Chapter Text
Phil’s pretty damn lucky.
Ever since he met Kristin, he thanks his lucky stars every single day. Before her, he was a lonely nerd who didn’t really get out of the house much. His video editing gig allowed him to work completely from home, and he mostly hung out with his friend Techno on their hardcore Minecraft server. The only place he went regularly was the coffee shop downtown, and that was the place where the two most memorable events of his life happened. The first? The moment he knew he would never love anyone else but her.
Techno was also a massive homebody, but this time Phil had cajoled him into coming along on his triweekly trip to Core Coffee. It was a sunny day, a rare instance in Clifton, and the warm light put him in a good mood. They entered the shop and joined the line, chatting about their next big build on their server. Phil knew what he was going to order (medium chai latte with cinnamon) so he wasn’t sure why glanced up toward the menu board. But his gaze never made it there, because suddenly he saw her.
The first thing he noticed was her hair: glossy, black, half up, half down, elegantly framing her round and rosy face. When she looked up from the coffee she was pouring, he got a glimpse of her eyes. No coherent thoughts could enter his mind. They were electric. He had never seen such intriguing eyes, framed by long, dark eyelashes. His heart raced.
And his arm hurt. “Ow!” He tore his gaze from the mysteriously gorgeous barista to confront Techno, who had just smacked his bicep. “What the hell was that for?”
“The line is moving and you’re not,” Techno said in his usual deadpan. “What are you even staring at?”
That shut Phil right up, and he moved forward. But Techno has already seen the mystery woman. He smirked. “Oh… I see. Gamer wants a girlfriend.”
“Shut up!” Phil whispered. Techno just laughed.
“I’m not judging. Are you gonna ask her out?”
Phil grabbed Techno’s shirt sleeve. “Are you crazy? I can’t –”
Techno gently pulled his sleeve out of Phil’s grip. “Why not?”
Phil didn’t have an answer to that. “Well… you know, I’m… it’s…”
Techno raised an eyebrow, and Phil sweated under his gaze. They stayed in that silent standoff until—
“I can help who’s next!”
Techno grinned. “Guess who’s going to take our order.”
Phil could absolutely die.
Somehow he made it through that first conversation. He ordered his latte with about as much grace as a bull in a china shop, but his nervousness seemed to charm her. Kristin, her nametag said. The letters burned themselves into his brain.
He and Techno grabbed a couple seats at the counter by the front window. It was Phil’s favorite spot; he loved to peoplewatch, and the people of Clifton never failed to disappoint. But this time he kept twisting around in his seat, almost unconsciously, trying to get another glance at her.
“Damn, you’re really down bad,” Techno remarked.
“No! I’m just… curious.”
“Curious.”
“What, a man can’t be curious?”
Techno put a hand on his shoulder and twisted him back to facing the window. “Look, Phil,” he began. “If you really like her, just ask her out! Slip your phone number to her or something. She’s not suddenly going to be your girlfriend while you sit around and do nothing. If she says no, then oh well. You know that Wayne Gretzky quote?”
“Who’s Wayne Gretzky?”
Techno shook his head. “So uncultured.”
Phil pressed his hand to his chest in mock outrage. “Uncultured? I read ‘The Art of War’ because you wouldn’t shut up about Sun Tzu while you were griefing my base.”
“You were unprepared for the conflict you had brought upon yourself. But seriously, you know what I mean, right? If you like her, let her know. Please? I can’t stand you pining in the corner like this.”
Before Phil could respond, he heard his name called across the shop. Now, Phil’s heard his name said a lot of times in his life, as anyone has. This time though… it was the voice of an angel. He turned to face the service counter and saw her. Kristin. She stood behind his latte, looking like she had just fallen from heaven. An angel in a barista uniform.
Ok, maybe I am down bad, Phil thought.
