Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Alastor James Peverell was a man liked by many in his community. Everybody thought he was an amazing person, a star citizen, a role model, and someone destined for the pearly gates above.

Little did they know that his web of lies spread throughout his entire life. In truth, the name by which they knew him was not even his real name.

What is his real name?

Harry James Potter, born to the late James Fleamont Potter and Lily Joanne Potter, née Evans, on the 31st of July, 1980. They loved him with all their hearts but never got to grow with him; their tragic deaths came to them far too soon on that horrible Halloween night. Countless people lost everything that night so that others could live.

And when the dust settled, the score made itself clear.

Three people’s lives were now ruined, two people’s bodies lowered into the ground, and a prophecy was set in stone, tying two people together for as long as the other shall live—a babe who would never know love until it was too late, and a man who was the cause.

The people of his small town would never understand; they couldn't. No, it was best if they thought of him as one of them.

Anyway, He has long put all of that behind him; he killed that fucker and brought justice to his family, as was his purpose, and now, after being sent back in time, he has never looked back.

But everybody requires a purpose. And killing evil fit him so well.

What he did was a necessary, noble cause that he would gladly sacrifice himself for.

He would eradicate the monsters living in the shadows until he was the only one left. But not that anybody knows; he was the town saint, and he would be forever immortalised in the minds of those who knew him as the perfect man—one who mysteriously disappeared without a trace. In every life, he would be forever remembered fondly, but his body was never found. Closure would never be given to those who loved him.

But anybody who saw the other side of him knew he would go to hell — seen as a monster in the eyes of those he killed, but a saviour to their victims and loved ones. This was his mission, one he would continue until the end of the universe. He would spend his afterlife happy, doing what he loved forever.

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As Alastor fell to hell, he could not help but feel like he had won; finally, he had made it to the place where he could truly hunt the monsters of the world.

Now he would forever get to fulfil his purpose.

With this in mind, a manic grin spread across his face, never breaking even as he crashed hard into the ground, making a crater with his landing.

In fact, it spread impossibly wider; nothing made him happier than the thought of making their eternal punishment worse than they ever thought it could be.

His body was bleeding and broken, bending whichever way it felt like. Alastor's mind felt like TV static as he felt the familiar surge of his magic beneath his skin, and manic giggles rippled through the air, filled with static and sounding like a mangled radio.

He could feel the magnetic field around him, and one thing he knew was that it would work with the magic flowing through his veins instead of against it, as it did in life. He was so much stronger now, and even then, there were ways in which he could grow these powers, and he could not wait to figure it out.

Alastor, Hell’s newest arrival, would shake the status quo so thoroughly that they could only tell war stories of the time he wrought destruction.

Alastor took a deep breath in through his nose. This was going to be the most fun he’d ever had. And now, he has eternity to set the board up so that he would win in any scenario. He’d be so powerful that he’d be able to fight God.

Because if Alastor is going to take anything from his life as Harry, it was the lessons on how to survive in any scenario. Alastor would be a survivor, from now until forever. Now that Alastor is dead, he ironically feels freer to live. Alastor is free and plans to use that freedom to its fullest potential.

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The sound of a radio can be heard from any point within Alastors small apartment. The sound was loudest when you were in the kitchen, because that's where Alastor was currently cooking jambalaya. Alastor loved cooking, it calmed his soul and made him feel at peace.

He used to hate it but then he met someone who made it fun. Now he cooks to remember her, and his past.

Alastor contentedly hums along to the music while stirring his pot of ingredients, looking down into the pot. He realises that it's ready for the spices to be added. Alastor thinking he knows where his spices are reaches his hand over without looking. The music screeches to a halt when he realises that his spices aren't where he left them. His thoughts start to swirl, and darkness surrounds him. His powers react to his emotions, making the sound of static climb higher and higher, until suddenly, a record scratch fills the air.

Alastor finally having collected all his thoughts waves his hand and a light envelops it as he tries and fails to summon his homemade spice blend to his hand. He only just manages to dodge having a conniption once he realises that he must've forgotten to make a new mix a spices to season his food, but he takes the deepest breath possible waving his hand once more to put jambalaya in stasis.

How Alastor forgot was beyond him. He's never forgotten something like this, but the fact that he can't summon it to him stands to reason that it doesn't exist to come to him. Truthfully he doesn't think he's ever forgotten something like this though, but it doesn't matter he's now going to the shops to collect his spices then he'll mix them up and they'll be ready for next time.

It's just such a shame he'd put them inside a small shaker bottle as well and now they're done and he can't even summon the bottle to use again.

Anyway, the stasis should give him about an hour of shopping before he has to rush back and make up his new spices.

Alastors sighs scourgifying all the dirt and grime off his body then washing his hands for good measure. He takes his apron off and hangs it on its hook replacing its place on his body with his coat.

Alastor happily skips to where he left his microphone grabs it then leaves looking at the door behind him. Alastor waves his hand making his keys disappear into his pocket dimension, now with his keys safely disposed inside where no one could rob him of them he begins on his way to town, happily humming along with the song on the radio that seemed to follow him wherever he strolled.

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If you were to ask Alastor what the downsides to becoming one of the most powerful demons in hell he’d tell you about the fact that no one would give you a polite greeting let alone talk to you.

They’d run screaming trying to find the nearest place to hide. Sometimes they’d even cry, and what a delight that was, all Alastor wanted to do was pay for his spices then leave but no the cashier decided that today she’d do all three things while hiding under the cashier's desk. (Why do people think the screaming helped? All it did was hurt his ears especially with how sound sensitive they were) It doesn’t matter though, because Alastor simply put the money down on the cashier's desk and walked out of the shop back into the town.

Alastor walks down the street to make his way back to his apartment, when suddenly Alastor’s ears pick up the sound of someone singing, and Alastor ever the sticky beak decided to see what was happening. Alastor walks following the voice until it becomes clear that it was coming from a television showing an interview.

Although it sounded more like the princess of hell was singing about how everyone deserved second chances, or even an infinite amount of them.

She seemed quite happy with her plan to redeem the worst of the worst.

When the girl finished singing Alastor was suddenly startled by the sound of laughter not only coming from the TV but also all around him.

Then to his eternal delight, the princess of hell got into a huge scrap with the reporter trash trash-talking her. Chaos suddenly sprouts from everywhere, the co-reporter on fire, screaming all around and everywhere he looked on the screen there was something happening. 

It was suddenly then and there that he started thinking about all the ways he could help improve this little project.

Don't get him wrong, Alastir didn't believe in redemption one bit, but it would be so very entertaining and he'd been so very deprived of fun for the past seven years.

So now Alastor walks down the street away from his home and to the happy hotel. Magicking away his spices into his pocket dimension berating himself for not remembering that he was going to add that extension charm to his bag… No! Focus, you can do that later!

After making it to the door and fixing the way he looked he finally knocked on the door and waited for it to be answered.

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As the static came careening down to a small hum all around the air Alastor basked in the glow of protecting his new project, he breathed in then suddenly opened his arms wide making his microphone shoot out of his hands, noticing just in time though Alastor quickly summoned it back.

”Well I'm starved! Who wants some jambalaya?!” Alastors voice was jovial and laced with static. While he chattered on Alastor began to saunter back to the hotel, happy to be around others and even happier to have two of his favourite people down here Niffty and Husker.

And even while Husk may not enjoy his company Alastor does his, plus Alastor has Niffty and she's all he could ever need.

It was clear that Alastor’s shadow agreed if the way it swirled around his hooves was any indication.

Alastor chuckled good-naturedly as he walked into the kitchen of the happy hotel (terrible name in his not-so-humble opinion, it sounded like something you'd name a live hotel not a rehabilitation centre) to prepare Mama Hartfelt’s famous jambalaya recipe for the second time that day. Then it hit him, the only reason he went out today was to buy spices, spices if he might add were for the very dish he was about to make that very moment, and there was no chance that the stasis kept the food okay for the entire time he’d been gone.

Sighing Alastor sent his shadow to clean up the old jambalaya from out of the pot then bring it here and his ingredients to the hotel. Alastor hated wasting food but what he hated more than anything was when someone left something to collect mould and stink up somewhere, he’s always hated that kind of thing, more so than ever in hell with his ultra-sensitive smell.

Alastor sighs finally finished and up to the step where he has to add his spices, a little upset at remembering he hasn’t even had a chance to mix up his special blend of spices back together he goes to reach into his pocket dimension to grab them when suddenly there’s a small shaker container that looks identical to the one he put his special spices in being held in front of his face making him go cross-eyed.

As he adjusts his vision Alastor realises it’s identical because it’s his and looking up makes him into the shadowy face makes him realise the culprit was none other than his own shadow. Alastor snarls, his perfect smile somehow never faltering as he snatches the shaker from the hand in front of his face and aggressively shakes his spices into the pot.

Alastor glares as he watches his shadow clutching his stomach doubled over in laughter. His anger slowly leaches out of his body as he cooks, despite himself he begins to chuckle incredulously as he puts the food on the heat shaking his head.

At the very least it would be fun.

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Alastor sighs deeply through his mouth as he settles into his chair in his room. His chest deflating of air like somebody untied a balloon in his chest.

