Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Astarion never talked to anyone in camp.

Well, alright, that wasn’t strictly true.

He would pipe up every now and again with a sarcastic quip, superficial flirtatious double entendres, and the occasional grumble to confirm he wasn’t seriously injured after a fight.

But it was never anything meaningful.

The group didn’t really know him, as it were. He was a vampire, who shared the group’s tadpole affliction, and he had some “unfinished business” in Baldur’s Gate to take care of once the tadpole problem was resolved.

That was it.

And that baffled Halsin to no end.

Clearly, Astarion was also at least part elf (Halsin reckoned a full elf), but he didn’t seem to possess the inclination for larger groups that many elves did. He spoke of no siblings, no parents nor family, no customs and traditions. Nothing.

Yet he seemed old enough to have been through multiple lifetimes. Halsin guessed he was turned rather young, in that case.

Halsin wanted to get to know their dear companion more. He felt this strange pull towards the vampire that he couldn’t fully explain. However, whenever he tried to engage Astarion in conversation, or even spend time with him quietly, he simply found one way or another to withdraw. When seeking guidance from the Oakfather, all Halsin got in response was to follow that pull and see where it leads.

And thank Silvanus he did. Or else he might have never been presented with the opportunity to get to know his companion.

The group had set up camp for the night, not too far out from Baldur’s Gate. Halsin had believed everyone else had gone to sleep, and was prepared to settle into his own restful trance, when he heard some shuffling outside of his tent. He quietly moved, peeking his head out, just in time to see Astarion heading off… somewhere. Halsin couldn’t quite gauge where from the direction alone.

That was strange. Astarion had already fed that evening. Perhaps he was still hungry?

But Halsin felt that pull towards the vampire so strongly, that he wasn’t convinced by his own explanation. So, he did as the Oakfather guided, and followed to see where he would end up.

Halsin ensures to keep a good distance away, knowing Astarion would hear him if he got too close. Many people think that due to Halsin’s larger size, he cannot travel quietly. However, one key skill a predator needs is being able to sneak up on prey. He could be stealthy when the occasion called for it.

He watches curiously as Astarion heads towards what appears to be some form of abandoned building. He quickly glances around before ducking inside. Halsin sneaks closer until he is near the entrance, listening closely.

“Hello my furry friends. It has been a while, hasn’t it?”

Who is Astarion speaking to?

Halsin’s question is quickly answered when he hears the movement of lots of small sets of feet, and many mrows, happy chirps, and purring.

Cats?

Halsin can hardly resist peering inside, and indeed, he sees Astarion crouched on the floor, surrounded by a colony of stray cats.

Halsin didn’t take Astarion for the type to enjoy animal companions, especially considering his scorn when the others adopted theirs.

“I’ve been on quite the adventure since my last visit. I apologise for being gone for so long. Of course, I haven’t forgotten to bring you all something to eat.”

Halsin hears Astarion giggle - yes, giggle - at the reaction from the felines around him, a chorus of meows ringing out in the building clear as day. He watches as Astarion sets down some rabbits for the cats to feast on, before heading over to a small pile of dusty blankets and cushions to sit down on. Some cats, evidently not interested in the offered meal, head over, and Astarion lavishes affection on them, not even complaining when one settles on his lap.

“I’m not sure you will all believe the tale I have to tell. It is rather unbelievable. You see, it was a completely ordinary day, I was out hunting for my master-”

Master? Does he mean the vampire who turned him? And what was he hunting for?

Halsin, in that moment, makes an extremely impulsive decision. He moves away from the front door as a gentle golden light envelops him, and out of that golden light steps a cat.

If Astarion was going to talk to the cats, perhaps he won’t mind talking to a cat who also happens to be… well, Halsin.

Halsin slips inside the building, and simply weaves his way through the colony, settling to lie down not too far away from Astarion, so he can still hear him, but not too close to seem suspicious or let Astarion look at him too closely. Halsin listens enraptured as Astarion recounts his tale of how he came to be with the tadpole, and how he came to travel with his current companions, and the subsequent adventures they have all been on.

“We managed to rescue this one archdruid, Halsin. That isn’t something you hear everyday is it? You all would like him, I think. He’s one with nature’s gifts. Almost like you, in some ways.” 

Halsin can’t help but perk his head up at the mention of his name, laughing to himself at Astarion’s impression of him.

“He’s… nice. I suppose. I mean, of course, you can’t trust anyone, but if I were forced to choose somebody… maybe I’d pick him.”

Halsin felt honoured at the quiet confession, and could hardly resist walking by Astarion, bumping his head into one of his legs, before settling a few paces away once more.

“But we’re so close to Baldur’s Gate, now. And… that means I have to face him again.”

Halsin watches the frown on Astarion’s face with concern. This must be his unfinished business in Baldur’s Gate.

“I will kill him. Nothing on this earth nor any other realm will stop me. He will die, and it will be by my hand.”

The venom in Astarion’s voice is unmistakable. Whoever this man is, Astarion has no mercy for. No forgiveness for.

Halsin understands that feeling. It might be part of the Oakfather’s teachings to forgive, but that does not mean it is always appropriate. Halsin senses that whoever this man is that Astarion wishes dead is not worthy of forgiveness.

“But… I would be a liar, if I said I was not afraid. I must kill him before we rid ourselves of these tadpoles, or else… I may not be able to resist his commands.”

He must be talking about his vampiric master.

“I have to do it alone. Nothing in this world comes for free, and I have nothing to offer my companions in exchange for their assistance. Not that they would help me even if I did. They are all so caught up in their own troubles, and… perhaps I have not been the most agreeable travel companion. But that isn’t my fault! I can’t make someone like me if they are determined to hate me from the moment they meet me.”

Halsin finds himself frowning once more. Is that truly what Astarion believes the rest of camp thinks of him? That they think so little of him?

“Not that I care, that they hate me, of course. I simply… it simply would have been preferable if at least one of them did not.”

I don’t hate you, little star.

“I did consider seducing one of them for their assistance. Truly, I did. It would have been easy. Any one of them would have been completely susceptible to my charms. And yet…”

Halsin moves towards Astarion once more, looking towards his face. Astarion glances over to him with a sad smile, and reaches out to pet his head.

