Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

~Ash pov~

"A little... a little more... gentle..." I feel like my stomach is being pressed into my lungs. "Just a few minutes ago you said... that you like it rough." Ugh that smirk on his face... It makes him hotter.

He did slow down a bit, but started going deeper. "I believe... we have... ow... Different ideas... ow you asshole... of what gentle means..." I'm so out of breath. Although I know he will want to keep going anyway. "We do indeed." I love his laugh so much. I love HIM so much.

He leaned forward and started kissing, licking an sucking my neck and upper torso. "That will... leave bruises." He laughed a little before sucking on another spot, making me moan. "They are called hickeys darling. And I know I will leave them... that's the whole point... It's so everybody else knows... you belong to me... and me only..." He whispered in my ear seductively. Greedy and possessive bastard.

"I'm close..." I moaned out and he just smirked and straightened up, stopping for a few seconds. "Asshole." And that earned me a slap on the ass. "Congratulations, you just earned yourself a spanking." I groaned in response and he started moving again. Him and his fucking punishments.

"Or maybe.. I should wash you mouth out with soup." "Noo..." He slapped my ass again while still going. God, I'm so close... "Don't tell me what to do." He said again and I just groaned.

"You are so... beautiful." And then we both came at the same time, for the third time in a row. He finally pulled out and laid next to me. He started slowly playing with my hair as I was trying to catch my breath and calm down my heartbeat. "No one is ever going to take you away from me sweetheart, I promise you that."

I slowly turned towards him and snuggled up to his chest. He hugged me with one arm, pressing me close to him, still playing with my hair with his other. "I love you so much." He whispered and kissed my ear. "I love you too..." I mumbled as I drifted back to sleep.

I woke up at 2pm. That asshole is the reason my sleep schedule is fucked. I mean honestly who wants sex at 8 in the morning. I groaned a little as I sat up on the bed. At least he bathed me. I'm so sore I don't think I'll be able to walk properly.

I slowly get off the bed and make small steps towards the walk in closet. I put on some shorts and a t-shirt and made my way to the bathroom, so I can brush my hair that looks like a bird's nest.

After that I slowly made my way downstairs and walked into the kitchen. I warmed up the plate left for me in the microwave and sat down at the counter. Roasted salmon with a side of mac and cheese. Salmon is one of my favorite dishes, with any side. I don't think it's that good with mac and cheese, but I think he was just trying to quickly put something together for me.

I ate in silence as I scrolled TikTok on my phone. The house was silent. No one but me in it.

Sometimes I feel lonely when he's working. I'm alone for several hours. Sometimes he's gone from dusk till dawn. Those are the worst days. And when that happens it's ussualy for several days in a row. It just makes me feel so lonely. He is all I have.

I have no friends, no family.

Just him.

If something were to happen to him, I would just kill myself. There wouldn't be anything left for me, so living would be pointless.

Positive thought Ash...

I washed my plate and went back upstairs. I don't even feel like doing anything. I just wanna lay in bed.

I changed back into my pjs and got under the covers. It's still a bit cold, but summer is coming up. I hate the hot as well. There's no way to escape it. Same with the cold. There are maybe like 20 days in a year when the temperature is just perfect. Probably even less.

I just wish Alessandro was here. I moved over to the side he sleeps on and hugged his pillow tight. It smells like him...

Why does he have to work so much?

...

"... Sweetheart. Wake up." I groaned and rolled over slightly, keeping my eyes shut. I must have fallen asleep. How much time has passed?

"Hey sleepyhead, come on." I slowly opened my eyes expecting a flashbang by the sun, but the room was dimly lit, only the lamp next to the bed was on. Is it that late already?

"I'm concerned about you." He says as he sits me up. "You either don't sleep at all or sleep all the time. Is something wrong? You know you can always tell me, right? Not that you can, but you have to tell me."

I nodded and just snuggled into his chest. "So tell me what's wrong." "Nothing..." I mumbled as I pressed myself closer to him. He sighed while running his hand through my hair gently. “Don’t lie to me, okay? Because I will punish you for it, I don’t like liars. And I would also like to know if something is wrong, because you have been acting a bit weird lately.” Can he not just be quiet for a minute and let me enjoy the hug. I haven’t seen him since the morning. “Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine.”

“Okay, but you better not be lying.” What if I am? He can’t know. “Did you eat dinner?” I shook my head and pushed my head forward to his neck, where I planted a little kiss. “Then let’s get you something to eat, I can’t have you starving sweetheart.”

He stood up and held me close to him. He can carry me like I’m light as a feather. And I love it.

He carefully made his way downstairs and to the kitchen, where he placed me down on a counter. “What do you want to eat? Cereal, porridge, waffles, something else?” He asked before planting a kiss on my lips. “Can I just have a grilled cheese sandwich, please?” “Of course sweetheart.”

He quickly made the sandwich while humming some songs, they were making me sleepy. “Here you go sweetheart, one grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of chocolate milk.” He handed the plate to me and placed the tall glass on the counter to my right. I ate quickly as I didn’t want him to wait too long for me, I’m sure he is very tired.

I drank the rest of my chocolate milk and Alessandro quickly did the dishes. Then he picked me up again and carried me back upstairs, to our bathroom. He placed me on the sink as he turned on the water in the bathtub. I could use a warm bath and some cuddling right now. “I’ll be right back, I’ll just get some fresh underwear for both of us.” I nodded and he speed walked out of the bathroom. I just watched the flow of the water as I was getting more tired.

He was back quickly as he said he would be. He adjusted the temperature of the running water a little bit and when he was finally satisfied and the bath was filled enough, he turned it off. He undressed himself and then me. He picked me up and laid in the bath with me on top of him.

“What did you do today, sweetheart? Did you have a fun day?” He asked while slowly brushing my hair with his fingers. “I didn’t do much… I just missed you.” I was talking quietly, nearly falling back asleep.

“Are you still tired?” I nodded as I ran my hand from his chest to his shoulders, to hug him slightly. “Do you wanna go see a doctor? Or is it just another episode?” “Just another episode.” I answered. While I was not entirely sure it was another episode, I just assumed it was. “Okay.”

