Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Theo got stronger. He could sense more about the world, on a fundamental level. On top of that, the radius of his vision had increased. Where before, his ‘sight’ was only reliable within a roughly 10 metre sphere centred on his vessel, it had now ballooned to nearly 15 metres. It felt a bit like finally getting to stretch his legs after a week long car ride. Well, a week and some change.

He knew his name now. It was odd to think that this entire time, he had not even the faintest clue of who he was. No, that wasn't exactly true. He still remembered some things. Now, he remembered more. His name, how he died, what kind of car he drove. 

Nothing important. He tried to reach out, to retrieve the memories that he had held so dearly, but they turned to static in his grasp.

He shouldn’t be focusing on his memories right now. There were much more important things to focus on. 

Noelle's mind raced, her brain uselessly trying to understand what had happened to her. Thousands of thoughts interlaced with each other, forming an impossibly dense web of ideas and feelings and memories that twisted in on itself.

She felt in her pocket for her glass. The cold emanating from it burned her fingers. Strangely, it felt comforting. Normally, it filled her with dread. One thing at a time. First, what in the Angel’s name just happened? Noelle eyed Susie as suspiciously as she could manage. “So, are we going to talk about… all of that?” 

Susie blinked a couple of times, then shook her head. “Angel. Fuck. Why  does everything hurt?” She hissed at no one in particular.

Because, I had to take control of your body.

Did he kill The Forgotten Man or something?

Kind of? I don't think he's dead, but he isn't a threat anymore.

“The demon’s dead.” Susie sighed in relief. Kris and Noelle looked relived. She guessed they trusted her enough that they believed her. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and Theo recommended she answer it.

“Finally! It's been nearly an hour since you were supposed to get back! I was about to call the cops! ” Asriel shouted. “What in the Angel’s name happened?”

“Got lost. Sorry. No reception.” Susie blatantly lied. Kris looked slightly guilty at the thought of lying to their brother, but the alternative was telling him what happened, and since not even they knew what was going on, that was out of the question.

“Alright. Look, just get to the car park quickly.”

“Okay.” Susie replied, before hanging up, and turning to Kris and Noelle. “Look. I get that you want to know what the hell's going on. But we’re all exhausted, and I don't really understand what's going on either. So, tomorrow?”

Noelle scowled. Her body quickly informed her that Susie was correct, and she needed to rest, by sending pain arcing through her body. It felt like every nerve in her body was getting pinched at once. Her vision blurred, and she fell to the ground, letting out a staggered cry. She felt Kris catch her, allowing her to brace against them.

“Noelle? What's wrong?” She heard Susie, or was it Kris, ask her. The pain began to let up, leaving behind a constant pounding in her head. 

“Hurts…” Noelle groaned, using Kris's head as a support to lift her up. “It's just pain. No injuries.” She tried to lessen their concern.

That's a very dangerous thing to believe. She could have internal damage, or some kind of illness, or-

Susie knew that! She- she was hurt in the memories, right? That probably had something to do with it. Kris ran their fingers through Noelle's fur, confirming she had no outward injuries. Noelle shivered at their touch. It felt almost like they were petting her. She let out a delirious laugh. “You’re… worried about me? It's nothing, I'll be fine.”

Susie really did not like the idea of ignoring something this potentially severe, but she was ignoring her own injuries, and what could a hospital even do about this?

That's how people die, Susie. At least with you we know the cause, it could be anything with her. Call an ambulance, or something. Noelle's rich, she can afford it.

See, the problem with that was that she'd have to explain the supernatural bullshit to the authorities.

So what? This is bigger than you! You almost died! Get some adults involved or something! You’re just kids, for crying out loud.

He had never been this concerned about anything before. Was this some kind of side effect of remembering things? She was not going to anyone else, for the exact reason that he wanted her too. This was something way too big for anyone to deal with. They were already in it. No one else was, and she wanted to keep it that way. 

No. Yes! Look, I'm sorry. I get it. I won't force you to do anything, I guess.

Kris and Susie helped Noelle limp over to where Asriel was waiting to pick them up. Noelle had to hide her limp from him, but as Susie was learning, Kris was pretty much the only observant one in their family.

Noelle took the passenger seat before either Kris or Susie could say anything. Noelle knew that the person in the passenger seat was the most at risk in the event of a car crash. 

Theo balked at Noelle’s thoughts. Damn self sacrificing teenagers. Alright, what was wrong with her? Surely with his weird supernatural vision he could… 

Oh, I see. It's her SOUL.

What the hell was he talking about? What was wrong with Noelle's soul?

Her SOUL. Basically, whatever she did to get out of the memory zone damaged her SOUL.

Isn't that like, really bad? Your SOUL was supposed to be the combin- culmination of your being, right? 

I believe our continued existence debunks that particular theory on the nature of the SOUL.

She died when her SOUL got damaged. The body partially depended on the SOUL. What if that happened to Noelle?

You died!?

That had to be the single most emotion she had ever heard him convey. Yeah, she did in fact die. She got too cold, and her body stopped being able to maintain her SOUL. Then her SOUL stopped maintaining her body and…

Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I don't think that's an issue here, though. Her SOUL is stable, just corroded at the edges a little bit. It seems to be repairing itself, slowly. 

***

Noelle watched the surrounding terrain rush by, melting into a featureless blur. She couldn't relax. Not after seeing what happened to Theo. She was shocked that Kris and Susie could rest after today, but they were both heavy sleepers. She wasn't so lucky. Watching a particularly scary analogue horror explained video on YouTube kept her up all night, let alone… everything that had happened today. Susie obviously knew Theo, somehow. Before he died? No, that wasn’t possible. He didn’t recognise her in the memory.

Noelle absent mindedly pulled the glass from her pocket, twisting it between her fingers. It was so impossibly cold. What was it, really? She had assumed that it was the product of the Forgotten Man, but that didn’t seem to be the case.

She peered into the glass, looking at Kris and Susie through the rear view mirror. She couldn’t see Kris. They simply did not appear in the lens. No matter what angle she looked from, they just… didn’t exist. Her stomach curled with dread. What did that mean? Noelle chose not to think about it. Instead, she looked at Susie. For some strange reason, for just a brief moment, she thought she saw Susie melt. But, it must have been her imagination. 

Noelle put the glass back into her pocket, having met her cryptic nonsense quota for the day. She would very much like to sleep, like Kris and Susie were, but she was much too anxious.

Asriel pulled into the driveway, parking his mom's car. Golly, what a day. Something was definitely up with this ‘hiking trip.’ On the drive there, the atmosphere was super tense. Hyper tense, even. Plus three dating teenagers, alone in the woods? He was pretty sure they weren't doing anything stupid, though, Noelle was smarter than that, and Kris probably was as well. Maybe someone bet them they couldn't climb Mount Ebbot? A Dreaddit notification interrupted his train of thought. 