Techno nudged him, a grin on his face, and Phil steeled himself. He started to walk over to the counter. He would be normal. He would say thank you, and then maybe, hey, you’re pretty. No, no, that was too forward. How about, I like your hair? That was normal, right? Maybe not. If he had good hair too it would make sense to say. But no, Phil’s hair was close cropped because he couldn’t stand having to take care of it when it was any longer. I’d grow it out for her, he thought. If she wanted me to. Oh God, why is he thinking about hair? He’s almost there, what is he going to say?! He should just be cool. He can be cool, right? Right?
Phil made eye contact with Kristin, and any words he had prepared slipped away. She smiled. “Hi."
“H-hi,” he said, lamely. How was it that the word “hi” sounded so much smarter when she said it? He grabbed his latte. “Thanks.” Thanks? That’s all he had? Oh man, where does he go from here? This is where normal customer-barista interactions are supposed to end. He should just walk away; he blew it. This is why I don’t date, he thought. I always fuck it up.
He turned to leave.
Kristin held out her hand. “Wait, I wanted to say—”
Phil whipped around, miraculously managing not to spill any of his tea. “Yeah?”
She giggled. “I’m sorry, I don’t usually do this but…” She leaned in, and so did he. “I think you’re cute. Call me.”
Phil’s brain did not process this. He understood it enough to say “I will,” which sounded enough like a normal human response so he was satisfied with it. He then immediately turned back around and booked it for his seat. He sat down, breathing like he had just run up three flights of stairs. Techno stared at him. “So?”
“She asked me out,” Phil whispered.
“What?”
“She asked me,” he repeated. He couldn’t believe it either. “But I don’t understand. She said ‘call me’ but she didn’t give me her number.”
Techno pointed. “Bruh. Look at the cup.”
Phil moved his hand, which had been holding onto his latte for dear life, and there it was. Ten digits written after a heart and a smiley face.
From that point on, Phil is a total goner. He does eventually call Kristin (after another pep talk from Techno) and soon they go out on their first date. And then the second, and the third, and suddenly Phil has lost count of how many times they’ve gone out. And then, after a couple years (and another massive pep talk from Techno) he gets down on one knee. A few months later they have the ceremony. You’ll never guess who Phil’s best man was.
- - - -
The second most memorable event of Phil’s life happened in that same cafe, years later. He and Kristin had moved into an apartment in the same building as Techno, and Phil was happier than he could have ever imagined. Sure, sometimes it was hard to make ends meet, and relationships aren’t perfect all the time, but he thanked his lucky stars every day. He still does, even after everything.
After all, at the start of the apocalypse, lots of people lost lots of family members and friends. Nowadays most are alone and struggling to survive.
But not Phil. He’s got Kristin and Techno.
They were alone in the coffee shop when they heard the first screams.
Phil had stood from his chair as he watched a man across the street get ripped apart by the teeth of what he would come to realize was one of the infected.
His instinct was to run out and help the guy, but Techno had grabbed his arm and shakily pointed to another part of the street seen from the shop’s front window.
A child was being eaten by her mother.
Phil couldn’t bear to watch for more than a second, but he knew even then that the image would haunt him for the rest of his life.
While he and Techno were mostly in shock, Kristin was the one to act. She ran to a button on the front door frame and pressed it. Something descended from the awning outside and blocked the windows. At Phil and Techno’s questioning looks, she said, “Roll down metal shutters. They’re usually for security when the shop closes overnight, but… well, this seems like an applicable situation.” Kristin’s voice quivered ever so slightly, and Phil felt anger simmer under his skin.
It wouldn’t be the last time.
They managed to get the news on their phones, finding out that the world was collapsing around them. It was weird. They could hear screams and the sounds of fighting outside, but on the inside, the shop looked normal. If Phil covered his ears, he could almost pretend it was a typical day. Stopping to see Kristin on her lunch break. But the screams would always break through the calm, and he'd be bitterly reminded of their current situation.
They stayed in the shop for about a week. It would’ve been nice to stay longer, but coffee shop croissants and muffins could only sustain them for so long.
The day they left, they made a pact. No matter what would come their way, they’d protect each other. No one left behind and all that.
Techno wanted to make it a blood pact. Phil shot that idea down quickly. Techno had muttered something about blood pacts being cool but he got over it.