Alastor was tired, he’d been trying to make the damn commercial for the hotel for the past 2 days and the girls were beginning to become impatient. He had tried to protest, he truly had! He no longer did anything for anyone without wanting to, that hadn’t changed and never would!

He'd been forced and that is the story he's sticking with!

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2 days ago, Hazbin Hotel, lounge room

Alastor had been at the Hazbin hotel (he managed to get it changed through much hard work and explaining) for three days now and it had been a very long, confusing time for everyone involved, but eventually they established a routine.

Alastor being the insomniac that he is cooks breakfast and sets it on the table for everybody to eat when they wake up using his magic to keep it fresh and hot, leaving him with time to do whatever he wanted to do that day.

Usually, Alastor takes a stroll around Pentagram City stopping for his own breakfast at one of the many restaurants around cannibal town.

After he's eaten he’ll go back to the hotel and fix anything in need of repairs or simply be on call for anything the residents might need. Next, he’ll check up on how Niffty was doing, maybe make her take a break to eat something.

Alastor makes lunch and thus continues till he makes dinner, then he'll retire to his room reading till sunrise as he usually can't sleep. Rinse, repeat.

He's just gotten back from his walk and sees Charlie walking up to him happy as a clam.

“Hey, Alastor! How was your walk? I hope that it was well! I was hoping you could do something for me if you have the time, really quickly!”

Alastor blinks as he tries to piece together the sudden onslaught of words. Alastor chuckles amusedly putting his hands behind his back and letting her take a breath before asking her to explain.

“Weeell,” Charlie starts, dragging the vowel sound out with a happy tone to her voice. “I was wondering if you'd be able to make a commercial for the hotel? It's just we'd really love to get new residents, but we need something to get it into people's minds y’know? So, I thought, what better to do than to make a commercial?! What d’ya think?” Charlie rambles quickly with almost no breaths, having to gulp quickly to recover.

She shifts from one leg to the other, biting her lip with excitement.

Alastor once having processed everything said replies “Well dear I’d love to help, however I'm not sure it'll be up to your standards. How about I promote it on my radio show instead?”

Charlie however was quick to shut that down “Oh but it’d reach more people on television and I'm sure you'll do great at it! I'm sure of it!” she explains.

“I'm not so sure dear, I mean I am the radio demon, I'm not very multifaceted in this area.” Alastors gums are beginning to show in his smile as he tries his best to keep it together.

Seeing the poor girl's face drop Alastor sighed “So you'll only want a Television commercial is that it?”

“Yes! Exactly, you're fine to do it right?” Then suddenly without waiting for a response she's walking away to the next thing to catch her fancy.

As Alastor is left alone he says more to himself “Well I guess I don't really have a choice now do I”

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Now Alastor sits at his desk, his head cradled in his hands, letting out sighs that could power the whole city for a month each.

Why was he even doing this? Oh right! He felt challenged, and the stupid Gryffindor in him decided he would win.

Alastor face plants into the desk with a groan.

He doesn't know how long he stayed there before deciding to do what he did, all he knows is that it was long enough that even he who only sleeps basically once in a blue moon began to doze off.

Now he wasn't proud of it but Alastor was done and tomorrow his plan would be in place. She had warned them after all. He had no reason to feel bad.

For now, Alastor would sleep. His eyes dropped heavily as he got up from his desk and walked into his bayou.

When he finally arrived at his bed he all but flopped onto the bed carved into the biggest tree. Alastor burrows into the sheets making them into a nest of fabric and closes his eyes contentedly.

With a wave of his hand, his clothes are replaced by silk pyjamas.

Tomorrow he'd teach them a lesson, but now he sleeps through the night.

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Alastor hums happily as he works on making the commercial for Charlie. He's spent the whole day on it and is now just editing it.

He plans on editing it and splicing it in the worst way he can manage without feeling bad, he's chosen the worst footage from the bunch, and with this, he would make sure they never asked him to do something like this again.

He doesn't feel bad either, well maybe he feels a little bad he warned them and even offered an alternative but they ignored him, and they'd remember that he isn't their slave, never again that they can't always get their way!

…

Alastor finally finished editing, put the film paper to the side. He'd show it to them in the morning, for now Alastor reckons he deserves a finger or two of rye.

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Alastor turns off the TV his smile threatening to leap off his face with the way he masks his need to laugh. He opens his arms with a wide flourish twirling his microphone in his hand.

“So what do you think?” he stares at both the girls sitting in front of him with dumbfounded expressions on their faces.

Vaggie with her anger written on her face plain as day is the first to recover.

“I'm sorry, what the fuck was that?”

Charlie talks next clearly trying to spare his feelings. “Ah… yeah, one note! Alastor… I mean first off thank you so much for making this, seriously amazing! But maybe the tone is a bit… off?”

She pauses momentarily trying to see if he's at all bothered by her opinion, not realising that Alastor found it funnier than one of Fred and George's pranks on Professor Umbridge.

“We want people to want to come here,” she continues to explain, “this makes it look…” she pauses grasping for the right word to use before Vaggie interrupts her.

“Bad. The word you're looking for is bad.”

“Funny, I was going for hilarious.” Alastor mocked lightly.

Vaggie, anger growing, held her head in her hand “It didn't explain anything about how we're trying to save demons from exterminations, which is the whole fucking point.” she explained hotheadedly.

“Vaggie is right Alastor, the commercial was to let sinners know that we are trying to help them!”

“Well, my dear, I do recall telling you that this would most likely not be up to your standards. Correct?” Alastor responded but before giving them time to answer back he started up again “and did I not if my memory serves me correctly offer an alternative? Yes? Oh, I did think so. So would you say you'd been accurately warned?

Once again, thank you before they can talk he talks “but you instead quite adamantly in fact said that there were to be no ifs ands or buts, so I decided to have some fun with it.”

“Oh, you decided to ‘have a little fun with it,’ did you? Well, this is not what we want to represent us! When you showed up here a week ago you said you would help run this hotel, instead, you're mocking us. Nobody is going to want to come to a place that a powerful overlord like you thinks is a waste of time.”

Tension rises in Alastors shoulders as Vaggie stands up onto the couch to make herself appear taller reaching for her spear.

Static rises unpleasantly in the air as the smell of ozone surrounds them, then suddenly all the tension in the room dissipates at once when Angel Dust raises his hand in the air.

“What?” Vaggie asks sounding on the verge of stabbing someone.

“If’n ya’ filmin’ a commercial, can I suggest you take better advantage of the talented celebrity you have right here!” Angel suggests while grabbing a beer and flourishing the comment by pointing two sets of hands towards himself.

“Angel, you're a pornstar” Vaggie point out only for him to shoot right back.

“A famous pornstar! I'll have the horniest sinners knocking these walls down to get in.” Angel emphasised.

“Angel, we are not filming porn as a commercial.”

“Why not?” Angel questioned, “sex sells doesn't it? I swear if you film me going at it with Mr Creepy talk over here, you'd be rolling in participants willing to stay at this tacky hotel.”

When Alastor heard this the static in the room suddenly came back with a vengeance as he faked a laugh, “Haha never going to happen!”

Finally, Charlie steps in “Angel, I appreciate you wanting to umm… attract folks to the hotel, but I really don't want to… eh, exploit you, in that way.”

However, her attempt was in vain as Angel steamrolled over what she said. It's at this time that Alastor zoned out trying not to listen as Angel told everyone all the ways he was made to be exploited, or something to that effect.

Suddenly Alastor is startled back into the conversation when Angel refers to him “Hey I gotta question. If freaky face over there is so powerful why can't he just make people stay here?”

“Oh trust me,” Alastor chuckles “I can!” he's quick to reassure.

“Why d’ya think I'm here?” Husk’s gruff voice interrupts, “d’ya actually think I'd be here cleaning bottles, listen’ to you fucks bitch and moan all the time if ‘e wasn’ forcin’ me?”

Niffty chose this moment to pop up from under the bar “I like being forced!” she chirped happily.

“Keep that to yourself Niff.”

Angel never one to keep quiet when given the opportunity to flirt was the next to speak “What? You don't love being here with me whiskers?”

“Call me whiskers and I'll shove that bottle down your throat.”

“Kinkyy… come on, keep talkin’ dirty” Angel shot back before they were interrupted by Vaggies' groan.

“Ughh, Angel, come on let Husk do his job. And no we can't force sinners to stay here, they need to choose to.”

“I'm choosin’ ta’ stay her’ and I think it's all stupid. We're in hell toots. That's kinda the end of the road ain't it?”

“Well, maybe it doesn't have to be, just because nobody ever made it out before doesn't mean it's not possible!” Vaggie says trying to sound assuring.

“Hey, whatever means I can keep crashin’ here rent-free. Crack is expensive” Angel quips, resting his hand on Vaggie's shoulder.

Vaggie was just about to tell him off for his joke and lecture him on staying clean, when Charlie called her over to her excitedly.

“Ahh, Vaggie holy shit!”

Jumping she walked over to Charlie who was waving her hand wildly to signal her over.

Alastor listens in as Charlie explains that her dad just called and asked her to take his place in a meeting with the exorcists.

