Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

arin added sora and wyfy to the chat

Saturday 9.19am

arin: alrigghht fam new year, new chat lets gooo

sora: yk we dont need a new chat every yr right

arin: sure we do. fresh start. also someone filled the last one w italian brainrot

wyfy: and ill do it again😏

sora: pls dont

sora: think lloyd might actually burst a blood vessel if arin starts singing brr brr patapim tralalero tralala cappuccino assassino lirlil larila at the breakfast table again

sora: new year for us, lloyd n that still stuck in exams

sora: itll be assassino arin if hes not careful

wyfy: coookedd

arin: heyy

sora: js the truth buddy

wyfy: minor confesh

wyfy: kai paid me to do that

sora: duh?

sora: it was so random, had kai written all over it

sora: u js dumped them and let the poison spread

sora: yr not intersted in anything unless its fire or roby

sora: or both

wyfy: bet

arin: ...both? like togthere?

arin: how...?

arin: @wyfy did u set fire to roby

arin: cos its cool if u did, m sure weve all been there

wyfy: what no!

wyfy:  roby set fire to roby

sora: gravity set fire to roby

wyfy: gravity and cinder

wyfy: cinder was holding the rope

wyfy: noob fr

arin: ...what rope?

sora: dude dont u remvember

sora: end of year party? yk, like 3 months ago??

sora: flaming limbo? dude was wearing a hoodie from temu

sora: yk, the highly flammable ones?

arin: ...

sora: it was at creels house

arin: ohhh thaat party

arin: wait did we play flaming limbo

wyfy: i did. i was winning too

wyfy: til cindy set fire to roby

arin: CINDY BAHAHAHA

sora: impressive flailing tho

sora: like a fiery dance

wyfy: it was like, so🔥

sora: you rlly dont remember?

sora: even the part when fy body slammed bro into the pool??

arin: BAHAHAHA

arin: that fr happened??

arin: i thouhgt that was the drugs

sora: 🤨

arin: dream! i thought that was a dream

wyfy: tf u think youd be dreamin of my man??

arin: uhhh

sora: catfight fr

arin: gross no i dont like roby

wyfy: how dare u!! robys so fire like youd be so lucky. im comin over hold up

arin: ...im confused?

arin: whyre we attackin me, whatd i do?

arin: @sora help i think fys comin to set me on fire

arin: soraaaa

arin: i dont wanna go out like thiss

sora: srry dude, the drug thing kinda threw me off

arin: what drugs?? i dont do drugs

arin: who said that?

sora: you

sora: like ten msgs ago

arin: dont listen to the me of ten msgs ago, he missed breakfast

arin: doesnt know what hes talking bout

arin: highkey loopy af

sora: ...

arin: mkay fine it was one time no cap. wont do it again swearsies

arin: soraaaaa

arin: hellppp

arin: lets go to euphrasias rl quick

sora: ...to escape fy??

arin: ill do your share of dishes for a month

sora: ...

arin: your maths homework for fortnihgt?

sora: so i can fail maths??

arin: hurtful

arin: fine. ill give u my allowance for three weeks IF you also dont tell lloyd

sora: you wont do it again?

arin: cross my heart

sora: ...lets go dummy

Chapter Text

Saturday 10.04am

lloyd: how do I find the number of moles from the number of particles in a substance?

lloyd: also why tf is your child climbing my balcony??

kai: ??

lloyd: like, ik shes some gymnastics prodigy or whatever but its js not safe

kai: idfk i thought she was at school

lloyd: its saturday

kai: ohhh

kai: must be there to see your hellions

lloyd: theyre not home??

lloyd: they rushed out 20 min ago yelling something bout arin and fire

lloyd: should I be concerned?

kai: no. theyre teenagers, couldnt stop them if u tried. so yk. no point trying i say

lloyd: ur child is literally hangin by her fingertips from the balcony fck this

lloyd: why tf does she have a blowtorch hold on

kai: ffs get her down from there!!

10.12am

lloyd: I have confiscated the blowtorch, replaced it w a mars bar and sent her home

kai: rewarding bad behaviour *sigh*

lloyd: not my kid not my problem

lloyd: gotta retain fav uncle rights

kai: fav uncle would know chili choc peanuts are her fav

lloyd: cole gave her a fking banana in the cinema I think Im ok

lloyd: also arin choked on one of those last week I dont buy them anymore

lloyd: theyre 14 bucks a pack so

kai: fck that are u fr??

kai: might be time to get fy onto something more cost effective

kai: like smarties

kai: or off brand m&ms

lloyd: pfft

lloyd: I put zero faith in ur victory

lloyd: but srsly

lloyd: how do I find the number of moles from the number of particles in a substance?

kai: idfk ask zane

lloyd: zane and pix are still away I dont wanna bother them

kai: ohhh

kai: cos like ive been sending a bajillion reels

kai: so thats why theyre ignoring me

lloyd: yeah thats why🙄 simp

kai: tf does that mean?

lloyd: idk i heard sora sayin it

lloyd: seemed appropriate

kai: ...

kai: context??

lloyd: bro it was like last week Ive overloaded my brain w other shit since

kai: cant keep up w the slang

kai: bad memory

kai: fuck are we getting old!?

lloyd: i mean we both have teenage kids what do u think

kai: yea but like, theyre adopted

kai: they werent teenagers when we got em

lloyd: yea they were little angels 4 yrs ago

lloyd: now Im perpetually in a state of existential dread wondering wtf theyre gonna do next

kai: relatable

kai: ...are we bad parents??

lloyd: I just scolded your 15yo for carrying a blowtorch in her mouth, u tell me

kai: and then u rewarded her!!

lloyd: ya. and now its ur problem

lloyd: back to my problem

lloyd: how do I find the number of fucking moles from the particles of a substance??

lloyd: cmon you did this last year, u must have ur notes somewhere

lloyd: u know I suck at chemistry

kai: fr

kai: isnt that why akita left

lloyd: 😰

lloyd: dude

kai: mb ill admit that was a low blow

lloyd: she didnt leave

lloyd: I mean she did but not like that

lloyd: she moved away bc she got into that nature school program thingy she wanted to work at

lloyd: how am I supposed to compete w mother nature??

lloyd: but shes coming back yk

lloyd: eventually

kai: ...

lloyd: maybe

kai: suuure buddy

kai: whatever helps u sleep at night

lloyd: wont be sleeping if I dont figure this shit out

lloyd: ffs are u gonna help me or not??

kai: idk man im at work rn and skys giving me the evil eye

lloyd: work?

lloyd: whos eating noodles at 10am on a saturday??

kai: we're prepping the food dumbass

kai: skys understaffed and nyas got painting class today so

kai: ask sora?

lloyd: Im not asking my kid to talk me thru chemistry

kai: y not, shes a lil genius

lloyd: shes 15!! Im not asking my 15yo to help me with exam prep

lloyd: cmon

lloyd: pleassseee

lloyd: 🥺

kai: dont give me that look

lloyd: is it working

kai: no

kai: and im telling sky u condoned fy's behaviour

lloyd: did not!!

kai: did too!!

lloyd: fine

lloyd: then im telling sky u told me to ignore the behaviour

lloyd: unless u wanna send me ur notes oc

lloyd: 😇

kai: ...

kai: alright u little manipulator

kai: ill send u my notes when i get home

kai: and for the sake of my mortality...

kai: dont ever mention the fking blowtorch again

Chapter Text

the whole shebang

Monday 1.48pm

Zane: Greetings friends

Zane: Pixal and I have some news

Pix attached an image

[image file: a hand framed against a sandy beach, a golden ring on one finger]

Pix: We're getting married!!

jay: FR!!!

cole: omg really!!

geo: amazing! congratulations!

sky: you guys!! thats incredible!!!

sky: kai's hands are covered in grease and noodle dough but he says congrats too!!

Lloyd: No way! Congratulations guys!

jay: AHHHH DIBS ON BEST MAN

cole: heyyy u cant dibs thats up to zane

cole: and im clearly zanes favourite so

Zane: I... do not have favourites

cole: but if you did... itd be me right

Zane: ...

cole: right?!

Zane: I do not feel that I should answer that question

cole: zaneee!! my man!!

geo: 😟

cole: my other mannnn

cole: my platonic soul mate for etertiny

cole: ily geo❤️

geo: ❤️

nya: was wondering why my phone was buzzin sm

nya: CONGRATS YOU GUYS ILYYY

Pix: <3 <3

sky: so whats the venue? whens the big day? indoor or outdoor weding??? I need the deeetsss

sky: pix we're sooo having a girls day when u get back, gotta get this planning underway! so much to do!!!

nya: IM SO INNNN

Zane: ...Do I get any input?

nya: course not

sky: none whatsoever

jay: NOT TRUE

jay: YOU GET TO PICK THE BEST MANNN

jay: WHIC IS GONAN BE ME RIHGTT???

Zane: I... do not feel comfortable making that decision so soon

Zane: I proposed an hour ago. There are still many people who we have not told yet

cole: yeah, im surprised kai and lloyds nightmares havent flooded the gc w nonsensical keyboard smashes yet, int that what kids do

Lloyd: It is 2pm, they're in class

Lloyd: Give it time

jay: why tf u typin like an old man

Lloyd: Because

Lloyd: I cracked the code

Lloyd: Just wait and see

jay: ???

3.02pm

arin: sfjehsgiser

sora: omfy hgy hhh

wyfy: jsdfserghser

wyfy: ARE OYU FO RN REEALL?

sora: YOU GUYS ARGE ENGKAFEGED

arin: CONGRATULATIONSSS I SO CALLED IT

wyfy: YOU DID NOT

arin: DID TOO!

sora: CN I BE A BRIDESMAIDDDD?????

arin: IWNANN BE THE RING BEARRRR

sora: ...ring bear???

arin: FR

arin: HAD FA DREAM I WAS IN ANIMAL CROSSING LAST NIGHT

arin: I WAS THE CUTEST LIL POLAR BEAR

arin: IT WOAS SO FKNING WEIRD BUT MAYBE IT WAS A SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE

arin: PROPHETIC DREAMS LESGOOOO

Lloyd: ARIN

Lloyd: No cursing in the group chat

Lloyd: We have been over this

arin: oop srry lloyd

arin: ...why u texting like a boomer

Lloyd: Because I cracked the code

Lloyd: Why are you dreaming about being a polar bear?

arin: PROPHETIC DREAMS I TELL YOU

arin: BUT SRSLY

arin: CAN I NBE THE RING BEARR

wyfy: I WNNA BE THE FLOWER GIRL

wyfy: N INSTEAD OF FLOWERS CN I THROW FIRE???

wyfy: PROFESSOR EGALT SHOWED ME HOW TO MAKE A FLAMETHROWR

kai: NO

nya: now hold on, lets not be so hasty i see the appeal

nya: imagine it

nya: wyfy in her sweet lil dress and hair done up all fancy

nya: holding a GINORMOUS flamethrower

wyfy: 🔥🔥🔥

nya: you could say smth real cheesy like, you melted my cold icy heart😍

Zane: My heart is a stable 38.8 degrees??

jay: awwww

sora: YESS THATS SO ITTTT

kai: WTF nya youre meant to be the responsible adult, dont condone this!!!

nya: fck that

nya: i wanna see the flamethrower

arin: @Lloyd theyre swearing y cant i??

