The "Good" King Robert

A silly original poem/song inspired by Robert Baratheon's time as the King of Westeros, his marriage to Cersei Lannister, and his death from A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones.
This is meant to be read, spoken, or sung in a taunting singsongy way.

Notes:

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(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It's said: birds of a feather,

They always flock together.

And lions lie with each other,

No matter the weather.

There's a storm of swords,

And now a clash of clubs.

A mama and a papa lion,

And their three little cubs.

The Good King Robert,

He whores and he brags.

His three golden children,

But none of them are stags.

King Robert loved his whores,

He loved strongwine no less.

Were he wiser he'd have feared,

Sharing a bed with a lioness.

Cersei gave him the horns.

Yes, she fleeced a royal Buck.

He was the Trident's Demon,

Now he's just Robert the Cuck!

The King, he went-a-hunting,

But now he'll hunt no more.

And really, who's to blame?

The lioness or the boar?

Now Fury's reign has ended;

His kingdom is torn apart.

Paid for with Dragon's blood,

And now it claims the Hart.

Notes:

I am not seeking commissioned artworks for my writing. Please do not comment with offers or start conversations in order to pitch a collaboration.

Series this work belongs to:

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Comments

Corin2007 Wed 10 Sep 2025 04:48AM UTC

Absolutely brilliant 😁😁💙💙💙.

PS: How do you think Robert will be remembered in history as a King? A decent one? Because his reign was mostly peaceful and his death started one of the most devestating civil Wars.

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YashaBonagracia Wed 10 Sep 2025 05:02PM UTC

I think that he'd be remembered similarly to Aegon the Unworthy. He drank, whored, mismanaged his rule, and left a succession crisis that tore apart the 7 Kingdoms. While his reign was mostly considered peaceful, his actions directly lead to the instability that caused everything to fall apart after his death. His mismanagement of the crown's wealth allowed for Petyr Baelish to have the opportunity to fleece the treasury. His disinterest in ruling allowed for the rival factions to gain power that later caused problems.
He might not have legitimized his bastards like Aegon the Unworthy did, but he left no true heirs. If Aegon can be said to be a major contributor to the Blackfyre Rebellions, then the same can be said of Robert for the War of Five Kings.

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1. Corin2007 Sat 13 Sep 2025 06:49AM UTC
  
  Well said I read somewhere that he would be remembered as a good King but now that you put it that way they'll remember his reign leaving the Kingdom 6 Million Gold Dragons+ in debt. And your other points about his disinterest in ruling are also great.
  
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