Suddenly Alastor gets indescribably mad, they haven't talked in ages he assumed, and the first thing that happens is that tacky tyrant shoving work he should be doing onto his daughter? No wonder the poor girl had daddy issues if this waste of breath was her father.

Alastor decided then and there that if Alastor ever met him, king of hell or not, a deadbeat dad is still a deadbeat, and he'd make his life hell, Well… that is to say a bigger hell.

When Alastor finally came to he realised that Charlie had broken out into song, and ran out of the hotel to go to her meeting, and quickly decided to flee, but just as he was about to shadow travel back to his room he was ushered by Vaggie to sit on a chair who paid special care to not touch him, something he appreciated greatly, because she had an announcement to make.

“Alright, now Charlie is off doing something very important right now, so while she's gone we’re going to film a new commercial one that represents both Charlie's vision and what the hotel stands for.” she emphasised heavily “so we need a camera. Alastor?”

Alastor still feeling a bit petty snapped his fingers summoning a photo-only camera into her waiting hand. His shadow snickers behind him grinning widely.

Vaggie however remained unimpressed as she levelled him with a deadpan stare. “A video camera”

Alastor sighed and quickly transfigured the camera with a wave of his hand into a 1940s camera making sure it would work in close quarters to his magic.

“All right! Let's do this!” Vaggie pumps her fist in the air happy to be able to surprise her girlfriend.

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Alastor watches on feeling immensely amused as he watches the train wreck of a production.

Finally, Alastor thought, this was the kind of entertainment he'd come for. Alastor laughed as Husker pushed a hand into Angel’s face and shoved him all the way off the bar and even the stool he sat on only saying a simple whoops to defend himself.

Alastor was glad that Husk could defend himself, Angel could be quite a handful to deal with, and it seems he's taken a liking to the torture of poor Husk. He'd have hated to have to step in.

Vaggie sighs moving onto Niffty, and suddenly Alastor's fun was soured into pity as he watched Niffty all excited to participate only to freeze when the camera turned on, and also not even realise it happened.

Angel Dust chose that moment to tease Vaggie, “You’re doin’ great Vagina.” Alastor saw as Vaggie froze up momentarily and reacted by saying she would fix it in post.

Well, that's not like her at all, Alastor thought. Usually, she'd react with a bit of fight but instead she stormed off to ‘figure it out’ in her words.

Alastor looked to where she had left in pity, wondering what had happened.

Alastor then shadow travels to the kitchen and quickly begins on lunch. Can't have everyone going hungry now can he? But his thoughts nagged at him that something was wrong. He quickly put that on the back burner of his mind though, he'd figure it out later.

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After he finished cooking he set aside a portion for the princess when she returned and hung up his apron.

Noticing that Vaggie was nowhere to be found Alastor decided to go find her and subtly check on her, out of boredom of course, not that he was worried.

“Having a bit of trouble there?” Alastor teases leaning into Vaggie’s space, causing her to curse him in Spanish.

“Agh hijo de un pendejo, why are you even here?”

Alastor smiled widely “Oh no reason just came to see how the project was coming along! It doesn't seem as easy when you're doing it does it?” he teased cheekily, but Vaggie was clearly done with him today.

“Oh yeah, you really expect me to believe that what you have to tell Charlie and me was your best work?” she challenged angrily. “Honestly, why are you here? Why are you here if you're not going to help?!”

Alastors mood soured at that realising that she didn't know he was the biggest reason that this shabby place was still standing.

Alastor now upset reminded her that he tried to help but they insisted even after he'd said he couldn't do it.

Vaggie reacting to his anger takes the camera and presses record “and here is Alastor the egotistical piece of shit wh-” suddenly she drops the camera as it short-circuits, his magic having reacted to his anger.

“Urgh! That's it! I don't care who or what you are, if you're staying here you are going to make it work, because it won't be so entertaining-” she mocked her hands waving at the sides of her head “to watch over an empty hotel will it, shitass?”

Alastor took a deep breath out through his nose closing his eyes. When he opens them he fixes his smile back onto his face.

“Fair enough. How about we make a deal?”

Vaggie huffs a laugh in through his nose in response. “You really think I'm that stupid to make a deal with a demon like you?”

You make a fine impression of it, Alastor sassed in his mind.

Alastor roles his eyes “not for your soul, just a simple deal.” he clarifys, “I help you now and don't have to be in the video, as long as you and your charming little girlfriend promise not to force me to do something like this for you again, and for the love of Satan, if I give an alternative that would work better, listen to it.”

Seeing the fact that she was still reluctant he decided it was time to pull out the manipulation.

“Or… Charlie could come home to absolutely nothing. The choice is ultimately yours.” Then finally she cracked.

“Fine,” she sighed, “just help me please,” Vaggie begged, it was a little pathetic in Alastor’s opinion.

Picking up the camera from the floor he quickly transformed the lounge room into a small recording area, he also summoned everyone and transformed their clothes into something fancier.

“Alright, let's make a fuckin’ commercial” Vaggie said determined.

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Alastor was happy with how the filming was turning out so far for everything except Niffty’s lines. Taking her aside he asks if she thought she'd be able to follow along if someone held reading cards for her on the sidelines. (“Oh! Yes sir! That'd be amazing!”)

After summoning a shadow puppet things seemed to go smoother until finally they're all done and all that they needed it do now was edit it.

Alastor decided that Vaggie could do that and went to start on dinner.

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After Alastor was done cooking he put aside a serving for Charlie when she got back. Then he yelled out “Dinner's ready!” and magicked the food-loaded plates to where everyone sat.

While they all ate he went to inspect how the commercial was coming along, and upon noticing that it was finished he quickly made a copy of the film paper, making it into a cassette tape for the princess and her beau to keep.

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Everyone now watered and fed decided they'd wait for Charlie in the lounge room.

Alastor’s ears perked up as he heard the front door open and close.

“I believe our dear princess has just arrived-” before Alastor had even finished talking Vaggie rushed to go get her and show her the commercial.

Alastor turned to look at the couple as they walked in “Ah, it seems you're just in time to watch it air.” Alastor noticed that Charlie looked close to tears though whether they were good or bad seemed to be still in question.

“Wait, the commercial? You guys made a new one?” Charlie questioned the tears in her eyes turning happy.

“Ye’ one o’ my betta performances if I do say so myself” Angel said with a smile.

“Aww, that's so beauti-”

“Sshh! It's startin’”

But unfortunately, it barely had time to start before it was interrupted by the news.

“Breaking news in hell today, we have just received each word from the heaven embassy that the next extermination is happening sooner than ever before! Do you know what that means tom?” Katie Killjoy’s voice rings out from the television. “No, what does that mean Katie?” Tom Trench answers “It means we’re all royally fucked!” she answers as the screen changes from the news room to a close-up of the counter above the Heaven embassy.

“Wait, what?! Why??” Angel questions.

Alastor couldn't help but agree why was it happening? It can't be a legal bend of the rules in the contract right? Doesn't it happen once a year? This means it'll happen twice in a one-year period instead, and that can't have been agreed upon right?

Alastor decided that he'd research this immediately. He needs more information, what would Hermione do?

He thinks for a while before realising everyone is going to bed for the night.

Alastor quickly shadow-travels to his room picking out all the books he can find that may help him and settling into his chair to read knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep even if he could.

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Alastor was about to snap. He’d been researching all night and had found nothing. How did nobody document what that stupid contract said??

He’d gone through everything he could possibly get his hands on and it was starting to seem like the only copy of the damned contract was the original.

Sighing Alastor decides it’s time to take a break. When he came back he’d look at it with a clear mind and fresh eyes.

Alastor sinks into the shadows appearing inside the kitchen.

After grabbing a mug, he opens the cupboard, fishing through everything until he eventually finds the tea bags and grabs both of them, along with the sugar next to it.

He hums to himself as he fills the kettle with water then after turning the stove on places it on the fire to heat up.

Alastor’s ear twitches when it picks up Charlie’s panicking voice.

He listens intently until the kettle suddenly squeals. He picks it up and pours the water into the mug with the teabag and sugar.

Sighing he brings his tea up the stairs and over to the balcony. He casually waves his hand as he sits on the chair a newspaper appearing in his hand.

A palette cleanser would be good for him, especially after all his research.

With a sigh, he starts to read but he barely gets to read the first word before Pentious’ huge warship comes into view.

Alastor growls in frustration at having been interrupted when suddenly the ship shoots a ray ruining the wall.

Alastor resolutely ignores all this and tries to at least get a paragraph of relaxation in.

“Ssshow yoursself Alastor! Come and-“ maybe if he stayed very still he wouldn’t notice he was there “Oh there you are.” Drat! “Come and face my wrath!”

With a sigh, Alastor waves his newspaper and tea up to his room, “Who are you?”Alastor questions pettily. He knew very well who he was, but Alastor knew he hated not being known, and well Alastor prides himself on his ability to be an asshole to people he didn't like.

“Who am I? Who am I?” He repeats incredulously “I am the great Sssir Pentious! Inventor, architect of desstruction, villain extraordinair!”

