Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Two weeks ago, you had woken up in your cell in Belle Reve from a case file being shoved under the door. Most of the files were charts of the chemical composition of something you managed to identify as Mithridate, a new drug, designed to suppress metahuman abilities. As you read the name signed in blue ink at the end, your heart sank. Amanda Waller. That name was never a good sign, especially in the situation you had found yourself in.

You had always known, there was something different about you. You had always had an affinity for fire and heat. In your childhood it was still small incidents, when you got angry you had burned several rugs and couch cushions. Your teenage years were marked by burning down abandoned buildings and blowing stuff up in the woods. Although you had a better grasp on your powers now, the anger was growing and increasingly hard to control, and with the anger came the fire.

You didn’t know if the pyromania was linked to your powers, or if you were just the unluckiest person on earth to get hit with that killer combination of wanting to burn things down all the time and the power to set things on fire. It was like handing you a Glock, loading it, aiming it and then tell you not to pull the trigger.

By now you had learned to manage your anger, mostly. After the accident a few years ago you had made a conscious effort to become a more well-rounded person. Switching from coffee to tea, meditating and mandatory therapy as part of your sentence that had landed you in Belle Reve.

In your eyes, putting you here was a great injustice. You didn’t belong with these nut-jobs. At least they’d put you here instead of Arkham.

Unconsciously your hand wandered to the inhibitor collar around your neck. It had been such a long time since you had felt that crackling heat in your fingertips. It felt like they’d killed off part of you, or at least put her into a deep sleep. They had taken your fire, your heat – literally and figuratively. You felt yourself wasting away in your cell, day in, day out.

And now, no other than Amanda Waller wanted to put you onto some bullshit task force. You had heard about the deals she made. In your eyes she was a hundred times worse than each and every one of you in here.

By now you had read the file so many times you could have drawn the chemical compounds from memory.

You stood up, walking towards the door of your cell. You banged against it two times before a guard showed up. You felt the defeat in your muscles but there was no way you could take another day in this shit hole without your powers.
“Tell Waller I’ll fucking do it.”
“I’m sure she wasn’t asking.” The guard responded, but left, nonetheless, to deliver your message.

This morning you had woken up in a small, not-very-nice motel room. Your first day in freedom. You didn’t even care about the tracking thing Waller had put in you, you only cared about it being back. Your fingertips shone with a faint orange glow. You could feel it run through your veins, the heat, the energy. It felt like waking from a coma after years. You were so busy feeling your body buzz again, you almost forgot that this release had its conditions.

You fished a plastic bag from under the bed. This was all you owned. It was your suit from the day you got arrested, black with yellow and orange spots. It was torn. Fucking assholes couldn’t just apprehend you without fucking up your clothes. There was a pack of five-year-old gum, some sunglasses, earphones and a cracked iPod. You tried turning it on, but the display stayed dark.
"Fuck!"
You threw the iPod against a wall, leaving a small dent, put on your sunglasses and almost popped a piece of gum into your mouth before deciding against it last second.

When you walked into HQ, your heart sank again. This was a small mission. The off-the-record-kind, Waller had fucked up plans for and you liked it less and less by the minute. You didn’t trust her a second but as long as you didn’t know what her true objective was, it was nothing but useless paranoia. You needed to find out what this was about, how exactly she was going to fuck you over and you needed to find out, who the others were and what they knew, if maybe they were in on it with Waller.

There were only two people sitting at their desks across from each other. You recognized them as Adebayo and Economos from the files. Both turned their heads when they heard the door open. Adebayo immediately stood up and made her way to you.
“Hi, how can I help you?” She smiled.
“Waller sent me, I got released from Belle Reve last night. She said you were expecting me.”
Adebayo’s eyes widened a bit as realization set in.
“Oh, right. Nice to meet you, I hope we can work well together, and I hope you will feel at home with the team. You know we all have worked together before, so I hope you won’t feel excluded or anything.”

You nodded. “Thanks. So, where do we start?”
“Well, the others are not here yet, but this is John Economos,” She pointed at Economos, who just lazily raised his hand in a welcoming gesture, “he has many talents, mainly techy stuff.”
You saw on his face how the word ‘techy’ offended him, but he didn’t say anything. You took a few steps in his direction.

“I know you.” You squinted your eyes at him. He seemed nervous.
“Maybe from the file?”
You shook your head.
“Nah, I saw you at Belle Reve, you worked for them.” You could feel the anger bubble up. You had a problem with authority, the state and the police but with the Belle Reve employees it was personal. Even if you knew Economos personally hadn’t done anything to you, he’d still worked for them. Technically you worked for them now too. You thought about it for a second.

Economos had gone pale.
“Look, I’m not a big fan either of what they do over there.”
You scanned him.
“It’s alright, you gotta do, what you gotta do, I’m here too, aren’t I?” Your therapist would have been proud of you. Only a few years ago this would have been the moment your fingertips would have gotten so hot, they would have incinerated the first surface they’d touched.

One by one the rest of the team gathered. You observed them, trying to get e feeling for the people you would be working with for the foreseeable future. Harcourt was the only one who seemed competent enough. If anyone knew something about something, it had to be her, you needed to keep an eye on her. Vigilante was an idiot. And he refused to take his mask off, which made him hard to read. You didn’t like it.

When Peacemaker spotted you, a big smile grew on his face, and he came over to give you a crushing hug.
“Hey, they let you out too, nice!” After seeing the questioning looks from the rest of the team he explained: “We met at Belle Reve. She always cheats at cards but other than that she’s cool.” He turned back to you. “How’s anger management going?”
“Good, I guess, I’m here, aren’t I?”

Vigilante made a few steps in your direction, but still kept a safe distance.
“So, you have powers? What can you do? Can you read minds? What am I thinking about right now?”
“I can’t read minds, not that there would be a lot to read in yours anyway.”
“Jeez, no wonder they put you in therapy.”

You were ready to launch at him when Peacemaker put his hand on your shoulder.
“Just ignore him, he drives me up the fucking walls too.”
You took a deep breath and your hands cooled down.

“To get this whole thing out of the way and you don’t have to keep staring at me like I’m an exotic animal, I will tell you about my powers and each of you gets two questions. After that I don’t want to talk about it anymore, ok? I’m here to do a job.”

You sat at one of the tables, putting your feet up on it.
“I have heat powers; I can control heat through my hands. It’s linked to my mood, and when I get angry, I get hot, so don’t fucking provoke me. I did some shit when I was a teenager, which got me a long term all expenses paid trip to Belle Reve, I don’t want to talk about what happened either.” You shot Harcourt a look. “I’m betting you’re the one in charge here so I’m sure you read my file and you know what happened. For the rest of you,” you looked at the others, “if you really want to know, you’ll have to ask her. Questions?”

Harcourt was the first to speak. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest.
“Why did Amanda Waller put you on the team?”
“You want the bullshit reason or the real reason?”
“I know the bullshit reason.”
“I have no idea, but I’m sure it’ll end up with me back behind bars or dead. Let’s hope for Waller’s sake it’s the second one.”

“Why don’t you want to tell us what got you arrested?” Adebayo had sat down on the opposite side of the table.
You lifted your feet from the table, slamming down your hands with a forced smile.
“Because it was a dumb thing that happened and it’s none of your business. I don’t know any of you, and I don’t ask you about your trauma, right?”
“I get that.” Adebayo continued. “But I feel like we need to know what kind of person you are, like, did you kill anyone?”
“I don’t see how this is relevant to the mission, but yeah, I did. That was your second question by the way.”
“What? No that wasn’t my real question!”
You ignored her. “Other questions?”

“I have a question.” Vigilante raised his hand.
“Yeah, you.” You made a gesture to give him permission to speak.
“Can you make a flame with your hand? Like could you be used as a human sized candle?”
“I don’t control fire, I control heat, didn’t you listen to what I just said? And no, because of that I cannot function as a human candle, but I can turn you into one if I get my hands on you.” You made an abrupt move towards Vigilante, who flinched and then tried to play it off as if he was adjusting his standing position. After his fast recovery he opened his mouth again.
“Do you ever use your powers during sex? Like with the warm hands and –”
“Unfortunately,” you interrupted him, “you’re already out of questions, so we’ll have to move on. Anyone else?”

Harcourt had sat down next to Adebayo. Her eyes hadn’t left you for a second since she had entered the room.
“I’m just gonna say it, I don’t trust you, but you are on this team, and we will need to work together. We don’t need to become best friends, I just need to know if I can trust that you’ll do the job.”
“I don’t want to go back to prison, and I don’t want to die, so, yeah you can trust my work. If I happen to find out though, that you know something about why I’m here that I don’t, it’s over.”
For a few seconds the two of you stared at each other. The tension in the room was almost palpable.

“What about you, John?” You turned to Economos.
“I would prefer Economos, we’re not that close.”
“And I would have preferred not to be locked up by you fascists, John.”
“I know you said we’re ok, but I get the feeling you’re still angry.”
“Oh, do you, John? Show me you are a decent human being despite helping the American Prison-Industrial Complex and maybe I’ll think about it.”
Economos straightened his shoulders, with a bit of newfound confidence.
“Alright, then my question is, what can I do to make you less angry at me?”
You furrowed your brows, thinking.

“You’re good with IT, right?”
Economos nodded.
“There is this bitch, Becky Miller, she ratted me out to the cops when I got arrested. I want you to link her fingerprints to several cold murder cases. I know she won’t go to prison, but I want her to be inconvenienced as fuck by this.”
“I can’t fucking do that, it’s illegal.”
“Oh please, half the things you do on these operations are illegal as shit. What’s the difference?”
“One is for the greater good and one is for your personal amusement?”
“I think me being amused is for the greater good. But ok, I knew you wouldn’t come through, chicken.”
“Alright, I won’t let myself get rage-bated by you, I’ll do it, but not because you asked.”

Harcourt turned to him. “No, you won’t can we please stay on topic?”
Economo’s eyes flickered from Harcourt to you and back. He didn’t move.

You turned to Peacemaker. “You still haven’t asked anything.”
He shrugged. “Don’t have anything to ask.”
“Alright, John, one last question for you.”

Economos weighed his words before speaking.
“Do you have like a super-villain name?”
“I’m not a super villain, but I do have a name. It’s Salamandra.”

“Oh cool, like the fire salamander?” Vigilante was back in the discussion.
“Look at you, maybe not that dumb after all.” You commented before standing up.

There were black marks on the table where your hands had rested.
“Can I go now? I know we meet again tonight for the mission briefing but I’ve been in prison for five years, I have to go out and take care of some…stuff.”
Harcourt just nodded. “Don’t be late.”
You tipped your fingers to your forehead. “Aye, aye, captain.”
With that you left headquarters.

The sun had gone down by the time you arrived back at the run down building you now called headquarters. The first thing you had done, was go get some clothes. It had been e bit harder than anticipated as you had not one penny to your name. And even though your suit was fucked, you had found a black t-shirt with yellow spots. This was enough for now. Even though the suit’s main function was heat protection, you’d be fine for now. It was a bit ironic, that you had all this power in your palms, but the rest of your body was still not totally heat resistant.

You popped out one of the earphones when you entered the room. This had been the second stop on your little shopping tour, earphones and a used iPod from a secondhand shop.

Economos stood in front of the room with a big screen and a PowerPoint that looked like a third grader had made it. You sat on a chair in the back. Peacemaker and Vigilante were bickering in the front while Adebayo was still in the office, if you could call it that, talking to Harcourt. When they were finished, they joined the team, and all eyes were on Economos.

“So,” he began, “this is mission Shangri-La, as you know an until now unknown criminal organization has started developing a new drug called Mithridate that cures meta-human abilities.”

You raised a hand. “First of all, I find that term very offensive, the only people believing we need to be cured, is the government. Fuck those people.”
“Alright social-justice-warrior, but wouldn’t you rather the government had it than it being distributed uncontrollably underground?” Harcourt hissed at you.
You thought about it for a second. You shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” You looked at Economos. “Alright, continue.”

Economos looked at Harcourt, as if to wait for her permission. She nodded.
“Ok, so, we have gotten our hands on some of the prototypes of this drug, those are in your files. We have not figured out exactly how the drug works and if it has any effect on normal people.”

“Again, offensive.” You interrupted him. “Are you saying I’m not a normal person just because I can do some cool shit with my hands?”
“Yeah,” Vigilante chimed in, “seems like you’re a bit racist towards meta-humans.”
“He’s right!” You pointed your finger at Vigilante. “Don’t they have like sensibility training for this shit at A.R.G.U.S. or something?”

Harcourt turned to you. “Can you shut the fuck up? We’re trying to get through the briefing?”
You crossed your hands in front of your chest but stayed silent.

“As I said, we don’t know exactly what this drug does. There have been rumors of a shipment coming in tomorrow night. They distribute the stuff in Gotham but we’re sure it’s coming from somewhere else. We will intercept the shipment and send it to the laboratory for analysis. The next step would be to infiltrate this criminal organization and find out from where they operate and stop them.”

This time it was Peacemaker speaking up.
“Why do we have to do Batman’s work for him? Isn’t Gotham his territory? I mean I know, I’m way better, but still.”
Harcourt answered. “I don’t know, that’s all we’ve been told that there have been several distribution operations in Gotham, and we should look into it.”

Peacemaker turned around to the rest of the group. “I bet it’s because he’s gone, getting hair transplants and steroid treatment.”
“Really?” Vigilante asked with awe in his voice.
“Of course not, you idiot.” You answered. “Everyone knows he has this furry thing, and once a year he goes on a retreat to some zoo to…you know. I’m just saying the whole thing with Cat Woman is…suspicious.”

“Where do all of you get this bullshit?” Harcourt was getting agitated. “Is this a prison thing? Did they fry your brains at Belle Reve?”
“No, but people talk, especially in prison, I know some guys who met Batman, and they told me.” You leaned back in your chair.
“Oh ok, so this asshole gets all this shit from Google, and you just believe wild prison gossip?” She pinched the bridge of her nose.

Vigilante leaned over to you. In an almost whisper he asked, “What else do they say down there?”
You leaned in too. “They say that Batman and Bruce Wayne have a secret affair and that Bruce is his sugar daddy, think about it, that whole gear must be expensive as fuck.”
Vigilante nodded. “Yeah, makes sense. Also, Bruce Wayne is a handsome man, I get it.”

“Should we talk about tomorrow night?” Adebayo interrupted your discussion.
“Yes, please.” Harcourt was done. “Tomorrow we’ll have to be as discrete as possible. You go in, get some of the stuff to send it in for testing, don’t be seen, don’t raise any suspicions, remember we will have to go undercover at some point, and they can’t know who you are. I will stay behind with Economos and Adebayo to coordinate. Salamandra, Peacemaker, Vigilante, you go in, as much as it pains me that you are our only option for the field.” She stared at the ground for a second. “I would love to do it myself as I don’t really trust any of you with this covert mission, but someone has to be the leader of this team, and sadly I trust you even less with that.”

She turned to look directly at you.
“Don’t fuck this up. The others I know can hold their own on a mission, you, I don’t know, and I don’t trust.”
“Maybe they should’ve prescribed you some anger management classes as well.”
Harcourt had already opened her mouth, furious, but you were faster. You had raised your hands defensively. “I won’t fuck it up, promise.”

You were silent a full minute before you started talking again.
“I have another question though, why is the mission called Shangri-La? Isn’t that like a made-up place? And what the fuck does that have to do with Mithridate?”
Instead of Economos, Peacemaker answered. “Actually, Shangri-La is a fictional place in Tibet that can be compared to paradise on earth, it was first mentioned in the 1933 novel Lost Horizon by James Hilton.”

The others stared at him. Peacemaker pulled a face.
“Don’t look so surprised, it’s offensive. I read sometimes.”
“I still don’t understand what Shangri-La has to do with Mithridate, is that also fictional?” You looked at Peacemaker. He shrugged.

This time it was Economos answering your question.
“Mithridate also refers to a semi-mythical remedy against almost all poisons. King Mithridates VI actually –”
“Alright, I get it.” You interrupted.

“There are some rumors about a place called Shangri-La in the mountains where this organization has their headquarters, but we have not confirmed such a place actually exists.” Harcourt explained. “And I guess it was just a catchy name.” She added. “Ok so now that all important questions have been answered, can we get back to talking strategy for tomorrow?” She rubbed her temple as if she could feel a headache coming on.

“Aye captain.” You leaned back in your chair. For the next hours you sat quiet, listening to the battle plan. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad. You were finally out of your cell, you had your powers back, you had something to do, and you were able to work with Peacemaker, you had always liked him back at Belle Reve. This would be fine.

Chapter Text

Miller Harbor, Gotham’s cargo harbor on the eastern end of Spring River smelled like sewage and motor oil. The air was damp and cold when you stepped out of the van.

You still hadn’t found anyone to repair your suit, so you opted for a generic dark-undercover mission outfit. Vigilante’s suit was at least dark colors, but you could not figure out how Peacemaker in his bright colors and shiny helmet planned on staying below the radar.

“Alright you’re now connected to us over coms, can you hear me?” You heard Harcourts voice in your ear. After all three of you confirmed, you, Peacemaker and Vigilante moved out. You had no specific location as to where the shipment was being kept so you had to search.

You checked out hall after hall, besides two unrelated drug deals, there was nothing of interest. Finally, you spotted a hall with a bunch of trucks parked outside.

“I think, I have something.” You whispered into your earpiece. “There is a lot of movement at 12B. I’m gonna go take a look.”
“No, wait!” Harcourt interjected. “Don’t go in without backup.”
“It’ll be fine, I’m just gonna look around a bit.” You pulled the black ski-mask over your face. If you’d only had your suit, this wouldn’t have been necessary, but you couldn’t risk any of them seeing your face.

After circling the building a few times, you found a fire escape ladder go up to the roof. Once there, you found a vent. Fucking great. You hated climbing through vents, it was always too narrow and dirty. You took a deep breath before climbing in. You tried to concentrate on where the noise was coming from. More quickly than anticipated you found the end of the vent that led into the main hall. To your luck there were containers stacked below you. From there you could observe the hall and figure out how to get the samples.

From where you sat it looked like little ants carrying packages around. The hall was packed with people.
“We need a distraction, no way we can get anything out of here without being seen.” You spoke into your earpiece.
“Alright, give me a second. Stay where you are.” Harcourt responded. “Vigilante? Peacemaker? What is your position?” Nothing. “Vigilante, Peacemaker, come in.”

Before she could continue, you heard a loud crash from the other side of the hall.
“Fuck.”
There was concern in Harcourts voice. “Salamandra, what happened?”
“I think Peacemaker just blew his cover.” You watched as Peacemaker had taken on three guys who had dropped the packages, storming towards him.
“Are you fucking kidding me.” You could practically hear Harcourt roll her eyes. “You fucking idiot, the only important thing was not to get discovered. Salamandra, find Vigilante and get them out of there, the whole mission is fucked if you all get discovered.”

You weren’t listening to her anymore. Your eyes were stuck on the unattended packages some of the workers had dropped to go deal with Peacemaker.
When you were sure all the attention was on Peacemaker, you climbed down the containers, staying close to the wall, making your way to the other side of the hall.

Finally, you got your hands on one of the packages. You looked around for a way to alert Peacemaker that you had gotten what you needed but there was no way without altering the others to your presence. Fuck it.

“Peacemaker!” You shouted and he turned his head just in time to see one of the bad guys aim his gun at you. In the blink of an eye, Peacemaker had shot the guy. You pressed a hand on your ear.
“Jesus, give me a warning next time, that shit’s loud.”
“Sorry.” He gave you an apologetic smile while throwing more punches. “We good to go?”
“Yeah. Have you seen Vigilante?”
“No, fuck it, he can handle himself.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, yeah.”

You wanted to follow him but by now half the men were on you. With the package under one arm, you managed to place some heat-packed punches, but you were getting overwhelmed. You couldn’t fight with only one hand. In an opportune moment, you passed the package to Peacemaker. Just in time, you turned around to fight off another attack. The next one, you didn’t see coming. A hit with a crowbar to the back of your head made you go down. For a few seconds you couldn’t see and when your vision returned, you saw Vigilante standing in front of you, emptying the clip into the attacker.

Vigilante turned to Peacemaker. “Get out of here, take that to the others, we’ll be right behind you.”
Peacemaker nodded and started to shoot his way out of the mob.

Vigilante reached for your hand to help you stand up. You found yourself back-to-back with him, entirely surrounded by heavily armed guys. You could feel him breath heavily against your back. Luckily for you only a few had guns, they probably didn’t think this job would get interrupted.

“There is no way we can take all of them on.” You spoke to Vigilante.
“We can try though.” Even through the mask you heard the excitement in his voice.
“This should have been a covert mission, remember? We need to get out of here.”
“You’re telling me that after being locked up for five years you don’t want to blow off some steam?”

You hesitated. It did sound tempting. “No, we’ll get our chance, but not here. Follow me.”
With a small tap of your hand against his thigh you signaled him to start shooting. You managed to escape through the gap Vigilante had created. You ran back to the containers you had sat on earlier. Your lungs were screaming. With great annoyance you had to realize you had gotten rusty and out of shape. You would need to start training again.

Closely followed by Vigilante you climbed the containers. Jumping off them had been a lot easier. Fuck. This. Mission. The air vent was still open. Vigilante lifted you onto his shoulders so you could reach the hatch. After climbing in, you held out your hand to pull him in after you. You signaled for him to start crawling. You closed the grating and pressed your hand on it, until it glowed from the heat. This would buy you at least a few seconds until your pursuers could touch it again.

It didn’t take long for Vigilante and you to reach the roof. It didn’t seem like they had followed you. Just to be sure you pressed your palm against the hatch again, this time welding it shut. You let yourself glide down against the small wall on the edge of the roof. You pulled off the ski-mask. Your face was red and you could feel the sweat running down your back.

“Fuck, I really am out of shape.” You took a look at Vigilante. He was still panting. “How are you not dying in that suit right now?”
“I definitely am but I can’t compromise my secret identity.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Who the fuck am I going to tell? I didn’t have the chance to maintain a lot of friendships outside of prison the last five years. And I would rather shoot myself than go talk to the cops. I think you’re fine.”

Vigilante thought about it for a second before pulling off his mask. A sigh of relief escaped him.
“Fuck, it is hot under there.”
You let your eyes wander over his face. “Yeah, it is.”
He just gave you a confused look.

“Hey, fuck-faces, stop flirting, we need to get you out of there.” It was Peacemaker’s voice over coms.
You dared to look over the small wall. “It’s crawling with bad guys in the front. You’ll need to pick us up in the back.”
“Roger, be there in two minutes.” Harcourt confirmed.

Vigilante stood up, extending a hand to help you up. “You good?”
“Yeah.” You watched him for a second and a strange feeling made its way through your stomach.
Vigilante hissing snapped you back to reality. “Dude, watch the hand, you’re burning up, it went right through my suit.”
“Shit, sorry, dude.”
You shook your head, as if to shake the thoughts that had started to creep up on you.

Climbing down the building proved to be easier than expected. Back in the van you let yourself slump against the cold metal wall of the van. Vigilante sat next to you, watching you carefully.
“We made a good team, right?”
You turned your head to give him an exhausted smile.

“You went against my fucking command.” It was Harcourt from the passenger seat. “When I tell you to wait for back up, you wait for fucking backup and next time you all go in together. Fuck! This is like babysitting.”
“Yeah, but we got the stuff, right?” You gave Peacemaker a high five. You were absolutely satisfied with your achievement.

“Yeah, you did, but now we’re one man down for the undercover mission. They know it’s Peacemaker, we’ll have to send you and Vigilante in alone.” Harcourt continued.
Peacemaker let out a gloating laugh. “You’re stuck with this idiot now.” He pointed at Vigilante.

“We should go out tonight and celebrate, this was our first mission as the new team, only a few people died, and we got the drugs!” Adebayo joined the conversation.
“Fuck yes.” A grin spread across your face. “It’s been ages since I went out.”

The bar was packed. At least like this no one would notice the odd group you were now a part of. You crammed into the last booth available. The last one to arrive was Peacemaker, who had somehow managed to carry six bottles of beer at once.

“Are you kidding me? I’ve been in prison for five years and you bring me a beer?”
You stood up. “I’m gonna go get shots, who’s helping me?”
Harcourt rolled her eyes and stood up as well. “Come on, I’ll help you.”

While standing at the overcrowded bar Harcourt scanned you carefully.
“Look, I know I can come off as a bitch sometimes, but you did good work today. The best out of you three, which just proves the bar is so fucking low it might touch the ground. Anyway, you’re alright.”
You looked at her for a moment. “Thanks. Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.” She leaned against the counter.
“You don’t seem to enjoy this job as group leader, why do you do it?”
Harcourt looked at her hands for a second.
“It was kind of passed down to me from a friend.”

You just stood there for a while. If there was one thing you got, it was not wanting to talk about shit form the past.
“It’s a shit job, I don’t envy you. All that responsibility and shit.” You met her gaze again. “Anyway, I’ll try to listen more.”
There was almost something like the ghost of a smile on her lips. “Thanks.”

Just then were you interrupted by the barkeeper handing you the shots. You turned to Harcourt.
“You might have to pay for these, I still don’t have any money, if it weren’t for the motel room they gave me I’d be sleeping on the streets.”
Harcourt rolled her eyes and pulled her wallet out of her back pocket.

Back at the table you were greeted by cheers as you handed out the shots.
You raised the shot glass above your head. “To a successful mission, to freedom and to the team!”
Harcourt raised her glass as well. “To the 11th Street Kids.”
“To the 11th Street Kids!” The rest responded in unison before downing their shots.

You turned to Peacemaker, who was sitting next to you. “11th Street Kids?”
He gave you the biggest smile. “It’s what we call the team, it’s also a song by Hanoi Rocks.”
“Oh, cool. I remember you talking about that band like nonstop.”

While the rest were busy with their conversations Peacemaker turned to you again.
“How are you holding up? I know it kind of sucks when you get out and everything is different and shit.”
“Yeah…” All this time you had been so focused on finally getting your powers back, you hadn’t really stopped to think about how you felt about the rest. If there was one person, that understood your struggle, it would be Peacemaker.

“I don’t know. I don’t have anything, no apartment, no stuff, no money, no one I can really trust…”
He laid a hand on your shoulder. “You can trust me.”
You let out a small laugh. “Yeah, I get the feeling I could.”
“Hey, if you don’t want to stay at that motel, you could come crash at my place, until you land on your feet. I have a really cozy couch. Those motels suck ass.”
“You would do that?” You gave him an unsure look.
He gave you an almost too heavy pat on the back. “Yeah, of course, gotta help each other out, right?”
“Thanks.”

Over the course of the night, you were getting drunker and drunker. And even though you were drinking just as much as Peacemaker and Vigilante, they could hold their liquor a lot better than you.

You were laughing while pointing at Harcourt. “So, you’re telling me you never slept with him?” Your index wandered over to Peacemaker. “Not even as a favor when he got out of Belle Reve? Fuck, you’re cold.”
Peacemaker just made a told-you-so-face.

Meanwhile Vigilante was staring shamelessly at you. He wasn’t wearing his usual suit, but his civilian clothes. If you’d met him like this, you would have never guess what that man was capable of. It was a bit sweet how much of a loser he seemed like this. His glasses were slightly fogged up. He leaned over to you, drunk, but not beyond good and evil.
“I’d sleep with you as a favor because you got out of prison.”
You almost choked on your beer from laughing so hard. Adebayo and Economos had joined in.

It was almost three in the morning when the bartender threw you out into the street. Disappointed you turned to the others.
“Come on, we were having such a good time.”
By the grin spreading on Peacemaker’s face, you immediately knew he had an idea.
“We could just go over to my place and keep drinking.” He pointed at you. “You wanted to crash at mine anyway.”
You slapped your hands together. “That’s the best idea you had all night, let’s go.”

“I think, I’ve had enough for tonight, I’m beat.” Harcourt announced.
“Yeah, me too.” Adebayo joined in. “You should keep an eye on her, she can’t even walk in a straight line. Don’t let her burn anything down.”

“What about you, prison ward?” You turned to Economos. He looked at you for a second.
“Ah, fuck it, why not, I’m gonna be hungover anyway tomorrow.”
“Yes!” You held your hand up for a high five, missing Economo’s hand by a mile in an uncoordinated move from the both of you.

The whole way to Peacemaker’s trailer, you had your arm around Vigilante, who was helping you not trip over your own feet. Being this close to him you could smell his aftershave, it was nice. You couldn’t stop thinking about what he had said earlier about sleeping with you. You knew, you were drunk, too drunk. By morning these thoughts would be gone, maybe it was your newfound freedom getting to you. You had heard of people being very desperate for any kind of sexual contact after being locked up for so long.