“Did you have a good day today? At work?” I probably sounded like someone on their death bed, but I was so tired. “It was alright. I had a lot of paperwork to fill out so I didn’t really leave the office. My back hurts from siting so much.” He said as he chuckled to himself. “Oh…”

He lifted my chin up gently with two of his fingers and kissed me. “Just sleep sweetheart, I’ll carry you back to bed, alright?” I nodded and placed my head back onto his chest. What did I do in my life to deserve such an amazing boyfriend? How did I score him? He could have anyone he wants, but he choose me. HE chose ME. Just the thought made me smile. Someone chose me.

“I love you.”

I heard quiet words before I drifted off to sleep, “I love you too.”

Chapter Text

~Ash pov~

I woke up in the middle of the night. Again.

Alessandro was still peacefully sleeping next to me while holding me in a hug. I was wearing my pjs again, he must’ve clothed me. Just like he said he would.

Ugh, I have a headache. No not just a headache. I got a migraine. They are the worst and they have been happening more often recently. Sometimes they get so bad I start feeling nauseous as well. And I can’t do anything to help it. Waking up with one is the worst, because I know it won’t just go away.

I tried to press my body closer to Alessandro, but I was already as close as possible. I felt cold, even though I was covered with my fluffy blanket. It barely helped the freezing cold air that was in the room. It felt like 0°C. But I knew the room was relatively warm, it was just my body that was the problem, making me believe it’s cold.

Can it be morning already? I don’t want to be awake by myself and I do not want to wake Alessandro up in the middle of the night either. He works too hard for me to just wake him up randomly in the middle of the night because I feel lonely and can’t sleep. I do hope he wakes up soon though, I just want to talk with him. About anything. I don’t care about the topic, I just want us to talk. I was too tired last night to have a proper conversation with him. I hope he doesn’t hold a grudge against me for that. Surely not, right?

No, that would be stupid. He would say I’m stupid for even thinking of that. Maybe I am stupid, I sure act like it sometimes.

"Mmm, why are you awake?" I looked up and realized he woke up. "Can't sleep... And I have a migraine." I reburied my head into his chest and sighed deeply. I just want this pain to end. "Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry. Do you want me to get you some water, make you a bath or something? Get you an icepack?"

"Just water, please." "Alright." He got up slowly and left the room quietly. He is so sweet and caring. What did I do to deserve him?

He was back pretty quickly, helping me slowly sit up and drink the water. It was just as cold as I like it. "Can we have sex?" I asked as we laid back down. He laughed a little and looked down at me. I could barely make out his face in the dark. "You wanna have sex while having a migraine?" "My migraines don't disappear no matter what, so I'm trying different methods other people say. Sex was one of them." I said quietly a little embarrassed.

"Let's try then, but let me remind you it's like 4 in the morning." He said as he got on top of me. "I can wait till morning." I don't want him to sacrifice his sleep for me, again. "No it's okay. We can have sex now." He said as he gently took off my shorts along with my underwear. He kissed my hip a few times while taking off his underwear.

He stretched out and reached for the bottle of lube on his nightstand, opening it with a soft pop. He squirted some on his fingers and placed it next to him. I closed my eyes and turned my head upwards to relax a little. Maybe this will work, nothing else seems to. He slowly pushed in one finger and I tensed up a bit.

He waited until I relaxed a little before starting to move it around. He soon added another one and started stretching me gently. He is being more gentle than usual, probably because I have a migraine. I am just waiting for something to make it stop.

I moaned as he stretched me just right and I heard him chuckle. "At least you are enjoying it." He said as he leaned over a bit and kissed my chest. "I'll make you feel real good." He whispered, now close to my ear, before he straightened up again.

He then added the third finger and stretched them all apart a few times, before taking them out. I opened my eyes and looked at him, seeing him squirt some more lube on his cock. I closed my eyes again and relaxed. Surely he will be gentle, right?

He lifted my legs up on his shoulders and pulled me closer by my waist. "You are so beautiful." He said as he slowly pushed inside. I tensed up at the sudden pressure, but he again waited until I relaxed again. "I'll be gentle, I promise."

He slowly pushed all the way in and then back out. "Are you feeling alright?" He asked as he came to a halt. "Yeah, just continue... please." "With pleasure." He says as he slammed back into me. My eyes went wide as I was not expecting that. That was in fact not gentle. He thrusted hard a few more times before slowing down. "Sorry baby, I forgot."

"So much fo going gentle..." I made that fake annoyed tone that he knows very well. "I said I'm sorry." He said as he moved his upper torso a bit closer. He took my legs off his shoulders and moved them to each side. He leaned closer and started kissing and sucking at my collarbone.

I moaned loudly as he moved his mouth down to my nipple and pinched it with his teeth, not harshly, just enough to produce a bit of pain and pleasure. "You like that?" "No..." I whispered in response, before moaning as he did it again. "Liar." He said as he laughed.

This feels so good, he feels so good inside me.

"A little... faster." I moaned out as he grabbed my cock which was slowly rising as well. "Greedy, but I'll do it for you baby, just this once." I smiled a little as I gripped the sheets tightly as he hit the good spot. "Yes yes! There..." This feels so good. "Oh... Yes!" He just chuckled at my cries of pleasure and continued doing what he was doing.

He let go of my cock and leaned towards again, making more hickeys on my neck and collarbone, even biting me once or twice, not enough to draw blood, but enough to leave a faint bruise. "Now who... is being greedy?" I asked jokingly as he was kissing and biting me like I was going to run away any moment.

He chuckled as he sucked on my other nipple, I bit back a moan, but failed as he pinched it. "Well at least... I admit it." He says as he runs his hands up and down my body possessively. "You are mine. Only mine."

He is so possessive. But also so hot. I love it.

"Ale- Master... I'm about to come..." I moaned out as he moved his tongue from my collarbone to my neck. "You have my permission." He said and went back to licking my chest and neck.

I came over both of our stomaches with a loud moan. He straightened up, thrusted a few more times and came inside as well.