The Curt Conners guy had replied to one of his posts again. It was the typical rant he had come to expect, complete with weirdly good grammar. Nothing really stuck out. No overuse of the caps lock key, no weird metaphors. Pretty much just Asriel getting insulted for six paragraphs straight.

Susie and Kris were sleeping in the back seat, Susie's hand reaching out across the middle seat, and wrapping around Kris's. He smiled slightly, unfasting his seatbelt. “Hey! Wake up everyone, we're home!” He exclaimed, clapping his hands for dramatic effect. 

Susie jerked awake, fumbling with her seatbelt, eventually managing to unbuckle herself. Noelle calmly opened the door and swung around, planting her hooves on the driveway. She grabbed her thigh as her face contorted in silent agony, and she. Kris remained asleep, at least until Susie untangled them from their seatbelt, grabbed their legs and pulled them out of the car. She dangled them in front of their face. 

“Wakey wakey dumbass.” She whispered with surprising softness. Kris blinked, taking in Susie's face for a good while. Asriel sighed. Kris was hopeless. Perhaps even more than he had ever been. 

Susie dropped Kris to the ground, noticing that Asriel was looking at her. She hated people looking at her when she was doing stuff with Kris and Noelle. It made her feel weird, being perceived like that. It made her feel worse that the entire town was going to know. 

You could just ask him not to tell anyone. He's nice, he'd probably listen.

Probably, but Asriel and Asgore both stood to make a decent bit of money from it. She wouldn't want to deprive them of that. “Uh, I guess I should be going now…” Susie trailed off, wondering where she would even go. Maybe she'd just sleep on the graveyard bench, like she had so often, before the voice – before Theo showed up. 

I'm sure the Dreemurr's would be happy to entertain you.

Yeah, probably, but she had been staying a whole bunch, and she didn't really want to overstay her welcome.

You aren't overstaying your welcome. Besides, it's raining. You'll catch a cold.

Theo was not her mother. Besides, with Noelle's gift, she'd probably be just fine. It was warm as hell. Like carrying some of the warmth Noelle and Kris gave her. Susie turned to leave. Before she could take another step, Kris grabbed her hand. “Stay.” They commanded, like she was some kind of dog. That was their thing, not hers.

Asriel glanced at Susie, mildly annoyed she would be staying over two nights in a row. He pushed those feelings down. Kris wanted her over, so she could stay over. 

“Oh gosh, I really need to get home.” Noelle noted, checking her watch. She began to pick up speed, power-walking towards her house, and waving to Kris and Susie. “See you guys tomorrow!” 

Susie raised one hand, in a half hearted goodbye. Concern danced across her face as she took note of Noelle’s limp. Theo said it would heal with time, but Susie couldn't shake the lingering sense that it might never really go away. That she might have doomed Noelle to a life of random pains, because she was a fool. 

Her pain reduced a decent amount over the car ride alone. 

Theo's attempt to downplay the severity of the situation was undermined by Noelle’s subtle limp as she wobbled towards her house. Susie would have to ask her about that tomorrow. Along with… other things.

Susie followed Kris inside, where Ms Toriel was watching some game show on the television. "Oh! You’re all okay, how wonderful! I had this awful feeling…”

Susie wondered if Toriel’s ‘awful feeling’ was pure coincidence, or if Toriel actually just had a sixth sense for Kris getting into trouble. Kris elbowed her. “Uh, do ‘ya think I could stay over tonight? My folks said it's all good.” Susie asked, gaze fixed on the ceiling. 

Toriel’s face twisted into a look of concern. That was the real reason Susie didn't want to stay over more than she had to. Every night she spent, Toriel got one step closer to finding out about her living situation. 

What bad things would happen if she did?

Theo always asked stupid questions. She'd probably… she found her usual rationalisations failing her. Toriel wouldn’t get mad at her for having a shitty dad. That was stupid. Still, Susie didn’t want Toriel finding out. For reasons that were shaped suspiciously like her father.

“You are always welcome here!” Toriel smiled, the warm and inviting atmosphere she emanated almost being enough to make Susie forget about her true self, the one that only came out when – no, that wasn't true. Toriel wasn't using her niceness as some kind of front for some undecipherable goal, she was just nice. Ocean’s razor or whatever.

Occam's razor. 

Yeah, that. “Susie, darling, would you like to take a shower? You look a little rough.” Toriel asked.

“Oh. Sure.” Susie made her way into the Dreemurr bathroom. Crap, her only options were pet shampoo, and Kris’s apple scented one. Susie guessed she was going to smell like apples for a couple of days.

I'm out.

Susie peeled off her raggedy shirt. She really needs to get some new clothes. She'd get some tomorrow. She could probably stash them here. If her dad found out, he'd probably also find out she had a job, which would be bad. She finished undressing, and climbed into the shower. She almost froze herself to death, before realising that Toriel actually paid her heating bill. She ran the tap as hot as she could, sticking one hand under the water, as the temperature climbed from lukewarm to skin melting. 

It was almost funny that, despite everything that happened, her father still managed to be something she had to worry about. She was turning eighteen soon. She wouldn't have to worry about him then, right? She could go get her own place, or more likely crash at the Dreemurr's indefinitely, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. Legally, at least. She'd deal with that if it came up.

She climbed into the shower, letting the near boiling water rush over her. Fuck, that felt nice. The comical amount of tension in her muscles began to loosen. She scrubbed her scales free of dirt, not having to rush her shower for fear of being frozen to death for once. She stole a bit of Kris’s shampoo, rubbing it through her hair. The smell of apples had come to mean Kris to her, in the same way that when she thought about Christmas, she only thought about Noelle.

She turned off the tap, and stepped out of the shower. The Dreemurr's had such ridiculously fluffy towels. She dried herself off, got dressed and stepped out from the bathroom, which now was more of a sauna.

Why the fuck wasn't her dad paying the heating bill? There was no way that getting pissed was better than a warm shower.

Coming back, that okay? 

Yeah, she was done. Toriel called her upstairs. Susie looked at Kris, but they seemed as confused as her. She made her way upstairs, where Toriel was sitting at her desk, facing the leftmost wall. She turned to face Susie. 

“Um, why am I here?” Susie asked, confused. She was able to stop herself from jokingly asking for a lawyer, thank the Angel.

Toriel fidgeted with her hands, looking down at the floor nervously. “Well, I was simply wondering… is everything okay at home? I can't help but notice that you-”

“Everything's fine at home.” Susie automatically replied. Trying to tell on her father never ended well. 

“I do not want you to think that this is some kind of interrogation. I am simply concerned.” Toriel said, her voice laced with guilt. Susie gritted her teeth. Was that true? She was a teacher, wasn't she? Don't teachers have some kind of legal requirement to report things?

Theo wondered what the right thing to do was. He had already decided that the loss of agency was far worse than anything else, but at times like this he began to question that assumption. It was not his choice to make, but he wondered regardless. Telling her could help deal with Sebastian faster, but that ran the risk of failing, and getting him even more pissed off. If it was his choice, he would have told her. Susie didn't make that choice, though. He didn't know if it was pride, or her not wanting Toriel to get hurt by Sebastian, or a combination of several factors. 

