Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The gasp of air he took waking up was jolting to say the least. Yet he couldn't move. What had happened to him was a blur of colors and people, and all he could register was the white—the first time not seeing a multitude of colors in years— room.
His immediate thought was to look around the room. But somehow his body wouldn't listen. The only thing he could do was move his eyes. His limbs felt heavy, like something was pressing on all of them.
As the memories from the past few years flashed through his mind he realized, he WAS. No longer some cartoon creature, Felix was back in himself. Definitely not a normal self but better than that purple rabbit.
Despite the comfort this brought him he was still stuck, as if in paralysis. More than likely, he was in a hospital of some sort by the bright shine of the lights and white walls and ceilings. He couldn't quite remember anymore how he had ended up in the circus but assumed it was similar to Pomni— Pomni! The last thing he remembered was the world around them shutting down, Caine's agonizing wails watching his world and subsequently himself shutting down. The glitch creeping up on all their bodies. Holding her in his arms talking for what they thought would be their last few minutes.
And yet here he was. He suddenly picked up on an annoyingly loud beep from beside him; actually, there seemed to be many smaller ones too. Clearly, he was in a hospital, but how? Pomni had said she found the headset while exploring, but he hadn't really been too much into that...
The door opened and a nurse swiftly walked over to him, or at least that's what their shoes sounded like.
"How ya feeling pumpkin?" She smiled brightly at him. "I'm your nurse, which I'm sure you figured out already. I'm Bernice, but you can call me Mimi, all the residents do."
The only thing he could do was move his eyes, so he gave her a once-over before looking back at the ceiling. She had black hair tied up in a bun and her almost red-brown skin had the lights bounce off it in an almost mystical way.
"Now, sugar, we can't have you staying like that now, can we?" She said, starting to detach the tubes that he had just noticed in his throat. He couldn't be doing this. He couldn't move, he couldn't breathe, he could barely even think. He needed to scream and run away.
Mimi watched the monitors picking up in pace as she quickly finished the removal. Reassuring him with pats on the wrist.
He focused his eyes on her nameplate only, trying to distract himself from the hell he was currently facing. As he squinted at it, he noticed the same logo that was found around the circus, C+A co., in a little circle right in the corner next to Q. Bernice. Despite trying to hide his panic, he still heard the small change in sound from his monitor.
"All right pumpkin, all set, you might be able to move a little more freely now."
And sure enough he could. But just as he moved his arms the smallest amount he was hit with a thought. The only ever person to call him the pet name Pumkin. It couldn't be though. She... was gone. He had watched her abstract. But as he gazed up at those kind eyes, the only ones who had checked on him, he knew, this was queenie.

Chapter Text

"What's wrong sugar?" Queenie, no Mimi, asked him. He just started to realize he was tearing up. This was all too much despite wanting to escape that horrid place. It was at least pretty predictable, but this? This situation was all new, and he had no clue what to do, so he went onward.
"Is it really you?" He quivered out his voice, weak from disuse. He was trying not to let the flood of tears come out. He'd been strong enough in the circus; why couldn't he be here? To be honest, it might be because of the fact that he was lying in a hospital bed, meeting a woman he hadn't seen for a year, after thinking she had died.
She's practically his mom, especially with the relationship he had left with his mom before he was gone. She has been one of the only comforting presences in the circus.
"Oh, pumpkin, I couldn't wait to see you again. And of course Charles is also waiting to as well." The name Charles didn't click in his head as anyone from the circus, "Well, I mean Kinger as you know him."
Felix's eyes went wide as he glanced around the room, connecting the dots that if Kinger is here then Pomni might be too.
"Is she, I mean, where are the rest of them? The rest of the circus members I mean"
"I wish I could say they were here too, but unfortunately, you're the last one to wake, and they have their own lives to re-figure out. Once they recovered enough to work and live C and A practically kicked them out of the facility anyway."
Despair filled him so he did what he was used to. "Guess best was saved for last then, I don't need any of them here anyway." The grin slowly filled his face, just not quite reaching his eyes.
"It's alright to not be ok right now, it's a lot for anyone to go through honey." She rested her hand on his shoulder.
"Naw I'm all good. Back to normal life I suppose?" He chuckled, keeping a small smirk on his face as he leaned his head back into the pillow.
"I'll be back in a few hours to check in okay?" He doesn't respond as he hears the footsteps of her walking away, echoing around the room. He doesn't open his eyes until the door clicks shut. With it, the smile drops. He is so tired.

