Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Los Angeles, CA 

December 22, 2021

Eddie hands Buck a beer as he plops down on the couch next to him. 

They both sit silently, but it's not an awkward silence. It's been a rough year for everyone and it was hard to get into the holiday spirit. 

Buck was sad that Maddie wasn't home for Christmas, and Eddie... Well, Eddie was struggling because Christopher was struggling. Part of him knew it wasn't only Christopher, there was something deeper going on. Something that has awoken since he got shot seven months ago. A fierce and ugly beast that was ready to rear its head, and Eddie had no idea how to tame it. But he's been perseverating on the idea for a while, to spare Chris the pain and fear of losing his dad in the line of duty. 

Eddie takes a swig of the beer he's drinking to steel his nerves. 

“Buck—” Eddie starts but is interrupted by a knock on the door. Eddie's eyebrows knit and Buck looks at him in question.

 He shrugs his shoulders and moves to go answer the door. 

When he checks the peephole, he's surprised by what he sees. He swings the door open. 

“‘Phia?” He asks, a grin spreading across his face. “What are you doing here?”

Immediately she throws her arms around him in a crushing hug. 

“Mano!” She exclaims, and then next thing Eddie knows her jacket is flung into his arms as she steps in with her suitcase. “I missed you so much, I mean seriously. Can’t a sister just come visit her brother who almost died like six months ago for Christmas?” 

“You are always welcome, Phi. You know that.” He smiles, then he's pulling her into a hug once again, “Ugh te amo, Manita.” 

“It's been a rough year. Hell, it's been a rough many years.” Sophia says walking into the living room. “Oh! Hi, Buck! I'm glad you are here!”

Buck grins at her, getting up from the couch and pulling her into a hug. 

Something about seeing how well his sister and Buck get along makes Eddie's heart do somersaults. He pats at his chest subconsciously to ease how hard it's pounding. 

“Maybe I should head out, let you two catch up,” Buck begins to gather his things.

“No,” Sophia says quickly, “stay, please. You're already like family. You've taken such good care of Cabezón over here, even if he's too stubborn to admit it.” 

Eddie rolls his eyes at the nickname, “If anyone is big headed, it's you, Reina del Drama.” 

She sticks her tongue out at him and Buck laughs at the sibling banter but Eddie sees a bit of the sadness behind his eyes— he's missing Maddie more now. “Buck, we'd love for you to stay but if you have to go promise me you'll come over tomorrow?” 

Buck clears his throat, hearing how much Eddie wishes that he would stay. Maybe being around them wouldn't be so bad, he could feel part of something that he was so desperately missing. 

“Okay, I'll stay.” Buck concedes with a small smile. 

Sophia squeals, hugging Buck again and Eddie laughs. 

“Sophia, keep it down, Chris is sleeping.” Eddie chides. 

“Oh sorry,” she then silently cheers.

Eddie plops down in the chair next to her, but she's out of her seat again. 

“Oh I forgot! I have something for you.” She grabs her bag and starts digging through things. 

“Sophia, you didn't have to get me anything. I didn't even know you were coming so I didn't get you anything.” Eddie protests. 

“I didn't buy anything,” she promises, “I found it!”

She digs through her battered suitcase, placing the makeup bags aside as she pushes aside her jeans and clothes and Eddie couldn't have predicted what she pulled out. 

He didn’t expect the soft spill of black fabric she lifted out with both hands, shaking it once like she was presenting treasure.

The shirt still caught the light the same way it had back then, sleek and daring, the deep V neckline edged in satin that glimmered under the lamp. The pants followed, high-waisted and sharp, their crease long since faded but still clear enough to hint at every step he’d taken in them. And then—God—she held up the shoes, scuffed now, but unmistakable.

Eddie’s throat closed. “You—” He took a step closer, eyes narrowing. “Soph, I threw that out.”

She smirked, but her voice was steady when she answered. “Yeah, I know. I pulled it out of the trash after you told me.” She smoothed a hand down the shirt’s front, almost reverent. “I wasn’t about to let them erase the only thing that ever made you light up.”

“But why give it to me now?” Eddie's eyes shone, leave it to his sister to show up unannounced and gift him something with such pure and loving intentions that made him tear up. 

“I knew you wouldn't have liked that I pulled it out of the trash... So I hid it in Mami and Papi’s attic.” She shrugged sheepishly, “Then I kind of forgot about it until I went back a couple of weeks ago to find one of my old costumes.” 

Eddie wipes a stray tear, and then carefully takes the shirt in his hands, placing it gently on his lap, his fingers running along the ruffles. 

“Okay, I feel like I'm missing something here.” Buck says cautiously, “What is this?” 

Sophia smiles big with pride, and she launches into telling Buck all about Eddie's youth as a competitive ballroom dancer. 

El Paso, TX 

August 27, 2008 

Eddie loves his sisters. He would do anything for them, he was the man of the house after all. It was his job to keep them safe, keep them happy. 

So when Sophia asked him to go to a Renaissance themed party with her, he caved— she was going to go anyway, at least this way she can be safe with him keeping an eye on her.

They were hanging out in his room, Adriana coloring in her coloring book on the carpet as Eddie worked on his trigonometry homework, Sophia was doing her make up on his bed. 

“You have to dress up though, Mano!” Sophia pleads, as she pads bright pink eyeshadow across her eye-lid. Eddie sighs, setting down his pencil. 

“Look, we may all tease you and call you Reina, but you can't make me dress up.” Eddie tells her as he watches her and she sets down the brush on his sheets to pat at her eyes with her fingers, “I swear Soph, if you get eyeshadow on my bedsheets, you're going to be the one who has to deal with Mama’s fit she's going to throw, I'll be sure of it.” 

Sophia rolls her eyes and dramatically picks it up and plops in her make up bag. 

“I'm glad you asked me to go, I know how these types of parties can go. I just want you to be safe, but that does not mean I'm dressing up. Besides, I don't even have anything to wear that fits the theme anyways.” 

Sophia snorts, “You dress up all the time for your competitions, how is this any different?”

Eddie turns back to the homework in front of him, avoiding looking at his sister. 

“I threw them out.” Eddie mumbles, picking up his pencil again. 

Sophia moves fast, because in an instant the pencil is out of his hand and she is grabbing at his wrist. 

“What do you mean?” Sophia asks, eyebrows knit in concern.

“I threw them out.” Eddie says again, as if that answers all her questions. He sighs, not wanting to tell his sister the reality of what has been going on. But she already knew. 

“Mami and Papi suck,” She says, dropping his wrist and heading to the door, “You used to love it, and they hated that you loved it so they had to go and ruin it for you, didn't they?” 

“Soph, stop—” Eddie tries to goad her back to her makeup. “It's not worth it, you know what they’re going to say.” 

“It's not right, Mano.” She says, tears in her eyes, “The way they treat you, the way they treat all of us? No matter what we do, they aren't happy with us. We should be able to love what we love.” 

Eddie stands up and places his hand on her shoulders, his eyes also brimming with tears. He tries to shake it away, real men don't cry. 

“Phi,” he pleads as he pulls her into a hug. “I know. I'm so sorry that you have to hide that part of you. I know how much you want to scream at the top of your lungs for them to see you. To accept you. But with all the love in my heart, you can't go painting a target on your back. I love Mami and Papi, but it isn't safe.” 

Sophia breaks down in tears clutching his shirt. 

“They keep trying to get me to hang out with Felipe Martinez from church. I swear, it’s like they are the ones stuck in the Renaissance age trying to marry me off to some man.” 

Eddie exhales deeply, he doesn't know what to say as his sister cries into his shirt, so he just pulls her tighter. 

“Fine, I'll dress up.” Eddie relents, “And I'll do my best to help you get Camila's attention. But, Phi, we have to be really careful to not get caught.” 

Sophia squeals through her tears. 

“You're the best hermano a girl could ask for!” She exclaims, plopping besos on both of his cheeks before throwing herself back on the bed to fix her now smudged makeup. 

Eddie groans as he looks down to see the pink outline of her eyeshadow on his shirt. 

“Phi!” He whines, “you got my shirt dirty.” 

“It'll wash off,” she says as she tosses a make up wipe at him. 

“Wait, can I go to this thing you are going to?” Adriana pipes in looking up from her coloring.

“No, Chiqui, it's for older kids.” Eddie says, patting her on the head gently. Eddie anticipates the pout before it even begins to form on her face. “And we need to have our little lookout and spy to help us get in and out unnoticed, it's a big job.” 

A grin spreads across Adriana’s face as she sits up and crosses her arms. 

“Okay,” she caves, “but—”

“Oh here we go, always the negotiator, Adri.” Sophia says, but it's all fond. 

“You have to give me a big bag of Pulparindo!” Adriana demands, “and I'll be the best spy you've ever seen.” 

Eddie laughs, “Deal, Chiqui.” 