Lloyd: Because they are bad role models. Be more like Zane

sora: srsly, y u textin like that??

sora: are u possessed or smth?

sora: legitimate concetn here

Lloyd: Because I cracked the code

jay: wht does that fking meannnn???

wyfy: CAN I PLeAssSeESeE

kai: please what??

wyfy: THE FIRE THING

Pix: No.

wyfy: but what if

Pix: NO

Zane: I would also prefer if there were not a flamethrower at my wedding

cole: if i were best man id make sure such things never happened😉

jay: opportunistic frick

cole: YOU CONDONED THE FIRE

jay: BECAUSE NYA CONDONED IT

jay: MY LIFE IS HERS HER LIFE IS MINE WE ARE ONE AND THE SAMEE

jay: IF MY GIRL WANTS A FLAMETHROWER SHES GETTIN A FLAMETHROWER

nya: awwww ❤️❤️ ily bby

jay: ily too ❤️❤️

kai: *gagging noises*

cole: yea guys get a room

kai: hang on a sec

kai: why aint i in the running for best man!?

kai: two words have never described me better!!

cole: aint and running, yea seems accuarate

kai: 😡

kai: like u can talk mr my body is a temple

kai: temple of oreos fr

Lloyd: 🫣

sky: jeez zane, if u dont pick a best man i think someones gonna get hurt

Zane: That would not be ideal

Zane: Very well

Zane: I choose Lloyd

sky: 🫢

sora: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

wyfy: 🤯

Lloyd: yeesssss

jay: WHYYYY

Zane: That is simple

Zane: The role of the best man is to organize all aspects of celebration on the behalf of the groom. It requires a startling amount of work and dedication. There is also an innumerable amount of administration tasks to be addressed, as well as the matter of speeches

Zane: Clearly Lloyd is the only one possessing sound literary skills. The rest of you frighten me immensely

jay: LLOYD U LITTLE MANIPULTORRR

jay: YOU FAKE! YOU UTTER FRAUD!!!

Lloyd: I told you

Lloyd: I cracked the code to Zane's heart

nya: awwww

cole: dont aww him he took my job!!!

Zane: Furthermore, it is the job of the best man to safeguard the rings until such time should come as to put them in the care of the ring bearer

arin: RING BEAR THTS MEEE

Zane: Based on this, Lloyd is the more suitable candidate

Zane: According to Nya, Cole lost an entire donut yesterday

kai: BAHAHAHAHA

kai: dude you got OWNED

sora: so coooked rn

cole: 😢

Lloyd: srry man, js the truth

cole: u got overlooked too @kai

kai: meh

kai: im guaranteed lloyd's best man

kai: assuming he ever finds someone who isnt gallivanting off in nature or js a complete btch

kai: not mentionin names or anything

nya: *cough* harumi *cough*

Lloyd: 😟

nya: ily lloydy <3

cole: FINE

cole: you be best man

cole: ILL MAKE THE CAKE

jay: 😨

Lloyd: yknow what

Lloyd: u be best man

Zane: ???

Zane: I am perplexed

Zane: I thought I was choosing

Lloyd: sorry bro, the cake has spoken

Zane: ...

Zane: This is my wedding??

Pix: Our wedding my love <3

Pix: And I would prefer it if our guests did not contract gastroenteritis

arin: ???

Lloyd: food poisoning. she means food poisoning

jay: ...don't I get a look in???

Pix: Flamethrower, Jay. Flamethrower

jay: MY OPINIONS ARE NO LONGER MINE

jay: NYAS HEART IS WITH THE FLAMETHRORWER SO MY HEART IS WITH THE FLAMETHROWER SO GIVE HER THE FLAMETHROWER

wyfy: PLELEEESSSSAEEE

sora: im thinkin fy might have an aneurysm if u dont

Zane: THERGE WILL BE NO FGIRE AT MY WESDING

jay: ...

jay: im thinkin we broke zane

arin: CaN I bE tHe rINg BeAR

Chapter Text

Thursday 3.56am

arin: theretichly

arin: if a stop sogdn disadppeared form a major intfersection...

arin: would tkhat be steafling or intnent to do hagrm

4.03am

euphrasia: ???

euphrasia: have u been drinking??

arin: theorsetgically

euphrasia: arin

euphrasia: what did u do

arin: nothinhg!

arin: puhrely thedohretical

arin: but idf i did do sjomethfing

arin: or in kngow sohmeone who did

arin: howd muhch jail timde am i loogking at

arin: theorioeticly

euphrasia: arin, i'm gonna say this as nicely as i can

euphrasia: put. the stop sign. back.

arin: but whgat if theogdhretically the stop sjign had sa glohw up

euphrasia: glow up? stop sign??

arin: yk

arin: lilke what if insgtead of stsop it sfaid, idhnk, sto

arin: wth a fdew added legthters ofc

euphrasia: ...

euphrasia: what letters

arin: opid

euphrasia: ...stoopid??

arin: so like, if it werghent a stop sigdn anymjore

arin: hould i still pgut it bacdfk

arin: yk

arin: thegohreticalldy

euphrasia: ...hav u been hangin w ras again?

arin: nu!

arin: cuz inm not alloewed to dfo thart anymort

arin: big non no

euphrasia: arin

euphrasia: are you with ras rn??

arin: a bijt

euphrasia: ...

arin: whidch sdrings me to my necxt questeboin

arin: ifa stop sigdn no lohnger says staop

arin: iss it sdill a sto sing?

arin: what msakes a stoip sign a stoap sighn?

euphrasia: are you high???

arin: on pfhilosolphy ydeee!

arin: mybe i shgould drop osutta physigcs

arin: ive awokgen myd philohssophy brian

arin: freud bewasrd ARINstfotle ihs comisng!

euphrasia: ...

euphrasia: freuds a psychologist, not philosopher

euphrasia: how much did u drink?

arin: lijt five or osenve

arin: mke that eibht

arin: whoich bring me ot enj newxt questn hbo

arin: whsaats a ngumber

euphrasia: wru

arin: wru/? ifkd what thaht mean

euphrasia: i said where are you dumbass im taking u home

arin: nooo lloydll gkill mre

arin: he think gs im at a pdercigval houdse

arin: he keefps txtinh me

euphrasia: its 4 in the morning why is he texting you??

arin: idfk

arin: wait

arin: ah frikck

arin: i tected firdst

euphrasia: arin...

euphrasia: what did u say to him???

arin: i cnt canf clfck it ive lost me fngerss

arin: ffcukkk

arin: whast dif is ay??

euphrasia: js tell me where u are ill be there soon

euphrasia: u can crash at mine idiot

arin: ... ras hosue

4.18am

euphrasia: alright im here dumbass

arin: waitt cdinders fkcing wasterrd lemme recorf

euphrasia: no. i wanna go back to bed. get out here now

arin: five meor mins

euphrasia: arin get in the fcking car or im texting lloyd

arin: ...

arin: can i bwing the stpo sign

Chapter Text

Thursday 3.27am

lloyd: wtf is fanum tax??

3.29am

lloyd: @kai

lloyd: @kai

lloyd: @kai

lloyd: @kai

kai: fkokfff

kai: gmine five more mints

lloyd: srlsy

lloyd: arin js texted me and idfk what hes saying

kai: ts too fknig early

lloyd: like hes stayin w a friend tonight and now hes texting me at 3am hes woken up my insomnia

lloyd: dude im freakin out

lloyd: what if hes in trouble

lloyd: like hes never done this before

lloyd: should i call the police

lloyd: oh god what if hes been kidnapped and fanum tax is some weird new gen sos

lloyd: maybe its an anagram

lloyd: mafx tuna?

lloyd: tuf axman?

lloyd: f u taxman???

3.32am

lloyd: did u fking go back to sleep?!

lloyd: @kai

lloyd: @kai

lloyd: @kai

lloyd: @kai wake tf up my kids been kidnapped by the IRS

kai: whoa whoa whoa

kai: first quit pinging me im awake, js wanted sme water

kai: secondly

kai: take a breath dude

kai: idk whats going on but im 99% sure arins not been kidnapped by the taxman

lloyd: what about the otyher 1 percent???

lloyd: the 6tjer one percdrnt kai!!

kai: okay buddy your stress typing lets take it down a notch

kai: put down the phone

kai: take a deep breath

kai: and calm down

lloyd: u calm down. im calling hte police

kai: before u go ahead w that

kai: can i suggest the saner option

lloyd: ???

kai: call him??

lloyd: i trief calling he wnt picj up

lloyd: an every fckung text is still unread

lloyd: whrt if he broke his phone?

lloyd: or the tacxman lke repossesfed it or smth??

kai: okay now ur talkin crazy

kai: arin doesn't even have a job wtf makes u think the taxmans after him??

kai: how much sleep are u on??

lloyd: idfk 2 houfrs??

lloyd: u dont happen to have precigvals number do u??

kai: why tf would i have the number for a 16yo ive never met??

kai: ...talk to sora?

lloyd: shes sleepimh

lloyd: mby i can sneak her phone

kai: yeah dont do that, nuh uh, parenting teenagers 101

lloyd: thrn what else should i do??

kai: u can tell me what he texted u

kai: like word for word exactly whatd he say?

lloyd: thry fanum tax my cheesfe

lloyd: ???

lloyd: wtf is that??

lloyd: int cheese like money?

lloyd: they askin for a ransom??

lloyd: cos ill fucking pay it i want my kid back

lloyd: kaiiii

kai: js hol up lemme google thi shit

3.39am

kai: BAHAHAHAHHA

kai: dude are u fr??

kai: oh shit im laughing so hard i woke up sky one sec

lloyd: wtfs so funny!?

lloyd: u cnt say that n disappear!!

lloyd: kaiiiii

lloyd: @kai

lloyd: @kai

lloyd: @kai fkcing exlpln this!!