The rest of the night was just a flash of dimmed lights, more alcohol and one glam rock vinyl after the other.

When you woke up the next morning, the first thing you noticed, was a splitting headache. For a second you weren’t sure if you’d be able to keep the contents of your stomach to yourself.
“Ah, fuck…”
By what you could tell, you had slept on Peacemaker’s couch, alone, in one of his t-shirts. You weren’t wearing anything else, except your underwear. For a second you panicked before you saw your clothes in a pile next to the couch. By the looks of them they were drenched. You could not remember how that had happened.

You let your eyes wander around the room. A few feet from the couch lay Vigilante, asleep, no glasses and no shirt, on the floor. You walked towards him, tapping him lightly with your toes.
“Wake up, fuck-face, it’s late, we need to get to HQ.”
This only earned you a groan and a raised middle finger.

You kept walking through the trailer. Next was Peacemaker, passed out in his underwear on the bed. You took a small figurine from a shelve and threw it at him.
“Good morning, fucker!”

Immediately he sat straight up. Only when he recognized you, he let himself fall back on the mattress.
“Go fuck yourself.”
“What’s the problem, hungover? How can the two of you be in worse shape than me? I haven’t had a drink in five fucking years and you two look like they’re filming 28 Days Later in here.”
“That’s because you threw up most of the alcohol last night.”
“Oh.” Your smile faltered.

“Yeah, it was super gross, dude, your clothes were covered in puke, we had to undress you and wash them.”
“Yeah, that sounds super creepy, what the fuck.”
“I don’t think that’s how you pronounce ‘thank you’.”
“Yeah, whatever go suck a dick.”

You turned around, walking back into the living room to gather your things. There was no way you could wear any of these clothes. A look on your government sponsored phone showed you 15 missed calls from Harcourt.
“Fuck. Guys? We really have to get moving or Harcourt is going to kill us if we’re not there in half an hour.”
You looked around for something else you could wear.
“Fuck! Peacemaker, do you have anything I can use as pants?”
“I think we’re on a first name basis after last night. It’s Chris.”

In the meantime, Peacemaker had made his way to the bathroom, splashed some cold water on his face and put on a new shirt.
“Go look in the closet in my bedroom, there should be some old basketball shorts or something.”

You took a quick look in the mirror in your new outfit. You had dark circles under your eyes from not taking off your makeup.
“Great, now I look like one of the fucking Kids Next Door.”
Peacemaker passed by you, gathering his things, while nudging Vigilante not so gently.
“Who?”
“Because of the baggy – never mind, grandpa, we need to leave.”

Vigilante still hadn’t moved. You squatted next to him, picking his glasses off the ground. You blew on them, cleaned them on your t-shirt before setting them down on his nose. Then you took his face into your hands, talking in a sweet voice. “Look at me, you need to get up, or Harcourt will kill us.”

He swatted your hands away. “Alright, alright, I’ll get up. Can you pass me that shirt?”
“Here you go.” You couldn’t stop staring until he had finally put his shirt back on.
“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” He stood up with a groan, leaving you kneeling on the ground.
You turned to him. “Shut the fuck up, it won’t last that long but at least I’ll have a few minutes of peace.”

There was a huge grin plastered on his face while he gathered his things.
“You want this so bad; it’s embarrassing for you.” He gestured down his body.
“As it would be for anyone who had to admit any attraction to you.” This wasn’t your best day when it came to come backs. You cursed yourself in your head.

“Kids, stop fighting, let’s go.” Peacemaker interrupted you.

Back at headquarters, Adebayo, Harcourt and Economos had been waiting. Economos sat in front of his computer with a haunted look in his eyes. Harcourt was resting her hands on her hips. You immediately knew something was off. Vigilante and Peacemaker didn’t seem to notice. They sat at the table, recounting the events from last night, laughing for the tenth time today about the fact, that you had thrown up on yourself. You ignored them and walked over to the desk.
“Hey guys, what’s up?”

Harcourt was fuming. “What the fuck did the four of you do last night?”
Your eyes wandered from Harcourt to Economos and back to Harcourt. He didn’t dare meet your gaze.

“I don’t know what you mean. He came with us and then I don’t know, where were you this morning?” You turned to Economos. He just raised a defeated finger, pointing at the display. You walked around the desk to see what was so horrible, he couldn’t say it out loud.

“Oh my god.” You stared at the computer. “Is that Becky Miller and are those parking tickets are all those in her name? Did you hack the DMV?”
“Yeah, he did.” Harcourt let out a sigh. “It looks like, after he left you guys, he came back here and committed a felony.”

You could feel she was just seconds away from murdering someone. You opted for the more subtle move, whispering to Economos, hoping she wouldn’t hear you.
“That’s so fucking cool, dude. Thank you, you’re a beast, John.” It was the first time you hadn’t said his name in contempt. Part of him wanted to mend the bridge between you two, even if it meant getting in trouble, and you appreciated that.

Chapter Text

The heavy file made a slapping sound, when it landed on the desk. Harcourt stared at Vigilante.
“How long have you had this?”
Vigilante shrugged. “Since yesterday.”
“And why the hell didn’t you say anything yesterday?”
“I don’t know, seemed like it could wait till today, we were going out anyway, right?”
Harcourt let out a defeated sigh. “Yeah, you’re right. Where did you get this anyway?”

A huge grin made its way onto his face. “Well, while these two were busy blowing our cover, I went into the offices to snoop around. It was just lying there on the desk, it looked important, so I took it.”
“I didn’t think I’d ever say this, but good job.” Harcourt started flipping through the file. “We’ll need some time to go through all this information, maybe we can figure out where they operate from.”

You felt relief. This gave you time to get a bit into shape before the big mission, taking down the whole thing.

“Is there anywhere I can train?” You asked.
“There is a room in the back I saw some old matts there, you could use that.” Peacemaker answered.
“Cool, you wanna help?”
“Sure.” He nodded.
“I can help too.” Vigilante interjected overly excited.

You felt the rubbery surface of the matts under your feet as you carefully moved to the side. Vigilante was doing the same across from you. While you held your arms in front of you to guard you, his were resting comfortably on his sides. He seemed relaxed. You could take advantage of that. Even if it had been a while, since you’d participated in hand-to-hand combat, you were no amateur.

You made a step, closing the distance between you, striking, and getting blocked.
Again.
And again.

This time it was Vigilante going for the attack. You managed to avoid his fist and grab his arm, dragging him with you. For a moment, it looked like he would lose his footing, but he caught himself in time.
“You’ve got some strength.” He commented.
“I’ve got some moves too, don’t underestimate me.” This wouldn’t help much, if he held back. Although Vigilante wasn’t the type to hold back anyway. There was something in his eyes that hadn’t been there before.

Without hesitation, he threw himself at you. The first punch you managed to block, and the second as well, but the third hit you right in the stomach. You stumbled back, losing your balance. You let yourself fall back and roll over. From this low angle you could attack again. He was stronger than you, but you were faster. You moved past him and before he could turn to face you, you landed a strike to the back of his knee, making his legs give out. With your whole body-weight, you managed to pin him down with his stomach on the floor.

Before you could secure him, he’d turned around, grabbing you, and flipping you, so you were the one being pressed to the mattress now. There was a wild grin on his face. He was definitely not holding back. You felt your arm tingle as Vigilante was pressing on the blood supply, holding you down. In one swift move, you freed your leg, putting it around his neck, forcing him off you.

In a matter of seconds, you were both on your feet again, circling each other. His eyes didn’t leave you for a moment. You had never seen him this focused, usually he couldn’t even follow a normal conversation without getting distracted. But not this conversation, one without words, one he was much more fluent in. For a short second you realized his eyes were green. The next second he was throwing kicks at you, that you barely managed to block. Fuck, you were the one that was distracted.

You could feel the sweat run down your back, your hair stuck to your forehead. You were still wearing Chris’s clothes, that were way too big for you. At least they allowed you to move freely. You scanned Vigilante, who was waiting for his next opening. You could not let this clown win.

You leaped at him, ducking last second, making him miss his hit. You slipped past him, grabbed his arm and pulled him down. Again, he was laying on the matt, this time on his back, and again, you couldn’t hold him down. He wrapped his legs around you, flipping you again. Now he was kneeling over you, straddling you with a triumphant look on his face.

“Just accept it, you have no chance.”
You could feel the anger boil up. You hated losing.

You grabbed his face with one hand, squishing his cheeks and pulled him down so your noses were almost touching. His pupils were ever so slightly dilated. You could smell his aftershave again, this time mixed with his sweat. His hair was tousled, and he was breathing heavily.
A smile spread on your face. “I told you, don’t underestimate me.”
Before he could react, you slammed your forehead into his with all the strength you could muster.

“Jesus! Fuck!” Vigilante sat on the floor in front of you, holding the left side of his face.
You stood up, adjusting your clothes. “Oh, calm down, it’s not that bad.”

Chris, who had been watching the entire time had started laughing uncontrollably.
“Dude, she totally won this one.”
Vigilante gave him an angry look. “She fights dirty. That doesn’t count.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know this was middle school.” You walked in front of him, putting your hands on your hips. “Next time, I’ll be sure to spare your pretty little face.”
Vigilante stared at you. “Dude, you’re bleeding.”
Only now did you feel the pain in your nose and the metallic taste on your tongue. “Fuck…”

You stood in the small, dimly lit bathroom in front of an almost blind mirror, trying to stuff some toilet paper in your nose. Vigilante sat on the floor, back leaning against the door, bag of frozen peas on his eye. There was already a dark purple shadow forming under his eye. When you had finally stopped the bleeding, you turned around, leaning against the sink.

“Where the fuck did you find those peas?”
“In the back of a freezer.”
“Lucky you.”

Vigilante kept looking at you.
“You should put something on your nose too, might be broken.”
“It’s not. I’ll be fine.”
“You know, if I had lost my eye, that would have really fucked with my depth perception. I’m already half blind without my glasses. I’d never be as good at fighting again.”
“Shut up. You weren’t even that good in the first place. I beat your ass, like, fifteen minutes ago, remember? Or did I give you a concussion too?”
“Yeah, and you probably broke your own nose in the process too. Seems pretty idiotic to me.”
You rolled your eyes. “Alright, shut up and give me some of those peas.”

You held out your hand in front of him. Instead, he grabbed a towel and put some of the peas in it. He stood up. The bathroom didn’t allow for a lot of space between you. Carefully, he placed the pack on your nose. You couldn’t stop staring at him. His eyes hadn’t left yours for a second. Slowly he lifted his hand, wiping away some blood that had dried on your chin. You were like hypnotized. You reached out to his face, tracing your fingers over the bruise spreading under his eye. He made a small hissing sound; you almost missed it.

“Sorry for that.” You whispered.
“It’s ok, it’ll be fine.”
“You do have a pretty face; I don’t want to be responsible for breaking that.”

Vigilante just kept staring. Your eyes flickered to his lips, but only for a second, before you snapped out of it. You took a step back.
“Yeah, anyway, sorry. Sometimes I don’t think a lot before acting. I just get angry and then it’s shoot first, ask questions later.”

Vigilante sat down, back against the door again. He nodded. “I get that.”
“Did you find a way to deal with it?”
“Do I need to? It’s working out for me so far.”
“Yeah, you do give off that nothing-to-lose-kind-of-vibe. But what if there ever is something to lose?”
“Don’t get me wrong, I do care about stuff. I care about Peacemaker; I care about the team, and I care about what I do but I know I have to give it my all, and I know that might not end well for me one day.”

You let your eyes wander over his face.
“But what about them? Don’t you think they’d miss you if something happened to you?”
Vigilante shrugged. “I don’t know…” After a short pause he continued. “Do you think people would miss you?”
You let out a sharp laugh.
“I don’t think so. I’ve been gone for so long, there is no one really left. And I did some fucked up shit in the past.”

You sat in silence until you heard Chris’s voice.
“Hey, you guys fucking in there? That’s not cool, we all need to use that bathroom!”
You rolled your eyes, before pushing Vigilante to the side to open the door. Your nosebleed had stopped and as much as you hated to admit it, the peas helped.
“Next round?” Chris asked with a wide smile on his face.
“Thanks, but I think I’m done for today and I think I might break some more bones if I went up against you, no offense.” You lifted your hand in a dismissive gesture.

The three of you made your way to the main room, where Economos, Harcourt and Adebayo sat around a table with hundreds of files spread out in front of them.
As Harcourt lifted her head she saw your nose.
“What the fuck happened to you?”

A grin made its way onto your face.
“Beat this bitch’s ass.” You pointed your thumb at Vigilante.
“She did not, she fought dirty.” Vigilante protested.

Harcourt shrugged. “There is no fighting clean out there, you fight to win, that’s it.”
She took another look at your face. “But maybe take it easy, we need you to be combat-ready.”
“Aye, captain.”

You sat at the table. After about five minutes you stopped trying to make sense of any of the files.
“Do you need me for this?” You asked while taking a last look at the files.
“No, it’s fine.” Harcourt answered without looking up.
“And do you know if I get a paycheck or anything?”
“I can give you some advance payment.”

When you returned in the evening you had finally bought some clothes. Suddenly life didn’t seem as bad anymore. You had gotten some strange looks from the saleswoman for your nose but other than that it had been uneventful.
Now you sat draped over an armchair watching some random show on the ancient TV in one of the upstairs rooms of headquarters. You turned around for a second when you heard someone enter the room.

“What’s up, Ads, how’s research going?” You offered her the bag of chips you had just opened. She made a declining gesture with her hand and sat on the other armchair.
“Slow, I think we might have something, but it’s going to take a while to go through all of it.”
“I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.”
“Don’t worry, I’m sure Waller put you on the team as muscle, not as brain – not that you’re not brainy, I’m sure you’re very intelligent, I just think your strong point is probably your powers and…I’m just gonna stop talking now.”

You laughed. “It’s fine. You’re right…probably.” You paused a second before talking again.
You turned to her. “You’d tell me if you knew anything about why I was put on this team, right? I know she’s your mom.”
Adebayo scanned you for a moment. “I don’t know anything, I promise. I made that mistake once, to betray someone on this team for her, and believe me, it was not worth it. I learned my lesson and I think so did she, she’s not gonna trust me with this stuff anymore.”
“Yeah…moms can be complicated like that.”

After a while you looked at her again.
“Do you wanna know what I did to get myself arrested?”
“You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“It’s fine. As I said, I don’t have anyone left and at some point, I will have to start opening up to people again.”
Adebayo watched you. She didn’t say anything, letting you tell your story at your own pace.

You started fidgeting with the bag of chips.
“I always knew I had these powers, but the adults in my life didn’t catch on until way into my teens when I really started causing trouble. I was so fucking angry all the time. I felt different and no one really seemed to see me or care. Anyway. At the time Luthorcorp abducted runaway teens with activated metagenes. In some cases, the parents were willing to get paid and in turn gave away their kids, for ‘scientific research’. I don’t know what my mom thought would happen, if she was just glad to be rid of me, or if she thought they would ‘cure’ me.”

You could feel the sting in your eyes. You took a deep breath.
“Anyway, total bullshit the whole thing. I ran away from home. For a while I managed to evade them, but they hunted me down, they’d already paid for me. When they tried to take me in, I lured them into an abandoned building. I’m not sure what happened. Somehow, I blew that whole thing up. I’m guessing in that situation I unlocked some part of my powers I didn’t have before. I have never been able to replicate that. They all died. I’m guessing A.R.G.U.S. didn’t want to be associated too heavily with the whole experimenting-on-teenagers-thing, that’s why they didn’t put much in my file. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I was defending myself, but I never wanted to be a killer.”

Adebayo’s eyes were glassy. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You were a kid. She should have protected you from those people.”
You cleared your throat. “Yeah. Anyway. The whole operation came to light shortly after, but I still got arrested later on because I killed those people. They thought I would be a danger to society. I got mandatory therapy and now I’m here.”

You could still feel Adebayo’s eyes on you. She made it easy for people to open up to her, there was a deep empathy to her you liked. Still, this had been the most you’d talked to anybody about the accident in years.

You turned to the TV, pointing at the screen.
“It’s incredible, the shit they came up while I was gone. This whole show is just people baking things and making them look super realistic and other people have to guess if it’s cake or real. Who the fuck came up with that?” You let out a shaky laugh.
Adebayo returned the laugh. “I don’t know but you’re right, that’s some freaky shit.”
She turned to you again. “I should get back. But if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”
You nodded.

Before she could leave the room, you spoke up again.
“Hey, Leota?”
“Hm?”
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” She gave you a warm smile.

She had already reached the top of the stair when something else popped into your head. You bolted down the hall to catch up with her.
“Wait!”
“Yeah?”
“Do you know where Vigilante is? I haven’t seen him since lunch.”
“He’s at work.”
You stared at her incredulous. “Work? How does that idiot hold down a job? Who would hire him, let alone keep him?”
“He works at Fennel Fields. But don’t tell him I told you, he’ll be mad I compromised his super-secret identity.”

The cold night air sent a shiver down your spine when you stepped out of the taxi. Instinctively you let some heat run through your fingers, warming you up. There was nothing for you to do at headquarters, Chris had fucked off somewhere, you weren’t sure where to, and you felt like you could eat something anyway. You had put on something nice. It felt good after all this time to feel like yourself again more and more. Surprised you noticed you were a little nervous.

The restaurant was crowded. You hadn’t expected to get a table, but lucky for you, you could order to-go. While you stood at the side, waiting for your food to be ready, you spotted him. He wore the uniform, like the rest of the employees, red shirt, apron and that weird fucking hat. His glasses sat on the tip of his nose, as if he didn’t have the time to adjust them between carrying trays of finished dishes.

As you walked up to him in the most casual way you could manage, he almost dropped the tray when he recognized you.
“What the fuck are you doing here? Who told you I work here?”
“Nice to see you too.” You gave him a smile. Your eyes fell on his name tag. ”Adrian.”

Before he could answer, one of his coworkers shouted at him.
“Chase! Get back to work!” Then his eyes fell on you, and he walked over.
“She your girlfriend?” His eyes wandered from Adrian’s eye to your nose and back. “She beat you too?”

Not letting Adrian answer, you stood in front of him.
“I might beat you if you don’t mind your fucking business, and maybe I am his girlfriend, and unlike you, he gets to fuck me every night after he comes home from this piece of shit job. You look like the only vagina you ever touched was your mom’s when you came out of there. You’d be doing all of us a favor by just going back there.”
The guy stared at you, then at Adrian.
“Is she fucking laughing at me?”

You gave him a light push on the shoulder.
“I’m here asshole, you’re talking to me, not to him. If I wanted to laugh, I’d take a look at your dick. Now get the fuck out of my face, before I can go fuck your dad and give him a child he can be actually proud of.”
He shook his head, while still looking at Adrian. “Fucking psycho.” Without another word he left.

When you turned around Adrian had a huge grin plastered on his face.
“So, you’re my girlfriend?”
“Shut up, Chase, I was doing you a favor, that guy’s an asshole. Don’t force your luck.”
You looked at each other for a moment before you interrupted the silence.
“Anyway, I just came to see where you worked. Couldn’t imagine how anyone would give you a job.”
Adrian was still beaming from your little freak out.

He sat down the tray and raised his hand, slowly tracing the back of your nose.
“Does it still hurt?”
“A bit, it looks worse, than it is.” You raised your hand as well, cupping his cheek, running your thumb under his eye.
“What about you?”
“Doesn’t even hurt anymore. My boss gave me shit for showing up like this at work though.”
“Want me to beat him too?”
Adrian let out a snort. For a moment you stood there, holding each other’s faces until Adrian cleared his throat.
“I should get back to work. See you tonight?”

Before you could answer, the colleague from before came over with two others. You couldn’t hear what they were talking, but they were pointing at you, and you just knew you wouldn’t be getting any food tonight.
“Shit. I’d better go. I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.”
“Oh, it’s fine. I hate this place anyway.”
You gave him one last look and a smile before waving goodbye and leaving, before the guys could reach you.

It was almost two in the morning; you had fallen asleep on the armchair in front of the TV upstairs. Some weird ‘aliens built the pyramids’ docu-series ran in the background when a gentle touch on your shoulder woke you up. Immediately you grabbed the hand, twisting it at an unnatural angle, when you realized who it was.
Adrian hissed in pain before you let go of him.

“Jesus, don’t sneak up on me like this.” You tried to steady your breathing. When you took another look at his wrist it had a red hand imprint where you’d just grabbed him.
“Shit, sorry, let me see that.”
“Forget it, it’s fine.” He drew your attention to his other hand in which he held a white plastic bag. “I brought you your food.”
A smile tugged at your lips. “You didn’t.”
“I figured you didn’t eat yet. I asked the kitchen what you ordered, and I took some at the end of my shift.”

You hadn’t even noticed you were starving. Impatiently you took the bag from him, going through the food. Adrian sat in front of you, leaning his back against the bottom of the armchair. For a while you sat without talking, eating and watching the documentary.

“This is some bullshit.” Adrian nodded at the TV.
“Yeah of course it is.”
“Everybody knows it was the Martians who built the pyramids.”

You gave him a light tap on the back of his head.
“That’s racist.”
“How the fuck is that racist? If anything, it’s anti-racist, because I give an extraterrestrial species the credit for building something so cool.”
“It’s racist because you don’t give the ancient middle eastern civilization who built that shit the credit.”
He tilted his head to the side, thinking about it for a second. “If you put it like that…you’re right.”

After a while he added: “Have you ever met a Martian?”
“What, like Martian Manhunter or something?”
“Yeah, you know, at Belle Reve.”
“Not that I know of.”

“Who was the coolest person you met at Belle Reve, besides Peacemaker, obviously.”
“Obviously.” You gave him a little laugh that was met with a confused look. You leaned back in the armchair, thinking.
“If you take away their powers most of them are just crazy weirdos. There weren’t a lot of cool people…none really.”
“Do you think you’d be just a crazy weirdo if you lost your powers?” He leaned to the side, to be able to look at you.

You didn’t expect him to ask you something so personal.
“I guess. I am my powers, they’re part of me. What they do over there with the inhibitor collars, it’s just fucked up. It’s as if they’d cut of your hands when they put you in prison.”
“That is fucked up. If you ever want me to burn that place down for you, just tell me.”

You chuckled, lightly stroking his hair.
“Yeah, you against the entirety of Belle Reve, you’re funny.”
“I’m being so serious right now.”
“It’s ok. Isn’t burning stuff down my specialty anyway?”
“Yeah, I guess.”

Chapter Text

„Alright.“ Harcourt placed her hands on the table in front of her matter-of-factly. You and the rest of the team sat around the table, studying various files.
“We might have an opening. There is an illegal poker game once a week downtown. We know that a lot of the workers that get recruited, get recruited through these games. As Peacemaker has already blown his cover, there are only two people left for this mission.”
She gave first you, then Adrian a look. “Are you up for this?”

You nodded. “Aye, captain.”
Adrian nodded as well. “So, we just have to go in, win some stupid game and we’re in?”
Harcourt leaned back in her chair.
“Yes, that’s what it looks like. But you need to be careful, if they get even the slightest idea, who you really are, you’re done.”
She paused for a second, before turning to Adrian. “That’s means no suit, and no funny business.”
“And for you,” she turned to you “no powers.”
It took you a second to answer. “Ok but, I can’t control them like 100%.”
“Try.”

Later that night, you stepped out of the van, two blocks from where the basement with the poker round was situated. Adrian stepped outside right behind you.

You looked him up and down.
“Is that the only outfit you found?”
Adrian looked down at himself. His green sweater was tucked into his 80’s mom jeans. The glasses were just the cherry on top.

“What’s wrong with my clothes? Harcourt said no suit, this is all I have.”
“If you say so…Napoleon Dynamite-looking ass.” The last part you said in a quiet voice, yet he still heard you.
“Jesus, you’re mean.”
“I’m just being realistic, do you really think a bunch of hardcore criminals will give us a job if you turn up like this, let alone let us in in the first place? You look like one of those kids gone missing in the 80’s whose picture they print on milk cartons, fuck dude.”
“And you look like…one of those people who go missing and then they show your mangled face on the news when they finally find your body in the river.”

Peacemaker let out a laugh. “Jesus, dude, chill out.”
Adrian glared at him.
“So, when she does it, it’s fine, but when I do it, I should chill out? How is that fair? I feel like there is this weird double standard going on here and –”
“Ok, shut the fuck up now?” Harcourt interrupted him. “You need to concentrate. You both know how to play poker right?”

Instantly you could see on Adrian’s face that he did not in fact know how to play poker. Harcourt clocked it as well and pinched the bridge of her nose.
“I’m surrounded by morons. Did you not think this would be important information?”
Adrian shrugged. “I didn’t know if I’d actually have to play.”

Harcourt turned to you. “Please tell me, you know how to play poker.”
“Well, she does know how to fucking cheat at poker.” Peacemaker interrupted again.
You ignored him. “Yeah, I know how to play. Don’t worry, I’ll say Vigilante’s like my bodyguard or something.”
You gave him a second, measuring look. “Let’s hope they go for that.”

In a stroke of overwhelming luck, they’d let you in, you and Vigilante. As you walked down the metal stairs to the basement, already smelling the cigarette smoke, you felt Adrian’s presence behind you. Although you had always been the type to take care of yourself, and you knew you could handle yourself, his presence was a lot more comforting, than you would have ever admitted out loud. You fought the urge to turn around and look at him. For a short second an image of Orpheus and Eurydice flashed before your eyes. You shook your head, as if to get rid of the thought. This wasn’t a tragic love story, and Orpheus would have turned around anyway.

The room was dimly lit, a few tables, covered in smooth green fabric, spread around. The air was heavy with smoke, you couldn’t see further than a few feet in front of you. You were escorted to one of the tables with an empty seat. Adrian stood behind you, arms folded on his back with a relaxed smile on his face. Even in his civilian clothes, there was something about him that made people avoid him, as if they sensed something was wrong with him. After all, who in their right mind came to this type of event dressed like that.

You sat down, received your cards and placed a few chips in the middle of the table, before taking a look at your hand. Everyone at the table raised. You quickly understood, this was not the kind of game where people were overly cautious. If you had the money, you didn’t need to be.

The dealer burned the first card before putting down three cards, face up. Nine of Clubs, King of Clubs and Three of Hearts. You could feel the tension ease. You had a Nine of Hearts and a Queen of Spades. You already had the two nines.

After another round of people placing their bets, the dealer burnt another card and put down a fourth card, face up. Five of Spades.
Another round, another card burned and the final card. Nine of Diamonds. A wide smile spread across your face. You had won the round with three nines.

A guy with a very spectacular mustache in front of you slammed his cards on the table.

The next two rounds didn’t go as well. You weren’t sure if it was the nerves, this environment, the fact that you could feel Adrian’s eyes fixed on you on-stop or if you truly were not that good at poker. The guy in front of you with the mustache was getting way too into it. You fucking hated losing. In the beginning of the fourth game, you decided that cheating was your only option here.

The next few rounds were yours. The last one had been one too much for Mustache-man. He stood up, face red, pointing an accusatory finger at you.
“She’s fucking cheating, I saw it!”
You didn’t move an inch. If you played your cards right, you could use this to get rid of him. You hadn’t liked his vibe since you’d sat down at the table.
You just gave him a sweet smile.
“I’m sorry, Sir, I understand losing can be frustrating sometimes, but we’re all adults, and most important professionals here, right?”

Mustache-man took a swing in your direction, but before he had any chance of touching you, Adrian had caught his wrist, immediately twisting it. An unhuman sound escaped the man. All this time, you hadn’t moved an inch and Adrian’s smile hadn’t faded one bit. In a matter of seconds two other men came towards you. Instead of attacking, they waited, as if to see what would happen with Adrian and the Mustache-man. Was this a test?

Adrian pulled him closer. The man was still whimpering.
“If you ever lay a hand on her, I will break each finger individually, fry them in a pan and feed them to you, Mr. Monopoly-piece-of-shit.”

You had to closed your eyes for a second so you could control your expression. You couldn’t let that feeling that crept up on you show on your face. You took a deep breath, concentrating on your hands so they would cool down. You never thought someone threatening something as graphic as what Adrian had just said would turn you on. But again, maybe it was just the nerves and the situation.

In that short second you had your eyes closed, you didn’t see the knife. The moment your eyes caught the sharp blade, all you could do was brace your body for impact. It never came. In the blink of an eye, Adrian had pulled out a gun that he had tucked in the back of his waistband. Your first thought was what a fucking idiot to bring that gun, that have cost us everything if they’d found that when we came in. You’re second thought was thank fuck he brought that gun.

Your ears rang from the gunshot. Mustache-man’s brain was splattered across the green fabric. You realized you had gotten some of the blood and brain on your shirt. Fuck. This. Guy. You started to think the universe was trying to force you to spend your entire paycheck on new clothes.