Theo watched as Susie pushed away another chance for salvation. Toriel would have protected her without a second thought, even if it put her own life at risk. God, how pathetic was he? He couldn't really protect her. Any attempt he made would just hurt her in some other way. 

He'd gotten a lot stronger since he first awoke. Hopefully he'd be able to continue to push the limits of this world, and gain the power he needed.

“Nothing's wrong. I just wanna spend time with Kris, y'know?” Susie lied, unable to meet Toriel’s eyes. 

“Alright. Well, I won't keep you any longer.” Toriel sighed, clearly not entirely convinced by Susie's lie. It wasn't really a lie, per say. She did want to spend time with Kris. She just also didn't want to deal with her dad. Susie walked downstairs, her mood lifting as she watched Kris, laser focused on their laptop, their tongue slightly sticking out. Angel, why did they have to be so cute? It was pissing her off. 

Kris let out a cry, and the music coming from their laptop reset. They threw their head back and groaned. Susie strolled up to the couch, peering at their screen. They were dying over and over to the first jump, gazing despondently at the game. “Damn. What happened?” Susie asked, Kris perking up the second they noticed her. “Seventy... to ninety nine.” Kris groaned, thrusting the laptop into her hands. “You play.” 

“What, so you can feel better about yourself?” Susie asked. “Nah, I'm good.” Susie's resolve crumbled into dust the second Kris used their stupid pleading look on her. Seeing this, Kris's face morphed into a diabolical grin. She was naught but putty in the palm of their hands, able to be shaped however they wished. “Alright, alright, I'll play your stupid game!” Susie grumbled. “How does this work?”

“Press up to jump. Good luck.” Kris's elaborate tutorial complete, Susie was now ready to tackle the level Kris had been playing. ‘Rubicon’, it was called. Rated a roaring demon, whatever that was. 

The Rubicon is a river in Italy. Figuratively, crossing the Rubicon refers to crossing a point of no return. Basically some guy-

Susie didn't need the entire story to know it was a pretty cool name. She pressed play, and watched the level take a suspicious amount of time to load. The level started, and she could barely see what was going on over the fog obscuring most of the level. She died on the first jump, not even realising what had killed her. This continued for nearly a full minute, with Susie ranking up a couple hundred attempts before Kris paused the level for her.

“Try something easier?” They asked, grinning evilly. Susie glared at them. “Fine.” 

Kris exited the level, navigating to what she assumed to be the very first level, and pressed play. 

“Ha! Dude this is way too easy! Watch, I'm gonna first try this.” Susie bragged, effortlessly jumping over the first few spikes. She made it further then Kris expected, before dying to a spike at the top of a staircase. 

“THATS BULL-” Susie clamped her hands over her mouth, stopping herself from screaming a curse word in the presence of Toriel. Kris failed to suppress their laughter. 

Susie elbowed them. “Hey, if it's so easy, why don't you give it a go?” Susie asked. The grin that formed on Kris's face really made it look like they were going to murder her. Instead, they took the laptop from her, and began to play. ”Easy.” They commented, effortlessly making it past the trick Susie had died to. “You're just bad.” They said, before promptly dying to three spikes, placed next to each other in a row.

Susie surprised her laughter, smiling warmly at them. She opened her mouth to insult them, but before she could they folded the laptop shut, and placed it on the ground. In an instant, they were upon her, clamping their hands around her snout.

A pathetic attempt at keeping the dragon restrained, Susie thought to herself, opening her jaws to easily break free of – Kris was stronger than she expected.

Did you just refer to yourself in the third person??

Susie attempted to shake herself free, but Kris was surprisingly resilient, and was able to hold on, despite her attempts. “Dinner time!” Toriel called from the kitchen. She walked into the living room, where Kris and Susie were having their wrestling match. “Oh my! Kris, stop harassing Susie.” 

Kris looked offended at the idea that Susie was a passive bystander in their mischief. Susie was also a little insulted by the idea that Kris was the troublemaker in Toriel’s eye, rather than her. She wondered what Toriel would think if she knew about how Susie had treated Kris before… It was best not to go there.

Susie sat, and ate dinner with the Dreamurrs. She didn’t really offer anything to the conversation, just sat. It was so strange, seeing a family function, even in the most minute ways. She couldn’t remember ever eating a meal with her father.

Toriel loved Kris. Even now, that thought still made Susie kind of jealous. She had no real excuse. Her stomach churned at the thought of what she had done to them. They never seemed to mind, but still. She cared.

Then, perhaps you should apologise.

There wasn’t much point, given they’d probably never talk to her again after she told them what was going on. …Nevermind. That was a stupid thing to even think about. She knew they cared about but she was worried they would get the wrong idea or something. Was it really the wrong idea, though? She wouldn’t have changed, not without Theo’s help. Even though she knew what she did was wrong. 

Don’t dwell on possibilities. Try to focus on what you can do now. Or, in this case, focus on eating your dinner.

Oh. Right. She hadn’t really touched her food, being far too deep in thought. She finished off her dinner, chiming in occasionally when asked something by Toriel or Asriel. Everyone could tell something was up. Except Kris, but that was because they had been explicitly told something was up, and were currently ignoring it.

Toriel brought out the pie, but Susie wasn’t really hungry. She’d eaten enough to not starve, and the lingering experience of dying, combined with the shame over the kind of person she used to be was a fairly effective appetite suppressant. After a couple of bites of pie, she slid her piece over to Kris, who appeared to have a promising career as a magician, considering they had managed to disappear their entire slice of pie in mere moments, leaving nothing behind. Susie felt something between awe, and mild terror. “Here dude, you can have some of mine.” She mumbled. She felt all present staring intensely at her, which made her skin crawl. 

“Not hungry.” Susie grunted, excusing herself from the table. She made her way to the bathroom as quickly as she could, doing her best to ignore Toriel’s knowing look. Damnit, she needed to get it together! It wasn’t like telling them about her whole possession thing was scary, and she didn’t die today, so why was her heart beating so fast?

You aren’t usually scared of what other people think about you, because you don’t care about them. But you care about Kris and Noelle, and therefore care about their opinions of you. As for the dying part, I have a strange feeling that dying might be a mildly traumatising experience. That might just be me though.

Susie glared at herself in the mirror. She had thought she was better at hiding her emotions than that, but she was an open book. She couldn’t… she didn’t like the idea of that. She turned on the tap. The static of the rushing water helped her to suppress her thoughts a little. She cupped her hands in the basin, watching the waterline rise higher, till it overflowed, water spilling out into the sink. 

She scrubbed her face with lukewarm water, attempting, and failing to wash her doubts away. She caught a glimpse of something in the mirror behind her.

“Kris!?” Susie whispered angrily, “The hell?”

• Just wanted to make sure you’re okay

“Doing fine.” Susie mumbled. “Actually… nah.” Lying would get her nowhere. “I’m not doing good at all. Today… sucked ass.”

