Regulus had readily agreed- how long had it been since they’d gone out as a group that wasn’t for interviews or recording music videos? 

He wanted to celebrate their successes with enough alcohol that made him woozy in the morning and begging Dorcas for a hangover potion just like he used to in school. 

They had all gotten dressed in his room, clothes and makeup flung everywhere and their combined playlist booming out of someone's speaker. He had just finished putting eyeliner on when his phone buzzed. 

Unknown Number: 

It could’ve been worse, 

We were pissed and had gone 

Through the worse of the dares

(: 

The smiley face stared up at him blankly. 

Okay.

Regulus was unsure how to answer other than that, he had no idea how to talk to strangers, especially faceless ones. He slid his phone into his back pocket and finished getting ready, helping Pandora with her finishing touches before they left. 

“Reg, after this album drops and we finish the last few shows, we’re going on vacation and finding someone pretty to fuck.” Dorcas hummed, bumping shoulders  with him as they walked down the street.

“Someone pretty? Cas, you’re always fucking someone pretty.”

“Someone prettier! It’s been awhile since I’ve been with someone like us, I miss using magic in the bedroom.” She complained and he snorted.

“Darling, weren’t you just with a witch two weeks ago? That wasn’t magical at all?” He raised an eyebrow at her and she groaned.

“We were too pissed to even hold our wands correctly, you wanker, I barely got her off before we both passed out.” 

“The only one having wand issues here should be Reg, Cas.” Barty chimed in, laughing into the side of Evans head as he cast a smirk their way. 

“Careful, Barty, we both know my wand works better than all of yours combined.” 

“Ew guys, can we not call your dicks that?” Pandora wrinkled her nose at them. “I rather like being able to use mine without thinking of what's in your pants. Besides, after this month, I’m finding myself something that’s more than a hookup.” 

“Still pining after Evan’s after all this time, love?” Reg asked her and bumped her shoulder. 

She just sighed and frowned, “Reg, everyone but her knows I’ve been in love with her since fourth year. I don’t even know where she is now, probably still with Potter.”

Reg froze at the mention of his name. Fucking Potter. 

“Well, we all know he’s a pompous git so hopefully she came to her senses.” Reg mumbled and cut the conversation off. 

They made it to the club soon after and Reg beelined for the bar, downing two shots of something he couldn’t name before ordering a tray for the group. The bartender raised a scarred eyebrow and didn’t say anything. 

“Cheers mate!” Regulus grinned and winked at him before spinning away and bringing the tray to the group. Shots were downed and he could feel himself finally relaxing, the alcohol loosening him up. 

They danced and sang loudly together on the floor, giggling like school children the more they drank. Pandora and Reg snapped pictures of them together, no doubt blurry and indistinguishable but Regulus felt like he was alive for the first time in months. 

He made out with a tall bloke with messy brown hair and danced away when he got bored, the club lights blurred like shooting stars as he whirled around and danced with Dorcas, laughing loudly when she mimicked the weird grinding dance that Evan and Barty were doing next to them. They made loud kissy noises at each other when Barty gave them the finger. 

Regulus was properly drunk now and he had flirted with the bemused bartender with the scar on his face more than once. Regulus never wanted tonight to end, he wanted to keep dancing despite the quick setting exhaustion and he wanted to keep drinking because it made him smile wider than he had in years and he wanted to kiss that stranger again because he tasted like magic. 

He couldn’t find the stranger and he wanted to cry so he found Pandora and laid his head on her shoulder and cried a little. Where was his stranger, he asked her and she hugged him. His melancholy didn’t last long when one of their songs came on and they screamed at each other, jumping up and down in each other's arms. 

Regulus wanted the night to last forever. 

Chapter Text

It didn’t last. Regulus woke up half under the covers of his bed and a jackhammer pounding on the inside of his head. It was too bright and he knew if someone spoke to him above a whisper, he’d throw up all over them. He hissed as he moved, hand cradling his sensitive head, and adjusted slowly onto the bed so he could snuggle under the covers, it was far too bright in the bloody hotel room. 

He slept fitfully, the headache and dryness in his mouth preventing him from fully going back under. Regulus decided that he hated the him from the night before that had wanted last night to happen, had wanted to go out and get so drunk he couldn’t remember his name and all of the things that wouldn’t leave his thoughts. It had worked but Regulus was nothing but dramatic when it came to self inflicted pain. 

“Regulusssssss,” Pandora’s sing-songy voice called out, knocking loudly on his door and letting herself in. Her violently bright yellow sundress was far too much for him to take in at the moment.

“Loud, too loud.” He whispered, his voice straining against his dry throat.

“Don’t be a baby, Reg, It's just a hangover. There's water and a potion Dorcas left out for you on the table, she didn’t want you throwing up all over her again.” 

He rolled over and downed the potion, the nasty tasting liquid was an easy enough thing to swallow down when his headache went away in seconds and he felt almost normal again. He sipped the water and stared up at the bright smile of his friend. 

“I feel like I got hit by a muggle bus and was run over again.”

“You partied hard last night, we couldn’t keep up with you.” 

He grumbled some sort of response and swung his legs off the bed, gathering random bits of clothing so he could wash off the remains of last night- he couldn’t bring himself to look at himself in the mirror, Merlin knows what his hair looks like. 

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚

Pandora was gone by the time he was out and he found his phone twisted in the blankets. He read the messages from their group chat from last night, ignoring the flush he felt in his cheeks at the drunk messages he had sent, and found another message that had him quirking up an eyebrow. 

Unknown number:

You txt like an old man

Are you an old man? 

Sorry if you are ig, i’m not if 

ur wondering

Regulus couldn’t count how many times his own friends had said the same thing, he just couldn’t understand the whole point of messaging people sounding like an illiterate troll. 

Regulus:

I am not an old man. 

Wouldn’t someone who was an old

man say that exact same thing? What an 

odd thing to message someone. 

Unknown number:

You live! I thought u had 

blocked me lol i havent heard 

anything from u (: 

Unknown Number:

im definitely not an old man

im like 26 unless thats old to u 

my nephew says im old but hes 

only 13 so what does he know

Regulus:

I forgot about you if 

I’m being honest. I was out

with my friends last night. 

I also do not know you so replying back 

to you wasn’t something I had thought

about. However, if it matters to the elderly, 

sorry for not responding back? 

Elderly Stranger:

Dude! Not u too, 

so unfair ): 

how old r u? ur not 

like a teenager r u? 

cuz that would b awk

Regulus:

I am twenty-four. 

Elderly Stranger:

oh thank Merlin, i 

was scared for a moment :P

Merlin? Regulus stared at his screen dumbfounded. Muggles never say that. He wasn’t sure what to say back. “Hey sorry to ask, are you a wizard?”, other than his friends he didn’t know any other magical person that knew how to use a cellphone. 

Regulus did what he did best, he ignored it. He slipped his phone into his pocket and found his way to Pandora’s room. He had learned the hard way too many times to just keep walking past Evan and Barty’s room when it was far too silent and Dorcas, ever the early riser, was more than likely gone for the morning. 

He knocked on her door and it opened with a hum of magic, Pandora standing by her bed in a new outfit. She was staring intently at a cluster of thickly bound books, lip tugged between her teeth in concentration. 

“What are you doing?” He asked as he came to stand beside her. Upon closer inspection, he found a mix of muggle books and a few ancient looking texts from some dead wizard he vaguely remembered reading about at Hogwarts. 

“Don’t get mad, Reg.” 

“Why would I get mad?” He cast a confused look her way. 

“Because what I’m about to tell you is gonna make you upset and I don’t want you to shut yourself away for the rest of the day.” She sighed heavily and turned towards him, worry creasing in the frown on her face. 

“Reg… I bumped into Lily last night. Like, Lily Evans from school.”

He forced air through his nose. 

“She was at the club last night.” She said slowly and placed her hands on his shoulders, grounding him. “Sirius owns the club.”

Regulus swore he could feel the whole world freeze. Sirius. His Sirius. 

No, he shook his thoughts away, not his Sirius. Never his. 

“Reg, he wasn’t there from what I saw but… Lily asked about you. I didn’t say anything other than that you were doing good. I figured you would talk to him if you wanted to.”

He forced air into his lungs, in and out. They hadn’t talked in ten years, how astounding is that? He had begged Sirius to stay or take him with him the night he ran away, anything for some reprieve from their parents and still, Sirius had left him behind as nothing more than canon fodder. He had wondered over the years if Sirius still looked back at Regulus and remembered they were brothers or if that distance forced by archaic House feuds had blinded Sirius like it had their parents. 

“I… don’t think he wants anything to do with me, Pan.” He choked out finally and welcomed the arms that wound around him. 

He didn’t cry, he had dried all of those up between Sirius and James years ago. Still, he wondered faintly, maybe Sirius had grown up as much as he did. 

“Thank you for telling me, Pan. I’m glad he's doing well.” 

“Reg, if you let him back into your life and he hurts you, we won’t hesitate to burn the building down,” She said sweetly, lips quirked into a smile. “With him inside of it.” 

He grinned back at her. 

“Enough sad brother talk, you saw Lily? Did you tell her you’ve been in love with her since fourth year?” He waggled his eyebrows at her and she flushed. 