Adrian put the gun back in the back of his waistband. The two men who had walked over stood in front of you now. It was over.
“Boss wants to talk to you, bring your guard dog.”

The mental image of Adrian wearing one of those spiked collars imprinted itself in your mind. You were too busy trying to get it out of your head and not think about the fact he had just shot someone for you without blinking, that you didn’t notice Adrian’s hand were slightly trembling, causing him a mild crisis, because this shit didn’t happen to him. Ever.

Your breath got caught in your throat when Adrian put his hand on the small of your back as you squeezed through the tight hallway. Part of him wanted to feel you, feel that you were fine, part of him hoped it would ease the trembling.

In the back was a small office with a giant oak desk, that took up almost all the space. Files, newspaper clippings, notebooks and receipts spilled from the desk. You sat on the only chair, face to face with the Boss. Adrian kept his position behind you, still with that serene smile on his face. You couldn’t imagine what was going through his head that made him so relaxed. Your palms were sweaty and every few minutes, you had to take a moment to cool them back down.

The Boss leaned back in his leather armchair.
“You play a mean game of poker.”
“Thank you.” You tried to keep your voice steady. You were used to talking to hardened criminals but this whole situation just made you nervous.
“Where did you learn to cheat like that?”

You froze. You could practically feel Adrian tense up behind you.
“At Belle Reve, Sir.” You had decided to keep this as part of your backstory. Harcourt thought it would make a better impression, taking suspicion off you.
“You were at Belle Reve?”
“Yes, Sir.” The word burned on your tongue every time you said it. Sir. But you knew these kinds of men. You had to swallow your pride if you wanted to get anywhere with them.

He just scanned you for a minute before leaning forward, putting his elbows on the messy desk.
“How would you like a job? We’re running a very lucrative business and I need some smart people.”
“What kind of job?”
“It’s more of a logistics thing. Before I continue, I need to know if you’re interested.”
Even if this hadn’t been the whole point of this undercover mission, you knew this wasn’t really a question of whether you wanted to work for him or not. The second you had stepped foot into his office, the job was yours.

“Yes, I’m in. So, what is this about?”
“Have you ever heard of Shangri-La?”
You straightened your back.
“I’m guessing you’re not referring to the 1933 novel, right?”

A smile grew on his round face. “No, but I see you know your literature. It’s a monastery in the mountains, better said it was a monastery. It still looks like one, and the front functions as one, but we’re using it as headquarters for this new operation.”
“Can I ask what operation?”
“You don’t need to concern yourself with the details, leave that to the big bosses.”

You gave him a long look. You knew he wasn’t the king pin in this whole thing. But men like him loved to pretend they were, even if he was mid-level at best. No one sent their top dogs to recruit in a run-down building at illegal poker games.

“I’m in, as I said, but I have one request.” You interrupted your silence.
“Shoot.”
“I want to take this one with me.” Your thumb pointed at Adrian behind you. “I don’t go anywhere without him. He owes me.”
The Boss seemed to think about it for a second before nodding slowly.
“It’s fine I guess, the more hands the better, and he looks like he can pull his weight.”

Although you hadn’t lifted a single finger, you were drenched in sweat when the van picked you up four blocks away. You let yourself fall against the wall of the van. The others had been able to hear the whole thing thanks to a small mic that was hidden in your clothes.

Harcourt turned around in the passenger seat.
“So, Shangri-La really exists. Now we just have to wait until you can start.”
The Boss had given you a place and a time three days from now where some of his men would come and pick you and Adrian up, along with some other new recruits to take you to the monastery.
You were just glad this first part had almost played out like planned.

There was faint rock music playing over Chris’s record player as you sat on this floor of his bathroom of the trailer, furiously rubbing your blood-stained shirt. When it wouldn’t come out you threw it on the ground in frustration.

“Fuck!”

Adrian leaned against the door, watching carefully. His hands had calmed down, but still that feeling wouldn’t leave him. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but the moment he had seen that knife something had snapped in him. No way he was letting you get hurt. If he had possessed just a little more emotional intelligence than a hamster, he would have known that feeling that had had started nesting in his chest was worry.

“I swear if I have to go and buy one more shirt, I will lose my shit.”
Adrian looked at you with guilty eyes. “Sorry for getting that guys brain on you.”
“Are you serious? You saved my life, dude.” Your eyes were soft, you couldn’t be mad at him, not for this. You weren’t used to people having your back. You tried to find the words but there was no way of conveying to him what that gesture had meant to you.

Suddenly his shoes seemed to be the most interesting thing in the world to him.
“Maybe I can drive you, and we can get a new shirt?” He almost looked like a fifteen-year-old asking his crush to prom.
“You don’t have to, it’s fine, really.”
“But I want to do something for you. We could get some food afterwards, if you want to.”
“This sounds suspiciously like a date; you do realize that?”

Adrian froze. “No, no not like a date. As friends.”
You raised an eyebrow, trying to keep the smile off your face.
“So, we’re friends now?”
“I just shot a guy in the face for you, what do you think?”
You laughed. “Alright.”

Adrian’s car was exactly what you had imagined. It had cost you every ounce of self-control not to make a joke when he lovingly called it the vigilante mobile. The most on-brand thing in his car was the extensive collection of CDs.

Kesha was blaring from the speakers, windows rolled down, the evening air blew through your hair. You let your arm hang out the window, feeling the breeze graze your fingertips. Colorful lights flashed by you. Adrian was definitely going too fast, but you didn’t care.
You stopped at the first clothing store you saw.

“Alright, let’s not make this a bigger deal than it is. You can wait in the car, if you want to.”
“No way, I came along to support you.”

Again, you caught a few looks from the employees as you walked in. No wonder, you could only imagine what Adrian and you looked like, black eye, busted nose and you were sure there was still some blood in your hair.

Not five minutes later Adrian had come back with a few shirts. They were surprisingly similar to your taste.
“I see you do have eyes in your head when it comes to clothes.” You teased, before taking them to a changing room. You drew the curtain behind you and started to try on the shirts.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Adrian protested on the other side of the curtain.
“It means you dress like Duran Duran just dropped their first album.”
“My mom sometimes gets my clothes for me. I’m too busy fighting crime and working at the restaurant.”

You drew the curtain to the side with an incredulous look on your face.
“You’re fucking with me, right?”
“No, why?”
“Your mom gets your clothes for you?”
“I said sometimes. Don’t fucking come for my mom.”
You chuckled and raised your hand. “Sorry, dude.”

You returned behind the curtain. In your haste to get this over with, your hair got stuck in one of the buttons. More in frustration than pain you hissed.
“Fuck.”
Before you could comprehend what was happening, Adrian was behind the curtain with you.
“Are you ok? What happened?”

You stared at him for a second, wearing nothing but a bra, hair still stuck in the button. He didn’t seem to mind at all that you were standing in front of him almost naked. Instead, he took the strand of hair and freed it from the button.
“There you go.”
“Thank you…” Your head was completely empty, you just keeping staring at him. The soft look in his eyes and the small smile on his lips made you forget every joke you wanted to make about him barging into the changing room like this. His eyes darted over your face as if searching for something.

After you’d finally chosen some shirts, paid and driven by some fast-food place, Adrian and you sat on the hood of his car in an almost empty parking lot, watching the sky change colors.

“You have great tits, by the way.” Adrian stated, as if he’d just told you he liked his fries.
“Thanks?”

“I don’t get why people get so weird with this kind of compliments.”
“You’re telling me that telling women their tits are nice does not make them immediately want to jump into bed with you? Crazy.”
“No, that’s exactly my point. It’s not about sex, I’m just saying you have nice tits. That’s it.It’s like any other compliment.”
“I think when you talk abouts someone’s tits, most people would think about sex, and they just presume you’re too.”
“Sounds like a them problem. Truth is I’m not that into sex as some people might think.”

You took a sip from your milkshake.
“So, you never think about sex?”
“Sometimes, but it’s more about the person, you know? I don’t really feel the need to stick my dick into random people, it’s about the bonding, you know?”
You nodded. “I get what you mean. So, if you’re really into someone, you want to sleep with them to get closer to them?”
“Yeah, kind of.”
“Cool.”

He turned to look at you. “How is that cool?”
“I don’t know, it’s kind of sweet. That this really intimate thing has such meaning for you.”
Adrian let out a laugh.
“I don’t think it’s that deep. I just do what feels right.”
“I think that’s a lot deeper, than you think. I wish I could figure out what feels right. It’s like ever since I got out, everything feels kind of…off?”
“Does this feel off?”
“No, it doesn’t.” You smiled. “I really enjoy this to be honest.”
Adrian returned the smile. “Me too.”

You were still slurping your milkshake as Adrian kept watching your face.
“I kinda dig your broken nose.”
You gave him a look.
“I’m used to you saying just weird shit by now, but this you have to explain.”
He shrugged.
“I don’t know. I like the thought of you thinking about me every time you see your face in the mirror.”

You were stunned.
“I know you probably don’t realize you’re doing it, but you need to stop saying shit like this to me.”
“Why?” He seemed genuinely confused.
“Because that’s not the kind of stuff you say to your friend.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know, it just isn’t.”
“Yeah, because it’s one of those bullshit rules everybody tries to follow, they get upset at you if you don’t know what you did, but when you ask, they can’t explain it either.”

“Alright, let me try. I think you can’t say that to your friends because they might interpret that as something more than friendship, some people might catch feelings if they hear stuff like that, it’s just way too intimate."
“That’s dumb. You don’t catch feelings from someone telling you stuff.”
“Some people might though. What do you catch feelings from?”
“I don’t catch feelings.”
“Now you’re bullshitting me.”
“Am not.”

“You’re telling me you never had feelings for anyone?”
“Again, what feelings are we talking about? Friendship? I do feel…friendship for some people. I feel friendship for you.”
“Yeah, but I’m not talking about friendship.”
“Then what’s the difference?”
“Jesus, dude, do you want me to explain love to you?”
“Yes, please.”

You let out a sigh, taking the last sip from your milkshake and setting it down.
“Alright, it’s like friendship but on crack. You want to be with them all the time, it kind of hurts when you’re not. And you see little things, you would normally miss, like what color their eyes are or the smell of their aftershave. And when they touch you, it feels electric, and you’re worried for them and you would do anything to protect them.”

Adrian stared at you for a second before opening his mouth and closing it again. Then he closed his eyes, giant grin on his face.
“What color are my eyes?”
Without giving it a second thought you responded.
“Easy, green. Like those fucking peas you dragged around the whole day until they started to leak on the floor.”

When he opened his eyes again there was a look on his face.
“So, you know what color my eyes are. Does this mean you’re in love with me?”
“No fucking way, dude. Don’t let this go to your head.”
“I think, either you’re lying, or you were bullshitting me before about love.”
“Take your pick, I don’t care.”

That damn grin only grew wider. You were already plotting how to escape this situation, when Adrian’s attention had already been captured by something else.

“Hey, there’s an abandoned shopping cart. Wanna push each other around? Last one to fall over wins.”
“Bet.” You ran to the cart. “You have to get in first!”

For the next hour and a half, you kept pushing each other from one end of the parking lot to the other. By the end you both had scraped knees and palms. With all the laughing and the effort of pushing Adrian around, you had trouble catching your breath.

“How do we always end up getting hurt when we do stuff together?” You placed your hand on your ribs in the hopes it would elevate the stinging.
“Speak for yourself, but I get hurt all the time, even when I’m out alone.”
“So, you’re admitting this is your fault.”
“I didn’t say that. Maybe you’re just sensitive.”

You laughed. “Me? Sensitive?”
Adrian answered in a mocking voice.
“I broke my nose, I scraped my knee, I got some brain on my shirt.”
“Fuck off.” You were still laughing.
“Want me to give it a kiss to make the pain go away?” He was still mocking you, but this time your breath got caught in your throat again.
“Yeah, go ahead, it is your fault after all.”

Adrian took both your hands between his, gently placing a kiss on each one. The sting of his touch was overshadowed by this massive feeling that had started to move inside you. The image of Adrian pressing little kisses on your injured palms made you want to grab his face and kiss him till the sun came up. Instead, you didn’t move, keeping your eyes glued on him.
With a weak voice you managed to speak.
“Yeah, that’s also the kind of thing you can’t do to a friend.”

Chapter Text

“I’m not even going to ask.” Harcourt took one look at you and Adrian’s knees before turning around and inspecting the papers again.
You shrugged and walked upstairs, Adrian following you closely.
“Could have gone worse.” You stated before letting yourself fall on the armchair. Adrian sat on the floor in front of you, back to you, laying his head in your lap. Absentmindedly you ran your fingers through his hair. At some point touching him had become comforting. You tried not to think about it too much. Above it all it was unsettling. You were torn between that ever-present anxious part of you, that kept away from people, because people couldn’t be trusted and because you might start to depend on them and there was nothing worse, than needing someone. But there was another part waking up in you. That part only had one thought and it was Adrian Chase, where he was, what he was doing, how he looked at you, how familiar his touch had started to feel…how that part wished to close that last distance between you, wanted to touch him too, feel him wholly.

“Why’d you stop? That felt nice.” Adrian looked at you, face upside down. You hadn’t even noticed that you had stopped running your hand through his hair.
“Sorry…” You were still caught in your spiral.
Adrian stood up, making a gesture for you to get up. He sat down in your place, leaving enough room to squeeze between his legs onto the armchair as well. Needless to say, your brain was out of order.

Now you were sitting with your back against Adrian’s chest, back of your head resting against his shoulder. For now, the second part of you had taken the reigns. Adrian had laid his arms around you.
“Sometimes, when I feel off, this helps me. Just, like, full body pressure.” He explained.
You had instinctively closed your eyes.
“Yeah…it’s nice.” For the first time you felt all the exhaustion and pressure wash over you. There was something about the way he held you, the rhythmic rising and falling of his chest, the beat of his heart, his scent, that made you feel safe. Safe enough, that everything you had just pushed down, tried to burn away now came to the surface.

You didn’t even realize you were crying, until a soft sob escaped your chest. Immediately you felt Adrian tense up. Hastily you sat up, drying your eyes with your sleeve.
“Fuck, sorry.”
“Are you crying?” Adrian stared at you like a deer in headlights.
“Yeah, sorry, I don’t know where that came from.” You could feel the embarrassment rise to your cheeks.
“No, no it’s fine. People cry.” A little clumsily he tried to wipe away some of the tears from your cheek with his thumb. It immediately made you tear up again. This time there was no stopping it.

For a second Adrian looked like he didn’t know what to do. Then, very carefully, he pulled you back into his arms, as if to test, if this was the right move. When you started to sob into his shirt, he froze for a second.
“Is this…not good?”
“No, no, it is, don’t worry. I just c-can’t seem to stop crying. But I swear, I’m f-fine, it’ll be over in a s-second.” You managed to get out between sobs.
He nodded, patting your head. “Alright, alright. Take your time.”

After a while, Adrian’s initially uncoordinated attempts to comfort you, became more natural. His hand was on your cheek, thumb stroking you lightly. The other arm was wrapped around you, holding you. A few minutes later, you had calmed down, still crying, but now quietly.
“Can I ask why you’re crying?” In typical Adrian fashion, he dealt best with emotions, if they were explained to him.
“I don’t know…”
“Do you really not know, or is it too personal to tell? Because I noticed a lot of people say they don’t know when what they really mean is they don’t want to say.”

You raise your head, looking up at him. You could only imagine how you looked right now.
“Ok, I feel…overwhelmed with the whole situation.”
Adrian just gave you a questioning look. You knew you hadn’t explained shit with that statement.
“Fuck me, you’re really gonna make me say it, aren’t you?”
Adrian nodded.

“Well, I’ve been in prison for five years, and even before that I wasn’t the most trusting person, and having my guard up for years is exhausting. And then you show up and for some fucking reason I can’t put my finger on, I don’t feel like that when I’m with you. You make me feel safe, and good and that scares the shit out of me. What the fuck makes you so special? Oh, and this bullshit you pull all the time, these cute things you do? That confuses the shit out of me, because I know, these things don’t mean the same to you as the rest of the fucking population, and, like, I try to remind myself, that you don’t have any intentions, but sometimes there is a part of me that wishes you would. And I hate that.”

Adrian stared at you. It was a rare sight, seeing him speechless. After a few seconds, his look went soft, almost apologetic.
“Look, I told you, I do things that feel right. That means that all the shit I do to be close to you, is because I want to be close to you, because it feels good.” He was scanning your face with an intensity, that almost made you want to look away. The longer you looked into his eyes, the less you could fight that fucking feeling. You could feel the heat in your cheeks.

Very slowly he leaned in. “There is something else I want to do that feels right.”
Panic started to rise in your chest. You had reached a point of no return. Adrian pressed his lips against yours, gently, testing how you would react. Weakness had never felt so good to him. He reached out, cupping your cheeks, pulling you even closer. You felt yourself melt into his touch.
In a short pause you whispered against his lips. “I’m very sure this is another thing friends don’t do.”

“You’re way too stuck on these weird rules.” He answered in a low voice, before pulling you in again. His kisses were needy, desperate. When he pulled away again, he looked at you with something resembling concern on his face. “Or do you not like this?”
Instead of answering, you pulled him in, kissing him again, the intensity almost killing you. By now you were straddling him, both of you breathing heavily. Adrian’s glasses were fogged up. You took them off, discarding them somewhere on the floor next to the armchair.
“I think I like it too much, that’s the fucking problem.” You leaned in again, running your hands under his shirt.

You felt drunk on his touch and his kisses. “Tell me to stop.”
His eyes darted over your face. “I don’t want you to stop. I want this, I want you.”
”Fuck.”
Adrian’s hands were tangled in your shirt in an attempt to pull you closer and take it off at the same time.

“Ah, shit!” Adrian hissed and you immediately pulled your hands back.
“Fuck, sorry!” You saw the red handprints on his stomach. The spell was broken. You hastily stood up. “Fuck…fuck. I’m so sorry, we shouldn’t –”
Adrian jumped up. “No, it’s fine, I’m fine. This is nothing, once I almost got my pinky toe cut off with a dull blade, that shit was bad, this is nothing.”
You could feel the desperation wash over you. “We just keep hurting each other.”
He stepped closer. “I don’t care. I don’t mind the pain if it’s you.”
You shook your head. “No, I can’t.” You already felt your defenses crumble when you looked at his face. It was pleading, desperate, please don’t fucking do this to me.

You took the few last steps between you two. You crashed your lips into his again, but this time you didn’t dare to touch him with your hands. Instead, Adrian wrapped his arms around, afraid you could disappear any second. You looked up at him with big eyes.
“Just this one last time, ok?”

Adrian would have taken anything. He just nodded hastily before capturing your lips again. It was sloppy, passionate. Your heart was about to leap out of your chest. Your shirt had hiked up, just the tiniest bit, exposing your waist. Adrian’s fingers traced over your skin, so unexpectedly soft that it sent a shiver down your spine.
“Please let me do this for the rest of my life.” He whispered. The words rang like the prayer of a dying man in your ears.

It cost you everything but you had to pull away. There was a defeated look on Adrian’s face, but he didn’t protest.
“I-I need a second.” You walked out of the room as fast as you could. If you would have looked back only once, all would have been lost.

You found yourself in the small bathroom of headquarters again. This time alone, running cold water over your hands and trying to calm your racing heart. A look in the mirror showed you, how horrible you looked. The tiredness tugged at every corner of your face. Why couldn’t you just have something good? You knew the answer, the fear of losing it again was far greater than anything else. You were a fucking coward. And now you had pulled Adrian into it too. You felt the rage boil up again. In a split second of red, you threw a punch at the mirror. Regret settled in almost instantly. Not only had you fucked up the mirror, which you would now have to explain or replace, your hand was bleeding too.
“Fuck!”

Chris didn’t ask any questions when you sat on his couch, letting him clean your bloody knuckles and put a bandage on them. Your first instinct had been to go to Adrian, but you were not equipped to deal with him taking care of you, looking at you like there was no one else in the world, worried.

“All done.” Chris concluded.
“Thanks.”
“So, you’re not gonna tell me what happened?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Punched a mirror.”
“Oh, yeah. Been there. You wanna tell me why?”
You groaned. “Not really?”
“You might feel better talking about it.”
“I feel like I talked enough today for an entire lifetime. Talking never fucking helps. It only makes things worse. Everyone who say communication is key, is a fucking liar. Because in the end, the only thing that matters is the fear. You can’t talk that away.” You paused for a moment. “Hey, you also do that, right? Push people away like an asshole, because you’re afraid of intimacy, right?”
“Don’t sugar coat it.”
“Sorry.”
“But you’re not wrong.”
“How do you get better?”
“I don’t know…it takes time I guess?”

You sat in silence for a while. Then you looked up. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t have time.”
“I mean, yeah you could get hit by a truck tomorrow, but does that make any difference? You could also live till you’re 93 when you can’t even wipe your own ass anymore and then you’ll have wasted all that time being scared and alone.”
“Yeah, you’re right…I just don’t know how to tune it out, it just takes over and I feel like it’s in control of me.”
The two of you sat in silence for a while.

Chris stood up. “By the way, I got something for you.”
You raised an eyebrow, whatever you thought it was, you did not expect it to be this. He pulled out a piece of cloth from a bag. You immediately recognized the yellow and orange design on the black background. Your eyes started to sparkle.
“You fucking did not!”
A satisfied grin grew on his face. “Yeah, I fuckin did.”
“How did you - ?”
“I was looking for something and I saw it lying next to your stuff, and I thought you would like to get it fixed.”

You jumped up, pulling him into a tight hug. “Thank you, you have no idea how much this means to me.” For the second time today, you could feel the tears gather in your eyes. You really needed to do something about that.
Chris hesitated a second before hugging you back. “Well, I know how naked I feel when I don’t have my suit on so…”

You took the suit from his hand, inspecting it. It looked like new, and even with a few improvements.
“Actually, I have a confession to make.”
You looked at him expectantly.
“It was not totally my idea alone to get it fixed. Adrian played a big part in it too. Also, he’s responsible for the little changes, some bullshit about weak spots in the suit. He may not look like it, but he has a talent for shit like this.” His smile dropped. “Don’t ever tell him I fucking said that.”
You shook your head. “Of course not.” You couldn’t peel your eyes away from the suit, but your head was already somewhere else.

A deep sense of guilt had started to creep up on you, ever since leaving Adrian like that.
“Do you have any idea where he is now? I need to apologize for something, and I want to thank him too.”
“I don’t know, try the usual spots. If he’s not at HQ or work, he might be on patrol, he does that sometimes to relax.”
“I need to – thank you again – I need to find him.”
Chris watched you as you ran out the door.

Adrian was not in fact at HQ, and according to Adebayo he wasn’t working tonight either. For a second you thought he might be at home, when you remembered that you had no idea where he lived. Patrol it was. On the plus side, this would be a great opportunity to break in the new suit. It had felt so good to put it back on. There had been a time when it had been like a second skin to you.

When you finally found him, you didn’t make your presence known immediately. There was something strangely exciting about just watching Vigilante do his thing. You watched him beat up two drug dealers and bust up an arms deal. The savagery with which he’d beat up those guys triggered a wild mixture of feelings. On one hand you wondered, if he was usually like this or if this was about you, on the other hand it made your stomach twist in a funny way. There was something raw and sincere about violence that did it for you. And if Adrian Chase was something, it was raw, sincere and violent.

You were so busy philosophizing, that you only realized you had lost him, when it was already too late. Not a second later you felt a hunting knife against your throat.
“Why are you following me?” As soon as you recognized the voice, you relaxed. When he turned you around, he took a step back.
“Oh, it’s you.”
You couldn’t tell by his tone if he was happy to see you, or pissed off you wouldn’t leave him alone.

Vigilante stared at you. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. The suit hugged you in all the right places, and even if your face was obscured, he knew it was unmistakably you. For a second, he wondered how he didn’t recognize you earlier.

Suddenly you felt shy. You weren’t even sure why.
“I hope, I’m not intruding.” Your hands were clenched together behind your back.
“No, it’s fine. I like to go on patrol to clear my head sometimes, like some people meditate, or do yoga or some shit.”
“I’m not sure yoga and beating bad guys within an inch of their life really follow the same philosophy.”
“I’m getting my exercise and I feel more emotionally regulated after.”
“That is a very concerning thing to say.”
“Your one to talk. You punched a mirror.”
“How did you…?”
“I saw the mirror after you came out of the bathroom. I might not be the brightest in the world, maybe not even on the team, but that was kind of easy to deduce.”
“Sorry about the mirror.”
“I don’t give a shit about the mirror…how’s your hand?”

He took your dominant hand into his. The fact he even knew which one that was made you want to die on the spot. All of those confusing feelings came rushing right back. Very gently he pulled the glove off your hand. For a moment he just inspected the bruises. It seemed almost possessive. Then he looked up at you, and even though you couldn’t see his face, you could hear the concern in his voice.
“Did you take care of it?”
“Yeah, Chris cleaned it for me.”
“Oh…ok.” He almost seemed hurt by the fact you had let someone else clean your injury. At this point it had become sort of a ritual between the two of you and it had felt almost like cheating when Chris had done it.

You pulled your hand back, putting the glove back on. “Are you jealous or something?”
“No…”
“Alright.”
“Let me see your nose, if it’s healing properly.”
You pushed up your mask just over the bridge of your nose. Aside from a little bruising, there was nothing much to see. In some strange way it felt like he wanted to mark his territory after someone else had taken care of you.

Vigilante ran his gloved fingertips over the back of your nose, over your cheek and over your bottom lip.
“I’m sorry.” You whispered.
“I told you; I don’t give a shit about the mirror.”
“No, I mean for going to someone else for the hand.”
He tried to play it off, but you could clearly see this was affecting him.
“Next time,” you took a step to close the distance between you, “I’ll come to you, and every time after that as well, promise.”

Before you could say anything more, Vigilante had pushed up his mask, just over the tip of his nose, grabbed your face and pressed his lips against yours in a chaotic and frantic way. The only thing you could feel were his soft lips and his hot breath on yours. And this overwhelming need to pull him closer, make him yours completely.
“We really need to stop doing this.” You managed to get out between kisses but made no attempt at doing what you had just said.
“I don’t know if I can do that…”

He grabbed your waist, spinning you around and pushing you against the wall of the ally you were in. For anyone having the unfortune of walking in on you like this, it would have been a strange image, both of you completely covered in your suits it was almost impossible to tell where one body ended and the other began.

“This is so hot.” His voice was raspy.
“Yeah…” You agreed before continuing to press kisses on him.
“Also, you look so fucking good in that suit, fuck.”
“Yeah, I meant to thank you for that, Chris told me you helped.”
“You’re welcome, can you stop talking now, it’s kind of hard to kiss you like this.”
You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. “Usually that would be the kind of thing I’d say to you.”
“Well, how the tables have turned.”
“Ok, but you’re right, shut up now.”

Chapter Text

„Okay, again.“ Harcourt placed her hands on the table in front of her. “You two,” she pointed at you and Adrian, “get picked up tomorrow to go to Shangri-La. You’re equipped with trackers, but just in case you have two satellite phones as well, make sure they don’t get discovered. As soon as you have the possibility, send us the coordinates. You check out the place, if you find a floor plan or something like that, even better. And then you get out of there as fast as possible. We’ll review the new information and put together a plan to take the whole thing down. Understood?”

You nodded. Adrian raised his hand.
“Yes…Adrian?”
“I have a question.”
“Yes?” It seemed to take Harcourt all her willpower not to roll her eyes at him.
“This thing is somewhere deep in the mountains, super isolated, right?”
“Yes.”
“How are we going to get out of there?”
“I already told you, as soon as you get there, you send us your position and we’ll come to pick you up at the nearest possible point. That means that there is a strong possibility that you have to at least hike down the mountain, or at least to the next village. Because of this, it is very important we don’t lose communication.”
Adrian nodded. “Ok, got it.”

Before dismissing all of you, Harcourt gave you one last look.
“And no partying tonight, you need to be in top shape tomorrow. This whole mission depends on it.”
Everyone nodded solemnly.
As soon as everyone had said their goodbyes, Chris turned to you and Adrian.
“Wanna grab a beer at my place?”
“Yes, sure.” You answered in unison.

You and Adrian had taken the couch. You were laying in such a way your legs were comfortably resting in Adrian’s lap. Chris sat on a chair across from you, watching the two of you interact. Since that night in the ally, there hadn’t been any spectacular contact between you, not to the untrained eye at least. Adrian had kept checking on your various injuries, making sure they were clean and healing well. These moments were filled with gentle touches and just staring at each other for an eternity without saying a word.

