Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The worst thing about this whole situation wasn’t that he couldn’t make progress on his builds. It wasn’t the fact that it all started on a day where it rained at night, so he couldn’t ever fly home. It wasn’t the fact that he had to re-explain the situation to Xisuma every day, hoping that somehow he could remember all the little theories he’d come up with in that time and re-explain it to him in a never-ending loop of questions and nonsense that never went anywhere. 

No. The worst part was that he hadn’t even noticed the days had been repeating until the fourth one. 

He’d slept until 10:30 that day. Not too late, but later than he’d have liked, usually. It was nice to think he needed the sleep. 

He woke up at 10:30, which meant he showed up to the nether hub around noon. His morning routine had devolved into a sort of complete-tasks-as-I-remember-them situation, which meant it tended to take a bit longer and, yeah, he’d usually forget something. It didn’t matter that no one was there to see him realize he had no diorite in his inventory. It was still sort of embarrassing to turn around and go back through the portal he’d just emerged from. 

At 12:15, he was back home and rifling through his chests. They were disorganized, and his eyes sorta scanned over everything in a way that probably wasn’t very effective but definitely confirmed that he was mostly out. He hadn’t even realized he was running low. 

At 12:30, he was at the shopping district, and of course no one sold stone. It wouldn’t sell; with all the digging and terraforming, there was no way anyone’d ever be low on it. But he was. He probably had some, somewhere, in a chest at one of his in-progress builds that are going to be finished when he’s done with this one. But finding that seemed more overwhelming than just going and mining more, so off he was.  

He picked up some quartz from Impulse while he was there. He didn’t know exactly what he’d use it for yet, but it went with the diorite well enough that he had no doubt he’d find a gradient to put it in. He pulled out his communicator to ask if anyone had some extra before putting on his elytra to fly home. 

The only person to offer any was Impulse, ironically. 

I have like 4 stacks if you need :D

Good, yeah, but not great. Not by a long shot. He thanked Impulse before slipping his communicator back into his pocket and sighing. It was fine. There would always be more days to build, anyway. 

· ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

When he woke up the next morning, he was honestly surprised it was only 10. Well, a little after, but still. He’d been out late last night- probably way too late- and hadn’t noticed he was lost in a huge cavern until most of the other Hermits were asleep. On top of that, it was raining- even if he did get out, the rockets wouldn't light. He’d have to build a boat or swim home, both of which involved getting really wet and tired and both of which sounded worse than just setting up camp in an alcove and hoping nothing too nasty showed up until morning. Then, the light on his communicator illuminated the damp walls around him as a message appeared. It was from Gem. 

I'm out fishing right now actually

I can come get you if you want

He shuddered. That boat scared him. She scared him- up in that tower all day with her freaky experiments, and out on the water all night catching freakier fish. But staying in the cave all night was arguably scarier, so he sent her his coordinates with an attached Thank you!! That made him sound way more awake than he was. 

He’d managed to retrace his steps out of the cave to the shoreline by the time he saw the dingy red boat in the distance. Its huge rotating light illuminated little but the fast-falling rain around it. He could still hear the engine over the sea and the rain, and he smelled the smog long before it touched down to shore. Maybe the cave had been the safer option. 

The boat stopped a few yards from the shore. Looks like he was getting wet, after all.

The skinny metal ladder was wet and creaky, and he was so focused on looking down and making sure he didn’t fall that he yelped in surprise when a hand grabbed him by the scruff of his coat and hauled him over the edge of the boat. 

He reached his hands out to grab the side as his feet struggled to find purchase on the slippery floor. The hand still had a vice grip on the back of his coat, holding him up. He heard a signature giggle as his assailant’s other hand- small and pale, with gold rings and blue bangles to match- grabbed his hand to help stabilize him. Gem. 

“Haha, look! I caught one!” 

Then, from further in front of him, another laugh; lower, breathier, but equally recognizable. 

“Mhm. Looks a little small, though. We might have to throw it back,” the voice said with a clear smile. 

Etho. What was he doing here? 

“Ooh, good point. Looks like it might be a four-footer- I’ll get the measuring tape,” Gem replied, though her hands stayed where they were as Bdubs started to find his footing.

“Now hey, hey, look, I’m not- I am a perfectly average size for my species!” He retorted. He had to shout over the sounds of the pounding rain and sea around them just to be audible. He didn’t imagine he looked too good, then- sagging shoulders, soaked pants, eye bags that never seemed to fully leave him- because they didn’t continue with the badgering. 

Gem helped him stand as he looked around him. The boat was tiny; Etho was inside the cabin, hanging a little ways out of an open window. Warm light poured onto the deck from inside. He looked behind him to Gem, who was draped in a huge faded poncho.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get you inside, Bdubs”. Her voice was softer, now, even if she was still laughing a little. “You look like a wet cat”. 

The cabin was small and cluttered. Etho was sitting towards the back, cleaning blood off of fishhooks with a little rag. He thought he’d hated the overwhelming smell of smoke outside, but the dual aromas of fish and formaldehyde inside were much more unpleasant, even if it was only an undercurrent. 

Gem sat him down on a little wooden bench next to a large metal tank in the wall that he assumed was some part of the engine. Whatever it was, it was warm, and he was starting to get cold. He hadn’t even realized he was shivering, until now. 

He glanced at the clock hanging from his belt. He hoped it didn’t get waterlogged- he wouldn’t have brung his nicer one, usually, but he didn’t think he’d be mining today. It was approaching two in the morning- he was lucky anyone came for him at all, really. 

“Sorry for the, uh. Inconvenience. And everything. And thank you”. He stumbled on his words. Something about her and this boat just freaked him out. 

Gem looked up from where she’d become enraptured with some strange-looking fish that was lying on the table with a Hmm?, before a look of realization crossed her face, and her eyes returned to whatever thing she had been examining before. 

“Ohhh. Oh yeah, it’s no problem. Probably good, actually, or I would’ve been out all night. Thank Etho- he was the one who saw your message! I might have left you there.” 

He could never tell if she was joking. He glanced over at Etho, who was stretching to see whatever Gem was doing on the table, before his eyes flicked to Bdubs’. He huffed a small laugh, and looked back over to Gem.

“Mhm, well, I couldn’t just leave him there. You know how my boy needs his sleep.” 

Gem made a fake gagging sound before snipping something on the fish with the long, silver scissors in her hand. He swore he saw her roll her eyes before wiping the scissors on the rag and placing them back on the table with a small clink. 

“Yeah, yeah. Well why don’t you dry your boy off while I put us back on course?” With that, she pulled on the hood of her poncho, and headed towards the door. 

“Should be about an hour”, she said, before swinging the door open, allowing the sound of the thundering rain to pour inside. “Don’t miss me too much!” 

With that, the door swung shut, and it was just him, the cold, and Etho’s presence, still hovering in the corner.

Etho finished wiping the fishhooks down, but he didn’t stand up quite yet. Over the rain, he heard the sound of metal on metal. Gem must have been hoisting the anchor. 

“Does she, uh- need help?” Bdubs asked through chattering teeth. Etho laughed and finally stood up, walking over to the window. 

“Nah, probably not. She’s out here on her own all the time.” He spared a look at Bdubs, and he saw his smile grow under the mask. “Not sure you’re in much of a state to help her, anyway”. 

His indignant Hey! was overcome by a sneeze as water found its way into Bdubs’ nose. Etho laughed again, bright and beautiful, before latching the window. The sound of the rain quieted, but he could still hear its patter on the roof, the waves beating on the walls around him. Footsteps, too- that must have been Gem, up in the wheel compartment, now. 

He was so in his own head, he didn’t notice Etho standing in front of him until the rag was already on his head. He wasn’t gentle about it- he aggressively ruffled through Bdubs’ sopping hair, before moving down to his face. It smelled like chemicals and fish and he did not want that on his face, water and cold be damned. 

“Hey, hey, hey!” Bdubs said, leaning back. “Cool it with the fish gut rags!”