“I was a little starstruck to be honest, she asked if I wanted to go to this bakery a few blocks away for tea and to catch up.” Pandora gave him a shy smile. “I wanted to bring her a book but I’m not sure what to pick, I know she loved reading in school but I don’t want to give her something she's already read.” 

He looked over the options, skipping entirely over two of the muggle books with a man and a woman kissing provocatively on the cover and a few magic books that looked boring. He settled on one he thought Lily might like, a Greek mythology retelling. 

“Try this one, Lily always liked myths when we were in school.” 

“I forgot about that! You’re a lifesaver.” She smiled wide, the stud in her lip glinting in the lamp light. 

“Anything for you, dearest. I do expect all of the sultry details later.” Regulus said, blowing her a kiss. 

He had wondered about Lily over the years- if she had made it as the Minister of Magic yet or if she had written the book she had talked about the entirety of fifth year. Regulus had made the choice to almost completely turn his back on the British Wizarding world after disappearing at seventeen. Anything he had needed, Narcissa and Dorcas had gotten for him without complaint. 

Pandora wrapped her gift for Lily and they said their goodbyes, her eyes bright as she made her way out the door and blew him a kiss in return. 

Later, after Regulus had found something to busy himself with, he finally looked back at his phone and sighed at the barrage of messages. He answered Pandora first, smiling brightly at the screen. 

⊹.✮₊⋆ Pandora ⊹.✮₊⋆ :

Reg Reg Reg omg!!!

it went SO well

shes SO pretty

Regulus:

Prettier than you remember?

⊹.✮₊⋆ Pandora ⊹.✮₊⋆  :

SO much omg

she loved the book!! 

AND her tea order is

still the same after all these years

Regulus:

Yes! Mythology for the win

Sooooo did you finally kiss her ;)

⊹.✮₊⋆ Pandora ⊹.✮₊⋆:

SHE KISSED ME!

well it was on the cheek

BUT STILL

AND 

SHE WANTED TO HOLD 

MY HAND!!!

Regulus:

FINALLY

It’s been like twelve years, Pan

Sooooo, she's single now?

Just wondering for a friend

⊹.✮₊⋆ Pandora ⊹.✮₊⋆: 

Oh yes! She said that they

broke up a year after they 

graduated 

SO you know what that means ;)

Regulus: 

It means that she's still hot

and single so you can finally

fulfill your lesbian dreams with her? 

⊹.✮₊⋆ Pandora ⊹.✮₊⋆: 

Dude.

Regulus: 

Pandora.

⊹.✮₊⋆ Pandora ⊹.✮₊⋆: 

IT MEANS

That if the magic happens…

James and Regulus sitting

in a tree…

Regulus: 

I have no idea what you mean, dearest.

⊹.✮₊⋆ Pandora ⊹.✮₊⋆: 

Duuuude. 

You guys could also be in lesbians together.

Smooch, smooch, yknow? 

Regulus: 

Pandora, that hasn’t been a 

thing since fifth year. Plus I’m a super

famous person now, should you say that 

I’m too good for James now and I can find 

someone way hotter than James bloody Potter?

⊹.✮₊⋆ Pandora ⊹.✮₊⋆: 

I usually would 100% say that

HOWEVER

you haven’t seen him in ten years

AND I HAVE

Reg, if i wasn’t a raging lesbo thats 

been in love with Lily for YEARS

i would totally smash him 

[Pandora sent a photo]

i’ll give you the magazine it was in for 

future purposes ;)

Regulus was sure he was developing a sudden case of asthma the way his breath caught in his throat and his mouth dried looking at the picture she sent. He liked to think he had stopped feeling anything significant for James Potter over the years, he had worked through the worst of his heartbreak in his last two years at Hogwarts and he had moved on. He had. 

But he couldn’t ignore the way his body felt hot looking at James in his tight fitting quidditch gear, the muscles in his arms straining against his jersey. That megawatt smile that brightened his whole face, dimples on full display. It was a posed photo, the quaffle held snug between his arm and his left pec and Regulus felt like he was going to combust looking down at his thickly muscled legs and the obvious strain of his bulge against his pants. 

Regulus groaned and buried his head in his hands but the imprint of James was burned into the back of his eyelids. The photographer knew what they were doing by having him forgo his robe and he wondered if maybe James had asked for it himself. He had to know the effect he had on people- part of him selfishly wondered if he did it knowing that Regulus would see it- and he glanced back at it, hungrily eyeing his picture once more. 

His phone buzzed again, the notification blocking the view of James’ face and he scowled. 

Elderly Stranger:

whatcha doooooing

Regulus:

Did you just quote a kids 

show to me? 

Elderly Stranger:

perhaps ;)

you didn’t respond 

to me earlier

Regulus:

You sound obsessed, old man.

Elderly Stranger:

obsessed? me? 

never 

you didn't answer me

Regulus: 

If you must know, 

i found out my ex is famous

and hotter than he was when 

we were together. Sigh.

Elderly Stranger:

yikes, that blows man

the question is tho

are YOU hotter than him?

Regulus:

Unfortunately, I don’t think so.

My friend just texted me a pic of him

wearing his fancy sports kit and he’s 

devastatingly hot. I’m pretty 

sure he’s also taller which is UNFAIR

since he was already like seven feet tall

when we were together.

Elderly Stranger:

the misfortunes of the short lol

if it helps i bet ur hotter ;)

Regulus:

Are you flirting with me, old man?

Elderly Stranger:

even old men need 

to flirt ;)

Regulus:

I’m not sure if I should

laugh or cry

Elderly Stranger:

woooooooooooooow

my poor elderly heart

ur killing me smalls

Regulus:

I’m rolling my eyes at you.

also, 

I’M NOT SHORT.

Elderly Stranger:

so says every short person

its okay love we cant all be 

giants <3

Regulus:

I feel bullied.

This is bullying.

Elderly Stranger

poor thing

whatever will you do? 

Regulus:

I had thought of cursing him

so he’ll be ugly forever and I won’t

pine over him like a rabid teenage girl.

Elderly Stranger:

vicious little thing

aren’t you? i pity 

any fool who breaks your 

heart, love

Regulus:

To be fair to him, 

he’s the only one who has

ever broken my heart. 

However, I’ve never dated anyone 

since him so maybe that's my fault.

First and only love, I suppose. 

Elderly Stranger:

I think we’re all 

a little in love with our 

firsts, if im being honest. 

I mean i still think about the first

girl whos heart i broke and 

wonder if things wouldve been 

different if i hadn’t been a coward. 

Sometimes i still think im a little in 

love with her still even after all 

these years :/

Regulus: 

All these years? When would

that be, 1976? Woes of the past, old man.

Elderly Stranger:

ur as mean as you are 

short, love. 

knowing our luck, both of 

them are out making beautiful 

super babies. sigh. 

anyhow, potential babies aside, 

im being bullied by my friend to sleep.

my nephew is making us go to this concert 

tomorrow night for some band he found

and hes making it into a family thing.

love him but their music isnt my thing.

Regulus: 

Oh, you poor old thing.

Don't forget your hearing aids.

Good night :) 

Regulus chose to ignore the smile on his face despite his earlier irritation. It had gotten late, the clock ticking past midnight steadily and he wondered about his new stranger. They were odd, to say the least, but he found he didn’t mind their company in the odd hours of the night or the easy way they called him “love”. He had only ever allowed James to call him that, when their hidden relationship in empty corridors and abandoned classrooms, had filled the aching spaces of his heart and he had re-learned how to smile widely again. He had forgotten that James had done that, he realized now in the dark of his room, he had always been able to tear down Regulus’ carefully constructed walls that he had built brick by bloodied brick. 

Regulus had known he was the only one who had called what they were a relationship in the end anyways- it had started as a way to get back at Sirius for Merlin knows what (he had later learned that Sirius had taken a prank way too far) and there had been a moment where Regulus had thought that their meetings were finally turning into something more that James had slipped through his fingers all together and he had been left to pick up what remained of his imploded heart. Sometimes he still thinks he’s there in that moment, trying to grasp at something that was never there.

Chapter Text

James Potter was exhausted. He had just finished the Quidditch season with another win and he was finally home. Well, home being his friend's house where he crashed on the couch at eleven pm, too exhausted to bother going across the city to his empty flat. Pads had greeted him with a smile and a tight hug before showing him to the livingroom, throwing his bag gently to the floor and falling face first into the cushions. 

Teddy woke him up in the morning, poking at the side of his face until he opened his eyes and smiled wide at his groggy uncle. 

“Uncle Prongsssss,” Teddy sang, eyes bright. “Today's the day!” 

“The sun is barely up, today hasn’t even started yet, kid.” James yawned and closed his eyes again, fully prepared to fall back asleep. 

“Prongs! Today’s the day of the concert, remember? The Dads invited you?” 

The concert. Pads had mentioned it was Teddy’s favourite band- a favourite for most of the kids his age at school. 

“Right, yes the concert, I didn’t forget kiddo, promise.” James yawned again and peeked at his phone. 6:45 am. He groaned. “Ted, let me sleep for a few more hours and then you’ll have me all to yourself, I promise.” 

Teddy sighed and let a slight frown cross his face. 