In the somewhat privacy of Chris’s trailer, it was easy to forget yourself. You hadn’t even thought about how it might have looked when you had stretched your legs over Adrian’s lap. Absentmindedly he had started running his hands over your thighs.

Chris let his eyes wander from Adrian to you and back.
“Are you guys really fucking?”
You just stared at him, while Adrian burst out laughing. Finally, you gained back your voice.
“No, we’re not. Why would you think that?”
“Because of this!?” He gestured to the two of you.
“Ok, can’t friends just sit like this?” You noticed how defensive you had gotten while Adrian was still busy getting his laughter under control. You realized that this thing, whatever it was, with Adrian had become precious to you and you didn’t like people trying to question it or explain it to you. You had gotten strangely protective over it, and over Adrian.
“I don’t sit like that with my friends.” Chris crossed his arms in front of his chest.
“No, you have threesomes with your friends.” You leaned back with a satisfied smile.
Chris shot Adrian a look. “You told her about that?”

Adrian shrugged. “It came up. I was trying to make a point about the rules of friendship.”
“Which is, that these rules are bullshit.” You followed up. You were too busy studying Chris’s face to notice Adrian looking at you with a mixture of joy, that you had finally converted to his school of thinking, and adoration. You didn’t see it, but Chris did. He didn’t say anything.
“So, no, we’re not fucking.” You concluded.

Ever since your last make-out session, both of you had taken a small step back, at least in the physical sense, but at the same time you had never felt so close to him. Even if there had been no other kiss, the small things started to pile up, your body had gotten so used to his, the familiarity of everything soothing your soul. You liked it like this, there was no way you even thought about something like sex.

Maybe you did in very short moments, when Adrian’s hands ran over your skin, when his shirt would lift up, just enough when raising his arms, you could see his waist, or maybe when that wild grin spread across his face and when sometimes he would just not stop talking. But you’d rather lose a hand than compromise what you had right now in any way. There was no need to bring up stuff that seemed so far away anyway. Not that you thought that it was a thing at all. You were happy like this, truly. And as long as you didn’t figure out your intimacy issues, you would do nothing else to cause Adrian any hurt.

After a few more beers, Chris’ eyes fell on a small clock by the shelves next to the couch.
“Oh, fuck it’s late. We should get some sleep, tomorrow’s a big day for the two of you and I don’t want Emilia to rip my head off when I bring you in hungover and tired.”
You agreed and half an hour later, the trailer was dark and quiet.

Adrian had decided to stay the night. The couch was not very big to begin with, but somehow you both managed to squeeze on it. You were half-laying on top of him, ear pressed against his chest, hearing his heartbeat. Your arm was draped over his torso, while his was wrapped around you. You looked at him, eyes closed, steady breathing and a small smile on his lips.

“Are you asleep?” You whispered.
He shook his head. “Everything ok?”
“I…I’m a bit worried about tomorrow.”
He opened his eyes to watch your face. “You don’t have to worry. It’ll be fine, we’re a good team.”
“Yeah, but what if something goes wrong? What if I get hurt, or what if you get hurt? What if one of us d – ”
“Shhhut up. Nothing bad is going to happen.”

Until now, Adrian had not even thought about the possibility of something going wrong. When it came to missions, he didn’t think much in general. It was all go-in-and-adjust-to-the-situation. But the second you had said it, that biting feeling in his chest had returned. Even if he wouldn’t admit it to you, the thought of something happening to you made him sick.

Adrian pulled you closer, just the tiniest bit, and squeezed you just a little bit tighter. He closed his eyes again, feeling the weight of your body on him, trying to relax.
“You’re going to be fine; we’re going to be fine.” He kept whispering over and over into your hair.

You had no idea about the war going on in his head. Why the fuck had you said that? Now he couldn’t think about anything else but dragging your injured or dead body out of Shangri-La. You had made him care. His strong point had always been, that he had not cared just the right amount for him to have a clear head in a fight and not get distracted by emotions.

But this? This was bullshit. For a second, he thought about calling Harcourt and telling her to abort the whole mission. Fuck Shangri-La, fuck Waller and fuck this whole mission. But he couldn’t. This drug that they were trying to find was designed as a weapon against people like you. He knew the second worse thing to happen besides dying would be for you to lose your powers and that would only happen over his dead body.

Finally, you had fallen asleep. Adrian kept lying awake, running his fingers through your hair, taking in your smell, memorizing the way your body felt on his. Part of him couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Adrian was not used to being the first choice for anyone. He’d always been dedicated, especially to Chris, but even he had other people that placed higher than Adrian on his ranking.

This was different, Adrian was used to the subtle, yet ongoing rejection, but with you there was none. He feared that if he’d let himself fall into it completely, there was no going back. He found himself thinking about that question you’d asked. What did make him so damn special to you? He didn’t know and he was afraid you wouldn’t find an answer either.

From the first moment he’d laid eyes on you, he’d been intrigued by you, not only because of your powers, but because there was something of himself, he saw in you. It was true, the main thing making you different from others, were your powers. But there was something else to it too. It was you who didn’t fit in, just like him.

Back at Miller Harbor had been the first time he’d seen you in action and he hadn’t been able to take his eyes off you since. Seeing you fight with such rage had moved something in him. Violence seemed to be something connecting you, it was a language you both spoke like second nature. By then he hadn’t known where to place this feeling that had started to grow deep inside of him somewhere in a part he had long forgotten.

The first time he fought you in practice was the moment something had clicked for him. It was like a puzzle piece was falling into place when he realized how much he liked touching you, having you near him, even if that meant a bloody nose and a black eye. And when he’d said he cared about Chris, and the team, he hadn’t been entirely truthful. Adrian cared about you, a lot, especially you.

When you came to see him at Fennel Fields and had ripped into his coworker was the first time, he’d ever thought about wanting to kiss you, right then and there in front of the whole staff. The way you’d defended him really made it sink in that you were there by his side, having his back. Not only that, you were thinking about him and came to see him, but you’d also put your ass on the line for him in such an insignificant situation.

It was way past midnight when Adrian finally fell asleep.

It was still dark outside, only a slim grey shimmer on the horizon, announcing the sunrise. The ground was covered in frost. You could see your breath in the air as you exhaled. Adrian and you stood at the edge of an abandoned parking lot, waiting. You peaked at your watch.
“Five minutes.”
Adrian scanned you. “Are you ok?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Because of last night?”
“Oh, yeah, that was just…I don’t know. Sometimes I get scared. But it’s fine, ‘cause I know you have my back.” You gave him a small smile and Adrian could feel his insides twist.

The van was cramped. You were the last ones to be picked up. After that, it was just six hours of silence. No one in the back of the van spoke a word. By the time the sun stood high in the sky, you were deep into the Appalachian Mountains. From time to time, you would exchange glances with Adrian. Seeing him this quiet was a bit unsettling.

When you got out of the van the only thing in sight was a small monastery. As far as the eye could see there was only forest. Have fun getting out of here. But you couldn’t think about that now. First, you needed to gather some intel and not get caught doing it.

Along with the rest of the group you were escorted through a small courtyard and then down some old stairs that looked like they had been carved into the mountain. Underground it was a whole different thing. It was a labyrinth of corridors, lit by gas lamps. At the end was an enormous hall, filled with industrial equipment. This was where they manufactured the Mithridate. You didn’t have a lot of time to wonder how they’d gotten all this equipment up the mountain and into this underground facility, before getting split up into groups.

When Adrian was put into a different group, you protested. “I was promised, we would stay together.”
The overseer gave you a short look. “I don’t care. Now move your ass.”
There was no use in arguing.

The production process had been split into different steps, so that no single worker would know how the entire process worked. You were given a mask and sat at a table where you would have to spend the next hours mixing ingredients. You had to think of something to get out of here and start looking around. You had made a mental map of the places you had already seen, but you knew, there was much more to this whole underground complex.
Frequent looks at your watch told you that the hours were passing, and you still hadn’t had the chance to send the others your coordinates. You had to find a way to the surface, even with the satellite phones you had no chance so deep under the earth to reach anyone.

In an unattended moment you managed to get away from the workers area. It took you almost forty-five minutes to find your way back to the stairs, that lead to the outside. Of course, the exit was guarded. You couldn’t cause a scene. You straightened your shoulders, approaching the guard.

“Hey, is there any chance I could go outside for like five minutes? I get really claustrophobic underground.” It was worth a try.
The guard adjusted his assault rifle. He scanned you for a second. “Sorry, no one’s getting out.”
“Come on, man, just five minutes. I just need some fresh air.”
“I said no, where is your overseer anyway? You’re not supposed to walk around alone.”
“Oh…uhm, he said I could take a short break.”
The guard furrowed his brows. This was not working how you’d hoped. What was worse, you saw the guard reach for his walkie-talkie.
“I need someone to come pick up one of the workers and bring her back to her section.”
“Oh, no, it’s fine, I’ll find my way back.”
“You’ll have to wait for someone to come get you.”

It was no use. Ten minutes later you were on your way down again, this time in the company of another overseer. Back at your station you could feel the pressure grow. At this rate you didn’t even know how you would get out again. The whole complex was under surveillance. Fuck.

After what had felt like an eternity, you were finally done. You, and the rest of the workers were escorted to your sleeping quarters. It was a bare room with tens and tens of bunkbeds. When you entered, you spotted Adrian by one of the beds. Relief washed over you. You had to stop yourself from running towards him and jumping into his arms. At least you weren’t doing this alone.

“Hey, how was it, did you get the chance to tell the others where we are, or did you find anything?” You asked in a low whisper. The two of you stood leaning against a wall, putting some distance between you and the other workers.
“No chance. This place is like a maximum-security prison. I’m not even sure we’d be allowed to leave if we wanted to.” He answered, voice equally as low.
“Yeah…I figured. What are we going to do?”

You gave him a worried look. What you had told the guard had not been a total lie. Being locked up like this did make you antsy. If it’d been up to you; you would have just left right away. But you were here on a mission.
“Let’s do it tonight. At four in the morning, I read that that’s the time people are the most vulnerable, night watch is tired, the rest is asleep.” Adrian proposed.
You nodded. “I don’t know if that’s true, but yeah, I think tonight is our best bet.”
“It is true, the military does it all the time, police raids also always happen early in the morning.”
“Mine didn’t. I was arrested in the afternoon.”
“Maybe they thought it wouldn’t make a difference because you’re always at a hundred percent.” He gave you a small smile. Even in this dire situation, he managed to get one out of you too.

You had planned on catching at least a bit of sleep, seeing as you hadn’t slept much last night either and the stress was eating you alive. You couldn’t close one eye until the little glowing pointers on your watch showed four. You leaned over the railing of your bed, seeing if Adrian was asleep. He wasn’t, he gave you a nod, and in dead silence you stood up, making your way out of the sleeping hall. To your luck, there were no guards at the door. The lights in the corridors were dimmed, some of them were drenched in weak red light.

You turned around to Adrian. “Where do we start? This place is huge.”
He looked around. “Down there are the working stations, right?”
You nodded. “Yeah, so?”
“I saw some of the overseers go this way, maybe there is something down there.” He pointed at one of the corridors.
“Let’s go.”

Adrian didn’t always make the impression of being a very attentive or bright person, but you knew better. He was paying attention to the details when it mattered, and most of all he was way more of a strategic thinker than he’d himself admit. You wondered sometimes if he did it on purpose, let the world think he was dumber than he actually was, which wasn’t at all. It didn’t matter, you knew better, you trusted him, you trusted his intuition, something you’d been lacking lately.

At the end of the corridor were a few metal doors. There was nothing indicating, what was behind them. After giving it a listen, you concluded, that there was no one in there. You tried the handle, it was locked. Without hesitation, you placed your hand on the lock, slowly but surely melting it away. Adrian stared at the glowing orange metal, dripping to the floor, you could swear he had little stars in his eyes.
“That is so fucking cool. I know, I asked you if you were like a human candle, when we first met – you’re a fucking blowtorch dude!”
You let out a small laugh. “Thanks. But after this we definitely need to get out of here, they will know there is someone here who doesn’t belong.”

You were lucky, the room was in fact empty. Besides the mountains of files and papers.
“Alright, let’s get to work, remember most importantly we need to find the floor plans.” You clapped your hands together.
Adrian and you went through what felt like hundreds and hundreds of files, but no floor plans. You groaned in defeat.
“We’re losing time here. We need to split up. I’ll open two more doors, you take one, I’ll take the other.”

Said and done. This room you stepped into was dimly lit in sickly blue, fluorescent light. Your eyes had trouble adjusting to it. You were already in the middle of the room, when you saw that this was not an office at all. It was a laboratory. You wanted to look around some more but thinking about the time, you knew this would be a waste. You needed to find the floor plans.

Just as you turned around to leave the room and find Adrian, you heard shouting from the hallway. Startled, you knocked over a test tube rack. You just watched as it fell to the floor, glass tubes breaking, blue liquid spreading on the floor. A split second later you could smell it too. Whatever this was, it was emitting a gas, and you were directly breathing it in. Your breath became labored, and you didn’t know if this was because of the blue stuff you had just inhaled, or if you were having a panic attack.

Another thought formed in your head, and it made your veins freeze. Almost in slow motion, you crouched down, picking up a piece of one of the test tubes with the sticker still on. Mithridate 14x. You couldn’t move. As much as your brain screamed at you to stand up and get away from the blue stuff as fast as possible, clean your hands, stop inhaling the fumes, you had no control over your body.

You jumped when you felt a hand on your shoulder. Only then did your brain seem to connect to your muscles again. Adrian’s eyes were fixed on the blue spill on the floor. Then he looked at you.
“Is that…?”
You nodded. You couldn’t talk. Adrian grabbed your arm, pulling you to one of the sinks: He started to rub soap on your hands, trying to clean them as fast as possible. The feeling of cold water on your skin seemed to reconnect your brain to your mouth now as well.

“Adrian, we need to go! What are you doing?”
He kept rubbing your hands under the water, as if it would make a difference now.
“We have a few minutes, I took out the guards that caught me, it’ll be a second before reinforcement comes. We need to get you cleaned up.”
Only then came another thought to you and you pulled your hands back. “Don’t touch it, we don’t know if it could do something to you too!”

Adrian grabbed your hands again, finally getting the last of the blue off.
“Fuck that. See? Done already. Come now.” He took your hand, not letting go while you ran through the corridors. Somewhere an alarm had started to howl. Just before turning a corner, you slowed down.

“Wait, we don’t have the floor plans, we need to go back!”
Adrian turned to you. He knew something was wrong with you, you couldn’t think clearly in the panic that started to rise to your chest. He took your face into his hands, forcing you to look into his eyes.
“I got the floorplans; we need to get the fuck out of here.”
You nodded.

Chapter Text

You were so close to the stairs leading to freedom, when a whole group of guards came between you, and what would have been the way out. Everything felt hazy.

One of the guards walked towards you, gun raised and aimed at you. Instinctively you raised your hands in the air. Adrian didn’t. Instead, he handed you his glasses, and when the guard was close enough, he managed to disarm him. To both your luck, none of the guards were very well trained or heavily armed. You ducked and they missed their shots. You weren’t sure if everything was moving at double the speed, or if you were only moving at half speed.

Adrian grabbed the gun, immediately taking out the two guards with firearms with two clean headshots. You felt like you were watching a movie, nothing seemed real. Finally, your instinct kicked in and your body moved on its own. You ran towards another guard, landing two punches before he kicked back. You managed to grab his leg, bringing him down. You pressed your hands on him, but nothing happened. He grabbed you by the wrists, pulling you off him. Just in time you guarded yourself with your arm, the knife he’d swung at you leaving a deep cut in your forearm. You didn’t even register the pain. You landed a powerful kick, making him drop the knife. You grabbed it and with a well-placed stab, you’d severed his carotid. You felt the warmth of his blood spill over your fingers.

Meanwhile, Adrian had taken out two more guards. There were only two more left and in a fast, coordinated attack you took them down in just a few minutes. Adrian turned to you, eyes going wide as he saw the blood.
“Are you ok?”
You nodded. “Yeah, most of it isn’t mine. Go, I’m right behind you.”
You sprinted up the stairs, every few feet, Adrian turned around to see if you were still there.
Orpheus would turn around after all.

When the cold mountain air finally touched your face, you took a deep breath. But there was no time to recover, you needed to run. In a matter of minutes, the whole Shangri-La security would be after you.

The air burned in your lungs, twigs scratching your face as you sprinted through the woods. It was still dark, and it took you every bit of concentration you could muster to not trip over branches and roots. Your legs were giving out. The dizziness was getting worse. Something was very wrong. You were ready to just let yourself fall, the thought of lying down and getting swallowed up by the forest floor seemed like heaven by now, when Adrian stopped.
“There is a cave, we’ll hide out in there until we manage to get in touch with the team.”

As soon, as the starry sky above you disappeared behind the rocky ceiling of the cave, you fell to your knees. In the blink of an eye, Adrian was by your side.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He muttered, while searching you for injuries. When he saw your arm, he ripped a strip of fabric from his shirt, tying it tightly around the cut. Then he took your face in his hands again, scanning your face. Pure terror started to spread in his chest. Your eyes weren’t focusing on him.

“Hey, hey, talk to me!” The desperation almost made him choke. Never had he ever been this scared, never for himself and never for anyone else. For someone who always said he didn’t ‘have feelings like most people do’ there were a hell of a lot of feelings going haywire inside of him right now. Finally, your eyes found his.
“It’s fine, we got out.” You felt how heavy your tongue was.

Adrian sat with his back against the wall of the cave, cradling you in his arms, while simultaneously trying to find that damn satellite phone. Finally, he’d found it. With cold, sweaty fingers he tried to set up the connection. Then, after he’d almost given up, there was a voice on the other end.

“Vigilante? Where are you, what happened? Why are you calling so late, is everything fine?” It was Harcourt.
“We got out, we need you to pick us up. We got the plans, but…” His voice betrayed him.
“But what!? Adrian, talk to me!”
“She got exposed to the drug, and she’s not well, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to help her.” He was choking. Surprised, he realized his cheeks were wet. “What do I do, what if she dies?”
“She won’t. We activated your tracker, we have your coordinates, we’ll come and get you, hang in there, just make sure she stays awake. We won’t let her die; I promise you that.” The last part was unusually soft for Harcourt, like she knew what you meant to him.

Adrian put the phone to the side. Now all he could do was wait. He couldn’t start a fire, as cold as it was, the smoke would betray your position. He took your hand into his, to hold you, and to his horror it was ice cold.
“Hey, hey, look at me. The others are coming, hang in there, ok? Please, for me, please, please don’t die…please don’t die.”
You opened your eyes, looking up at him. “I fucking jinxed it.”
“What?” He gave you a perplexed look.
“The night before we left, I shouldn’t have said all that shit, I jinxed it.”
“You fucking listen to me, this is not your fault, we’re gonna get out of here and everything will be fine.” Adrian didn’t have the heart to say it out loud, the thing, you yourself were suspecting since you couldn’t burn the guard.

While you were lying there in Adrian’s arms, the dizziness started to subside. You felt the wound on your arm pulsate and you were so, so tired, but slowly but surely your head was getting clearer.

In anticipation of the cold weather in the mountains, both of you had three layers of clothes on you, two undershirts and thick, knitted sweaters. Yours was sliced up the arm and soaked in blood. Although you had regained some cognitive function, you had started to shiver uncontrollably. Even if Adrian tried to keep you warm in his arms, it was no use. If he didn’t do something, you would freeze to death until the others found you.

He sat you up. “Ok, listen, your clothes are wet, and your freezing, we need to get your temperature up.” He gestured for you to lift your arms. You obliged. Carefully, he undressed you, first the sweater, then the shirts until you were down to your bra. Adrian wasn’t sure if he was imagining it, but he could swear there was a light blue tint to your skin.
“Alright, come over.” He had taken off his shirts as well, keeping only the sweater, so that now, when you crawled into his lap again and he put the sweater over you too, your chest was pressed against his, skin to skin.
“I saw this in one of those survival shows, it’s like the best thing you can do to stay warm. Kind of like penguins.” Adrian commented.

You buried your face in the crook of his neck. He was warm, his skin so soft and he smelled like Adrian, aftershave and sweat, like home. He was holding you in a tight embrace.
“I’m so, so sorry…” He whispered. He could feel his voice tremble again.
“What for?” You whispered against the sensitive skin of his neck.
“For all of this, I had a bad feeling about this, I should have said something to Harcourt, I shouldn’t have left you alone, I should have been with you.”
“Don’t do this right now. This is not your fault.”

Adrian swallowed hard. You were right, he couldn’t let himself fall into a shame spiral, he needed to be strong, for you. He was drawing small patterns on your back to comfort you. A small sigh escaped you and he could feel your breath on his neck, sending a shiver down his spine.

“Are you cold?” You whispered.
“No, you’re just…really close.”
“Is that a bad thing?” Even if you had wanted to, there was no way you were moving.
“No, it’s not, if you don’t take into account the circumstances, it’s pretty nice actually.”
He looked at you. Your head was laying comfortably on his shoulder, and your eyes were closed again.
“Hey.” He nudged your head, prompting you to open your eyes. “Don’t fall asleep.”
“I’m just…so tired.”
“I know. Tell me something, anything.”

You could feel the effects of the Mithridate, it was making you tired, but it also felt a bit like being drunk. Even with everything that was going on, in a strange way, sitting like this, pressed against Adrian was kind of a turn on. Your inhibitions were slowly fading. If you’d been able to move…God, the things you would have wanted to do to this man. Instead, you started talking.

“You wanna know what they put me in prison for?”
“You killed those guys working for Luthorcorp when they tried to kidnap you, right?”
“Yeah…that’s not all. You know my mom sold me out to them, but I got away, I was on the run for a while.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“What you don’t know, and I never told anybody this, but at some point, I knew it was only a matter of time before they would catch me and lock me up. I went back home. I confronted my mom.” You made a small pause. Talking was exhausting. You could feel Adrian’s eyes on you.

“She was scared shitless when I showed up. She thought I was somewhere locked up, if not at Luthorcorp, at least in some prison. In the beginning, I just wanted to talk to her. I just wanted to know how she could sell me out like that. We started arguing. I think she was genuinely scared of me. She came at me with a kitchen knife. I panicked and I…it was an accident, I just wanted to stop her. Well, I did.”
You closed your eyes again, this time not because of the tiredness, you didn’t want to see Adrian’s reaction.

He gently bumped his nose into yours, making you look at him.
“What happened then?”
“We had a neighbor, Becky Miller, she came over to talk to my mom, she saw the whole kitchen covered in blood. She called the cops. They didn’t really care what I had to say. First thing I got collard, and then they took me straight to Belle Reve. In the beginning there were talks about putting me into Arkham, they thought I just came back to kill her as pay back. Lucky for me, they decided against it.”

Adrian placed a small kiss on your forehead. “I’m so sorry all that shit happened to you. But you know this is not your fault, right?”
You scoffed. “Kind of is. If it weren’t for me, those people would still be alive, my mom would still be alive. Don’t get me wrong, I fucking hated her guts for what she put me through, but she was still my mom, you know? There is like this strange discrepancy between the parent that lives in your mind, the version you want, and need, the one you deserve, and then there is the one right in front of you, who looks exactly the same, but all they do is fuck you up.”

Adrian freed one of his hands, cupping your cheek, stroking it lightly. He was getting really good at this whole comforting thing. You could feel tears stream down your face. At this point, if anything ever would happen between you two, you were sure you would immediately start crying as a pavlovian response to him holding you.
“There are these moments…” You continued. “Where I just wish my mom was here, but like more the concept of a mom, than who she actually was, does that make sense?”

Adrian nodded. “We need to change the subject; this is bumming you out. I need you to be as little bummed out as possible right now.”
“I don’t have that many funny stories, I fear. The only nice thing in this situation right now, is you.” You snuggled up closer to him.

Adrian licked his lips. An idea had formed in his head, and like with a lot of his ideas he was not sure if this was a hundred percent hit or miss. “You wanna elaborate on that?”
You raised your head to look up at him. “Elaborate on what?”
“On how nice this is? Because I think it’s really nice too…not the kind of thing friends would do.”

You let out a laugh. A little weight lifted off his chest. You put your head back on his shoulder, where it was warm, and you could feel his heart beat faster.
“Actually, I think this would be one of the only things friends would do. This is kind of a life-or-death situation, I think under these circumstances, friends would do a lot of things. Anyway, since when do you care what friends do and don’t?”
“I generally don’t, just thought you’d find it funny. And you did.”

“Yeah…you’re right. Anyway, the things I sometimes think about you, are definitely not things you think about friends.”
“Like what?”
“Like kissing you. I think about kissing you a lot. It’s just…complicated, you know?”
“Complicated how?” He needed to keep you talking.
“Like…I do wanna kiss you all the time, and touch you, because it feels really, really good but then I get super scared that something changes and I somehow fuck it up, and then I pull back and I don’t want to hurt you either so I’m kinda torn between wanting to rip your clothes off and wanting to run in the opposite direction. I mean, look where we are. This shit wouldn’t have happened if we’d kept it professional. At least I know that I get distracted when you’re near me and…I don’t know.”

Adrian scanned you. “Alright, this is bumming me out now, let’s go back to the kissing part?”
You let out a small laugh again. “What else do you want me to say? Do you think about kissing me?”
His voice was low. “Yeah, I do. A lot. And I also think about a lot of other stuff to do to you.”
You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks. “Like what?”
“I would like to kiss your lips, then your cheek, your jaw and down to your tits.” He placed a soft kiss on your neck. You shifted to adjust for the knot forming in your core.
“I want to run my fingers over your stomach and take off your bra. I want to touch you in all the places, that make you moan and beg for more.”

“Fuck, I didn’t know you thought about me like that…I thought you said you don’t think that much about sex.” You whispered.
“I don’t think a lot about sex, but I do think about sex with you, because I want to feel every inch of you, I want to make you feel good…so good…and I want you to moan my name and beg for more and I want you to know you’re mine, and mine only.”

Somehow, Adrian’s plan to turn you on in order to get you to warm up had not only turned him on, but also escalated into something a lot more emotional than he had anticipated.
“I want to be as close to you as possible, I want to see your face when you feel me and I want to leave bruises on you, so everybody knows…” Now it was his turn to shift to get more comfortable.

You could feel him getting hard and you moved just a little closer so he could feel the friction.
“When we get out of here, I want you to fuck me until I see stars.” You whispered back und you felt him tense under you.
“You’re not you right now, let’s see when we get out of here, ok?” Talking to you about his fantasies was one thing, but making actual plans was something entirely different. Not, that he wouldn’t have wanted you, but he knew that right now, you were not in your right mind. A big part of him feared, that you were only saying this because you didn’t think you’d get out of here, or because the situation had you feeling especially vulnerable or the Mithridate was messing with your mind, making you more susceptible to everything.

You sensed something was up. “Adrian?”
“Hm?”
“What is it? I’m sorry, I didn’t want to put any pressure on you, I didn’t mean it like that.”
Adrian almost laughed. “You don’t have to be sorry for anything, if anything, I should be sorry. This is not really fair to you, you lost a lot of blood, you’re in shock. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea…”

You raised your hand, pulling his face down so he was forced to look at you.
“Listen to me.” You began. “Firstly, this was a great idea, because guess what, I’m not cold anymore. And, secondly, I’m pretty sure you’re in shock too, so we’re even. I do mean what I say, the only difference is, that right now I have no problem saying them out loud to you. And I don’t really want to think about those consequences for now. All I know is, that I care so much about you and I never, ever want to do something you don’t like. So, if you tell me, that you do like this, I’m in, truly I am.”

Adrian watched your face; your cheeks were flushed. His eyes slipped to your lips, but he caught himself in time.
“Ok, listen.” His voice was raspy. “We keep talking, but nothing else. I don’t want you to regret anything later. This is too important to me to fuck it up like this. And I know I’m good at fucking things up because I don’t think, but this…this is…”
His lips were hovering over yours. By now you felt almost feverish. You didn’t move to close the distance between you. You just hovered there, almost touching his lips.
“That sounds like a deal.”

You shifted again against him, a low moan escaping him from the friction.
“You need to stop moving, I can’t take it.” He plead, breathless.
“I can’t help it…” Now you were teasing him. “I just wanted to make myself comfortable.”
“Bullshit…ahh.”
“How can you expect me to stop moving when you make these pretty little sounds?”
“We have a deal…”
“I am honoring that deal, I already sat on your lap before, I’m not taking it any further.”
“You drive me fucking crazy.” Now it was him burying his face in your neck. You felt his hot, quick breath on you. In response you moved against him, very slowly, but deliberately. You could feel his teeth grazing your skin. When you dragged your nails down his back, you felt him bite down. A sigh left your lips and the pressure form his jaw increased ever so slightly.