He pulled out and laid down next to me, gently stroking my hair with his left hand. I slowly turned on the side to face him, even if it was hard to see in the darkness. "Did it work?" I looked at him confused until I remembered. I totally forgot we were having sex to stop my migraine. I had big doubts, but it did in fact work. The fuck?

"Yeah..." He chuckled, probably at my confused tone. "I'm glad we finally found something to help with your migraines. You feel better now?" "Yeah..." I closed my eyes again, exhaustion completely overtaking me. "Thank you..." I whispered.

"Of course baby, anytime, I don't mind. Let's get you cleaned up now and go back to sleep." "Mhm..." I clinged on to him as he carried me to the bathroom. He was still carrying me as he turned on the bath faucet to fill up the bath. I love baths. Maybe I can stay awake for a little longer? I feel bad, because I often fall asleep while bathing.

Before I realized we were already in the warm water. I must have dozed off for a minute. "Are you fighting the sleep sweetheart?" I nodded as I pulled my hands back to my chest. "Why?" He chuckled again as he moved a few loose strands of hair off my face.

"I feel bad... Cause I always fall asleep... in the bath." He chuckled again. "Oh baby, that's okay. I know you are exhausted, especially now while you are having an episode. So no need to worry about that and no need to fight your sleep."

I sighed. "But we barely see each other... Only in the evenings and mornings. Especially recently, so I just wanna make the best of it." I answered truthfully. I miss him so much when he's at work, it makes me sad and lonely.

"I know baby, I admit I've been working a lot more recently and I'm sorry about that, we are just having some problems at the moment. But I promise I will try my best to reduce my hours. That's why you have to tell me how you feel and whether there is something wrong. Because it can affect you health, both mental and physical, yeah? I just want the best for you. You are mine, therefore you are my responsibility and I want to keep you safe and healthy.”

I nodded. It was hard to process all that while being so tired. But he talked so softly. I love him so much...

"I miss you a lot... when you are at work. I feel lonely." He kissed the top of my head before speaking again. "Thank you for telling me baby, I promise I will try to do better. But you do have to promise me you will tell me stuff like this, because I cannot read your thoughts in that beautiful head of yours. And you need to tell me as quick as possible, because I can feel this has been going on for a while. So next time tell me sooner, promise?" "Promise." I whispered as I pressed myself closer to him.

"Okay, I'm going to dry off now and then I'll do the same with you." "Can we just stay like this... for a few more minutes?" I asked hesitantly. "Of course baby." I hope this isn't an inconvenience to him, I know it's like 5 in the morning now.

After a few minutes, he slowly moved me to the side and got out of the bath. He dried himself off and then gently lifted me. I clutched to him tightly as I shivered from the sudden cold. He wrapped a warmed up towel around me. He quickly dried me off and walked us back to the bed.

He put on fresh underwear on me as well as my pjs. He tucked me in and then went to dress himself. When he came back he pulled me closer to him and I didn't resist at all. I pressed myself even closer, feeling the cold sipping in around me. "Are you cold?" I nodded. He reached for the remote on his nightstand and turned on the air conditioning, putting it on 26°C. He then adjusted the blanket so I was fully covered and pressed against him.

"Stop fighting the sleep now, okay? Go to sleep and rest up, you need it. But if something is bothering you, you wake me up, okay?" "Okay."

He kissed the top of my head and ran his hand through my hair in attempt to get me back to sleep. And it worked pretty quickly...

Chapter Text

~Ash pov~

I woke up in the morning, this time feeling warm and comfortable. No headache present. This is heaven, no pain, just comfort. Although I'm pretty sure it's going to hurt when I get up, because as gentle as he was trying to be, I don't think it was enough.

I slowly opened my eyes, expecting to be blinded by the sun, but the room was still pretty dark. Did I sleep the whole day? I looked up and realized Alessandro was still in bed, looking down at me. Shit. Did I really sleep through the whole day?

"Good morning sleepyhead, did you sleep well?" He asked after planting a kiss on my lips. My confusion grew stronger with each passing second. "Did I sleep through the day?" If I did, there is probably something actually wrong.

He chuckled again and replied. "No baby, it's like 11am. I took the day off to be with you." My head perked up and a smile grew on my face. "Really? You are staying home?" "Yes, I do have a video conference I have to attend at 2:45 pm, but that's it, no other work today."

I burried my head back into his chest and hugged him tight. "I love you so much." I mumbled as he hugged me back. "I love you too baby, I love you too.” He is so nice to me.

"Let's get up now and eat dome breakfast, no need to change, you can stay in your pjs. I have a fun day planned ahead of us, while keeping in mind that you need to rest." He got up, placing me down gently on the bed while he went to dress up. He came back dressed up, with a pair of socks in his hand. He put them on my feet and then picked me up.

He carried me downstairs and placed me down on the counter. "Bacon and Waffles?" He asked as he looked through the fridge. "Yes please!" He smiled and took out all the ingredients for the waffle batter. He put on some music and started making the batter.

He finished quickly, occasionally patting my thigh or planting a kiss on my hand or mouth. I love cooking and baking, but at the moment I can't do it, this stupid illness.

"You okay baby?" He asked while taking the bacon out of the fridge. "Yeah... Just a little sad..." He stopped what he was doing and came over to me, leaning on the counter by placing his hands on either side of me. "Why?" I shrugged a little and thought for a moment, how to word my problems.

"I just wanna cook and bake... But I can't because of this stupid body." I said, hitting my own tight with my fist, which he pulled away immediately after. "What did we say about hurting yourself?" His voice was now stern. I mumbled a quiet sorry before he continued. "I know it's frustrating, but you just have to wait it out. And then we'll bake anything you want, yeah? And no hurting yourself, understood?"

"Yeah." I mumbled again as I leaned closer for a hug. He hugged me back gently and pressed a kiss on my forehead. "You can wash the raspberries if you want? I can move you to the sink." I nodded. I wanted to be at least a bit useful.

He moved me over to the sink and handed me the raspberries. He then went over to the stove and warmed up the pan and the waffle maker next to the stove. I quickly washed the raspberries, taste testing one of them in the process. They were sweet. Then I just sat back and watched Alessandro make waffles and bacon.