“It’s clean”.

“Nothing in here is ‘clean’”.  

But Etho raised it again, and yeah, Bdubs let him dry his face anyway. Etho was gentler now, though. He let his eyes fall closed as the rag moved over them, and hey, with the low light and the patter of the rain, it felt nice to keep them that way. 

“You often find yourself fishing with Gem late into the night?” He murmured. He didn’t mean for it to sound jealous. It did. 

“You hate fishing,” Etho said as the rag dragged over his scruff. It was abrasive, and itchy, and God it was almost horrible how easily Etho could read him sometimes. It was definitely unfair, if nothing else. And yeah, he hated the boats and the bait and the smell of fish, but it’s nice to be invited anyway. “Come with us tomorrow. She likes you.” 

“Well, maybe I don’t like her,” He replied, opening his eyes to half-glare at Etho. That wasn’t true either. Gem was lovely to be around; yeah, she freaked him out, and she was sort of mean sometimes, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t love when they’d riff off each other, digging into Etho in a way that was really only possible with the innovative insults of a young 20-something-year-old. And she made Etho happy. He gets to be a sassy teenage girl with her in a way he probably enjoys too much, and Bdubs probably enjoys seeing too much. Etho in his full glory. 

Etho sighed, the rag stilling by the edge of his chin. “Bdubs”. 

Even when he tried to be firm, his face was always a little unsure. It was unfair, really, how even when they were having a back-and-forth, Bdubs’ head was half-overtaken with thoughts of just how pretty Etho was. Even through the wet hair, tired eyes, pained expression- twelve years, and he could never get tired of looking at it. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m sorry,” He said, looking down. Etho didn’t say anything, but a bit of relief spread over his face. This was the closest they ever came to acknowledging it; the brewing tension that sometimes crept in when the day was just a little too long and the sun got a little too low in the sky. 

Etho flung the rag down on the bench next to him, but his hand lingered near his face. He could feel its warmth hovering near his cheek; he almost closed his eyes to lean into it, before remembering he should probably decide if he’s going to be mad at him tonight or not, first. 

But Etho decides for him. His hand moves over his cheek- light, tentative, not really pressing in but not really pulling away. And yeah, he was annoyed at something or the other, but he relaxed into it anyway. As soon as he did, he realized there was very, very little chance of him finding the energy to talk about anything right now. Another day, then. 

He let out a deep, bone-tired sigh, and Etho laughed as Bdubs’ cold, wet breath fanned over his wrist. His laugh- another thing he could hear a million times and never get tired of. 

“I would have welcomed your company,” Etho said, voice lower, now. His warm thumb drew circles into his cheekbones, and it was hard not to relax into it. “Gem’s a better fisher than me.” 

“Oh, so what, you want me here to make you look better?” Bdubs laughed. Etho did, too, but it wasn’t a real one, not fully. Even with the mask, with how often Etho laughed, you could tell when he really meant it. A half-assed one could never compare to the real thing. 

“Sorry,” he said, a little too defeated for it to be completely a joke, or completely about the fishing. And yeah, okay, maybe Bdubs felt a little bad. “I do want you around.” 

It was a little aggravating, really, how good it felt to hear him say it. Guess he was settling for not mad tonight. Well, never mad- it was complicated, with Etho. Sad might have been the answer, but sad was worse, so he could be mad, for now. 

“I know, I know,” Bdubs said. He wanted to say they’d talk about it later, but he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to do that, so he settled with, “Catch anything interesting today?” 

“Sort of, actually,” Etho said, and Bdubs was eternally grateful he let the topic change. “Gem found a nautilus shell today- thinks it’s only a few years old, if that.” 

He relaxed into Etho’s hand and listened to him talk for a bit. It was hard not to be relaxed when his voice got like that, all low and smooth, and his thumb was still rubbing circles into his cheek. 

He talked about how maybe the creatures that lived inside the shells weren’t an extinct, ancient creatures, that they’ve just been finding old shells that floated to the surface or pocketed them off the beings that had Drowned millennia ago. He talked about migration and fishing depth and all the weird reasons they could be reappearing, and Bdubs didn’t really understand it, but he didn’t really think Etho did either, so he was perfectly content to lay there as he parroted Gem’s notes back to him. His eyes had drifted closed, at some point. 

“You’re not listening to a word of this, are you,” Etho laughed. His other hand came up to cup his face, and it was warm, and he was cold. Etho was warm. 

“Not a word,” Bdubs admitted with a matching laugh. It was just nice to sit and listen to Etho talk, sometimes. They were always doing something, it felt like- no time for him to just relax and enjoy the solid presence of Etho beside him. Maybe it was that they weren’t really together by themselves all that often, nowadays. He’d need to rectify that, he thought. 

He was starting to dry off, finally, and the heat of the tank was helping with the pain that had been radiating across his back all day. But dry didn’t mean warm, and shivers still wracked his body as the boat rocked across the ocean. 

Etho’s hand left his face, and before he could voice his displeasure, he heard the sound of Etho shuffling his jacket off. He drew it around Bdubs’ shoulders, and it was just as warm as Etho’s hands had been, so he couldn’t find it in himself to complain. 

“You kill a moose to make this, or something?” Bdubs muttered through half-closed eyes. He pulled it more tightly around his shoulders as he shivered a bit more. He wanted to tell Etho he didn’t need it, that he had his own jacket, but he knew Etho wasn’t going to hear it, so he wasn’t gonna waste energy saying it. Etho’s hands found his face again. They smelled like redstone, even after a day on the water. Or maybe that was just how he smelled all the time, after all these years.  

“It’s okay. We should be home soon,” he murmured. The thought occurred to him that if this had happened two years ago, Etho probably would have kissed him by now, just as a little I’m-sorry-you’re-cold-and-wet gesture. He knows there’s some reason he’s not, but he can’t for the life of him think of it now. He was too tired. Etho was too warm. 

He brings his hand up to cover Etho’s hand, still warm on his cheek, and lightly laces their fingers together. He’s not looking at Etho, but he can imagine his face when Bdubs turns his head to press his lips to the inside of his wrist by the way he says “Bdubs.”  Like he can’t decide if it’s supposed to be a warning or a plea.

He brings his other hand up to Etho’s waist and moves to kiss his way up his arm before Etho can inevitably overthink it and pull away. Whatever was wrong, this- this was more important, surely.

His hands twitch on Bdubs’ face, like he’s stuck between leaning into Bdubs’ touch and bolting out into the rain. But judging by the way he whines when Bdubs sucks a bit of skin between his teeth, he doesn’t seem inclined to pull away, somehow. It doesn’t matter, though- Bdubs doesn’t get more than four inches up his arm before the boat comes to a sudden stop and he stumbles forward off of the bench. 

The engine dies down as he hears footsteps start overhead. Etho caught him before he could really hit the floor, and upon looking up at him, Bdubs could see the blush peeking over the mask. Before he can say anything, though, the door crashes open, and Etho shoves him back down into his seat. 

Gem looks between the two of them, for a second, but elects to not say anything, which he’s eternally grateful for. She looks tired, too, now, and she yawns before gesturing out the door and saying, “Bdubs. Your cottage awaits”. 

He thanked her, and stood up. He was almost halfway out the door before he realized he was still wearing Etho’s jacket. He struggled out of it before tossing it back to Etho. He caught Gem’s raised eyebrows and slight smirk out of the corner of his eye, and now he was the one turning red, like he was some teenager. He needed to get out of here. 

“G’night, Etho,” He said. “Gem.” 

Etho’s small “night” was overpowered by the sound of rain and Gem’s much louder, “Goodnight, Bdubs!”. She wiggled her fingers at him in a weird sort of wave before the cabin door closed in his face. 

He’d stumbled in during the early hours of the morning, exhausted, throwing his shulkers of diorite on the floor by the door before collapsing onto his bed. Sleep was always hard to come by, nowadays, after seeing Etho. He should apologize. He should say anything, really.