(　´⊇｀)

He doesn't realize he fell asleep till the knocking on the door wakes him up. "GO AWAY, CAINE, OR WHOEVER!" He yells out on instinct before looking around. The little trinkets he's collected from the circus members are nowhere to be found. The bright colors of his bed and walls were replaced by white.
"It's just me Pumkin. Oh, and Charles." He couldn't do that again.
"Who am I to stop you? Come if you want." He watches the door as it creaks open, revealing Mimi and supposedly Kinger. He's a man with dirty blond hair and a tan trench coat. He's holding one of those children's bug-collecting boxes. It has two butterflies in it. One red and the other blue with black dots.
"Hey kiddo I thought you'd enjoy some company." He can't bring himself to react to this unexpected appearance. The lanky man strides over and places the small container on the bedside. His eyes follow Charles as he places down the box. Next to where it was put, a shriveled-up rose lies there. The was the first time he was fully looking around the room.
This was the first time he noticed the small table, probably for him to eat on, had a few small items. The box Kinger put, that rose(he would need to ask Mimi later who it was from), and a red... bowtie.
The Charles fella may be talking but ja-Felix is too focused on the new discovery. Everyone in the circus got out, did that include all the already abstracted people? Queenie was here, obviously. So it wasn't too far-fetched for him to believe that was the case, right? He looked down at his hands shaking slightly.
Probably interrupting one of Charles' thoughts, he would apologize later. He looked toward his nurse, "Mimi? Whose bowtie is that?"
She looks towards him, her expression seeming to be one of heartbreak. "Oh Felix," she seems to struggle to say the words, "it belonged to ribbit. It was found next to him shortly after his return to the world from this facility. He only left a note reading for 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘫𝘢𝘹, 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘮𝘦."

.
.
.

He was hooked up to wires and tubes, could barely talk, barely even think straight with the brightness of the lights above, so how was he supposed to react? He couldn't scream; his voice wouldn't be heard. He sat up slowly, he could feel all the wires inside him, all the needles poking into his veins, and yet he didn't seem to care as he started ripping them out in groups at a time. He heard the beep of machinery going wild, and yet he couldn't care. He almost let out of bed and was standing, until the world around him started to close in and blur. Then he was nowhere.

Chapter Text

There was pain, that's all she could feel. Her cells or maybe pixels are being torn apart. Tears streamed down her face as she saw the only people she knew running towards her, Jax looking terrified. And then nothing. She felt nothing and knew nothing. Was that a voice, speaking to her?

Ragatha no Charlotte snapped awake. Trying to cough from the feeling of something running down her throat. But she could breathe— and she hadn't done that in a while. She slowly raised her head slightly from the pillow it was lying on and took survey of the room.

A kind-looking black woman, wearing nursing scrubs, stood next to her, messing with some sort of dial on a machine. The room was white, a stark contrast to how everything had looked 10 minutes ago. Ragatha made a muffled noise and the woman looked over with shock and little pity on her face.

As the woman looked over, she heard her whisper, “Another one abstracted.” Charlotte couldn't believe her ears; she must be hallucinating all this. She was fine. Why wouldn't she be?

Before anything else happened the woman indicated that she was taking the tube out and for her to stay still, and that she did. She stayed deep in thought analyzing the situation. She could feel all of what was happening. So clearly she was present enough for that.

“Hello sugar, how are you feeling? I know it can feel a little jolting waking to this strange room, remembering your name, someone you've probably never met before. So I'll introduce myself. I'm Bernice but you can call me Mimi, all the residents do." She wasn't sure how to react to all this. By the way this woman, Mimi, was talking. She wasn’t the first to wake up from abstraction.