When he was done, he took two plates and placed two waffles and 8 bacon strips on each plate. He poured some mapple syrup on the waffles, then added some whipped cream and the raspberries. Then he placed them on the kitchen island, along with two forks and knives. He also added a cup of coffee and a cup of white hot chocolate, which I didn't even notice he made.

He then came back to me and carried me to the kitchen island. He sat down next to me, kissing my hand before we started eating.

When did he bring glasses of water here? God, my focus is shit right now.

The food was heavenly. Delicious. He knows how to cook well. "Do you like it?" "Yes! Thank you.” "You are welcome baby, I'm glad you like it.”

When we finished eating, he cleaned up and he carried me back upstairs. We laid back in the bed and he put on the series we were watching recently.

The entire time I laid on his chest while he was combing my hair with his fingers.

After the episode ended he paused the TV and gently lifted my chin to look at him. "Tomorrow we will carry out that punishment, from yesterday." I groaned and turned my head downwards, not looking at him anymore. "Don't be like this Ash, you did something wrong and you have to be punished. I did also not forget that you lied to me, so you will be punished for that as well. But I haven't decided how I'll punish you yet."

"I didn't lie!" I sat up and said. "First of all, don't raise your voice at me. Second of all, you did lie, twice. When I asked you what's wrong, you said nothing. Twice. So you did lie. And don't pout like a child, because I will put you in a diaper and feed you warm milk." I turned my head around offended. That's mean.

"I'm not acting like a child! I'm upset!" "You are literally throwing a tantrum right now. Look at me and let's talk this out." He pulled me closer, so I was sitting on his lap. He made me look at him, before he continued. "Tell me why are you upset?"

"You are never home! And-" "Stop yelling." His voice was deep and stern, the look on his face serious. "You are never home and it upsets me. And when you are home you punish me for stuff I do or say." I said, now quietly, looking down at my lap.

"That's not true baby. I'm rarely home, that is true, but I don't punish you all the time. I only do it when you break the rules I set for you. Sometimes I even turn a blind eye if it's a minor offence. I don't wanna punish you, but I have to. You surrendered yourself to me, that means I have to care for you, for your psychological and physical wellbeing, I have to make correct choices for you and I have an obligation to keep you safe. And those rules and punishments are for your own good. I just want what's best for you."

I sighed and rested my head on his chest. I'm not going to lie, he is kind of right. But I didn't want to lie to him, I don't know why I did it. "I don't know why I lied..."

"That's okay baby, don't do it again. But I will have to punish you for it. Because that lie was a serious matter for your mental health." I nodded while fidgeting with my fingers.

"Will I be punished... For this?" I asked hesitantly. I don't want three punishments at once. "For what?" "This conversation..."

"No baby. That was a conversation we had to had and I'm glad you voiced your opinion. You would've gotten a punishment if you kept yelling, but you didn't, you behaved after I reminded you." I nodded again and sighed. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow at all.

"But don't throw tantrums like this again, because your punishment will be wearing a diaper." I groaned and made a disgusted face. "So behave, yeah?" I nodded.

"Also don't be scared and anxious for tomorrow now. Whatever I decide for your punishment, will not be extreme, one offence was small, the other was quite serious, but I will go easy on you, because you are not in a proper state of mind and because you are sick. So don't be anxious about it, okay?" "Okay..."

"Do you want to watch another episode now?" "Yeah." We lied back down and he unpaused the TV.

We watched two more episodes before he had to go to his office for the online meeting. I sat up against the headboard and took my tablet. I loaded on HayDay and played that for 30 minutes, until Alessandro was finished with his meeting.

He came back in the room and sat on the bed. "Do you wanna rest on the couch while I make us lunch?” "Yeah." I grabbed my teddy bear and the tablet before he picked me up and carried me downstairs. He placed me down on the couch, covered me with a blanket, cranked up the AC and turned on the TV for me.

"If you need anything just yell out for me. I'll also bring you some water, you barely drank anything today.” I nodded as I took the remote from him and put on some police bodycams on youtube and opened a coloring app on my tablet. Maybe I do act like a child sometimes. Doing things such as coloring...

He put the glass of water on the coffee table and kissed me before making his way back to the kitchen.

Some people are so stupid. Why do they turn a ticket into a felony charge? Like how can somebody be so stupid. Instead of getting a ticket and paying a small fine, they get themselves to jail and several years in prison, over something so stupid.

I'm still anxious about tomorrow, even though he told me not to be. I don't like when he tells me in advance like that, because it just makes me stressed. I know he's not going to hurt me badly, but still, I am scared.

I keep thinking of my previous punishments and there's never any pattern. I never know what he'll do and I think he does that on purpose, so I can't get used to a pattern or something. It's annoying. He could've at least told me what he is planning to do. Ugh.

I'm feeling dizzy and my head is starting to hurt. Stress and dehydration, I'm guessing. I just need to calm down and drink the water. I drank the whole glass before placing it back down onto the coffee table.

"Are you hungry baby?" Alessandro asked as he came to the living room with two glasses of water and silverware. "Yes, will food be done soon?" "Yes, just five more minutes. We are going to eat here. Is that alright?" I nodded and went back to coloring as he walked off. He came back a few minutes later with two plates.

"We've got fried chicken and bacon burgers, tater tots and fries." He handed me a plate and sat down next to me. "Thank you." He just smiled at me and started eating.

We watched some more bodycam footage while we were eating, occasionally commenting on the actions of the involved.

He cleaned up after us and then came back to cuddle with me on the couch. "Are you full? Or still hungry?" "I'm not hungry." "Alright."

We just stayed there for some time, in silence, until I worked up the courage to ask him something. "You are not gonna hurt me badly, right?" I asked. He sat up slowly and pulled me onto his lap.

"What do you mean? I'd never hurt you." He had a look of concern and seriousness on his face. "I mean...like tomorrow when you are gonna punish me... you are not gonna hurt me badly, right?" His face softened a bit.