“You get until nine and then I’m waking you up again, Prongs. Start getting excited or I’ll spend all day hexing you.” 

James was asleep in seconds. 

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪⚝₊ ⊹˚

He wondered how long they would have to wait in line, there was still a slight chill in the air despite it being May and James’ flannel did little to warm him. Teddy was bouncing on the balls of his feet, his hair had changed to soft black curls (James thought he looked remarkably like Sirius with it. He ignored the fact that he looked so much like her .) and he was talking with Lily who looked just as excited as Teddy did. 

They hadn’t had a chance to catch up yet, Lily had given James a hug and there had been a knowing glint to her eyes that had made James tense. It was the same glint she had when she knew something he didn’t and it was always a coin toss trying to figure out if it was a good or bad thing. She had moved away after, giving Sirius and Remus their own hugs and she had been talking with Teddy ever since. 

Finally, after what James thought was forever, the lines started to move and they were finally inside the venue. Lily had somehow upgraded their tickets so they were all in the pit near the front of the stage and James was secretly just glad for the extra warmth the other people around would give. Teddy was nearly vibrating with excitement the whole time, telling them all how he’d followed the band on his socials since they blew up two years ago and this concert was the first time they’d played so close to home with two more following in the next two weeks. James thought he had mentioned something about an upcoming album but his voice was drowned out by the first band coming onto stage. 

James admitted to himself that the band's music was nice- it was loud enough to drown out his own thoughts and he enjoyed feeling the beat of the music through his bones, weighing him down into the moment. Sirius flashed him a grin and mouthed something at him making James roll his eyes, he only caught a word or two but he could translate the rest easily enough: enjoying the music, prongsie?

The band played a few more songs before ending their set and leaving the stage. They said something about the main event coming on in ten minutes but James wasn’t listening, pulling out his phone and sending a quick text. 

James

Pls save me from this concert

Number Neighbor <3: 

Are you not enjoying yourself? 

James

I mean the music is fine

but i just got back into town

after being away for six months

so im bloody exhausted

Number Neighbor <3: 

Aw, you poor thing. 

James grinned at his phone and wondered for the hundredth time what his stranger looked like. He had nothing to go on other than their messages but there was something about them, the way they talked, that felt familiar to James. It was almost comforting, like a balm over a still healing burn. 

It was no secret to his friends that he was still pining over a girl he hadn’t spoken to in over ten years; pining over the same girl that had even played a small part in his breakup with Lily years ago despite the focal point having to do with her being a lesbian. Their relationship had always fallen more into friendly terms anyways- they had comforted each other when needed and it was rare when they kissed or had sex, their minds on other people. 

Sirius  had been the second person to figure out just exactly who James had been pining over. He had been angry at first, outraged that he had been messing around with his little sister behind his back- James was just surprised he got out of it without getting punched. A few weeks later, after things had been tense between them, Sirius admitted to him that despite being angry over the secrecy, James was the kind of person he’d always hoped would be with his sister. 

It was around this point that they had realized that she had been missing for over a year and their parents hadn’t been arsed to look for her. That had been six years ago and James could feel the aching loss beneath his ribs every day. 

A tap on his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts and he looked up from his phone to see Sirius staring at him, grey eyes full of worry. 

“We’ll find her, James.” 

He just nodded, swallowing around the lump in his throat. He took a deep breath and pushed the thoughts of her away, he could drink and cry about her later. 

The lights went out suddenly and a cheer went up, voices jumbled together. It took him a moment to understand as the voices merged into one: 

“Archie! Archie! Archie!”

The stage exploded into green and gold and he could see the band members standing with their backs straight and grins stretched across their faces. There were only four of them- one behind the drums, two on different guitars and one by an ornate looking keyboard. He glanced around looking for the lead but couldn’t find them, the chanting turned into a frenzy as a part of the stage started to lift and James felt his breath catch in his throat. 

He was shirtless, long legs hidden by ripped jeans and scuffed red converse. James nearly groaned at the tattooed set of antlers that were on his hip bones, the ends dipping below the low rise jeans and he let his eyes wander up and past the wispy sun that circled his navel. He looked up and past the deep horizontal scars just below his nipples, the prominent collarbones and then to his face. 

Angular cheekbones, full lips and eyes that had haunted his dreams for nearly ten years. 

James reached over and gripped onto Sirius, feeling unsteady and lightheaded. He looked over to his friend, who looked just as pale as he felt. 

“Said something when we were kids but I didn’t think…” Sirius murmured to him, James’ ears struggling to hear him. 

The crowd got louder and the man grinned wide at them. 

“Hello, London! Thank you for coming out tonight!” 

James couldn’t breathe. 

“We’ve got a lot of songs to get through tonight so please make sure you’re being safe, drinking lots of water, and having a great time. Some of the songs being done tonight will be on our newest album coming out at the end of the month. We love you guys!” 

He couldn’t breathe. 

He didn’t hear the first few songs past the rushing in his head, all he could do was stare. He drank up every movement, every grin, every laugh. He had changed his hair, a curled mullet that James wanted to run his hands through desperately and he was still gripping onto Sirius tightly. 

“This next song is one I’ve been writing and rewriting for months struggling to convey a lifetime of emotions and memories into a few minutes.” The man, Archie , said and his mouth turned down into a frown for a moment. “As you guys know, I used to have a brother. We haven’t spoken for a long time now and I hope, wherever he is, he's doing well. Actually a lot of these songs are about him on this album. When I left home at seventeen, I really struggled with addiction and trying to heal from the trauma of a severely abusive home. Writing down everything really helped me heal and I hope my brother was able to heal from those same hurts as well.” 

Sirius made a weak sound next to him and Remus wrapped an arm around his shoulders. 

“So I hope to anyone listening out there who has ever been in a situation similar to mine, this song brings you comfort.” Archie spoke, words echoing in the stadium. “I love you, brother.” 

Been walking on a tightrope, juggling high hopes and reality

Just trying not to mess up, tryna keep my head up, fighting gravity

I can't outrun growing up, I still feel like a kid

Quick to judge the ones we love

Sometimes I forget

It's your first time on Earth too

And I hope that you know that I don't blame you

It's just pain that you were passing down

I'm older, and I see it now

It's your first time on Earth too

Orange bottles in the cabinet, tryna kill a habit that was killing me

Back then, I didn't get that you gave me the best that you knew how to do

You were far from done growing up when you had a kid

Quick to judge the ones we love

Sometimes I forget

It's your first time on Earth too

And I hope that you know that I don't blame you

It's just pain that you were passing down

I'm older, and I see it now

It's your first time on Earth too

When you pass through the waters, I'll be with you

Just 'cause I'm angry sometimes, don't mean I don't miss you

You had your issues and I had mine

Oh, I'd forgive you if we still had time

I was too young, I couldn't see

The world on your shoulders, you traded your dreams

For me, for us, is that just life?

Nobody ever gets everything right

It's your first time on Earth too 

And I hope that you know that I don't blame you (You know I don't blame you)

It's just pain that you were passing down

I'm older, and I see it now

It's your first time on Earth too

Sirius was crying by the end of the song and James wasn’t far behind him. Sirius and his brother had always had a rough relationship and James felt it like a punch to the gut seeing the other side of it. Archie had been hurting just as long as Sirius had and now it was like there was an ocean between them. 

“These last few songs are also some I really struggled to put together. When I was fifteen, my brother ran away from home. At the time, I was so angry with him for leaving me in that place with those people that it fractured what little relationship we had together. But there's something about growing up and moving away from your abusers that puts things into perspective for you- it took me a long time to realize that he was doing what he needed to survive and if he had asked, I would’ve run with him too.”

Hear the clock ticking on the wall

Losing sleep, losing track of the tears I cry

Every drop is a waterfall

Every breath is a break in the riptide

Oh, how long has it been? I don't know

But it feels like an eternity

Since I had you here with me

Since I had to learn to be

Someone you don't know

To be with you in paradise

What I wouldn't sacrifice

Why'd you have to chase the light

Somewhere I can't go?

As I walk this world alone

As I walk this world alone

Another glimpse of what could've been (Ooh)

Another dream, another way that it nevеr was

Falling back in the wilderness (Ooh)

Waking up, rubbing salt in thе cut

Oh, how long has it been? I don't know

But it feels like an eternity

Since I had you here with me

Since I had to learn to be

Someone you don't know

To be with you in paradise

What I wouldn't sacrifice

Why'd you have to chase the light

Somewhere I can't go?

Somewhere I can't go?

As I walk this world alone (Alone, alone)

As I walk this world alone (Alone, alone)

It's an endless night

it's a starless sky

It's a hell that I call home (Hell that I call home)

It's a long goodbye on the other side

Of the only life I know

And it feels like an eternity (Mm)

Since I had you here with me

Since I had to learn to be (Mm)

Someone you don't know (Woah)

To be with you in paradise

What I wouldn't sacrifice

Why'd you have to chase the light

Somewhere I can't go?

As I walk this world alone

As I walk this world alone

“This next one will be the last song of the night, darlings. I know, I know, but all good things must come to an end. I would just like to remind anyone that we are here to help if you are in need. On the screen behind me, there is a website and a number you can call or reach out to if you are in a situation that you cannot get out of. You are so deeply loved and none of you deserves to be in a situation where you are in danger. It is something that we all worked on and it's the very thing I needed when I was a kid so I hope this is the thing yourself or someone you love needs. We love you. The Black Dog Charity is here to give a helping hand to those who need it.”

