Chapter Text
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
TG: karkat?
CG: WHAT?
TG: crap
TG: i was kinda hoping youd be asleep
TG: fuck it
TG: can we talk?
TG: or i guess really
TG: can i talk at you for a bit?
The response takes a minute.
CG: FINE.
Wow. What a ringing endorsement.
TG: okay
TG: so like
TG: the thing
TG: the thing that happened with the trapdoor and all that?
TG: you remember that, right?
CG: YES, I DIMLY RECALL THE INCIDENT THAT HAPPENED LESS THAN 24 HOURS AGO.
TG: cool
TG: i mean
TG: i guess youre probably wondering why i got all
TG: yknow
TG: like that
You wait to see if he responds to that. He does, eventually.
CG: I DON'T REALLY NEED TO KNOW THE FUCKING DETAILS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GIVE THEM. YOU'RE CLAUSTROPHOBIC, IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.
TG: okay yeah thats like
TG: part of it i guess?
TG: the other part is a lil more embarrassing
TG: well
TG: kind of a lot more embarrassing
TG: for me anyway
TG: but you actually helped
TG: like yeah i was kinda freaking out that you were there watching me lose my shit for no goddamn reason
TG: not really kinda
TG: it was pretty much a maximum freakout
TG: but i think i kinda needed that?
TG: and maybe i kinda needed it to be you there too
TG: so
TG: yknow
TG: thanks
CG: WHY ARE YOU THANKING ME?
TG: for like calming me down and shit
TG: and i guess just not being an ass about it
TG: i just feel like it couldntve been easy for you
CG: IT'S NOT LIKE YOU WERE ON THE VERGE OF A MURDEROUS FUCKING RAMPAGE. YOU WERE JUST UPSET. THAT'S NOT THAT HARD TO DEAL WITH.
TG: okay yeah thats fair
TG: but i guess really what i mean is like
TG: that shits like pale level right? its moirail stuff
TG: i just wanna say i appreciate that you did it even tho you didnt have to
TG: and probably didn't even want to
TG: im not saying that in a self-deprecating way jsyk
TG: i just mean i get that its probably super fucking uncomfortable to do romance-y things with somebody youre not actually romancing
TG: even if its not a particularly romantic thing for the other person
TG: because
TG: yknow
TG: human alien thing
CG: SORRY, I'M STILL TRYING TO GET MY THINK PAN AROUND THE FACT THAT YOU ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND AT LEAST ONE QUADRANT.
TG: yknow what? im gonna do the unprecedented thing and just plow right on over that
TG: congrats you are now mulch
TG: i got bigger fish to fry here
TG: or fields to plow i guess
TG: fuck this isnt easy for me
TG: im not actually oblivious
TG: i mean maybe sometimes yeah but not always
TG: i dont exactly know how to even say this shit
TG: fuck it
TG: this plow is going rogue
TG: i care about you a lot and youre pretty much my best friend but if you got a pale crush on me thats not something i can deal with
You wait, heart pounding, hands shaking, for Karkat's response.
CG: IS THIS ABOUT YOUR HUMAN "GAY" THING?
The anxiety spike nearly makes you sick.
TG: no
TG: not exactly anyway
TG: or i guess kinda yeah but not in the way ive been saying its a problem
TG: its really kinda more about that whole human alien thing
TG: and by that i mean the fact that im a human and youre an alien
TG: fuck that sounds racist
TG: xenophobic
TG: whatever
TG: thats not what i mean
TG: fuuuuuuck
TG: okay straight-up full-frontal truth time
TG: i cant be moirails with you because im like
TG: flushed for you?
TG: i guess is how youd say it
TG: jegus fuck this is embarrassing
TG: look im sorry i know this is weird
TG: especially cause of how ive been kind of a shit about the whole quadrant thing
TG: but i guess the human way of saying it is im in love with you
TG: or at least i think i might be
TG: and i know for you the whole pale thing is romantic
TG: but its not what i want
TG: or really its not all that i want
TG: and its fucked up to expect you to like
TG: i dunno
TG: just drop your whole troll way of doing shit to do it the human way instead
TG: cause its not like i can just drop my human way of doing shit and do it the troll way either
TG: so like yeah
TG: if we were moirails id just be thinking about like flushed stuff i guess
TG: which is hella uncool
TG: but like
TG: even on the flip side of that
TG: i couldnt just be flushed with you either yknow?