Adri sticks out her hand and Eddie shakes on it.

Chapter Text

Los Angeles, CA 

December 23, 2021

Christopher flung himself into his Tía's arms the second his eyes landed on her standing in her pajamas at the kitchen counter. 

“Tía! You're here!” He can barely contain his excitement and Eddie smiles seeing his sister and his son reunited. 

“That I am, Sobrino! I couldn't miss celebrating Christmas with my favorite nephew!” Sophia exclaims, wrapping her arms tight around him. 

Buck walks in from the living room at all the commotion, hair ruffled and messy from sleeping on the couch. He smiles as he takes in the scene in front of him. 

“Buck, you're here too! This is the best day ever!” Chris launches himself from Sophia to Buck. 

It's nice to see Christopher happy. Especially after his recent nightmare streak. They both haven't been getting much sleep, but last night was restful for the first time in a while. 

It was like they could sense the wholeness that Sophia brought with her. 

Buck hugs him back, then dramatically sniffs Christopher, exaggerating a “pee-yew” and Christopher giggles at that. 

“You better go shower, Superman.” Buck warns, “my famous chocolate chip pancakes are only for Diazes who clean their pits.” 

“That rules out Mundo then.” Sophia quirks, smirking. 

“Hey!” He protests jokingly, “I smell pretty good, thank you very much! Right, Buck?”  

Chris giggles harder at that. 

“You do smell very pretty, Eddie, don't you worry.” Buck laughs, sending a wink his way. Eddie's heart flutters a bit, but he smiles back at him. 

“He's right though, buddy, you should go shower. Pancakes will be ready when you're done.” Eddie tells Christopher. 

As he's off to do his morning routine, Sophia sighs contentedly. 

“I love that kid.” She says fondly, “he's been through so much and he never fails to be so joyful.” 

Eddie smiles at her, he couldn't agree more. 

He sits at the island as he watches Buck pull out the ingredients for the pancakes. 

Sophia finds a seat next to him. 

Eddie takes a deep breath and figures now is a good time as any to tell both Buck and Sophia what has been weighing him down lately. 

“He's a great kid. But he's not always so joyful... He's been really struggling lately. Nightmares. He's... He's been worried about me going to work.” Eddie admits, running a hand through his hair. They both can tell he's not done sharing, so they wait. Buck slows his movements of making pancakes to hear what he has to say. “I was going to talk to you about it last night, Buck... But I've been thinking that maybe I should take a step back from being an active firefighter at the 118.” 

Buck sets down the flour, and Eddie worries about what is going on in his head. 

“I mean.. that makes sense.” Buck says softly, clearly not wanting Eddie to, but knowing that if this is what Chris needs then Eddie had to do it. “Has Chris said that's what he wants?” 

Eddie shrugs sheepishly. 

“You didn't ask.” Sophia surmises from his face. 

“No, I didn't.” He confirms, “I don't know, it's a big decision to put on his shoulders. I worry he might not be honest to spare me.” 

“Mundo, Christopher isn't you.” Sophia says gently, but it hits hard. The implication is that it is what Eddie does, which is whole heartedly true. She lays a soft, comforting hand on his shoulder. “You raised him differently than Mami and Papi. You are my inspiration, Mano, to raise kids differently from us. To raise them to feel safe to come to us, especially when emotions are hard.” 

Eddie can't help but tear up, the second time in less than 12 hours that his sister has been here that she's been able to do it. 

“She's right, you know.” Buck smiles at him, “You are an incredible dad. And whatever happens, whatever Chris needs... You know I got your back. We will figure it out. You're not alone, Eds.” 

“Thank you. Both of you.” His heart is full, and for the first time in weeks— despite not knowing the answer— Eddie knows that whatever happens, they are going to be okay. 

“So, Sophia,” Buck broaches, resuming finding the perfect consistency for his pancake batter, “tell me, what kind of trouble did the Diaz kids get into?” 

“Oh, I've got some stories for you.” Sophia smirks, mischief written all over her face. 

El Paso, TX 

August 30, 2008 

The party is bigger than Eddie thought it was going to be. Not only are there kids from El Paso High School, but it seemed that the traveling competitive football team that played at one of the first games of the season was there too. It was a little strange, given how stupid competitive football got down here. He supposed it was only okay because the visiting team had lost the night before, and many had lost their bite because they seemed like genuinely cool kids.

He probably should have anticipated it when Sophia mentioned it was a party in the Mission Hills neighborhood. The houses here dwarfed the modest ones they were used to, sprawling estates that gleamed under the porch lights. Honestly, it all seemed excessive to Eddie.

Sophia, of course, had eagerly helped him get ready, having already concocted every detail of his costume. So here he stood, feeling completely out of place, yet secretly pleased with the outfit she had put together for him. He’d never admit it to her. He wore a golden doublet over a crisp linen shirt, the embroidery catching the light just enough to remind him of Sophia’s careful hands and mischievous grin. 

Sophia always had a knack for creating, he was always genuinely impressed by how she could create such beauty from seemingly nothing. 

He watches on, facing a makeshift dance floor in the living room. Sophia, in her burgundy gown, is there with Camila. Her smile is worth the risk they are taking tonight, and it seems as though Camila is receptive to it. 

“Fancy seeing you here, Diaz.” He'd recognize Shannon's teasing voice anywhere. As he turns, he see's that she is a lilac dress with an embroidered bodice full of flowers. 

“Hey, Shan.” He says easily, “You look great, should've known the theater kid would have a costume like that in her closet.” 

She laughs, “Yeah well. I'm sure yours is all Sophia, and she made you wear it. But I also know you secretly like it.” 

“You know me too well.” He grins. 

Shannon and Eddie became fast friends over the last year, she was fun to talk to and Eddie liked how direct and honest she was. She was his first real friend. The burden of being the eldest son and caretaker of the house made it hard for him to do things for himself. He loved his sisters, though, so he couldn't imagine anything other than being so close to them. 

“Well, if you don't mind, Eddie. I'm going to go see if I can find my knight in shining armour.” She says, downing her drink and handing the cup to him as she makes her way through the house. 

“Ooph, that's rough, buddy.” A boy who was shirtless with scales painted on him, his shimmering wings strapped to his back and horns sticking from his curly blonde hair. He grimaces, showing pointy fangs he is adorning. “Being friendzoned is really the worst.” 

“She really is just a friend,” Eddie laughs, “I truly don't think of her that way. She's not my type.” 

“Oh,” the boy slowly inches closer, and Eddie's eyes slowly flicker to his lips. It's a fraction of a second, but he can tell the boy caught it. “And.. uh, what is your type?” 

“Hmm, sorry. Not into beastiality.” He jokes, trying to hide a growing smile, and the boy laughs. It's such a rich sound, and it blossoms something deep down in his chest. 

“You're funny,” He manages through his laugh, “I'm Evan.” 

“Eddie.” He holds a hand out and Evan takes it, turning it over and bringing his lips to his knuckles. Eddie's face flushes, and he swears he's swooning. 

“You're not from here, are you Evan?” Eddie comments.

“Nope.” He says sadly, “Hershey, Pennsylvania. Here for the game yesterday.” 

“I have to say, I'm very shocked you were invited to the party. It's usually El Paso High or die when it comes to football here.” Evan pushes in close as person in a fairy costume squeezes by him to get a drink. Shivers go down Eddie's spine as their shoulders touch. “Do you always have a dragon costume on hand just in case you are invited to Renaissance themed high school parties?”

That brings another laugh out of Evan, and Eddie wants to make it his mission to make him laugh again just so he can hear it. 

“How do you know I'm not wearing this all the time?” Evan asks him, but then he shakes his head. “My friend, Harvey, used to play with us at Hershey High until he moved to El Paso. He invited us to his party, he loves his themed parties.”

Eddie feels a slight pang of jealousy for Harvey, but he reminds himself he only just met Evan. He was a stranger to this beautiful boy next to him. 

“Y’know. I have to say, you have an incredible noble costume. Gold was a perfect choice.” Evan’s grin was easy, almost teasing, but not unkind. “Did you know nobles used to wear gold thread just to prove how much money they had to waste? Like—actual gold, woven into the fabric. Totally impractical, but hey, fashion statement, right?”

“I... I did not know that.” Eddie says wearily, though the corner of his mouth twitches.

“It’s probably what drew me to you.” Evan’s fingers brush against his, casual but deliberate. Eddie looks up, caught in the pull of ocean-blue eyes. He could stare at them forever.

“Dragons,” Evan adds softly, “are known for hoarding gold.”

Eddie blushes and looks away. As he turns, he notices a familiar face out of the corner of his eye and his heart plummets. 

“Oh no.” Eddie mutters to himself. It's Rocio, their cousin. Notorious chismosa and would definitely rat them out to their parents. He scans quickly for Sophia, and she is real close to Camilla, wrapped in an embracing slow dance, staring into each other's eyes. 