“And yet… now that I have had the freedom of not being forced to trade myself in exchange for my survival… I have found that I simply cannot do it.”

Halsin lets out a purr that he hopes will be soothing for Astarion as he settles next to him.

“I know that makes me extremely weak. I would only need to give myself over to someone one more time, and then once he is dead, I would never have to do it again. But I…”

Halsin feels his heart break as he sees the tears well in Astarion’s eyes.

“I cannot. And by all of the gods I don’t believe in, I hope allowing myself to be weak just this once is not what kills me.”

Silent tears begin to stream down his cheeks, and Halsin cannot control himself any longer.  With another warm, golden light, he shifts back into his elven form. He appears sat next to Astarion, his back leaning on the same wall. He doesn’t look at the vampire, not yet. Instead, he focuses on the cats around them, as two braver felines approach him carefully to investigate his sudden appearance.

“Little star, I am sorry that you have carried this burden alone for so long.”

He feels how Astarion tenses up next to him. He chooses to press on.

“I cannot speak for the others, but whatever I have done to give you the impression that I hate you, I sincerely apologise. I do not hate you. I do not hate you at all. I wished to get to know you better, but when I tried, you did not seem to wish to engage and I had no desire to push-”

“What do you want from me.”

Astarion’s low, trembling voice cuts off Halsin’s words. Halsin finally glances at Astarion, confused by the question. Astarion isn’t looking at him.

“I don’t-”

“Don’t tell me that you don’t want anything. Go on. Name it. Name your price.”

Halsin’s eyebrows furrow in his bewilderment.

“I was going to say that I don’t understand what you are referring to, little star. Price for what?”

“Don’t play coy with me, bear!”

Astarion shoots up from where he was sat, turning to face Halsin now. Halsin can see the way his figure shakes despite Astarion’s best attempt to put up a tough front.

“Everything has a price. You want a healing potion from a cleric? You pay them some gold. You want a spell scroll someone has? You offer one of your own in exchange. You want a decent night’s sleep and to be fed? You do whatever the hell your master wants and you do it to his standards. You want the fucking strays to listen to you?-”

He gestures to where he left the cats his offering of food.

“-you bring them a meal. Now, you followed me and listened to my sob story. What do you want from me?”

Astarion bellows the question at Halsin once more. His blood-red eyes glow in the darkness, fangs bared and ready for a fight. But he continues to shake as the tears continue to fall.

So, Halsin waits.

He waits until Astarion shakes so badly he can no longer stand, and catches him as he falls, bringing Astarion into his arms and holding him as close as he can. Astarion lets out soft sobs into Halsin’s shoulder as Halsin rocks him slowly. Eventually, Astarion chokes out.

“W-whatever you want from me, j-just take it. I… I can’t…”

He doesn’t finish that sentence, but Halsin doesn’t need him to.

I can’t give anymore.

“Oh little star. I am sorry the world has not been kind. I am sorry that you have been led to believe that everything is transactional. You will not believe my words now, but you owe me nothing-”

Astarion lets out a broken, pained sound.

“Shh, I know. I know. I promise you it's possible. Not everything has a price. Not everyone expects something in return. You do not have to give me anything. I will prove that to you.”

“Please don’t lie to me.”

Astarion’s voice is hoarse from his tears, and the words come out shattered and disorganised.

“One day, you will see that I am not. But, if nothing else, might you at least believe me when I say I will try not to take anything from you in exchange?”

A few minutes of silence pass by, Halsin continuing to rock Astarion in his arms. Halsin will wait as long as Astarion needs for an answer. And indeed, his patience is rewarded.

“I… think so.”

“Thank you, little star.”

Astarion pulls away to look at him.

“What in the hells are you thanking me for?”

Halsin smiles warmly at him.

“For trying to trust me.”

Astarion doesn’t really have a response to that, so he simply relaxes back into Halsin’s hold. Halsin rests his head atop Astarion’s.

“Rest. I will ensure we are back to camp before the others wake.”

The cats around them, evidently sensing something wrong with Astarion, now circle the two elves, forming something of a circle around them. Some lying down, some sat, all watching carefully.

Astarion may not realise it, but he does have people who care about him. These cats certainly do.

Halsin reaches out a hand to the nearest, allowing the feline to smell him. Eventually, the cat rubs its face against his hand, before settling on top of Halsin’s feet. Some other cats follow suit, moving in closer to offer their affections to Halsin and Astarion. The vampire doesn’t stir from Halsin’s arms, but no one in that moment minds.

Halsin listens for the moment when Astarion’s breath evens out, signalling that he has truly fallen asleep as opposed to trancing. Halsin smiles in relief. Silvanus knows he needs the rest.

And true to his words, Halsin rises to carry Astarion back to camp before the others wake. He bids goodbye to the cats, and heads back in silence. He brings Astarion to his own tent, covering him in his warmest furs, before sitting down himself, allowing himself to slip into a trance.

Chapter Text

When Halsin exits his trance, returning to the conscious world, it is to the sight of Astarion rummaging through his belongings. It isn’t that Halsin minds per say - he knows of the vampire’s rogue habits - but it is a little puzzling. Halsin doesn’t think he’d have anything of interest.

When Halsin shifts slightly, the sound is enough to cause Astarion’s head to whip around, a moment of confusion on his face before he registers Halsin is indeed awake.

“Ah. Good morning druid.”

“Good morning little star. Might I ask what you’re up to?”

Astarion stalls for a moment, before a performative smirk settles on his face.

“Well, I was simply wondering what you might have in the way of… I suppose we can call them luxury items.”

Astarion crawls over to Halsin, before settling himself in his lap, wrapping his arms around Halsin’s neck.

“If you wanted me to come back to your tent, you only need to have asked.”

Halsin merely tilts his head.

“My only intention of bringing you here was to let you rest, and to have someone close by when you awoke, should you need anything.”

Astarion leans in to whisper into Halsin’s ear.

“Then I think you’ll find that I need you to fuck me into your furs until I see stars.”

Halsin places a firm but gentle hand to Astarion’s shoulder, pushing him away slightly.