“Understatement.” Kris monotoned, fidgeting with their collar. “I… don’t care, whatever the thing you have to say is…” Their voice tapered off, as they stared intently at their shoes, sending a pang through Susie’s heart for some reason she couldn’t quite place. “Actually I… never mind.” Their voice sounded so pained. Susie wondered why. What had they seen while they were trapped in their head? “Dude… you can talk to me, you know. About whatever.” Susie stepped towards them, but they stepped back in turn.

“Maybe later.” They mumbled, before climbing out the window, and running back around the front of the house. So that’s how they got in, Susie thought to herself. She wouldn’t have been too shocked if they just climbed through the vents or something.

The sink nearly overflowed, the fur-clogged drain not able to keep up with the water from the tap. Susie quickly twisted the tap shut, stemming the tide just before the basin ran over. With a low gurgling sound, the water began to drain.

***

Susie lay on the couch, Noelle's jacket hung out to dry on the back of one of the dining chairs. Not that she could see it in the dark. She half expected to see the Forgotten Man, or Grey, or some other demon pop out of the shadows. Whatever happened to the Forgotten Man, anyway? Theo's choice of words implied that he wasn't dead in the conventional sense.

He grabbed that red heart thing, which I believe is my SOUL, and he was destroyed. It seems I come equipped with some kind of automatic banishment mechanism for creatures like him. I would explain more in depth, but you need to sleep. 

Oh. So she didn't have to worry about him. That was nice, at least. There was still the not-at-all terrifying talk she had with Kris and Noelle tomorrow. How do you even explain something like this? Susie twisted around, facing the back of the couch. Not looking at the darkness reduced the feeling that something would jump out at her, but she also wouldn't be able to defend herself if someone tried to stab her, so she felt about the same.

Try not to think about it too hard. It's something to worry about tomorrow. And part of worrying about it involves getting proper sleep.

How could she not think about it? How would they react to the truth? How would they react to Theo? Susie wanted to believe that they would understand, but she worried they would hate her. She didn't even know why they would hate her.

You are anxious. It's perfectly normal.

Yeah, except she wasn't taking a test, or giving a presentation. She had to somehow explain her entire situation, which was daunting enough when she didn't have to worry about how Kris and Noelle would react. Susie rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. Whatever. She would accept the outcome, no matter what. She loved them enough to do that.

Susie could still smell apples. Kris's damn shampoo, making her think about them. She turned to her side, only to find the human themself staring right at her. She halted a scream, clamping her hands over her mouth. “Dude. What the hell are you doing?” Susie whispered. 

“Couldn't sleep.” Kris responded, dropping down onto the couch beside Susie. The couch was rather cramped, as it was never designed for one, let alone two people to sleep on it. Thankfully, Kris was small. “Dude the hell are you…?” Susie cut off mid whisper, realising they had already fallen asleep in her arms. What a dork. 

***

Susie paced the road outside of Noelle’s gate. How does one even begin to go about presenting something so convoluted? What made more sense, the order she found stuff out in, or chronological order? She was still missing a lot of information about what had happened that would make chronological order make more sense, like what exactly happened between Theo’s death and him being turned into her replacement SOUL. 

Chronological order makes the most sense. If you do it from when I woke up, then it sounds a lot worse than it is. Plus, you can rip all the band-aids off right away.

Yeah probably. Susie glanced over to Kris, who had been watching her think. “Something on my face?” Susie asked. 

“Nope.” Kris replied, glancing over at the house. “The hell is taking her so long?” They whined. Susie shrugged, turning towards the gate. She could probably break in pretty easily, like she had last time. The only potential problem was that it was currently early morning, so it was way more likely that someone would see her.

Noelle stepped out of her house, dashing towards the gate. The distinctive sound of her hooves meeting concrete alerted Susie to her presence. Susie felt her stomach churn. She really hoped this would go well. Either way, she’d stop lying to the people she cared about. 

Everything will be fine. They love you, and you had good reasons for doing what you did.

That was all true, but still. Justifying stuff like that because it had a ‘good reason’ always felt off. Noelle reached the gate, fished her keyring out of her pocket. She couldn’t remember which one unlocked the gate. She started trying each key in order. “Um, sorry for being late. You wouldn’t believe how much I slept last night! Funny thing is, I still feel tired.” Noelle complained. That reminded Susie, was Noelle’s SOUL doing okay?

It seems better, but it’s kind of hard to tell, since I don’t really know what SOULs are supposed to look like.

Noelle finally made it to the correct key, unlocking the gate. Alright, Susie was ready. She took a deep breath, and stepped through the entrance to Noelle’s house. Noelle led her inside, to the living room, and sat down on the couch, gesturing for Susie to join her. Kris followed Noelle, diving into several of Noelle’s cushions. “So, what’s this all about?” Kris asked, about as blunt as they usually were. 

Susie swallowed, trying to push down the buzzing she felt in her gut. She was Susie, she didn’t feel anxious. She hadn’t worried about disappointing anyone in a long time. “You uh, might want to get- get a whiteboard or something.” Susie instructed. Her mouth felt like it had been stuffed with cotton. “This- This might get a little… convoluted.” 

Noelle vanished upstairs, and returned with a moderately sized whiteboard, with three marker colours, red, green and blue. “Sorry, there weren't any black markers.” She apologized, placing the whiteboard on the coffee table. 

“All good.” Susie affirmed, distracted by rehearsing what she was going to say in her head. 

Kris picked up the blue marker, and started to draw a shockingly good drawing of Susie. They finished up their sketch, and put down their pen. As they lifted their hand from the pen, Susie saw that their palm was stained blue. Without even considering the ramifications, Kris moved to wipe their hands on their sweater. 

Noelle screamed a warning, but it was too late. Kris's beloved sweater, one of only seven they possessed, was ruined. Kris looked down at the blue ink, now smeared across their sweater, an unmoving expression hiding their immeasurable grief. 

Kris quickly moved to rinse the ink from their sweater, but it was already far too late for that. Kris returned from the bathroom, blue stained sweater now soaking wet. The unfathomable malice that can only be generated by those moderate inconveniences that affect you just enough that you want to break something, but not enough that you can justify breaking something washing over the room in waves.

“Um, you could borrow one of my shirts?” Noelle squeaked, attempting to defuse Kris before they decided that she needed her fur dyed blue. If she was going to dye anything, it would be her hair. And she'd dye it purple or something. Though, that colour wouldn't really match anything in her wardrobe. If she was able to dye her hair, she'd definitely be able to wear what she wanted. She wondered if Susie would like her with a more alternative look… She knew Kris would. She'd think about it. Maybe at a less jolly time of year. It was basically Christmas already!

Kris agreed with Noelle by barging into her room, and coming out wearing the Blood Crushers two t-shirt she had ordered online, but had never gotten the chance to wear. It was comically oversized on them, and fell off their shoulder, revealing the well-fitting black undershirt they always wore. Back to the task at hand.

