Archive of Our Own ^beta

There’s something in physics called the two-body problem. 

It’s the predication of motion of two particles, like a sun and a planet, interacting through a force, like gravity. It appears to have more unknown variables for position and velocity than equations of motion. 

But here’s the trick; consider the relative position and velocity of the two bodies with respect to the center of gravity of the system. It reduces the number of unknowns and leaves us with a solvable system. 

It’s a relatively simple equation. 

But throw into the mix one more particle, one more planet and everything is thrown off balance. Even with the trick we are left with more unknowns than equations. There are simply too many variables. 

A system of three stars, like alpha centauri, could come crashing into one another, or simply, some might get flung out of orbit after a period of so-called stability. 

There is such a large range of potential outcomes, all dependent on the tiniest of differences in position and velocity. It’s so much that physicists know this behavior as chaotic. 

Long term predications are extremely challenging and near impossible to solve. 

This is known as the three-body problem. 

— —

It’s said that there is always a duo in a trio. 

Zoey and Mira have always been closer. Not that Rumi can blame them. She spent so long pushing them away that the only person she can fault is herself. 

Hiding behind her shame, her fear, her tears, her marks, her scars. 

Rumi is not going to lie and say that they don’t love her. It would be a disservice to them if she even uttered those words. They love her and Rumi knows this. 

But it’s Zoey and Mira. 

When they told Rumi they were dating, she was overjoyed for them. It was about time. It made sense. They made sense. 

Even if Rumi’s heart yelled for something it didn’t quite understand. 

Because those two belonged together. They gravitated towards each other since day one and Rumi should feel honored to be able to witness it. 

And she was, god, she was. Rumi just wanted her best friends to be happy together. She wanted to watch as their love bloomed into something no demon, nobody in this world could destroy. 

So, she has cheered them on since day one. Made sure to let them know that she supported them wholeheartedly. Took on the brunt of Celine’s lectures on how this could be a mess for the brand. Rumi made sure that Zoey and Mira had every chance to be happy. 

Because she almost took that joy away. Her mistakes almost destroyed all of them. So Rumi would rebuild everything from scratch. The trust, the love, the safety. She would move heaven and earth to make sure they got their happily ever after. 

All while her heart begged to be let out. Screaming for her to say something, anything. 

Rumi wouldn’t do it. 

She would stay as close as she can without throwing them off course. She doesn’t fit into that equation. 

She never will. 

— — 

Zoey and Mira make sense. 

It’s a fact. 

It’s something that Mira never questioned. 

Holding Zoey in her arms has always felt right. Being near her is enough to make the entire world brighter. It’s enough to calm every worry Mira carries in her heart. 

Mira wouldn’t give this up for anything else.

Yet…

There’s Rumi. 

Dorky, awkward, gentle, and mysterious Rumi. 

Always so close yet so far at the same time. 

Mira would be a liar if she said she didn’t have a crush on Rumi at the beginning of their trainee days. Can you blame her? 

Rumi has always been otherworldly in a sense. Always radiating that gentle strength. Always there with that soft smile of hers. Always looking at her as if she were everything. 

How could Mira not fall for her? 

But Mira always knew that it couldn’t happen. 

While Rumi was always there, she also felt untouchable. Never letting anyone too close. Shutting herself off when things got too personal. 

Mira was never going to push. She knows how it feels to be pried open without your say. She never wanted to do that to someone else. 

So she waited and waited, and eventually Rumi did open up. She slowly let them in and Mira could’ve flown right there and then. Even if she knew Rumi still had her secrets it didn’t matter. What she gave them was enough. 

It had to be enough. 

Time went by and that silly crush turned into something easier. Something safer. 

Then one day Mira looked and Zoey and everything made sense. 

Zoey with her never ending energy, with her joy that could make even the wilted flowers glow again, her sharp tongue that could destroy anyone, made sense. 

She made sense to Mira. 

Her love was everything that Mira needed. 

And when they kissed for the first time, it felt like coming home. 

Mira wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. 

Yet sometimes she would look at Rumi and her chest ached. 

Her heart whispered for something that wasn’t hers. Something she shouldn’t want. 

But then again when did the heart ever listen?

—- —-

Being the weird kid growing up does something to you. You never really know where you fit in or if anyone ever wants you around. 

So you spend your entire life trying to make it easier for everyone else. If they’re happy maybe they’ll let you in. Even then it didn’t work all the time. A part of Zoey believed she would live her whole life like this. 

But even the universe took mercy on her. 

Somehow she found two people who accepted her completely. They took one look at Zoey and smiled. They didn’t ask for more, they didn’t demand more. 

If Zoey wanted to pace the living room, rambling about whatever new turtle fact she learned, they would listen. If she wanted to run around like a kid in a candy shop at the figurines store down the street, they would smile. If all Zoey wanted to do was sit on the couch and say nothing, they would wrap their arms around her. 

When Zoey joined the group she was ready to bend over backwards to make them happy. She had a plan. 

The first time she made a mistake while training, Rumi fell face first into the ground. 

And it wasn’t just a thud. 

Rumi went sliding a couple of feet and only stopped because she hit a tree. Zoey was supposed to dodge one of Celine’s attacks but she hadn’t seen it fast enough. She had been fully ready to feel the blow, but it never came. 

All she felt was a shove and as she stumbled back, she saw Rumi take the blow. 

Zoey remembers running towards Rum, but before she could help her up, Rumi was already getting up. 

Here’s the thing, Rumi had been patient with Zoey and Mira since day one. She told them that it wasn’t easy to learn how to use their weapons, that it could take time. She never rushed them no matter how many times they messed up a move. She never got angry. She never pushed. 

Zoey knew that patience could only run so long. So as Rumi rose from the ground, she braced herself. 

Blood poured from a scratch on her forehead and Rumi just smiled while she said, “Are you okay?” 

Zoey’s heart had done something strange then. Something Zoey wasn’t quite sure she understood. But at that moment, Zoey started to realize that Rumi didn’t care. She didn’t care if Zoey didn’t get it right. As long as Zoey was there that’s all that mattered to her. 

And of course, there was Mira. 

Mira, who was rough around the edges but always gentle with them. 

Could you blame Zoey for falling in love with her? 

Mira, who understood how it felt to hide more than she was willing to admit. Mira, who went to the aquarium over and over again just because Zoey wanted to again. Mira, who cooked her favorite meal whenever she was homesick. 

It felt right. 

It felt like Zoey belonged right by Mira’s side.

It made sense. 

For the first time ever, Zoey felt like she was doing something right.

Then her eyes would stray to Rumi and her heart would do that strange thing again. 

Rumi was their best friend, their biggest supporter. Always making sure they had the best of anything they could want. So what if Zoey’s eyes lingered on Rumi sometimes?

So what if Zoey’s heart craved something that wasn’t hers? 

Everything was fine. 

Right?

— —

“Why is it that this rock will sink but if I were to jump in I wouldn’t? I weigh more than the rock.” 

It’s funny how Rumi immediately perks up at Zoey’s question. 

They had snuck out the tower for the night. 

Being on hiatus was fun and all but there was so much they could do inside before they lost their minds. 

So they disguised themselves the best they could and went for a walk. 

They’re still not used to the silence. The honmoon used to buzz constantly, always at the verge of something. It was the first and last thing they heard each day. 

(Rumi could feel it in her bones most days, but that is neither here nor there.) 

But now there’s nothing. 

Instead there’s a constant touch on them. They could feel it reaching out for them but it never said anything. 

It was such a strange feeling. 

One they wished they could understand. But for the life of them they couldn’t figure it out. It was their new normal. At least it was pleasant enough. 

The honmoon had always been gentle with them. Especially Rumi. 

They didn’t have anywhere in mind when they started walking. They were just talking about anything and enjoying the peace the night offered.

Before they knew it they had ended up at a lake. And of course they had to skip rocks. Which led to Zoey’s question and Rumi lighting up like a light bulb. 

“It has to do with the buoyancy.” She goes to say more, but she scrunches her eyebrows and looks down to her feet.  

It reminds them a lot of their first days together. When Rumi didn’t quite know how to talk to them. Always cutting herself off. As if she were afraid of saying the wrong thing. 

It feels like they take two steps forward only for her to take one step back without knowing. 

“What the fuck is buoyancy?” Mira says as she throws another rock, it only bounces two times. She tries to sound as casual as she can, but it’s hard to hide the eagerness. Sue her, she likes Rumi’s voice. So what? 

Rumi twists her fingers before saying, “The buoyancy force is an upward force exerted by the fluid that opposes the weight of the submerged object.” She sounds like a textbook but there’s a joy in her voice that can’t be replaced. 

She throws another rock but it doesn’t get very far. Rumi turns to them looking for some type of permission she doesn’t need. They still nod at her and she lights up just a bit. 

“We float because the force exerted by the water is greater than the force of gravity on our bodies when under water.” She bends down to grab another rock and hands it to Zoey. 

“But why does a small rock sink and we don’t? Well our densities have a lot to do with that.” She grabs a blade of grass along with another rock, and tosses both of them in. The rock immediately sinks and the blade of grass keeps floating. 

“Density is how much mass is packed into one given volume. The human body is made out of various substances, including water. Which of course is close to the density of water. The air in our lungs. Our fat, which is less dense than water. Muscle and bone which are denser than water. With all of this our bodies are less dense than the density of water.” 

Rumi stops and rubs some patterns on her arms. Mira notices the way her patterns flicker for a second. 

“Although people with a higher muscle mass might find it harder to float.” And almost as if she didn’t mean to Rumi mutters, “We can also talk about the Archimedes Principle.” 

As soon as the words leave her mouth, Rumi seems to snap out of it and smiles sheepishly at them. She takes a step back and tries to hide the blush that rushes to her face. 

Both of them will admit to never being much into science. Well physics to be more specific. It’s a lot and half the time it feels like you’ve lost the plot. But Rumi gets a glint in her eyes whenever she allows herself to talk about it. 

During their first interactions, Mira used to find her under a tree reading an old tattered physics book. She would always snap it shut when she realized that Mira was there. Rumi still wears the same expression as she did back then. Slightly embarrassed and trying to smile normally, although now the patterns across her face glowed. 

Even if they only understand half the things Rumi says they never want her to stop. 

Why would they when she looks so happy when she gets to ramble? 

But Rumi always stops. 

She never lets herself go too far. Even if Zoey and Mira told her it was okay. So every time Rumi did let herself say even a grain of this thing she clearly loved so dearly, they would listen. And when she stopped they didn’t push. 

As they stand at the edge of the lake, watching it silently ripple, the two of them smile softly at Rumi. Mira makes a note to herself to ask about this Archimedes Principle later, and groans when another rock she throws doesn’t skip. 

Zoey laughs and says, “Physics really has an answer for everything, huh?” 

Neither of them notice the long look Rumi gives them as she whispers, “Yeah. It does.” 

— —

Rumi’s getting better. 

It’s a slow process but she’s getting there. 

Most days she can say she’s okay and mean it. 

It’s gotten easier to breathe. 

Taking a step forward doesn’t feel painful anymore. 

But there are still days where she can’t look at herself in the mirror. When the very thought of her patterns make her skin crawl. 

Nights when she wakes up gasping and skin burning. In such a state of desperation she’s willing to claw them off her skin herself. 

Those days are hard. 

Those days make it difficult to let go of old habits. 

It would be easy to let go and just go numb again. 

It might even feel good. 

This is what she tells herself as she stands in front of her bathroom mirror. 

She can’t take the sight of her patterns. She can’t hide the way they pulse and her hand twitches wanting to grab something it shouldn’t. 

Rumi had a good day yesterday. 

It’s always a good day when she gets to spend it on the couch with Zoey and Mira. Rumi had felt great up until she closed her eyes. 

That’s when the nightmare started. That’s when the screams started to ring her ears. 

When the distorted face of her best friends attacked her vision. All Rumi can do is beg for them not to leave. And every single time they stay, Rumi ruins it. 

They turn around with hopeful eyes and for a split second everything is right. 

Then Rumi pounces. 

She rips into them as they scream for her to stop. No matter how much she pleads to stop her claws still sink into their skin. 

She tries to back away, to get off them but it never works. 

They beg for mercy. 

Rumi doesn’t know what that is. 

By the time she finally pulls herself away it’s too late. Her hands are dripping with blood and three hearts have stopped. 

Rumi wakes up crying, clawing at the sheets. Every time she jumps up and rushes to the bathroom, desperate to wash the blood away. She scrubs and scrubs, but nothing ever comes off. Yet she still feels the stickiness of the blood. 

The times the water does turn red the relief is so overwhelming that she doesn’t feel the stinging. 

Tonight is one of those times. 

She watches as the water turns redder by the second and she stands there. Staring at herself in the mirror, grateful she went to bed in a hoodie. But her face is still out in the open. She wants her patterns to stop glowing. She wants the ache in her chest to disappear. She wants-

Rumi slams the faucet shut and grips the sink. She shuts her eyes not wanting to see anymore, but even the dark won’t bring her comfort. Their bodies are still there and no matter what way she turns they won’t disappear. 

She caused that. 

It’s her fault. 

Before Rumi knows it, she’s stumbling out of her room and heading towards Zoey’s room. Even in this state, she manages to open the door silently, but when she peaks inside there’s nobody. 

The panic starts to build. 

She rushes to Mira’s room not even bothering to be subtle and shoves the door open. 

Nothing. 

Rumi’s body starts to tremble and she doesn’t know where to go. All she knows is that she needs to make sure they’re okay. 

That she didn’t… 

She sprints down the hallway and is about to jump into the elevator when she pauses mid step. The TV is on, stuck on the Netflix home page, and she hears someone softly snoring. 

Taking a silent step back Rumi sees Zoey and Mira on the couch. Zoey has found her way on top of Mira and Mira has wrapped her arm around Zoey’s waist. 

Rumi’s legs almost gave out from the sheer relief of seeing them. 

They’re okay. They’re okay. You didn’t hu-

She was already reaching out before she knew it. Rumi was so close to touching them when she stopped. Because her hands are covered in blood. 

Scratches litter her hands and when did they get there? 

She desperately wants to touch them, to feel the warmth of their skin, to quell the thirst she carries, but she can’t. 

There’s blood on her hands. 

If she did this to herself, what is stopping them from hurting them? 

You would never hurt them. 

But she has before. 

Can she really stain them? 

Why would she ruin the peace they’re clearly in? 

Her arm drops to her side and she just looks. The way their chests move with every breath and how they seem to come closer together. Rumi only stares. 

That’s all Rumi can ever do. 

How long does she stand there? 

She’s not sure but simply seeing them is enough for her heart. It has to be. 

Rumi doesn’t get any closer, there’s no point in waking them up. 

So she stands there in the dark trying to stop the claws from sinking into all of them. 

She will be okay. 

Rumi always is. 

— —

Mira knows that Rumi is trying. She sees it in the way Rumi makes herself reach for them. How she tries to be more present, to take up room. 

But some days she can’t. 

Some days it seems that Rumi is a ghost. A ghost that haunts the hallways not knowing where to go. Not knowing where she belongs. 

How Rumi sits in the dark as if she belonged there. As if she were both nothing and the only thing there. 

Yet she can’t bring herself to come to them. She doesn’t know how to cross that barrier. 

The moment Mira opened her eyes, she knew something was off. Zoey was on top of her which was normal for them and they were on the couch, also normal. 

The TV had been shut off and the sun was shining through the windows. Zoey snored softly and Mira could feel her heart in her chest. 

It was an ordinary morning. 

But it didn’t feel right. 

That’s when she sees the blood. 

It’s not a lot. Just a few drops on the head rest of the couch, but the alarms are already going off in Mira’s head. 

Rumi. 

Who else’s blood could that be but Rumi’s? 

That’s the thought that makes her jump to action. Zoey would’ve gone tumbling to the floor if Mira hadn’t been holding her. She wakes with a start and looks around in alarm with her eyes barely opened. 

She turns to look at Mira and before she can say a word Zoey’s face already has concern written all over it. Even half asleep she can see the panic on her girlfriend’s face. 

Zoey is already looking around trying to find the source of this panic. It doesn’t take long for her to notice the blood too. It takes even less time for her to come to the same conclusion that Mira had. 

“Rumi…” 

That’s all Zoey has to say for them to be sprinting down the hall. They get to Rumi’s room and don’t bother knocking. They burst in hoping that Rumi is just laying on her bed. That she is okay. 

But the bed is made and empty. 

The bathroom is just as empty and spotless. 

It hadn’t been like that yesterday. 

Where could she be?

With a quick glance Mira notices that Rumi’s phone is on her bed side. She could be anywhere. 

Zoey was already moving with a purpose before Mira could think. And she doesn’t think as she follows her because if Zoey has a plan Mira will follow. 

She will follow no matter what. 

So they stumble into the elevator and Zoey smashes one of the lower floor buttons. They don’t say a word as they wait for this godforsaken elevator to hurry. 

Twenty seconds feel like twenty years and by the time the doors open, Mira has aged five years. 

They run out and are greeted with an empty gym. At least that’s what Mira sees but before she can run back into the elevator, Zoey turns the corner, and Mira sees the way her knees almost give out. 

Mira goes to her side and has to hold onto Zoey’s shoulders to not fall. 

Rumi sits in the middle of the floor. Arms wrapped around her knees and her right cheek resting on them. She’s in a long sleeve shirt and sweat pants. Sweat slowly runs down her face and her eyes are closed. 