"Baby, I told you not to worry about it. It's not going to be anything, that we haven't done before." I sighed and looked up at him. "But sometimes... it hurts a lot." "Yeah, you know very serious offences get stricter punishments. Sure one offence was pretty bad, but I'm not going to whip you for it. You are gonna get a spanking. It will leave marks but it won't draw blood or bruise you. And then something else with that. And after the punishment, I'll give you a bath and we'll take care of the markings, just like always. Nothing bad is going to happen sweetheart. You will face the consequences of braking the rules and then we'll continue with our life. Okay?"

"Okay.”

"Just don't stress about it, okay? You already know the drill and it's not going to be that bad. Plus you are sick, I'll be even more lenient." I nodded and pressed my head against his chest. "Just ease your mind and don't think about tomorrow. We'll do what we'll have to tomorrow, but for now just relax and don't think about it. Let's enjoy the rest of the day we have together. I have tomorrow off as well, so I can take care of you after you complete the punishment and make sure you don't go into sub drop. We'll relax for the rest of the day tomorrow and do something you want to do. So just don't think about it."

Easier said than done...

Chapter Text

~Ash pov~

He waited for an hour after breakfast until he carried me to the red room. He carefully leaned me over on the spanking bench and got my feet into position. He did the straps on my legs and then on my arms as well. Then he fastened the straps over my back and walked away to get something.

He squatted down in front of me and I noticed a bit gag in his hand. "Do you remember the safe word?” I nodded my head, already wanting to cry. I hate punishments. "I need your verbal confirmation. Do you remember the safe word?" "Yes..." He nodded and put the gag in my mouth and fastened it behind my head. Then he also placed a blindfold, I didn't even notice he had, over my eyes.

I let out a shaky breath and let a few tears fall. He checked the straps again, he wanted them tight, but not too tight and the suddenly his touch left my body. I could hear him moving around, getting something. Soon I heard him get back to me.

Suddenly I felt his hands on my neck and then leather being pressed against my skin. A collar. He secured it, so it was tight around my neck, but not enough to choke me. Then I heard him attach a chain and pull my head forward and downwards, securing it in place.

"Can you breathe normally?" I tried to nod but then remembered that I can't. "Vbyeahh." "Alright." I hear him move away from me again, to get something else.

When he came back he placed one of his hands on my lower back, making me flinch. What made me flinch even more was a drop of cold liquid directly on my ass. Then he remove his hand and placed a finger on top of my hole, making small circles until he finally inserted a finger. He was gentle while doing it.

"I will put a carved ginger root up your ass and then you will be spanked 10 times. You do not have to count. After that I will leave the ginger in your ass for another 10 minutes until you will be spanked another 10 times. Again you do not have to count. After that I will remove the ginger, undo the restraints and you will be forgiven."

Why? Why the fucking ginger again. I hate that shit. It doesn't do any damage but it hurts like a bitch, especially if you are getting spanked.

He removed his finger and replaced it with the raw ginger root. I hissed in pain and struggled against the restraints. I hate it, I hate it. He pushed it farther in and it made me groan a few times until he finally let it be. "I'm going to count out loud for you, if it becomes too much, yell out the safe word, I will be listening." He said before he gently tapped the paddle on my ass cheeks.

He pulled it back and then I felt a sudden pain on my ass as well as inside, because I squeezed my ass. "One." I shut my eyes even if I couldn't see anything anyway. It was getting hard to breath.

And I felt another blow. "Two.” He is much more gentle that usual, but it still hurts a lot. "Three... four... five." He did three of them immediately one after another. He never has a pattern when spanking so he can catch me of guard.

"Six." Tears started flowing down my face as I struggled against the restraints. "Seven." It hurts so much. "Eight... nine." Not the quick blows again.

"Ten."

Finally. Oh wait...

There's more.

"I will start a ten minute timer now and then we will continue with the last ten spanks." I heard him move away and sit down, probably starting the timer on his phone.

The ten minutes were agonizing. The ginger root was pressing against my inner walls and it's juice was making me go insane. It hurts so bad. It was hard to move with the tight restraints, but every milimeter of moving hurt regardless. There was no position where I'd be a tad bit more comfortable.

Finally I heard the timer go off and I let out a small sigh of relief. It wasn't fully over yet, but I was glad it was getting closer to the end. "The last 10 strokes now."

He landed the first one immediately, without any warning. "One." Ugh it stings. He rubbed his hand over my ass cheeks making me wince in pain. It did hurt. "Two... Three... Four... Five... Six." Why 5 of them so quickly?! I can’t catch my breath properly.

"Seven... Eight." Ugh please let it be over already. "Nine." Ow! "Ten."

I sighed in relief, but I could still feel the ginger root in my anal cavity. "Good job baby, you are forgiven. You did good." He gently pulled the root out and I'm guessing tossed it somewhere. I could smell him disinfecting his hands and then he came up to my face. He took off my blindfold and unchained the collar.

I blinked a few times trying to get used to seeing again. Then he took out the gag and took off the collar completely. "You did good baby." He wiped the droll off my face and then undid all the other restraints. He slowly picked me up and pressed me close to his chest. I was still trying to catch my breath and stop the flowing tears.

"Let's get you washed up and taken care of." He carried me out of the room and back to our bathroom. He kept holding and comforting me while waiting for the bathtub to fill up. "You okay baby?" I sobbed into his chest but stayed quiet. "Did you need to safe word and felt too scared to?" I shook my head as I pressed my head into his neck.

I don't even know why I'm crying and sobbing like this. "It's okay baby, let's get you into this nice warm bath." He slowly lowered me into the filled bathtub. "Is the temperature okay?” I nodded as I sobbed again and wiped my snot off my face.

"I'm going to wash your hair as well, so you can feel freshened up. Do you want some water to drink?" "Please..." My voice was shaky, but I was slowly calming down. We keep water bottles in the bathroom just in case, so he took one of them, opened it and helped me drink some of it.

"Which shampoo do you want me to use?" He was stroking my hair trying to calm me down and stop me from sobbing. "Uhm... coconut..." "Alright, I'll get the conditioner as well." He took two bottles from the shampoo cabinet and placed them down next to where he was sitting on the tub.