Black dog. James felt nauseous. Sirius’ tightening fingers around his spoke a thousand words.

He smiled into the crowd and held a hand out, the girl on one of the guitars coming up and holding his hand. 

“This last song was written between the two of us who grew up in similar yet different homes. Pandora has been my best friend since I was eleven and she's been there for me through everything. From losing my brother to helping me transition to the man you see before you, she has been my rock. Love you, Pan.” He grinned widely at her and she smiled back. 

James could see her more clearly now and it hit him now who his other bandmates were. He could see Evan on the other guitar and Barty on the drums, Dorcas on the keyboard. The group of Slytherins who were just as close as he was with his friends. 

He looked over to Sirius who had come to the same realization he had. They had never asked . They had looked everywhere but had never asked the most obvious people in the world what had happened to him. 

“This is Family Line.‘

My father never talked a lot

He just took a walk around the block

'Til all his anger took a hold of him

And then he'd hit

Pandora wrapped an arm around his shoulders and sang into the same microphone:

My mother never cried a lot

She took the punches, but she never fought

'Til she said, "I'm leaving and I'll take the kids"

So she did

I say, "They're just the ones who gave me life"

But I truly am my parents' child

Scattered 'cross my family line

I'm so good at telling lies

That came from my mother's side

Told a million to survive

Scattered 'cross my family line

God, I have my father's eyes

But my brother's when I cry

I can run, but I can't hide

From my family line

It's hard to put it into words

How the holidays will always hurt

I watch the fathers with their little girls

And wonder what I did to deserve this

How could you hurt a little kid?

I can't forget, I can't forgive you

'Cause now I'm scared that everyone I love will leave me

Scattered 'cross my family line

I'm so good at telling lies

That came from my mother's side

Told a million to survive

Scattered 'cross my family line

God, I have my father's eyes

But my brother's when I cry

I can run, but I can't hide

From my family line

From my family line

Oh-oh

All that I did to try to undo it

All of my pain and all your excuses

I was a kid, but I wasn't clueless

(Someone who loves you wouldn't do this)

All of my past, I tried to erase it

But now I see, would I even change it?

Might share a face and share a last name but

(We are not the same, same)

Scattered 'cross my family line

I'm so good at telling lies

That came from my mother's side

Told a million to survive

Scattered 'cross my family line

God, I have my father's eyes

But my brother's when I cry

I can run, but I can't hide

From my family line

From my family line (Mmhm)

The crowd around them were cheering and crying and James felt as if he was drowning. He just stared and stared and stared at the person above him who was so close but felt a million miles away. He wanted to reach out and brush his hands against the exposed skin just to make sure he was real and breathing and not a figment of his imagination. 

He tore his eyes away to look at Sirius, whose tears were falling silently down his pale cheeks and at the hard set of Remus’ jaw, his eyes focused on the people on stage. Lily was cheering with Teddy, the two oblivious to the riot of emotions surging through the three of them. 

James couldn’t imagine what was going through their heads- Sirius had always felt guilt when it came to his brother, they had fought like angry cats whenever they were home together and the sudden knowledge that his brother would’ve run away with him when he was sixteen had to be jarring. 

Remus on the other hand, had been friends with him at Hogwarts, they had studied together frequently in the library and he had kept in touch with him right until his disappearance. 

James wanted out, there were too many people around him and he struggled to breathe, the air in his lungs sharply rushing in and out. He tightened his fingers around Sirius’ again as the cheering got impossibly loud and he longed to be Prongs, to be running around in the woods somewhere quiet and alone, where he didn’t have to deal with his complicated human emotions. 

“James, James, look at him. My brother. My baby brother.” Sirius was chanting in his ear, his voice strained and struggling. 

“Pads, he’s alive .”

“I need to talk to him, I need to get to him. He’s so close, James, I can’t lose him again.” 

There was a flash of red and Lily was pressing something into Sirius’ free hand and murmuring something into his ear. Sirius gave her a weak smile and slipped free of James’ hold, disappearing into the crowd. James lost sight of him in seconds and he looked to Lily, who smiled at him. 

“I only had one backstage pass, Pandora gave it to me a few days ago and I was going to use it to see her afterwards but I think he needs it more than I do.” 

Remus raised an eyebrow at her. 

“The same Pandora you’ve been pining over for years?” 

“How many other Pandora’s do we know, Rem?” She raised an eyebrow at him back at him and shot a grin his way before turning back to Teddy. 

James turned his gaze back to the stage where the band still was. Archie was smiling wide at the cheering crowd and Pandora still had her arm wrapped around his shoulders. He could feel his stomach twisting in jealousy, glaring at the arm as if it had personally offended him by existing.

He sighed and closed his eyes, pushing the feeling down. It felt wrong to feel that jealous and possessive over someone he hadn’t known in years but with his eyes closed, he could still feel every moment they shared in those broom closets and empty classrooms, the long legs wrapped around his waist, the smell of vanilla and chamomile filling his nose-

He sucked in a sharp breath and forced his eyes open. Those were thoughts he couldn’t have here, not with Remus giving him a knowing look and forcing his thoughts away. 

“Alright darlings, you’ve twisted my arm. Who wants an encore?” Archie said into the microphone and the crowd cheered loudly. 

James wished he had brought ear plugs but he didn’t want to miss a moment of hearing his voice. 

“I’ve got two more songs for you! This next one is an old one so sing along if you know the words.” Archie winked to the crowd. 

James winced at the teenage girl who shrieked into his ear behind him. 

We grew up angry

It got so strong and tall with us

I've tried to change it

But sometimes buried things get lost

When I leapt out in the wind

You brought my other wing

I'm desperate for the breeze against my skin

But I'm scared, when winter comes

You'll hold me here too long

And I'll push away the only thing I love

There's something in my heart that makes me want to run away

Oh, how I wanna bring you too

There's something in my soul that cries out when the seasons change

I wanna give those tears to you

But is that fair to do?

Is that fair to you?

The years start racing

Am I counting down instead of up?

My soul is changing

And I'm wondering if I'm here at all

Am I here at all?

If I fly up carelessly

And the Sun burns both my wings

Is it fair for you to dive down after me?

Just reach your hand out, love

If it don't reach far enough

Just let me spiral down into the sea

There's something in my heart that makes me want to run away

Oh, how I wanna bring you too

There's something in my soul that cries out when the seasons change

I wanna give those tears to you

But is that fair to do?

Is that fair to you?

Is that fair to you?

And is that fair to you?

I will love you still

I will love you still

James’ heart stuttered in his chest at those last few words he sang and oh, how desperately he wanted those words to be said to him, how he wished they were aimed his way, if the person before him yearned for him just as much as James had yearned for ten fucking years. 

How he wished he could go back to the day he had broken things off and grab his sixteen year old self and tell him how much of a mistake he was making by doing this. How much of an idiot he had been to just up and disappear and chase after Lily like he wasn't right there. Back then, James had felt victorious whenever he had wrung out a smile or a laugh on the others face and despite the consensus that James was oblivious, he had noticed the bruises under the eyes and the weight loss, as if merely existing was taking the life out the younger Black. It took years before Sirius even spoke, no matter how vague, of what happened in that house with their parents.

Archie still had that grin on his face, nearly identical to his brothers, and James’ just couldn’t look away. He roamed his eyes over every bare inch of skin, the way sweat stuck some of his curls to his forehead and neck and how those fucking antlers drove James crazy. He tried to look away, he really did, but he could feel the seed of desperation and longing take root somewhere in his sternum. 

“You’re so fucked, mate.” Remus said to him, his eyes light with amusement.

“Merlin, I know.” James groaned, rubbing a hand down his face. 

“This last song isn’t actually one of ours but it is the one that got us all here in the first place. I’ve loved this song since I was a kid so I want everyone to scream the lyrics with me so the entirety of London knows we’re here!” 

Jamie's on a vacation far away

Come around and talk it over

So many things that I wanna say

You know I like my boys a little bit older

Archie winked to the crowd and James thought he’d combust right there in the crowd. The song made any air in his lungs rush out because it was their song. The song that James had played for him on his record player when they had hung out in the Astronomy tower the night they first kissed. He ignored the look on Remus' face at the changed lyric and he ignored the way his heart stuttered in his chest, he just stared up at the blazing star that was above him, commanding thousands of people with a grin and a flash of white teeth and James was so fucking enamored that he couldn't look away. 

He'd never look away again. 

I just wanna use your love tonight

And I don't wanna lose your love tonight

I ain't got many friends left to talk to

Nowhere to run when I'm in trouble

You know I'd do anything for you

Stay the night but keep it undercover

I just wanna use your love tonight, oh

I don't wanna lose your love tonight

Try to stop my hands from shakin'

'Cause somethin' in my mind's not makin' sense

It's been awhile since we were all alone

I can't hide the way I'm feelin'

As you’re leaving, please, would you close the door?