She was still a little groggy as she looked at the nurse above her. She blinked slowly and let out a yawn. She actually felt tired despite the fact her body had slept for however long.

(⌒‐⌒)

Soon enough before realizing it she's waking up again, still groggy. Mimi is back once again almost as if waiting for her. “Oh hello honey, how ya feeling after that rest? Honestly I've noticed post-abstracted people need a lot of sleep right after waking up, it puts your body through a lot of stress emotionally and physically.” The woman is looking at her with concern.

“I-I think I do feel a little better maybe.”

“Any pain or unusual sensations?” She had started to examine her with a stethoscope, having her take breaths and move different limbs.

“Do you mean having a normal human body, because yeah that would do it l think. Feeling pretty human.” She chuckled and looked up at Mimi who was just staring at her with a fond look. “What?”

“Oh nothing you're just acting like another little pumpkin I knew from a bit back. He was a little mischievous, silly with his words.” She could see tears prick at the corners of Mimi's eyes. “Well that aside it seems you are doing well, now just for the intense therapy to reaclimate into society and of course your body.”

The therapy was indeed tough. It was a lot of walking, that was pretty much it on the physical side, just building up the muscles needed to keep herself up. She felt like a real life ragdoll at moments because of her lack of ability to stand. But she trained and eventually could walk unsupported.

Of course there was the mental side of things, C+A brought in a therapist for her to talk to. She wouldn't ever want to think about this session again. But eventually she was no longer damaged, at least in the eye's of C+A representatives.

They gave her an apartment pre-paid for 6 months, 500$ cash and an NDA longer than her list of emotional baggage. She was free and yet… she was alone. She wasn't told what happened to the other circus members or the abstracted ones.

Gosh she was stupid she sound have asked while there but it would seem not to be in her favor. These people understood her. She had to find them all again, she thought, opening the box of pins, red string and tape. After all, they couldn't have gotten far.

Chapter Text

He really hoped there wasn't an active monitor on him. Because he has been sitting in the dark for the last 20 minutes or so staring at the ceiling; churning thoughts around in his brain. It's not like he could do much of anything anyway, They had practically chained him to the bed.

His arms and legs are now black-and-blue from the amount of wrestling that he had done. He was trying to escape, He wasn't quite sure of the purpose but he knew he needed to get away. He never wanted to trust C+A so he would need to get out as soon as possible. It would be best to quietly go with what they ask then to keep lashing out.

Almost as if sensing him coming to the conclusion a knock comes before the door slides open, “Oh pumpkin you're already awake?” The sugary voice of Mimi comes wafting over. He kind of wished he hadn't woken up. He wouldn't need to be dealing with this bull. He let out a sigh and slowly sat up wincing at the tender feeling on his arms.

“Well you might've expected that one kiddo,” she says with a small smile, “I'm glad you're up. It was probably good for you to get more rest. The circus really stresses you out. We may just start with some mental thera-”

“No! I-I mean I don't think I can, I- just tell them you think I'm all good on that part or whatever.” He couldn't believe he had just interrupted her but he just couldn't.

“I really think it would help but I do understand. We can start your physical therapy soon too. That'll help you stand and walk and whatever else your body may have forgotten.” She smiled softly, giving him a nudge on his forehead. “We'll get you tip top again in no time.”

( ´ー`)

It was as he was walking out of the facility that he seemed to come back to himself. Holding a key to an apartment, 500$ cash, and the only and longest NDA he had ever signed. He got into the company car and was off to his new/old life.

It had been 4 years trapped in that place. He both wanted to go back but also not. He hated feelings. He thought about where he could go. He had the apartment, prepaid and all but like his dad had never wanted him and his relationship with his mom would be non-existent at this point.

As the car stopped he got out taking the small pile of stuff with him. He almost ran to his apartment not wanting to be out any longer.

The first thing he had to do was get a job, preferably within walking distance. For where he was sitting on the couch facing the window he could see some fast food places, a small tattoo Shop, a vinyl record store, you could also see a little grocery store. He had no credentials when it came to tattooing, he hadn't really listened to music and he would never touch that taco bell no matter how desperate.

