Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I’m just saying,” Nobara huffs as they start walking away from Ijichi's car. It's already close to dawn but it's still warm outside, which almost makes Megumi frown. Sure curses don't automatically come with cold and bad weather but he still always associates them with it. Probably because no sane person would think of a curse that kills people and a beautiful sunset in combination. “Why send all three of us if it's only a level 2 or 3 curse?”

“Well because it needs to be dealt with?” Yuji responds, frowning at Nobara confused as they walk deeper into the forest. Nobara rolls her eyes and looks at Megumi for help, like Yuji is a hopeless case she has given up on before even meeting. “Well obviously idiot but why all three of us? Each of us can easily take a curse of that level by ourselves. It's like they wanna insult our strength or something.”

“Or maybe they just wanna make sure that it's taken care of? I think you're over Interpreting this.” While Yuji was speaking he let out a little whistle. Nobara looks at him like she wants to crush his head in with a stone and that almost makes Megumi chuckle. It's definitely a sentiment he can share often, although he never would, which in Nobara's case, he isn’t sure of. “Besides Nobara, do you have anything better to do?”

"Yes I do actually, which is why I would have preferred not coming here today. Not everyone has such a boring life like the two of you.”

Megumi raises his eyebrow at that, how has he gotten into this argument. Yuji is about to protest, Megumi can tell the way his cheeks start to look puffy, but doesn't get far. “Yes I'm sure you have so much to do,” Megumi notices Yuji holding back a laugh at the sarcasm that fills his statement, while Nobara crosses her arms, offended and ready to argue. “but if the two of you finally would stop bickering, we could focus on getting rid of the curse because I also have better things to do.”

“Like what?” Nobara raises her eyebrow, a teasing smirk forming on her face which Megumi responds to with an eyeroll. 

“Eating,” Yuji answers for him causing Nobara and Megumi to let out a laugh of disbelief. Yuji looks at them confused. “What? I'm so hungry, I haven't had dinner yet. Oh how I would kill for sushi right now.”

Megumi shakes his head in disbelief, hiding the smile that creeps on his face whenever he is around that idiot. His idiot. He still can't believe that from all the people in the world, he considers Yuji and Nobara his friends, good friends even though he'd never admit to that. Nobara who can be too full of herself, quickly annoyed and directed and Yuji who has too good of a heart to be a jujutsu sorcerer. Somehow both of them claimed a spot in his heart where till now only two other people were allowed in. 

For a moment he shakes his head just a little bit to concentrate better, no need to be so melancholy right now, there is a curse to fight. He tries to take in his surroundings as well as possible, searching for cursed energy. The forest is enormous and the trees are standing close together, which causes even less sunlight to come in. He can still hear Nobara and Yuji bicker in the background but he doesn’t pay attention anymore, but it gives him a sort of comfort. They're bickering is probably the most normal thing about his everyday life. 

Finally after what felt like hours he senses another cursed energy and by the way the bickering next to him stops, he can tell that the rest did as well. Before he can even see the curse, he summons his divine dogs. And as if that was an invite for the curse it finally appears in front of them. It looks as gross as they always look but luckily it really doesn't seem as powerful. Megumi would guess that the fight shouldn't last longer than half an hour. 

His guess wasn't far off, after not even 30 minutes the three of them were done with curse, Nobara delivering the finishing blow. By now they are so used to fighting together, they balance each other out perfectly and don't often struggle really badly. Only when their opponent is too strong or they get separated for some reason. Megumi lets his divine dogs disappear while Yuji turns to Nobara. “Nice hit Nobara!”

“Told ya we are overqualified for this.”, she simply answers in response but although she acts overly confident, Megumi knows that she still appreciated the compliment. He is about to answer as well until he suddenly notices another cursed energy, one he hasn't felt before and much stronger than the one from the curse they just defeated. “I'm not so sure about that.”

For a second the other two look at him confused but then they seemingly notice it too. Within seconds Nobara and Yuji are back in fight position while Megumi summons his divine dogs and Nue, just in case. “I thought it was only one curse?”

“Well either the higher ups didn't know or…” Megumi doesn't finish his response to Yuji, letting the rest of his sentence hang in the air. Or this is another try at getting rid of Yuji. Megumi always claims that he never picked up any of Gojo's traits or views, although the two of them lived together but in one instance he finds himself agreeing with his guardian, especially since he knows Yuji. Blankly said, fuck the higher ups. “Either way,” Nobara mutters, interrupting his line of thought, “let's get this over with.” 

Suddenly, within seconds the curse appears in front of them, no doubt a special level. It reminds him of the curse they fought when Yuji died which makes his blood boil. There was no need for a discussion between the three, one look and they attacked. So much about a ‘nice’ and ‘under their level’ task. 