3.45am

kai: quit fking pinging sky js went back to sleep

kai: js do me a favor n google fanum tax rl quick

lloyd: js fknigb tell me

kai: its fking slang dude

kai: arins telling u someone took a bite outta his cheese

lloyd: ...

lloyd: are u fikfg kiddding me???

lloyd: why tf he textin me that at 3am!??

kai: idk but htat sounds like a u problem

kai: arins fine im going back to sleep

kai: love ya bro but don't fcking text me again til after 9

4.39am

lloyd: WTFH MANN

lloyd: @kai

lloyd: @kai

lloyd: @kai

lloyd: @kai

lloyd: @kai WAKE TF IUP

lloyd: THE POLUCE JS CALLED ME

lloyd: TOLD ME TO CME GET MY DELINQIUINT CHILD

kai: wait wtf??

lloyd: I TOLD U

lloyd: FKING SIXTHG SENSE FOR THAT KID

kai: ...

kai: for the record

kai: still dont think this is anytging to do w the taxman

lloyd: 😡

kai: did they actually use the words delinquent child??

lloyd: IT WS HEAVILY IMPLIED

kai: ...

kai: well theres that ransom u wanted

kai: sure u wanna bail him out?

lloyd: FFS KAI THIS ISNT FINNY

kai: its a lil funny

lloyd: FCKK OFF

lloyd: WHY IS MY KID AT THE POLICE STARTON AT 4 IN THE MORNING??

kai: idk but i genuinely cant wait to find out

Chapter Text

4 years ago...

them highschool losers i still cant shake

Wednesday 2.14am

lloyd: is it normal for a lil kid to be sittin alone in an empty subway station at 2 in the morning??

lloyd: @kai @nya @cole @jay @Zane

lloyd: @kai @nya @cole @jay @Zane

lloyd: @kai @nya @cole @jay @Zane

lloyd: @kai @nya @cole @jay @Zane guys wake uppp

2.21am

cole: ??

nya: no??

cole: which part of that sounds normal to u?

jay: i mean its not totally unheard of

jay: mybe the kids catchin like a rlly late train

lloyd: by himself??

Zane: It is not uncommon for children to take the subway and other public transport without parental supervision

lloyd: sure, but at fking 2am??

lloyd: also hes missing a shoe

lloyd: nah somethings up here

jay: hang on can we backtrack

jay: why tf u at the subway at 2am?

lloyd: no reason

nya: wtf u mean no reason??

Zane: It sounds as if there is a reason

jay: ya theres def a reason

cole: spill it lloyd whats the deal?

lloyd: js...

lloyd: reasons

jay: yea ur a terrible liar

lloyd: guys! this int about me

lloyd: kids been sittin there js starin at his hands for almost an hour

lloyd: hes got like nothing, no bags or anything

lloyd: what should i do?

lloyd: should i talk to him??

nya: how young we talkin

lloyd: idfk like 8 or 9

lloyd: he looks rlly lost

lloyd: fk this ima go talk to him

cole: dude ur a fking adult u cant go talkin to little kids in the subway at 2am

jay: srsly dude

jay: why u at the subway??

lloyd: reasons

lloyd: guys focus

lloyd: should i do something?? should i call someone?

lloyd: i saw sm rlly sketchy ppl round here in the last couple hours im concerned

lloyd: like, this is not a safe place for a lil kid to be

nya: what the subway here? in ninjago city?

nya: arent there like security guards n cameras around

nya: its a huge system??

lloyd: ...uh

lloyd: it might be possible

lloyd: that im not exactly

lloyd: ...in ninjago city

cole: ???

jay: where tf r u?? u know we have class in like 7hrs!?

kai: who TF is pinging the gc at 2am???

nya: look whos decided to join the living

kai: stfu i gotta be up smth ridiculous tmrw whts going on??

kai: hang on ima scroll

jay: @lloyd u miss another class i aint givin u my notes this time

jay: unis brutal man, ur gonna fall behind

jay: also dont u dare fckng ditch me tmrw, 

kai: WHAT THE ACTUAL FCKK LLOYD THE sUBWay?? WHERE ARE YOU??

lloyd: jeez calm down im fine

lloyd: @jay ill be there dw, it was js a quick stopover!

kai: stopover where???

lloyd: forget me, this int about me

kai: it is now, u fkning woke me up

kai: tell me where u r right now

lloyd: wait stfu theres a bunch of guys nearby in hoodies n shit

lloyd: theyre rlly loud

nya: WHERE TF R U??

lloyd: theyre lookin at the kid

lloyd: he looks rlly scared oh fuck hang on

kai: wtf u mean hang on!?

kai: @lloyd

kai: @lloyd fk skae ur freakn me out

cole: @lloyd wtfs happening??

jay: @lloyd come back!

Zane: @lloyd Please confirm you are still breathing

cole: zane! thats NOT helping

jay: @lloyd srsly nyas started stress braiding n if shes got poofy hair tmrow she gonna ax murder u

cole: fck that @lloyd is the kid ok??

kai: @lloyd aer u ok???

jay: @lloyd come back!!!

2.32am

lloyd: so quick update

lloyd: i have the kid

lloyd: ...hw many fking times u ping me??

lloyd: guys im fine quit stressing

jay: ???

jay: dont fking disappear like that!!

cole: wtf u mean u have the kid!?

nya: like u scared off the hoodies w a baseball bat n now your the kids personal subway station bodyguard????

lloyd: yeah..

lloyd: no

lloyd: what makes u think i own a baseball bat??

nya: i do

cole: ya we know

cole: last time i used my spare key in the middle of the night u clobbered my kneecap

nya: i thought u were a burglar!!

cole: i was js tryin to bring ur drunk af bf home

nya: ur the ones who left me home alone w a baseball bat

cole: u didnt wanna go out!!

cole: also never desing for u again @jay

jay: heyyy

cole: dont heyyy me, that ws the most fcking expensive des of my life

jay: i wasnt the one w the baseball bat y am i bein punished?

nya: 🤨

jay: ily nya <3

kai: GUYS! CN WE GET BACK ON TOPIC??

kai: @lloyd WHERE TF R U??

lloyd: guys im fine!

Zane: Fine is not an adequate location. Please send me your coordinates at your earliest convenience

lloyd: im not sending u my fcking coordinates, wht is this minecraft??

cole: u wanna talk minecraft?

cole: tell me where u are or im filling ur base w lava n creepers

cole: yknow

cole: the one u been workin on for like the last year n a half

lloyd: u wouldnt dare

jay: yeah u wouldnt @cole thats kinda counterproductive

jay: wouldnt the lava js burn all the creepers?

cole: stfu u know im bad at improv!

jay: wht about like if u js open the doors of all the mob farms

jay: n also hit like one llama in the llama farm

jay: watch the chaos unfold

cole: surgical i like it

nya: stop talkin fking minecraft!!

cole: mkay but @lloyd if ur next msg isnt a location im makin good

cole: say au revoir to the llama farm

lloyd: ffs FINE u fcking jerks

lloyd: im in jamanakai

cole: 😬

cole: FFS LLOYD

kai: why??

jay: wtaf u doin in jamanakai?

cole: more like WHO were u doin in jamanakai

lloyd: 😨

lloyd: COLE U FKING TRAITOR🫣

kai: wait

kai: no FCKNG way

nya: is that where SHE lives???

jay: oop @lloyd ur gettin double ax murdered

jay: oh shit nya js stormed out brb ima hide the baseball bat n the car keys

kai: WTF WERE U DOIN W HARUMI???

cole: can we get back to the case of the child lloyd js fcking kidnapped?

Zane: Yes, Lloyd where is the child?

lloyd: ayy it wasnt kidnapping!

lloyd: we're js opposite the subway at the diner

lloyd: dw hes fine

lloyd: real quiet tho

cole: maybe cos he was js fking kidnapped

lloyd: IT WAS NOT A KIDNAPPING

lloyd: like i js acted like i knew him n got him tf outta there

lloyd: called out sm rando name and told him off for runnin away

lloyd: kid seemed to realise what i was doin n played along

kai: yeah lloyd thats called kidnapping

lloyd: its not a kidnapping if he was on board w it

Zane: Incorrect. The child had no alternative. That could be interpreted as a coercive kidnapping

lloyd: zane stfu

lloyd: bunch of guys were comin toward him lookin fcking stoned, what ws i sposed to do leave him there??

kai: ok ok so youve kidnapped a child

lloyd: rescued

Zane: Kidnapped

lloyd: RESCUED

kai: ffs can we hash that out later?

kai: question is, wht are u doin w the child now??

lloyd: idfk i bought him a burger

lloyd: seems pretty hungry

lloyd: idk how long he was sittin there, he was there before i was

lloyd: wtf am i sposed to do now? call the cops?

lloyd: didnt exactly plan thi shit out

Zane: I am happy to know this was not a premeditated abduction

lloyd: FOR THE LAST TIME I DID NOT KIDNAP HIM

kai: has he said anything?

lloyd: no. but he smiled a bit n hes chowin thru that burger so

lloyd: see not a kidnapping. kids dont smile at their kidnappers

Zane: Untrue. Shall I refer you to the concept of stockholme syndrome?

lloyd: FFS ZANE NO U SHALL NOT

lloyd: could do w some advice here guys??

Zane: Turn yourself in to the police

lloyd: takin suggestions from anyone but zane which i cant believe i js said that

Zane: Perhaps because this time logic is against you

lloyd: ignoring that. anyone else??

kai: see what u can get him to tell u?

lloyd: ive tried he wont say a word

lloyd: the most i can get is small nods every now n then

lloyd: feel like im playin charades js tryn to get his name

lloyd: ive deduced it starts w A

cole: ask where his parents are??

lloyd: already did. he js shrugged

kai: like an idk or an idc shrug?

lloyd: idfk

lloyd: i also asked if he has any other fam i could call n he shook his head so

lloyd: hold up hes finished the burger ima get him another one

cole: think u gotta go to the cops dude

Zane: I agree. It is highly probable the child's parents are out looking for him

2.53am

lloyd: ok update, kid started talkin

lloyd: said his names arin n hes bout to turn 10

lloyd: asked why he was at the subway n he said his mom put him on a train from ninjago city n told him to wait for her at the other end??

cole: wait wtf???

lloyd: gets worse

lloyd: arin said it was 8pm when he got here

kai: ???

kai: how tf no one notice an abandoned kid for 6 fking hours??

cole: not noticed or not cared

lloyd: still no fkin clue whats up w the missing shoe

Zane: Could he have misplaced it on the subway?

cole: how do u misplace a shoe on the subway?? its not even an hour drive why would he even take em off?