Just like this Rumi seems to be fine, but Mira sees all the little things. 

The way Rumi’s shoulders are tense, how she grips her knees tighter than necessary. How she has her back to the wall of mirror. 

And her hands are covered in bandages. 

They're not the neat ones Rumi makes sure to make when one of them is hurt. No these were hastily wrapped as if their only purpose was to cover them, not to care for. 

The sight of them makes a lump form in Mira’s throat. 

Rumi hasn’t seen them yet and if she’s felt them she hasn’t shown she has. Maybe that’s why she flinches when Zoey takes one step forward that echoes throughout the room. 

None of them move until Rumi lifts her head and looks at them. The bags under her eyes are hard to miss. It’s difficult not to notice the way exhaustion clings to her like a starved dog. 

Even then Rumi tries to give them a small smile, and it would’ve been convincing if her eyes weren’t so sad. 

“Morning.” 

Her voice comes out shaky and she coughs as if to hide it. Neither of them say anything in return, but they start to move then. Zoey sits on her left while Mira settles herself to the right. 

Not a word leaves their mouths. 

Rumi’s gaze is focused in front of her as if she didn’t know how to look at them. Maybe she’s scared of what she would find if she looked too closely or if they looked too close. 

Slowly Zoey tries to reach for Rumi but she only holds herself tighter. She doesn’t mean to and Mira knows it. She sees the way Rumi’s eyes widen a bit before she loosens her grip. 

Zoey’s hand is frozen in the air, not quite sure what to do. The only thing she can do is whisper, “Rumi.” 

And Rumi who tries so hard to let them in, doesn’t know how to yet. 

She braces herself before saying, “How did you guys sleep?” 

It’s such a simple question but they see what’s behind it. 

Give me time. 

While they want to give it to Rumi they can’t ignore what’s in front of them. Neither of them answer, their eyes are stuck on Rumi’s hands. 

They don’t miss the way they twitch under their gaze. What happened? They want to ask, they want to help, but what if Rumi runs? 

The three of them are used to Rumi shrugging off their concerns. And now when they so desperately want to reach out it feels like the door is locked on both sides. Looking for a key that doesn’t want to be found. 

But they can’t not say anything. 

There has to be something. 

Then Rumi goes and beats them to it, “What do you guys think about shadows?” 

“What?” 

“Huh?” 

“I’ve always thought they were so cool. They’re just copying our movements but something about their motion is fascinating.” She lifts one of her hands up and wiggles her fingers. 

Mira watches as Rumi almost cracks a smile as she stares at her shadow. She shares a look with Zoey and they both know they’re not going to interrupt Rumi. 

“Light travels in a straight line.” She uses one of her fingers to demonstrate the way of travel until she hits her raised hand, “When the light rays encounter an opaque object, they can’t pass through. Which makes an area of darkness on the opposite side. Shadows.” 

She wiggles her fingers, her eyes following the shadows without fault. “They’re the absence of light.” 

Mira sees a dot of fresh blood on Rumi’s hand. That’s when she starts to notice all the small red spots appearing on the bandages. 

“It’s interesting how intertwined the light and shadows are,” Mira says as she fights every urge to grab Rumi’s hands. Rumi almost smiles at Mira’s words, but it dies down immediately. She sees the blood too and her patterns flash. 

“The shadows might be tied to the light, but if you were to make them disappear, it wouldn’t matter. Light doesn’t need shadows to exist.” 

Rumi’s voice is small but there’s a conviction in it that sends a shiver down their spines. 

That’s all Zoey can take, her mouth is moving before she can think, “Rumi, what happened?” 

Rumi’s hand freezes before she balls them up and hides them. None of them say anything. They know this conversation will only go one way. Rumi opens her mouth multiple times trying to say anything, but nothing. 

She glances from Zoey to Mira trying to get it right. She growls, which is a new development, and drops her head to her knees. 

“I had a nightmare.” 

If it weren’t for the fact that they are so attuned with Rumi, Mira doubts they would’ve heard her. 

“I didn’t mean to.”

A single drop of blood falls to the floor, and Mira knows how Rumi got hurt. 

Gently, she scoots closer until their shoulders are touching, hoping Rumi doesn’t move away. If anything Rumi seems to move closer. 

“Why didn’t you wake us up?” Zoey questions softly. 

All Rumi can do is shrug helplessly, “You seemed so peaceful, who was I to disturb that?” 

She says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Mira hates it. Hated how used to Rumi was to dealing with things on her own. It was so unfair. She just wants Rumi to talk to them. 

Another drop of blood falls to the ground and Mira has to do something. She scoots even closer and gently wraps her arm around Rumi’s shoulders. And for all of her shutting down, Rumi leans into Mira’s side. Zoey was already curling up on Rumi’s other side. 

“Do you think we would sleep fine if we knew you weren't? We’d rather you tell us than-” 

You end up covered in blood. 

Rumi clenches her hands and tries to hide them. Zoey and Mira’s hands are already there. They each take one hand into theirs. Both of them make sure not to squeeze too tight but just enough for Rumi to know they’re there. 

Mira can feel how her hands tremble some. She wonders if it’s from the pain or the lingering effects of the nightmare. 

“We shouldn’t all lose sleep over some stupid nightmare,” Rumi mutters, not quite holding their hands, but not letting go either. 

The nightmare wasn’t stupid and they all know it. After everything they’ve been through they had to be expected. And Rumi is always there for them after each one. Always bringing them back to earth. Yet she doesn’t know how to let them do the same for her. 

Zoey, sweet Zoey that is always so gentle, buries her face in Rumi’s shoulder, “Rumi I promise we don’t mind. We’ll never mind. We just want to know what’s going on.” 

And Rumi doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t know how to say anything. But it’s okay, they won’t push. 

Because even if Rumi doesn't know what to say or do, Mira and Zoey will always be there. Nothing is said afterwards. Rumi doesn’t acknowledge what Zoey said. Nothing is promised. Instead they help Rumi up and Zoey wipes some sweat off her face. 

“Let’s go get you cleaned up.” 

It feels like a small victory when Rumi doesn’t fight them on this. She simply nods as they walk over to the bathroom that’s in the gym. Zoey starts to look for a clean rag and Mira goes to get the first aid kit. 

It’s quiet while they get everything ready. Rumi’s eyes are cast down, staring at the bloody bandages. Staring at the way Mira carefully starts to peel them off. Mira wonders what she’s thinking about. 

The cuts aren’t too deep, no need for stitches, but they’re deep enough that it isn’t surprising they’re still bleeding. 

Zoey and Mira get to work immediately. 

It still feels like a new experience. Mira can count on her hands the amount of times they’ve patched Rumi up. And every time Rumi would pull back halfway through and smile at them . 

I can do the rest, thank you. 

And they would let her go. 

Every single time they would let her go. 

After the idol awards that was the first time Rumi didn’t walk away. The first time they didn’t let go of her. 

Now here they are cleaning the blood away, gently caressing the patterns that decorate Rumi’s skin. And Rumi trembles under their touch. 

Mira can tell that she wants to hide. To back away and say that it was fine. That it didn’t matter. Yet she sits here staring at the careful way they apply ointment on the cuts. Staring at the way they touch her as if she were something precious and not fragile. 

Mira knows that Rumi wants to run but she doesn’t. She sits there and lets them take their time with her. 

Zoey hands the tub of ointment to Mira before she starts to rewrap Rumi’s hands. 

And, oh, how gentle she is. 

Slowly, she wraps them, making sure that they don’t hurt Rumi. Stopping every time Rumi’s hand starts to shake too hard. She lets Rumi take a deep breath, rubbing her thumb over her knuckles until Rumi nods for her to continue. 

Mira does the same thing for the other hand. She’s used to being rough, she had to be in order to survive. But when it comes to Zoey, to Rumi, she’s everything but rough. 

When the final bandages are placed, as a unit Zoey and Mira each pick one of Rumi’s hands and drop a chaste kiss on them. 

A seal for a promise they don’t have the words to make yet. 

They look up to find Rumi finally looking at them. 

Those tired, watery eyes looking at them so tenderly it makes their chests ache. 

Rumi’s hands still shake but she reaches out for them. Pulling Mira towards her until Rumi can lay her head on her chest. Pulling Zoey closer so Rumi can put her hand on her chest. 

They stand there, too scared of disturbing Rumi as she feels their heartbeats throughout her body. 

Mira knows that Rumi is trying. 

That’s all that matters. 

— —

“Celine?” 

“Yes?” 

“What happened to Kim?” 

“...” 

“Celine?” 

“It didn’t work.” 

— —

Zoey wasn’t a stranger to the sudden quiet. 

Growing up when her house would go silent she would always know what was about to happen. The calm before the storm. That tense silence before it boiled over and screams bounced from every corner of the house. 

She knew what to do when it went silent. 

When she joined Huntr/x, some part of her was prepared if it happened there too. 

The first time that the world went quiet was after one of their first patrols. They weren’t in sync how they should’ve and Zoey had ended up getting hurt. 

Mira and Rumi had helped her up and held her steady as they made their way back to the compound. Not a single word was said on the way back. And while Zoey was in pain she could feel the tension growing around them. 

It sent a chill down her spine. 

Were they angry at her? 

Did she mess up? 

Or worse, were they mad at one another? 

The silence grew and grew until it felt like it was choking her. Zoey was already planning on what she was going to say, of all the things she could do so they wouldn’t yell at one another. She was ready to take the blame on their slip up. 

But they got to the compound and they helped her sit down, Rumi had been the first one to speak. 

“I should’ve seen it coming.” 

She had picked up the first aid kit as she quietly whispered, “I’m sorry.” 

Whatever tension had been growing disappeared right there and then and Zoey didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t part of the script. 

Mira goes to protest but Rumi shakes her head before she could get a word out. 

“Zoey and you were in perfect form, sync. I got distracted and broke formation. If there is anyone to blame for what happened it’s me.” 

This becomes a common occurrence. Whenever one of them gets hurt it’s always Rumi’s fault according to her. Even when Rumi was the one that got hurt she would always say it was on her. No matter how much Zoey and Mira try to tell her otherwise. 

The worst part is the silence that falls after each time Rumi does this. Neither Mira or Zoey know what to say. There’s no way of convincing Rumi of anything else and it’s maddening. They tip toe around each other without a clue of where to go. 

Zoey lost count of how many times it had happened. She could never understand why Rumi was so hard on herself when they were there to help her carry the weight. 

Then everything came crashing down at the idol awards and Zoey understands it better now. You would think after everything it would get better and it did. But there are moments where it feels like nothing changed. 

It was another small hunt. The holes in the honmoon are rare these days and the handful that appear can barely count as a threat. It was supposed to be an easy fix. 

They didn’t count on it raining. 

They didn’t see the demon coming. 

Usually they’re able to see or hear them coming no matter what. But they haven’t fought in the rain in so long. They haven’t fought anything in weeks. The water demon practically blends in. Zoey never saw it coming. 

One second Zoey is cracking a joke and the next she’s staring at the night sky. She can feel the demon’s hand wrapped around her neck, and its other sinking its claws into her shoulder. 

Zoey barely gets to grunt and summon one her shin-kal before there’s a cloud of red smoke above her. 

Rumi’s sword is where the demon used to be and Mira slides to her side. She’s really not sure what happens afterwards. The screams of the demons echo in her ears for a moment before all she can hear is the pattering of the rain. 

Mira’s concerned face comes into her field of vision and Zoey smiles. She’s cute when she worries. Zoey reaches up and wipes some of the water from her face. It’s really no use with how hard it’s pouring. 

“Hey there, beautiful.” 

Her throat aches and her shoulder pulses, but god Zoey can’t help but think that Mira looks gorgeous right now. 

“Please don’t flirt with me while you’re bleeding out.” Mira growls while helping her sit up, and Zoey can’t help but giggle. 

“I’m not bleeding out.” 

“So you just left red paint on the road?” 

“Yeah it’s the bucket I carry around with me.” 

Mira wraps an arm around her waist and rolls her eyes, “Rumi, tell Zoey to stop being a smartass.” 

“Hey!” 

They both turn towards Rumi and find that she has her back facing them. It’s hard to see through the rain, but Zoey swears that Rumi’s patterns pulse red for a moment. 

“Rumi?” 

The only response they get is Rumi throwing her sword towards them. Zoey feels the humming of the weapon as it sails past her and lodges itself into a demon behind them. 

Zoey and Mira can’t take their eyes off Rumi. All while she breathes hard, chest rising with anger, and eyes locked on the empty space behind them. Her eyes slide down to the small pool of blood Zoey left behind, and her patterns pulse again. 

Without a single word, Rumi walks towards them in slow measured steps. Her eyes dart towards Mira, eyes questioning until Mira nods at her. 

Rumi is by Zoey’s side in an instant and scoops her up into her arms. Somehow the rain has gotten worse. It would be a miracle to even see ten feet in front of you. Rumi doesn’t seem to care. She adjusts her grip on Zoey and starts to walk. 

Mira grabs onto her shoulder and follows. 

Normally, Zoey would be giddy at the fact that Rumi is carrying her. Rub it in Mira’s face that she prefers her, and laugh at the scowl she would receive.

But Rumi won’t look at her. 

Zoey curls up to stop her shivering under the rain. Rumi tightens her grip, but doesn’t spare a glance at Zoey. 

She can walk, they all know it, but no one says anything. The pain in Zoey’s shoulder burns but the tension around them hurts worse. 

They sneak through the alleys, keeping away from anyone that might be out right now. Every now and then Rumi’s patterns glow and Zoey watches the way her face twists. 

Do they hurt her? 

It never occurred to Zoey that the patterns might be more of an affliction than Rumi let on. 

By the time they got back to the tower, they were shivering, soaked to the bone, and Rumi still wouldn’t look at her. She can barely look at Mira too. 

The elevator is dead silent as it goes up. All three of them are leaving puddles of water. Tiny drops of blood hit the ground and Rumi tenses with each one. 

Rumi hasn’t been this quiet in a long time. 

This isn’t her normal gentle silence that follows her around. It’s far too familiar to the silence that filled the house Zoey grew up in. The silence that settles in your lungs and chokes you. The silence that is somehow better than whatever words might be said. 

Zoey clings to Rumi while she watches the number climb. The pain in her shoulder seems to be the least of her problems. 

Look at me.

But Rumi seems dead set on looking everywhere but Zoey. She shares a glance with Mira, who seems just as lost as her. 

When the elevator finally opens, Rumi is already on the move. Carefully she places Zoey on the couch, her hand lingering on her back before disappearing. Mira sits with her and takes her hand. They stare at each other, trying to find words that exist. 

Slowly, Mira reaches out and with her fingertips she touches Zoey’s throat. It aches, but Mira’s touch is grounding. It always is.

Moments later, Rumi comes back with the first aid kit in hand. Without a word she gets to work. Rumi’s hands go to the bottom of her shirt, but stops short. 

Zoey again tries to catch her eye, but Rumi’s gaze is stuck on her hands. 

“May I?” 

The lump in Zoey’s throat grows, yet she still nods. Rumi carefully starts to peel her shirt off while Mira holds her up. 

Zoey can’t help hiss when the fabric rubs against her wound. She doesn’t miss the way Rumi’s face tightens. Once Zoey is free of her shirt, Rumi starts to hand things to Mira. She feels the stinging of the alcohol but she doesn’t care. 

She can only focus on the way Rumi rumages through the kit. Almost immediately Zoey notices the trembling of her hands. That’s been happening a lot. 

Zoey doesn’t realize that Mira is done until Rumi leans into her. Her breath hitches and for a split second her eyes drop to Rumi’s lips. 

What the hell? 

The moment doesn’t last long before she’s groaning at the coldness of the ointment. Mira rubs her back encouragingly. She feels the gentle way Rumi applies it and Zoey just wants to lean into her touch. 

She wants to crack a joke and make her laugh. She wants to kiss her fingers and thank her. She wants to say anything. She wants Rumi to look at her. 

Zoey does nothing. 

Rumi moves back and gives Mira a roll of gauze. Right when Mira starts and Zoey is about Rumi speaks. 

“Did you know that they’re three things that could happen when raindrops collide with one another?” Mira freezes and Zoey’s eyes widen. It’s not what they wanted to talk about but it’s better than nothing.

Rumi takes their silence as permission to continue. “They either form a larger drop, bounce off each other or,” she starts to rearrange the kit, “They break apart.” 

There’s that hint of something in Rumi’s voice. It’s always been there. Zoey thought that after everything it would slowly go away. But it’s always there, on good and bad days. 

“It’s called collision and coalescence.” 

Sometimes Zoey wonders if Rumi is trying to say something else. If there’s more to all the facts she spits out consistently. 

Mira finishes bandaging Zoey up and they’re plunged into that sweltering silence again. They have to say something, and Mira seems geared up to do so, but Rumi doesn’t give her the chance. 

She shuts the kit and whispers, “I’m sorry.” 

That’s the last thing Zoey wants to hear right now. Rumi balls up her hands and keeps going, “I’m sorry. I should’ve seen it coming.” 

Why does she keep doing this? 

Why does she always feel this?

“Rumi no…” 

“That’s bullshit and you know it.” 

Zoey and Mira’s voices overlap one another. 

One distraught. 

One angry. 

Rumi shakes her head, “I should’ve known that the water demons were lurking. I  should’ve known.” 