The only thing that puts his mind to rest is the knowledge that it’s ultimately fine to say absolutely nothing. It’s so expected that it’d probably be worse if he did say anything. It’s always been like this- for whatever reason, be it habit, fear, lack of need- they don’t talk.

Chapter Text

When he awoke at 10 the next morning with little urge to roll back over and go to sleep, he was a little surprised, to say the least. 

He didn’t remember the last night all too well- he'd been tired, and not thinking about it too hard right now felt like the better move, anyway, so it was task management time. His first thought was to start turning the diorite into the walls and stairs he’d need for the panels of the hub, but he’d gotten an idea on the boat last night, and when he got a new idea, working on whatever other project he’d started was entirely out of the question. 

So he spent the day inside, mostly, drawing and carving a little fish mosaic to put outside his shop. It was cute, he was proud of it, and he went to bed at a respectable 11:30 to the sound of rain pattering against the roof. He’d barely even gone outside. 

When he drifted into his foyer at about 11 the next morning, he noticed it was oddly clean. The shulkers he’d dropped off a few nights earlier were nowhere to be found, and the welcome mat showed no sign of the muddy bootprints he’d left on them. Okay, fine. If someone was pranking him, at least they’d cleaned up. 

A quick check in storage confirmed the shulkers were gone. He pulled out his communicator. 

Okay who took my diorite and what do I have to do to get it back 

This was- annoying. It was already late in the day, and he didn’t want to lose more time than he already had going on a chase for it back. 

But all of the responses were various forms of “not me”, even after he’d made it clear he was serious. He was annoyed, and confused, and God if this was Scar he was so going to pay for it. 

Then, from Etho.

EthosLab: I’m out fishing today 

EthosLab: But I can help you get more tomorrow if you want 

So he wasn’t feeling weird about the other day, at least. That was good.

EthosLab: I actually think there’s a big cave system near here 

Okay yeah very funny he responded. Bdubs’ rescue was probably gonna be the joke of the year with those two. It was annoying, how he was already less upset at the building setback if it meant he could maybe spend time with Etho. Etho was annoying. He wasn’t, but he was. Maybe he didn’t even really know what he felt. Bdubs responded to his answering ???  anyway. 

Bdoubleo100: yes okay please thank you. 

· ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

He’d spent the day flying around the server with no luck. 

He’d even dropped by the fishing boat, still out on the water as gray clouds rolled in. Gem had just reeled in a large, eerie purple fish. It leered at him, and he’d felt deja-vu before, but something about that fish was just wrong. No, scratch that, this whole boat was just wrong. God, did Gem freak him out. 

He stayed on the deck for a bit, chatting with Gem about this and that as Etho sat in the cabin rewiring his rod. And yeah, okay, she was mostly normal. Mostly. 

The thought crossed his mind that he should go inside and apologize to Etho for the other night, but he quickly realized he had no idea what he’d really say, anyway. If Etho was willing to move on without discussing it, he was, too. 

And it seemed like he was, because as he got up to leave, Etho called out to him from the window. 

“Not sure the clouds are agreeing with you, Bdubs,” He said, a smile in his eyes as he glanced at the rockets in Bdubs’ hands. He looked up at the clouds; they’d darkened considerably in the past half hour, and it looked like it’d probably start raining before he cleared land. Guess he wasn’t flying home, then. 

“No way,” he groaned. “This is like, the third time this week!” 

“April showers!” Gem chimed, pulling a few of the faded ponchos from a box under the wooden seats. She tossed one to Etho, then Bdubs. It hit him square in the middle of the face. 

“A ‘heads up’ would have been nice,” he grumbled, gathering the poncho from the damp deck. 

“Figured if you could have raised your head any higher, you would have by now,” Gem said with a smile. “Short joke!” 

“Not your best work,” Bdubs grumbled. But Etho was laughing, and it really seemed like he wasn't all too affected by the other night. Bdubs hadn’t realized how much it was stressing him out until now. 

They spent the next few hours fishing in the rain. Gem wasn’t as scary when he actually saw her fishing; she almost enjoyed it too much. It humanized her, in a way. It was weird. 

Etho helped him work out how to use his rod. He knew how to use it- Etho must have known he did, too- but he let him help anyway. Every time his hands would cover Bdubs’, a bit of the anxiousness seeped out of him, and by the end of the night, he was wet, yeah, but in a much better mood than he had been when he’d come. 

And so, they once again found themselves in the cabin of the dingy boat as the sun started to set. Gem laid another one of those large, purple fish on the table, and looked at it for a long while before snipping something on it and heading upstairs. She’d caught another younger nautilus shell today, too, and Bdubs had gotten to hear her theories first-hand as he’d struggled to reel up whatever had gotten tangled in his rod. They’d had fun, the three of them. And yeah, she really did make Etho happy. 

He listened to her footsteps overhead as he settled into the same bench by the heater, still just as warm as it’d been a few days ago. When he looked up, Etho’s mask was off- he was wringing it out over a little metal basin. And yeah, he stared a little. He realized it’d been just a bit too long since he’d last seen his face. 

Etho’s eyes moved towards him, though he didn’t move his head. He smiled, and he could see the white of his teeth where the scar had eroded away his lip all those years ago. 

“I’m glad you showed up today,” he said, eyes returning to the basin. “I sorta missed, uh. Hanging out, I guess. But I know you’ve been busy lately, with the hub and all.” 

Jeez, the hub. What was he, three days behind now? Etho didn’t give him time to stress about it, though, before speaking. 

“You remember when we built the hub together back in Mindcrack?” 

Bdubs’ first thought was yes, of course he remembered. He remembered the long days and even longer nights spent drawing and talking and wondering. It’d only been two weeks, but they’d talked enough that it might as well have been a month or two. They didn’t know what to really think of each other, in the beginning. He still isn’t sure if Etho was scared of him, at first, or just shy. He stayed shy, even as the jokes made just to make Etho squirm started to grow a little too comfortable. He still remembered the way he talked back then, the way he’d laugh and blush and avert his eyes. He’d still smelled like pine needles and woods, back then, for goodness’ sake. 

So, yeah. He remembered. 

“I remember you trying to kill me, a few times,” he responded, and he meant for it to be a joke, but he saw Etho’s face falter for just a second. Bdubs wondered if Etho knew how easy he was to read, sometimes. Or maybe he’d just grown accustomed to it- been around Etho so much that reading him was like breathing. 

“I remember you deserving it,” Etho said, walking over to close the curtains on the window behind him. 

“Not what you said back then,” Bdubs laughed. “Self-defense my ass.” 

Etho’s smile grew wider. That damn smile.  

He wasn’t going to pull him down into a kiss, not again, but God, did he want to. It wasn’t really all that fair. Maybe this was why they didn’t hang out alone all that often these days- it was hard to be alone together without slipping back into how they’d been before the games had started. 

The curtains were closed, but Etho didn’t move. He shifted so he was sitting on the edge of the bench. When he spoke, his voice was lower. “What, you gonna put me on trial, again?” 

“You wish I would,” he replies, equally low. “You just love to argue.” 

Etho laughs, full and bright, and his knee nudges his shoulder in a sort of hey! gesture. It’s funny- he remembers a time where Etho’d only come close to him when he was gonna kill him, or something. They’d play-fight or chase each other around sometimes, back in season 7, but he wouldn’t just- exist close to him, in the same way. He realizes it must have started after the first game, and, yeah, he didn’t want to think about that too hard right now. 

“Only when it’s you, Bdubs,” he said, smiling. And hey, that wasn’t even true- if Gem cared enough to take the bait, they’d have had three rows and a half on the deck earlier- but hey, if Etho wants to say he’s special, he’s not complaining. 

Etho’s hand moves to the side of his neck. Still warm, he thinks to himself as Etho loops his finger around the little gold chain and pulls the clock out from where it’d been hidden under his clothes. His other hand flicks it open, checking the time. Just past sunset- not too late, after all. 