And don't forget what I told ya:

Just 'cause you're right, that don't mean I'm wrong

Another shoulder to cry upon

I just wanna use your love tonight, yeah

I don't wanna lose your love tonight, yeah

I just wanna use your love tonight

I don't wanna lose your love tonight

I just wanna use your love tonight

I don't wanna lose your love tonight

(Lose your love)

(Lose your love)

Tonight (Lose your love)

No, I don't wanna lose (Lose your love tonight)

I don't wanna, no, I don't wanna

I don't wanna (Lose your love tonight)

No, no (Lose your love tonight)

(Lose your love tonight)

(No) No (I don't wanna lose your love tonight)

(Lose your love tonight)

“Rem, that's our song,” James looked over at his friend and blinked away his tears. “He’s singing our song.”

Remus just bumped his shoulder into his and gave him a knowing smile. 

Chapter Text

Regulus let himself grin wildly at the crowd, raising his arm up as if he could reach the stars. The cheering always made his blood feel like it was on fire- sparking and filling him with warmth. He had finally been able to shake away the feeling of foreboding clinging to him after the first few songs, letting the anxious air in his lungs out, the words he had carefully written finally being sung out into the world. 

Pandora wrapped her arm around his shoulders, her smile wide as the crowd continued to cheer. The others slid beside them, waving and throwing gifts into the sea of people below them. They said their goodbyes and gradually the crowd thinned, the stadium growing quieter and Regulus couldn’t help but let his eyes scan the lingering people, eyebrows pulled together. 

He had felt eyes on him all night- it was different then just a fan who liked his music, it felt raw and electric, like someone had touched him with a live wire. Nobody caught his attention and he turned away, exiting the stage so he could finally relax.

The others were ahead of him, Pandora and Dorcas talking softly to one another while Evan and Barty seemed determined to eat each other's faces off. He rolled his eyes at them and bumped into them as he walked past, grinning when Barty muttered an angry curse at him. 

He followed the girls into the lounge area, Narcissa already standing in the center of the room, her arms folded and a perfect eyebrow raised. 

“Would it kill you to put a shirt on, Regulus? It’s not proper.” She said, exasperated. 

He grinned wide at her, this wasn’t the first time she’d chided him about it, it was practically tradition at this point.

“Sorry, Mother, but I paid a lot for these scars and everyone should see it, get my money's worth.” He tilted his head at her. “Besides, the fans seem to like it.”

She sighed, deeply and resigned. 

“Regulus Black-”

“She’s right, baby brother, you’re going to poke someone’s eyes out with your nipples.”

His back stiffened and he froze. His heart thudded in his chest and he was slow to turn, hands useless at his sides. 

And there stood Sirius, leaning against the frame of the door, curls perfectly hanging around his head to his shoulders. His ripped jeans and signature leather jacket made Regulus’ heart thud unevenly- no matter how many years passed, his brother was always the same. 

“Sirius?”

Regulus was unsure if he wanted to laugh or cry or if he wanted to hug Sirius, because he’d missed him for so long, or punch him for being gone. So Regulus just stood there, hands grasping at nothing, noting all the ways he looked exactly like his brother. 

The same perfectly curled hair, the same almond shaped eyes and perfectly sloped nose. They could’ve been twins in another life, Regulus thought, proper brothers without the weight of their parents on them. 

“Hi, Reggie.” Sirius said, a small soft smile on his face. 

Sirius moved from the doorway, striding to Regulus and pulling him into a hug, arms tight around his shoulders and Regulus just sank into it, inhaling the scent of leather and cologne that he always associated with his brother.

They stood there together for a moment, breathing each other in, arms tight around each other. Sirius was taller than him even in the heeled boots Regulus wore but despite his own irritation at still being short, it felt right. 

Sirius had always been bigger than him, using his height and build to shield him from their parents' wrath. He breathed him in, letting the smell of cigarettes and cologne fill his senses until it was near overwhelming. 

Regulus was the first to pull back and he stared at his brother, his heart still beating unevenly in his chest. 

“What are you doing here, Sirius?” he asked softly, afraid his voice would break. 

“Funny thing, my kid loves your music and begged for months for tickets. I never even thought to ask to see what the band looked like.”

Regulus just blinked. Sirius was a dad? 

“You have a kid?” 

Sirius just grinned wide at him then, dimples popping and their shared grey eyes sparkling. 

“Teddy. Brightest kid in the world, Reg. He’s got all his brains from Moony though if I think about it.”

“Remus? Is he here?” Regulus didn’t fight the excitement in his voice, it had been years since he’s talked to his friend.

“We see each other for the first time in years but its Remus you’re all excited about? Low blow, brother.” Sirius mock glared at him before ruffling his hair. 

Regulus just groaned and fixed it- Sirius should remember how much he hated his hair being messed with, especially with how much sweat and product was in it. He made a mental note to return the favor later. 

His mind was still reeling from everything. Sirius was here. His brother was here and he didn’t comment that he was now a boy or that he was singing at sold out muggle stadiums. Sirius had a family now- he had a kid and he still was with Remus. 

Regulus wasn’t stupid enough to hope that seeing his brother meant he’d never have to see James despite how much his fragile heart protested against it. Sirius had always been a package deal with James, their codependency had once felt sickening before Regulus had become friends with Pandora and now he understood the feeling all too well: one couldn’t live without the other. 

“Remus is here,” his brother started, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand and Regulus realized he let the silence turn awkward. “if you wanted to see him. I’m not sure where he is, I kinda bolted up here before the last song and left them in the pit.”

“How’d you know it was me? I’m not exactly… the same as the last time we saw each other.” Regulus asked softly and was thankful when the others slipped out of the room silently. He didn’t want them to see this part of him, this unbearably breakable version of himself he liked to shove down and hide away until he was alone. 

Sirius frowned and it felt like whatever little air was in his lungs had frozen, he didn’t want to have to say goodbye so soon if Sirius still hated him, if Sirius decided he didn’t want a brother. 

If he just wanted his sister back. 

He was nervous, fingers drumming anxiously by his thigh and he wanted to run, run and hide away like he had gotten so used to in his life. It dawned on him how much he craved his brother’s approval and his acceptance, how much he still looked up to Sirius no matter how many years went by. 

Regulus just wanted his brother back. 

“Reg, look,” Sirius ran a hand through his hair and sighed. 

This was it, Regulus thought, heart squeezing painfully in his chest and he braced himself. One more rejection to add to the barbwired list he held inside himself and he found he couldn’t meet Sirius’ eyes, instead staring intently down at his shoes as if they would give him all of the answers he was looking for. 

Hands settled on his shoulders and looked up to see Sirius staring intently at him. 

“Reg, I would always know it was you. No matter how much you change your hair or your name or whatever else about yourself, I’d know you.” Sirius pulled him back into a crushing hug. “And really, I was the idiot for not knowing. How many times did you steal my clothes? How many times did you cry in those ugly dresses Walburga would put you in because you wanted to look just like me?” 

Regulus felt like crying now.

“You’ve always been my baby brother even if it took too long for me to notice.”

He tightened his arms around his brother and let a few tears slip, relief rushing through him like a tidal wave. Sirius wanted him. Sirius didn’t care that he wasn’t a girl. 

“Sirius-” 

“If you cry, I’ll cry and you’ll be heartbroken to know I look prettier than you when I do.” Sirius joked but even Regulus could hear the hitch in his voice.

“Shut up.” 

“Alright, brother dear, as much as I know we both needed this, I do need to find my Moony and child before they think you’ve killed me. You up for another family reunion?” 

He smiled wetly at that and wiped the lingering tears away, nodding once. 

“I need a cig anyways.”

“You, a smoker? Those things will kill you!” Sirius widened his eyes and he just raised an unimpressed eyebrow. 

“Says the person who reeks of them.” 

His brother ignored him and pulled his phone out before pressing it to his ear. 

“Moony! We’re still backstage, where are you? I’ve got a surprise for Teddy, which will definitely push me into being his favourite dad.” 

Regulus didn’t listen anymore, moving across the room to find his bag and pull out his lighter and cigarettes. He supposed he should put something on, he couldn’t meet his nephew (oh gods above, he was an uncle now?) with his chest out and he slipped on a jumper before turning back to his brother. 

He wasn’t expecting the wide, shit eating grin on Sirius’ face

“What?” he demanded, hands on his hips.

“Nothing, nothing, let's go find Moony shall we?”

Regulus ignored whatever he muttered under his breath afterwards. Remus was apparently getting food with their son and would be waiting by one of the doors towards the back. There had been enough people still waiting around and Regulus did not want to deal with whatever rabid fans still lingered around. 

He didn’t have enough space in his head to be Regulus and Archie again tonight. Not after seeing his brother and especially not after reuniting with Remus again for the first time in years. He was anxious, it weighed on him and it made his hands fidgety and he could feel his heart hammering in his throat the closer they got. 

Would he be angry at him? Regulus had been the one to cut off contact and disappear entirely, he had been too scared of his parents finding him again. He had barely survived escaping Grimmauld with his life, he wasn’t going to risk reaching out to a brother that hated him or Merlin forbid, James and his hero complex. 

The trembling in his hands worsened and he slowed down, Sirius a few paces ahead. He turned back, head tilted slightly and he stopped. 

“Reg?” 

“Is he going to hate me?” he asked softly, shoving his trembling hands into his pocket. “I-I don’t know if I can handle it if he does.” 