Well to say that the fight was going like complete shit would be an underestimation. Yuji is doing well as far as he can tell, Megumi can catch flashes of him weaving between the curse’s limbs, fists striking in a flurry. A Black Flash detonated against the monster’s torso, rattling the ground beneath their feet. Not enough, how strong is this thing?

“Megumi!” Quickly he turns his head to Yuji before looking back at their opponent. “Please tell me you’ve got something bigger!” Megumi would roll his eyes if he wasn't so concentrated and most importantly, stressed. 

“I had something bigger,” he snaps back, quickly trying to summon another shadow while also dodging a swipe. “It’s not exactly giving me time here.” His mind is running though calculations at lightning speed. Distance, opening angles,... Every move he makes has to count, and right now, the curse isn't giving him an inch. His thoughts wander to a possibility that he hasn't considered yet. He could always summon- 

Nobara runs past him, hammer in one hand, nails clutched in the other. She has probably gotten hit the most, to the point where Megumi is surprised that she is still running that fast. 

Quickly he follows behind but suddenly the curse’s arm lashes out with unnatural speed. He is quick enough to get out of the way in time but then he hears a sound. A shrill scream, Nobara, and then she went flying. The impact sounds wrong, a deep crack that cuts through the fight. Nobara’s body hits the pavement and doesn't get back up.

A flash of white-hot anger fills Megumi's chest. Not the wild rage Yuji probably feels. No it's something colder, sharper.

She’s alive. She is just knocked out, focuses Megumi. And he tries to do so. His divine dog lunges, tearing at the curse’s neck, while Nue flies from above in a strike that lit the monster’s silhouette in electric blue.

It isn't enough. The curse plows through his summons, the ground quaking under its weight. He quickly looks over to Yuji, whose fists are already bleeding and he looks beyond exhausted. 

Finally Megumi manages to pull his friend away and take a second to breath, they don't have much time, but they need a plan. “It's way too strong.” Yuji nods in response and also takes in shuttering breaths. “Should I… I could try to switch with Sukuna…?”

Images flash before Megumi's eyes. Yuji telling him to go, Sukuna ripping his heart out, Yuji dying. Immediately Megumis shakes his head, no he can't deal with that again. He won't. “No, out of question.”

“Then what is your plan?” Good question, Megumi doesn't have one. His shikigamis aren't powerful enough to defeat this curse and Yuji is also close to his limit. Think Megumi, think. He usually makes the plans, he should come up with something. He needs to. Suddenly Yuji looks at him and puts a hand in his pocket. “We could call Gojo?”

Megumi finds himself letting out a deep sigh. He knows that it's the only reasonable option to call Satoru. If he can't come, maybe a level one Jujutsu sorcerer could. But he also doesn't want to call him. It makes him feel like a little kid that can't do things on their own. But that doesn’t matter now, this is about Yuji's and Nobara's lives, so he nods at Yuji. “Call him, I'll cover you as long as possible.”

Yuji smiles tightly and for a second he places a hand on Megumi's shoulder. The dark haired boy feels himself starting to blush, so he quickly pulls away. But only after allowing himself to feel Yuji's presence for a bit longer. Then steps forward, shadows curling at his feet. If the thing wants to get through Yuji, it is going to have to go through him first.

While summoning shikigami after shikigami, trying to fight off the curse he hears Gojo in the background picking up the phone. “Yuuujiiii~!” Satoru Gojo's voice is as cheerful as always and he speaks in a sing-sang voice. Although usually Megumi would roll his eyes at that, right now he is beyond relieved to hear his voice. “What a delight my sweet student. Now what's the matter? Is Nobara mad at you again?” Megumi clearly hears the laughter in his voice and without noticing it himself he relaxes a bit. Why?

“Hey uhm…” Yuji stutters a bit and Megumi notices the other boy's eyes following as he tries to keep the curse at bay. “We need help Gojo, please.” “Help?” He can basically hear the frown Satoru probably does right now. “Aren't you fighting against a level two curse?”

“Well we were,” Yuji scratches the back of his head, “but then another curse appeared. We think it's a special curse, it's-” Megumi should probably have paid more attention to the curse he's fighting and not be focused on Satoru and Yuji because in the few seconds he looked over to Yuji, the curse has landed a fatal punch. 

He hears Yuji screaming something - his name maybe? - as he is flying through the air. With a terrible sound and even worse pain flys Megumi against a close tree. For a few seconds all air is knocked out of his lungs and he can't see anything. He probably hit his head pretty bad, but that's not the worst pain. The worst pain, in fact, is the hole in his stomach that the curse gifted him with. He feels an enormous amount of blood escaping the wound and within seconds his clothes are soaked in blood. Once the air in his lungs returns, he lets out a few coughs. Blood is coming out of his mouth, running down his chin. That's not good. Megumi gets the feeling that maybe a rather important organ has just been hurt. 