“What's wrong?” Evan sounds concerned, “Look, I'm sorry I thought we were flirting—” 

“No, no it's not you at all.” Eddie promises, and in that split second, Eddie makes a bold choice. “In fact, I need your help. And I'll owe you whatever is left of my life after we do this.” 

“Anything.” And Evan means it too, warmth spreads through Eddie's chest. Eddie intertwines his fingers with Evan's and pulls him toward Sophia. 

“Phi!” Eddie calls urgently, coming up to her. “Rocio’s here. You and Camila have to go. I'll meet you at home.” 

“What?!” Sophia exclaims, panic setting in her features. “Do you think she saw? What if she sees me going out?” 

Eddie places his free hand on her shoulder to soothe her as much as he can. 

“I've got an idea. I'll give her something to talk about.” Eddie promises, “Please, Phi, go.” 

Sophia nods and then takes off, Camila right behind her. 

He scans and sees Rocio, eyebrows raised in alarm. She definitely notices them.

Eddie doesn't hesitate, he presses his lips to Evan's cradling his face. They meet somewhat awkwardly but Eddie immediately dives deep. Partially for show, but also because he wanted to do that ever since he set eyes on Evan. 

Evan is shocked at first, but then he relaxes into it. And Eddie? Eddie feels like he is on fire, every cell of his lit up with Evan's touch. 

Eddie knows that with Rocio seeing them, his life is over. His parents will find out, and in their disappointment, he will be forced to forge whatever path they determine for him. 

So he drinks in the moment, enjoying every single second of it. Engraving the taste of Evan into his very soul, letting his fingers brush Evan’s arms. 

He'd never get another moment like this. Eddie allows himself to imagine a world where Evan could be his, where they would be able to communicate with a single glance, anticipate one another's every move, build a life together, a family of their own. 

A life he could never have, a life he willingly sacrifices for Sophia. So that maybe, just maybe, she can leave Mami and Papi's expectations and build a life of her own— the way she wants with a woman she can truly love. 

And within this day dream of Eddie's, he has the sad realization... Eddie never really had a chance. His life was never really his to begin with, he was always going to be seen as an extension of his father. Therefore, always the disappointment, because he could never be who they wanted him to be. 

Chapter Text

Los Angeles, CA

December 23, 2021 

Buck and Eddie had a shift today. Which left Sophia with Chris for the next 48 hours. 

Of course, what was a Tía good for if not spoiling her sobrino? They were going to go to the aquarium today, but given that it opened in about two hours, they had a little bit of downtime.

Chris was happily reading a book on the couch while Sophia gently pulled out golden fabric from her suitcase. It was in tatters, and the look of it made her want to cry. 

When Sophia was searching the attic of Mami and Papi's house, she didn't just find Eddie’s ballroom outfit... She found her dress from the night of that fateful party, and Eddie's doublet. She couldn't help the sobs that escaped her lips as she clutched the tattered fabric— another item that she fished from the garbage. 

Sophia heard what had happened afterwards, how much her brother suffered because of the sacrifice he made for her. Eddie, in an attempt to protect her, painted a massive target on his back. 

The fallout was catastrophic, and Eddie, ever the strong resilient boy that she knew, folded even more into himself after. Sophia tried to push what happened out of her mind, and she knew Eddie did the same. 

She had no idea how Eddie would react to her fixing the doublet as a gift, if he would hermit more into himself or if it would give them both a chance to heal... But Sophia wanted to try, because she truly owed her hermano everything in life. 

“What's that Tía?” Christopher asks as he hears her sniffle. 

Sophia grins as she wipes a stray tear.

“Can you keep a secret?” She asks conspiratorially. 

And boy, does that peak the kids interest ten fold. He leans forward intrigued.

“Yes, absolutely.” He says, hardly containing his excitement for being trusted. 

“It's a gift for your dad.” She whispers, “I'm fixing an old costume I made him as a kid. He's going to be a lord. I can make you one too, do you want one?” 

“Yes!” Chris exclaims, “Can mine be purple?” 

“Why, yes of course!” Sophia says dramatically, bowing like a humble servant, “A fine choice, my Lord, a fine choice indeed!” 

All she needed to do now was make sure it was ready for Christmas Day. 

El Paso, TX 

August 30, 2008

“Woah,” Evan says, awed, panting from the kiss they shared. Eddie couldn't have said it better himself, but his heart was pounding and fear spread ice through his veins. 

He didn't want to leave Evan. He wanted to freeze this moment in time. Eddie is certain the fear in his heart shows in his expression. 

“Wait. What's wrong?” Evan asks, concern lacing every word. 

Dios, he's so sweet, Eddie thinks, why couldn't he have been an asshole? Could've made this whole thing easier. 

He has a few moments, he can savor this. Eddie lets him reach up to caress Evan's face, and Evan does the same. Eddie doesn't realize that he's crying until Evan is wiping his tears. 

“I know we just met, but you can talk to me.” It's like a knife digging deeper. 

“I want this so bad.” Eddie manages, “But I can never have it.” 

Evan's face falls at his words, but it's clear to him that there's an abysmal weight behind the words. 

“Why not?” 

“My cousin saw. She's going to tell my parents.” Eddie's chest tightens, it's getting harder and harder to breathe. “I did it because I wanted to, because you are radiant. But I also did it to protect my sister.” 

Evan pulls his hand and leads them outside. He places a hand on Eddie's chest and tries to get him to take deep breaths. The cool air helps, but the pit in Eddie's stomach is ever growing. 

“She was with the girl.” 

Eddie nods quietly. 

“God, every single moment is making all of this harder. I love a good protector.” Evan sighs, running a hand through his hair, “When you go back... What is going to happen?” 

“I... I don't fully know.” Eddie manages, he has some idea but it's not something he wants to share, “It's probably best you don't know.” 

Evan nods quietly, then takes both his hands. 

“Close your eyes.” He says, as he turns Eddie towards him. 

“What?” Eddie asks.

“C'mon, if this is the only moment we have, I want it to count for something.” Evan says, “But I trust that the universe will let us find each other again.” 

Eddie rolls his eyes at that, amused. 

“You don't believe in the universe?” Evan says aghast, “Okay wait, not the point. I have enough belief for the both of us.

“Close them, please.” Evan pleads, and Eddie can't help but follow his lead. 

Eddie closes his eyes, and the air feels sharp in his lungs. He doesn’t know if he’s bracing for comfort or heartbreak.

“Alright,” Evan says, voice soft but steady. “Pretend with me, just for a second. We’re not here. We’re not scared of anyone seeing us. It’s years from now—you’ve got a little boy running around, big smile, smart as hell. And he thinks I’m hilarious. Like, way funnier than you.”

Eddie lets out a startled laugh, wet and shaky.

“And every night, after he’s finally in bed, it’s you and me on the couch,” Evan goes on, thumb stroking over Eddie’s knuckles. “We’re arguing over movies—you always pick the boring ones, by the way—and I’m stealing your popcorn. But the thing is… we’re happy. And no one’s looking over our shoulders. No one’s waiting to punish us. It’s just us. A team.”

Eddie’s chest tightens, but the panic isn’t quite as sharp.

“And when life gets heavy—because it always does—you don’t have to carry it by yourself anymore,” Evan whispers. “Because I’ve got your back. Always. Doesn’t matter where I am, doesn’t matter how far—I’m there.”

Eddie’s tears spill silently, but his lips curve into the faintest smile.

“That’s the picture I’m keeping,” Evan says. “Even if tonight’s all we get, I’ll remember it. And if the universe is half as stubborn as me, it’ll make sure we get there one day.”

Eddie opens his eyes, and Evan is still holding on, still smiling at him like he’s already home.

Los Angeles, CA 

December 23, 2021

“Why didn't you tell me about being a ballroom dancer?” Buck says as he bumps Eddie's shoulder falling next to him on a stool at the kitchen counter

“Woah, Eddie was a ballroom dancer? When was this?” Ravi asks as him and Hen comes to join them as Bobby makes lunch. 

“Yeah this is news to me, too.” Hen says, pulling up like it's story time. 

Eddie gives a pointed glare at Buck and Buck returns it with an apologetic glance. 

Eddie shrugs it away. It was a long time ago, a time in the distant past. 

“Yeah, I danced competitively.” Eddie admits, “but like with most things that my parents get their claws on, it didn't end so well. So I just... Put it out of my mind.” 

“Ah.” Hen realizes, “they made you do it.” 

Eddie shakes his head, and notes some of the surprise flickering on the others face.

“I loved it. It was my choice.” Eddie explains, leaning into his hands that sat propped on his knees. “Too much, if you ask my dad. It wasn't quite manly enough— but you know what is? Trophies. And winning.” 

“That must've sucked the joy right out of it.” Ravi grimaces in sympathy 

“Bingo.” Eddie says, resigned. 