“You’re gonna leave a mark, the others will see…” You reminded.
“Sorry…” He started kissing the spot, as if to apologize to your body as well. This got you a lot more riled up than you thought was possible.
“Fuck, Chris was right, you really do have a talent for finding weak spots.”
Adrian lifted his head, looking at you. “What?”
“He told me you were responsible for the improvements in my suit.”
“And he said I was good in finding weak spots?”
“Yeah like, in the armor, or in a suit to be exact…and I guess you’re good at finding my weak spots too.””

A grin grew on his face and almost immediately faltered again.
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
You gave him a serene smile. He was right, you were not all there but now, instead of dread and horror, warmth and need had filled your insides.
“Because he told me not to tell you.”
“So, why are you telling me now?”
“Because now, I don’t really have a filter, so when this is over, please pretend you don’t know I said that, ok?”

Adrian nodded. “Do you want me to pretend about the rest too?”
You lightly ran your nails over his back again. “No, the rest I want you to remember. And as shit as this situation is, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise, because I don’t think I would have had the courage to tell you all of these things otherwise. I’m not the best at making myself vulnerable. And I’m glad you know now. I care about you so much, every time I look at your face, I feel like my heart is about to melt. And if anything ever happened to you I would burn the whole world to the ground.”

He stared at you for a second. It had to be the drugs talking. There was no way, anyone would actually feel this way about him, and then tell him about it this unbothered. Every word you spoke had the potential to absolutely end him. He was sure you didn’t even know how much power you held over him. He wanted to give it to you, hand you his heart on a silver platter and then thank you when you would crush it in your hand.

Before he could answer, you heard voices outside the cave. You pressed your hand against his mouth, staring into his eyes. His mirrored the worry in yours. You were in no shape to defend yourself, if they found you, you were fucked. You could feel his heart beat like that of a hunted rabbit. You leaned over to whisper in his ear.
“Not a sound. And if they find us, you do everything to get out of here, you need to get the plans to the others.”
He made a muffled sound in protest, but you kept pressing you hand over his mouth.
The voices grew louder, but you still couldn’t make out what they were saying. But one thing was for sure, you were fucked.

Chapter Text

You were sitting in dead silence, not moving, pressed against Adrian, waiting for the end.
The voices were coming closer, and when their silhouettes appeared in the entrance of the cave, you let out an audible sigh. You lowered your hand from Adrian’s mouth, giving him the opportunity to immediately open it and start talking. He wasn’t paying any attention to your rescuers, instead turning to you.

“Are you fucking kidding me? How can you even say that to me? What the fuck do you mean, leave you behind? I would fucking die for you, I don’t give a fuck about the plans and Waller and that whole shitshow!”
Harcourt and Chris had stopped walking, just standing, watching you.
“I’m sorry, are we interrupting something?” Harcourt raised an eyebrow.
Only now did Adrian seem to realize, that help was finally here. He peeled out of the sweater, keeping it on you. Hastily he put on his other shirts.

“She needs a hospital; she was exposed to the drug, and she’s been a bit…out of it. And also, her arm was cut, and she was cold, I kept her warm, but I’m worried she might get hypothermia anyways and please tell me the van isn’t far, because I don’t know if she’ll be able to walk and –”
Chris raised his hand to stop Adrian from rambling. “Chill out, dude. We’re here now. It’s a small hike to the van, but I can carry her.”
“Don’t fucking tell me to chill, dude, we almost fucking died in there. What the fuck kind of mission is this? Whose great fucking idea was it to send someone with meta-human abilities into a factory where they produce a drug that inhibits meta-human abilities?”

“You weren’t this wound up, when we sent her into Miller Harbor, what bug crawled up your ass?” Harcourt interrupted.
“I guess, I didn’t yet realize, how fucking stupid that was. Why the fuck did you do that?” Adrian’s cheeks had a red tint, eyebrows furrowed.
“It wasn’t my decision, ok?” Harcourt was getting agitated, and she started fidgeting with her hands. “Waller told me to put her on these missions, that it was absolutely necessary for her to be on the teams going in undercover. She wouldn’t tell me why and I didn’t press further. This is bigger than us, we have a job to do.”
Adrian looked like he would attack her any second. Then his eyes fell on you.

You hadn’t said a word since Harcourt and Chris had arrived. Now that you weren’t sitting down and in Adrian’s warm arms anymore, you could feel the dizziness return. You were getting pale, and you could feel your legs give out.
Adrian was by your side just in time, catching you, before you hit the ground. Everything went dark.

When you woke up, the first thing you saw, was a sterile white ceiling with blinding white neon lights. Your limbs were heavy, and you could barely move your head. As far as you could tell you were lying in a hospital bed, but this wasn’t a hospital. The room was completely encased in glass. There was nothing else, beyond the glass, darkness. You could make out some lights in the distance that gave the idea of a far away hallway.

When you looked down at yourself you noticed several things. First, you were in a hospital gown, secondly, your arm had been stitched up and thirdly there was an IV in your arm, connected to a transparent bag with some strange liquid in it. You still couldn’t really move, but slowly the feeling in your body returned.

A dull knocking on the glass made you turn your head to your right.
“Adrian…”
He was also wearing a hospital gown but there was no IV and he was standing by the glass. Only then did you see the second glass box, right next to yours, sharing a wall in the middle. He had a strange look on his face. You couldn’t really understand what he was saying whether it was the glass, or you were not completely back yet.

He kept pointing at his arm and then at you. It took you solid five minutes to understand that he was telling you to rip out the IV. Strange. You had just assumed it was a saline drip for the blood loss and what-not. You took a second look at the bag, searching for the NaCl print, instead another chemical formula stood written in light blue. It took your brain another two minutes to remember where you’d seen it before. It wasn’t exactly the same as in the files, but pretty damn close.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

It took you an inhuman amount of strength to raise your arm, to make things worse, it was the injured one, to rip out the IV. Blood started to pool on your arm, with the strength you had left, you pressed the fabric of your covers on the puncture wound. You looked back at Adrian who gave you a thumbs up.

Not thirty seconds later some machine in your room started to beep. You thought your head would explode. Before you could fully grasp what was happening, two men, dressed in white came into the room, one with a syringe ready to go.

“You have to keep still; we need to put the IV back in.” The first one commanded. “If you don’t cooperate, we do have to sedate you again.” He pointed at his colleague with the syringe.
“What is that?” You nodded to the solution above your head. You knew the answer, you wanted to check if they would tell the truth.
“That’s just something to make you better, that’s why it’s so important you keep it in.”

You were too weak to protest, and the last thing you wanted was for them to sedate you. You needed to figure out what was going on as fast as you could.
“Who are you? Who do you work for?” You addressed the first one. He gave you a confused look before answering you.
“We’re with A.R.G.U.S., we work directly under Amanda Waller, you know this, you went on a mission, and you were exposed to some drugs, we just have to make sure you’ll be fine.”

With every word he spoke your confusion grew. You took another look at Adrian, who was still standing right where he had been, hands pressed against the glass, eyes watching in terror.
“What is he doing here? The Mithridate shouldn’t affect him, why is he in quarantine?”
The first man gave you a look from the corner of his eye. “We’re not sure how the Mithridate works on people who don’t have meta-human abilities, we just want to make sure he’ll be fine too.”

Your eyes wandered back to the ceiling. “How long do I have to stay here? Can anyone come see us? I want to talk to Waller.”
The guy was done putting the IV back in. “I’m sorry, I can’t help you with that. And Waller is busy.”
“…fuck outta here – busy. I risked my life for this shit.” You murmured.
“What?” He raised his eyebrows.
“Nothing. Can I at least talk to Harcourt? She led the team I was part of?”
“Unfortunately, that’s not possible either, you’re not allowed to talk to anyone at the time.”
“So, you’re saying I’m a prisoner here.”
“No, you’re sick and we’re trying to help you.”
You didn’t respond. Anything that would have left your mouth would have more than certainly gotten you dosed with whatever was in that syringe.

The two men left again, and you were alone with Adrian. You managed to sit up in the bed. They must have given you something to knock you out before and it was slowly wearing off. You knew there was no use in ripping the IV out again.
You looked over to Adrian, who stood so close to the glass, that he was fogging it up with his breath.

“What the fuck is happening?” You asked, loud enough that you hoped he would hear it.
“They’re fucking drugging you with that Mithridate shit.” His voice muffled, but you could understand him just fine.
“Yeah, I figured that out. Why the fuck would Waller do that?”
You could see Adrian’s expression change in the blink of an eye from worried to furious.

“Because she is the devil. You blacked out at the cave, we drove you to a hospital, you were barely hanging on, and as soon as you were admitted, all these guys from A.R.G.U.S. showed up, shutting the whole wing down. After you were stable, they brought you here. I overheard some of the staff talking. They’re experimenting on you with this shit.”
“And why the fuck are you here?”

Adrian paused for a second, then he looked at the floor with something that resembled guilt on his face. “I may have tried to break into Belle Reve and kill Amanda Waller.”
You stared at him. “You did what!? How long was I out, when did this happen? Are you insane? They could have killed you! Why aren’t you at Belle Reve?”
“Ok, that’s a lot of questions and honestly I already forgot half of them before you finished talking.”
“Ok, are you fucking stupid?”
“After what she did to you? I would have burnt the whole place down if I’d gotten the chance! Fuck them!”

You pinched the bridge of your nose. “Alright, next question, how long has it been since the mission?”
Adrian hesitated again.
“Don’t fucking do this to me.” You pleaded. “I need straight answers, at least from you.”
Adrian sighed. “It’s been two weeks.”
You had prepared yourself for him to say a few days, but two weeks? What had happened that whole time? You couldn’t remember anything. As if he could read your mind, Adrian answered.
“The first few days were touch and go, they didn’t know exactly what was happening to you, must have been your body’s reaction to the drug. After that they kept you sedated and on that fucking drip.” He pointed at the IV-bag.

You swallowed. It was like your hands were numb, you couldn’t heat them up. You could feel a lump building your throat. They took your powers from you, not like with those fucking collars, but from within. You looked over at Adrian who was still glued to the glass wall.
“How do we get out of here?” You asked, voice trembling.
Adrian shook his head in defeat. “I don’t know…”

You looked around for something you could use as a weapon for when the men came back, but there was nothing. You could attempt to strangle them, but it would take too long. You let yourself fall back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling again. This was worse than Belle Reve, in there at least you knew, if they ever took off that collar, you’d be your old self. Some part of you had always fantasized about breaking out and Waller’s deal had just come at the right time for you to get out of there, no matter the price.

Well, this was it – this was the price. And now you had nothing, not your powers and not your freedom. You felt all the rage inside you extinguish. There was nothing else to do, no hope, no plan. What for? Even if by some miracle you got out, you’d never be the same. You could feel the numbness wash over you. Even back at Shangri-La and in the cave, part of you knew that you had lost your powers, but now that the adrenaline was gone and the silence around you allowed you to sit with your thoughts, the realization crushed you. Until now, you had been in denial.

“Hey!” It was Adrian’s voice behind the glass. “Talk to me.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“I know things look bleak right now, but trust me, we will get out and we will fix you, ok?”
“I don’t see how.”
“Please, don’t do this.”
You were exhausted. Instead of answering, you turned on your side, facing away from him. You felt the tears gather in your eyes. You didn’t want him to see you like this. You just wanted to be left alone, wallow in your pity and drown in your depression.

Adrian kept standing there for another hour, until he realized, you weren’t turning back again. He let himself slide down on the wall, back against the glass. He stared at the floor in front of him. This was all his fault. He should’ve been there, should’ve protected you. And now, the worst thing that could’ve happened, had happened. This wasn’t the first time he got sucked into this spiral of self-loathing. For two weeks it had always been there, nagging at his mind and his heart. But now, seeing you like this, seeing the light in your eyes go out was the worse. He would’ve done anything to help you.

He had to do something. His mind was working overtime. He needed to get help. A few hours later, the men came back to check on you. When they came into Adrian’s room, he let them come close enough. With one well-placed punch, he knocked down the first man. On his way down he hit his head on the metal bed frame. A small pool of blood formed on the floor next to his head.

You watched as Adrian went for a second attack. He grabbed the man’s head, slamming it into the wall. You could see his face get squished against the glass. This one didn’t go down as easy. He grabbed Adrian’s arm, landing a punch. Adrian staggered backwards, catching himself almost immediately. There was something wild in his eyes. One kick against the stomach and another to the head and the man finally collapsed to the floor.

Adrian knelt next to him, grabbing his keys. He sprinted out of his room, fidgeting with the keys, trying to find the one for your room. He kept looking over his shoulder, to see if anyone was coming. There was no alarm, which was a good sign. He almost dropped the keys before finally finding the right one. He unlocked your door and in a matter of seconds he was by your side.

“Can you walk?” He asked, breathless, still looking over his shoulder. “We need to go, now!”
You couldn’t move, not because you couldn’t, part of you didn’t want to. When his eyes caught yours, his stomach dropped.
“What are you doing? We need to get the fuck out of here!” He grabbed your hand.
You shook your head. “It’s over, accept it. There is nowhere to go. It’s no use, they’ll just catch us again.” You felt the tears come back, this time there was no hiding them. “I’m done.”

Adrian stared at you. “What!?” He took your face into his hands.
“It’s not over, we can fix this, let’s go!”
The tears were streaming down your face. “I can’t…I can’t…”
“I’m not leaving you behind!” There was raw panic in his voice.
You cupped his cheek with your hand. “Please, go.”
“No, I won’t, fuck all of this, what’s the point without you?”

You swallowed. There was no hope for you, but you wouldn’t drag him down with you.
“Listen to me, Adrian.” His eyes went soft when he heard you say his name. “You had a life before all of this. You have friends, you have a purpose, you need to go be Vigilante. I was gone long before this whole thing started. I was in prison for five years, and before that I was on the run for such a long time. There is nothing waiting for me. Go and live your life. This is just…this is just what was always going to happen to me. I’m sorry, I dragged you into this. I didn’t mean to.”

His mouth was slightly agape. “I’m fucking waiting for you out there.”
You lightly stroke his cheek with your thumb. You gave him a small smile. “I know you think that, but it won’t be the same. I’ve always known I would somehow end up here.”
Adrian wasn’t giving up this easily. “I know this is your fear talking and I know how debilitating self-doubt can be, and I know your life has always been about running away and pain and all that shit, but it doesn’t have to be. Please, if you don’t care enough about me to come with me, at least care enough about yourself.”

A sting went through your heart. You knew what you had to do. “I don’t care.”
Adrian’s hands fell to his side. You could see the hurt in his eyes, the anger.
“Don’t you dare fucking do this to me. I know you’re fucking lying to get me out of here.”
You gave him one last look, filled with all the unspoken things, before lying back down, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

Adrian stared at you for a few more seconds, before mumbling something and turning away. You could feel your insides twist. You just wanted to die. You heard his steps get further and further away. An alarm had started to blare somewhere. You heard the commotion down the hallway. You heard shots being fired. You turned on your side, your head was empty as your body started to sob.

Not long after, someone came to check on you, hanging a new drip. You didn’t speak. You didn’t want to ask what had happened. You were afraid of the answer. You knew either way, you wouldn’t see Adrian again. He’d either gotten out, or they had killed him.

Someone came to take the bodies and clean up the room next door. You still didn’t move. It felt like your whole body was slowly turning to stone. You closed your eyes and concentrated on the buzzing of the neon lights above you. Your head hurt. After what felt like an eternity, you finally slipped into an uneasy sleep.

You found yourself in the upstairs room of the 11th Street Kids’ headquarters. The only light came from the TV, static flickering over the screen. From somewhere far, far away you heard a Kesha song. You tried to remember where you’d heard it before, but you couldn’t. You looked down at your hands. They were an almost fluorescent blue color. You turned around, walking to the stairs. You could hear voices downstairs, and laughter.

When you entered the main room, there was only one person sitting at the tables. Vigilante. You walked towards him. You sat at the table across from him, trying to make out his eyes behind the red visor.
“Hey.” There was a lot more softness in your voice than you had anticipated.
“Hey.” He answered, just as soft. “I missed you.”
A small smile formed on your face. “Missed you too.”

Vigilante leaned back in his chair. “Also, you’re a fucking idiot.”
You were a bit taken aback by the statement. “I explained it to you.”
He laughed. “You didn’t explain shit. You’re just afraid, that’s all.”
You crossed your arms in front of your chest. “Well, can you fucking blame me?”
Vigilante leaned his head to the side. Although you couldn’t see it, you knew exactly what kind of look he was giving you. “This isn’t about blame. It’s about responsibility. And about fear.”
“Didn’t know you were such a philosopher.”
“We’re inside your head, this is all you, sweetheart.”

You raised an eyebrow at the unusual nickname. “You never called me that.”
Vigilante shrugged. “Maybe you wanted me to.”
You laughed. “If this was about what I wanted, there would be something very different happening in here right now.” You let your eyes linger on him. “What is this about?”

“You tell me.”
“Why would I ask, if I already knew the answer?” You felt yourself get annoyed.
“I told you; this is all you. You’re talking to yourself; you are asking yourself that question and only you can answer it. You’re the only one here. You’re completely alone.”

You didn’t notice your cheeks were wet. “I don’t want to be alone.”
Vigilante laughed again; this time it was contemptuous. “Well, you’re making damn sure you are.”
“Just because I don’t want to be alone, doesn’t mean I get to have that. That is not how this works. I wanted so many things in life, and I didn’t get shit. And the one time I got close, the one time I got you, it all went to shit so fast.”
Now it was him, crossing his arms in front of his chest, leaning back in his chair. “And you think you have nothing to do with that? Remember, this is about responsibility.”

The anger was bubbling up in your chest. “Are you saying this is all my fault? What my mom did, what A.R.G.U.S. did, what Amanda fucking Waller did?”
“Sometimes you are dumb as fuck. I get, that you’re not listening to me, but for fuck’s sake listen to yourself.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“You are not responsible for what other people do, not for your mom and not for Waller. You are responsible for what you do. You’re just giving up, that is on you.”

You let out a groan. “I’m not giving up, but there is nowhere left to go, I can’t see anything in front of me.”
“Part of you does, or you wouldn’t be talking to me…well, to yourself right now.”
“So, what, I should try to break out, just like you and then what, live life like a normal person, only that I would have to be on the run for the rest of it? Which, by the way I can’t because they have that fuckin thing in my head.”

Vigilante leaned forward, putting his elbows on the table. “You’re not thinking big enough. Who is your enemy here?”
“I don’t know, Waller? I still have no idea, what all of this means.”
“Of course you know. She used you. She put you on the team as a lab rat. That’s why she wanted you to go in these undercover missions. Didn’t you wonder why it was such a small task force for such an important thing? She set you up for failure. She never wanted you to succeed. She wanted you to get infected, she wanted you to find Shangri-La for you, so she could have it. Amanda Waller fucking hates meta-humans, what could bring her more joy than a drug that ‘cures’ all of you?”

You stared at the table. How could you not have made the connection until now? You weren’t supposed to destroy Shangri-La, you were supposed to bring it to Waller, and in the meantime give her an excuse to experiment on you.

There it was again, the rage. What started with a small spark, quickly became a wildfire. It was different than the one before. You cursed yourself for letting Adrian go without you.
When you looked up again, Vigilante had taken off his mask, but instead of Adrian, it was Harcourt.
“Get your fucking ass up and get your freedom back. You will not give up. You will die trying.”
You nodded. “Aye, captain.”

Chapter Text

Waking up from the dream, you felt something you hadn’t ever since you’d gone into Shangri-La. It wasn’t exactly hope, more like defiance, clarity. You could kick yourself for not going with Adrian when you’d had the chance, but dwelling on the past would not take you very far. You missed him though, and one reason for that pressure to build up inside of you, was that you needed to find him, talk to him, apologize for what you’d said to him.

Adrian had risked everything for you, he’d said he was willing to die for you, and you had dismissed him. It wasn’t fair, but nothing about this whole mess was fair. You didn’t know how you would go on without your powers, but you damn sure knew you weren’t going to die here or live on to be Waller’s lab rat.

What to do with Waller, that was the million-dollar question. You couldn’t just leave. You still had that device in your head, they would hunt you down, anywhere you went. You needed to take her down. But how? You couldn’t do it on your own.

Part of you hated that, you had always depended on yourself. The other part thought about the 11th Street Kids. Hopefully they cared enough about you to help you. Would they? None of them had a reason to put their ass on the line, except for Adrian maybe, who was the only person with bigger authority issues than you. He didn’t care about Waller, he didn’t care about the state, about honor and responsibility.

Well, he had his own version of honor and responsibility. Fuck it, if none of the other would help you, Adrian would, again, hopefully. Even if you had to come crawling back on your knees and beg for his forgiveness, you would, and if it was the last thing you did. Imagining him by your side, two against the whole world, was somewhat of a romantic thought.

But first, you had to get out of here, easier said than done. You were still medicated, and even though they had stopped sedating you, you could feel the effect of the Mithridate. It wasn’t only taking away your powers, it made you slower, complacent. It had been three weeks now since they’d put you on the treatment.

So, fighting your way out wasn’t an option. For the first time you were somewhat thankful for your time at Belle Reve, because it was the first time you had needed to figure out another way to get what you want, other than brute force. You were not the best at scheming and manipulating people, it went against your very nature, but in situations like this, what option did you really have?

You had noticed, that one of the guards had been a little friendlier, than the others. And a few days ago, you had gone to work, a nice word here, a lingering touch there when he would change out your IV. Today was the day for step two.

You had tried to make yourself look at least a bit more presentable, sitting in bed, sweet smile on your face when he came in. Henry wasn’t a nice person. He was the kind of man to deliberately get into jobs where he held power over people, to compensate his raging inferiority and masculinity issues. That was why your little dance worked so well on him. And as long as letting you out of your cell seemed his idea, he would comply.

“Hi, Henry.” You forced yourself to smile just a little wider. You fucking hated Henry’s guts and if you ever got out of here, he would be second after Waller on your revenge list.
“Morning, got a new bag here for you.” He didn’t say your name, none of them ever did. You didn’t know if that was protocol as to not humanize you too much, or if they genuinely didn’t care enough.

“Thank you, you know I always look forward to you bringing me the bag. It’s nice chatting to someone from time to time.” You wanted to throw up.
A smug smile spread on his face.
“Well, I guess it must be pretty boring in here. How lucky of you to have me.”

You let out a dramatic sigh.
“Yeah, I just wish I could walk around a bit you know? But I don’t think there is any chance of that. They won’t let me talk to anyone high enough up the chain of command who would be authorized to make that decision.”
“Why didn’t you say something earlier, I definitely have the authority to take you out for a walk. But it would have to be under my constant supervision.”

Hook, line and sinker.

“Really? I didn’t know you could do that, that is pretty amazing how much trust they put in you.”
“Of course.”
“Is there anywhere nice we could go? I don’t know where I am so unfortunately, so I have no idea what there is. A park would be nice, right? I just want to see the sun; I’ve been here for almost a month.”
“We’re at an abandoned sanatorium, a few hours from Evergreen. There is a pretty huge park outside.”
“That would be wonderful, but, of course, only if you’re allowed to take me.”

Henry hesitated for a moment. You could sense his resolve crumble.
“Maybe you should ask your supervisor, just to make sure, you know.”
“No, no. I don’t need to ask for permission, this is my job after all.”
It was almost painful how easy this had been.

You walked through the run-down halls of the sanatorium. Most of them were empty. It seemed like this place had partially been converted to a research facility with the express purpose, to treat you.

You could feel the goosebumps form on your arm, you were still only in your hospital gown and the glass room had been temperature regulated. The cool breeze on your skin, natural light, even the moldy smell of the building somehow made you feel alive again, like waking up form a coma. That room came awfully close to a sensory deprivation chamber. There was no night and day, no fresh air, no nothing.

Finally, you stepped out into the park. Your grip tightened around your IV pole. For the first time in weeks, you felt the sun on your skin. For a short second you closed your eyes. The smell of rotting leaves filled your nose, and when you opened your eyes, you could see the trees had started to change color.

Not a second had you thought about what season it was. All that had been preoccupying your thoughts was the mission and occasionally Adrian. Even if you had been endlessly grateful to get out of Belle Reve, part of you had taken the outside world for granted still.

You turned to Henry.
“Should we walk a bit? Maybe somewhere a little more…private?”
The look in his eyes made you whish you had the strength to rip his throat out right here.

The trees surrounded you, shielding you. You could feel your pulse accelerate, adrenaline pumping through your veins. This was it. Even if your powers were gone, your killer instinct was still there, dormant until now, it started to wake up.

In a moment, when Henry turned around, to make sure, you were out of sight, you ripped out the IV and lunged at him with the whole weight of your body. Surprised, he stumbled backwards. You wrapped your arm around his neck, trying to choke him out. After a struggle, he managed to pull you off, slamming you on the ground.

“You bitch!”

He was a lot heavier than you. You felt your lungs scream for air, as his hands wrapped around your throat. Little stars formed in front of your eyes. You could feel yourself slip. Just before losing consciousness, you rammed your fingers into his eyes. Henry let out a pained shriek before letting go of your throat.

As soon as your vision returned fully, you jumped on him, clawing at his eyes again. You didn’t even register the blood on your fingers, mixing with the blood running from where you’d ripped out the IV.

Henry tried to fight you off, but he couldn’t see. You looked around, frantically, until your eyes landed on a rock. The first time you tried to grab it, it slipped out of your hand. The second time you had a firm grip. The only sounds were Henry’s skull cracking and then, nothing.

You stared at his disfigured face. For a second you couldn’t move. Then, you jumped to your feet and started to run. You had no idea, where you were, in what direction you had to go, you needed to find a road. Your body was shaking, from the adrenaline and from the cold. The soles of your feet were numb as you sprinted through the forest. You seemed to do that a lot as of lately.

Your body was exhausted, but the thought of A.R.G.U.S. catching up to you made you push yourself beyond what you thought was possible. You would die, trying to get away from them. Only now did the realization sink in, that you really had no plan, where to go or what to do.

After what felt like an eternity, you stopped, trying to catch your breath. The sun had started to go down. You looked at your hands, coated in dry blood. Your eyes wandered up and even in this twilight, you could see the blue tint of your skin. Back in the glass room, you hadn’t registered it, maybe because of the light you hadn’t seen it.

You shook your head, you needed to keep moving. By the time you had finally reached a narrow, winding road through the thick forest, daylight was almost completely gone.

You started walking by the side of the road hoping a car would come by. Even so, your chances of someone taking you with them were slim. You realized how you looked, hospital gown, covered in blood.

You were exhausted, about a dozen cars had passed you, none of them stopping. At least you had seen a sign, pointing you in the direction of Evergreen. You did the math in your head, at this point it would take you a whole day by foot.

You couldn’t go on anymore. Just as you were about to despair, another pair of headlights moved in your direction. You didn’t dare to hope they would pick you up either, so you didn’t even bother trying to get their attention.

They had just passed you, when the screeching tires made you turn around. Your blood froze in your veins. You hadn’t even thought about the possibility, that A.R.G.U.S. could be searching for you along the road. In the blink of an eye, you had retreated behind the tree line, waiting, watching.

It was a small group of people; you could barely make out their voices. Still, you didn’t risk, going deeper into the forest and alerting them by making noises.

“I swear, I saw someone, maybe it’s her.” It was a man’s voice.
“Don’t be delusional, why would she be out here?” A woman answered.
“I don’t know, but I saw something!”
“Maybe a deer?” A second man spoke.
“I know, you’ve been very upset about this whole thing, but maybe it was just wishful thinking.” The woman again.
“A deer doesn’t wear a fucking hospital gown!” The first man got agitated.
“Adrian, you need to calm down, and get back in the van.”

You let out a sigh and you could feel the tension release. At this point you weren’t even sure if you were the one that was delusional, freezing, weary and desperate, wishing to be found by someone.

You stumbled forward, as fast as you could, just in time, as the others were already getting back in the van.

“I’m here!” Your voice was weak and hoars, but enough. Adrian, who was the last to get back in the van turned around. You didn’t know where your body took the strength from, but you started running, just as he did, meeting him halfway.

He wrapped his arms around you, lifting you a few inches off the ground while hugging you so tight you couldn’t breathe for a second. Your arms were locked around his neck, your body pressed against the Vigilante suit. He didn’t let go, even when you tapped him on the shoulder to signal him that you needed oxygen.

“Fuck, I missed you so much.” He whispered into your neck.
“Missed you too.” You managed to press out. He loosened his hug, but he still didn’t let go. You didn’t either.

“Adrian, I’m so sorry for all the things I said, I’m so, so sorry, I didn’t mean them, I care about you, I care so much, it’s killing me.”
“I know, it’s ok, I know. We’re here for you, no way, I’d let you rot in there.”

