Archive of Our Own ^beta

They’d only known each other for 7 months, when Mira catches Zoey trying to slip out of their dorm an hour before sunset. 

Not that it wasn’t allowed- they had a bit more leeway than most industry trainees, considering they were also going to be hunters and could absolutely look after themselves- but it was odd that Zoey wasn't pestering them to join her. Usually, the younger girl was attached at the hip with either her or Rumi or both- and Mira reveled in the company just as much; having people that shared her passions and ability to see the Honmoon (god, what a relief it had been to find out she wasn’t going crazy). So, as Mira watched her shrug on one of Rumi’s oversized hoodies and steal one of Mira’s black baseball caps, she was a little hurt that she wasn't invited.

“Going somewhere?” It came out more barbed than she wanted it to. 

Zoey let out a startled ‘eep’ and bounced into the air. Mira just watched with a brow lifted- the rapper is always so dramatic with her body language. The sound caught Rumi’s attention though, and she leaned from around the kitchen counter, hands still preoccupied with whatever she was chopping.

“Oh my god, Mira, you- have you been there the whole time?” Zoey put a hand to her chest, like old women do when they get a shock.

Mira, who was doing absolutely nothing to hide her presence on the couch, just kept her brow raised. Zoey really hadn’t been paying attention.

“Zoey, I’ve almost finished with dinner, you’re not allowed to go pick up more food.” Rumi called from the kitchen. “Celine wants us to limit our takeout, she says our cholesterol levels will get too high if we keep that up.”

“Takeouts way healthier here than back home, though.” Zoey mumbles. “Usually. Besides, I wasn’t going to get more food. Though, I’ll probably miss dinner tonight if you wouldn’t mind saving some for me?” 

Mira blinks- missing meals is something none of them make a habit of. Especially with how many calories they burn training each day.

“So where are you going at-” She checks the time on her phone “6:02 then? And what's worth missing dinner for?”

“Ah.” Says Zoey, and there's something about that tone- trepidation, maybe?- that has Mira sitting up straighter, and Rumi putting down whatever she was messing with to walk over to stand by the couch, crossing her arms.

“Is it a guy? Zoey, you know we can’t be dating anyone before we’ve even debuted-”

“It’s NOT a date!” Zoey interrupts, already red in the face and shaking her head furiously. “When would I even have the time? And besides, I’m not into-” Zoey cuts herself off with another shake of her head, face still red as she forces herself to take a breath. She slaps her cheeks briefly, for composure Mira guesses. “No. No, it's not a date.”

Rumi and Mira exchange a baffled glance.

“....then what's going on, Zoey?” Mira prods, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. 

Zoeys hands are still on her cheeks- she pushes them up higher, pressing into her face, over her eyes, in a sign of stress that they've come to recognize from lyric sessions halted by writer's block and good training flows abruptly humbled by twisted ankles. Mira wonders if it would be appropriate to hug her- Zoey never has problems initiating with her or Rumi, but Mira knows she herself, at least, still feels awkward at instigating the affection herself. 

“Okay, so, I uh, I had…” Zoey cuts herself off before she really starts, a frustrated gust of air escaping her nose. “Sorry. It’s not a secret, I promise it isn’t, I just never really know how to talk about it? And it's always so awkward telling people for the first time, cause it's not like, and easy conversation. And honestly, I don't really know how to talk about it either, it’s not like I ever really got practice doing it anyway. My parents weren’t good role models for all that, you know? And really it doesn't affect me too much, just more like- the every few weeks or so that I remember, then feel terrible about forgetting. Then rinse and repeat. And I just don’t really want you to see me differently?” Zoey finishes, and looks up from where she had been wringing her hands to meet Mira and Rumi’s gaze. Mira is getting the feeling that this was a far more serious topic than she thought it was, with how hard their resident yapper was trying to talk around it. How visibly uncomfortable Zoey is- its making Mira feel the same.

Luckily, Rumi can push through the awkward atmosphere that has been draped over them.