“We should go dancing.” Buck decides, “Screw parents, we need to steal back our joy.” 

Eddie shrugs, "I don't know, Buck...” 

“I don't say this often,” Hen concedes, “But Buck is right.”

She ignores Buck's protests—which Eddie thinks for a quiet moment is adorable —as she continues. 

“Sometimes the most radical healing you can do is take charge of the things you love. Claim it for yourself again.”

“Hen is giving me a run for my money as the wise captain.” Bobby whistles, then turns to Eddie, “Athena and I have been wanting to learn, it would be better if we had a trustworthy teacher.”

It's a lure. A carrot on a stick, and Eddie knows it.

“C'mon,” Buck nudges next to him, “You know you want to.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, but it's all love, “Fine.”

And if his heart soars when he hears Buck cheer with the others in excitement... Well that is his business.

El Paso, TX

August 30, 2008

“Eddie!” A voice hisses from the bushes. It's dark out, and Eddie's eyes were bleary from crying on his walk home. They determined it would be too obvious, the sound of the truck too loud to sneak out.

He scans anyway, despite knowing he wouldn't be able to see whoever is speaking. 

“Over here,” it's Sophia's voice and it's definitely calling from the bushes. He makes his way over. 

“Phi? What are you doing, you should be inside already?” Eddie hisses back. 

“Adri has my phone for her look out duty, remember?” And Eddie remembers their plan. Adri keeps an eye out for Mami and Papi, and calls if there is any issues on Sophia's phone. When they were ready to come back, they were supposed to call her to make sure their parents were sound asleep. “Are you crying? What happened, Mundo?”

Eddie shakes his head. He doesn't want to tell her. He wants to spare her the details. 

“Rocio is going to spread it, whatever it is, at least this way I can have your back.” Sophia begs. 

Eddie takes a shakey breath. 

“I kissed a boy.” Eddie says quietly. And Sophia makes a silent ‘oh’ with her mouth, and tears prickle at the corners of her eyes. 

“Eddie—” 

“Soph, it's okay. I did it to take the heat off of you. It's worth it.” Eddie says quietly, he can't bring himself to look at her. 

“Did you... Did you want to?” Sophia asks. 

Before Eddie can answer, the front door is swung wide open and Mami is rushing out. 

“Go through the back, Soph. There's a chance she doesn't know you were there. Hurry.” 

And Eddie turns before she can argue to face the music. 

Mami’s eyes are on him in an instant, and the rage in her voice as she yells across the yard has him flinching.

“Edmundo Ramón Diaz!” 

Eddie sinks into himself as she races across the yard. She grips his arm tight and he can feel the rage shaking through her fingers. 

That was fast. Rocio must have called them the second she could.

As she pulls him toward the door, Eddie sees his father. His eyes are stone black and furious. His father doesn't twitch. He wears his anger like a real man, not letting too much show outwardly. Not in public, at least. It was a cold kind of rage. His hands twitched slightly, hovering just above the glint of the metal of his belt. 

Eddie let out a small sob. He was 17. Almost a full fledged adult. And he felt small. 

Los Angeles, CA 

December 23, 2021

Eddie couldn't help it, there were times where he knew he was not the best at his job. Like now. Sitting at a kitchen table with a bigot's hand in his as he tries to clean and pick out glass from the wound, Eddie can feel his insides seething.

He doesn't want to be anywhere near this man, and if it wasn't his duty to take care of every patient he comes across, Eddie would gladly watch him die from a thousand tiny cuts. 

“You just can't accept me for who I am, can you dad?” The man's adult son is yelling, cradling his arm with his own shard of glass sticking out of it. The story was that in the father's shock and rage at finding out his son was marrying a man was to slam his hand down to the table, breaking the glass into his hand and sending pieces flying. 

“I am finally happy and loved and cared for, but you don't see that do you?” The son asks, and Eddie can audibly hear the heartbreak in his voice. “I'm just a disappointment to you.”

It's like a knife right to the chest, cold rushing into Eddie's veins. Horribly familiar. 

Eddie leans back quickly to avoid being hit by the man as he abruptly stands up, finger pointing at his son in rage. Athena tries to goad him back down to the chair, but he ignores her. 

“It’s a lie. You will never be loved, not when you are a fa—” 

Eddie's hand presses a piece of gauze into the wound, sending him into a surprised yelp. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Hen guiding the son out. 

Good. 

“Sorry about that, sir.” Eddie says, fake politeness dripping like poison, “I had to apply a bit more pressure to get it to stop bleeding.”

“Jesus, you idiot.” He hisses plopping back down into his chair. “Maybe treatment like this slides where you are from, but here, amigo, I can sue you for malpractice.” 

Eddie feels Buck kneel next to him and bring his lips to his ear. It sends a slight shiver down his spine. Eddie pushes the feeling away. 

“Do you want to trade out?” Buck asks quietly. 

The man rages on, but Eddie isn't really listening. 

Eddie gives a small shake of his head. 

He'd gotten used to vitriol being spewed his way, it was when it was directed towards others that Eddie lost his cool. 

As Eddie wraps the last of the bandage around the hand, his mind is numb to the continued racist comments directed to him through the duration of treating him. 

“Keep your hand still, otherwise it's going to keep bleeding. You should go to the ER to get it sutured.” Eddie suggests,“We can call another RA if you'd like but you are also okay enough to drive yourself.” 

“You did a shitty job,” the man growls out, holding his palm to show that blood was already seeping through because he wouldn't stop aggravating the wound. “And of course you're taking tax payer money from real Americans.” 

Eddie sighs, turning away to the door. Eddie hears a slur slip from the man's lips and flinches when another wine glass goes flying just inches from his face. 

“Alright, sir, you are under arrest for attempted assault on a first responder.” Athena says hauling him up and taking his injured hand gently behind his back, she leads him out quickly.

“Are you okay?” Buck asks, placing a hand on Eddie's shoulder.

“Yeah,” Eddie says nonchalantly, “I’m fine.”

Buck looks unsure. 

“It’s okay if you're not.” Buck promises. “That was hard on all counts.” 

“You know how parents say ‘you'll understand when you have kids’?” Eddie says, “I don't think I'll ever understand. I don't think I want to.”

Eddie walks away, his ears are ringing and all he can hear is the rage in the man's voice towards his son. Except the voice isn't the man's, it morphs into his father's. Other voices join the chorus, his mother's, the priests, the nuns. His knuckles sting from the phantom pain of a ruler smacking his hand. 

He rubs at it. A reminder that he could never really have what he wants.

El Paso, TX

August 31, 2008

Eddie hears the door creak open from where he lies on his bed, stomach down and good cheek pressed against the pillow to avoid aggravating the developing hand-shaped bruise on the other. 

He didn't like lying on his stomach, but it was the only way he could lie without waves of pain radiating through his body. 

He wasn't sure what time it was. Only that the rays of light peeked through the blinds for a while now. His guess was it was mid day. 

He didn't get any sleep, just stared mindlessly at a wall as silent tears trailed down onto his pillow. Waves of grief, pain, anger, sadness and loneliness rolled through him— making it impossible to turn off his brain, as much as he wanted to. 

“Mundo?” It's Sophia, and Eddie makes a move to sit up but hisses as he tries. A hand gently lands on his back, pushing him back down. She crawls over to him on the other side of the where he can see her. She lies on her side hands cupped under her face. Sophia is 16, only a year younger, but in this light and the way she is laying— she looks like she did when she was 8. Despite the year gap, Eddie was worlds older than her, forced to take on so much at such a young age. He did everything he could to protect her for it, and he was going to keep doing it. 

Her eyes are entirely red, eyes puffy from crying. Her dark brown eyes a pit of sadness. Eddie takes a finger to wipe away a tear. 

“I'm going to tell them it was me, it wasn't you.” She swears. 

“No, Sophia.” Eddie says firmly. 

“But—”

“Phi, seriously. Don't.” His voice allows no room for argument, and her mouth snaps shut. “I'm the oldest. I'm the only son. I was always going to have to stay. To work with Papi. But you don't have to, you can leave.” 

“It's not fair.” She cries, “Don't you have dreams, Mundo?” 

“Yes.” He says honestly, “I dream to see you out of here. Happy, with a wife of your own someday.” 

“Mundo...”

“It's true, Reina.” Eddie says earnestly, “You have to, for me.”

“I— I don't know what to say.”

“Two years,” Eddie says, “That’s all. I have some money saved up from working with Papi. It's yours. You leave, you go to school for costume design. You fall in love.” 

“But Eddie, you need to leave.”

“No.” He insists, “I did this for you. Don't let it be for nothing.” 

“Mundo—” 

“Promise me, Phi.” Eddie is pushing it, he knows it. But he needs it. Needs to hear her say it, over everything else. 

Sophia is full on crying now, but she manages the words.