“I made this one for you, didn’t I?” Etho murmurs. He knows he did. He’s just calling him out for wearing it. Bdubs watches as he runs his thumb over the engraving on the face- two horseshoes, linked together. 

The lid flicks closed, but Etho’s hand stays there, fiddling with the chain. He really was close- way too close- and, yeah, he wasn’t upset, but he was pretty confused. They should talk, first, at least. They won’t. But they should. 

He’s so lost in his own thoughts, he doesn’t notice that Etho’d ducked his head down until he feels the soft press of lips against his neck. Etho’s hand comes up to the other side of his face to tilt his head as his mouth presses into the divot under his jaw.

And yeah, sad was probably the best word for it, unfortunately, because this all used to be so easy. He’d never thought twice about seeing Etho, kissing Etho, being with him- and yeah, they’d never talked, but they never had to. 

Even the first time they’d kissed- it’d been a joke, almost, and it wasn’t even a real one. It was well over a decade ago, at this point, and Etho’d just gotten the scar. It looked admittedly nasty, and he was having a hard time, and when Bdubs had offered to kiss it better he hadn’t laughed it off as hard as he usually would. He just said something like you wouldn’t. Which- he definitely would. If not to make Etho less self-conscious, then because it was a challenge, and he was never one to back down when Etho was involved. So Bdubs had planted a big, exaggerated kiss on the corner of his mouth while Guude laughed his head off in the corner at Etho’s wide-eyed expression. 

He doesn’t remember exactly what he’d thought of it at the time- probably that Etho wanted the scar to be seen as normal, something they could joke about, whatever. Not as something pitiful or disgusting. But the kisses hadn’t stopped there- the scar stuck around through respawns. Sometimes Etho’d have his mask down, and Guude would tell him watch out, or Bdubs will kiss you again, and sometimes he would, if Etho was smiling wide enough. 

Sometimes the kisses would drift, and a few were more over Etho’s mouth than the others; it’s hard for Bdubs to pinpoint exactly when it moved from joke kiss to real kiss, because they were all sort of real, in a way, because all of them were with Etho. They all had a purpose, anyway- or at least a reason for occurring. It was never for comedy, not really. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts as Etho slid off the armrest and onto his lap. Bdubs’ hands went to his waist, and- he hadn’t even meant to, really. It was almost automatic. But Etho must have felt how tense he was, then, because he stopped and pulled back. “I- sorry, I-”

“No, Etho, it’s fine, it’s fine,” Bdubs sighed. “I’m just-” 

Etho didn’t meet his eyes. “You’re mad at me.” 

Bdubs shook his head, hands coming up to stop Etho as he moved to stand up. “No, no, jeez, I’m not mad at you. I’m just- confused. I mean- it’s a big switch up.” 

Maybe it was that they hadn’t been arguing today, not really. Maybe Etho was just more comfortable now, or something, but- there really wasn’t a single plausible explanation in Bdubs’ mind for why Etho, who seemingly barely wanted to kiss him last night, was suddenly on top of him like yesterday hadn’t been some huge horrible reminder that something was wrong. 

“I- yeah. Yeah.” Etho shifted off of him, to the side. For once, Bdubs couldn’t really tell what he was thinking. He knew he felt bad, though. 

“I-” Bdubs started. He didn’t have time to get another word out before the boat slowed to a stop. Jeez, could Gem’s timing be horrible. 

“Tomorrow,” Bdubs said. “I’m not mad at you, Etho. I- mining, tomorrow. We can talk. Just us”. 

Etho winced a little, and didn’t meet his eyes. Sometimes when Etho got like this, all anxious, it didn't entirely matter what Bdubs said to him.

The door creaked open as Gem stuck her head in. “Bdubs. Your cottage awaits.” 

He thanked her softly, before moving to the door. He turned to look back into the cabin. 

“Tomorrow, Etho. Mining. I’m a whole day behind on my diorite now- at least come help.” It was meant to come out like a joke, but it didn’t really. The deja vu he got from the smirk he caught on Gem’s face out of the corner of his eye was unsettling. Maybe that was just Gem.  

Etho just- looked at him. The mask was back on now. His expression was almost panicked, and his eyes flicked to Gem, and- he wouldn't.

“Uh- yeah, yeah totally,” he said, his voice brighter. “Gem, you should come, too. Many hands, and- you know”. 

Okay, so he totally would. That was fine. If he didn’t want to talk, he didn’t. 

“Yeah. See you,” Bdubs said flatly before slamming the cabin door- probably a little harder than was necessary- and hopping off the boat to head home. 

Part of him was waiting for Etho to message him, after the adrenaline had worn off. For him to say he was sorry, that he cared enough to fix whatever was wrong- that he was ready to stop running away at any sign of trouble. 

But he didn’t, and honestly- why would he? It’s always been this way. Yeah, they get each other, they've known each other forever- and throughout that forever, it's always been consistent. They don’t talk. 

Chapter Text

He didn’t message Etho to solidify plans in the morning, even if he usually would’ve. A selfish part of him wanted Etho to be the one to reach out. He’d been feeling like that a lot, lately- not putting in as much effort with him in the hopes he’ll pick up the slack. He doesn’t. Ever since- after Last Life, Etho wasn’t around as much, really, and you can try to make excuses for a guy, but it weighs on you. 

So, yeah, he wanted Etho to ask him to go mining like he’d said he would. But by noon, there was nothing but radio silence, and he decided he better just get on with his day and bring his mining stuff with him for whenever Etho was ready. And- Gem, now, apparently. Which was fine. 

The anxiety from putting off the hub for so long had started to eat at him, but he couldn’t- Etho was involved in his resource collection now, damn it, so progressing without driving himself insane would be difficult to say the least. Whatever. Another day, then. 

He’d settled on restocking. When he’d landed at his shopping line, however, he noticed something odd above one of the shop doorways. 

His fish mosaic was gone. Even the holes in the wall had been filled where it would’ve been. Okay, so someone was pranking him, and it had decidedly moved from not funny to really, really seriously not funny. 

<Bdoubleo100> Whoever stole my fish sign I have taken this as a declaration of war  

<Bdoubleo100> I will find you 

When Bdubs saw who had the nerve to respond first- yeah, he was mad, to say the least. 

<Etho> Fish? I vote Gem 

<Etho> I think a boat search might be in order 

He- he didn’t even know what to say, honestly. 

<GeminiTay> I know my rights 

<GeminiTay> sounds like he’s deflecting 

And Gem- she had agreed, too, last night. Even if Etho was avoiding him, would Gem let him? If he was avoiding him, why was he talking to him now? It made his head hurt. Something was undeniably wrong, and he needed to sort this out now. In person, preferably. He messaged Gem. 

<Bdoubleo100> Is Etho with you? 

<GeminiTay> yeah we fishing 

<GeminiTay> come down!! -1300 8750 

He stared at the screen for a moment in quiet disbelief. Ditching him to go- yeah. Okay. He’d come down, all right. 

• · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

He didn’t really have a plan for what he’d say when he got there, so when he’d crashed onto the deck of the boat, scraping his arms and legs up upon entry, he hadn’t had an explanation ready for why he shrugged off the gentle hands that moved to help him up. 

“I- Bdubs! Are you okay?” It was Gem. Jesus. After she saw he wasn’t seriously injured, she giggled. “You do know these things glide, right?” 

He wasn’t in the mood. It wasn’t her fault. He just wasn’t. 

“I- you know what? No! I’m done with this. This boat. The fish. All of it,” he snapped. “And for the love of- where is Etho?” 

As if on cue, Etho emerged from the cabin, looking around sort of frantically. 

“What was that?” He asked, before his eyes landed on Bdubs. He laughed a little, and Bdubs couldn’t take it. Not today. His voice was bright when he asked, “Are you okay, Bdubs?” 

He stood up, stumbling a little as he brushed Gem’s hand away. His gaze snapped to Etho. “No, you know what, I’m not okay!” 

He saw Etho’s eyes widen at his tone before continuing. Well, if he wasn’t expecting this after yesterday- that’s on him, frankly. 