“Little star, I will not take anything from you that isn’t freely and enthusiastically given. I have no interest in you making yourself uncomfortable.”

Astarion scoffs.

“If it's enthusiasm you want, I could beg.”

Halsin shakes his head, removing Astarion’s arms from around his neck, and holding Astarion’s hands in his own.

“I told you last night that I would try to not take anything from you in exchange. If you truly wish to indulge in carnal pursuits, then I am more than happy to indulge with you. But I do not think that is what you want, is it?”

The question stuns Astarion into silence for a few beats, before he rolls his eyes, freeing his hands to push Halsin away as he moves back.

“Please drop this charade, it is getting rather annoying. You evidently wanted something from me, or else you would not have followed. If you could hurry up and simply tell me what it is you want, we can forget the entire thing.”

“Astarion.”

Halsin winces when he sees Astarion flinch from his stern tone. He doesn’t want to scare the vampire, but he needs Astarion to know that he is being serious.

“You owe me nothing for last night. Not an explanation, not compensation, not even an acknowledgement that last night happened. If you wish to forget last night, then I shall follow. But, if you would like to have a conversation, I am here to listen. The decision is solely yours to make.”

“I can’t make you forget it. It happened, and you saw. You heard. You need something in return for your time.”

“I do not.”

“For gods sakes just tell me what the fuck you want!”

“There is nothing I want from you, little star.”

“NO!”

Astarion’s voice roars in the cramped space of Halsin’s tent, loud enough that he is certain their fellow camp mates will have heard, and have questions.

“I refuse to be in your debt! You don’t get to hold this over my head, letting it loom like some storm cloud ready to rain the hells upon me the moment you decide you want to see me drenched. You are not in control of this situation, so you better give me an answer or so help me I will bleed you dry.”

Those last three words are hissed with the venom the threat deserves, and Halsin feels the anger simmering under Astarion’s skin. If not for his undead nature, Halsin is sure Astarion’s face would be flushed bright red with anger.

Halsin observes Astarion carefully, for a few moments. Astarion is much steadier in his conviction than he had been the night before, no trembling overcoming his form. His hand dances around the dagger on his belt, evidently an automatic defense response. Halsin doesn’t suspect Astarion will truly harm him.

But Astarion will not let this go. He needs to give something in return in order to know he is safe. 

So, Halsin plays the game.

“Would you give me your company, little star?”

The plastered-on smirk returns to Astarion’s face.

“I thought I was rather clear initially that I would.”

“Not that kind.”

Astarion hesitates, the smirk crumbling as his eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Then… what-”

“Simply sit here with me. Keep me company as I prepare for the day.”

He sees the cogs turning in Astarion’s head, the calculations he’s making to see how likely this is to be a trap, whether he should oblige or risk pressing further. Eventually, but tentatively, he settles back onto the floor of the tent, re-arranging some of Halsin’s furs and cushions to make himself comfortable. Halsin nods in acknowledgement, before turning to set about brewing some potions that the camp might require later. Halsin has no intention of speaking to Astarion. He asked for the vampire’s company; nothing more. Instead, he waits until Astarion breaks the silence.

“And… after this, we are even, yes?”

Halsin doesn’t need to turn around to know how uncertain Astarion feels about the situation he finds himself in. He can hear it in the slight shake of his voice as he forces out the question, voice barely louder than a whisper. So he doesn’t pause his movements when he responds, without hesitation.

“Completely.”

Astarion hums, fidgeting with the furs beneath him absentmindedly.

Once finished with the potions, Halsin sets about brewing himself some tea. He isn’t sure if it will be accepted, but he chooses to brew enough for Astarion as well. The two remain in silence as Halsin watches Astarion out of the corner of his eye. Astarion’s gaze remains fixed on the furs he fidgets with, noticing how he pets them just as he did the cats last night.

Before Halsin can even think about what he’s doing, a golden light spans across the entire tent, and out walks Halsin - in his feline form - and approaches the vampire, who scoffs.

“If you think that a feline persona will get me to open up, you are sorely mistaken. You asked for my company, and you have got it. It is not my fault if you find my company to be unsatisfactory.”

Halsin simply sits next to Astarion, looking at him and swishing his tail.

Astarion huffs.

“I am not going to pet you.”

A silent stare off. Astarion shifts a little bit as Halsin remains still aside from his tail.

“I am not.”

Halsin merely tilts his head.

“Wh- You- Oh alright alright.”

Astarion reaches out to give a small pat on the head, and Halsin leans into the touch with a purr. 

“Needy bear. Or, well, cat, I suppose.”

Astarion continues to pet Halsin, and Halsin doesn’t make a big show of it, simply enjoying the fuss he is receiving. 

“Animals are far less confusing than people anyway. Granted, I suppose you are still a person when you shift, but I mean in general.”

Halsin continues to purr as he stretches. But when he senses that Astarion’s pets have become automatic and disconnected, he refocuses his attention on the vampire’s face. He isn’t sure where Astarion has gone, but he is certainly not here, in the tent with him. Not completely anyway.

“That colony was one of the few things that have kept me going, over the past two centuries. I would sneak away to visit them whenever I could get away with it. They don’t ask for much. So long as you bring some kind of food, they’ll listen to you as long as you like. A very simple trade.”

Halsin butts his head against Astarion’s leg in acknowledgement, and perhaps in an attempt to ground him once more. It is a fruitless endeavour, though. Yet, Astarion keeps talking.

“They cannot judge me, so long as I feed them. They cannot make any snide remarks, cannot criticise my choices. Just… unwavering support. No matter what. I could be the worst person in existence, and they would still keep me company so long as I put food on their table.”

Halsin moves to stand on one of Astarion’s legs, gently pawing his chest. Astarion, completely absentmindedly, shifts Halsin to curl up in his lap, petting underneath his chin.

“They are just so… simple. With people, you have to figure out what they mean. Read between their words for the hidden messages they leave unsaid. Cats will tell you what they mean in plain terms. People won’t.”

Halsin’s heart aches for the vampire, and decides to simply allow him whatever he needs at this moment.

