Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Please, chum. Just take tonight off. You’re injured.” Bruce, in his Batman suit with the cowl down, felt he was about to get down on his knees and start begging. Not that he would. But he didn’t understand how he managed to find the one kid who was determined to out-stubborn him.

“No! I’m going on patrol!” Dick, dressed as Robin with his mask clenched in his good hand, stomped his foot to emphasize his point. They had been going for twenty minutes already, since Batman had exited the changing room to find his charge fastening his cape.

“You’re injured.” He tried again. 

“It’s just a sprained wrist!” Dick argued, waving said wrist around.

“Which means you won’t be able to use a grapple gun.”

“Will too!” 

“No.”

“Yes!”

“Stay home, or it’s the entire week off patrol!” Bruce used the threat that tended to work more than not. Honestly, he was going to try to keep Dickie off patrol all week anyways, but one day at a time.

Dick gasped. Then, he balled his little fists and yelled. “You can’t do that!”

“Yes, I can.” Bruce said. Hopefully, they were getting somewhere.

“No! You can’t!”

“Yes! I can! No patrol for a week.”

“You… you… you can’t! You’re not my real dad!”

Ouch. That hurt. Especially because it was true. But, he needed to get back to the point. The point being his little menace back in his bed and tucked in with his stuffed elephant. As he had been three hours earlier when Bruce came down for reconnaissance on the computer. Apparently, Dick had decided to use that as a pre-patrol nap rather than the intended in bed all night objective. 

Dick stomped away in a strop. But he was heading towards the changing room, so Bruce would take his wins where he could get them. Parenting was hard. He glanced over to Alfred. “Please make sure he makes it to his bed.”

“Yes, Master Bruce.”

Bruce glanced towards the changing room, and then got into the Batmobile. If he was gone before Dick came back out, he should make a clean get away.

“Dummy. Buttmuffin. Holy overbearing meanie.” Robin muttered curses under his breath as he finally made it into town. It had taken him over an hour to sneak past Alfred and make it to the third closest bus stop and another hour to make it into Gotham proper. He’d covered his Robin outfit with his sweats until he got into town, and was now shoving them into his backpack and fastening his utility belt. “Poop face. It’s just like him to be a big old hypocrite. It’s not like he takes off for injuries. It’s just a sprained wrist. It doesn’t even hurt. Just needs support. A had that covered.” 

Robin attached his cape and stood taller now that it was on. “Not even my real dad.” He muttered as he glanced around the alley for a place to hide his backpack. It wasn’t his normal one, just a spare he’d found hidden in one of the unused rooms. But he’d need it for the way back. Robin huffed when he didn’t see a good place. Maybe the next alley would have a good one. He could slip along the ground for now. No one was paying him any attention.

“It’s not like I need him, anyways. That that mashed potato!”

Slipping into the next alley, Robin spotted the perfect place to hide his backpack and crowed in triumph. He slipped in, heading straight for the loose section of brick. His knee, where he’d banged it on a bench after tripping over a classmate’s outstretched foot that he should have seen, throbbed as he swept through the alley.

“Well well well, what do we have here?” The voice pulled Robin out of his focus on his hiding his backpack. The twelve year old spun around. He was surprised to see five goons had slipped into the alley after him and had formed a loose half circle around his hidey hole. “Rather late to be out, no? And in a Robin costume and everything. How about you give us that bag and that belt and we'll let you go, huh kid? Don’t want to be late for your kiddie party.” 

The man speaking was wielding a knife. Robin could see his grip was loose enough to be confident, but tight enough to not be dropped at the slightest provocation. Robin swept his eyes across the other four. They wore dark clothing, but Robin was alarmed to see some symbols on sleeves and sweaters. Rogue symbols. Maybe not run of the mill thugs then. Still, Robin could handle them. 

Robin grinned. “Bring it on.”

Okay. Okay okay okay. He was okay. Robin staggered out of the alley and down the sidewalk. The world spun nauseatingly. He could handle it though. The world just did that sometimes. He swallowed down some bile and shook his head, trying to get rid of the spots. He should. He should probably call in those goons, right? That was a thing he was supposed to do. Batman normally did that though. Because people didn’t always listen to Robin. Even though they should. Robin was soooo much better than that that piece of broccoli!

