Archive of Our Own ^beta

Scar was having a bad day.

It’d started when he woke up, really. Like a headache, but one he’d only imagined. Not pain, but some kind of pounding in the back of his head, making his vision fuzzy unless he forced himself to calm down.

During lunch, he’d had an especially difficult time, as his instincts had been a loud roar, like a waterfall, in the back of his head.

Violence. They wanted violence, he knew that. It was always this way.

It wasn’t even the instincts, not really, those were what took over when he lost control. Right now? It was the Vex magic. It was hungry, it hadn’t been fed in a while, pent up like how Jellie got when Scar forgot to feed her. He supposed the Vex magic was rather like a cat, even if he didn’t like comparing his precious queen of a cat to something as volatile and dangerous as the Vex magic.

With all those thoughts swirling around, it completely slipped his mind that he'd told Grian he had some extra cobblestone for him, and to come pick it up tomorrow… now today. Scar had also baked some cookies yesterday, and had planned to invite Grian in to share them.

But the cookies and cobblestone lay forgotten in the storage room, and Scar was now sitting on the couch, trying to ignore the Vex magic.

He could feel it threatening to take over his mind, the bloodlust invading his thoughts and making him clench his fists in a futile effort to push it away.

Then he heard a knock on the front door, and then the door creaking open, steps sounding from the entryway. Grian.

No- go away, Grian, now now- Scar thought helplessly, feeling like he was experiencing a bad headrush from the force of his magic. Why was it so strong??

“Scar?” Grian’s voice sounded from the kitchen, although Scar barely heard him.

Then Grian walked into the living room, and as soon as Scar looked up and saw him- the perfect kind of target, small, vulnerable, or so his instincts told him- his vision went black, Vex instincts taking over, hair turning white and his skin going blue-gray. His eyes glowed bright blue as tattered wings flared, and he lunged.

“Hey, Scar-” Grian’s cheerful greeting dissolved into a yelp of surprise as his friend attacked him, before giving a shrill cry of pain that was strangled out as Scar's teeth locked around his neck. 

He fell to the ground, Scar- Vex Scar landing hard on top of him, now taloned fingers cutting into Grian's shoulders as his weight crushed Grian into the ground.

Grian’s wings beat weakly as he struggled, helpless, choking on his own blood. A single terrified and pained chirp was the only sound that made it through before Vex Scar’s teeth ripped through his throat.

After a minute, the light slowly flickered out of Grian's eyes, wings drooping and his body going limp, his heart beating a few more times before going silent.

A moment later, Vex Scar let go and slowly sat up, blood dripping down his front.

Then the blue light faded from Scar's eyes, and he stared in growing shock and horror at what was in front of him.

Grian.

Grian, with a pool of red around his neck, lying limp and pale, feathers moving softly under Scar's now panicked breathing.

No…

“Ohhh, no no no no- Grian?? Grian, no you can’t be- no, this can’t be happening…” Scar said, his voice growing more and more frantic. He carefully picked up Grian's wrist, still warm, feeling with shaky hands for a pulse that wasn't there.

“Grian, wake up, wake up - Grian, please- ” Scar's voice cracked, and he swallowed hard, gagging as he suddenly became aware of the awful taste of iron in his mouth.

Scar’s eyes went unfocused as he realized what that meant, his heart pounding almost painfully in his chest. Iron. Iron, the taste of… no….

Scar looked down at himself, his mind barely able to register the gross amount of red staining his shirt. He reached up and wiped off his chin and mouth, staring with wide eyes at the blood on his fingers.

Slowly, he remembered what had happened before this. He'd been trying to fight off the vex magic, and then Grian walked in, and… and…

And it was all his fault.

His fault.

…

His fault that Grian was dead.

Scar felt a feeling of overwhelming grief well up in his chest, letting out a sob as he carefully cradled Grian's head and shoulders with one arm, cupping his friend’s cheek with his free hand and using his thumb to gently rub away some of the blood that had welled up in the corner of Grian’s mouth.