TG: id wanna be able to do all the pale shit too
TG: and kinda one of the things that made me pretty sure im feeling some kinda non-platonic way for you was like thinking about you having other partners
TG: filling your other quadrants i mean
TG: i just cant deal with that
TG: i dont function that way
TG: and again its that whole thing about you being you and me being me and not forcing either of us to change everything about how we are just to make this work
TG: but also like
TG: i really do care about you
TG: i dont wanna stop being friends
TG: i mean id totally get it if like you werent cool with hanging out anymore
TG: im not trying to pressure you into anything
TG: i just
TG: i really dont want shit to blow up in our faces if we can help it
TG: but if shits gotta end between us id really rather it be like this
TG: with everything out in the open
TG: okay i think thats all ive got
You take your hands off the keyboard and run your fingers roughly through your hair. Ball's in Karkat's court now.
The typing notification comes and goes several times before Karkat actually sends a reply.
CG: I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU, EITHER.
The relief is nearly palpable.
CG: YOU'RE NOT WRONG. ABOUT MOST OF IT ANYWAY.
CG: I THINK PART OF THE REASON I GET SO WORKED UP ABOUT MOVIES AND THE QUADRANTS IS BECAUSE IT DOESN'T COME EASILY TO ME.
CG: I FUCKING HATE ADMITTING THAT, BUT THERE IT IS.
CG: I'M NOT GOOD AT QUADRANTS. IF I'M NOT PLAYING JUMPROPE WITH QUADRANT BOUNDARIES, I'M SMEARING THEM INSTEAD.
CG: HONESTLY, I'M PROBABLY THE REASON YOU HUMANS ARE THE WAY YOU ARE WITH THAT SHIT.
CG: I ACTUALLY
CG: FUCK. I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M FUCKING SAYING THIS.
CG: I DID MAYBE AT ONE POINT CONSIDER ASKING YOU TO BE MOIRAILS WITH ME.
CG: BECAUSE MAYBE I THOUGHT THAT I COULD GET AROUND YOUR STUPID FUCKING "GAY" ISSUE IF IT WASN'T CONCUPISCENT.
CG: BUT THAT'S FUCKED UP. I KNOW IT'S FUCKED UP. THAT'S WHY I NEVER DID IT.
CG: I KEPT TELLING MYSELF TO WATCH MY FUCKING BOUNDARIES AND NOT...
CG: NOT STEP CLOSER TO YOU THAN YOU WERE WILLING TO STEP TO ME, I GUESS.
CG: BUT THEN WE FELL INTO THAT STUPID TRAP AND YOU WERE JUST...
CG: I COULDN'T *NOT* TAKE CARE OF YOU.
CG: HONESTLY, I WAS FUCKING WRECKED SEEING YOU LIKE THAT. I KNEW I WAS OVERSTEPPING, BUT I COULDN'T FUCKING HELP IT. BEST I COULD HOPE FOR WAS THAT YOU'D JUST FORGET ABOUT IT AND WE'D NEVER TALK ABOUT IT EVER AGAIN.
CG: WHICH I GUESS IS JUST A REALLY FUCKING CIRCULAR WAY OF SAYING YEAH, I HAVE A PALE CRUSH ON YOU.
CG: BUT I'VE ALSO GOT A FLUSH CRUSH, TOO. AND MAYBE AT ONE POINT THERE WAS A BIT OF A HATE CRUSH, BUT I THINK THAT WAS JUST MOSTLY BECAUSE I DIDN'T FUCKING GET YOU AT FIRST.
CG: BUT I'M REAL FUCKING SCARED BECAUSE WHAT IF EVEN THIS FREAK SHOW RED-PALE SLURRY ISN'T THE SAME AS WHAT YOUR HUMAN LOVE IS LIKE?
CG: WHAT IF I'M TOO FUCKED UP TO EVEN HAVE THIS?
TG: okay dude slow down
TG: youre legit pulling my heart in so many directions its got no fucking clue which ways up anymore
TG: gimme a sec to sort this shit out
TG: first off
TG: totally get where youre coming from on the whole fake it til you make it bullshit
TG: definitely not holding that one against you cause then id just be the black pot in a glass house throwing stones at a kettle
TG: fuck i dont even know if that makes any sense to you
TG: id be a huge fucking hypocrite is what im saying
CG: I GATHERED THAT MUCH, ACTUALLY.
TG: sweet score one for context clues
TG: you got those comprehensive reading skills on lock
TG: secondly
TG: i think maybe we can try this?