"I warmed up the room, so we can cuddle after the bath and take care of your injuries." He carefully wet my hair, making sure no water gets in my eyes. "I... I think... I split my lip... Uhm... Open..." He looked at my lips and nodded. "I know, I noticed when I was taking the gag off, I'll take care of that too, don't worry."

When he was satisfied, he put some shampoo on his hand and massaged it into my hair. My tears were slowly starting to dry and I was breathing normally again.

Like always he was very careful, trying to prevent any water or shampoo to enter my eyes.

After he was done with washing my hair, which I enjoyed, he washed the rest of my body, then took me out and dried me off.

He drained the tub and went to place me onto the bed. He was right, the room was nicely warm. He made a quick trip to the closet and came back with a few items of clothing. He dressed me in one of his hoodies, which he know I love, and then told me to lie on my stomach. He gently put some cream on my ass cheeks and my hole, so I won't be too sore.

"I'll be right back, I'm just going to get you an icepack, there is a small bruise forming." I nodded and he quickly covered me with one of the blankets. He was back quickly placing the icepack on the nightstand. He took the blanket off and put some underwear and shorts on me.

He pulled me closer to him as he positioned us on the bed, taking the icepack and gently pressing it to my left ass cheek while cuddling me. He even covered us with a fluffy blanket and I burried my face into his chest.

"What do you want to eat for lunch? I can make us something or we can order some food." "Uhm... Can we order some... Uhm... Sweet and sour chicken... And spring rolls?" Honestly I've been craving it for a while, but I never asked to order it. "Of course we can. Are you hungry already?" "No..."

We cuddled some more in silence. I enjoyed the warmness and comfortable position.

"How are you feeling?" He asked after what felt like forever in silence. "I... I don't know..." I said as tears started falling from my eyes again. "I don't know...And... Umh and I... Uhm don't know why... I don't know..." I said before I started sobbing once again.

"Hey baby, it's okay. I'm glad you are being honest with me. You're experiencing sub drop, the feeling is normal, alright? It's gonna be okay, it will pass in a day or two. Sadly I don't have tomorrow off, but I made sure my day will be short. I'll be gone from 7 am to about 2:30 - 3 pm. Then I'll be yours for the rest of the day." I nodded slightly and he softly wiped my tears.

"You are off... Uhm today?" "Yes, I'm home today, the entire day. But if you need to take a break from me, just tell me." I nodded and started fidgeting with my fingers. "Do you wang to continue cuddling or do you want to do something else?" "Cuddle... But I wanna turn around..."

He removed the icepack from my ass and tossed it to the side. He helped me turn on my right side and then pressed me back up against his chest.

I missed cuddling with him, we barely ever have the time. "Does your ass hurt?" I shook my head. "Good, I put on some numbing cream while I was applying ointment." "Thank you..."

We continued cuddling, moving positions every once in a while, until he pulled out his phone. "I'm going to order us some food now. Do you want to move downstairs to the couch? Or stay here?" He asked as he pulled up the delivery app on his phone. "Stay here..." "Alright."

He ordered and then turned on the TV. "Can I get us something to drink sweetheart?" I nodded and he gently moved me aside. He left the room, but was back quickly, with two bottles of water and two cans of coke. "Here you go baby, you haven't been drinking enough recently." He opened both for me, handed me the water and placed the can on the nightstand on my side of the bed.

"Is the series okay or do you want to watch something else?” "It's okay." He pulled me back onto his lap and we just watched in silence again until the food arrived. He ordered a lot.

I ate my chicken and rice in peace along with the delicious spring rolls. The meal was delicious and I was starting to feel better, but also tired.

"May I go to sleep now? I'm tired." "Of course baby, do you want me to wake you up for dinner or let you sleep?" I though for a while. He would probably prefer that I'd eat dinner. "Wake me up please." "Alright."

I got off his lap and laid down, covering myself with a warm blanket. He stroked my hair until I fell asleep...

Chapter Text

~Ash pov~

I woke up feeling horrible, as if I were hit by a truck. Great. I knew I was feeling too good yesterday.

And it's so cold...

I tried to get Alessandro's blanket from his side, but I could barely lift my hand, much less pull the blanket. Fuck... It's bad. Really bad.

I need to text him.

I tried to turn on my side, but couldn't. It's really really bad. I need to try again slowly.

I put my left hand over my stomach and positioned the right one to pull up slightly. I slowly rolled over nearly out of breath. I hate this. I reached my phone and pulled it towards me. I messaged Alessandro that I'm not feeling well and put it back down next to my head. I'm just hoping that he i not in a meeting and that he'll see the massage soon.

I think I'm going to throw up. Everything hurts so bad. I don't know if there's someone in the house who could help me. Sometimes we have maids, sometimes we don't. There are always guards outside, but they have to stand their posts.

I don't want to go to the hospital again, last time it got this bad, I had to stay at the hospital for two weeks.

I hate my life.

Why couldn't my mom abort me? I know she wanted to.

I really don't want to throw up on the bed, because that will just leave Alessandro to change the sheets while having to take care of me.

Suddenly I was hit by a splitting headache and everything became a blur...

"... sweetheart?" "Mhmm." I slowly opened my eyes, instantly feeling the still present. I don't even know when I fell asleep. "Come on baby, sit up." It was so hard to move... So hard to breathe...

When I wouldn't sit up, he pulled me up himself and leaned me onto him. My limbs felt pretty numb and I couldn't even move my fingers properly. "Come on spit it out." Spit what out? He harshly grabbed my jaw and started shaking my head and forcing my mouth open. I was so confused, but couldn't resist.

After about 10 seconds he stopped and leaned me back onto him. "You did good baby, you did good. Let's give you a bath, yeah?" I couldn't answer that. Why do I need a bath tho?

He carried me to the bathroom, keeping me in his arms while turning on the faucet on the bath tub. He gently took off my clothes, making sure my head was supported properly, because I couldn't hold it up by myself. "It's going to be okay baby, I'll take care of you." I know he will...