“Because- here’s what. You don’t see me for however long. You’re never around. Then you say you wanna hang out. You’re so confusing, and then- you don’t even want to talk! Which is fine. But you don’t get to then-,” He stopped himself, glancing once more between the two of them. He was rambling, at this point. “And then! You ghost me!” 

He turned to Gem, now. “And you- you knew we were supposed to go today! All three of us, actually. So what, you both forgot?” 

Gem’s mouth was wide open, and she glanced at Etho with a sort of what-the-fuck look on her face. And Etho was looking straight back at her, and- maybe that was it. 

“Or fine, maybe you’re conspiring. Saying hey, Gem, I don’t wanna talk to my- I don’t wanna talk to Bdubs today, can you cover for me? Let’s go to the middle of the ocean again. Fine, I can understand that. But then you invite me, too, and I’m just-” He paused his rambling to let out a groan. Gem interrupted him, then, as if she’d finally found something comprehensible enough to latch onto. 

“Okay, Bdubs? Calm down. Deep breaths.” He opened his mouth to comment on the frankly condescending way she was speaking to him, but she shut it down before he could even get a word out. “Nah-ah-ah! You crash on to my boat, interrupt our lovely-weekend-getaway fishing trip, which you were graciously invited to, to start yelling at us. And to be honest, I’d get it if it was just Etho. But I really didn’t do anything to you. So calm down and tell us from the beginning. Is this about the sign?”  

“I- no, it’s not-” he sputtered. “Also, it’s like, Wednesday.” 

He tried to spare a glance at Etho, but Gem redirected his attention back to her. “Bdubs, what is going on with you?” 

“Shouldn’t be that hard to figure out,” he snapped. And yeah, this was sorta getting to be unlike him, but it- this was unlike them. It was bordering on mean. 

“You tell me you’re going with me today. Today comes, you don’t even mention it- go out with each other instead, don’t even shoot me a message.” He is glaring at Etho, now, trying to relay all the other details that he left out with his gaze. He was mad. He was so- he couldn’t even list everything, now. 

“I-” Etho starts, then stops. With Bdubs glaring at him like that, he’d be hard pressed to not say anything. “Um. I’m sorry. We must have- forgot?” 

“Forgot.” Bdubs repeats back. Etho didn’t even sound sure, let alone look it; it was like he didn’t even know what he’d forgotten. It was… almost like he genuinely didn’t know. 

He looked over at Gem. She was annoyed, too, but he could still see uncertainty, even concern under all of it. Bdubs’ face softened, just a little bit. 

“Yesterday. On the boat. You said you’d help me with the diorite, today.” His tone was flat; he’d burnt himself out on all the arguing, earlier. 

“Bdubs,” Gem said. “We weren’t- I was out, yesterday.” 

Bdubs spared a quick glance at Etho. He was looking almost concerned. 

“Okay, then after that. Before you dropped me off.” At this point, he wasn’t even sure himself. They looked like they genuinely didn’t remember the previous night. But maybe he didn’t need to rely on their memory. “I can show you! Etho messaged me, he- he…”

He trailed off. He’d scrolled up to yesterday’s log, but it was older, days older. It must have been, because he remembered a few of the messages. But they were all listed as having been sent yesterday. One exchange in particular made no sense at all. 

Around 3 pm, False had messaged Gem and she- well, she responded, but she couldn’t have. She’d been out fishing with him and Etho. 

<FalseSymmetry> Hey Gem! If one wanted help obtaining some specific fish for some new rivers, could that be arranged?  

<GeminiTay> I think it could 

<GeminiTay> Though if it’s for a certain enterprise I think a cut of the profits may be in order

<GeminiTay> just a small 50 percent

<FalseSymmetry>  I can do 15 and the priceless gift that is my company? 

<GeminiTay> Hmmm 20 and I guess I can settle 

<GeminiTay> Tonight works?  

<FalseSymmetry>  Yes please! 

<FalseSymmetry>  •ᴗ•

He stared at the screen, silent. Okay, so it was glitching. His communicator hadn’t been logging the previous days, and he just noticed now. It’s not unheard of. 

“Bdubs? You didn’t hit your head when you crashed, did you?” Etho tilted his voice up at the end, like it was meant to be a joke, but far too much concern was laced in his voice for it to be one. 

It was glitching. They were messing with him. Had to be. But looking at Etho’s face- it didn’t seem like they were. It really didn’t. And Etho, for all his- everything aside. He wouldn’t do this. Not when Bdubs was clearly hurting. So, yeah. Something was wrong. 

“You said it was the weekend,” Bdubs murmured. “But it’s- it’s the middle of the week. Wednesday- no, Thursday, I think.”  

He didn’t really have a proper schedule these days, and he’d been seeing people less now that the hub had become such a demanding project. It was rare Bdubs knew exactly what day it was, but- the weekend. That wasn’t right. 

“It’s Sunday,” Gem said. “Last night I helped False, but the night before was Friday. Impulse and I ran our board game night.”   

Sunday. He saw Gem’s eyes flick to the sky, for just a second, as if she’d been keeping an eye on the weather before he came. His eyes followed hers. 

For what must have been the fourth day in a row, the sky was darkening as grey clouds rolled in. Dark, heavy clouds that suggested it’d be raining for the next 24 hours at least. He’d seen those same clouds yesterday, he’s sure of it now- but that couldn’t have been right. Every single morning had been sunny.  

He stood there for a moment, considering the diorite, the mosaic, the communicator, the amnesia. The rain that started at 4 o’clock every single day. 

The sky was dark, now. It was 3 P.M., and he was such an idiot. 

• · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

“You wouldn’t believe how tired I am of this boat.” 

The rain was starting to patter on the roof, now. Bdubs was sat on that same, goddamn wooden bench in the corner by the heater, pants rolled up to his knees as they assessed the scrapes inflicted by the crash. 

“I can imagine,” Etho mused, though his eyes didn’t leave the scrapes on his legs. 

“There’s no way you believe me,” Bdubs said, more to himself than anyone.

“Do you believe you?” Etho countered, raising his head to gaze at Bdubs. And honestly, Bdubs didn’t really know. Etho continued. “I do, actually. Stranger things have happened. And this- I don’t know. Even if your code’s just messed up, making you think stuff happened that didn’t, it’s still… I believe you think the days are repeating, at least.”

“Gee, thanks,” Bdubs said. “Guess I’ll know for sure if these are healed up tomorrow, right?” 

“Guess so,” Etho sighed. “Hey. Maybe my doctoring’s just that good.” 

“Paging nurse Etho,” Bdubs laughed. Etho did, too, light and lovely even through the mask. It’d only been a day since he’d last heard it, but he’d missed the sound.

It hadn’t been hard to figure out, really, once presented with all the impossibilites of the past few days. The missing diorite, the stolen sign, the clean foyer- Etho. Gem had believed him, too; said it was hard not to, with how he’d been acting. She’d set course for Xisuma’s while Etho went to clean Bdubs off following a conversation strikingly similar to the one they’d had the night they’d plucked Bdubs out of the cave. 

He sucked in a breath as Etho started wiping over the scrapes with a wet rag. It was so reminiscent of a few days ago, and hey- that’s an idea. 

“Hey,” Bdubs murmurs under his breath. “Not sure I want my open wounds to be wiped down by Gem’s fish-gut rags.” 

Etho rolled his eyes. “It’s clean.” 

Bdubs stared at him in amazement as Etho went back to wiping the dirt off the scrapes. “You know that’s the exact response you gave two days ago?” 

Etho made a face like he was thinking, then poured a bit of something from a bottle onto the rag, and when it next touched Bdubs’ leg, it stung. He sucked in a breath as his fingers tightened around the edge of the bench. Etho’s other hand came up and started rubbing gentle circles into his thigh, as if to comfort him. 

“So you were here yesterday and the day before, then?” Etho laughed. “Wow. Someone can’t get enough of me.” 