Mira’s scoff follows Rumi’s words, “We all should’ve thought about that. The blame doesn’t fall on you.” 

“As the leader it does.” 

The same old answer. The one that Celine told Rumi every time a hunt didn’t go as planned. Zoey wishes she had realized how much Rumi internalized those words. Wishes she had noticed the guilt quicker before it festered and spread to every atom that made Rumi. 

And of course, Mira is right there with her, just as upset. Just as desperate after all these years. But where Zoey is devastated, Mira is fuming. 

“We made a mistake and Zoey got hurt. I’m upset too but she’s okay. We’re always okay. You don’t have to act like a martyr!” 

The world goes silent. Mira’s words hang in the air and Zoey knows that her girlfriend regrets yelling, but there’s no turning back. Zoey gets front row seats to Rumi’s patterns flaring. The way she stands up straight and almost snarls. 

“And what if one day you aren’t? What if one day my oversight gets you two killed! It almost happened once, what’s stopping it from happening again?” 

Rumi’s voice grows with each word that passes her lips and she finally looks at them. 

Zoey wishes she hadn’t. That fucking guilt is written all over her face. That devastation that haunts Zoey’s dreams. That one that Mira and Zoey have tried to rip away from her. 

But how can they when their own guilt chokes them with every breath. 

She can practically feel Mira’s anger melt off her, can feel her distress. They stare at Rumi, while she takes the whole of them. Patterns flickering back and forth. Even in a moment like this Zoey thinks Rumi looks beautiful. 

But in a blink of an eye all the fight drains out of Rumi. Her patterns cease to flow and she takes a step back. Taking a deep breath, she drops her head, “I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m sorry.” 

Zoey still can’t say a word. 

Why can’t she say anything? 

Rumi reaches out and cups Zoey’s cheek so gently that she can’t truly believe that Rumi is actually touching her. She smiles at her and it both shatters and stitches her heart up. 

“I’m glad you’re okay. I’ll do better next time.” 

Her hand goes to trace Mira’s cheek bone before taking a step back. Zoey wants to say something. Reach out for her. Make her stay. 

Don’t do this again. 

But Rumi takes another step and another step. Just like that Rumi disappears from their view and Zoey wants to scream. Zoey and Mira are left alone with only the sound of the storm to accompany them. 

Neither of them know what just happened, only that it hurts. The night goes by without a word spoken between the two of them. 

Zoey hates the silence. 

— —

Zoey’s shoulder is healing well. Rumi has checked it every day this past week. 

Trying to ignore the way her hands shake every time. Wondering how easy her claws could do the same. 

They haven’t talked about her outburst yet. Rumi knows they want to and they should talk about it. It’s not fair to them for her to keep doing this to them. She promised no more lies and she’s trying. She really is but after so long, Rumi has no idea how to. 

How do you talk about your demons when they’re sitting on her chest? 

And of course her girls wait. 

They always wait. 

So Rumi tries to find the words for it. She’s come up empty handed so far. 

Today, Zoey and Rumi had woken up alone. Ever since everything went down Rumi has rarely slept alone. Mira and Zoey always find a way to worm their way into Rumi’s bed and she won’t complain. 

But today it’s just Zoey and Rumi. Not the best way to wake up. 

They stumbled their way into the kitchen and breakfast had been waiting for them. Rumi checked her phone while Zoey cheered, and found a message from Mira telling them she was going to run some errands. 

So it’s just Rumi and Zoey for a while. Eating side by side, Zoey trying to steal Rumi’s food as if they weren’t eating the same thing. Rumi can only laugh at her antics. 

After they finish and wash the dishes, they end up on the couch. Although it feels a bit empty without Mira here. Zoey finds her way onto Rumi’s lap and she wraps her arms around her waist. 

They don’t say much. Zoey hums while she plays with the baby hairs on Rumi’s neck. All while Rumi rubs small circles on Zoey’s back. 

It’s nice. 

It’s one of her favorite things in the world. The fact that she can exist in these moments without shame, without lying. 

So tell them. 

This is what she’s craved for so long and now that she has it it’s overwhelming at times. 

Her hand brushes lightly over Zoey’s shoulder and she whispers, “How do you feel?” 

Zoey traces the patterns on her neck and Rumi has to stop herself from shivering. “I’m okay. It doesn’t really hurt anymore.” 

“Good.” 

Rumi puts her chin on Zoey’s other shoulder and waits. She can feel the gears turning in Zoey’s head. Any minute now she’s going to have something to say. 

“You did nothing wrong, you know?” 

Rumi doesn’t say anything. 

“Mira is right. None of us noticed.” 

Here’s the thing, Rumi knows that it's inevitable for them to get hurt. Their duty comes with a sense of danger that never goes away. They have the scars to prove it. 

Spilling blood is unavoidable, yet Rumi can’t stop the voice in her head. 

It’s your fault. 

Growing up, she knew that she would lead her team. That was her duty. Then the girls showed up and they became her everything. 

Slowly that duty turned into something else. Rooting from somewhere softer, purer. Once it had settled in her chest, Rumi couldn’t let it go. It wasn’t because she was the leader and she had to make sure they did what must be done. 

No, Rumi did it because she didn’t want to be alone. She sunk her teeth into them and refused to let go. Every drop of blood lost was a chance for her to lose everything. It’s a fear that has been festering since she can remember. 

But blood has to be lost. 

That’s the price for what they do. 

Rumi wishes it didn’t have to be them. Rumi wishes she could take every hit, every burn, every cracked bone. That’s not possible and she knows it, but it doesn’t stop the guilt that lives in her heart. 

I need to do better. 

She pulls back enough to look at Zoey’s face. Rumi’s heart flutters at the sight in front of her. Zoey looks at her as if she hung the very moon and stars. Most of the time Rumi feels like she doesn’t deserve that. 

But then Zoey rubs her shoulders and it makes the voices quieten down. 

“It’s hard to accept that,” she says while rubbing Zoey’s shoulder lightly. Rumi has to drop her eyes, she can’t take that look for so long. “How do I stop believing something engraved in my soul?” 

There’s not a clear answer for this. Rumi hasn’t been able to find one. 

Zoey doesn’t say something immediately. Unlike what a lot of people think, Zoey takes her time before speaking more often than not. After years of being subjected to cruel words, Zoey never wants to do that to someone else. 

“You let us carve something new.” 

Rumi’s eyes widen and Zoey just smiles at her. She pushes some strands of hair behind Rumi’s ears, “There will be days where you can still see it, feel it, but we can make it mean something else.” 

She says it with so much conviction that Rumi knows that she isn’t lying. There’s no room for lying anymore. 

And poor Rumi wants to agree so desperately. Wishes she could say something. Make a promise to Zoey, to Mira. But words have never been her forte. Letting everything that grows in her chest is not something she knows how to share. 

In the end, she doesn’t say anything. Rumi can only give Zoey a watery smile and hugs her tightly. Zoey holds her just as tight and traces the patterns on her back. Every touch feels like a blessing she can’t have. 

“Do you want to watch a movie?” 

Rumi nods and Zoey moves them to the side so she can reach the controller. Practically manhandling Rumi so she doesn’t have to let go of her. Rumi doesn’t mind one bit. 

That’s how they spend the rest of their time. 

Zoey’s mind is always moving at a million miles and it’s not always easy for her to sit still. But the moment a movie comes on Zoey freezes. It doesn’t stop her from rambling throughout the movie but she doesn’t move. She doesn’t leave until the credits stop rolling. 

She loves stop motion movies. It is something Rumi and Mira learned early on, but it wasn’t by Zoey telling them. They would find her in her room watching a movie late at night, Rumi was always ready to tell her to go to bed. Training wasn’t exactly easy and they had to take advantage of what little sleep they could get. 

But neither Mira nor Rumi had the heart to do so. Through the crack of the open door, they would watch Zoey and it was peaceful. She seemed so content just watching the movies. Whispering under her breath and laughing softly. 

It didn’t take long for them to notice the way Zoey lit up even more when she watched a specific type of movie. It also didn’t take any time for Zoey to realize they were there and start dragging them in. 

One of those nights, Zoey started to whisper about the types of movies. All the different forms and styles. That’s how they learned that stop motion, claymation had a special place in Zoey’s heart. 

So it’s not a surprise when Zoey puts one of those movies on. She doesn’t ask, Zoey already knows that they’re willing to watch whatever she wants. 

Rumi almost laughs when she sees what movie it is. 

Kubo and the two strings. 

It’s almost ironic how much Zoey loves that movie. Even more ironic when Rumi remembers the phone call she had last night. But that’s neither here nor there. 

She gets comfortable and helps Zoey get situated so she can see the movie, but of course not leave Rumi’s lap. 

Zoey almost recites the entire movie and Rumi laughs along with her. But her favorite part is when she starts to recite with Zoey. The look of amazement in Zoey’s eyes when she hears Rumi say the next line is priceless. 

As if she couldn’t believe that Rumi actually did that. As if Rumi didn’t remember everything about her girls. 

By the time the credits start to roll, they hear the front door open, and whip their heads towards it. 

Mira walks in with a couple of bags in hand and she smiles when she notices them. 

“Mira!” 

Zoey jumps off Rumi and over the catch and practically throws herself into Mira’s arms. Mira doesn’t hesitate to drop every single bag and catch her. She spins her around and Zoey giggles as if it were the greatest thing in the world. 

Rumi rests her cheek on the couch’s head rest and smiles. She watches Zoey wrap her legs around Mira’s waist and start to talk. Mira looks at her so softly it makes Rumi’s heart ache. They stand there enveloped in one another and Rumi aches and aches. 

She could go over there. She could slide right into Mira’s side and she knows that Mira would wrap an arm around her too. Zoey would smile at her and bop her nose. Rumi knows what will happen. 

Rumi doesn’t go towards them. 

Because Mira and Zoey are meant to be. They have something so special that Rumi can’t help but admire it. Sitting on the couch as they giggle at whatever Zoey just said. Looking at each so tenderly that Rumi feels like she doesn’t deserve to be present. 

She loves them so much. 

Rumi stays where she is. 

— —

Rumi is gone. 

She left this morning saying that she had something to do and practically ran out the door. Mira  and Zoey weren’t even properly awake when she said all this. 

That was five hours ago. 

It’s currently noon and Rumi hasn’t texted either of them. They’re sitting on the couch not knowing what to do with themselves. It’s been a long time since it’s just been the two of them alone. 

The apartment feels colder. It always does whenever Rumi is gone. 

After the idol awards Zoey and Mira have always been with Rumi. If not together, one is always there with her. Some part of them doesn’t want Rumi to be alone for one second. She’s spent too much time alone with her demons. They don’t ever want her to be in that position again. 

But today Rumi didn’t give them the chance to go with her. 

What do they do now? 

The answer is obesely checking their phones every few minutes hoping that Rumi has reached out. 

“What did she even have to do? Bobby locked her out of her work email.” 

“You act like Rumi wouldn’t find a way to bypass that.” 

“She can’t even flip her camera without looking confused.” 

“She fixed your PC when it broke.” 

“...” 

“I win.” 

Zoey groans and flops onto the ground. This is insane. Why couldn't Rumi give them five minutes to change so they could all go out together? Now here they are like sad puppies waiting for her to get back. 

“Zoey, get up before you get a crick in your neck.” 

“No.” 

“Come on.” 

“Let me mope in peace.” 

She hears Mira sigh softly, before the couch creaks, and something is beside her. Turning, Zoey finds Mira lying by her side looking at her softly. For as much Mira tries to act tough, she’s always been gentle with them. Has always touched Zoey with a softness that comes with so much love. 

“Please get back on the couch.” 

“Why? You’re already down here with me.” 

Zoey smirks at the small blush that rises on Mira’s face. She leans over and kisses her cheek. Before she can move away, Mira pulls her closer, and kisses her chastely. 

And Zoey melts. 

“I would’ve gotten on the floor quicker if I knew you were going to kiss me,” Zoey mutters against Mira’s lips. 

“We can do a lot more, if we get back on the couch.”

Zoey chuckles, “Mira, you dog.” 

They start to lean back in but one of their phones buzzes, and they both immediately rush to get it. Instead of it being the message they both wanted, it was a text from Bobby asking them if they needed anything. 

They love Bobby but they did not want to hear from him right now. Unless it was to tell them he kicked Rumi out of the office and sent her home. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened. 

Zoey pouts at her phone, while Mira is trying to set hers on fire out of sheer will. To make matters worse, Rumi likes Bobby’s message. 

Now Mira growls and fights the urge to throw her phone. All while Zoey huffs and drapes herself over the couch. 

“She can like a message, but she can’t send a ‘I’m okay’ text?” Mira murmurs as she watches Bobby keep sending more messages, and Rumi keeps reacting to them. 

It gets to the point that they both have to put their phones down and just groan. They know that Rumi is okay. They know she can take care of herself, but is it so wrong for them to want to hear from her? 

Can you blame them for worrying, when every night they close their eyes and all they see is fire. All they hear is Rumi begging for them to stay, and no matter how much they want to, they never reach out. 

The ache for Rumi has always been there, but now it feels worse. Like an exposed nerve they can’t help but touch. 

They failed Rumi once, they don’t plan to do that again. So that ache stays hidden. It’s not Rumi’s to carry. But they can’t deny the need to be around her, even if they’re sitting in silence that is enough. 

So why can’t Rumi just text them, damn it. 

“Would it be weird if we put an airtag on her?” 

“We put one on you.” 

“True.” 

Zoey huffs and blops herself down on Mira’s lap. Mira drops her head on her chest and feels herself deflate. It shouldn’t feel like this. It shouldn’t feel like her heart is out there, when it’s right here in her arms. 

‘Why is this so hard?” 

For a second, it feels as if the honmoon wanted to respond. As if it had an answer for whatever they asked. But the sudden humming stops just as quickly. When did it ever give them  a straight answer? 

That’s when she feels gentle hands on her face and she’s met with tender eyes as she looks up. Zoey smiles at her before kissing her. Every time they kiss it feels like the first time all over again. 

Mira’s heart races, her stomach flutters, and a sense of warmth washes over her. Her body takes over before her mind can. Her hands find home on Zoey’s waist and she grins at the way Zoey’s breath hitches as she pulls her closer. 

It starts slow and it builds up into something heated. Almost as if they couldn’t get enough, and they never can. 

Zoey’s hands their way under Mira’s shirt and she wastes no time on bringing them up. And to the surprise of no one, Mira isn’t wearing a bra. 

When Zoey’s hand roughly pinches her nipple, well you can’t blame her for the moan she lets out. Zoey grins and tags at it as if she didn’t know what that did to Mira. 

“If you’re going to do that, at least take my shirt off,” she growls. 

“Aye aye captain.” 

It would be cute how eager Zoey looks to be, if it weren’t for the fact that the moment Mira’s shirt is gone, Zoey’s mouth is on her neck. 

If there was one thing Zoey loves to do is to bite and Mira is the number one instigator for this. It has nothing to do with the way her core aches every time Zoey bites a little too hard. 

God, does she take her time. Biting and sucking everywhere but the one place Mira needs it. 

“Zoey,” Mira whines out the moment she bites the one spot on her neck that drives her crazy. 

“Yes, Mira?” 

“Stop teasing.” 

Zoey bites down on her collarbone, “I’m not doing anything.” 

And well Mira has never been the most patient person. She grabs Zoey by the hair and drags her down to where she needs it. By the grin on her face, Mira knows she’s enjoying this. Before Mira can say anything smart, Zoey wraps her lips around her nipple. 

She shouldn’t be aching like this so quickly, but it’s been so long. For too long for either of them. 

Zoey sucks just lightly but it drives Mira crazy. She jumps to the other one and bites down on her nipple just hard enough for Mira to shudder and moan at the same time. 

God, Zoey could stay here forever. She brings her hand up and starts to fondle Mira’s breast and she smirks. She can feel Mira trying to hold still but her hips jump ever so often. Zoey wonders how long she can last before she starts to beg. 

Who knows how long it’s been but the ache between her legs is getting harder to ignore. If Zoey doesn’t do something about it quickly, Mira is going to take it into her own hands. 

She tries to move, she tries to make Zoey move, but she stays right where she is. 

“Zoey…” 

Zoey only bites down harder and Mira doesn’t even hide how loud she moans. 

“Love, do you need something else?” 

Mira can feel Zoey’s smirk against her skin and god she’s so smug. She hasn’t even done much and look at the mess that Mira already is. At this point she really doesn’t care. She just needs Zoey to touch her. 

“Please,” she whines and Zoey almost laughs. 

“Please what, Mira?” 

Please touch me. Please move. Please just do something. 

But even now Mira has some dignity left and she can’t let Zoey have all the fun. She reaches for Zoey and grips her hair. She yanks her off and drags her down to where she needs her the most. All while Zoey smiles like a kid at Christmas. 

That’s all the instruction Zoey needs before she’s helping Mira take off her shorts and panties. 

Three seconds later Zoey is diving in and Mira can only scream when Zoey sucks. She can feel Zoey laugh and she would snap back if she wasn’t seeing stars at the moment. 

“Zoey, zoey, zoey-” 

Her words start to turn into gibberish the longer Zoey goes and heavens above this is pleasure. Mira can feel herself on the edge, she’s almost there but she can’t quite get there. She doesn’t know why. 

Zoey is doing everything nice and her body is begging for sweet release, but she can’t. 