“Zoey. I…we love you. You can tell us anything, you know? Pretty soon, we are gonna be trusting each other with our lives.” She says it with a smile- and Mira gets it. The thrill of learning to trust these girls with her heart and soul and life- Mira’s felt more love in the last seven months than she has in the last seven years. “So, I guess what I'm saying is…” Rumi trails off, searching for the right words, and Mira jumps in to fill the gap.

“Just spit it out already, nerd.” But she says it with a tilt to her lips, softening the blow. Rumi makes an affronted gasping sound from where she stand’s to Mira’s side, but it gets a snort out of Zoey, even as the younger girl clenches and unclenches her fists, bouncing on the balls of her feet with clear anxiety.

“Okay! Alright. Sorry for-yeah. Okay.” She takes another deep breath, looking back down at her hands. “It’s my brother's birthday today.” 

Mira’s first reaction is selfish because its anger. Anger because- just a month ago, they'd stayed up after another long day of choreo and recording and weapons training for a long night of just- talking. And Mira had thought they had all really opened up. Rumi about not knowing her dad or her mom, though for different reasons, Mira had ranted about her parents and brother for 15 minutes before the tears came, and Zoey had shared how the other kids in her schools had shunned her, never having a solid group to belong to. She had felt so close to them, that night, and in the weeks since. But she guesses even Zoey had kept some things to herself. She pushes the hurt down for a moment, waiting for the dark haired girl to elaborate. 

“What? You-what?” Rumi is just as surprised. “You have a brother?” Why didn’t you tell us?

“Well, uh-yeah. Or- had. I had a brother.”

Oh. Oh. 

There was a heavy silence while Mira stood up from the couch, unsure of what to do or say. Rumi was fumbling as well.

“Zoey, I’m so- I'm so sorry, I didn’t know.”

Unexpectedly, Zoey let out a nervous laugh. “Well, yeah? I don’t really talk about it, about him. But like I said, it's not a secret, and I’m game to tell you both more about it later, but-” she glances at her watch- “It’s his birthday, and I usually try to go watch the sunset, so I got to get going.” She partially turns, grabbing her bike keys from the keyring, before Mira grabs her wrist. Zoey doesn’t startle this time, just looks at Mira a bit apprehensively. “Zoey…” Mira starts, unsure of where she's going with this, “Can we-do you want company?”

Zoey blinks at her, at them, like the thought hadn’t even occurred before. Mira wonders how many years, how many anniversaries she spent on her own, for her to have that reaction. She looks up at the two older girls, gaze darting back and forth, and Mira sees her brain going a mile a minute. 

“You know what?” She says, smile breaking out like the sun through clouds. She lowers the arm Mira is gripping, deftly sliding her smaller hand into Mira’s. “Sure.”

----

All three of them couldn’t fit on Zoey’s bike (they’ve tried), so they take Mira’s car. And Rumi can’t drive, so she settles into the passenger seat while Zoey slides into the backseat, already pulling up directions. 

“I usually try and go to the beach.” She was saying, after a few minutes of awkward small talk. “Zack taught me to surf when I was way little. It’s one of the only memories I have of him, actually- so the beach has always felt more fitting.” Rumi files these things away meticulously- Zack and Zoey, such American names, and- Zoey can surf? But the raven haired girl was not done.

“You can ask questions, you know. I should honestly try and talk about him more.”

Rumi looks at Mira for- reassurance, maybe?- but the taller girl is already looking at Zoey in the rearview. Rumi turns around in her seat to do the same, wracking her brain for where to start. Rumi doesn’t remember her mom- doesn’t want to know her dad- so she's always felt disconnected from them. People who were fans of the Sunlight Sisters in their prime knew her mom better than she did. She wasn’t sure how to approach this- media training only covered these types of questions being directed at her. Thankfully, Mira takes the lead.

“Can you just tell us about him? About you?”

“Ambiguous, but sure.” Zoey laughs, smiling again- and it looks genuine. Rumi hasn’t figured out how to do that yet, when speaking about her mom. Smile genuinely. Zoey was really the best of them. 