He wants nothing more than to continue to lean against this tree and allow himself to fall asleep. But with that gap in his stomach, sleeping would probably mean his death. Megumi has a strange relationship to death, he doesn't fear it. Quite the opposite, he thinks of death as a reasonable way to win a battle. Well but this death won't. Also it would probably put Yuji in even more danger. YUJI!

He forces his eyes open and scans the area for the pink haired idiot he has grown to love. Please be save. And luckily he is still standing, although fighting the curse himself and alone. No phone in his hand. How did his call with Satoru end? Would he come to save them? Does he even know where they are? Too many questions and not even a fragment of enough time. Yuji won't defeat this thing on his own, as much as Megumi believes in him. So he would either die or Sukuna would take control, and both are not an option. That leaves it to him, but also his powers are limited and he is wounded. Severely at that. His only option are his Domain Expansion but that much use of his cursed energy would probably take him out and he hasn't perfected it either. There is no guarantee of that allowing him to kill the curse and his own chance of dying is almost a 100% certain. That leaves him with only one other option but a guaranteed one…

He pushes himself up, his legs weak and shaking beneath him. He holds on to the tree for support as he takes a shuttering breath. Come on Megumi, you got this. “YUJI!” The other one immediately snaps his head to him and for a second Megumi thinks he can see a relieved smile on his face. He allows himself to return the smile, what does it matter now? He'll die here and today, better use his last moments wise. “MEGUMI, YOU’RE ALRIGHT?”

“Yuji I need you to step away.” Breathing feels like an impossible task but he knows he has to keep going. Yuji shoots him a confused look which makes Megumi groan. “Please Yuji, trust me.” He looks at the other boy almost pleading and he sees the uncertainty in his eyes but thankfully he does so. Megumi fixes his focus on the curse and after a last breath he starts the ritual.

“With this treasure,” Megumi can't help the smirk that appears on his face, if he goes down, he takes this thing with him, “I summon Eight-Handled Sword Divergent Sila Divine General Mahoraga.” Within seconds Megumi feels his energy lessen, but he also knows that Mahoraga has successfully appeared by the face of Yuji and the curse. With his last energy he turns to the other boy. “Yuji.”

Immediately he stares at him, his expression a mix between horror, amazement and worry. Megumi tries to smile at him and he knows this is the most genuine smile he is able to give right now. But apparently that makes Yuji even more worried. “I'm sorry Yuji.”

“What why? What's wrong Megumi?” 

“You’re a good person and I'm thankful for the time we had together.” He smiles sadly, holding on to the tree behind him. “This is my pay back for the detention facility.” He manages a little laugh at that, this is a joke Satoru would have made. Maybe, just maybe, he had adopted more from his guardian than he thought. He sees the horror in Yuji's eyes set in. “What have you done?!”

“Tell Satoru I'm sorry and that I…”, he pauses for a second questioning if he should finish his sentence but then he feels his legs give out under him and as he crumbles to the ground, blood running down his chin again, he realises that if he doesn’t say it now, he will never. “Tell him that I love him.” 

Although the pain is unbearable, he can't help but smile softly. Everything will be okay. Yuji will be save, he made sure of that. And so will Nobara. Satoru will look after Tsumiki and support her if she ever wakes up. Satoru will look after all of them, like he has looked after him. Even though Megumi had pushed him away, was always grumpy,... he knew Satoru was going to be there for him. He would give everything to be in Satoru's arms right now, it sinks in right now that he never told him how truly thankful he is for having Satoru in his life. And now he'll never be able to.

“I'm sorry, I love you dad.”, he whispers, not aware of his surroundings anymore. He doesn't see anything, he doesn't feel anything, nothing. And with a last genuine smile, he closes his eyes and welcomes the darkness.

Chapter Text

“Yuuujiiii~!” Satoru Gojo's smirks bright while pressing his phone against his ear which earns him a confused look by Maki and Panda, who are still sparing. He had swung by, offering tips here and there. “What a delight my sweet student. Now what's the matter? Is Nobara mad at you again?”

He laughs satisfied with himself and waits for Yuji's laugh in response. Usually Yuji is one of the only ones from his students that truly appreciates his humor but instead he is met with silence. “Hey uhm…” Yuji stutters a bit and Satoru lets his laugh die down, something is wrong. “We need help Gojo, please.”

