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“Hurry up kagehira, we must fix your makeup at once.” Shu pulls Mika along by his wrist, speeding down the hallways.
“Ngahh, I'm sorry Oshi-san, I promise not to rub ma’ eyes again.
"It'd be great if you had promised that before you rubbed my eyeliner all over your face.” Shu sighed. As they turned the corner they saw the bathroom at the end of the hallway. The sight relieves Shu. When he and Mika were sifting through a sea of well ordained individuals with makeup rubbed all over one of their faces Shu swore that if he had looked in a mirror his face would've matched his hair in colour. The entire journey here Shu was just worrying about what people would think. Would they think Kagehira got into a fight? Or that he just got out of a coal mine? What if they thought he was crying?
Although he's not sure that there's much to cry about at a CosPro party.
Of course, Shu would try to get out of events like these as much as he could, but he found he enjoyed them once he was at them. Most of the time, the atmosphere was elegant. Most of the time meaning: when he wasn't in sight of Crazy: B. That wretched group was one of the main reasons Shu avoided these parties. Maybe Crazy: B is reason enough to cry.
Although he can't complain very much, as just by attending these events, Valkyrie gets a larger budget for their next production.
The bathroom is within arm's length now and so Shu reaches out for the handle, his hand is nipped by the cold metal so he pauses to wince, then he hears mumbling from inside the bathroom.
“It's okay… You're sa-” The voice was hard to hear through the door.
He heard a sniffle, his brows creased. “Yeah, yeah I know…”
“Uh, Oshi-san?” Mika spoke up.
Shu cleared his throat, “Kagehira, you know how I can get with metal handles, I just needed a moment.” Then he pushed the door open.
He heard the word “Shit.” being hissed out before he saw the scene before him.
Amagi Rinne and Shiina Niki were sitting down on the bathroom floor, leaning against the wall and against each other.
And Amagi was crying.
Shu considered turning around and leaving, not just leaving but entirely removing this moment from his memory. Then he turned around to see Mika's terrible panda cosplay.
“...”
And so he struts in, even if Amagi is crying, he has a job to do. Whatever Amagi is crying about couldn't be of high importance. Knowing him, he spilt a beer, or some other disgusting alcoholic beverage that he gorges himself on, and now he can't get ridiculously drunk.
Boo hoo.
Shu tries not to think about how out of character it is for Amagi to be crying in the first place, but reasons with himself that Amagi must already be ridiculously drunk.
He's sobbing and shaking on the floor of a public bathroom because he's drunk. Of course.
Shu travels to the sinks and mirrors and beckons Kagehira over. Kagehira is scared of Amagi most days but right now he just looks stiff. He's looking down at his shoes and biting his lips (a habit Shu has been trying to break for years)
“Kagehira.” Shu hisses which seems to whip Mika into action. He awkwardly enters the room and scuttles to Shu’s side.
The air in the room is tense and it's Amagi who decides to break the silence, “...Mention this to anyone and you're both dead, like totally massacred, you dig?”
Mika yelps quietly.
“Rinne, don't be a bully.” Niki whispers.
Shu lifts his chin up high, “Hmpf, you think I am the gossiping type? Even if I was, whatever is going on with you is the least bit interesting, so try and be a little less egotistical.” Amagi lets out a broken laugh.
“So what's the deal with him, then?” Rinne grins and points at Mika. Of course he'd take it upon himself to be a rude uncouth brat even with tear stains down his face.
Mika rubs at the back of his neck, “I uh- I rubbed ma’ eyes cuz I was sleepy an’ I was wearing makeup. So…” Mika paused, "So what's wrong with you?”
“Kagehira!” Shu shouts.
“Sorry!”
Niki butts in, “Listen, I get that you're concerned but I really don't think that Rinne wants to talk-”
“I got raped.” Rinne said nonchalantly. The room went silent. Shu opened his mouth in horror, how could something like this have happened with all the security guards about? His skin tingled at the thought that there could've been a rapist in the crowds that they were just in. Then Amagi waved his hands, “Relax, relax, this was years ago, I was just reminded of it today.” His voice wavered, “Ah this fuckin’ blows. I hate being such a lil’ bitch like this.” He rubs at his eyes desperately. He laughs miserably, “ I mean what sorta’ man even gets raped anyways…” his hands still cover his eyes, although they're not rubbing at his eyes anymore.