Susie used the time she was granted by Kris’s mishap wisely, further developing her explanation, and going over any potential questions Kris or Noelle might ask in her head. 

All of this preparation was instantly thrown out the second she saw Kris. The goofy fuzzy sweater they always wear made her never quite notice how edgy they were. Their soft, brown hair framed their face, showing off just the tiniest glint of their bad ass red eyes. 

You sound like Noelle. Can we please just start this thing already? I'm just dying to be properly introduced. Get it? Dying? Since, you know? I’m dead. Or rather, I died. I'm still alive, so I came back probably. Or maybe I was never dead, just really close to it? 

Who was rambling? She'd totally lost her train of thought, and her entire plan along with it. Oh well, she'd just have to wing it.

Kris and Noelle sat back down on the couch, ready to hear Susie's story.

“Alright.” Susie began, trying to psych herself up. Theo was right, they would understand. It would be ridiculous for them to hate her. Not really, especially with the mind reading.

That's not you, it's me.

It didn't matter. “Uh. I don't like liars. But I haven't- haven't been the most truthful person.” Susie began, looking down at the floor. “I died. A while back.” Noelle's eyes widened in surprise. 

“My SOUL or whatever was destroyed. This was a while back. I didn't know until yesterday.” Susie continued. Kris tried to interject, but she shut them down. “It'll make more sense if I tell you the whole deal, and then take questions.” Susie tried her best to ignore the pang in her heart. 

“You remember the human guy, from yesterday? After he died, someone took his SOUL, and put it in me.” Susie finished. Big reveal number one out of the way.

“Susie I- I don't- I…” Noelle stammered. Attempting to solve her inability to speak with action, she reached for Susie, attempting to hug her. Susie pulled away. “He didn't really die either. He's still alive. Or haunting me, I dunno. A couple of weeks ago, he started to talk to me. The day with the closet.”

“Susie, that's not possible! SOULs aren't something you can just shuffle around! They aren't even tangible!” Noelle tried really hard not to raise her voice, but failed. Everything felt so beyond her. There was no way that was the truth. But suddenly, all the little pauses made sense. Susie’s abrupt change in behaviour made sense. Noelle asked something stupid. “A-are we r-really… friends?” Noelle asked, tears streaming down her face. How selfish. Susie died, actually died, and all she could think about was herself.

“Yes! Of course we’re friends. Look, back then I was stupid. I was an idiot who thought I couldn't have anything.” Susie stepped forward, and grabbed Noelle's hand. With her other hand, she grabbed Kris's. “But it's not like that anymore. I love you both. I think I always did. I just didn't see that.” 

Susie could barely bring herself to meet their eyes. She chose to face whatever came of this head on, no matter what. She met their gaze, only to be met with confusion.” Kris’s words failed them. Their mouth wouldn’t make a sound.

• There are a few things I would like to clear up.

“Yeah, I'm with Kris, I don't really follow.” Noelle replied, playing around with what Susie told her. She had heard that human SOULs were stronger than monster SOULs, though only by a little. A super powerful human could maybe live on even after death. He was from another world too, one without monsters. Kris typed out pretty much the only question that neither Susie or Theo had a satisfying answer for.

• Who did this?

Susie sighed. “No idea. Some weird guy. Every time I try to remember His face, everything just turns to static. Something wrong with my memories, I guess.” Kris snapped their fingers, an idea dawning on them. 

• What if it’s not an issue with your memories? What if he just does that?

“That… makes sense, actually. I remember feeling weird in the car before Theo died.” That pretty much removed her dad from the running for evil mastermind guy, since she was pretty sure he couldn’t travel between universes. Which meant they had no idea who this guy could possibly be. Noelle scrawled the information they had so far down on the whiteboard.

• How do you know you aren't just crazy?

That one had a pretty easy answer, thankfully. Susie leaned towards Noelle. “Think of something. Something specific, like a colour, or something.” A vague sense of dread filled Noelle’s stomach as she realised the implication. Red.

“Red.” Susie echoed. Noelle nearly died on the spot. Had Susie heard every single thing she had thought this entire time??? What???

“Woah, woah. I can’t. Only him.” Susie reassured her. That made her feel a little better. It was kind of violating. Having someone who can hear inside of her head. That stuff wasn’t supposed to make its way into the world. It was just supposed to be for her.

Susie reached over, and grabbed her hand. Susie’s adorable nervous smile. She was so earnest. Noelle could see it in her slightly awkward posture, and the sweat beading on her forehead. It erased every doubt Noelle might have had. There was something that simply defied ambiguity in Susie. Seeing Noelle’s fear, Susie moved to comfort her.“Hey, he didn’t get a choice in this either.” Susie defended. “He wants this whole thing to be over more than anyone else.”

Susie stroked her hand so gently. Kris shoved themselves between her and Susie, demanding to know what Theo gleaned from their thoughts. “He says he can’t read your mind. I dunno if that's true, but I trust him at least.” Susie offered. Kris looked at once relieved and disappointed. 

***

“Okay. So, to summarise, you died, got a new SOUL from another world given to you by this mystery guy, then you forgot about it, until just a couple of weeks ago. Then, you started hearing Theo talk, but he had no memories. And then, the Forgotten Man did his thing.” Noelle exposited in an attempt to collect her thoughts.

“Pretty much.” Susie confirmed. Noelle dropped the red pen to the ground, where it fell through the couch cushions. She groped around, trying to find where it went, before giving up. Noelle stared at the whiteboard, trying to untangle the information Susie had given her.

Susie flopped down on the couch, letting out a long, drawn out sigh. “So, that’s everything.” Noelle grabbed her head with her hands. “I don’t get any of this! How does any of this make any sense at all!? Another world, all the stuff with the darkness–”

Just roll with it, that's what I’ve been doing.

Susie scratched the back of her head. “Uh, Theo says it’s sometimes better to just roll with it. Cause to be honest, I dunno if we’ll ever fully understand what the hell’s going on.”

I’m hopeful. It might take a bit. Also talking through a proxy is the most frustrating thing I think ever.

Yeah, Susie got that. She felt like a middle manager. “Does he… remember anything?” Kris asked, staring at their hands, understandably shaken by the everything. Their thoughts remained as unreadable as ever, much to Theo’s simultaneous relief and dismay. Their face wasn’t much more informative, though he could gather that they were more concerned – likely for Susie – then disturbed.

Almost nothing, aside from the little you saw in the memory zone… we really need a better name for that.

“Not really.” Susie muttered, scratching at the scales on the back of her hand. “Just the stuff we saw pretty much. I guess we got a memory boost while we were there?” Noelle frowned, then wiped the notes she had written on Theo's abilities from the white board. In its place, she began to draw what she had seen, when she stepped outside of the world.