Huh. Speaking of broccoli. There was a park. No. A bush. A tree? It was in the middle of concrete. Huh. Weird. Robin stumbled over to it. A good place to take a nap? Wait no. No. He was out as Robin. And he could handle himself. No time for naps. Robin patted a leaf in a ‘there there’ motion. 

“Yer a good green.” 

Robin sneezed. Then, he coughed. Then, he coughed some more. Hmm. That hurt. He looked at the tree bush again. Had it moved? 

The spots were getting bigger. Well, green was good, right? Grass and trees were great nap spots.

Robin collapsed against the bush tree. 

Pamela Isley looked up as one of her children entered the room. Said child had a brightly colored ball of human child held in its gangly limbs. She jumped to her feet and came over to look. A closer look was enough to tell who exactly the plant held. 

Robin. If Robin was here, then Batman couldn’t be far behind. She had a lot of criticisms of Batman, letting his child out in a brightly colored suit chief amongst them, but he was very protective of his Robin. He never let the child far from his side. As he should. Robin was a child, after all. Still, if he was going to go around punching people in the face, then she wasn’t going to get in either human’s way. She had her plant children to think of. And plants were vastly superior to humans.

‘Do a perimeter sweep!’ Pamela ordered her strongest children, slipping into her persona of Poison Ivy. ‘Report any sightings of Batman immediately.’

Ivy directed the plant holding the baby vigilante to a spot where some of her stronger vines sat and had it set him down. The vines wrapped around Robin, tying him up. The boy whimpered and struggled to blink his eyes open. Ivy took a closer look. 

‘Did you hurt him?’’ She asked the plant who brought him.

The plant swayed a reply. It hadn’t injured the baby vigilante, but the child had already been injured when he ran into the plant. Literally. Robin had basically collapsed on him. The plant sent her a brief synapse of memory.

Ivy cut through the boy’s utility belt with a vine and tossed it aside. Then, she stepped closer to examine Robin’s injuries. He was covered in scraps and bruises, and there was a nasty cut on his brow that was swelling. Looking closer, it wasn’t too deep, although it looked like he’d been hit hard enough for a concussion. His little pixie boot was torn at the ankle revealing another cut that was much deeper. Ivy summoned some string from a willing plant and a sharp thorn to use as a needle. Then, she grabbed some water and poured it over the cut to wash it out.

Robin startled the rest of the way awake with a scream and jerked against the vine holding his arms to his sides. Ivy ignored him, imploring her vines to keep his foot still as she started on the stitches. 

“Wha-? Iv? Lemme go?” Ivy winced at the slurred tone of the child’s speech. She might have focused on botany, but she had some basic first aid classes. She needed to check him for a concussion next. Getting his mask off would be a struggle though. Batman probably had a shortcut to just lift the lenses, but she definitely didn’t have that clearance. “What’re you doing?”

“Where’s Batman?” 

“He’sa bock-lee head.” 

It took a moment for Ivy to parse that out. He’s a broccoli-head.

“I didn’t ask who’s Batman. I asked where’s Batman?”

“Donno. He said.. He said no. Go sleep. An’ I say. Yes. Go Robin. So I go Robin. And Batman go Batman.”

Almighty Green, did Robin sneak out? Did Batman leave him without a babysitter? That man was dropping rapidly in her esteem. Even she didn’t let her babies out until they were fully grown! Granted, plants grew fairly quickly and she could quick grow them, but the point stood!

Maybe she should teach Batman a lesson. See what happens when he lets babies out on the streets by themselves. Yes, that would work.

One of her plants cried out to her in pain. She lifted her head from where she was finishing up with Robin’s ankle and found he’d acquired a Batarang and was hurting her baby.

Well, if Batman’s baby was going to hurt Ivy’s baby, then she was just going to have to do something about that, wasn’t she?

Focusing her power into her lips, she decided what she wanted. Then, she kissed Robin on the forehead. The cutting stopped and his grip slackened with the rest of his body. He didn’t go completely limp, but he did lose some tension. 

“Drop the batarang.” Ivy told Robin. The weapon clattered out of the child’s hand. One of Ivy’s younger children toddled over with a bundle of fresh yarrow, clearly self grown, and presented them proudly. She smiled at it and took the yarrow. She ground it up, mixed some water, and began to use it on Robin. She applied it to Robin’s ankle. Then, she added some large leaves, ensuring they stuck before spreading more of the yarrow on other cuts once she cleaned them out. The one on his head took a bit to clean, but luckily didn’t need stitches. A leaf covered it up perfectly. 