That left McDonald's, the Tom's groceries, a chicken fil a, and a burger King. Hevwould apply to all of them. But first a burner phone of some sort.

So he ran to the supermarket and checked out the little area that sells phones. He bought a cheap refurbished Galaxy or something and started setting it up. After finishing it he started digitally filling out his job applications online. He would get a job. He just realized just how crazy he looked. And decided to buy an outfit or two more.

He had all he needed(he grabbed a few food cans) and started walking back. He jumped back in shock and he passed the vinyl record store. Looking back at him was Gangle. No wait, just a comedy mask, he was okay, never planning to go back if the circus was even still around. Seemed pretty collapsing the last time he was there.

As he was out to cross the road he heard a small ‘BaBing’ come from his pocket, maybe he got accepted? He started walking forward, not really looking up before doing so. He got halfway across the road before hearing a scream. He looked up just in time to be yanked back by someone. She had short black hair with the ends pink and was his same high or maybe a little shorter(6’)

“Are you crazy? Did you not think to look before crossing,” she seemed genuinely upset at him.

“Why, getting hit never hurt anyone?” He said in a mocking-joking tone. He smirked.

“Gosh men are all idiots!” She rolls her eyes and starts to walk back to where she came from. Felix follows suit.

“And all you ladies are all so emotional.” She gives him a death glare gesturing at a pin on her-their chest. ‘They/them pls’.

But how was he supposed to know and he says as such, “aren't all men idiots clearly that's why I didn't see it sooner.” He giggled at his own joke of sorts.

The strange human gave him an odd look before also beginning to chuckle a bit. “Well then I'd say we're pretty good acquainted then, I'm River.” They stuck their hand out for a shake.

“Felix,” he responded in kind. He looked up, “so you work at a tattoo shop? Seems fitting for you.” She glanced at him quickly with some almost panicked look in her eye.

“Yeah yeah I took a break the last few years but of course the old man let me right back in ever since I've been doing it for a few months now. Do you live around here?”

“Yeah the apartments just up the road,” he remembered suddenly as he was still holding the shopping bags. He almost threw his phone at them, “Uhhh here put your number on this and we can keep talking later, I've kinda got some stuff indeed to put away.”

“Yeah sure,” they smile brightly at him and hand his phone back. “Well enjoy your day, don't get hit by a car.”

“I'll not to for ya,” he gives a small wave over his shoulder back at them.

( ；∀；)

It's the middle of the night when he first reaches out. He was not doing okay. The nightmare of her almost disintegrating in his arms leaves him sweating and shaking, but can't- won't cry. He fumbles around in the dark til he pulls open his screen he needs something to ground him. The bathroom seemed like a football field away and he didn't have a cup of water. Not even white noise. It's almost accidental as he taps the call button.

“Hello?” He hears the quite groggy voice on the other side.

“I-I think I need help. No water, no ice. Nothing… it's too much, the everythi-” He cut off by a sudden quite rhythmic tapping. And their voice started to talk.

“You're in bed? You should be safe. You hear the tapping… how many taps in each 10 seconds?” It seems silly that he was being grounded by it but the counting he was starting to do was helping and having their voice there, unjudging, was a comfort.

“I think- I think I want a tattoo. Just a small rose, dead.” He says in a small voice.

“I'm sure we can arrange that.” She says the hint of a smile in their voice.

So it's the next morning holding Ribbits bow tie that he shows up at the tattoo parlor. They're there at the door waiting for him. “Sup, you're just gonna come over here and sit down. Do you have a design?”

“No, I trust you.” Getting set up was a quick process and soon enough they were doing it, he actually kind of enjoyed the feeling, better than his own nails in his skin.

“So you wanna talk about it?” They ask gently as they get started.

“No not really but I've been putting it off for too long. I wanted to honor my friend, pompom, she… she well she disappeared and I've been missing her for a while.” He was looking at his hands while saying it. But he heard the buzzing stop and the clunk of metal on metal. He looked up and they were staring at him.

“Jax!?”