“I promise, Mano. I promise.” 

He nods and then Eddie gets up with a wince, walking over to the bottom drawer and pulls out the familiar gold fabric, now in tatters. 

“I'm sorry... I know you worked hard on this. They made me take it off and cut it up.” 

Sophia sits up on the bed and takes the fabric in her hands, running her hand over the material. 

She cries and gestures for Eddie to come to her. He lays back down, and she pulls his head into her lap and she runs her hands through his hair. 

“I'm so sorry, Mano.” She repeats over and over again under her breath. Eddie can barely hear it as his heavy eyelids finally make their way closed. 

She would make it up to him, one day. If Mami and Papi didn't break him first. 

Chapter Text

Los Angeles, CA

December 24th, 2021

Sophia was sure that she was going to win The Greatest Tía Award, and she was going to definitely rub it in Adriana's face when she got in later that day. 

That was until Christopher completely broke down in the middle of the aquarium. 

It started when they were in a tunnel surrounded by water and the fish were floating over their heads. 

Sophia was commenting on how beautiful the schools were and when she looked over at Chris's face she noticed a small streak of tears falling. It was silent at first, and then the minute she asked what was wrong the hiccuping sobs resounded from Chris's chest. 

“I don't want Dad to die!” was repeated like an incantation. Like if he said it so many times he would be sure that nothing bad would ever happen to his dad.

Sophia wrapped her arms around Chris in a tight squeeze, and told him that she was right there for him. 

What else could she say? Chris wasn't a stranger to death. Shannon died when he was seven... Eddie just had a brush with death this year. 

Sophia couldn't promise that nothing would happen to his dad. Even without the risks on the job, nothing was promised. Shannon was proof of that. 

So that was how she found herself walking into the bay doors of Station 118, Christopher pushing the limits of what her arms could carry. Luckily, Eddie came right up to scoop him in his arms. 

“Hey, buddy.” Eddie says, squeezing a cried-out Christopher. Buck stood close by, ready to support either Diaz in what they needed. It was sweet, and Sophia knew that if she had her way, Eddie would see that he didn't have to push that kind of love away. 

“We agreed that your hugs were the best kind, so of course we had to come and feel it for ourselves.” Sophia says with a soft smile, “I'm sorry to drop him off and go, but I kind of have a surprise I was supposed to go get and it is kind of time sensitive.” 

Eddie nods, eyes glinting with curiosity, “It's okay, I already cleared it with Bobby to have him stay for a bit when I saw your text.”

“Love you, Mano.” She kisses his cheek fondly, then presses a soft kiss to Chris’s hair, “Love you, Sobrino.” 

She smirks with her quick decision, and walks to Buck, and presses a kiss to his cheek as well, “Love you, Cuñado.” 

Buck looks slightly flustered, but it's clear he doesn't know what she called him. She smiles at Eddie's bright red cheeks at the implication of the nickname, and he shakes his head softly at her amusement. 

There's no anger in his eyes at the fact that Sophia called Buck ‘brother-in-law’ but she did see a flicker of sad hope...

 Something that she hadn't seen since that night, when Eddie ran up hand in hand with a blonde boy clad in a dragon outfit.

 Something that was squandered way too soon after having found it. 

Eddie sees the questioning look in Buck's eyes, the curiosity to the nickname assigned to him by Sophia. It's not the priority right now, and Eddie isn't quite sure he is ready for that conversation yet. 

Eddie wasn't blind. He wasn't dumb either. Eddie knew early on in their friendship what Buck meant to him. The place in his heart Eddie thought would never be filled.

The well incident just exasperated the knowledge. 

Too much happened to Eddie, too much fear lived within him. He couldn't say “I love you”, but he could come pretty close with the will. 

Sophia definitely had something up her sleeve, but Eddie wasn't sure what it was... 

He couldn't worry about any of this right now, though, because here Christopher was, shaky breaths rattling his chest as he shook in Eddie's arms. 

“Here, let's go to the bunks.” Eddie says gently to Christopher, rubbing his back with his hand that is resting there. 

Buck leads the way and opens the door to the bunk. He starts to walk back out when he's stopped by a small voice. 

“Stay, Buck?” 

Eddie's heart explodes with love, that his son sees Buck as another trusted person... That he wants Buck here for this. 

Buck nods quietly and waits until Eddie has Christopher settled in the center of the small bed to join on the other side, making a Christopher sandwich. 

The bed definitely was not made for two firefighters and a 10 year old boy... Eddie and Buck are hanging off of it slightly, and it creaked when Buck set his weight on it. The odd thing is, despite the squeeze, it's the most comfortable Eddie has felt in months. 

“I'm just so afraid all of the time.” Christopher sniffles, and it breaks Eddie's heart to see him so upset. 

“What are you afraid of?” Buck asks gently, and Eddie loves that he feels comfortable to be the one asking the question right now. 

“Losing both of you.” The tears are back now, silently streaming down his face. 

“Chris,” Eddie starts, “I don't want you to feel afraid. I know what I do... It can be a lot sometimes. Would— would you want me to find something that isn't as dangerous?”

“What?” Chris sounds genuinely taken aback, “Like not be a firefighter anymore?” 

“Yeah... Yes.” 

“That's insane!” Chris says adamantly, “No, that's not what I want.” 

Christopher takes a big breath and Buck and Eddie let him take his time to form the words. 

On his next shaky exhale, he manages the words. “It’s not about you being a firefighter. It’s… it’s everything. Mom wasn’t even doing anything dangerous, and she still…” His voice falters, and Eddie’s chest tightens.

“Oh, buddy,” Buck whispers.

Christopher’s eyes dart between them. “What if it happens again? To you? Or Buck? Or… me?”

Eddie feels the weight of it—his son’s fear of life itself. He takes Chris’s hand, grounding him. “You’re right. Sometimes bad things happen, and we can’t always stop them. That’s really scary, I know.” He presses a kiss to Chris’s hair. “But here’s what I need you to remember: no matter what, you will always be loved. You will never be alone.”

Buck nods, his arm wrapping gently around Chris’s shoulders. “You’ve got both of us, kiddo. Always. That’s something death can’t take away.”

Christopher sniffles, but he nods, letting himself melt into the safety of being in the middle—held between the two people he trusts most.

“Were you afraid when you were younger, dad?”

“All the time,” Eddie says easily. 

“What were you afraid of?” 

Eddie tenses slightly at the question. 

Being a disappointment to my parents.

Being gay when it was so clearly not an okay thing to be. 

Not being able to protect Sophia and Adriana from our parents.

He can't say any of that to his ten year old. So he opts for something safe. 

“I was afraid of a lot of things,” Eddie says carefully. “Mostly… of losing the people I loved. And of not being good enough to keep them safe.”

Christopher frowns, his voice small. “But what if you can’t?”

Eddie opens his mouth, but the words catch. It’s Buck who answers instead, quiet but certain. “Then you love them anyway. That’s the part that matters, Chris. You can’t stop every bad thing, but you can make sure the people you love know it— every single day.”

Christopher nods slowly, the tension easing from his shoulders. He burrows deeper into the covers, comforted.

Eddie doesn’t move. The words hit him harder than he expected—not because of what they mean for Christopher, but because Buck said them like it was obvious, like it was the simplest truth in the world.

Love them anyway. 

Eddie wonders if Buck even knows how much weight that carries. That Eddie wants to love him anyways, despite the fear of what will happen to him if he finally admits what he's known all along.

Despite having it engrained in him that what he felt was wrong. 

But there's nothing wrong about this fact of life. 

In fact, it sings with possibilities, with brightness. 

Eddie is in love with Buck. 

He has been for a very long time. 

El Paso, TX 

July 18th, 2010

A little less than two years.

Two years of extra time with the priest on Sundays to “pray the gay away”.

Two years of bruises if he so much as looked at a boy. 

Two years of isolation, except for his family and Shannon. 

Two years of working with his father in the hopes that it will teach him how to be a real man. 

Eddie sits stiff in the pew, the polished wood biting into his back. His parents are speaking with Father at the front of the church, as if Eddie can’t hear every word.

“I know you are saying he’s better now, but I still can’t see it,” Ramon insists, voice sharp, tired. “Boys his age are usually sneaking off with girls, and we have to have the purity talks. Not—” He breaks off, disgust thick in his throat.

Father’s smile is faint, almost indulgent. 

“Every soul needs direction, Ramon. Don’t fix your eyes only on what you fear he might become. Instead… encourage what is good in him. Nurture it, and it will grow.”

Ramon leans back, frowning, but the words settle in. His gaze flicks unconsciously toward the pew where Eddie sits alone, then further— to the image of Shannon in his mind. 

Shannon wouldn't be his first pick. But at least she's a woman. 

His jaw tightens. Maybe that’s it. Maybe what Eddie needs is to be reminded where his heart should be.