“I had to learn, quickly, how to read people. I’m rather good at it, if I do say so myself, but I am not perfect. And those mistakes cost me dearly. When you’re made to do something to survive, you become something of an expert. I knew exactly the right kind of people to target to lure back to my master. Knew the right thing to offer them in exchange for following me back to Cazador’s palace. Knew how to play the perfect spawn. Not that it was enough to save me. No, he enjoyed torturing me the most.”

Astarion’s ministrations in Halsin’s fur stops. Halsin purrs in a way he can only pray is soothing for Astarion.

“I could be perfect, do exactly as he asked, and he would hurt me anyway. You’re acting too good, you must be hiding something. I had to learn to read what kind of mood he was in on a daily basis. I got that wrong a lot.”

A lifeless, humourless laugh escapes Astarion at that.

“His kindness was never free. His mercy always came with a cost. Sometimes it would be our pride or our dignity, other times it would be our bodies. Whatever he wanted, he got.”

Halsin looks up at the dead, far-away look in Astarion’s eyes, and shifts back to his elven form.

“Little star, come back to me.”

Astarion’s eyes look at Halsin without really seeing him. His voice is no louder than a whisper.

“Everyone wants something, Halsin. It’s just that not everyone is willing to pay the price for what it is they want.”

Halsin has no words for the sorrow that fills his heart at the sight of the man before him. So broken down by this master, forced to give himself over again and again for survival. Paying high costs for meagre returns.

“Astarion…”

His eyes remain unfocused and unseeing, but his hand reaches out again towards where Halsin had been as a cat on his lap. Halsin wastes no time in shifting back, and nudging Astarion’s hands with his head, settling back down to rest.

Astarion clearly needs time to return from wherever he has gone. Right now, nothing Halsin could do or say will help. He isn’t sure anything would.

Halsin is happy to wait for him until he’s ready.

Chapter Text

When Astarion returns to his body, he isn’t sure how long it has been. He is still sat in Halsin’s tent but there is no-

He registers the fluffy weight in his lap.

Ah. There’s Halsin.

Astarion realises with a start that he is still petting the druid, and jerks his hands away, holding them up.

“I- You- you can get up, now.”

Halsin stretches in his lap, but doesn’t move to stand. He turns his head to look at Astarion. Despite Halsin not being able to speak in his current form, Astarion still somehow hears the question he asks.

Would you like me to?

Astarion sighs, somewhat defeated.

“I sense that my affinity for felines is being used against me.”

That makes Halsin frown, leading him to hop off Astarion’s lap and shift back to his elven form.

“On the contrary, little star, it is being used for you. If a cat companion allows you to relax enough to unburden yourself, then I am more than happy to give you that. And before you mention a price, your pets are more than enough in exchange.”

Astarion stares at him in disbelief.

“You… you’re telling me that being pet for the last however long is sufficient payment for…”

Astarion gestures vaguely in the air. Halsin simply smiles.

“When in any wildshape, we experience the world around us in the same way the animal we are embodying does. What cat doesn’t love being showered with affection?”

Astarion snorts.

“I suppose you get more affection as a cat than a bear.”

Halsin merely shrugs.

“Each form has its merits.”

Astarion hums, and the two settle into a moment of quiet, Astarion returning to fidgeting with the furs around him. Halsin gives him the space he needs to process.

“Why are you doing this, druid?”

“Hm?”

“Let us assume you are telling the truth, and there is nothing significant you want in exchange. You continue to turn down my advances, continue to listen to whatever ramblings come out of my mouth. Continue to offer me companionship in whatever form, and all of this in exchange for naught. What motivation could you possibly have to do this? To… be here. With me.”

Halsin takes a moment to try and find the right words.

“The simple answer is that I care about you, little star. Not because of your talents on the battlefield. Not because of your body. Not because of anything you might be able to offer. I care about you because of you. I enjoy your company, your sense of humour, and the way that you care about others, even if you don’t wish to show it overtly. Even when you sit with me in silence, or have nothing to offer, I still care about you. This is simply what it looks like to be cared about by someone.”

“How can you care about me? You don’t know me.”

“I’d like to, if you’d let me. And if you don’t want me to know you, that is okay too. I’ll still care about you, little star. You’d need not do anything other than be yourself to be cared about.”

Astarion stares at Halsin like he grew a second head. Like he’s just spoken to him in a different language. Like Halsin has just suggested that grass is blue and the sky is green.

It breaks Halsin’s heart that the concept of being cared about is so foreign to the vampire.

He’s not sure how long Astarion stares at him this way for, but he is stunned when Astarion speaks once more.

“Can I see the bear?”

Halsin blinks, taken aback by the question.

“Pardon?”

“Can-”

Astarion cuts himself off, looking away.

“Nevermind.”

Halsin pauses, before golden light surrounds him once again, and out comes the bear. He approaches Astarion slowly, coming to stand in front of him. Astarion looks at him with something Halsin can only describe as awe, before slowly reaching out himself, petting Halsin’s snout.

“Hello.”

Halsin leans into the contact, responding with a gentle chuff.

“I know the bear is more natural for you than a cat. I just thought…”

He doesn’t finish his sentence, but Halsin understands the message. It’s Astarion’s way of caring. His way of saying he cares about Halsin too.

Halsin shuffles over slightly to lay down on his side, resting his head on Astarion’s leg. Astarion reaches out to run his hands through Halsin’s fur.

“It’s… not as soft as the cat, but it is still very soft. Softer than I thought it would be anyhow. But I suppose that is because you haven’t got your hands on any honey recently.”

Halsin snorts.

“But the fur is the same colour as the cat. A soft brown, just without the lighter stripes. You do have some lighter patches here and there though.”

His hands shift back to Halsin’s face, looking closely.

“Ah. I can see where your scars carry through.”

His touch is careful as he traces just above Halsin’s eye for a moment. Halsin fights himself to stay relaxed and not tense up. He might have come to terms with a lot of things, but the reminder is never pleasant. 

“If I could shift, I’m sure mine would too.”

Halsin presses his snout into Astarion’s hands, offering comfort.

“I’m alright, Halsin. Thank you.”