“Help?” Now that surprises Satoru. He is well aware how extremely competent his students are, he'd even suggest them as level one Jujutsu sorcerers if he could. So why should they need help? “Aren't you fighting against a level two curse?”

“Well we were,” Satoru hears the exhaustion in his student's voice and his frown only grows. Something must have gone extremely wrong if the three of them struggle against a level two curse. “but then another curse appeared. We think it's a special curse, it's much stronger than-” Yuji is interrupted by a scream that makes Satoru's blood run cold. That sounds concerningly strong like- “MEGUMI!”

Yuji's scream lets Satoru hold his breath for a moment. Megumi. Satoru doesn't panic often, he is well aware of his strength and usually nothing gets him to really panic. Worry or an unsettling feeling of course, but never panic. To this day only two people managed to cause him true panic and one of them has now apparently been hurt. “What happend?” All goofiness has left his voice, it's low and serious, concern settles deep in his stomach.

“Yuji what's wrong? What happened to Megumi?”, he presses when Yuji doesn't answer but again he's met with no response. The only things he can hear are a loud smashing sound, Yuji's hectic breathing and then a thud. Probably Yuji dropping his phone. Satoru mumbles a curse under his breath and ends the call. A special level curse, that shouldn't have happened. And Satoru has a terrible gut feeling that this wasn't an accident. No, this was the work of some higher ups who still want to see Yuji die. Satoru's eyes darken behind the blindfold dangerously, his voice not louder than a whisper. “If my kid is on the brink of death because of them, I'll kill them.”

He glares in the air for a second longer before he quickly dials the number of Ijichi. “Yes Gojo?” The voice of his trusted assistant manager is as calm and steady as always. “Ijichi, where are you with the first years?”

“I… is everything alright?” Satoru sighs and pushes his hair back. He doesn't have time for that. “They need help, now where are they?” He hears Ijichi take in a surprised breath, Satoru doesn't know for sure if it's because of his worry for the kids or his job. A bit of both probably. “I'll send you the address.”

“Peachy.”, he mutters but without the usual amount of enthusiasm or cheerfulness. This is taking way too long for his liking. When he finally - it hasn't even been a minute - receives the address, he flickers his attention to Maki, Panda and Tong. “Guys I gotta head out, y'all are doing an amazing job.” And before any one of them can even look at him, let alone respond, he has already disappeared.

Luckily finding the three doesn't take that long. Once he had arrived at the address next to Ijichi, it didn't take him any longer to locate the kids. But nothing, nothing, could have prepared him with the sight he is greeted with once he finally arrives. He feels like there isn't enough air to breath and there is a sickness rising in him. There is only one thought that crosses his mind as he sees Mahoraga in front of him. Oh Megumi, what have you done?

Megumi is strong and powerful, Satoru knows that better than anyone else in the world. Which is exactly why he knows that Megumi isn't powerful enough to control Mahoraga, it will kill him. And this idiot, his sweet perfect and mostly idiotic kid, has chosen that. Because Satoru knows that Megumi is aware of his almost certain death when summoning Mahoraga, and he still chose to do so. “Oh Megumi…”

He needs to think fast, Mahoraga isn't allowed to kill the curse but neither Megumi nor the curse can get rid of Mahoraga. Within milliseconds he goes through every option he has before settling, he has to kill Mahoraga and then the curse. For a second he lets his eyes wander through the trees. He sees Yuji protecting what seems to be Megumi's unconscious body. Satoru feels sick at the sight. His kid is covered in blood, his uniform is soaked and there are also traces of blood on his chin. Besides that he lays completely still and Satoru feels the increasing need to empty his stomach. To run over to Megumi and hold him in his arms like he did when he was still just a little boy. Rock his body protectively and kiss his forehead for comfort. But he resists the urge. He needs to make sure the danger is gone first.

“Yuji!” His yell makes the younger one's head snap up and he sees a relieved look on his tired face. This poor boy has also been through way too much and Satoru knows that there is also so much more ahead of him. “I need you to make sure that the curse stays alive till I get rid of Mahoraga okay?” He sees Yuji's complete and utter confusion but luckily he doesn't question him and simply nods. Now Satoru turns his attention to Mahoraga and takes off his blindfold. “Alright let's make this quick.”

Mahoraga charges, its blade slices through the air with probably enough force to shear through stone. Satoru's form flickeres, the edge of the blade scraping harmlessly against his Infinity. Satoru tries to take in exactly how Mahoraga attacks and how his technique works. He knows how strong the shikigami is, he shouldn't underestimate it.