She starts to hump Zoey’s face and from the moan she lets out Mira knows she loves it. 

“I need more, baby.” 

Mira barely gets the words out before Zoey’s fingers find their way into her. The stretch is just right and Zoey is hitting all the right spots. 

That’s not what sends her over the edge. 

No, Mira who can barely keep her eyes open turns her head slightly and sees Rumi’s physics book on the coffee table. 

Her mind runs from her. 

All Mira can think about is Rumi, gorgeous and divine Rumi, hot, sweaty, begging them to take her. She can almost imagine her moans and- 

Mira screams and squeezes Zoey’s head and she keeps licking as if her life depended on it. She shakes and all she can see is Rumi’s face. 

If either of them were clear headed they would’ve heard how Mira whispered Rumi’s name. 

They would’ve noticed that the elevator opened minutes ago and how it only closed again the moment Mira came. 

— —

Rumi quietly closes the door and tries to stop the trembling in her hands. She has been running for hours. Jumping from roof to roof, pushing herself till her legs out. But no matter what she did, Rumi couldn’t get their faces out of her mind. 

The way Mira’s head was thrown back, the curve of her neck, her sweat slowly sliding down, taunting Rumi. The way she shook, how her body arched before slumping over. 

And if Rumi can stop thinking about Mira for a second, Zoey takes over. Zoey who had looked up, mouth glistening, and stared at Mira as if she were everything. Like she couldn’t have enough of her. 

Now hours later long after both girls have gone to sleep, Rumi sits on her bed with her body aching. She wants to blame her late night escapade but the ache in her core says otherwise. 

That alone makes her want to cry. 

She looks at the discarded gift on her desk and her heart twists. That was supposed to be the grand surprise after dinner, yet here it is. It shouldn't hurt. Rumi shouldn’t be hurting like this. 

That isn’t something she can have. It’s not hers. 

Her body shouldn’t feel like it’s on fire when she’s away from them. 

Her hands shake. Her patterns pulse. Her heart screams. 

Rumi only lays down and closes her eyes. She can almost feel them calling her. Rumi doesn’t answer them. 

— —

The phone won’t stop buzzing. 

All three of them have been on the couch for fifteen minutes, and it’s been buzzing for fourteen. The first time it happened, Rumi looked at it for five seconds, before flipping it over and placing it on the coffee table. 

She shrugged and said wrong number. But the phone kept ringing. Zoey and Mira kept sharing glances trying to figure out what was happening. 

There are only two people who could be calling Rumi like this. One, Bobby, but he would’ve blown up Zoey and Mira’s phones by now too. That only leaves one more person. 

Celine. 

That’s a subject none of them are quite ready to discuss. Rumi is still trying to tell them everything. It would be a disservice to her if they didn’t admit how much she’s trying. 

While not a lot has been said there was one thing she whispered to them the night after the idol awards. 

I wanted to tell you guys for so long. 

Celine said you wouldn’t understand. 

Here’s the thing, Zoey has looked up to Celine her entire life. From the first time she heard a Sunlight Sister’s song, till the last time they visited her. Celine had been the first adult Zoey felt that truly saw her. Zoey wasn’t just another kid that was too much. She meant something. 

Because even if Celine was a woman of few words she was always there for them. A stern and relentless teacher, but never cruel. Always willing to give Zoey the time of day. Celine was their mentor, the woman that helped them become who they are. 

She was their family. It felt like a bucket of ice water was dropped on them. That Celine was the one that told Rumi to lie. That she was the one to place the first brick on the wall that separated them for so long. 

She always told them that in order for them to work, they had to be a united force. They were the pillar that held this together. 

Yet she told Rumi to hide. 

She convinced her that they would leave her, and it hurts. It hurts so much. It’s even worse when Zoey realized that she was right. They didn’t give Rumi the chance to talk, to explain. They had turned their backs on her. 

Zoey hates that they proved her right. She knows that Mira feels the same way. She knows it’s so much worse for Rumi. They don’t have the full story but she knows there’s more. That it’s more complicated  than Rumi would like to admit. 

So they don’t talk about Celine. None of them know how to. 

It’s been six weeks since the idol awards, and none of them have heard from Celine. Not even when the first public picture of Rumi with her patterns dropped. 

Not a single text or call. Only a statement from Sunlight Records supporting the new direction Rumi was taking. Rumi had shut herself in the gym for hours after that. 

But now Celine is blowing up her phone and Rumi is acting as if this were normal. Has this happened before? 

“Rumi…” Mira whispers and she only gets a soft hum in response. “Are you going to pick that up?” 

Rumi’s eyes darted to the crazed phone and right back to the TV, “She’ll get tired eventually.” 

So she’s done this before. They try to go back to watching the movie but another ten minutes go by and it’s still ringing. 

Rumi’s leg won’t stop bouncing and they both know she wants for the noise to stop. Zoey puts a hand on her thigh and quietly says, “I can talk to her if you-” 

“No.” 

Rumi’s patterns flare and Zoey can feel the heat of them under her hand. Do they ever burn her?  All their eyes follow their glow until Rumi takes  a deep breath. 

There was a sternness in Rumi's voice that sounded so much like Celine. The irony of it. She stares at her phone as if it were a bomb and rubs her face. “No, no I’ll go talk to her.” 

That doesn’t make Zoey feel any better. She squeezes both their hands before snatching her phone up and walking to her room. That definitely doesn’t make her feel better. 

“She could’ve stayed,” she mumbles. 

“She could’ve just blocked her.” Mira eyes are stuck on the empty space Rumi just left. 

Zoey was excited to spend time with Rumi today. After not seeing her yesterday and waking up to only Mira in bed, she was bouncing off the walls, ready to weld herself to Rumi’s side. 

Now she wonders if they’ll even be able to get Rumi out of her room. 

“Why do you think she’s calling now?” 

Mira doesn’t need to clarify who Zoey is talking about. 

“I don’t know.” 

Zoey wraps her arms around her knees, and looks at Mira with worried eyes. Mira scoots closer and pulls her towards her. 

“All I know is that Rumi is going to need a hug after she hangs up.” 

“We’re going to cuddle the fuck out of her.” 

“That’s the spirit.” 

Another ten minutes go by and Zoey is starting to get antsy. Rumi is taking forever and she hasn’t even eaten yet. Almost as if Mira read her mind she whispers, “Do you want to go check on her while I make us some breakfast?” 

She’s trying to act calm, but Zoey sees the way her eyes find their way back to the hallway, hoping that Rumi appears. 

“Yeah,” is all she says before pressing a small kiss on Mira’s lips and heading to Rumi’s room. 

Pressing her ear to the door, she expects to hear some whispering, but there’s nothing. Biting her lip, she knocks and again is met with nothing. 

“Rumi?” 

Ten seconds go by and not a sound is made. Zoey is ready to open the door and just make sure that Rumi is alive, when a small voice breaks the silence. 

“Come in.” 

That’s all she needs to push the door open. She’s met with Rumi sitting on her bed with her back facing her. She hasn’t been here in a while. They all tend to pile into her or Mira’s room, even though Rumi has the biggest bed out of the three of them. 

Rumi’s patterns aren’t glowing, not even a flicker. 

Zoey takes a step forward and sees how she’s clutching her phone. 

“Rumi?” 

She doesn’t let go of the phone, but she does turn around to look at her. She’s tired. That’s the first thing that hits Zoey. In the ten minutes she’s been gone, Rumi looks like she’s ran a hundred miles. 

“Yes?” 

And well what does Zoey say? 

“How did it go?” 

Straight to the point then. 

She was expecting Rumi to look away and not say anything. Searching for the words to explain whatever is plaguing her. Instead Rumi looks at her dead in the eyes and says, “I didn’t talk to her.” 

Well that wasn’t expected. 

Zoey makes her way over and takes a seat. Rumi goes back to staring at her phone, “I picked up, told her I didn’t want to talk, and hung up.” 

It seems that only five words were said and it seems like it took everything from her. Zoey desperately wants to know what goes through Rumi’s head. To know what emotions Celine brings out of her. 

Is it anger? 

Is she mourning? 

“Have you been sitting here in silence?” 

“How long has it been?” 

“Like ten minutes.” 

“Oh.” 

Rumi puts her phone down and looks at Zoey with sad eyes, “I didn’t realize.”

Zoey takes her hand and that’s when her patterns do flare. A soft pink that they’ve seen more often nowadays. 

“What’s going through that pretty head of yours?” 

A small blush rushes to Rumi’s face as she rubs her thumbs across Zoey’s knuckles. She furrows her brow slightly and it’s the same look she gets when you present her with a complicated problem. 

They sit in silence for a moment, listening to the distant sound of Mira working in the kitchen, 

“I do want to talk to her,” Rumi’s voice is quiet, like a child confessing something. How long has it been since the both of them spoke? It’s had to be months. 

“I just want to talk to Celine, but I don’t know how to. I don’t think I ever did.” 

Here’s a thing that Zoey knows is true, Rumi loves Celine and Celine loves Rumi. But that doesn’t fix anything. It doesn’t mend the wounds Rumi carries. It doesn’t make it easier. 

“And why did she wait so long? Why didn’t she call when the statement was released? Why didn’t she call yesterday or last week? Why didn’t she look for me after-” 

Abruptly, Rumi stops and her patterns flash. She’s clenching her jaw and Zoey can see the tears in the corner of her eyes. Rumi’s hand traces the patterns on her palm and Zoey watches how the light follows. 

“Can she still not look at me?” 

The sadness that oozes out of Rumi’s voice breaks Zoey’s heart. Without thinking, without saying a word, Zoey slides her hand into Rumi’s and wraps an arm around her. Rumi melts into her and her patterns slow down. If she could, Zoey would keep Rumi here forever. 

Away from the world. 

Away from all that hurt.

She wishes she could say something. Words are always flying through her head, always ready to say something, but now? Now Zoey thinks there’s nothing she could say to fix this. 

She looks down at the way Rumi buries her face in her shoulder. She looks so small. Zoey has to try. 

It’s her turn to trace Rumi’s patterns. Her patterns immediately react. It’s a game that Zoey and Mira have started to play. What color can they make them turn? There’s been light blue, yellow, golden, light pink, and a reddish orange. Purple has made an appearance here and there but neither of them like it. (Purple means Rumi is hurting. That they know is a fact.) 

Right now, they're pink and god does Rumi look adorable. How could anyone hate this? 

With her eyes on Rumi’s patterns, she starts to speak, “I can’t tell you what Celine is thinking or why she did the things she did. Family is always complicated. You can talk to her, you don’t have to talk to her. That’s okay. If she really wants to talk she’ll wait for you.” 

I’ll wait for you. 

Rumi starts to fiddle with the bottom of Zoey’s shirt, “And what if I’m never ready to talk to her?” 

Zoey thinks about all the times she’s ignored her parents' calls. All the times she’s declined them or simply let the phone ring. How the little girl in her wants to her parents voices but the teenager in her is angry, hurt. 

“That’s okay too.” 

It’s silent for a few seconds before Rumi lets go of the shirt and looks up at her. The sight of her makes Zoey’s breath stutter. The way her eyes soften, the ghost of a smile on her face, the gentle wave of her patterns. The hurt is still written on her face, but heavens above she’s breathtaking. 

“What would I do without you?” The way Rumi’s voice takes that tender tone that’s reserved only for them. 

All of a sudden it’s too much and not enough. Zoey wants and she wants, but she can’t. So instead of taking, or letting the starving beast out of her chest, Zoey leans down and presses their foreheads together. 

Rumi lets out a content sigh and Zoey almost cries. Instead she only whispers, “Guess we’ll never know.” 

And they stay like this. Neither of them want to break this moment. What more can Zoey do but enjoy this fragile moment they’ve made together? 

When Rumi does start to pull away, it takes everything in Zoey to not pull her back. But the smile Rumi gives her makes up for it. 

“I have something for you.” 

Carefully, she gets off the bed, makes her way over to the desk, and picks up a bag. She turns to Zoey and hands it to her with a small smile, “I was supposed to give this to you yesterday. Sorry for the delay.” 

Of course, Zoey takes it with eager hands, and as soon as she opens the bag she freezes. It’s not what she was expecting. She stares and stares until looking up at Rumi with wide eyes. 

All while Rumi looks around the room sheepishly avoiding her gaze. How did she even find this? 

Zoey’s silence is the perfect invitation for Rumi’s rambling, “I know you haven’t been able to find it and it would be easier if you ordered it online. But I also know that you prefer to find things out in the wild. So I called a few stores and they said they should have it in stock. It took a lot longer because a lot of them didn’t and I ended up running around the city, but I finally found a store that did have it.” 

Rumi finally stops and takes a deep breath. Her hands are stuck in the air with how much she moved them and Zoey can’t move. 

Did Rumi really spend her entire time yesterday looking for this? She puts her hand into the bag and pulls out a box. It’s the steelbook for Kubo and the two strings. Zoey has been trying to find this for ages. So far her labor had not given fruit. If anything her luck just sucked when it came to this. 

But now it’s here in her hands and she has no idea what to do. She still remembers the first time she watched it when she was younger. The way it made her feel. The way she couldn’t get her eyes off the screen. How the melodies took her somewhere safe. 

Zoey remembers showing Mira and Rumi it for the first time. A late night after a test hunt with Celine. It could’ve gone better and it could’ve gone worse, but Zoey was left feeling numb. She had walked into her room ready to drown the world out when they showed up at her door. 

None of them said anything as they sat down on the floor and waited for Zoey to put something on. She didn’t think twice about what to watch. They watched it in silence and Zoey didn’t take her eyes off the screen once. By the end of it she had felt lighter. 

And then she turned to look at Mira and Rumi and it felt like everything was going to be okay. They had looked at her so tenderly, so adoring that Zoey was speechless. She had asked if they liked the movie and they both said it was beautiful. Neither of them tore their gaze from her. 

Now they watch this movie at least once a month or more and they never get upset. They watch it as happily as Zoey does. 

Rumi still can’t quite look at her as she waits. Zoey looks down at the steelbook Zoey looks down at the steelbook and she feels her eyes water. It’s something so small but Rumi paid attention. She went and found it. 

Zoey traces the cover of it and a tear hits it. 

“Zoey?” 

Her eyes find their way back to Rumi and she only wants to cry more. Rumi is looking at her with so much care, concern in the corners, and Zoey can’t take it. She puts the movie down and throws herself into Rumi’s arms. 

Rumi catches her. She always does. Zoey fits right into them and she shouldn’t but she does. 

She clings onto Rumi and tries to get as close as she can. Rumi isn’t far behind. She wraps herself around Zoey and almost lifts her off the ground with how tight she holds on. 

Zoey came here to make sure Rumi was okay. To make her smile or laugh even for just a second. But somehow this turned into Rumi making a mess out of Zoey. 

“Thank you,” she chokes out and Rumi rubs her back just the way she likes it. 

“Don’t thank me. I just wanted to see you smile.” 

Any thought of Celine is lost as they stand here. Swaying ever so slightly, Zoey hides her face in Rumi’s neck, trying to ignore the way she shivers when her lips graze her skin. That doesn’t matter. 

She just wants to be here with Rumi. She wants to say something so badly it aches, but she doesn’t. 

Rumi always manages to leave her speechless. 

— —

There are three things Rumi has told them since the idol awards. 

One, her father was a demon. 

Two, that makes her a half demon. 

Three, Celine told her to never utter a word about it to anyone. She should’ve still told them. 

This is everything that Rumi has managed to get out. Mira and Zoey have been to fill in the blanks and what they’ve found hasn’t been uplifting. It makes sense why Rumi always seemed to be hiding. Why she would always go off and tend to herself. Why she kept them at arms length even though it hurt all of them. 

Why Rumi would always look for Celine even though it left her a bit dim each time. Why she would rub her arms as if she were in pain at times. 

All the things that Rumi had done throughout the years had started to make sense. 

And it hurts. 

It hurt to come to that realization that Rumi was suffering in silence this entire time. It hurts to see that she’s still in pain, but at least now they can do something. Well as much as Rumi lets them in. She still struggles with that part. 

Mira can tell she’s hiding something again. She can see the way she avoids their eyes, the way she can’t quite muster up a smile at times. She can feel her gaze lingering on them when she thinks no one notices. 

But Mira can also tell that Rumi is close to breaking. She just doesn’t know if it’s gonna help or hurt her. 

Tonight it’s just the two of them. Zoey got invited to a weekend trip at some sea life sanctuary and there was no way they were going to let her skip it. Even though she pouted and said she didn’t want to be away from them, they both know that Zoey couldn’t miss that. 

So they packed her bag and dropped her off at the airport. Zoey spent five minutes kissing her face and Mira didn’t even try to act annoyed. She then jumped on Rumi who held her until she had to go. Thank god the airport was dead or they would’ve ended up on the front cover of multiple outlets.  

It’s close to midnight and Mira had just gotten off the phone with Zoey. Zoey had called her right after she had gotten off the phone with Rumi. Now Mira sits on the couch trying to soothe the ache in her chest. 

It’s rare for Mira to spend the night without Zoey, and now she has to do it for three nights. But she isn’t alone. Even though she misses Zoey so much, Mira knows that Rumi is waiting for her. 

In the earlier days they used to have sleepovers all the time. Piled up on one of their beds, exhausted from all the training. Clinging onto each other in a way that didn’t quite make sense yet. 

