Chapter Text
Roy gets to the hospital as soon as he's physically able, his whole body is alight with terror as he runs inside. He couldn't go with her, he left her with a group of very capable medics… but she'd been screaming last he saw her. He left her and the guilt feels like a rock landed in his stomach.
He runs up to the front desk breathlessly demanding to see her.
The nurse wears a grimace when she finds Riza's file.
"Um… so…" she shuffles a few papers. "We are only allowing one visitor at a time for her right now… let me go check to see if she's alone."
Roy wants to scream at this woman to just let him see her already, but he takes in a deep breath.
"Thank you, I'd appreciate that," he says. He clutches his own fist so tight he nearly breaks the skin open.
The nurse returns with another two attendants, Roy doesn't like the looks they're wearing.
"Colonel Mustang, correct?" One of the men asks.
"Yes, that's me," he shakes the man's hand briefly.
"We need to speak with you privately about Lieutenant Hawkeye's condition, come with us."
That hard lump in Roy's stomach cramps up tight as he nods curtly. His mind goes blank as he can't even fathom what they'll tell him. Is she worse off than he thought? How hurt is she? How long will she be ill? Havoc said that it could be hours, is that true?
"So, Lieutenant Hawkeye gave us some… trouble, since her arrival." One of the men says gently. "While she was in the ambulance she was still hallucinating and she attacked the medics trying to help her. She uh… she actually bit one of them."
Roy is both mortified and a little humored by that idea, maybe a hint of pride sits in his chest as well. Riza isn't one to go down without a fight so he can't say he's surprised… still, he hates that she was suffering so intensely. She didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve to be drugged by some sick fuck.
"She was inconsolable and we have had to keep her restrained for the time being to keep her and our staff safe. It may be… shocking to see her like that, but we promise you it was for everyone's benefit."
At that Roy stiffens, they had to restrain her, she was so far gone when he spoke to her but she hadn't been violent. What horrors is she facing now? He left her all alone and she must have been so scared and-
"She did, unfortunately, cause herself a few minor injuries before she was restrained. We did also have to sedate her. The sedative should have worn off by now but she still hasn't come to. We don't know what state she'll be in when she wakes up but she was calling for you when she lost consciousness. We're hoping you might be able to calm her down if she hasn't settled yet."
Roy could cry hearing that - she needed him and he wasn't here. She got hurt because she was terrified and he had sent her off alone. He left her alone, he left her to suffer.
He's led to her room where she is hooked up to an iv bag and a heart rate monitor. She's bound at her wrists and ankles keeping her shackled to the bed. His eyes burn at the sight of her laying there helpless, at the mercy of a cocktail of drugs that she can't fight off no matter how hard she's tried. She has to simply wait until it's flushed out of her system and Roy nearly gags at the thought.
"Let us know when she wakes up, or if she needs anything."
And then they're alone, he looks at her sallow skin and feels the tears slipping down his cheeks before he can stop himself. He clutches at her hand, lowering his lips to the back of her hand since he can't raise it towards him.
"I'm so sorry, Riza, I'm so sorry… I should have never left you," he sobs thickly into her shoulder. "This is my fault, it's all my fault. I should have never put you in danger like this."
He should have never put her in danger period. He's hurt her time and again, like an addict that keeps coming back. His drug of choice is causing her pain, tearing her down into hell with him over and over again. He's the one who put her in harms way, hell he's the reason she joined the damn military at all.
He wonders what her life would be like otherwise, if she were to have stayed in that little town out west. She didn't like any of her peers enough to date, but would she have married any way for security reasons? Would she have attempted to go to school? What would she have done for a career if not the military?
Roy doesn't want to think about any other world, it hurts too deeply, like a knife poised right between his ribs. He loves her too selfishly to pretend she is anything less than her own woman.
"I love you," he murmurs into her skin. "Come back to me, okay?"
It's another hour before she does. A silent harrowing hour where every twitch is heavily scrutinized by him. Her eyes crease and her breath stutters, he squeezes her finger tips and wills those beautiful brown eyes to open.
Then they do, glassy and confused amber colored eyes blink back to life.
"Riza?" He coos at her softly, trying his best not to startle her. "Riza, can you hear me?"
She moans softly, shivering in her bed as she rouses a bit further.
"Riza?" He tries again to get her attention and she looks at him with an unfocused furrow to her brow. His hand gently rubs her shoulder as he sweetly mumbles, "Hey."
"Roy?" She asks limply.
"Yeah, it's me, I'm here."
Relief tears through him, she can see him, she can recognize him; all good signs. She squeezes his hand again, gently at first as she continues to come out of sleep.
"You're… safe?"
"Yes, I'm safe, and so are you. You're in the hospital." She sobs then, a low pathetic moan that has Roy concerned all over again. "What's wrong?"
"Hurts… I can't move," she tries to adjust but the restraints keep her in place.
"You gave the medics a hell of a time," he says with an airy laugh. "You bit one of them."
She whimpers, "I can't move."
He hushes her gently, "I know, I know it's scary, but you're okay. You're safe, I'm here. Stay with me."
"Roy… everything's so shiny," she says.
All of Roy's relief evaporates as he swallows that, she's not done yet. She's still tormented by that fucking drug and he has to tamp down his rage because Riza is scared enough.
"I'm sorry, Riza, I really am. You'll get through this."
"Make it stop, please." She tries to turn towards him yanking firmly on the restraint, she wants to reach for him.
He gets up and presses his forehead to hers, "You can do this, breathe with me, okay?"
"I hate it," she hiccups.
"I do too, I hate knowing you're suffering, but whatever is in your system is getting flushed out as we speak. You'll be okay soon."
"Help me," she begs him.
He hates that he simply can't help her, no one can.
"Close your eyes for me, try to relax." Panic won't help, but he can't rightfully say she's undeserving of her panic. He'd be scared shitless if he were her. And knowing that this is officially a waiting game? His heart hurts just thinking about it.
Her blood pressure skyrockets, the machine beside her beeps and whirs at a pace that has Roy panicking too. A nurse comes in, sees the state Riza is in and places a syringe into the IV bag.
"Not again." Riza tries to break loose of the restraints once more. "Please! Not again!"
"Shh, Riza, please settle down. I'm here, I'm here, I'll protect you, I'm not going anywhere."
But she's gone now, her terrified begging melts into quiet as the sedative kicks in. And Roy is left holding his lieutenant, willing her to fight this stupid affliction off.
How much longer does he have to sit here? How much longer does he have to watch her circle the drain like this and suffer? How many times will they have to repeat this process?
It doesn't matter, he resolves to that last issue. So long as she needs him, so long as she continues to wake up in a nightmare, he will continue to be here. He will continue to hold her and try to calm her down. He will stay by her side no matter what.
They will get through this, they have to.