Zane: To maximise comfort?

cole: @Zane that was 100% rhetorical

lloyd: wait guys the kid js fell asleep on my shoulder

lloyd: hes kinda adorable

kai: lloyd. u cant keep him

lloyd: but hes so cute look

lloyd attached an image

[image file: angled shot of a small boy with dark curls and an orange hoodie wedged against a green clad shoulder]

cole: 😍😍😍

cole: thats so fkin cute

cole: can we keep him??

kai: hes somebody elses child!!

lloyd: yea. somebody who left him alone in the subway of a strange suburb in the middle of the night

kai: at least tell the cops what happened?

lloyd: sure but i dont think i can move

lloyd: kids heavy

nya: @lloyd stay right fcking put im on my way

cole: oh look nyas back

lloyd: 😨

lloyd: @jay !! i thought u said u were hiding her keys??

jay: i tried, she was too quick

jay: if it makes u feel any better i managed to lock up the baseball bat

lloyd: thats not encouraging?!

jay: dw bro shes not gonna beat u up in front of a child

jay: probably

jay: idk we're on our way

jay: also omg that might js be the cutest kid ever 😍

cole: i know!!

cole: are u sure we cant keep him?

kai: im prtty fcking sure lloyd wont be allowed to keep the child he js kidnapped

lloyd: IT WAS NOT A KIDNAPPING!!!

jay: so can we keep him??

lloyd: im sure my dad could pull some strings

kai: WE CANT KEEP HIM!

Chapter Text

Thursday 7.29am

lloyd: im not gonna say it again

lloyd: stay the fuck away from my kid

11.03am

[unknown number]: i have no idea what you mean

lloyd: yes u do u fucking liar

lloyd: cops picked him up last night less than 2 blocks from your house

lloyd: doesnt take a fucking genius to put it together

lloyd: if i hear hes anywhere near u again

[unknown number]: you'll what?

lloyd: you know what

[unknown number]: you'll turn me in?

[unknown number]: no you won't

[unknown number]: because you and i both know you'll never tell

lloyd: dont be so sure

[unknown number]: oh but i am

[unknown number]: feisty little lloyd garmadon was never that bold

lloyd: you dont know a fucking thing about me

[unknown number]: i know what i know

[unknown number]: don't ever forget that

lloyd: is that a threat?

[unknown number]: well that depends

[unknown number]: does it need to be?

lloyd: fucking psycho

lloyd: dont ever drag my kid into your shit again

[unknown number]: oh come on lloyd

[unknown number]: don't pretend you're not acting in your own self interest

[unknown number]: you don't want him to know, do you

[unknown number]: you don't want him to know what you are

[unknown number]: what you did

lloyd: theres nothing to know

[unknown number]: is that right

lloyd: there is nothing to know

[unknown number]: denial is a prison lloyd

[unknown number]: it'll hold you for eternity

lloyd: fuck off

[unknown number]: if you insist

[unknown number]: you can only lead a horse to water i suppose

lloyd: what so you can fucking drown it??

[unknown number]: uncalled for

[unknown number]: don't ever say i never tried to do anything for you

lloyd: come near my kid again ill fucking drown you

[unknown number]: thats the spirit i remember

[unknown number]: however undeserved

[unknown number]: i didn't do anything

[unknown number]: arin came to me

lloyd: liar

lloyd: he wouldnt do that

[unknown number]: oh give it a rest garmadon

[unknown number]: your kid is no angel

lloyd: he was fine til he started spending time w the devil

[unknown number]: on that we agree

[unkown number]: he was such a sweet kid before he met you

lloyd: fuck off you insufferable son of a

lloyd: wait

lloyd: what did you just say??

[unknown number]: 😏

lloyd: ????

[unknown number]: nice talkin to you lloyd

lloyd: RAS WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY

This message could not be delivered

Chapter Text

best cousins fr

Thursday 2.11pm

arin: guess whos getting a job

sora: yea. to pay lloyd back for the ridiculous fine u racked up last night

arin: it wasn't thaaat bad

sora: i saw the papers on the kitchen table, u aint slick

sora: $500?! wtaf arin??

arin: shit thought i hallucinated that

wyfy: oh u are so dead

arin: i didnt do anything!

wyfy: u got black out drunk and laid waste to a stop sign

arin: how tf u know that

arin: it was like 6hrs ago??

wyfy: i know all

wyfy: also kais laughing himself to tears at the dining table

wyfy: so theres that

sora: arent u at school?

wyfy: nah

wyfy: robys sick

sora: ??

sora: i dont see the relevance?

wyfy: well obvs i pulled a sickie so we could facetime n binge squid game

wyfy: did u know u can fake a temp by piling heatpacks under the blankets

arin: or u can js run the thermometer under hot water

arin: works every time

wyfy: who has a thermometer anymore? kai js feels my forehead not realising how fking hot his hands always are

wyfy: i aint tellin him

sora: u two are incorrigible

wyfy: tf does that mean?

sora: if u didnt skip u might know

arin: ouchh

arin: @wyfy since when do u watch squid game

wyfy: idfk roby likes the tournament vibe

wyfy: since when does lloyd let u skip

sora: since arin came in the door at 7am w the hangover to end all hangovers n i choked on my cereal

arin: its not that funny

sora: will be when lloyd toasts u alive

arin: ...toast?

sora: ya. slower. more heat. more intense. more painful probably

wyfy: i heard heat

wyfy: ill get the matches

arin: woah! no ones burning anyone

arin: probably

arin: lloyds too nice to punish me

arin: im js a lil angel w a tragic background

sora: u yeeted a stop sign outta the ground and hauled ass to ras house

sora: yknow. the ras lloyd specifically told u to stay away from after the incident last year

sora: they were like in school together or smth, lloyd knows hes bad news

sora: once is a mistake, twice is a choice

arin: 😢

sora: dont pull that face, im on lloyds side here

sora: may i remind u u spent half of last night in jail??

arin: 3 hrs. i spent 3 hrs in the WAITING ROOM

arin: wasnt jail

sora: sure

sora: lloyd still had to come get u it counts

sora: by extention lloyd waited 3 hours in the waiting room

arin: u dont have to remind me

arin: most stressful 3 hrs of my life

arin: we js sat there in silence

arin: well he did

arin: think i spent most of that time hunched over a sick bag

arin: never drinkn like that agin

sora: at least something got into ur thick skull

wyfy: js outta curiosity

wyfy: how tf u carry a stop sign?

sora: dont encourage him!!

wyfy: im not!

wyfy: but fr

wyfy: we talkin baseball bat or javelin kinda situation?

wyfy: cos those things weigh a ton

sora: why do u know that??

sora: actually dont tell me i dont wanna know

sora: anymore exposure to this stupidity i might start losing brain cells

sora: @arin tell me u didnt fuck up the pavement

arin: i didnt!

arin: actually

arin: fuck knows last nights a blank

sora: thats not super encouraging

arin: i aspire to be as unencouraging as ethically possible

wyfy: no shit

sora: fuck ethics, fuck the pavement, fuck you

sora: why do u do this shit?!

arin: idfk i was bored

sora: u were bored

sora: an thats enough reason to get lloyd hyperstressed??

sora: yk hes got an exam in like four days right

arin: he didnt have to come get me

sora: ya he did

sora: cops told him so

sora: u dont argue w cops

wyfy: int his dad a cop?

sora: sure. but hes in a diff sector

sora: an hes not gonna bail u out even if he could

arin: lloyd argues w him all the time

sora: its his dad, dads are meant to belittle their kids so

arin: uh

arin: no theyre not

sora: well they fucking do

sora: imagine what he'll say when he finds out u were in jail

arin: wasnt jail

sora: well whatever it fucking was

sora: hows that gonna look for lloyd?

sora: have u met his dad hes fucking scarier than mine

wyfy:...ok there sora?

sora: yea

sora: on scnd thought lets go get ice cream

arin: yesss

sora: not u

sora: pretty sure your grounded for eternity

arin: idfk

arin: havnt seen lloyd since last night n he didnt say much

arin: js looked very disappointed n called cole n geo to babysit

sora: wait cole n geo are here??

arin: ya. last i saw they were makin out on the sofa so

sora: yech

arin: im not convinced they know theyre babysitting

arin: like

arin: theyre really goin at it

arin: fuck that ima be sick

sora: on that horrifying note im outta here

arin: take me with you!!

sora:@wyfy girls trip ice cream lets go

wyfy: FUCK

wyfy: js rememberd im sick. kai wont let me leave

wyfy: soraa bring me ice cremamm

arin: and me!!!!!

arin: the mirgaine it hursts

arin: ice crema fixes all

wyfy: yea imaginary fever too

wyfy: save us soraaaa

sora: fuck it

sora: u guys brought this on yourselves

sora: ima hit up euphrasia

sora: later losers

arin: nooo @sora come backkk

3.28pm

sora: how tf euphrasia get in trouble?

wyfy: ??

sora: i js txted her n like, she said her parents are mad n she got grounded for a month but wont tell me why??

wyfy: i thought her parents were away n that lame emo cousin was babystting or smth

sora: yea well. whatever happened her parents came back

sora: i dont get it

sora: shes like the sweetest person ever??

arin: ...

arin: she mighta picked me up from ras

arin: and insist we put the stop stign back

arin: and then the cops show up

wyfy: fuckk man

wyfy: u got euphrasia arrested!??

arin: technically she got me arrested so

arin: does that mean i get ice crema?

sora: fuck sake arin

arin: what??

arin: whatd i do?

sora: U GOT EUPHRASIA ARRESTED

arin: yea but like

arin: she dint get a fine so

sora: ffs

sora: im bringin her ice cream for the sole purpose of preserving our friendship

arin: whatre u sayin? too many big owrds for my poor pounding head

sora:i said go back to sleep dumbass

sora: maybe all this shit is a glitch in ur programming n u js need a reset

arin: rude

arin: @wyfy put squid game away soras bullying me

wyfy: spaced for a sec there

wyfy: the marble game

wyfy: i am shook

wyfy: @sora only ice cream can fix this

sora: ...

sora: rocky road?

wyfy: always 🙃

arin: what!?

arin: why does she get ice cream??

sora: thats easy

sora: she didnt get euphrasia arrested

wyfy: alis face i cant

wyfy: sang woo u ASSHOLE

arin: huh?

arin: whats a sang woo

arin: am i sang woo?

sora: no dumbass ur ali

sora: clearly youve lost all ur marbles

arin: what marbles

arin: i dont understnad

arin: ive never seen squid game

sora: perfect

sora: youll have plenty time to catch up while ur grounded for eternity

Chapter Text

core 4 gc 6? i think? idk jays lost count

Thursday 4.19pm

Zane: Friends

Zane: I am in need of advice

Zane: What is the social protocol for confronting hooded miscreants who may or may not be armed?

cole: ???

kai: just dont??