But as time went by the more Rumi pulled back. 

And that scared Mira.

That’s how it started with her brother. Her brother, who was her best friend, her everything. Then he started to drift away, leaving her behind, glaring more often than not. 

She didn’t want to lose Rumi but no matter how many times she asked if she was okay, Rumi always said it was fine. Yet she kept her distance, never staying long enough. 

When they thought that Rumi was finally going to sleep the entire night, they always woke up to her gone, no matter the time. 

So now that everything has come to light, Rumi doesn’t have to sleep alone. 

Mira makes her way over to Rumi’s room and finds that the door is open. Rumi is sitting up against the back board, reading a book that Mira gave her last week. She’s wearing an oversize shirt that she's pretty sure is Zoey’s. 

Her patterns are that glittering transparent color that they adore and she looks so soft. It makes Mira’s heart soar. 

She doesn’t say anything as she makes her way over. Doesn’t say a word as she places her glasses on the bedside and smiles at the little turtle trinket resting there. She gets under the overs and starts to get comfortable. 

Rumi doesn’t take her eyes off the book  as she reaches over and starts to scratch Mira’s head. 

And that’s how they spend their time. 

No words are spoken between them. There doesn’t need to be. 

Just as Mira starts to nod off, she feels Rumi stop and shift. She hears the light cut off and feels as Rumi lies beside her. Mira doesn’t open her eyes but she scoots closer and wraps her arms around Rumi. 

This is all Mira needs and the only way this could be better is if all three of them were here. 

“Night,” she whispers and Rumi buries her face in her neck. 

“Good night, jagiya.” 

Mira falls asleep smiling. 

. . .

Someone is shaking her. The only reason she doesn’t spring up is because the second thing she registers is the scent of the ocean. 

Slowly opening her eyes, she comes face to face with a smiling Rumi. 

“What?” 

“Hello there.” 

Mira turns her head and sees that the clock says 2:23 a.m. They haven’t even been asleep for three hours. 

Sluggishly she gets up and brings Rumi towards her, “Are you okay?” 

It wouldn’t be the first time one of them woke up because of a nightmare. But Rumi doesn’t seem upset at all. If anything she smiles harder. 

She reaches over to fix Mira’s hair and whispers, “I have something to show you.” 

“It’s the middle of the night.” 

‘That’s why it’s the perfect surprise.” 

Mira just looks at her unimpressed. That doesn’t deter Rumi at all. If anything she smiles harder and jumps off the bed giggling. While Mira would love to go back to bed, she still lets Rumi drag her out. 

She has no idea what Rumi wants to show her late at night, but she also knows that she doesn’t want to go back to bed by herself. So here she is being pushed into the elevator, watching the numbers go down as Rumi bounces on her feet. 

They’re both in their pajamas and what are they even doing in the garage for? 

Now they have a handful of cars and Mira is well versed in all of them, but the one they stand in front of definitely isn’t theirs. She takes her glasses off and tries to rub the sleep out of her eyes, but when she looks up the car is still there. 

“Rumi, when did we get a new car?” 

“We didn't." 

“Then what the hell am I looking at?” 

That makes Rumi laugh as she pulls out a set of keys out of her pocket. When did she even have time to grab those? 

“It’s Bobby’s car. I borrowed it for the night.” 

It's a grey Prius that needs a car wash and Mira knows in her heart that if she were to check the back window there would be a plethora of stickers on it.

She looks at it and then at all the other cars in the garage. 

“Did all the other cars stop working?” 

Now this makes Rumi laugh out loud and shake her head fondly. “It’s so the chances of anyone recognizing us are lower.”

She starts to make her way over to the driver’s side when Mira appears at her side, and takes the keys from her. Rumi raises her brow, but doesn’t say anything. Mira nudges her to the passenger side, “I’ll drive.” 

Rumi didn’t even try to argue with her. She simply laughs, shakes her head, and makes her way over to the passengers side. 

It’s without saying that Mira is their designated driver. No matter what, if Mira is right there, she’s going to drive. One time Zoey tried to drive them to the store and Mira quite literally threw her over her shoulder and put her in the back seat. 

She’s pretty sure Rumi has a video of it somewhere. Mira has always driven them and she’s going to keep doing so until she can’t. 

They get situated and Rumi puts the directions into her phone, but she doesn’t show Mira. 

“It would ruin the surprise,” she says quietly and Mira doesn’t question it. She starts to pull out and it’s odd to drive this car. When she gets to the main road, she startles at how quickly it accelerates. Who knew such a little car could move like this. 

“Damn this has some speed,” Mira laughs because of course Bobby’s car is this small but drives like a bat out of hell. 

She keeps laughing and says, “Imagine getting hit by this damn Prius.” 

Rumi chuckles, “You would go flying.” 

Mira glances quickly at Rumi and grins, “You would find a way to spring right back up.” 

“Oh I would be ready to fight immediately.” 

They both share a laugh and fall into a comfortable silence. Rumi directs her quietly and Mira is just content. It’s about three in the morning, they should be in bed, but it doesn’t matter. 

Not when she’s with Rumi.

They drive out the city and it’s fascinating how quick everything falls into darkness. Seoul is always filled with life and at every corner there’s more light than the last. But the moment you step out of the city it’s like a shroud is thrown over you. 

Funny, how the dark is never really far away. 

Mira doesn’t say anything as they drive further and further away from the city. Rumi hums under her breath and Mira has always wondered where that melody came from. It sounds so familiar yet for the life of hers she’s never been able to figure it out. 

They drive for another thirty minutes before Rumi makes her park near a treeline. Rumi grins at her before she jumps out the car. Mira fumbles with her seatbelt for a second before she joins Rumi outside. 

Mira looks into the forest and she can barely see. The moon is out tonight but it can only help so much. She turns to face Rumi and she doesn’t seem the least bit concerned about this. 

Without another word, Rumi extends her arm out and offers Mira her hand. And Mira takes it. She always does. 

That’s how they end up hiking through the woods at three a.m. on a random Saturday. 

Rumi moves through the woods as if it were second nature. Nothing in front of them seems to surprise her. She’s either been here multiple times or she can actually see in front of her. 

Mira trips over a branch for the nth time, and Rumi giggles as she holds her up. “Who would’ve thought you were so clumsy.” 

“You try walking in the middle of a forest at this time and not fall.” 

“Well I haven’t fallen yet.” 

Mira looks up ready to say something, but freezes. Rumi’s eyes are yellow. They glow slightly and dilate just a bit when Rumi locks her gaze on Mira. Since when can her eyes do that? 

She doesn’t get to ask before Rumi helps her get her footing and keeps walking. 

The eyes have to be a demon thing. It makes Mira wonder how much or how little they know about Rumi’s demon. Does Rumi even know much? Is she still learning? Is she still hiding? 

It doesn’t take much longer for them to end up at a cliff. 

Rumi turns to her with an eager smile. 

“Is this the part where you kill me and throw my body over the cliff?” 

She doesn’t even look surprised at Mira’s words, “Yeah, just hold still for me while I get ready.” 

Mira laughs and she misses the way Rumi stares at her softly. She feels her take a step towards her and whispers, “Look up.” 

Ignoring the shiver that just went down her spine and she does as told. 

Oh god. 

It’s so dark here. Mira is sure that if Rumi told her to find her way back to the car she wouldn’t be able to. But here in the darkness is where beauty thrives. 

Because up in the sky are millions and millions of stars twinkling. Everywhere you turn you’re going to find more. 

And Mira can’t breathe. 

She can’t take her eyes off them. 

There was a time when Mira’s only comfort were the stars. When she would climb out her bedroom window and look up at the night sky. The only consistent thing in her life were the stars. She would look up and ache. 

It’s one of the few things that felt like her own. All the astrology books hidden beneath the floor boards, those were hers. Those silent nights where she would recite every constellation she knew and wondered if anyone would ever listen to her. 

Then she moved into the compound and somehow they were even more stars. It was the same sky as before but there were just more. 

Mira would sneak out almost every night to just look at them. She would recite the same words as she did when she was younger and the ache was still there. 

That was until Rumi found her one night after a botched hunt. Mira shouldn’t have been surprised at the fact that Rumi found her on the roof. She knew the house better than anyone else. But Mira had still startled and almost summoned her weapon. 

Rumi had stood to the side with a bandage on her cheek and a gentle smile for Mira. She didn’t say anything when she sat beside Mira. They sat there for a long time. Mira hadn't known what to say. Still weary of this girl that screamed perfection with her every movement, yet she never demanded for anything. 

It felt too good to be true. 

Then Rumi pointed to the sky and whispered, “Do you know that constellation? I always seem to forget which one it is.” 

What more could Mira do but talk? 

She spent hours telling Rumi about the stars and Rumi never got bored. Never acted as if it were a bother. She nodded along and smiled, always ready with more questions. 

It didn’t take long for Zoey to start joining them and it became another small ritual of theirs. 

But later they moved to the tower and their schedules got so hectic that this was slowly pushed to the side. Mira would still look up but would be lucky if she saw a handful of stars. When was the last time they all star gazed? 

She finally takes her gaze off the sky and finds a shy Rumi looking at her. 

“I found that the bortle scale was a three here and I had to bring you.” She takes Mira’s hand and leads her to the edge of the cliff. She sits down and tugs Mira down until she does too. 

Mira still can’t say anything. 

She doesn’t know whether to look at the sky or Rumi. Doesn’t know which light she wants. 

Rumi doesn’t seem to mind. 

She smiles like all those years ago and whispers, “Tell me about the stars.” 

And Mira does. 

She recites just like when she was little but only this time the ache in her chest is different. It’s one she refuses to give a name but doesn’t want to let go either. 

“Where are Vega and Altair?” 

Mira smiles and points towards them. Rumi has always loved that story. 

“The goddess, Vega, and the humble Altair.” 

“Cruelly separated.” 

“Reuniting in the heavens.” 

“Yet spend eternity separated by the great celestial river.” 

Both of them smile at each other and Mira whispers, “At least they can hold one another once a year. Some lovers don’t get that.” 

Rumi’s eyes dropped to her hands, “Yeah that’s better than nothing.” 

The silence slowly starts to settle again but Rumi then asks, “What about Deneb?” 

Mira raises a brow, “What about it?”

Rumi looks up at the sky, “Most people tend to forget about it. Even though it’s part of the summer triangle asterism. Even though it’s the bridge that reunites Vega and Altair every year.” Her patterns pulse and it almost feels sad. 

She’s right. If you ask most people they won’t know about Deneb. Granted they might not know about Vega and Altair but the chances are higher for them. Most people don’t tend to like a crowd. 

“You think Deneb deserves more love?” 

“Maybe.” 

Mira bumps her shoulder with Rumi’s and waits for her to look at her. She almost shudders when Rumi’s eyes lock on her. They’re still glowing yellow and looking at her with something she can’t understand. 

But you do. You know you do.

“I’ve never forgotten about Deneb. I don’t think I ever will.” 

Rumi’s patterns glow a soft blue and her eyes just for a second scream with an adoration that makes Mira dizzy. She lets out a small laugh and says to Mira, “Nerd.” 

Mira scoffs playfully, “You’re one to talk, Miss physics.” 

Rumi shrugs with a smile, “Nah, that was my mother.” 

And if Mira freezes for a second Rumi doesn’t notice. It’s rare the times Rumi talks about Mi-yeong. Even rarer when she smiles about it. She hasn’t missed how some of Rumi’s physics books have her mother’s name on it. She never mentions it. 

She isn’t going to start now, even if she wants to know more. 

Instead she says, “We can thank her for your intelligence then.” 

Rumi’s smile dims a little but it doesn’t go away, “Yeah, guess we can.” 

They stay there until the sun starts to rise. Mira doesn’t move until the very last star is gone. Rumi doesn’t rush her. 

When they finally get up, they walk hand in hand to the car. Both of them are exhausted but content. Although, content feels too small of a word for what they’re both feeling. They make it to the car and reluctantly let go. 

“You need to bring Zoey here.” 

Mira puts the car in drive and says, “We need to bring Zoey here.” 

If she would’ve turned, Mira would’ve seen Rumi become the incarnation of longing for a split second. By the time Mira looks at Rumi, she’s already staring out the window and doesn’t say another word. 

— — 

Zoey and Mira lay in bed together, holding one another but their thoughts aren’t with each other. It hurts. It hurts so much and they don’t know what to do. 

Because no matter how long it’s been, no matter how much they love one another truly, it won’t go away. No matter how much they try to bury it, it won’t stay dead. 

They don’t know if they want it to stop. 

Yet they still can’t say it out loud. They can’t risk the damage it might cost. They can’t risk any of this. 

So here in the middle of the night, wrapped around in each other, they confess the thing that has been haunting them. 

I want her.

And even that isn’t the whole truth. 

They called Rumi a liar. 

As if they haven’t been lying this whole time too. 

— —

Rumi never got to meet Kim. 

Just like her mother, she was a ghost in Rumi’s life. Always hearing about them from the world, but inside her home they were another thing that added to the silence. 

Rumi felt her absence just like she felt her mother’s. 

She mourned both of them in her own way but there was something else. 

Because she could feel Celine’s ache for them. It was the thing that filled their house late at night when Rumi was supposed to be asleep. The thing that was weaved into every atom of Celine’s being. 

Rumi always wondered why the honmoon picked three hunters when one of them always ended up alone. 

— —

Things have been weird. 

Not necessarily in a bad way, but weird nevertheless. 

Rumi didn’t know how to bring it up. 

She didn’t know how to say that she could feel Mira’s eyes lingering on her every time they touched. She didn’t know what to say whenever Zoey leaned in too close with something in her eyes that made Rumi tremble. 

She didn’t know what to do every time she heard their breath shudder. 

So Rumi didn’t say anything. 

The tension is only building and she gets the feeling that she won’t be able to stop it. But then again how much can she do when she actively tries to ignore it? 

They go on about their days, enjoying their hiatus, and pushing to the side the elephant in the room. But they should know by now that it only works for so long. 

And it never works in their favor. 

— —

The three were out late at night again. This time it had been Mira’s idea to leave the tower at this hour. 

“It’s a full moon tonight and the cherry blossoms will be alone. It’s going to be perfect.” 

As if Zoey and Rumi needed any convincing to go out. 

It was a little past midnight when they made their way out. Running on top of roofs, laughing with a care in the world. Teasing one another just for the hell of it. 

By the time they made it to the cherry blossoms, they were flushed and out of breath but god they were happy. They were good. 

Zoey kept taking a million pictures, talking their ear off, as they followed behind her. 

“Hey Rumi?” 

“Yes?” She said absently as she picked a petal out of Mira’s hair. 

“What’s the three body problem?” 

Rumi would’ve tripped over air if Mira hadn’t held on to her. She blinked slowly and looked up to Zoey, “What?” 

Zoe only looked at her innocently, “The three body problem? I saw it in one of your books the other day and you had it underlined. I’ve been wondering what it is.” 

“Celine, what’s this?” 

Celine had walked over to look over Rumi’s shoulder to see what she was pointing at. She stared at it for a long time before answering Rumi. 

“The truth.” 

“Rumi?” 

She stared at Zoey for a moment, wondering if she looked at Celine with that curiosity when she asked. She doesn’t want to answer, just like Celine didn’t want to, but unlike her Rumi doesn’t want to give cryptic answers. 

“It’s a near impossible equation.” 

“Why is that?” 

It never works for long. 

Rumi starts to walk again and she feels them both trail behind her, eager to hear more. Her heart clenches. 

This has been something she has spent her life trying to understand. Trying to see why three are chosen yet it never works. 

“If you take the relative position and velocity of two bodies with respect to the center of gravity of the system, it reduces the unknowns, and you have a solvable equation.” 

Rumi remembers Celine’s neat handwriting in the back of the book. She remembers how she spent every night reading it over and over again. 

“But throw in one more particle, one more body and it comes crashing down. There are too many unknowns, too much uncertainty. The three body problem doesn’t work.” 

The word three was underlined so many times that Rumi wondered how the page didn’t rip. 

They keep walking but Rumi can feel the way they stare at her. Can feel the word they want to say hanging in the air. 

She hopes they don’t ask anymore. She knows she can’t deny them and she knows that it will hurt. 

Mira moves a little closer and mumbles, “Why do you have it underlined?” 

“Because it’s the truth.” 

We fooled ourselves and look where we ended up. 

She knows that she said the wrong thing. She knows that isn’t what they wanted to hear, but she’s not lying. She doesn’t want to lie. 

This is something she’s known since she was little and one of the few things she knew was true. Her existence is proof enough. 

Rumi was never going to fit with them. 

Look at her, she isn’t like them. 

“Ru…” 

She can’t look at them. She can’t turn around because even now after everything she’s still a coward. Knows deep down that she won’t be able to take what she finds there. Knows in her heart that she will only ruin things if she tries to take. 

A hand grabs her wrist and her patterns scream with longing. 

Stop it. 

This isn’t yours.

“Rumi, look at me.” 

She’s always been weak. 

Even as she trembles and as her body tells her to run or to embrace, she turns around. Mira and Zoey are staring at her with such desperation that Rumi can’t say anything. Rumi won’t say anything. 

And then the world exploded around them. 

One second she’s standing in front of them and the next she’s flying through the air. Mid air she finally feels the honmoon ripple and oh how stupid can she be? It was trying to warn her and she missed all the signs. 

