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There was a chill in the air as Sam listened to the squeak of the screen door closing as he headed down the trail towards the dock.
They just finished Thanksgiving dinner, and Sarah told Sam to take a break while she prepared dessert.
He has a tendency to fret during the holidays. He hovers, trying to make up for the lack of his parent’s presence. Like they are a shadow looming over him the entire day. It stresses Sarah out, he knows, she has vocalized it to him herself. Her exact words tonight were, “I love you Sam but if you don’t get out of my kitchen they are gonna have to find a new Captain America, because your ass is gonna be 6 feet under.” He admitted defeat after that.
Call it a need for control, his family always joked about him being a busy body. He feels responsible for the day going perfect, no snags. He doesn’t want Sarah to feel alone in preparing for the holiday. He is away from home enough as it is. Sam feels a need to be useful, but if his sister needs him out of the house then he can oblige.
It was a small celebration this year. The two siblings, Cass and AJ and one other guest who seems to have beaten him to the dock to take in the soothing sounds of the water lapping against the wood. Sam takes in the sight of him as he makes his way towards the water.
Bucky.
Sam invited him down to Delacroix for the holiday. He has been stressed with his new position as a congressman, and Sam rarely sees the man. Maybe once a month, if he’s lucky.
Sam’s not too proud to admit that he misses Bucky and he thought some time by the water would be good for his friend. He also wanted an excuse to have him in his home again, sue him.
It’s no secret that Sam’s feelings for Bucky are more than platonic. Even before the “I love you buddy” confession during Joaquin and the Red Hulk, Bucky had nestled himself into Sam’s heart. Sarah clocked it pretty much immediately when Bucky was around Delacroix the first time, before Sam even realized himself. Now, every-time Sam sees him, he feels the urge to pull the man into his arms and never let him go.
He knows Bucky would argue with him if he said this, but he radiates a comforting warmth around Sam wherever he goes. Whenever he is around, Sam can’t help but feel safe, another sense of home, of security.
He thinks back to dinner, Bucky getting him a glass of his favorite wine without Sam even having to ask. Him pulling out Sam’s chair for him before he sat down. Asking Sarah if she needs any help in the kitchen. Her chuckling and saying, “Get out of my hair James, you’re just as bad as Sam.” Bucky had looked down blushing, like being compared to Sam was a compliment. He feels warmth spread from his chest and throughout his body just thinking about it.
~
The trail crunches underneath his feet as the breeze off the water raises goosebumps on his skin. It’s still slightly warm in the late fall weather but the night air has a bite to it. He stops walking and takes a breath and feels the humidity, embraces the environment around him.
About 30 feet from the dock he pauses and takes a moment to appreciate the sight in front of him.
Bucky sat on the dock, legs swinging as he looks out towards the water. The sun is setting over the gulf, sky a mix of oranges, pinks and reds. A beer is dangling in his right hand. Sam wishes he had a photographic memory because this would be the wallpaper of his mind. He will never get over the swell of pride he feels in his and Bucky’s relationship when he sees how well he fits here. It’s like he was molded to perfectly fit into Delacroix.
It reminds him of a slightly chillier Thanksgiving. 13 years ago in 2014. He finds himself embracing the memory.
~
In November in Delacroix, it is usually around 50 or mid 40s at night, this year it was a chilling 32.
Sam chuckled as he brought out a blanket to Steve, who was sitting on the dock trying to hide his goosebumps from Sam.
Sam invited Steve down for the holiday, figuring the man could use a good home cooked meal, and celebrate his first Thanksgiving since 1940. To give him some sense of normalcy.
“Man, for someone who is supposed to run hot you sure seem to not handle the cold very well.” Sam says, handing him the blanket.
“Well, the serum can only do so much.”Steve chuckles, taking the blanket from Sam and throwing it around his shoulders.
“Hey, don’t blame the serum, you’re the one who chose to wear a tight t-shirt out by the water in the end of November.” Sam chided.
Steve tsk’d, throwing his hands up. “In my defense, I have never been to the South before, I thought it was always warm.”
Sam just shakes his head sitting down next to Steve.
“You aren’t technically wrong, it is still usually warm during the day. However, it can get pretty cold at night.” He says.
“I have never handled the cold well.” Steve confesses, “Which is pretty ironic considering I grew up in Brooklyn.”
Sam chuckles. “Man, so Bucky is the Winter Soldier, and I could call you the Summer Soldier.” Sam jokes. “You guys really are best friends.”
Steve smiles over at Sam solemnly, shoulders shaking slightly with laughter. He looks down at his hands. He takes a breath, looks like he is debating to say something.
“He would have liked you.” Steve said quietly. Sam loses his breath for a moment, he didn’t know what he expected the other man to say but it wasn’t that.
“Really?” He asks, his voice breathy.
Steve smiles and turns towards him. “Yeah, he would have liked that you could handle him.” He is smirking a little bit now, like he is remembering something.
“Handle?” Sam says questioning.