You leaned back to look at him. His glasses had slipped to the tip of his nose.
“You came for me?”
“Of course. As if I’d listen to any of that bullshit you said.”
Your eyes locked with his. “Thanks.”
“Yeah, yeah, let’s get you into that van, your fucking freezing.”

Back in the van, you were leaning against Adrian, who had put an arm around you. You were wrapped in a blanket. The others had given you a warm, but short welcome, you needed to get the hell out of there.

“How did you get out anyway?” Adebayo scanned you with worried eyes.
“I got some guy to take me out for a walk.”

You could feel Adrian shift next to you. He gave you a look but didn’t say anything. You could see from a mile away that it was jealousy eating at him. Adrian didn’t know that that was what that feeling was called.

“How did you get away?” Adebayo kept asking.
“I clawed his eyes out and bashed his head in.”

Adebayo scrunched up her nose, picturing the scene, but Adrian had a big grin on his face.
“Sick, dude.” You could feel him relax against you.
Chris raised his hand for a high-five. “Yeah, sick.”
“Thanks guys, always going for the classics.”

By the time you got back to headquarters, you had fallen asleep. A soft touch to your cheek woke you up. Beside you and Adrian, the van was already empty.
“We’re here. I didn’t want to wake you, but I thought you’d sleep better on the couch.”

It took you a second to realize it was truly him. A soft smile made its way onto your face.
“Do you want me to carry you?”
You shook your head. “It’s fine, thanks though.” But as you tried to stand up, you felt your legs give out.

Without another word Adrian scooped you up. You wrapped your arms around his neck, leaning your head against his shoulder.

He laid you down on the couch in one of the upstairs rooms. He stood there for a second, not moving.

“Can you stay with me?”

He nodded eagerly, as if he’d just waited for you to say something. Quickly he pulled off the suit, until he was down to his boxers and a shirt. He climbed onto the couch, under the covers with you. Just like in the van, he’d put his arm around you. You could feel the heat radiating from his body.

Absentmindedly, he was drawing small shapes on your arm. Your head was comfortable on his chest, taking in his scent. You didn’t know this was something you could miss so much.

“What are we going to do about Waller and A.R.G.U.S.?” You asked quietly. You couldn’t shake the anxiety, that all this would be taken away from you again in the blink of an eye.
“Kill her?” Adrian shrugged.
“We can’t do that, you know that.”
“Don’t worry about that now, you’re safe here. I won’t let them take you, promise.”
“I’m so sorry about everything.” You could feel yourself choke.
“Stop saying you’re fucking sorry. This is not your fault.”
“But the things I said…I…I didn’t even know if you made it out and I – I didn’t ask, because I couldn’t…” Your voice broke.

Adrian pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Fuck it, it doesn’t matter. You’re here now, and I’m here and everything will be fine.”
Just like clockwork the first sob ripped through your body. “Fuck, I thought I lost you.”
He tightened his hug around you. “It’s ok…you’re ok.”

You looked at him. Adrian raised his hand to dry your cheeks. You remembered how he had reacted the first time you had cried, how overwhelmed he’d been. Now he just held you, soft, comforting, safe.

“You remember what you told me about love the first time we talked about it, in that parking lot?” He started talking.
“Yeah?”
“I think I get it now.”

You just kept staring at him. His eyes wandered over your face, as if they’d returned home.
“I know you’re crying, and I have been told, that is not a great time to ask something like this, but I really want to kiss you, can I?”
You nodded.

Slowly, he leaned down, when his lips touched yours, your eyes fluttered shut. It was soft, longing.
“I missed you so fucking much.” He whispered.
“I missed you too. Please, never leave again.”
“I won’t, I promise.”

You laid your head on his chest again. He pressed another kiss on your forehead, before talking again.
“What made you change your mind?”
“To get out?”
“Yeah.”
“You did.”
After a pause you continued.
“I had a dream about you. I don’t have a lot, nothing really, and now after what Waller took from me, I have even less. But I have you and I don’t want to ever lose that. I don’t want them to win, I want you and I never want to ever let go again. I don’t know how you did that, but you’re it, the only good thing I have. Maybe you’re the universe’s way to make up for all that shit.”
“Do you believe in the universe?”

You looked at him.
“The fuck you mean if I believe in the universe, of course. We live in it.”
“Yeah, but have you ever seen it? Like have you ever been up there to see for yourself?”
You let out a laugh. You loved this about him. No matter how dark things got, Adrian could always bring light into it.

“When would I have had the time to go into space?”
Adrian shrugged. “I don’t know. Just saying, you haven’t seen it, how do you know it’s there?”
You thought about it for a second.
“Well, it’s like with love. You can’t see that either and still you know it’s there, right?”
“Of course you can see love.”
“Alright, Aristoteles, care to explain?”

Adrian looked at the ceiling for a second before looking back at you.
“I can see it when I look at you.”

You couldn’t speak. The tugging in your chest was getting stronger. Finally, you managed to open your mouth again.
“You can see it?”
“Yeah, when I look into your eyes, when you talk, I can even see it when you’re not next to me. I see things and they make me think of you and then I see it again.”

Never in your entire life had anyone said anything like this to you. For the first time you were the one who didn’t know how to react. You tried to find the words, but nothing you could’ve said would have accurately described how he made you feel. Instead, you pressed a kiss to his lips again.

“You should have a license for that mouth of yours.” You whispered against him.
“Why, I don’t have one for my guns either.”

You giggled and put your head back on his chest.
“Your universe theory is bullshit anyway, you can see the stars and some of the planets, where the hell do you think they are?”
“Saw a film once, where they said it’s just fireflies stuck up there, so that is a valid theory.”

You leaned back incredulous. “Are you talking about the fucking Lion King?”
“I don’t remember, it was a movie about nature.”
“Do you remember the animals talking and shit by chance?”
Adrian’s eye lit up. “Yeah, yeah they did.”

You couldn’t hold back your laughter.
Adrian kept rambling about his theories about the stars and the universe, but you had already started to drift off. You were convinced hell existed; you had gone through it. In all these years, you had never even thought about heaven, but if it did exist, this was it.

Chapter Text

You were crouched on the armchair, knees pulled up to your chest, eyes glued to the TV. Adebayo was talking to the press, exposing A.R.G.U.S.’ plans to use the Mithridate for themselves and about the experiments they had been conducting.

Adrian was sitting on the floor in front of you, back leaning against the armchair.
“Did you know she was going to do that?” You asked, not taking your eyes off the TV.
Adrian shook his head.
“We were going to think of something today, but I guess she found a solution.”

You turned to Harcourt.
“Do you think this will be enough for them to leave me alone?” There was a tightness forming in your chest.
“Yes, there is no way, they will continue the experiments, now that the public knows. I think you’re safe.”
“What about Waller?”
“I’m pretty sure she’ll be out of a job by tomorrow.”
You nodded.

You kept staring at the TV. You thought you’d be relieved. Instead, there was that emptiness again. What now? Just live a normal life? You were not a normal person, even without your powers. Find a job and an apartment? You’d never worked a job, you had no qualifications, never been a functioning part of society.

Without a word you stood up, leaving the rest of the group watching the press conference. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. You stumbled to the bathroom, closing the door behind you. You could feel the cold ceramic of the sink on your palms as you leaned on it.

The blue tint on your skin had started to fade, but still no feeling in your hands. You knew you had to stop hoping they would come back, you had to get used to the idea. Your powers were gone, and so were you in a way.

As you stared at yourself in the mirror, face fragmented in the broken shards, the door opened slowly. Adrian peaked in. You didn’t turn around.
“Hey, are you ok?” He closed the door behind him but didn’t come closer.
“I don’t know.” You kept staring at yourself in the mirror.

Adrian let himself slide down the door, sitting on the floor.
“Wanna talk about it?”
You scoffed. “This is exactly what I was afraid of.” You turned around at last, leaning against the sink.
Adrian raised his eyebrows, giving you a questioning look.

You let out a sigh. “What the fuck do I do now? I don’t have my powers, I have no job, nowhere to go, no plan, I don’t know how to repay all of you for what you did for me, I know you probably thought you’d save me, and everything would be fine, but I’m not fine, I feel nothing. There is nothing.”
Adrian didn’t say anything.

“I can’t stay here; I can’t be part of this team.” You continued. “I know that may seem ungrateful, but I have no idea who I am, and I’m not even talking about losing my powers, for the first time in my life I’m truly free and I have no fucking idea what to do with that. Until now, there was always something, something to run from, to fight, that was what defined me, but now? I’m no one.”

“You’re not no one, to me you’re not.” His voice was quiet. “But maybe you could become someone new?” Adrian tried to offer, but he could see on your face, it didn’t help. He was used to not being the best at giving advice and comfort, but with you he had thought he was making progress.

“Or we could get wasted tonight?” He tried again.
This time your eyes lit up just the tiniest bit. A smile spread on Adrian’s face. This was familiar territory, when in doubt, just get wasted. It worked with Chris, why wouldn’t it for you?

Strings of lights swayed in the wind on the rooftop of Harcourt’s apartment building. It hadn’t taken a lot of convincing for the others to be on board with a small party. Everyone had made a small effort to look nice and so did you.

You had every reason to celebrate. The Mithridate had been secured, Shangri-La taken down, Waller was gone, and you were alive. And still, this didn’t feel like a win. This didn’t feel like a party. You and the others sat at a table, everyone sipping their beers, light chatter filling the air, but still something was missing.

Finally, Chris leaned over to Harcourt.
“Hey, do you have anything stronger, like Vodka or Tequila or something?”
“Yeah, why?”
Chris looked at the group.
“We should do shots, that will get this party going, hey, Adrian, why don’t you go downstairs and bring a bottle, fuck it, bring two.”

Adrian was already standing up, eager smile on his face, when Harcourt raised her hand to stop him.
“No fucking way, I don’t want him roaming around unattended in my apartment. I can go get it.”
“No!” Chris’s response came out a little more intense than intended.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Harcourt stared at him.
“I mean, he is not going to snoop around, right?” Chris threw Adrian a look.

Adrian shrugged. “I might.”
“Not helping, dude.” Chris smiled through gritted teeth. He turned around to Harcourt again.
“Please, let him get it. Trust me. I wanted to ask you something anyway.”
Harcourt let out a groan. “Fine. It’s under the sink.”
“Classy.” You commented and took another sip from your beer.

The second, Adrian had disappeared, Chris pulled a transparent plastic baggie out of his pocket.
“Who’s down for MDMA?”
“You’re joking right?” Harcourt’s eyes bore into him.

After a short moment of no one moving, Adebayo held out her hand.
“Fuck it, why not. It’s not like this party could get any worse or even more boring.”
Chris gave her a pill with a satisfied smile. You took a second pill from him. Adebayo was right, fuck it.

“Is this why you sent Adrian to go get more alcohol?” You asked after swallowing.
“Yeah, I’m not sure he’d be down to do illegal drugs. Might be a mood killer. Also, don’t know if Adrian should be taking MDMA anyway, it could nuke the rest of what is left of his critical thinking skills.” Chris held out his hand to Economos.

Economos hesitated. He looked at Harcourt, as if to wait for her to make a decision.
“What the hell.” Harcourt took a pill from Chris, handing the last one to Economos.
They had just washed them down with a sip of beer, as Adrian came back, two bottles of Tequila in his hands and a huge grin on his face.

A few shots in, the mood was getting better. You could feel your body heating up, from the alcohol as well as from the drugs. In a weird way, it felt soothing. You didn’t know if it was the ecstasy, or the fact that this felt so much like getting your powers back, but it didn’t matter. You felt happy.

Harcourt was laughing at something Adrian was telling her and Adebayo. This was probably a once in a lifetime image. You watched them, trying to imprint the memory in your brain. Warmth and love kept flowing through your body.

“I have an idea.” Chris slapped his hands on the table in excitement.
“How about, we go out, everyone decides on one thing to do.”
The idea was welcomed with hollers and laughs by everyone.

“Alright. I want to go first.” Harcourt had raised her hand and stood up. The rest stood up as well, following her down the stairs.
“Hey, uh, where are we going anyway?” Adebayo asked.
“It’s a surprise.” Harcourt’s voice was vibrating with excitement, it was infectious, although you didn’t know where you were headed to, you could feel the anticipation in your bones.

The dimly lit streets were almost empty. Your arm was linked with Adrian’s, who was linked to Economos. Together with Adebayo and Chris, you performed an almost acceptable version of You Give Love a Bad Name.

”Whoa, you’re a loaded gun
Oh, there's nowhere to run
No one can save me, the damage is done!”

You watched Adrian, singing his heart out and you could feel the adoration building in your chest almost choking you. He had let go of your and Economos’ arms to be able to better accompany his singing with dramatic gestures. You laughed.

”Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame.”

You raised your hand, pointing at Adrian with your index and middle finger, pulling the imaginary trigger. Adrian put his hand on his chest, pretending to be shot and you laughed again. He took your hand, twirling you around.

”You give love a bad name!”

He caught you, one hand on your back for support. For a second your eyes locked and he leaned in, whispering something, that only you could hear.
“You really do, but I don’t care.”

You couldn’t answer. There was a tint of sadness in his words, but it was so subtle, you weren’t sure if you were imagining it. Maybe it was your guilty conscious, projecting. There was an idea forming in your head, and even if it hadn’t taken shape yet, it was there, nesting in the back of your mind.

Suddenly, Harcourt stepped into a dark, abandoned alley. She knocked against a graffiti covered metal door. A man in a black turtleneck opened it. As soon as he recognized Harcourt, he stepped aside, letting all of you in.

The smell of sweat and alcohol was almost suffocating. Screams rang from the bottom of the stairs. When you stepped into the room, your jaw almost dropped. You turned to Harcourt.
“An underground fight club, are you serious?”
Harcourt shrugged. “Gotta blow off steam from time to time.”

After a second of adjusting to the situation, Adebayo turned to the group.
“Alright, we’re already here so why not have fun. Who are we going to send in?”
Economos had started to grin. “We should send him in.” He pointed at Adrian, who was getting more and more agitated by the second.

“You’re a sadistic fucker, you know that, John?” You gave him a grin back. “But this should be entertaining.”
Adrian crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I’m not doing that. This is very illegal.”
“But think about it like this, the people participating in this are all criminals, so you could beat up all of them.” You offered.
“No, I don’t want to make them any money, this is where I draw the line.”
You laughed. “This is your line?”
He nodded.

While you had been focused on your conversation, Harcourt had taken off her jacket and stepped into the ring. When the first scream of her opponent rang through the room, almost drowning in people booing and cheering her on, you turned around.

Immediately you and the group gathered next to the ring, screaming encouragements at her. After a few minutes Adrian had started cheering too. In an unattended moment, you slipped your fingers between his. He turned his head to you, eyes big behind his glasses. He tightened his grip around your hand, giving you a crooked smile. You felt a tug in your chest.

The next time you looked at the ring, Harcourt’s opponent was bloody and unconscious, or at least you hoped he was. Two big men dragged him out of the ring. A huge grin spread on Harcourt’s face as she walked towards you. She wiped away some of the blood from her nose.
“Who’s next?” She pointed at the ring.

Adebayo and Economos took a few steps back. Chis looked at you.
“What about you?”
You felt your insides twist. “No, it’s fine, I really don’t want to.”
“Why not, this might be good.” Chris insisted.
“No, really, I don’t want to.”

You couldn’t tell him you didn’t want to fight because somewhere along the way, you had started to lose faith in yourself. You felt weak. And even if the heat of your body gave you some of the feeling back, there was no way you would ever fight again. You couldn’t.

Adrian felt your nails dig into the back of his hand.
“Maybe we should move on.” He turned to Adebayo. “What about you? What do you wanna do? Please let it be something fun.”
Harcourt shot him a look. “This was fun, and it would have been fun for you too, if you weren’t such a hypocrite.”
“Okay, I think this is enough.” You interrupted, turning to Adebayo. “Ads? What do you wanna do?”

Adebayo didn’t hesitate before she blurted out “club” with a wild glimmer in her eyes. You nodded.
“Club it is.”

At its core, the club wasn’t all that different from the underground fight club. It smelled like sweat and alcohol and it was so loud, you couldn’t hear yourself speak. You could feel the beat of the music run through you.

After half an hour moving to the music you were exhausted. You needed more, you needed to feel even better. In a moment when no one was paying attention, you slipped away to the bathrooms, in the hopes of scoring some more pills.

You were in luck, after money had exchanged hands and you were the new owner of some high-grade pills, you stood in one of the stalls, just about to swallow them, when a knock on the door made you stop.

“Hey, are you in there?” It was Adrian. “Are you ok? You just disappeared?”
You opened the door, letting him squeeze in.
“You really need to stop following me into bathrooms.” You gave him a smile.
“Why?”
“Ever heard of privacy?”
“Why the hell would you need any privacy?”

You looked at him for a second.
“You do get the concept of a bathroom, right?”
“Yeah, but you always do other stuff in bathrooms, so…”
He wasn’t wrong. As if he’d given himself a hint, he scanned you.
“So, what are you doing exactly? You’re not crying.”

You laughed. “I don’t always go to the bathroom to cry.” You opened your palm to show him the pills. Adrian’s eyes went wide.
“Are those…who sold you those?” His neck snapped around as if trying to find out where the guy went.

“Calm down, it’s no big deal.”
“What is that anyway? Should you really be taking drugs?”
“Chill, I already did, this is just round two.” You watched him for a second before continuing to talk. “The others did too, we’ve all been on ecstasy since we left.”

Adrian stared at you; mouth slightly open. You were sure he would go on a tirade about the illegality of all of this, instead, a look of betrayal made its way onto his face.
“You all took drugs without me?”
His need to be included had won over his need for justice.

There was not a lot of space in the stall to begin with. You stepped closer, you had to raise your head a bit to look at him.
“I do have two, you want one?”
You felt your heart beat faster. There was something about the way he looked tonight, his nerdy sweater, ruffled curls and those fucking glasses.

Adrian nodded. His eyes didn’t leave you for a second while you put one of the pills on the tip of your tongue.
“Take it.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. He grabbed your face, smashing his lips against yours. Every fiber of your body was on fire. His tongue moved against yours until he found the pill. Even after that, he didn’t stop kissing you, hot and desperate. By now your back was pressed against the graffiti-covered wall of the stall, your hands clinging to his sweater.

Adrian pulled away, light blush covering his cheeks.
“Where is the other one?” He asked.
You handed him the pill and watched him put it on the tip of his finger. Without breaking eye-contact, you took his fingers in your mouth, sucking until the pills was gone.

Adrian was breathing heavily with big eyes.
”Fuck.
You grabbed the collar of his sweater pulling him down into a kiss. His lips melted into yours, every movement sending shivers down your spine. It was sloppy, but you didn’t care, in that moment nothing else was real except his mouth on yours.

“God, I love you.” You didn’t even realize it had slipped out until Adrian pulled away looking at you.
“What?”
“What?” You repeated.
“Did you…?”
“No…”
A huge grin spread on his face. “Yeah, you did.”
“No, I didn’t.” You fumbled with the door to get it open.

“Yeah, you fucking did.” Adrian’s smile didn’t fade even as he followed you out of the stall.
“I fucking didn’t, shut up.”
Adrian leaned in so you could feel his hot breath against your ear. “You love me.”
Goosebumps spread over your neck and you couldn’t help but lean in for a second.

Frantically you searched for the rest of the group. As soon as you spotted Adebayo, you let out a sigh.
“Ads, I love this party, but we need to go.”
“What, why?” She kept dancing while watching your panicked face, and then looking over at a grinning, flustered Adrian, who was right behind you. “Ten more minutes?”
You nodded.

When you turned around, Adrian was right in front of you.
“One word and I will cut off your balls.” You glared at him.
“You can have them anytime you want.” He gave you a look over the rim of his glasses.
You closed your eyes in frustration. Adrian taking your hand prompted you to open them again.

“Dance with me?” He could have asked you to kill yourself on the spot and you would not have been able to say no to him with that pleading look in his eyes.
“Fuck, ok.”

When the cool night air hit your face outside the club, you could feel your sweaty shirt sticking to your back.
“So, what’s next?” You asked.
“I want to go to the aquarium. I wanna see the dolphins.” Adrian stated before anyone else had the chance to say anything. The ecstasy was kicking in.

It had been surprisingly easy to break into the aquarium. It was completely empty. Apparently, they weren’t too worried about anyone trying to steal the fish. The dark corridors were lit by blue and green lights coming from the water tanks, making squiggly shapes on the floor.

Chris and Harcourt stood in front of a huge tank, watching an octopus. Meanwhile, Economos was stuck at a smaller tank filled with sea snails. Adrian was nowhere to be found as he was looking for the dolphins. You weren’t even sure they had any dolphins, but you didn’t want to kill his hope.

Adebayo was walking next to you, as you watched the colorful, shimmering fish swim by.
“So, what happened at the club?” A smile tugged at her lips.
“Nothing.” You kept your eyes glued to the fish.
She nudged your ribs. “Oh, come on.”
“Fine, I gave Adrian some ecstasy.”
“That’s all?”

You let out a sigh. “You’re annoying, you know that?”
“I wouldn’t have to be, if you’d just tell me.” She gave you a smirk.
“Alright, we made out.”

Adebayo stopped dead in her tracks. ”Really?”
You turned around. “Yeah.”
“With him?”
“Yeah. Wasn’t the first time either.”

Adebayo’s jaw dropped.
You shrugged. “I’m surprised he didn’t tell you, he’s not usually the type to shut up.”
After getting her composure back, she started smiling again. “And?”
“And what?”
“How was it?”

You gave her a look. You felt the smile force itself on your face. “Really good.”
”Really?”
Now it was your turn to nudge her. “Oh, don’t be like that. He’s sweet…”
“I mean, you’d have to be blind not to see that there was something going on but I didn’t know it was this serious.”
“I don’t know about serious…”

You hesitated.
“Ads, I need to tell you something, but you can’t say anything to anyone, promise?”
She nodded hastily.
You took a deep breath. “I’m gonna leave. I have to figure some things out. And I am very sorry for leaving all of you like this, but I need to do this.”

Adebayo stared at you. “You’re leaving? When?”
“This is my last night. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it. But I need you to tell the others that I’m fine and not to come looking for me.”
“What about Adrian? Does he know?”

You didn’t answer immediately. Your eyes were back on the fish.
“If I tell him, he’s going to ask me to stay, and I don’t know if I can say no to him.”
“Do you have, like, feelings for him?”

Your eyes snapped back from the fish to Adebayo.
“Why would you say that?”
She shrugged. “Seems pretty obvious. So, what are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing. I need to do this for myself.”
She nodded. “I get it. I’ll tell the others tomorrow.”
You gave her a smile. “Thanks…for everything.”

She put an arm around you, letting out a groan. “We’re gonna miss you.”
You let out a laugh. “You’ll be fine without me; you were fine before me, and you’ll be fine without me.”
“Don’t say that. We really will miss having you around.”

Before you could answer, a loud voice, you unmistakably recognized as Adrian’s interrupted you.
“Found them!”
You turned around.
“Come on!” Adrian grabbed your hand, dragging you down a long corridor.

Adrian led you through corridor after corridor, until you stepped outside. The moon reflected on the black surface of the water.
You looked around. “I don’t see any dolphins.”
“I know they’re here, there was a sign. They’re probably sleeping. We should go look for them.”

Alarm bells started to ring in your head. “No, we shouldn’t.” You knew exactly what Adrian was thinking about. “It’s dark, and probably freezing cold, and we should really let them sleep.”
Adrian looked at you, pouting. “But I really want to see them.”

Before you could protest more, he had taken off his sweater and climbed over the railing.
“Adrian, wait!”
With a loud splash he was in the water.
“You fucking idiot.” You murmured, watching as he took a deep breath before diving below the surface.

For a few moments nothing happened, then a few bubbles started to appear on the surface.
“Fuck, fuck!” You pulled off your shirt as well, climbing over the railing as fast as you could, diving in behind him.

Your eyes burned as you tried to keep them open, but it made no difference, the water was pitch black. There was no way you would find him like this. You started to panic, and you could feel your lungs protest. You needed to come up for air.

As your head breached the surface you spotted Adrian just a few feet away, coming up for air as well. Before he could dive down again, you grabbed his arm.
“No fucking way, you’re gonna drown.”
“Am not, I’m a world class swimmer. Always have been since Chris and my brother once threw me in the river when I was a kid.”
“That is a lot to unpack, but let’s get out of here first.”

Adrian groaned but didn’t object when you dragged him to the edge of the tank. You were both dripping wet, and you couldn’t stop your body from shaking.
Adrian looked at you. “Are you cold?”
“W-what makes you s-say that?”
“You’re shivering.”
“I was being s-sarcastic.”
“Oh. Why would you jump in after me anyway?”
“Because I thought y-you were drowning, you idiot.”

Adrian’s look had shifted to concerned.
“We need to get you out of these clothes.”
“Maybe we should go back to Harcourt’s place?”

After small protests from Economos, who hadn’t had his turn yet, everyone agreed to go back home. And after hearing about his plan to get matching tattoos at some back-alley shop, it was probably the best for this night to end. The idea was sweet, but you didn’t want to die of sepsis tonight. The whole way back, Adebayo kept glancing at you.

Back at Harcourt’s apartment, you went into the bathroom, to take a hot shower and get into something dry.

The air was steamy, and you felt the warmth sink into your skin. Your eyes were closed as the water ran over your face. The sound of the door opening and closing almost made you slip. You peaked from behind the curtain just to see Adrian get comfortable on the counter by the sink.

He was wearing a pair of Harcourt’s sweatpants, that were way too short at his ankles and what you guessed was an old, oversized training t-shirt of Harcourt’s.

“We talked about this; you can’t just come into the bathroom after me like this.”
There was a grin on his face. “Well, last time I did, we made out, so that wasn’t a very valuable lesson, pedagogically speaking.”

You rolled your eyes. “You don’t even know what pedagogically means.”
“Yeah, I do…Anyway, can I stay? I won’t do anything, swear, I’ll just sit here.”
You watched him for a second, before letting out a sigh and stepping back under the water. “Alright.”

After a few seconds of silence, Adrian started talking again. “Did you know that dolphin eggs are the rarest and most expensive eggs on the black market?”
You laughed. “Yeah, I can imagine, considering dolphins don’t lay eggs. They give birth, like humans do.”
“No, they don’t…”
“Yeah, dude, they’re mammals, all mammals do.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“What about platypuses? They’re mammals and they lay eggs.”

You peaked out from behind the curtain again. “How the fuck do you not know dolphins aren’t fish, but you know about platypuses?”
Adrian shrugged. “I don’t know, I know a lot of things about a lot of things.”
“Yeah, but you also don’t know shit about shit.”
The grin was back on his face. “I know you said you loved me.”
“You really need to forget that.”

Adrian jumped up from the counter but before he could take a step, you raised your finger.
“You promised me something.”
“Right, sorry.” He sat back down. “But still, you can’t just say something like that and then leave me hanging. Did you mean it?”

You had gone back to letting the water warm you up.
“Why the hell does that matter?”
Adrian’s answer was so quiet, you almost didn’t hear it over the rushing of the water.
“Because it’s the first time anyone said that to me.”

You could physically feel your heart break clean in two. You turned off the water, grabbed a towel, wrapped it around you and stepped out of the shower. You walked over to Adrian, who was still sitting on the counter, feet swaying over the floor.

You cradled his face in your palms. Your eyes were fixed on his. For the millionth time you noticed how pretty they were. There was something so innocent and vulnerable the way he was looking up at you.
“I meant it.” Your eyes darted over his face, trying to remember every inch of it. “Whatever happens, I want you to know I meant it – I mean it, ok?”

Adrian nodded. “I know I promised to not distract you, put can I kiss you? I really want to kiss you right now.”
Instead of answering, you pulled him in. Just before your lips connected, your eyes searched for his again and you whispered. “I love you, ok?”

Adrian kissed you like a starving man. His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you between his legs. Your fingers grazed over his neck, sending small shivers down his spine. By this time tomorrow you’d be long gone, and he had no idea. You felt yourself pour every feeling that threatened to burst out of you into the kiss. This was goodbye and he didn’t know, and you almost hated yourself for it.

Chapter Text

Day 1

Hey, it’s me, Adrian, I know Leota told us not to look for you, but I haven’t heard anything from you in weeks, and I just wanted to check, if you’re ok. By the way, saw this spider, it was black and yellow, made me think of you, I know it’s not a salamander but yeah…anyway maybe give me a call back…

Your eyes were fixed on the ceiling. You were pretty sure it had been white at some point, but the whole apartment looked, like it hadn’t been renovated since before you were born. The windows were so dirty, if there had been any real sunlight in the city, it wouldn’t have a chance to shine through.