I must have blacked out, because the next time I opened my eyes I was submerged in warm water. "Hey baby, just relax. I'll take care of everything. When we come back to the room I'll lay you on the couch for a bit so I can change the sheets, alright?" Why does he have to change the sheets? Did I throw up?

He must have seen the confusion on my face because he provided me with an answer. "You puked while unconscious, you almost choked on it too. That's why I was shaking you earlier, your mouth and airway were slightly blocked, I could hear you wheeze." Oh... I hoped I didn't throw up so he wouldn't have to clean as well...

When he was done bathing me, he tightly wrapped me in a towel and placed me down on the couch. "I'll just change the sheets and open the windows. I'll be quick."

I blacked out again, waking up on the bed, with Alessandro keeping me close to him. I still can't move.

"Do you want to go to the hospital?" He kept his voice low and quiet. I wanted to yell no and shake my head, but again wasn't able to. "I should take you. You can't even move." No...

I think he saw the sadness in my eyes as I heard him sigh. "I'll wait until the evening, okay? If you won't get at least a little bit better I'll have to take you. You'll only get worse if you don't get the help you need sweetheart. Don't worry, I'll be with you."

I deeply sighed and closed my eyes again. "Will you try to drink some water?" I would definitely like to. He sat me up against his chest and reached for a bottle of water. He gently parted my lips and tilted the water bottle to my mouth. I drank slowly, sip by sip. He let me drink about half the bottle before he placed the water bottle back down and wiped my lips.

"Do you want to eat something?" As much as I could, I tried to shake my head, succeeding slightly. "Alright, you don't have to." He kissed my forehead and laid me back down on the bed. "I'll be right back, I just have to go to the bathroom." He slid off the bed and basically ran to the bathroom. I internally laughed and patiently waited for him.

When he returned he switched on the TV and pulled me into his lap. He put on a random youtube video and we watched that until I fell back asleep.

When I woke up I was alone in the bed again. But I could move a little. I could move my head and hands. At least something. Maybe it'll be enough for Alessandro not to take me to the hospital.

But where is he? Did he have to go back to work? Or is he just doing something around the house?

But why would he leave me in a state like this?

Just stop it Ash, the world doesn't revolve around you. He doesn't have to be with me all the time, he has his own life. Why am I being so selfish? I would do him a favor if I'd just die instead of being here sick. He at least wouldn't have to worry about me or take care of me. He would have a life free of me. Free of having me as a burden...

Should I just go throw myself off the balcony? But would that kill me? Probably not, it's not far enough unless I land directly onto my head and break my neck.

I could just eat a bunch of sleeping pills. But the last time I tried that it failed. And I got a huge lecture about how my life is important and all that bullshit.

"Hey sweetheart, I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up. I just went to eat something real quick." He had to rush eating because of me again... Why can't I just either be able to take care of myself or as I said just die. Why does life have to be so complicated?

"Are you feeling better?" I nodded slightly and forced a small smile. "Okay, you do seem to be a bit better. How about we get you something to eat?” I nodded again and he sat me up. "How about I make you some soup?" I shook my head. I hate soups and he knows it.

"Alright, how about some porridge?" This time I nodded and he picked me up. He carried me downstairs and placed me down on the couch. Only now I've realized that it was already dark outside. How long have I been asleep for? Days like this mess up my mental timeline so bad.

"I will make you dinner quickly and then we can watch something while I feed you." I nodded again as he covered me with a blanket. 'But I'll turn the TV on for you, of you want to watch it." I gripped my teddy hard, only to realize I didn't have him with me anymore. My eyes widened and I teared up. "Baby, what's wrong? Why are you crying now?" "Te...Teddy..." He let out a deep sigh and a chuckle. "I'll go get him."

He was back quickly, handing my teddy bear over to me. "Here you go." He then put on youtube and pulled up a random police bodycam video, because he knows I like them. He then walked towards the kitchen.

I clutched my Teddy tightly and started watching the video.

He soon came back with a bowl of fresh porridge with some chocolate and raspberries. He slowly fed me, making sure I was feeling alright every few spoons.

I ate mostly everything, leaving only a few spoons. I was starting to feel nauseous, so I thought it would be better to stop eating. He ate all the porridge I left and then went to wash all the dishes while I continued to lay on the couch and watch TV.

After he was done he came to cuddle with me on the couch. "I took the next two days off, I'm going to take off more days in case that will be needed. I'll be here for you when you need me."

I just let out a quiet 'mhm' and snuggled into his chest. I enjoyed the warmth of his body. I love how he holds me. I love when he holds me so close to his chest. He makes me feel so warm, safe and loved. He gives me a feeling of belonging. Like I belong to him. Some would say it's bad to feel like someone owns you, like you belong to someone. But for me it's the best thing possible. He makes all the hard choices for me, he keeps me safe, he takes care of me. He is all I could ever ask for if I'm being honest.

He started running his hand through my hair in attempt to make me sleepy. It worked very well because I fell asleep in a span of few minutes.

Chapter Text

~Ash pov~

I woke up with another headache, but this time in the warm embrace of my man. My man... This sounds so nice to think or say.

"Good morning sleepy head. Are you feeling better today?" I shrugged and pulled myself closer to him. I did feel a little bit better. I could move, I could pull myself closer to him. So yeah, I was a bit better. But I still felt the joint and muscle pain along side my headache.

"I'm better..." I mumbled into his chest and inhaled his scent. He always smells good. "I'm glad to hear that. How about we lay in bed for a little longer and then we get you some breakfast? You barely ate anything yesterday." I let out a 'mhm' and closed my eyes again, enjoying the moment. I can fully relax in his presence.

After a little while he slowly took his arms off me and got up. I immediately started longing for his touch, but I was also aware that we have to get up eventually. The longer we'd delay it, the less we'd have the will to get up.

He came back dressed and with some clothes for me in his left hand. He sat me up and removed my Pjs. Then he gently put a warm oversized hoddie on me and some shorts. I prefer wearing shorts and a hoddie over anything else. Most of my clothes are hoodies and shorts. He then gave me some fluffy socks.

He then picked me up and carried me downstairs to the couch. Same as yesterday, he placed me down and turned on the TV for me. He then kissed my forehead and walked towards the kitchen.

