Chapter Text
Draca Milfoy was bord af. seegethfreedeth Milfoy, her belovd(?) fatty husbandeth was a DISAASTAPOINTMENT. he got fired. thhen got fired again. and then bro got fired agen bc he’s fuking useless bich ass couldent do anything
her ophone 8 (husband cant afford her a better mobicular device so whes stuc with fake iphone BRO COULCNDT EVEN BUY THE RIGHT VOWLE) has fake tinder on it guys
She biscacally flickered throug the app. boringggg. ugly. prob a ceareal killer. a man who thinks liking football is a personaliy trait.
And then—BAM. Geric Birloft.
His proficle was faboulishious. "I enjoy LONG walks on the beach" (indeed), "fine wine" (getting (harder) better), "phILosofical deabtes" (rawr), and reading old and distinguished novels (YESAKTCOUR). But samthign abt him screemed mid-life crisis hot middle aged man, and Draca was INTO IT. OH YESSSS
Without HESitation, she swipd rigttt and tieped the most skadoodaishoius massage she could thinkof:
"Hey there pookie bear”
—————
in eth mean while, an underage teenager gril who is Isla Vesix recived a notificatiosn that she (acc Geric Birloft) had recived a new massages on tendir.
she cackled liek a gremlin bc she crazy
then isla message back
“I am DEEPly interuigued by your, my goddess of blonde hair”
teh reply came quicker than a maths debating james window
“wow so facisnating.”
“my lady thou art so fine acc marry me”
“lmao im married bich”
“lol k”
————
Draca Milfoy was sat bc this man was so rizzy. sh was ready to leave her husband like a dad leaving for the milk. shes not comming back for her kids so they will prob gorw up really dpressed
then shr herd her hubby coming bakc. he was tyelling why the internt wwasn’t working. hes dumb, les be fr. draca kinda realise that hse hate life so she message her new bf
“babs les meet up frfr”
then she go and make her fatty husband some bagals
————
isolation is shook but also laughing
she sneds another message as geric
“my gril, com get squiffy wit me at de la alcohool place”
draca is like “oh yess my darling pookie dookie wookie lets get drunjksus”
————
Draca snkeas out in the deadass of night bc shes medium key exited
her marriage his asleep and still eating dunots in his dreams while though hes snoring bc hes a MASSIVe (low taper fade) FATTY
she unlock door and leave and run to place.
wneh she get ther sit down and wait for her babyboo geric
THEN mystaerious man comes in and sits at table with her
he has alchool and pink nails
“slay- i manen hey there queen” says geric
“oh dayum ur sso hot2
“yeah ik girlypop”
then geric get up and his wig and fake face fall off and GERIC IS A GIRL? WHAT WHO COULD SEE THAT COMING? NOT ME THATS FOR SURE
draca is like “what ur a girl?”
islamics is like “wha?t no? i have a huge dick”
draca is like “lol k”
then draca is like “yours o fit geric give me some alcol and lets get squiff togethr”
insalada is like “sure babs”
they drink SO MUCh that draca fall on the floor and spin like oo ee a e a cat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMlQfjMeVCo
she say “lets go to ur hoouse pooks”
————
illinois confused bc draca is dumb
she thinks sits brobably bc she as a dumb husband
they got o ill’s house. her mother is watching peppa pig and drinking
ilegalization is like “gurl gimme a sec”
she go in her room
————
Dracon nocks on illavesex dor bc she lowk feel horne an wanna ril tat teeny weeny gericussy bc lik said she horner tan cantus. Island opn the dor and she sees her pookie draccy wakky on te floor dressed as a mario bc se lowk get turnnd on lik leeky tap when she saw super mario movie (twnning) “cmere u 👅” she/he say as draca get her BADDIE naols and ter the skin suut but sheon car bc sh squicfy so ya. “Btw me 16” isloco sees but draca too hopped up on dat gud kush so she nonono min se ony want pregnat. Draca said “16 sades of grey 😈 👅 “ tey hop on bed and she do te roc papr SCISSORS and grab her tatas beca se horni. “Gerickky poookieeee 😩 pul ot ur 1948270458927502754930e+10^2 eenc caulk n put it in ma boodoo 🥵 “ but us u romania se doodoonot huve won so she borroed one from her blakc hod cuisin lutichi (he froote an has a big sctik) n stik (GET IT) in hor blond godesss poozy 🥵 n ten she mad tese sonds
1900 tims an she dran it al usin her boochini “RAHHHHHHHHH NGHHHHH 😩 “ she saysay lik dojo kat on her new alboom an ten tey mk the sounds ahem “🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩🔴🫸 🟣🫷🔵🤌 😏 “ an te bd brakes an t neigbhor kat die o heart atack an the burst opn lik minecraft chet bc hur penir so slay 💅
okay teh end
draca escape her marriage
Seegethfreedeth just want bagals
the end