While the snake ranted Alastor apparated down to the ground grumpily,

barely noticing that Charlie and Angel both startled at his sudden appearance.

“Ooh, you tell 'em, boss!”

Niffty having climbed up on his shoulder giggled “OH, he's a bad boy!”

Alastor reached around picking the girl up by the scruff of her neck, making sure to be gentle as he placed her back on the ground.

“Ha! Well, if all that's true you'd think I'd have heard of you!” Alastor mocked slyly.

“I attacked you literally last week.” Alastor tilted his head to the side, scrunching his face up. “We’ve done battle like… twenty times?”

“Well, you must've been really bad at this!” Alastor drawled sassily, It seems that the man was over him though.

“Silence! Now cower! For when I have sslain you, the almighty V’s will finally accept me as their equal!”

“Ooh! Wait, who are the V’s” Said Niffty, once again on his shoulder.

Alastor decided to simply leave her there this time she wasn't impairing anybody by being on his shoulder.

“Oh, nobody important”

Sir Pentious looks quite put out by his response, incredulously correcting him. “Nobody important?! You must be japing! The V’s are just the most powerful and influential overlords, in the whole pentagram!”

Alastor rolls his eyes his smile turning into more of a snarl. “Anyway! Are you certain that a fight is what you truly want?”

Looking quite offended the snake assured him “Yes! Of course I'm sure!”

Alastor sighed and set Niffty off to the side in preparation. “Well if you're sure, then who am I to deny you? Let's just get this done quickly now.”

Suddenly four shadowy tendrils sprouted from beneath the machine two of them wrapping around it to hold it in place while the others hit it hard enough to jolt.

He laughed while Pentious screamed in the background flying around his ship like in a pinball machine.

“Uhh, Alastor, I think he's had enough?!” Charlie nervously commented, however, Angel was quick to shut it down.

“Nah, he's got a few more hits in ‘im.”

Alastor finally tipped the battleship upside down watching as he caused Pentious to splat on the ground in front of his feet.

“Thanks for another forgettable experience.” Twirling his microphone in his hands he puts his hands behind while speaking.

“Thank you-,” Alastor peers down at him with pity as the snake weakly starts “FOR LETTING YOUR GUARD DOWN!” he finishes laughing as he wraps his tail around Alastor’s coat tearing a piece off.

It was safe to say Alastor was pissed now, his coat is part of his image! His persona was perfect, now he had to get his coat fixed, or risk not being perfect, and if he wasn't perfectly playing his persona that he earned his fame with then did he really deserve it or was he just the boy who lived again?

Alastor let his antlers grow, the sound of the microphone feedback mixed with the primal sound of a stag letting out a warning scream rose from him.

Using his tendrils he crushed the ship causing it to explode then threw both him and whatever remained of the ship as far away as he could.

“Well it looks as though I need a visit to the tailor, Best of luck chums!” Alastor said moving to leave before Vaggie interrupted him.

“Wait, you're leaving?! Alastor we need your help, we need you to do your job!” Vaggie started impatiently.

“We need a wall.” Angel deadpanned using his hands to gesture expectedly.

“Of course! Can't let my new project fall into disrepair already! What would the papers say?” Alastor cheerfully said before summoning several shadow puppets to do the job.

Alastor then turns to go to the tailor resolutely ignoring Angel flirting with one of them.

-———————————————-

“All right! That's you all done, sir!” The tailor -Loretta, if her name tag was to be believed- exclaimed. “Let's go ahead and get you checked out now!”

“Ah, beautiful! Thank you, darling! You've done such an amazing job, I'll be sure to tell my friends all about you.”

They walked together to the front of the store happily chatting with one another. Alastor pays and leaves thoroughly cheered up. That was until he noticed the television stand set up across the street. If that wasn't enough his sensitive ears picked up that it was Vox on the TV and he was shit-talking him.

Side-eyeing the stand as he walked away Alastor was quick to disappear into an alleyway and disapparate to his Radio tower spreading his broadcast to be heard in every area of hell. The sound rested on the radio waves and reached the people's ears even without a radio in sight.

Focusing his ears on the frequency of radio waves that Vox was broadcasting on so that he could hear everything in real time, Alastor started his broadcast.

Salutations good to be back on the air!

Every new soul in hell swirled their heads around in alarm trying in vain to find where Alastor’s voice was coming from, meanwhile, those who were in hell before Alastor left seven years ago looked at each other in fear.

People whisper, everyone looking to their elders for answers only to freeze when they see them hyperventilating.

The streets were quickly cleared of people, everybody fleeing to their homes to hide, but they knew it wouldn't make a difference.

Those who were on the radio demons' list, knew that these days would be their last, because despite appearances the radio demon was a predator, and he would always finish the hunt.

Yes I know, it's been a while, since someone with style treated hell to a broadcast. Sinners rejoice!

However nobody did, almost all that most could do was prepare for the screams, but the monsters of hell opened the good alcohol, they knew that now was the time to spend life doing whatever they always wanted to do, and if it killed them in the process they would be happy.

Anything would be better than what the radio demon would do to them, and now their break was over.

The radio demon was back.

\/mmm\/-\/mmm\/

/\nmnn/\-/\nmnn/\

Alastor was having more fun than he'd had since he could remember messing with Vox.

He found himself very amused listening to him trying to clap back only for it to be down to him better every single time.

Is Vox as strong as he purports, or is it based on his support? Alastor knew that this was a tender subject for Vox, which made it a perfect stop to stab for him. He’d be powerless without the other V’s.

Most would frown upon twisting the knife unnecessarily, but Alastor thought it something deserved.

Oh please!

And here’s the sugar on the cream he asked me to join his team! Alastor continues, resolutely ignoring Vox’s protests. I said no and now he’s pissy! That’s the tea.

You old-timey prick I’ll show you suffering!!

Alastor had to stop himself from laughing when he heard the threat. If he got going he might never stop.

With amusement, Alastor quipped back, Oh! The TV is buffering.

Vox screams in frustration I’ll destroy you!

Suddenly all of the Pride Ring is plunged into the dark and sinners from all around already wound up begin to really freak out some even passing out in fear.

Alastor can feel everything happening at once, can even smell the panic, and he loves it.

However, the show must go on.

He reels the reach of his broadcast away from everyone except one sinner. Vox.

I’m afraid you’ve lost your signal Alastor teased mean-spiritedly.

Let’s begin, Alastor begins to grow wildly, his arms lengthening and his antlers enlarging. His eyes turn into radio dials and he has to lean over the desk just to stay in the tower.

I’m going to make you wish that I’d stayed gone, and he'd enjoy it heartily. Tune on in, when I’m done, your status quo will know its race is run.

Red drool that could be blood begins to leak from his mouth.

Oh, this will be fun. Suddenly Alastor cuts off all connection to his broadcast listening in satisfaction as Vox petulantly swears.

Alastor now thoroughly pleased with himself decides to plan a new broadcast for tomorrow.

Now… what to do? Alastor wonders, when suddenly Alastor has a thought. Oh! Maybe I could catch up with hell during broadcasts…

Alastor's smile brightens, maybe he could even get Rosie on as a broadcasting buddy for them too!

-———————————————-

Four hours later Alastor left his radio tower feeling on top of the world.

He hummed a merry tune as he strolled down to the hotel parlour from the roof of the hotel.

Suddenly Alastor, paused just before turning the corner to the stairs. His shoulders tensed, instincts screaming there was danger.

He could feel his tail flag upwards, warning a non-existent herd of danger.

Alastor warily sniffed the air, he could smell everyone downstairs, somehow he could tell they were uncomfortable, also feeling the threat.

All except Charlie smelled of either irritation and anxiety at best or outright anger at worst, but there was one scent that didn’t belong.

It smelled of gunpowder, iron, and steel. It felt cunning and powerful.

He couldn’t place it but it smelled familiar, like he’d just seen them today, but he hadn’t seen anybody dangerous today.

He knew though that he’d probably fought them before.

Trembling slightly he steeled himself, preparing to protect the others should he have to. Why? He didn’t know.

Alastor didn’t know why he felt so on edge. Surely he could take whatever was down there, it didn’t even seem to be aggressive at the moment.

He didn’t know why he felt so protective of the others, and he especially didn’t know why his instincts told him to hide the princess in some long grass.

The thought of doing so seemed so ridiculous, and yet made his nerves loosen.

The only thing that struck him was the fact that the poor girl wouldn’t know how to stay still and camouflage herself.

In fact, she’d probably walk right up to a predator and show them around, that thought had Alastor scrambling to get to the stairs.

Alastor tried his hardest to appear nonchalant as he appeared at the end of the stairs.

He scanned his eyes over everyone, no injuries from what he could tell, no one missing… then he saw it.

Sir Pentious, if he remembered correctly.

The man who not only dared to attack his herd project, but also ripped his coat.

He pauses watching Charlie giving him a tour, it's then he realises just how right he was about her instincts.

Resisting the urge to face palm he instead concentrates on the snake, he can feel the electronics on him, but they seem new and he can't place what they were.

He sighs coating it in his magic making sure it wouldn't break when he got near it.

He'd been told off enough about ruining everyone's phones and such that he finally found a way to let them work while he was around, unless of course he was upset and his magic decided to lash out.