Sirius stepped forward and placed his hands on his shoulders, grounding him. Regulus’ eyes burned and he blinked the tears away, struggling to hold himself together. Now wasn’t the time to fall apart, he chided himself, he needed to keep it the fuck together. 

“Reg, it’s us against the world, just like when we were kids, yeah? I won’t tell you he’s not going to be angry, Remus is your friend and you fell off the face of the Earth for six years, but whatever he might initially feel, he’s just grateful you’re alive.” 

Regulus gave him a weak smile and nodded. 

“Right then, off we go, brother dear.” 

He huffed out a laugh and pulled out a cigarette, placing it between his lips and lighting it quickly. He inhaled and let the nicotine settle his bones, his hands steading slowly. He offered it to Sirius, who wrinkled his nose and muttered something about trash tobacco and having no taste. 

It was far too quickly when he saw them standing by the back entrance and he sighed a breath of relief when he spotted Pandora with her arm slung around Lily’s neck, both looking flushed. He grinned at that, it was rare to see her so flustered. 

His smile faltered when he spotted Remus, who had his arms crossed against his chest and his mouth turned down into a scowl, the scars on his face glinting dangerously in the dim lighting. 

“Oh fuck, nevermind Reg, you’re totally screwed. I only ever see that face when I do something that royally pisses him off. Every Black brother for himself!” Sirius mock whispered to him before clapping his hand onto his shoulder and walking away. 

Regulus slowed as Remus pushed off of the wall he had been leaning against, stopping briefly to whisper something in his brother's ear and continuing, and Regulus felt his heart start to pound again. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought this had to be worse than seeing Sirius again. 

“Regulus fucking Black,” Remus growled out, his mouth twisting up in a way he had never seen before. “I thought you were dead.” 

“I got better?” the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them and he could hear his brother snort somewhere behind his behemoth of a husband. 

“You didn’t write, you didn’t call. For years. We thought-” a muscle worked in Remus’ jaw as he stared down at Regulus. “We thought they killed you in that house.” 

His eyes were burning again and he looked down shamefully. He felt sick, and could feel his stomach churning angrily as his mind raced. Remus really wasn’t that far off from the truth but he couldn’t say the words out loud, couldn’t explain any of the excuses he had come up with over the years to justify staying away.

“I’m sorry, Rem. I’m sorry.” was all he could manage through numb lips. 

“Sorry isn’t good enough, Regulus.” 

He flinched back, biting down whatever sound threatened to escape from his throat. He heard Remus sigh once before arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him into an embrace. 

“We’re going to have a long conversation later about this but now is not the time or place. You’re coming over to ours this week and you’re going to explain everything.” 

Regulus just nodded and stepped away, clearing his throat. He glanced up and saw the rage on Remus’ face had thawed slightly, concern taking its place. He ruffled his hair once and stepped back. 

“Now, there’s someone-” 

“Regulus, darling, alarm just went off.” Pandora’s voice called out and he silently thanked her for the interruption. 

He gave a small smile to Remus and side stepped him, walking over to where she was. She searched in her bag for a moment before producing his water bottle and his medicine container. He gave her a weak smile and quickly swallowed the pills, ignoring the bitter aftertaste. 

“Are you sick, Reg?” Sirius asked, voice concerned. 

He glanced over and shrugged, “We both know you don’t leave our parents care without some sort of… lingering affect.” 

He didn’t miss the flash of horror across his brother's face and he looked away. He didn’t want to talk about it now. 

“Alright?” Pandora asked him quietly and he nodded at her. 

“Moony, my love, where has our wayward child gone?” Sirius asked and Regulus raised an eyebrow at how love sick he sounded. 

Some things never change, he thought to himself and briefly wondered if he had ever sounded like that. Definitely not, came his own resounding answer. 

“Should be back in a tick, love, they were just-”

“Dads!” came a new voice and they all turned. “Look at what I found- Merlin’s saggy ballsack!”

“Oh gods, there's two of you.” Regulus groaned at Sirius’ muffled snickering. 

Teddy, the boy, his nephew, was tall for a thirteen year old and nearly the same height as Regulus (he ignored the brief flash of irritation at that). He was bright-eyed, his mouth slightly ajar as he looked at Regulus and all he could see was Sirius. 

Pale skin and curly black hair, the same small beauty mark underneath his left eye, twin dimples on both cheeks. He could see bits of Remus there too- same straight roman nose, the matching mouth and angular face. 

He felt like he was looking at his brother again. 

“You must be Teddy.” He said, choosing to ignore the slight waver in his voice.

“You know my name?” he asked, voice bright and excited. 

“It’s short for Edward, right? Remus used to talk about naming his son that.” He smiled at the boy and fought the emotions rising up in him. 

Today had been too much already and his heart ached in his chest. 

“You know my dad? No one ever knows my dad, he’s kinda lame.” Teddy whispered, grinning at the “Hey!” from Remus. 

“I could tell you stories about your dad from school he’d never want you to hear, if that’s what you’re asking.” Regulus smiled at him, this kid was all Sirius right down to the humor. 

“ALRIGHT, anyways, favourite child of mine, today is full of surprises. Despite you making fun of your father, I wanted to introduce you to your uncle.” 

“My uncle?” 

“Yep! Your uncle, baby Regulus Black.” he ducked when Sirius tried to ruffle his hair- why the fuck was everyone doing that tonight?

“Choke on a knut, Sirius, you’re barely a year older than me.” he scowled at his brother and stepped away.

“You love it, Reggie. Maybe now that you know your very young and impressionable nephew is in the crowd, you’ll cover up more on stage, eh?” Sirius asked, shit eating grin on his face. 

“Bold of you to assume I won’t dress worse, brother.” 

Teddy laughed, a full bodied thing that made Regulus smile in return. He bumped his shoulder into his brothers and let the moment settle around them. 

He looked around and saw Remus chatting with Lily and Pandora, that full mouthed smile identical to his sons wide on his face and Regulus let the warmth of his family wash over him and he let his mind settle. 

The moment was perfect, he had his brother back and he had more family now than he had this morning. He wanted to bottle the memory and keep it forever, anything to remember how he felt in this moment. He let himself smile and lit another cigarette, making sure to blow the smoke away from Teddy as they talked. 

“So, Teddy, how is school? Any favourite classes?” Regulus asked him curiously. 

“I really like herbology and potions, although the new potions professor is a bit of a wanker so it's hard to find joy in his lessons. Maybe it’s because I’m a Hufflepuff or MAYBE it's because of who my parents are, we’ll never really know.” Teddy says, his pointed tone making Sirius look over. 

“Wanker indeed, child of mine. Reg, bet you’ll never guess who it is.” Sirius called over to them, grinning widely and wrapping an arm around Remus’ waist. 

“By your tone of voice, there can only be so many options.” He thought for a moment before groaning. “Are you kidding me, Dumbledore really hired him? He’s always been a pompous little prick even in Slytherin.” 

“Snivellus has always had his charming effects on those around him as we all know.” Remus chimed in, ignoring the way Lily swatted him on the arm, the sides of her mouth twitching. 

“You lot are horrible.” She said, rolling her eyes. 

“ANYWAYS,” Teddy interrupts, attention focusing back on Regulus. “Because this still feels incredibly surreal to me that we’re related and I’m definitely going to brag about this to my mates, I need you to know that I’ve been listening to your music since that video went viral and I’ve cried to at least all of your songs once.”

Regulus smiled at Teddy, a warm feeling blooming in his chest. 

“At least once?”

“Definitely bit more than once but I was trying to be humble.” Teddy rolled his eyes, a faint blush on his cheeks. “I think I’ve listened to Howling so many times my mobile was going to ask me if I was alright. We’ve been trying to figure it out, my mates and I, who you wrote the songs about since they were released.” 

Regulus choked a bit on that, no way was he going to tell his thirteen year old nephew he wrote breakup songs about his parents best friend. 

“I, uh-”

“Do I know him? Because if you know my dads, you most likely have to since Dad knows everyone.”

“Who do I know?” Sirius butts in again, head tilted slightly.

“If you knew the person he writes his songs about, you know the ones I cried to and you asked me if someone had broken my heart.” Teddy responds helpfully, a bright smile on his face. 

Regulus wanted to die. He positively was not going to tell Sirius of all people about how disgustingly in love he had been with James for most of his teenage years. 

“Love songs, Reg? You were never- oh.” Sirius paused and looked at him for a long moment, eyes narrowed slightly. “It’s been ten years, brother.”

Oh? What the fuck did “oh” mean? 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Sirius.” Regulus responded stiffly, raising an eyebrow back. 

“You forget that I find everything out in the end, Regulus.” His brother said, arms crossing against his chest. 

Did James tell him? Why would James tell him? They had been a fling at most with one sided feelings and James had started their little tryst in a moment of petty revenge. 

“There's nothing to know, Sirius, and even if there was, it's nothing.” He said with an edge of finality. 

Sirius opened his mouth to respond when he glanced behind Regulus, a smug smile forming on his face. 

“Hey! Sorry, lads, got lost leaving the loo, hope I didn’t- is that my jumper?”