“Zack was 12 years older than me.” She starts, looking at Rumi. “He was technically my half brother, from my dad’s first marriage. But he was around a lot when I was a baby, through preschool and kindergarten too. I guess he used to encourage me to be as much of a menace as possible- my mom always told this story about how he brought a bunch of clay home from school to try and teach me pottery. In the kitchen. We got all these photo albums at my dads place- maybe if we ever go on a world tour, we can do an LA stop and I’ll show you." Her voice is warm, and she's still smiling, but it looks more wistful now. She breaks eye contact with rumi, gaze drifting out the window.

“He died when I was 8.” Zoey pauses, swallowing. “And he was 20. He was on a school trip with his college soccer team, and a drunk driver clipped him when he was walking back to the hotel. It, uh. It was quick, apparently.” And Rumi cant help it- she hates the way Zoey is looking up, and blinking back tears. She reaches back and squeezes her knee. She hears Mira sniff suspiciously from the driver's seat.

“But like I said!” Zoey continues, placing a hand on top of Rumi’s and giving her a tight lipped smile. “It’s not a secret, and I don’t really remember him too much. I was only in like, second grade after all- and he’d been away at college for two years by then. I do miss him- miss what it would be like if he was here. But it's been 11 years without him. So I’m okay, really.” And that makes Rumi so sad because she understands, horribly, the ache of what could have been. She never wanted to have that in common with her girls. 

“Zoey that doesn’t-”

“Just cause you-” 

Rumi stops, looking at Mira with wide eyes.

“You want to..?”

“No, you can go-”

A giggle from the backseat interrupts them. Zoey is wiping away a stray tear as she looks up to grin at them, and Rumi thinks she's beautiful, at that moment. The sun will be setting within the hour, but right now it casts an amber glow in the car's interior, catching on the youngest’s hair, reflecting off the tear tracks on her cheeks. Rumi debates the merits of climbing into the backseat, just to hold her. That thought never would have entered her mind, before meeting Zoey and all her contagious affection. 

“Guys, I promise I’m okay.” Gesturing to her face, the youngest continues, “I know crying about it- about him- doesn’t really sell that idea. But it's just because I really don’t talk about Zack out loud too often, that when I do it gets to me a bit.” 

Rumi squeezes Zoey's knee, and Zoey squeezes her hand right back. 

“Even if you’re okay now, Zo, I’m sorry that it happened to you at all. I…” Rumi hopes she's not overstepping. Hopes she won't mess this up. “I wish we could’ve met him. He sounds a lot like you.”

Zoey’s smile stays fixed, but she squeezes her eyes shut tightly. When she opens them, a few more tears fall free. Rumi aches to reach out and brush them away, but Zoey pulls back to wipe them herself. 

“Yeah.” She says, voice smaller than Rumi is used to. “I wish you could’ve met him, too.”

----

Mira puts the car in park before grabbing her sweater off of Rumi’s lap. They had been scrambling to leave in time for sunset (Rumi hadn’t even finished making dinner), so she hadn’t put it on at the dorms- but the wind is biting today, even with the sun still out, barely. At least it meant the beach wasn’t crowded. By the time she pulls it over her head, Zoey is already heading down the boardwalk, towards the breakwall. Rumi, though, is lingering by the car, waiting for Mira. The older girl seems unsure, braid swaying as she shifts her weight around.

“Do you really think it's okay? That we came along. I feel like we might be making her cry more. I was hoping to be more of, I don’t know, a comfort?”

Mira adjusts her backup baseball hat against the sun, before following Zoey. Rumi matches her stride.

“Well, you probably get this whole thing more than me,” Mira starts, before wincing at her words. Too blunt, as always. “Sorry. That's not- I just mean you would understand what she's going through more, and I think. I think it's probably good for her to talk about it.” Mira side eyes Rumi, trying to see if she's offended by her words, “She seems to want to, at least.” 

Rumi reaches out to give Mira’s hand a quick squeeze, and Mira relaxes at the assurance that it's okay. 

“Yeah,” the older girl exhales. “I guess that wanting to talk about it isn’t something that I…. have experience with. So I don’t want to make her too upset.”