He continues to pet through Halsin’s fur, before releasing Halsin’s face. He moves over so that he is curled up against Halsin’s stomach, head resting on his side. Halsin isn’t sure he has ever seen the vampire look so small, taking shelter in Halsin’s larger form.

“I’m sure you have a lot of questions, and I’m not sure if I have a lot of answers for you. I can’t… yes, you’ve heard a lot from me. But I don’t think I’m ready to talk about everything. Not yet.”

Halsin can’t resist bringing one paw around Astarion’s shoulders, holding him.

“But… if what you say is true, and you do care, then you should probably know what caring about me entails.”

Halsin huffs in response, an unspoken I’m listening. Astarion sighs.

“I know that I’m cold. Short-tempered, cynical, distrusting. I snap, lash out at others. I can be callous and cruel, and I am probably not what most would consider to be a good person. Selfish, blunt, and superficial. But… none of that is without reason. People haven’t given me reason to think that they will be kind. So I don’t assume they will be. It keeps me safe.”

Astarion shifts, curling up more into Halsin’s fur.

“If I don’t feel safe, I’ll run. Push you away. Make myself so unbearable-”

Halsin can’t help but chuff at the pun. Astarion stalls, then scoffs when he realises what he has said.

“That wasn’t intentional! I swear!”

Halsin offers a consoling nuzzle that Astarion accepts with a quiet laugh.

“I’ll make myself so awful to be around that… you’ll leave. And then I can say I told you so when you do. You chose to leave, like I always knew you would.”

Halsin feels some of his fur prickle at the suggestion, and Astarion smooths it down.

“If… if you think that you can withstand all of that and still care about me… then…”

A deep breath.

“Then… I can’t say I would mind.”

Astarion slumps into Halsin’s fur as if the confession zapped all of his remaining energy. Halsin curls up around the vampire as much as he can, offering his warmth and comfort. He allows Astarion to be held, the comfort of something Halsin imagines he’s been deprived of for a very long time. When Astarion’s breathing settles in such a way indicating he has fallen asleep, Halsin doesn’t dare move lest he wake him. Though, he cannot resist the growl when they are eventually disturbed.

“Halsin? It’s Gale. We haven’t seen you nor Astarion all day. I was wondering- oh.”

Gale takes in the sight of Astarion asleep from the tent’s entrance, and Halsin’s bear form curled around him, growling at him. Halsin will apologise for that later, but at this moment, he cannot help but feel protective over the vampire. Gale holds his hands up placatingly.

“Alright, alright. Um, rest well. We plan to head to Baldur’s Gate tomorrow.”

Halsin offers a huff in acknowledgement, and Gale nods, before shuffling out, leaving the two alone once more. Halsin thinks carefully about the implications for Astarion of heading into Baldur’s Gate tomorrow. He doesn’t want to rush Astarion into opening up further, knowing how much progress he has already made in the last day or so. But with Baldur’s Gate now so close, they might be out of time before Astarion confronts his vampiric master. 

He looks to the sleeping elf, thinking about how exhausted he must be to be sleeping once more as opposed to trancing. He’ll need to feed soon too as well. Halsin just wishes they had more time.

Chapter Text

When Astarion jolts awake, he is no longer curled up against a bear. 

He’s essentially draped over Halsin’s elven form.

He practically leaps backwards at the realisation, and the sudden movement is enough to startle Halsin from his trance - he must have switched back during that.

“Hm… ‘Star?”

Not fully awake yet, Halsin blinks and stretches, letting out a yawn as he does. He takes in Astarion, who is now much further away than he was before Halsin entered his trance.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

Astarion stares blankly for a moment, before shaking his head.

“No, not at all. It seems to be the other way around, actually.”

“Ah, that is what that noise was. But actually, this is probably to our benefit.”

Astarion raises an eyebrow.

“How so?”

“Whilst you were asleep, Gale popped his head in to check on us. The group is planning to set off for Baldur’s Gate in the morning.”

Halsin hates the way Astarion tenses in response.

“Ah.”

Halsin shuffles forward, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder. Astarion looks at him with apprehension clear in his eyes.

“Little star, I know you have only just begun to open up to me, and I do not wish to pressure you into anything that might make you uncomfortable. However, from what I understand, you plan to confront and kill your vampiric master when we reach Baldur’s Gate. If you will allow it, I would like to assist you, but I need to know more about what we will be up against. If you are willing, I know the others would help you too, but they will also need to know the threat we are facing.”

Astarion goes quiet, looking away from Halsin, thinking about his options. 

“How can you be so sure? I don’t-”

Astarion bites his tongue, but Halsin knows how that sentence was most likely going to end.

I don’t have anything to offer them.

“As I told you before, when people care about you, they don’t need anything in exchange.”

Astarion scoffs in disbelief.

“You certainly cannot say that any of them care about me.”

“Did Gale not come into this tent looking for you earlier? Did Wyll not offer to teach you to pitch up your tent when you didn’t know how? Did Karlach not offer you her warmth after seeing how cold you got at night? Has Shadowheart not healed you after each fight despite you insisting you didn’t need it? Has Lae’zel not been a fierce companion with you on the battlefield, the two of you covering each other and working together to take down our opponents?”

“But-”

“But nothing, little star. In their own ways, each of us have shown that we do indeed care about you. I may not share your tadpole affliction, but that is what brought you all together originally yes? You all agreed to band together to find a solution to your mutual problem. That is care. We’ve all helped one another with our individual burdens as well. That is care. We can help you with yours too. All you need to do is ask.”

Astarion growls in frustration.

“And how do I know the moment it's all over that one of you won’t run a stake through my heart, huh? How do I know that this isn’t going to be held against me when you all ask me for something in return?”

Halsin hums contemplatively.

“I suppose you don’t.”

“Then why-”

Halsin raises a hand to cut him off.

“You’d have to trust us. I know that you have been given so little reason to trust in the past, but that does not have to be your present. You said it yourself, if you had to pick someone to trust, you’d pick me, yes?”

Astarion crosses his arms and raises an eyebrow.

“No.”

Halsin simply holds his stare, his face showing that he knows Astarion is lying. When he doesn’t break, Astarion huffs.