Chapter Text

Fifth Year, October

If she didn’t know any better, she would think that James Potter was stalking her. She could feel his eyes on her as she walked the halls to class, when she sat with Evan and Barty at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall. They didn’t share any classes, Potter was a year above her and she could only deal with the idiocy for so long. 

It did not help that he was best friends with Sirius, a permanent sore spot that she liked to prod on like a bruise to make sure the wound was still there. It also did not help that she had been nursing a pathetic, all consuming crush on James since second year. She liked to think she was above all of that- the teenage hormones and crushes that made her knees weak, thighs squeezing together like she could stop the ache because then she’d be like one of them, like the girls she’d seen giggling behind their hands, faces tinged pink with embarrassment. 

She buried the thoughts and emotions seeing James brought out in her- the way his eyes turned a golden brown in the sunlight, the wide stretching smile that showed off the dimples on his cheeks and (the most embarrassing, she thought) the way the muscles in his shoulders and back flexed while he was on a broom, his whole body tensed like a live wire was thrumming through him as he watched the pitch with calculating eyes. 

Eyes that she had caught focusing intently on her far too many times to be comfortable. So she knew she was crazy thinking that he was stalking her, crazy to think James saw something there that was worth watching. 

But she knew better. 

Fifth Year- November

She liked to think that she had it all under control, had every traitorous thought locked behind that perfected Black family mask. Everything was locked away until she was back in her bed, curtains locked tight so no sound came out and she could feel everything that burned like acid on the back of her tongue. 

But this? This she could not hide, could not lock away until she was safe and alone because she was on her knees, the cold stone grounding her as James thrusted into her mouth, one of his hands firmly gripped into her curls and the other brushing softly against her jaw. 

“So pretty, so good for me, baby.” James murmured, thumb sweeping reverently against her bottom lip, dark gaze locked onto where his cock was disappearing into her mouth, the bulge in her throat almost hypnotizing. 

She swallowed around him, a hushed whine worming up her throat as she looked at him. Her thoughts were fuzzy, the only thing there was the persistent need to please James, to let him use her until he was satisfied. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” James groaned, the sound a harsh, desperate thing that had her clenching her thighs together, trying to get any sort of friction. 

She brought a hand up, stroking the velvet smooth skin of his cock and sucked, tracing her tongue over his slit and preening at the sound that was wrenched out of him. 

He was beautiful, she thought faintly, beautiful in the dim lighting coming from one of their wands, James’ sweat soaked skin glistening in the light. She wanted to memorize him forever, explore every inch of undiscovered skin and know every part of what made James tick. 

She was happy, she thought again, happy to take whatever he’d give her and hoard every memory like a dragon, always greedy for more. 

Fifth Year- March

She wasn’t sure what she did wrong. James and her had been… steady in a sense. They weren’t dating, there had never been much talking between them, too busy focusing on ripping each other's clothes off, too desperate to focus on anything else. 

But James was different now. She saw him less and less, but did not ask James why despite the desperate, needy voice inside her begging for an answer. She had asked Pandora once if she thought she could be someone James would fall in love with, Pandora had just wrapped an arm around her as that ever present ache intensified. 

She had eyes though and could see the reason why right in front of her. James had always been notorious for being in love with Lily Evans since first year, chasing for years despite the rejection. She had wondered once if James would notice her like that if her hair shone like that in the sun or if she had the same spattering of freckles on her cheeks, if James would just see constellations. 

So no, she knew why and she almost wished it was something she could be surprised by so she could deal with that heartbreak in a few days and never think about him again. She could feel the clawing desperation that rang through her, that voice she could never quite silence begging please, please, I’m sorry, please don’t leave me, I’ll shove every horrible, unlovable thing about me down until you only see the good, I love you, I love you, I love you. 

Fifth Year- May

She wondered if throwing herself off of the Astronomy Tower would hurt less than this. She had known- desperately, pathetically- that whatever they had had, was done. Over. Buried in the backyard like a shameful secret. She had hoped that James would just see her despite her reputation, despite the fractured relationship between Sirius and her, and that voice in her head that sounded awfully close to her mother, was smug knowing this would end exactly how she knew it would. 

James had just become another heartbreak, another person she had desperately wished would see her and had run away instead. 

Because James was with Lily, the way it was always meant to happen. James, with his big brown doe eyes and easy, carefree grin with his arms around Lily, shining bright in the sunlight. She wasn’t sure how long she stared, what expression she couldn’t hide on her face but she wished she didn’t feel a fucking thing at all. 

Fifth Year- July

She wanted to go home. She wanted the cold, cruel halls of Grimmauld Place where she knew what to expect, knew that punishment would come swift and painful because she needed the distraction. Needed to desperately feel something other than that consuming numbness that May had brought and never left, like a harsh winter had settled comfortably on her bones. 

She wasn’t talking, wasn’t eating. She saw the worry on her friends faces, and knew her face looked gaunt and unwell. She just… couldn’t. A small rational part of her knew this was silly, that she couldn’t just waste away because of some boy. 

That part was easily swept away by the numbness. 

The train slowed as it came into the station, parents milling around eagerly for their children. She didn’t see Walburga, knew she didn’t have to look for her in the crowd because she wasn’t there, she never was. She knew Kreacher would be there and he’d fuss over her, almost like a parent would. In the past, she would wrap her arms around the old elf and thank him for caring about her, but today she just couldn’t. 

She wasn’t entirely sure how she got off the train, how she waited for the elf and for Sirius to peel himself away from his friends. Wasn’t sure when they stepped into Grimmauld, when they parted ways at their bedrooms without saying a word. 

Everything was still just painfully, achingly numb. 

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“No.”

Walburga’s eyebrow raised, a slow and predatory movement that had her heart spasming in her chest. 

“No?” 

“No.” She said more forcefully, back straight and mouth set in a grim line. 

She distantly wondered if this would be the time that Walburga killed her, if it would be a fist swung too hard or a spell aimed to kill. She found she didn’t really care either way. 

“Who are you to deny me, child? I asked you a question and you are to answer. I will not ask again.” 

She raised a defiant eyebrow back, a perfect mockery of her mother. 

She felt the spell hit, an agonizing distant thing, and she knew whatever answer her mother wanted, she’d never get because she’d rip her own tongue out before she’d tell her where her brother went. It was the one thing she knew beyond the numbness, the only feeling she’d let through the fog in her head. 

She’d protect Sirius, the way he had always protected her, even if it killed her. 

Sixth Year- September

She couldn’t stop the limp even if she tried. Courtesy of Walburga before she left for Hogwarts. She had been coated in glamours, the magic thick on her tongue, a thinly veiled threat to not let any one see or there’d be punishment. 

As if living at Grimmauld with her parents wasn’t punishment enough. 

So, she limped and hid the wince behind that perfect Black mask and muscled through it, the way she always had. She couldn’t tell if there were eyes on her or not, the hazy pain that clouded her brain was too focused on getting to the train, sitting in an empty compartment, and taking the extra dose of pain potion she had smuggled out of Sirius’ bedroom before leaving. 

She stood before the train door and let her eyes wander the crowd, searching for Sirius just to make sure he was actually safe, that he had truly made it out and it wasn’t just a figment of her imagination. She found him, head thrown back in a laugh and she let her eyes inspect him. He was alive. He was healthy, his hand resting on James’ shoulder, the brightest smile she had ever seen on his face. 

Sirius was safe. 

She felt her lips curl the slightest bit upward and she knew it was worth all of the pain to see him living the way he always should have been. 

She didn’t look at James, she didn’t. 

But she did catch the frowning face of one Remus Lupin, eyes boring into her like he could see everything that happened over the summer. There was a dark look on his face that she didn’t understand so she looked away, checking on Sirius one last time before boarding the train. 

Sixth Year- November

She found she did not like the feeling of his hands on her. He left bruises in places that could be hidden under clothing, a vicious grin lingering on his face when he would prod at them. She distantly knew this was a punishment, one brought together by herself and Walburga, but still, the numbness that had plagued her for months latched tight. 

It was an arranged marriage, she was to be wed to him as soon as she graduated next year and Walburga had picked him out, a cruel son raised by a crueler father. 

She did not want to touch him, she had said enough excuses to keep things from going too far, she had let him kiss her and let him bruise her body in some twisted sort of claiming but she didn’t have sex with him. Couldn’t. 

She liked to think it was a tragic lovers sort of deal- she had let James inside of her, claimed her with soft hands and softer kisses and she thinks that's the only time she had ever let her perfectly crafted walls down in her entire life. She loved James, pined for him and mourned -still mourned- when he left. She often thought of herself as an abandoned temple, once full of something lost to time but left to crumple and fade away. 

She didn’t want anyone else inside of her. 

She wanted James. 

Sixth Year- February

She wasn’t sure how long it had been since she had been able to feel anything. She thinks it might have started when James left or maybe a little bit before, her brain's way of protecting her. 

Eventually, something had to give and it fucking snapped. 

Slughorn was an obnoxious professor, preening and desperately trying to collect students like chocolate frogs. He did the same lesson every February for the Sixth years and she wanted to claw at the walls. 

Amortentia, love potion, fucking bane of her existance. 

She did not want to smell James. 