Eddie lowers his head, though no one has spoken to him. He doesn’t have to hear his father say it aloud to know something in the air has shifted against him.

It’s after dinner. The dishes clatter in the sink as his mother rinses the pans. It's the only other sound in the kitchen. The air is filled with a pressure that's ready to burst. Ramon stands at the head of the table, a rigid silhouette, and Eddie feels the weight of him before he speaks.

Sophia is upstairs, reviewing for her finals. Adriana had been sent away under the guise of “talking business,” leaving Eddie alone with his parents.

His mother, though, seems to be letting Ramon handle this. 

“You will date Shannon.”

The words land like a cannon blast, shaking the air, and Eddie feels himself go rigid. His stomach twists, his hands curl into fists under the table. It’s not a suggestion. It’s an order, given like a commander to a soldier on a battlefield. 

Eddie swallows hard, the taste of bile rising. He wants to speak, to protest, to run—but the eyes that bore into him make the notion impossible. He is trapped, and he knows it.

Ramon doesn’t soften. “Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes,” Eddie manages, voice barely more than a whisper.

Ramon nods, satisfied, and for a moment the world feels smaller, walls closing in.

Eddie loves Shannon, she's his best friend. Maybe he could learn to love her the way that a man is supposed to love a woman.

 Maybe Shannon could fix all that was broken inside of him. 

Maybe he can turn it into something real. Because shouldn't the person you want to spend your life with be your best friend? 

El Paso, TX

August 12th, 2010

It's been less than a month of dating Shannon.

It wasn't enough.

Every smile he gives, every word he says, every laugh he forces feels hollow under Ramon’s scrutiny.

What once was a natural friendship filled with ease is now a relationship pulled taught on strings. 

The weight of expectation presses on him from every side, an invisible armor that he can't shrug off. 

Shannon is kind and patient. Unaware of the battlefield she’s been dragged onto. But Ramon sees only what isn’t there, only what he fears Eddie might be.

Eddie moves through the days like a shadow, performing a role that never ends. Putting on a performance that results a raging critique from the puppeteer. 

Even the smallest misstep, a glance misplaced, a thought unspoken, could bring Ramon’s disappointment crashing down like a hammer.

And no matter how hard he tries, no matter how carefully he treads, it’s never enough.

Ramon hit his limit. His jaw tight, fists clenching at the table. He watches Eddie’s hesitant smiles, his polite words, the careful distance he keeps from Shannon.

In Ramon’s eyes, it is all resistance.

Failure.

He leans back, voice low and measured, but carrying the weight of finality. “A man makes sure his woman knows where his loyalties lie.”

Eddie freezes. The words are vague, but he knows exactly what they imply—or at least what he thinks they do. His stomach twists, and a cold, heavy dread seeps into his chest. He doesn’t speak. He can't. Because every fiber of him understands what he should do now. 

And maybe this ultimate act will yield the result his parents want. What the Father wants. What God wants.

In the silence, a terrible thought takes root: to prove he is “better,” to finally meet the impossible standard Ramon has set, he has to go further than he ever wanted with Shannon. To show his loyalty, to show he’s the son Ramon expects... Eddie thinks he must sleep with her.

That night, Eddie takes her for a ride in his car, stopping at a lookout that overlooks El Paso. His hands shake slightly as he cups Shannon's face.

It's stilted.

It's awkward. 

Every moment he feels like a puppet on strings, but worse— because at least a puppet has some guidance. A mastermind behind the movements that at least made it look real.

When it’s finally over, Shannon sits up, fingers fumbling at her sleeves. Her eyes search his, uncertainty written plain across her face.

“I...” She starts, hesitating. “I think this was a mistake. I thought I wanted this, wanted you... I think you, in your own way, wanted it too… but it just doesn’t feel right.”

Eddie swallows hard, throat tight, words lodged behind his teeth. He nods, unable to speak, feeling the weight of expectation press down from every side—Ramon’s standards, his own terror, and the sense that proving himself might never feel like enough.

“I… I understand. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” he says softly, his voice low but steady.

He worries he pushed her too far, that he broke the one friend he had. 

Shannon shakes her head, a faint, uncertain smile tugging at her lips. “No… if my first time was going to be with anyone, I’m glad it was with you.”

Eddie exhales quietly. There’s no resentment in her voice. No blame. And that is the only thing that keeps the tightness in his chest from spiraling.

It’s awkward, stiff, almost mechanical—but they both leave the moment knowing it wasn’t a mistake. 

The relief of the understanding they came to relaxes Eddie's shoulders. 

But it doesn't last long before the dread creeps back in like vermin. 

Dread that he once again let down his parents. 

Dread of what that means of his future. 

Dread that, once again, Eddie has let God down.

Chapter Text

Los Angeles, CA 

December 24th, 2021

Sophia pulls Adri into a big hug as she sees her at LAX. 

“I'm so glad you're here, hermanita!” Sophia exclaims. 

“Well, when you call me last minute to have me travel on Christmas Eve, it makes me think it's an emergency.” Adri says into her shoulder, “What's going on, Soph?” 

Adri is by far the one that most went into rebellion mode from their parents now that she was out. Her hair is short, with pink and purple strands throughout. Her septum piercing out and loud. 

Sophia remembers when she got the call from Mom for that one. She was screaming down the phone about how Adri got her rebellious streak from her. 

“I'll tell you in the car ride home.” Sophia tells her, grabbing her bag to put in the back of Eddie's car. “I'm sure you know some of the story. But there is a lot that we tried to protect you from, but it's our time to protect and help our brother.” 

In the car ride, Sophia tells Adri everything that she knows that happened... Starting from the fateful night at the party. How when she asked Eddie if he wanted to kiss the boy at the party, she saw his face. Dreamy and fearful that he would lose something he just indulged in. 

The way that he started to be squashed under the watchful eye of their parents. 

Sophia was sheltered from most of it, but she still knew. She could still hear the rage of her father's voice as she held onto Adri upstairs. She noticed how every Sunday, they would leave Eddie at church for hours after service and when they'd pick him up, each time the sadness compounding into his eyes.

“Jesus...” Adri whispers, “I knew Mom and Dad were intolerant, but I never realized they did that to Mundo...”

They sit in silence for a moment, swallowing the pain that Eddie had to endure on his own. 

“So..” Adri begins, “That was years ago... Why now, Soph?” 

Sophia takes a deep breath. Sophia takes a deep breath, her knuckles tightening on the steering wheel.

“There’s a lot of reasons, Adri.” She pauses, steadying her voice. “First… Eddie is struggling. He’s drowning in all this guilt Mom and Dad built into him. He’s holding it together for Chris, but you can see it. He’s worn thin, especially since Shannon died. And now that he got shot?"

Adri’s brow furrows, gaze fixed out the window.

Sophia continues, quieter now. “Second… is Buck.”

That makes Adri turn. “The firefighter guy? The one that took care of Christopher?”

Sophia nods. “I think Eddie loves him. More than he even knows how to admit. But Mom and Dad crushed every part of him that could reach for that kind of love. He’s so repressed he won’t even let himself consider it.” She swallows hard. “And it’s killing me to watch him keep choosing fear over happiness.”

The car fills with silence, heavy but not empty.

“And the third…” Sophia’s voice softens, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “I found her, Adri. The one. My future wife.”

Adri blinks, startled into a grin. “Soph, seriously? That’s amazing.”

“Yeah.” Sophia laughs lightly, but her eyes shine. “But before I propose, I promised myself something. That I’d come back for Eddie. That I’d give him the same chance that he sacrificed so much for me to have. He deserves that.”

“He does. He really does.” Adri agrees wholeheartedly. Her hand finds Sophia's between the center console, squeezing tight. 

Then, shockingly, Adri breaks into delirious laughter. 

“What?” Sophia asks, unsure, “what's so funny?” 

“M-mom and dad,” she manages between her giggles, “They thought they'd m- make the perfect little Catholic family.” 

Adri throws her head back, inhaling between laughs. 

“And all their ch- children are queer.” Adri manages. 

Sophia sneaks a glance at Adri, eyebrows drawn tight, “You?” 

Adri nods. 

“This was not how I planned to tell you.” Adri wipes tears from laughter,breath still hitching.“Non-binary. They. Them. Elle.” 

Sophia’s lips quirk up into a smirk. “You really waited until I’m driving on the 405 to drop this on me?”

Adri grins, wiping their eyes. “Hey, if I’ve gotta come out to my sister, might as well make it memorable.”

Sophia shakes her head, but there’s no hiding the warmth spreading through her chest. “God, Mom would absolutely combust if she heard this conversation right now.”

“Exactly!” Adri snorts. “All three of us, queer as hell, ruining her Christmas fantasy.”

Sophia laughs, and this time it feels good, deep in her bones. “Merry Queermas to us.”

“Gay tidings to us all!” 