“It is rude to eavesdrop, you know.”

“I will give you that, little star. But my eavesdropping has resulted in a good outcome for the both of us.”

“Hmph.”

“Point being, you, at least to some extent, trust me, yes?”

Astarion, very reluctantly, nods.

“So trust me now when I say that our companions will help you if you explain your situation. I am certain whatever reasons you have for wanting to kill your vampiric master are good ones, but the others might need a little more convincing. You need not share any details that make you uncomfortable, but a general idea would be useful.”

Astarion huffs, grabbing one of Halsin’s furs and fidgeting with it.

“And if they refuse?”

“Then you have me, and we will do it together.”

Astarion wraps the fur around his shoulders, nuzzling his face into the soft fabric, seeking that comfort. Halsin resists the urge to turn into one of his animal forms for a moment, sensing Astarion isn’t done with the conversation yet.

“Then… can I ask… that we tell them, together? I- It is probably best to explain when everyone is present, so I don’t have to relive everything more than once.”

Halsin smiles warmly.

“Of course, little star. It would be my honour. But for now, you have been sleeping so much I don’t imagine you have eaten. Are you hungry?”

Astarion waves him off.

“I’ll hunt in the morning.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Perhaps, but if you are about to offer what I think you are, I will leave.”

“Oh? Why is that?”

“Because I can’t…”

He trails off, getting that far away look in his eyes that he had before. Halsin moves over to him, grabbing his shoulders.

“Come back to me, little star. Come back to me.”

A gentle shake isn’t quite enough to bring him back. He’s teetering on the edge of being present and being wherever his mind is trying to take him. Now is not a good time for Astarion to be absent.

So Halsin makes a decision. He quickly reaches over to where he keeps his belongings, grabbing his whittling knife. He makes a cut into his arm, and holds it in front of Astarion.

“It’s alright, you’re safe. Here, have a drink.”

He sees Astarion react to the smell of his blood before Astarion himself has mentally registered what it is. He lunges forward to grab Halsin’s arm, lapping up the trickling blood, revelling in the taste. Halsin reaches a hand into his hair.

“There you go. You’re safe. You’re alright.”

He hears Astarion hum, not entirely sure if he’s aware that he is making any sound at all. He continues to lap at the wound until blood no longer runs from it, before gently pulling back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“...Thank you, druid.”

Halsin mutters a quiet incantation to heal the wound.

“Of course. Now, rest whilst you can, little star. You’ll need it.”

Astarion scoffs.

“I’m not a child.”

Halsin chuckles.

“Perhaps not in the traditional sense, no. But in elven terms, you are very young. Child or not, you still need your rest. You are welcome to continue resting here, or if you would be more comfortable elsewhere, that is alright too. I’ll be here if you need me.”

Astarion nods, before quietly settling himself into Halsin’s furs for his trance.

/////

When morning arrives, the group sets about packing up camp, dismantling tents and deciding what they need and what they can leave behind. When they’re just about ready to leave, Astarion approaches Halsin. His outward appearance gives nothing away, but Halsin can sense the anxiety bubbling away inside of him. Halsin tilts his head.

“Are you alright, little star?”

Astarion huffs.

“I have no idea how to go about doing this.”

“Would you like assistance?”

Astarion naturally goes to brush him off, but hesitates just before he does. Instead, he quietly speaks.

“Just… just with getting the conversation started.”

Halsin nods, and sets about gathering all of their companions together.

“Everyone, if you recall, Astarion has mentioned some business he needs to take care of once we reach Baldur’s Gate.”

The group nods, and Astarion takes a small step forward. Halsin remains close behind in silent support.

“I know you all are aware of my… affliction. You will hopefully also be aware that as a vampire spawn, my… the person who turned me, is still alive.”

“Your vampiric master, yes.”

Astarion flinches when Gale says the word master, and sees how he is about to shut down. In a flash of golden light, Halsin is once again in his feline form, and hops up onto Astarion’s shoulders. Astarion scoffs at the gesture, and takes Halsin into his arms, holding him close to his chest.

“Yes. His name… his name is Cazador Szarr. I was turned by him around two hundred years ago. Since the day that I was turned, I have been under his… jurisdiction, until this tadpole situation seems to have given me some kind of… immunity against his commands. And these past two hundred years…”

Halsin nuzzles his head into Astarion’s chest.

“I… he has not been kind. I have been beaten, starved, traded, used, tortured. I’ll leave the details to your imaginations, but whatever you come up with, just know it was much, much worse.”

The group takes this information in complete silence, and Astarion struggles over his next words.

“I… I will kill him. There is no path forward where he can be allowed to live. And…and I-”

Astarion trails off once more, struggling to cross that final hurdle. Halsin jumps down, transforming back to his elven form, and places a gentle hand on Astarion’s shoulder.

“And he would like to ask for our assistance in this mission. I have already pledged my own support. It will no doubt be dangerous, but it will be worthwhile.”

Astarion stares at the ground as he waits for the group to reply. Halsin stands strong behind him, using that hand on his shoulder to remind him that no matter what, he isn’t doing this alone. Karlach is the first to speak.

“Not been kind? He’s been a sick bastard! That’s no way to treat anybody. I’m more than happy to charge in and chop the psycho to pieces!”

Wyll, unsurprisingly, is next.

“I am a monster hunter, and he is indeed a monster. Let’s take him down.”

Lae’zel is third.

“You have proven yourself to be a fierce warrior on the battlefield, providing me cover in the line of fire. Now, I shall return the favour.”

Gale turns to place a hand on Astarion’s other shoulder.

“Anything I can do to help, Astarion, consider it done.”

Shadowheart is last.

“He will be a great offering to Lady Shar, once the life has been drained from his body. It would be my pleasure to ensure it happens.”

Astarion can’t bring himself to look at the people around him, feeling the tears pricking his eyes. Halsin thankfully steps in.

“Then the matter is settled. Let us get going. We should be able to reach Baldur’s Gate by nightfall.”

“Wait.”

The group freezes at Astarion’s voice, and he finally raises his head to look at them all.