‘Set him on his feet.’ She instructed her vines. The vines did so, steadying him as he wobbled. They unwound, but continued to lean against him while she searched the rest of his body for injuries clinically. Certain areas felt bruised, but only one wrist was broken. It didn’t feel like a bad fracture, but it was already in a splint. It felt like it had been injured worse though. She checked that it was set correctly. It wasn’t so she fixed that and tightened the splint so it would stay in place. Once finished, she stepped back and studied her new thrall. 

“I know you have weapons on you, Robin. Won’t you set those in a nice little pile for me? Over here is fine.”

Robin nodded sedately and began pulling hidden weapons from all over his costume while Ivy watched. Dear Mighty Green, this child should not have this many pointy objects. He even removed his gloves which turned out to have lock picks and a wrist computer. Ivy made a face at the tech. Robin swayed, finished.

“Alright. Now, trackers. Remove any that you can remove and set them in a little pile. Then, point out any you can’t remove so I can remove them for you.”

Robin had two trackers on him that he could remove, and he also moved some of his gear over to his tracker pile. He also pointed out a tracker in his suit that was hard to remove. Ivy had one of her plant children slice it out and add it to the pile. She pocketed an inactive panic button tracker to use to call Batman to her later, as well as Robin’s stick thing. That should allow him to defend her without easily hurting her children if something went wrong.

‘Move these to an unpopulated part of the park for Batman to find.’ She directed one of her smarter children. It scooped up the trackers and left the area.

“Got anything else?” Ivy asked Robin.

Robin nodded again, and pulled a small ziplock bag with a bat on it from up near his shoulder. It had a couple cookies, broken into chunks but still edible. Ivy whistled and took the bag from him. She opened it up and ate a piece of cookie. They were pretty good. She gave Robin a chunk and then ate the rest. She then concentrated her energy on the plastic to make the fibers start to rapidly age to the point it would decompose. She was shocked to find it was biodegradable as it fell apart in her hand. She vaguely recalled a part of her last rant at Batman included something about plastics. Maybe he listened.

“Alright, sprout. Come along now. I’m sure your dad will find out you’re missing sooner than later and come after you. Let’s set up a little trap for him.” Robin followed serenely, like a good little bird.

“What do you mean you can’t find him?” Batman demanded. It was approaching 2 am and he had been about to head in for the night when Alfred called in. The man had disappeared to check on Robin and go to bed himself over an hour ago. “You were supposed to keep an eye on him!”

“The young sir has evidently improved his ability to fake slumber. I have searched the entire grounds and the security footage. The young sir left a little before ten. If I hadn’t checked closer, he may have entirely gotten away with the ruse.”

“He’s been gone for four hours?!?”

“Yes sir. I am scouring the city footage for facial recognition. Nothing yet.”

Batman resisted the urge to shove his cowl. “His tracker. Is it active?”

“No. The young sir has deactivated it.”

“I programmed a remote restart. Passcode is all caps. November-India-Charlie-Echol Tango-Romeo-Yankee Charlie-Hotel-Uniform-Mike exclamation point.”

There was a moment of judgmental silence.

“Just do it.”

“Very well sir.” 

Batman looked over the city from the rooftops as he waited for Alfred to reactivate the tracker. He didn’t see or hear anything that pointed to Robin. No flash of color or tell tale shouting. 

“Sir, I have located Robin.”

Releasing a sigh of relief, Batman activated the coms. “Where?”

“Robinson Park.” Batman absorbed that. Then, he lifted a hand to his forehead to rub his brow, meeting the cowl instead. Well, at least Poison Ivy was the most likely rogue for Robin to run into there. She didn’t typically hurt kids. Still, best to hurry in case she was in a bad mood. He didn’t want Robin to become plant food. 

“Now, when I give the cue, you’re going to come out and stand next to me. Do you remember the cue? Nod if you remember the cue.” 

Robin gave a sedate little nod. 

“Good. Now, go hide somewhere you can get out of easily.”