She had done everything to avoid seeing him- she stopped going to the Great Hall for meals, quit the Quidditch team, and had stopped going to the Astronomy Tower. She didn’t want to look, didn’t want to see James fingers tangled with Lily’s. Students still gossiped about them and she was still debating throwing herself off one of the towers.

The class was full of laughter, each table taking turns smelling the already brewed potion. She swallowed thickly and wondered if she could sneak out of class, detentions be damned. 

Slughorn brought it to her table, the one she shared with Evan and Barty, and she held her breath, heart beating wildly in her chest. 

She didn’t want it. She didn’t want it. She didn’t want the fucking reminder of how pathetic she was being, she didn’t want to smell James in the potion and desperately wish he was here because the vial didn’t even hold a candle to how James smelt. 

She didn’t want the reminder that she had gone and fallen for someone she hadn’t even dated, could never date because they had only been fucking long enough for James to get what he wanted. 

And she was angry now, angry at James and at that fucking potion and that cruel boy her mother is making her marry. The anger cleared her head for the first time in months and she seethed beneath the cold mask that she wore, hands balling into fists. 

Slughorn moved away and she was unsure if she even spoke when he asked but she couldn’t care through the rage coming in waves. 

Then she heard it- a giggle, a whisper that she heard clear as day. 

“I swiped some when Sluggy wasn’t looking, they won’t even know what hit them.”  A Gryffindor girl whispered to her friend, cheeks tinged pink. 

“Yeah, but how are we gonna get James and Sirius to eat it? Remus is so protective over them.”

“They have Quidditch practice after class, Remus never goes to those.” 

They didn’t speak much after that, voices hushed down into giggles and classwork. 

She stilled at the thought of Sirius and James, drugged under a love potion. Sirius, who was sickenly in love with Remus (anyone with eyes could see it) and James, her James, who adored Lily. 

Class ended and she followed after the girls, their infuriating giggles grating against her ears as they walked outside to the courtyard. She stayed far enough away to draw suspicion and watched as they poured a bit of the stolen potion on whatever sweets they had brought with them. 

And she couldn’t handle it, couldn’t stop the way the rage bubbled over and consumed her. 

A very small part of her wondered if she looked exactly like Walburga before tearing into Sirius and her over whatever mistake they had made. 

She blinked- 

And then she was being hauled off of one of the girls who groaned on the pavement, fingers clutched around bloodied blonde hair. She felt blood dripping onto her lips, her nose a dull aching pain. 

She was shaking against the arms wrapped around her, mouth still half-formed in a soundless snarl. 

“You need to stop moving, Reg.” 

Remus. Sirius’ Remus. 

“They-they were going to drug them,” her voice was a rough, unfamiliar thing even to her own ears. “Stole amortentia from Slughorn.” 

Remus’ snarl was deep against her back, his arms tightening against her. She wondered if it was her wheeze that softened them again. 

The events afterwards were blurred- McGonagall storming into the courtyard, dragging Remus and her to her office while the girls were sent to the Infirmary. She explained as best as she could to the Professor what had happened, offering up the memory when words failed. 

There had been a long silence before-

“Have a biscuit, Miss Black.” 

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They didn’t speak when they left her office, arms brushing slightly as they walked side by side. Her nose had stopped bleeding at some point, the blood crusting around her lips and chin and she wondered faintly if she looked like one of those muggles in a horror film Sirius had told her about a few years ago. 

“Reg, you should go to the infirmary.” Remus said quietly and she looked over at him. 

His face was scrunched up again like it had been when she was boarding the train months ago. She thought she caught a flicker of concern, maybe anger in his eyes. 

“I’ll be okay, Remus. I’ve had worse.” She said softly, patting his arm once, twice, before letting her hand drop. “Have a good night.” 

She shoved her hands into her pockets and walked away, feet aimlessly taking her anywhere away from Remus and the uncomfortable feeling of being seen for the first time in her life. 

She thought she heard a faint, “Reg! Wait!” and ignored it, brain slipping back into the numb haze once more. She let out a sharp breath when the cold air hit, glancing around at the empty castle grounds and the setting sun. 

She wandered until she was near the lake, finding the tree she always read under and settling against it. The view was beautiful, she thought as she stared at the rippling water, lit up like fire. She wondered what it would be like to disappear against the waves, to be lulled to sleep by the soothing touch of the water as it gently pulled her in until she was deep below, nothing more than a memory. 

She inhaled sharply, once, twice, before pulling out the pack of cigarettes she had swiped from Sirius’ room over the summer, lighting one and inhaling frantically until those thoughts went away. She couldn’t do anything until Sirius was of age, until he was safe from their parents. 

If she dwelled too much on the things she wanted, it would become impossible to stop. 

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Regulus wondered in the split second it took for his world to violently turn upside down, if he could just disappear on the spot and run away like he was so used to. He refused to give Sirius the reaction he wanted other than the slightest tightening of his mouth. 

“Potter.” 

He refused to let his eyes roam over the wide expanse of James’ shoulder, broader than it had been as a teenager, and he refused to look lower to where his torso angled inwards. His hips were (in Regulus’ unbiased opinion, thank you very much) downright sinful. 

His mind absolutely did not immediately implode when James flashed that wide grin at him, dimples on full display. 

“Hey, Reg. It’s been awhile, I’ve missed you.”

“...Right.” Regulus replied awkwardly, not quite looking James in the eyes. 

“Prongs! We were just telling Reggie here that he’s coming over for dinner soon to catch up, isn’t that wonderful?” Sirius slung his arm across his shoulders and Regulus rolled his eyes. 

“Brother, I do have a busy schedule, just so you’re aware.” 

“Regulus, if I have to kidnap you I will, don’t think I won’t.” Sirius’ voice was playful but he could hear the thinly veiled truth underneath: you’re not leaving me again. 

“Right.” 

“Regulus, darling.” Pandora’s voice called out, sweet like honey and he narrowed his eyes at her. “We’re free all week other than your time in the studio, I think going over will be wonderful for you. No more brooding in your room.”

“I do not brood, Pandora. I write, there's a difference.” 

He could feel James’ gaze on him, eyes roaming in the way he did not allow his own and was thankful for the dim lighting to hide the flush on his cheeks. 

“Speaking of the studio, I need to go, there's things to finish for the album release.” He spoke again, gently nudging his brother's arm off of him. “I’ll give you my number to stay in touch, I’m not the best at responding quickly if I’m in the studio but you can get Pan’s digits if you ever need me.” 

Sirius passed his phone over and he put his number in before giving him one quick hug. 

“Thank you for being here, Siri.” He murmured quietly into his ear before letting go. 

“Teddy, you’re welcome at the studio any time you want. I’m glad I got to meet you.” He smiled wide at his nephew before ruffling his hair and stepping away. 

“Remus. Potter. Nice seeing you again.” He nodded at them and stepped away, lighting another cigarette and placing it between his lips. “Pan, don’t wait up, I’ll be gone awhile.” 

He pressed a quick kiss to her cheek and stepped away, walking quickly to avoid any more surprises from the past. 

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“Christ James, what the hell did you do to him?” Lily said, eyebrow raised accusingly. 

James was unwell. He was also fucked six ways to Sunday but that was neither here nor there. Regulus was stunning, had always been stunning and his heart couldn’t take it. He had stood there, a few feet away in his hoodie that he had lost in sixth year, looking like a walking wet dream and salvation all at once. 

He was still watching him walk away, the smoke from his cigarette curling around him like a halo and James had never been more smitten with anyone else in his entire life. 

“James!” fingers snapped in front of his face and he blinked, reluctantly tearing his eyes away from Regulus. 

“What?” He croaked, voice rough. 

“Stop staring at my brother's ass, Prongs.” Sirius stepped in front of him, blocking his view of Regulus as he disappeared back into the building. 

“I wasn’t staring at his ass, Pads.” He said back, mouth dry. “It’s just been so long, I didn’t know watching him leave again would… feel like this.” 

“I know what you mean.” Sirius sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I feel like I need to drag him back just to make sure he’s still here with us. Reggie… he’s always held his feelings close to his chest, I’m not surprised he left so soon.” 

“Its not your fault, love, Regulus has always been complicated. He just needs us to show him we’re not going to leave again. We owe that to him.” Remus cut in, arm wrapping around Sirius’ shoulder tightly. “We’ll give him a day or two to let him adjust and then we’ll have him over.” 

“Potter.” Pandora’s voice cut in, lilting sweetly in a way that made his spine stiffen. “I would like to make one thing clear. Regulus will not be something you take and give away when you get bored or find something new. Not again. I don’t care how famous you are, how loved you are by your friends and family, if you repeat what happened in your sixth year again, I will bury you. Do you understand?” 

“I-yeah, yeah, I understand.” he swallowed thickly, eyes searching her face. The smile she wore was predatory, a sweet deceptive thing. “I help you dig the grave myself if I ever did, Pandora.” 

She nodded once before turning back to Lily, resuming whatever hushed conversation they were having beforehand. 

James wanted to cry, he could feel the burning ache behind his eyes and he pressed the heels of his palms into them, willing it away. He would go back to his flat tonight, cry and drink the guilt away, away from the prying eyes of his best friends. He didn’t want the sympathy or the pity- he wanted to be James, the man who was pathetically in love with his best friend's brother and the one who ruined everything between them without saying a word.