“Me neither,” Mira says, and she's hardly ever meant anything more in her life. “So we let her set the pace?” Rumi nods, as they catch up with Zoey.

The songwriter has pulled herself up to sit on the concrete breakwall, legs dangling over the far edge, swinging back and forth, and hands braced on either side of her. Mira pulls herself up on her right, Rumi on her left. They sit there, waiting for Zoey to break their silence. Mira takes in the view for a moment, trying to get out of her head a bit. She wasn’t expecting a random afternoon to be so heavy. But it's not a random afternoon anymore, she reminds herself. October 21st is Zack’s birthday, now. 

The three of them squint into the setting sun. Mira thinks the tide must be low, with how far away the ocean is. A mirrored expanse of sand between them and the sea reflects the sky above, pink and orange with the first colors of the setting sun. The high winds have whipped the clouds into long, thin streaks- they look like they’re radiating out from the horizon. A few clumps of seaweed sit in the wet sand, and without them Mira thinks it would have been a near perfect reflection. The crash of the waves is a low rumble in the distance, but the smell of salt is thick in the air. Mira sees that, far out, some birds are diving on what must be a school of fish. It’s really beautiful right now, in spite of the wind. It makes Mira feel brave. 

Trying not to think too much, she reaches out and pulls Zoey into her side, arm around the smaller girl's shoulder. Zoey takes it in stride, letting out a shaky exhale as she leans her head back onto Mira’s shoulder. The pink haired girl watches as Zoey blindly grabs for Rumi's hand, pulling it on her lap and absently playing with her rings. Rumi lets this happen, a small smile on her face. She meets Mira’s eyes above Zoey’s head, and it feels really special, just then. That Zoey is letting them be there for her. For this.  

Zoey has her gaze fixed on the slowly turning clouds.

“When I was seven, and Zack was home on summer break, he took me down to visit some of his new college friends in San Diego.” She starts. “Which, looking back- was kinda a weird thing to do, bringing his kid sister to a college hang out.” She smiles, and it's tinged with longing that's so unlike her. “I guess he liked having me around, or something.”

“Who wouldn’t?” Mira interjects, and Zoeys just laughs and shakes her head. 

“But anyways, his friends and their parents had to go to work in the morning so we had the house to ourselves- and they had this super nice condo, right on the water. So I begged Zack to teach me to surf. I guess he’d been on his high school surf team when we were younger and lived on the coast, but we moved inland by that point so I don't remember it.”  Mira stays quiet, but starts rubbing circles on Zoey’s shoulder. “So he did the whole thing- walked me through a bunch of ocean safety stuff on the beach, had me run through some pop ups on the sand, correcting my foot placement- he was taking it so seriously.” She laughs, but she's wiping her eyes again. “ And it was this huge foam board that he had me learning on, too, it was 8 ft, i think? And I was tiny.” Mira bit back the urge to interrupt here. Was? “So he had to carry the board down to the water for me. He didn’t take a board out himself, though, once we got in he stuck with me the whole time.” The sun was almost at the horizon. Mira can picture the scene Zoey is describing, and that kind of familial love makes her ache. 

“The first few waves, he would do all the work- turn the board around, have me hop on, push the both of us into the wave so he could steady the back of the board while I tried to stand up on the front. And not to brag-” And here Zoey tilted her head back to look to her, eyes glinting in the light of the low sun. The tint to the clouds was more vibrant reds and oranges, now, and it made her look almost sunburnt. She wasnt bothering to wipe away her tears. Mira felt her own eyes well up. “But I stood up on the second wave.” She flashed her little triumphant grin to Rumi as well, before looking back to the ocean. “Little me wasn’t satisfied with that though. Baby Zoey wanted to catch a wave all by herself. I was too small to paddle out my own though, so Zack pushed me out to where we had been catching the whitewash. I picked out a wave from the next set and had to try and haul this massive board around to face the right way- I remember Zack reaching out to help me and I actually snapped at him. With my teeth!” 