“I'm so… so sorry…” 

Scar's voice came out as a whisper, tears rolling down his face as he hugged Grian's body close to himself, burying his face in the soft feathers of Grian's wing.

“I didn't mean to, I d-didn’t mean it- it's all my fault- Grian… wake up, please…” Scar said desperately, his words trailing off as he dissolved into tears, rocking back and forth with Grian’s body held close.

Scar didn't know how long he stayed like that, crying and mourning over Grian, but he was almost completely lost in a fog of grief by the time-

“Scar.”

The sudden voice cut through his guilty thoughts and sadness. It even almost sounded familiar, but he shoved away the thought, too focused on his sadness.

Someone gently touched his shoulder, but he still didn't look up. Why would he? All that mattered right now was that he had just killed Grian. His friend. What was wrong with him? It was his fault, all his fault, he was a terrible person, he should just-

The someone touched his shoulder again “Scar? Scar, c'mon… it's okay, it's okay, I hit respawn, shhh, calm down… please stop crying-”

No, that voice was familiar, and he could hear the worry and concern in their tone, and the hint of tears too.

Scar slowly became aware of the fact that Grian’s body was no longer in his arms, and after a moment, he slowly looked up.

Red jumper, fluffy light-brown hair… wait…

Arms wrapped around him in a hug, fluffy feathers tickling his face.

“...Grian?” Scar said, his voice low and rough from crying.

“Scar, we have respawn! Did you think you'd perma-killed me??” Grian said, his voice a bit exasperated. “Oh… ah, you poor thing… Scar, it's okay now, shhh…I didn't die…” his voice turned more comforting, rubbing Scar's shoulder.

Scar took a deep shaky breath, before wrapping his arms around Grian and hugging him as hard as he could, making Grian squeak in protest.

Scar reluctantly pulled away a bit, holding Grian's face in his hands and just staring at his face, making sure he was real.

“I- I thought I'd lost you.” Scar said in a small voice, feeling a few more tears trail down his face, which Grian wiped away with the sleeve cuff of his fuzzy sweater, Grian smiling sadly as his own eyes started to water.

“Well, you didn't. I'm still here, I'm alive and well… a bit traumatized, maybe, but- hey, no, Scar-” 

Scar had pulled away, heavy guilt filling his eyes, curling in on himself slightly.

“It's my fault. I'm so sorry… I should have controlled myself better, should’ve- shouldn't have killed you-” Scar said, his voice cracking on the word ‘killed’ “I didn't mean it, I swear, it was- it was a stupid accident and I-”

“Scar. Scar, calm down… I'm not mad at you, I know how hard it is to control your vex magic, I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“You- you’re not… How could you not be mad at me?? I just-” Scar started, tone almost frustrated, but Grian cut him off, shaking his head.

“Scar, you’re my friend, I know you. I know you’d never do that on purpose, or voluntarily… Please don’t cry, I’ll be okay. And so will you, we’ll… we’ll work through it together, okay? Can you- we- work through this?” Grian said, his big eyes wide and earnest.

Scar had taken a deep breath, ready to protest, but hesitated, letting his breath out in a sigh as he tried to smile instead.

“I… yeah.” Scar said softly, sniffling as he rubbed the last of the wet out of his eyes. “Yeah. We’ll work through this. Together.”

Grian’s face lit up in a smile, the sight finally making the tightness in his throat and chest start to fade.

“Now… I did smell cookies when I walked in here.” Grian said, obviously hinting as he stood up and helped Scar to his feet.

Scar couldn’t help but laugh at the hopeful tone to Grian’s voice, a genuine smile appearing on his face at last.

“Oh alright, we can have cookies.” Scar said, wrapping an arm around Grian’s shoulders to lead him off to the kitchen. Although Scar was still guilty, and he felt a pang of sadness as Grian gave a small flinch at the physical touch, he knew that they would, as Grian had said, stay friends and heal from this. Together. After cookies, of course.