Alastor wasn't happy about Pentious becoming a resident, and it seemed nobody except Niffty, who was excited that the “bad boy” was back, Husk who just didn't care, and Charlie felt different.

Protectively he prepared for a fight noticing with satisfaction that Vaggie had already done the same, however had seemed to put her weapon away to please her girlfriend.

Alastor continued to watch Charlie with a protective glint in his eyes only letting up as they came closer, finally noticing him.

“We're about eighty per cent sure she's harmless, and over here we have-”

Charlie pauses slightly when she almost walks into Alastor.

However, she quickly recovered, “Oh! Ah… Alastor, our gracious facility manager!” she exclaimed anxiously, “You've met our newest guest, Sir Pentious?”

“Ah yes! You're the one who ruined my coat!” he said in a deceivingly friendly tone. “I definitely remember you now.”

Alastor watched pleased as he noticed Sir Pentious nervously shift away.

Good, Alastor thought, make him remember who the predator was here.

“Well… This is a great time for your first lesson!” Charlie exclaimed.

Then clearing her throat she began to lecture “Ahem, how to apologise; the first step to becoming a better person is to admit when you are wrong!” Pushing Pentious forward she suggested, “Why, don't you give it a try?!”

“Yes… um, mister, um… Radio Demon sir, pleasse forgive me for attacking you and ruining your very coat.” he reached into his suit pocket bringing out the shred of cloth, “umm, here.”

Alastor looked at him with a scowl he hadn't broken out since the last time he fought with Draco.

Not that many could tell with the eternal smile he wore, but if you looked at his eyes you understood.

Alastor quickly schooled his expression, he hadn't been this annoyed at someone since before he got sent back in time.

He hadn't even been annoyed when he had to watch Vox ruin their friendship for a horrid man who would probably never become better.

He'd been angry, sure, but most of all he was sad. Vox had truly been his friend and Alastor felt like he was ready to tell him of his past, then like a sudden shift Alastor didn't even know who he was anymore.

Refocusing Alastor took the cloth from Pentious’ hand.

“Oh-Ho! Not many have been able to take even this much off me!” he began before continuing in his best condescending tone, channelling the energy of a first-year Hermione, “It must have meant quite a lot to you.”

He then suddenly engulfed it within green flames, vanishing away to ashes into his bayou.

It felt cathartic to burn it, and it sent a message to the snake that he wouldn't forgive him all while telling him who was the most powerful.

Making sure they knew he could protect them.

-———————————————-

Alastor grabbed a book off his bedside table, humming happily as he went to sit down in his rocking chair.

As he was about to sit down he instead decided to go downstairs and read with the others.

While the others definitely won’t be reading at least he’ll have company.

He shadow-travelled sitting down in his armchair in the foyer.

Alastor heaves a sigh, opening his book and beginning to read.

Alastor never liked to read before, but when he was sent to the past he did so much research trying to get back to his family, -especially Teddy- and by some point, he started reaching out to books whenever he wanted to do something.

He found he quite liked the serene ambience that libraries fostered, sometimes there was only him and the radio quietly serenading him with jazz.

He understands Hermione much better now that he's been through everything he has.

Oh! Also plays! Alastor loved plays, he always loved theatre -musical or otherwise.- He yearned for the stage, the lights to shine in him and thunderous applause to be given because of something he did.

Something people couldn't look at him he was happy his parents were dead.

Alastor quickly shook his head, better not to get into that.

Looking up from his novel he noticed that the others were setting up for a new activity. He was about to go back to ignoring them when he saw all the costumes and scripts.

Alastor’s thoughts quickly turn into excitement as he watches everyone prepare to do a small play. Well, they said it was a play when he asked and it looks like it should be one.

But- it just didn't seem right. Sure, it had everything it needed, but it didn't have the heart to make it true.

Alastor’s lip curled in distaste, his smile more of a sneer.

All he could do was watch, helpless as he gazed at the scene with pity.

Angel’s role felt the smallest bit… biased…? Especially since Pentious only just got here, smelled like deceit, and yet Alastor could tell the girls had already heralded him as their best resident.

Alastor felt like a stone had settled into his stomach, his heart clenched, and all he wanted to do was protect Angel.

Somehow Charlie started this project and had forgotten that the entire point was to redeem everyone.If she threw away her current project in place of the seemingly easier one when she only had two so far how would it be if she got more?

Alastor doesn't think she's doing it on purpose though, her knowledge of redemption just left much to be desired.

She seemed to think everyone's journey would be the same straight line, but that simply wasn't true.

For someone like Angel Dust, it especially wasn't. An addict, in a situation where what people are asking for is going cold turkey. Meanwhile, his literal job doesn't let him do that, and he can't even leave.

Maybe Alastor should subtly help… he could show her how Earth hospitals helped their patients.

Yeah, that would work. If only then he wouldn't feel like there was a hole in his heart watching the poor fellow being accidentally villainised.

Speaking of which, Angel was fleeing from the parlour, to his room.

His gaze was looking down, he seemed very tired. If Alastor was being honest with himself, it worried him to no end.

Usually, even if Angel was only acting as if nothing was wrong he could keep it up till he got to his room.

Now however? Now he's remarkably downtrodden.

It was then as he looked at Angel’s retreating frame that he decided he'd have to check up on him soon.

He didn't care though, he just didn't want to deal with the fallout!

-———————————————-

Alastor knew he wasn't crazy to not trust the snake! He smelled like deceit and, had always postured himself in a way to threaten before this.

In fact, he threatened -his herd- them not six hours before suddenly being quite chummy with them. If that wasn't one of the most suspicious things he'd seen down here in hell, he didn't know what was.

Back to it though, Alastor never trusted him. He'd decided to follow Sir Pentious when he went to bed and make sure he didn't get up to anything shifty.

These souls were his entertainment, and he wouldn't let anyone do anything to them.

Not that he could go to anyone with his suspicions, his reputation would be in tatters, and not to mention the little Morningstar would be heartbroken. I mean c'mon she was the only one who couldn't sense danger, and even proved his cockamamie worry that she'd give just anyone a tour of someone didn't stop her, literally the minute after he thought it.

Alastor waited outside Sir Pentious’ new room for no longer than three hours before the little rat left, he observed from the shadows as the man looked over his shoulder, and crept somewhere.

Alastor shifted within the shadows and latched onto Sir Pentious’ with ease.

The only thing that would tip anyone off to his presence, is a dark grey pair of eyes and a smile where they usually would be on Alastor’s own shadow.

Alastor persists in pursuing Pentious with the discipline of a nun after that staying right on his tail until he notices that Angel Dust had begun to tail them.

It's quite surprising to learn that perhaps one of the loudest Demons of the hotel could be so sneaky. Sir Pentious doesn't notice him at all, and Alastor only noticed because his ears are very sensitive and Angel’s perfume didn't wash the full way off.

But, as things must Alastor supposed.

He continues hiding in Pentious’ shadow keeping an eye on Sir Pentious, and his ears listening for Angel.

Sir Pentious having turned into the library now places a ‘security’ camera on the shelves.

“You slippery little shit!” Angel said bursting in abruptly. “You’re workin’ for th’ V’s?!” Sir Pentious blistered at the intrusion falling back against the bookshelf. “I fuckin’ knew there was something shitty a’bout you.”

Angel got up close to Sir Pentious and used one of his hands to poke at his chest accusingly.

“I don't know what you're talking about!”Sir Pentious exclaimed defensively turning from him and slithering away, before he continued speaking “Whore bug.”

Pentious seemed quite proud of his insult but Alastor watching them thought it to be weak and stupid.

Whore bug? That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard, surely he can think of better than that!

Alastor watched incredulously when a moment later Angel Dust seemingly had taken it badly. He honestly thought it wouldn't hurt him given how he promotes himself to anything with a pulse and a certain package.

Alastor scenting trouble was quick to leave Pentious’ shadow into the far corner of the bookshelf’s shadow.

It seems he did so just in time too, because Angel all of a sudden leaps toward Pentious. He straddled the snake's waist and began to beat down upon his face. He grabbed Pentious’ body in all of his sets of hands, leveraging his body weight to roll him around clutching the sinner’s throat all while Sir Pentious struggled to break free.

“Get your aggressively average body, off of me!” Sir Pentious orders looking into Angel's eyes.

Alastor bristled when he watched Pentious’ eyes swirl similarly to Vox’s when hypnotising someone. He watched as Angel became dazed and confused before quickly shaking it off. Filing away all the possible dangers there Alastor becomes increasingly uneasy.

He wonders if Pentious could only daze people momentarily or if he stared longer he could influence people the way Vox does, and if he can't do it now could he with more deals under his belt?

Once Angel shook off the effects he let out a dangerous growl and slowly inched toward where Sir Pentious was crouching against the wall, looking like he was trying not to cower but failing.

Before they can get into fisticuffs again, Charlie and Vaggie walk into the room looking tired beyond belief.

“What's going on…” Charlie inquires covering her mouth to hide a yawn.

“This little bit’h is a traita’!” Angel exclaimed sounding nasally and slurring his words.