They took some knives from the shop’s kitchen and left through a back entrance. Now, their goal is to get out of the city without dying.
Easy, right?
Over another week, they slowly pick their way through the streets. Techno turned out to be a much more proficient fighter than Phil expected. He’s never seen someone shed so much blood before. Then again, he’s never been in a zombie apocalypse before either.
On top of everything else, Phil’s knee is bugging him.
Curse life’s third decade.
Thankfully, most of the street signs have been preserved, and they find their way to an avenue that leads straight to a bridge out of the city.
The only problem is it’s chock full of zombies.
They hide out in an alleyway and decide to plan things out.
“I say we just rush in there,” Techno begins.
“Of course that’s what you say.” Phil crosses his arms. “Do you really think we can take on a horde of that size?”
“Yes.”
“Well that’s ridiculous!”
“You’re ridiculous!”
“Ok.” Kristin’s calm voice interrupts their directionless argument. “If you two keep being that loud then we’ll have no choice but to take on that whole horde ourselves. Let’s discuss this.” Phil opens his mouth, but Kristin points at him. “Let’s discuss this calmly.” Phil closes his mouth.
They stare at each other for a few moments. Then Phil tries another tactic.
“Could we sneak around? Like, if we climbed a building and then hopped from rooftop to rooftop, would that work?”
Techno considers it. “I’m not sure. How would we climb up there? ‘Cause if we went from the inside we might run into even more zombies.”
Kristin points behind Techno. “There’s a fire escape right there.”
Techno turns around. “Oh.”
Phil snorts. Techno wheels on him, and is about to make some (probably derogatory) comment, when they hear an unusual amount of shuffling coming from the far end of the alley.
They raise their blades.
“I got this,” Phil says. He slowly approaches the noise, his knife extended in front of him.
There’s an abandoned garbage bin, one of those large ones that collects the garbage from a whole building. Whatever made that noise, it’s behind there. Or in there. Phil hopes the trash was emptied before the zombies started eating people.
“Hello?” he calls. “Is someone there?”
All at once, three little heads pop out from behind the bin. Phil is startled, but he lowers his knife.
Kids? Well that’s certainly not what he expected.
Techno and Kristin fall in line behind Phil. Nothing is said for a while as the two groups take each other in.
After a bit, one of the kids, a blond, whispers to the other two, and they emerge fully from behind the bin. They’re littler than Phil thought initially. None of them can be older than six.
The blond puffs up his chest and looks Phil in the eye.
“We are the Big Men. Welcome to our territory.”
The - what? The “Big Men?” Phil’s confused and at the same time wants to burst into laughter.
Kristin leans in to whisper to Phil. “What should we do?”
Techno leans in also. “I say we leave.”
Kristin and Phil glare at him. Techno raises his hands in surrender. “I’m just saying!”
Phil turns back to the kids. “I got this,” he whispers.
He crouches to get down to the kids’ levels. “Hey. My name’s Phil. This is my wife, Kristin, and my friend, Techno. What are your names?”
The blond smiles. “I am The Great Tommy, and these are my associates, Ranboo and Tubbo.”
Did that kid just use the word “associates?”
Phil loves it.
“The Great Tommy” continues. “What are you doing in our territory?”
“We’re hiding out from all the zombies.”
The youngest of the kids, whose hair is somehow half black and half white, claps his hands excitedly. “Zomb zomb apoplips!”
The brunet kid rolls his eyes. “Ugh, we know, Ranboo.”
Ranboo giggles. Phil glances back at Kristin and Techno, his own bemusement reflected in their faces. These kids are just as insane as us, he thinks.
He addresses Tommy again. “Where are your parents?”
“Oh, mine are at work. I don’t know when they’ll be back.”
Phil cringes inwardly. He doesn’t have the heart to tell this kid that his parents are probably never coming back.
Tubbo sits up. “My mom’s out on a run. And we don’t know what’s up with Ranboo. He’s too little.”
Ranboo looks up at Phil with wide eyes. “Issa apoplips.”
Phil nods. “Issa apoplips.”
These kids are gonna be the death of him.