“So you’ve always been feral?” Asks Rumi, her voice a little choked in spite of the light dig. 

“Well, yeah.” Zoey smiles back, all teeth. “Obviously.”

“Did you catch it?” Mira asks, because this story sounds important to Zoey, and she wanted her to finish it before the sun sets. 

“Just barely. It felt way more shaky without Zack on the end of it, but I could hear him yelling from behind me to pop up like normal, like we’d been practicing- so I just did. And I was up, and I was so happy that I immediately turned around to make sure he was seeing me. Ate it right away, of course, on my first ever solo wave baby Zoey did not have the balance for that.” She paused here, sniffling. All three of them were. 

“But, right before I fell, I could see him- and he looked,” A sob finally broke out of Zoey. “He looked so proud of me. No one has ever looked at me like that, before or since. And when he was yelling at me to just pop up, to get my feet right- he sounded so excited, so eager. And it was all for me. He just- he just loved me.” Zoey was crying in earnest now. Mira pulled her tighter into her side, as the youngest pulled Rumi’s hand to her chest and hunched foward. 

“And I didn’t ever really know him, cause he died not even a few months later- and its just.” She had to pause here to gasp a few breaths. “Its just so frustrating, to think what what I could have had. What I did have, just not for long enough. He was good. I miss him.” 

“Yeah,” Rumi gets out through her own tears. “He sounds like a really great big brother.”

Mira doesn’t know what to say- doesn't think she trusts her voice right now, anway. So she just presses a long kiss into Zoey’s hair, and hopes that it gets everything she wants to across.

“And then, after the funeral, everything fell apart. We had to move again, and I couldn’t keep mom and dad together, and I had no one to talk to when my classmates got more and more cruel, and he was gone and we didn't even talk about it. My dad never brings him up. And I want him to, so bad, cause I have so few memories, but the memories are so good, and-” Its painful to listen to how upset Zoey is. Mira buries her tears in black hair, and hopes the youngest doesn't get mad at her for it. “I just wanted more time to get to know him. To know what it was like to be loved like that.”

“Oh, Zoey.” Rumi stops, cause what can you say to that? Mira has no clue. But then she feels the older girl wrap her arms around the both of them, pulling them close. Rumi always runs warm, even through her long sleeves. It's a welcome reprieve from the bite of the wind. The sun is almost entirely below the horizon, and Mira holds Zoey as Rumi holds the both of them.

Zoey abruptly sits up, tapping their arms to let them know to drop them. Mira does, reluctantly. The lyricist is quick to take their hands instead. 

“Sorry, sorry.” Her voice is thick with tears. “Just didn't want to miss the sunset.”

Rumi nods, and Mira turns her gaze back to the ocean. She never- her brother never would have done that for her. He would have pushed her off the board and laughed about it, rather than anything actually useful. But no matter how pretentious and mean he could be, he still helped cover for her when she would sneak out in high school. Still reminded her parents that her birthday was coming up. She couldn’t imagine him gone. 

The sun finally dipped below the horizon. The three of them watched it go, Zoey squeezing their hands in the middle. Mira was glad she let them come, today. She promised herself  Zoey wouldnt ever be alone, today or any day, if she didn’t want to be. All she had to do was ask.

They sat there quietly for a few minutes, just the winds and waves and occasional shorebird filling the silence. The sky was fading to softer lavender tones, almost the color of Rumi’s hair. Eventually, Zoey brought the hand Mira was holding up to her face to wipe it on her hoodie sleeve, and then went to stand without once releasing their fingers from her tight grip. Mira and Rumi had to hurry to follow her up and then off the breakwall. She only let go to jump down.  Zoey didnt say anything on the way back to the car, and Mira and Rumi didn’t know what to say themselves. 

Mira unlocked the car and went to open the back door for Zoey first. But as she did so, she felt the younger girl hug her from behind, arms wrapping around her stomach. 

“Zo?”

“I’m really glad you guys came.” Zoey’s voice was still quieter than Mira was used to, and muffled in Mira's sweater. “I honestly didn’t even think to invite you. Everytime I asked my dad, he would-” She stopped. “I invited him every year I was home, but it always ended up being just me.”