The girls scream her name and Rumi feels the impact of her landing throughout her whole body. She doesn’t have time to react before the demon is on top of her snarling. There’s another one, she can feel it. 

They couldn’t have ripped out the honmoon, they’re far too strong for their honmoon to let them through. No, they have been hiding, bidding their time. 

She feels as the other one runs to them and she knows that if she doesn’t move she’s going to be crushed. 

Without thinking she grabs onto the demon holding her down and the world shifts around them. One moment they’re on the ground and next they’re crashing through a tree surrounded by red smoke. 

Mira and Zoey keep screaming her name but she knows they can’t come to her. The other demon is already locked on them, trying to rip them apart. 

Even after crashing through the tree, the demon still won’t let go of her. It snarls out her with so much hate she can almost breathe it in. Instead she only growls back at it, patterns pulsing red. Even the demon seems surprised by this, but its grip doesn’t loosen. 

It brings its mouth near her face and Rumi can count every tooth. God does its breath reek. 

“You smell like us,” Its hiss sends a shiver down her spine. What the fuck does that even mean? She pushes it forward and it stumbles, but it won’t let go. 

“I can feel the energy in you. Our energy.” 

And isn’t that just terrifying. To know that even though you true so hard to be good, evil still courses through you. That you’re still a stain in your legacy.

“I’m not like you,” she snaps back and the demon has the audacity to laugh at her. 

“Those patterns say otherwise,” it snarls and it’s like a bucket of cold water is dropped on her. Because yes she’s trying to get better, she’s doing okay, but there are moments where everything starts to blur.

Because not all demons are bad. Some are just as lost as she is, and all they want is help. But there are still some that want to cause harm. The ones that haunt her dreams. 

There are days where Rumi feels more like a caged beast than a human. Days where it feels like she could crawl out of her skin. Days where it feels like she hasn’t made any progress. 

They wrestle on the ground crashing into every tree they come across. She can hear Mira and Zoey fighting the other demon, and she knows that she has to stop this before they get hurt. 

Coldness seeps into her body and she realizes that they’ve landed in one of the small ponds. The demon turns her around and water fills her mouth. It brings her in and out repeatedly and Rumi is surprised she hasn’t started choking on the water. 

The demon keeps laughing and it holds her above the water for a second. Rumi is ready to fight back when its hand snakes to her face and forces her to look at the water. 

She freezes. 

Everything around her goes silent. 

She can barely feel the demon holding her. 

All she can do is stare. 

Her patterns are flashing red, her face is contorted into a snarl and she can see the fangs in her mouth. Her left eye is that feral yellow and when she clenches her hands she can feel the claws stinking into her flesh. 

Rumi looks like a demon. 

She looks like herself.

Who is she? 

“You aren’t like us? All I see is a monster.” 

“They’re monsters Rumi. All of them.” 

She doesn’t feel as the demon dunks back into the water. She doesn’t feel the way the water starts to fill her lungs. Because all she can see is the animal that hides beneath her skin. 

Who was she trying to fool here? Did she honestly think she could be different? 

Something warm starts to drip down her back and she doesn’t care. She can’t move. She can’t do anything. 

The demon turns her so she faces it and for a second it seems surprised. Whatever is on her face is not what it was expecting. She wonders what she looks like to it. Does she look like kin? Or is she something so different that it can’t even look at her? 

“RUMI!” 

She sees the way it lifts its hand ready to strike and she doesn’t move. Rumi simply stares waiting for whatever blow is about to be dealt. 

It never comes. 

Because there’s a sickle protruding through the demon’s chest and the next moment there is nothing but a clod of red smoke above her. Clarity slowly starts to spread through her and she starts to cough for air. 

All the water she swallowed trying to find its way out of her. Her patterns pulse in pain and she wonders how much blood she’s lost without knowing. 

She wipes her face and when her eyes focus on who’s in front of her she almost gasps. 

Celine. 

In all her glory, Celine is standing in front of Rumi. She’s breathing in deep, hand shaking, and eyes wide with concern. Concern for what Rum isn’t sure. 

She tries to stand up but her knees won’t hold her up. She hadn’t realized how hard she was trembling. Hitting the ground is inevitable but hands shoot out and catch her. 

“Rumi…” 

“Ru…” 

Two voices overlap one another and it takes a second for her to realize that Mira and Zoey have found their way to her. Their clothes are a little ruffled and Zoey has a rip on her pants, but they seem fine. Well at least physically. 

They both look a little faint at the moment. 

But Rumi can’t quite take her eyes off Celine. It’s been two months since she last saw her and it seems like she’s aged five years since then. She looks just like the woman who raised Rumi and nothing like her. 

“What are you doing here?” She asks and it takes her moment to realize how rough her voice sounds. It sounds like a demon and a child demanding an answer. 

She expects for Celine to flinch or even take a step back, but she doesn’t move an inch. It seems like her eyes can’t stray from Rumi. She has a look that Rumi can’t understand and she hates it. Ever since she was a child Rumi could never quite read Celine. 

“I sensed a demon,” is all she says. 

Did she sense the demons or did she sense Rumi? 

Mira’s hand tightens around her waist, “What are you even doing out here so late?” 

“I could ask you all the same.” 

“Answer the damn question,” Mira growls and Zoey doesn’t berate her for speaking like that to their mentor. She always used to. 

But Celine doesn’t say anything else and Rumi can’t seem to make her mouth work anymore. There’s so much she can say, so much she could, but none of it makes sense. 

Her skin itches, her patterns ache, she can’t stop shaking. There’s bile rising in her throat and she doesn’t know who to blame but herself right now. 

Then Celine takes a step forward and the girls pull Rumi back. None of them miss the flash of hurt on Celine’s face. 

Rumi wants to ignore the desperation in Celine’s eyes but how can she when she sees it in the mirror every day. Rumi might look like her mother, but this ache that has festered in her since childhood is all Celine’s. 

“You haven’t been answering my calls.” 

It’s such a simple sentence yet it feels damning. It makes Rumi feel like she did something wrong. Even though she’s not sure what she’s trying to do. 

She shrugs and it feels like when she was a child and Celine asked her what she did. Rumi knows that Zoey and Mira are trying to catch her eye, trying to see what they have to do. But she knows the moment she looks at them she will fall. 

“I haven’t seen you since the idol awards.” 

Just like that it feels like the world was ripped from beneath her feet. She feels Zoey and Mira tense around her and damn it. 

Damn it. 

She hasn’t told them. 

They don’t know. 

How was she supposed to tell them? 

Celine must see the panic in her eyes because she looks at Zoey and Mira and understatement washes over her. Maybe even pity crosses her eyes. It makes Rumi want to scream. 

Rumi promised no more lies, no more secrets but here she is again. She can almost feel the doubt finding its way back into the both of them. 

Without thinking she takes a step forward, prying herself off their grip and straightens up. She looks at Celine and she can feel the way her eyes are taken in every small detail of Rumi. Mira and Zoey want to grab her again and she knows it, but she has to fix this. 

“Can I talk to Celine alone, please.” 

Her voice isn’t really her voice yet, but you can still hear the slight wavering in it. It’s the best idea and she knows it, her mind isn’t clear and she’s hurting but she has to fix this. 

“Rumi, you’re hurt,” Mira says as if that’s all the reason she needed not to leave. 

“It won’t take long.” 

They all know that Rumi won’t cave. So with great reluctance they start to move forward, once again trying to catch her eye. Rumi still can’t look at them. They both stare at Celine for a moment. 

Anger and hurt clashing together until it feels suffocating. 

Then they walk away and with their backs turned to them Rumi can finally look at them. Their steps are measured, slow, as if they were waiting for Rumi to follow them. She wants to go with them. Rumi has always just wanted to be with them, but she has to fix this.

How can she go with them when all she does is ruin things? 

So she watches them go, heart aching and soul screaming, and doesn’t move. 

When they’re out of sight she faces Celine and waits. She won’t be the one to make the first step, not again. 

“You haven’t told them.” She’s never been one to hold back. 

“Why does that matter to you?” Rumi has never been one to give an easy answer. She can thank Celine for that. 

Celine takes another step forward and Rumi takes one back. 

“I’ve been worried.” 

“So it took you six weeks to call me? Another two to look for me?” 

Celine’s eyes drop to the ground and Rumi gets a sick sense of satisfaction. Part of her wants Celine to be uncomfortable. 

“I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me.” 

You’re wrong. 

“You’re right, yet here you are.” 

They keep staring at each other and it reminds Rumi of the time she hunted that squirrel and brought it to Celine. The silence that settled on them that night was deafening. Celine didn’t say a word as she stared at Rumi who was only eight at the time mouth covered in blood. Rumi had always wondered if it would’ve been better if Celine screamed instead of looking at her like she was something wrong. 

Celine stares at the sickles in her hands for one long second before making them vanish. When she looks up, Rumi is hit with how tired she looks. How old she looks. 

“Rumi, I know I didn’t get it right.” 

Rumi get up. 

“Somewhere along the way I got lost.” 

Do you want to stay like this forever? A demon? 

“I broke the promise I made to your mother.” 

What would your mother think, Rumi?

Rumi imagined having this conversation with Celine a million times. She thought about everything she would say and do. Each scenario was a little different but the overarching idea stayed the same. 

Rumi would finally stop hurting. 

But as she stands here as Celine tries to get whatever apology or reasoning out, Rumi only feels the wound grow bigger. 

After twenty-four years she’s getting what she wanted, but it doesn’t feel right. It’s not healing her in any way. 

She knows that Celine is still talking, trying to prove her point, but Rumi isn’t listening. 

“I should’ve done better with you.” 

That’s what breaks her. 

Because why did it take her entire life, breaking the honmoon, rebuilding the honmoon, asking for the mercy of death for Celine to finally admit this. 

Why didn’t she see this when Rumi ripped herself apart every day just so she would look at her? 

She starts to laugh. 

Big heaving chuckles that sound both mocking and deranged. 

Why?

Why? 

Why? 

Her patterns start to burn. 

“Don’t you think it took you too long to say this? Don’t you think I needed this when I was twelve, begging for a grain of sympathy?” 

She looks up and Celine takes a step back. Not too long ago that would’ve hurt and maybe if she was more present it would still hurt. But at this moment it only makes Rumi laugh even more. 

Celine is here to talk to her, to maybe make peace, but it feels like she hasn’t learned anything.

“I tried, Rumi.” 

“Yes, but to what extent? You drew the line between a child and a demon so early on that you forgot that we were one in the same.” 

I forgot.

“You couldn’t have expected me to be perfect,” Celine tries to snap back but there’s no real bite to her words. 

Rumi shakes her head, “No, I didn’t, but I expected you to be kind.” 

I wanted you to be my mother. 

This time when Celine flinches at her words, Rumi doesn’t feel any glee. If anything it makes her stomach twist and her heart pound. 

There was a time when kindness wasn’t something she had to bargain for. There was a time when Celine looked at her as if she were everything. 

There was a time where Rumi felt like someone’s daughter. 

Maybe that’s why it hurts so much, because for a while Rumi truly had it good. From what little she remembers, she knows that she was cherished. She knows that Celine loved her. 

Still loves her, but in a way that hurts more than anything else. 

She can feel the blood dripping down her back. The wind blows and her clothes stick to her skin. Her patterns keep burning and she wants to burn with them. 

When Celine takes a step forward this time Rumi doesn’t move. She’s too tired. 

“I have so many regrets, Rumi. So many things I could’ve done different, but the biggest one has always been you. This is the one thing I wish I could fix.” 

“You still want to fix me? Even after everything?” 

“I want to fix the hurt that I caused.” 

Can you fix it? 

Can you get rid of something that is carved into every bone and atom of you?

“I don’t know how not to hurt,” Rumi whispers and Celine’s eyes fill with tears. Isn’t it so funny that Celine can cry for her but Rumi has lost all her tears? 

“Why didn’t you let that demon kill me?” 

Why didn’t you kill me when I begged for mercy? 

It’s something that doesn’t quite make sense to Rumi. Celine would’ve saved herself a lot of grief. And if Celine really loved her, why didn’t she give Rumi what she begged for? 

We both know that death isn’t what you want. 

Her eyes still have tears but Celine is looking at her as if she were insane just for asking this. 

“Why would you think I would let that happen?”

“Why would you care?” 

“Because you’re my daughter.” The despair in Celine’s words makes Rumi shake even more. How long has she wanted Celine to say that? 

“But is that enough?” 

Rumi wants to go home. She wants to hide under the covers and let Zoey and Mira hold her. She wants to rip her patterns off herself. She wants to feel normal. 

Normality was never an option. 

She doesn’t bother to say another word. She steps to the side and starts to walk away. 

Rumi doesn’t make it three steps before Celine’s voice breaks through the air. 

“I see the way you look at them.” 

As if Rumi couldn’t feel any heavier, these words land like an avail on her chest. 

“I see the way they look at you.” 

Why doesn’t it work?

There’s too much against it. 

“You should tell them.” 

“There’s nothing to tell.” 

“We both know that isn’t true.” 

Now the thing that screams in her veins is anger, fury. Now she wants Rumi to be honest? Now she wants her to bare her soul? 

Rumi turns around and her patterns scream with red. Celine doesn’t falter. That only pisses her off more. 

“Did you tell Kim?” 

Celine doesn’t say anything. 

“Did you tell my mother?”

Celine doesn’t have to say anything, Rumi already knows the answer. 

“You never told them, what makes you think I will?”

It didn’t take a genius to figure out what Celine felt, especially when you grew up with her. It wasn’t hard to realize the look of longing she wore every time they were brought up. 

If there was one thing they both shared for certain, was a yearning that killed them. 

“Rumi-” 

“No, no you don’t get to do this now.” Rumi snarls. She doesn’t try to stop her anger, not anymore. She moves towards Celine and doesn’t stop until they’re almost nose to nose. 

“You’re the one that told me that it never works. You’re the one that told me that it would break. You’re the one that told me to hide!” 

“I know!” 

Then Celine’s hands land on her shoulders and she doesn’t know if it makes the heat better or worse. 

“I messed up. I messed up long before you came along. I gave them up out of fear and now look where I am.” And for the first time in a long time, Celine holds Rumi’s face in her hands and smiles gently at her, “But you don’t have to be like me.” 

A system of three stars, like alpha centauri, could come crashing into one another, or simply, some might get flung out of orbit after a period of so-called stability. 

“It won’t work,” she mumbles as her voice quivers. 

“We don’t know that.” 

They stand there and just stare at one another. 

Both pleading. 

Both hurting. 

Mother and daughter. 

Daughter and mother. 

Human and demon. 

What difference does any of this make? 

“I have to go,” she whispers. 

Celine takes a long look at her and this time Rumi doesn’t feel scrutinized. She doesn’t feel judged. Celine’s gaze is warm, calm, wrapped in a motherly love Rumi almost forgot about. 

“Every day I wish I could tell them how much I loved them. Don’t commit the same mistakes I did, aegi,” and Celine seals this with a kiss on Rumi’s forehead. A promise that maybe things could work out. 

Maybe they could fix this too. 

They don’t say goodbye. Rumi just starts to walk away all while she feels Celine’s eyes on her. She wonders if at that moment she saw her mother walking away too. 

Rumi keeps walking, a numbness starting to fill her veins, Celine's words ring in her ears, and what is she supposed to feel? 

How is she not supposed to break down? 

Can she even cry anymore? 

She knows that she’s spiraling. Too much has happened and she’s not ready. 

Rumi rounds a corner and finds Mira and Zoey leaning against a building. 

She doesn’t give either of them a chance to speak. In two strides she’s by their side and grabbing their wrist. 

Then they're gone, only leaving a cloud of red smoke. 

Rumi wishes she could leave more than just that. 

— —

They’re four things they know. 

Rumi’s father was a demon.

Rumi is a half demon.

Celine told Rumi to never tell anyone. 

Rumi saw Celine on the day of the idol awards. 

What did you do Rumi? 

— —

They land on the couch. 

It’s not a gentle landing. Any harder and they might’ve broken the couch. 

Rumi lets out a pained grunt and even as disorientated as they are Zoey and Mira hear it. They have no idea what just happened but they know that Rumi is hurt. 

That’s all they need to know so they jump up. Zoey is helping her sit up while Mira runs to go get the first aid kit. Her patterns haven’t stopped glowing and she wonders if they ever will stop hurting.

But then again all demons ever do is feel. 

Zoey is talking to her and she knows it, but she doesn’t hear anything. Every second that Rumi doesn’t answer, Zoey’s worry grows by the tenfolds. 

By the time Mira comes back Rumi still hasn’t said anything and Zoey is near tears. She puts the kit down and takes Rumi’s face in her hands. Rumi’s eyes are still glowing but the only thing in them is a numbness that scares Mira. 

“Rumi if you can hear me, nod or blink once.” 

Rumi doesn’t move an inch. 

“Rumi, please.” 

Still nothing. 

Zoey and Mira share a look full of panic. They do the next best thing they can. 

“I’m sorry,” Mira says before slapping Rumi. 

Rumi’s head whips to the side and her patterns glow a brighter red. She turns to face them with wide eyes and a look of shock. Her hand comes up to her cheek as if she weren’t sure what just happened. 

Mira’s hands find their way to her neck as she whispers, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You weren’t responding.” 

Rumi’s eyes go from her to Zoey in a slow daze until she nods in understatement. She still doesn’t say anything. 