“I- okay, technically, it was three days,” Bdubs scoffed. “With one in between. I think. And- we were fishing. Which is why I was mad, when I thought you’d ditched me to do it, earlier.” 

The hand on his thigh left to begin unrolling the bandages. Etho was looking away, now, like he was thinking and needed to concentrate without the distraction of Bdubs’ face. 

He lifted Bdubs’ ankle and set it on top of his knee where he was still crouched on the floor. The cuts were small, but he wrapped them anyway, and Bdubs let him. 

“It’s not just that, though,” Etho said slowly, without meeting his eyes. “You’re still upset.”

Yeah, figures that Etho could read him like a book after all these years. Who was he kidding? He could read Bdubs all the way back then, too. At least he thinks he could. It’s harder to tell, these days. Either way, he didn’t bother denying it. 

“I guess so,” he breathed. He was trying to sound- he didn’t know. Yeah, he was. 

Etho waited for him to elaborate, but as much as he loved to say Etho was the one who didn’t want to talk, no words came. Because Etho hadn’t done anything, not really- but the voice in the back of his head whispered that he did, before. Maybe he was just mad about the fact that he could fathom Etho bailing on him- that it almost made sense for him to. 

Etho broke the silence, eventually. “We went fishing. What else did we do?” 

Kissed, he thought. Sort of argued, but sort of didn’t. 

Well- not really kissed. He hadn’t kissed Etho, really kissed him, since the night he’d returned from Last Life. It was only a few nights after Bdubs had been spit out outside Scar’s travelling cart, panting and afraid, the sound of Lizzie’s scream and the crunch she’d made when she hit the ground still echoing in his ears. He distantly remembered worrying about how he couldn’t even say sorry to her; wherever she went after that, it wasn’t here. 

He’d been pulled from a fitful slumber by a rough pounding on his door. It was still dark outside, but the moon had been getting so big those days that the light from the windows almost fully illuminated the room. 

He’d opened the door to find Etho, still covered in sweat and dried blood, panting like he’d run a marathon. He’d just- hesitated, for a second, and stared like he wasn’t sure Bdubs was real. The moonlight in his hair had made him look unreal. He didn’t say anything, just surged forwards and kissed Bdubs hard and fast. If Bdubs listened, he could hear him muttering soft, desperate, half-formed I’m sorrys between every breath.  

He tried, really tried, to tell him It’s okay, to even tell him I love you even if just to hear it back, but Etho barely let him get a word out. Bdubs let Etho push him into his room, and it was like he’d wanted to crawl inside his skin, so long as he didn’t have to look him in the eyes while he did it. When he’d pressed him into his bed and moved to mouth at his jaw, still grabbing his waist and gasping apologies into his skin, he’d felt drops of wet tears against his neck. 

He’d never seen Etho act anything like that before, and it was- scary wasn’t the right word. Worrying, maybe. Not even that. 

He’d planned to talk to Etho in the morning, tell him that it really was okay, but he hadn’t been there when he’d woken up. He hadn’t been around the entire next week, either- if Cleo had seen him, they’d agreed not to say anything. By then, the moon was getting to be a real problem, and sometimes they saw each other for a bit, yeah, but not- it wasn’t the same as before. Then Etho’d missed the start of season 9, and- well. It had just been a bit since they’d all been together. 

“Oh, you know. Talked. Gem, too. She’s nice,” He hummed.

“Well something’s definitely wrong, then,” Etho laughed. “My Bdubs would never call Gem ‘nice’”. 

His Bdubs. Yeah. They were in a weird spot, now. It gave him a weird feeling, sort of like when you’re out with your friends, laughing and having fun, but the whole time you can’t stop thinking about how you may have left the oven on. Part of them was comfortable falling back into that casual intimacy, while the other part was thinking about whether or not they’d arrive home one day to see their house in flames. It wasn’t just one of them, either; neither of them could decide where they were going, really. 

But Bdubs just grumbled a bit, and Etho let him. It was quiet, for a bit; just the sound of the soft rain and sea. 

“Well, hopefully X can get it sorted,” Etho sighed, almost to himself. And yeah, it would be nice, except- the thought popped into his mind that he maybe didn’t want that to happen, quite yet. 

It wasn’t that Bdubs wanted to be trapped in this loop forever. That wasn’t it at all. It was just that the relief he’d felt when he’d realized what was happening had been almost sickening. The realization that he wasn’t days behind on the hub, that it didn’t matter if he worked on anything because it’d get reset anyway- the prospect of having a completely guilt-free day of relaxation was intoxicating.  

He loved his projects and his work, of course he did. It just got to a point where you needed a break, once in a while. And- yeah. He needed one. 

“Bdubs,” Etho said, eyeing him suspiciously. He was jolted out of his daze, looking down to meet Etho’s eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah, he will,” Bdubs stumbled. “It’ll be fine.” 

Etho hummed like he sort of didn’t believe him, and knotted the bandage over the gauze, though it wasn’t even bleeding anymore. He leaned back until he was sitting with his legs crossed, fingers still playing with Bdubs’ pant leg as he stared out the window at the dark sky. 

It was selfish. It was stupid. He didn’t even really know that he would get put through the loop again, anyway. But he still asked. 

“Hey, Etho,” he muttered. “Say this morning I’d been more on top of the mining, or whatever. I-” he paused, for a moment. “Think I could have still gotten you to go?” 

Etho looked up at him, sort of unreadable. “I mean- yeah, of course.” 

Of course. A nice answer, but not exactly what he was looking for. He thought for a moment about how to phrase it, before deciding to just be blunt. “What would I have had to say to you? To get you to go, even if you didn’t plan it earlier. How would I do it?”

“Bdubs,” Etho said warningly, but he brushed it off.  

“Humor me.”

“You’d just have to ask,” he said without hesitation, stupid and low for no reason at all. “Or- tell me.”

“Tell you,” Bdubs murmured. It made something curl deep in his gut- the idea that he could still just tell Etho to do something, and he’d do it like there wasn’t ever a thought in his mind not to. He knew Etho had the same power over him, in the end, but it was still- something about it. Jesus. 

The boat slowed to a stop. They were here.  

• · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·

It was painfully clear that Xisuma had about as much of an idea of what was happening to him as Gem or Etho had- which is to say, practically none at all. 

“I mean, this is all- it’s normal,” he said, gesturing at the glowing tablet where Bdubs’ sequenced code was displayed. “I mean, there are some small things here and there, but I feel like I’d be able to tell if there was something that would cause… this.” 

Figures. He found he wasn’t as upset about it as he probably should have been. Which- yeah. Once again, figures. 

“You said it’s been going on for a few days?” He asked, still sounding desperately confused. 

Bdubs felt his face flushing. Yeah, yeah, it’d been four days, and he lacked any sort of schedule that would cause him to notice that. Sue him. “Yeah.” 

“Have you come to me before? In another version of the day, I mean,” he asked. If Xisuma was at the point where he was asking if alternate versions of himself had come up with anything- yeah, it wasn’t much use. He didn’t know anything. It was sort of funny, honestly. 

“Nope,” Bdubs replied. It was clear Xisuma was stressed by the implications of this whole thing, if not for Bdubs’ sake, then for their own- I mean, what exactly was happening to the other Hermits as Bdubs’ days repeated? Were their memories just being continually wiped, the data for the day being deleted? It wasn’t a situation Bdubs would want to find himself in, and he found himself feeling oddly grateful for how he was allowed to be whole, even if he was the one experiencing the brunt of the bother in this situation.

Etho and Gem were talking to each other in hushed voices in the corner. He saw them pause- probably noticing Bdubs’ stare- and Etho spoke up.

“Must be a server issue, then, right?” He said. “If Bdubs’ code is normal, the server must be- I don’t know, continually resetting, or something. But he’s detached from the fabric of the rest of the server, somehow.” 

Xisuma hummed, as if to say that’s an idea, before looking back at his tablet. 

“Bdubs- I’m going to keep looking through your code, see if I missed anything deeper in. I’ll message you tonight if I find anything- if I don’t, come re-explain the situation in the morning, and tell me to start looking through the server data.” 