“We’ll always come, if you want us.” Rumi said. Zoey turned to her, releasing Mira to latch onto the oldest. “We love you Zoey. We’ll do this every year. Zack deserves more people celebrating his birthday.”

“I’m pretty good at baking.” Mira offers. “Maybe we could even bring a cake to the sunset, next year.”

“Okay.” Zoey’s voice wavers, “I think I’d like that. I think he’d like that.” 

Zoeys expression is still teary eyed, but it turns a bit thoughtful. “I think he’d like a lot of my life now, actually. If he was that proud to see me surf, he’d be so proud to see me perform.” She smiled at the two of them, and it was like the sun had come back up over the horizon. “I think he’d be proud I found you guys.”

Mira couldn’t take all that light directed at her and looked away. She steps away from the backdoor, but Zoey doesn’t slide in just yet. Instead, she turns once more to the horizon. It's getting darker, some of the first stars poking through the lingering daylight. 

“Happy birthday, Zack. I miss you.” Zoey murmurs into the wind. Without another word, she turns and slides into the back seat. Mira is blinking back tears again as she walks around the car to the driver's side. She’s gotta clear that up before she drives her girls home

-----

Once all three of them are settled, Mira starts the car and pulls away from the beach. The drive back isnt too long, but it’ll be pretty late by the time they're back. She's more tired than she should be, with how emotionally draining the day has been. But she's so glad she and Rumi both got to be there for the youngest. So glad she got to learn even a little about Zack, cause he's an important part of Zoey. Really, she's just glad that Zoey didn’t have to spend such a complicated evening alone. 

From the backseat, Zoey pipes up. “Hey, could you go left at the next light instead of straight?”

Rumi glances back, curious. “Why, is it some shortcut?”

But Mira is already laughing. 

“I see you, Zoey. And no, Rumi, it's not a shortcut. Right there-” She point at the building up on the left. “Is where you can find the most caloric, greasiest, american-est food in South Korea.”

Rumi squints at the building on the other side of the lights. “Whats KFC?”

Zoey is absolutely aghast at this, and manages to rant for several minutes on how its crime that Rumi hasn’t experienced this, she must have been raised under a rock (they knew this already), and loredrops on the secret herbs and spices, and then somehow gets into the history of their mascot, some Colonel? Mira had KFC before, ‘cause her parents hated it, but she definitely did not know all of this. Mira lets her ramble until the light changes, then Zoey interrupts herself with a squeal as Mira gets into the turn lane. Rumi looks only mildly disapproving that they are getting takeout again- not when Zoey is so excited about it. (She looks so much like Celine with that little downturn to her lips, though Mira thinks Rumi pulls it off way better when she does it. Luckily, disapproval doesn’t work on Mira.)

Mira knows how the rest of the night will go, now. They’ll get back to the dorm, Celine might scold them a bit for being out late or getting takeout or both. But, then they’ll go watch a movie (probably a nature documentary-they’ll be letting Zoey choose tonight) as they eat greasy food and fall asleep on the couch. It's what they’ve been doing after the harder days- and today's been harder than most, even if it's for different reasons. Mira will make sure Zoey’s in the middle, and even though the rapper will choose the movie she’ll fall asleep first, then Rumi maybe a bit after, and Mira will put all the food and snacks away and turn the TV off and get back under the blankets with them when she's done. And they’ll know each other a little better and care for each other a little more. 

And maybe, Mira thinks, that’s what they'll do next year, on the 21st. Except, maybe she'll have Rumi go pick some flowers from the garden, cause boys should get flowers too, and Mira will make a cake. They'll go to the beach a bit earlier in the day, if it's warmer. And maybe Zoey can teach them how to surf, and tell them more about Zack, and maybe they can hold her just as tight as they did today as they watch that future sunset. And maybe, maybe, they can do that every year for the rest of their lives. Loving each other, and being loved in turn. 

Mira thinks that doesn’t sound too bad.