Chapter Text
She was alone again.
Just her, and her mind, and her empty body.
The walls hummed faintly. The machines buzzed and ticked in rhythm. Even the light seemed to breathe in and out with her, soft, sterile, too quiet.
She stared at the ceiling.
There was a line in one corner where the paint didn’t quite match. She fixated on it, eyes unfocused, trying not to think about how heavy her limbs still felt. How still her fingers were. How far away her own body had become.
And then
It came.
Not fast. Not violent.
Just there.
A wave. Gentle. Slow. Like water creeping back in over sand.
The pills.
Tiny and white. Flying to the lake.
A bottle under the bar. A choice she made. A choice she didn’t make.
Her throat tightened.
Then her horse.
Velvet.
She could feel the brush under her palm. The weight of the saddle. The smell of hay and sweat and warm fur.
Then letters. Two of them. Folded. Hidden away in a box she didn’t open.
Joel.
He came next. Not a memory, not quite. But an image.
Strong hands holding her waist.
A bar. Music. Laughter. Darts clinking against a wall. Someone cheering. Him, looking at her like he’d never seen anyone else.
A night that meant something.
Maybe dancing. Maybe more.
Then Reid.
Tall. Steady. Too steady. A blur of another kind of safety.
More dancing. A dress maybe. A porch.
Then her hand on her stomach.
The belly.
Full. Round. Alive.
Her heart lurched.
She tried to hold onto it, to trace it back further. A name. A cry. A soft weight in her arms. Anything.
But it slipped through her fingers like water.
Gone again.
She blinked up at the ceiling.
Her body still didn’t move.
The machine beeped beside her.
And she was alone again.
But something had moved. Just a little.
Something had shifted. Like the tide going out.
And she knew
It would come back.