It had been the first night in your first own apartment. Well, not yours, you were renting it, still your own place. You had barely been able to sleep. The walls were thin, or your neighbors were especially loud. You could hear the water flow through the pipes in your walls and a dozen other strange sounds, you couldn’t place.

Finally, you accepted that sleep was off the table by now. You walked out of the tiny bedroom into what was living room and kitchen in one. The apartment was on a higher floor and if you climbed out the kitchen window, you found yourself on the fire escape stairs. It was no balcony, but it was nice to sit out there, if the air wasn’t too polluted.

Gotham hadn’t been the first on your list, but it was the only place you could afford to live with your current financial situation.

You made yourself a coffee, trying to mentally prepare for work. You had found a gig in some run-down diner and every day you asked yourself more and more, how Adrian did it, working in the service industry, without killing every other person who came through the doors.

Adrian was on your mind a lot anyway. You missed him. It was an unfamiliar feeling, you’d never really had anyone so close to you, that you would miss them. But you missed Adrian, a lot.

Day 6

It’s me again. Just checking in again. Just wanted to let you know, it’s not the same without you, it makes me feel weird, like something is missing. I mean – you are missing, obviously. I got a new machete, maybe I can show you when we see each other again. It’s really nice, good balance, very very nice grip. Last night when I was on patrol, I killed that one guy, it took only one swing and his whole head came clean off! It was so cool, I bet you would’ve loved it! Take care of yourself.

You stood in front of the empty, dark diner. You had just closed for the night. Every bone in your body ached, in some twisted way, you felt just like after combat. This fucking job surely felt like a fight every day.

You started to walk back to your apartment, body, mind and soul numb. Today had been a bad one. Even in a normal diner, it was a shit job, but a diner in Gotham was a shit job on crack.

Exhausted, you turned a corner into one of the many dark alleys, leading you home, if you could even call it that. Suddenly you felt something press against your back. You didn’t need to be an expert, to know, it was the barrel of a gun. Fucking great.

Luckily, you were an expert. For a second you didn’t move, before turning around in the blink of an eye, grabbing the gun in the process and aiming it at your attacker. Poor bastard.

“If you’re trying to rob someone, don’t press the gun directly to their backs, it makes it easier for them to disarm you.” After a short pause, you continued. “I guess it doesn’t matter anyway now. This is going to be your last robbery.”

Before you let him answer, you pulled the trigger twice. One in the head, one in the heart. He fell to the ground with a quieter than anticipated sound. If a body drops in an alley and no one is around to hear it, did it really make a sound? It seemed like in Gotham there were a lot of bodies dropping in silence.

You tugged the gun in the back of your jeans and resumed your way home. You were too worn out to stop and think about the incident, or even register any feeling. It seemed like, no matter what you did, this part of you would never leave you. You had promised never to fight again, but as far as you were concerned, this was self-defense.

Back home you let yourself fall on the couch. The kitchen was drowning in unwashed dishes, empty food containers and just general chaos. You didn’t care.

Every day you asked yourself if this really had been the right call. At its core, the idea had been a good one, start over, gain some independence, find yourself, but instead of Eat Pray Love this was giving moving into Paper Street with the hallucination of your alter ego and start a terrorist cell out of the basement.

Day 8

So, today I busted some drug deal, and I painted the wall with that one guy’s brain, and I swear it looked a bit like you, you know, like that one potato chip with Jesus on it. Anyway, I miss you.

Oh, I almost forgot, I found some of your clothes at Chris’s trailer, you want me to keep them for you, for when you get back? I didn’t want to wash them; they still smell like you…is that creepy?

The grey morning started with a coffee. You were too tired, to notice the envelope on the floor right by the front door until you were ready to leave for your shift.

You picked it up. The only thing on the outside was your name in clean handwriting. You opened it. You were already late; it didn’t matter now if it would be 20 or 40 minutes.

You sat on the couch, reading the letter carefully. After you finished reading, you stared at the paper for a while. It was a job offer, sort of. The sender was anonymous, but whoever it was, they had seen you shoot the guy in the alley two days ago and was obviously pleased with your work.

They wanted you to do contract work. You wouldn’t have to meet with anyone, you would get the information about the targets just like this, in an envelope and get paid the same.

You had sworn never to fight again, but at the thought at going back to the diner, your insides twisted. And then there was that last sentence on the neatly folded paper. You hadn’t decided, if you believed it, but there would be no harm in finding out, if it was true, or if whoever sent you this, was fucking with you.

With a groan you threw your head back. You needed a job to pay your rent and if it was between serving people bad coffee and get sexually harassed for bad tips, and killing bad guys, the second one seemed a lot better.

Of course, you could keep pretending to weight the options in your head, but deep down you had your answer.

Day 15

You will not believe this! I’m on patrol right now, but I just heard an Eastern Screech Owl and I wanted to tell you about it. I love owls, they’re like one of my favorite animals. Ok, I need to go now, I think – fuck!

When you came home, just before the sunrise, one you wouldn’t see anyway through the smog hovering over the city, every muscle in your body ached, but in a good way. Your head was clear and for the first time in a while, you felt calm. As concerning as that was, you tried not to dwell on it too much.

The mission had been a success and fairly easy. You had gotten an envelope about the target the night before and from there it was child’s play, stalk him through the night, and at dusk, you attacked. There had been two bodyguards and the target, but nothing you couldn’t handle.

You had promised never to fight again, but it seemed more and more, like this was what you were made for, also a concerning thought, but why fight it. Maybe you’d do this just for a while…

The whole night you couldn’t stop thinking about Adrian, or better said about Vigilante. You were brutally reminded of that one night you went on patrol together. You had wished for him to be there with you.

You had tried very hard not to think about him too much, but the memory of him kissing you with his mask shoved up just enough, was stuck in a loop in your head ever since you’d come home this morning. You needed to get your mind off him.

You weren’t coming back, and you needed to behave like it. There was no use in crying over the past, and still, when you were out there in your Salamandra suit, it felt like he was right by your side, looking over your shoulder, whispering dumb shit in your ear and you could feel your heart ache.

What finally made your focus shift, was the sound of another envelope being shoved under your door. This one looked bigger than the last one. For a second, you thought about sprinting to the door, to see who had delivered it, but you didn’t. It didn’t matter.

When you ripped it open, a stack of dollar bills spilled out. This was a lot more than you had made in the last weeks at the diner from hell. Maybe you could start renovating the apartment a bit, to at least make it livable.

Day 19

I know it’s late, sorry for bothering you…was just out with Chris and the others and I might be a bit drunk but I just wanted to tell you how much I miss you, it just feels like I have this constant pressure on my chest and I don’t know what to do about it and I just want to see you and hear your voice – also please call me, you don’t need to tell me where you are, I just want to talk to you – ah, fuck – never mind, I almost tripped down the stairs, but I’m fine…well I’m not fine, I miss you, call me!

There was paint on your face, on your clothes and in your hair. Lucky for you, there had not been a lot of furniture in the apartment when you moved in, so painting the walls was easier than expected, but also a lot messier than expected, you had never painted anything except maybe the pavement with the blood of your enemies.

The apartment immediately looked a lot better without the grey tint and the ominous stains on the walls. The smell of paint still lingered in the air, so you opened some windows. You sat on the fire escape stairs, watching the city lights. Tonight was a good one, you could see almost the entire city from where you sat.

Every time you stopped for a second and just sat with yourself, you could feel it come back, that fucking pain in your chest. Angry at yourself, you stood up and went back in. If you just kept busy enough, maybe you wouldn’t have the time to think about him.

Day 20

Just ignore that last voicemail. I miss you though.

You were sitting on the couch, crouched over the papers on the new target. Very cut and dry again. This job was almost too good to be true. The only thing you were slightly worried about, was running into Batman, or Robin or anyone else who might have a problem with you killing people.

Although, now that you had lived in Gotham for a while, you were way more tapped into the gossip of this city. There was a guy who killed the bad guys, they called him Red Hood, and Batman hadn’t caught him, so maybe you didn’t need to worry after all.

Sometimes when you heard a wild rumor, you caught yourself making a mental note, to tell Chris and Adrian about it, before realizing, you wouldn’t be seeing them again. That didn’t keep you from writing them down on post it notes and sticking them on your fridge.

Tonight’s target was some corrupt politician, running for mayor. Your interest piqued when you read, that he had had ties to Luthorcorp in the past around the time the experiments you were supposed to be a part of had taken place.

You slipped into your suit and left the apartment over the fire escape, no need for your neighbors down the hall to see you like this.

Your target was at a gala. You knew from the files, that he was a smoker. All you had to do, was wait on the roof until he would come out for a cigarette break.

It didn’t take long for the heavy metal door to the roof to open and the target stepping out, alone. What a fucking idiot. You had already loaded your gun, when a thought popped into your head. Your job was to kill him and disappear, not interrogate him, but you needed to try.

Like a cat in the dark, you moved closer to him, until you could jump him, without a chance of escape. You pressed your knife to his throat.

“Scream, and you’re dead. Try to run, and you’re dead. Lie to me, and you’re dead. You get how this works?”
“Y-yeah, I get it, what do you want? I don’t have any money on me – please I have a wife and kids.”
“Fuck your money, I know where you got that from. I want information.”
“A-anything!”

You took a deep breath. You had tried not to think about it, not get your hopes up, but the possibility that it was out there…

You increased the pressure on the knife.
“I heard some rumor and I want to know if it’s true.”
“I’ll t-tell you anything!” He was almost crying but there was not a shred of empathy in your heart. You needed to know.
”Is it true, that there is an antidote to the Mihtridate?”

The man’s eyes widened.
“I-I have no idea what that is…please, I can give you anything…”
A smile tugged at your lips. You’d always thought politicians were good liars, but not all of them apparently.
“I told you, lie to me and you’re dead.”

A red line appeared where your knife had started to cut through his skin.
“Ok, ok. Yes, I heard that there is an antidote out there, but I don’t know where to get it, or who has it, that’s all I swear!”
“I believe you.”

Before he could say another word, you’d cut his neck. You stood over him, cleaning the blade of your knife on your suit. Nothing worst, then a rusty blade.
“Told you. Lie to me and you’re dead. Should’ve told me the truth the first time. Although, wouldn’t have mattered anyway, I guess.”

You looked around, to check if anyone had come up on the roof. You were alone. You sighed. Great, now you had started to talk to yourself. Thinking about it, you hadn’t really talked to anyone in weeks.

Day 25

Ok, so, I realized I’m kind of angry at you. You told me, you love me and then you just disappeared on me! Who the fuck does that? I mean, you do, I guess, so fuck you. And I don’t know if it would have been less bad, if you hadn’t told me but fuck, you did. I still miss you, but I don’t know if I want to see you anymore. Anyway, take care of yourself, miss you.

You were covered in sweat, concentrated look on your face, as you assembled the new bed. With the new paycheck, you’d been able to buy some new furniture. You hadn’t yet figured out how you would carry the couch up to your apartment, but you needed to figure something out soon. The couch was sitting in the entrance hall of the apartment building and judging by the crime rate of your bloc, it wouldn’t be sitting there much longer.

There was a new guy who had just moved in a few apartments down. Maybe you could ask him, he looked like he could carry a couch up the stairs, and you had noticed he was home during the day a lot, working nights.

You knocked on the door. Nothing happened. You were just about to leave, when the door opened, and a very tired looking guy appeared. He couldn’t have been a lot older than you, dark hair with a white streak in the front.

“Hi, sorry to disturb you, but I live down the hall from you, and I need help carrying up a couch.” You figured, the best approach was to be direct, there wasn’t a way to sugar-coat carrying up a couch several flights of stairs anyway.

He stared at you for a second, trying to figure out what this was. He didn’t look like he got a lot of visitors. You could see behind him; his apartment was a mess.

Finally, he shrugged. “Alright, why not.”
“Great, thank you, I owe you one.”
“Don’t worry about it.”

While you walked down the stairs, the lift had been broken since you’d moved in, you turned around to him.
“What’s your name anyway? I didn’t see a name by the door.”
“Yeah, I’m trying to stay on the low. But you can call me Jason.”
“I get that. Nice to meet you, Jason, and thanks again for helping.”

After you’d finally managed to get the couch up to your apartment, you offered him a coffee or a tea as that felt like the polite thing to do, but he declined with a wave, mumbling something about needing to go back to sleep.

With the new couch, a few other knick-knacks and some plants you prayed wouldn’t die from the lack of sunlight, the apartment actually started to look something resembling nice.

Day 31

Hey…I know I haven’t left any messages for a few days. I’ve been trying to get you out of my head, but I don’t think I can. Yesterday I saw a documentary about fire salamanders and yeah…I guess you’re not a fire salamander anymore, are you just a salamander now? They’re still pretty cool, not as cool as owls and dolphins, obviously, but still, it’s fine, I don’t call myself Owlman or Dolphinman…although that would be Aquaman I suppose. Do you think Aquaman likes dolphins? Or do you think he likes likes dolphins? I like dolphins, but I don’t want to fuck them, you know what I mean? Do you think a dolphin could get pregnant by Aquaman? Would that baby look like a mermaid but with a dolphin tail, or maybe reverse mermaid? Dolphin head with legs, that would be pretty fucked up. Take care of yourself and I miss you.

Hey, me again, I looked it up and the internet said that interspecies reproduction is not possible. There are like hybrids between zebras and horses, they’re called zorses, but they’re almost always sterile.

You were breathing heavily, as you rammed your hunting knife into the guy’s neck. Your left arm was throbbing with pain, you had caught a bullet not three minutes earlier. Your target had been guarded a lot better, than what the files had said.

Another guy came from behind, firing at you, and missing. You pulled the knife out of body in front of you and throwing it at your attacker in one swift move. The knife buried itself into his forehead, sending him to the ground.

Finally, the last one standing was your main target. He stood pressed against a wall in the alley, where you had attacked them.

“Wait, wait!” He pleaded.
You walked over to him, drawing your gun. You weren’t interested in talking. The last few targets hadn’t known anything about an antidote, and you started to believe that your new boss had only included that information in his first letter, to draw you in, and that maybe the first guy telling you about it, had lied after all. Maybe you wanted to find it so bad, you were getting sloppy with your instincts.

The man held his hands in front of him, to shield him from your gun.
“Wait! I heard about you; I know who you are. You’re Salamandra, you’re a hitman.”
“If anything, I’m a hitwoman, you sexist piece of shit.”
“I know you’re looking for an antidote, right?”

You stopped.
“How do you know about that?”
“Well, you’re very efficient at your job, but you know how it is, rumors spread. I can tell you where the antidote is.”
“And who says you’re telling the truth?”
“I know someone who is interested in buying and I know about a sale happening. But you have to let me go and I’ll tell you when and where.”
“No thank you, I can figure that out myself.”

You raised your arm and pulled the trigger. You put the gun pack into its holster and turned around. Even if your face didn’t show it, your mind was racing. Maybe it was real after all. There were a lot of what-ifs, but the seed of hope had been sown.

That night when you fell into bed, you couldn’t sleep, the pain in your arm was keeping you awake. As you’d sat in the bathroom, trying to get the bullet out while biting down on a towel and trying not to scream too loud, you wished Adrian was here.

And now, lying in bed, alone and hurt you tried to remember how his arms felt around you, his warmth seeping into your skin, your nose buried in his neck, taking in his scent. You felt a tear run down your face and you lied to yourself, that it was because of your injured arm.

Day 64

Ok, fuck this. I guess you really don’t want to talk to me. I’m done. I don’t know what to do anymore. I fucking love you so much it breaks me every day a bit more and I can’t do it anymore. I can’t fucking stop thinking about you and it makes me fuck up when I go out even as Vigilante. And I can’t sleep because every fucking time I close my eyes, you’re there. So, go fuck yourself. I don’t give a fuck if you ever come back. Take care of yourself, I love you.

The gun wound on your arm was healing well. The last few jobs had been a bit more difficult and on the first one, the wound had opened up again, which was a pain because you’d run out of gauze.

Lucky for you Jason had some for you. When he’d offered to help you with the bandages, you declined with a polite smile. No way you’d let some random guy, and a civilian at that, patch you up.

The next time you walked by his apartment, the door was slightly open, and when you peaked in, it was empty. You didn’t blame him; he probably had found a nicer apartment.

The real reason you hadn’t taken him up on the offer was pushed down so fast, it didn’t even make it to your conscious mind. The only one allowed to patch you up was Adrian. Which was too bad, because Adrian was not here, and you had condemned yourself to a life of forever having to stitch yourself up.

You looked up from the book you were reading on the couch, when two envelopes were shoved under your door. The first one was payment. The second one was the new target, but it was strange. This time, there were a lot more details, than usual and when you read the words, your jaw almost dropped. It contained the time and place where the sale for the Mithridate antidote would take place. Your eyes were stuck on a single word, and the longer you looked at it, the more it didn’t look like a real word.

Evergreen.

Chapter Text

The mirror in the bathroom reflected your face, serious and unsure. Carefully you traced over the back of your nose. By now it had healed up, but Adrian’s voice echoed in your head, how he said he liked it because it would remind you of him. By now there was barely anything, that didn’t remind you of him.

Your return to Evergreen loomed over you, like a dark shadow. It would be weird to come back and not see any of the others. As much as you had made your peace with your new job, you weren’t sure if that still made you one of the good guys. The 11th Street Kids weren’t by your side anymore, but were you at least on the same side still?

Until now you had pushed down any thought about the moral implications of your job. You needed money and a purpose. You had pushed down any thought about Adrian but know the inevitable question popped into your head, what would he say about this?

It didn’t really matter; you wouldn’t go see him. You would go and do your job and then come back home.

The word felt weird. Home. This was your home, here you felt safe, at peace, but could anywhere really be home without him? You rolled your eyes at yourself. This was pathetic.

You took one last look at your face, wondering what Adrian saw in it, because all you could see was someone broken and lost, trying to put the pieces back together, that you weren’t sure ever fit in the first place.

You packed a bag with your suit and weapons, leaving your apartment for the bus station. By the time you had reached Evergreen, the sun had started to set. Since you had left, winter had laid a thin white blanket over the land.

The cold was a harsh reminder of the fire you’d lost. This was another thing you had tried not to think about too much, aside from your search for the alleged antidote. And still, the ache in your palms was overwhelming sometimes.

You needed to get your head in the game. This was the most important job out of all of them. If you were successful, you could have your powers back by tonight. Fuck not trying to get your hopes up. This could be it. Even if you had started to build a new life, this part would not let go of you.

The address you were given turned out to be a small restaurant on the edge of town. It was just run-down enough for it to be very obviously a front for money laundering. There weren’t a lot of buildings around, so you needed to figure out a way in, without being spotted immediately.

For the next two hours you were lying, waiting. With every new person entering the restaurant, the feeling in your stomach got worse and worse. This was a lot of people. If the stakes had been any other than this, you would have seriously considered blowing this job off. This was too many people for you to take on alone, but you couldn’t see it. All you could think about was the antidote, and if you died trying, so would be it.

Finally, no more people arrived, and through a window on the side of the building you could see that the meeting had started.

You made your way around the building to the back. You found a backdoor. It wasn’t guarded. Come to think about it, there were no guards anywhere outside. Maybe this was as to not draw any attention to the location. Satisfied with that explanation, you kept moving.

The building was empty, not a single soul in the kitchen or anywhere else. You could hear voices come from the main room in the restaurant. You managed to sneak behind the counter without being seen.

You counted the people in the room. Two men were sitting at one of the tables and each had three bodyguards standing behind them. On the table lay a metal suitcase. You recognized one of the men at the table from the factory at Shangri-La. He folded his hands in front of his face and started talking to the man in front of him.

“Look, it’s a simple matter of supply and demand. Now, that the government has the Mithridate, it’s a lot more lucrative for us to sell the antidote. We need to adapt to the market. This will be good business for you too.”

So that was what this was about. You had wondered who your boss was. At first you had thought that maybe it was another black op mission from A.R.G.U.S. but by now you were sure this had to be a rivaling criminal organization, and they had used you to take out the competition and get the antidote for them. Taking your history into account, you were the perfect candidate. They had probably been watching you a lot longer, not only since that incident in the alley.

You took a deep breath. It didn’t matter, all that mattered was getting that suitcase and getting the hell out of here. After this you were done with the contract work. Right now, you needed to focus. You needed to take out the guards first.

The guns in your hand felt cold. You gripped them a bit tighter, and in an opportune moment, you peaked out behind the counter and started shooting. With the first shots you managed to take out two of the guards, before the rest immediately started to retaliate, shooting at you. Chaos broke out.

You ducked behind the counter, waiting for the bodyguards to reload their guns. For a second there was silence except for one of the men at the counter shouting at the guards. Carefully you looked around the corner of the counter, shooting again. Just as they started shooting at you again, another guard went down.

At first you didn’t register the sleeve of your suit getting wetter. Then you felt a sharp pain run through your arm. One of the bullets had grazed you and warm blood was spilling from the wound. Of course it was the arm, that had just healed.

You took another breath and waited for an opening. Five targets left. You jumped from behind the counter, attacking the guard nearest to you with a hunting knife. You managed to cut his arm, before he threw a punch at you. With a swift move, you dodged and launched another attack, this time ramming the knife into his neck.

The second shot hit you right in the leg. You could feel it give out and forcing you on your knee. You managed to throw the knife at one guard running toward you, before another one landed a kick, sending you to the floor. There was a metallic taste on your tongue, and you could feel your vision blur.

This was not going the way you had imagined. They were too many. For the first time you realized, you were not in fact willing to die for this. Before anyone else could get close to you, you managed to pull on a flash grenade.

In all the confusion, you dragged yourself out the front door of the restaurant. As you tried to stand on your feet, a sharp pain ripped through your leg. You spit out a mouthful of blood. You limped towards one of the neighboring buildings. As the bodyguards ran out of the restaurant, you melted into the shadows, biting on your glove as to not make a sound. The arm was bad, but the leg was fucking killing you.

After what felt like an eternity, you could finally move. Your mind was racing. You had no idea where to go. This first thing that came to mind was Fennel Fields, but if you turned up like this, they would probably immediately call the cops or an ambulance and you would be taken to a hospital, and then they’d call the cops.

You couldn’t risk getting caught, you didn’t know how much was known about your criminal activities and you weren’t very eager to find out right now.

The second thing that came to mind was Chris’s trailer. You’d just have to pray he would take you in, even after disappearing like that.

The night was dark and cold. You were slow, dragging your leg behind you and your body wouldn’t stop shaking. You weren’t sure if it was because of the cold, the blood loss or both.

By the time you reached the trailer, your felt like you’d been run over by a truck. With the last of your strength, you knocked on the door. You hadn’t even thought about the possibility of Chris not being home. Before you could start to panic, a light inside the trailer went on and you could hear steps coming to the door.

As soon, as Chris opened the door, you collapsed into his arms.
“What the…?” He caught you just in time and carried you inside.
He laid you on the bed, before frantically looking for the first aid kit.

You pulled the mask off your face.
“Hey…what’s up? Long time no see.”
“What the fuck happened to you?”
“Long story. I got shot.”
“Yeah, I can fucking see that, let me…”

Chris came over to bandage the wounds, but you raised your hand.
“No, wait. Call Adrian. Please.”
Chris stared at you for a second.
“You’re bleeding out.”
“Don’t be so dramatic, I’ll be fine, just, please…” The last word came out a lot shakier than you had wanted it to.

He took another look at your leg, before taking out his phone and looking for Adrian’s number. You relaxed against the headrest. The only thing in the world you needed was to see Adrian’s face, hear his voice, have him hold your hand. This whole mission was fucked, you had lost the antidote, you were in pain and slowly the realization sunk in, that maybe cutting off the only people who had ever cared about you had been a bad fucking idea.

You could feel yourself getting colder and your eyelids get heavy. You were exhausted. You had almost drifted off to sleep, when voices at the door woke you up. When you opened your eyes, you were greeted with Adrian’s more than worried face hovering above you.

A smile spread over your face. You could feel a tear run down your face. Seeing him somehow made you believe that everything would be fine now.

“Hey, nerd, missed you.” You reached out to cup his cheek with your hand. By now you had taken off the gloves so you could stroke him with your thumb.
Adrian opened his mouth and closed it again, before pulling you into his arms.

You let out a groan. “Ah! Fuck, careful, I got shot.”
Adrian pulled back, just enough to look at you. “I fucking hate you for leaving, but I’m so, so glad your back.” After a second look at you, he continued. “And I’m glad you’re alive. What the fuck happened to you?”

“I got shot, I just told you.”
A third, horrified look made him realize you hadn’t bandaged the wounds yet. He turned to Chris.
“Why the fuck didn’t you patch her up? Did you wait for me to get here!?”
Chris shrugged. “She wouldn’t let me touch her. Said to call you, that’s all.”

You groaned again. “Ok, it’s super great, seeing both of you again, but I need immediate medical attention now.”
“Yes, yes.” Adrian hurried to get the first aid kit.

Careful as to not hurt you more, he peeled you out of the suit. You couldn’t keep your eyes off him as he cleaned the wounds and put some gauze on them. His face was serious and focused, glasses sitting on the tip of his nose, curls falling into his forehead. Warmth spread through you, like you had finally come home after a long time.

“All done.” He gave you a crooked smile. For a moment he watched your face, covered in blood, hair messy. He took a washcloth and started to clean you up.

For a few seconds neither of you talked, you just looked at each other. Chris, who had been standing in the door, watching the whole thing, cleared his throat.
“I’m just gonna leave you two to it.” After he walked into the living room, you two were alone.

Adrian sat cross-legged on the bed next to you.
“Why didn’t you ever call me back? I left you like a thousand voice mails.”
You stared at him with a blank expression.
“Voice mails?”
“Yeah, I called you, like every day, to see if you were ok. I just figured you didn’t want to talk to me.”

Your eyes wandered over his face.
“I lost my phone like a week after I left.”
“Oh…”
“What were you saying in those voice mails?”
“Oh…nothing important, really.”
“No, tell me, I want to know!” You gave him a small smile.

“It’s not a big deal, it doesn’t matter now. You’re here.” A smile grew on his face. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too. And I’m sorry for leaving like that…I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” He gave you a wave.
“No, I’m serious. I’m so fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have cut you off like that.”

You could see a thousand emotions flash behind his eyes like a slot machine, until they landed on something you couldn’t describe as anything less, than pure devotion.

“I really don’t care; I just care about you being here.” He pushed some strands of hair out of your face.
You almost felt shy, now that you hadn’t seen him in so long. You could feel yourself get emotional again.
“I missed you so much…”
Before you could start crying again, Adrian positioned himself next to you, putting an arm around you, careful not to touch your injured arm.

“So, what have you been up to?” He asked with a voice so soft, it almost made you tear up again.
“I got my own apartment now. With real plants and shit. Been doing contract work.”
You waited for his reaction, not realizing you were holding your breath.

“That’s cool! Who are you working for?”
“I’m not sure…I think they might be some of the bad guys. But as far as I know, all the targets I took out were also bad guys, so…I don’t know.”
“I mean who’s to say who the good guys and the bad guys are. Look at Waller, she was the government and she did some fucked up shit.”
“You really surprise me sometimes, you know that?”
“Why?” He laughed.
“You just…have some unexpectedly complex opinions when it comes to morals.”

You leaned your head against his shoulder. He shifted closer to you.
“So, where do you live now?”
“Gotham.”
“Really?” You could feel the excitement in his voice. “I heard the crime rate over there is crazy off the charts. Man, I would have so much fun patrolling over there.”
“Maybe you could come visit me some time.”
“Sick.”

You looked at Adrian.
“Are you sure we’re good?”
“I promise you; we are.”
“I didn’t even plan on seeing you when I came back to Evergreen, I was here for a job.” You couldn’t help the words from tumbling out of your mouth. “There is an antidote for the Mithridate, and I think the people I was working for, were looking for it too. But I fucked up and I didn’t get it, that’s why I was here, there was a deal going down at that weird little restaurant, but they were too many and I didn’t even think of calling you for help. I thought you would probably not want to see me anyway, because I left like that, I was sure you hate my guts and…”

Adrian raised his finger, pressing it on your mouth.
“Shut up. I don’t care.” He pressed a kiss on your hair. “And I lied, I don’t hate you, I could never hate you.”

You buried your face in his neck, taking in his scent, the soothing familiarity of it all.
“I still love you.” You whispered.
“I do too.” He whispered back.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you and I want you in my life, whatever that’ll look like.”
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you too. There is so much I need to tell you about, there was this one guy and when I killed him, I swear his blood on the wall looked like you, you know, like tortilla-Jesus. And that one time I heard an Eastern Screeching Owl, and you’d think they make a screeching sound, but they don’t, they…”

You had drifted off to sleep. Adrian placed another kiss on your forehead, before carefully pulling his arm from under you, careful not to wake you up. Though you were so exhausted, he could’ve screamed in your ear, and you would have kept sleeping, but Adrian would never do something like that.