Two planets, both identical, as far as she could tell. Below them, drifting aimlessly in space, a small collection of rooms, where memories came to life. Even further below that, the sea of darkness that she nearly drowned in. She tapped the cap of her marker against her cheek, a thought blossoming in her head. When the Forgotten Man appeared, she felt a cold wind blowing. While she was in… wherever she had been, she felt a warm wind, guiding her back to the surface. Was that… the same type of thing as The Forgotten Man?

Oh. That must be his brother.

Susie was beginning to lose her mind from the various methods of one sided communication currently in use. “Uh, so Theo says that apparently-”

“So, is there any other way we can talk to… him?” Kris asked, shuffling uncomfortably.

“Not without…” Susie paused, grimacing for a second. “Controlling me…” An awkward silence fell over the room, Kris and Noelle glancing uncomfortably between each other.

“Can he… use your phone?” Kris asked, shuffling away from Noelle.

That’s actually a fairly good idea. Assuming I can partially possess you. May I give it a go? Just your left arm.

Susie’s skin bristled at the idea. Losing any amount of control was scary, but she could manage. She tried her best to relax, and felt her arm begin to move on its own. Theo struggled typing with only one hand, and kept misspelling words, going back to fix them, then fatfingering the tiny phone keyboard. After what felt like an eternity, he finished typing.

• Hello.
• This is much more convenient.
• This situation is unfavorable, to say the least. I would like to reassure you all that I have no intent to cause harm -- my primary goal is to find some way to exist on my own. However, such a thing does not seem particulalry feasible currently. 

“Angel above dude, no need to type all fancy. It takes way too long.” Susie complained.

“Any leads?” Kris asked.

• None. Having no memories makes it difficult.
• Sebastian may know something but he’s too unstable to mess with.

“Hold on, can we go back to The Forgotten Man having a brother!? That seems a little important!” Susie interrupted.

Theo complied, providing a brief summary of his interaction with The Forgotten Man. Noelle joined on, providing a slightly cut down version of her fall, and subsequent climb. She cut out any parts where she felt like her life was in danger. She didn't want them to worry. She also left out the bit where she was able to escape because of the piece of glass, and all the ominous visions she received. Theo probably heard all that. Was it too much to ask for him to not tell anyone? She didn't want Kris and Susie to worry about what were likely just nonsensical flashes of nothing in particular.

Theo really didn't like the sound of her visions… combined with The Forgotten Man calling one of them a corpse, it really seemed like one of the kids was going to die. No way in hell was he going to let that happen. He had the foresight to avoid it. He’d keep an eye out for threats.

Noelle took the lack of a reaction from Susie, and the absence of any typing as a sign Theo actually listened to her. Thank the Angel. “You really didn't know what monsters were?” Kris asked.

• Nope. None existed in my world. Well, some might have, but if they did, they weren't publicly known about.
• It was a bit odd seeing monsters for the first time, but it was a little overshadowed by the disembodied voice thing.

Noelle giggled. “I can't even imagine what that would be like. Um, thanks for saving us back in the memory? zone?”

• No problem.

Noelle couldn’t help but let a certain thought bloom. If he really could find people…

Noelle's smile twisted into a frown. Her eyes began to well up, but she tried her best to keep herself together. She had to know. “Um… I- you can… find people right? If… If it's not too much to ask… could you try and find my sister?” Kris stiffened upon hearing Noelle's request, their breathing becoming heavy.

Theo… how was he supposed to deny something like that? Not that he would want to, but still. 

• I can try. I don't really know what the limits to my powers are, the only current limitation I am aware of is that I need to picture the target's face. So I need a picture of her.

Susie sat in total silence, trying her best not to move, even the slightest amount. She wasn't involved in anything with Noelle's sister. She really didn't want to intrude. “Uh, do you want me to go, or?” Stupid question. She kind of had to be there so that Theo could use her hand to type.

“Please stay.” Kris and Noelle begged in unison. 

“Okay.” Susie responded, for once trying to make herself seem smaller, less imposing. This wasn’t her business! She wasn't good with this stuff at all. She wanted to scream. She shouldn't be thinking about herself. Noelle pulled out her phone, showing an old picture of Dess.

She looked a lot like Noelle's mother, at least from the little Susie had seen of Carol. Pale blue antlers, that ended in sharp points, rather than the soft, velvety look of Noelle’s. Combined with a not-so-subtle fury lucking just behind Dess's eyes, and the baseball bat she had thrown over her shoulder, Susie could tell she was a lot more rowdy than either Noelle or Kris. 

Honestly, she looked exactly like the kind of image Susie had wanted to present, back when she was younger. Some terrible part of Susie wondered if Dess really knew what suffering was like, considering her wealthy family. Stupid thoughts that weren't really what she was thinking. She couldn't know what kind of life Dess had, but it didn't really matter, anyway.

Theo considered comforting Susie, and telling her that she wasn't a bad person for feeling that way, but he didn't need to. He felt a sense of pride fill his metaphorical heart. Turning his mind to the task at hand, he captured every detail of the picture in his mind's eye, and focused on what December was doing right now.

A million grains of sand, scattered across the sky.

His mind pulled in uncountable directions, across scenic forests, babbling brooks, and towering cliffs.

Dust in the wind.

He felt himself return to his vessel. If he had lungs, he would have gasped for air. If he had a heart, it would have been pounding in his chest. If he had eyes, he would be crying. Susie's possessed hand shook as he typed out the two words that no one in the room wanted to see.

• I'm sorry.

Noelle wailed in despair, years of uncertain grieving now cemented. All the emotions and doubts she tried so hard to avoid spilled out, tears streaming down her face. “O-oh. I m-mean, I already… I already knew that. Some part of me always knew, I guess. So, I really shouldn't be crying but…” 

Susie rose from the couch, awkwardly offering Noelle a hug, which she accepted. “I miss her so much. A-and I'll never see her again. I n-never got to see her graduate, or go off to college, o-or do her first concert, or…” Noelle broke down, sobbing into Susie’s jacket. Susie wrapped one arm around Noelle's back, gently caressing her golden hair with the other. 

Susie simply couldn't relate to Noelle. She wished she could, but she had never lost someone she loved. She had never known her mother, and had no tears to spare for her.

Kris watched Noelle break down. They felt their eyes pricked with tears. They felt their own misery begin to bubble up in their throat. They bit their tongue. Not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to hurt. They didn’t deserve to cry.

Kris is also…

Susie glanced at Kris's trembling form. They were hurting too. Susie had no solution to their pain. She wondered if grief was something you could ever really heal, or if it just stayed with you forever, a scar upon your mind. She couldn't heal them, or make the dead walk. All she could do was offer them her hand, and hope that it was enough.

It was to Kris. They took her hand, and though it could never make what was wrong right, her love soothed their ancient burns, and pulled them towards the future. 

It was to Noelle. She couldn’t have her sister back, but she was no longer alone. And while a broken heart can never mend quite right, and a seam will always be left, and perhaps it will become more fragile, her heart was whole again.