“You would have made it tough for him. You would have challenged his charm, matched him quip per quip” Steve shakes his head smiling, “If there is one thing I know about Buck, it’s that he liked a little bit of a challenge. He was used to people falling at his feet, hanging onto his every word.” Steve gestures out towards the water with his arms. ”He would have liked that you weren’t.”
Sam simmers on that for a bit. Not really sure what to say. Steve knows about Sam, about his past with Riley. Is this his way of hinting that Bucky might be the same, or at least he used to be.
Sam knows LGBTQ+ people have always existed, always been around. They just had to hide for their own safety, tread lightly. From what Sam has heard from Steve you always had to be careful of who you trusted to know, your life depended on it.
He knew Bucky was a casanova back in the day. From what Steve has shared and hell even the books growing up mentioned how the sniper always had a lady on his arm. It is just crazy to think about the Winter Soldier parading around in the 40s with not only women, but men too. He decides to vocalize this.
“A gay black man, in the 1940s? You really think he would have been interested?” He questions, no heat behind it, just genuinely curious.
Steve claps a hand on his back. “I think he would surprise you.” Steve says, a bit of longing in his voice.
Sam can’t even imagine how much he misses his friend. Knowing that he is still out there, alone on the holiday. He feels that pit of losing Riley in his stomach, it’s his second Thanksgiving without him. But at least Sam knows for certain, that he is gone.
Sam wraps an arm around Steve’s shoulder, the man leans into his touch. He is definitely still cold. He takes a deep breath, watching the air come out of his mouth as he sighs out. “Well man, when this manhunt is over, I guess we will have to find out.” He looks at Steve meeting his eyes. They are glassy.
“Yeah, I guess we will.”
~
Sam comes out of his daydream, and Bucky’s back is still facing him. He takes a breath. Appreciates the smell of the crisp fall air and makes his way down to the water.
“I was wondering if you were ever gonna join me, or just keep staring at me.” Bucky says, facing the water. “And you say I’m the one with a staring problem.” He chuckles turning around and meeting Sam’s eyes.
“Man shut up, can’t a guy take a moment to enjoy the view?” He jabs right back, sitting down right next to Bucky, their thighs touching. Bucky hands him his beer and Sam takes a swig, keeping it in his hands looking out at the water.
“It is beautiful isn’t it?” Bucky asks, looking at Sam. He tries to ignore the flush of heat that goes down his entire body.
They sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Sam finds himself melting into the warmth of Bucky on his left, relaxing at the sound of him breathing beside him.
“Thank you.” Bucky says, “For inviting me.” He turns and looks at Sam, eyes full of emotion, slightly watery.
Sam sits the beer on the dock and puts one of his hands on Bucky’s thigh.
“You don’t have to thank me Buck, I wanted you here, you’re family.” Sam says softly, his thumb lightly rubbing where his hand is on Bucky’s leg.
Bucky smiles softly, his eyes crinkling as he blinks a tear down his face. He sniffs and goes to look away.
Before he can stop himself, Sam grabs his head with his right hand and turns Bucky back towards him. He swipes the tear off of his face.
“Hey.” Sam says like a whisper, “Buck? What is it?”
Bucky finally meets his eyes.
“I just- “ He takes a moment. Processing what he wants to say and how, Sam is used to conversations like this taking some time. “It’s been a long year,” Bucky continues, “Shit, it’s been a long 4 years and being here with you Sammy, it just feels good.” He says the last part quietly as his eyes cast down with a slight flush on his cheeks.
Sam chuckles with his hand sliding down to Bucky’s neck.
“You big sap.” Sam jokes, his thumb rubbing along Bucky’s collarbone.
“Shut up.” Bucky mumbles.
It is quiet for a moment. Just them and the water.
“You know,” Sam says, “I brought Steve here for Thanksgiving one time.”
Bucky looks back up at him with that, his eyes questioning. “Yeah?” He asks softly.
Sam lets his hand fall off of Bucky and he looks back out at the water.
“Yeah.” Sam says, “We talked about you.” Sam hears Bucky take a breath. He keeps talking. “The giant sap, told me you would have liked me, liked that I would challenge you. Make you work for a place in my life, not just hang onto your every word.” He looks down fidgeting with his hands. Letting that last statement hang in the air.
Bucky sighs out. “He was right.” He says it so calmly, so sure. Sam’s heart starts to race and he waits for more.
“Sammy.” Bucky says quietly, like a whisper. Sam’s heart might stop all together.
Bucky turns towards him, their knees knocking. He grabs Sam’s face with his left hand and turns it towards him, and places his right hand on Sam’s thigh. For once in his life Sam is at a loss for words because the way Bucky is looking at him is taking his breath away.
Bucky rubs his thumb on Sam’s cheekbone. “I have never met anyone like you Sam.”
“Buck-“ Sam starts but is cut off.
“Please, just let me finish.” Bucky pleads softly. He grabs Sam’s hands. Sam just nods. “You are so good Sam, and you challenge me in a way that I need. You didn’t let me get lost in myself and you stuck by me. You guided me to figuring out who I am now, and never projected an expectation on me to be who I used to be.”