Zane: I'm afraid I must

Zane: They have taken my fiance

Zane: They have also taken my car keys

jay: wait what

kai: whyy wouldnt u lead w that??

Zane: That would be a direct contravention to sustainable conversation etiquette

kai: zane buddy there are no texting rules

Zane: I am not sure that I agree

Zane: Nevertheless, I believe in establishing context

jay: well context fucking established!!

cole: run after them!?

Zane: I am afraid that is not possible

Zane: They have stolen my motor vehicle from the airport parking lot

Zane: I am currently in the trunk

cole: now THAT is how u establish context

kai: zane?? wtf!?

kai: ur locked in the trunk??

jay: is it

jay: like

jay: consensual

cole: wtaf jay

cole: course it isnt!

jay: ok ok i js wanted to clear that up

jay: @lloyd did u kidnap zane

jay: cos like, no hate if u did

jay: @lloyd??

kai: js bc he kidnapped arin doesnt make him the first suspect

cole: yea it does

cole: @lloyd own up dude where u takin him

cole: @lloyd??

jay: sounds like guilty silence to me

kai: heyy his kid js spent the night in jail give him a break

Zane: Truthfully, you are all mistaken

Zane: Pixal has been kidnapped

Zane: I, however, are what you might call a stowaway

jay: ??

cole: zane wtf?

kai: how??

Zane: That is quite simple

Zane: The assailants struck whilst I was busy putting our luggage in the trunk and Pixal was already in the passenger seat

Zane: Therefore, when the engine started, the only logical course of action was to throw myself into the trunk

Zane: It is what any devoted husband-to-be would do in my situation

kai: not sure thats true

kai: @jay would u be willing to be kidnapped for my sister

jay: i mean if i had to be for sure

jay: hold up

jay: was that a blessing to propose

jay: cos like

kai: NO IT FUCKNG WASNT

jay: jeez ok

jay: worth a shot

kai: try it an you'll be the one shot

cole: guys i think nyas also in this chat?

jay: oh shit

jay deleted a message

kai: hbu @cole? would u get kidnapped for geo?

cole: fck yeah i would

kai: idiots the lot of ya

cole: damn sky rlly found a diamond in u

kai: stfu she loves me

jay: or does she js love ur kid

jay: an ur js, yknow, there

kai: @jay

kai: disrespectfully

kai: fuck off

cole: guys?? zane in a trunk?? anything??

jay: oh right

jay: @lloyd i amend my accusation

jay: @lloyd did u kidnap pix??

jay: and if so, why?

jay: like ik she makes the best brownies but like

jay: i find manners are usually enough

jay: @lloyd??

cole: wait a sec

cole: guys lloyds not even in this group

jay: huh?

cole: nya for sure is tho

cole: hey @nya where u at??

kai: wait wait whys lloyd not in the chat??

Zane: He should be. Is this not our old high school group chat?

cole: wait yea it is what gives?

jay: ohhh i remember

jay: this the chat we had bfore lloyd joined us

jay: yknow back when he ws all emo n shit

kai: oh yeahh almost forgot that

kai: dont miss those days

cole: dint he use to hang out w that ras dude?

cole: yknow that older kid w the mega sharp teeth??

jay: no one has mega sharp teeth

kai: this guy does trust

kai: prolly files em for fun

kai: huge furry vibes fr

Zane: Could we please return to the initial topic of conversation?

jay: oh right

jay: how u hangin in zane?

Zane: Not well

Zane: I was not successful in putting any of the luggage into the car

Zane: There is very little to hang on to

Zane: On that note, would someone be kind enough to retrieve our suitcases from the airport parking lot?

Zane: That is, assuming they are still there

kai: zane buddy this is ninjago city

kai: that shits long gone

Zane: That is unfortunate

Zane: The ring I bought for Pixal was in my suitcase

cole: u bought a ring!? without me??

cole: zane!!

cole: wtf! im ur best man!

cole: were sposed to do that shit together!!

Zane: I was under the impression that Lloyd is my best man

jay: hate to break it to u dude

jay: real best man dont kidnap the bride before the wedding

kai: wait wait we havent established lloyd as the culprit yet

kai: feel like maybe we should be a lil more concerned than we are

jay: im sorry its hard to be worried when the one actually in the trunk isnt worried

Zane: On the contrary

Zane: I am terrified

kai: ??

kai: then why u showin zero emotion!?

Zane: Emotion is a matter of perception which is difficult to convey via instant messages

cole: im thinkin it might be time to introduce zane to emojis

Zane: I am familiar with the concept of emoticons

Zane: However, I choose not to use them

jay: u totally should

kai: @Zane do me a favor rl quick

kai: go into emojis and pick 3 to describe how ur feeling rn

Zane: 💯🥷💍

kai: ...

cole: my man

cole: i dont think u understood the assignment

jay: ya dude wtf does that mean

jay: ur feelin 100% like a ninja w a wedding ring??

Zane: Incorrect

Zane: I am terrified, I am stealthy like a ninja and I lament the loss of Pixal's wedding ring

cole: why the 100??

Zane: My stress levels are approaching critical mass

jay: yea man thats not what that means

kai: @Zane js one more

kai: for good measure

Zane: ⏳

cole: is that an hourglass?? why?

Zane: I fear I am running out of oxygen

kai: ok i think its time to call someone

4.55pm

Zane: I think the vehicle has parked

Zane: I can hear footsteps

nya: sup dudes

nya: man havent had a ping from this chat in yrs

nya: whats goin on and why dont we want lloyd to know

cole: uhh

kai: we're... dissing harumi again?

Zane: I am in the trunk

nya: ??

nya: of jays car?

kai: huh?

cole: jays the culprit!!

kai: i knew it!

jay: wait what no im not

jay: im literally at work??

kai: playing video games?

jay: testing. i test video games

jay: its an honest profession

jay: like we've got this super awesome open world rpg in the works rn

jay: have u ever wanted to know what its like to be a centipede

cole: negatory

kai: not even once

nya: jay!!!

nya: i told u to pick up zane!

jay: what? when!

nya: literally 3hrs ago??

nya: if zanes not in ur trunk whose trunk is it!?

Zane: It is mine

nya: huh?

nya: but im driving ur car??

nya: ur in the fucking trunk!?

nya: JAY

jay: whatd i do??

nya: i told u me n sky were takin pix out for a girls weekend!

nya: and i told u to tell zane u were getting him from the airport!

cole: is this how we take friends out now?

nya: it is when u know theyre so inseparably attached to their other half they wont come willingly

nya: subterfuge was required

kai: so zane in the trunk wasnt part of the plan??

nya: NO ONE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE TRUNK

nya: ZANE WSA SUPPOSED TO BE IN JAYS CAR

nya: I TOLD U TO GET GIM

jay: nuh uh i was

jay: ah

jay: no your right u did tell me that

jay: here it is in my phone

jay: mb

nya: 😡

jay: if its any consolation ily and id happily be kidnapped for u <3

nya: 🤬

kai: see @Zane thats how u use an emoji

cole: ooh quick @Zane take notes

cole: ...@Zane??

kai: oh shit

kai: hey sis mind poppin the trunk? i think zane passed out

nya: 😤

nya: jay get in ur fuckin car and come get zane

jay: im at work i cant!!

nya: well we are NOT drivin all the way back to the city

nya: we're shopping for pix's dress and zane is so not invited

nya: one of u morons come get him

kai: id love to

kai: rlly i would but wyfys sick so

nya: cole??

cole: srry im babysitting

jay: huh??

jay: who in their right mind trusted u w their children??

cole: har har

cole: geos here too

cole: we're at lloyds

kai: ??

kai: where tf is lloyd??

cole: idfk he js said hed be a couple hrs and left

cole: tho i think sora went to see euphrasia but arins here

cole: come to think of it hes been quiet for a while

kai: dude

kai: arin is never quiet

cole: shit your right ima go check on that rl quick

nya: JAY GET IN THE CAR

nya: SKY PIX AN I ARE STANDNIG OVER A VERY DELIRIOUS ZANE IT LOOKS LIKE A CRIME SCENE

jay: aright ok im comin send me the address

jay: js for the record

jay: ily bby pls dont murder me <3

5.12pm

cole: FUCK

cole: IVE LOST ARIN

kai: what do u mean u lost him!?

kai: u literally had one job??

cole: HE WRNT OUT THE WINDOW THE SNEAK

cole: SHIT LLOYDS GONNA KILL ME

cole: SOMOENE HELP ME FIND HIM!!

kai: srry man cant leave the house

cole: TELL ME WHERE HE MIGHT GO??

kai: idfk

cole: ASK WYFY??

kai: fine

5.15pm

kai: yea nope she was no help

kai: someone tell me who or what a sang woo is??

kai: shes cursin him out like a lot

cole: AND UR LETTING HER??

kai: hey now

kai: im not certain ur in a position to judge

kai: im not the one who lost a whole fucking kid

cole: FUCK OGG

kai: lloyd said kid ws like hungover as fuck cant have gone far

cole: HE MADE IT OUT A 2ND STROY WINDOW HES CLEARLY DOIN OK

kai: point taken

kai: look on the bright side

cole: I DONT FKCING SEE ONE

kai: i sure do

kai: js found the perfect bday gift for lloyd

kai: im gettin him a fucking tracking chip for that kid

Chapter Text

Thursday 6.23pm

sora: did u tell lloyd where i am?

arin: what? fuck no havent even seen him

arin: why u worried ur not even grounded??

sora: im not worried im confused

sora: hes not been home?

arin: not that i know?

sora: ??

sora: arent u home?