A wave of loneliness hit as soon as he left my sight. I'm always so dramatic and depressed when I'm sick. Every single time. And I dislike it so bad. Like why am I so dramatic about him leaving the room. I know he is going to come back and that he is just about 25 meters away from me, but that wave of loneliness and depressing thoughts hits me still.

I watched about two videos before he came back balancing two plates of food, a cup of coffee, a cup of hot chocolate and utensils in his hands. He made us hard boiled eggs, bacon and some French toast. He likes to make us both salty and sweet breakfast. I honestly like that. He placed a plate on my lap and placed the rest on the coffee table. He handed me a fork and a butter knife and left again, probably to get some water.

I was right. He came back with two tall glasses of water and placed them on the coffee table with everything else. "I made you some white hot chocolate with whipped cream and mini marshmallows.” I smiled a little. "Thank you." He made me my favorite type of hot chocolate.

"Do you need me to help you eat?" I shook my head and started eating slowly. The bacon was perfectly crispy. I honestly love bacon.

I still don't have the best appetite, but I did eat all the bacon and some of the rest. I ate about half a plate and drank the hot chocolate and the whole glass of water.

"You done baby?" I nodded and set the plate aside. "Alright, I'm glad you ate something. I'll get you some more water, then I'm going to wash the dishes and then we can do whatever you want." He took the plates and the glasses and carried everything to the kitchen. How can he balance so many things at once?

He came back with a bottle of water and placed it next to me on the couch. Then he kissed my forehead and returned to the kitchen.

I watched two more videos until he finally returned. He jumped up on the couch right next to me and hugged me tight. "What do you want to do now sweetheart?" I shrugged. I was thinking about it while he was washing the dishes, but I still don't know what I want to do. "Don't know... yet." He chuckled a little and pet my head. "Okay, tell me when you do." I nodded and pressed my head into his neck.

What should we do? Or what can I do in this state? Basically nothing. I would love to bake right now, but I can't because of how weak I am right now. I don't just want to watch movies and rot in bed either. I do that all the time anyway. I want to actually do something.

"Could we like... Um... Do some board games? Or something?” I was a little hesitant about asking that. We rarely play board games and stuff. "Of course baby. What do you want me to get?"

"Wait... could we do puzzles? I actually want to... Um... Do that.” "Of course baby, I'll get us some sets and then we'll do whichever one you want to. He kissed my forehead and went to grab the puzzle sets.

He came back quickly with five big boxes in hands. "Wait I'll pull out the couch so we can do it on it. Meanwhile you can choose which one you want to do." I nodded and looked through the puzzles he set down in from of me.

I picked a 800 piece puzzle that featured mountains and a sunset. It looks like a beautiful puzzle. After he pulled the couch out he placed a big plastic piece on it for the support. "You choose that one? Nice."

We opened the box and separated all the side pieces from the others. It took quite a while, but it was nice. Then we built the frame and began trying to fit the pieces.

We did about 100 pieces before it was time to start cooking lunch. The puzzle does take time, but it's a nice activity. "Can I help you?" I asked when Alessandro stood up to go to the kitchen. "Of course you can baby. Do you have any special wishes as to what we should make?" I shook my head as he picked me up. "Alright."

He carried me to the kitchen and placed me on one of the counters. "What should we eat?" He turned to me after looking around the kitchen. "Can we... Um make hamburgers... But with chicken patties?" "Yeah of course. With fries or stuffed potatoes?" "Stuffed potatoes." He smiled and went to grab the ingredients.

He put a pot with potatoes on the stove to boil them and then he started getting stuff for the stuffing. "I made some extra bacon in the morning because I was planning to make stuffed potatoes anyway. Do you want to chop it?" I nodded and he handed me a cutting board and the container with bacon.

I did as told while he was preparing the rest of the stuffing. We made it quickly. It's just bacon, cheese, some peppers and mushrooms. The only thing missing is just a little bit of potatoes mixed in it.

He laid out a pan with baking paper and set it aside. He told me to slice the burger buns, because we don't buy them pre-sliced.

When the potatoes were done I finished the stuffing and filling the potatoes while he put the chicken patties on the hot pan. He put the potatoes in the oven and went back to the stove to keep an eye on the chicken patties.

And again I was just sitting here doing nothing. But at least I contributed, so I don't feel as useless as usual. I can't wait for this episode to pass so I can go back to baking.

I love baking. It makes me feel relaxed and much less lonely. I do it slowly so I can enjoy every second of it and sometimes even lose track of time. Alessandro also likes when he come home and there's random stuff baked to eat. He has a bit of a sweet tooth.

When the patties were ready he made the burgers and set them aside. The potatoes were also done at the perfect time. He gave us each a hamburger and a potato. I thought he'd eat more, he usually does. He might grab seconds later though.

He caried the plates to the table along with two glasses of water and came back for me. We ate mostly in silence except for some occasional small talk. I ate nearly everything I had on my plate, but my stomach was still a bit upset. I'm not surprised to be honest.

After that we settled back on the couch and continued with the puzzle. I was getting dizzy through time. I guess too much activity at this time. I haven't even done that much...

This is so stupid.

"Do you need a nap?” I was suddenly asked. I looked at him a bit confused. "You look like you need it. You are swaying a bit and holding your head." I nodded slightly. The headache from the morning was still present.

"Let's get you to bed, we can continue later or tomorrow." I nodded again as he picked me up and carried me upstairs. He changed me back into my pajamas and tucked me into bed like a toddler. Well at this point I am as useful as a toddler.

"I'll just get my laptop to do some work while I’m with you, okay?” "Okay." He left, probably to his office, that's where he usually keeps his laptop. I feel so bad that I'm keeping him off work just because I have an immune system of a gold fish and have more illnesses then there are people in China. That is an exaggeration, but yeah.

"You feel comfortable like this?" He asked when I placed my head right next to his thigh. "Yeah.” "Alright, I'll do my best to keep as quiet as possible. And you take your time and rest."

I quickly fell asleep hoping the headache would be gone by the time I wake up. I was optimistic about it, but they say hope dies last.