When you woke up, you had no idea how much time had passed. When you looked out the window it was daytime, and it was snowing heavily. Your body ached and it took you a full minute to realize where you were.

Someone had put some blankets on you. At least you were not cold anymore and with the snowstorm going on outside, you were almost cozy. Before you could fully take in your surroundings, the door opened and Adrian peaked in.

“Oh, hey, you’re awake.” A big smile made its way onto his face. He walked in, sitting on the bed in front of you. You immediately noticed the cuts and bruises on his face.
“What the hell happened to you?” You sat up, leaning against the headrest.
“Well, remember how you told me about your mission yesterday? I went and got you something.”

Until now, you hadn’t noticed the metal briefcase lying next to Adrian. Your eyes widened.
“Is that what I think it is?”
Adrian nodded, grinning from ear to ear. “Yep.”
You couldn’t shake the incredulous look from your face.
“How the fuck did you get that?”
“I went back to the restaurant and asked nicely for it. Well, I asked, they wouldn’t give it to me, and I had to kill them, it was very cool, by the way.”

You didn’t dare touch the briefcase. You had waited so long for this moment, and you had already lost hope. Even now, you didn’t know if the antidote even worked.

You looked at Adrian, pointing at the case. “Can you…?”
Adrian pulled in onto his lap, opening it. There were several small glass bottles inside.
“Do you think I have to drink that?” You gave the bottles a sceptical look.
Adrian shrugged. “Let’s try it, it’s not like you can lose your powers again.”
“That’s true.” You agreed.

Carefully, you took one of the bottles out of the briefcase. After inspecting it for a second, you opened the lid, smelling it. It didn’t really smell like anything, and you were convinced, this would not work. It was probably a scheme for the few who got out of Shangri-La to make some money, nothing more.

You took a small sip. Even if it didn’t smell like anything, it tasted like battery acid.
“Ew, gross…”
“That bad?”
“Yeah.”
Without another word, you put the bottle to your lips and emptied it in one go.

Adrian stared at you, as if he was expecting you to burst into flames. Slowly, you raised your hand, gently placing it on his. When he felt the heat run through your palm over his hand, his eyes widened, and a huge grin spread on your face.

Instead of saying anything, you grabbed the collar of his sweater, pulling him in. The second your lips connected with his, your felt the heat rush through your entire body. For months you had thought about this exact moment.

After being stunned for a second, Adrian closed his eyes and grabbed your face, pulling you even closer. His lips brushing against your felt so good, you didn’t even care, that your leg was hurting, as your tried to crawl over the bed into his arms.

All the residual tension between you had disappeared into thin air.
“I missed you so much.” You panted between kisses.
“Me too. I guess you don’t know because you didn’t get my voice mails, but I still have your stuff, like your clothes and shit and I couldn’t bring myself to wash them, because they smelled like you and I have a shirt of yours next to my pillow, couldn’t sleep without it.”
“I actually considered breaking my nose again because of what you said.”
He crashed his lips into yours again, hand roaming all over your body.

“You guys are so fucking weird, I swear.”
You hadn’t even noticed Chris coming into the room.
“Anyway, just wanted to tell you, I made come food, in case you could unglue yourselves from each other and want to eat.”

As much as you wanted to keep kissing Adrian, but now, that Chris had said the magic words, you noticed how hungry you actually were.

With Adrian putting your arm around his shoulders, you limped into the living room, where the three of you sat around the small table. The food Chris had ‘made’ turned out to be Chinese take-out. You had never tasted anything better in your entire life.

While you sat in the small trailer, snowfall outside getting heavier, in the warm light with some deep-cut glam-rock record playing in the background and Chris and Adrian laughing at all the stories you had gathered for them in Gotham, you realized that, as cliché as it was, home was where the heart was and you heart was with them, had been from the very beginning.

In between shoving noodles into your mouth, you kept telling another story.
“I swear, one time I met a guy who said he was the Riddler’s ghost writer, who would have thought he doesn’t come up with all the riddles by himself?”
Chris shrugged. “I’ve been saying this for years.”

“Uuh, give me a riddle!” Adrian beamed.
You thought a second before answering. “What has a head but no brain?”
“Adrian?” Chris answered and laughed.
“Fuck off.” Adrian’s face was scrunched up in concentration.

“So?” You shoved another fork of noodles into your mouth.
“Let me think…” Adrian stared at his food before looking up with a defeated look on his face.
“I don’t know.”
You looked at Chris. “What about you?”
He shrugged.
“It’s a lettuce.” You stated.

“Ok, ok, give me another one.” Adrian gestured enthusiastically.
“Alright…where is the only place where today comes before yesterday?”
Adrian and Chris stared at you expectantly, not even attempting to answer.
You waited a few more seconds before answering. “In the dictionary.”

Chris threw his hands in the air. “That’s just not fair.” He pointed at Adrian. “This one has never even seen a dictionary in his life.”
“That’s not true, I have seen a dictionary.”
“Yeah, but have you read one?” He raised his eyebrows.
“Who the fuck reads a dictionary?” You intervened.
“I have!” Chris crossed his arms in front of his chest.

You laughed. “I’m sorry, but I think you’re the weird one with this. So, what, you just sat down and read an entire dictionary front to back?”
“…yeah?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s like one of the only books you’re not supposed to read like that, you just look up whatever you need and that’s it.”
Adrian sat up straight, very pleased with you defending him. “Yeah, dude, just like the bible!”
You turned to him. “Yeah, no, I’m not sure…”

“Speaking of.” Chris leaned forward. “Christmas is in a week, we should do Christmas, all of us, with the others too.”
“With like presents and stuff?” You asked.
“Yeah, why not, we’ll have food and alcohol and it’ll be nice.”
You shrugged. “Yeah, why not.”
“We should do a Secret Santa!” Adrian jumped in.

Chris had been graceful enough to leave the bed to you. You were still recovering from your injuries, and the couch was not the most ideal place for that. Adrian refused to go home, as long as you were still not 100%. Part of you believed it was because he was afraid, you’d leave again. You wanted to tell him, that he wouldn’t need to worry this time. Even when you’d go back to Gotham, there was no way you’d ever let him get away again.

Every night for the next week, Adrian would clean and change your bandages, and then crawl into bed with you, holding you as tight as he could without hurting you. You weren’t just recovering from the bullet wounds, falling asleep in his arms every night healed something, much deeper.

Finally, Christmas morning had arrived. The entire day Chris, Adrian and you tried to prepare something to eat in the small kitchen of the trailer. By the time it started getting dark outside, the trailer was filled with the smell of food, laughter and drowning in absolute chaos.

The first ones to arrive were Adebayo and Economos. When you opened the door, she gave you a tight hug.
“I’m so glad you’re back. Adrian was so damn annoying about you while you were gone. And of course, I’m just glad you’re back.”
“Thanks, I’m glad to be back too!”

After she’d entered the trailer, Economos gave you a small hug as well.
“Glad, you’re ok.”
“Yeah…hey, I just wanted to say sorry for being so mean when we first met. You’re a cool dude, and don’t let anyone be mean to you like that.”
“I don’t know if that’s going to be possible, have you met Peacemaker?”
You laughed.

Twenty minutes later Harcourt arrived too. With a small smile she gave you a nod.
“Heard you took two bullets; you’ll have to tell me about that fight.”
“Actually, I took three bullets, that first was just…a while back.”

The trailer was cramped with all of you sitting around the small table, some on the couch, chairs or on the floor. After you were done eating, Chris stood up to announce the gift exchange.

“Alright, I have all your names on these pieces of paper.” He held up is closed fist. “Everyone pulls a name, and that person gets the gift.”
Adrian stared at him. “What? I thought we could choose who we want to give the gift to?”
Harcourt gave him a look. “You’re such a fucking idiot, what do you think Secret Santa is?”
Adrian raised his eyebrows with a defensive look on his face. “I don’t know maybe we should’ve clarified before doing this.”

“Oh my god…” Adebayo interrupted them. She looked at Chris.
“Just get on with it, please.”
Chris nodded and extended his hand to Harcourt. She pulled a piece of paper and looked at Economos.

“Lucky you.” She commented, before pulling out a flat box wrapped in paper.
Everyone gathered around Economos as good as they could, to see what he’d gotten. He ripped the paper, to be greeted with a small, but very expensive looking collection of throwing knives.

Harcourt smiled.
“These are top grade knives; I was actually thinking of buying a second set for myself.”
Economos looked at her over the brim of his glasses. “What the fuck am I supposed to do with throwing knives?”

“Maybe you could use them as envelope openers.” Adrian suggested.
“Or you could use them for cooking?” Adebayo proposed.
“No!” Harcourt’s smile had dropped. “These are meant for combat.” After a second, she let out a defeated sigh turning to Economos. “I guess you could use them as envelope openers as well.”

“Alright, Economos should go next.” Chris extended his hand again. Economos drew a piece of paper and read your name out loud.
Curious, you watched the small package with a red bow on top he handed you. Impatiently you ripped it open.

“No fucking way.” Chris’s eyes had gone wide. “Is that a fucking Hanoi Rocks shirt?”
“Yeah, it’s a bit bigger, because I didn’t know who would get it.” Economos answered.
“I love it.” You beamed and pulled it over the shirt you were already wearing.
Chris kept staring at the shirt, as if he was debating with himself if he should try to talk you into giving it to him.

But before he could open his mouth, Harcourt nudged him.
“Let’s get this over with, you draw a name.”
Chris’s eye lingered a few more seconds on the t-shirt, before taking a piece of paper out of his hand.

“Would you look at that.” He turned to Harcourt. “Looks like you’ll be getting your present from me.”
He handed her a thin, square package. Harcourt opened it, and after recognizing, what it was, she gave him a look.
“Is this a mixtape with your autograph on it?”

Chris gave her a satisfied smile. “Sure is. Look at the back, there is a track list, this is a select collection of my favorite songs. Took me forever to decide which ones to put on there.”
“And why would I listen to your favorite songs?”
“Oh, don’t be like this, we could keep it in the van and listen all together.”
“Ok, and also, who the fuck uses CDs anymore?”

Adrian’s head peaked up. “I do.”
Harcourt turned to him. “Of course you fucking do.”
Chris leaned forward. “It’s a great fucking gift.”
Harcourt let out a sigh. “Yeah, alright, it’s sweet. Thank you. The autograph is a bit much though.”
“Just wait until I get the fame and recognition I deserve; you’ll be really fucking happy you have this.”

“Alright, alright, enough.” Adebayo wiggled impatiently. “I wanna go next.”
After giving Harcourt one last look, Chris held out his hand for Adebayo to draw a name.

You could see her hesitate for a second. “I’m not sure you’ll know what to do with this.” She looked at Adrian. He was beaming with anticipation. His smile didn’t fade, even after she handed him a gift basket from Bath & Body Works.

“Are you kidding me? I love stuff like this, you can put it in the bath, and it makes cool colors, and everything smells nice.”
Economos looked at Adebayo. “Isn’t gifting soap always a bit shady? Like, here you go, wash yourself, you animal.”
She shrugged. “Nah, it’s fine because I didn’t buy it for any specific person. And he’s the only one, aside from her” she pointed at you, “who actually enjoyed his gift so far, so, this is a win in my books. Also, I forgot we were doing this, so I had to find something last minute, I don’t know if you’ve ever been shopping the day before Christmas, but it’s not fun.”

“Ok, I wanna go next.” Adrian stood up to take a piece of paper from Chris. He had his fingers crossed, while he drew a name. You could see immediately that it was not the one he had hoped for. He looked up at Chris.
“Alright, so keep in mind, this was not meant for you, but it’s still a pretty cool present.”

Chris watched, as Adrian took out a mason jar, filled with formaldehyde and some animal you couldn’t immediately identify. Chris took the jar for him with a slightly disturbed look on his face.
“Is that a fucking lizard?” He kept scanning the contents of the jar.
“It’s a fire salamander, actually.”

Your eyes were glued to Adrian. It was pretty obvious to everyone in the room, who this was meant to be for. Adrian’s eyes met yours with a soft smile and you could feel the heat rise to your cheeks.

The moment was interrupted by Adebayo. “Alright, we have one last gift left.”
You grabbed the present from behind you, handing it to Adebayo. “So, this is gonna be yours then. Sorry if it’s a bit messy, I had to do this while lying in bed. Someone” you gave Adrian a smile, “wouldn’t let me get up until my leg healed.”

Adebayo took the frame into her hands, eyes going wide. It was a collage of all the 11th Street Kids and some funny pictures you had found in some of Chris’s old magazines.
A huge smile spread on her face, turning to you. “I love it. Thank you.”

Economos threw his hands into the air. “Why does she get such a cool gift?”
“Shut up.” Harcourt groaned.

While the others kept bickering, Chris turned to you, with what he was convinced was a subtle move. “Hey, wanna trade gifts?”
You nodded with a smile, taking off the t-shirt and exchanging it for the mason jar with the fire salamander in it.

You couldn’t take your eyes off it. As weird as it was, it made your heart swell. You didn’t even notice Adrian staring at you with the biggest grin on his face.

Chapter Text

You were laughing as you climbed up the fire escape to your apartment, Adrian right behind you. It had become a regular thing for him to visit you and for you to go on patrol together.

Even though the weather was cold, you were sweating under your suit and your cheeks were red. You both took off your masks and you let your gaze linger on Adrian’s face for a while. His cheeks were red as well, a few strands of hair stuck to his forehead. He took out his glasses, pushing them up his nose.

You had waited all night for this moment. You took the last few steps, to close the distance between you, cupping his face in your hands and pulling him in for a kiss. His hands wrapped around your waist, fingers digging into your back. While the kiss was slow, you could feel it deep in your core.

The kisses, that had started very tender, soon turned sloppy and needy. Adrian started fidgeting with the clasps and zippers of your suit, impatient to get you out of it. You mirrored his moves, peeling him out of his suit as well.

When you first touched his skin, it was damp and hot to the touch, almost feverish. In between kisses he kept watching you, pupils blown.

You could feel the desire build in your stomach. You just wanted to be close to him, feel him all over you, deep inside of you. But you didn’t push. Until now, this was the furthest you’d gone. Adrian would come to visit you, you’d go on patrol until both of you were absolutely exhausted, he’d come back to your place, you’d make out and at some point, fall asleep, tangled up in each other until he had to leave again in the morning.

Never in a million years would you complain about this arrangement. There was something so comforting about this routine, having him near you so often and the soft domesticity that had started to settle in.

Knowing how Adrian viewed sex, you couldn’t blame him for being cautious after what you had pulled. You knew trust didn’t fall out of the sky, it needed to be built. You were just glad he was willing to see you at all. For a while you’d been scared, he wouldn’t forgive you, but that was not him. Adrian Chase loved fully, unapologetically and it seemed unconditionally.

He started leaving small kisses on your cheek, your jaw, down your neck.

Adrian Chase was loyal, if nothing else. With all your fear of being abandoned, you knew he wouldn’t leave.

His hands wandered under your shirt, fingertips grazing your skin, sending shivers down your spine.

Adrian Chase was the only thing you’d ever want in this world, all of him, the unserious, the violent, oblivious, loving, who only wanted you as well.

“I love you…” He whispered against the soft skin of your neck. You closed your eyes, taking in the raspy sound of his voice. Your fingers dug into his shoulders.
“I love you too…”
Adrian kept peppering small kisses on your neck, taking in the quiet whimpers you couldn’t hold back.

“I love when you make those sounds for me.”
You pulled your hands from his shoulders, grabbing his face and making him look at you.
“There are a lot of other sounds I can make for you.”

He stared at you for a second before crashing his lips into yours and scooping you up. Instinctively you wrapped your legs around him, letting him carry you to your bed. Adrian let you fall backwards on the mattress, before following you, crawling on top of you.

Having him hover over you almost made you lose your voice. Even though you were pretty certain where this was going, you still needed to make sure, with Adrian you never knew what was going on in his head.

You ran your hand through his hair. You were sure he had no idea how pretty he was, face flushed, hair messy and that damn neediness in his eyes.
“Are you sure?” You asked gently.
Adrian furrowed his brows. “Sure about what?”

Suddenly you felt a bit shy about saying it directly. “You know…this.” You gestured between you two.
“Oh, you mean fucking. Yeah, I’m sure. I wanna burry myself so deep inside you that you forget what day of the week it is.”

You stared at him for a second before he dipped down, smashing his lips into yours again, eager and hungry. Your fingers gripped his hair, pulling him even closer. You could feel him getting impatient. With clumsy hands he tried to get you out of the last layer of clothes, separating you from him.

Shirts and underwear were discarded and in a matter of seconds Adrian’s hands were all over your body.
“I want you so bad.” His eyes didn’t leave yours as his fingers ran over your breasts. A shaky moan left your lips. Taking it as his cue to keep going, Adrian kept brushing his fingertips over your nipples, each touch sending waves of pleasure through your body. He started kissing you, taking your moans into his mouth.

You had fantasized about this moment so often, it seemed almost unreal, now that it was happening. You took his face into your hands to pull him away, just enough so you could look into his eyes to ground yourself in the present.

Adrian was rubbing himself against you, wet, lewd sounds mixing with your pants and moans.

Carefully you took off his glasses, putting them to the side. The green of his eyes made you wonder how no one else had instantly fallen in love with them and the fact, that he was here with you in this moment – you and no one else – made you feel special in a way you couldn’t have put into words even if you tried.

“I fucking love you so much, Adrian Chase.”
You could see that hearing his name from your mouth did something to him. Without warning he pushed himself inside you. Even after a gasp escaped you, he kept going, until he filled you up completely.

Your fingernails dug deep into his back, leaving crescent shaped marks. He didn’t move, one would think to let you adjust to him, but the truth was he needed to take in the image in front of him.

“You’re so fucking pretty.” He still didn’t move and just kept looking at you in awe. Now you could feel yourself getting impatient. Your body felt like it was on fire. Even though you had learned to control your powers better since getting them back, you weren’t sure if you were burning up because of them, or if that was just the effect Adrian had on you.

“Adrian, I really need you to move, this is driving me crazy.”
Your words seemed to snap him out of his trance.
“Yeah, anything you say.”

He dipped down to kiss you, slow, as if he was trying to memorize what your lips felt like, the small sounds you made when he started to move in and out, equally as slow, keeping his mouth on yours.

You were so overwhelmed by the feeling of him everywhere, you hadn’t noticed how he had pushed your hand over your head, now interlacing his fingers with yours. It was such a tender gesture, that it almost surprised you, coming from him.

In the beginning you had been sure Adrian would fuck like he fought, chaotic with no plan, merciless. And you were still sure he could, but this whole dance you were doing, spoke an entirely different language. This was not just fucking, it was something much more intense and even though you understood what Adrian meant by bonding, this was the moment you actually understood.

You could feel the tension rise, Adrian’s breathing got heavier, and you could feel his grip around your hand tighten. He seemed torn between wanting to savor this forever, afraid to let it go and a desperate need for release.

You grabbed his chin, making him look at you.
“Don’t worry, this won’t be the last time we do this, do what you need to do to me.”
As if he’d waited for your permission, his eyes darkened and you could feel the muscles in his body tense.

Your initial assumption hadn’t been wrong. Adrian Chase did fuck like he fought. His one free hand gripped your thigh so hard; you knew it would bruise. The idea of him leaving his marks on you send another wave of pleasure through you. You wrapped your legs around his waist.

Adrian started pumping into you like his life depended on it. His face was buried in your neck, where he kept panting and whispering the phrase like a mantra.
“I love you, I love you, I love you…”

You couldn’t answer, the only thing coming out of your mouth were loud moans from deep within your soul and occasionally his name. Just for a short second you thought about how thin the walls of your apartment complex were, but you couldn’t care less. Let them all hear what he did to you.

You almost didn’t realize Adrian had started rambling.
“…you’re the prettiest girl in the world and I can’t believe you let me fuck you like this. I never ever want to do this with anyone else, you feel s-so good.” You could tell, he was having trouble keeping his voice steady. “I want you to be mine, mine alone because I promise you, I’m yours and when I die, I want to die just like this buried so deep inside you.”

“I’m yours, o-only yours, p-promise…” You managed to get out between moans. Adrian was wrecking you and you loved every second of it.
“Say it again, please…” His face was glistening in the dim light of your bedroom.
“I-I’m yours, baby…yours alone.” You could feel your fingers go numb from holding on to him so tightly.

Adrian let go of your thigh, using his now free hand to cup your cheek.
“Say my name again please.” His voice cracked, his lips were slightly parted, and you could tell he was close.
“Adrian Chase, I’m yours and I love you.”

You’d barely spoken the last word when he pulled you into a kiss just as his movements became even more frantic, harder and faster, before you could feel him tense up. Muffled moans fell against your lips as you pressed him against you as close as possible.

You could feel the weight of his body lying on top of you as his chest raised and fell quickly.
“God, I love you so much…” He kept whispering.
Neither of you moved for a while.

When he pulled back you clenched around him, drawing a hiss from him. You could feel yourself leak as soon as he’d left you empty. Without taking a second to catch his breath, he positioned himself between your legs, running his fingers through your folds, coating them in your wetness.
“Fuck…”

Without missing a beat, he leaned down, pressing his tongue against your sensitive spot. He’d caught you so off guard; a string of moans and curses left your lips. You threw your head back in pleasure. You’d been close for a while now, but feeling his tongue on you, eager and with no regards for the mess he’d made between your legs, you could feel the tingle run through your thighs and stomach.

You arched your back, moving your hips to fuck yourself on his tongue. Adrian grabbed your thighs to steady you, without stopping eating you out. As you came you pressed you palm against your mouth, to at least muffle the sounds just a bit. Adrian, who’d been watching you the entire time let go of your thigh to grab your arm and pull your hand off your mouth.
“Don’t, I want to hear you.”

As your orgasm washed over you, Adrian crawled up between your legs, taking your lower lips between his teeth and swallowing every single sound you made.

When you started to come down from your high, Adrian let himself fall on the mattress next to you, immediately pulling you into his arms.
“That was awesome, dude.” He gave you a satisfied smile.
You couldn’t help but laugh. Only Adrian could fuck you brainless while confessing his love and then call you dude.

“Yeah, we should definitely do this more often.” You pressed a kiss on the back of his hand.
“Next time we should do it without taking the suits off, I always wanted to do that.”
You raised an eyebrow. “You’ve never fucked in the suit?”
“Yeah, no, I did like with the mask on but it’s not the same.”

The image of you kneeling in front of him in the suit in some dark alley while sucking him off flashed before your eyes and you could feel the knot in your stomach build up again.

“Oh, and you know what else I want to do?”
“Hm?”
“I want to take you from behind while you’re pressed against the window.”
You swallowed. “Aren’t you worried someone might see us?”
“Why would I be. For all I care the whole world should know I get to have sex with you.”

You watched him with big eyes. “Alright you need to tone it down for a minute unless you want to go for a second round right now.”
Adrian looked at you, as if he hadn’t even realized how much he was riling you up.
“I’d definitely be down for round two, but I might need a few minutes.”

As much as it pained you, you peeled out of his embrace, taking up his shirt from the floor and putting it on.
“How about some food first, I’m starving.”
Adrian’s eyes followed you, as you walked to the kitchen, the hem of his shirt barely covering your ass.

He jumped off the bed, following you. As you stood in front of the fridge, trying to look for something to make, he pressed himself against your back. A smirk made its way to your face, as you felt him getting hard again.
“I thought you needed a few minutes.”
Adrian’s lips were already sucking on your neck again, just below the ear.
“Yeah, but no one’s ever worn my clothes after sex, and you look so fucking hot in that.”

You closed the door to the fridge, wanting to turn around, but he was already pressing you against cold door, hand wandering over your stomach between your legs. A sigh escaped you. You started fidgeting with the hem of the shirt to take it off, but Adrian pulled your hand away.
“No, keep it on.”

You leaned your head back to rest on his shoulder while he kept rubbing you with one hand, and the other cupping your breast, the friction of the fabric feeling just right on your sensitive nipples.

He moved you over, bending you over the kitchen counter. Adrian waited for a second, taking you in again with his shirt pushed up to your waist. His cum had ran down your inner thighs, making them glisten in the dim kitchen light.

Just as you turned your head to look at him, wanting to ask what his plan was, he aligned himself with your entrance and pushed in. Both of you were still sensitive from before. This time, Adrian didn’t wait. He grabbed your hips and started slamming into you, sloppy and uncoordinated.

Your hands gripped the counter until your knuckles where white. The wet sounds from him fucking into you echoed from the walls. Your legs had already been shaky, but now you just prayed they wouldn’t buckle.

It didn’t take long for you to be screaming his name again. You could feel your legs give out as the second orgasm had you seeing stars. Adrian pulled out, turning you around and holding you up. In a matter of seconds his mouth was on yours.

Carefully he guided you to the couch, where he sat down, pulling you into his lap, letting himself slip into you again. You could feel him filling you up again. By now you were just a whimpering mess.
“Adrian, I can’t…I have no strength left in my legs.” As much as you wanted to ride him in this position, you couldn’t, patrol had already been a lot, but the sex was the last nail in the coffin.

Adrian ran his hand through your hair, looking up at your face with a love drunk smile.
“Don’t worry.” He couldn’t stop staring at you.
You took his hands, that had been resting on your hips until now, and put them on your breasts. Slowly, you started to move your hips forward and backwards, clenching around him again. It wasn’t a lot of movement, but enough for Adrian to start moaning again with slightly parted lips and an almost pained look in his eyes.

A rush of feelings overcame you and you didn’t notice your hands heat up, until Adrian hissed. Immediately you pulled your hands off his chest.
“Oh – I’m so sorry!”
There was a strange look on Adrian’s face, and you could feel him twitch inside you.
“Can you do that again?”

You looked at him, then at the red fingerprints on his chest, then at him again.
“What?”
“That felt kind of…good?”

Hesitantly you put your hands back on his chest. This time you were careful, not to burn him. You started moving again, your eyes didn’t leave Adrian’s face. A whimper fell from his lips. He’d closed his eyes.
“More, please…”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to burn you.”

Adrian opened his eyes, looking directly into yours. “Please…please leave your marks on me.”
Just from seeing his face like this, eyes big and his smile, your fingertips started to heat up more.
His brows were furrowed and his mouth open as you could feel him cum again.

You dipped down to kiss him. He pulled you in, pressing you against him. Your arms wrapped around his neck.
“I fucking love you.” A grin spread on his face.
“I love you too.” You couldn’t help but grin back.

After a short pause you spoke. “How about some food now?”
Adrian nodded. “Just let me stay inside you just a little while longer, it feels so nice.”
“Alright, at least until we figure out how to move from the couch without making a huge mess on it.”

Adrian grabbed your thighs and stood up with him still inside of you. You wrapped your legs around his waist to steady yourself. He walked over to the kitchen.
“Can you make food like this?”
You laughed. “I don’t think so.”
The disappointment on his face told you he hadn’t been joking.

As soon as he let you down and even more of his cum and your wetness ran down your thighs, the smile returned to his face.
“This is pretty nice too. Can you make the food like this, with the shirt and no underwear?”
You could feel a blush creep up your cheeks. You didn’t even know why, he’d just rearranged your insides two times but just being watched was something different, not that you didn’t like the idea.

“Yeah, alright, why not. Maybe you should go and get your glasses?”
“Right! That’s a great idea, don’t move I’ll be back in a sec.”
You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

“If we keep it up like this, I don’t think there will be much else happening for the next months apart from sex.” You shouted after him into the bedroom.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” He was still grinning widely when he came back with his glasses on.
“Do you know how much calories you burn during sex?”
“I don’t know, how many?”
Adrian shrugged. “I don’t know either, but it’s great cardio is what I’m saying.”
You laughed. “So, I’m just a workout for you?”

Adrian’s face became serious in a second. “No of course not.” He walked towards you, taking your hand into his and pressed a tender kiss to your palm.
“I love you; I told you.”
You couldn’t stop smiling. “You might have mentioned it one or two times.”
Adrian had finally caught on, that you were joking, smiling again and willing to play along.
“Only one or two times?” He started leaving kisses on your neck again. “Then I might have to tell you again.”

Before you could let yourself get swept up in him again, you pulled away.
“You can tell me from over there.” You pointed at the couch. “I really need to make us something to eat, or we will literally fuck each other to death.”
Adrian pressed one last kiss on your lips before walking over to the couch, still grinning like an idiot.
“I couldn’t imagine a better way to go.”