With a casual flick of his wrist, he unleashes Blue, compressing space so violently that trees bent and splintered toward the cursed shikigami. It takes a lot of concentration to make sure that neither of his students are in the endangered area. Mahoraga adapts instantly, the wheel spinning faster, adjusting to the spatial pull. It swings again, grazing his Infinity again. So this is how you work. A small smirk creeps on his face. “Domain Expansion,” he tosses another look at Yuji and Megumi, making sure they're far away enough before smirking at Mahoraga, “Unlimited void.”

Unlimited Void swallows the clearing, a boundless horizon of infinite information pours into Mahoraga’s mind. The colossal shikigami freezes mid-swing, its every thought drowned in endless sensation. Satoru knows he has to act fast, luckily though, it also shouldn't adapt his last attack.

"I better never see you again," he mutters, raising his hand. Hollow Purple erupted point-blank, tearing Mahoraga’s form apart in a blinding spiral of destruction. The wheel clattered to the ground in two smoking halves before vanishing into nothingness.

Satoru allows himself to take a deep breath while he steps out of his Domain, the forest snapping back into existence. He feels himself tiring but it's not entirely over yet. So he quickly looks for Yuji and once he finally spots him, he teleports between him and the curse. He makes sure that his back is facing Yuji and Megumi, protecting them behind him. “Where is Nobara?”

“Few feet away,” gasps Yuji behind him, finally being able to catch his breath. “Behind us?” He waits a few seconds while Yuji thinks, keeping the curse at bay. “Yes.”

Satoru releases a relieved breath. It would have been a problem if she was behind the curse, he would have needed to rethink then but at least luck is on his side once today. “Good,” he stretches out his hand, "Hollow Purple." The blast rips through the forest like a thunderclap, vaporizing the curse and leaving only smoking craters and drifting embers.

Silence finally returns to the forest, only interrupted by Yuji's heavy and struggling breathing. Satoru slips his blindfold back on and immediately whips around. While Yuji still stares after the curse, Satoru kneels down next to Megumi who's still unconscious leaning against the tree.

Now that Satoru can finally focus on Megumi completely without his main focus being Mahoraga and the curse, he sees how bad the boy's state actually is. Everywhere is blood, not only is he covered but also the ground beneath and the tree behind him. Satoru sucks in a breath when he finally sees the source of the blood. A massive gaping hole in his kid's stomach. “Yuji, get Nobara. We're leaving.” Yuji doesn't complain, he simply nods and runs off.

Satoru carefully rests his hand on Megumi's cheek before slipping his finger to his neck to check his pulse. A relieved sigh leaves his mouth when he is still able to feel it. It's weak and irregular but present. Softly he lays his hands on his cheeks again and kisses his boy's forehead before wrapping his arms around him and getting up carrying him. As he looks down, he feels sick again. Megumi looks so incredibly young, just like the little boy he'd carry like this whenever he fell asleep somewhere. And it sinks in again that Megumi, no matter how grown up and collected he acts, is still just a child. Only fifteen years old. He shouldn't be risking his life everyday, he shouldn't throw his life away like that.

Satoru can't help the tears in his eyes as he presses the boy closer to his chest, placing another kiss on his forehead which Megumi would never allow when conscious. “It's okay kid, I've got you. I promise.” He whispers a few more affectionate reassurances in his boy's hair before Yuji comes to a halt next to him. Nobara is half unconscious but not conscious enough to complain about Yuji carrying her. As they walk to the car, Satoru turns his head to his student. “Now… what happened? In detail.”

-

Satoru looks down on the boy in the hospital bed next to him. The sterile hospital room is heavy with silence only interrupted by the steady beeping of the Monitor monitoring Megumi's heart beat. Satoru sits beside the bed, his hands lying useless on his lap, still faintly stained red from when he carried Megumi’s bloodied body hours ago. His eyes are fixed on the pale figure beneath the thin blanket. His kid.

Megumi’s chest rises and falls in shallow, uneven breaths but at least he is breathing. Not unlike… The memory of that terrifying moment before he had arrived here claws at Satoru's mind. He was aware of how critical Megumi's state was but still he had decided to walk to Ijichi's car with Yuji. He had just wanted to know how the battle went, when Megumi's breathing had started to become even more unregular, his heart not beating fast enough for Satoru's liking. Of course he had understood that he should hurry and had teleported the four of them here. Right in time because just seconds before he arrived at Shokos, his kid's heart had stopped beating.

He almost lost him.

And Satoru has never felt such pure diabolical fear before. The second his heart stopped beating, the world stopped spinning. Satoru had felt sick and tears were building in his eyes. He remembers bursting into the room, yelling at Shoko to save his son. He rarely ever addresses Megumi as his son. Somehow it doesn't feel earned considering that he killed his father but it didn't change the fact that, to him at least, Megumi has always been his son. His sweet grumpy little boy. His child. And he felt a parents fear when he bursted in. He felt his hands shivering as he laid Megumi down, still yelling at Shoko to do something. His heart was beating irregularly and his breathing came in way too fast, like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown or something.