“Prepossterouss!” Sir Pentious began “I would never betray you! You, are my besst friendss” He’s quick to reassure, but Angel Dust was equally quick to correct him.

“Uh-huh? Then explain this.” He steps aside moving the book obscuring the camera from view.

Seeing his plan failing and his influence over Charlie and Vaggie has been shattered flinches back flailing around.

“AH, AHH! Abort! Abort! Sos, Agent Pentious in need of immediate evacuation!”

As he speaks into his watch, Alastor narrows his eyes unhappily remembering how he let it in the hotel. Trying not to be spotted Alastor discreetly leaves, sticking to the shadows before stopping in the vast blackness just outside the room.

Alastor listened intently as the person on the other end computed what had happened.

“Pentious? Wait… you were caught?” the person on the other side began before laughing heartily “It hasn't even been… a day!”

Vox -as Alastor now recognised- seemed to think this was hilarious.

Pentious desperately begged, “Please, you've got to get me out of here!”

Vox mocked Sir Pentious still laughing, “I can't believe we thought you could handle even something this simple. Do us a favour if they don't kill you, go ahead and do it yourself, you miserable failure!”

Alastor winced in pity when he heard that, remembering a Vox from a long time ago that would've handled that much more politely.

Alastor wished he could've changed what happened for Vox to end up like this, but he understands that Vox made his choice when he lowered his standards for who to hang around. He likewise comprehends how stupid it was to think he could find a friendship without strings in hell, at least -not one like his, Ron’s and Hermione’s- not one that he knows is without strings.

Sir Pentious tears up, his voice wavering upset. “I-… I… just make it quick, I guess,” he says walking over to curl into a ball. “Not that I deserve it.”

“Gladly” Vaggie says clutching her spear about to do just that until Charlie moves past her.

“Wait… Pentious?” She leans down offering her hand to him, and he maneuvers himself to look at her.

“It starts with sorry…” she sings softly, and Alastor’s eyes just about roll out of his head with the power of his eye roll.

Honestly, why is hell a musical? Just twenty-four/ seven, there is someone singing, even Alastor has fallen prey to it at some point. You feel a strong emotion? BAM! You're suddenly singing, talking about how you feel or something else equally stupid.

Alastor hates that it helps, he hates that it's impossible to hate.

However, it does make Alastor quiver to think what heaven would be like. Egh.

The others seem to finish their song quickly enough because as he shifts his focus he notices Niffty at the edge of the room, stamping inside quickly at the sudden lack of backing music -what’s up with that, as well?!- exclaiming her hatred for the song.

She kicks him running away angrily, and Alastor has to stop himself from giggling at that, before he gives off his position.

“Good first day. Let's get some rest,” Charlie says sighing contentedly as she walks outside.

After making sure that nobody would notice him going into the library after they left Alastor shadow-travels into the room, finally coming out of his shadow and picking up the discarded watch.

As he turns it to face him it lights up again and Vox is displayed, “What?” he demands before balking when he sees who was on the other side.

“You’ll have to try harder than that next old pal” Alastor crushes the watch in his hands with ease laughing with triumph, his grin wide and cruel.

He quickly leaves for his room with a pep in his step, after waving away the scraps of electronics, vanishing the camera into the trash as well.

Alastor sits down in his chair, sighing contentedly, Alastor happily sank into his chair his resting his eyes from the lights of the room.

Today went well in Alastors opinion, hopefully his meeting next week will do the same, heaven knows if Vox is there he’ll need all the good he can get.

-———————————————-

–

Chapter Text

–

-———————————————-

Alastor prepares for his meeting, jazz playing on the radio, as he hums along merrily.

It's been a week since Sir Pentious arrived at the hotel, and things have been, well, they've been alright, he guesses.

He's been trying his hardest to be nice to him while still laying the law. At first, he wanted him to feel welcome, make sure that he didn't flip out.

However, when he saw how he reacted to it, Alastor could admit that it might've become a bit of a game for him.

He couldn't help it! It was just so funny, the way he became more and more jumpy whenever somebody was nice to him. It was hilarious, Niffty once cleaned his room, -Y’know something that's her job- and he flailed about so pathetically that Alastor could've sworn he broke a rib holding his laugh.

Alastor huffs a laugh at the memory and finally finishes getting ready. He decides to go into his bayou for a quick walk.

While he walks, he reaches a small pond with a raft of ducks playing together.

Continuing to walk, he contentedly hums when suddenly a smell hits his nose over the smell of mud and leaves. It smelled like freshly killed meat.

Quickly leaving, following where his nose takes him, he finds the small grove in no time. When he looks at the body, he realises it's a deer carcass, and his stomach rumbles impatiently at the unrestrained smell.

Well, there's no use in wasting it, is there? Alastor thinks, whisking the body away to his breakfast table. I mean, after all, you never know when your next meal will be down here!

Seating himself at the table, he summons his utensils and begins to eat happily, and with a wave of his hand, he charms the radio to play Frank Sinatra.

Humming the beginning notes of the song, ‘Somethin’ Stupid’, Alastor begins to eat his meal.

However, Alastor didn't get even a fifth of the way through his food before the door was suddenly opened so hard it went into the wall.

Alastor turns his head to look at the person at the door, discovering it to be Vaggie and are those Sir Pentious’ eggs?

“Do you mind? I'm in the middle of breakfast,” Alastor warily watched Vaggie in case something was wrong, though from what he could see, nothing appeared to be broken or injured.

“Pentious’ eggs are all over the place, and I need you to get rid of them,” Vaggie tells him authoritatively.

Food now forgotten, he throws away his utensils to the mercy of his bayou, summoning his staff. “Well, in that case I'd be delighted to!” They'd been getting on his nerves anyway.

“Humanly” she stressed, clearly untrusting.

“Hm, well, that's a lot less fun, but I suppose I can take care of that on my outing today,” Alastor was going to do it humanely, whatever, but he reassures her nonetheless.

He leaves his food behind for later, ushering the eggs outside to start the walk over to the Carmine family's house.

He'll have to walk with the eggs with him, but he'd manage. The small things were stupid, not suicidal, he could handle them.

-———————————————-

Alastor couldn't handle them.

They've done nothing but talk nonstop! They've talked so much that Alastor has gotten the urge to smash his head through the wall, about three times, in the past five minutes.

Alastor's beginning to think that that pathetic snake might be stronger than he believed, if he can deal with these idiots every day.

Just breathe, Alastor, you'll be rid of the small fools soon.

Alastor sighs deeply, bringing in a deep breath through his mouth. He closed his eyes momentarily, quickly startling them open almost immediately, when he noticed Zestial, creeping towards him from behind.

His ear gives a subtle twitch, and suddenly, he's face-to-face with the tall demon.

“Hark Alastor,” The man said in greeting, “How fair thee, this day?”

Alastor was just about to answer, but the little cretans behind him suddenly seemed determined to correct his -apparently- wrong assumption of their willingness to continue living their immortal lives.

Alastor quickly turned to them, leaning down, “Follow in silence, if you value your shell.” he tapped on one of their shells to emphasise his words.

Alastor may seem like he's just threatening them, but the little things seriously need to pipe down. If, at the end of this conversation, their entrails litter the street, Alastor will be the one to answer to Vaggie, and Sir Pentious, not them.

“Greetings Zestial!” Alastor regards him cheerily.

Zestial regards him with a raised eyebrow, moving past the creatures behind him easily enough. “The weather doth come this fine day”

“Indeed, looks like we might have some acid rain this afternoon!”

Zestial laughs happily, “If our luck doth hold. I do revel in the screams.” he says glancing at a random sinner setting himself on fire and running away. “How art thou? It has been an age since thou hast graced us with thine presence,” Zestial probed him curiously. “Some have spun wild tales of you, falling to holy arms.”

What? That startled a laugh right out of him. They thought he died in an extermination? Really? Him??

“Oh-ho-ho, I just took a well-earned sabbatical. Nothing serious, though it's fun to keep everyone on their toes,” Alastor finished speaking, waving his hands, with a theatrical laugh.

Zestial chuckles with him, and his radio sound effects, “There too hath been rumour of thy involvement with the Princess, and her recent flight of fancy.”

Alastor's eye twitches at the display of power he shows, opening his arms to give him a full view of his body.

“Tell me, how doth thou fall in such folly?” Usually, Zestial and Alastor get along swimmingly, but the way he dismisses the princess’s work so easily grates on his nerves. Not only the princesses work but Alastor's work now, he hosts this ‘folly’

“That is for me to know,” Alastor dismisses defensively, maybe a tad bit too harshly, he doesn't know why he did that honestly, but he admits he may have been a tad bit harsh. “But please, do guess! I'd love to know the theories,” He attempted to smooth his words over, walking on for Zestial to follow.

Zestial laughs, showing Alastor he didn't mess up their friendship too badly at least. Though with how long he's been gone it appears he’ll have to reacclimate to the overlords, they'll have new bonds, and alliances with each other now.

Alastor needs to figure out where he lies in it all. That's for another time however. First, he needs to monitor and learn.