Poison Ivy watched as the little bird proceeded to wander over to one of her larger children and climb them to hide in a corner of the warehouse on the edge of Robinson Park she’d picked to hold this little confrontation. The warehouse belonged to a company that violated her environmental standards, and she’d been meaning to go after them. Might as well fight Batman here. Cause some property damage. Her older and more combative children were spread throughout the warehouse; trap just about ready.

Once she had ensured the little bird was well hidden and everything was set, Poison Ivy lounged in her own hiding spot. She pulled out the beacon. She pressed the button, and then tossed it into the middle of the trap. Her informants had passed along that Batman had arrived where the trackers had been relocated to about five minutes ago and was currently searching the park for his lost bird.

It took seven minutes and fifteen seconds for Batman to be spotted approaching the building cautiously. He grappled to the top and came to the skylight. Not that it would do him much good. Ivy had made sure to set up out of line of sight of that architectural mistake. It took only a minute more for Batman to drop silently down into the center of the warehouse and approach the place where the beacon lay. Unfortunately, he was on alert for any snaking vines and managed to jump back before the trap snapped shut. Not that Ivy had really expected otherwise, but it was worth the try. She watched as the man scanned the room, taking in who knows what before landing on her hiding place. 

“Ivy.” He greeted, in his usual tone.

“Batman.” She greeted back. “To what do I owe this unexpected and unprompted visit?”

“Where is Robin?”

“Robin? Your little sidekick? Don’t tell me you lost him.” 

“Ivy.” The tone was warning now.

“Relax, Batman. The little bird is fine. Better than fine, even.” There was a little rustle as Robin heard his cue and dropped down with a little flip to stand in front of Ivy. “Look. Isn’t he cute?” He actually was. One of her children had made him a little flower crown that was woven around his head camouflaging the leaves covering his injuries. More vines were wrapped decoratively around his arms and legs, little flowers all over. He swayed a bit, but stayed generally upright. 

Batman took a step towards them. 

“Up up up.” Ivy warned, placing a hand on Robin’s shoulder. “Stay where you are, Batman. You don’t want anything to happen to him, do you? 

Batman stayed where he was. 

There was a moment of silence that dragged on into awkwardness. It suddenly occurred to Ivy that she forgot the crucial detail of having demands. Demands that Batman was waiting to hear. 

Finally, after yet more silence, Batman spoke. “I’ve ensured that Robinson Park was protected while you were in Arkham and the plants were taken care of, and also encouraged more green initiatives at corporations in the area. Some of my contacts have spearheaded cleaning up corporations that aren’t being environmentally friendly in order of impact. Are there any that have slipped my notice? This one is on the list, but they haven’t gotten to it yet.”

That was surprisingly good to hear. And she’d already seen the biodegradable cookie pouch. 

“More trees.” Ivy said.

“Alright.”

“Community Garden?” 

“Started in two of the other city parks.”

“Water cleanup.” 

“Would be going smoother if Joker, Scarecrow, and Two Face stopped targeting the water supply.”

“Right.”

More awkward silence.

“May I have Robin back?”

She rallied. “He shouldn’t be out.”

“Correct.” Batman replied.

“At all.”

“I’ve tried to stop him. He’s safer with me than wandering on his own.”

“He was on his own tonight.”

“He was grounded tonight.” 

“Don’t you have a sitter?” 

“Robin faked sleep long enough to fool us both.”

“You should really have more control over your sidekick.”

“Hn.”

Ivy sighed. “Fine. Robin, go to your father.” Robin wandered across the room to Batman, who dropped to one knee and started looking him over. The man looked up at her and glared. “He basically collapsed on one of my children a couple blocks outside the park and they brought him to me. I treated his injuries, but you’ll want to look over them more. Tie him to the bed if you have to. I better not see him out alone again, or I might just keep him.”

Batman scooped Robin and placed the child on his hip. He gave Ivy a nod.

“The biodegradable snack pouch was a nice touch.” She added.

“The mind control?” 

Ivy huffed. “Nothing you haven’t seen before. Robin, obey your father.”

She got a little sedate nod in return. This was not what she thought would be happening tonight. She tossed him Robin’s bo staff. Batman caught it with his free hand.

“Beat it, Bats. Don’t make me change my mind.”

Batman nodded again, and then stepped back into the shadows, letting them absorb him like usual.

Looking around, Ivy noted he hadn’t exactly checked why she chose this place. She waited for a confirmation that Batman had left, and then directed her children to have fun. She was going back home for a nightcap.