He makes a mental note to shower Shoko in gifts and gratitude, as he is tracing every fragile and precious beat of Megumi's heart on the monitors behind them. He had watched every single one. After Megumi's heart started beating again, Shoko practically kicked him out of the room. Something about ‘cleaning up’ and ‘taking a breath’. Satoru had obviously protested, not wanting to leave Megumi’s side just seconds after he was brought back to life per cpr and rct, but had eventually agreed. He felt like the blood on his hands wasn't washing away, no matter how hard he tried, and it made his stomach turn.

Once he had switched into other clothing he immediately went back, stumbling into Yuji and Nobara. Both were flooding him with questions about Megumi's health and well being but he blocked it. Only telling them that he'll be fine. Both of his students had looked beyond exhausted and irritated by his serious tone, so he simply told them to rest and that he'd let them know when they could see him.

When he was allowed to see Megumi, the boy was lying in this hospital bed and still unconscious. Satoru had to close his eyes for a second before sitting down next to him. And this is where he still sits. He has turned down the light and changed his blindfold against sunglasses, wanting to see Megumi completely with his eyes. Carefully he raises one of his hands to his hair and brushes through it. Like when he tucked Megumi in when he was just a little boy after a nightmare.

Back then he had also sat next to his bed, gently brushed through his hair and comforted him till he slept. A small smile creeps onto his face at that. Megumi has always been grumpy, distant and suspicious towards Satoru, even as a little child, but still he had loved his boy. Learned to see past the distance the boy puts up to protect himself from being hurt again. He learned his favorite food and how to cook it, brought him books he knew he'd like, taught him to summon his first shikigami and tried to do activities with him. And although he would never admit it directly, he knew Megumi had accepted him into his life. By the way the boy looked stressed when Satoru had to leave for a mission, the little shining in his eyes when he brought him something he cared about, the little smile in the corner of his mouth when Satoru complimented him,... he knew Megumi had started to care for him as well. He'd call him when he was sick and came to him whenever he was scared, no matter how much Megumi would deny it, Satoru had become his safe spot. And Megumi had become the bit of normality in Satoru's life that he never had. A reason to come home, someone to take care of. Maybe in another life, this person could have been Suguru…

“Oh Megumi…”, he mutters while brushing through his hair gently. Seeing him so close to death, has tormented something deep inside of him. And he felt like he let his blessing down. He is supposed to be the strongest. He is supposed to protect them. But Megumi nearly died. His throat tightens and he swallows hard, the weight of his own helplessness pressing down on him like a physical force. He couldn't describe the terror he had felt when he saw Mahoraga earlier. He simply couldn't believe that Megumi had actually summoned Mahoraga, knowing very well that he couldn't control that shikigami. That it would kill him. And he still chose to do so, and Satoru knows why.

That thought has haunted him for years. He’d known. Known that Megumi’s trumpet card was always some version of "sacrifice myself." He has seen first hand at how many inconveniences Megumis was ready to summon Mahoraga or how willing he was to jump in danger for friends. Strangers even, considering his and Yuji's first meeting. Megumi always played the martyr.

He always will. And Satoru hates it.

Hates how quiet his boy is about it. How calm. Like dying is a chess piece he can give away for checkmate. He’s just a kid. His kid. He shouldn't think like that, but he does. And Satoru sometimes wonders if that means that he failed as a guardian.

Suddenly Megumis starts to move ever so slightly before he lets out a little groan and his eyes flicker open just the slightest. “Satoru…?”

Satoru immediately sits up straighter in his chair unsure whether or not to leave his hand in Megumi's hair but eventually decides against it. “Hey,” he breathes, his voice not louder than a whisper before a small smile creeps onto his face, “hey sleepyhead.” Megumi almost rolls his eyes at him which brings Satoru so much joy, it's almost ridiculous. But then again he almost lived in a world where he would never see Megumi roll his eyes at something he said ever again, so the joy is probably fair. Megumi tries to sit up and lets out a wince in the process.

“Easy there gumi,” Satoru says, reaching out to gently press him back down, the teasing tone he always uses creeping back into his voice, followed by a smirk. “No sudden moves, or you’ll have me chasing you around the hospital.”