“‘Twould be grander folly, by far, to assume the workings of your mind Alastor,” Alastor preens, chest puffing out as he turns toward his friend, well, as good a friend you can get down here. “Thou hast been not but an enigma since thou manifested to this realm” Zestial continued cheerily and when Alastor heard this he became visibly pleased.

Honestly, he was flattered beyond belief.

“Coming from someone as ancient as you, I take that as quite the compliment,” Alastor playfully jabbed.

Y’know, I should really meet up with Zestial and Rosie again, they're such a hoot!

Alastor's not sure when they started it but Rosie, Zestial and he would meet for tea regularly.

They continue walking in content silence, Alastor's powers breaking a few phones trying to take photos of him, they quickly arrive, and Alastor looks closely into the camera his eye enlarging in his reflection. It glitches out momentarily stopping immediately as he moves away in one smooth motion.

The elevator opens and both he and Zestial step inside, when the eggs attempt to trail inside after them however, Alastor is quick to usher them back out.

“No, no. I have a very important task for you,” Alastor says planning to benefit from their inability to say no to something their boss asks not wanting to deal with them. “Stay here, and guard the front until I return,” Luckily the small things take this well saluting them as they leave obediently.

Alastor however notices one climb inside anyway, reluctantly motioning for his shadow to take him to the others, and keep an eye on him, he certainly doesn't need people hearing about the overlords' business, especially not those eggs whose mouths run faster than what Alastor suspects is just dead air trapped in their upper shells.

They arrive quickly enough, moving their way through the entrance towards the meeting room, more overlords coming in through the adjacent elevators.

Once everyone's seated Alastor looks around noticing the three empty chairs at the table, one must be for Vox, another for Valentino, but Alastor has no idea who the new chair could be for. Had a new overlord risen in hell? Oh, how exciting! He couldn't wait to meet them and see what they'd be like.

His ears pick up the ting of Carmilla’s shoes as she walks into the room, a tired look on her face, her children following her inside behind her.

“Welcome hell sovereign overlords,” she professionally greeted “I've invited you all here because you represent the controlling powers of our city. Together you own millions of souls, souls at risk with the new extermination schedule.”

Alastor, intently listens to the meeting, blinks. He doesn't get why everyone is freaking out this majorly. Sure it's coming in six months instead of a year and that was so obviously not allowed, -he just couldn't prove it without the contract,- but it's something they've survived since before Alastor got to hell, surely it can't be that big a problem.

He can't think about that too hard though because Carmilla moves on quickly, slamming her hand on the desk with a loud thump.

“We need to discuss what can be done to minimise the impact, to our interest.”

Zestial chooses that moment to finally slide into his chair, summoning a saucer and a cup of tea, sipping quietly. “Zestial, so good to see you, my friend”

“Enchanted as always, Carmilla”

Camilla looks over to see Alastor sitting there, and she greets him shocked, coming out as more of a question “Alastor?”

“Yes, I know, I've been absent some time, I do apologise. I do hope you haven't been worried about my whereabouts,” Alastor says politely, knowing they originally hadn't, but not knowing where he stands in the group so far, not in power but standing, he's still the strongest sinner, he knows that much. Not that he and Carmilla got along much anyway.

He's pretty sure it's because she's always been tense around him given his, rise to fame, apparently not seeing his pattern of killing the monsters of hell, and preference to not killing good parents. It amuses him in any case so he's never gone out of his way to address it.

“Not really,” she speaks dismissively and Alastor knows that he still stands in the exact place where she's concerned, “But welcome back in any case,” she greeted with an indifferent shrug, never one to be rude without cause.

“This year's extermination was brutal, far more even than years past,” Really? Is that why it's worse? But then it couldn't truly be bad enough to cause this much panic right? “We have assessed that about 16% of the population was lost.” Holy shit. No wonder, that's huge! How hadn't he noticed at least that?! “With the angelic legions now returning twice as quickly, I think it prudent we-”

Alastor felt as if he could be bowled over with the simplest touch of a feather right now. 16%?? That's huge, and here Alastor was thinking it wouldn't be as bad as everyone was saying, but wow, he certainly didn't think that now.

His thoughts and Carmilla’s words are abruptly cut off with the sound of the door slamming into the wall and a young woman walking in while on the phone.

If Alastor wasn't silently reeling he might've questioned the rude girl, but as of that moment he was wondering how many deals he'd lost, how many of them he offered protection and how many wouldn't trust him now there friends were gone.

However, he can't focus because the girl talks on the phone louder than he can think. He wondered if she knew just how disrespectful that was to both them and that poor person on the other end.

“Yes I've got it handled Vox,” -Alastor would like to rescind his last statement, he meant that this rude woman and the person on the other end deserved each other,- “Are you doubting me? Really, me?” The woman said sounding offended, after a slight pause she continued, clearly having gotten a better response “That's what I thought…” She pauses for a moment listening to Vox apparently on the other side. “Yes, I know. They're all a joke,” -Alastor's eyes twitch in agitation his ears joining them, he's certain that Vox put her up to this or at the very least knew it'd happen, honestly Alastor decided he hated this woman noticing her looking at him when she said this.- “Thank you, V. See you soon! Kisses darling.”

As she hangs up the phone she smooches her lips together a couple of times. Alastor narrowed his eyes.

This is the new overlord? She smells barely powerful enough to maintain one property on her own. When Alastor breathes in again however she can tell that two more magics are mixing giving her presence a boost, one smelled electric, and like burnt wires, he immediately recognised it as Vox’s. The other smelled like a nightclub, and what he thinks is some sort of drug, it doesn't smell like any he'd taken when the chips were down but he recognised how it seemed to be supposed to sedate someone synthetically off the way the mothballs mix with a smell he can't place.

It appears Vox doesn't have a new friend exactly, but a new ally, one apparently thinking herself the most powerful person in the room if her behaviour said anything.

“Nice of you to join us Velvette, will your colleagues be joining us?” Carmilla questions somewhat tersely, and Alastor finds himself amused at Carmilla being so grated by someone ignoring the fact that he felt that exact way.

“No, they have better shit to do than to listen to an old windbag who thinks she's tough shit.” Velvette, as Alastor now knows, answers rudely, “I'm here to represent.”

“Charming.” Carmilla takes a moment to rekindle her composure, “So, as I was saying, we need to discuss-,”

Alastor who'd gone back to listening intently wanting to know the others' opinions on what to do -if not to observe them then to think of his own solution, by fine-tuning theirs,- nerves frayed at the edges as Velvette waves her hand like an impatient child in class.

“Yes?” Carmilla questions, clearly annoyed as well.

“On the subject of discussion,” Velvette begins throwing something that smells, -Oh! That smells so good… wait is that an angel's head? Alastor looks at Rosie next to him noticing her own hungry look, but also the shock in her eyes. This was news to everyone apparently, giving the shocked noises and expletives from the others gathered.

Alastor couldn't help himself, mixing what was on his mind with the others’ “Oh! Tasty.”

“Where did you get this?” Carmilla queries with a raised brow, and Alastor balks at her reaction, how can she have such a lackadaisical attitude about this new information?

“We found it during extermination day,” That's the only answer they got before she quickly moved on. “If these holy rollers can be killed, the game has changed, we can take the fight to them. The boys and I have come up with a full assault plan-”

When the sounds of tea slurping fill the room his first thought is ‘why can't someone finish a sentence??’

Wait. No, it's not, it's actually something about how he hates that sound, and how it's making him want to smash the damn cup over his head, but it was a close second.

And, thirdly, his thoughts are filled with the look on Velvette’s shocked face, as he tries not to laugh at the annoyance it shows when the absolute diva beside him shows his true colours that he gets to see so infrequently.

“If it be true, thee and my colleagues desire to war with such meagre proof, thou art far more foolish, than I’d bethought.”

Alastor agreed wholeheartedly, why not just stay in hell? Heaven surely was way more boring. Everyone here had already clawed their way up the social ladder as far as they could as sinners, why ruin your chances for an uncertain possibility, far outweighed by the probability that you wouldn't survive?

Velvette narrowed her eyes clearly not in agreement, “‘Meagre proof’?” she started with a scoff “It's a dead fuckin’ exorcist, I'd say that's pretty fuckin’ definitive, you goin’ blind old man?”

If Alastor didn't know better he'd think that she was challenging Zestial’s position at the head of the table, something that would be a bad idea for her. Zestial may be retired but he was far more powerful than she was, he was the oldest sinner around and had enough street smarts not to have to use any of his powers to place the girl on her ass.

Alastor left him alone out of respect for him when he killed the Overlords before him, as well, so clearly it wasn't the best idea to challenge his place if someone stronger than him feels Zestial is owed that place.

“We know not how this perished. Mayhaps, it was not by a demon's hand at all.” -Good point, it wouldn’t do to die foolishly when it could just be the powers of a Goetia caught at the wrong time.- “If we rush to war without knowing mightn’t. They'd purge all of Hell for daring an uprising.”

While the man talked Alastor peeled off a few pieces of flesh putting one in his mouth and absentmindedly passing a chunk to Rosie beside him.

He ate as if in a theatre, with popcorn, and discreetly dragged the head closer by the horn, to the middle of the space between Rosie, and him.

Oh my golly, that’s delicious! I wish they had brought the body though.