They both laugh like little kids, an absurd and irrational kind of laughter that struggles to stop. 

When they are finally able to contain their laughter, Adri squeezes her hand again, firmer this time. Their voice dropping to serious again, “We will help him, Soph. We are all we ever needed any way... Our family is chosen and ever expanding by the love in our hearts.” 

“I'm glad you're in, Adri.” Sophia says, relieved, “because I am going to need a lot of help for Eddie's present to be ready in time.” 

El Paso, TX 

September 30th, 2010

“Eddie. I need to talk to you.” Shannon is on his door step. Her face is streaked with tears, and Eddie can feel his heart drop to his stomach.

He knows what this is, but he still nods slowly. 

“Mami, Papi, I'm going out with Shannon!” He calls inside the house. 

“You better be back before dinner, Edmundo!” His mom yells in response.

Eddie pulls the front door closed, car keys in hand. She leads the way to the truck and plops herself into the passenger side. 

The size of the seat seems to swallow her up, and it seems as though she lets it. 

They drive in complete silence, Eddie doesn't even know where he's going. He just drives mindlessly. He can feel his heart pounding.

Knuckles white on the steering wheel.

His mind races, if this conversation is going where he thinks it is going... No.. maybe it won't. 

Maybe it will work out and they can continue just being friends. 

“Eddie.” Shannon says softly.

Eddie doesn't respond, he just stares straight ahead. 

“Eddie...” Shannon tries again, “Eddie, pull over.” 

Eddie complies. Placing the car in park on an empty road, they were on the edge of El Paso now. The expanse of desert lay out in front of them. 

“I'm pregnant.” Shannon's voice is barely a whisper. Eddie almost thinks he imagines it. 

Tears sting his eyes and he blinks rapidly. He still can't seem to bring himself to look at Shannon. 

“Eddie,” She's practically begging now, “Eddie, please say something.” 

“I'll take care of you. I'll take care of you both.” Eddie promises, “We will get married, our parents will want that... Being devout members of the church. But I swear to you, Shannon, I promise I will take care of you and my child. That's the devotion I make to you.”

“Eddie,” her voice is a slight whine, “We both said—”

“It doesn't matter now, Shannon. Maybe we can build to... To feeling that way for each other.” Eddie squeezes his eye shut, “But this is our duty now. And I swear I will take care of you...” 

“There's a caveat, isn't there?” Shannon guesses. 

“No, no. There's someone else I need to take care of before I can take care of you both. I made a promise.” Eddie says, then takes a deep breath, “Sophia. Our parents...” 

Shannon nods, Eddie has told her how their parents can be, how protective Eddie is of his sisters. Sophia was so close to graduating, and Eddie expressed his desire to help her leave El Paso before. In fact, on most of their dates, it always came up... How his little sister was going to be free, she was going to make something of herself... And Eddie was going to do everything to help her. Shannon nods, chewing her lip. “She’s not going to accept the money, Eddie. Not when she knows you’re going to be a dad.”

“She doesn’t have to accept it,” Eddie says quickly, his voice rough with urgency. “She can't refuse what is already hers. It’s hers, Shannon. It always has been. Before you, before the baby—before everything. I promised Sophia I’d get her out. I promised myself I would. If I break that, if I let her get swallowed up the way I did—then what am I even worth as a brother? As a man?”

Shannon exhales, quiet.

“I’ll take care of you,” Eddie says again, softer this time, like he’s trying to make her believe it. “I’ll take care of the baby. But I won’t take that from Sophia. She needs that chance. I already built it for her. And if I give it up now, then it’s like telling her she never mattered in the first place. I can’t do that.”

For a moment, Shannon says nothing. Then, finally, she nods. “Alright. But you’d better mean it, Eddie. You’d better take care of all of us.”

“I will,” Eddie promises, and for the first time that night, he almost believes himself.

The conversation with their parents is tense but controlled. They call Eddie and Shannon irresponsible and a “disgrace to God,” but their fury is limited because the couple has a clear plan: they’re engaged, and Eddie has enlisted in the army.

After the discussion, Shannon hands the envelope of money to Sophia. She initially hesitates, aware of Eddie’s new responsibilities, but Shannon assures her that it’s meant for her future and freedom. Sophia accepts it, realizing it’s a promise kept and a step toward the life Eddie always wanted her to have.

Los Angeles, CA

December 24th, 2021

“Guess who's here!” Sophia sings as she walks up the loft of the fire station, Adri following behind her out of sight. 

The eyes of the 118 find her smiling widely.

“You know, Reina, that trick only works once... You know, when you showed up at my door?” Eddie says, sassy as ever, as he places his plate down at the table. 

Sophia rolls her eyes, “Which is why, it's not my turn this time. It's theirs.” 

Sophia steps aside to reveal Adri standing behind her. 

“Hey big bro— heard us younger siblings were crashing Christmas this year!” Adri exclaims. 

“Adri!?” Eddie sounds genuinely shocked, but he side steps the table and closes the distance in no time, arms enveloping her in a huge hug. 

“Tía!” Christopher yells, quickly joining the hug with Adri and Eddie.

“Actually, it's Titi, Christopher.” Adri ruffles his hair, then plasters a big kiss on his forehead. 

“I've missed you, Titi!” Christopher exclaims. 

“Missed you too, Topher!” They ruffle his hair as he giggles at their nickname for him.

“Welcome, both of you.” Bobby says with a smile, watching Eddie light up with his siblings here, “We were just about to have dinner, we can pull up extra chairs for you both.” 

It isn't long before they are laughing around the table enjoying the meal. Adri comes out to the table as non-binary and watches as Eddie's eyes beam with pride. 

“You've always been your own person, Adri. Bold and unafraid.” Eddie says with awe, “I'm so proud of who you've become, Chiqui. This is the most yourself that I've ever seen you.” 

“You really are, Adri.” Sophia says fondly, and then her eyes glint mischievously, “Bold and unafraid like Eddie this one time in México. We had just finished walking this one hike—” 

“Sophia! Shut your mouth!” 

“Oh no, please keep going.” Hen insists, “If Eddie is getting this red already it must've been a good one.” 

“And afterwards there was this food tent and we were so hungry. So we ordered tostadas.” Eddie groans as his sister continues the story, “And I'll own it, I was a full on reina—” 

“Still are!” Eddie interrupts shaking his head, then he sees Hen’s questioning look, “A queen. Or diva.”

“Anyways,” Sophia continues, enjoying the amused faces of the family around her, “I was inspecting the food. I was pretty picky. And I remember looking down at it, frijoles, queso y crema on this tostada and I swear I see something moving in the queso.”

“Oh no...” Buck groans, amused. 

“Oh yes,” Sophia says emphatically, “I turn to Papi and I tell him 'Papi, I think the cheese is moving’ and Papi, used to my bullshit of complaining says ‘Sophia, stop being ungrateful and eat your food!’”

Sophia plays at making the voice, and Chris giggles at her attempt. 

“But I know that the cheese is moving. And I lean closer into see what it might be and it's tiny and white and moving all over. And I scream—”

“Maggots!” Buck jumps in helpfully, and entirely too cheerful. 

“Maggots,” Sophia agrees, “And this time Mami looks and confirms that there are indeed maggots in the cheese. And there Eddie sits relatively unbothered by the whole thing. His tostada was already gone by this point—” 

Eddie groans again knowing what's coming. 

“Sophia, c'mon.” He complains. 

“I remember him looking up at Papi and he asks for another one!”

The table dissolves into laughter.

“I was 13! And really hungry, we didn't eat all day long!” Eddie defends weakly. 

“Well, did you know that ‘maggot cheese’ is actually a traditional food for Italians in the region of Sardinia?” Buck chimes in helpfully.

“Obviously, that's why I ate it!” Eddie grins at him, “My 13 year old brain was thinking, ‘I’ll just be like the Sardinians!’” 

Buck barks a laugh and the both of them crack up together, and if Sophia shares an ‘I told you they are in love with each other’ look with Adri, no one else notices it.

They were able to eat through dinner without the alarm going off. As they pick up the plates, Bobby announces to the table. 

“Sophia, Adri... We were hoping to have a big Christmas dinner tomorrow. We are missing some family, but I think it goes to show we should celebrate and hold on to what we have when we have it. Join us.”

Adri smiles big, “We wouldn't miss it!” 

That night, Adri and Sophia work hard to ensure that the present for Eddie is done in time. 

Chapter Text

Los Angeles, CA

September 23, 2018

Seeing the new probie changing in the locker room sends Buck into a tailspin.

Eddie Diaz.

Broad shoulders, calm as stone, moving like he belongs here already. 

Buck’s eyes linger longer than they should, heat curling low in his gut. 

He is attracted, no question about it.

But there is something else too—something that crawls under Buck’s skin. Familiarity. Like he should know this guy. Like a name on the tip of his tongue, a face from a dream he can’t shake. And the harder he tries to pin it down, the more it slips away.