TG: like ive been saying tho
TG: i dont want you to deny yourself the things you want just because of me
TG: things being like
TG: relationship stuff
TG: or people i guess
TG: not that people are things
TG: fuck it you know what i mean
TG: and maybe youre right and were just not on the same wavelength after all
TG: but i think theres enough common ground between us that we can at least take a few steps yknow?
TG: that common ground being that were both happy being
TG: like
TG: exclusive i guess
TG: i mean its called being monogamous for us humans but im kinda doubting yall can even wrap your heads around that one
TG: no shade btw just a little human vocab for you i guess
TG: a little cultural exchange
TG: i could make an innuendo here but im actually tryna go somewhere with this
TG: or maybe i was already there
TG: fuck it
TG: do you wanna like try being boyfriends i guess?
CG: THAT DEPENDS.
CG: IS THIS THE HEIGHT OF YOUR ROMANTIC CAPABILITIES?
You giggle and immediately slap a hand over your mouth because what the actual hell was that noise you just made.
TG: oh fuck no man
TG: ive got romantic depths you cant even fucking fathom
TG: i can woo you so hard you wont even be able to watch any romcoms without thinking
TG: who do these pathetic losers think they are?
TG: with their weaksauce romance game
TG: poor schlubs got no fucking IDEA what theyre missing
TG: then again
TG: i wouldnt wanna ruin the magic of you fave genre for you
TG: so ill just keep it breezy
TG: that soft touch romance
TG: i also dont wanna make you feel like your romance games inferior either
TG: cant be having the romance king himself shown up by a mere peasant such as my fine self
TG: dont get me wrong ill totally give you all kinds of pointers on this shit
TG: and ill totally let you act like youre just elevating my own romance game
TG: helping me rise through the ranks of the romance echeladder
TG: so you can legitimize our eventual marriage as the co-kings of romance
CG: IS THIS YOU PROPOSING TO ME NOW?
TG: fuck
TG: no
TG: no fucking way dog
TG: if im gonna propose to you its gonna be fucking epic
TG: biggest fucking production ever
TG: and romantic as FUCK
TG: so romantic that the romance languages are gonna have to retire cause theyre just like
TG: fuck that proposal was so romantic theres no fucking romance left for anyone else
TG: youll fucking know if im proposing to you
CG: I SUPPOSE THAT'S SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO, THEN.
You're pretty sure your heart just did a goddamn Cirque du Soleil performance, no handle required.
TG: so like
TG: is that a yes?
TG: to being boyfriends i mean
TG: or whatever you wanna call it
TG: i dont wanna be all humancentric over here
CG: IT'S NOT LIKE TROLLS REALLY HAVE A WORD FOR IT, SO FUCK IT, LET'S JUST CALL IT BOYFRIENDS.
TG: i mean we could make up a word
TG: thats how language evolves yknow?
TG: when folks need a word for something they just make something up and theyre like
TG: thats it thats the new word for this thing we didnt have a word for before
CG: DAVE.
TG: sup?
CG: YOU'RE IN YOUR RESPITEBLOCK, RIGHT?
TG: duh
TG: like fuck id have this convo where any of those flighty broads could snoop
TG: (no offense but fyi im totally including gamzee in that)
CG: BUT NOT THE MAYOR, RIGHT?
TG: oh fuck no never the mayor
TG: id tell that dude anything he wanted to know
TG: which thankfully isnt much
TG: which is why hes so fuckin dope
CG: GLAD WE CAN AGREE ON THAT, AT LEAST.
CG: ANYWAY, CAN I COME OVER?
CG: JUST TO WATCH A MOVIE, I MEAN.
CG: THERE'S THIS ONE I'VE KIND OF BEEN WANTING TO SHOW YOU, BUT IT'S LIKE ONE OF ONLY THREE MOVIES I HAVE THAT ISN'T A ROMCOM.
CG: AND SOLLUX CALLED IT A WIGGLER FILM ONCE.
CG: BUT I LIKE IT. EVEN THOUGH IT'S SILLY AND COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC.
TG: shit yeah come on over
TG: whats the first bit of the title?
CG: "IN WHICH TWO IMMATURE LUSII OF DIFFERING SPECIES FORM AN UNLIKELY BOND OVER THE COURSE OF A FANCIFUL ADVENTURE."
TG: that sounds cute af ngl
TG: im totes making cocoa for this
TG: bring blankets were gonna have the snuggliest fucking time watching this feel-good kiddie movie