“We will confront him in his palace. It is wiser not to challenge a vampire at night, and that is where he will reside whilst the sun is out. In there… you will see the worst of it. The worst of everything he is. He will tell you horrible things about what I’ve done whilst under his control to get under our skins. You… you will see me differently. Just- just be prepared for that.”

Halsin moves to stand in front of Astarion.

“What you did under his control was not your choice. It was not done freely. What you have done since you joined this group has been. That is the person you are, not the person he made you be.”

Astarion shakes under Halsin’s hand, and Halsin resists the urge to pull him in for a hug. Instead, Astarion nods.

“Okay.”

And then, in a beat, he has a dazzling smirk on his face as he starts to walk away.

“Well, come on then darlings! Let us not lose any more daylight.”

Halsin lets out a chuckle at the sudden shift in Astarion, shaking his head. Very classic of him to put on such a performance. He nods to the rest of the group, as they begin making their way to Baldur’s Gate.

Halsin is so proud of Astarion for what he just did, and he decides to tell him as much. Astarion scoffs, but Halsin sees the pink dusting his cheeks.

“It was rather simple really, not a big deal.”

Halsin squeezes his shoulder, choosing not to comment any further.

So, now they have an evil vampiric lord to defeat, and a world to save. 

Halsin can only hope that they’ll all make it out the other side.

Chapter Text

It is done.

Halsin had heard Astarion’s words before they reached Baldur’s Gate, of course he did. But he hadn’t realised until now just how… bad it truly was.

They saw the kennels, a variety of instruments of torture adorning the walls. The rust of the metal, the smell of dried blood invading their senses, Astarion looking at that room with a familiarity that was far too comfortable for Halsin’s liking. No one should be that calm in a place like this.

They saw the cramped room with low quality beds where Astarion spent his nights, blood staining the mattresses, as well as other stains Halsin dreaded to identify.

They saw the dungeons where Cazador kept thousands upon thousands of victims, Astarion looking at them with heartbreak, blaming himself for what he had done.

They saw the coffin within which Astarion had been left to suffer for an entire year, his name engraved on the front, and Halsin could see the claw marks on the inside of the coffin from where Astarion must’ve scratched until he had nothing left to scratch with.

Astarion could hardly look at that.

They listened as Cazador taunted Astarion.

“So the boy returns. Finally got bored of riding other people’s cocks? Have you come crawling back to beg for me?”

“I didn’t make you do anything. You chose to whore yourself out.”

“You always had the sweetest screams. Time to hear those screams once more before you die.”

No one dared to stop Astarion as he plunged the dagger into Cazador over and over, covering both himself, the corpse, and the surrounding area. Some turned away, others watched with sadistic satisfaction.

Halsin simply watched Astarion. Watched as he screamed with each hit, the unadulterated fury flowing through him as he does, before dropping the body, and falling to his knees with a gut-wrenching cry. The mixture of rage, relief, confusion, cathartic release. Two hundred years of abuse has culminated in this very moment.

That is more than any one person should have to bear. And now Astarion need bear it no longer.

One of the other spawn passes Cazador’s staff to Astarion, who chooses to release the rest of Cazador’s victims so they may seek their own life in the Underdark.

And then Astarion is no longer there.

Physically, his body remains. But mentally? Halsin dreads to guess. He looks to the others, who are all looking back at him. Halsin nods to them, before slowly approaching Astarion.

“Little star?”

Nothing. His eyes remain empty. He doesn’t even twitch in response.

“Astarion, can you hear me?”

Silence fills the room.

Halsin wants nothing more than to protect him. He tries to push down the bear inside, but is unable to resist transforming into his ursine shape. He nuzzles his snout into Astarion’s blood-soaked hair, a gentle lick to his face to clear some of the blood away. He looks over to Karlach, and jerks his head to indicate she should come over. Halsin leans down and tries to shift Astarion onto his back. Karlach assists with arms under his shoulders, Halsin hoping her warmth might help ground him once more. Once he is securely settled, Halsin and the group set their way about slowly exiting the palace, returning to the inn that the group was staying in whilst they figured out the situation with the Absolute and Astarion. Thankfully, it has a wide enough door for Halsin to carry Astarion through, and up the stairs to one of the other bedrooms. He doesn’t know whose, but he thinks they’ll understand.

He walks in, and Wyll and Gale follow. Halsin indicates to the bed, and Gale covers the bed in some spare towels whilst Wyll helps Halsin get Astarion settled on the bed. Halsin rests his upper half on the bed, continuing to lick the blood off of Astarion’s face. Wyll whispers quietly that the others will be downstairs if either need anything, before he and Gale take their leave, closing the door behind them.

Halsin cannot resist continuing to nuzzle and press into Astarion in the hopes of bringing him back to the present. He shoves his head under Astarion’s hands, hoping that he will feel the vampire clutch at his fur and pet him as he had before, finding comfort in the presence and feel of the bear beneath his fingertips. 

Please little star, it is over. You are safe. Come back to me.

Halsin helplessly whines over Astarion’s unmoving figure, only comforted by the way he can see Astarion continue to breathe despite the fact he doesn’t need to. He keeps Astarion close, hoping to keep him warm and safe. He doesn’t know how long he sits with the vampire, praying desperately to the Oakfather to guide Astarion back to him as he continues doing whatever he can that he thinks might comfort him. Eventually, finally, he gets a response from Astarion.

“Oh no, how did a bear get here? Am I about to be eaten?”

Halsin can hear the humour, and chuffs affectionately, clambering on the bed with excitement and licking Astarion’s face again.

“Oof! You big- oh that’s disgusting! Don’t- don’t- haha, that tickles- Halsin!”

Halsin eventually manages to get a hold of his excitement, before a golden light surrounds him as he shifts back to his elven form, the bear now satisfied that their little star has returned.

“Astarion! Thank Silvanus, you’re alright. You’re safe. Do you know where we are?”

Astarion hums.

“I presume we returned to the inn?”

Halsin nods.

“Are the others alright, was anyone hurt?”

“No one was gravely injured, just the usual post-battle scratches. They are downstairs. We all thought it best that you get some rest, and I stayed so you wouldn’t be alone. Might I check you over, little star? To make sure you’re alright?”