arin: sure i am

sora: arin istg if ur at ras again

arin: what no cmon im not that stupid

arin: probably

arin: have u no faith in ur bestest best friend

sora: none zilch zip zero

arin: 🥺

arin: that hurts

sora: it should

sora: where r u

arin: percivals

sora: 🫩

arin: no srsly i am swearsies

sora: u arent known for keepin to swearsies

arin: look ill send proof

arin: percival says hi

sora: we rlly need to redefine ur conceptualization of proof

arin: wtf u sayin? concewhat?

arin: still hungover as fuck sffora

sora: its been a literal day??

arin: ayyy ive come a long way from this monrnin

arin: les not throw shade on my progress

sora: u seem to be typin ok??

arin: ikr super hungover me is weirdly literate

arin: not very coordinated tho

arin: bruised my fuking knee on the drainpipe

arin: an theres a lil man w a jackhammer in my skull so

sora: ??

sora: yknow what idc

arin: 🥲

sora: why tf u at percivals

arin: cos the uncles be makin out on the sofa

arin: or they were when i 007'd down the drainpipe

arin: highkey toxic environment for terribly hungover children

sora: ??

arin: me im the hungover children

arin: js couldnt be endured

sora: theres so much wrong with the last six things u said ima ignore it all

arin: ??

arin: jmes bond?? hello? nothing?

arin: uncultured

sora: stfu least ive seen squid game

arin: ouch

arin: also its percivals bday so

arin: yknow

arin: lowkey forgot

sora: cant imagine why

sora: rlly going for friend of the year w that one

arin: sfine i told him the gift got lost in teh mail

sora: so original

arin: ayy he believed me so

arin: now i gotta actually get somethin fuck

sora: wait huh?

sora: euphrasia says percivals bday not for another month??

sora: whatre u tryin to pull??

arin: fuuuck forgot there friends

arin: ngl we gonna need a bigger friend circle

sora: hurtful

sora: why u actin sus??

arin: me? sus? nahhh

arin: this totally normal for super hungover me

arin: maybe

arin: gotta be honest never met super hungover me

arin: i dont like him

sora: ...

sora: where tf r u idiot?

arin: ...mcdonalds?

sora: we dont fucking have a mcdonalds

arin: we dont??

arin: FUCK super hungober me is a fuckign noob

arin: ahem

arin: im at the supermarket

sora: fuck sake im not doin this w u rn

sora: ANYWAY

sora: did u tell lloyd where i am??

arin: already said i didnt??

sora: cos like he js pulled into the drive

sora: hes waiting by the car should i go out??

arin: sure

arin: ur funeral

sora: stfu he loves me

sora: ur the one he mad at

arin: hes not mad hes

arin: processing trauma

arin: yea that sounds right

sora: thats not better??

sora: wait huh? wtf?

arin: ??

sora: euphrasias emo cousin js went out to him

sora: whats his name again?

arin: marvin

sora: i will slap you

arin: no no i rlly think its marvin

sora: its morro dumbass euphrasia says

arin: i still think its marvin

sora: hes literally her cousin i think she knows his name?

arin: not so

arin: wyfys our cousin we dont know her real name

sora: arin thats completely different

sora: wyfy doesnt know her rl name how could we know it

sora: its apples and oranges

arin: i dont think her rl name is apples and oranges

arin: js sayin

sora: ffs its a saying

arin: i dont like oranges

sora: and i dont like when u play dumb so

sora: anyway

sora: theyre talkin

arin: who?

sora: lloyd n emo dude ffs keep up

sora: looks tense as fuck

sora: im so confused why they talkin??

sora: shit i htink morro js invited him in

arin: marvin

sora: YES MARVIN OK WHATEVER

sora: whats ur take??

sora: whys he w marvin?

arin: uhh

arin: lloyd owes him a shit ton of money for a bar tab?

sora: arin if ur gonna spin a story least make it believable

arin: fine

arin: lloyd lookin for tips on how to go emo?

arin: personal tattooist?

arin: patron saint to the dark arts?

sora: ffs forget i asked

sora: they dont even know each other right??

sora: they lookin all secretive

arin: like me james bonding it out my window or

sora: like theyre literally sitting in marvins car in the driveway

sora: i think theyre arguing

arin: whoa rlly??

arin: cos like

arin: lloyd doesnt argue w anyone

sora: shittt

sora: he looks real fucking mad

arin: who lloyd? pfft

arin: he doesnt do mad

arin: if he did i sure as hell woulda seen it by now

sora: stfu this int about u

sora: oh shit i think lloyd js flipped him off

arin: oh?

sora: ya

sora: now they shovin like 2nd graders

sora: they gonna punch on fr

arin: no way

arin: still think the bar tabs a stretch??

sora: wait no nvm

sora: false alarm

sora: marvins reachin in the glove compartment

arin: whats he got?

sora: idfk i cant see that well

arin: then get better eyes

sora: fuck off

arin: whats happening now??

sora: they talking

sora: marvin looks pissed

sora: lloyd js took something off marvin

sora: oop marvins yelling again and

sora: OH SHFIFTTT WHAT!??

arin: ???

sora: DUDE UR NOT GONNA BELIEVE THSI

sora: LLOYD JS FUCKIN SOCKED MARVIN IN THE EYE

arin: WHAT NO FR???

sora: REAL

sora: fuck that was some right hook

sora: YEES SOCK IT MARVIN!

arin: ??

arin: u switched up rl quick

sora: eh

sora: if lloyds punchin someone im bettin he deserved it

arin: i cant bet u have my allowance 🥲

sora: and arent we all better for it

sora: but fr

sora: didnt know lloyd had it in him

sora: good on im

sora: best get on the straight n narrow huh arin

arin: wheres the fun in that

sora: smh

sora: marvin gonna feel that in the mornin

arin: he goin emo fr

arin: black eye n all

sora: oh shiittt marvins swingin back

sora: YOOO SHOULDA SEEN THAT DODGE MANNN

sora: RIP MARVIN

sora: LLOYD LIKE SM KARATE PRO OR SMTH THAT WAS SIIICK

arin: i mean his dad is a cop

arin: int his uncle a monk or smth??

sora: idfk whats that matter

sora: monks dont fight

sora: wait stfu

arin: didnt say anything??

arin: whats happening???

sora: shsuh cant type n listen

arin: ???

arin: soraaa jackhammer skull man dont like suspense

sora: i siad stfu

sora: they both yellin now

sora: shiittttt

arin: what they sayin??

arin: @sora ??

arin: ur killin me

arin: n if i die ima haunt u fr

arin: youll be stuck w me forever an then ill haunt ur ghost

arin: @sora ???

6.38pm

arin: ???

arin: @sora come back wtfs going on???

arin: @sora

arin: @sora

arin: @sora

arin: come back or im goin to see ras

sora: wtf arin??

arin: i knew u were there!

sora: stfu im in the closet w euphrasia

arin: ??

arin: i mean good for u ig?

sora: get ur head outta the gutter

sora: we're in the closet in the garage

arin: weirdly specific but i ship it

sora: fuck off

sora: we can hear the argument better from here

sora: think marvin dumber than u he left the window cracked

arin: u and euphrasia? eavesdropping? 😮

sora: stfu u cant talk

sora: like ever

arin: whats goin on?? what they sayin??

sora: ...

sora: lloyds sayin...

sora: what the fuck

sora: hes sayin

sora: we gotta bury the evidence

Chapter Text

12 years ago...

Thursday 6th March 11.14pm

Lloyd: are you gay?

Morro: Excuse me??

Lloyd: cos like no judgement if you are

Lloyd: I just wanna know

Morro: Why the fuck are you asking that?

Lloyd: no reason

Morro: And why the fuck you still awake?? Ffs go to bed!

Lloyd: better question

Lloyd: why the fuck did Wu put you in charge

Lloyd: your like the worst babysitter ever

Lloyd: I coulda set the house on fire you know

Lloyd: I coulda been ax murdered

Lloyd: I coulda cracked open the liquor cabinet and invited the whole school over to get fucking wasted

Morro: Fuck sake Lloyd your twelve!

Lloyd: fourteen :(

Morro: Same difference

Morro: And its Wu's house there is no liquor cabinet!

Morro: And if anyones gonna ax murder you its sure as hell gonna be me

Morro: And STOP WITH THE SWEARING your gonna get me fucking nuked!

Lloyd: then maybe you should stop hypocrite

Lloyd: also who's the dude with the tats

Lloyd: he seems chill

Lloyd: wait are you fucking smoking!?

Morro: ?!!

Morro: Where are you!?

Lloyd: oh this is too good

Lloyd: smile for the camera :D

Morro: LLOYD ISTG

Lloyd: jeez dont be so paranoid

Lloyd: your secrets safe with me

Lloyd: if you get me the new limited edition starfarer that is

Morro: GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE RIGHT NOW

Lloyd: nah I'm comfy here

Lloyd: just got some good quality blackmail sucker

Lloyd: ooh this place got free wifi rad

Morro: LLOYD

Lloyd: your boyfriend looks pissed

Morro: HES NOT MY

Morro: FFS

Morro: LLOYD ISTG IF YOUR NOT HERE IN FIVE SECONDS

Lloyd: how bout this. I'll tell you where I am...

Lloyd: if you drive me n brad to the starfarer convention next week

Morro: You fucking brat

Morro: FINE just get over here before

Lloyd: FUCK

Morro: ???

Lloyd: ok dont freak out

Lloyd: but it might be possible that

Morro: FUCK DADS HOME

Morro: YOU TRIPPED THE CAMERA FUCK LLOYD

Morro: SHIT NOW WERE BOTH GROUNDED

Lloyd: theres a... camera?

Morro: YOU FUCKING AMATEUR

Morro: THIS IS WHY YOU DONT SNEAK OUT

Morro: FUCKING HELL

Lloyd: so about that convention

Morro: >:(

Tuesday 3rd April 3.18pm

Lloyd: come get me

Morro: Excuse me?

Lloyd: mom forgot me again

Lloyd: its fucking raining come get me

Morro: Why can't your uncle?

Lloyd: idfk he wont answer

Lloyd: come get me

Morro: Ever heard of manners?

Lloyd: ever heard of hypothermia? because uncle Wu wont be happy if I get it

Lloyd: morrooooo

Lloyd: come get me before I start hitchhiking

Morro: Dont you fucking dare, dad will kill me

Morro: Remember the incident last month?

Morro: I was grounded for a week

Lloyd: maybe you shouldnta left a child alone in the city in the middle of the night

Morro: You werent supposed to be there!

Morro: You're the one who was stalking me!!