Megumi’s lips twitch upward. “Wouldn’t be the first time.” Satoru chuckles and closes his eyes for a moment. For a second he can simply pretend that the last hour or so didn't happen and he is just simply teasing Megumi as always. But when he opens his eyes again, he can't keep the smirk up any longer, his expression softening, growing serious again. Megumi seems to notice the shift in his guardian's mood and lets his gaze wander through the room. “What… happened? Are Yuji and Nobara-”

“They're both fine, I already sent them to their rooms.” Megumi's face visibly relaxes and while Satoru is relieved to see that, he sighs and crosses his arms. “You on the other hand almost died.” That apparently catches Megumi extremely off guard who blinks dumbfounded for a second. “Oh.” Satoru eyes him carefully while Megumi swallows that statement. “I'm sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t quite cut it.” Satoru doesn't want Megumi to feel bad, truly, he would much rather wrap his arms around him and comfort him till the boy feels better and pushes him away again. But he can't postpone this conversation. “You summoned Mahoraga Megumi, your heart stopped while I got you here. Are you aware how severe this is?”

Megumi doesn't meet his eyes and simply stares down at his hands. Satoru knows that forcing Megumi into a conversation rarely works but that doesn’t matter now. Carefully he moves his hand to his child's cheek and brushes over his it with his thumb softly. He wants to pull him in a hug but he has to postpone that, he needs to see Megumi's face now. “You scared me Megumi.”

That makes the dark haired boy's eyes snap to him immediately and he sees the horror in them. He has never admitted to being scared or something similar to Megumi ever, always stating how he is the strongest so Megumi would never worry. So him admitting to his pure worry must have hit him pretty bad. Satoru shakes his head slightly, not hiding the tears building in his eyes. He clears his throat, his voice and face soft but serious and sharp as well. “You don’t get to do that again.”

Megumi turns his face away. His jaw tightening. Immediately Satoru uses a bit of pressure to turn his head back to him. He needs his kid to understand. “You’re fifteen,” Satoru mutters, his voice low and unusually firm. “You’re a first-year. You’re supposed to mess up here and there and prank the second-years and trip over your own feet while you get taller.”

His voice is cracking and Satoru is painfully aware of it. It also makes Megumi's eyes shoot up from his hands back to him again, something like guilt in his eyes. He doesn't want Megumi to be guilty, hell he is the one who's guilty for essentially allowing that Megumi has this childhood/teenage years, he just wants him to understand that he is too careless with his life. “You are not supposed to lie bleeding against a tree and think that’s fine.”

“I just want to protect everyone. I wanted to protect Yuji.” Megumi's voice is low and quiet, not louder than a whisper. Satoru feels his chest tighten and he shakes his head, a lump forming in his throat. “And I get that gumi, I do. But I need you alive. I need you to put yourself first for once. The fact that you fight to protect others makes you an amazing team person but I need you to fight for yourself too. You don't get to die for anyone Megumi, not now, not ever.”

Megumi looks like he wants to respond with something but apparently struggles to formulate it, lowering his gaze again. Satoru lets out a sigh and he feels so incredibly desperate because he can tell that Megumi doesn't agree. Because, as of right now, he can't change his mind. “I’m the strongest shikigami user in my generation. I knew that I was dying and I needed to protect Yuji. And if I die protecting my friends and killing a curse, that’s worth it.”

For a moment Satoru is speechless. He doesn't know why, he should have expected something like this coming from Megumi. But maybe he just didn't want to believe that his child would say something like that. His breath is shaky and he feels his hands shivering which earns him a confused and worried look by Megumi. “This… this idea you have that your trump card is your own death?" He exclaims and feels his breath shutter. "That it’s your last, best move? It terrifies me. It terrifies me that you’re willing to throw your life away like it’s some game.”

He can't stop the single tear that flows down his cheek and he sees Megumi's eyes fill with guilt. Satoru doesn't think he has ever been this vulnerable before, he also doesn't remember the last time he actually cried. But the thought of losing Megumi, truly terrifies him. He already lost his one and only, he already lost the person he loved more than anything, the person he loved like it was as easy as breathing. He already lost Suguru, he wouldn’t lose his child as well. The little boy he raised and who helped him to deal with life when Satoru felt left alone and betrayed by everyone. The boy who brought the light back in his life, his blessing. He lost Suguru, he wouldn’t lose Megumi as well.

“And the thing that terrifies me the most… is that you’re okay with it. That you think that’s your role.” Carefully he looks up and inspects his boy's face. He tries to avoid looking at him and has settled on staring at his hands again, though flickering between his hand and Satoru's eyes. So without a second thought Satoru reaches for his hand with his other free hand. “I don’t care how brave or strong you think you have to be. You’re not supposed to be the one who pays the ultimate price.”

“You’re not allowed to be okay with dying,” Satoru mutters, finally. He is aware of the panic behind the words but he tries to speak them as gently as possible, ignoring his voice cracking. “You’re not allowed to give up your life and expect me to keep going like I didn’t just lose everything. Because if I lose you like this, I don’t know how I’ll keep going.”