Sam is frozen, holding onto everything coming out of Bucky’s mouth. He keeps going.
“You thought I was worth saving, even when I was at my worst, when I didn’t deserve you, after pushing your help away when Steve left.” Both of their eyes are watering now.
“Everything you did, you did unconditionally. I gave you a million chances to leave, to give up on me and you never did.” He takes a steadying breath, Sam could tell he was trying to will the tears away.
“Steve was right, the punk. He was always right when it came to you.” Bucky’s thumbs rub along Sam’s hands. He swallows, and Sam can tell he is about to say something big. He lets Bucky take his time, organize his thoughts.
“We challenge each-other every single day Sammy, and yet, you stayed when who I became wasn’t enough for him anymore.” Sam feels his heart drop into his stomach. That is the first time Bucky has ever vocalized that feeling about Steve to him before. He finds himself grabbing Bucky’s face before he can second guess himself. It is now or never.
“Hey.” He says forcing Bucky to meet his eyes, placing their foreheads together. “Buck, I am not going anywhere, never.” He says confidently, he has never been more sure of anything in his life. He will reassure Bucky until he takes his last breath if he has to.
“It would take another snap, another apocalypse, another world shattering event to take me away from you. Even then I would go down with a fight, kicking and screaming then I’d find a way to come back and haunt your ass.” He says jokingly. “But, I will remind you every day for the rest of my life Bucky, that you deserve to be here, you deserve good things and who you are will always be enough for me.”
Bucky chuckles, his eyes glassy, Sam can feel him trembling as he shakes his head. “You know, I don’t doubt that.” He pauses takes a breath. “Sam, I-“ But Sam cuts him off.
“You don’t have to say anything right now baby.” Sam says quietly. “Just come here.” He leans in slowly and then Bucky’s lips are on his.
It is like taking a breath of air after being underwater for too long, like experiencing the drop of a rollercoaster, like flying, and Sam has never felt more alive. Bucky gasps against his mouth and Sam is lost on it, intoxicated by bucky, bucky, bucky. Bucky’s arms come and wrap around Sam’s waist pulling him closer as Sam runs a hand through Bucky’s long hair. He feels the man shudder underneath his hand, a slight moan let out against Sam’s lips giving Sam the ability to slide his tongue into Bucky’s mouth.
Bucky hums against his mouth, their hands roaming all over eachother. Hands slipping under each-others shirts, nails scrapping along backs. “Bucky.” Sam breathes against his mouth.
“Hmm?” Bucky hums against his lips. Sam pulls away gasping for air, if he doesn’t stop this now, he doesn’t think he ever will. Bucky chases after his lips.
Sam leans down and rests his head on Bucky’s shoulder. He can feel Bucky trying to catch his breath and takes pride in making a super soldier winded. He tries to ground himself, grabbing onto Bucky’s arm. He feels like he is floating off the dock.
“You’re gonna be the death of me, baby.” He sighs out, still resting on Bucky’s shoulder.
Bucky grabs his head and meets his gaze, his crystal clear eyes blooming with so much emotion it is overwhelming in the best way possible.
“Doll, you don’t even know half of the effect you have on me.” Bucky breathes out, Sam flushes at the name more than he would ever admit.
“I love you Sammy.” He sighs out, like a whisper, a confession only made for the two of them.
Sam is floating, he doesn’t think he has ever been happier than he is in this moment. It feels like he and Bucky are the only two people in the world.
He smiles, he can feel his face splitting into a huge grin. He kisses Bucky’s nose taking joy in how he adorably scrunches it in response.
“I love you too Buck.” He says, like a promise. Bucky grins, his eyes crinkling, his entire face lights up and Sam can’t help but feel like he won the lottery.
Sam goes to stand up, grabbing Bucky’s hand and pulling him up, moving towards the house.
“C’mon.” He says. He feels light as air, but so grounded. The feeling of home consuming him. “Sarah definitely has dessert ready, and I want my mom’s pecan pie.”
Bucky chuckles, “Nice to see you have your priorities straight.” As he lets Sam lead him to the house.
~
A few hours later, Sam looks out of his bedroom window appreciating the glow of the full moon illuminating the walls. He listens to the steadying breath of Bucky asleep beside him. He can feel his heart beat where his chest and arms rest on Sam.
“Sammy?” He hears a quiet raspy whisper from beside him. He turns his head, and looks at Bucky illuminated by the moon where his head rests on Sam’s shoulder. He blinks up groggily at Sam, eyes half lidded, warm and shining from the light. He is perfect.
“Go back to sleep baby.” He says quietly, running a hand through Bucky’s hair.
Bucky closes his eyes and nuzzles further into Sam.
“Goodnight darlin,” Bucky whispers, pressing a kiss to Sam’s chest.
“Goodnight my love.” He feels Bucky smile against his skin. Sam looks down at him and grins. As he drifts off to the sound of his partner sleeping in his arms, he thinks back to 2014, what Steve said, and he has never felt more thankful.