There are murmurs of agreement from everyone except Velvette. She looks as if she’s been betrayed, clearly not liking losing the upper hand.

Her eyes light up in a way that screams the fact that she’s got an idea. “Oh, I get it. So, Grandpa is too… pussy to fight, so I guess there's just no point. Right?”

Alastor watches with amusement as she clutches for straws, clearly not old enough to know that you don't get a reaction from Zestial by getting in his face.

Zestial prefers to talk about problems and doesn't react to rage bait. If you want to make him look bad for losing his composure, then you're fighting a losing battle. It's like trying to bait a brick wall.

“Aww,” Velvette cooes her voice slathered in condescension, “Too senile to make a real power grab?!” She gets into his face literally this time looking as if the world bent at the behest. She looked as if she'd won; but to anyone, it was clear she hadn't. All she'd done was bring out the -delicious- head of an angel and make demands of them to brainlessly follow their plans.

Zestial made another good point after another and instead of rationally having a conversation about what to do. Like adults, she declared she knew better, and that everyone was wrong without telling them why.

Honestly, at this point, why doesn't she just stamp her forehead with the words ‘I'm better than you’ and spare our brain cells?

“You'd better show some respect!” Carmilla sings out suddenly, her voice booming, cutting Velvette off from what she'd been saying. “Check your behaviour, no one speaks to Zestial that way.”

Honestly, Alastor is impressed, it takes a lot to get to an overlord usually, especially Carmilla.

It made Alastor wonder though, she’d been uncharacteristically tetchy since the head had been brought out, why would that be?

She could just be shocked but Alastor didn’t think so, everything about this day has been weird though, maybe he’s just off kilter.

Coming back from his thoughts he decides to think about it later and try to keep an ear out for more information.

“Since when are overlords too scared to fight?!” Velvette sings, and it’s clear from listening to her talk that she didn’t understand a lick of what'd been said before. They're not too scared, they're just not stupid enough.

“You and the Vees are inane, and uninformed. Smug wannabes, who don't heed when you've been warned!” Carmilla had clearly lost any sense of composure she'd had before to the wind.

“Oops! Did I strike a nerve” Velvette sings back, seeming to be enjoying that fact, and not at all sorry. “‘Cause when I brought out the angel’s head, ‘couldn't help but observe that you're wrinkled face was turning red!” -Oh? Does this mean she's been pressing for information? She must think Carmilla killed the angel or at least that she knows who did it.- “Thanks to my being respectless, one thing I'm startin’ to suspect is, you know why this Angels headless.” -That’s a definite on her suspicions on Carmilla then- “Do you have a disclosure?!” She finally finished her tirade after closing the distance between Carmilla and herself, now close enough that they'd be able to smell each other's breath.

“THIS MEETING’S OVER!” Carmilla practically screams into Velvette's face, and if his ears are anything to go by, her ears have to be ringing.

He's never seen Carmilla in such a state before. He'd never thought he would. If he's being honest, he's concerned.

Firstly, she must be stressed with the extent of the exterminations, and having to rein in overlords who act like children.

She also very clearly has something to do with that angel’s death.

Alastor puts his indifferent mask on, pushing all his questions to the back of his mind. He'd deal with it later.

“That was a productive meeting,” Alastor said, just the slightest bit annoyed that he wouldn't hear what Carmilla was saying today.

Wait… where is his food?! It was just in front of him two seconds ago.

Alastor looks down to find a trail of golden blood leading down the table onto the floor, and he realises that it must've been used as some sort of prop during Velvette’s tirade.

I hate musicals!

Taking a deep breath, Alastor catches the tail end of whatever Velvette said as she left the room, -something about safe travel somewhere- and sighs. He can feel a migraine coming on, and if this new deadline is an omen of anything it'd be a war.

“What the hell? We literally just got here!” Zeezee says incredulously from the end of the table. Everyone eventually turns to leave and Alastor gets up to do the same before stopping at the door noticing Zestial and Carmilla going into a room alone and her daughters following belatedly.

He doesn't like the idea of listening in on them, but if needs must.

Alastor stops just behind the door going toward the exit. He doesn't want to be seen should they decide to leave the room during their conversation.

Alastor steels himself and calmly reaches for the sound-waves in the room, listening in quietly.

“Carmilla,” Alastor hears Zestial begin talking after what appeared to be Carmilla gulping down whatever she had. “What troubles thou? Losing thy composure is unlike thee.”

That's what I'm asking.

“It's nothing Zestial, really.” She probably would've been more convincing had she not sounded close to tears, Alastors beginning to think she needs a hug, or possibly a glass of wine.

“The failed angel, t’was by thy hand, was it not?” Zestial said pushing the matter.

“Let’s not talk about it”

If Alastor wasn't convinced before, that Carmilla was the one to kill the angel, then he definitely is now, but that raises to question of how they died. Since it was Carmilla to do it then that means that any demon could defeat an angel given the right tools, but what would they be?

…Wait… tools! That's it, Carmilla is an angelic arms dealer. Of course, she'd have something on herself, especially if she's been forced to go out into an active extermination.

Wasn't Velvette saying something about her weapons earlier as well, Alastor could be reaching, but to him, it made perfect sense.

If anything could kill something angelic it wouldn't be something that was made in hell. Not something someone lower on the food chain made, but angelic metal makes an ironic sort of sense.

“Nobody should know!” Alastor is shocked back to reality by a sudden thump, coming from inside the room. “I did what I had to do, I am not discussing this.”

Oh good, Alastor thinks, I haven't missed too much.

“What weighs on your soul, old friend? I implore you to share the load. If it was thou who slew the angel, why not let your strength be known” Alastor can't help the small roll of his eyes that happens as they begin singing.

He isn't sure why he even bothers being mad about it at this point. His whole life has been put into a musical spiral since he fell.

It doesn't matter in any case, he needs information, information that Carmilla clearly has, and if she chooses to sing it, it's better than keeping it close to her chest at the very least.

“I always thought, that I would keep blood off my face, but when that thing attacked, I had to act. To cross that line, and keep them safe.”

So that's confirmed at least.

“But if anyone knew, then all of hell would rise to war, and who's to say who would survive the fray? I might lose the ones that I was killing for.” Alastor can understand the fear that the ones he's trying to save will be caught in the backlash of his actions.

One thing Alastor can't understand though, is the way she left the scene without the body. It would've been better for her to take the body and strike a deal with cannibal town. They're all relatively fine with their place in the hierarchy and quite food-motivated.

Rosie is quite reasonable as well, if she went to Rosie and struck a deal for the town's silence, and in exchange gave them the body to eat then there wouldn't be any evidence that something was amiss.

“I’ll make the mistakes, I'll keep you safe and keep this secret.” Alastors beginning to feel a small bit uncomfortable, with how this is turning out. He's gotten all the verification he needed, he should go check how his shadow was doing so far, hopefully the eggs haven’t blown up the block by now.

-———————————————-

Alastor's eye twitches as he comes to the ground floor, and sees the eggs diving into the trash, saying it ‘smelled fun.’

Alastor sighs, honestly, it'd be like punching down to get rid of them at this point and if there's one thing he doesn't do it's that.

He decides to just take them back to the hotel, he had too much to research anyway.

Plus Charlie wouldn't like it if Sir Pentious went into a depression without the stupid things, if they truly needed to go he'd deal with them when he came to it.

“Come along now, we have to get back to the hotel,” Alastor said with a clap of his hands to garner their attention. Looking towards his shadow he notices the poor thing shaking, he almost feels bad for getting it to look after them when he was told to, but he's technically a part of him, so it the same thing anyway.

Gesturing toward his shadow to follow him he decides it's best if they get on their way quickly

-———————————————-

Alastor walks through the door to the hotel feeling refreshed after his walk. His shadow kept the idiots away from him and now he's back, sure it's going to be stressful to research everything he now has too, but at the very least he can take a power nap.

It would seem all the new stuff on his plate zapped the life out of him, he usually only sleeps about once a month, but hey, he isn't going to complain if it makes him healthier.

He goes to take a deep breath but is startled half way through by Vaggie’s voice.

“Alastor!” Vaggie yells startling a mic feedback sound from Alastor’s throat. “Failed to get rid of the eggs I see.”

“Yes. Well, I was quite busy. I can do something about it now if it's that pressing if a matter to you.”

“Why don't you give ‘em back to Pentious?”

“Really?!” Sir Pemtious questioned wetly.

“Yeah. After today I guess I can trust you with them, but seriously, no. more. weapons.”

Sir Pentious ran, well, slithered over as fast as his tail could take him, and made a dive for the eggs.

Alastor only just escaped the viscenity before he himself got caught up into hug with them.

He watched the snake pathetically whimper and cry over his eggs before seeming to do a total 180 and order them to his room to clean.

-———————————————-

As Alastor gets to his room he decides to just take that small power nap he'd wanted. He's bone-dead tired and his magic feels like a over-exercised muscle.

Laying down still in his clothes but his boots removed, Alastor lays on his bed, his hooves hanging slightly off the bed.

He could think about everything later, he'd make a list of priorities and see where they lie, but as of now he needed rest.

-———————————————-

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