Megumi blinks and finally Satoru gets a feeling that he broke through to the boy. He finally looks at him without immediately looking back to his hands again and holds his gaze for a moment. His eyes start to tear as well and without another thought, Satoru carefully pulls Megumi in a tight embrace. For a second the boy freezes before he hugs him back and melts into his arms. “I'm sorry.”

Satoru shakes his head ever so slightly and softly brushes through his child's hair while also holding him tight. Megumi's head is resting on his chest and Satoru feels like he can finally breathe freely for the first time since he heard Yuji yell out Megumi's name. His son is safe in his arms again. “You don’t need to apologize Gumi, you're not a burden. I just need you to understand how important your life is and that you shouldn't carelessly throw it away at any given chance.” He softly presses a kiss on Megumi's hair and is surprised when the boy doesn't pull away. No he stays exactly like before. “You are loved Megumi, and all of us would be devastated without you. You're not only my student, you're my family, you're- ,” he takes a shivering breath, “-you're my kid.”

Satoru feels Megumi's body tense for a moment after he said that and immediately he regrets saying it. He just broke through to Megumi, finally got to be vulnerable with the kid, of course he had to ruin it. But then suddenly, Megumi's shoulder relaxes again and he even holds onto Satoru tighter. “Thank you dad.”

It's not louder than a whisper and Satoru has to focus on his voice since Megumi's face is pressed into his chest but there is no denying that his grumpy Megumi just called him dad. A warm feeling spreads itself in Satoru and carefully he wraps his arms around him even tighter. He is still completely blown away by it though, muttering a confused “What?” before he can stop himself.

Megumi sighs softly and apparently fights with himself, and Satoru can already guess the battle. Probably a battle between blocking again and taking the ‘dad’ back or standing behind his word and explaining further. Softly Satoru continues to brush through his hair, trying to softly get Megumi to not take it back. “It's true,” Megumi finally states with a shrug, his voice still a bit unsure. As if Satoru would get up and leave the second he admits it. But obviously Satoru just simply holds him tighter and hides his smile in Megumi's hair. A soft genuine smile, a private smile only reserved for special people. “Of course it's true, I… How much did Yuji tell you about the fight?”

Satoru frowns a bit and runs through his memory. Yuji told him about the general fight, Nobara getting knocked out, then deciding to call him and lastly Megumi summoning Mahoraga. For a moment he is confused as to why Megumi would bring this up but then he remembers something else. “He gave me a quick walk through,” he pauses for a second seeing if Megumi interjects, “and he also told me that you wanted him to tell me that you are sorry and that you love me, do you mean that?”

Megumi stays quiet for another few seconds but he slowly nods in response. The warm feeling returns and Satoru smiles softly while holding him. When Yuji told him that, he couldn't believe his own ears. And while it made him feel even more guilty for not protecting his boy, it also has never felt so honored before. And that Megumi is now even admitting to it… it almost feels surreal. So he holds down his usual teasing - not he wants to tease him right now anyways. No teasing, no pressing or anything. Right now his priority is having his boy, his son, in his arms and providing him the comfort he needs. “You know… I realized there that I never told you how thankful I am for you. So, thank you… dad.”

“Oh kid,” he whispers, not being able to keep the little relieved and surprised laugh out of his voice, “you have no idea how much that means to me.” He leaves out the part that Megumi doesn't need to thank him, after all he is so beyond thankful to have him. Megumi only snuggles closer to him and Satoru presses a soft kiss on his kid's hair.

They say quiet for a moment before Satoru, per usual, breaks the silence. “I'll do better from now on, I promise.” He feels Megumi frown against his chest but he continues speaking before Megumis interrupts him. “From now on, I'll teach you more than curse techniques. I'll teach you how to love being alive gumi.” Maybe Satoru isn't the right person to try and teach someone how to love life but all these years ago when he picked Megumi up on the street, Megumi had slowly shown him what enjoying life means after he lost Suguru. Now it's time for him to do the same for him.

Megumi simply nods but it's enough of an answer for Satoru. He smiles as he looks down on his boy. He needs to take this moment in ‘cause he knows that once Megumi feels better again, he won't snuggle so close with him again. And that's completely fine, his kid is growing up, but he treasures moments like these more than anything. “My blessing.”, he mutters and lets out a chuckle when he hears Megumi's groan.

“Oh shut up.” Satoru's chuckle turns into a laugh and he can feel Megumi smiling against his chest as he pulls him closer. His boy is already acting more like himself again. He'll make a full recovery and Satoru will be right by his side. Like he always has been, whether it was from the distance or up close. He'll protect Megumi, his blessing, no matter what.