Morro: And you were fucking fourteen

Morro: Not my fault they baby you like that

Lloyd: oh look a windowless white van

Lloyd: one sec ima wave it down

Morro: FUCK you insufferable toad

Morro: Dont you fucking dare

Morro: I'm NOT taking another grounding because of you

Lloyd: then you better be quick

Morro: ...

Morro: Where are you

Lloyd: where they fucking left me? Darkleys??

Morro: You make it sound like an accident

Lloyd: I'm not convinced it wasn't

Lloyd: I'm an angel I dont belong in this shithole

Morro: What'd you do that was so bad they sent you there in the first place

Lloyd: a series of unfortunate events you will NEVER hear a word of

Morro: color me intrigued

Lloyd: oh fuck the principals coming

Morro: Why is that a bad thing?

Lloyd: no reason

Lloyd: I'll just be hiding in the dumpster txt when your here

Morro: You're meant to be in detention arent you

Lloyd: what nooo

Morro: What'd you do this time?

Lloyd: nothing!!

Lloyd: ...much

Morro: ...

Lloyd: it wasnt my fault!

Lloyd: Gene made me do it!

Morro: Do what?

Lloyd: nuh uh thats all your getting from me

Lloyd: just come get meee

Morro: Maybe I should let you suffer in the dumpster for a while

Lloyd: you could do that yeah

Lloyd: or I could show uncle Wu the pic I took of u smoking ;)

Morro: Conniving little brat

Morro: You are the literal devil incarnate

Lloyd: I prefer the term resourceful :D

Friday 15th June 2.51pm

Lloyd: whatd you get my uncle for fathers day?

Morro: Huh?

Lloyd: just wanna know so we dont double dip

Lloyd: I got him... tada

Lloyd: nothing

Morro: How quaint

Lloyd: which brings me to my next point

Morro: Kill me now

Lloyd: I propose we go shopping. Today

Lloyd: theres this sale on at that stupid tea shop he likes

Morro: Then go

Lloyd: love to

Lloyd: two problems

Lloyd: one, I'm fourteen and dont have a license

Lloyd: two, I'm fourteen and dont have a job

Lloyd: ergo, I'm fourteen and totally broke

Morro: Three, your fourteen and deathly scared of the tea lady

Lloyd: AM NOT

Morro: ARE TOO

Lloyd: NO IM NOTTT

Morro: Really?

Morro: Who called who crying that theyd had a dream the little old tea lady was an evil demon sent to poison you like fucking snow white

Lloyd: I was SEVEN

Lloyd: its not MY fault shes so creepy

Lloyd: and I dont think shes forgiven me for slamming the door in her face when she showed up at home with a basket of apples that one time

Lloyd: fuck it

Lloyd: morroooo save me from the tea ladys wrath

Morro: Not my problem

Lloyd: lets remember that handy bit of blackmail I've got shall we

Morro: HA

Morro: Not gonna work anymore brat

Morro: Wu fucking found my cigs in the drawer last month you got nothin

Morro: Why'd you think I was grounded again?

Lloyd: I could think of a few reasons

Morro: >:(

Lloyd: morrooo

Lloyd: theres a party at brads next weekend I gotta be in uncle Wu's good graces

Morro: Oh well that changes everything

Morro: Still not my problem

Lloyd: hmph

Lloyd: okay fine

Lloyd: I'll just ask Ras to drive me

Morro: FUCK Lloyd dont do that!

Lloyd: why not? isnt he your friend?

Morro: He's...

Morro: FUCK he's...

Morro: It doesnt matter

Morro: Just dont EVER get in a fucking car with him

Lloyd: thats not a solid answer

Morro: I hate you so much

Lloyd: jeez maybe I should call Ras

Lloyd: least hes nice

Morro: DONT!!

Lloyd: I dont see the big deal

Lloyd: its just Ras

Lloyd: we hang out all the time

Morro: YOU WHAT??

Lloyd: dont freak out or anything jeez

Morro: FUCK SAKE you insufferable brat

Morro: I'll get you after school just DONT call Ras

Thursday 23rd August 1.24am

Lloyd: what the fuck just happened??

Lloyd: are you ok???

Lloyd: MORRO answer me damnit!!

Lloyd: MORRO ISTG

Morro: Where are you?

Lloyd: son of a

Lloyd: dont DO that are you ok??

Morro: Lloyd where the fuck are you?

Lloyd: the the mall parking lot a couple blocsk away

Lloyd: best st I think

Morro: Stay right there I'm coming

Lloyd: hurry

Lloyd: morro I'm scared

1.28am

Lloyd: MORRO HURRY TF UP!!

1.30am

Morro: THAT WASNT ME

Lloyd: WHAT??

Morro: FUCK

Morro: RUN LLOYD

Morro: GO HOME. NOW

Lloyd: WHY?? WHTA HAPPENED??

Lloyd: IS RAS

Morro: DONT ASK QUETIONS JUST FUCKING RUN

2.41am

Morro: TELL ME YOUR HOME

Lloyd: JUst got here

Lloyd: morro I'm really fucking scared

Lloyd: should I call the police??

Morro: ARE YOU FUCIING INSNE??

Morro: NO Lloyd listen to me

Morro: Lock all the doors and windows. Throw all the clothes your wearing in the trash. Take the sim out of your phone and get rid of it

Lloyd: ??

Lloyd: the phone or the sim??

Morro: BOTH

Lloyd: where are you???

Morro: I'm handling it

Lloyd: HANDLING WHAT???

Morro: FUCK Lloyd dont ask questions

Morro: Just go to bed

Morro: Go to school in the morning like usual

Morro: Because NOTHING happened tongiht

Morro: You hear me?! NOTHING

Lloyd: But I

Morro: Just fucking say it Lloyd

Morro: Tell me what happened tongiht

Lloyd: ...

Lloyd: nothing

Lloyd: nothing happened

Sunday 9th September 4.08am

Lloyd: Morro?

Lloyd: I can't sleep

Lloyd: its too quiet

Lloyd: I dont know what to do

Lloyd: I finally got outta Darkleys

Lloyd: apparently wu doesnt think its the best influence for me right now

Lloyd: what a joke

Lloyd: least I'm going to public school now thank god

Lloyd: made a new friend today, I think youd like her

Lloyd: shes fiery like you

Lloyd: loyal too

4.48am

Lloyd: fuck this isnt how it was supposed to go

Lloyd: what am I supposed to do now?

Lloyd: I cant talk to anyone about this

5.01am

Lloyd: morro I'm scared

Lloyd: really wish you were here

6.32am

Lloyd: for what its worth... I'm sorry

Lloyd: just please tell me you're okay

You can no longer send messages to this number

Chapter Text

Friday 6.26pm

[redacted]: stiix, sunday 8pm, you know where

[redacted]: we're ending this

[redacted]: not a fucking word to anyone

[redacted]: bring the thing

[redacted]: codename Imperium

[redacted]: we do this my way, you get your answers

[redacted]: istg if you're a no show deals off

Chapter Text

Baking for dummies

Friday 7.21pm

chilichocfruitcake shared a link

chilichocfruitcake: oh wow guys check out how easy this pie looks!

chilichocfruitcake attached (7) images

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[pecan_pie_3.png]

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[pecan_pie_5.png]

[pecan_pie_6.png]

chilichocfruitcake: alrighty subterfuge planted

chilichocfruitcake: guys the girls are waaay outta town

chilichocfruitcake: u know what that means??

blueberryjam: 😃😃😃

blueberryjam: ITS DUMB SHIT O CLOCK

blueberryjam: ILL GET THE EXPLOSIVES

crisscrossapplesauce: oooh what are they for

chilichocfruitcake: ok so remember that theoretical discussion we were having last time?

crisscrossapplesauce: not in the slightest

blueberryjam: dude howww??

blueberryjam: we were up like a full night talkin bout it

allkindzacake: it was like six months ago tbf

chilichocfruitcake: aright aright

chilichocfruitcake: so remember how cole cooked us that godawful turkey last thanksgiving

allkindzacake: hey!!

blueberryjam: ugh how could anyone forget

blueberryjam: i was sick for like a week afterward

allkindzacake: thats because you ate half the stuffing before it was cooked!

blueberryjam: because i wasnt sure it ever WOULD be cooked

allkindzacake: 🥲

chilichocfruitcake: anyway, I said yor forger could cook it better so

crisscrossapplesauce: who?

blueberryjam: the chick from the you-as-a-spy anime

crisscrossapplesauce: the what now?

blueberryjam: yknow loid forger twilight n his pink haired telepathic daughter?

blueberryjam: it was too perfect we literally binged it

crisscrossapplesauce: ...

crisscrossapplesauce: soras not telepathic... i think

chilichocfruitcake: ANYWAY

chilichocfruitcake: somehow that conversation led to the question of how much firepower could cook a thanksgiving turkey

chilichocfruitcake: THAT conversation escalated to where cole bet us hed never cook again if we could prove a ten ton explosion could cook a turkey better than him

chilichocfruitcake: henceforth were on a mission to never let cole cook again

chilichocfruitcake: mythbusters style

allkindzacake: hurtful

crisscrossapplesauce: u had me at explosives

chilichocfruitcake: 😎

blueberryjam: this gonna be epic!!

blueberryjam: dad says we can use the junkyard😄

crisscrossapplesauce: litttt

icecream: I do not recall consenting to any demolition in this group chat

allkindzacake: zane its a turkey, how much demolition are u expecting??

blueberryjam: an exploding turkey

crisscrossapplesauce: TURKEY GUTS XD

icecream: Nor do I recall agreeing to this name

allkindzacake: stfu its perfect

icecream: It does not adhere to grammatical conventions

chilichocfruitcake: ffs someone capitalize it before zane malfunctions

blueberryjam: ur the admin??

chilichocfruitcake: no lloyd is

chilichocfruitcake: @crisscrossapplesauce

chilichocfruitcake: icecream wants a capital

crisscrossapplesauce: sure how tf i do that?

allkindzacake: are u fr?

blueberryjam: who tf made him admin?? hes so bad at it

crisscrossapplesauce: no no ill get it

crisscrossapplesauce has added wyfy to the chat

blueberryjam: huh???

chilichocfruitcake: wtf dude??

wyfy: who tf are u guys?

wyfy: whats a chilichocfruitcake sounds lit

chilichocfruitcake: since when u have whatsapp??

wyfy: since robys fam invited me to family chat who r u ppl fr??

allkindzacake: oml

blueberryjam: @crisscrossapplesauce what gives??