After a time, Susie finally released Kris and Noelle from her grip, their bones thoroughly crushed. “Um, excuse me f-for a second.” Noelle stammered, scrambling upstairs to her room. Kris and Susie sat in awkward silence, until Kris finally decided that sitting with their thoughts was worse than looking for a distraction. 

“Theo?” Kris asked. “You still…?” Susie felt her arm go numb as Theo took control, giving Kris a thumbs up. “Alright.” Kris stopped for a long while, unable to quite figure out what exactly they wanted to say. What they said didn’t really matter, they were just looking for some way to distract themselves. “You really don't… remember anything?” 

• Anything is a strong word. I remember bits and pieces, and I know a bunch of stuff.
• But when I try to actually reach out and remember, I just can't. Like it's out of reach.

Kris could relate, in a sense. The memories they would rather not revisit always surfaced when they tried to play. Memories of her. Probably a shot in the dark, but… they fidgeted awkwardly with their sleeves. “When I play… my memories become clearer. Do you…?”

• I played guitar mostly.

Kris winced. “Of course.” They grumbled. Kris's suggestion sounded pretty good to Susie, but she certainly didn't have a guitar, nor did she know where she could buy one. Aside from that, why the hell was Kris being so weird about guitars?

Dess played.

Susie winced. That'd do it.

Noelle came down the stairs, now looking more anxious than sad. “Sorry, I just… really needed to talk to my dad.” 

“Dude, don't apologise. Do what ya gotta do you know? Me and Kris can entertain ourselves.” Susie replied. “Did you tell him?”

Noelle twisted a strand of her long, golden hair around her finger. “I- I wanted to, but… how?” 

“Fair.” Susie remarked, scratching the side of her face with maybe a bit more force then was healthy.

“S-so!” Noelle exclaimed. “What were you talking about?”

“Nothing.” Kris barked. Susie was confused. What was with them right now? 

Dess played guitar.

Oh, that made sense. Crap, what were they going to do? 

“Kris, I know it wasn't nothing.” Noelle groaned. “If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, but don't try and pretend like you weren't doing anything.” 

“Sorry.” Kris mumbled. Noelle quickly spun to face Susie. “Um, I had an idea! Music's linked to memories! So um, are there any songs that he remembers? Sorry Theo, I still don't know how to refer to you. I don't mean to talk like you aren't here.”

• That's alright, anything works. As for music, I don't really remember much related to favorite songs, or anything like that. I did play guitar though. I've actually known that since day one pretty much. I guess it was pretty important to me.

Noelle looked unsure of herself for a moment. “My… my sister's guitar–”

“Noelle. We can't.” Kris hissed. Susie could have sworn they looked less stressed out when they were in the cave with The Forgotten Man. 

“Kris… she's not coming back. Dess… she wouldn't want this. And… I want to hear it again.” Noelle said, before pointing at Kris. “I know you want to hear it too, so… stop acting like she's gonna come back!” 

Kris's tears fell onto the rug below. “I just– I'm gonna– I miss her so much.” Noelle wrapped them in a hug. “If you really don't want to, we won't make you do anything.” Noelle promised.

“No, I… You're right. I… I really want to hear it played again too.” Kris admitted, pulling away from Noelle. 

They stepped into December's room. The atmosphere was different there. No real holiday theming, various junk strewn across the floor. Several beat up instruments lay discarded, untouched for more than half a decade now. Propped up against a large walk in closet was a red guitar, which had somehow remained nearly spotless, despite the state of the room.

Alright. How exactly do you want me to play? I hesitate to take full control with you still awake, but I do need at least both arms.

Susie's skin prickled. Right. He needed to play, not her. She wouldn't be good, even if she tried.

You could, if you wanted to. I would be happy to teach you.

Maybe later. She still wanted to learn piano from Kris first. Okay, she was ready. 

If you want me to stop, please say that. We can always come back to this later.

Got it. Susie relaxed, and felt the strange numbness that came with possession creep into her body. She did her best to control her breathing, despite her panic. She could handle this. 

He began to play. Slowly at first, but he picked up speed as he adapted to the shape and size of his borrowed hands. Susie's sharp claws posed a small challenge, but he was able to overcome the danger of snapping strings with a small tweak in technique. 

His fingers danced across the strings, and as he played, he began to be enlightened to a fundamental truth. This guitar… was out of tune.

He turned to Noelle. He gestured aggressively at the tuning pegs. “Tuning? Oh, um, of course!” Noelle gave her permission. She really just wanted to hear it played again. She remembered being comforted by its sound long into the night, when she couldn't sleep because she had a nightmare. She remembered her mother opening the door to Dess's room, just a crack, such that she thought Noelle couldn't see her, and smiling. Carol's smile was crooked and for some, a little upsetting, but it made Noelle feel at ease. But it had been so long since she had heard it play. Her memories faded with time, and now she could barely remember the late nights back then.

Once Theo had tuned the guitar to an acceptable standard, he resumed his playing. As he continued his improvisation, he searched for something else to play. Sadly, the songs he liked that worked well as solo acoustic guitar covers with no vocals numbered in the zero's. Saving him from trying to cover a song on the fly, was a melody that somehow rooted itself in his brain. In his focus, he didn't realise where it came from.

It was much slower and simpler then what he would usually play, but there was beauty in its simplicity. Noelle began to tear up. That song… her song. The one Dess wrote for her, all those years ago. Just like so long ago, she began to sing.

“When the light is running low,
and the shadow start to grow,
and the places that you know feel like fantasy.
There's a light inside your soul,
that's still shining in the cold, with the truth,
the promise in our hearts.
Don't forget.
I'm with you in the dark.”

Noelle's voice broke, giving way to a cascade of tears and memories. Kris, too, remembered Dess's song. The song Dess always called lame, even when Kris caught her humming it when she thought no one was around. The one song she never recorded, despite Noelle begging her to. The one song that Noelle had convinced herself she would never hear again. 

But she did hear it. Changed, sung by her, played by Theo. Nothing like the original, really. But it made her cry, just like it always had. It made her hope, just like it always had.

Theo could see it. The static parted. He could see her face. Every bump, every ridge, every tiny  imperfection. So he closed his eyes, shutting out the world around him.

♡

Madeline's fingers danced across the frets of his guitar, playing without care for tempo or correct notes. As she moved her hands between chords, her fingers fell improperly onto the frets, filling each note played with a subtle buzz. Despite all its flaws, the music she made was beautiful, because it reminded her of him. 

Theo loved all music. Not because he had no ear for sound, far from it. His ear was sharper than most, and she knew better than anyone how quick he could be to point out flaws. What some people missed was that he wasn’t nitpicking, he was just a dumbass. He cherished every wrong note, every dissonant sound, because somewhere in the world, someone had put something into creating. So she tried to do the same, and cherish every note she played, because where there would have been silence, now dwelled sound.

She enjoyed everything he played. When he wanted to show off, he always played his ancient ass rock music. He was damn good at it too. She wasn’t biased. 