What did Celine do? 

As much as they want to ask, Rumi’s blood is starting to seep into the couch and she seems close to crashing. So they swallow all their doubts, all their questions, and care for Rumi. 

They hadn’t realized how bruised and battered Rumi truly was. Everything had happened so fast. One moment they were trying to grasp what Rumi was saying and then the next she was gone. 

Mira had felt the honmoon ripple for just a second and she hadn’t thought about it too much. She was so focused on Rumi that she missed all the signs. 

Both of them had to stand there as a demon dragged Rumi away as if she were nothing. Before they could help another one appeared and focused on them. How did they get through the honmoon? Had they been following them this whole time? 

And these demons were smart. They knew exactly what they were doing. The second Mira and Zoey could’ve ran to Rumi, the demon took them somewhere else. All they heard was the way Rumi crashed through the trees. 

It felt like the idol awards all over again. The same hopelessness coursed through them and it only grew the longer Rumi was in the demon’s claws. 

She fought back, she tried to fight back, but then she stopped. 

Rumi just stopped. 

The demon said something and it’s almost like it took everything from Rumi. Her patterns had flared and she didn’t make a noise as the demon sunk its claws into her and slammed her into the pond. 

Rumi didn’t fight. 

She didn’t even try. 

That’s the scariest thing out of all of this. 

Mira starts to strip Rumi from her shirt and grimaces when she sees the gashes on her back. Some might even need stitches. Just more scars for Rumi to carry. 

Zoey carefully wipes Rumi’s neck, being gentle with the blooming bruises there. 

The only sign that Rumi is with them is the way she keeps clenching and unclenching her jaw. 

Her patterns are still glowing red and they shudder every once and a while. As if they were as tired as Rumi. Her eyes are still yellow, but instead of appearing feral, they scream with sadness. 

Her nails have turned into claws. Mira looks down and sees that Rumi is leaving blood on her pants. Rumi doesn’t even seem to feel it. 

They move in silence. Mira getting the needle and thread ready, Zoey trying to clean her as best as she can, and Rumi just sits there. 

Even when Mira starts to stitch her up muttering apologies, Rumi doesn’t say anything. When Zoey asks if she’s cold, Rumi can only look at her sadly. Zoey takes a long look at her before getting up and running to go get her some dry clothes. 

Mira keeps stitching and she wishes Rumi would just make a noise. Let her know that she hasn’t left. 

What did you do? 

She finishes off the last of the stitches when Zoey comes back with a hoodie and shorts. One of Mira’s oversized hoodies to be specific. Rumi always loves to steal them. 

They get ready to help her when Rumi snaps out of it. She doesn’t say anything as she takes the clothes from Zoey’s arms. Doesn’t look at them as she practically slams the hoodie on her and rips her pants off. Her patterns are no longer glowing red, but pulsing. 

In and out. 

In and out. 

As if they were following the beat of Rumi’s heart. 

And when she’s done she doesn’t sit down again. Now she stands between Zoey and Mira as they sit on the couch holding their breaths. 

I haven’t seen you since the idol awards. 

“Rumi?” 

She only tilts her head towards Zoey. 

“Rumi, did you see Celine after the idol awards?” 

Rumi’s breath goes ragged and for the first time in a long time her patterns pulse purple. That’s all the confirmation they need. 

“Rumi, what did you do?” Mira whispers with a desperation that claws at her soul. 

She shakes her head, her back facing them, “I thought I could fix it.” 

Slowly bringing her hands up to the sides of her neck and squeezing. Patterns flaring nonstop, “I thought I could still fix it.” 

Mira’s heart hurts and she doesn’t even know why. 

Zoey is crying with all the possibilities running through her head. 

What did you do?

Rumi turns around quickly and they stop breathing. She looks so much like that night. Hair ruffled, patterns glowing purple, shaking as if she were her own personal earthquake. Desperation in her eyes that knocks the breath out of them. 

She falls to her knees in front of them and starts to whisper, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I thought it would fix it.” 

Zoey’s body is leaning towards her, yelling to touch Rumi but neither of them knows if it’s allowed. 

The tears start to slowly roll down her face. 

“I broke us. I broke the honmoon. I was the thing I was raised to hate. I ruined everything.” She chokes out a sob, “I lost everything.” 

She turns her hands over and stares at all the scars she’s gained. How many times did she crack herself open to make things right, only for her to fail every time? Why can’t she learn? 

“I had to fix it. There had to be a way to fix all of this.” 

Clawing at her chest, she wonders if there’s a way to ease the blow. If there’s a way that doesn’t mean shattering the fragile peace they’ve made. 

“If I could fix it. If I could make sure that you guys were okay, it was worth it. All of this bullshit would be worth it.” 

Celine has her sickle pointed at her, and Rumi remembers all the times growing up when it was pointed at her. All the times she was knocked down and Celine would stand over her. 

Rumi always hated that. Hated that Celine could take her down so quickly. Hated that no matter what she did she could never win. 

But tonight as Celine points her weapon at Rumi while she’s on her knees all she can feel is relief. 

Mira can’t stop herself anymore. She reaches out and takes hold of one Rumi’s hands, not caring if the claws nick her skin. 

“Rumi, please, what did you do?” 

Rumi lifts her head and the grief in her eyes is palpable. 

“I asked Celine to kill me.”

Sorrow has not existed till this very moment. 

They feel the blow of Rumi’s words in every bone of their bodies. They slice through every vein, every artery, and leave them bleeding out. 

“I begged her to end it. I begged her to fix the mistake she let grow. I begged her to fix what I broke.” 

They watch as Rumi drops her forehead to the ground and claws at the floor. She’s trembling, she’s hurting, and their chests cave into themselves. 

Because what do you mean? 

What do you mean that they almost lost Rumi? That they hurt her to the point where death was a better option than to stay. That Rumi reached the point where she couldn’t keep going. 

What the fuck do you mean? 

“You-You…Rumi…” 

Zoey’s words sound like a gasping breath, as if she couldn’t quite breathe. Mira can’t get anything out. She can’t move. She can’t breathe. 

All she can see is Rumi begging for them to stay, begging them not to leave her, and them ignoring her pleas. Leaving her behind and pushing her to the brink of something devastating. 

She begged for them to stay. 

And they left. 

So Rumi almost left them too. 

There’s no grace in her movements, she falls to her knees with a thud that echoes through the living room, and Mira grabs Rumi as if she were mad. 

Rumi’s tearful face comes into her vision and Mira can’t breathe. 

“Why? Why, Rumi?” 

This isn’t her voice anymore. This isn’t Mira talking. 

It’s the wild, scared animal that hides in her chest. The one that guards what little she truly has in this life, demanding an answer. Clawing its way out of her in a desperate attempt to understand. 

Rumi turns her head to look at Zoey, who is breaking at the seams, at Mira who seems to have lost everything again. 

“I destroyed what I swore to protect.” She says roughly but then her patterns flash and she whispers, “What was the point if I lost you two?” 

She presses the hands to her eyes, “If I had to die so you guys stood a chance, it was worth it. It was going to be worth it. I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t matter anymore.” 

Zoey joins them on the ground, breath uneven, and vision blurry but she can’t be away from them any longer. 

What would’ve happened if Celine had listened to Rumi? What would’ve happened if her blade had cut Rumi down? 

What would’ve they done? 

Would they have found her afterwards? 

Would’ve they walked through hell fire on earth and found Rumi at the compound? Under the tree, bleeding out with a blade through her chest?

Would Zoey and Mira have to hold the girl they adore in her hands as she took her last breath? 

What would they have done if they lost Rumi? 

They almost lost Rumi. 

God, they almost lost her. 

Rumi almost-

Zoey reaches out and holds onto Rumi’s shoulders. Forcing her to look at her and Rumi hates every moment of it. 

Because here she is again hurting the women she loves with her entire being. Why does she keep doing this? Why can’t she keep her rotten blood away from them?

The dam breaks. 

It starts with gasps and uneven breaths and then heaving sobs. It moves on to trembling bodies and hands grasping for something solid. For someone that is right there yet feels faint. 

What is there to say?

Is there anything that can be said? 

Mira and Zoey wrap themselves around Rumi and scream. They scream and they scream, all while Rumi kneels with silent tears streaming down her face. 

And here’s the crazy part, the thing that drives Rumi insane. 

Part of her wishes that Celine had killed her. 

Part of her wishes that she wasn’t here. 

What a selfish thought. 

That even after everything, all the work she’s put in, how she’s tried to be gentler, there’s that small part of her that is simply too tired, too hurt. That part of her that begs for release. 

She doesn’t want to leave them, she doesn’t want to hurt them anymore than she already has. But that voice is still there. 

Why can’t she make it stop? 

Then she hears what Mira and Zoey keep screaming. 

I’m sorry. 

I’m so sorry. 

Please.

Please. 

Please. 

We’re sorry. 

We didn’t mean to. 

No. No. It wasn’t their fault. 

Rumi wraps her arms around both of them and squeezes them with everything she can give. She feels their trembles beneath her fingertips, and feels the frantic beating of their hearts. The shuddering of every sob they let out.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore. I don’t want to keep doing that.” 

Mira grabs the front of Rumi’s shirt and her eyes are a mix of anger and grief. 

“You don’t get to leave us. No matter what you don’t get to stop this.” She rests her hand over Rumi’s heart and sobs so hard that Rumi is surprised she can even breathe. 

Zoey buries her face in Rumi’s neck, “Please don’t leave us. Don’t make us face this without you.” 

And maybe they know, maybe they’ve always known. How Rumi’s mind can be cruel and damning. How she’s thought about so many times. Maybe they’ve lived with the fear of losing her far longer than she’s ever realized. 

Maybe they’re just as scared as Rumi. 

There’s nothing that can make this feel better. This isn’t something that words can magically heal and the world can keep going. This doesn’t go away in a snap. 

All they can do is sit crumbled on the floor, spilling more tears than they thought was possible, and hold each other. 

Holding the pieces as they fall apart. 

— —

Mira and Zoey refuse to let Rumi go. 

It’s not like she asked them to either. 

They lay in bed together, tangled with one another, whispering reassures to each other. They’ve tried to sleep. But every time any of them close their eyes, they wake up screaming. 

Nightmares of losing one another meet them at every corner and they can’t stop it. They thought the nightmares of Gwi-ma were bad, and god they are. But somehow everything got so much worse after Rumi’s confession. 

Zoey and Mira’s nightmares were still filled with fire at every corner. Rumi always begging for them to stay. Always reaching out for a comfort she wouldn’t find. Zoey and Mira could never help. 

But instead of the dream ending there and them being able to come to reality gasping air, the dream would shift into something worse. 

They always ended up at the compound. Gazing up they would see the tree and right under it laid Rumi in the dirt. Blood pooling beneath her and her chest rising less by the second. Every time they run towards her it’s too late.

Rumi’s skin is cold and her eyes empty. 

She’s gone. 

She’s always gone. 

And they’re always left alone. 

Other times it’s Mira standing over Rumi with her gok-do stained in red. Rumi always smiles at Mira one last time before she goes slack. No amount of screaming brings her back.

Then there’s Zoey who’s pining Rumi against the tree, one singular shin-kal in her hand. She feels the way she twists it in Rumi’s chest and all Rumi does is place a gentle kiss on her cheek, and slumps against her. Sobbing never fixes anything. 

Rumi’s dreams don’t change much. She still begs for mercy, she still begs for them to stay. She still finds a way to hurt them. She still kills them with her bare hands. She still dies. 

Only this time she can hear Zoey and Mira’s cries for her to come back. For her to stay with them. No matter how much she wants to, Rumi can never give them that. 

They don’t even try to sleep apart anymore. The thought of being separated had always hurt, but now it feels like someone is ripping their souls apart. 

Falling into whatever bed is closest and holding each other with everything they can give. Whispering to each other sweet words whenever one of them wakes up screaming. Wiping one another’s tears until they stop. Promising over and over again that they won’t leave again. 

They’re tired. They’re all so tired. Where does the nightmare end and reality begin? When will the ache in their chests end? 

None of them have the answer they’re looking for. There’s no guideline to figure this out. All they do is turn to each other. Clinging onto each other with a fervor they can’t explain but understand. 

It doesn’t heal them. 

It doesn’t fix everything. 

But it’s comfort.

It’s love. 

— —

Rumi wakes up before either of them. 

Which is surprising nowadays. No matter the time she opens her eyes, Zoey or Mira are already up, always staring at her so softly it hurts. She’s come to the conclusion that the hurt will forever live with her. 

But today when she wakes up both of them are still fast asleep. 

Perhaps it had to do with the fact that the nightmares were particularly bad last night. Rumi woke up multiple times to calm them down. There were even times where they both woke up at the same time screaming Rumi’s name. 

So it’s really not surprising that they’re both still asleep. But the fact that Rumi woke up is. 

She could go back to bed. Nowadays she could sleep an entire day and not worry about it. If anything her body would rejoice. After so many years of not being able to rest it was taking advantage of it. 

It definitely helped that she got to cuddle with the girls every time she slept. 

So it’s strange to lay in bed while they both slept on. But it’s also nice. Being able to take both of them in when they seem so unguarded. How their faces soften and the tension leaves their bodies. 

It hasn’t been easy these past couple of days. Having to break themselves apart to start building something new. Something that was truly theirs. They haven’t really talked much. All they really do is hold one another and that’s fine by them. 

They know they have to talk and they will.

Everything is just too fresh right now. 

Rumi takes a look at them and smiles. Maybe she should do something for them. She hasn’t made breakfast in a while. 

The real problem here is leaving the bed without waking up either of them. Every time she wakes at night to go to the bathroom it’s a debate and a half for her to convince them to let her go. 

Right now Mira has an arm wrapped around her waist and her face buried in Rumi’s neck. Zoey has her face squished into her shoulder and a leg thrown over hers. 

The chances of her leaving this bed are slim to none. 

But she really wants to make them breakfast. 

She shifts just a bit and immediately both Zoey and Mira tighten their grips on her. Looking round she sees the giant turtle pulshie Zoey brought in here last night. The gears start to turn in her head and she grins to herself. 

Stretching as much as she can, she’s able to grab it with her fingertips and hold it above her. Now the plan really relies on the fact that maybe Rumi can teleport on command. She's never done this before. 

Bringing the plushie down to her chest she holds on to it tight and closes her eyes. 

Rumi looks inside of herself, searching for that power that thrums through her veins. She’s known it has always been there and she’s felt it for most of her life. But after ignoring her life it’s hard to call upon it. 

It almost feels like trying to coax a scared cat to trust her, but it also feels like an excited child. The moment Rumi is able to reach for it, it almost screams with joy. 

She feels her body dissolve into smoke and Rumi can see the way she moves through the air until she reappears on the foot of the bed. 

Rumi watches with bated breath as the turtle takes her place and both girls immediately wrap themselves around it. For a second they both almost freeze as if something weren’t right here. But then they both relax and nuzzle the plushie and Rumi lets out a sigh of relief. 

Quietly she makes her way out of the room and heads towards the kitchen. The first thing she sees are the dishes that are piling up in the sink. None of them have really had the energy to do anything so the penthouse has seen better days. 

That’s the first thing she does is clean the area up. Humming beneath her breath, she takes her time and enjoys the quiet the morning has to offer. 

It doesn’t take long for her to finish and she starts to get all the ingredients out she needs. Zoey said she wanted pancakes the other day and Mira had said that crepes sounded nice. 

Derpy and Sussie decide to make their presences known when she pours the first batter in. They’ve been in and out of the apartment since the idol awards. Rumi doesn’t worry about where they go and what they do. They’re not hurting anyone and she knows that they’ll always come back.

Derpy rubs himself against her legs and it makes her stumble a bit. She can’t help but laugh a little bit. He loves to cuddle with her even when she’s busy. 

Sussie loves to perch on her head whenever she can, or whenever Mira is not around. If Mira is anywhere near the vicinity, Sussie makes her home on Mira’s shoulder. Much to the woman’s dismay, but they all know that she loves it. 

She keeps cooking and cutting up the fruit for a while. Rumi is so concentrated on what she’s doing she doesn’t hear the door of her room opening. 

The next thing she feels is two pairs of arms grabbing her from behind. Mira rubs her head against Rumi’s head and Sussie flies off with an indigent squawk. Zoey grumbles something into her back and Rumi can’t help but laugh, 

“Could you repeat that please?” 

“You weren’t in bed.” 

Mira groans in agreement and Rumi shakes her head fondly, “I thought you guys would like to have breakfast.” 

“We would prefer to wake up with you in bed with us.” Mira says in retort and there’s no stopping the blush that forms on Rumi’s face. 

“Well the food is almost ready,” she mumbles because there’s really nothing else to say. 

Neither of them let her go as she plates the food and when they do finally sit down, they make sure to always find a way to touch Rumi. And if she relishes in it, well no one can blame her for it. 

Not when the women she loves are right by her side.

Not when it’s starting to feel less like a punishment and more like a blessing. 

“What do you guys want to do today?” 

Zoey bumps her shoulder with hers, “Sit here with you.” 

“We’re already doing that.” 

“So?” Mira says as she leans closer to her. 

Well, Rumi can’t really argue with that. 

She’s the first one to finish her food and she takes the time to just stare at them. They’re calm and relaxed but she also sees how tired they still are. 

“How about we go to the couch and take a nap?” 