crisscrossapplesauce: oop my bad wrong button

crisscrossapplesauce has removed wyfy from the chat

blueberryjam: phew that was close

crisscrossapplesauce: what was close?

chilichocfruitcake: are u fr??

chilichocfruitcake: she finds out what were up to she'll tell on me to sky

crisscrossapplesauce: and... whta is it were up to?

blueberryjam: dumb shit

allkindzacake: lotta dumb shit

crisscrossapplesauce: sure why not

crisscrossapplesauce: im in the mood for a lil mayhem

chilichocfruitcake: aight lets do thsi shit

blueberryjam: ill get the c4😃

chilichocfruitcake: great

chilichocfruitcake: ill scope out the junkyard

chilichocfruitcake: lloyd whatre we doin w the monsters tomorrow?

chilichocfruitcake: day care?

crisscrossapplesauce: we're FIFTEEN u cant send em to daycare

crisscrossapplesauce: ahem

crisscrossapplesauce: *they're

chilichocfruitcake: says who?

allkindzacake: geos actually offered to take them to the waterpark or smth

allkindzacake: guessin one of you had somethin to do w that

blueberryjam: maybe

blueberryjam: or maybe geo sees the vision

chilichocfruitcake: or hes js tired of food poisoning

allkindzacake: i hate you all

blueberryjam: i hate salmonella

allkindzacake: 😟

chilichocfruitcake: anyway

chilichocfruitcake: lloyd think u can handle the turkey?

crisscrossapplesauce: ??

crisscrossapplesauce: i think ill be ok??

allkindzacake: really?

allkindzacake: cos i distinctly rememeber last time i asked u to get prosciutto u came back with diced bacon

crisscrossapplesauce: IT WAS CHEAPER

allkindzacake: YOU CANT MAKE PROSCIUTTO WRAPPED SALMON WITH DICED BACON

blueberryjam: thats prolly for the best

allkindzacake: 😠

chilichocfruitcake: buddy

chilichocfruitcake: we cant win this bet with roast chicken

crisscrossapplesauce: wheres the trust??

chilichocfruitcake: 🤨

crisscrossapplesauce: aight ill get the turkey

crisscrossapplesauce: swearsies

allkindzacake: ...

allkindzacake: did.. u js say swearsies?

crisscrossapplesauce: uhhh

crisscrossapplesauce: nope nuh uh ya hearin thinfs

allkindzacake: ffs

blueberryjam: oh fuck

chilichocfruitcake: godDAMN it arin

chilichocfruitcake: have u been here the whole time!?

crisscrossapplesauce: uhh

allkindzacake: impersonation is a crime yknow

chilichocfruitcake: wheres lloyd?

crisscrossapplesauce: kitchen

chilichocfruitcake: why u here??

crisscrossapplesauce: honestly js wanted to check out that pecan pie recipe but ngl this is waaay more interesting

chilichocfruitcake: 🤦

chilichocfruitcake: give him the phone rn or im grounding u

crisscrossapplesauce: u cant ground me ur not my dad

chilichocfruitcake: no but im practically lloyds dad

chilichocfruitcake: ive inherited grounding privileges

crisscrossapplesauce: finnneeee

crisscrossapplesauce: for the record this chat old af

crisscrossapplesauce: who uses whatsapp anymore??

crisscrossapplesauce: we gotta get u on discord stat

chilichocfruitcake: arin

crisscrossapplesauce: im goin im goin

crisscrossapplesauce: but send me the link for that pie recipe?

chilichocfruitcake: only if u give lloyd the phone rn

crisscrossapplesauce: fineee

crisscrossapplesauce: wtf is all this??

crisscrossapplesauce: also who chose these fuckass names??

chilichocfruitcake: insulting

chilichocfruitcake: quick check

chilichocfruitcake: whats the first thing u ever said to me?

crisscrossapplesauce: is there a fucking porcupine growin outta your skull

blueberryjam: ayo fr??

allkindzacake: forgot u had no filter back then

crisscrossapplesauce: what? that much hair gel cant be healthy

chilichocfruitcake: 😟

crisscrossapplesauce: you were practically flammable! still are!

chilichocfruitcake: if im so flammable why have i never caught fire huh?

crisscrossapplesauce: because you might be flammable but you aint hot enough to actually ignite anything

allkindzacake: oh snap

chilichocfruitcake: stawp the bullying🥺

chilichocfruitcake: i raised u better than this smh

crisscrossapplesauce: hey u asked the question

crisscrossapplesauce: should i prove im not a robot too?

allkindzacake: no no js needed to prove ur not an arin

crisscrossapplesauce: ??

crisscrossapplesauce: FFS that kid

crisscrossapplesauce: he went thru my phone!?

allkindzacake: not necessarily

allkindzacake: but he did pretend to be u for a bit yeah

crisscrossapplesauce: 😡

chilichocfruitcake: go to your happy place

crisscrossapplesauce: i dont have one of those

allkindzacake: that got rl dark rl quick

blueberryjam: ANYWAY

blueberryjam: so plan A has been totally breached

blueberryjam: anyone for plan B??

allkindzacake: whats plan B again?

chilichocfruitcake: there was no plan B

blueberryjam: there is now

blueberryjam: ok so imagine a wheelbarrow

chilichocfruitcake: wait wait are we still trying to get cole not to cook?

blueberryjam: sure we are

blueberryjam: the explosives are outta the bag so i propose a new bet

chilichocfruitcake: im listening

blueberryjam: imagine a wheelbarrow

blueberryjam: imagine it upside down with a turkey inside

blueberryjam: now imagine a stainless steel pipe

blueberryjam: now imagine the pipe full of smoke and stuck under the wheelbarrow

chilichocfruitcake: ok ok i think we get it

chilichocfruitcake: so youre saying if a wheelbarrow can smoke a turkey better than cole, cole never cooks again?

blueberryjam: 😜

chilichocfruitcake: nice

crisscrossapplesauce: all in favour?

allkindzacake: wait a sec, i never agreed to that??

chilichocfruitcake: agreed

crisscrossapplesauce: seconded

blueberryjam: 100000%

orangenpoppyseedmuffins has joined the chat

allkindzacake: wtaf?!

chilichocfruitcake: whos this weirdo??

crisscrossapplesauce: better question

crisscrossapplesauce: howd they get in

orangenpoppyseedmuffins: shit i forgot they get a msg when we jump in

orangenpoppyseedmuffins: welp

crisscrossapplesauce: ARIN

orangenpoppyseedmuffins: huh? whats an arin

crisscrossapplesauce: dont play dumb i can hear u and sora laughing from the living room

crisscrossapplesauce: how tf did u get in?

orangenpoppyseedmuffins: kai forwarded me the pecan pie recipe

orangenpoppyseedmuffins: sora used it to backhack our way into the group

blueberryjam: the subterfuge has betrayed us😩

crisscrossapplesauce: out. now.

orangenpoppyseedmuffins: nooo dont exclude me from the dumb shit!

orangenpoppyseedmuffins: im the king of dumb shit!

crisscrossapplesauce is offline

orangenpoppyseedmuffins: oh shit

orangenpoppyseedmuffins has left the group

blueberryjam: damn

allkindzacake: im impressed

allkindzacake: take notes kai

chilichocfruitcake: stfu least my kid cant hack

allkindzacake: aaand there goes plan B

blueberryjam: so thats plan A AND plan B down the drain

blueberryjam: ffs kids ruin everything

crisscrossapplesauce is online

chilichocfruitcake: js checkin

chilichocfruitcake: my niece n nephew still alive?

crisscrossapplesauce: 😠

chilichocfruitcake: ok ok touchy subject

crisscrossapplesauce: ive locked their phones in the drawer

crisscrossapplesauce: no more hacking

blueberryjam: gee thats kinda harsh

crisscrossapplesauce: fuck off jay

crisscrossapplesauce: what else was i sposed to do?

crisscrossapplesauce: arin went thru my phone thats not ok

crisscrossapplesauce: ive had it up to here w this kid

crisscrossapplesauce: hes gonna send me to an early grave istg

chilichocfruitcake: whoa dude chill, im sure he didnt mean anything by it

crisscrossapplesauce: he cant go thru my phone kai!

chilichocfruitcake: i know calm down

chilichocfruitcake: did u ask him why he was?

crisscrossapplesauce: he said he didnt mean to

crisscrossapplesauce: something bout a recipe idk

chilichocfruitcake: see honest mistake

chilichocfruitcake: maybe your overreacting js a bit?

crisscrossapplesauce: ...ig

crisscrossapplesauce: fuck theyve locked themselves in soras room i think theyre mad at me

blueberryjam: well u did take their phones

blueberryjam: thats literally the equivalent of taking candy from a baby

crisscrossapplesauce has removed blueberryjam from this group

chilichocfruitcake: thats right buddy take your anger out on jay

chilichocfruitcake: weve all been there

crisscrossapplesauce: fuck sake

crisscrossapplesauce has added blueberryjam to this group

blueberryjam: i will shut my mouth

blueberryjam: or staple my fingers ig?

chilichocfruitcake: i think thats a good call

allkindzacake: hey guys zanes been weirdly quiet

allkindzacake: @icecream ?? @icecream where u at

allkindzacake: @icecream ??

blueberryjam: oh shit we never capitalized icecream

blueberryjam: says he still online i think hes silent protesting

blueberryjam: hey @crisscrossapplesauce mind giving icecream some grammar

crisscrossapplesauce renamed icecream to Eye-cream

crisscrossapplesauce: grammar acquired

allkindzacake: BAHAHAHAH

Eye-cream: I despise you all very much

allkindzacake: aww we despise you too <3

crisscrossapplesauce has made blueberryjam the admin

crisscrossapplesauce has left the group

chilichocfruitcake: ah shit

chilichocfruitcake is offline

blueberryjam: yes! admin privileges!!

allkindzacake: 🤨

blueberryjam: ahem

blueberryjam: i mean

blueberryjam: oh noooo we pissed lloyd off again

blueberryjam: better?

allkindzacake: eh could use some work

Eye-cream replied to: crisscrossapplesauce: all in favour?

Eye-cream: affirmative

allkindzacake: ZANE!!?

Eye-cream: I am sorry. Your cooking upsets Pixal

Eye-cream: It is my sacred duty to do all in my power to prevent it

blueberryjam: oh dang

blueberryjam: did not see that coming

allkindzacake: thats fine🥲

allkindzacake: im js gonna go cry in the corner