Bdubs wasn’t worried, initially, but the way X and the others were acting was starting to alarm him. Well, hey, if nothing else, at least they definitely believed him. 

That was it, then. A “hell if I know”, a promise for a follow-up email, and a boot out the door. 

“It’s gonna be okay, Bdubs,” Gem said as they descended the steps of X’s tower. Her voice sounded stable, but Bdubs was glad he couldn’t see her face. “It’ll all get sorted out. No way it doesn’t.” 

She sounded less confident on that front, but hey, reassurance is reassurance. 

They sat up in the wheel compartment with Gem for the ride back. They didn’t really fit, and she acted like it was annoying the hell out of her, but if there was one thing Bdubs knew how to recognize, it was someone pretending to be annoyed by Etho. It was his favorite passtime, once upon a time. It was no wonder that Gem could probably recognize all the weirdness happening between the two of them. He saw himself in her, in a way. And, you know. She was a gossip.

When they touched down on the shoreline closest to Bdubs’ cottage, Etho stood, too, slowly. Etho saw the confusion on his face, he must have, because he moved to sit back down before Bdubs stopped him. 

“I just thought, you could- you know,” Etho starts, eyes glued to the floor. “Have a way to tell if you’re really looping as soon as you wake up.” 

The gears in his head take a second to turn. Etho. Staying at his house, overnight. Being there when he wakes up in the morning. It’s been much too long since Etho was there when he woke up in the morning. Maybe he should put some effort into reversing this loop, after all. 

“Uh- sure, yeah,” Bdubs forces out. Quietly, like he doesn’t want to break the moment they’re in. He caught Gem’s face out of the corner of his eye, and God did he hope the days really were repeating so that she wouldn’t remember this. Something tells him he’d have heard about it from Pearl, Grian, or anyone else in a thousand block radius of her estate by lunchtime otherwise. 

It was still raining, and they were soaking wet by the time they reached the door. They were quiet as Bdubs shut the door behind them. The cabin was dark- not even the windows offered much illumination, with the heavy clouds stretching across the sky. They hung up their wet jackets in the entryway, toeing off their shoes with them. Jesus, when was the last time he’d seen Etho’s shoes in his doorway? 

“Sorry for, uh… dripping on your carpet,” Etho laughed under his breath. 

“S’fine,” Bdubs answered. “Not like it’ll matter in the morning.” 

Etho laughed, but there wasn’t any real joy behind it. He was worried, Bdubs could tell. He’d been staring at him too long. 

He’d hung his mask up to dry, too. Two days in a row, now, that he’d seen Etho’s face. Might as well have been Christmas to him. Or the second day of Hannukah, or something. Whatever. Some holiday. Gifts. Joy. He was tired.  

He’d been operating at half capacity for the past hour or so, and he could tell Etho was starting to get sleepy as well. He could feel his eyes drooping, his mind getting loopier, his words slower. But he didn’t want- sleep would mean this thing would be over. Besides, they still hadn’t even eaten dinner. 

Bdubs sauntered into the kitchen, Etho following close behind. He lit a small lantern hanging over the window before starting to rifle through the cabinets. 

“Don’t think I could risk cooking anything right now without burning the house down,” he grumbled, pushing aside the cans of soup and beans. “How do mini-wheats sound? Got plenty of those, still.” 

He turned to smile at Etho, maybe to make fun of him, only to see him leaning against the wall, one hand on his side. He was trying to be casual about it, but Bdubs had spent over a decade forcing Etho to let him take care of that enduring mark that stretched far further down his body than he’d ever like to let on. He knew when he was in pain. 

“Hey, hey. Want me to put the kettle on? I can- here,” he hopped off his step-stool and went to fill it. Etho- he didn’t stop him. 

His sink water never really ran warm enough for what Etho needed, so once the kettle started whistling, he poured some of the water onto one of the soft washcloths stored under the sink and sat Etho down in one of the low kitchen chairs. 

Bdubs set two mugs aside- hey, if you’re gonna boil water anyway, might as well make some tea- and a bowl of dry cereal, just because. Etho barely spoke, just let Bdubs push the side of his wet shirt up as he leaned back into the chair. Bdubs laid the hot cloth out over the thick, mottled skin of his side, and Etho sunk back into his chair with a deep sigh that almost sounded like a whine. 

Bdubs kept his hand pressed over the cloth as his other hand moved to rub soothing circles into Etho’s waist. He should have known, with the standing all day and the cold and the rain. This was the most basic recipe for a mean flare-up- he just hadn’t been thinking about it through all the chaos. 

Etho’s head was thrown back a bit, and Bdubs found his eye tracing where the scar creeped up his neck and over his lip. It was hard not to think back to times where he would’ve left soft kisses along it, just as a comforting little I’m-sorry-you’re-in-pain. It was hard to not want to kiss it better.  

Usually, the desire to press his mouth against it would be muted by the current mess that was his status with Etho, but tonight… Etho’d chosen to come over. To stay with him. Even if Bdubs knew deep down it wouldn’t have happened if he didn’t know the day would reset, that he wouldn’t even remember- he wanted to. Badly. 

He must have been staring. When he gets tired, he tends to be less able to hide his blatant affection for Etho. He knows he was staring, because Etho’s looking at him now, and his gaze is so intense he almost wants to crawl back into the cabinet with the mini-wheats. 

He almost says something to break the tension before Etho opens his mouth. He’s still in pain, so the words come out a little low and breathless, but it still knocks Bdubs completely off his feet. 

“You gonna kiss me again, Bdoubleo?” 

Bdubs is caught so off guard that he doesn’t even really have time to sort through all the reasons why in his head. Did he remember? No, he couldn’t have. That said, that was bold, especially for Etho. Guess there were fewer consequences for everyone else, too, in this weird loop- you could do something with the knowledge that if it went badly, you wouldn’t have to live with the embarrassment. 

“I was right, then,” Etho said, almost sounding surprised himself. He opens his mouth, and closes it again. It almost looks like he’s deciding whether or not he’s going to apologize.  

And yeah, sometimes Bdubs forgets that for just as much time as he’s known Etho, Etho’s known him. And- maybe “oh, you know, talked” hadn’t been the smoothest way to dodge the question of what they’d been up to the past few days. Maybe it wouldn’t have mattered what he said, though. At the end of the day, he’s always been sort of easy for Etho to read. 

So Bdubs sighs, and relents. “Yeah. You were.” 

He’s not meeting Etho’s eyes, so Etho reaches up to lay two fingers on the side of his chin and guide it so Bdubs is forced to. It’s bold, it’s insane, honestly, and it’s completely unlike Etho, but it sends a shock of something he can’t really place through his gut all the same. 

The usual mantra is running through his mind, that they really do need to just- talk. But Etho’s on a roll today, despite the pain, and he shuts down the thoughts before they can even start. 

“No use trying to work anything out now,” he breathes. His gaze flicks between his eyes and his mouth, and it’s so shameless that Bdubs almost can’t process it. “Not like I’ll remember it in the morning.” 

Not for sure, but- yeah, it was probably true. So that’s why he was so bold- he knew he had him. He knew Bdubs wanted him, and that there wasn’t a benefit to talking- no real downside to just caving. And God, was Bdubs easy for him to have. There was- very little of himself that he couldn’t imagine giving up to Etho, if he asked sweetly enough.

His other hand slid around Bdubs’ waist, and Bdubs’ hand rose to run a thumb over Etho’s bottom lip in an almost automatic response. Chapped, but still soft and familiar, even after all this time.  

“You won’t remember this, either,” Bdubs murmurs. He’s realizing it, slowly; that Etho wants him, too, badly, just won’t take it, for whatever reason. He wants to play the in-between. And Bdubs- the thought of Etho not remembering this didn’t sit right with him. He’s never been one to romanticize a first kiss, especially when he’s had maybe a thousand kisses with said party over the past decade, but- well. It just didn’t. 