It pisses him off. The guy is hot as hell, sure, but also a walking reminder of something Buck can’t place, and Buck hates not having answers.

So instead of leaning in, he lashes out. Territorial, sharp-edged, acting like Eddie is stepping on his turf.

Because the truth? From the moment Eddie walks into that locker room, Buck is already off-balance.

There are a lot of things that throw Eddie for a loop when he first meets his new work partner, Buck.

For one, the man seems oddly familiar. Eddie can’t place it—maybe Buck just has one of those faces.

For another, he is kind of being a dick. Territorial as hell, like Eddie has shown up just to burn down his house.

And then there is the part Eddie will never admit: it is… adorable. Golden-retriever energy, trying hard to play guard dog.

Eddie is taken almost immediately, determined to get the man to settle down.

Insanely, what finally does it is pulling a live grenade out of a guy’s leg.

The blush that spreads across Buck’s face when Eddie tells him he could have his back any day sends Eddie’s heart into somersaults.

He tamps it down fast. An old ache resurfaces—etched into his knuckles, burned into his skin. The phantom sting of a belt across his back. A reminder.

Buck is going to be trouble. Eddie knows it.

But keeping him at a distance? Eddie doesn’t want to.

And Buck has a way of making sure he can’t.

Los Angeles, CA

December 25, 2021

Eddie leans his head back on the couch, knuckles pressing lightly against his temples, the phantom ache curling like old habits. It’s late—or maybe early; he can’t tell—but sleep has abandoned him, and Buck hasn’t slept either.

Last night they got called to a structure collapse at an apartment building. He couldn't seem to shake the faces of the wife and son of the man that was trapped in the car underneath.

They had to red tag the building, forcing families to be essentially homeless on Christmas. 

All semblance of Christmas cheer felt gone after that.

“I just can't help feeling bad for the families,” Buck puts it into words as he hands Eddie his coffee and slides next to him on the couch. His shoulder brushes Eddie’s, and the familiar knot in his chest tightens. “They should be home right now, enjoying the excitement of waking up and presents being under the tree. Instead, they are waking up to wondering if they will even have a home to return to.”

Eddie nods in agreement, his throat feels tight. He swallows thickly. 

“It certainly makes all this feel so...” Eddie pauses, searching for the word. He settles on “Hollow.” 

Eddie takes a slow sip from his mug, silence lingering between the two of them. 

“You know,” Buck begins slowly, staring into his coffee, “after I left Pennsylvania… before the 118, I spent a lot of Christmases on the road, alone. One time, when I was working construction in Arizona, a sweet old woman who owned a small diner saw me sitting by myself. She… she asked me why I looked so down.”

Eddie shifts slightly, leaning closer without meaning to, drawn in by Buck’s story. The pull toward him—toward Evan Buckley—is something he can’t fight, a gravity he doesn’t dare name. 

“I told her how much I missed having a settled life… how Christmas used to feel like mine and Maddie’s holiday, full of family and warmth,” Buck says. “And she said something I’ve never forgotten. She said, ‘sometimes you keep moving so fast, you miss the people who want to be part of your life. Family… real family… finds you when you stop and notice it. And when you do, you take care of each other.’ Then she invited me to spend the holiday with her family. Made sure I wouldn’t be alone that day. Fed me, laughed with me, made me feel like I mattered.”

Buck lets the words hang for a moment, staring into his coffee. “At the time, I didn’t really get it. But… looking at the families from last night, how Christmas morning left them out in the cold… it hits differently. Makes you realize that home isn’t always where you were born. Sometimes it’s the people who show up for you, who choose you, even when everything else falls apart.”

Eddie exhales, letting some of the tension leave his shoulders. His hands relax slightly, though the dull ache in his knuckles lingers—especially when Buck’s gaze flicks to him briefly, unspoken and tethered. “You’re right. We’re not just going to sit here feeling bad. Maybe we can do something. Make this Christmas a little warmer for them, even if it’s just for a few hours.”

Buck’s eyes brighten, a spark of purpose in them. “Yeah… we could set up something. Food, music, decorations… even little gifts. Give them the sense that they’re not alone, even if their home isn’t there right now.”

Eddie smiles, a weight lifting slightly off his shoulders. “Let’s do it. If we can make even one family feel at home this Christmas, it’ll be worth it.”

Buck nods, glance lingering on Eddie just a moment too long. Heat flickers across Eddie’s chest, familiar and sharp, knuckles pressing instinctively against the mug. “Then let’s get to work.”

May 13, 2019

Los Angeles, CA

In his nightmare, Buck is trapped beneath the ladder truck, and Eddie can finally run toward him—but no matter how fast he moves, he never gets closer. He has to hear Buck’s screams and can do nothing to stop them.

Losing Shannon had been brutal, like a shadow passing over him, leaving a cold emptiness. He’d only just gotten her back in his and Christopher’s lives, only to lose her again, permanently. Their time together had always carried an undercurrent of obligation. He slept with her because he was supposed to—because his parents, the church, and the idea of a “proper family” demanded it. Every touch pressed wrong against his body, every kiss felt like a bruise. He shaped himself into the contours of expectation until he felt hollow. He was supposed to love her, supposed to be with her. But desire had rarely, if ever, accompanied obligation.

But this? Seeing Buck hurt is like fire running through his veins, like his chest has been hollowed and stuffed with stone, every heartbeat hammering against the walls. Shannon’s death is a memory of pain—but Buck’s pain is a blade cutting through body and soul at once. Every fiber of him wants to lean in, to hold, to soothe. His hands twitch, his chest tightens, his stomach coils—and unlike with Shannon, he doesn’t pull back. And yet, he can’t have Buck. He knows it. The tether between them is invisible, unspoken, a boundary he can’t cross. That makes every instinct to protect, to be close, to stay near, feel sharper, more urgent, more forbidden. This is not obligation, it's instinct.

Now Eddie sits forward in the stiff hospital chair, elbows on his knees, rubbing the phantom ache in his knuckles. Every now and then, he flexes them open and closed to ease the tension. His leg bounces slightly, each jolt a reminder that he can’t stay still. His hands twitch against the vinyl armrest; he clenches, releases, clenches again. 

He came straight to Buck’s room after dropping Christopher at school. He needs to be here, to see him, to feel him near—because the screams of Buck’s agony replayed in his mind all night.

Buck is okay. He is fine. And yet, the memory of him under the truck claws at Eddie, every tremor in his hands and chest echoing the helplessness of the nightmare. He leans slightly forward again, fighting the coil of anxiety and something deeper, something forbidden, that tightens in his chest whenever he looks at Buck.

Eddie doesn’t notice when Buck’s eyelids flutter open.

“Are you hurt?” Buck asks, voice rough from sleep.

Eddie startles, shifting in the stiff chair. “What?”

“You—your hands,” Buck says softly. “Are you hurt?”

Eddie scoffs, half-smile tugging at his lips despite himself. “You’re sitting here with screws in your leg, and you’re asking me if I’m hurt?”

“Yeah,” Buck shrugs, playful despite the pain.

Eddie softens, a little, the tightness in his chest loosening. For the first time in a long while, the heaviness that had always sat wrong in his body is absent. Here, with Buck, it’s replaced by a tethered warmth, something immediate and urgent.

“You’re too good, Buck,” he exhales. “I’m okay. Phantom pain. It happens when I—”

He stops himself. No one can ever know. The words twist in his throat, hot and sharp, a secret he’s been forced to carry alone.

“How are you feeling?” he asks instead, voice steadier than he feels.

Eddie catches the curiosity in Buck’s face. He’s itching to ask, itching to know more about the phantom pain. Mercifully, Buck lets it slide, a playful smile dancing on his lips.

 “Like I got hit by a truck.”

Eddie can’t help it—a laugh escapes, sharp and genuine. He leans forward slightly, closer than he probably should, hands brushing against the blanket at Buck’s feet. The instinct to protect him surges, to stay near, to reach for him, but Eddie freezes. He can’t have Buck. He knows that.

And then the door opens.

“Hey,” Ali’s voice rings out, cheerful and loud. Her presence immediately fills the room.

The moment shatters. Eddie straightens, chest tightening again, heat creeping into his neck and cheeks. Buck shifts, blinking, eyes flicking toward Eddie before settling on Ali. The warmth and tethered connection recede, replaced with the sharp coil of longing and frustration that Eddie is forced to bury for now.

“Hey,” Buck says softly, voice neutral but the subtle tension between him and Eddie lingers, unspoken.

Eddie clears his throat, pretending to busy himself with the chair arm as Ali leans down to press a kiss to Buck’s lips.

Evan’s name rolls off her tongue like a flavor Eddie has never been allowed to taste. Heat twists in his chest, sharp and sudden. His hands twitch against the chair, and he forces himself to look away as something in him aches.