Chapter Text
🐴Jean’s Horse Stable🐴
(Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Marco, and 8 others)
Mikasa: Someone left their hat in the lounge.
Bertolt: whats it look like
Mikasa: Brown cowboy hat with a beige rope looped around the base.
Eren: Well clearly it belongs to Jean
Jean: fuck you man
Eren: Tell me I’m wrong
Jean: its not mine you idiot
sasha ate my notes
(Sasha, Marco, Jean, Connie)
Jean: guys that’s my hat
Connie: LMAO
Sasha: of course it is
Connie: why tf do you have a cowboy hat
Connie: youre not really helping your case btw
Jean: it's for class
Marco: Just tell Mikasa it’s your hat and she’ll give it back to you.
Jean: fuck no
Jean: I will NOT admit that hat is mine and risk eren finding out
Jean: are you psychotic
Marco: Right…
Marco: So, instead you will…?
Jean: I need one of you to pretend its yours so you can give it to me
Jean: sasha you grew up on a farm right
Jean: you can do it
Sasha: i lived on a butcher farm 😭
Sasha: we didnt have any horses really
Sasha: and no one wore that kind of stuff
Jean: a farm is a farm
Jean: same thing
Sasha: nope
Sasha: but sure ill do it
🐴Jean’s Horse Stable🐴
(Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Marco, and 8 others)
Sasha: its mine! thank you!
Mikasa: Are you in your room? I can just hand it to you.
Sasha: oh im super busy right now
Sasha: could you hand it to jean and hell give it to me later
Eren: Why do you have a cowboy hat Sasha?
Sasha: I grew up on a farm :P
Historia: No way! I grew up on a farm as well! I didn't think anyone else would have
Historia: It was a lot of work and it smelled awful, but honestly, I miss it
Sasha: same
Sasha: its too quiet here
Historia: Right?!
Eren: I can fix that
Armin: No
Eren: My b
Historia: Ymir and I were gonna go horseback riding one of these weekends. You wanna come with us on one of the advanced courses, Sasha?
sasha ate my notes
(Sasha, Marco, Jean, Connie)
Sasha: look at what youve done jean 😭
Sasha: i dont know how to ride a horse
Sasha: i hate lying 😟
Jean: just say no
Sasha: for what reasin? i need a good reason
Connie: trauma
Jean: connie
Jean: now is NOT the time to be trauma dumping
Marco: I second this.
Connie: no
Connie: just say u have trauma about horses or smth
Jean: ok maybe not a bad idea
Jean: but then she has to keep that lie forever
Marco: I fear we've dug this lie too far already.
Marco: Adding more will not help our case.
Connie: shush
Connie: anyways they'll forget eventaly
Connie: or she can say she went to therapy
Jean: that works
Jean: sasha do that
🐴Jean’s Horse Stable🐴
(Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Marco, and 8 others)
Eren: I wanna go
Mikasa: Eren, you don’t know how to ride a horse.
Eren: So?
Eren: I know how to ride a bike
Eren: That’s basically the same thing
Jean: do you pedal a horse dumbass?
Eren: I’m going to give you the meanest right hook next time I see you
Jean: I look forward to it
Ymir: sasha are you coming or what
Sasha: id love to by im pretty anxius around horses
Sasha: something happened a few years ago and i just get scared
Historia: Oh, I had no idea! I’m sorry
Sasha: its ok you didnt know
Eren: What happened?
Armin: Eren, you cannot just ask that
Eren: But I want to know
Armin: That’s something Sasha decides to tell us when she's ready
Eren: I’m ready
Eren: Tell me now
Sasha: oh lol its a long story
Eren: Did it kick you or something? That seems traumatic
Eren: Their kicks are POWERFUL
Connie: how powerful u think?
Connie: i bet mines more
Jean: you cried this morning because of a papercut
Connie: real men cry
Jean: it wasn't even your papercut
Jean: it was marco’s
Connie: empathy is a natural responce when someone close to you is in pain
Marco: I was not in pain.
Connie: next time ill douse you in hand sanitizer
Eren: So were you kicked by the horse or not?
Sasha: yeah it kicked me
Reiner: Why did it kick you?
Bertolt: Maybe we stop asking Sasha personal questions about something traumatic
Reiner: Was it scared?
Bertolt: Or you can ignore me
Bertolt: That's fine too
Sasha: it mustve been scared or something
Ymir: how did it manage to kick u
Ymir: why were u behind it, dumb fuck
Historia: Jesus Christ Ymir
Ymir: not anymore
Eren: What does that mean?
Ymir: wouldnt u like to know
Eren: Yeah
Eren: I would
Eren: You guys never tell me anything
Armin: You literally ask all the wrong questions
Sasha: idk it was a few years ago
Sasha: lets move on
Ymir: grew up on a farm but u dont know NOT to stand behind a horse
Ymir: fucking idiot
Bertolt: Not that it matters
Bertolt: But I have seen Ymir try to push open the elevator doors like a normal door several times now
Bertolt: So common sense is not a card you can be dishing out
Eren: LMAO
Jean: BRUH LOL
Annie: Bertolt youre too afraid to get on the elevator by yourself you cant be talking either
Ymir: LMFAOOOO
Eren: Of the elevator? Of all things?
Bertolt: I'm a tall guy and it's a small space
Mikasa: Eren, you are afraid of butterflies.
Eren: Entirely rational fear btw
Eren: Those fuckers look terrifying
Sasha: this is getting way off track
Sasha: can u just give jean his hat back
Connie: OPE
Sasha: what?
Sasha: oh
Sasha: shit
Eren: I KNEW IT WAS HIS
Eren: YOU HORSE LOOKING FUCK
Eren: ONLY YOU
Jean: IT’S FOR A DESIGN PROJECT PHOTOSHOOT
Jean: THAT'S THE ONLY REASON
Eren: MIMIMIMIMI
Armin has muted Eren for 6 hours
Armin has muted Jean for 6 hours
Armin: Shutting THAT down before it escalates to something unbearable
Annie: Thank you
Connie: ayo armin my man
Connie: what a guy gotta do to get some admin power round here
Armin: Be responsible
Connie: ope
Connie: duly noted
Historia: I'm confused. Did you live on a farm or not, Sasha?
Sasha: i did but it was a butcher farm
Historia: Ohhhh
Historia: I lived on a farmstead
Ymir: i lived in foster care
Annie: I was also in foster care for a bit before I got adopted
Ymir: i didnt get adopted bc thats embarrassing
Annie: ???
Marco: Your foster family didn’t adopt you?
Ymir: never stayed with one long enough
Ymir: so i got emancipated when i was 16
Armin: I also got emancipated when I was 16!
Ymir: ayeeeee
Mikasa: I still need to give this hat to someone.
Mikasa: Where is Jean?
Marco: He’s in our room.
Marco: I’ll come get it for him.
Ymir: what a gentleman
Mikasa: Ok.
Marco: He says thank you.
Mikasa: No problem.
Marco: He also said he’s going to leave a butterfly in Eren’s room.
Armin: I will not be repeating what Eren said back
Marco: Good choice.
Armin: Mhm