Niki pulled him into a hug. All you could hear was the faint buzz of the lights overhead until Mika faintly whispered, “I-I know a man who has been raped.” He looked down at the floor and fidgeted, “It's normal- Wait, no, ngahh! It's not normal! But ya’ know what I mean. It's not weird.” He twists his fingers between his hands again before tacking on “ Yer’ not weird, Amagi-senpai.”
Amagi pulled his hands off his face and schooled his expression into a more familiar sneer before laughing, “Kyahahaha, thanks Mi-tan, you're the best.”
“Ahem.” Shu starts, unsure really of how to word what he's about to say, “I understand you said something about being reminded of your… experience, just so we can avoid… this situation in the future, what was it that triggered you?” Shu’s hands were clammy.
“It's embarrassing. We run into stuff like this all the time as idols and it doesn't even bother me like ninety-nine percent of the time so I dunno if I'd call it a trigger even.” Amagi mumbles.
“Oh get over yourself, I'm trying to be nice to you for once and you're just being difficult.” Shu rolls his eyes. Immediately his heart drops with guilt. It seems he still has the same sharp tongue from his Yumenosaki days, even if he's been trying to repress it for just this reason.
Mika gulps and Niki glares at him. Amagi just gapes at him for a second.
Amagi sucks in a breath and furrows his brows, “Fuck you, Shu. Maybe you've never had to fuckin’ deal with anything harsher than your stupid dolls needing new dresses, but you could've at least been less dicky about something you clearly don't get!” He shouts. Shu feels sick.
Amagi continues, “You wanna know what's so difficult? You. You just don't understand how shitty it is for me, havin’ to wonder whether or not a camera flashin’ is gonna make me break down and cry like a baby. I fucking hate it!” he sucks in a breath and wipes the tears that are freshly spilling from his eyes, “Fuck!” he pulls at his hair.
“... I get it.” Shu mumbles.
Amagi huffs, “Oh yeah? What does Shu-kun get exactly?”
Shu takes a moment to gather his thoughts but Amagi just mutters, “yeah that's what I thought.“
“I was around twelve…” Shu's voice shakes, Amagi glares at him. “there were some classmates who-” he grabbed for Mademoiselle, cursing his decision to keep her at home.
“Oshi-san…” Mika put his hand on his shoulder, “Ya’ don't have to tell us if it's too difficult.” He gently lifted the corners of his lips.
“No-No please let me continue. They were my friends and, don't laugh but I didn't actually have many friends when I was younger,” He paused to let Amagi cackle but nothing ever came, Amagi just sat there, staring him down with a placated expression, “...and I didn't want them to leave me so… when they suggested I let them-” Shu’s breath hitched and Mikas's grip on his shoulder tightened, “When they suggested I let them touch me inappropriately,” he regained his composure,”I was hesitant at first. In fact I outright refused but-”
“Yeah?” Amagi spoke up, sounding much duller than he did when he was shouting at Shu earlier. Niki had a frown on his face.
Shu’s voice cracks, “I-I didn't want them to leave me so for months I just let them use me like I was just a toy.” He stopped and gulped. His face twisted into a deep look of guilt. “I hated it.” and then he tacked on “...at first.” in a tiny voice. Shu squints his eyes, “This is completely revolting but after weeks of the abuse, I- learned to… like it.”
“Itsuki-kun.” Niki meets his eyes, smoothing out his glare from earlier, ”it's not revolting. It's actually a pretty common reaction.”
Shu sucks in a breath. He clears his throat, “Really? I think that me… enjoying it was what made them stop. I think that I bored them by not protesting.”
“Huh.” Mika whispers.
He continues, “When I was getting raped I was just told to shut up either way. That was probably cuz’ there were kids around though.” he giggles as if it’s some cute childhood memory of his, but Shu can see his hands shake.
“Kagehira…” Shu’s frown deepens.
“Ngahh, don’ worry about it Oshi-san. The whole thing never bothered me much. I hardly even remember most of it anymore so I think ‘m fine.” he rubbed his neck.