She knows it’s the right thing to say with how they perk up. 

When they finish they clean the dishes together in silence. Like a well oiled machine they move together like they always have. 

Then they drag her to the couch while she giggles. Mira is the first one to lay down and then pull Rumi down to her chest. She gets comfortable before Zoey gets on top of her and once again buries her face into her back. 

Rumi is far too aware of every part her body is touching theirs and instead of panicking she soaks it in.

They’re supposed to sleep but none of them really do. They’re in that state between sleep and awakeness. All of them are thinking and wondering. 

“Rumi?” Zoey whispers. 

“Yes?” 

“Can I ask a question?” 

“You know you don’t need permission.” 

Zoey's chest moves against her back as she takes a deep breath, “Do-Do you ever still feel like that night?”

Rumi could ask for clarification, buy herself a couple more seconds, but she knows exactly what Zoey means. And she knows what the answer is.  

She knows it’s going to hurt, but lying would be even worse. 

Turning her head, she looks out the windows and sighs, “Things have gotten better, I’ve been more present, but sometimes that voice creeps in and that feeling festers. I wish it didn’t.” 

Mira’s arms tighten around her and Zoey takes a trembling breath. 

“Will you tell us when it happens again?” 

Please.

Mira’s voice is quiet, reassuring, and filled with a fear Rumi understands far too well. 

“I promise.” 

Rumi knows that this is a promise she won’t break. 

— —

She’s reading again. 

They’ve been finding her reading more often these days. Curled up on the couch with those textbooks she loves. Zoey has tried to read them a couple of times but it won’t stick. 

She prefers it when Rumi reads to them. 

And that’s what she’s doing right now. Mira and Zoey had crawled onto the couch with her and practically begged until Rumi started to read out loud. 

Zoey is sitting beside her with her chin resting on her shoulder. While Mira lays down with her head in Rumi’s lap. 

She reads about Kinetic Theory, Thermodynamics, and Ohm’s Law. Zoey has gotten better at understanding physics throughout the years, but she’s nowhere near Rumi’s level. 

That’s how they spend most of their afternoon. Hearing how excited Rumi gets while reading and you would think this would put them to sleep, but no. Every word keeps them awake and every question they ask is with intention. 

But then Rumi turns the page and goes silent. 

Zoey moves her eyes towards her and sees how hard Rumi is staring at the page. Mira notices the same thing because the next moment she asks, “What’s wrong?” 

For a while, Rumi doesn’t respond. She just stares at the book as if she were trying to figure it out. 

“This was my mother’s book, “ she says suddenly. At the mention of her mother both of them sit up. Rumi barely talks about her mother, from what they know she barely knows anything. 

“Apparently she was a big science nerd. Used to talk Celine and Kim’s ear off whenever she could.” Rumi still stares at the book, eyes distant, “Celine once told me that she used to read this to me. Not the typical bedtime story, right?” 

She lays the book on her lap and they see the page she’s landed on. 

The three-body problem. 

It’s the thing they were talking about that night. Zoey still remembers how sad Rumi sounded when she told them about it. How she said every word as if she believed it to her very core. 

It didn’t work. 

She sounded so sure of those words. 

When she had looked at them, the quiet devastation on her face almost knocked Zoey off her feet. 

And now when Zoey looks at Rumi she sees that same devastation but it’s not as steady anymore. Almost as if Rumi was rewriting what it meant. 

“Did your mom underline this?” Mira whispers. 

Mi-yeong is someone that Zoey looked up to for a long time. The sun of the sunlight sisters. Everything she’s seen of her has always been so bright. Always ready to give someone that soft smile that reminded Zoey so much of Rumi. 

So to think that Mi-yeong had to underline this cause it meant something to her hurts a little. It hurts because maybe she felt the same way Zoey does and she knew that she couldn’t have what she wanted. Not without everything falling apart. 

Rumi shakes her head, “No, Celine did.” 

Both of them look at Rumi with eyes ready to ask more but Rumi is already talking, “The notes to the side are in Celine’s handwriting. I think they used to read this together. Before everything went to hell.” 

She traces the words at the bottom of the page and Zoey sees the way Celine writes her i’s. It’s the same way Rumi does. 

“Growing up I used to imagine them under the tree, giggling like girls, trying to make sense out of the book. Celine making fun of mom for being a nerd. Mom only laughing because she knew Celine would never actually make fun of her.” 

It’s hard to imagine Celine any other way but the tough woman that took all of them under her wing. It’s hard to imagine Celine without the weight of the world on her shoulders. 

“And maybe Kim was there too. Teasing both of them because they couldn’t last more than five seconds without messing with each other.” 

Rumi almost cracks a smile, “I imagined Kim and mom making fun of Celine because of course her favorite thing out of the entire book is the three-body problem. Of course it would be that.” 

Maybe Celine knows more than Zoey thought. Maybe her heart ached the same way Zoey’s did. Maybe she read this as all the proof she needed to stay quiet. 

They stare at Rumi as she reminisces about something that might not even be true. Something that a child made up to feel less alone, to understand. To find the pieces that her mentor lost and maybe rebuild her. 

Zoey reaches out and takes Rumi’s hand and she feels the way her patterns shift beneath her skin. It’s always jarring in the best possible sense. 

“I thought it made sense. When I was little Celine’s word was law and science didn’t lie. Why would I question it? If it didn’t work, who was I to change it? How could I change it when I didn’t work either?” 

Mira takes hold of Rumi’s other hand and Zoey sees the way the gears are turning in her head. They’re both so close to something they just don’t know what yet. 

“And now?” Zoey and Mira speak at the same time. Neither of them are quite sure what they want to hear. 

Rumi’s hands twitch in theirs, but she doesn’t let go. 

“The three body problem is near impossible to solve. So many unknowns, not enough equations. It’s the definition of chaos incarnated," she shakes her head and turns back to the window. 

“But it’s not impossible. It’s near impossible.” She looks at them both with soft eyes, “It can work. We just always find a way to forget that because it’s hard. It’s not easy, but who cares? It works. It fucking works.”

It clicks. 

That they’re not alone in this. That this fear of everything falling apart is shared. Hope that maybe beyond that fear it can work. That they can be more than they already are. 

That they all love each other even against all the odds. 

Fuck it. 

Zoey decides to be the first to move. She can’t keep hiding this. 

She makes sure to grab the book from Rumi’s lap and put it carefully on the coffee table. Then she practically throws herself into Rumi’s arms. 

Rumi, even while she looks shocked and not at all ready, still wraps her arms around Zoey and holds her steady. 

Zoey’s hands grip the front of her shirt and she’s shaking. God she’s shaking so bad with a need she can’t describe. 

She opens her mouth to say anything, to finally get the words out, but she can’t. How do you say everything that has been building you for so long? What are the right words to explain a feeling that has been in you far longer than you realized? 

Instead all she can do is whisper, “Tell me to stop. Tell me to move and I will.” Zoey is leaning forward, barely holding back, “Please, Rumi.” 

In Zoey’s head, even though she’s trembling with need, she knows that the chances of Rumi moving away are high. She might not want this. She might not even be ready. And if Rumi says no then Zoey will back off. Even if it kills her, she’ll move. 

But Rumi doesn’t say a word. 

She takes in the shaking form of Zoey and turns her head. 

Zoey watches the way her eyes take in Mira. Whatever she sees makes a sense of calm wash over her. Zoey doesn’t have the time to question whatever Rumi just saw, because her eyes are on Zoey again, and there’s a small smile on her face. 

“I don’t want you to stop. Not anymore.” 

In seconds, Zoey had captured Rumi’s lip into a bruising kiss. The groan that Rumi lets out sends shivers down Zoey’s spine in the most delicious of ways. For all the softness that Zoey radiates none of this is soft. 

It’s rough. 

It’s desperate. 

It’s raw.

Rumi moves with Zoey, pulling her closer but the hips, and moaning at the way Zoey bites her lip. 

And god how did Zoey deny this for so long? 

She doesn’t want to stop but there’s someone else that has wanted this as much as she has. She pulls away and almost loses control when she sees the way Rumi tries to chase her. 

But instead she takes Rumi’s chin in her hand and makes her face Mira. 

They never said it out loud. Too scared of their own wants and ruin what they have built. Too scared of pushing her away.

But they didn’t need to say anything. Even if they were scared they saw the need in each other’s eyes. They saw the longing that grew in them each day. They were the only ones that understood the ache that they carried. 

Maybe except for Rumi. 

When they finally turn towards Mira, it’s hard to miss the hunger in her eyes. It’s hard to miss the way she’s clenching her fists desperately trying to hold herself back. 

Rumi doesn’t give her a fighting chance. 

Because the moment Zoey turns her head and she sees Mira, she’s already moving. Zoey doesn’t know how Rumi is able to move her quickly, before she’s in front of Mira. 

Zoey watches as she sits on her knees in front of Mira and they stare at one another. 

Rumi leans in until their faces are centimeters apart and whispers, “Do you think it could work?”

Mira’s answer comes in the form of tackling Rumi and landing on top of her. Rumi doesn’t get another word out before Mira’s lips are on her. 

Unlike Zoey’s and the desperation that was radiating off her two seconds ago, this kiss is tender. Mira moves at a pace that usually drives Zoey crazy, but Rumi seems pleased. She moves against Mira as if it were the easiest thing to do. 

Zoey’s heart races as she watches the scene in front of her. She sees the way Rumi’s patterns glow brightly and she wonders where the light ends. How Rumi loses herself under Mira’s touch. She feels the hunger in all of them grow tenfold. 

It’s always been there. It’s been building and now that it's found a crack there’s no stopping it. Not that any of them want to stop it. 

But Rumi still places her hand on Mira’s chest and slowly pushes her away. And Zoey knows that the last thing Mira wants to do is move away, but she also knows that she will do whatever Rumi wants, 

Rumi cradles Mira’s face with her hands and Mira simply melts. Zoey sees the way Mira’s shoulders drop and how her face takes on that sweet smile of hers. It’s all too much and just right. 

One of Rumi’s hands reaches to the side and Zoey meets her halfway. 

“I’m not good at this,” she whispers. 

They know how hard that’s for Rumi to say. She’s spent her life perfecting everything thrown at her. She’s always conquered everything, but when it comes to the matters of the heart, she freezes. 

And she hates it. 

She hates that she can’t explain what lives in her heart. But Rumi its trying. She’s been trying her whole life and now she’s doing it. 

“I’ve been terrified of what I’ve felt for so long.” 

Mira leans closer and Zoey brings her hand to her lips. 

“I didn’t want to ruin everything. I didn’t want to bury you under the weight of my want.” 

Isn’t it ironic that they’ve all been hiding something? That the fear was so big for them that it felt like the only option was to hide. The same fear clung onto each of them, and they let it choke them. 

And here’s Rumi being the first one to say no more, “But I’m tired. I’m so tired of thinking that we’ll fart apart no matter what.” 

Even now a small voice in Zoey’s head is whispering that it won’t work. That they will break and be left with nothing. 

“You guys have something beautiful, how would I taint that?” 

The sadness in Rumi’s voice is tangible. How many times did she try to reach out only to stop? How long had she believed that she wasn’t good? 

It brings tears spring to Zoey’s eyes and Mira is right there with her. 

“But maybe it won’t fall apart. Maybe we can make it work regardless of the unknowns.” 

Rumi’s words wash over both of them and they share one long look. They both want this. They’ve wanted Rumi for so long, and they just tried to ignore it. 

What good did that do? 

How long can you bury something before you realize it’s not meant for darkness? 

“I love you. I think part of me loved you since the moment I saw you two. And even as we grew up this love only grew too. I’m done hiding. I’m done trying to make sense of it. I love you two. I love you.” 

Rumi doesn’t have time to prepare herself before they’re both on top of her. Wrapping her into their arms and pressing kisses all over her face. Tears streaming down their faces in sheer relief. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you so much.” 

“We’re sorry it took so long.” 

“I would’ve waited my whole life.” 

Rumi laughs so full of joy that Zoey’s heart almost bursts. She has tears in her eyes and she’s smiling so big. Patterns in full display glowing a gentle yellow. 

She pulls them down and presses a kiss on Mira’s temple and one on Zoey’s. They all giggle with a mix of tears but that doesn’t subside the joy that is flowing through all of them. 

They’ve been together for years. Growing up with one another and helping each other if they stumbled. But that final bridge they had to cross always seemed shaky. It was better to say on each side and long from afar. 

But maybe the bridge needs to burn down so they can build one together. 

They hold one another whispering all the things they have hidden for so long. Everything they yearned to be able to say finally came out of the shadows. 

The fear didn’t stop. It was still there under everything, but it didn’t matter anymore. 

They love one another. 

That’s enough to make every variable, every unknown, work. 

They can work. 

— —

That night they fall into bed in a tangle of limbs. 

Just like every other night, but something that borderlines frantic is in the air. 

After so long they’re able to release the starving beasts in their chests. Finally able to sink their teeth into what they've wanted. 

But for as much as this want is driving them insane, they’re gentle. 

They take their time undressing one another. Caressing every scar that lingers their bodies. Kissing one another with a care that makes them weep. 

Rumi should be nervous, overthinking every move she makes. She’s never done this before and her lovers have so much experience. 

But nerves are the last thing in her mind. 

What’s the point of being nervous when she’s in the arms of the women she loves. 

As she lays bare under them and they look at her with a devotion that makes her shake. 

Zoey kisses her jaw and starts to trail down. Mira traces every pattern that she’s able the touch all while Rumi whimpers. 

They take their time with her. 

She’s against Mira, as she whispers sweet things to her, all while Zoey starts to make her way down. 

The first lick is almost enough to send Rumi over the edge. She can feel Zoey smirk against her and all she can do is moan. 

Rumi is slowly losing her mind in the best possible way. Barely able to keep her eyes open, she manages to look down and finds that Zoey is already looking at her. 

It’s tantalizing. 

Glancing over to Mira and Rumi feels the way she’s looking at her to her core. Zoey does one long lick and Rumi whines out in need. Even in her state she sees the way Mira’s eyes darken even more. 

“Please…” 

“Please what, unnie?” Mira mutters as she bites Rumi’s earlobe.

She can only moan in response and Zoey bites down on her inner thigh. 

“You have to use your words, Ru.” 

Both their husky voices are overwhelming and Rumi feels like she’s seconds away from falling over the edge. 

“Please, please, please, I need you.” 

Rumi’s voice is no longer her own. It’s taken that demonic undertone that makes them shiver. Her patterns are in a frenzy, glowing every color under the sky. 

Well when Rumi sounds that pretty, who are they to deny her. Mira starts to pinch her nipples and Zoey takes her clit into her mouth and sucks. 

And Rumi screams. 

Her hand shots out to grip Zoey’s hair and Zoey moans into her. All while Mira watches all of this with a smirk. 

It doesn’t take long before Zoey brings her own hand down to her weeping core. She starts to shake at the first brush of her fingers and god she’s not going to last long. From the way Rumi is shaking neither is she. 

Rumi starts to grind down on Zoey’s face and Mira doesn’t know who moaned louder out of the three of them. She feels how wet she is but she doesn’t move to alleviate herself. She wants to watch this to the end. 

What a sight they are. 

Zoey and Rumi teetering on the edge moaning each other’s names all while Mira holds Rumi up staring in awe. Hips jumping with every moan they let out. All of them wanting to be closer to one another and it not being enough. 

If they could live in each other's skins in this moment they would. 

One suck, one thrust, and that’s it. 

Rumi screams so loud that the honmoon shakes and Mira and Zoey feel it. It sends a shiver of pleasure all the way to their cores. 

All three of their screams join in harmony and the honmoon rejoices.

Three souls finally together. It waited so long, had began to lose hope, but in the end they found each other. They finally listened.  

And that’s how they spend their entire night. Making one another sing. Professing all the things they’ve yearned for years. 

I love you. 

I love you. 

I love you two so much. 

Over and over until the words become a part of them. Until it stops feeling like a confession and more like a vow. 

When they’re sweaty and wrapped around each other just enjoying one another’s presence it hits Rumi with so much force it leaves her breathless. 

She’s got both her girls by her side. She’s alive. She’s still breathing. She didn’t let the voices in her head win. 

Rumi knows that this doesn’t fix everything. She still has a lot to work through and accept, but she’s not doing it alone. The love that has been plaguing her for years has a home to rest now. 

It’s able to be said freely and slowly she’s going to get there too. 

“Do you guys want pizza?” 

Zoey’s voice breaks out of her head and she can’t help but laugh along with Mira. They both lean over and kiss her face while she giggles. 

She settles back in between them and smiles. 

“Yeah, that sounds nice.” 

— —

The three-body problem is near impossible to solve. 

There are too many unknowns. Too many variables. The entire system could collapse in itself. 

And if it were to work, one body is always less significant than the others. Exerting no significant force on the other two, and the system behaves like a two-body problem. Never enough to make the other two move. Always small, insignificant. 

But there is an exception.

There are a few highly improbable stable configurations that work. It doesn’t make sense, the math doesn’t make sense. 

Yet perhaps we don’t need to understand it. Maybe we don’t need to drive ourselves insane trying to figure out an answer. 

Because sometimes it simply just works. 

These particles, these planets, people, revolve around each other without fault. Behind all the chaos, all the unknown, they can make it work. 

It’s a strange, simple fact in a sea of questions. 

These bodies work together. 

Isn’t that beautiful?