Astarion silently nods, and Halsin uses his magic to ensure Astarion has no substantial internal injuries, content when he only finds the odd bruise. Astarion watches him carefully.

“You… you’re still covered in blood, darling.”

Halsin blinks, before looking over his own form. The blood covering Astarion has indeed transferred to himself, smeared over his clothes and skin.

“It… it appears I am.”

He chooses not to mention the blood covering Astarion first.

“The inn has hot water, does it not? I do think a bit of spa treatment is in order.”

Halsin chuckles.

“I couldn’t agree more, my little star. You can use the facilities first, if you’d like.”

Astarion goes quiet at that, and Halsin tilts his head. But the vampire simply shakes his head before getting up off the bed.

“Thank you.”

He heads into the attached bathroom, and Halsin can hear the water begin to run, and Astarion pattering around, clearly grabbing the complimentary soaps and towels he will need, before coming back and standing in the doorway, looking at Halsin. He bites his lip, clearly trying to choose his words. Halsin waits patiently for him to speak.

“Would you care to join me, druid?”

Halsin, despite everything in him, blushes.

“Little star, you do not-”

Astarion holds his hand up.

“I know what you are about to say, and I assure you this is not me trying to repay you for a favour. Actually… it is quite the opposite. I…”

Halsin nods encouragingly, and Astarion whispers.

“I do not wish to be alone right now.”

Halsin smiles warmly, before moving to stand and approaches Astarion, putting a soft hand on his shoulder.

“Thank you for asking for what you want, little star. If that is the case, I would be more than happy to join you.”

Astarion smiles nervously.

“Just- just to be clear, I don’t want anything to happen.”

Halsin nods.

“Completely understood. Would it make you more comfortable if I kept some of my clothes on? Or even if you kept some of yours on?”

Astarion scoffs playfully.

“What kind of a bath is that?”

“One that could be yours, if you would prefer it.”

Astarion hums in thought, and is quiet for a moment.

“Thank you for your consideration, but… no. No, I think I will be alright. Be as nature intended, if you so desire darling.”

He turns with a dismissive wave, before removing his own bloody clothing, and Halsin follows to do the same. They sink into the bath, Astarion with a pleased sigh and Halsin with a grateful groan at the hot temperature. 

Admittedly, this isn’t Halsin’s preferred method of bathing. He would much rather be in a natural spring, or river, or lake.

But his little star asked this of him, and how could he possibly refuse?

His little star? Where did that thought come from?

He shakes his head to rid himself of the thought, focusing instead on the hot water on his skin, its warmth seeping into his aching bones and starting to wash away some of the grime. He can only imagine the comfort the warmth must be bringing Astarion, and silently casts a spell to prolong its temperature.

“I… I hope today hasn’t upset you, Halsin.”

Halsin is surprised out of his stupor for a moment. Astarion is thinking about him right now? How he is feeling?

“I’m not sure I understand, little star.”

Astarion cannot look him in the eye, bringing his knees to his chest and holding himself close.

“You… you said you cared about me. Now… after everything you’ve seen, everything you now know… your feelings might have changed. Which is fine, if they have, I cannot hold that against you. However-”

“Astarion.”

The vampire chances a glance at him. Halsin gives him a sad smile.

“I still care about you. Nothing you have ever done, or could possibly do, will change that. And I know the others feel the exact same way. Caring for someone isn’t something that suddenly stops. I’m not going to suddenly change how I treat you unless you ask me to do something differently. Even if you were to have done something that upset me, I would still care about you.”

When Astarion doesn’t respond, Halsin decides to gently redirect the conversation.

“I am actually more concerned about you, little star. I won’t ask you how you are feeling, but I am here for you if there is anything you need. All you have to do is ask. Today was absolutely pivotal for you, and I cannot even begin to fathom what must be going through your mind.”

Astarion taps his fingers on the surface of the water, sending ripples through it.

“Do I have to?”

“Hm?”

Astarion looks directly into his eyes.

“Do I have to talk about it?”

Halsin sharply inhales at the question, at Astarion’s voice shaking with vulnerability.

“No, of course not. I only want you to know the choice is there if you would like it. You don’t even have to talk to me about it specifically, if you would rather talk to another companion of ours. Any one of them would listen to you and support you. But there is no rush or pressure. Take your time.”

Astarion visibly shudders in relief, and Halsin reaches out a hand in offering. Astarion cautiously takes it, and Halsin gives a firm squeeze.

“Whatever you need, whatever you want, I am here. All I ask is you tell me. Even if you change your mind part way through, or you aren’t sure. I will be here.”

Astarion traces small circles into the back of Halsin’s hand with his thumb.

“This… this is a kindness I am not sure I deserve. But I am grateful for it nonetheless.”

Halsin gives Astarion’s hand another squeeze.

“You do deserve it, little star. You do.”

A few moments of silence pass between the two, before Astarion speaks once more.

“Might I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“If… if someone gives you something, without expectation of some kind of repayment, but you want to pay them back anyway, how would one go about doing that?”

Halsin hums in curiosity.

“I suppose… I suppose you simply offer, and then that person will either accept or decline.”

Astarion nods.

“Then… might I offer something in return for your assistance over the past few days?”

Halsin frowns.

“Are you absolutely certain? I don’t want you to do something that will make you uncomfortable.”

Astarion nods once more.

“I am. And it won’t make me uncomfortable, if you accept. I also won’t be uncomfortable if you don’t.”

Halsin takes a deep breath.

“So long as you are certain, and you know that I have no expectation of any repayment, and you can also change your mind.”

Astarion snorts.

“What a list of requirements. But yes, I am certain, I know I can change my mind, and I know you don’t expect anything in return from me. But this I would like to give you.”

Astarion shuffles over next to Halsin, letting go of his hand in favour of tracing up Halsin’s arm and wrapping both arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug. Halsin sits still as a statue for a moment, shocked at the gesture, before loosely wrapping his own arms around Astarion in return. Astarion whispers into his ear.

“Thank you, for all of it, Halsin.”

Halsin lets himself rest his head against Astarion’s shoulder.

“Always, little star. Always.”