“So all of you have been sexually assaulted before?!” Niki asks with wide eyes.
Rinne giggles, “Starting to feel left out, Niki-kyun?” he bats at Niki’s shoulder, Niki rolls his eyes and mumbles sarcastically of course.
“Shush you-” Shu scolds Amagi, “Kagehira, what you went through was terrible, don't treat your experiences as if they were the easiest things you'd ever been through.”
“Well it kinda’ was? I just-” his mouth was agape for a second, “Sorry- I just kinda sat there?” His eyes glazed over, “It wasn’t even that bad.” He squeaked out although it was hardly him talking. He's got empty eyes, just like a doll. Shu dismisses the thought immediately.
“Kagehira?” Shu whispers. No response.
“Mi-tan? You there?” Rinne waves his hands at him.
Mika hums briefly. He stands there completely still, not even fidgeting. The only thing keeping him from falling is the counter that he's leaning on. He's breathing heavily. It's like Mika has gone home but his body still remains.
“Aw fuck, this is gonna be so cringe,” Rinne grunts as he gets up and walks over to Mika, he sighs, “Kagehira Mika, you are dissociating, can you hear me?” a few seconds pass by before Mika nods, Rinne shrugs off his garish jacket “Thank fuck. Can you touch this? Think about how it feels in your hands.” he passes the jacket to Mika who holds it idly. Rinne sticks his hands beneath and above Mika's and guides him to rub it. He releases Mika's hand and he continues to rub it, “Atta’ boy.”
Niki was now behind them, having gotten up whilst Rinne was handing Mika his jacket and he asks, “Is this one of those grounding techniques your therapist taught you?”
“Ew. Don't call it that.” Rinne sticks out his tongue.
“What?! Why not?” Niki asks.
“It's just gross, makes me sound like I'm some emotionally unstable, out of control, rowdy toddler.”
In unison, Shu and Niki reply, “You are.” Rinne pretends to look offended.
Niki gasps, “Haha jynx!” He puts up finger guns. Shu averts his eyes and stretches his mouth into a faint grin that doesn't quite meet his eyes. Niki shifts around awkwardly. “Hah… I-I guess I win?”
“Win what?” Shu whispers. Niki doesn't have an answer.
Mika mumbles something under his breath. Everyone turns to look at him. Niki sighs, relieved the attention isn't on him anymore.
“What was that Mi-tan?” Rinne ruffles Mika's hair.
“Ack! Amagi-senpai?” His eyes are wide but once he notices Shu, his face melts into a smile, “Oshi-san” he mutters dreamily, “Uh, why's everyone starin’ at me?” his face goes red and he turns himself away just to be met with his reflection in the mirror, “Gyah! That'll do it!” he gasps, “Oshi-san, help me get it off!” he whines.
“Surely you could do it yourself, Kagehira!” Shu places his hand on his hips.
“But I'm jus’ not as good as you at anythin’, Oshi-san…”
Rinne giggles, “It's like you've fully forgotten what you were just sayin’.” He raises his brows, “Have you?”
Niki lightly slaps Rinne on the head, “What if he remembers and dissociates again?” he murmured.
“Nah, I remember now.” He mumbles, “M’ sorry for getting so spacy back there-” Mika is cut off by the door bursting open.
“There you guys are! HiMERU and I were looking all over for you two!” he points in the general direction of Rinne and Niki, he walks in and squints at Rinne's face, “What the fuck? Were you crying? he whispers.
Rinne cackles, “Hyeheheheh, yeah Niki’s jus’ too beautiful,” he wraps his arms around Niki like a snake, “makes a man wanna cry,” he makes a kissy face and Niki frowns exaggeratedly.
Kohaku raises a skeptical brow, and then groans, “Whatever, come back to the party already, people are asking where you've been.”
“Ugh, fine- fine…” he waves him off,” you two,” he points at Mika and Shu, “We should talk like this again sometime.” He grins, and even though it isn't the most pleasant of subjects they'd be talking about, Shu agrees.
The present members of Crazy: B give their goodbyes and leave the bathroom.
Finally Shu can remove those horrid makeup stains.