She had a particular soft spot for his classical guitar, though. Part of that was the rather humorous contrast between the rowdy, punk aesthetic he liked to project, and the countless late nights he spent, metronome clicking away in the background, practising all manner of things she never truly understood, no matter how many times he patiently explained them to her. 

He was gone now. She'd never get woken up at the crack of dawn by his practice getting too loud. She'd never sit by his side, and watch some ridiculous artsy film that she didn't really understand. She'd never get to drag him to the middle of nowhere, and camp out where it was just the two of them. She rose from the couch, shifting his guitar to her other hand. 

She was reminiscing again. It was nearly midnight, and she had work tomorrow. She should have been in bed hours ago. She hung his guitar up on the wall, next to his fretless acoustic that always sounded slightly out of tune when she played it.

Suddenly, it dawned on her that she hadn't played drums since he died. Disappeared. She had never been the most dedicated player. She only ever learned because he recommended it to her. Hitting things was fun. Though, he could probably make doing taxes fun if he really wanted.

No one ever found his body. After the crash, he just walked a couple metres, then fell over, and apparently slipped over the edge of the world. No blood. No hair either, for that matter. If you asked her, it was unbelievably suspicious. Crime scenes didn't clean themselves. The local police, woefully under-resourced as they were, had done their best. Ultimately, she simply had to conclude that it was nothing more than some freak accident of chance. 

In truth, she knew he was dead. The accident was too severe for him to just walk off. And, surely, if he did live, he would have found his way back to her. Perhaps that thought was naive. He always had made her stupid, though. 

She grabbed a bottle of lukewarm beer. She knew it would taste like piss. She knew it would make her feel awful in the morning. But.. nah. Fuck that. She spun around, flinging it hard into a nearby wall, leaving the floor covered in broken glass. She was spiraling. She inhaled deeply, holding her breath as long as she could. Maybe not the most healthy way to calm down, but it actually worked.

She gasped for air, her mind beginning to clear. Her eyes prickled as newly minted tears pooled in her eyes. She shut her eyes, The surface tension of the tear drops bursting, and the cold, salty water running down her face. She wished he could hold her, like he used to. She wished she had said something more meaningful to him. The last time she saw him, she flipped him off as he left. She said she loved him. But she didn't say it loud enough. She whispered it, under her breath, as if she was afraid that he would hear her admit it.

She wasn't having a good time. Spiralling into guilt again wouldn't do anyone any good. Here was what she was going to do. She was going to watch some old student films Theo starred in. She was going to put on his old jacket, even though it was humid as all hell. And she was going to imagine he was lying next to her. 

As she began to doze off, one thought stuck in her mind. It was her fault Theo died. She kept him up all day, with her incessant need for someone to be there for her. That was why he was dead. If she just handled her own problems, that weren't even real, he would still be here.

The good die young. Maybe that was the reason he was gone, and she remained. 

She could see herself sleeping. What a strange dream. What was this weird angle? It was like she was sitting outside of the world, looking in. She couldn't move her head. She felt nauseous. What was this?

If she knew she was dreaming, that meant she should be able to control it, right? But she couldn't. She tried to move her body. To her horror, her sleeping form moved, as if pulled around on puppet strings. 

Her eyes snapped open, and she was back in her body. She wasn't lying down. She was standing, in the exact same spot she had been in her dream. Weirder still, even though it should be pitch black, the entirety of the living room was illuminated by some strange, silvery light. It wasn't like a light source was present, in fact, despite the intensity of the light, now shadows were cast.

Something was here. Something massive. She couldn't see it, not with her eyes. Her stomach twisted in upon itself. It was him. Somehow, it was him. 

“H- How? What? What are you!”

Everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Not quite dead, but far from alive. A fallen star trying to reclaim its place in the heavens. 

Despite everything, it felt comforting. How could it not? It was Theo. 

“You dickhead! How could you die on me like that?”

Whatever this was, however it had happened, she didn't care. He was back! 

She felt his essence crack. No. This wasn't fair. He should be able to stay! 

“I'm sorry.” His voice was so gentle. She had almost forgotten. “Even if… Even if I could stay… I have things that I need to do.” Somehow, he wiped away her tears. “See you soon, alright? Love you.”

“I love you too. Don't take too long, asshole!”

Everything broke, a hideous cacophony of shattered glass falling to the ground around her. Her vision became clearer. That hadn't been a dream, had it?

♡

Susie’s body seized as Theo returned to her. She could move again. Barely. Everything hurt. She really needed him to never do that again. 

No response. That didn't bode well. His presence felt faint, as if he was sleeping. Her chest hurt, but she couldn't tell if that was anything specific, or just because of the general ‘everything hurting’ situation.

The first sense that returned to her was her hearing, which allowed her to hear the panicked screams of Kris and Noelle. She couldn't really make out what they were saying, but Noelle grabbed her hand, so she squeezed. She heard a cry of relief. She felt Noelle's soft fur brush against her scales as she wrapped her in a hug. She felt Kris's warm breath against her scales. She let out a delirious giggle. This was much better than the last time she had almost died. Or actually died, in that case. 

Her vision slowly returned, the fuzzy outlines of Noelle and Kris coming into view. “What… What are ya all crying about?” Susie asked, her voice much quieter than she expected. Her body was so overwhelmed with pain that her brain simply ceased to inform her of any sensations. She felt herself slipping away again. Her vision faded, and she felt her grip on Noelle’s hand weaken.

Susie’s eyes snapped open. Her chest hurt, each beat of her heart sending a pulse of agony arcing throughout her body. She tried to grab her chest, but couldn't move her body. What was this, sleep paralysis? She had just woken up, so that didn't seem quite right. Regular paralysis maybe?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I messed up.

She moved her eyes as far as she could. Kris was watching over her. Their eyes met, and she could feel everything they felt. All the stress and the worry she had put them through. She tried to open her mouth to say sorry, to say she didn't mean to make them worry about her. Her mouth didn't open, so all that she could muster was an incoherent mumbling. 

Kris gave her a tortured smile, their heart lifting at seeing her awake. Her strength was slowly returning to her, but all of her body's energy was going straight to her SOUL. Not really her SOUL, necessarily, but the SOUL that was keeping her body together. Who knew there were consequences to having your SOUL taken out?

Noelle barged back into the room, her quest to locate smelling salts forgotten. She said something Susie couldn't hear, on account of the constant ringing in her ears.

Noelle sat on her bed, beside Susie,on the verge of tears. Oh gosh, Susie was awake. Thank the Angel. She still wasn't exactly sure what happened, but it seemed like Susie's SOUL did something, then Susie collapsed.

Susie finally had enough strength to say something. “You're really pretty. Both of you.” She whispered, wincing as a jolt of pain shot out from her heart, ripped through her arm, and made its way to her hand. Noelle’s eyes widened, briefly distracted from her ever spiralling train of thought. “Thanks. You're really pretty too.” Noelle replied, Kris nodding along.  

After taking an additional moment to gather what strength she had, Susie sat up, her body screaming in pain as she did. She let out a snarl, grabbing her chest.