“Make me,” Etho breathes around his thumb. He’s more desperate now, like he knows he might be losing him. “Bdubs.”

It’s a challenge. God, Etho doesn’t do it often, but when he wants to, he can play Bdubs like a fucking fiddle. He’d never admit it, but it’s true- he’s so easy. He never backs down from a challenge, not when it’s Etho. It- it’s not even like he’s pushing that hard, which is the funny part. 

He presses his hand deeper into Etho’s waist. He realizes, then, that of course this all made sense. Etho didn’t even have to run, after this; he’d disappear without having to lift a finger when the world reset the next morning. He wouldn’t even have to feel guilty about it, after. 

Etho’s fingers on his chin turn into more of a vice grip, and- it wouldn’t be crazy. They’d been together a few times, since Last Life, usually tired and sometimes drunk and always regretfully. It was always quick, and Etho kept his mask on, usually- when it was off, it didn’t matter much, because Bdubs didn’t dare kiss him. 

But here he was. Asking- no, demanding Bdubs do it. He knew he wasn’t ever going to say no to him, not really. If he didn’t think about it too hard- 

It was easy to put the thought out of his mind when the fingers on his chin guided him down, and he felt the warm press of Etho’s mouth against his. For a second, every thought was wiped from his mind besides more and warm and Etho, Etho, Etho. 

It was soft, yielding, but somehow felt more like molten lava on his lips than any other kiss he could remember sharing with him. Maybe not any kiss, but- God, it made his head swim and stomach churn something fierce.

Yeah, okay. Bdubs could make him remember. 

He opens his mouth against Etho, and he sighs a high-pitched almost-whine against his lips that almost makes Bdubs shake. God, it was pathetic, but he’d missed kissing Etho so much. It’s not even anything- just skin on skin- but Etho’s hands were warm from the washcloth, and he smelled like the redstone and the sea, and his mouth tasted like miniwheats when Bdubs pressed inside. Objectively a sensory nightmare, but so unbearably Etho that he couldn’t help but groan into the kiss and sink onto Etho’s lap. 

He pressed Etho down into the chair and he whined in a way that almost sounded like a cry, but sent a jolt through Bdubs’ gut all the same. He- Etho would be the death of him, someday. Maybe he already had been. 

Etho was grappling with Bdubs’ shirt, trying to pull him closer, and the chilling realization hit that he hadn’t seen such a desperate display since the night after Last Life had ended. He didn’t want to think about that night right now. No- he couldn’t think about it. Etho was right, anyway, earlier- it was no use worrying about that right now. Don’t think, he repeats in his head, a mantra. Just Etho. Only Etho. 

Etho tilted his head and slid a warm palm over Bdubs’ jaw in a way that made it so easy to forget. When they’ve both agreed to it, it’s easy to sink back into that push and pull; the banter, the casual intimacy. Bdubs wonders what Etho still remembers about him- what he likes, doesn’t like. It feels like a lot. Which- Bdubs hasn’t forgotten anything. So. 

His broad, warm hands move over the back of his neck, and he sinks into it. He remembers the urge he’d had earlier, and realizes he can act on it, now. 

But when he moves to press his mouth to Etho’s neck- to the long, twisted scar curling down it- he winces. Bdubs notices, and Etho knows he noticed, because he grabs his collar to haul him back in for another deep kiss, as if that’ll distract him. And- okay, maybe it does for a second. 

“Still hurts,” Bdubs murmurs before Etho meets him for another kiss. 

“Barely,” Etho sighs, and tries to move back in again, but Bdubs stops him. 

“Let me help,” he mutters, rubbing circles into Etho’s side. He used to do that, sometimes, when they were out for a while, especially when it was cold. Loosened the scar tissue a bit. 

“I should-” Etho cut himself off, but still didn’t meet his eyes. Bdubs saw it, then; that stupid, godforsaken instinct that crept up on Etho when his anxiety came to a head. Like- when you go to pick up your cat, or something, and they hunch their shoulders. That look of someone who’s about to run. 

He thought he maybe understood it a little, then. It was almost as if Etho was his own warden. Maybe he thought he didn’t really deserve that intimacy with Bdubs, or something, even if he still wants it. That kissing is one thing- an indulgence- but the care is where Etho gets uncomfortable. Maybe it’s too real, or he doesn’t deserve Bdubs’ help, or whatever. It’s- hard to tell with Etho, sometimes. 

He realizes he’d let himself get distracted, earlier- let Etho kiss his way out of getting the care he needed from Bdubs. Jesus. Like a fiddle. 

“Hey, hey, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Finish your mini wheats,” Bdubs says, leaning out of Etho’s space before rising to get milk from the cabinet when he doesn’t protest it. Etho doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t hear the scrape of him rising from his chair, either, so he’ll count his blessings. 

Bdubs went to sit on the table beside him as they ate their sorry excuse for dinner in silence. The rain was pattering on the window, and the warm lamplight and heat from the stove made the room comfortable in a way it hadn’t been in a while. Maybe it was just Etho’s presence- solid and reassuring, somehow, even after everything. 

When their spoons started to scrape the bottom of their bowls, Bdubs broke the silence again. 

“You should stay, tonight,” he said gently. He tried to sound confident, casual, whatever. It probably didn’t work. 

Etho made a face like he wasn’t really sure, and Bdubs reasoned it was probably just time to use his own logic against him. If Etho could play dirty, so could he.

“It’s pouring rain. It’s freezing. You’re in pain,” he stated. Okay, so- maybe just using normal logic. Whatever. He continued. “You won’t even have to head home in the morning.” 

Because if all goes as he knows it will, Etho will just wake up back in his bed tomorrow. He won’t even have to remember anything. 

Etho’s face softens a little, because of course that’s what does it, and looks out the window at the dark rain coming down in sheets. 

“I’ve heard my couch is quite comfortable,” he says, and that really should be the final nail in the coffin. The walk home would be objectively horrible, anyway. 

Etho responds, but his eyes don’t leave the window. He does seem pretty tired now, anyway. 

“It’s funny, I kinda- I sorta wanted to watch you sleep. See what happens when it loops back around,” he says, sort of to himself. “But- no use if I wouldn’t remember it anyway, I guess.”

The admission makes his head spin, despite everything. The thought of him going to bed with Etho’s eyes on him, watching over him, God- it reminded him of the early days in the snow fort, when the four of them could still trust each other enough to sleep in shifts. He wonders if Etho knows he doesn’t have to protect him, here. His eyes return to Bdubs’, and- he felt sorta sorry for Etho, sometimes. It was all so hard, and it didn’t have to be.  

He wanted so, so badly to just- lean down into his space, say goodnight, sweetheart, and kiss his cheek. It’s been so long since he’s slept in the same house as Etho, it’s just- messing with his head, a little. He tries to tell himself that it wouldn’t be any use doing all that, anyways; he wouldn’t remember. 

But Etho rises, and Bdubs joins him. The fire is low in the living room, and it’s cozy and warm and he’s oh so tired. The amalgamation of pillows and soft blankets- many woven and crafted by their own friends- look so soft and welcoming that it’s a miracle he doesn’t collapse onto it himself when he’s done setting it up.

“Feels like we’re- kids having a sleepover, or something,” Bdubs laughs quietly under his breath. Etho laughs, too, and says something or the other about how old they are that Bdubs doesn’t entirely process. It’s late, now. He was tired. 

He finds himself thinking that sleeping on the hard wood floor wouldn’t be so bad if it meant he could just be near Etho tonight. But he finds himself at the base of the ladder all the same. 

He turns around to look at Etho, who’s already looking at him. 

“Goodnight, Bdoubleo,” he says. No jokes about how tired Bdubs gets, definitely no kiss goodnight, not even a see you in the morning, because- well, he won’t. Somehow, it’s still sweet. 

He pauses, for a moment, before responding. 

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he answers, soft and sweet as he wants, because- well, Etho said it himself. It’s not like he’ll remember it tomorrow, anyway.